The Stag - Issue 3

Issue 3 Editor : Claire Worgan Editor-In-Chief : Elizabeth Simos Produced in USSU Media Hub, University of Surrey, Guildford Est. 2008

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SERIOUS ASSAULT ON CAMPUS

By Elizabeth Simos

Students’ Union President

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olice have arrested a 23-year-old Surrey student on suspicion of rape, following an incident on the University of Surrey campus during the early hours of Saturday morning. The offence took place at about 4:45am, when the female victim, who was also a student, was approached by a man who engaged her in conversation. He then pulled her into a wooded area where the assault took place. Police conducted a thorough search of the area early on Saturday morning and seized CCTV from nearby buildings, including the Union. The arrested man is currently in custody at Guildford Police Station and will be interviewed by detectives. Specially trained officers are providing support to the victim.

In light of this incident, the Union is calling for immediate action Detective Inspector Theresa Breen said: “Although we have made from the University and the University Security Office in order to an early arrest, information from the public – particularly students ensure that our students’ safety is uncompromised. We want to who walked home through the campus – could still be valuable in see improved lighting on campus and the increased presence of helping us to piece together exactly what happened.” campus security. “Sexual offences are incredibly rare in this part of Guildford – as they are across Surrey – however it is understandable that some people may be anxious following this incident. We already work closely with the University to help keep students safe and officers from the Safer Neighbourhood Team are on campus to speak to those who are worried. Personal safety advice is also available on the Surrey Police website.”

Given our – so far- excellent working relationship, we are certain that these requests will be heard and action will be taken. We do recognise the continued dedication of the aforementioned parties in upholding students’ safety. Continued on Page 4...

SKI TRIP SHOCKER By Claire Worgan

club, caused a number of complaints for fellow holiday makers at the same resort as Surrey’s t the beginning of the New Year, one of skiers. the most popular sports clubs at Surrey, A particular event called “The Valley Rally” is the Ski and Snowboarding club, travelled to a set of challenges where the key to winning inMayrhofen in Austria for their second Ski trip for volves doing the most extreme things possible. this academic year. However, what took place It has reached the campus rumour mill that on the trip has sent scandal flying throughout what took place at this rally was a particular the University. One particular event, arranged number of “sex acts”, causing the controversy by the company who organises the trip for the in question. Some members of the team were

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said to be acting out various acts as well as other sexual positions with other club members, some taking it too far by committing the acts in front of holiday-makers enjoying their holiday with their young families. One such performance in particular was “mooning” the diners for a group photo. Continued on Page 5..

Issue 3 |28th January 2009 | www.ussu.co.uk/thestag

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Worgan’s Words

Hello, I do hope you all had a wonderful Christmas wherever in the world you were and however you spent it ! The holidays are over now though and back to work. Luckily there are no exams this January for Surrey students, unlike most other universites (muhahahaha! ) However, for some it will be their final part of their years here at Surrey and for most that just means a little less partying and bit more work! I’m sure this year is set to bring us lots of dramatic stories and features for us here at The Stag to report to you ! (She hopes!) but please don’t forget that we are looking for any budding journalists out there who have a story they want to tell and anything else that might take your fancy! Tell the world your thoughts! I look forward to reading all your submissions and I hope you continue to enjoy reading The STAG! Oh and Happy New Year by the way !

Claire -x-

Surrey celebrates the year of the Ox By Claire Worgan

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s most of you may be aware it is that time of Year to begin celebrations for Chinese New Year, which starts this year on the 26th January. Chinese New Year for Surrey Uni is one of the biggest events of the year. On Saturday the 24th January, Surrey celebrated the festival with a big celebration in the Students’ Union including performances including acrobatics and Lion Dancers from Woking Chinese Association, as well as telling party goers to get their chopsticks at the ready and offering celebrators a taste of the traditional cuisine.

This year is the year of the Ox, which was last celebrated in 1996. For people born between February 20 1985 Editor| Claire Worgan: [email protected] and February 08 1986 this is News| Amy Short & Steven Hayton: [email protected] your year! The Ox is seen to Features| Kim Harris : [email protected] symbolize the characteristics Societies| Justin Waite & Mariam Nasir : [email protected] of dependability, calm, hardwork and ambition. Sports: [email protected] However, it is also said to Music| Rachael Fitz-Patrick : [email protected] demonstrate stubborness, Literature| Amy Barnes :[email protected] narrow-mindedness, headiness, rigidity and Film| Ollie Sim: fi[email protected] demanding traits! Science| Toby Shannon : [email protected]

Marketing| Amy Campbell :[email protected] Copy Editors | Joe Kenward & Stephanie Davies The Stag is an editorially indepedent newspaper and is published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union Media Hub. The views expressed in the paper are those of individual authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the editor or her team, the Student’s Union or the University of Surrey. Printed by Surrey and Berkshire Media Limited Stoke Mill House, Woking Road, Guildford, Surrey GU1 1QA

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The Stag reserves the right to edit submissions. Please direct all enquiries to the relevant section editors.

Chinese New Year celebrations are traditionally marked by visits to family and friends bearing gifts and wishes. Children traditionally receive Red Packets from the elders of the family. The colour red is very important in the celebrations and is used in many decorations, usually accompanied by the colour gold. The celebrations are centred on the arrival of luck and prosperity for the New Year. A few traditions that are said to bring good luck to individuals for the New Year include… Opening windows and doors to bring in good luck, switching on lights at night, which is often seen to be scaring away ghosts and spirits of ‘misfortune’, and some believe that wearing a new pair of slippers bought before the new year is seen to trample on anyone who may gossip behind your back. Bad luck however, could be brought about by swearing, offering anything in fours and wearing black and white. So aim to avoid these to make sure you yourself have prosperity and luck for the New Year it may come in handy with those dissertations !

Earth Hour 2009 On Saturday 28 March 2009 at 8.30pm, people, businesses and iconic buildings around the world will switch off their lights for an hour – WWF’s Earth Hour. Earth Hour 2009 aims to reach more than one billion people in 1000 cities around the world. Communities, businesses and governments will switch off their lights for one hour and send a powerful global message that we care enough about climate change to take action.

Multi-Faith Centre at the University of Surrey

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lanning permission has been approved and the fundraising for this exciting project is underway. But what exactly is the Multi-Faith Centre? The Multi-Faith Centre is a building that will contain dedicated space for Christian, Jewish, Muslim and Sikh communities, together with open space for the practices of Buddhist and Hindu traditions. If all goes to plan, the University of Surrey will be home to the first building in Britain to have a chapel, mosque, synagogue and gurdwara all under one roof.

The centre will be open to students of all faiths and those with none. The aim is to provide both distinctive spaces for each of the faiths whilst This inspiring event will kick-start WWF’s global encouraging students with different beliefs to deal campaign to convince governments across interact with another. the world to agree to take effective action to tackle climate change, when they meet at the The project itself has involved hundreds UN climate summit in Copenhagen, in December of students, staff and members of local 2009. This is their last chance to get it right, so communities who have thrown themselves we need to make sure they know that we care. willingly, and in the case of the students, selflessly, in the project (they will have long Why WWF cares graduated by the time the centre opens). Climate change is one of the most serious The project has won the backing of both the threats facing the planet, and demands urgent Archbishop of Canterbury and the Chief Rabbi, global action. Unless we prevent average global who were briefed on site last year, local school temperatures rising more than 2°C above pre- teachers (who see it as a fantastic resource), industrial levels, we face a high risk of severe local communities and politicians. Needless and irreversible changes in the planet’s natural to say, the project also has the backing of the systems, which will be devastating for people University of Surrey Students’ Union. and nature. The design of the building will emphasise respect for difference and create the possibility How you can help of bridge-building and dialogue across cultural and religious divides. At the Sign up, switch off and spread the word. Campaigning for a global deal

By Amy Short

heart of the building is the planned kosher/ halal vegetarian cafe, with a large gathering space for interfaith activities and dialogue, while the prayer rooms all lead off a central area on the top floor. Jack Symons (VP Societies and Individual Development): “The existing Quiet Centre is just not big enough to accommodate everyone. A bigger building is therefore needed. The Multi-Faith Centre will be a great asset to the University of Surrey and will put us at the forefront of inter-faith development.” The Centre will cost £6m and will be financed by a fundraising appeal with completion due in 2010. If the multi-faith centre happens, it will be amazing, but it requires the support of students. This is certainly something to embrace.

The Big Guildford Freeze Misery

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xceptionally cold weather during the first week of January led to twenty-two students being flooded out of five private sector houses.

several weeks and several thousand pounds to put right.Twenty-two Surrey students have had their accommodation badly damaged by water. Fortunately, the Accommodation Office has been able to offer all those affected temporary housing until they can move back or make In early January, Guildford was one of the coldest spots in an already other arrangements with their landlords. This might involve finding new freezing Britain, with temperatures as low as -10. This led to frozen private sector places or continuing in University accommodation. pipes in student houses that were empty and insufficiently heated for the Christmas vacation. Accommodation Manager Martin Cliburn said that freezing weather may return this winter and burst pipes are always a risk in houses where In one case, an anxious neighbour phoned the University to report heating may not be left switched on. Students are strongly advised to water flooding from under the front door of an empty student house in leave heating on when houses are empty for weekends or vacations Park Barn. When Accommodation Manager Martin Cliburn arrived at during the winter and through to March. the house, the water was coming out of upstairs windows and running down the walls. Inside ceilings had fallen down and belongings were Ask at the Accommodation Office if you need any help and advice about soaked. The damage resulted from a burst pipe in the roof and will this. take

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Surrey does the Mongol Rally! Continued from front page.....

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o you have a thrill for adventure? Do you feel the call of the open road? Well, the Students Union is putting on the first University of Surrey Charity Rally! We plan to drive from Surrey 5000miles through 10 countries to our destination at Ulan Bataar, Mongolia all in the name of charity! We’re supporting “Save the Children” and “SOS Children Villages”. We plan to raise in the region of £15,000. We’re taking 10 vehicles ranging from 4 by 4s to minibuses to ambulances and fire engines! At our destination, we have organised a charity auction and then our vehicles will donated to the Mongolian people to help develop their countries infra-structure.

If you want to know more/get involved please contact: [email protected] or pop into the students union and talk to TOF.

Professor Christopher Snowden, Vice Chancellor and Chief Executive at the University of Surrey praised the collaboration between Surrey Police and University staff:

environment for students and the Surrey campus rates as one of the safest in the country. Our strong relationship with Surrey Police will help us ensure that we maintain a safe environment for students “The safety of the student both on and off campus”. community in Guildford is a matter that Surrey Police and In the mean time, the Union the University work in constant will do all that it can to support partnership to maintain. The swift its students. During the week we action taken by the University will be providing students with Security team in assisting Surrey personal safety alarms and self Police to gather information and defence workshops. Our offices utilise our secure CCTV network (located on Stag Hill) will always has allowed for early identification be open to all students. leading directly to an arrest.” Anyone with information regarding “We will be continuing to work the incident is urged to call with Surrey Police in offering direct Surrey Police on 0845 125 2222 support to the victim and the or the Crimestoppers charity University’s Student Care Services anonymously on 0800 555 111. are available for any student who University Security can be may feel affected by the nature contacted on 01483 682002 or of this incident. The University in an emergency dial 3333. are committed to providing a safe

FRESHERS FAYRE UNDER THREAT- Will there be one next year? The Union says YES. WE WILL NOT BACK DOWN. By Your Students’ Union

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o you remember being a fresher and attending Freshers Fayre on that legendary Wednesday afternoon? Do you remember signing up to the clubs and societies you now belong to and can’t imagine University without? Do you remember meeting new friends and having a burger and ice cream amongst students playing Frisbee and sports clubs showcasing their talents on the grass? Do you remember as a returning student coming to the Fayre and manning stalls and showing the ways of Surrey University to new students? I hope you do - for all this is under threat of becoming little more than a fleeting memory of better University days. Recent meetings between the Union Sabbatical officers and representatives from the University have served to cause grave concern as to the future of the biggest and most loved by students’ event. Freshers Fayre has always taken place on the first Wednesday of the first week of first years’ arrival. It is the first event which welcomes new and returning students to the heart of student life at Surrey. With the help of the Union, returning students set up stalls of their representative clubs and societies and sign students up, tell them about University, give out freebies and contribute to a fantastic day of celebrating student life. It is the mid week break all students have learnt to love. It sets the tone for the rest of the year- as we all know Wednesdays are free

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of teaching to allow students to undertake sport and extracurricular activities throughout your degree. With the academic year change pushing fresher’s week back, the PATS field cannot be used for a marquee structure due to weather and ground conditions. The best alternative is all in one use of AP, a marquee structure on the Piazza and use of the adjacent field. The pressure is on the Union to either agree to compromise resources, volunteer students involved in the whole of freshers week, staff, clubs and societies and equipment by changing the Fayre to the end of the week due to the ‘impracticality in terms of timetabling’ or not have a fayre at all due to the limited options. One student volunteer says ‘This year I was actively involved in Freshers week. I did it because I remember being a Fresher and feeling grateful for all the help I got and the fun I had. I helped out with Moving in day Sunday, manned freshers’ information stalls throughout the week, I helped set up freshers fayre on Wednesday and then worked as bar staff on the biggest Union night of the year on the Friday. I can’t see how freshers fayre on a Friday would work. ‘ If you too feel that our Freshers Fayre should remain on Wednesday afternoon join the facebook group we’ve created just as this is going to print. You’ll be receiving an invitation to join our campaign soon if you haven’t already.

If you have any comments about any of our news stories, then please contact [email protected]

Post Bag

Dear The Stag, University helps identity theft!

We will aim to get replies to any letters we recieve as soon as possible!

In a world where someone’s identity is relatively easy to clone I’m glad to see the university taking the utmost in the destruction of confidential documents. They have a contract with a professional shredding company that is paid to destroy documents of a sensitive nature. All very well you might think. Any personal data that may be used fraudulently is gone. The flaw however is the fact that bags and bags filled with sensitive documents were left in the 3rd floor of the business management school on the last three days of term last year. About eight to ten bags unsecured and unguarded were just left. Yes we can and did have a look in them. We found a few portfolios of people’s university history in these bags. They were unmarked and easily stolen for unscrupulous means. We have better morals for that, but what about the next person? My question is why is why the University throwing money away to companies that destroys documents when the flaw is still present. People can get these documents. If they need to be destroyed, why not have shredding facilities on campus? It surely must be cheaper in the long run? My question to whoever is responsible for this is: Why did it happen? Why is the data protection ignored? And what will be done to rectify this?

If you have a complaint or just want to witter on then why not write to us! [email protected] WE LOVE POST!

The Next Deadline...... If you want to submit an article to us then please make sure we have it by Monday Feburary 2nd to ensure it goes into the paper on time!

Concerned in Cath Court

Continued from front page... Unfortunately for the club, their activities did not go unnoticed, much to the supposed “ignorance” of the members involved. One holiday maker was dining at a restaurant with two small children opposite where the Rally took place. The scenes of sexual display offended the holiday maker and an argument was said to ensue between the club members, organisers and the holidaymaker in question. Unfortunately, various accounts of what actually happened differ and whether or not the club members did in fact provoke the argument further by telling the holidaymaker to “f*** off”. What is clear is that that the events took place in front of small children, and this did not go down well with fellow diners, and some members of the ski club. Emotions ran high between everyone involved once the realisation of who was affected by the acts came to light. The Stag has found that the various complaints were made against the club members and disciplinary action is due to take place.

The severity of action to be taken, however, is not yet known by The Stag. Nonetheless, this brings to light another question. Events like this obviously reflect badly on the University itself. With ski trips known for their raucous behaviour, is it any wonder that students are getting a bad name? Just like other sports clubs at Surrey, the antics that have happened over this year alone, often the talk of the campus, raise the question of whether or not the people involved think about the consequences of their actions to fellow students and the reputation of the Uni itself.

SURREY GETS JUICY!!

By Toby Shannon The triumphant return of... Citrus!

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ollowing huge student-body demand, Citrus returns to the hallowed halls of Rubix for another semester! Your favourite mix of choons in a lively midweek setting is back! Following its sporty re-brand of “Score” at the start of the year, which was felt by many as a night which exlcluded non sports enthusiasts, it was felt that it was time that Citrus returned with a bang. With a packed-out night featuring none other than SClub 3! Rubix was completely sold out (massive queues even at 12.30!) but you’ve got plenty more to look forward to with a regular timetable of cheesey acts, great drink deals and our very own DJ Leroy! Fun is a huge part of the University So this spring, get your weekly dosage of vitamin C with a fresh experience but how much is too squeeze of Citrus! Whilst there ain’t no party quite like an S Club much? party, you can always rely on the union for a fun night out. Maybe it is also a sign that we just cannot handle change?..... Tell us what you think. Please email Comin’ up at ya next is none other than... Cleopatra! (That’s us at [email protected] right, they’re comin’ at ya.)

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For more pictures from Wednesday night see page 8 plus and

PLANNER 2009 UNION SHOP

stick k !! c your a b is Grapevine r e n n a l K P e C n i v ) A e g p ents a B a b r e G h S s t t ’ n n i e ( v ITplanner e E r y E a E F R s F r r e u h o s y e r p f u e k R c Pi at the HERE

OPENING TIMES MONDAY TO FRIDAY 10.00AM TILL 6.00PM

The Union Shop now stocks over 200 International food and drink products from around the world as well as many lunchtime sandwichs and meal deals

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2am m till m 10p s e bix fro n u u R T s in eesy esday os Ch Tickets m Wedn o r P ce

Pop in and taste the exotic on campus.

Drink p Advan Chea

C h n aChancellors elors c Opening Times

Monday to Friday | 08.00am – 11.00pm Saturday | 10.00am – Midnight Sunday | 11.00am – 11.00pm (Subject to change)

Food Serving Times

Monday to Friday | 08.00am – 8.00pm Saturday | 10.00am – 7.30pm Sunday | 11.00am – 7.30pm (Subject to change)

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Tuesday 20th of January and every fortnight in Channies Come and test your brain power at our Quiz Nights from 9 - 11PM

Just £1 per team member

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Unifruit The best fruit and veg on Campus

Sold every Thursday in the Students’ Union

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9�3Oam to 5�3Opm

planner

Grapevine cover

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planner.indd 1

20/01/2009 17:21:41

Ways to Completely Waste Your Holiday

Sponsored by 1350am GU2 There are many. I got a wok for Christmas that made me pretend I was cooking healthily. Jeremy Kyle made a monstrous effort to keep me smug in my middle class-ness as he kidnapped me from late mornings to early afternoons. I even went to Woolworths more times in a week than I had in all my years previous. It was great in there, I bulk bought batteries and emptied the shop of anything a human being could possibly want to own. Walking round in there was like driving very slowly past a monstrous 13 car pile-up.

from the university, in at 9am. Every Friday night at 7pm Andy Vale has his live sessions with artists from the local area, London and wherever else they choose to come from (Canada, Bath, Essex….). The calendar is almost full with artists, so if you want to be considered contact either of them at [email protected]. Here are some early picks for you to look forward to:

January 30th Anna Phoebe – One of the worlds best violinists at the moment. Her style ranges from Metal to Classical via many intriguing paths. She has recently finished a tour of the US with Trans Siberian The crown jewel in this steaming turd of procrastination has to be Orchestra as their solo violinist, playing to over 20 000 people every messing around in a radio studio. I’d love to tell you what we’ve been night and even played with Aerosmith’s Steve Tyler. In case my review up to since I last wrote to you, however most of us have been away so doesn’t make it into the paper, her new album is the balls. I’ll just tell you the bare details I know. Some of our tech dudes came in, February 6th Love.Stop.Repeat – This haunting two-piece features took everything apart and put it all back together again. More in-depth long-time GU2 favourite Lindsay West, who is joined by David Millar details can be found from someone who has a clue. I scrambled past on all manner of instruments. NME recently gave their album a 7/10 them and found enough time to make a podcast featuring some great saying “Singer Lindsay West’s honeydew pipes evoke a young Joni local artists singing songs, which they wrote on air in five minutes for Mitchell. She’s little short of a revelation, and the principle reason why no reason other than my own gratification. I’m sure it can be found at Love.Stop.Repeat would be ‘09’s most deserving of ‘doing a Marling’.” http://podcast.gu2.co.uk. I also found out that it takes more bubblewrap than you’d expect to cover your modesty. Don’t ask. More information can be found at www.myspace.com/andyvaleradio Those were probably the highlights of GU2 over the holidays. Hardly To listen to the station, go to www.gu2.co.uk or tune into 1350am. riveting stuff, but it was all necessary so that GU2 can be an exciting, If you would like to get involved, email [email protected] loving and efficient place during term-time (except the bubble wrap, there was no need.) So let’s look ahead. Once again we’ll be providing music from the main stage at Refreshers’ Fayre, come find us and say hello if you want to get involved. Next, we’ll be having a Refreshers’ meeting on Thursday 31st in Wates House at 6:15. Some sort of pubcrawl to help introduce you to the rest of our members will inevitably follow this. There are still spots open in presenting, marketing and technical. Our music team could always do with a few more people too. As a station we have also gained a strong reputation for our support of local, unsigned and upcoming talent. A big feature of this is our live sessions. On Saturday mornings Tim Clark has a live guest, usually

The National Student Survey (NSS) is now live, and we are appealing to all final years to fill it out at www.thestudentsurvey.com. It doesn’t take long to complete and you’ll be helping prospective students to make the right choice for them about what they want to study and where. Your opinions about your time at Surrey really count, and will be used to help improve the student experience for other students.

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CAMPUS BOY Fear and Loathing on Campus So I’ve struggled through the festive period, on one occasion narrowly avoiding performing charades in front of the whole family by striking up a conversation about Stilton with another social outcast. New Year, To me, this is all curiously fascinating. too, when I promised myself to look There are so many positives to take at things in a more positive light. away from this! There is little that lightens the heart more than seeing Campus being the solemn, grey, something as simple as a human trip nose-to-the-grindstone kind of place on a kerb. Especially if the creature that it is over winter, I wasn’t being in question chooses to mask it by tested. So I took a trip to London for breaking into a jog for 10 yards, the day. This may surprise you, but and then deciding that, yes, walking I actually quite like London. I like it was the most suitable method of because although it’s busy, it’s a travelling from A to B before the trip, place where everybody hates each and it shall remain so. But it lays other, and minimal social interaction the human bare- however much we occurs. A utopia for misanthropes, stroll around in our superior fashion, if you will. It’s a cheap day out too, presenting ourselves as intellectual because who needs the zoo when you beings, a trip reduces us to equals, have a large collection of humans to and highlights our vulnerabilities. observe through the glass of coffee shop windows? We’re all animals really, and the streets of London are prime territories for the most peculiar Perhaps the most curious behaviour of species. was witnessed on the train home. We were packed like bovines into We flock like vultures, circling, and carriages. Standing in the aisle, a then picking the decaying scraps woman, penned in on either side from the credit crunch cadaver of by men, one of which, despite the Woolworths. We hunt in packs for general consensus to choose the the best January sales bargains, standing position, felt the need to then fight like ferals at the tills. We squat, placing his head millimetres speed gracelessly, like lumbering from the woman’s crotch. What apes, to be first in line at fast food behaviour was this? Sniffing out a joints, regardless of the fact that our mate? This wasn’t a ritual I’d seen keepers will shovel this crap into our before. Perhaps it would work? I faces all day so long as we pay. Some even began making mental notes for males prefer to mark their territory by future flirting. The woman reacted night, like dirty city foxes, by urinating to this by placing a hand over her in alleys and the gardens of more genitals and edging away down the threatening, civilised, creatures. aisle. I decided that, no, this wasn’t And heck, some of us even choose going to work long term. It had me to regurgitate our food at the end of creasing up inside though. This was the evening, although it seems we great entertainment, positives galore are yet to do this into the mouths of arising from this situation alone. our offspring. I’m sure the time will Human kind laid bare for all to see… come. and then, bam! The fear hit me, and things just haven’t seemed so peachy since.

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Campus Boy

Were you caught throwing your pants at S-Club 3 at Citrus last Wed by resident photographer Adam Sayer?

What does your star sign say about you?

Well, our Features Editor Kim Harris explains to us wether Leo’s are really feisty or wether or not Virgos are neat freaks... Aries (20th March – 20th April) Fire Arians tend to be energetic and tend to exert self confidence from every pore. This is usually a clever front, however, and Arians have the same insecurities as everyone else. They are vain and brave, and they take care over their appearance. They are usually popular and love to be the centre of attention. They are honest and blunt, and tend to speak before they think, meaning many people find them offensive. They are enthusiastic and courageous and have a fondness for travel and excitement. Sadly, this can lead to impulsiveness and selfishness. They are natural leaders, and are adept at concentrating on a primary aim. They tend to believe their opinion is the correct one but they are very skilled at organisation. Their pride makes them especially defensive of their spouses and children, although they sometimes have difficulGemini (21st May- 20th June) Air Geminis tend to be lively, versatile and intelligent. Their inconsistency, however, tends to make them unreliable. They are restless and inquisitive, and are gossips. They love to know everything so they often dig for information. Their imaginations are exceptionally powerful, which can, on occasion, lead them to fabricate tales and stories and lead information away from the facts. They can also suffer from mood swings, going from ecstatic to heartbroken in a matter of minutes. They are witty and their ability to take in knowledge is uncanny. The downside is that their attention spans are relatively short. Spontaneity is key for Geminis, they love change and get restless in routine. They are capable of seeing most situations from both sides and have a certain skill for being unbiased. They are excellent judges of

ty understanding the opposite sex. Arian women are more drawn to a career than a home life. They are passionate, and most often faithful. Arians fare well in careers that support their need for freedom, and that challenge them intellectually. They make good police officers, teachers, explorers, soldiers, directors of companies, politicians, surgeons, scientists and editors. Famous Arians • Jeffery Archer • Samuel Beckett • Casanova • Charlie Chaplin • Vincent Van Gogh • Eddy Murphy • Elton John

Taurus (21st April- 20th May) Earth Taureans are susceptible to laziness, due to their inherent liking for their leisure pursuits and tendency to procrastinate. They are, however ambitious, yet they are not happy to take risks due to their preference for routine and incapacity to deal with change. They like to take their time and react badly to being rushed. Taureans also have difficulty with handling their emotions, tending to push them aside until they burst out. This is why it is often difficult to anger a Taurus, however once they are pushed too far they can be volatile. In romance, they are intense, which can lead to them being jealous and possessive, but also makes them passionate and skilled lovers. They demand perfection from a partner and are impulsive in the choices they make in love, leading them to embark on relationships with people who aren’t necessarily compatible. Their strong imaginations make them likely to become painters, musicians, poets, nov-

character and have good senses of humour. However punctuality is a skill they lack. They don’t like to talk about their feelings which can make them difficult partners. Their skills in money handling and communication means they excel in careers in accounting, the media, and advertising. They also make good lawyers, writers, teachers, secretaries, stockbrokers and surveyors. Famous Geminis: • Joan Collins • Bob Dylan • Gabriel Fahrenheit • Stan Laurel • Naomi Campbell • Mike Myers

Leo (22nd Jul- 22nd Aug) Fire Qualities of Leos include generosity, creativity and pride. They may have a slight tendency to believe that they are always correct; however they are also courageous, energetic and dignified. They make good leaders, are affectionate, warm, and loyal. They can be impatient, and often overreact and go over the top. They will suffer a great deal of provocation before being driven to anger. They are blunt, direct, open and honest. They are not likely to sugar-coat a response to a question as they fell this dishonest and fake, something that Leos cannot abide. They love to be the centre of attention and enjoy being flattered; their incessant pride ensures they will not doubt your sincerity. Their strength of will and ambi-

Cancer (21st June- 21st July) Water Cancerians are extremely protective over the people they care about. They tend to be worriers, although their intuition is second to none, and their instincts and decisions are usually reliable. They can be stubborn and moody, and appear touchy. The truth is that they are really very sensitive, even if they pretend not to be. They are hesitant, yet romantic and dreamy. They do not take well to criticism, but respond to compliments and encouragement with extreme gratitude. Cancerians often have a strong fear of old age and the future. This can lead them to be miserly and selfish. They are often wealthy; this is due to their ceaseless hard work. Their memories are very adept, and they are traditional and interested in convention. They don’t like to discuss their personal lives. They can be insolent, moody, greedy and suspicious. However

elists and composers. They are also good carers and make good nurses, doctors and housekeepers. In fact, they excel at most practical and/or creative occupations. Famous Taureans: • Salvador Dali • Tony Blair • Al Pacino • Karl Marx • Florence Nightingale • William Shakespeare • Leonardo Da Vinci • Charlotte Bronte • Immanuel Kant

they are also devoted, hard working and pacifistic. Cancerians take love extremely seriously and tend to be very close to their mothers. They are faithful and loyal, and good listeners. Their caring skills make them good nurses, doctors, teachers and nannies. However their intuition and careful approach to situations means they can turn their hands to almost any profession. Famous Cancerians: • Dalai Lama • Princess Diana • George Orwell • Ringo Starr • Mike Tyson • Giorgio Armani

tion can lead them to appear ruthless in their attempts to fulfil their desires. They can be recklessly extravagant, and enjoy luxury. They can also appear selfish, boastful and arrogant. Leos make kind and considerate lovers, although they can make the mistake of confusing pity and sympathy for love. Because of their love for luxury and glamour, Leos often turn to acting, sport, bankers, jewellers and goldsmiths. Their knack for leadership makes them good managers, soldiers, rulers and church dignitaries. Famous Leos: • Napoleon Bonaparte • Emily Bronte • Alfred Hitchcock

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Virgo (23rd Aug- 21st Sept) Earth Virgos do not tend to make good leaders, preferring the role of a worker. They are conscientious and meticulous, and it is fair to call them perfectionists. They are shy, modest and practical. They can be overly critical, of both themselves and others, and some of them come across as rather dull. They are also worriers. They do not take criticism well and strongly believe there is a time and a place for everything. They are not fond of people who have whimsical tendencies. They are calm, level-headed and practical. They can appear selfish, as they rarely let emotions and sentiment cloud their judgements of situations. Virgos can adapt their behaviour to suit those around them. Once a Virgo sets their mind to something they will stop at nothing to attain it, sometimes leading to hypocrisy and cunning. They like to investigate things for themselves, and are not likened to “taking someone else’s word for it”. They do not anger quickly, however they

Scorpio (22nd Oct- 21st November) Water Scorpions are determined, strong willed and occasionally obsessive, awkward and arrogant. They commit easily, are very faithful, and a little over the top and melodramatic at times. They are very much ruled by their emotions, so when their emotions are strong their logic is weakest. They have incredibly strong personalities, and are skilled in bending people to their will. They do not like to lose at anything. They dislike false modesty and so they are honest to the point where they can be blunt and even come across as rude. They are inquisitive and difficult to foolthey are likely to be able to tell when they are being lied to. They can be vain and self-satisfied, and they enjoy shocking people. They are adept at concealing their emotions and enjoy going against expectations and conventions. They have good memories, and will remember both the positive and negative aspects of situations. They are hard working and usually gifted with ambition. Their persistence often ensures their ambitions are

do not readily forgive either. They are modest, reserved and dislike working in teams. They value their privacy and don’t often talk about their own personal affairs, yet they will discuss those of others. They are precise, methodological and feel that order is of the utmost importance. They are extremely loyal to their loved ones, perceptive and considerate. Their skills in criticism and analysis make them well suited to professions in law and politics. They are also suited to clerical work, medicine, editing, detective work, chemistry, engineering, accounting, psychology and mechanics. Famous Virgos: • Agatha Christie • Sean Connery • Roald Dahl • Michael Jackson • Louis XIV • Mother Theresa • Twiggy • Cameron Diaz

upheld. They also have an intense love of nature which is difficult to control and often leads them to unhappiness. They are suited to success in the army and the navy. They also excel in roles such as government officials, magistrates, secret service agents, dentists, chemists, surgeons and photographers. Their attraction to danger often leads them to the emergency services. Famous Scorpions: • Prince Charles • John Cleese • Marie Curie • Claude Monet • Pablo Picasso • Hilary Clinton • Bill Gates

Capricorn (21st Dec- 20th Jan) Earth

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Capricorns are patient, practical, shy and strong willed. They also can be miserly, hard and ambitious. They are persistent and refuse to take the easy option, preferring to work hard and reach their full potential. They are shrewd and calculating and often of a self- contained disposition. They are not fond of extravagance, and are reserved and secretive. It is not within the nature of a Capricorn to discuss their emotions. They are unaffected by flattery, and are not often seen to be surprised or excited. They are, however, extremely knowledgeable and wise. They are born leaders, and under the rule of someone else they can become gloomy, morose, critical and rebellious. They admire competence and success in others, and this can lead to them being seen as snobbish, and Capricorns often view oth-

Libra (20th Sept- 21st Oct) Air Librans are known for being very balanced, although this makes them indecisive and reluctant to take sides. However, this can work to their advantage as it makes them adept at settling arguments. They are easy going, quiet but tough. They are sentimental, but do not allow this to interfere with what they feel is fair and just. They are tolerant, broad minded and patient, but they are always ready to stand up for someone they feel has been wronged in any way. They crave peace, harmony and happy surroundings. They are gentle, courteous, affectionate and unable to hold a grudge. They are not resentful people and are always happy to put a disagreement behind them. They love change, and dislike monotonous situations. They can be stubborn, restless and irritating, and they love to talk but are also good listeners. Librans often try too hard to impress others, and can suppress their own feelings to avoid confrontation. They are very intellectual, Sagittarius (21st Nov- 21st Dec) Fire Sagittarians are friendly, enthusiastic and unlikely to suffer with depression. Their enthusiasm and wish to fulfil all goals can lead them to take unnecessary risks. They are intelligent and versatile. They are frank, sincere and optimistic. They are tolerant, sympathetic and generous. They have a strong sense of justice, make good listeners and enjoy giving advice. However their desire to give advice can lead to them being patronising. They are extremely hard workers. They are sociable and often popular but can intimidate people with their outspokenness. Often they believe themselves to be diplomatic and fail to notice their bluntness can be offensive. They hate deception and are always happy to take on responsibilities. They are exceptionally independent, versatile and impulsive. They have strong intuition and are usually very shrewd. They

although their love of an easy life can lead them to settle for something less than is achievable purely through their inherent dislike of anything unpleasant. They have strong imaginations, are intuitive and inventive. Their artistic nature means they excel in careers in fashion, literature and beauty. They also make good musicians, writers, artists, florists, health workers, psychologists and they often find a talent for the law. Famous Librans: • John Lennon • Oscar Wilde • Horatio Nelson • Luciano Pavarotti • Anthony Hopkins • Avril Lavigne

are active and sporty, and are especially drawn to extreme sports. They are, however, prone to mood swings and can be pretentious on

occasion. They are naturally drawn to authoritarian positions, and thus they are often successful in medicine, counselling, the law, the Church, politics, missionaries, inspection and veterinary surgery. They also make outstanding musicians. Famous Sagittarians: • Woody Allen • Ludwig van Beethoven • Walt Disney • Steven Spielberg • George Eliot • Jimi Hendrix

ers as stupid and superficial. They tend to be pessimistic and have an intense dislike for risk taking. They can be vindictive, jealous, suspicious and melancholy. They are difficult to anger, but they bear grudges and find it difficult to forgive others. They are unlikely to be romantic. They excel in careers such as editing, acting, architecture, the theatre, plumbing, farming, politics and publishing. Famous Capricorns: • Martin Luther King • Annie Lenox • Sir Isaac Newton • Elvis Presley • J. R. Tolkien • Richard Nixon • Al Capone • Muhammad Ali

Aquarius (21st Jan- 19th Feb) Air Aquarians are independent, stubborn and friendly. They can be unreliable, especially in difficult circumstances, and are creative in their ideas. Their lack of practicality often means that said ideas are never properly executed. They are idealistic, generous and dislike it when others around them are distressed or unfulfilled. Aquarians are also insightful, intuitive, and highly logical, debating everything in their own minds before reaching a permanent conclusion. They are usually very popular, highly intellectual and often attracted to science. They are cautious, and sometimes dull, although they can surprise their friends with random shows of eccentricity. They are usually restrained in their passions. They enjoy freedom and dislike having to heed to any kind of authority. They are inventive and good with technical objects. They are often unpredictable, and more geniuses have been born under this sign than any other. They are loyal and unmoved by gossip, prefer-

ring to reach their own judgements of people. They react badly to jealous and possessiveness from their partners. Their careers are often of a technical or scientific nature, although they also excel in social work and any career which is unusual and exciting, such as an inventor, researcher or writer. Famous Aquarians: • Lord Byron • James Dean • Charles Darwin • Christian Dior • Wolfgang Mozart • Virginia Woolf • Lewis Carroll • Ronald Reagan

Pisces (19th Feb- 19th March) Water Pisceans are sensitive and have a very caring nature. They are impressionable and sympathetic and their moods are extremely dependant on their surroundings. Pisceans are successful when they are pushed forward with praise; however they are intuitive and know when they are being lied to. They are incredibly self-sacrificing and consistently put others’ needs before their own, particularly those of their families. They are incredibly proficient at recognising the needs of others. They are unwilling in decision making, tactful but have a strong tendency to become too emotionally involved. They sometimes lack confidence, which is a shame as their imaginations are exceptionally powerful. They are romantic, kindhearted and emotional but often lack in will power and are sensitive to the callous remarks of others. Their judgements are easily clouded, and they are easily bended to another person’s will. They enjoy a quiet life, and will endure necessary hardship without complaint. They are usually fond of children

and animals. Pisceans make very good friends and sympathetic listeners. They also find it hard to say no to others. They make excellent teachers, members of the health profession, carers, artists, musicians, poets, sailors, vets and foster parents. Famous Pisceans: • Michael Caine • Albert Einstein • Michelangelo • Johnny Cash • Dr. Seuss • Bruce Willis • Alexander Graham Bell • Rupert Murdoch • Kurt Cobain

A Coffee With.........

Your Students’ Union President - Elizabeth Simos Claire Worgan sits down for a chat about the New Year with Elizabeth So how are you enjoying your year as President? Is it living up to your expectations? I have to say it’s been absolutely fantastic and has definitely exceeded my expectations. It’s a privilege to be in a position to represent and support students in this way. Though by far the most challenging experience I’ve had, it’s also been the most rewarding- even if I was gunged by Dave Benson Phillips against my will!

been elected onto National Council, it means that the voice of Surrey students is heard and our Union remains independent with the added benefit of influence on a national level. What do you aim to achieve in this next semester?

My main aim is to continue to represent students to the best of my ability. In terms of plans within the Union we will be: undertaking a review of governance and the constitution, publishing the strategy, setting up a legal clinic to provide legal advice for students, pushing for the Landlord Accreditation Scheme in Guildford, pushing for a safer campus in terms I’m sure students would like to know a bit more about their of lighting, raising awareness on student debt, simplifying the process for President. Tell us a bit about yourself. students to get involved in all Union activities, focusing on International students’ events, creating opportunities for students to gain experience Well, I was born in Bath but brought up in Athens, Greece. I went to an and boost CV’s through volunteering. International school there and then returned to the UK to do my law degree at Surrey. I was an Academic Representative throughout my There is a lot of talk on the National Student Survey. Why? degree and President of the Law Society in my final year. That’s when I decided to run for Union President. It’s the one opportunity final year students get to express their views on their experience at Surrey where it truly matters. It directly affects the What do you think is the biggest issue facing students today? rating of the University. We managed to get one of the highest response rates in the UK last year which was 80%. Hopefully we will beat that this I’d say that there are two. On the one hand there is the ever increasing year. student debt and on the other the prospects of graduate employment. Recent reports outline the potential difficulties students will be facing Anything you’d like to finish off with? in the next few years, both in terms of the possibility of fees increasing and the current economic climate making graduate employment a I’d just like to welcome all students back! And I hope that everyone has a challenge. Its times like these which call for strong Union action in fantastic semester...Oh and if you have ideas on what the Union should support of students. be doing or campaigns we could be running, get in touch! We love to hear from you. What is your position on the National Union of Students? Thanks for your time Elizabeth I believe in the strength of the student movement and I believe that the collective effort of all Unions in the UK can lead to positive outcomes. I It’s been a pleasure Claire! do however take an active stance against party politics dictating the work of Unions, so as long as that is avoided I am content. Having recently

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******** WARNING ******* THIS IS NOT NEWS! MASSIVE TURD IN LOO NOT MINE

Television personality Dr Gillian McKeith, who is not actually a real doctor, said the unusually large deposit was probably caused by a lowfibre diet. McKeith, who specialises in bulls***, advised the culprit (whoever they are) to consume “vast quantities of Weetabix” to prevent a reoccurrence of the unfortunate incident. Plumber Joe Pascvolic By Pete Nattress added that for blockages of this size the best advice was to contact An enormous poo found in a local toilet yesterday afternoon was an expert to conduct a controlled plunging. He warned that novice certainly not mine. The specimen, which initially resisted all attempts attempts to remove such gargantuan bog-plops could easily result in to remove it, was discovered by Guildford resident Katherine Jacobs at “a great deal of unpleasantness”. 3pm local time. Jacobs immediately advised everyone in the vicinity Whilst the perpetrator, who was not me, will probably never be to avoid the toilet ‘at all costs’ whilst she went out to buy some extra found, Jacobs issued a stern warning to anyone considering a repeat strength bleach. performance. “If you do this again there’ll be hell to pay,” she told Jacobs described the enormous excrement as one of the most me, although it wasn’t me who caused it anyway. The disgusting disgusting things she’d ever seen, adding, “and stop pretending it’s bum-discharge was eventually flushed on Thursday evening after a not yours because I know it is”. Journalists are unable to gain access concerted disposal effort involving a bottle of Dettol, 5 litres of water to the affected area, which is being referred to as ‘ground zero’, but and a disused fish slice. another eyewitness described the turd as “an absolute monolith of crap”. Another added that the smell alone was “eye-watering” and the faeces itself was “encrusted with sweetcorn and what appear to be tomatoes”. Jacobs was quick to point the finger of blame at me, citing previous incidents coupled with recent sweetcorn consumption. But it couldn’t have been me because I haven’t eaten sweetcorn in days. Jacobs eventually conceded she had no conclusive evidence against me and dropped her case, whilst I issued a statement to the community to reassure locals that “I always flush twice for big ones” and sometimes “go at it with a fork if necessary”.

******************************** LOCAL PAPER ACCUSED OF SUBLIMINAL ADVERTISING

Representatives of the Not News section were quick to deny any wrongdoing, saying that any products mentioned in articles were relevant and necessary, especially when they’re as fresh and healthy as a delectable Innocent strawberry smoothie. “We are fully aware of Local student newspaper The Stag was yesterday facing charges of the rules regarding subliminal advertising and avoid it at all costs,” including subliminal advertising in its Not News section. Both the they said in a statement. “Incidentally, talking about costs, you’ll find Advertising Standards Authority and Press Complaints Commission costs cut on a range of items at your local Tesco supermarket. Every have launched an investigation into the paper, which is accused of little helps!” printing subversive adverts for products including delicious McVities chocolate Hobnobs, mouth-watering Bernard Matthews turkey ham Media pundits are not surprised by the paper’s alleged strategy to gain and Mr Kipling’s exceedingly good yet surprisingly affordable cherry more revenue in cash-strapped times. John Thompson from Media Guardian says it is likely other publications will follow the trend set Bakewells. by The Stag, despite the risks of prosecution. “To be honest,” he said, ASA representative Paul Simmons condemned the activity, saying “most people are pretty depressed with the news these days. I think “such advertising of these [scrumptious and inexpensive] products they’d prefer to be reading about the great deals they can get on a is in clear violation of several ASA standards, designed to protect the selection of cookers and dishwashers at their nearby Comet, rather gullible public from being duped even more than they are already.” He than the latest boring drivel about a guy who’s had his arms stabbed to added that the methods used to insert the subliminal adverts ranged bits or his face shot off.” from subtle to clumsy. “Sometimes they use biased adjectives,” he explained, “and other times it’s more obvious like when they tack an In other news, Stella Artois is on a special two for one deal at all incongruous extra sentence on to a paragraph.” Incidentally, don’t you branches of Asda. think it’s time you bought a packet of lovely KitKats?

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Things to watch out for in 2009 have shorter attention spans and, really, Science Editor and occasional psychic Toby Shannon takes a look nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. at what’s in store for the closing 4. Spin-off telly days of the naughty noughties. Ok people, it looks like we’re in trouble. The noughties are on their way out – the bright, shiny new millennium is looking a bit faded and dull and the world appears to be falling apart at the seams. But all is not doom and gloom. Are we not still here? Standing strong against all odds? Of course we are – do cheer up. Here are my things to look out for in 2009. 1. The cloak I won’t lie to you. I’ve been waiting for this one for a while. It’s green (you won’t have to have the heating on if you’re draped around with a heavy sheet of material), it’s credit-crunchy-chic (recycled curtains anyone?) and, most importantly, they’re incredible. Won’t the strange, new world seem less bleak when we’re all stalking around the place in a frenzy of operatic drama? 2. The bring-a-dish supper

What’s on the television schedules this year? I’d like to see: “Mostly Nessa” – After the last series of Gavin and Stacey, the continuing adventures of Vanessa Shanessa Jenkins. “Eurovision Hole-in-the-wall” – This year’s Eurovision hopefuls have to belt out show tunes whilst leaping athletically through poorly-carved polystyrene sets. “I’m a Celebrity – please let me in!” – Z-list has-beens fight to get onto the set of “I’m a Celebrity…” whilst Ant ‘n’ Dec pelt them with assorted marsupial gonads.

pending).

5. Games a-go-go

8. Smell-o-vision

New for the WiiPlayBox...

First, there was black and white television and not much was on: just the king recit“Guitar Hero – U2 Strikes Back” ing the alphabet over and over. Then came “Super Mario 14 – This time, itsa person- programmes; then colour television; then al!” 3D… 2009 brings SMELL-O-VISION! Have “Spyro the Dragon does Dallas” you ever wanted to know what the cobble“Singstar – Showaddywaddy’s greatest stones of Coronation Street smell like (dehit” cidedly cardboardy)? How about the very “Short-tempered monsters lunge at you sweat from Gordon Ramsey’s brow (rather with pointy sticks” like beef I’m afraid)? Derren Brown’s suit (ditto, beef)? Well, 2009 is the year for 6. Big Hair you. I’m on the edge of my seat.

2008 saw the return of port, sherry and the cheeseboard. I’d like to suggest the reinvention of the bring-a-dish supper. The host simply provides the venue and each of the guests brings along a delicious something-or-other to share out. I rather like the idea of a vast and dizzying array of foods served, utensils a-clatter, conversation and drink a-flowing… What could be nicer? But don’t all bring salad. That’d be No, not just big hair. ENORMOUS HAIR. a fiasco. 7. Moustaches 3. Noughties nostalgia Given that we’ve already seen television programmes and the world of style looking back to the mid-nineties, a celebration of all things noughties can’t be far away. We’ll all be looking back with a sigh and a collective “aww… do you remember when…?” I blame this on the phenomenon of the erosion of the Long Now… People

Facial hair is back (and not just for the chaps). From the mighty bikers’ handlebar to the exquisitely pointed Salvador Dali – moustaches look good on anyone. In these times, you want something to rely on and what is more reliable than a beautiful, luxurious moustache. Warm, practical and as elaborate as you like – 2009 is the official year of the moustache (official status

9. Incomplete lists Umm...

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Addiction and Abstinence H

opefully all of you had a lovely, relaxing holiday and didn’t spend too much time worrying over exam results or drowning in your dissertation.We’re already in the beginning weeks of the new term, and as I’m writing this I have yet to visit the gym, but on the plus side have managed to get my healthy eating off the ground (at the expense of developing an addiction to Grey’s Anatomy instead of biscuits).The entirely predictable theme for this issue’s food page is about our behaviour as humans to give into our addictive personalities, and how we try so hard to abstain from these at this time of year. Clichéd I know, but it has become a somewhat culturally accepted phenomenon to spend too much money and eat too much during December, then proceed to beat ourselves up about it in January. We force down the Christmas chocolate before going back to work, cover up all traces of mince pies and wait for the recycling truck to clear away the one or two hundred empty alcohol bottles residing on the porch. The desk drawer at work now contains bags of dried fruit and mixed nuts instead of handfuls of Quality Streets and the office fridge is stocked full of salad and low fat yoghurt. Instead of lying on the sofa and mindlessly watching festive T.V., our bodies are stretched and strained into cardio, weights and Yoga. So with the best of intentions, we aim to kick our sinful habits. However, more often than not, by the end of the month, we can end up just replacing those old habits with another vice. Not to put a dampener on your efforts, but realistically we are only human after all, none of us are entirely saint-like. That’s not to say that we can’t try! It’s not all doom and gloom (really), I know the weather sucks, your favourite delicacies have been replaced with rabbit food and the gym is way too over crowded to be worth it. But no one said that doing the right things for your body would be easy. As this is a food related column, I’ve included a couple of recipes to help you make those tiny steps towards healthier eating. It can take a mammoth effort to be good after a month or so of pure indulgence but persevere and you will succeed. These recipes will hopefully stave off the hunger pangs and stop you reaching for the naughty snacks too often, as well as keeping you nice and warm because spring (and dissertation deadlines thank goodness), are still a way off. But remember, just because it’s the New Year, doesn’t mean you can’t treat yourself sometimes…*goes to retrieve the jar of Nutella* …moderation is the key! So I’ve popped in a dessert recipe too.

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By Chetna Pandya

Lentil Cottage Pie Preparation time: 10 minutes Cooking time: 45 minutes Other: vegetarian, serves 4

Ingredients -

800g medium new potatoes, quartered

-

2 tablespoons low fat spread

-

1 medium brown onion (150g), hopped finely

8. Spoon the lentil mixture into a shallow 1 litre (4 cup) oven proof dish

Chocolate Brownies

9. Spread the potato mash on top

Preparation time: 15 minutes

10. Bake, uncovered in the hot oven for 20 minutes

Cooking time: 25 minutes

11. Stand the pie for 10 minutes before serving with an optional simple green salad

Salsa Cruda Ingredients -

½ Lebanese cucumber, chopped finely (that’s what the recipe says but a normal one should do just fine!)

-

1 clove garlic, crushed

-

415g can crushed tomatoes

-

1 cup (250ml) vegetable stock

-

1 cup (250ml) water

-

2 tablespoons tomato paste

-

½ cup (80ml) dry red wine

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2/3 cup (130g) red lentils

-

1 medium carrot (120g), chopped finely

1. Preheat oven to gas mark 45/180°C

-

½ cup (60g) frozen peas, thawed

2. Heat large lightly oiled non stick frying pan

-

2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce

3. Cook garlic and beef, stirring it until beef is browned all over

-

1/3 cup coarsely chopped fresh flat leaf parsley

4. Add chilli, cumin, beans, paste, the water and tomato

1. Preheat the oven to gas mark 7-8/240°C 2. Boil, steam of microwave the potatoes until tender and drain 3. Mash potatoes in a large bowl with half of the spread 4. Melt the remaining spread in a medium deep frying pan 5. Cook onion and garlic in the spread, stirring until onion softens 6. Add undrained tomatoes, stock, the water, paste, wine, lentils and carrot and bring to the boil 7.

Reduce heat, simmer uncovered for 5 minutes

-

½ small red onion (40g), chopped finely

-

1 small tomato (130g), chopped finely

-

1 teaspoon mild chilli sauce

5. Cook over a low heat for about 15 minutes or until the mixture thickens slightly 6. Meanwhile, toast the taco shells upside down and uncovered on an oven tray in the oven for 5 minutes 7.

For the salsa cruda just combine and mix up the ingredients in a small bowl

8. Just before serving, fill the taco shells with the beef mixture, lettuce and salsa cruda

Makes: 16 Ingredients -

2 eggs

-

1/3 cup (75g) firmly packed brown sugar

-

2 teaspoons instant coffee powder

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2 tablespoons cocoa powder

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1 tablespoon water

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1 tablespoon olive oil

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40g low fat spread, melted

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¼ cup (40g) wholemeal self raising flour

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¼ cup (45g) dark chocolate bits

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1 teaspoon cocoa powder, extra

-

2 teaspoons icing sugar mixture

1. Preheat the oven to gas mark 4-5/180°C 2. Grease and line a deep 19cm square pan 3. Using an electric mixer, beat eggs and sugar in a small bowl until thick and creamy 4. Transfer to a medium bowl 5. Meanwhile, blend coffee and cocoa with the water and oil in small bowl until smooth 6. Stir in the spread 7.

Fold cocoa mixture into egg mixture

8. Fold in flour and chocolate bits 9. Pour mixture into prepared pan 10. Bake, uncovered in moderate oven for about 25 minutes or until brownie is firm to the touch 11. Stand for 30 minutes and turn onto wire rack 12. Serve brownies dusted with sifted combined cocoa and icing sugar mixture

University of Surrey Students Against TV Licensing - The ‘Back Down’ campaign By Jack Symons ( VP Societies and Individual Development)

T

hank you. I have felt for a long time that TV Licensing is unfair on Students and I thought it appropriate as a Sabbatical Officer to bring the issues up. I am delighted to see so many students getting involved and am grateful for the support so far. But things have only just begun. Get excited Surrey students, for this campaign puts us in the forefront of national student politics and this semester will be an exciting one! The ‘Back Down’ campaign calls for two things: consistency with their pricing and consideration for their advertising campaigns. You may have already seen the adverts on the screens in Chancellors. TV Licensing ‘love our excuses, they use them as evidence.’ Many students feel that the tone of TV Licensing advertising has become quite sinister. Some students have gone as far as accusing TV Licensing of adopting ‘bullyboy’ tactics to scare students into buying a TV License. The next advertising campaign is said to use SMS text messages and flyers so they can reach (and intimidate) even more vulnerable students. We will not take this from them. Not us. Not Surrey. With regards to the inconsistencies of their pricing, a hotel only needs one license for the first fifteen rooms (and one for every five thereafter) and Accommodation for Residential Care (that’s a nursing/retirement home to us) only needs one license per room (but it costs only £7.50). Why is it that poor students have to pay £139.50 for a TV in one small boxy room on campus within a Hall of Residence? This forces students to choose between paying an extortionate amount of money (to have a TV), break the law (and use a TV without a License) or go without (and miss out on important news crucial to the academic and professional development of students). The University of Surrey Students’ Union is making a stand against TVL ad-

vertising and is calling for a reflection on the consistency and fairness of Student TV Licensing. The University of Surrey Students’ Union sent a motion to the National Union of Students (NUS) to adopt a more active role in overseeing and taking control of the methods and tone/language TV Licensing use to ‘sell’ their licenses to students. Incidentally, we pay the National Union of Students a very large affiliation fee (around the £40,000 mark) and we hope to see some support in this issue. If this has got you all fired up, then get in contact with Jack Symons (VP Societies and Individual Development, [email protected]) and be proud to stand up for what you believe in - Student Rights. You can also join the Facebook group by typing in ‘University of Surrey Students Against TV Licensing.’ Students will be campaigning in April, so do get in touch if you want to get involved in a proper campaign with an achievable outcome. Together we can change this. This year we tell TV Licensing to ‘Back Down.’

The Return of Citrus with S Club 3

By Amy Short

Wednesday 22nd January saw the return of the student union event “Citrus”. It was an eventful night, especially when S Club 3 hit the stage. I didn’t have any high hopes: I thought they would mime and only do a couple of songs. But to my surprise, they sung live, covered pretty much all their songs and really got the crowd going. It was quite a busy night too! Here’s what some of the students thought:

Amy: Where’s Jo?

Media student Emma Reading said, “I’m so glad Citrus is back! The music was great, there were a couple of good deals on the drinks and I thought S Club 3 were amazing!” Laura Kearns said, “Apart from being squashed in the crowd when S Club 3 were on, it was a brilliant night”. However, Dan Arnould said, “S Club are w***. I had high hopes for Citrus, and also hopes that the union would get its act together.”

Bradley: I was going to, but we watched her on telly instead

I went back stage after S Club had performed and decided to ask them a few random questions… Amy: What have you guys been up to since the days of S Club? Paul: I was in a rock band for a while as the lead singer, but we didn’t really get anywhere Bradley: I’ve played at a couple of clubs as a DJ and I’m currently working on an album with Justin Timberlake’s bass guitarist Amy: Wow! Have you met Justin then?? Bradley: Nah… he’s way too busy

Paul: She’s gone home, she had a baby not so long ago. She has her duties. Amy: Did you go and see Rachel Stevens in Strictly Come Dancing?

Paul: She was brilliant though Amy: What’s it like having Steve McIntosh (Bradley’s dad) as your manager? Bradley: Brilliant, it’s like two for the price of one. Dad and Boss. Amy: Seeing as it’s a student newspaper, I have to ask… If you could do a degree, what would it be? Paul: I’ve never really been a student… probably something in computing Bradley: Definitely music. Amy: Will you come back to The University of Surrey? Bradley: Definitely Amy: Yay! I hope you do!

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DJ Larizzle and special guests

DJ Masterstepz (Choice FM) and

DJ Cameo

(1Extra)

Monday 2nd February 10pm - 2am, Rubix £3 advance £4 on the door £7 guests

Tickets available from the bookshop

Budweiser drinks promo

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Surrey Persian Society The Iranian society (also known as Surrey Persian society) is now celebrating its 20th birthday. For over twenty years Persians and non-Persians have come together here at Surrey to celebrate the culture of a country with over 3,000 years’ worth of history.

Here at Surrey the Iranian society committee organises various events such as parties, bar crawls, night outs, sports days, BBQs, Persian New Year, and trips. This spring semester we aim to introduce major developments into the society, such as the upcoming trip to Blackpool in March, and also get together with other societies at Surrey and Brunel University. The Surrey Persian Society is a multi-cultured society. We take part in many international events and we’re known to be hospitable and fun. Don’t take my word; come and see for yourself! Email us at [email protected] or search us on Facebook under ‘Unis Iranian Society’.

Ifestival (International Festival) When: Monday 9th March – 20th March 2009 Where: Everywhere! iFestival is a little bit special - it’s a two week festival that celebrates international and individual diversity. Campus offers itself to all students as a blank canvas to display and showcase your culture and individuality. There isn’t much structure to iFestival on our part as it’s your festival. Events you might like to know about include the iGala, iExhibition and iOlympics. Whatever you want to do to express yourself, you can. Any students wishing to get involved in the Festival (in any way), get in contact with Jack Symons, VP Societies and Individual Development (ussu. [email protected]) The website will give you more information nearer the time but in the meantime, here’s a little something for you to consider: There are over 120 nationalities on campus! Isn’t that incredible?

If you have any articles for our societies section then please email [email protected]

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MUSIC Tipped for 2009! We’ve probably all heard lots of new bands set to be big for 2009, from White Lies to Little Boots, but this is who our reviewer Mark Allen thinks we should keep an ear out for….. Passion Pit Passion Pit are one of the fastest rising bands to come out of Boston, and are growing in popularity worldwide. Having only formed in 2007, they have already become a hot topic on industry message boards and blogs to be one of the top bands for 2009. Their genre is quite difficult to pigeon hole, but follows the idea of indie/electro, and has become extremely popular in the past 6 months. Possibly compared with music from the likes of MGMT, Santogold or Vampire Weekend, their latest track Sleepyhead off their Chunk of Change EP has caused stirs within the music industry, blending synth chords, sampled-yelps and high, intense vocals to create music that is rarely heard outside of the underground scene. This track really sticks in your head, especially as you try and work out what is being said in the high pitched vocal part. One of the most interesting things about this track is that Passion Pit took the inspiration and main ideas for this song from a 1960s recording of a traditional Irish song called ‘Óró Mo Bháidín’, sung in Gaelic, which is what makes this band so unique. This vocal part sounds strange and foreign, but works so well within it, even if you don’t know what she’s saying.

The Chunk of Change EP has a lot of great tracks on it, with I’ve Got Your Number being a great downtempo electro number with brilliant lyrics, a strong chorus and some interesting synth parts thrown in. They are recording their full length album at the moment, which is sure to be released with great anticipation, what with many critics thinking 2009 will be the year of electro pop and indie merging with electronica, with the success of bands like MGMT, who gained such titles as NME’s Album of the Year in 2008. Both signed to Columbia Records in the UK, this seems to be a label that is clued up in terms of who are set to be big-selling artists in the coming year.

Lily Allen -‘Fear’, Released 26/1/09

Miley Cyrus ‘Fly on the Wall’ Released 16/02/09

Lily Allen is back! Her new single lives up to expectations and mixes her now not-so-unique vocals with an electro backdrop to create an instantly likeable hit.

The 15 year old American star is back with another annoyingly catchy song. Slightly more rocky than her last single, but still definitely in the category of cheesy pop. 3/5 Rachael Fitz-Patrick

4/5 Rachael Fitz-Patrick

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For your chance to review please email [email protected]

Surrey Sweethearts....

Who’s your Surrey Sweetheart? Has someone caught your eye lately? Tell us where, when and who you’ve met and you might just be in luck

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Our Music Editor Rachael Fitz-Patrick and her team of reviewers presents you with some more ear tingling reviews for the New Year ! Midgar – Of The Ancients EP By Andy Vale After spending a year building up what can only be described as a rabid local following, Midgar finally release their debut EP upon the world. The CD opens with a Pantera-esque thump that Dimebag and Vinne-Paul would approve of, before melting into more gentle tones signifying the impending vocals of Andy Wilson-Taylor. At times delicate, soaring at others. The first track then blends perfectly into ‘Vincents Masquerade’, which is just showing off! Both this and ‘A Thousand Eyes’ (my personal favourite) are radical slices of hard rock goodness, showing the band to be tight, exciting and unquestionably cowabunga when necessary. The closing number takes a completely different turn with the calm, reflective and dark ‘Haunted’. While the rest of the disk rips your face off, this one caresses it. The final few minutes of the song spiral off into the ether leaving you entirely relaxed, enthralled but slightly unsettled by the insania created when hearing the mantra “I won’t sleep until I see you.” My only wish is that on the heavier numbers they would hold the intensity for the verses too. They all start with a bang and end with a crescendo, but I’d prefer if some of the verses contained a bit more thrust. However as faults go, it’s a bit like saying ‘Jennifer Lopez. Hot poontang, but there’s a small freckle on her ankle I’m nonplussed about’. Oh, I’d also like the EP to be longer, with me in the band, and for it to come with free money.

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Snow Patrol: A Hundred Million Suns Released: 27/10/08 2 years on since their last album, and Snow Patrol finally release ‘A Hundred Million Suns’. Expectations were high; well, when your last album ‘Eyes Open’ sold over 2.1 million copies in the UK and over a million in the US, there is always going to be a certain amount of pressure! Listening to the CD for the first time, I didn’t know what to expect, were they going to try something brand new? The answer, in my opinion, is no. Now, die-hard Snow Patrol fans are likely to disagree, but to your average listener, it sounds pretty average. Don’t get me wrong, it is a good album, and there are definitely some stand out tracks, the pre-released ‘Take Back the City’ being one of them. The songs, as ever, are poignant and you can tell mean something to band. Will it become as acclaimed as their previous albums? I don’t know, every time I listen to it I like it more and more and suspect that a lot of people will feel the same. Releasing the album at this time of year seems appropriate, as to me they are the kind of songs you would listen to on an autumn/winter evening when you’re nice and warm inside and the weather outside is miserable. 3.5/5 Rachael Fitz-Patrick

Tv on the radio – Dancing Choose Released: 5/1/09 They may not look like your average indie rockers, but Tv on the Radio mix catchy rap lyrics with pop choruses in Dancing Choose. This is a definite hit and gets you singing along, but the chorus seems to lose the momentum of the song. 3.5/5 Mark Allen

The Stag’s Own Music Exclusive with:

Iglu and Hartly

Cecily Child sits down for a chat with the band. . . I found Iglu and Hartly primarily preoccupied with preparing themselves mayo and turkey ham sandwiches, but they soon gave me a warm welcome and a seat on their sofa, and so it began. The first thing I really want to ask you is why exactly I read that you met at college. Do you think that your are you called Iglu and Hartly? decision to leave in order to pursue a musical career Sam: It’s a two part story. Jarvis, who produces all the beats for the band, was looking for a DJ name. This was back in high school and at the time he used to chaperone this handicapped kid around school. This kid suggested the name DJ Snow, which Jarvis wasn’t too keen on, and then DJ Iglu, which he kept. I met him, and at the time I just wrote raps for fun. I was calling myself ‘Hartly Dark’, so we started a band called DJ Iglu and Hartly Dark but it was just too long so we just shortened it down to Iglu and Hartly. Simon: It was thirteen syllables before. (He later checked this by counting on his fingers and realised it was incorrect.)

was the right choice?

Simon: Yeah, me, Sam and Jarvis met at college in Colorado and then moved to LA to the music scene. I’d say we less ‘dropped out’ and more pursued our career. I don’t regret it, it wasn’t like we were at college and were thinking ‘we can’t do this’. I’ve always felt that college is like a holding tank. It teaches you all these skills and you can discover what you really like by what sticks and what you enjoy. We went to college and we found each other and found that we had a common goal.

Iglu and Hartly’s live set later that night was one of the most What’s the most memorable thing that’s happened to enjoyable gigs I have been to in a long time. They have a you on tour so far? Any good stories? constant energy that transfers across to the fans, and there was a strong connection between the band and their audiSimon: We’ve got a lot of good stories. We went skateboard- ence. Their recent single ‘In this City’ prompted a fantasing last night in a parking lot. Naked. Actually a lot of our sto- tic response from the crowd, as fans sang along and even ries involved nudity. It’s all part of our free spirited nature. climbed onstage to join in the band’s animated performance. Iglu and Hartly are incredibly warm guys and are equally talIf you could tour with any musician, dead or alive, who ented, with a natural aptitude for performing. They definitely would it be? deserve any success they receive. Michael: I’d maybe say Bob Marley and the Wailers. That would be fun. The rhythm section of the band is amazing and all their shows were, like, spiritual and interactive. Simon: There are a lot bands I’d like to play with but it’s not always based upon the music. There are people who’d be fun to hang out with because if you form a bond on tour then you really enjoy it. Sometimes you’re only together for a week and a half but there’s such a closeness, you have a common goal.

Going to a gig and want to interview the band? Why not get in contact with our Music Editor Rachael at [email protected]

Look out for the next CD handout for your chance to review

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Anna Phoebe – Rise Of The Warriorheavy

By Andy Vale

female at home as I walked into the store, it then reminded me that Anna Phoebe has been one of the world’s most active violinists of the she had told me to use our reusable bags. I headed back to the car. last few years. Having just finished a US tour to over a million people Even if this album sells only one copy (mine) then at least one less as the solo violinist of Trans Siberian Orchestra, she has also played plastic bag will be put into landfill. with Jethro Tull, P Diddy, Byron Johnston and George Michael. This has involved playing some of the world’s biggest festivals and arenas with As I venture on through the store and album I am treated to most emolittle time to spare. Thankfully she took just enough time off in 2008 to tions under the sun. Softer moments such as The Farewell and Fallen record her debut solo album. Ashes made me want to bond with my nearby shoppers. It made me want to hold them, dance with them and feel a closeness that they I can’t claim to own many albums like this. I think few people can. had never felt before (no innuendo intended there, I swear). MeanKnowing where to start a review for an album like this is tricky. I made while there were still plenty of rougher edges to keep me on my toes. I a challenge with myself not to use obvious terms such as ‘epic’, ‘Night- genuinely wished I was elsewhere and doing more fun things at such wish without vocals’ and ‘I can’t believe that a chick with a violin makes times, I’d love to tell you that listening to this made the shop seem exsuch a boisterous sound’. So I thought I’d do the most logical thing I citing but it didn’t. The tinned vegetable aisle is the tinned vegetable could think of. Put it on during my trip to Tesco and then tell you the aisle, no matter what you have in your headphones. However it did story. Anna Phoebe – Rise of The Warrior, accompanied by Andy going give me the power not to buy more unnecessary pizza. shopping. As with all good instrumental music, the power of this is that it doesn’t The opening tribal drumming and thunder of the title track made me have words. It can take you wherever you wish to go. However there is feel like I was on a journey more exciting, exotic and dangerous than still a strong story to the album; with only the song titles and the lead the supermarket. When the full rush of the song kicked in I was in the violin you can piece together your own narrative quite easily. The intershadow of the Cathedral and the grandeur of the spectacle nearly esting thing is that even though this album could be the soundtrack to overwhelmed me. I went so fast through the underpass that those new the next Final Fantasy game it has been made without a film, compuCCTV’s would’ve only recorded a sonic blur, such was the adrenaline ter game or Tesco trip in mind. The beauty of it is that it exists solely for caused by this lady’s music. It’s one of the finest album openers I have its majestic opulence. I used a thesaurus for both of those words. ever heard. Anna appeared live on GU2 Radio on Friday 23rd January. Follow up track Spirit Of Tara contains much of the fire of what came We hope you enjoyed what she had to say! before it but with a more female twist. This reminded me of my own

Pendulum, Brixton Academy - 4th December 2008

quite impressive. Ben Mount, the MC and front man keeps the crowd So this is a big one. I have been a fan of Pendulum since ‘Hold Your going, whilst Rob stands back and plays his Keytar and only really ever Colour’, and this was going to be the first time I’d seen them. Not be- opens his mouth to sing. They played a good range of material from ing a huge fan of ‘In Silico’, I was interested in how much they would their catalogue, including the brilliant ‘Voodoo People’ remix, and the mix the drum and bass album ‘Hold Your Colour’ with the new heavy- amazing ‘Blood Sugar’, which had people dancing and bouncing off of rock music of ‘In Silico’ with the live set-up. Pendulum have always each other. The tracks from ‘Hold Your Colour’ were brilliant with the said they mix heavy metal with drum and bass, and the move to live live band, with their tight performances keeping it together throughseemed like a logical step for them to take. Their music is always out. The visuals effects and lasers were a great addition, with a gipopular at any club. Classics like ‘Slam’ are always a firm favourite ant white clock appearing towards the end, projecting a two minute amongst many people, with the drum and bass beats mixed with sing- countdown leading into ‘The Tempest’ from the new album. a-long synth lines. All in all, seeing Pendulum was an awesome experience, and it was As front man Ben Mount walked onto the stage, the crowd instantly great to see them in a live performance. I do think ‘Hold Your Colour’ prepped themselves for what was about to happen. His role as MC is is their best work, as the new album seems to have gone in a much part of the live set, and he runs and jumps about the stage getting the more ‘pop rock’ format. It was great to hear a real mix of both albums, crowd excited and involved. The live set-up has been a huge success and playing for such a long time was impressive. They have come a since they started it, and hearing the tracks with live instruments was very long way since the underground days of ‘Hold Your Colour’. an awesome experience, taking them from drum and bass DJs to fusers of heavy rock, electronic and drum and bass. Rating 4/5 Mark Allen Pendulum performed for a massive hour and forty-five minutes which, considering the majority of the band are playing live instruments, is

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Surrey’s Own Music Exclusive with: Jaff from the Futureheads

Miriam Kidane has a chat to Jaff before the Futureheads performance at the Brixton Academy on 29th November 2008 How did the European tour go?

come to us. We did some in my back room, we did some on the beach around and about in It went very well. Different. Ever been to Scan- Sunderland. And our drummer was like, ‘Why dinavia in November? Warsaw. Minus 15 out- don’t we put foil on our faces because it would side? I had long johns on and it was still freez- be different’ and we were like, ‘Right Dave, ing!! You literally can’t go out for longer than you’re a nutter’. But actually it looked really ten minutes without being absolutely freez- good so we just kept it and it likes being on the ing. front cover of your album but not because our faces are covered. So you didn’t go sightseeing? Would there be any other bands you Oh yeah, but it was just cold! cover?

us. They try and follow the fashion, but they’re not the fashion, they’re shit. Franz Ferdinand piss all over the bands who imitate them, they are just a great band. Kaisers are the best at doing arena rock, that we know. And you get bands trying to copy it and they’re just cack. Right can you describe your third album using these three words? Pumpkin, Fire Engine and Punky:

How about… we recorded our third album with Youth, who’s in a band called Fireman with Are the fans different in to the ones in Yeah. We’re probably going to do a Paul McCa- Paul McCartney. So basically, we had to imagBritain? rtney Christmas song in the UK tour once we ine we were in a fire engine when we made it. learn how to play it. I’d quite like to do a cover We had to record it really fast because if we Not really. I mean the Japanese fans are fa- of ‘They Don’t Know’ by Kirsty Macoll. I like to didn’t, our carriage would have turned into a natical. But if you play a better gig in one town do solo artists instead of bands, because you pumpkin and our album wouldn’t have been than the other, the fans respond differently. can be more original with the cover. punky anymore. But it’s not nationalised to one country. Although, it’s funny how fans in Germany, for I’m sure you get asked all the time what Brilliant. Thank you so much and good example, sing Seven Nation Army in between bands you like, but are there bands that luck with your show tonight. bands at gigs or festivals. It’s like ‘where did you hate? After interviewing Jaff from the band, I was that come from?’, so that can be a little weird. more excited to see what the band had to ofGermans are funny people. (LAUGHING) Yeah there are. Oh, what’s up with the foil on the front cover of your third album, ‘This is not the World’? We’re just expressing ourselves dude! Explain! Well that was my house that we shot the album cover in. It’s my shutter of my garage door and it’s my back garden. Oh really? Did you use Tesco foil? Tesco’s?? Wayah man…Waitrose!!! NOT REALLY!!! We don’t have a Waitrose in Sunderland, you’re joking man… Sainsbury’s foil. And basically we got sick of doing photo shoots. The worst part of being in a band is having your picture taken, trying to make you look good. I just do look good, that’s just chance (LAUGHS). No, it’s shit. Look this way, look that way. So we basically said that we’re doing one photo shoot for this album, and we’re doing it up north, and the photographer would have to

Name and shame. No… but I don’t like modern bands. I just see through the trite. It’s not fair to say I don’t like modern bands, I don’t like the modern industry of music… So you don’t like X Factor and other reality talent shows? No, I don’t mind that because it’s pop music. I just don’t like how every fucking dickhead can put on some skinny jeans, get a hair cut and get a record deal, when they can’t even play the guitar properly. But it’s the fact that we grafted, we were in a band since 2000 didn’t get a record deal till 2004. Bands form in London, put a silly luminous tracksuit on and now they’re nu-rave. That’s a term? No it’s not, what is that? I know the Klaxons are the dons of that and they are really good. It’s not normally the bands that start it but it’s the bands that follow. It’s the bands that follow the Kaisers, Franz Ferdinand, but these new bands, who are they influenced by? They’re influenced by what the press have written about

fer. Since their first massive hit, ‘Hounds of Love’, the band have struggled to get back to that same height of success. Last time I saw the Futureheads live was just after the release of ‘Beginning of the Twist’ and they were brilliant, but since, they’ve been dropped from their major record label. I think I was expecting a has-beens performance. The guys came straight in with a performance of ’Walking Backwards’ off their new album. It was energetic and a popular song choice. I was very impressed. The next few tracks were played in the same vein, fast and furious guitars and the atmosphere was awesome. ‘Radio Heart’, the new single, was performed really well. One thing the band are really good at is stamping their individuality onto a song and when you hear a Futureheads track, you know it’s the Futureheads. This was most evident when they played ‘Decent Days and Night’… my favourite track from their first album, amazing energy throughout, and I couldn’t believe I doubted how the Futureheads would perform. The gig was amazing with standout tracks being ‘Beginning of the Twist’ and the NME track of 2005, ‘Hounds of Love’. One of the best gigs I had gone to in a long time, the Futureheads are most definitely not has-beens!!! 4/5

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Literature

Get those creative juices flowing....

The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories by Alisa Surkis and Monica Nolan Kensington Books £9.99 Reviewed by Stephanie Davies Was this an excellent piece of literature? Neigh! But was it entertaining? Oh yes. The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories is a parody of every lesbian pulp-fiction plot ever written. There is no lack of freckled farm girls, gangster molls or saddled-policewomen, and the collection of short stories perfectly captures the flavour of the fifties dime novel. This is not a novel to be taken seriously. Every girl has a name like Oreola or Jean and every story includes a horse, sometimes under the most unlikely circumstances. Notable chapters are ‘Miss Barnard’s Unit’, in which a country girl falls for a classy debutante who teaches her how to ride during wartime, and ‘The Stableboy,’ who is actually a stable/girl/ in disguise. The plots are emotionally-charged and repetitive, usually involving a protagonist who must overcome her troubled past and take control of her life to get the girl and finally ride off into the sunset. The novel’s provocative cover is slightly misleading - in no way are the collective efforts of Surkis and Nolan titillating, but readers will get just what the title promises: a big book of lesbian horse stories. It’s broad satire, pun intended.

Notes From an Exhibition by Patrick Gale Harper Perennial £7.99 Reviewed by Stephanie Davies Viewed as a novel driven by death and mental disorder, Notes From An Exhibition is an excellent read. However, package it as a sympathetic study of family life and Patrick Gale’s latest novel falls short. The ‘notes’ from the title refer to the chapter-heading notes on a posthumous exhibition of manic-depressive artist Rachel Kelly’s work. Rachel dies within pages, and as the story progresses the narrative jumps between characters, shifting back and forwards through time, towards a final fatality. We meet Rachel at various stages of her life; as a precocious student, a promiscuous teen and an unloving mother; but never as a likeable character. Her lack of maternal feeling makes it difficult for the reader to have compassion for the tortured artist, who seems nothing more than a vessel for her mental disorder. The novel is written from several points of view, with each character introduced in a new chapter, and some very late. Perhaps the most anticipated is the elusive Morwenna, Rachel’s daughter, who is engaging as a child but turns out to be wholly predictable when she reappears. Though the characters are well-developed, many are one-dimensional, and Rachel’s four children lack substance as adults. However, the book’s main strength is its fascinating insight into each child’s reaction to Rachel’s illness. The evocations of the certainties and claustrophobia of childhood provide rare moments of sincerity. The chapter where son Garfield (hint - try to read without picturing a large ginger cat) visits his mother in a psychiatric hospital on his birthday is especially heartbreaking.

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The Gum Thief By Douglas Coupland Reviewed by Dawn Harman Douglas Coupland’s latest novel is set amongst the aisles of an office superstore, where the bitter and twisted alcoholic Roger brings his journal to work. Roger unexpectedly strikes up a friendship with Bethany, his younger colleague, when she discovers it and the scribbles in which he pretends to be her with frightening accuracy. Despite Bethany’s initial protests about the creepiness of it all, the unlikely pair are soon both using the journal to write to each other, bonding as they discuss where it all went wrong. In among the journal entries are also correspondence from Bethany’s mother, who just happens to have once dated Roger, and drafts of Roger’s hilariously awful novel Glove Pond, about an alcoholic husband and wife’s shambolic attempt to throw a dinner party for their distinguished guests.

At times The Gum Thief can be bleak as we learn about the characters’ troubled backgrounds. However, this is countered by Roger and Bethany’s witty description of their everyday routine. This combined with the Glove Pond excerpts is what makes The Gum Thief so readable. The genuine affection that the characters have for each other, despite all of their differences, makes it memorable.

These books were kindly donated for review from the University Bookshop, If you would like to review any book please email Amy Barnes our Literature Editor at [email protected]

Film Get the popcorn ready..... The Spirit By Toby Shannon

Right – first things first – you might read some bad things about this film. But not here. I don’t care. I loved it. Directed by Frank Miller (300, Sin City etc) and it shows. It’s got a huge amount in common with his past portfolio – arty, semi-monochrome shots abound – and a stellar cast of stars and relative unknowns make this a feast (banquet!) for the eyes. The plot is, admittedly, a bit baffling – an immortal hero and villain battling it out through a film noir-esque city surrounded by hundreds of femme fatale with loads of clones, mystical ancient artefacts and a mysterious angel of death to boot. All the characters are there – the hardbitten cop, the rookie (eager to please), the concerned lover, the jewel thief, goodies, baddies and a whole bunch of cats.

“What smells dental? Dental and Nazi…” should give you an inkling of what the film has in store… It’s not Batman. It’s not trying to be! To borrow a convenient line from the film: “You’ll believe a man can’t fly”.

But watch it – don’t take it seriously (believe me…) and treat it like the semi-spoof of superhero and detective films that it is. Go with an open mind, it will seem rather Scarlett Johansson and Samuel Jackson are priceless as the evil Octopus puzzling at first but sit back, and his hench-woman Silken Floss but my favourite was the barking relax and enjoy. Darkly comic mad Plaster of Paris – a French stripper with a penchant for massive (nay, hilarious), beautifully made and action packed. It’s swords. This film has it all. a whole lotta fun. I was a bit miffed when I left the cinema however – two chaps in front of me said “That was a bit cheesey wasn’t it?”. Well, yes. That’s the point! It Verdict: Utterly, utterly insane was such a good antidote to all the achingly serious superhero films that but oh-so good. have been around lately – have a sense of humour! Lines like

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Bride Wars (PG) By Ollie Sim Two best friends (Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway) are both about to get married to two separate grooms. A dream come true, except they’ve been booked on the same date, at the same place. Both won’t budge. All hell breaks loose and laughs are had by all! Now if you found that synopsis just as funny as I did, you’ll know that you’ll have more thrills staring at the fire exit in the bottom left-hand corner of the cinema screen. As with all these nagging, zany comedies, it’s not funny. It lacks any wit and there is certainly zero charm to be had. As I was sitting there, I was thinking to myself, it is astounding that while Terrence Davis is on the dole struggling to make another film, how come films like Bride Wars suddenly sound like a good idea? Believe me, it’s depressing. One really wants to stick up for these so-called chick flicks, but they just get worse and worse from Sex and the City to this. It’s not acceptable. What is more painful is that suckers out there will go and see it. Who could blame them? The film is marketed for people who just don’t have the effort to watch something more intriguing out at the moment, like Slumdog Millionaire. Before a gruesome montage, there is a scene in a dance studio and you beg, ‘Please do not bring out the stereotypical, camp, metrosexual dance teacher’. Guess what? They do! 1/5

Role Models (15) By Ollie Sim Hollywood is getting into a bad habit of presenting comedy as crude, crass and infantile, whilst having a mawkish, sentimental justification as a kind of get-out-of-jail-free card (Superbad, Zack and Miri Make A Porno, etc.). Here we have two down-and-outers, one depressed and the other who enjoys partying all night. Together, their wild behaviours get them into trouble and they are sent to work with two kids for a total of 150 hours community service. They hate their kids, but guess what? They learn about life and how there is more to being responsible. Personally, I get really tired of this, but rest assured you are going to see more of this all too soon. There are some laughs in the film (most of them going to Jane Lynch as the scrawny Big Brother organiser), but the whole concept is tiring, the comedy turns flat and I’ll be surprised if anyone cannot guess how the whole film plans out. However, most of all, I do wish that this smug sense of snickering from the crass jokes would just stop. 2/5

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Frost/Nixon (15) By Ollie Sim Adapted from the Peter Morgan stage play of the same name, comes a humorous, if slightly exaggerated account on the 1977 Richard Nixon interviews with David Frost. At the centre is a sweltering dual between the two organisations both trying to build (or rebuild) their reputations. The interviews are nail-bitingly tense, in which we hope there comes an opportunity to finally turn up the heat on Nixon (which takes some time). Both figures are as deluded as each other, with Nixon maintaining his ‘tricky, slippy Dick’ persona and Frost as someone who is portrayed as a somewhat flattering fool. Ron Howard does try to make the whole transition seem cinematically preferable. There are scenes that do drag and some that feel like they are pieces purely for the actors. Not that it’s totally a bad thing. The performances feel polished, especially Frank Languella as the slobbering Nixon. However, when I left the cinema I felt that the film (especially for a two hour running length) was dry and while there are witty moments from the script (mostly on Nixon’s behalf), the film could take itself more seriously than a desperate attempt to be satirical. In the end, the film feels a lot less important than I thought it should have been. It feels confined, and yet it needs to open out more. 2/5

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Slumdog Millionaire (15)

By Ollie Sim Danny Boyle feels like the perfect director to deliver a dazzling film from a screenplay (expertly written by The Full Monty writer Simon Beaufoy) with serious undertones. Visually dazzling it is, and Mumbai, as a huge spectacle, is breathtaking. The film flips back and fourth between a game of the universally well-known Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? and the life of an Indian teen (Jamal) leading up to the final million dollar question. At the start of the film he is suspected of cheating and is interrogated in a police station. Each time a question crops up, he explains how he knew the answers using every detail of his life to explain. Beginning with his life as a ‘slumdog’ in Mumbai, to pursuing the girl he loves. What is interesting, at the moment, is how the public perceives the film as a ‘crowd-pleaser’ or a ‘feel good spectacle’. After seeing the film it is obviously half the truth, especially in the first third of the film, which deals (pretty uncomfortably) with the grim realities of citywide poverty, corruption, and child abuse. However, the rags-to-riches climax is one to rejoice and that is what a major audience will want to remember this by (along with the last-minute dance number). I am not sure it’s a great film though. The ferocious editing and the camerawork capture the downtrodden beauty of the city. The aerial shots of slums and handheld camerawork of two children running through labyrinths are just a few visual marvels. On the other hand, the narrative is puzzling and it’s not that the ending feels out of place. The first half is credible. The second half feels as if there is a little smattering of clichés (the gangster sub-plot) that feel a bit out of place. If you like, it is a film that has two layers. One, a gritty layer of social realism and the other is a dazzling melodrama of romance. To be honest, I don’t know which one topples the other. The first layer works the best; the other layer is what pulls the film down a bit. This inconsistency is what deters this film from achieving greatness in my opinion. Having said that, it is a thrilling ride and most of it works to a certain extent. Importantly, one has to admire Danny Boyle for taking on a story that is full of grim realities, but one that has a spark on the surface. The director makes sure we pull through.

Yes Man (12A) Jim Carey is back in another spine-tingling comedy as Carl Allen who, after becoming detached from life and living by his one golden word: “No”, agrees to attend a self–help seminar encouraging people to embrace every opportunity and essentially “say YES to life”. From this moment on, he must embrace the word “Yes” and agree to everything from spam emails to inappropriate requests from a neighbour, some of which lead to a potentially disastrous twist! This simple but extremely humorous adaptation of Danny Wallace’s bestselling book, directed by Peyton Reed, is, although predictable, highly entertaining. Whilst embracing a ‘Yes’ life Carl starts dating Allison (Zooey Deschanel – Failure to Launch), a quirky, care-free woman of many hobbies. But despite both actors’ talents the on screen chemistry between them is weak and therefore their connection feels unconvincing. Deschanel is clearly younger than Carey and as a result they do not look compatible as an onscreen couple. Other supporting actors include Bradley Cooper (Failure to Launch) and a spectacular performance by Rhys Darby, who plays Carl’s crazy, Harry Potter obsessed boss, who on many occasions almost steals the film with his total obliviousness of how silly he is. Although not his best film, Carey’s performance does not fall short of brilliant, once again opposite a highly talented array of supporting actors. Audiences can expect many laughs from this new upbeat Rom-Com that all ages can enjoy.

Sara Hadfield 3/5

3/5

The Dark Knight (12A) What is probably the most raved film of the year is, in my opinion, the most bafflingly overrated. Strong words you would agree, but it has puzzled me why on earth there have been five stars from almost universally every review I’ve seen. To add insult to injury, it has also been ranked as one of the ‘Best Films of 2008’. There’s no escaping the film, it’s the second highest grossing film to date and it’s set to be the fastest selling DVD. I know I shouldn’t, but it does bother me when even the avid film viewer is falling over The Dark Knight. I had the privilege to attend one of the opening screenings in the U.K., anticipating, as everyone was, seeing a Batman film that upped the game of the previous one, Batman Begins. It took me two more screenings of The Dark Knight to make sure I got it right, and each time it was the same result: The Dark Knight has flaws.

I’ll start with what was good, and that is the main star of the show being Wally Pfister’s cinematography, which is stunning. Cameras placed on top of tall buildings so that even I felt a sense of acrophobia, and chase sequences that are epically crafted. Heath Ledger is of course really good as a menacing, anarchic, raw interpretation of the Joker. However, may I point out Gary Oldman, who has the best performance in this film and just shows how great an actor he is. He never undermines the rest of the cast, but you feel for his character as a dutiful simpleton between all the chaos going on around him. Here are the problems with the film, and it is mainly the narrative. It feels like the ideas are all there, but the narrative is in desperate need of revision if it is to

achieve a smoothed surface, and that’s only step one. The other problem is that it is a film that tries to bring up all the moral philosophies it can at every turn, in which the writers are constantly nagging us that it’s dark and different. I also must point out that the Harvey Dent character is one character too many and I know it’s a shame, but it is a film which tries too hard to tie all these different plot strands together. Although I know Harvey Dent is an important character, it slows things down and in the end is only a character that contributes to the film’s moral high ground. I probably shouldn’t moan that much because every time I watch it I am in awe of the breathtaking visuals on-screen and its epic qualities. On that note, Blu-Ray is essential if you want to watch this. Despite that, there is little to justify it as a

‘modern masterpiece’. For a film that is a huge box office hit, it’s not a concept film, it’s a film with dense ideas, but I always keep asking myself; why isn’t it hitting me? And that’s the main problem. It’s over-Iong and it’s a film that desperately tries to take a big slice of the cake, but like all these ambitious films it needs to chew before it can swallow. I know this film has worked for some, but structurally and emotionally, Batman Begins is still, to this date, the best Batman film.

Ollie Sim 3/5

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Successful Semester for Surrey Water Polo U

-Polo is the brand new Water Polo League running for the first time this academic year. The aim of U-Polo is for university water polo teams to compete in more matches throughout the year, because, unlike many other standard university sports, the official BUCS competition does not provide a large number of regular matches for teams. Since entering this league, both the men and women’s teams have had more frequent matches and already more than doubled the quantity of matches of previous years! The women are currently positioned 3rd within their group below strong teams Cambridge and Imperial. Surrey started off the semester against previous BUCS winners Cambridge and, with little match experience from new players, were defeated 16-2. This was shortly followed by a match versus Essex, pulling back with an amazing 20-3 win and a draw against Kings. In the most recent match versus Imperial, who look set to win the group, the team suffered a 6-0 loss. However extensive research showed that Cambridge lost against Imperial 9-7; Cambridge conceded more goals than Surrey! This clearly identifies the pure strength of rd Surrey’s defence. Since then the team have been practising attacking triumphant 3 place, ahead of local teams Crawley and Basingstoke. and now eagerly await the return match against Cambridge this spring. Charter House took the winning title.This positive start looks set to continue into 2009 and with many more matches arranged, hard work Overall Surrey are hoping to finish 2nd! by Committee members, a referee course, socials, and the teams Unfortunately we’ve had to say a fond farewell to two of our top female attempting to keep up their fitness levels over the Christmas period, post-grad students, losing them to internships starting in 2009. Both Surrey Water Polo and Swimming looks as though it’s on its way up! If the girls will be sorely missed by fellow team mates!The men’s team you are interested in giving water polo or swimming a go, please find us has had tough competition in their U-Polo league but aim to finish above at the Refreshers’ Fayre on the 30th January! We are always keen to see both Essex and UEA while also attempting to finish with more points in fresh faces at training and join our teams. the U-Polo competition than the women! They have also competed in an annual tournament at Charter House School and finished in a

EXCITING 2009 AHEAD FOR MEN’S FOOTBALL CLUB! By Jon Creswick The University of Surrey Men’s F.C. have enjoyed a very successful first half of the 2008/09 season. At just past the half way point of the campaign all of the Club’s sides remain in serious contention for league titles and silverware. In BUCS (British Universities & Colleges Sports) the Third Team and Fourth Team have been leading the way for Surrey. The 4’s and 3’s are currently ranked first and second in the University of Surrey BUCS Team Rankings, out of twenty-four Surrey teams across various sports. The Fourth Team are top of the rankings and have so far recorded five wins and one defeat in BUCS, leaving them top of their division by five points. The Third Team, have done equally as well and have three fourteen games. The 2’s have taken their league form into the Cup, wins from four games played. Both the 3’s and 4’s also progressed to reaching the quarter final of the Surrey Intermediate Reserve Cup. the Third Round of the BUCS Cup, knocking out University sides from This season has also seen the creation of a Fifth Team who currently higher divisions on the way. remain unbeaten in the UniSport Social 11 League. The Club has also Although they have struggled somewhat in BUCS the First Team and ventured into Futsal, a South American influenced 5 a-side version of Second Team have both settled well into the Surrey Intermediate the beautiful game. The Futsal Team have been an instant success League after promotion last season. The First Team sit fourth in and won the first ever UniSport Futsal Tournament back in December. their division and have only lost one of their eleven league games to All teams will be looking to build on a great first half of the season and date. The First Team have also progressed to the Fourth Round of the equal, or even improve on, the tally of two trophies won by the Club Surrey FA County Cup, and will play Bletchingley in the last sixteen. last season. The Second Team lie second in their Division with eleven victories in

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By Joe Stather

Success For Surrey Short Course Swimmers

Swimming Weekend 14th-16th November 2008.

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onds Forge Olympic Swimming Pool, Sheffield, this week proved to be a magnificent setting and passionate host to the most prestigious swimming event in the University Calendar. Eight Surrey hopefuls travelled over 300 miles by rail through rural England to the industrial northern city for the BUCS short course swimming Championships. This was the first time the University of Surrey had been represented in such a high profile event and expectations were mixed heading into Friday night’s opening session. Both men’s and women’s relay teams competed in the competitions opening couple of hours in the 200m Freestyle Relay, smashing standing Surrey records and finishing ahead of Essex and Brighton Universities to name a few.

Quiet Turk, Yigit also competed in the 50m Freestyle achieving a first-rate time as other universities began to stand back and deliberate over the surprise Surrey package responsible for a number of result upsets. The final event of Saturday saw the fatigued men and women teams battling it out in the 200m IM relays. Regardless of sleep deprivation, the intense heat on poolside and muscular exhaustion, both teams put everything into their efforts and the rewards came frivolously with a pair of incredibly good times, high finishes and positive vibes on which to end a successful day of swimming. One highlighted performance of the relays was the majestic men’s third split swum by Richard Wood. Rich, a local Surrey boy, swum his way to a huge personal and seasons best, bettering the teams position on his way. A hearty evening meal and good breakfast replenished lost energy and fuelled the team for the final session on Sunday morning. Warm up was again at 8.00am and there were no doubts that the confident Surrey team would strike again with further electric performances. Katie Foster, the highly influential and well respected women’s captain was to feature in the Universities individual line up, also adding to the teams brimming optimism.

However the success looked short lived as a wintry, northern Saturday morning broke presenting Nick Russell struggling a with a reoccurring injury to the knee and Yigit Guven looked doubtful having been plagued through the night with a ‘tickly It was then little surprise when Katie cough’. However the men’s fighting swum the 100m Freestyle fantastically in and determined Surrey spirits, along front of yet another capacity crowd at the with encouragement from their team 4 members of the team: Laura Wallis, Liz Lemm, Joe Stather and Richard Wood stadium pool. Having put in two stunning mates pulled them through any pain and previous performances in the Women’s distress. relay teams, Laura Wallis also competed in the same event sprinting home to immense time. Warm up began at 8.00am allowing the swimmers to get a feel for their strokes, practice turns and ease tension before the individual campaign Nicholas Russell carried through his astounding form into the final day, began. Surrey’s Sprint Specialist; Rich Wood commented ‘Although cold, putting in a fine performance in the 50m Butterfly and Katie Foster ended there were good times to be had in the illustrious Sheffield pool.’ Surrey’s crusade with an astounding endeavour to finish on a high in which she succeeded in the 100m Backstroke. Liz Lemm then proved him right as she stormed to a staggering 11 second personal best in the 200m Freestyle, blowing away a large proportion on the Despite a transportational nightmare courtesy of East Midland Trains on highly competitive field. Team Yigit managed to cough away the cobwebs as the return journey, the weekend proved to be a breakthrough for University he also flew through the same event shaving seconds off his personal best. of Surrey swimming and has established a positive perception of the team due to their poolside etiquette, team spirit and most importantly; swimming Ecstatic by the teams flying start, Men’s captain; Joe Stather lead by example ability. in the 50m Breastroke setting a seasons best and coming dangerously close to the BUCS record. Nick Russell also competed in the same event swimming The team were given a hero’s welcome on return to Guilford from the his way to a very commendable time including a dive into the pool which set Swimming/Water polo committee and all associated with the clubs. Chair of spectators in awe, all despite his crippled knee. the Social Executive Committee; Barney Fox said, ‘It’s a victory for all.’ Nick, an avid Cardiff City Football Club Fan expressed: ‘It was super to be swimming in the same competition as fellow Welshman, Olympian and City Fan; David Davies.’ Surrey’s fiery team member and Chair, Clare McCartney was up next in the Women’s 50m Breastroke. Determined to get her name and university at the top of the electronic scoreboard, Clare pulled out a blistering performance burning a considerable amount off her personal best. ‘Captain Stather’ was soon in action again in the 50m Backstroke and Freestyle. The Yorkshireman didn’t fail to perform finishing highly and adding to Surrey’s onslaught.

Preparation has already began for the Long Course championships due to take place in February, the squad are under an intense training regime in order to equal or better their performances and would like to thank all involved in organising the event and for all the support. If you are a keen swimmer or interested in water polo then don’t hesitate in finding us at the Refreshers’ Fayre in January for more information.

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Happy New Year from all of us here at The Stag Pick up your next copy soon!

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