Nguyen Thi Thinh -in-class Writing 1

Name: Nguyen Thi Thinh Class: 071E1

IN-CLASS WRITING Topic: Do you think modern technology has led to the loss of traditional lifestyle of your society? Outline: I. Introduction Thesis statement: However, Vietnam and its people have been gradually changing and therefore, traditional lifestyle has been step-by-step replaced by a modern one. II. Body -

Change in gender role

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Disappearance of some traditional habit (a-home meals  fast food meals)

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Increase at people’s speed of life

III. Conclusion: Concluding sentence: modern technology has made a lot of changes in Vietnamese society. FIRST DRAFT: The process of industrialization has led to the appearance of modern technology in Vietnam recently. Our society has ever been a traditional one based on agricultural economy. However, Vietnam and its people have been gradually changing, and therefore, traditional lifestyle has been step-by-step replaced by modern one. Modern technology has resulted in the change in gender roles, the loss of some traditional habits and the increased speed of life. First of all, modern technology has burrowed deeply into gender role in our society. Women have usually been supposed to take care of their family at home. These housewives have been so busy with their housework that they could not have chances to find a job or pursue their career. Nonetheless, owing to modern technology such as dish washing machine, washing machine, electric cook, house-work now doesn’t cost women a lot of time anymore. Therefore, women today can discover their great abilities to receive a high position in society. Secondly, the disappearance of some traditional habits of our community can also be attributed to the effect of modern technology. For example, people today prefer a fast

food meal to an at-home meal. Modern life enables them to have little time at break. Thus, there is no way for an officer to come home for lunch and come back to work in five or ten minutes at lunchtime. If one of the characteristic of Vietnamese traditional families is table-laid meals gathering all family members, modern technology and its aftermath as modern life have made it gradually vanish. Last but not least, there has been an increase at people’s speed of life. Vietnamese society has ever considered as a quiet, peaceful one with many countryside. However, nowadays, a lot of developed and populated cities appear, and their dwellers seem to be rather noisy, busy and bad-tempered. This is a reason of the lack of care among community. Hardly does a person on his way to work just stop to help a lost child or an elderly as usual in the past. In other words, modern technology, increased speed of life and then change in moral standards are destroying tradition. In my opinion, modern technology has made a lot of changes in Vietnamese society. People should not only make use of modern technology to have a better life but also reserve precious traditional value. (Words: 390) Comments: -

Good point: Producing a rather smooth piece of writing under such time pressure, I think you did a fine job.

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Need-improving points:

The logic of your essay was a bit weak. From the thesis statement, I could not help feeling something misdirected and it did show in the body of the essay. For example, the first point you made about the “change in gender role”, I think you mean the change in people’s attitudes towards some traditional values, among which the gender role is. To focus on the “gender role”, therefore, was a bit too narrow, as I’ve mentioned above. Also, in the third paragraph, the topic sentence was poorly supported by the rest of the paragraph. And the fourth paragraph, I’m afraid, was rather irrelevant for it had nothing to do with “technology” until the misplaced last sentence. Besides, I found your answer to the topic question somehow confusing. Those ideas you gave out in the outline’s body, are they the cause or the effect of the situation? I believe that under such circumstances, mistakes are totally understandable. Hope my comments here can help you realize them and do better the next time. Peer editor: Nguyen Hai Ha

Name: Nguyen Thi Thinh Class: E1K41

Writing Portfolio Topic: Do you think modern technology has led to the loss of traditional lifestyle in your society? Outline: I. Introduction: -Thesis statement: In addition, the loss of traditional Vietnamese lifestyle is also attributed to modern technology because it has made a sharp shift in gender role, change in the way of entertainment and in some characteristics of the society. II. Body: - sharp shift in gender role - change in the way of entertainment - modern technology

modern life: peaceful and warm-hearted society crowded and a

little indifferent one III. Conclusion: - Concluding sentence: In my opinion, modern technology has made a lot of changes in Vietnamese society

Second Draft Modern technology is changing the world and humans. In Vietnam, the penetration of modern technology has contributed to industrialize and modernize its society. In addition, the loss of traditional Vietnamese lifestyle is also attributed to modern technology because it has made a sharp shift in gender role, change in the way of entertainment and in some characteristics of the society. First of all, modern technology has burrowed deeply into gender role in Vietnam. Our country had ever been an aristocratic society in which there was not a concept of the equality between man and woman. Women’s responsibility used to be “taking care of her husband and family at home”,so these housewives never had chances to find a social job or pursue their own career and interest. Nevertheless, owing to modern technology and its products such as dishwashers, washing machines and electric cooks, housework now doesn’t cost women a lot of time anymore, and then they can escape from conventional

roles at home to have an adequate position as men in society. Modern technology has made a considerable contribution to women’s right movements in Vietnam. Secondly, new ways of entertainment can now also be found as a result of the “absorption” of modern technology. In the past, Vietnamese usually gathered together in common ground to celebrate festivals in which they had fun and made acquaintance with each other. Today they can be at home to watch international channels on TV cable or play online games on Internet. Traditional entertainment now is no longer very popular among community, especially in big cities. Last but not least, modern technology has turned traditional Vietnam society a peaceful, warm-hearted one into crowded and a little indifferent. Modern technology has resulted in modern life in its high speed and the appearance of many big, populated cities. Vietnamese society has ever considered as a quiet, peaceful one with many countrysides. However, nowadays, a lot of developed and crowded cities appear, and their dwellers seem to be rather noisy, busy and bad-tempered. As a result, the atmosphere has caused a lack of care. For example, hardly does a man on his way to work stop to help a lost child or an elder woman as usual in the past. In other words, modern technology, increased speed of life and then change in moral standards are destroying tradition. In my opinion, modern technology has made a lot of changes in Vietnamese society. People should not only make use of modern technology to have a better life but also reserve precious traditional values. (Words: 423)