The Stag - Issue 9

Issue 9 Editor : Claire Worgan Editor-In-Chief : Elizabeth Simos Produced in USSU Media Hub, University of Surrey, Guildford Est. 2008

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9 0 0 2 F O S S CLA AND

D A B E H T , THE GOOD S U O L U B A THE F S ‘Cl ouv ass eni r Pu o llou f 20 t in 09’ sid e! Final Campus Boy Who is he?

Union Annual Review Pages 3&4

er v E t s a The L ews! Not N 9 Page

Issue 9 |25th May 2009 | www.ussu.co.uk/thestag

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Worgan’s Final Words

Wow! Well this is it, The final week of Uni. So many things have come to an end in more ways then one. However, i know alot of you will be going on to do bigger and better things and i wish you all the luck in the world what ever you will be doing and wherever you will be doing it. The future is only as good as you make it. My two year role as Editor has been rewarding and one of the most enjoyable things about my time here at Surrey and i will miss producing The Stag. I have met a lot of weird and wonderful people along the way but that has made it all the more special and i hope that you have enjoyed reading the paper! I have to say a huge thank you to my team of Editors, all of whom have been absolutely wonderful this year! I hope that in years the come that The Stag will develop and become a brilliant student newspaper we are certainly on our way there at the moment! Now the sun is out and the bbqs are roaring on PATS feild. The favourite part of the year seems to go so quickly. I hope to see many of you out and enjoying the sunshine! So it’s a final goodbye from me! Now enough of this Charade... LET’S PARTY!!!!!!

Claire xxx

Editor| Claire Worgan: [email protected] News| Amy Short & Steven Hayton: [email protected] Features| Kim Harris : [email protected] Societies| Justin Waite & Mariam Nasir : [email protected] Sports: [email protected] Music| Rachael Fitz-Patrick : [email protected] Literature| Amy Barnes :[email protected] Film| Ollie Sim: [email protected] Science| Toby Shannon : [email protected] Marketing| Amy Campbell :[email protected] Copy Editors | Joe Kenward & Stephanie Davies

The Stag is an editorially indepedent newspaper and is published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union Media Hub. The views expressed in the paper are those of individual authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the editor or her team, the Student’s Union or the University of Surrey. Printed by Surrey and Berkshire Media Limited Stoke Mill House, Woking Road, Guildford, Surrey GU1 1QA

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The Stag reserves the right to edit submissions. Please direct all enquiries to the relevant section editors.

In this Final issue..... News SU Annual Report |Pages 3 & 4 Sugar Awards and Green Awards| Page 5 Features Fabulous Food | Pages 6 & 7 Campus Boy| Page 8 Final Not News| Page 9 Fashion | Page 12 Souvenir Picture Pullout| Pages 13 - 18 Societies Cypriot Soc| Pages 19 Arts Music Reviews | Pages 20 -23 Literature |Pages 25&26 Film | Pages 27&28 Horoscopes Page 29 Sports Boat Club and Sports Relief| Page 30

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Students’ Union Annual Report... This year has seen many changes around campus and in your students union. Here is an overview of just some of the things that have gone on this academic year.

Societies There are over 70 student led societies as part of the Students’ Union which fall into 6 different categories; Arts, Amenities, Departmental, Faith and Religious, International and Special Interest. This means we have a range of societies which cater to a vast array of interests, hobbies and backgrounds from Mountain Walking and Wind Band to Debating and Indian Students’ Association. All societies here are part of the Guild of Societies, which is an umbrella organisation for all society activity at Surrey. Students become a member of the Guild first, then join as many or as few societies as they like. Being a member of the Guild of Societies also offers other benefits including discounts to

Social Life Your Students’ Union provides you with a variety of services including bars, restaurants, a 1500 capacity nightclub and two shops. It caters for as many students’ tastes as possible, ranging from food and drink to music and events, whilst maintaining quality and affordable prices. The Commercial Services team strive to ensure you enjoy all aspects of your social life whilst at University. The Students’ Union works and runs like a charity, and therefore all of our profits are recycled back into providing better products and services for you, the student. This fact is the reason why the phrase ‘Not for profit, just for students’ is included in most of our advertising media.

club nights, or off food and drinks both on campus and in the local area. This year’s sponsors have included Chancellor’s Restaurant, Byron’s Burger Restaurant, Krispy Kreme and the Holiday Inn. The membership fee to join the Guild of Societies is put into a fund which societies can apply to for development grants. This year, more than £3500 has been raised for societies, with over £2500 being granted to a variety of activities including a welcome party for the Christian Union, a live band night for the No Wave music society and a Christmas event for Mech Soc. This year, there have been over 700 individual students involved in societies, with memberships to groups totalling more than 2000.

restaurant, Chancellors, has had major refurbishment including a new floor, lighting, bar and patio doors. This has had a knock on effect in terms of raising the footfall, especially combined with the introduction of special deals at lower prices! Chancellors continues to host some of the best entertainment in Surrey including Open Mic Night, Blend Cocktail Nights, Quiz Nights and Poker Nights. The tightening of students’ disposable income has also meant a change in our offering in other areas too, and The Union Shop and Bookshop have seen a huge rise in Meal Deals, international food and merchandise sales.

Bars, Nightclub, Shops and Events

The Union Shop now stocks over 200 lines of international foods and could be set for expansion based on student support and the proposed retail strategy.

It has been a difficult year for Commercial Services, but despite the current economic climate they have managed to run all areas effectively. The main bar and

Your Bookshop on campus is co-run by the University and the Students’ Union. The products and services available have been adapted according to surveys and listening to your needs over

the past year, which has led to condensing the amount of books and increasing the variety of non-academic products within the shop. The products include more branded souvenirs and merchandise, grab and go food and drink, stationery and cards as well as all event ticket sales! New for this summer is far less cluttered shop that includes more choice of summer T-Shirts and merchandise as well as an ice cream unit! All merchandise, souvenirs and several books can also be purchased online at the revamped website w w w. us s u. c o. uk / s h o p The Helyn Rose Bar (HRB) continues to raise the bar when it comes to food provision on campus, courtesy of Young’s Kitchen serving up Chinese, Japanese and Korean hot food. The HRB is also heading for renovation, and will give way to a far more ambient and relaxed environment. This work is scheduled to be conducted during the summer of 2009. Rubix, the Students’ Union’s 1500 capacity nightclub continues to be the hub for entertainment to Surrey students. It provides the best sound and light set

Throughout the year, students also have the opportunity to create and run their own societies which has seen the creation this year of new groups including Game Design, Red Cross and English Literature societies. The societies also work closely with the Students’ Union to create cultural events such as Chinese New Year and the iFestival. This year’s iFestival celebrated the international and cultural diversity of our campus over 2 weeks, and included performance shows, dance and drama workshops, cultural discussions and internationally themed club nights.

up in Surrey and is used at least 3 times a week during the semester.

Sport

Rubix also hosts our weekly markets, selling fruit and veg; bread and pastries, and cheeses to students. This year, we have also held several farmers markets, giving local producers an opportunity to sell to students on campus.

Sport at Surrey has continued to grow and develop this year with more than 30 different sports clubs currently on offer to students. These range from traditional sports such as football, rugby and hockey, to more specialised sports such as fencing, gliding and archery.

Rubix club nights and our Graduation Balls have managed to draw many renowned names including: -

This year Surrey has had over 30 teams play in BUCS (British Universities and Colleges Sport) leagues, as well as hosting the BUCS finals for Women’s Badminton and Men’s Hockey.

Scouting for Girls for last years Graduation Ball and Surrey has enjoyed numerous The Wombats for this year.  sporting successes this year including Men’s Hockey 1st Team Freshers’ Week Events – XFM winning their league, Women’s Band, Zane Lowe, Ministry of Hockey winning their league, Men’s Sound Clubbers Guide 08, Football Reserves won their league Tim Westwood, Dave Benson and cup and Women’s Badminton Phillips and Kelly Llorenna. coming second in their league.

 ULive events have included The next academic year looks to Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobious be a very exciting one for Sport Pip, The Automatic at Surrey, with the completion of and The King Blues  the Surrey Sports Park scheduled for January 2010. This will offer Other events this year include considerably improved facilities Headphone Disco, The Kins for students including an Olympic of Leon, Blazin’ Squad, JK sized swimming pool, a 12m high and Joel, Atlas and Warrior climbing wall, 8 floodlit outdoor from Gladiators, Masterstepz tennis courts, 8 outdoor football/ and DJ Cameo, Cleopatra, S rugby pitches, floodlit artificial grass Club 3, The Indie Killers, The pitches for football and hockey, and Kaiser Thiefs, Ron Jeremy, much more Verne Troyer AKA Mini Me, DJ Casper Vs The Outhere Bros and The Zoo Xmas Tour! 

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Representation and Development The Students’ Union’s membership services area is responsible for supporting and developing the members of the Students’ Union, and with making sure that the student voice is heard. Democracy This year our elections have been more popular than ever and we have experienced record voter numbers. October’s Part Time Executive elections saw 27 candidates and over 1700 votes. During our Sabbatical Elections, which took place in February, we received 1988 votes, many more than in previous years, showing that Surrey students are becoming more involved in their democracy than ever before. Student Parliament This year the Union Executive rebranded Student Assembly as Student Parliament. It carried out the same role as it had done in the past, allowing students to hold the Union Executives to account and debate current issues. On the 16th March Student Parliament was held in Rubix. Over 60 students attended to express their views on the Guild of Societies and the Union Shop. As a result of this meeting there no longer need to be 20 students to start a society and a review of the Guild of Societies will be carried out in 3 years time once it has had the opportunity to develop. NUS South Regional Conference The Students’ Union was invited to host the Autumn NUS South Regional Conference. On the 30th October Sabbaticals Officers and elected student representatives from Students’ Unions across the south came to Wates House. They discussed themes ranging from the current problems with the student funding system to the NUS Reform. At this conference Elizabeth Simos, Union President, was also elected as one of the South Regional Officers and as a result sits on the NUS National Council. The Community The Union’s Executive has a new position of Community Officer, which was elected for the first time in October. Together with the Vice President for Welfare, this position has taken responsibility for improving the relationship between students and the local community. The Union

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has had a stronger involvement in the local council, and the Vice President of Societies and Individual development has this year led the ‘Back Down’ campaign for reduced costs to students paying for TV Licenses in Courts of Residence. At Christmas, the Sabbatical Team visited local elderly residents in Guildford with Christmas hampers as part of our work on improving the perception of students in the town centre. QAA Approximately every five years, Higher Education institutions in the UK are subject to an institutional audit conducted by a group of independent academics from the Quality Assurance Agency (QAA). The aim is to review academic standards, with an emphasis on students’ learning. Surrey’s audit was conducted in March 2009. Prior to this, the University submitted a paper explaining its processes and internal quality assurance procedures. During this academic year, the Union has been involved in the University’s audit process, an opportunity for us to research the views of students and communicate these to the QAA. As a result, the Students’ Union produced a submission to present students’ views on key aspects: • The accuracy of the information the University publishes about itself. • Whether students know how to be successful. • What the student learning experience is like. • Whether the students’ voice is listened to. To address these, the Union drew on data from pre-existing statistics and publications including the National Students’ Survey, Course Experience Questionnaire, report on the Library’s 24 hour opening pilot and the library survey. New data came from a series of focus groups. Findings indicated that students believe the information the University publishes about itself (e.g. in prospectuses and on the website) is, on the whole, a fair representation. Feedback was a key concern in terms of students knowing how to be successful; many reported that it is neither comprehensive nor timely. Regarding the learning experience, students speak positively about the professional training year and their working relationship with academics. Administrative problems can, however,

prevent a smooth experience, and lack of practice space and facilities in some disciplines often does. It is felt that the student voice is broadly listened to, but there is room for improvement in the Academic Representation system. DAVE The DAVE Project continued again this year with students training students in professional skills to increase their employability. There have been a few changes underway. Over the summer the ‘i:d points’ system was removed from the DAVE Project with all sessions that fell under this scheme being incorporated into DAVE as ‘DAVE Extra’ sessions. In November as part of the DAVE Review, a survey was sent out to all students that are or have been involved with the DAVE Project to see what you really think and want from the project. This has resulted in the formation of a new structure which will be launched for the start of the next academic year. The current levels of Bronze, Silver and Gold will cease to exist and will be replaced by modules that focus on particular themes, such as people skills, self-management skills and those that relate specifically to work. New sessions are also being written and the current ones are being updated following your feedback. This year the nine DAVE student trainers have delivered 27 sessions to 254 students. DAVE continues to work with Careers, SCEPTrE, SPLASH and the Samaritans to offer you a greater variety of sessions and skills, the attendance at these is not included in this total. Four students have achieved all three levels of DAVE in one year which is an outstanding achievement. Do > More Do>More, the Students’ Union volunteering project, enables students to engage with the local community and the wider world. Participants can gain valuable work experience, make friends and learn important life skills by giving some of their time to improve the lives of others. The Students’ Union has links with local community groups and charitable organisations who need help throughout the year. Students also have the opportunity to lead their own projects with the help of Do > More. This year, our student-led projects have included “Global Passions”, a charity fashion show that was devised by a second year management student

who wanted to raise awareness and money for charity ‘Love Music Hate Racism’. This project was devised and managed by the student and her committee with the support of Students’ Union’s staff. The fashion show itself was held in March 2009 and was attended by over 250 people. In total over forty volunteers were involved as well as members of the local community. Another project currently in development is “Experience Culture”, where Surrey students are raising money to fund a volunteering expedition to Uganda in order to work with the local people to improve the standard of health care and education. This will be the first time the Students Union has supported an international volunteering expedition and more global trips are being planned for the summer of 2010. It is hoped that Do>More will become an amenity before the end of this year, enabling students to have their say in how volunteering goes forward at Surrey and let them take a lead with any ideas and ways of encouraging participation.   Ethics and Environment This year, the Students’ Union has been working hard to reduce its impact on the environment, and ensure that we operate as ethically as possible. Our Ethics and Equal Opportunities Officer, Matthew Strange, and Environment Officer, Rebecca Timms were elected in October We have taken various steps to improve our environmental and ethical awareness, including the introduction of Fairtrade merchandise. We have only served Faritrade tea and coffee in out outlets for some time now, but this year we have decided to take our support of Fairtrade further by selling hoodies in the Union Shop made by Fairtrade brand Epona. This year, we have entered The Sound Impact Awards for the first time. The awards are an accreditation scheme that recognises environmental best practise in Higher Education and Further Education. This year the Students’ Union received a Silver Award by meeting 11 bronze criteria and 11 silver criteria. This is a huge achievement for the Students’ Union, and we look forward to improving further over the coming year, and aiming for a Gold Award next year.

Would you like to help run Give it a Go next year? The Give it a Go programme offers a wide range of activities which our students can try on a ‘pay-as-you-go’ basis with no long term commitment. This year the Give it a Go programme has gone from strength to strength with activities ranging from trips to Stonehenge and Bath to pumpkin carving workshops and LaserQuest in Rubix! We are looking to recruit a team of Give it a Go volunteers to help make the programme even bigger and better next year. Whether you have a special skill that you would like to share with fellow students in your own workshop, or whether you would like to be a volunteer minibus driver or tour leader for trips then we would like to hear from you! Full training will be given and our volunteers can benefit from free or discounted trips and activities so it is definitely worth signing up! If you are interested then please email [email protected] and tell us about yourself – including your interests, your age and year of study anwhere you are from.

The Sugar Awards 2009 The Students’ Union recently celebrated the achievements of students at its annual Student Awards ceremony. Known as The Sugars, the awards give students the opportunity to be recognised for their contributions to their sports clubs, societies and other Union initiatives such as the DAVE Project and Do>More volunteering scheme. Over 150 people attended the ceremony at Wates house, and award categories included Best Society, The Leggett Trophy for outstanding sporting performance and the award for best Student Media. There were over 30 award winners ranging from individuals to whole societies, and notable winners included MADSoc (Music and Drama Society) for best society event with their version of ‘The Exam’, and RAG (Raising and Giving) for their huge efforts in raising over £20,000 for nominated charities this year so far. Politics student Steve Cottingham received both the Mayor’s Trophy and the award for Outstanding Contribution to the Student Community for his commitment to his role as Football Club Secretary over several years. The Sugars were well attended by University staff and members of the local community. Congratulations go to all of the nominated students and winners in each of the categories (below):

By Toby Shannon, Science Editor The University of Surrey Students’ Union has won a prestigious Silver Standard award at the annual Sound Environmental Impact Awards in April. The awards scheme is designed to recognise student unions’ commitment to environmental and ethical initiatives and the University of Surrey was placed amongst the top universities in the country with an exclusive Silver Standard award presented by TV’s Hardeep Singh Kohli. In order to achieve this, staff and students throughout the University have been working hard through recycling, energy-saving and fair trade initiatives. The Students’ Union’s VP for Welfare, Natalie Forrester, said: “This award recognises the hard work the Students’ Union and the University’s Estates and Facilities Department has done to make reducing our environmental impact a part of the everyday ethos at Surrey. Our Environmental Officer also ensures that the students’ voices are heard and has created policy to make sure that the Union is continuing its work. I hope next year we will be able to achieve a gold award.” The standard across the country was extremely high this year, greatly impressing the judging panel of the awards with the top prize going to Loughborough Student’s Union. The awards are based on 192 criteria which Student Unions can use as guidelines for reducing their negative impact on the environment with separate awards to recognise exceptional achievements in the fields of innovation, communication and improvement. Congratulations Surrey! Keep it Green!

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Catherine Holman

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Andra Ilie

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Individual Achievement Awards Outstanding Commitment to Personal Development Erane Bekerovich

Outstanding Contribution to Student Wellbeing •

Joyce Oyedele

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Asif Khetani

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Peter Rakic

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Michalis Yiacoumis

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Pete Spiers

Outstanding Contribution to Democracy and Representation •

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Contribution

Antonios Maragkos

Student Union Staff Award •

Agnes Lee

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Tom Scott

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Dina El-guindi

Fundraiser of the year •

Lisa Shah

Christian Lloyd

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Christian Lloyd

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Luke Shaw

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Gurkamaldeep Singh Parmar

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Zoë Wimshurst

Sue Jupe Plate

Adam Cole

Outstanding Events

Steve Cottingham

Gold Awards

Andy Vale

Bringing Excellence to Student Led Liaison in Academia Award •

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Leggett Trophy

Latoya Kessie

Student Media Award •

Dr Phil Costen

Mayor’s Trophy

John Hoborough Award for Community Volunteering

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Union

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Laura Tomlin

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Sara Hutchby

Best Treasurer •

Haleh Tahmasebi

Best President •

Abdelhak Attou

Dina El-guindi

Best Society Event MADsoc (The Exam)

Society Achievement •

Stagecrew

Best Society Newcomer •

Portugese Society

Society progress and achievement •

Amnesty International

Arts Society of the Year •

MADSoc

Special Interest Society of the year •

Amnesty International

International Society of the year •

Thai Society

Faith and Religious Society of the year •

Society Awards Best Secretary

Jason Linthwaite

Outstanding Contribution to Societies

Chris Smith

Unisport Volunteer of the Year •

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Sally Edie Trophy for Coaching

Best Newcomer •

Steve Cottingham

Sports Awards

Sarah Jeffreys

Best Non Signatory Officer

Matthew Strange

Outstanding Contribution to the Student Community

DAVE Student Trainer of the year

International Student Award

Award winners:

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University of Surrey scoops Silver in green Awards

Islamic Society

Best Departmental Society •

MechSoc

Amenity of the year •

RAG

Society of the year •

RAG

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It ain’t over ‘til the fat lady sings By Chetna Pandya As the year is coming to a close, many people Spiced chicken balti are celebrating the end of another year of hard Serves: 4 work. Whether it’s mourning the loss of first year, having kittens about starting placement, Other: Prep time 5 minutes, cooking time 35 minutes excited to be coming back for final year or Ingredients disbelief that the degree is over, there’s a sense of finality in the air. I realise some of you may still be in that neverending exam tunnel, so keep going you’re nearly there!

- 1 tbsp sunflower oil - 2 large onions, thickly sliced - 4 skinless chicken breasts - 4 tbsp balti curry paste - 200g quinoa - 400g can chopped tomatoes - 1l chicken stock - 50g roasted salted cashews - small bunch coriander, leaves chopped

As for me, I’m finally chilled out (to the relief of my flatmates who had to put up with my constant sshh-ing), but as per normal there’s that obsessive little bit of me that doesn’t accept it’s over till the results are out… Method Anyway! My mental issues aside, let’s discuss 1. Heat the oil in a large pan food. 2. Fry the onions for 5 minutes until golden and Q. What have I learnt at the end of my 4-year dietetic degree? A. If you mention you’re studying dietetics to anyone, they assume you’re the food police and shove their chocolate out of sight. (In case any of my lecturers are reading, I have learnt more than that).

softened, then tip onto a plate. 3. Add the chicken breasts, browning for a few minutes on each side, then stir in the balti paste, quinoa and onions 4. Sizzle for a few minutes 5. Pour in the tomatoes and stock and give everything a good mix 6. Bubble for 25 minutes until the quinoa is tender and saucy 7. Stir in the cashews and most of the coriander with some seasoning 8. Pile into bowls and scatter over the rest of the coriander to serve

And if anyone knows the majority of my dietetic class, they’ll know we love to go out for a delicious meal followed by nothing less than a fabulous dessert. What I’m saying is that you shouldn’t fear the food! It’s there to be enjoyed, White chocolate and there’s no point being buried a perfect size 10 raspberry cheesecake with no idea what a delicious meal tastes like. Don’t get me wrong, moderation is still the key (because it’s so awesome) and I’m not suggesting we overdo it everyday. But we have the end of a year of hard work to celebrate, so I’d say we’ve earned a little Serves: 6 indulgence. Other: Prep time 20 minutes plus 8-24 hours chilling

As we are students in these hard times, we time (one to plan in advance) must try to make do with our culinary skills, however underdeveloped they might be (even Ingredients in final year after 4 years of cooking for myself, For the biscuit base: pasta remains my only dish of excellence).

- 75g digestive biscuits, crushed - 75g gingernut biscuits, crushed - 75g butter, melted

For this final issue of The Stag, I’ve included some recipes that will take a little extra time and attention, but will be worth it in the end! For the filling: Don’t want you sitting there twiddling your - 400-600g white chocolate, broken into pieces - 65g butter thumbs now that you have no work to do… - 1/2 vanilla pods

Happy cooking and best of luck with everything - 500g cream cheese - 50g caster sugar :)

- 180ml whipping cream - 1 punnet raspberries, plus a few more to decorate

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Method   1. For the biscuit base: combine the biscuits and butter and press onto the base of a 23cm springform (Google it!) tin. 2. For the filling: place the chocolate, butter and vanilla pod in a heatproof bowl set over a pan of simmering (not boiling) water until melted. Allow to cool slightly. 3. In another bowl mix together the cream cheese, sugar and whipping cream to a smooth consistency. 4. Remove the vanilla pod from the melted chocolate mixture and stir into the cream mixture. Gently stir in the raspberries, being careful not to release the juice. 5. Spoon the mixture on top of the biscuit base and place in the fridge to set for 8-24 hours. 6. To serve: remove from the tin and place on a serving plate. Decorate with a few whole raspberries. Very chocolatey mousse (because I know some people don’t agree with cheese in dessert!)

Serves: 6 Other: Need to be careful and do the egg folding slowly, to ensure your mousse is nice and light! Ingredients - 200g dark chocolate broken into pieces - 3 large eggs, separated - 40g golden caster sugar - Whipped cream to serve (optional) Method 1. Place the broken-up chocolate and 120 ml warm water in a large heatproof bowl, sitting over a saucepan of simmering water (make sure the bowl doesn’t touch the water) 2. Keep heat at its lowest and allow the chocolate to melt slowly – should take about 6 minutes 3. Remove it from the heat and give it a good stir until its smooth and glossy 4. Let the chocolate cool for 2-3 minutes before stirring in the egg yolks 5. Give it another good mix with a wooden spoon 6. In a clean bowl, whisk the egg whites to the soft-peak stage (Google it!) 7. Then whisk in the sugar, about a third at a time, then whisk again until the whites are glossy 8. Using a metal spoon, fold (Google it!) a tablespoon of the egg whites into the chocolate mixture to loosen it, then carefully fold in the rest. Need to have patience here! – needs gentle folding and cutting movements so you retain all the air, which makes the mousse light 9. Next divide the mousse between the ramekins/ glasses and chill for at least 2 hours, covered with clingfilm 10. Can add a blob of whipped cream on top when serving.

Cookin’ up a storm Scientist in the kitchen Toby Shannon breaks free from exam stress to enjoy spending a little time in the kitchen. Exams are over! Hooray! That means you’ve now got a bit of time to relax, chill out and what better to spend time in the kitchen and cook yourself something nice. Hopefully this will help you use up those odds-and-ends you’ve got knocking around – if you’re cooking for a house-full, just increase the number of ingredients (the quantities below will feed 2 hungry people). Sausage casserole with spicy tomato sauce Serves – about 2 Takes – about 30 mins 1 Onion A large clove of garlic A medium/hot chilli (or a bit of chilli sauce) A carton/tin of chopped tomatoes 4 Sausages Oil, S&P, Dried Herbs

I made this the other day with... Zingy Sweet Potato Chips Serves – 2 Takes – about 45 mins 2 Sweet potatoes Oil Herbs, S&P, dried chilli flakes... Whatever takes your fancy... Preheat the oven to about 200°C. Take your sweet potatoes, give them a scrub and dry them on some kitchen paper. Cut your potatoes into chip-sized chunks (so they look like big ol’ orange chips, really) and lay onto a baking tray. Drizzle over about 2 tablespoons of oil (use your best judgement, they need a little sheen) and sprinkle over herbs, S&P, chilli flakes etc – up to you what you use; you could use spices for an Indian-style twist or go Mexican with some fajita seasoning. Whatever you use, give everything a good mix so all the chips have a covering of oil and tastiness. Sling them in the oven for about 35 mins or so until they’re beginning to look good and give them a taste – careful, might be hot.

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been a mad few years – I’d like to wish you all the best, good luck for the future and, most of all, thanks for everything. Keep it smashing, Surrey! xxx

First, peel your onion, cut in half and thinly slice. Finely chop the garlic and de-seed chilli (if using) – heat a couple of teaspoons of oil in a frying pan on a medium heat and add your onion, chilli and garlic. Cook them gently until the onions soften and begin to go golden brown. When the onions are cooked, remove from the pan and set aside. Slice the sausages into about 4 or 5 slices on the diagonal and fry them in the pan you cooked the onions in until they’re crisp and cooked through. Add the onion mixture, tomatoes, a fat pinch of dried herbs and the S&P and give everything a good stir. Let the sauce cook down a little until it’s a nice, thick consistency and have a taste. How is it? If you like what you taste, game on. If not, adjust the seasoning and spiciness to taste until you’re happy.

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Campus Boy

Fear and Final Loathing on Campus

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o here it is, the anti-climax of four years’ study, the sudden absence of a target. If I was blagging my way through the tricky waters of a degree before, I’m in the unforgiving and shark infested expanse of ocean now. No life vest. No distant ship on the horizon. Treading water with the weight of an overdraft tugging heavily at my feet. But questions such as ‘where to go from here?’ can wait. Now is a time to pat ourselves on backs, and begin feeling anxious about whether we’ll take a tumble as we step up to receive our certificate in the Cathedral. Now may be a good time to take stock and reflect. My first day, I don’t think, will ever leave me. I’ve documented campus experiences here throughout the year, but this one set the bar for those to come. Treat this as a prequel, if you will. It was a department welcome, something I had been notified of just two days previously, and had been dreading since. But there was a promise of wine and nibbles. Free wine! Nibbles! I’d have turned up for the nibbles alone, but the wine really swung it for me. That it was a chance to meet fellow students didn’t really hit me until the excitement of nibbles had worn off. They’d hooked me in to a commitment. If there is anything I’ve taken from University, it’s to not underestimate the power of the vol-au-vent. So I arrived at 4pm, an odd time for a civilised soirée, unsure of what to expect and full of nervous anticipation. Of course, I was a bit sure of what to expect, and I expected that I’d be overcome by the whole thing, guzzle too much wine and too many nibbles, while making awkward

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conversation with a flake of pastry attached to my top lip. I wasn’t far wrong. As I approached, I heard the bustle and chatter of newly integrating individuals. I’d made the decision to arrive late. Not fashionably late, because I’m not one to worry much about fashion. Rather, I had decided to allow the initial silences to pass and, in doing so, early friendships to be made prior to my arrival. This scheme meant I could remain unattached to others, eat and drink profusely, and leave when I wanted, without having to worry about polite goodbyes. Which was useful, as this scheme of remaining isolated meant I was targeted by those eager to strike up some chatter. A wall-clinger approached. I’d already marked this person out as a threat because the wall is somewhere I like to be, and he was occupying my ideal territory. He was youthful, piercings in ears and lip, a character in black, an early visionary of the drainpipe jean. He introduced himself. I responded politely, and asked what course he was on, between nervous gulps of cheap Merlot which had been steadily staining my teeth purple. He gave a puzzled glare. I returned the glare, probably with more venom, marking him out as a competitive wall-clinger and a dunce, in my mind. He eventually responded, after what seemed an age, ‘Oh, I’m not a student. I’m a senior lecturer’. And in that moment I felt my face fill with blood, perhaps now matching my teeth, and my palms cool with sweat. A fragment of nibble caught in my throat. At least, it felt like a fragment of nibble. I cleared my throat loudly within inches

of his face, hoping he didn’t recognise it as an expression of shock. Hoping, just hoping, that he understood the dangers presented to interaction by flaky pastry. Hoping, beyond all hopes, that he, himself, had at one time been rendered silent by the catching of Filo in the throat. I uttered goodbye, a desire for fresh air. He went for the shake. Oh how now, of all moments, I did not want to shake. To shake, and allow him the unpleasant feeling of the wet palm of an idiotic stranger? Or to acknowledge the offer, but glance in despair at both hands, occupied as they are by a beaker of wine and half a goat’s cheese and cranberry parcel? I speedily, but stealthily, shifted the parcel into my empty palm and successfully produced a false impression of despair. I’d managed approximately 12 minutes, 3 beakers of wine and 8 finger-foods before escaping from the forced fishbowl of introduction. The years may have passed, but I realise now that it was not those superficial friendships made in Fresher’s week that have endured. Acquaintances came and went, some slower than others, like the waning moon whose light shimmers briefly on those turbulent waters. Some, of course, endured; their light to touch upon the future, a glimmer in the distance. But for now, I’m plunged into a darkness of uncertainty, upon my flailing body soon will rise the pastel shades of dawning questions- what have I learnt? What will I be? Where will I go? Who… am… I?

THIS IS NOT NEWS

Fart forecasters predict wet and windy summer By Pete Nattress

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ocal fart forecasters announced today that this summer’s farts will be some of the wettest and windiest on record. Guildford’s local flatumeteorologists issued their gloomy fartcast to the chagrin of local residents, many of whom were hoping for a summer of warm and muted farts which would have helped to increase tourism and minimise embarrassment. The flatulence forecasters made comparisons to 1998’s ‘summer of discomfart’, a prolonged spell of particularly violent farts which caused eye watering, nosebleeds and untold damage to thousands of pairs of underpants. Whilst reassuring residents that it was unlikely the farting would be as strong as in 1998, the forecasters warned people to be wary of prolonged gusts which could cause ripping or even seepage if not properly dealt with. Odours are also expected to be quite strong, with readings on fartometers expected to hit a maximum of ‘open sewer’ sometime in July.

University aims to make graduation both memorable and expensive By Pete Nattress

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he University of Surrey announced yesterday that students graduating this year will experience one of the most memorable and expensive days of their lives. In a recent press release, the university said that the idyllic cathedral atmosphere, coupled with the unfathomable price of the whole affair, will serve to create a day ‘too costly to forget’. In addition to the price of gown hire, guest tickets, photographers, DVDs, t-shirts, bricks and champagne, this year the university will also be levying charges for mortarboard insurance, arm bands, sacrificial goats, novelty foam hands, 12-gun salutes and an all-day petting zoo. University spokesperson Gregory Peterson explained that the exuberance of the graduation ceremony would sear it forever into the memories of those attending. “No one who graduates this year is going to forget being showered in flakes of gold leaf. We are literally going to be giving students a golden shower.”

Most summers are marked by long spells of gentle, warm farts. These are the result of high-pressure build-ups in the bowels which are generally caused by barbecued ribs and increased cola intake. Occasionally, however, above-average levels of soya and salad will be consumed, causing wind speeds to pick up and moisture levels in low-lying areas to increase. The forecasters have predicted that this scenario could transpire this summer, and are particularly concerned about the effects of such a shitstorm on both the economy and collective national ego. Advice on how to deal with the grim outlook of noisy wet-ones was also issued by the Flatulence Advice and Reassurance Team, a specialised committee of anal experts trained in dealing with inclement farting conditions. F.A.R.T. spokesman James Mason said that the best thing to do during heavy and prolonged farting is to remain indoors. “Do not attempt to go out for romantic dinners or any social occasion where farting will be a problem,” he explained. “Also, avoid trains, busses and other enclosed public spaces as much as possible. If you do fart in such a location, maintain a nonchalant

The student’s union are also doing their part, hiring one of the country’s most expensive and rubbish bands for the graduation ball. “We listened very carefully to what the students this year were asking for,” said union representative Jane Travis. “And they were asking for us to spend a load of money on stuff they don’t really want, and then charge a crapload of cash for tickets. And that’s exactly what we’ve done.” Final year students around campus are not convinced that all the extra costs will make their special day any more worthwhile. “I don’t think they need to use a gigantic cannon to launch the degree certificates at us,” said one. “It seems both excessive and dangerous.” Another was less than satisfied with the choice of band for the grad ball: “I’d rather pour sawdust down my ears than listen to that crap.” The university was more optimistic, however. “Students love complaining about how expensive everything is,” said Gregory Petersen. “This will give all graduates a chance to have one last, big moan and get it all out of their systems.”

expression to avoid suspicion.” Commuters are also advised to wear dark-coloured trousers to minimise the effects of any potential spillage. Whilst such events are rare, Mason added, the risks to one’s self esteem are severely elevated if such preventative measures are not taken. “The most important thing to remember,” he concluded, “is to never, ever draw attention to the farting in casual conversation. Just remember the old playground credo: whoever smelt, it dealt it.” Although the forecast is fairly dire for the more upstanding members of society, the summer’s nasty farts will be welcomed by some groups. “Stupid children and infantile adults will definitely enjoy this farting season as a source of continued and unabated amusement,” conceded Mason. The spell of vile and uncomfortable farting is expected to last until September, when the seasonal farting norm of cool, quiet farts is expected to occur without incident.

Student journalist runs out of ideas By Pete Nattress

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fter four years of writing so-called ‘comedy’ articles for his local student newspaper, amateur journalist Pete Nattress reported yesterday that he was completely out of ideas for stuff to write about. He also stated that, in accordance with long-standing tradition, his last article for The Stag would be an indulgent self-referential piece of filler with little artistic merit. Nattress has been writing poorly constructed and ill thought-out wannabe satire nonsense for several years, persevering in spite of continued criticism and a slew of increasingly idiotic articles. Although the majority of his material is stolen from far funnier sources such as The Onion, the writing that he does make up himself tends to be puerile and derivative. Indeed, even his last ever submission for the paper was a scatological and immature collection of fart jokes which was almost identical to the ‘sexual pun forecast’ one he did a few years ago.

With every possible avenue for jokes about anal gasses and human excrement exhausted, the only idea left available to Nattress was a fauxpostmodern article about how he had run out of ideas. Although this is likely to be received with either indifference or derision, Nattress was unrepentant. “I literally said all I wanted to say about animals invading the university and pooing everywhere,” he explained in self-defence. “After covering so much ground, what else was left to talk about?” Although most of his writing was designed either to purely cause offence or aggravate the Student’s Union, Nattress admitted there was a fatal flaw in this goal. “No one reads it,” he said, dejected, “so no one gets offended by it. Screw the lot of you.” Nattress intends to continue posting semi-coherent libel on his website, the address of which he will shamelessly plug at the end of this article. www. thenatflap.co.uk.

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Goodbye for the summer from GU2 In these last few weeks we will be DJing a number of Another year is ending and events around campus, inas such I've had hoardes of cluding BBQ's, a night at ravenous women asking me HRB and hopefully a set A) If I was single and B) what or two down by the lake on is GU2 up to over the Sum- the final night. We also gave away End Of Year Show tickmer? ets again, two of the buggers The answer is A) Only if you for free! Listen around this are over 90, in possesion time next year if you want to of an 8 figure bank account avoid the queues! and you're looking for a I am also pleased to angoooooood time. nounce that one of our memB) Running a few shows on- bers, Andy Vale (me), won line, living at various festi- the Student Media award at vals, playing with wires and the Sugars the other night. looking for new talent to Unfortunately he smashed the trophy in a kebab shop come join us next year. on the way home because While we will be looking at he has a serious alcohol Freshers to come join us problem and is genuinely next year, we are also happy questioning his values, repfor second years, final years, utation and direction in life. lecturers, catering staff etc. On the plus side, he has a new wind chime. to come and help out. By Andy Vale"

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Top, £20 Dorothy Perkins

Jacket, £45 Miss Selfridge

Top, £37.99 Ark Clothing

Dress, £59.99 Ark clothing

Top, £8 New Look Skirt, £22 Miss Selfridge

Cardigan, £30 Miss Selfridge

Little Miss Sunshine

Dress, £22.99 Miso at Republic Skirt, £29.99 River Island

Uni’s out, the summer is here, so what’s at the top of everyone’s agenda? Sun, sea and sand are the luxuries of this season but surely one can’t fully enjoy this period without a bit of splashing-out....

By Natalie Millard Hat, £12 Dorothy Perkins

Dress, £28 New Look

Bag, £18 Miss Selfridge

Sandals, £22 Dorothy Perkins

Dress, £20 Miss Selfridge

Top, £12 New Look

Top, £16 Dorothy Perkins

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Dress, £40 Topshop

Belt, £24.99 River Island

Top, £14 New Look

S N IO

T A L U

f T A R O G N s O C s a 09 l C 0 2

Picture Pullout Special

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Friday, 25th January

University of Surrey 11am until 4pm in Rubix

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SURREY KNOWS HOW

Pictures Courtesy of Adam Sayer and Shiv Taylor 16

TO FLIRT AND PARTY

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ZANE LOWE

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Love Cyprus..... University of Surrey Cypriot Society Edited By: Mariam Nasir Cyprus is the third biggest island of the Mediterranean sea and is located in the northeast. Its population comes up to approximately 800.000 with an area expansion of 9.251 square kilometres. Due to its geographical position, it is a crossway of three continents (Europe, Asia and Africa), several tribes throughout ancient history have attempted to conquer the island. Cyprus, Kypros in Greek, Cuprus in Latin was well known for its copper in antiquity and may even have given the metal its Latin name, cuprum. Scientists strongly believe that Cyprus is the lost island of Atlantis. Cyprus has a history of over 10.000 years. Alexander the Great and Cleopatra linked their name with the island. Despite the fact that throughout history several conquerors have passed over Cyprus, the island achieved to remain the centre of Greek civilisation. As the years were passing Cypriots created their own character and identity.

in comparison to other European countries. The official languages of the island are Greek, Turkish and English, while the majority of the Cypriot population is GreekOrthodox. Cyprus has given birth to many talents who have managed to work their way up the ladder of success, and become intriguing and much admired role models for the whole Cypriot nation. For example the world famous tennis player, Marcos Pagdatis, was born and raised in Limassol Cyprus up until the age of 13. He then permanently moved to Paris to practice and improve his amazing tennis skills, which gave him the ability to become a widely recognised tennis player in many world championships; making the whole of Cyprus proud and honoured by his great achievements. Other major entertainers such as George Michael and Peter André, well known businessmen Stelios Hadjioannou (EasyJet), Theo Paphitis (La Senza, Ryman), Panagiotis Zavos, famous genetist and

As you can understand we were a very recent state and therefore due to weaknesses and inexperience, internal conflict broke out in the island which resulted to the Turkish invasion of 1974 which claimed that they interfered to protect the Turkish Cypriot minority of the island. However since 1974 Turkey has illegally occupied 37% of the country and created a state not recognised by international law. From May 2004 our country is an official member-state of the European Union. Its official political system is democracy and its currency is the Cyprus pound (lira) but as of the 1st of January 2008 it will enter the euro zone. Our country has one of the highest standards of living

You can visit the famous painted churches of Cyprus, ten of which are in UNESCOS World Heritage list, with their remarkable pitched wooden roofs, icons and frescoes. There’s a myriad of events that take place in Cyprus throughout the year to tickle your fancy. Enjoy cultural performances with big star names in the most romantic settings from medieval castles to Greco-Roman theatres under starry Mediterranean skies. Attend an ancient Greek drama festival, enjoy a musical Sunday on the beach on a winter morning, or chase round the special stages of the Cyprus Car Rally. Sink your toes into warm sand, feel the sun on your skin and look out on the sparkling blue Mediterranean Sea. Nothing beats Cyprus for a beach holiday. With a wealth of beaches to chose from you are bound to find one that suits your taste. There are fine white sandy beaches with shallow turquoise waters, or deep water bays with rocky outcrops perfect for snorkelling and diving. Whether you want a five star luxury beach site hotel with every amenity, a hotel apartment or villa with pool for flexibility, or a quiet hide-away in a simple family run establishment, the island can accommodate you. Savour fresh Mediterranean flavours at numerous restaurants featuring both local and international cuisine and live the nights away to the latest sounds or join in a Greek sirtaki dance.

In prehistoric age inhabitants were joined by the Mycenaean Greeks 3500 years ago, who introduced and established their civilisation, thus permanently instilling the island’s Greek roots. Many other cultures followed since then, including Phoenicians, Assyrians, Franks, Venetians, Ottomans and British, all leaving behind visible traces of their passage. In 1878, under a secret treaty established between Great Britain and the Ottomans, Cyprus was ceded to the British. Despite early expectations of the Cypriots that there would be important changes in their political, economic and social lives and that their desire for union of Cyprus with Greece would be fulfilled, these did not materialise. The political dead lock of the Greek Cypriot led to the waging of the national liberation and colonial struggle of 1959, by the national organisation of Cypriot fighters’. The struggle resulted in the ending of British rule but not to union with Greece. The ZurichLondon agreements in 1960 led to the establishment of the independent Republic of Cyprus.

A host of products unique to the island will fascinate you. Get to the hearts of Cypriot Culture by exploring its delicious cuisine, an exotic blend of Greek Oriental dishes. Do as the locals do, by dipping a slice of village bread into a bowl of cracked green olives with coriander seeds. Try Cyprus’ famous halloumi cheese with watermelon for an unusual combination of flavours. Or go for everything by ordering mezedes, a lavish feast of local delicacies.

Kypros Nicolaides, famous gynaecologist- embryologist are Cypriots as well. Most of our country’s income depends on tourism. Today Cyprus is a major tourist attraction. The island’s beautiful weather, its astonishing beaches, delicious cuisine, its citizen’s friendliness, and its archaeological ‘richness’, all create the perfect place for a holiday! Just on the outskirts of Paphos, the islands first capital, lays the “Petra tou Romiou”, translated as the Rock of the Greek - the legendary birthplace of the Goddess Aphrodite. Legend has it that this is the Rock from which Aphrodite mythically arose from the foams in the sea. Its breath taking view of the sea and astonishing architectural structure is definitely amongst the most popular sights for tourists to visit. For someone who wants to feel the human touch Cyprus is the place to be. As you travel round the island you will find that the spirit of hospitality is very strong. Cypriots have a reputation of friendliness, so don’t be surprised if they invite you into their homes and go out of their way to treat you as one of the family.

Alternatively, just lay back and enjoy Cyprus magical evenings, gazing at the stars through clear skies calmed by the gentle sounds of the night crickets. In Cyprus the living is laid back. Smell the jasmine and the wild thyme Taste one of the oldest wines of the world Walk in pine scented forests, or ski on the snowy peaks in the morning Take a dip in the war blue waters of the Mediterranean Sea in the afternoon Wonder at Greek temples, Byzantine churches and ancient artefacts thousands of years old Play a round of golf, go cycling, or hiking round the countryside, or take up a new sport Feel at one with nature, or dance the night away Look beyond sun and sea In Cyprus there is much to enjoy, see and do It’s a whole world condensed in a small area Experience it all, in Cyprus

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MUSIC Amy’s Summer Soundtrack... Amy Barnes tells us the 5 songs that will sum up her summer... Long Live The Queen (Frank Turner). A friend and fellow resident in my halls recommended this song to me and I listened to it every day for a week. Human (The Killers). I heard this song everywhere when I first moved into halls!

This City (Iglu & Hartley). The lyrics ‘I’ve got nothing to fear/In this city’ really helped me to settle in and enjoy life in a new place.

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Use Somebody (Kings of Leon). Another track that seemed to be everywhere upon its release! It also reminds me of my friend from home who also started her first year at Surrey in September. Dragonflies and Astronauts (The Parlotones). After the debut of Flip the Switch, the radio show on GU2 that I co-host with my friend Dawn, GU2’s Andy Vale suggested that I play this band on the show. I checked them out and fell in love with this song.

[email protected]

Passion Pit ‘Manners’ You may have read a few months back that I wrote an article saying that I tipped Passion Pit for 2009. Of course you did, what am I saying... I was first introduced to them by a friend, when they only had their Chunk Of Change EP out. Manners is their first full length release, and the build up to it was certainly causing a stir, for industry and fans alike. I spoke about Sleepyhead in the last review, and they also put it on this new release. It is such a great track, they clearly wanted to showcase it along with the new stuff that they have worked so hard on.

has one of those voices that you instantly recognise, with his screaming falsetto having you trying to match and sing along with great difficulty. The mix of deep synth lines and powerful drums make for some really interesting stuff, and it might be likened to the Klaxons, but a bit more chilled. It is one of those albums you listen to and constantly hear little bits that you didn't notice before.

This is a great album, and a firm follow up to their great first EP. On first listen, I wasn't sure about the move from electronica more into the band based stuff, but it works really well, especially with the vocals flying about on top. These guys are coming over the pond in October, and if you can, you should definitely check them out. They're sure to have you dancing away long into the night.

Some of the highlights of this album are definitely Little Secrets, which has some brilliant 5/5 group singing from some children which come out of nowhere, and the vibrato synth that has By Mark Allen become a bit of a 'Passion Pit' icon throughout When you first listen to this album, it sounds this album and the last. Let Your Love Grow Tall like they have moved away from their first EP, is a great track with a more acoustic-band elein that it has a more indie, upbeat sound to it ment to it, in great contrast to tracks like Fold In compared with the more electronic Chunk of Your Hands which has a much more up-tempo Change. The lead singer, Michael Angelakos, Club/House sound.

Guilfest 2008 REVIEW

As UniS are sponsors of Guilfest, it seems only right that The Stag covers this unique, friendly and fun festival. Last year there were nine stages and one intrepid (yet heart-breakingly handsome) reporter to cover it all. As such, this is not an exhaustive review, but instead it aims to enthral you with titbits to encourage you to come join the party this year. Friday was a slightly shorter day that the rest, but still packed plenty of punches. I spent most of the early afternoon chilling on the Pimms bus with good clear views of the main and Ents 24 stage. Following this, I had a trundle over to the acoustic stage and managed to catch top quality sets from some of the leading players in Guildford’s acoustic scene, Johnson-Jay, Lindsay West and Byron Johnston. Evening sets by The Le Brocks and Spotlight Cannibal kicked up a good bit of energy before headliners The Levellers tore through a most rambunctious set of folk-punk. Saturday was the first full day and the weather was postcard-esque, in a good way. With Blondie, Bowling For Soup and Fightstar headlining three of the stages, there was an unfair amount of choice to be made. There were also some

stellar performances from Laura Colegate, New Rising and Two Fingers Of Firewater, who were announced as the Guildford Brit Awards Best Live Act a few weeks after. Meanwhile, over on the Rock Sound stage, there was a blistering performance from Hearts Under Fire, who unfortunately broke up a few months later.

Fynn, as well as punk legends The Damned on the main stage. Also propping up the main stage was Cerys Matthews from Catatonia and From The Jam, who were The Jam without Paul Weller. I felt a bit sorry for the guy whose job was to fill the shoes of The Modfather, but he did a decent enough job.

The choice of a tribute band as headliner drew some speculation, however this was only from people who don’t know how much of a big deal The Australian Pink Floyd is. They regularly sell out arenas all over the world with a full-scale show and are generally considered to be the biggest tribute band on the planet. They ploughed through an epic set of Floyd classics from the early Syd Barrett years right up to The Division Bell. While I would’ve rather seen the The final day arrives and I was probably busi- real thing, it was a satisfactory end to the weeker today than all the rest. A rampant quest to end’s main stage activity. There were still parsee absolutely everything meant I was hopping ties going on in the other tents until silly o’clock stages all day trying to catch glimpses of eve- in the morning. I would’ve stayed until the end ryone worth seeing. The day started off see- but I’m an “alcopop drinking sissy of a man” ing Elmor completely pack the Surrey Ad stage and had to leave before sunrise, sorry. This year (about 800 people) at 12 in the afternoon, a I’ll try harder, promise! feat that has seen them promoted to the second stage this year. At other points during the By Andy Vale day, I caught New Rising, Enjoy Destroy and Mr Picture: Lacy Hardicre

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Preview

10th - 12th JULY One of the largest independent festivals in the UK will once again be returning to the beautiful planes of Stoke Park. The line-up is one of the best for years and promises to be one of the most enticing of the entire festival season. This year, Surrey University is the main sponsor, so it only makes sense for us all to go and pillage the place.

chester legends Happy Mondays. Throughout the late 80’s and early 90’s they were one of the biggest party bands in the country, fusing elements of rock and dance, they spearheaded one of the biggest musical movements of the

Headlining the main stage will be hard rock pioneers Motörhead. The band are one of the loudest bands on the planet and have recently released their 19th album. Throughout their career, they have been well known for their exceptionally high quality live performances. Expect older hits as well as some of the newer material, just get in there and have fun. Taking the stage on Saturday night will be one of the biggest artists to ever play Guildford. For almost five decades, Brian Wilson has been the lead singer, chief songwriter and composer of The Beach Boys, one of the most important bands in pop history with songs that still sound fresh and invigorating. Much of his career output has a timeless summery youth feel that is still wildly popular today, as witnessed by his highly praised set at Glastonbury a few years ago. As a result, it’s hard to imagine a more fitting artist to play this year’s festival. Closing the main stage on Sunday will be Mad-

Released 2009

Songs such as Omen by Prodigy from the present fit in really well with songs such as Some-

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thing Good by Utah Saints from the past. However, once you get past the first two CDs, the third is a massive downturn. The music doesn't flow and the easy listening goes out the window. It seems like the offcuts from the first two CDs have been slapped on the end. Regardless, I'd still recommend this album to electronica fans. Chris McPhee

Guilfest has plenty of space on the bill for local and unsigned acts and, at this stage, few are officially confirmed. However, I have contacts (people I get drunk with) who have reliably informed me that Elmor, Mr Fynn and Two Fingers Of Firewater will all be returning to Guilfest this year. The first and last of those have also been bumped up to the Ents 24 stage, a fitting reward to an exciting year for these two very special bands. Expect many more to be announced soon.

last two decades. As a band, they have had a potted history of break-ups and reformations so For more information, visit www.guilfest.co.uk any chance to catch them is always worth it. including line-ups, tickets and other information. Last year there were heavily discounted Elsewhere on the bill, there is no shortage of tickets in the bookshop for a period of time so exceptionally high quality artists. Headlining you may want to look out for that this year too. the dance stage on Saturday will be a DJ set by If you miss out, then email [email protected] for none other than Pendulum, while on the Ents discounted tickets. 24 stage there will be modern day blues legend Joe Bonamassa, and the mighty The King By Andy Vale Blues (hopefully they won’t cancel this time!).

Addicted to Bass The Addicted to Bass franchise has been picked up by Ministry of Sound this year. Looking at the various releases of electronica from this year, the compilation album was bound to be amazing with Prodigy, Pendulum and Fake Blood all releasing new tracks within short succession. The Wideboys have remixed the compilation really well and the blends make the music flow superbly.

If pop is more your thing, then you may want to hit the Ents 24 stage where Will Young will be headlining. Earlier on that same stage will be fast upcoming London DJ Ironik. Supporting throughout the weekend on the main stage are The Charlatans, Athlete, and Bob Marley’s band The Wailers. Also returning will be Guildford locals and punk veterans The Stranglers.

More Than Alot by Chase and Status More Than A lot is the first album released by the underground DJ's Chase and Status. Having worked on many albums such as Drum and Bass Arena and various others, Chase and Status have gradually become more and more mainstream. A mix between House, Chillout, Drum and Bass and some Dubstep, the album takes you on an acidic trip around the underground genres. 'Music Club' gives you the feeling that they really are trying to connect with the listener by describing the elements of what they call a 'gardyrhydem' and by 'Eastern Jam' you've already fallen in love

with the crazy bass lines and hectic remixes. A brilliant 13 track album packed full of everything the Electronica enthusiast will love! 5/5 Chris McPhee

Starsmith Interview Wates House, 15/05/09

Mark Allen recently had a chance to catch up with Fin Dow-Smith, AKA Starsmith, for a quick lunch in Wates House. If you haven't seen him around campus, he's an up and coming Electro remixer, composer and performer who is also just finishing his final year of Music here at Surrey, and the last 6 months have been pretty wild for him...

ten and produced on some of it. Hopefully we'll be writing together. Black and Gold was more of a collaboration. She's so good and to know she's working with all these top line producers as

What are you working on at the moment? Well, I just finished a Little Boots remix about 2 days ago, and that got sent out to the States to be decided whether they like it or not, which is pretty exciting. Do you find you're having to do a lot of stuff for free at the moment? Well, my manager’s trying to make it so that I get paid no matter what, just because I'm putting in so much effort for it. The Little Boots one is a massive deal for me, and if it gets approved that's big, big, stuff! You're just finishing your degree in music, how do you feel it’s helped your writing and remixing, even though its routes are in 'traditional' techniques? Well, yeah, even though I've been learning about classical theory for the last 3 years, I wouldn't have been able to do the remixing 3 years ago just coming out of school. It's also to do with the stuff you're immersed in at Uni, like the music you play whilst you’re there and the people you meet. Even with Classical stuff, you use the harmony you hear; it’s all related. You don't need to blatantly draw from it like 'oh well, this is a nice cadence here...', but it's just like every bit of pop music is using it. It has definitely helped me, but it's kind of an unnatural turn. There's no one else recently who has done anything like this on the straight forward music degree from Surrey that I know of. Your main instrument's Saxophone though isn't it? Yeah, whenever people find out about that that only really know me as Starsmith, they're like 'wow, you actually play the sax' it’s a bit weird... You've recently worked with Ellie Goulding, who is also gaining popularity recently for her own work and also the tracks you've done with her, what's that been like? It's been really, really, good. She basically contacted me on Myspace in January, and said she had been linked up with loads of producers, like Burial and Basement Jaxx, but she was trying to find someone she was really happy with. Never met her before, but I was really excited for the opportunity, so she came down and we came up with Starry Eyed, which I produced on. On the more recent stuff I've co-writ-

well, and still coming back to me, is amazing. Crown Management are totally behind what she's doing, and it’s nice to see them actually pushing the artist. I've met so many people over the last few months that you won't see because they’re not getting enough press. You're on B-Unique Management, how are they treating you? My manager’s working her arse off, she's doing a lot for me. She also manages Ghost, and The Operators, but yeah I absolutely love them. I had an offer from Crown and Relentless Records for management, but I didn't want to get tied under the same roof as Ellie with Crown, so I can go and work on production elsewhere when I want. My manager’s worked in A&R and publishing, she signed the Stereophonics when they first came about, so she knows all the different parts of the industry, it’s nice to have that. Do you prefer remixing or performing in a live band? I dunno really, they're two completely different kettles of fish. With remixing, you get to put all of yourself into it, and now that I've done probably 20+ remixes, there are different parts that I know are me, and people can hear it too. I can make the track sound how I want it to sound just using their vocals. To get the raw audio for these top names like Little Boots, and listening back to it, is crazy. The live part is so much fun though, but a lot can go wrong. The gig I did at Dingwalls for the Frankmusik single launch, second song in, the laptop just froze. Full house, 600 people waiting to see Frankmusik, A&R, Time Out, Radio 1. Literally anyone you can think of being at a single launch party was there. That was the worst moment for me over the last few years. That feeling of nothing you can do, and it was a good few minutes before it was up again. Luckily,

Seye, our frontman, is a true frontman and kept it cool but I was like 'f***, I've really screwed this up'. But we pulled it back, and you can make people feel really good with this music and seeing people enjoy it is a great feeling for me. Who have you been most inspired by when writing? The thing that really inspired me was FrankMusik. His track 'In Step' which he released himself, I remember listening to it over and over. I'd never heard anything so gritty with someone who can sing so well. It was only really 6 months ago, and I thought 'f*** it, I'm going to send him some of my stuff', and he got back to me and has been really helpful. It's turned from him helping me to us being mates. I'm not riding on his coat tails, and people have put on blogs that I'm like his 'protege' which is a huge compliment. He's working his arse off, and I've seen that first-hand. Other than that, Imogen Heap, her stuff as Frou Frou is amazing. In a way, Calvin Harris as well, but not his music as such but his ability to produce and also be like, 'Well I'm gonna sing on this track'. Traditionally, he's a horrific singer. If you put him on X-Factor he would not get through, but he had a number 1 last week. If he can do it, so can I. What are the plans for after Uni? I think I have maybe 1 day off after I graduate, as after I finish, I'm in the Premise studios in Hackney working with Marina and the Diamonds, working on their album. So, yeah, I've got a day to recover from the biggest hangover of my life! What has been your favourite part of life here at Surrey? Definitely the people. Guilford is a horrible place. Literally since my first day in first year, instantly met loads of awesome people. I've been so close to everyone, especially living on campus. But yeah, Guildford is a dreadful, dreadful place. It drags you down and you never want to leave. We're 40 minutes from London, you can stay out, get the first train home, but no one does it! Everyone's like 'oh yeah lets go to the Union, see Blazin' Squad or whatever'. A lot of people don't even go into town to go out much, they just stay on campus. People don't want to leave the bubble of campus, and so many haven't even been to London, or they've just been for their 13th birthday or something! Big thanks to Starsmith for the interview, and check out his stuff at: myspace.com/starsmithmusic

By Mark Allen

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Literature To Read or Not to Read... Get those creative juices flowing....

This academic year saw the launch of the English Literature Degree programme at Surrey. Three of this year’s freshers review their favourite texts from the course . To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee) Reviewed by Jessica Lamb

By far the most popular novel studied by literature students this year was To Kill a Mockingbird. The simple narrative, spoken from a young girl’s viewpoint, made it a welcome relief from the other daunting tomes on our reading lists. Yet despite its accessibility, the multiple layers in the novel will allow for deeper contemplation if you’re feeling intellectual this summer. The story follows Scout and her brother Jem as they enjoy the exciting adventures of childhood in 1930’s Alabama. But alongside taunting the local neighbourhood recluse Boo Radley and playing out imaginary stories with their friend Dill, the children face a very real challenge. Their father, a lawyer, is defending a local black man wrongly accused of rape. It is of course this part of the story which makes Harper Lee’s novel so famous; the clash of childhood innocence with adult prejudices creating a striking effect rarely accomplished. If you’re looking for some thought-provoking literature over the summer but don’t fancy ploughing your way through Dickens or Brontë, this is a must. Both touching and chilling, it is almost impossible not to find this a compelling read. The Little Friend (Donna Tartt) Reviewed by Stephanie Davies

As an introduction to the University’s new course the first cohort of English Literature students were greeted with this 555 page epic. The Little Friend is not a light summer read, but those willing to put in the time will be held captive by the vivid portrayal of a small Mississippi town, whose residents bear a striking resemblance to Harper Lee’s Maycomb. The landscapes of the traditional SouthernGothic provide the perfect setting for the bleak and languid story that unfolds. The novel opens with the mysterious death of nine-year-old Robin Dusfresnes. This tragedy reduces Robin’s mother Charlotte and sister Allison to a catatonic state for a decade. Harriet, Robin’s twelve-year-old sister, is the novel’s morbid heroine, fond of playing under the black-tupelo tree on which her brother was found hanging. Harriet’s efforts to identify her brother’s murderer and execute her own brand of justice lead to a number of surreal events, such as encounters with amphetamine-fuelled psychopaths and the theft of a cobra in one of the most gripping scenes. Many events seem implausible, and the incredulity underlining the last exchange of the novel echoes the sentiment of many of my peers. Without giving too much away, the effect that the closing of the novel produces is comparable to the ending of the 2008 film Burn After Reading. But what is so horrifying about The Little Friend is that its content could so easily be authentic, and the characters are so beautifully drawn that precocious young Harriet continues to brood in your heart long after the final page.

One Hundred Years of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez) Reviewed by Emma Thomson Strangely, this book turned out to be my favourite that we studied on this module. When I started reading it I was very apprehensive about the novel. I didn’t like the writing style, the way the plot felt like it had no direction, and the inability to connect with any of the characters. It took me ages to get into but after I’d finished it and contemplated on the text as a whole, I felt more and more that this book was big. By ‘big’ I mean that it was like an entire society, a world, created by the author, and you (the reader) witness its creation and follow it through to the end. The experience is one worth persevering for. Marquez tells the story of the town that is founded by Jose Arcadio Buendia and his wife Ursula. The narrative follows the family through six generations that are doomed to repeat the mistakes of their ancestors in a cycle that sees everything that has been created thrive and then deteriorate. Marquez, in this novel, also uses the literary style of Magical Realism: where fantastical events occur in an everyday situation, the appearance of magic carpets for example. This is a delicate addition that enhances the brilliance of this text. The Seagull (Anton Chekhov) Reviewed by Stephanie Davies Chekhov described his play as “a comedy, three f., six m., four acts, rural scenery (a view over a lake); much talk of literature, little action, five bushels of love,” a description which hardly does justice to one of the best additions to the literature canon. The Seagull is concerned with such compelling topics as unrequited love, failure, abandonment, and the banality and stifling mediocrity of life. There are certainly funny moments within the play-for instance, it is difficult to point a gun at your temple and miss --and I am sure the play is very amusing when performed for an audience, but reading it lends an insight into the existential nature of the text. The characters are together on a Russian estate by a lake. They tear their hearts open to each other, articulating passionately exactly how they feel towards themselves and their art, and yet nobody truly listens. All of their pursuits are trivial and bring no happiness. This may not sound like a lot of fun, but The Seagull has a cathartic quality that is almost indescribable, and I recommend it highly.

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Summer Reads! Whether you’re jetting off to somewhere exotic or working to save pennies for next semester, if you get the time to pick up a book, we suggest the following titles for your summer reads.

A Thousand Splendid Suns is the second novel by author Khaled Hosseini. Similarly to The Kite Runner (which received a positive review a few issues back) the story explores life in modern Afghanistan, this time focusing on the misfortunes of two strikingly different women, whose lives become intertwined due to a series of tragic events. Hosseini delivers a vivid insight into how the Taleban changed the country, especially for women. Although, in my opinion, the story is not as poignant as in The Kite Runner, Hosseini nevertheless manages to deliver a compelling read, creating a strong empathy for his protagonists who are forbidden any choice in the devastating direction their lives take. (Suggested by Jessica Lamb) Captain Corelli's Mandolin, by Louis de Bernieres, is not an immediate pageturner, yet I urge you to persevere this summer. It took me several attempts over the years to read past Chapter Two, but after finally accomplishing this recently, I discovered a beautifully written book which delivers a magical blend of tragedy, comedy, romance and history. De Bernieres explores the lives of Italians, Greeks and Germans during the Second World War, the majority of the novel taking place in the stunning island of Cephallonia. The prominent story is that of forbidden love between enemies: a Greek woman and an Italian soldier. The author delivers a subtle account of their romance, whilst at the same time offering us an insight into the prejudices of war-time life through the tragic story of an Italian homosexual soldier. This is not an easy read, but it is certain to leave a lasting sense of warmth inside you as well as transporting you from our rainy summer days to the intense heat of Cephallonia. (If necessary skip Chapter Two. It's not important!) (Suggested by Jessica Lamb).

chose its own wardrobe and hair stylist chances are it'd end up looking like the star of Dog the Bounty Hunter ... that resembles the entire cast of The Lost Boys crossed with a gay lion." The likes of Abi Titmuss, Robbie Williams and various reality TV contestants are similarly attacked in this irreverent manner. Ok, so it probably won't be winning the Booker Prize anytime soon but it’s definitely still worth the read. If you like your comedians miserable and are getting bored of Jack Dee, and willing to risk laughing until your mouth falls off, I'd recommend this as the perfect book for the summer holidays. Reviewed by Dawn Harman. This book was kindly provided by the University Bookshop for review.

American Gods by Neil Gaiman is bursting with magic, myth, sex, coin tricks, ghosts and a burly ex-prisoner named Shadow. If that doesn’t sell this book to you I don’t know what will!

The book begins with Shadow learning that he is to be released early from prison as his wife Laura has been killed in a car accident. On the flight back to his home town, he meets a mysterious old gentleman named Wednesday, who offers him a job, the realms of which are definitely beyond possibility. Neil Gaiman observes the line between reality and the surreal and smudges it so expertly that the two become difficult to distinguish. The collection of characters (all derived from myth) draws you into the dark world that Shadow finds himself trapped in. If you want to lose yourself this summer, you can’t go far wrong with this gripping novel. (Suggested by Amy Barnes)

Charlie Brooker is probably not the happiest person in the world but he is possibly the funniest man alive. Dawn of the Dumb- Dispatches from the Idiotic Frontline is a collection of the best of his Guardian columns and those familiar with Nathan Barley (co written with Chris Morris) and his BBC 4 series Screenwipe will know what to expect -- hilarious, unexpected turn of phrase coupled with razor sharp wit directed at anyone who probably isn't worth bothering about. For example we are told that "if a penis could

Welcome to the Jungle!

Literature Editor Amy and the ‘fierce people’ of Vlyvalle. Barnes reviews Dirk Wittenborn’s Finn, the novel’s narrator, is a fifteen year old boy struggling with sexual frustration and Liz, ‘Fierce People’. his cocaine-addicted mother. Following a bunI will be honest. I judged gled trip to purchase drugs for her that results this book by its cover, and in police action and the interference of Liz’s by its blurb. A book boast- overbearing parents, Finn and his mother are ing bright yellow and pink transported from their modest New York lifeedged pages? I didn’t style to Vlyvalle, a settlement overrun with America’s super-rich. Finn also loses out on stand a chance. the chance to spend the summer in Amazonia So you can imagine my with his anthropologist father, Fox, who studies disappointment when an the Yanomamö tribe; also known as the ‘fierce immense feeling of dissat- people’. isfaction hit me as I turned the final pages. It felt as if I had been sucked into something that The opportunity for Finn and Liz’s ‘new life’ is held so much promise before I was informed courtesy of the mysterious Mr. Osborne, an that I would never get back the hours I had aged billionaire. Introduce a sprinkling of spoilt spent poring over the adventures of Finn Earl brats including Maya, Finn’s love interest, and

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the enigmatic Bryce, Maya’s brother who appears to be perfection personified. Cue drug use, sexual experiences, and outlandish melodrama fuelled by Finn and his mother’s quest for acceptance into the Vlyvalle tribe. Whilst Wittenborn’s ability to narrate from a male adolescent’s perspective is witty and dryly funny, I couldn’t help but feel that this novel was a let-down with an anti-climactic ending. But, then again, perhaps this was what Wittenborn was trying to point out in ‘Fierce People’; that the rush that comes with abundant wealth and popularity is nothing more than an over-inflated high that comes with a crashing comedown.

Film Get the popcorn ready.....

Angels and Demons (12A)

Old habits never die. I seriously thought Ron Howard learnt his lesson after he made The Da Vinci Code. No matter how monotonous the source material is, make it entertaining or at least take the lampshade off and give it some light. Of course, like with all these things, it doesn’t do any of the above. We are just right back to where we started.

Now I could read you the rest of the plot but, to be honest, it’s too stupid to explain. In fact, it’s completely dumb as nuts. However, the cherry on the cake is that it takes itself way too seriously. There are ‘dumb films’ that know they’re dumb (like Con Air), but Angels and Demons is like a person that has no head and refuses to go to the hospital. Whatever controversy it stirs, it has no brain to start one.

All you need to know from the story is this; Robert Langdon is assigned to the case of an old, mythic, underground society called 1/5 the Illuminati. The secret organisation kidnaps a group of cardinals and promise to Ollie Sim murder them one-by-one. Until, there is a plot to plant an ‘antimatter’ bomb under the Vatican.

Coraline (PG) In my opinion, it’s good to have dark undertones to a fairy tale. Throughout the history of animation, you have to look at Disney’s earlier work to find that Pinocchio is one of the scariest animated children’s films of all time. Naughty boys being turned into donkeys shouting, “I want to go home! I want my mummy!”. I say this because Coraline carries that tone high above its shoulder.

What frustrates me, though, is (and I know it sounds trivial) why was there any need to go 3D? The immersive experience is not in the 3D, and I cannot see why we have to pay another couple of quid to get the very same thing as we would see in normal 2D. Aside from that, there’s very little to criticise. 4/5

The story involves a young teen- Ollie Sim ager moving away from the city into the muddy, gothic countryside. She instantly feels frustrated and upset about her surroundings, until she finds a doorway leading towards another parallel universe. It contains heavily contrasting features including flying dogs and luscious landscapes. Is it perfect though? Henry Selick is obviously on home ground after directing The Nightmare Before Christmas. The joy is in the sensual craftsmanship of the stop-motion animation.

Martyrs (18) You’ll certainly not forget this film in a hurry. The film opens with a girl running through an industrial estate screaming and hobbling in fear by what has just happened to her. For the first half of the film, we see her grown, but something is still tormenting her. She befriends another woman, who is also a victim of something perhaps similar. They both descend into unspeakable places where they try to avenge for what happened to her.

If you’re a horror fan, it takes a good forty minutes to realise that this is an endurance test. Those first forty minutes are pretty generic, but when the woman’s ‘past’ is discovered it is unnerving. It struggles to find a conclusion and I think you have to be willing to stick through the film. The ‘martyr’ transformation process and the ‘tortured woman in the metal mask’ are scenes where audiences have walked out. I wouldn’t go as far as to saying it refreshes the genre, but goodness Director Pascal Laugier said that me, it makes you uneasy. Martyrs is the ‘anti-Hostel’. In other words, it tampers with the supposed 3/5 “torture porn” formula of creative torments and enhances the agony Ollie Sim and the emotional grotesqueness of pain. The horrifying transformation the characters go through and the madness are features you do not find in Hostel, Saw et al. It’s not so much as gut wrenching in the physical sense, but you do feel immensely uncomfortable with where this film wants, or dares, to go.

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Star Trek (12A) The Star Trek films have always had problems, mostly by being heavily cumbersome (although The Voyage Home is the most interesting thus far). It’s quite a breath of fresh air to find th The Star Trek films have always had problems, mostly by being heavily cumbersome (although The Voyage Home is the most interesting thus far). It’s quite a breath of fresh air to find that the latest one is just plain entertainment and actually fun, rather than the dull, tedious, previous Star Trek films.

grown-up Kirk (Chris Pine) and Spock (Zachary Quinto) as they conflict about certain methods. Kirk is the spiky carefree rookie and Spock is the complex, but motionless, mind of the new USS Enterprise. At the same time, they battle the previous Romulan space ship that threatens to destroy the human race. You’re either going to go along with the extra alternate reality/time travelling element to the narrative or it won’t mean head or tails. Whatever it means to you, for a two-hour film it does flow nicely for most of the time.

The film starts with the confrontation of a Romulan space ship, who almost wipe out the crew of the United Federation of Planets (a UN for outer space, if you will). On the 3/5 doomed ship, one of the people evacuated is a mother who has given birth to a baby by Ollie Sim the name of James Kirk. Years later after the attack, we follow a

Revolutionary Road (15) Directed by Sam Mendes, the man who brought the world American Beauty and Road to Perdition, Revolutionary Road brings to life the tale of a suburban couple who struggle to cope with their dreary existence, an experience made worse when they have children. Leonardo DiCaprio plays the husband, Oscar winner Kate Winslett plays the wife; a seemingly perfect couple whose lives are changed dramatically when they have to raise their children. The stale environment of Frank’s (DiCaprio) office job offers him extra-marital affairs, whilst April (Winslett) resorts to her own external pleasures to cure her dreary role as the desperate housewife. The film plays out wonderfully, presenting at a gentle pace the process through which the once happy couple realise that suburban married life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and are met head-on with the revelation that they are never going to be happy with

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one another, unable to fulfil their needs and constantly looking for a way out of the life they have built for themselves. Delusional, for the dream of moving out of the country,

is notable for delivering a truly gruesome and totally convincing performance as he shatters their dreams and the very hopes they base their stale lives upon. The film has sadly been mostly overlooked at the Oscars, and it seems unlikely that the three aforementioned stars will not considered for their respective roles but for what it’s worth, Revolutionary Road deserves praise. It delivers an emotional rollercoaster ride, lifts the lid on the supposedly idyllic world of suburban marriage and is fantastic to watch in all respects. One of the best films of 2009. 8/10

they reassure themselves that their time James Stansfield will come for them to be genuinely content with life in another land, away from the homeland pressures. Michael Shannons, playing the formidable John Givings who unveils the truth in front of their very eyes,

Madame Za-Za

“ The stars speak to me darling” Aries (20th March – 20th April)

Libra (20th Sept- 21st Oct)

Exams are over, assignments are in and there is nothing more you can do. Stop worrying and start enjoying your summer! Single? Get your single friends together for a holiday- stay in the UK if you’re strapped for cash. Taken? They’re letting off steam with their friends to celebrate- they worked hard and they deserve it. Let it go.

Your bad mood landed you in the dog house with your friend. You need to find a way to make it up to them, and it needs to be done soon. Single? You like them, they have a partner, yet they seem to like you too... Stay well away. Taken? That argument won’t blow over by itself, you need to swallow your pride and apologise.

Taurus (21st April- 20th May)

Scorpio (22nd Oct- 21st November)

Your search for a summer job isn’t going too well- maybe you ought to lower your expectations. Remember- it’s only for a couple of months. Single? Your friends are meddling in your love life, so talk to them about it. Taken? Plan a surprise for them to repay them for your amazing birthday present.

You’re running away from the real issue. Pretending it isn’t happening won’t actually prevent it. You need to take control of the situation. Single? You love single life- so why give it up? Taken? Your parents don’t approve. Story as old as time- give them time to come around.

Gemini (21st May- 20th June)

Sagittarius (21st Nov- 21st Dec)

You don’t know why, but they seem to have a problem with you. Ignore them- they’re being pathetic and your mutual friends are all on your side. Single? A new love might blossom in a summer job- so get looking if you haven’t already. Taken? If you’re feeling unhappy, talk to them about it. They’ll be more understanding than you think.

They keep inviting themselves out with you, and they aren’t going to stop if you don’t come clean about how you feel. Single? An encounter at the supermarket may lead to more. Taken? Maybe you two should spend some time apart if you’re feeling suffocated.

Cancer (21st June- 21st July) You’re preparing to go mad this summer, ignore your parents trying to calm you down. You’ve worked very hard and you deserve it! Single? A tall Taurean has their eye on you- find out who it is and make your move. Taken? Your friends want to take you on holiday- and they actually want to see you so they haven’t invited your partner. You have a decision to make.

Capricorn (21st Dec- 20th Jan) The last month was very hectic and stressful, so enjoy this time and make the most of it before the workload starts to pile up once more. Single? You’re sharing some flirty texts, but which one of you will make the first move? Taken? A milestone is coming soon; make sure you celebrate it in style. Aquarius (21st Jan- 19th Feb)

You’ll have Lady Luck on your side for most of the summer, so take those risks. You’ll regret it forever if you don’t. Single? Leo (22nd Jul- 22nd Aug) They are leading you on, so walk away. You deserve better. Your boss has seriously annoyed you. Bite your tongue, but Taken? You’ve accepted the fact that you won’t last forever. Is start looking for a new job- one where you will actually be there really any point in carrying on? appreciated. Single? You’re in a bit of a love triangle at the moment. You have to choose- you’re not being fair. Taken? Pisces (19th Feb- 19th March) You can’t be annoyed at them for not understanding your Money is very much on your mind right now- curb your situation if you haven’t even talked to them about it. spending and budget well. If you still can’t make ends meet, you may have to get a summer job. Single? Your friend has Virgo (23rd Aug- 21st Sept) a newly single friend- why not ask for a blind date? Taken? You’re already bored of having no work to do, so take a Stop waiting for something to go wrong, enjoy the fact that hobby or start a summer project. You know you’re not things are going well. happy unless you’re being constructive. Single? Your ex has something important to tell you, why don’t you listen to what they have to say? Taken? You’re panicking because you’re not in that “new relationship” phase anymore. Stick with it, what’s coming next is even better.

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Don’t rock the boat...

By Surrey Boat Club As we near the end of yet another academic year, the Boat Club can definitely say they have faced a challenging 12-months. With competitions running consistently throughout the year, Surrey has participated in over 15 races with the most recent being the BUCS Regatta in Nottingham. Four teams were entered to race in Europe’s largest regatta consisting of 61 Universities and 231 races over a period of 3 days. Both the men and women’s beginner coxed fours achieved impressive race times across the 2000 meter Olympic distance course in their first BUCS event. The Men’s coxless pair (Nick Bright (President) & Greg White) pulled through to the quarter-finals against Imperial College and Oxford University taking a strong position from the start although were beaten by eventual winners Durham University. The women’s intermediate coxed four (Ana Yong, Sarah Bell (Women’s Captain), Annie Loverseed, Lucia Dessy & Stacy Gwilliam (Treasurer)) made it to the final after battling against 39 crews and took sixth place winning

Victor Ludorum points for the club. The girls faced three heats throughout the Sunday in which they finished second on two occasions. After months of hard training, all the crews provided tough competition for their rivals with reaching the final being a great accomplishment for the girl’s team. Ella Willott, an alumni member of Surrey also had success at the regatta winning a silver medal in the women’s lightweight quad. Overall the weekend was an achievement for all crews and made for excit-

ing viewing for all the supporters who ran along the banks cheering all the way, some of which were still suffering hangovers from the union the night before! The Boat Club has also had an impressive weekend of awards shown at the 2009 Colours Ball which was held in Epsom. The Boat Club was also awarded the Warden of Colours Award for the best administered club which ultimately came down to having such a dedicated committee and its members. Full Colours were awarded to Nick Bright, Sarah Bell and Chris Williams and Half Colours were presented to Charlotte Essex, Annie McBain, Al Kinross and Vicky Scott for their commitment to the sport throughout their degrees. Overall, 2008 - 2009 has been a good year for the Boat Club with the addition of a new boat provided by the Alumni Fund and various wins across the months in head races across the country. Hopefully next year will be just as successful with new members and more competitions!

Student’s raise £44,000! In March 2008, a team of students supported by the University of Surrey Students’ Union organised “The Guildford Mile” as part of Comic Relief’s Sport Relief. All of the money raised has now been counted by Comic Relief, and out of all of the local miles around the country, The Guildford Mile was the top fundraising

mile, raising an astonishing £44,000! Sport Relief is all about “harnessing the power and passion of sport to change lives for the better”. In total, Sports Relief Miles all over the country raised £28million for Comic Relief. The money raised will be used to change lives all over the world, and in the UK, for the better.

Raising such an incredible amount of money is a huge achievement for the students and the Students’ Union staff involved, and will hopefully inspire more people to get involved in the next Sport Relief Mile, scheduled to be held on 21st March 2010.

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SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!