The Stag - Issue 13

Issue 13 Editor: Sara Hadfield Editor-In-Chief: Elizabeth Simos Produced in USSU, University of Surrey, Guildford Est. 2008

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A Vote of No Confidence In this issue: A Day in the Life of: Campus Boy If Santa was real.... Mentos VS Coke Drink Spiking - Be Aware! Worst Songs of the Decade Ten Best Films of the Decade Guildford Heat Spotlight on: Mike Martin

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tudent Parliament took place on Thursday 3rd December and a statement was given detailing events that occurred at the Executive meeting the night before. For those students who did not attend Student Parliament, this is what was stated:

Following discussion between Matthew Barker and Malcolm Hunt this public call for a vote of no confidence was detracted at 4:30 pm on Thursday 3rd December.

As this was a contentious issue a member of the Union Executive called publically for a motion of No Confidence at midnight last night in the following officers: Lisa Shah, Chris Moffatt, Malcolm Hunt, Ashraf Khalifa, Hitesh Tekchandani and Nick Entwistle (who was not present at the meeting).

Hitesh Tekchandani has formally removed himself as the proposer of the guest ticket motion. I am prepared to open this motion to the floor.

As a result of the aforementioned ruling this Student Parliament will not proceed as advertised. All “Last night the union Executive met for its regular policy ratified by this body today will not automatiweekly meeting. At this meeting an item of discus- cally become Union policy. Instead it will be recomsion was raised by the Union Chair on a constitu- mended to the Executive, who will make the decitional interpretation. The specific interpretation was sion on whether or not it will become policy. ‘that Student Parliament had the power to propose and ratify policy and/or refer it to the Union Execu- Those people who wish to know more about the tive’. The Union Chair had sought independent ad- course of yesterday’s executive meeting are invited vice from the National Union of Students. The Un- to view draft minutes of this meeting. ion executive, through its constitutional authority, challenged the ruling and ultimately overturned it The chair’s motion regarding the part time executive effectiveness will be withdrawn from the agenda. with 5 votes to 4.

A ‘Vote of No Confidence’ is essentially a vote to determine whether the student population has confidence in an elected individual and their abilities to carry out their role.

If you wish to be the proposer and talk for this motion please approach the help desk. Questions on any of the aforementioned events can be raised in this forum in Questions to the Union Executive”. Statement by Union Chair on behalf of the Union at Student Parliament

Surreybucks Opens Second Coffee Store On Campus failure to improve the choice of coffee available to students and prevent a caffeine-conglomeration The University’s Hospitality Catering Service has sadly represents a shocking misjudgement of student chosen to ignore the interests of Surrey students by welfare. opening a second Starbucks coffee store on campus. The latest store, which opened last month at the The partnership between the University and new Guildford School of Acting building, is a blatant Starbucks has led to the announcement of plans representation of the University’s poor judgment at for yet another Starbucks coffee store. This third improving the quality of catering on campus. store, which will be located at the new Surrey Sports Park, will “deliver precisely the same Starbucks Not only is a second Starbucks store completely Experience”. The press release also indicates that unnecessary, but yet again the Hospitality Catering the store will consist of a “120-seat café area as Service has failed to deliver tasteful coffee to well as an outdoor seating area for an additional students looking for a worthy morning wake-up call or 130 people”. afternoon pick-me-up. However, the quality of coffee isn’t the topic of this article. Instead, the University’s Continued Page 6..... by Ben Pook, News Editor

Issue 13 I 7th December 2009 I www.ussu.co.uk/thestag

Editor’s Letter Hi everyone! Well another year almost over and so much to cram into the last couple of weeks of University! 2009 was definitely an interesting year to say the least. If I had to choose one of the best days of 2009 I think it would have had to be a snow day.

In this issue... News Pages 3 - 7

For those of you who weren’t at Surrey during the snow it was insane! The University completely closed and no one could go anywhere! One of my friends got sent home from work with LOADS of food that they hadn’t been able to sell. So after a mass snowball fight, about twelve or so people crammed into my tiny Guildford Court room and we watched films and ate for absolutely ages.

Features Pages 8 - 22 Fashion I Pages 11 - 13 Science I Pages 14 - 16 Health I Page 19

No doubt societies are organising Christmas meals and crazy themed bar crawls, like the super hero one I’ll be attending this week – look out!

Societies Pages 25- 28

If you were one of the lucky ones to get your hand on a Fetish ticket, despite the crazy queue that seemed to orchestrate itself around the Union, I hope you had a great time! It seemed the firemen and suspenders were out in full force – good work! So what’s coming up in the next few weeks? The Snow White Panto – guaranteed to make you laugh, probably cry and perhaps a place where you can vent some of your deadline anger by yelling at the cast, sounds like fun doesn’t it? Of course it wouldn’t be the end of a year without the Christmas Party on Friday 18th December so make sure you don’t miss out on that! Well it’s been a great year for us and I hope it has been for you too. I hope you have a great Christmas and enjoy the count down to the New Year! Good luck with all your assignments and exams and we look forward to seeing you in 2010!

Sara x

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Editor I Sara Hadfield : [email protected] Deputy Editor (Design) I Steff Lever : [email protected] Deputy Editor (Marketing) I Jack McWaters : [email protected] News I Ben Pook : [email protected] Features I Mariam Nasir : [email protected] Science I David Pugh : [email protected] Societies I Bakita Kasadha : [email protected] Music I Mark Allen : [email protected] Dance & Theatre I Rachel Gildea : [email protected] Literature I Eunice Njagi : [email protected] Film I Ollie Sim : fi[email protected] Sports I David Holt : [email protected] Copy Editor I Ankur Banerjee The Stag is an editorially independent newspaper and is published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union. The views expressed in the paper are those of individual authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the editorial team, the Students’ Union or the University of Surrey. Printed by Surrey and Berkshire Media Limited Stoke Mill House, Woking Road, Guildford, Surrey GU1 1QA The Stag reserves the right to edit submissions. Please direct all enquiries to the relevant section editors.

Arts Pages 29 - 48 Music I Pages 29 - 32 Dance & Theatre I Pages 33 - 35 Film I Pages 38 - 43 Literature I Pages 44 - 48 Sports Pages 50 - 55

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Crowded Dance Floor Causes Concern Among Union-goers by Ben Pook Anxious students at the University of Surrey have expressed their concern about health and safety flaws at the union’s nightclub, Rubix. According to reports, students have grown apprehensive about the ‘packed out’ dance floor and the inability to shake their stuff in front of the stage. On a busy night, the dance floor is rarely empty with students choosing to boogie rather than mingle around the bars. This segregation prevents many students from dancing effectively due to the reduction in space. Apparently, many use this as an excuse for their awful dance techniques, although it’s common knowledge that most union-goers simply don’t have any rhythm. The lack of room causes a number of issues. Stray arms and overeager thrusting can be a hazard, while a more depressing issue - the preying eyes of naive men - is disturbing and unattractive. Most students believe the busy dance floor is simply a common experience in all clubs. On live events, including DJs, clubbers regularly crowd into a reduced space in front of the stage and to dance to the migrate as close to the stage as possible. This is understandable with latest Girls Aloud smash hit. live bands and skilled DJs, although why we decide to cram together and dance to mainstream hits is questionable. The answer is common decency. Firstly, it’s the decency to appreciate non-rhythmic dancers and allow space for the occasionally flung elbow. Reducing the overall capacity could be a solution. However, with the Secondly, if the dance floor is busy – don’t go straight to the front. extreme demand for high profile nights, reducing the number of tickets Bring alcohol into the mix though and common decency is eradicated seems an inappropriate resolution. The issue isn’t the number of people because nobody really cares. in the union; rather, it’s the sheep-like mentality of its inhabitants to

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MENS Society Granted Approval by Manchester Union The past month’s student headlines have been partially dominated by events surrounding the introduction of a male support society at Manchester University. The society, called MENS (Masculinity Exploring Networking and Support), was officially granted approval last month and is the first authorised society of its kind.

of Manchester Communist Students, Caitriona Rylance, said the show’s original aims were “Top Gear shows, gadget fairs, beer-drinking marathons and Iron Man competitions”. However, founder Ben Wild dismissed these accusations as “false information” and explained how “the first event was a sober pub crawl”.

Other universities have followed suite, with the formation of Male Collective at Oxford University, while the high profile topic is likely to spark further support from male students across the country. These recent developments arrive after decades of feminist support networks, which represent a common feature at many campuses.

Popular topics of interest at the MENS society include awareness of men’s mental health, as well as testicular and prostate cancer. The society also improves the understanding among male peer groups of male rape and domestic violence issues.

Whether the accusations regarding its original aims are true or if it is indeed “false information”, However, Manchester’s MENS society has at present, the society appears to have added received its fair share of criticism. The chair serious value to the welfare of male students

at Manchester University. Students require reassurance and advice, irrelevant of gender, and it seems isolating men from women is the most effective solution to tackling gender specific issues.

Excited Students Queue For Hours ticket. Only on this occasion, it was for a

Some students found more effective ways to get hold of a ticket. Dov Azagury, a final year Business Management student, convinced his friend to queue in the rain while he attended a morning lecture. He said, “I had a morning lecture which I couldn’t afford to miss, so a friend queued up for me. I’m a man with lots of connections.”

Rumours have suggested that one student even camped from the previous night to ensure his share of the tickets – someone who clearly had nothing better to do on a damp and cold Sunday evening. Scenes on the Monday morning appeared similar to Roald Dahl’s Charlie and ticket to the union and not a magical fantasy the Chocolate Factory, in which thousands of playground filled with an unlimited supply of children hunt for the last remaining golden chocolate.

Fetish night is heralded as the number one event in the University of Surrey calendar, where students are expected to dress up in perverted costumes in an attempt to out-fetish one another. Admittedly, it does come close to rivalling the 3-day end of year binge.

by Ben Pook, News Editor Hundreds of eager union-goers queued for hours on Monday 1st December for a priceless ticket to the one and only Fetish night. According to reports, the queue wrapped around the entire union building to prevent mass rows of students climbing on top of one another.

NUS Joins ‘The Wave’ to Fight Climate Change by the National Union of Students and Ben Pook On Saturday 5th December 2009, the National Union of Students (NUS) joined the UK’s biggest ever demonstration in support of action on climate change. The demonstration flooded the streets of central London, ahead of crucial UN climate talks in Copenhagen. The Wave, a carnival-style street procession, began at 12pm from Grosvenor Square in London and was organised by the Stop Climate Chaos Coalition. A finale took place at 3pm as The Wave encircled the Houses of Parliament. A similar demonstration also took place in Glasgow on the same day. The Stop Climate Chaos Coalition represents 11 million members across 100 UK organisations, from the Women’s Institute and RSPB to Oxfam and Unison. All are united in their demand for an end to dirty

coal, and a fair and just international climate change deal that protects the worlds’ poorest communities. NUS Vice President for Society and Citizenship, Susan Nash, said before the demonstration: “NUS is proud to stand shoulder to shoulder with the other members of the Stop Climate Chaos Coalition to put pressure on our political leaders as they gather for this crucial summit in Copenhagen.” A family friendly event, The Wave encouraged people to follow the theme by wearing blue clothing and bringing blue fabric, banners and props. From blue dragons in Wales, to student ‘wave dance’ flashmobs, blue handprints in schools to ‘wheels to the wave’ cycle network, The Wave is already building from all corners of the UK. Director of Stop Climate Chaos Coalition,

Ashok Sinha, said “The Wave will send a strong message to Gordon Brown that people in the UK want to see their government do all that’s needed to deliver a strong and fair deal that puts poor people and the planet first at Copenhagen. All the eyes of our 11 million strong coalition will be on world leaders as they gather in the Danish capital to ensure climate justice is delivered.” For more information go to: www.the-wave.org.uk

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10 Years of Guildford News and Trivia

Voted as the 9th best place to live in the UK in 2006, according to Channel 4, Guildford is arguably the closest you will find to village monotony without actually being a village. With this in mind, a 10 year accumulation of news will likely send you to sleep within seconds. However, the charming town accommodating our University has witnessed its fair share of devastation and bewildering news. Events including grenades, dogs and liberal democrats have graced the front pages of Surrey tabloids while most of the amiable Guildford community remained unaware. Therefore, to mark the end of the decade, News Editor, Ben Pook, divulges Guildford’s darkest and most memorable news stories. 2000: Bank robbery and Bruno the dog Guildford is often renowned for its unnaturally low crime rate. This reflects the common understanding between students and residents to stay clear of each other, as well as the distinct lack of enthralling nightlife outside of Fahrenheit. In 2000 though the town was the scene of a bank robbery at the Merrow branch of Llyods bank. Two male robbers entered the premises, at which point one of the men held a knife to a customer’s neck and threatened two female members of staff. Both men escaped with a ‘large quantity of cash’. On December 1st, the Surrey Advertiser published a story welcoming the return home of Bruno the dog, who ran away the previous week. Fortunately, he was found ‘safe and well’, after ironically being spotted near The Windmill Inn – a popular drinking spot for residents. It seems he got lost on the way back from the pub. 2001: GU2 radio and Lib Dem victory The University of Surrey radio station rebranded in 2001 and became GU2 radio, replacing GCR (Guildford Campus Radio). Station Manager, Gareth Davies, explained at the launch party, “It’s been a long process but the late nights and commitment are certainly paying off now.” The station now heralds fascinating shows such as ‘Twilight Riddims’, presented every Thursday evening 9-11pm. The Conservative Party have remained a popular choice for generations of voters in Guildford. However, the 2001 general election returned a Liberal Democrat Member of Parliament. Toryism had been defeated for the first time in over 90 years and Sue Doughty, the Lib Dem MP, became the borough’s first female Member of Parliament. However, the Conservatives won back their position in the 2005 by only 347 votes.

2002: Toilet on roof

2006: Man drowns in ditch

In what seems to have been a pretty uneventful year for Guildford, the Surrey town stole the headlines for a brief moment when local resident Dave returned home from a stag night only to find his toilet stuck on the roof of his house. Along with what seems to have been the most outrageously awful headline of all time - Lifting the lid on toilet humour - the house became a celebrated tourist attraction in the town. Dave said, “My first instinct was to rush inside and make sure they hadn’t ripped the toilet from the bathroom. Since then a lot of neighbours have come round asking whether I know there’s a toilet on top of the house.” It turns out the prank was arranged by Dave’s brother.

In very sad and bizarre circumstances, a 33 year-old man was found to have drowned in a ditch after making a toilet stop on a family car trip. Patrick Webster slipped into the ditch, by the A259 in East Guildford, and was later found dead when he didn’t return to the car. During the inquest, pathologist Dr Stuart Barnes explained. “I think death would have occurred fairly quickly, possibly in a matter of seconds. If he had fallen into the water head first on what was a freezing cold night, he would have got one hell of a shock. That, together with lungs full of freshwater, would have been fatal.”

2003: Cheryl Cole accusations and Ninja Nurse In January 2003, Girls Aloud singer Cheryl Cole was accused of making racial comments to Sophie Amogbokpa, as well as punching the toilet attendant in the face at the Drink nightclub, now known as Harpers. Sophie told the Sunday Mirror newspaper, “I was shocked. I don’t care how many number ones she’s had, if she was nobody, she shouldn’t have said those things to me or hit me.” The pop star denied all allegations of racial abuse, while later being found guilty of assaulting the nightclub worker and sentenced to complete 120 hours of unpaid community service. The low crime rate in Guildford is probably a reflection of its well-behaved students. And in April 2003, student nurse Stephen Nyazika showed his support for the community when he disarmed a knifeman and rescued an injured man. Stephen later received the Queen’s Gallantry Medal for his efforts. All this and we’re still perceived as a burden to society? 2004: Literally, nothing. 2005: Tory stronghold in Surrey Following their high profile loss in 2003, the Conservative party fought back to win the Guildford borough in the 2005 elections; albeit by only 347 votes. Guildford was the only constituency in Surrey which wasn’t held by the Tories before the election and interestingly, the battle between the Conservatives’ Anne Milton and the Lib Dems’ Sue Doughty required two recounts because the margin was so small. This win highlighted Surrey’s fierce opposition to Labour and the era of Tony Blair, as well as the obvious commercial benefits to voting Conservative for many rich businessman living in one of the country’s wealthiest counties.

2007: Heat rise to success and grenade found in waste The town’s very own basketball team, Guildford Heat, won both the BBL League and Cup during their successful 2006-2007 campaign. The Cup win involved a heated contest against Scottish Rocks, which finished 81-78, while the defining moment in the league was a victory over London United on home soil at The Spectrum, which finished 114-85. Heat coach Paul James was named Molten coach of the season for his efforts in securing the double. Surrey residents were urged to be vigilant when in August 2007, a hand grenade was found in a waste site skip. The high explosive grenade, settled alongside soil and rubbish, was discovered by Chambers Waste Management. According to the bomb disposal unit, the device would have been used between 1981 and 2001 and the incident was identified as ‘extremely rare’ by Acting Detective Chief inspective John Cable. Continued....

6 Continued..... 2008: Woolworths closes In yet another seemingly uneventful year, Guildford headlines were dominated by the announced closure of its Woolworths store; adored by many residents in the neighbourhood. The nationwide closure of stores signalled the loss of jobs for 27,000 staff at more than 200

stores. Woolworths announced its collapse in November with £385m debt.

producing a replica gun and threatening he was going to ‘start shooting people’. Surrey police said, “Our sympathy is with the family 2009: Police shooting at Cathedral and friends of David Sycamore, who died in such tragic circumstances, and with our officers The town stole national headlines in 2009 and their families, for whom the traumatic when a man was shot dead by police at effect of this type of incident should not be Guildford Cathedral. On land also occupied underestimated.” by the University, Stag Hill, David Sycamore was shot by two Surrey Police officers after

Continued from Front Page.... Even with only two stores, it’s difficult not to perceive this partnership as a monopoly control of campus catering; specifically hot beverages. The choice available for students is continuously being reduced and as competition deteriorates, students on campus fed up of the same coffee will pay the price. However, the first Starbucks store has proved very popular for many students at Surrey. The store, which opened in 2007, receives regular customers, rarely appears empty and feedback seems to be positive. It represents the first licensing agreement between a University and Starbucks, and Rupert Lawrie, director of business alliances at Starbucks UK, said close to the time of opening the first store, “This is a great commercial investment for the university, combining a fantastic offer for students by providing them with somewhere recognisable from home with an investment that will provide the University with significant returns over the years.” It’s no wonder the University decided to open a second store on campus considering the projected “commercial success” of the first. the coffee stores is reinvested back into the student economy, here at The opportunity to make money was clearly too good to turn down. Surrey. However, it would have been possible to achieve this even without Starbucks. The franchise isn’t responsible for the commercial success; Alongside commercial benefits, the Starbucks and Surrey partnership instead, this is the responsibility of the students. An independent coffee provides jobs for students at the University. However, considering this store, owned and managed by individuals, is still capable of delivering as a specific benefit to the partnership is a somewhat weak attempt to quality and commercial sustainability. The difference; students not only improve student perception. Stores cannot operate without employees have additional choice, but they support a new business in one of the and introducing a competing coffee store instead of Starbucks would most turbulent economic periods of our generation. still provide valuable jobs, regardless of what company is operating on the premises. My opinion of Starbucks coffee isn’t a secret. I think the quality of coffee is distinctly inferior to competing stores, despite the organisation Other stores selling coffee on campus include Sorrento and Roots. The charging similar prices. And I’m not the first to highlight the matter. In availability of other coffee stores is a refreshing sight considering the 2009, Which? investigated the quality of coffee on our high streets by Surreybucks partnership. However, the existence of these stores does visiting 45 stores. The Starbucks Americano was awarded 1.5 out of not provide an excuse to open a second Starbucks on campus, as well as 5 because of the “faint coffee taste”. Whereas the Caffè Nero coffee planning for a third at the Surrey Sports Park. Why should we put up with came out trumps and was awarded 4 out of 5. a store selling “precisely” the same products? The sad disappointment is reflected in the lost opportunity to improve choice and incorporate additional However, since the opening of the second Starbucks store, some competition. As a result of the Surreybucks partnership, students are students have sung praises about the quality of coffee. Amaal Mistry quite literally paying the price because of the University’s apparent focus and Matt Barnard, both final year Business Economics and Finance students, described the toffee nut latte as “epic”. on commercial success. This success should be regulated by the student community and the union should be held partly responsible. Regardless of our opinions on how Starbucks coffee tastes, the Surreybucks partnership is negatively affecting our choice on campus. Despite contacting the University’s Hospitality Catering Service, I haven’t However, if you want to affect this choice, then contact the University received a reply. I can only assume and hope the profit generated by of Surrey Students’ Union and help determine the future of campus coffee.

Do you have a news story? [email protected]

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10 of the Oddest News Stories of the Last 10 Years by Ben Pook

5. Virgin shark gives birth in Detroit, 2002

It has been another fantastic decade for news. Journalism has increased in speed and online technology has improved the storytelling techniques available for writers and editors around the world. Social media tools, such as Twitter, have enabled consumers to freely share exciting stories, some of which are literally a few minutes old. This combination of both speed and quality makes the future of news amazingly difficult to comprehend.

A female white spotted shark took zookeepers at the Belle Isle Aquarium by surprise when she gave birth to two babies – despite the virgin mother not being near a male for six years. The mother laid a clutch of 6 eggs, which is common for the species of shark, according to National Geographic. Instead of discarding the ‘infertile’ eggs, zookeepers decided to leave them in the tank and 15 weeks later they hatched.

All this, yet Rupert Murdoch continues to hinder the development of modern digital journalism, while the BBC set the fundamental foundations which organisations will follow in years to come. Anyway, this rant aside, the past decade has been just as compelling because of the sheer quantity of odd news. This article gives you a glimpse of what The Stag feels are the top ten odd news stories of the past 10 years. Enjoy. 1. Baby born pregnant in Saudi Arabia, 2008 A mother in Saudi Arabia gave birth to a baby who doctors later discovered was born pregnant. According to Metro, the doctors discovered the mother was pregnant with two foetuses inside her, where one of the foetuses grew inside the other. 6. Dog drives vehicle into coffee store, 2008 Customers were left in shock at a New York coffee store, when a van was driven directly into the front of the shop. Apparently a dog, which was left in the van that had its engine running, accidentally knocked the van’s controls. No-one was injured, but the Cool Beanz coffee shop was badly damaged. 7. Man spends 100 hours in a toilet, 2007 A lawn bowling club near the Scottish city of Aberdeen was once the scene of a distressing encounter between a man and a toilet. Reports explain how a retired school teacher spent nearly four days trapped inside the toilet with no food or mobile phone. 55-year-old David Leggat relied on a survival course he had once been taught to endure the 100 hour stint. 2. Parrot reveals girlfriend’s affair, 2006

8. Crashed car found with cow in back seat, 2008

In 2006, a 30-year-old man named Chris Taylor, grew suspicious of his girlfriend when the household parrot began saying “I love you, Gary”. His girlfriend at the time, Suzy Collins, came clean after being confronted with the evidence. According to MSNBC, Ziggy the 8-year-old African gray parrot, would also make kissing noises and would mimic Collins saying “Hiya, Gary” every time she picked up the phone.

Thieves in Malaysia were caught in the act of stealing a cow after villages spotted the incident and set off in pursuit. The robbers eventually made their escape; but not before crashing the vehicle into a tree, where villagers discovered the cow squeezed into the back seat. 9. Armpit sniffer jailed for 14 years, 2008

Armpits were the hottest topic of discussion in 2008 when a 36-yearold man from Singapore was sentenced to 14 years in jail for sniffing A Dutch website published an image of Jesus in a chocolate bar, after women’s armpits. The court charged the man with molestation, who a man allegedly found the religious artefact in his Kit-Kat. The website sniffed a total of 23 armpits in locations including lifts and staircase asked for submissions of bizarre and holy relics. Talking to the Dutch buildings. website, the finder said “I was amazed. I just took a bite and then I saw 10. 13 golf balls found in dog, 2008 the face of Christ in it”. 3. Jesus found in a Kit-Kat, 2009

A concerned dog owner was startled when his rattling dog was found to have eaten 13 golf balls. The black Labrador had the balls removed from After purchasing a 30-can crate of beer, an Aussie man chose to use a his stomach in an hour-long operation. The balls belonged to Pitreavie seatbelt to secure the cans and leave his unrestrained child on the floor golf course in Dunfermline, Fife. of his vehicle. Police were “shocked and appalled” when they discovered the man, who was later fined 750 Australian dollars. 4. Driver replaces child with beer crate, 2008

8

What Santa Would Do If He Was Real....

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Rob You He visits billions of homes every year. He's human so temptation would take hold at some point.

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Spit On Your Carpet I tend to do this to every 1 in 5 houses I go in, Santa is no different. Smash Up Your House Sleds, Reindeers and Obese men weren't

made for roofs. This was never going to end pretty. Cause Aviary Genocide Birds were made for roofs. Santa has to land on a roof every nanosecond and time is of the essence. So he's probably not choosy about his spot. Thus there would be a birdy bloodbath. Need A Sharp Legal Team He would be making about a million PS3s and giving them away for free this year. Sony wouldn't take that lying down. The Elves would have to have 'he got OJ off' legal skills to fight his corner. Never Give You A Pony Like most people, Santa probably hates Ponies. So now that we know he would be a law breaking murderer, it's ok that he doesn't exist. by Andy Vale

Travel to...... Polk County, North Carolina, USA

Christmas is creeping upon us now, so I thought it would be interesting to write about a typical Christmas town that seems only to exist in movies.

Tryon is a little town in Polk County, North Carolina, USA. For those of you who have never travelled to small town USA, it basically looks like the towns in the shows Gilmore Girls or One Tree Hill. It is small, but charming and everybody knows each other’s business, (population 1,700). The town emblem is a giant wooden toy horse - completely pointless - in the middle of the town. His name is Morris. Don’t mess with Morris. A young ‘funny’ teen spray-painted ‘Morris is a whore-riss’ one year on the horse and the old people tried to put him in jail. Seriously don’t mess.

whole town looks like an enchanted winter fantasy, so beautiful, covered in glittering snow. Everyone goes round each other’s house delivering toffee, cookies, chocolate covered apples, candy-canes, everything. If you don’t take part in their generous nature, the old people snare at you. ‘Why do people so love to wander? I think the civilized parts of the world will suffice for me in the future’- Mary Cassatt 1911. The few children in the town re-enact the scene of the baby Jesus in the manger, in a little Episcopal church in the town centre; so quaint and delicate but every year it’s exactly the same. I guess that adds to the town’s sacred tradition. I’d have to say the best ceremony in church was when my 25 year old brother got kicked out for sticking a cross on an old bald guy’s head that fell asleep. He isn’t allowed back.

The majority of the people there are elderly and quite entertaining. I remember meeting my grandmother’s friend one summer, an 89 year old woman, and the following summer my brother and I went up to her in the supermarket to say hi. I have never seen an old person wobble so fast. We were literally the only young people there, and this lady with Alzheimer’s, forgetting who we were, assumed we were going to rob her.

Tryon is a little forgotten town that will never lose its charm. It’s a home to WWII vets. It is a little taste of what old southern hospitality is. According to my grandmother, our family used to help run away slaves by providing them stay in our house, but then again my grandmother is a compulsive liar so that’s probably bull. The idea is pretty cool though. Anyway, if you ever have the impulse to visit a little town nestled in the middle of nowhere but absolutely beautiful and untouched, go to Tryon, especially at Christmas. They do have lovely parades and candy. They even have a fat Santa who looks as close as the real thing. So go, I promise it will be a laugh!

Anyway, because it is so small, Christmas is the event of the year. The

by Elizabeth Pettigrew

9 “When she described her underwear, I forgot all the rules my rabbi taught me in the old school” Welcome to what might be the dirtiest part of this fortnight’s edition of The Stag. I suggest you cover the eyes of whatever young ones may be around… and their ears. In fact you should just lock them in another room altogether because ‘Fetish’ is in the air boys and girls, and it sounds like heavy breathing along with bare flesh and smells like perfume, sweat, alcohol and partly mince pies at the moment. Okay so you all had to walk the monumental extra mile to the union and queue at what seemed like a ridiculous hour in the morning to get a ticket but the truth is we all know it’s going to be worth it, because this is Fetish we’re talking about. A night to become whatever figment of your darkest imagination you can come up with. Before we break up for Christmas and lose all bearing on what work we may or may not have done over the term, there must be time for one more night of the upmost debauchery. Let’s face it - after we leave the biggest things on our minds will include lie-ins and presents, but I doubt so much of the kinky parties (unless your family is like that). So it’s time to cast your thoughts into that back room of your mind you usually only venture into when you’re alone and drag back a costume the likes of which all your fellow students will blush to gaze upon. Unfortunately with only three days remaining to bring together a costume I find myself drawing a bit of a blank. Suffice to say Campus Boy does not own his very own PVC gimp suit lying around to stroll over to the union in. Which then began to beg the question, what exactly does fill the fantasies of us boys and girls of the present age? Do girls still fall head over heels for the men in uniform? Are the guys still drawn to the playboy bunny like moths to a house fire? Will Santa Claus be putting in an appearance with a reindeer on a leash? Well I decided to do a little investigative work into exactly what people are planning to dress up as on Friday to get some answers. Unfortunately no one seemed to have any truly bizarre costume projects they were working on (that they would confess in a group anyway). There were quite a few girls however planning to wear various uniforms from sailors to Rambo-esque guerrilla fighters. So perhaps the years have caused a role reversal on who exactly goes for the uniform? Interesting still was one conversation I came across earlier this week where I found it strange exactly how many guys find the ‘Hermione Granger’ fantasy appealing. I don’t know if it’s the ginger hair, school uniform or the general high intelligence but dudes, it’s whatever floats your boat. Indeed I’m sure however anyone chooses to appear, no sailor, dominatrix, Bo Peep nor human vibrator will be disappointed. From what I’ve heard of costume ideas so far this year will definitely not be one to miss. Then looking ahead after dragging yourselves through the hangovers and the last two weeks of term we all get to return to our homelands for family festivities. Now everyone has their own ideas about when exactly Christmas starts, for myself it’s the moment the Coca-Cola lorry appears on our TV sets and St Nicholas tells me the “holidays are coming”. But no matter how much I do love Christmas. People, December the first is not an acceptable time to start playing your Christmas hits CD! I mean I’m no scrooge by any rate but I’ve already had the urge to break several stereos over their owner’s heads, trip up a couple of sporadic groups of Christmas carollers and we’re only two days into the month! I am grateful though we can manage to come up with some relatively new

Christmas songs. Currently I’m repeatedly humming The night Santa went crazy as the newest song stuck in my head. Oddly disturbing how when Santa comes in “with a twinkle in his eye as he said Merry Christmas to all – now you’re all gonna die”. Thank you Weird Al. Sometimes I don’t know how we all seem to have so much fun at Christmas. It seems to be downhill from the moment you find out the big guy in red doesn’t really come down your chimney in the middle of the night and leave presents under your tree, which in reality is a good thing considering the logistics. I mean how long would it take before children started reporting Santa as a burglar? Surely everyone remembers the point at which they realised Santa wasn’t real (my apologies if reading this is that point). I had the misfortune of discovering every fairytale creature I held with such high esteem was a myth in the same horrible night. One evening after losing another milk tooth I developed what I then considered to be an ingenious plan. When this tiny tooth fairy came into my room to claim another of my teeth and leave a measly 50p piece in its place, I would spring like a ninja (this being my future career plan) stunning her with a pillow to the face before overpowering her and claiming a good few pounds extra pocket money. Much to my horror when I sprang my trap that night and all I managed to do was anger a bleary eyed fairy 20 times the size of what I was expecting, who also had an uncanny resemblance of my father. This faux fairy then proceeded the next morning over interrogation to confess it was all a cruel trick. That the tooth fairy did not exist, nor the Easter Bunny, Father Christmas or any other creature I could come up with. I still held out on the whole werewolves, vampires, yetis creatures idea because I was convinced my parents were obviously too boring to have looked hard enough, and because J.K Rowling would never lie to me. This was back when Christmas time was literally the best time of your life. Nowadays, you’re lucky if the relatives are computer-savvy enough to know how to operate a hyperlink on your neatly designer computer Christmas list. Still, despite the consistent and wholly inevitable family bickering, I will enjoy the time off with comfortable chairs, egg nog and maybe even a little snow if were lucky, because let’s be honest, we’re all still six years old at heart.

Campus Boy

Anyway that’s enough from me for this term. I will see you all in the new year. This is Campus Boy signing off for his Christmas holiday!

C.B P.S Did anyone else only recently discover that Donner and Blitzen are German for thunder and lightning? I always thought Santa needed names that rhymed so just started making them up!

[email protected]

10

A Super Secret

Day in the Life of......

What time do you usually wake up?

Roller skating through a greenhouse window

Usually long after my alarm goes off

Call or text?

What kind of cereal do you prefer?

I prefer calling, speaking to someone is more personal, plus I text longhand anyway, I can’t stand it when people start shortening three syllable words into two letters

I don’t like cereal; more toast, croissants or pink grapefruit mmmmm Are you doing a course which is creative, scientific, or business related? My course is one of the human sciences Team Jacob or Team Edward? Oh I’m Team Alice. Ashley Greene is Stunning! What colour is your umbrella? I don’t own one, I laugh in the face of rain… and then tend to get drenched Which football team do you support?

Friends or How I Met Your Mother? How I Met Your Mother Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Aniston? Angelina Jolie! Seriously anyone who doesn’t agree needs to watch Wanted. Not the best film but AJ is hot. Do you enjoy the new science section of The Stag? I did like the science behind fireworks!!

I don’t watch football

Which of the union nights is your favourite?

Which of Shakespeare’s plays is your favourite?

I prefer the nights that have live bands.

Probably A Midsummer Nights Dream What is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?

What is your favourite movie of the decade? Well my personal favourite films all come from the 90s but of the noughties I’m gonna go with the first Pirates film The Curse of the Black

Pearl. When is your birthday? Now that would be telling Do you ever plan on revealing your identity? Where would be the fun in that? What is a standard day in the life of CB? I’d guess not too different from most people. I start my morning by climbing down from hanging upside down from the rail in the closet, proceed to race my housemates for the shower, rush some ill conceived breakfast (tea is compulsory). Then I’ll walk to campus on a weekday and go to my lectures etc. Go to work after if i’m working that day. Then usually spending the evening reading or watching rubbish TV and eating takeaway with the housemates. Always good times!

11

STUDENT FASHION FILES Hi guys, we’re back with our second issue- packed with lots of Christmas/ New Year themed mini features! We have gift ideas for him and her, our favourite shop for party outfits and our top 5 style stars for 2009! But that’s not all... we also have our style stars and trends to look out for in 2010, a gorgeous party outfit in our ‘We’re loving!’ section and a brand new section for men’s fashion! Plus one of our best kept secrets- a website where you can hire actual celebrity designer dresses for a fraction of the price! We hope you enjoy reading this issue as much as we did creating it! Have a wonderful Christmas and a very happy New Year! See you in 2010, love Nisha and Christie x

WE’RE LOVING... CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!

FAVOURITE FASHION QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “Fashion fades, style is eternal” - Yves Saint Laurent

Contact: If you would like to make any comments or have any views on this issue please contact us by e – mail. We would also really appreciate any suggestions for future issues. Thank you Christie and Nisha xx [email protected] [email protected]

Christmas, it’s that special time of year again when we can all push the boat out and go that extra mile with our outfits! Whether it’s for an evening out, special Christmas party or work do, we all look for an outfit with that special something, maybe more glamorous with a bit of sparkle to it..... Well do we have a Christmas Cracker for you! This dress (seen opposite) is from the shop that never lets a girl down- TOPSHOP! At £65.00 we admit it’s a little more pricey than a normal evening outfit, but Christmas only comes once a year  Don’t forget you also get 10% off as a student at TOPSHOP making this sparkling stunner a sweet £58.50! This dress is a beautiful nude colour that will suit most skin tones and with a shower of stunning on trend sequins, you can’t go wrong! Our tips for styling this dress:    



The dress is definitely the centre piece of your outfit so keep the accessories minimal! We suggest this gold Brocade bangle £7.00 from Accessorize (also seen opposite) worn half way up your arm and add on a ring of your choice! Metallic peep toe pumps or gold strappy heels will complete your stunning look! Hair + Make-up- Tumbling curls will give you some Hollywood glamour, making you the centre of attention! Make up should also be minimal, try matte eyelids with a slick of black liquid eyeliner on your top lash line and a volume enhancing mascara for luscious lashes! Peachy blush on your cheeks should do the trick with a sweep of bronzer across your hairline, down your nose and in the hollows of your cheeks! Add in some glossy nude lips and you’ll be raring to go! Paint nails similar to this pretty, shimmery, sheer colour from Nails Inc. and you’re all set party all night long!

Extra tip: Add on a metallic belt to cinch in and define your waist if you want to!

12 Student shop: Boot-y-licious! Boots are always a staple of any autumn/ winter wardrobe and come in many different fits, lengths and sizes. This season however over-the-knee boots were all the rage at A/W 09 catwalks and we love them! Seen on celebrities from Shakira, to Miley Cyrus to Lauren Conrad, these boots are catching on fast- even on the red carpet! Layer them over leggings with a dress and long cardigan for a cute daytime option, or pair them with dark skinny jeans and a cosy jumper for a chic lecture outfit. Opt for suede for a softer, more toned down version of this growing trend! Take a look at the celebrities emulating this trend and our favourite high street pick for just £35.00 (£31.50 with 10% discount) from New Look! Miley Cyrus pairs her leather boots with shorts, a long silver top and statement necklace to make a fun, young outfit!

MENS FASHION

The military The military shape has always been a big fashion trend for the colder months; but for Autumn /Winter 2009-2010 designers such as Gareth Pugh, Alexander McQueen, John Galliano and Burberry have modified the combat uniform from the past to the now. Gareth Pugh, had one of the most unusual menswear collections by bringing in inspiration from the likes of German officer overcoats (WW2) to the metal chain mail suits that were worn under suits of armour. Here’s how you can get the look from the high street:

Ex-Hills star Lauren Conrad wears her suede boots with a black boyfriend blazer and cosy scarf, for a casual and comfortable shopping outfit!

Shakira takes her leather boots to the red carpet in this daring outfit (dress by Balmain) that gives her a true ‘rock chick’ vibe!

NEW YEAR FASHIONS- SPRING 2010 Although we’re still in Autumn/ Winter 2009 and enjoying the trends it has to offer, designers around the globe debuted their Spring/ Summer 2010 collections at the recent fashion weeks for fashionistas everywhere to look forward to! In this section we bring you a summarised low-down of what Spring will have to offer us! We’re also saying goodbye to the 80’s in fashion- the 70’s are coming back with a twist on feminine, minimalist chic! Trends to look out for: 

  

Underwear as outerwear- From peek-a-boo bras under sheer or lace tops to wearing a bra as a top, this is set to be a massive trend in spring 2010! If you’re brave enough look for ‘Bra- Tops’ that look vintage and are made out of soft fabrics such as satin or silk in neutral/ pastel shades! Feeling dramatic? Try a neutral all sequin bra top with high waisted shorts/ skirt and a blazer! This trend has been seen in the collections of designers such as: Dolce & Gabanna, Fendi, Marc Jacobs, Christian Dior and Jean Paul Gaultier. Epaulettes- Dramatic shoulders and military styles have been seen in the collections of many designers! Fringing- This season trends reports, according to Vogue magazine, have shown that fringing will be more of a ‘cowboy style’ and will not be as ‘delicate’ as seen before. Knotting- This trend has been seen in the Spring collections of Burberry and even in high street store River Island! Knotting adds an interesting texture and dimension to any outfit and has been seen on skirts and dresses in soft colours such as baby pinks and blues (pastels and soft colours are extremely popular in Spring!)

Other trends to look forward to will include:      

Charcoal coat- Topman £70.00 (£63.00 with 10% student

discount)

Black Wool Coat- Burton £75.00 (£67.50 with 10% student discount)

   

Deconstruction- seen in collections by Jil Sander, Fendi and Balmain Genie pants- seen in collections by Stella McCartney, Ralph Lauren, Louis Vuitton Jumpsuits- seen in collections by Roland Mouret and Lanvin Lower heels- seen in collections by Marni, Chloe, Calvin Klein, Marc Jacobs, Missoni Statement necklaces- seen in collections by Vera Wang, Dries van Norton and Temperly London Pinstripes- seen in collections by Ralph Lauren, Cavalli and Vivienne Westwood Red Label Ruffles- seen in collections by Chloe, Christopher Kane, Lanvin, Fendi and Valentino Vintage- seen in collections by Roberto Cavalli, Fendi and Ralph Lauren White ensembles- seen in collections by YSL, Fendi and Calvin Klein Yellow- seen collections by Zac Posen, Stella McCartney and Louis Vuitton

13 GREAT GIFTS FOR HER With Christmas just around the corner we have come up with some great girly gifts to give to your fashionable friends! Girls Aloud have all designed their own favourite Eylure eyelashes and for just £25 from Boots, you can buy the gift set along with an eyelash carrying case! This Christmas, Nails Inc. are celebrating our beloved show ‘The Hills’ by bringing us this adorable set of nail polishes in raspberry red, dark teal, neon pink and indigo all based on the show; the set can be purchased for just £20. Nails Inc. nail varnishes normally retail at £10.50 each, making this set a bargain at £5 a nail varnish! Christmas just would not be Christmas without receiving a sparkling new bottle of perfume, we have chosen the classic Miss Dior Cherie which can be found in almost any department store or perfume shop. Marks and Spencer is such a brilliant place to find really cute and reasonably priced gifts. We have picked out a floral jewellery holder for £18, it’s practical and adds a nice touch to a girly bedroom. Finally, for the fashion fanatics, The September Issue. This film takes the viewer inside the world of Vogue (USA) and its editor-in-chief, Anna Wintour. This DVD can be bought on Amazon for just £10.

WINTER WARMERS - GIFTS FOR HIM 1 .

1. ALL SAINTS gift voucher- The perfect present for any man as ALL SAINTS offer a wide range of clothing and accessories in various different styles! 3 5 2 4 2. DIOR HOMME SPORT- This . . fragrance is a great gift idea as it . . is light and not over-whelming; it is advertised as being ‘The essence of modern man’! 3. DOUBLE-BREASTED KNIT CARDIGAN -TOPMAN- £40.00 (£36.00 with 10% student discount): This makes a stylish gift guaranteed to keep him warm during the cold winter months! 4. WHITE JERSEY STRIPE SCARF- TOPMAN £12.00 (£10.80 with 10% student discount): This stripy scarf is a true winter warmer that will make any plain outfit more interesting! 5. MILITARY COAT- TOPMAN £70.00 (£63.00 with 10% student discount): Military coats have always been fashionable and suit almost any male body shape, making it a fabulous gift idea for him!

14

Dreaming of a White Christmas… …Just like the ones you used to know? Well it’s possible that snow on Christmas day could happen, with science! On 1st November 2009 it snowed in Beijing, China. This may not seem like a big deal, however it is the earliest Beijing has witnessed snow since 1987. More impressive than the earliness of the snowfall is the cause behind it; this snowfall was not an effect of nature, but a planned scientific campaign. This campaign caused a massive 16 million cubic metres of snow to fall in Beijing.

attempt to make it snow. In the summer of 2008, before the Beijing Olympics, cloud seeding was used to clear pollution from the air in the city and prevent rainfall during the opening ceremony. Drought is one of the main reasons for which cloud seeding is used. As well as China, countries such as India, Australia and the USA have used the process to overcome dry weather conditions. The USA has also used it for safety reasons; these

But the question is: how can scientists make it snow, and why bother doing it? The answer is a process known as “cloud seeding” and the reason for it is due to the Beijing area currently undergoing a prolonged drought. So, how does cloud seeding work? Cloud seeding is a process by which silver iodide particles are added to the atmosphere by either being launched up from the ground or dropped by aircraft. The silver iodide particles increase condensation in the atmosphere, which adds to cloud formation. Water droplets in the clouds freeze and cause an updraft; this updraft brings more moisture to the clouds increasing their size. If the water droplets freeze to heavy enough ice pieces it begins to snow. It is by this method that Chinese scientists claim to have made it snow. Cloud seeding is a popular process used in attempts to influence the weather. Many countries have attempted the process for many different reasons. China has used cloud seeding before the recent

include clearing fog around airports and reducing the size of hailstones. Hailstones can reach sizes greater than that of golf balls and it only takes ones with a diameter of around 13mm to cause serious damage to aeroplanes, so reducing this risk is very important. Following the Chernobyl nuclear power plant disaster in 1986 in Ukraine, the Russian Air Force seeded clouds above Belarus to remove radioactive particles from the clouds before they reached Moscow and other large cities in Russia. In protecting these cities over 4,000 square miles of Belarus were subjected to rain containing radioactive material. However, this did save millions of people in the highly populated cities. Despite this, Moscow has never admitted to the cloud seeding taking place.

The Mayor of Moscow declared earlier this year that this winter would be one without snow in Moscow. To make this happen, the Russian Air Force has been seeding clouds upwind of the city and plans to continue doing so all winter. You would imagine that trying to control nature like this would have some serious environmental impacts, however studies have failed to show any evidence of detrimental environmental effects due to cloud seeding. The silver iodide is distributed in only ultra-trace quantities over the target area, and the additional surface run-off from rain and snowfall has not been large enough to measure above the natural level. There is one amusing effect of cloud seeding however. In the summer of 2008 the Russian Air Force were attempting to seed clouds with bags of cement mixed with silver iodide. One of these bags failed to pulverise in the air and fell onto a house leaving a large hole in the roof. Luckily, no one was hurt in the incident. In short, it’s possible to make it snow; you just need the right equipment. Unfortunately however, after the snow you’ll still be left with the horrible ice and sludge the next day! This leaves us with one final question. What should you ask for from Father Christmas this year to guarantee getting white Christmas? You’re list should definitely include an aeroplane, a pilot, canisters of silver iodide and a little bit of luck for it to be cold enough to snow! by Chris Poll

WOOSH! Mentos in Coke Last Thursday, a group of hardcore scientists and engineers met by chance on PATS field, to do some big science, that is, the amazing diet coke fountain you can seen on the latest episode of MAD TV (just go to youtube.com/ madtvsurrey).

atmospheric pressure in a bubble 0.000001 meters in diameter! A law known as Henry’s law says that solubility of gases increases with increasing pressure, so usually the gas bubbles would just re-dissolve into the coke, but not when there is a nucleation site!

So we all know the experiment: you drop a pack of Mentos into a 2 litre bottle of Diet Coke, and woosh up it all goes, making a big sticky mess all over the surrounding area. But how does it work? Well once again, we in the science room are gonna explain as best we can.

The reason for this is that the tiny bumps on the Mentos surface are hydrophobic - they don’t like water but water molecules like to be next to other water molecules, so basically anything that you drop into the soda that disrupts the network of water molecules can act as a growth site for bubbles.

When this YouTube phenomenon began, scientists were puzzled. What could be doing it? The original theory was that the chemicals responsible for the reaction were gum arabic and gelatine in the sweets, and caffeine, potassium benzoate and aspartame in the Coke. Where did they get this preposterous hypothesis? Nobody knows, but we do know that it’s wrong. So after hours of research, experiments, tea breaks and power naps, I can reveal the source of this magic!!!

Mentos are also relatively heavy and sink rapidly; quickly creating bubbles that help make further bubbles as they rise. Crushed Mentos that fell more slowly created naff fountains that only travelled about 30 centimetres!

At the most basic level, Coke is phosphoric acid, sugar, carbon dioxide and water, held in suspension, and what we see is carbon dioxide bubbles breaking out of solution, and pushing everything else out while the escape. So what triggers it? If you look at a Mento, you will notice it does not have a smooth surface, it has ridges and bumps all over it, and these groves and dips act as what scientist call nucleation sites, that is carbon dioxide molecules latch onto these sites, and band together until there are enough of them to form bubbles. These bubbles have a massive pressure within them, about 30 times the

You can see a similar effect when you have a pint. Beer glasses are made with tiny scratches on the inside of your glass that act as nucleation sites, though obviously to a lesser extent than Mentos, and these tiny scratches promote carbon dioxide bubbles so you get the perfect head on your frosty beer. That’s it, now you know. It’s a bit exciting isn’t it? And you can do it at home, all you need is a 2 litre bottle of soda (Diet coke works best), a pack of Mentos (fruit or mint) and a very large open space. Please don’t do it in your kitchen, the cleaners will like you even less than they do already! Impress your mum/dad/friends/prospective lovers with your highly superior knowledge of experimental physics! by David Pugh

15

The Big Science Tour of Britain!

So here we are then, December 2009. I bet you’re all saying to your friends, didn’t the year go quick or was that just me? It was just you, the rest of us have lived through another 365 days, just like we did last year, and the year before! Christmas is here, and no matter how excited you are about Santa’s impending visit, I know that you’re really thinking “Oh my days, it’s eight weeks before the next issue of The Stag! Where will I go for my fortnightly science fix, what will I do Dave, what will I do!!!” Fear not dear reader, I have travelled up and down our glorious nation to find you places close to home where science comes alive! Visit them over the Christmas break; go on, you know you wanna. Cambridge Situated not too far north of London, Cambridge is where modern physics really came alive. Scientists have been studying here for over 900 years, and as you’d expect, there’s a lot to visit. Make your first stop The Apple Tree, Trinity College, This is the very tree below which Sir Isaac Newton formulated his theory of gravitation over 300 years ago. The tale goes that young Isaac was sitting under the tree, doing some maths or something, and an apple fell off the tree and hit him on the head. This simple fact means that literally dozens of people every year visit the site to marvel at a piece of history! I’m sure after the long walk to the birthplace of gravity your feeling like a pint and some grub, so head over to The Eagle pub, where at lunchtime on February 28th 1953, scientists James Watson and Francis Crick announced their discovery of Deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA). The pub serves typical pub food, £2 pints and on a nice day, you can sit in the beer garden that overlooks some of the beautiful architecture of the city. If you’ve still got time after all that, walk along to The Old Cavendish laboratory, the very lab where these two boffins discovered the very molecules that make you different from everyone else in the whole world! London If you’re staying in Guildford, or not too far away, why not go for a trip into London, head on over to South Kensington where you can experience the delights of The Science Museum, which houses over 300,000 items from the last 800 years of scientific discovery, including the first jet engine, a lot of spaceships and the first ever calculator! There’s also an IMAX cinema, where you can watch a variety of 3-D films. Once you’ve had your fill of rockets, planes and other delights in the Science Museum, cross the road and go to the Natural History Museum, where you will find dinosaurs, more dinosaurs, bugs, whales, loads of animals, an earthquake simulator, and my personal favourite, a really really big tree, seriously, this tree is huge! Just opened at the Natural History Museum is the new Darwin Centre, which holds animal specimen, collected from all over the world, including an 8 meter long giant squid! Entry to both museums is free, so you have no excuse to not go! The West Midlands So we’re travelling a bit further north now, to Thinktank Birmingham, where you can find out all about the West Midlands industrial history, with exhibits on the trains, planes and automobiles that have been used throughout history. There is also a planetarium, where you can gaze up at the stars, and a section on

the body, where you can gaze at your guts. No trip to the West Midlands is complete without a trip to Ironbridge. This ferric masterpiece crosses the River Severn in the town of Ironbridge, and has been there since 1779! This really was the birthplace of the industrial revolution, before the bridge, you would have had to get a boat or even swim to cross the river, not any more my friends, you can cross and be completely dry. The bridge is now a UNESCO World Heritage Site and features a Victorian town, with costumed staff portraying Victorian life and a weekly demonstration of ironwork! On a completely unrelated note, if you happen to be in this area for any length of time, make sure you visit Cadbury World, for no reason other than it’s awesome! Scotland Aye, Scotland, were going quite a bit north now, to the National Museum of Scotland, where in addition to a large collection of kilts and shortbread, you will find the final resting place of the first animal cloned from an adult cell: Dolly the Sheep. Dolly, it turns out, is not just the first cloned animal; she is the first stuffed cloned animal. Oddly, the world has yet to see the first cloned stuffed animal. You can also find a 9 metre barometer and artefacts from the history of Scotland, and postcards of Mel Gibson as Braveheart. The South West If you happen to be in Cornwall over Christmas, don’t miss a trip to the Porthcurno Telegraph Museum, where in 1870, the world’s first underwater telephone cable was laid, linking England to India, and us to call centres on the other side of the world! A message could be sent from London to Bombay in 4 minutes! By 1885 there was 48,000 km of undersea cables linking us to all parts of the empire. At the museum you can see instruments, cables and other engineering delights and learn about really old submarines. If you pass through Bristol, take a look at SS Great Britain, built in 1843, it’s a pretty big boat, and you can take a free maritime archaeologist tour! Spending Christmas abroad? Try one of these international science hotspots... The Smithsonian Institute, Washington DC, USA - A collection of 21 museums, with themes ranging from fine art to space travel. CERN, Geneva, Switzerland - Birthplace of the internet, and the first place in the world to have produced antimatter, as well as home to the world’s biggest experiment, the LHC. Akihabara, Tokyo, Japan - An electric town with more gadgets than you can throw an iPhone at! Jantar Mantar Observatory, Jaipur, India - Home to the world’s biggest sundial (over 27 meters high)! So there we go, Scientific adventure is out there! Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year to you all.

by David Pugh

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16

The Chemistry after the Night Before – Can You Prevent A Hangover?

by Sophie Bryant

So you’re sitting in that morning lecture, with a dry mouth, a throbbing head, a churning stomach, and ringing in your ears, but how did you get there? And more importantly, how can you stop it happening again next week? Let’s run through the chain of events that got you into this state… science style! 5.00pm Get home from lectures – there’s not a lot of time for dinner when you’ve got to get ready for the big night, so you go for the quick option, and only have a small meal. Next time, eat something! A full stomach means you absorb alcohol slower and more steadily, so your body won’t get overloaded. 7.00pm Drinking commences – you start consuming, and that small dinner means the alcohol is absorbed from your stomach quicker. A round of shots inexplicably appears on the table, (you won’t ask what of) and you find yours is empty before you know it. Ethanol is able to permeate most cell membranes, meaning it’s able to spread into all areas of the body, including gaps between brain cells!

mean that the relative alcohol concentration in your blood is higher. Start on the water about now, you’ll thank me in the morning. 3.00am Arrive home – your keys magically appear, although the lock seems smaller than usual, and you somehow manage to locate your bed. Kicking off your shoes is enough preparation, and you fall into your pillows immediately. Next time, drink some water before bed! A major cause of the hangover is dehydration, so avoid it in advance by quickly downing a glass of water when you get in. 5.00am Fast asleep– the enzyme aldehyde dehydrogenase-2 (ALDH2) converts the ethanol in your system into acetaldehyde. This is a chemical which is classified as “harmful” and “irritant”. Some research also suggests it may be a carcinogen.

Next time, don’t drink so quickly! The body can’t remove it as quickly as you’re adding it, so levels increase, interfering with neurotransmitters in Next time… sorry, that’s just what the body does! As the day progresses, the brain that control all your body’s processes - this is when you start your body will break down the acetaldehyde into less harmful chemicals, feeling drunk. Try to pace yourself to give your body a chance to process but in the mean time, you won’t feel amazing. the ethanol. 9.45am Wake up – your head is pounding, but you focus on the clock 9.00pm Drinking continues – After that small dinner, you munch on and realise you’re supposed to be in a lecture at 10. Throwing on the peanuts or crisps at the pub. The high salt content in these makes you closest clothes to hand, you dash out the door, trying to stay upright. feel thirstier, and so you reach for a cold, refreshing pint to solve it. Then there you sit, with a dry mouth, a throbbing head, a churning As you continue to add more alcohol to your system, it causes slower stomach, and ringing in your ears. reactions, worse coordination, blurred vision and dizziness. Your heart rate increases, and vasodilation (expanding of the blood vessels in the Next time, try and make it up in time for breakfast. Scientists recommend skin) makes you feel warmer. honey on toast, as it replenishes sugars, sodium and potassium, which the body needs to help recovery. Eggs are also recommended, Next time, avoid quenching thirst with alcohol, it only dehydrates you! for the cysteine they contain, an amino acid which counteracts the Try spacing out the alcohol with soft drinks to avoid this. acetaldehyde. Combine this with orange juice or water – avoid coffee, as the caffeine will only dehydrate you more! 11.00pm Enter the Union – Good old Rubix! You stumble in with… wait, do you know them? Never mind, you hit the dance floor and start to You might not be able to avoid a hangover completely, but following strut your stuff. It’s a bit warm (not helped by your incredible moves) simple steps can help you to minimise them. and you start to sweat. Squeezing your way out of the crowd, you head to the toilets, then onto the bar – a swift bottle should refresh you Alcohol has a variety of other health effects which are much worse than enough to get back out there. those you feel the morning after; oral cancer, reduced fertility in men and women, high blood pressure and osteoporosis might make you Next time, I thought I told you, alcohol dehydrates you! It acts as a think twice before that next big binge, and not just because there’s a diuretic (makes you pee), and the lowered levels of water in your system 9am start the next day.

Is there a big experiment you’d like to see on campus? E-mail your ideas to [email protected]

17

Vegemite versus Marmite: Do you speak-a my language?

There has always been a strong rivalry between Britons and Australians in everything from cricket to breakfast spreads. Recently, and for a limited time, the world’s first Marmite shop was opened in London’s Regent Street. Now the knives are out in the debate over which brand is the most favoured. For those of you unfamiliar with the condiments, both Marmite and Vegemite are made from yeast extract. They have a very strong savoury flavour and are usually spread thinly with butter on bread, toast and crackers. Marmite is the traditional British rival to the ardently adored Australian Vegemite. A partiality towards Marmite is usually regarded as a binary exclusive—you either love it or hate it. It has been

endorsed by Briton’s favourite bear, Paddington, and the BBC has even reported a woman once finding the image of Jesus Christ on the underside of her lid. Vegemite is an Australian cultural icon, with a home in nine out of ten pantries in Australia. An average of 235 jars are manufactured in Australia per minute, and thirty jars are sold nationally for every one that is exported. Although Vegemite is an Australian product, it is also conveniently available in the UK from Tesco and Sainsburys. As a journalist, I feel I must stay impartial in the Great ‘Mite Debate, but today I’m also a chef so I can tell you that Vegemite is best in this recipe (you may substitute with Marmite if necessary). by Stephanie Davies

Very Vegemite Croissants Ingredients: Butter



Vegemite/Marmite

3 eggs

2 croissants

Sliced ham

Salt and pepper

1. Preheat oven. 2. Melt the butter in a pan and scramble your eggs over a medium heat. Add mixed herbs or chives if wanted. 3. While making the eggs, put your croissants in the oven for 2-3 minutes. 4. Carefully split croissants in half and spread with a small amount of Vegemite and butter. Top with scrambled eggs and ham. Season.

This Woman Is One Of The Best Student Radio Presenters In The Country Yes, she’s standing on a table at an awards ceremony and wearing trainers. But GU2’s Josie Standbrook had just won Silver in the Best Female category at the UK Student Radio Awards. This is GU2’s best result in seven years and is even more special considering she started only 6 months ago. The Student Radio Awards were held at The Indigo2 in London and were hosted by Scott Mills, Greg James and Fearne Cotton. After the awards we were treated to a fun DJ off between the best of Radio 1 and the best of Commercial Radio. You can hear GI Josie on The Redemption Session at 9-11pm on Sunday nights. We do have other news, but to be honest it’s not really comparable to that. We have an Anne Summers Party coming which you should look out for, that’s still pretty cool. If you think this all sounds like fun then we are open for any student to join us. Just email  Manager@GU2. co.uk and say what you’d like to do. Here is our current schedule. More info on all shows can be found on the website, where you can also listen-back to a show if you miss it. Also you might notice that there are some spaces, if you’re someone

who likes to chat and have fun then get in contact about filling one! Listen to us: www.GU2.co.uk or 1350am Email/msn the studio: [email protected] Text the studio: 07575 073 400 (add it to your phonebook too!) by Andy Vale

18 No thanks. And that’s my public email account, ever burdened by ten unwanted messages to every one that I actually want to receive. But what about student accounts? You log on for a quick flash through the latest on your group work only to be bombarded by endless plonkers sending numerous spam mail messages telling people that spam mail is annoying. The irony...

Let’s talk about email. Email is a wonderful thing – it allows millions of people across the world communicate instantly and effortlessly with each other. Just think, if you want to contact your good friend Bob to wish him a happy birthday it doesn’t matter whether he’s living in the fantastical hills of Rio de Janeiro or somewhere just outside Chelmsford, he can probably still receive your communication. You can even send him pictures, sounds and all sorts of other goodies too. But like so many good things in life, email comes with its down sides. Just yesterday I was browsing though my latest batch of messages. Top of the list was one from my mum asking me what my plans were for the Christmas holidays. Next were 3 messages attempting to sell me the benefits of buying Viagra from a questionable foreign web site.

So what’s the solution? Well the Students’ Union is currently looking into codename ‘Project Skynet’ (Terminator, anyone?) which aims to cut crap and send people only the things they really want to know. The idea is that if you’re a final year Chemistry student you really don’t need 50 messages giving you tips on setting into University or a stack of information for management students. Nifty. Of course that’s not the only thing that’s happened this week. The Students’ Parliament incident exploded into campus life on Wednesday night – launching itself onto unsuspecting students through the mediums of campus wide emails, facebook, posters and personal contact. This lead to a 24 hour period consumed with a mix of passionate exchanges, conspiracy theories and general confusion. Thankfully the courses of action threatened did not come to light and a full apology was made. For a full account of events leading up to Student

Parliament contact the Union Chairperson (ussu. [email protected]) or alternatively watch the opening statements of the Students’ Parliament video available on the Students’ Union facebook page. If anyone has any further questions or queries about any of the issues I touch upon feel free to email me at [email protected] or visit me in the Union offices. I’m always eager to hear thoughts and opinions of students. Until next week... Malcolm Hunt Vice President Welfare Moment of the week: The overwhelming support given to me by students over what has been a difficult week. I wholeheartedly thank everyone for their messages of support. In particular I must thank those posting messages of support online, those people supporting around campus and the team of law students I found in the library helping out every step of the way. Thank you all! Tip of the week: If you’re reading this on or before Monday the 7th December I recommend the ‘Say Something’ live music night in Rubix on the 7th at 7pm. ‘Say Something’ will showcase some excellent up and coming bands and offers the unique atmosphere of live music. Come along and see what you think!

ATTENTION STUDENTS!

LOOK AT WHAT COLAB CAN OFFER YOU! So it is coming to the end of the first semester, and hopefully, whether you are a returning student or a Fresher, you have settled into the swing of University life here at Surrey. Some of you may, or may not be aware of CoLab and what we can offer students, but it is certainly worth taking note of what we aim to do within the University as some of our up-coming events, projects or surveys, could be valuable opportunities for you in terms of enriching your learning experience whilst at University. CoLab is a student ran organisation, which aims to enhance the students’ University experience. Some of the ways we seek to achieve this is by: fostering links with outside businesses, giving students the chance to voice their opinions on their academic learning environments and organising events and workshops to improve students’ skills and knowledge. For further information, visit our website www.co-lab.eu. Please see below for details of our up-coming projects:

Workshops

Our workshops are run by the technology team that operate within CoLab, and offer you the chance to gain up-to-date knowledge, and get hands-on experience in the latest technologies. Recently, we ran a session on Digital Story Telling, which proved to be a great success. Coming up, we are organising a series of drop in sessions on web 2.0 technologies, such as Flickr, Facebook, LinkedIn etc. The sessions will provide you with a flavour of the technology, and give you the chance to ask any questions you may have. (Workshops are organised for both students and staff)

Events

Our annual Taste of Technology event is scheduled for February 2010. The event is a fantastic opportunity for you to network with employers of local, smallto-medium sized businesses, to gain contacts for your future. The format of the evening will be similar to that of last year, where students were employed to present various web 2.0 technologies in a fair-format. This enabled employers and students who attended the event to network in a relaxed, informal setting whilst discussing and finding out about these new technologies. Please look out for further information on this event coming soon!

Surveys

Currently, we do not have any student surveys in operation, but we are always interested in finding out your opinions and views! One of CoLab’s primary aims is to enhance what the University has to offer based on what the students want. Therefore, your participation in our surveys plays a fundamental role in terms of making a difference to you and your fellow students’ University experience- so always be on the look out for our surveys!! For further information on any of our projects, please visit our website www.co-lab.eu or e-mail us at [email protected]. Or why not pop in and see us; we are situated within the SCEPTrE centre in the AC building.

19 19

Drink Spiking

’How did I get home last night?’ ‘Why am I still in my clothes?’ ‘Did I end up going to Dusk last night, or was it Harpers?’ ‘Where did my mates go?’

they will contact the police. If you think you have been sexually assaulted, it is important that you contact the police, with more information from victims, they may be able to stop it happening to someone else. PREVENT: •

‘Who’s this lying next to me?!!’

keep your drink in your hand, OR hold your thumb over the opening if you are drinking from a bottle,

Sound familiar?

•

keep an eye on your friend’s drinks,

Well, you can blame the 8 pints with vodka chasers, or thinking that ‘eating’s cheating’, or even that you just can’t take your lager, but could it have been that your drink was spiked?

•

do not leave your drink unattended at any time, even while you are in the toilet,

•

never accept a drink from anyone you do not know or trust,

WHAT? Drink spiking is when mind-altering substances, such as drugs or alcohol, are added to your drink without you knowing, changing how you act, or how you behave with other people. Alcohol is the most common ‘spiker’. It is used either by adding it to a non alcoholic drink or by adding extra amounts to an alcoholic drink. Prescription drugs are also used for example Rohypnol.

•

do not share or exchange drinks, or drink leftover drinks,

•

when possible, drink from a bottle rather than a glass because it is more difficult to spike a drink in a bottle,

•

stay away from situations that you do not feel comfortable with,

Everyone who goes out drinking is at risk, whether it’s a quiet lemonade in your local or a big celebration out on the town. If you’ve got a drink, someone, somewhere could have their eye on it!

•

if you go on a date with someone who you do not know, tell a friend or relative where you will be and what time you will be back,

•

do not give away too much information to anyone you have just met, such as your address,

WHY? There are many reasons why someone might spike a drink, and it is not only females who could be targeted. The most common reasons are: •

for amusement,

•

to be malicious (deliberately nasty),

•

to carry out a sexual assault, or rape,

•

to carry out a physical assault, or

•

to carry out a theft.

HOW: The symptoms of drink spiking will depend on whether alcohol, or another drug, has been used, how much of the substance was used, and how much alcohol you have already drunk. Spiking could result in drowsiness, difficulty concentrating, confusion, slurring your words, lowered inhibitions, paranoia, memory loss, hallucinations, unconsciousness and even death. If you think you or a friend’s drink has been spiked it is vital that you contact a member of staff immediately so that potentially lifesaving treatment can be provided. If you have symptoms as described above, go straight to A&E with someone you trust, they can do tests to find out the type of substance used to spike your drink, and

•

do not show off expensive equipment, like mobile phones, or MP3 players, as you may attract unwanted attention,

•

remember that if you have already been drinking, you will be more vulnerable because alcohol dulls your instincts and your awareness of danger, and

•

do not become complacent - always remember that it could happen to you.

Some pubs and clubs give out bottle stoppers which prevent the possibility of spiking, get one, it might save your life! If you are worried about any of this information, talk to the staff in Student Health Care any time. Spikeys are available for free from Student Health Care. Spikey® - a plastic “use once only” stopper that helps prevent drinks from being spiked. Website http://www.spikey.co.uk/ for more information.

Chat Health!

Spiced Sweet Potato, Pepper and Aubergine Bake Serves 4-6 Ingredients: 2 medium to large onions 2-3 sweet potatoes peeled and cut into large cubes 1 large red or green pepper cut into large chunks 1 medium to large aubergine cut into large cubes 6 tbsp olive oil 2 large cloves of garlic Can of chopped tomatoes Can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed 50 ml (9 fl oz) stock made with half a vegetable stock cube 1 tbsp Moroccan spices Salt and sugar 3 heaped tbsp fresh coriander leaves, trimmed, washed and roughly chopped 1 small carton sour cream, yoghurt or soy yoghurt (optional) Method: 1. Preheat the oven to 200°C/400°F/Gas 6. 2. Peel onions and cut into 8 wedges. 3. Pour 4 tbsp of the oil in a large roasting tin. Add the onion, sweet potatoes, aubergine and pepper, mix well with the oil and bake in the oven for 30 minutes, turning them half way through. 4. Peel and chop the other onion, fry in remaining oil. Add the garlic, spices, chopped tomatoes and cook for about 5 minutes. Stir in the stock and a pinch of salt and sugar to taste. Add the chickpeas. 5. Pour the spiced tomato mixture over the vegetables from the oven and mix in well. Turn the oven temperature down to 190°C/375°F/ Gas 5 and cook for another 20-30 minutes until the vegetables are well cooked, turning them half way through. 6. Just before serving add the chopped coriander. Serve each portion with a dollop of sour cream, yoghurt or soy yoghurt.

Trouble sleeping? Anxious about exams? Worried about STI's? Want to know how alcohol can be affecting your mood? Want to know more about Cannabis? Want to lose weight? Need nutrition information? Then mail in your questions all in confidence to [email protected] to CHAT HEALTH for your reply in each edition of The Stag.

20

Ask Angelique Anything..... I like this guy… Hey, I like this guy but I don’t really know how to approach him. He probably won’t react in the way I want him too… considering I’m gay. Everyone will make fun of me if I’m rejected so I don’t really know where I should go with this. Should I tell him how I feel or should I leave it?

Anon Hiya, this was a tricky one.

Get it off your chest I’ve lost someone close to me.....

Hi Angelique,

Hey J,

I’m not really having a good time at the moment. I’ve lost someone very close to me recently and I feel like the worlds never going to stop spinning. I don’t go out any more, I think my housemates have forgotten I exist but I want to get back to who I used to be. Where do I start?

I’m sorry for your loss and I’m glad you wrote in. It’s always hard to get going again once you’ve lost someone so close to you but its not impossible. Instead of thinking about your loss, think about the good things in your life, think about your friends and family who all love you and are constantly thinking of you. If you feel you need to let it out then talk to a housemate that you feel you can share this with. Talking about things will make you feel better, I promise. In terms of getting back to who you used to be, organise a day out with your housemates, make your self heard and just have fun. I never say forget the past, as it’s the past that makes us who we are today. So use it, let it make you a stronger person. If you need anything, you know where I am .

I just want to make something clear before I go on, don’t EVER be ashamed of J Angelique x who you are, gay or not you a person that deserves to be loved as much as anyone else. You need to start loving yourself, if Boys are D***S!... not how can you expect anyone else too? Considering I don’t know the person you Angelique, I’ve had enough of boys, there all dicks! Why cant I find someone that genulike I can’t really give you advice on how inely wants to hang out with me without getting something else out of it? Why do they he will react but you shouldn’t be afraid always have to ruin everything. I’m actually fed up. to speak your feelings. Usually we can tell whether or not someone might like Carrie xx us, its just our natural human instincts at Hey Carrie, work, but if you’re too nervous to act on them, or if you don’t think that he shares Being a girl.. as much as I want to agree with you and jump on the anti-male bandwagthe same feelings then maybe you should on.. I can’t. You can’t just assume that girls are the only ones that get pissed off cause start at square one. Tell him your gay, you its not true, guys get annoyed at us all the time. Apparently we’re hard to understand don’t have to tell him out straight but just haha don’t know where they got that from. Anyway it seems like you’re not looking for the make it clear which gender you like. Af- right kind of guys, in fact STOP looking cause you’ll give off the wrong impression. Wait ter he accepts you for being gay (if he till you find something in common with a guy and then go from there, I hope you’re not doesn’t then he wasn’t worth the chase searching for a ‘best friend’ cause that just sounds stupid. I can’t tell you how to make a in the first place), build up a friendship friend, as there are so many ways that I couldn’t possibly now where to start. Maybe its and see what grows from there. Just take something you’re doing, maybe you’re so eager to find a male friend that you’re giving off it easy, accept who you are and be your- the wrong impression. Just chill out, calm down. No guy is going to want anything more self. I’m sure you’ll know what to do in than sex from a girl that seems over eager. No offence guys!. But if it seems like you’re time.. What’s the rush? offering then why should you expect them to think any other way. Let me know how it goes Carrie. Angelique x Angelique x

Need someone to talk to? Get it off your chest

Ask Angelique Anything..... Email: [email protected]

Useful Websites: www.connexions-direct.com General advice www.talktofrank.com Drug advice www.childline.org.uk Self harm and Abuse advice www.sextalk.org Sexual health advice

UNIVERSITY OF SURREY PRINTED HOODED TOPS INCLUDES A LARGE RANGE OF COLOURS & SIZES

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Horoscopes

22

Aries (20th March – 20th April)

Libra (20th September – 21st October)

You may need to make some choices this week, make sure you have your priorities right. Do not be complacent and take nothing for granted. With that in mind, remember the winter holidays are coming up so keep up the hard work, you will have plenty of time to have fun soon enough.

You may be getting some bad news this week. Take this chance to put things into perspective and try to appreciate the good things you have in your life. On a more positive note, you will reap the benefits of all your hard work.

Taurus (21st April – 20th May)

Christmas is round the corner and you may feel like your motivation is burning out, stay focused and determined. There is not long to go before you can call it a day and sit back and relax. Keep up your undying optimistic attitude and it will sure pay off

Feeling lonely at this time of year? Don’t worry, it’s just that holidays are a hard time for single people but I reckon you should make most of your singlet status. The world is your oasis, indulge and enjoy yourself, regardless of having The One or not. Gemini (21st May – 20th June) Following a rough week, this is going to be a week of wonders. You should kick back and relax; the holidays are coming up so you have plenty of time to pamper yourself. Just don’t leave all your Christmas shopping till last minute, remember what happened last year!

Scorpio (22nd October – 21st November)

Sagittarius (21st November – 21st December) You’ve been overspending and over pampering yourself lately and Christmas is coming up soon, don’t forget your loved ones. Things may not be as they seem this week, keep an eye out for anything suspicious and keep your friends close to your heart.

Cancer (21st June – 21st July)

Capricorn (22nd December – 20th January)

It is almost end of term and that deadline keeps getting closer. It is time to stop putting it off and get some work done. This will not only make you more confident in your work but will also help in partying in last week of term Đ

This week money will be tight to make sure you prioritise your needs and separate them from your wants. I know it is hard but we need to make sacrifices. Have a night in, watch Disney movies and remind yourself how simple life used to be.

Leo (22nd July – 22nd August)

Aquarius (21st January – 18th February)

With term coming to an end some serious decisions will have to be made. You may need to make compromises but remember not to lose sight of what is important to you. Think positive and brace yourself for the Christmas festivities that are coming your way

After all your partying and rough housing last week, this should be a calmer and focused week where you should try and get your work done. Luck is on your side and if you try hard enough, you might succeed in making all those deadlines and still have time to enjoy. Pisces (19th February – 19th March)

Virgo (23rd August – 21st September)

You have had your eye on this person for weeks, its time you made a move. With the holidays coming up, its time you took control of your Your work load may be piling up and it seems like you’ll never finish life and took a chance – it is worth it. Even making a small gesture, what you have to do. Relax take a deep breath and remember time such as a Christmas card or present will take you a long way with that is on your side. Take advantage of your resources and don’t forget to someone special. squeeze in a little ‘me-time’

Tell Us Your Story – SPLASH Digital Storytelling Project 2009 / 10

 Would you like to develop valuable digital media skills AND be paid for your time and effort?  Would you like to learn how to create your own digital story?  Do you have an interesting story to share about your time at university or about a specific event from which you have learned something?

SPLASH is putting together some resources that will be made available online to new students, and your story could be part of this. We would like to receive your expressions of interest in the form of a summary of your story idea in no more than 150 words to be submitted to: [email protected] by Friday 11th December

Some ideas / examples of possible topics for your stories: •

Settling in to university life / the life changing experience of coming to university

•

A moment when the penny dropped – it all came together!

•

A particular aspect of your studies or an event that you feel would be of specific interest and / or relevance to other students, such as a work placement

Stories can be generally university related or specific to your course BUT they must all demonstrate learning in one sense or another. The SPLASH team

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Christmas Volunteering Give a Gift 2009

Students and groups of students are asked to donate items to be given to local children and homeless people. To get involved, all you have to do is put together a Christmas gift box and bring it in to the Students’ Union. You can give anything you would like to, just make sure that it is unused/ new and in its original packaging. More details are available at www.ussu.co.uk/christmas

Christmas Day Ward Volunteers

Spread some seasonal cheer to patients and their families on 25th December at a local Hospital and get a free Christmas lunch. Deadline for applications 10th Dec.

Children’s Play Day

Help run activities at Christmas themed fun days for local children on the 21st and 22nd December. Activites include face painting and mask making.

For more information email [email protected]

25

Respect and Protect by Bakita Kasadha

About the Day 1st December is observed every year as World AIDS Day. The World Health Organization (WHO) established World AIDS Day in 1988 providing governments, national AIDS programs and now The Stag with an opportunity to raise awareness and focus attention on the global AIDS epidemic.

Take Action There are many ways you can take action in response to HIV/AIDS: - make sure you know the realities of HIV/AIDS, not the myths - get tested for HIV if you have put yourself at risk Black History Night Photos by Adam Sayer

- practice safer methods to prevent HIV and do not engage in high risk behaviours; protect yourself - talk about HIV prevention with family, friends, and colleagues (don’t let HIV be the big white elephant in the room that no one wants to acknowledge) - provide support to people living with HIV/AIDS

There are 33.4 million people worldwide living with HIV and more than 85,000 of them are here in the UK. Today more people than ever before are living with HIV in the UK, but less people report knowing someone with it. Do not think that you are completely removed from the HIV/AIDs issue just because you do not live in a third world country. Know the facts; protect yourself; end the stigma. Source: Worlds AIDS Day Website For more information: http://www.worldaidsday.org/ respectandprotect.aspx

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27

- ‘Swim for the Children’ The Volunteering Society, aka ‘Do More’, is new this year. So far we’ve got off to a great start On Saturday 7th November, 11 enthusiastic students from the University went down to the Spectrum Leisure Centre to take part in ‘Swim for the Children’. The sponsored swim event raised money for two local charities: Cherry Trees Foundation and the Home Start Programme. Cherry Trees supports children and young people with learning and/or physical disabilities. Home-Start provides support to families faced with a variety of difficult situations; such as bereavement, illness and disability. The students who participated in the sponsored swim event ranged from complete novices to swimming superstars and collectively swam a whopping 11.4 miles in 2 hours. The total amount of money raised was an amazing £595.65. The event was coordinated by Do>More Volunteering Society. Do>More would like to thank everyone who swam in the event and everyone who supported the swimmers by giving sponsorship money.

students learnt many life-lessons through this invaluable opportunity to experience another culture. Despite some heartwrenching moments, these students thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity they were given and, as a result, have developed their personal capabilities and independence. Do>More is conducting similar projects this coming summer and will be fundraising throughout the year to support these summer projects.

On the 26th November, a group of volunteers kicked off Do>More fundraising for next year’s summer projects. They organised a very successful cake sale and we would like to give a special thank you to the cake sale team, who raised a fantastic £122.36.

Do>More provides students with access to volunteering opportunities within both the local community and internationally. Do>More gives students a great opportunity to make friends and have fun, while feeling great about yourself and all your ‘good deeds’.

Other News Do>More:

from Upcoming events are Tree O’Clock, and a Christmas themed bar crawl social in December (probably 11th Dec).  We’re looking for volunteers for Tree O’Clock - Guildford Borough Council are organising a sapling Last summer, a group of planting on Merrow Lane of approximately 1,000 trees so volunteers students went to Uganda will be required around 10am to 12:30pm on the day. to work in a children’s home and local medical Interested in getting involved with one off local community volunteering centre. The 4 students projects, fundraising events or summer projects? Contact the Do>More spent a month educating committee at [email protected]. the community on issues such as HIV, nutrition and family planning. The

Students Back Bid For Surrey County Fair Trade Status! Guildford Town Centre hosted ‘Surrey Fair Trade Get-together’ on Saturday 7th November and Helen Thornewell, the President of the Fair Trade Society, went along with two enthusiastic students from the Society to find out more! They were also accompanied by a university member of staff who represented the University Fair Trade Steering Group. There were about 40 people representing various Fair Trade groups from different towns across Surrey. It was really inspiring to discover what other local Fair Trade groups were doing. The main aim of the meeting was to gather all the different groups together and see whether there would be scope for Surrey to work towards receiving County Fair Trade Status through the Fair Trade Foundation. The verdict: everyone agreed this was a great idea! At the meeting, attendees were fortunate enough to hear from guest speakers like two cocoa producers native to Ecuador and Peru – with a live Spanish to English translation! The producers gave first hand examples to explain how the Fair Trade premium helps to protect their farms from climate change and natural hazards and develop better economical infrastructures within their producer associations, which supports all aspects of their livelihood.

There were interesting workshops covering hot topics of Fair Trade’s involvement in environmental issues, climate campaigns, political conferences and other global issues, which was plenty food for thought! So now members of the Fair Trade Society and university are involved in a working party which is forming to meet the objectives for Fair Trade status approval to be achieved by 2012. Wouldn’t it be great for Surrey to be a Fair Trade County when London hosts the 2012 Olympics?! And even better for the University of Surrey and its students to be at the centre of Surrey’s big Fair Trade project?! If anyone feels inspired by any of these issues and wants to find out more, especially if you would be interested in getting involved with the Surrey campaign or would simply like to be kept up-to-date with their upcoming meetings and events, please get in touch with the Fair Trade Society by e-mailing them. They would love to hear from you! [email protected] ‘Surrey SU Fair Trade Society’ on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=138981787147

[email protected]

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The Photography Society is for anyone who owns any kind of camera, and enjoys taking pictures. We organise a variety of photo activities welcome for all to take part in, covering a wide range of photographic styles and opportunities. Recently we arranged a visit to London to take some night photos. We had a great time and visited some of London’s bestknown landmarks: the pictures here show the work of some of the people who came along for the evening and give you a taster of what you could produce.

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Music University Events University of Surrey Symphony Orchestra and Choir at St. Saviour’s Church Tickets: £7.50, £3 Students Saturday 12th December 2009, 7.30PM St. Saviour’s Church, Woodbridge Road, Guildford, GU1 4QD. Shostakovich: Symphony No. 5 in D minor, Op. 47 Bernstein: Candide Overture and Chichester Psalms Successive to the incredible Symphony Orchestra’s concerts last year, the Orchestra and Choir of the University of Surrey, this year, bring a performance of works from two of the 20th Centuries finest composers, Dmitri Shostakovich and Leonard Bernstein. Following it’s composition, Shostakovich welcomed a unique success with the reception of Symphony No. 5, when the piece appealed to both critics and the public alike. One of Shostakovich’s most popular works, it was written at a time when Shostakovich had no choice but to comply with socialist realism and as such was under pressure to simplify his music. Instead, Shostakovich mocked the simplistic approach to composition and in turn wrote a piece that appeared to adhere to socialist realism but in fact was a satirical work of art. Bernstein, famed for works such as West Side Story and On The Town, wrote the music for the operetta Candide, which was first performed in 1957. Chichester Psalms was commissioned for the 1965 Southern Cathedrals’ Festival at Chichester Cathedral. However, the world premiere took place in the Philharmonic Hall, followed by the performance in the Chichester Festival. Expect a fantastic evening, which promises to be every bit as impressive as it sounds. Under the expert guidance of conductor Russell Keable, the University Orchestra and Choir are sure to produce another stunning concert, which is certainly not to be missed. WIND BAND CONCERT Where? Pats Studio 1 When? Monday 7th December, 8pm How much? FREEE!! A wide range of music arranged for wind band ranging from The Sound of Music to Jurassic Park to Glen Miller! Come along for a free concert, it’s a good night out!

Beat! Beat! Beat! - Stars (2009) German bands don’t often manage to cross to this damp isle, and it’s only really when they can sing in English, but let’s face it, many of our own artists have trouble doing that anyway. Beat! Beat! Beat! have been hailed as the ‘new Foals’, cracking out some angular guitar parts with disco beats all over the shop. This is their debut release, and at the ripe age of 18, these guys have got tons of time to take over the indie-pop scene. The album opens up with Stars, a seriously catchy pop track, with some ambient elements coming in at the beginning before some great lyrics and well-written guitar riffs. We Are Waves is another great number, although it is a bit more downtempo to the rest of the EP, and almost has elements that remind me of The Strokes in the vocal work. I heard about Fireworks courtesy of the NME, who gave it away as a free track. This has so many elements of Foals in it you might even think they kidnapped one of the guitarists and let him lay down the riff. It’s a pretty awesome though, and also makes sure the indie-disco beat stays strong. The main riffs works so well together, sliding all over the place in perfect synchronisation. Punchy basslines and pretty random lyrics make this song a good one to nod your head to. One thing I have noticed is that the tracks all seem to be a little bit different. This could be a good thing, or it could be that they are still climbing the rickety ladder to find their ‘core’ sound. Fireworks is certainly my favourite of the 3, but this EP is just a taster to show people what they can do, so their full-length album is sure to cause a bit of commotion. by Mark Allen

[email protected]

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Biffy Clyro – Only Revolutions (Nov 09) Biffy are back!! With their brand new album, and what an album it is. Only Revolutions was released 9th November 09 and was met with universal acclaim. The album starts off with an unfamiliar noise, and if you see the awesome pirate themed video for the single The Captain you’ll see its foot stomping! It’s unusual but a great idea, quite reminiscent of the opening of Living is a Problem from Puzzle. I can see The Captain as being a favourite sing-along at live gigs and festivals.

This album blends different styles, which Biffy master really well, with acousticy tracks such as God & Satan to the fast paced rock of That Golden Rule, Biffy also bring some keyboard in which is new to them. One of my favourites from the album is Bubbles which blends clever catchy riffs, with great lyrics and Simon Neil sounding more Scottish than ever. I love it! Bubbles also features Josh Homme from Queens of The Stone Age on guitar.

The album contains some quirky, insane There are many love themed lyrics in the album, lyrics not unheard of in Biffy’s Music. Born on this, in some cases is probably due to the a Horse is a great example, and the catchy recent marriage of one of the band members. intro sounds nothing like Biffy have ever done It’s also part of the theme of the album, which before. The lyric ‘were galloping slowly through is about revelations in our lives. Mountains with this broken glass’ is strange but awesome, and its catchy little melody and nice lyrics, ‘Nothing it sounds as if they have meaning that’s pretty lasts forever except you and me, you are my hard to decipher. mountain you are my sea.’ It’s a good heartfelt Cool heavy guitar riffs, rock out sounds and track mixing metaphors with mega rock riffs.

that awesome Scottish voice make this album a MUST! A great carry on from Biffy’s Puzzle. As Biffy’s fifth album, they can only do better in the future right?! by Mary-Rose D’Ambrosio

Lady GaGa “The Fame Monster”

Released: 23rd November

2009 has definitely been the year of Gaga and after listening to this album, be prepared to clear the charts for another 12 months. You would think this artist’s luck would run tiresome but this debut album proves Gaga is making a habit of generating hits. Besides the four chart toppers we have already familiarised ourselves with, Gaga graces the album with eight new singles in this revised edition.

lyrics combined with Gaga’s adapted accent makes for night time listening. The only ballad, Speechless, does exactly what it says on the tin and assures us that Gaga is capable of something more mellow and down tempo, with powerful vocals giving it a much more classical feel. Monster entices with it’s 80s electro pop back beat, while my personal favourite Dance in the dark is an echo of synth with its Vogue style rap giving homage to a list of Gaga’s own celebrity influences.

From the stomping beats of Bad Romance, to Most impressive is the dynamite collaboration the sultry sounds of Alejandro which provocative with Beyoncé Telephone, and although the

song, messy in structure and constantly unpredictable, it is surprisingly genius as a package. However, the real monster in this album is the sexually suggestive Teeth which military-like bass gives the song the aggression and drive that she showcases so well in her live performances. Although Gaga does love her repetition so be prepared for a feeling of major déjà vu when listening to the album, and a more concrete incentive to love this artist by Faye Carpenter

Them Crooked Vultures Them Crooked Vultures are possibly the most anticipated ‘supergroup’ of 2000. Those not familiar with the band will no doubt be familiar with the line-up - singer Josh Homme (Queens of the Stone Age), drummer Dave Grohl (Foo Fighters, Nirvana) and bassist John Paul Jones (Led Zeppelin). While I’m a fan of all these bands, I had no idea Them Crooked Vultures existed (oddly I found out through my hairdresser when he told me he bought the album and that I should do the same – and its hard not to take notice of a man holding a razor close to your face).

band’s sound. It ends on a Grohl drum fill where it’s hard not to imagine a QOTSA bass solo. But thankfully Jones doesn’t feel the need. Mind Eraser, No Chaser is next up, again providing plenty of guitar riffs. Homme takes all the lead vocals but Grohl’s backing him, making Homme’s vocal style sound a little less creepy. This mix perfectly compliments the track, making this the highlight of the album. Most of the following songs are all in a similar style. There are however, a few oddballs thrown in. Interlude With Lude is pretty psychedelic, and Gunman is pretty funky. There are also some strange outros to some tracks – namely Caligulove’s weird Theremin-style melody and Mind Eraser, No Chaser’s little trumpet ditty. These provide a nice break from the constant guitar riffs defining the album.

So, if you put all their previous bands into a blender the output really could be Them Crooked Vultures - a bluesy riff-driven rock band. At moments there are sounds of classic Zeppelin then the hectic drum fills and guitar riffs of QOTSA. With Homme fronting the band it’s hard to not think of this as his side project. After all, Grohl sat comfortably behind the drum kit for him many times. But still, there are hints of something Them Crooked Vultures look impressive on paper, and the album doesn’t disappoint. But like most supergroups, they don’t exactly offer anything original creating something rather impressive. super. Still, it’s really not bad for a band I didn’t even realise existed. If The first track No One Loves Me & Neither Do I opens with a grooving you want a quick listen then head to their myspace or stream the whole Grohl drumbeat. The song reminds me somewhat of The White Stripes album for free on Spotify. with a blues guitar tone and rhythmic vocals. Half-way through, the song morphs into a crunchy guitar riff. This second half really defines the by Andy Flowers

Make it a Chancellors Christmas

Have a Merry Xmas and a wonderful New Year From all of the Sabbaticals, Chancellors & Students’ Union staff

Live Music and Silent Film Completing our series of silent films accompanied by live music this term is The Adventures of Prince Achmed showing in PATS Dance Studio on Wednesday 9th December at 7.30pm. Whilst this film is the shortest of those shown this term (lasting only 67 minutes), it is perhaps one of the most monumental in as far as it is the oldest surviving, and some even argue first ever, animated feature film ever made. Created by German animator Lotte Reiniger, this silhouette animation involves manipulated cut-outs made from cardboard and thin sheets of lead under a camera. The entire film therefore takes place through the use of intricate and astonishingly crafted shadow puppets. The story is based on elements taken from the collection 1001 Arabian Nights, specifically The Story of Prince Achmed. With the assistance of Aladdin, the Witch of the Fiery Mountain, and a magic horse, the title character battles the evil African sorcerer to win the hand of Princess Pari Banou.

But I’m guessing that many of you are thinking exactly the same as I was when first told about this event – why on earth would I want to go and see a film in which there is no sound/conversation and in which we don’t even see the character’s faces, animated or otherwise? Well, contrary to first impressions and expectations, and perhaps controversial for its time, this amalgam of fairy stories does in fact contain a blatant erotic energy, rarely seen in even the lustiest of pre-Code live action cinema! Witness, for example, handmaidens tossing themselves on Achmed’s body like hungry rabbits, or 2 concubines leaning in to kiss Achmed only to end up kissing one another as Achmed ducks. Not only this, but Prince Achmed also reminds us of the potential of animation to transcend the limits of live action (especially in this early period). The figures move with startling fluidity – a fluidity that makes even the most agile of human being seem laborious. Because of the technique used to invent this film, the figures and locations are almost archetypal, at once dazzling because of

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their intricate detail yet equally mysterious because of their hidden quality. So, whilst the invention technique of this film might be simple, it appears that its content and detail might be less so. Why not come and check it out for yourself on Wednesday 9th December, 7.30pm in PATS Dance Studio. Geoff Smith’s new score for the film, which he will perform live on numerous hammered dulcimers, perfectly compliments the film’s beauty and innate mystery. Tickets are £8 adults and £5 concessions. You can’t say you don’t like it until you’ve tried it and I can pretty much vouch for the fact that you’ll be converted to silent film once you’ve seen it. And even if you’re not, its only 67 minutes long after all! Don’t miss out – it’s the last silent film of the term and it’s guaranteed to be beautiful. by Jess Curnier

Worst Song of the Decade Michael

Jackson

-

This

Is

It

I love his music, I really do. I could turd out praiseworthy prose until the monkey goes to heaven about most of his music, but this song was a troglodyte alongside Michael’s Aphrodites. It wasn’t good enough for a b-side, album track or even bonus disk filler when he was alive. Now it’s supposed to be the thing that makes you buy the latest Greatest Hits cash in. Let a dead man sleep, stop trying to make him dance. Tom Waits - Glitter & Doom Live Furious fan-boy wanking is the last thing that student media needs. In every uni paper, radio station and club in the country there is a jumped up little snob who despises mainstream culture and thinks that their taste is what the world really needs. Completely bypassing the fact that the world actually has better things to do than

take a keen interest in the recommendation of comfy middle class university brat who has never had any real responsibilities. Thus they have the time and resources to learn the Yo La Tengo back catalogue, own every Robert Johnson song and go to obscure festivals then judge all those who don’t do similar. There is always someone who lives in their own cultural castle, wants to tell everyone and deludes themselves that people will care. I despise it, so I apologize for this article. I’m 21 and should know better. Tom Waits is a somewhat acquired taste. The instrumentation is often kooky, unhinged and sometimes more patient than doctor. His voice resembles a kicked dog with a sore throat and the whole thing takes a bit of getting used to. Nonetheless he is a captivating performer and his latest live album is long overdue. All the recordings were taken from various points

on his 2008 Glitter And Doom tour and the setlist draws from some of his best tracks from the last 15 years, completely ignoring most of his early jazz-bar hobo years. It’s seedy, low, dark and at the same time uplifting and life affirming in places. It’s a warm welcome to a Tim Burton-esque moonlit world that few artists can come close to matching. There are few words to describe the insane level of songwriting too, usually that’s a cop-out term to use when there’s not a lot going on (I have used it as such before) but each one paints a glorious picture with swirls, flourishes and the occasional brick to the nuts. It’s well worth paying the extra pound or two to get the bonus disk of tales between songs, you will use them on girls at parties and they will love you for it. Recommended tracks: Lucky Day, Fallin’ Down, Lucinda/Ain’t Goin’ Down To The Well

Guitar and Flute Duo Perform at PATS Studio One If you enjoyed the superb guitarist Thomas Leeb, who performed at PATS Studio One in October, then here’s another concert for you guitar fans – Steven Thachuk performing in PATS Studio One on Friday 11th December at 7.30pm. Although this Canadian guitarist likes to play a steel-stringed instrument, he is traditionally a classical guitarist who enjoys constantly challenging the nature of both the instrument’s repertoire and boundaries. Thachuk’s recitals therefore usually include a variety of different works ranging from J.S. Bach to John Lennon. So, even if you’re not the biggest fan of classical music, Thachuk’s versatility

in genre guarantees that his performances appeal to all. Fans of Radiohead will be particularly impressed by his original and astounding transpositions of their works to classical guitar. Providing an exciting and unexpected twist to Thachuk’s performance is talented flautist Sarah Wass, who will also be joining Thachuk on the evening of Friday 11th December. Together these musicians generate a strangely tranquil yet invigorating ambiance with their music, which, as masters of their respective instruments, they perform with utmost grace and technical expertise.

Since both Thachuk and Wass perform regularly with the experimental and improvisational band Freshly Squeezed, we are very excited to see what eclectic mix they might have in store for us when they visit Studio One. Insiders suggest that the programme will include works by Jon Brion, Andrew Bird, Radiohead, Celso Machado, George Rochberg, Ian Clarke and Robert Beaser. The concert will take place in PATS Studio One on Friday 11th December at 7.30pm. Tickets are £10, £5 for students and can be bought from the University box office on 01483 686 876. by Jessica Curnier

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Dance and Theatre...... A big thank you to everyone who has supported the new Dance and Theatre page in its first term at The Stag. In particular I’d like to thank everyone who has written articles and shared their love for the arts in this space. I wish you all a Merry Christmas and look forward to 2010 at The Stag. As always please feel free get in touch: [email protected]. Rachel Gildea Dance and Theatre Editor, The Stag

Arts Events in December

I hope you’ve all enjoyed the autumn semester and have managed to catch at least one or two events that have taken place this term.  Earlier in the semester we had the great Malian musician, Bassekou Kouyate, who blew away all who attended his gig in the University Hall with his kinetic energy and infectious music. We also welcomed the superb dancers Laila Diallo and Melanie Demers to campus with their powerful show Sense of Self in October (reviewed in the last issue). The guitarist Thomas Leeb’s performance in concert at Studio One in October was also a definite highlight. I hope also that some of you made it to the Free For All gig in Wates House last Friday, 4th December. Always a great event and one of the most popular student concerts of the year, it featured a range of music department bands and performers. The next Free For All will take place in February at the University Hall so look out for more information on this event after Christmas. However, before that, we still have coming up this term:  Wednesday 9th December, 7.30pm The Adventures of Prince Achmed

Shiny and New – Theatre Studies is born at the University of Surrey! by Lexi Sutton  New to Surrey University this year, is Theatre Studies. Only twenty - one overdramatic, outgoing and fearless students were chosen for this year, but together we create a band of theatrical talent that Surrey has yet to see perform. However this is soon to change. We are building up our confidence and learning new techniques. Our acting classes are intense, we use methods that are renowned for being used at drama school, to strip us bear and build fantastic, real and beautiful characters. We shall see if these roles grasp your imaginations and carry you away from student life, as they should. Both modern and traditional techniques are being explored and used within performances. Techniques exploited by us, the theatre studies actors, producers, directors and all other roles imaginable within this new and inspired degree. In addition stage management and production happens, to enable us to run your theatres and performances. Watch out Surrey, you’ll soon be seeing us. Within the first week of this new degree, a theatre society had stemmed, one purely for performance and drama, ‘The Soc’. Using techniques from the acting and movement classes, staging and character lectures and stage production, two plays are to be put on. They use every inch of inspiration, courage and knowledge that we twenty one can combine. So Surrey come and see this new talent, and watch out for us. Dates for your Diary: Improvisation Night – 14th December TB19 Teechers – 18th and 19th January – TB10 Chatroom – 21st and 22nd January – The Living Room

PATS Dance Studio The last in our season of silent films with live music, if you are interested in animation and film history then this is definitely one for your diary.  A significant moment in the history of cinema, The Adventures of Prince Achmed was the first feature animation film ever made. Geoff Smith’s new score, which he will perform live on the night, perfectly compliments the film.  Friday 11th December, 7.30pm Steven Thachuk, guitar and Sarah Wass, Flute PATS Studio One Phenomenal guitarist Steven Thachuk and flautist Sarah Wass will be performing at PATS Studio One this Friday 11th December.  Appealing to fans of both classical and steel-stung guitar, Steven and Sarah perform a varied programme ranging from the classical repertoire of Bach to original arrangements of tracks by John Lennon and Radiohead.  Check out www.steventhachuk.com   Saturday 12th December, 7.30pm University of Surrey Symphony Orchestra and Choir St. Saviour’s Church, Guildford The annual autumn concert by the University Symphony Orchestra and Choir. Building from strength to strength over the last few years under the expert guidance of conductor Russell Keable, and performing music by two of the 20th century’s great composers, Bernstein and Shostakovich, the Orchestra and Choir are sure to produce a stunning concert at St. Saviour’s Church, Guildford.  With tickets at only £3 for students, why not come along and see what you think? Sign up to our Facebook page and post your thoughts on the wall.  Tuesday 15th, Wednesday 16th, Thursday 17th December, 7.30pm Going Public I – Xmas Dance Shows PATS Dance Studio Always extremely popular, these shows offer a fun, festive end to the semester, showcasing a range of work by student choreographers and performers, in a variety of techniques including African, Kathak, Ballet and Contemporary. Come along and enjoy a mince pie, a glass of mulled wine and an entertaining show, sure to get you in the festive spirit. Again only £3 for students.  Please search for Music & Dance Events at the University of Surrey to join our Facebook page, to keep up-to-date with events and leave comments if you wish.  Also check out www.surrey.ac.uk/arts. Tickets to all events can be booked in advance at Senate House Reception or on 01483 686 876.  Have a fun Christmas break.  See you in 2010!  by Jamie Harber

[email protected]

Going Public 1 - Xmas Dance Show

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Three nights of entertainment to get you in the mood for Christmas The Surrey Dance students, years 1 to 3, are presenting a show of some of their work achieved so far this year, for all to come and enjoy. The show will be held in PATS Dance Studio and due to last year’s high demand for tickets, the show will, for the first time, be held over three nights. If you have never seen a dance performance before why not take this opportunity to come and see a wide variety of styles that will be shown, ranging from African, Kathak (Indian), Contemporary and Ballet. We will also be showing some pieces that our own students have choreographed. You can see all of this literally on your door step and for a much cheaper price than you would at a Theatre in London with the same

What’s all the ‘Hype’? by Jen Pearce Hype is the new dance Group coming to the University of Surrey on the Wednesday the 16th of December at Rubix. The group formed recently and is led by second year dance student Rachel Leyland. They are excited to be holding their debut performance in our very own union. The group is hip-hop based and they will be performing a medley of chosen works on the night, so the music will fit in with what is usually played by our resident DJ’s on Wednesday nights. Formed near the beginning of the academic year, Hype rehearses at the university though they will not be replacing the Surrey Dance Squad, despite the controversy regarding this issue. It is a separate entity from the University and Hype is not a University society because even though they will be rehearsing and performing at Surrey, they hope to participate various hiphop competitions and festivals in the wider dance field. Hype is a non-profit group and they dance solely for the pleasure of entertainment. So if you’d like to see them in action, come to Rubix on Wednesday 16th during the last week of Uni. You have no excuse not to be out! For more information Rachel Leyland.

contact

professional level, including beautiful costumes and effective lighting. Plus intervals with festive nibbles and beverages. This evening is aimed for everyone, whether you have a knowledge of dance or not, you are bound to experience a wonderful night and learn about new styles of dance. So bring along friends or family members and enjoy a relaxing evening of entertainment, while watching the Classical to the up beat rhythms of African. Tickets can be booked from the University Box Office, (located at Senate House) on 01483 686 876 or via email : boxoffice@surrey. ac.uk at £6 and £3 for students. The Xmas Dance Shows will be held in the PATS Building Dance Studio on Tuesday 15th, Wednesday 16th and Thursday 17th of December at 7.30pm.

An Ugly Story About Beauty Matthew Bourne’s Dorian Grey, New Production, New Victoria Theatre, Woking

Adventures

A far cry from his dazzlingly-glitzy, magical production of The Nutcracker! Matthew Bourne’s Dorian Gray uncovered the depths of his dark side. The story of one man’s hunger for everlasting youth and eternal beauty ends in tragedy. Bourne’s choice to set Oscar Wilde’s classic in the 21st century exposed an unsettling truth: Dorian still exists in today’s society. Bourne substituted Wilde’s hidden portrait in the attic for the incessant flash of the camera and the endless roll of digital photographs. This modern day twist emphasised Dorian’s narcissism, the multiple replicas of his face making reference to the celebrity culture of our time. Bourne boldly explores the powerful relationship between sex and death. In the beginning the dancers are in a white studio, their beautiful bodies lean and their bright faces fresh. In nothing but their black underwear they strike poses for the camera; Bourne at once captures their pulsating youth and hints at their naked vulnerability as they bask in the shimmering lens. Sharp, angular movements are employed, framing the face. Sex sells. Bourne’s movement is characteristically quite literal and his dynamics theatrical. In the second half, the story descends into darkness and the dancers’ nudity takes on sinister meaning: in the very same underwear they hang limply from the staging and sprawled across the furniture. Their naked bodies sexualise the atmosphere of death and murder, revealing the corruption of Dorian’s mind. Choreographically and emotively it was the intense duet between Dorian (Richard Wilson/Jared Hagemen) and Basil (Jason Piper/Christopher Marney) which stood out. The chemistry between the two male dancers was overwhelming. Erotically charged, the dancers chased each other wildly, the urgent dynamic suggesting their longing for one another. The lighting highlighted their muscular torsos flexing and releasing as they used their strength to pull towards and push away from one another. In a series of floor rolls and handstands homosexual innuendos were explicit: in a blindly ecstatic moment Basil pulled Dorian’s head furiously toward his pelvis, throwing his head back in pleasure. At times it was hard to engage with the characters, particularly with Dorian. Driven by twisted passions, their harsh exteriors were difficult to warm to. The devastating interplay of external beauty and internal ugliness shaped the piece: we watched in fear and fascination as his fame and adoration bred a monster inside him. The final scene was distressing. Having killed Basil in a climactic sexual triumph he turns on himself. Bourne uses two dancers to play the final murder perhaps to signify the duplicitous man he has become. In bed he suffocates his other self before lying dead. The cameras return to stage, commanded by the paparazzi. Pictures are taken compulsively, grotesquely chronicling Dorian’s tainted tragedy. Even in death his soul is irretrievably lost to the curse of fame. We were left feeling shaken – a powerful warning about the destructiveness of vanity and the human lust for immortality.

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Jasmin Vardimon Company YESTERDAY

Robin Howard Theatre, London Contemporary Dance School 

screams, groans frequent the aural, as a release of the emotional engagement within the work. The oriental dancer, lying on her front is White blinds from ceiling to floor occupy the stage; the audience buzzing close to tears when drawing on her body in marker pen, this being in to see the delights of Jasmin Vardimon’s YESTERDAY, a collection full view of the personal camcorder, providing a mirror into her heart. and celebration of the company’s repertoire. Those who know who of Despite the extreme anguish that the characters, and consequently the Vardimon’s distinct style may hazard a guess as to what is to come, dancers endure, humour provides a light relief to which the audience however, those who are new to the company’s work can only imagine. relish.   YESTERDAY’s musical accompaniment is diverse to say the very least. Operatic, techno/electronic, industrial accompaniment, are just some of the genres used, in addition to percussive sounds of the body. Costume choices within the performance are equally diverse. Jeans, suit, dress each representing a character and a story within itself, and although impractical at times, they are successful in enhancing that character.  The ensemble appear to the audience, as ‘ordinary’, not dancers at all. Perhaps it is this that allows for such believable portrayals of hardhitting issues; a realistic approach that the audience can identify with. 

Choreography features a male unison section: sensitive, fluid, quite effeminate and yet a female unison section provides direct, powerful, qualities that evoke those associated with men. Here Vardimon explores role reversal, therefore breaking down gender codes and redefining how men and women conduct themselves through movement. 

YESTERDAY, in all its glory, presents the dancer as fragile and impressionable; bringing out raw emotion and intellect of the company. Deployment of visual effects brings the setting of the performance to the modern-day viewer, whilst the narrative and movement content This piece has elements of physical theatre.  One might note the use of establish the work and, indeed the company as ground-breaking in their narration in a fight scene between patient and virus, humour isolating the approach and style.  situation, breaking away from the emotion of the dance. Consequently, dancers of the company should be praised for fully embodying the by Lucy Al-Zoghbi movement, in terms of physicality and emotional involvement. Breath,

A Night of Indian Classical Dance with by Lili Thorn Gent

Shantala Shivalingappa - ‘Shiva Ganga’ 

The four musicians sat on stage, a melodious singer adding to the atmosphere. Candles lit up a dark corner of the stage and a single dancer walked on in pitch black, but only the jingle of her ankle bells let us know she was there. When the lights shone down, we saw she was beautiful, dressed in red and gold. She performed Kuchipudi from Southern India. Fast footwork entailed, deep pliés,  smooth, gentle, gestural movement. The musicians recited ‘Bol’, the spoken drum beats, making it comical and playing off one another: one announced his name to be James Bond whilst blowing dust off his fingers. Then after the stage turned blue, her costume too, she stepped onto a brass plate, twisting on it with precision - impressive. After each dance, a voice from nowhere told us the story behind each piece, one depicting Hindu god Ganesh, another about the river Ganges.  For her finale, the end image in my mind was her spinning on her knees around the stage, fast pace, sleek, quick, stunning.

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Film Get the popcorn ready...... Harry Brown (18)

“To them out there, it’s just entertainment” seethes a grief-stricken Michael Caine in his latest role as Harry Brown - the widowed pensioner turned vigilante. Such is the

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general attitude towards the marauding gangs of gun-wielding adolescents that plague the underpasses in Daniel Barber’s cliché urban nightmare.

Sociology, details that are generally overlooked by critics who have discarded the film as Daily Mail propaganda for the ever-growing problem of anti-social behaviour.

Viewers who turn up expecting an ironic Gran Torino-meets-Lock Stock shoot fest are definitely in for a shock. With mobile-recorded shootings of distraught mothers, casual pedestrian assault and Caine averaging an onscreen breakdown of once every four minutes, a light-hearted British flick this ain’t.

The concept of an elderly retiree dispatching vengeance on stereotypical delinquents, interwoven with extended scenes of prolonged tension succeeded by short outbursts of gratuitous violence makes for a surreal but fairly weak plot. However, those who enjoy an extra helping of grit with their popcorn will not be disappointed. Besides, it just wouldn’t be Christmas without Michael Caine brightening our screens, whatever the context.

Yet Harry Brown excels in suspense. A slow build up of dripping taps, distant sirens and lingering glances generate an intense, hyperreal atmosphere that permeates an immersing ***** yet repulsive landscape of grey skies and graffiti. The mundane repetition of the run down council by Thomas Goulding estate reflects the broken-window theories of

Paranormal Activity (15, Oren Peli) This is the huge success story that swept the box office in the US. It started with a 15,000-dollar budget and through the trailer of people jumping out of their seats; the public were determined to endure it. It now stands at more than 100 million dollars at the US box office, and the hype has surpassed the film.

The basis is that a young couple are convinced there are supernatural beings in their house. Katie is seen to be the victim and Micah is recording the whole experience on his camera. In the same way as The Last Broadcast and (most well known) The Blair Witch Project the tape is picked up later on.

For a lot of people who have not seen many horror films this will give a chill to their spines. Personally, I have two problems. One, I do not think it is as scary as the quotes on the poster make it out to be, and two, the characters do start become annoying. On the plus side, I think it is well made and it does sustain the tension well up until the payoff. A good example is the use of the static camera and the ticker at the bottom fastforwarding. You feel that something is about happen and to puritans of horror that is where it glues you to your seat.

***** by Ollie Sim

The White Ribbon (15, Michael Haneke) town prior to the First World War. It starts with the doctor injured when a concealed thin wire trips his horse. After that moment, heinous and strange events happen to the town with acts of vandalism and sudden violence. The townspeople are left angry and disturbed, but most of all, are left confused by who is behind the acts.

sexual abuse going on behind closed doors. When a young boy opens the door to see the doctor with a young teenager, she explains tearfully that, “I’ve just pierced my ears”. What may frustrate some audiences is how it never goes for easy answers. In fact, the only hint we are given is the conclusion that the schoolmaster (our narrator) suggests to the pastor, who quickly dismisses it. We are free to make up our own minds. What Haneke does in the meantime is carry a hint of what Tarkovsky did with films such as The Mirror (1975), cause uncertainty over what seems the smallest of moments.

Like with the director’s previous work Hidden (2005), the goings-on are traced back to Michael Haneke likes to treat his audience like childhood and the system of punishments grown-ups. The winner of this year’s Palme d’Or that are undergone. One boy is strapped to his at the Cannes Film Festival might as well be bed to resist any unnatural urges. Also, two his best work to date. The themes surrounding children are subjected to the humiliation of the The White Ribbon are tenfold. The film needs ‘white ribbon’ around their arm to remind them ***** patience and attention, but what you are left of their impurity. with is a haunting film that is sticks in your What Michael Haneke never reveals is what the by Ollie Sim mind when you leave the cinema. audience can translate. An example is the use The story is set in a Protestant North German of edits to conceal the truth and the implied

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The Descent Part 2 (18, Jon Harris) This is the other horror film, which still uses enter the cave…again. the same tactics as the original, but with less verve. So if you want to be jumped out of your I do not understand the reason for going back to the same routine. Nor does the new film seat, this is the better bet. convince me. If anyone is planning to see this, The story picks up from the original (why they then I do refer you to Neil Marshall’s original had to carry on, I don’t know) where Sarah film. It is far scarier and more psychologically escapes from the cavern. She stumbles across terrifying than this footnote. a local diner, where she suffers severe trauma. So what do you do when someone is in shock? ***** Go back to scene of course. With the local sheriff and another team of cave dwellers, they by Ollie Sim

DO YOU LIKE FILMS?

FRONT ROW Is back!

As Film Editor of The Stag, I urge any film fans to join Front Row. It is headed by me and includes people who love to discover, watch and enjoy films. We are not all about new films. Our aims are for people to enjoy films that you might have heard (or not) and hear your views on what we should show. The FACEBOOK group has been started under ‘Front Row’. Do join! We’ll let you know our next AGM meeting and we will get this up and running.

Enjoy the cinematic experience!

The Best and Worst of 2009 Best Films of 2009

conflicted environment.

1. Let The Right One In (Tomas Alfredson)

Worst Films of 2009

See Page 42.

1. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen (Michael Bay) Repugnant, loud, misogynistic, chauvinistic, evil minded, rotten, and downright terrible. Those are a few things to describe Transformers 2, but what makes it all the more worse is that nitwits actually went to see it. I hope you are happy. For the others, I call a boycott to the release of the DVD.

A delirious, macho and visually stunning film that is the best film about the Iraqi conflict to date. Not so much about politics, but more about men and the heat that drives them. White

Ribbon

Steff Lever (Deputy Editor - Design) A Walk To Remember (2002) My favourite film of this decade would be A Walk to Remember with the main actors/actresses, Mandy Moore and Shane West. Even though the film is of the romantic genre, it is not typical as it includes a saddening twist halfway through. It would be a must film for any girl and even a guy would like this one. David Holt (Sports Editor) The Dark Knight (2008)

Eunice Njagi (Literature Editor) Love Me If You Dare (2003) (French title: Jeux d’enfants)

(Michael

2. Miss March (Trevor Moore, Zach Possibly Michael Haneke’s most accomplished Cregger) film and as with most of Haneke’s films, he never lets you off easy. Mysterious and Stars dingbats, directed by dingbats and disturbing, it is worth your patience. written by dingbats, for dingbats. Make note, never see anything that stars Hugh Hefner 4. Up (Pete Doctor) or endorsed by Hugh Hefner. You’ll thank me later. Pixar’s best film since Toy Story is funny, touching and sparkled with wit. It stretches 3. Dance Flick (Damien Dante Wayans) the gap between adults and children with an opening sequence that is truly beautiful. The fact that the Wayans Brothers are the most successful black filmmakers should be a good thing. No, it turns out. I just wish everyone would stop doing movie parodies. It is thoroughly painful to watch that you wish you were dumb and stupid. It would help an awful lot. 4. Bride Wars (Gary Winick) The first film I saw of 2009 just gave me a haunting indication at how bad this year was going to be. I would feel sorry if I were a female watching this. I would give up faith of the stance in women’s rights. It gives chick flicks a terribly bad name. 5. Katyn (Andrzej Wajda)

Editors’ Pick of the Noughties

I know, I know, it’s an obvious choice, but I absolutely LOVED this film. It’s one of the few films I can watch over and over again and Heath Ledger’s performance as The Joker is brilliant. For once, Christian Bale’s wooden acting actually suits the character and everything clicks so well. Love it.

2. The Hurt Locker (Kathryn Bigelow)

3. The Haneke)

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5. 31 North 62 East (Tristan Loraine)

Thank goodness this had a limited release. Haunting reminder of the soldiers who were This supposed ‘psychological thriller’ is an swept under the rug by the Soviets during appalling commentary on no matter how low World War II. A lavish film that puts resources your budget is it will never escape the fact to great uses and committed in portraying a that it is embarrassingly awful.

Why? It essentially came down to either this or Hard Candy, but I do adore everything about this slightly twisted romantic comedy, and I’ve lost count how many times I’ve watched it! Mariam Nasir (Features Editor) Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy (2003/2006/2007) Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom put together with swords fights and a thrilling storyline - how could this not be a blockbuster? The fact that all three movies are amazing is commendable since most trilogies aren’t very good. This movie defines the decade for me - fun, experimental and clever. Favourite Line: “Why is the rum gone?” Epic! Ben Pook (News Editor) Finding Nemo (2003) It’s difficult not to enjoy or at least appreciate a film about talking fish. But, Finding Nemo doesn’t simply represent an enjoyable cartoon for kids. The film teaches fish-lovers of all ages about respect, determination and stereotypes, while carefully maintaining a subtle tone of humour throughout the entire movie. My favourite character is the giant Australian turtle, Crush. I still question why he is yet to have his own spin-off. Ankur Banerjee (Copy Editor) The Machinist (2004) A brilliant psychological thriller, The Machinist is quite an unsettling watch. Features probably the best acting that Christian Bale has done so far. Love the use of symbolism throughout the movie.

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The Ten Best Films of the Decade

To me, this decade has been a remarkable boom for my interest in film. It is very unjustified to sum up a decade of film with a ‘Top Ten’, but then again (as you well know), there are so many films out there. In a world where online criticism and fanboy culture have been the prime influence, we should take a step back. It would be easy for any cynic to say that this decade has been insignificant, but that is simply not true. With the emergence of DVD and the Internet, you can now collect a whole backcatalogue of a director’s work. It has also been easier to share opinions with one another across the world. All this is mainly thanks to technology, but what about the films themselves? When it comes to a poll made up of ‘Ain’t It Cool News’ members, number one will be The Dark Knight. Personally, whenever I hear that film on top, I start to grind my teeth. Why? Because too often, those are the people who are too selective about what they see. My advise to anyone is to think outside your zone. A cliché, I know, but great films are so precious and when I hear that Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen has beaten box office records, it is almost like a chauvinistic drunk has pushed you to the ground. What I urge to people is that no matter how short your attention span might be, you at least find out about these films. Some films are ones that people might already know or some that you may not know. It does not matter because the great thing about where we are today is that you can easily access them. I hope you agree with the choices made:

The main credit goes to Paul Thomas Anderson who never gives up on any of the elements that make up There Will Be Blood. In every one of his films so far (Hard Eight, Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Punch-Drunk Love), even the most cynical critic has to agree there are moments that show the makings of a superlative filmmaker. Here is him at his peak, but hopefully not burnt out. THE MOMENT: Although most people refer to the now infamous finale (“I drink your milkshake!”), the moment where everything hits the roof is when the oil derrick comes across the “ocean of oil”. The breakthrough is so strong that it deafens H.W. (The main character’s adopted son). Que the ascending drums and the geyser of oil that ignites. A cloud of darkness covers the landscape as onlookers look on in quivering uncertainty and condemnation.

2. The Return (2003, Dir: Andrey Zvyagintsev) Based around the director’s own experience is a coming-of-age, tragic, and disturbing portrait of independence, but also despair. The story is a dark, uncompromising test of manhood centred around two brothers whose father returns after a twelve-year absence. Shortly after his return, he decides to take them both on a mysterious trip to an unknown island.

1. There Will Be Blood (2007, Dir: Paul Thomas Anderson)

What is remarkable is how restrained the film is in revealing almost nothing about where, who and why. Where are we going? Who is their father? Is he their father and why now? It is almost horrific in the sense that we are revealed a lot more about the father’s character and how the two boys react to him.

Now is a very good time to bring up this extravagant film. With the release date of Avatar fast approaching, James Cameron has always maintained that, “3-D is the future”, “It will change the face of cinema”. Well here is my thought: 3-D is a fad, a gimmick, it always was. I am very sceptical about Avatar “changing the face of cinema”, but if there is one film this decade that has been close to opening our minds about cinema, it is There Will Be Blood.

The atmosphere is so cold that you are almost alienated by their situation. The audience are given no privileges. The tense relationship is unbearable, strict, but at the same time heartbreaking knowing that the boys are almost at breaking point. They are not ready to confront the harsh aspects of life and as an audience; we are just as vulnerable as the two boys. It is a personal, sad, flawless piece of work.

Does There Will Be Blood do it with 3-D? No. So, how does it become the film of the decade? It goes for everything, and does everything not just right, but beyond expectation. Even I was caught off guard because the first time I watched There Will Be Blood, I had no idea where the film was going. It is like being on a rickety, runaway train and you do not know when it is going to stop.

THE MOMENT:

When you see the Miramax logo, you start to hear this faint ringing of strings in your ear coming from the gargantuan score by Jonny Greenwood (yes, out of Radiohead). It then builds and builds, the pitch gets higher and you do not know how high your senses will take. The film finally fades into this decollate almost inhospitable environment. The loudness from the strings almost translates into the establishing shot of the film. From there on in, there is no dialogue for twenty minutes. It is an audacious piece of filmmaking and from the title sequence, you are absolutely mesmerised by the scale of this film. Although you do not know where the story goes, you have this feeling of impending doom.

Ivan runs to a decollated watchtower where the father pursues him. He warns that he is ready to jump from the tower in an act of devastation. The father pleads Ivan to come down and talk to him. As the father climbs up, the unfortunate happens.

Daniel Day Lewis gives a barnstorming performance (a voice reminiscing John Huston’s Noah Cross in Chinatown) that portrays a character full of suppressed rage and contempt for everyone around him (“I see the worst in people”). It is a master class in acting that used to be present in Olivier’s finest roles. The transformation from a prospector clipping away trying to earn a worthy lifestyle to a bitter, worn hunchback is fascinating. To say There Will Be Blood is an epic is like saying the Mona Lisa is just a woman. The brilliant thing about There Will Be Blood is that there are issues scattered everywhere about greed, war, land, capitalism, oil and anger, but like the best films out there, it never flags them. It is there to find, and at the same time it is marvellous to watch the kind of filmmaking that comes so rarely.

Both boys (Ivan and Audrey) are torn apart by their relationship with the father. Ivan, who is the youngest, is isolated and does not approve of the father. When the three get to the island, Ivan is tired of being treated badly by the father that he threatens him with a knife.

In the last ten minutes of the film, there is hardly any dialogue, just the feeling of bitter confusion and sudden loss.

3. United 93 (2006, Dir: Paul Greengrass) Over the years, Paul Greengrass has gone from docudrama extraordinaire to mega budget Hollywood success, but what is great about him is that he has never lost touch or sold out. Even when he is committed to the Bourne series, he has always managed to capture the kinetic energy and physicality that many Hollywood action movies lack. Between the two Bourne films (Supremacy and Ultimatum), he made United 93. From what could have been a footnote in an exceptional résumé, it has become a startling indication of what cinema can do to an audience. It can leave them jaw-dropped and put in an uncomfortable position. The film chronicles the real-life turmoil that was September 11th, 2001 and the flight that failed to reach its target, Flight United 93. At the same time we are placed in the positions of air traffic controllers who struggle to come to terms with the events that are unravelling..

42 It is in recent memory, one of the most uncomfortable exploitations of privileged spectatorship. Over the course of the film, it is always stuck in the back of our minds of what happened on that fateful day. The authenticity is unpalatable and the fear that still lingers today that every day activities can take an unexpected turn. Every move the film seems to make is a wise one and that is incredibly hard to do with the subject at hand. The use of largely unknown actors, the use of handheld videography and the fact that Paul Greengrass never overemphasises. A great example is the well-known phrase, “Let’s Roll” that was used by passenger Todd Beamer on the hijacked flight. It is faintly heard in the background and it is never, ‘the Catchphrase of the Week’ it is just an everyday lingo used to anticipate the worst, caught in among many whispers. It is undoubtedly hard to watch, but this is a remarkable film that mixes reconstruction with formidable filmmaking. It is detailed in its use of authenticity to portray real characters with real lives. To get to the point, it is about people that regrettably and unknowingly walked into an unfortunate event. It is brave and devastating but it is not just that. It could not have been bettered. THE MOMENT: Hindsight is key to the film that makes many small, significant moments. The passenger who gets to check in just before the gate closes, is heartbreaking. Also, when United 93 is caught in ‘rush-hour traffic’ at Newark, it makes the audience wish it could be late enough for them hear the news about the other hijackings. Obviously, the most dreaded moment of the film is when the passengers try to storm the cockpit. As an audience, there is the thought in the back of your mind that they might just make it to safety. Unfortunately and inevitably, it is not so. Among the chaos, there is a cockpit view of the ground getting closer and closer. When the plane does hit, the film goes to a blackout. Never has an audience been abruptly silenced. It is all we need to know.

4. The Lives of Others (2006, Dir: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck) Probably the most deserved Oscar for Best Foreign Language film in a long time. Also, probably the most auspicious debut this decade for this 33-year old writer and director. This highly sophisticated film is more about character transformation and emotional solitude than it is about the Stasi movement in East Germany. It achieves both in a proficient and in an affecting way. The film is centred on a Stasi agent, Wiesler (performed to perfection by the late Ulrich Mule), whose life is parallel to the subjects he is assigned to spy on: a playwright and his actress girlfriend. While he is listening in on the couple’s conversations, events unfold and Wiesler is conflicted about his position amongst the private life of the couple. It sounds like a set-up typical of narrative cinema, but in fact it is as exemplary as a finely polished novel. The characters are delicate in their own way. Wiesler is a character that is full of loneliness that any other film would be focusing more on the job at hand. It is the subtle sleight-of-hand that make moments in The Lives of Others, special. THE MOMENT: The ending is masterful and the most upbeat you are ever likely to have in a single decade. All it took was four words and it brings a tear to your eye. After the fall of the Berlin Wall, Dreyman (the playwright) learns that not only was his flat bugged, but also the official spying on him (Wiesler) went against

the state and covered up his deeds. He only knows Wiesler by his agent number, HGW XX/7. Moved by his actions, Dreyman writes a novel about his experiences. His novel gets published and passing by a bookshop window is Wiesler, who is now selling advertisement leaflets. He spots a banner of Drayman’s new book and goes inside to find that the book is dedicated; ‘To HGW XX/7, with gratitude’. As he brings the book to the counter, he is asked if he would like the book giftwrapped. He replies, “No, it’s for me”. We see a faint smile on his face and that simple, slight lift of the face is enough to make anyone feel moved.

5. Let The Right One In (2008, Dir: Tomas Alfredson) This is a welcoming reinvention of the vampire genre. It is tender, but never sentimental; chilling, but never scary; romantic, but never mawkish. Where can you place Let The Right One In? The great thing is that is does not matter because whatever sub-genre it belongs to, it never strays down the wrong path. It is the best film of the year and is the best fantasy film of the decade. It deserves its place along weird, but wonderful fantasy horrors such as Pan’s Labyrinth, The Spirit of the Beehive and The Orphanage. Like with all these films, it never resorts to visceral content and what the Saw makers will never understand is that true horror comes from the heart, not the eyes. THE MOMENT: Eli is a vampire and can only survive on blood (well, duh). In order to do so, her carer (Hakan), slaughters bystanders and drains them for blood. The first time we see him try to do so, he fails. The second time we see him, he makes a mistake and is in a situation where he is surrounded. Trapped, he gives up and pours the acid he was supposed to use on the victim over his own face to conceal his identity. In a later scene, Eli goes to the hospital and sits outside the window where Hakan is being treated. In an act of desperation a disfigured Hakan stumbles over to the window and pulls out his life support ventilator. He leans out towards Eli and offers his blood before falling out.

6. Grizzly Man (2005, Dir: Werner Herzog) A profound documentary that shows the tapes that Timothy Treadwell used to observe and live amongst the grizzly bears. Werner Herzog could not be a more fitting person for the job of piecing together the mindset of Timothy Treadwell. Not only are the tapes used to capture the mind of a confused, unbalanced yet enigmatic figure, but also to showcase a sense of awe that Timothy’s films produced. Timothy Treadwell lived with the bears for 13 years in order to escape the mass-hysteria of public life. He thought that he was part of the bears and was a soldier protecting them. Unfortunately, the inevitable happened when he and his girlfriend were killed in their tent by one of the bears in 2003. It is a dark side to the nature documentary when the person is the focus, not the animal. On many instances we see Timothy be erratic on camera, and we realise that no matter how Timothy tried, he was never part of the bears. What Werner does is show nature in its truest form. His narration is spellbinding, but he never interferes with the footage. He lets the footage do the talking and when he does speak, he speaks with grace. He points out the bitter truth: there is no kinship between man and the bear.

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43 THE MOMENT:

9. Capote (2005, Dir: Bennett Miller)

Werner is wise beyond words. He listens to Timothy’s last tape on a camera where it is just audio with no picture. We cannot hear it as an audience, although Werner describes briefly some of the things he is hearing.

In 1990, Janet Malcolm wrote an essay about the approaches used in journalism called The Journalist and the Murderer. It questioned the tactics used by author Joe McGinniss and his relationship with the subject (the murderer). Janet says, “Every journalist who is not too stupid or too full of himself to notice what is going on knows that what he does is morally indefensible.” This is such the case with Truman Capote and his subject Perry Smith.

He asks for the widow to stop the tape, he cannot listen to any more. Soon after, he advises her to never listen to the tape and destroy it. It seems right, but we never know exactly what happened on the tape. It is just an enigma.

7. Sideways (2004, Dir: Alexander Payne) This film is the most pleasurable film this decade. The story is about two men. Miles (Paul Giamatti), a failed novelist, divorced, who is an oenophile and Jack (Thomas Haden Church), a friend who wants to sow his wild oats before he gets married. They both go on a bachelor’s trip to wine country in California and meet two women for whom they have affection. It is a dislikeable premise, but Alexander Payne (the deft writer-director of Election and About Schmidt) makes the characters understandable because they are men. Just men doing what buddies would do before reality creeps up on them. The pairing also makes the film incredibly funny and human. Kudos to the fine acting all around. The film has an eye not just for witty dialogue, but also for setting. Such as the motel near the junction to the highway. It feels positively true and the characters are well rounded, such as when Jack sprays deodorant on his feet before going out. It is a very manly action that seems rather pathetic, but true. Overall, the film feels incredibly satisfying and hardly puts a foot wrong. THE MOMENT: In a scene with Miles and Maya (who Miles takes a fondness to), they enquire about what is the best wine they have stored away. Miles mentions that he is saving a 1961 Chateau Chevel Blanc for a “special occasion”. Maya urges him to open the bottle when he gets home, because of its rare taste and value. Later when Jack gets married, Miles skips the reception in order to rush home and get out the bottle. In the next scene we see him lonely in a fast food restaurant where he slips the wine into his polystyrene cup. Miles was planning to open the bottle with his ex-wife on their tenth wedding anniversary. It is downbeat, but it is rather poignant.

8. Etre et Avoir (2002, Dir: Nicolas Philibert) In the end, you have to admire teachers for what they do. This documentary accounts the year of a primary school in the tiny commune of Saint-Etien nesur-Usson in central France. The main hero is Georges Lopez who teaches the children and deals with the issues they face day after day. The documentary is very detailed and it is captivating to watch such a dedicated and patient teacher deal with a wide range of children aged four to twelve. What you have is an admiration for the school environment and the respect that the teacher gives to the children. Whether it is over fights or making cakes, the documentary holds it own, observed significance. THE MOMENT: At the end of the film, it is the beginning of the summer holidays and Georges Lopez says goodbye to his pupils for the last time. His pupils kiss him on the cheek on the way out, with the occasional individual joke (“I’ll hold these two behind”). When all of the pupils leave, there is a long pause where we see Georges look on proud and on the verge of tears. He is fulfilled to see his pupils happy and learning. He knows he has done his job for the year and you know he is one of a kind.

Capote is an underrated exposition of Truman Capote’s making of In Cold Blood. The novel which created the non-fiction crime genre, is not so much about the making of the novel, but more about the moral ethics used into creating a piece of literature. Here, the finger is not pointed at Perry Smith or Dick Hickock (the perpetrators), but at Truman Capote himself. What is remarkable about this ‘biopic’ is that the films distances it from the subject it is portraying. Here, Capote is determined to write his book and his attachment to Perry is unjustified. The only reason is getting the information he wants for the book. There is only a fake kindred relationship. The film is not afraid to show that. THE MOMENT: Truman Capote’s fellow novelist and friend (and most likely his conscience), Nelle Harper Lee encourages Truman to attend the 1964 premiere of the film adaptation To Kill A Mockingbird. At the after-party, he is sitting alone at the bar with a cigarette held up in a snooty posture. Nelle walks up towards the bar where Truman is egotistic and full of self-pity. We see Truman for once, not being the centre of the party that we saw at the beginning. He does not care for Nelle’s success, only his own. He mutters, “I don’t know what all the fuss is about”.

10. No Country For Old Men (2007, Dir: Joel Coen, Ethan Coen) The Coen Brothers always stand on a seesaw with me. Irksome (Raising Arizona, The Hudsucker Proxy, The Big Lebowski, Intolerable Cruelty, The Ladykillers, Burn After Reading) or they can be intriguing (Blood Simple, Miller’s Crossing, Barton Fink, Fargo, The Man Who Wasn’t There). No Country For Old Men is their best film since Fargo and it goes back to their roots in Blood Simple. It is a moral dilemma with all the impending consequences. Josh Brolin plays a Texan who comes across a satchel of money left from a drug deal gone wrong. The evil pursuing him is personified within Javier Bardem as Anton Chigurh (sporting a Peter Tork haircut). Meanwhile, you have the aging sheriff struggling to come to terms with the way the world has changed. The Coen’s always seem to work to their full potential when they mix the brooding material with comic grit. No Country For Old Men is beautifully shot by Roger Deakins and it certainly never leads astray from the original source material. Out of all the Best Picture winners this decade, this is the best. THE MOMENT: The ending caught everyone off guard for those who have not read the novel, but it is a sensible and moving ending. Amongst the chaos, the humanity comes from Sheriff Tom Bell (Tommy Lee Jones) who cannot understand how the world can deal with this form of evil. Like with Fargo and Marge Gunderson, the film ends on a heart-rending note. Tom Bell describes two dreams to his wife both involving his deceased father: one, of how he lost ‘some money’. The second dream is about him and his father riding on horses through a mountain pass. The father goes ahead of Tom to set up a fire. Tom knows that his father will be waiting for him when he arrives. “…And then I woke up”. The film goes to credits, and a reminder of what good can come out of sticking to the source material.

Literature Get those creative juices flowing.... (Read, or sing, to the tune of Cliff Richard’s ‘Mistletoe & Wine’)

The bells are ringing, the carollers are singing, Snow lands on the grass, the laughter’s beginning. The fire starts to crackle; the men’s voices are low, The robins are chirping, happiness flows and flows. Christmas time, Jackie’s on the wine, Her children are trudging in sewers through the slime. No support from their father, no way off the streets, Some broken glass to the wrist seems their only reprieve. Mulled wine is served, the oranges so sweet, Uncle Jack is tipsy and can’t stay on his feet. His wife starts to mutter, his son rolls his eyes, His daughter’s smile sparkles, she’s his little prize. Christmas time, Robbie starts to smile, But the hooded youths just spit and call him ‘vile!’ They punch him through the fire; they kick him in the teeth, His eyes start to close and his last thought is

‘creeps.’ Love is in the air, Joey starts to stare, Carrie takes his eyes off her chest and starts to swear. It’s all in good humour, though his mum’s not best pleased, Her first Christmas at the neighbours, how she’ll always be teased. Christmas time, Rex lets out a whine, His master’s lips are blue, of life there’s no sign. The knife’s not yet hoary, warm blood shouts out ‘Crime!’ Not all broken hearts are mended with time. Christmas time, eyes open wide, A policeman is coming maybe he’ll provide. But he gets out his baton and beats him round the head, ‘One less dirty swine on the streets,’ he said. Christmas time, Molly cries and cries, She’s three months old and her body’s covered in grime. Her mother watches over, she wants to save her from this life, She puts her hands on Molly’s neck and watches her die. Merry Christmas. by Bhavan Aujla

‘Just Say Yes’

If you try to imagine a world without the written word, it’s a pretty daunting prospect. Not just because there would be no books to read (devastating I know) but also because there would be no written manuals or even birthday cards. Ok, a pretty extreme example, but it does prove that writing reaches a lot wider than just novels.

A more down to earth portrayal of this was seen on the 16th of November. The ‘That’s a Bit of Us’ exhibition in the AC building was a display to commemorate the community project that had taken place in Park Barn and Westborough 0809. The scheme gave all local residents a chance to make a clay pebble that would represent something significant in either their past present or future. The result was a diverse and colourful display of pebbles made by all ages, and each with its own special symbolic value. However Helen Hienkens-Lewis (Head of Learning at the Watts Gallery where the exhibition was held for almost a month) realised quite early on that someone would be needed to document the project as it ran throughout the spring and summer. Enter Jennifer McConnell; a now third year student at Surrey studying Culture Media and Communications (with Professional English). She took on the role of Writer in Residence as part of her work experience, and essentially became the voice of the community. Given the task to

create the descriptions that would accompany the display, as well as an overall report, she interacted with the community members, and found out what inspired their pebble designs. Speaking to everyone who took part, from children to elderly member of the community was clearly no easy task, but Jen said she felt “privileged, to be able talk to everyone and to represent the University.” That’s not to say her work didn’t have its challenges. She admits to meeting some “really bizarre characters” and having to tailor her writing out of University-mode, so that it could be read by everyone. It also meant being selective in the quotes she used, and choosing which personal message to highlight was one of the hardest tasks. That said, she truly enjoyed the experience and the finished result is definitely something for her, and the entire community, to always be proud of. Her advice for fellow students? “Embrace every opportunity because at our age we don’t get many. Just say yes! You never know what it might turn into or how it will affect your CV.” by Eunice Njagi For further details about the project, visit http:// www.wattsgallery.org.uk/learn_ThatsaBitofUs. html, where you can see more of the pebbles made.

44

The Deceitful Cat

Strolling out of the gym, the darkness of the cold still air cools me as I make my way to the car park. In the distance, the darkness is emphasised by the only light coming from the festive decorations illuminating the town. My split sole trainers crunch against the icy ground causing me to cautiously think about the pace of my feet - so I slow down. The chill of the air makes me feel uncomfortable as I quickly place my hands into my pockets. My fingers caress my car keys, in hope that my hands will warm up in such cold temperatures, the keys are conveniently placed for ease of opening as I reach the car door. As I reach my car I sigh, partly with relief, and partly because I can’t wait to get home. After a hard day’s work of nine to five and the gym that followed, I can positively say I’m knackered. The lack of sleep from the night before has certainly not helped, as the disappearance of Minstrel roamed my mind. I can easily say I’m lost without her, and after five days of her being missing, I long for the comfort of her presence and her soft sooty coat. As I begin to drive along the road towards my house, I begin to search, wondering if Minstrel could be hiding. In this cold weather she would be freezing. As I pulled up outside my house a faint and unfamiliar sound occupied my ears. I decided to turn off the engine and directed my eyes towards the pathway outside. There wasn’t anyone to be seen. Thinking that I must not have heard what I did, I climbed out of the car, slamming the door behind me. At once, I hear a strong, once faint, sound of a cat. However, the meow remained unfamiliar, and with that I decided it couldn’t possibly be my Minstrel. I headed to the front gate outside my house. For a minute I had forgotten all about the whining cat - until it made that sound again. I turned around and saw this sooty coated black cat beneath my feet. I stared at it in curiosity, there was something endearing about the way that it had approached me and the way it was now staring - as if it was longing for attention. The persuasion of the cat made me at ease as I bent down to lightly stroke its head. The cat purred in approval and therefore encouraged me more. I missed Minstrel dearly, and for a moment I imagined this cat to be her, devoting all my love and care for her. I smiled as the cat lay down on the stone pathway. So much so, that I continued to stroke it. Suddenly, as if by magic, the once pleasant and endearing cat, changed. In a moment of irritation the cat abruptly scratched the side of my hand. The impact of this produced a cut which wept and bled. Without a moment’s hesitation the black cat saunters off into the darkness. My once knackered self now feels agitated as I let the cat go, and approach my front door. But then, that same familiar sound occupies my ears… not again, I think.

45

The Mishaps of Jennifer Lee A Christmas Special My Reflection: The Sushi Bar: Matt As the festive season begins and shoppers prepare themselves for the most hectic time of the year, I (Jennifer Lee) found myself pausing in a small sushi restaurant just off the edge of town: ‘Mai Sushi’. I sat in the crowded bar, but couldn’t seem to escape the sound of Christmas bells blaring from the street. “Oh the joy of Christmas,” I thought to myself, staring at the numerous bags lying beneath my feet – I was truly knackered. I lazily began to look around at the chairs near me, all filled with people surrounded by their friends and families – apart from me. I happened to be alone, and at truly realising the finality of that statement I decide to order another martini. I signalled to the barmaid, and noticed that she looked different from all the other workers; contrasting their black hair she was blonde. My eyes drifted to her name badge, ‘Lucie’, and I smiled to her as she placed another drink in front of me. I gazed down at my sushi, began to take miniature bites (apparently it helps you lose weight) and reflected on my day, which to be fair was not hard at all. Another normal day at the office, consisting of many lattes and many cappuccinos, I began to realise how boring I am on my own – it should be against the rules to self reflect. Instead, I began to observe the people around me. I noticed a young Japanese waiter whose facial expression intrigued me; his face appeared completely blank with no emotions, and his eyes were fully fixated on the crowds among the bar. I caught sight of his name badge - ‘Char-lee’. As I pondered the significance of the hyphen, I was distracted by a familiar voice. I turned around eagerly, and to my surprise it was mystifying Matt – yes girls, any shopaholics dream man. “What are you doing here alone?” he asked. I contemplated saying I was waiting for someone but realised my empty sushi plate could be a giveaway. Instead I said the first thing I could think of, “Oh I’m just spending some time alone to reflect.” The idea sounded so ridiculous I nearly blurted out a laugh. Matt began to smile. He looked as though he was about to speak, and for one mad moment I thought maybe, just maybe, he would ask me out. “Jennifer” he started, in his divine voice. I began to prepare myself mentally for this moment, and tried to hold back any forms of squealing due to excitement. He spoke softly, “You have some sushi in your teeth.” At which point all my hopes and dreams were shattered, and I flushed bright red. No kiss under the mistletoe this year then? I contemplated asking.

CELEBRATION! Well, it’s that time of year again; disorganized chaos has taken over and the quest for the perfect present ensues. A very stressful venture, yet the look of joy as your loved ones open their present from you...well, it’s all the motivation you need. And for those of you that don’t follow the festivities of Christmas, I’m sure that you have been inundated with party requests, because now is the time for a celebration! With the end of the first term on our doorstep and New Year celebrations also creeping up on us, enjoy the future merriment and I shall see you all next term. And lastly, to borrow the words from Kool and The Gang, “Celebrate good times, COME ON!” Laura Bright

Word Of The Moment

‘I See You Everywhere’ by Julia Glass ‘I see you everywhere’ by Julia Glass, follows the tremendous journey of two sibling sisters, Louisa and Clem. The novel runs in chronological order from 1980 all the way to 2005, and this progression is illustrated at the start of each chapter. The majority of chapters convey dates a couple of years or so between them, but for the main part of the story – the year 1993 – the chapters are centred on the months of that year. This is effective as the reader can properly follow the story in a sequential order, and gain the two sisters’ perspectives, which are both portrayed in different chapters. The main focus of the novel is the complicated relationship between the two sisters, filled with love, hate and jealousy. It is a heartfelt story, as the reader is intrigued by Louisa’s (the younger sister) jealousy over her older sister, and the negative affect this has on her life; Glass presents a highly misfortunate individual through the character of Louisa. However, Clem is portrayed as the more loved sister, even preferred by the sisters’ own mother, a prejudice that is exposed during a ‘family cook out day’. Therefore, the reader’s sympathies lie within the character of Louisa, which in many ways makes it so heartrending (considering the circumstances). This is why I think the novel is classed as a bestseller; it offers a new stance on a fictional story, ‘two sisters, two very different lives....’ The main reason I enjoyed this novel so much is, unlike other books, it presents the two perspectives of the sisters, and even though they both have ‘very different lives’, as sisters they are connected and thus ‘see each other everywhere’. Glass is very good at describing the different emotions between the Louisa and Clem, as well as their relationship. Therefore, I would strongly recommend it, as an easy, well written read. by Steff Lever *Available from the university bookshop

by Steff Lever

*Price: £7.99 ISBN: 9780-0-995-0293-7

[email protected]

46

And You Thought Sudoku Was Hard...? Amy Barnes takes a closer look at how an American poet laureate’s hoax inadvertently spawned a new form of poetry: the paradelle. I was sitting in my room desperately trying to summon the will to write from the depths of my tired brain. Suddenly, a friend of mine popped up online. After exchanging the usual ‘Hey, how are you?’ he asked me if I’d ever heard of a poetic form called the paradelle. I replied that I hadn’t, and felt that little bit more uneducated. After all, I am a student of English Literature; yet I would be lying if I said I had an extensive knowledge of poetic forms. In the past, when asked during the submission process on deviantART what type of poem I was uploading, I must admit I was bemused with the villanelles, sestinas and ballads were listed as categories. So, after receiving a quick tutorial from my friend as to how to write one, as well as a shining example that he had written, I had a bash at writing my very own paradelle. It really isn’t an easy form to abide by when writing a poem. The ‘rules’ are as follows: •

The poem should consist of 4 stanzas.

•

Each stanza should be 6 lines long.

•

Each line should have 10 words.

•

The first line and third line of each stanza should be repeated.

•

The fourth line of each stanza should consist of words from the first and third lines, and should not exceed 10 words.

•

The final stanza should consist of all of the words that you have used in previous stanzas; but should still follow the 6 line, 10 words per line structure.

Sound complicated? It is! But this is essentially a puzzle; slotting words in and arranging them to try and achieve something special. After puffing up with a sense of pride having managed to write my paradelle, I thought I would look into the ‘history’ behind it and where on earth this tricky yet clever form of poetry came from. Turns out, the paradelle is not “one of the more demanding French fixed forms, first appearing in the langue d’oc love poetry of the eleventh century.” It is in fact the brainchild of former American Poet Laureate, Billy Collins. Collins invented the paradelle as a parody of the villanelle AND made up its phoney French origins. But it appears that his joke at the expense of restrictive poetic form has prompted a new wave of paradelle poets, who accept the challenge of the frustrating word puzzle it poses and who create some remarkable pieces. Collins’s joke may well be on us, but I for one am very glad.

Left Out In The Rain... Left out in the rain Dampened by tears of the past and pain Shelter only offered in my dreams Which crumble and fall apart at the seams Any dreams of tomorrow Are masked by past sorrow Making my way through the storm Faith and religion offer little warm Fallen from grace, my wings tattered Dreams and my religion all scattered Who will now heal my wounded wings? So I can fly high above the sufferings

To a land free of sadness and despair God could have offered had he care Left out in the rain My broken wings remain I carry on with no hope to raise Struggling to see through all this haze Walking down the foggy path of destiny One thing becomes clear to see I stop in the rain and begin to wonder In life we crave a great hunger Perfection in every sense becomes our mission Little do we realise its all superstition

For without rain, we would not embrace The beautiful warm summer days With a drought of pain and sorrow Joy and happiness would feel hollow Perfection is desired by those with greed A deadly sin where you’ll never be freed Life is an unknown journey worthwhile Left out in the rain, I begin to smile by Horal Patel

The Disneyfication of English Literature In an effort to make the University’s English Literature

syllabus more accessible to the rest of the student body, Stephanie Davies has kindly reinterpreted some of the course books as beloved Disney films. Please do not sue. Madame Bovary by Gastave Flaubert Madame Bovary is what Disney’s Beauty and the Beast would have been if Belle had married a doctor in the first five minutes. Emma Bovary is a French girl who lives alone with her father. Conditioned to romantic illusions from the books she has read, Emma one day finds herself the wife of a dull provincial doctor. Middle-class domesticity is not for Madame; things would have been a lot better if, instead of shagging Rodolphe (remember Gaston?) in the forest, she had stumbled across a Beast’s castle and become a princess. After all, the culinary efforts of talking cutlery taste better than arsenic.

Hamlet by William Shakespeare The story of a young lion cub whose kingly father is murdered by his own b r o t h e r. The ghost of Hamlet’s father appears to him one day and urges him to take action. He hatches a plot, with the help of his two friends, but it takes him an awful long time to avenge his father’s death. The parallels between the Disney film and the Shakespearian text are enough for me to feel that the movie was actually based on this play. However, don’t compare it to the film too much. Shakespeare was not renowned for happy endings in his tragedies. Mansfield Park by Jane Austen It’s a Cinderella story. At ten years old, young Fanny

is sent to live with her rich aunt and uncle and their two mean daughters. She must sew for her aunt, and cut roses in h e a da c h e - i n d u c i n g heat. But it’s okay; though Fanny is dull, she never complains, and she goes to the ball in the end (while the ugly step-cousins are out of town). She even gets a Prince Charming—albeit a somewhat incestuous one. Fanny Price is unusual heroine

an for Austen. She is not witty or clever, but she has ‘glass-slippered’ integrity and morals. But don’t dismiss it just for its questionable female lead. Read it for Mr Rushworth.

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48

My First Poem Lemme discuss this new trend in poetry called ‘free verse’, which I detest. If you’ve studied English literature you’d have noticed some poems, which have no set rhyme scheme. Oh, the agony I suffer whenever I come across such atrocities. Forced I was, to read such shit when I was in school. Oh, the joy I feel now I know that I no longer have to do that. When done properly, free verse can be quite readable. Alas! More often than not it’s just a tool for people who can’t write poetry to save their life. Write a few sentences, somewhere midway in the poem throw in a few hoity-toity words ’sepulchural’, ‘guttural’, or maybe even ‘jiggery-pokery’ - hit the enter key a few times, and voila! And if you don’t ‘get’ what is going on in this post - why, it’s an attempt at parody of course! Great respect for rhyming poems I have none for free verse I do; next time you come across such a ‘poem’ tear away the page, you should. This poem, by the way, was my first – and last

How Fiction Shapes Us In an article printed here some weeks ago, I boldly claimed that a greater understanding of the causes behind recent support for fascism could be found in the novels of David Peace. While it may seem naïve to attribute this responsibility to a series of bestsellers, I still stand by my theory that fiction has the potential to make a positive difference. Literature has always played a vital role in awakening the conscience and stirring readers into action. Whilst many find the term “all art is political” derogatory, for others it celebrates how essential values and ideals are to society, and how every text can offer a myriad of interpretations, depending on the partialities of the reader. Both the left and the right of the political spectrum for instance, have adopted George Orwell. The debate still rages today: was he the neo-conservative who dedicated his time after 1936 to openly satirize the Stalinist regime and state intervention, or the anti-colonial socialist who attacked the inequalities of the class system in such earlier works as Down and Out in Paris and London?

White-hot Wonderland

Whilst Nineteen Eighty-Four has become ingrained in tabloid culture with the idiom ‘Orwellian state’ exhausted by the Daily Mail, other less obvious texts can be perceived from a political standpoint. Is Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein an epistolary novel of gothic horror or a social commentary that challenges civil right issues such as capital punishment? JG Ballard’s Crash: 200 pages of perverse car crash mutilations or an insight into sexual liberty gone mad? When you begin to judge a book in this way, even the airport departure lounge canon of Stephen King and Dan Brown can shape your understanding of politics in the contemporary world.

the ironic white of Myer Centre windows as mallgoths sweat pale

Will literature continue to make this impact on our perceptions? From Aristophanes to Atwood, if history has taught us anything it’s that the pen truly is mightier than the sword.

by Ankur Banerjee

by Stephanie Davies

by Tom Goulding

Amy’s Paradelle We stand at the station. The trains are always late.

Button your coat as we near the fountain, quick fingers.

We stand at the station. The trains are always late.

You? A stone lion, and me? A pillar. Stolen kiss.

Thin white slip for escape; there in my pocket. Safe.

You? A stone lion, and me? A pillar. Stolen kiss.

Thin white slip for escape; there in my pocket. Safe.

Your quick fingers; a stolen coat, a button lion. We

We are always safe. Slip in my pocket; the trains stand

Kiss near the fountain. You and me- as stone pillar.

At the white station; there for late, thin escape. Rush along metal to dirty London, under light sugar rain.

No escape. The trains always run fast, along metal to

Rush along metal to dirty London, under light sugar rain.

London. Rush near the fountain. You are thin and white.

No need for tickets, barriers open. Let’s run. Fast. Free.

Button your dirty coat. Barriers. A need for tickets,

No need for tickets, barriers open. Let’s run. Fast. Free.

In my safe pocket. Quick, let’s kiss! We slip as

Let’s open barriers; free, light. No need for sugar. Run! Rush along fast! To dirty London! Metal rain. Button your coat as we near the fountain, quick fingers.

Summer’s love

Our fiery love was innocent prey To tragedy, and its friends. But us, immersed in happiness Were bound to make amends

‘Whatever happens, whatever scar’ That’s what you lied to me. For every grass stain made is now Tattooed in memory.

Sometimes I smell your caffeine breath Calling from afar You lure me with a chocolate glare And reach out to my heart; but

Then I find myself inside A strange, unwelcome room A women staring down at me With half your perfect tune

Hand in hand, cheek to cheek This summer’s love won’t last a week

You took my heart, and took me too All I was has died in you.

We stand under a stone pillar. Light sugar fingers. We. The stolen lion. Me? Free, open. There. At late rain.

by Shervin Hejazi

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50

The Best of the Noughties

It seems as though even though the decade is almost over, we’re still not settled on how to refer to it. The eighties, Nineties et al were simple enough, but somehow all of the options for “the Noughties” just don’t seem to work. However, for all the difficulty we’ve had in naming the decade, it is harder still to pinpoint exactly what were the greatest sporting moments of the last ten years. We can all name things we loved about sport over the last ten years, but narrowing it down to the ten very best moments in world sport? Now that takes some doing.

fault from Federer to separate them towards the end but after 16 games in the final set neither man deserved to lose, but it was the young Spaniard who came out on top to end Federer’s stranglehold on the top prize. 6) 2008 Beijing Olympics 8th-24th August 2008, Beijing, China

10) Floyd Mayweather Jr. vs. Ricky Hatton: Undefeated

How exactly can you take one moment between the incredible opening ceremony, via smashed world records and over 11,000 competing athletes, to the closing ceremony 16 days later and say that was the moment of the Games? Everyone will take something from the last Olympics of the decade; whether it is the all time high medals total for Great Britain, or the sight of Usain Bolt coming from nowhere to storm the 100 and 200 metre sprints with complete ease or perhaps Michael Phelps smashing the record for most gold medals at a Games (8) as well as all time (14). Here’s to hoping we get the same kind of action in just over two years in London.

Boxing, 8th December 2007, Las Vegas, USA

5) Germany 1 – 5 England- 2002 FIFA World Cup Qualifier

Had this fight lived up to the hype it may well have come top. As it is, it’s still a huge moment in the history of boxing. Two men who had lasted a combined 81 fights without losing, and with 55 knock outs between them, the hype for this one was at fever pitch. Come fight night celebrities such as Bruce Willis and David Beckham filled the MGM Grand and the crowd were incredible, booing “Money” Mayweather out of the arena whilst singing Hatton Wonderland. In fact, everything about this fight delivered apart from, you know, the fight itself, but for the record breaking number of British people watching the fight on payper-view it really was a monumental occasion.

1st September 2001, Munich, Germany

So what would it be? The success of the undefeated 2003-04 Arsenal team seems like an obvious contender, as does the 2009 Ashes win, so too David Beckham’s free kick against Greece and Michael Schumacher’s run of Championship victories in Formula One. And lest we forget, Southend United’s play off victory over Wrexham is high on everyone’s lists, of course. But what exactly was able to make it in to the top ten?

9) New England Patriots vs. New York Giants- SuperBowl XLII American Football, 3rd February 2008, Phoenix, USA Such was the success of the Patriots team from the last ten years they almost made it on to the list on their own. But as far as moments go, the 2008 SuperBowl will go down in history. The Patriots were chasing an unprecedented perfect season in the NFL against a Giants franchise that had lost 6 times already that season. All signs pointed to a Patriot victory, but in one of the greatest upsets in NFL history the Giants fought back from a 14-10 deficit through some Eli Manning magic to score a touchdown with just 35 seconds remaining to bring home the Vince Lombardi Trophy.

It was do or die for England against the old foe. A loss to Germany at home earlier in the campaign was only the start to a stuttering campaign for the Three Lions as they found themselves needing a win over Germany to have any chance of qualifying for the World Cup. The team had seen a slight change in fortunes since Sven Goran Eriksson took charge but as they still sat 6 points behind the German leaders no-one was prepared for what was about to come. A hat-trick from Michael Owen and goals from Gerrard and Heskey saw England come back from behind to destroy the German team 5-1 as it served as a launch pad for the team to overcome the odds and qualify for the World Cup as top of their group. 4) Steve Redgrave wins Five Successive Olympic Gold Medals 23rd September 2000, Sydney, Australia

8) A.C Milan 3 - 3 Liverpool- UEFA Champions League Final

Before the 2000 Sydney Olympics only three men had won give gold medals in five Olympic Games and none of them were British. But as part of his Coxless Fours team alongside Matthew Pincent, Tim Foster and James Cracknell, Redgrave went back on his promise to never row again as he became part of the all time sporting elite and win gold yet again. The victory in Sydney gave him BBC Sports Personality of the Year and he was later knighted by the Queen as he became the greatest Olympian in British history.

Football, 25th May 2005, Istanbul, Turkey

3) England vs. Australia- 2005 Ashes Series

Liverpool’s first Champions League Final in 20 years in front of 70,000 fans in Istanbul seemed doomed to fail from the start. Paulo Maldini put the Italian side ahead within the first minute of the match, but it was Kaka who was the star of the show as he set up Hernan Crespo twice to fire the Italian Champions in to a seemingly insurmountable 3-0 half time lead. Liverpool came out fighting in the second half and in an incredible six minutes of football Gerrard, Smicer and Alonso had gotten the Merseyside club back on level terms, but with neither team able to break the other down the game eventually went down to penalties where Liverpool were able to overcome the Italian giants and win the shootout 3-2. Liverpool had become the Champions of Europe once again.

21st July-12th September 2005, England

7) Rafael Nadal vs. Roger Federer- Wimbledon Men’s Singles Final 6th July 2008, London, England It was a battle between the two greatest tennis players in the world at the greatest tennis event in the world. Federer and Nadal are no strangers to each other but this one excelled anything either one of them had done before or since. The longest final in Wimbledon history saw 4 hours and 48 minutes of the most exciting tennis you will ever see as Nadal took a two set lead, only for Federer to battle back for an epic fifth set decider. It may have taken a double

As far as cricket goes in this country, this is the big one. Australia had been holders of the urn since 1987 and things didn’t look like changing as the Ozzie’s stormed to victory in the first test at Lord’s, with Australia fast bowler Glenn McGrath even saying a 5-0 win was a distinct possibility. However, England wouldn’t take that lying down as they fought back to win the second test at Edgbaston, draw the third at Old Trafford and win the 4th at Trent Bridge. This left Australia needing the win, and with Shane Warne at his best you wouldn’t have counted against it, but a superb 158 runs for Kevin Pieterson and a sublime bowling performance from “Freddie” Flintoff meant that time was too short for the Ozzie’s and the 5th Test was draw. Finally, the urn was coming back to England. 2) Lance Armstrong Wins Seven Consecutive Tour de France’s 1999-2005, France Okay, so maybe this run of wins covers too long a period to strictly be called “a moment”, and his first win occurred outside of the decade.

51 But as Lance Armstrong battled back from testicular cancer that had spread to his lungs, abdomen and brain to destroy the record of five Tour de France wins with seven consecutive victories, I’m sure we can let this one slide. His epic six year battle against Ullrich to become the dominant rider in the world set the sport alight as Armstrong repeatedly stood tall, winning by margins as large as 6 minutes and 44 seconds over his rival. As perhaps the one cyclist everyone knows, with cameos in films such as Dodgeball and You, Me and Dupree Lance Armstrong might well be the most successful sportsman of the decade.

media darling but with a brilliant team including all time legends such as Martin Johnson and Lawrence Dallaglio, the English remained on par with the Australians long into extra-time following a try from Jason Robinson and four penalties converted by Wilkinson. To come would be the defining moment of the decade, the one moment that stands out above all else for every English sports fan. With just 26 seconds remaining on the clock and with England in possession, Matt Dawson posted the ball back to Wilkinson to score the drop goal to send the fans in to raptures as England were crowned the World Champions.

1) England 20-17 Australia- 2003 Rugby World Cup Final

Disagree with this list? Disappointed to see Kimi Raikkonen’s last gasp win of the 2007 Formula One Driver’s Championship missed off the countdown? Do you think the Williams sister’s domination of Women’s Tennis deserves a shout? Contact us at [email protected] and tell us what you think and see yourself in the first edition of The Stag in 2010!

22nd November 2003, Sydney, Australia It doesn’t get any bigger than this. England versus Australia is always an occasion to remember, but to face the Wallabies in the World Cup Final on their own turf is undeniably gargantuan. With Johnny Wilkinson the

Stags Triumphant Once More!

After grabbing a victory in style last week to maintain the Stags 100% record, they headed into the cricket match as strong favourites against Old Woking who were holding up the rear of the table. Rob ‘Fresher’ Wareing came into the side replacing the unlucky Usman ‘The Unlucky’ Mumtaz but otherwise everyone else kept their place in the team, with competition for places ever increasing.     Captain Rix won the toss and decided to bat first, with the standard opening partnership of Chris ‘Batting Supremo’ Coombs with Prav ‘Butter Shoes’ Sharma. The pair looked comfortable at the crease as the first two overs saw each man hitting fifteen runs each. However, the absence of the SSC (who were at training: Sunday’s 6-8pm at the Sports Hall on campus) may have got into the batsmen’s head as all hell broke loose in the third over. Firstly Prav ‘Run Out Liability’ Sharma was once again run out, after playing a few nice shots early on, then next ball Chris ‘I Finally Got Out’ Coombs got caught trying to heave the ball to the back wall for a quick fire 15. Rich ‘I’ve Had Enough of TITS’ Linney was viably distressed, as the lack of a “good luck Lemur” from the SSC had got to his head, getting caught behind for an average-destroying duck. This brought Captain Rix to the crease with the job trying to rescue some sort of score for the hopeful Stags. Hopes of this were destroyed in the next over as Stuart ‘I Finally Scored a Run’ Warner was run out after getting carried away after a couple of beautiful straight drives. The broad smile on scorer Simon ‘...Still Waiting’ Coston’s face was evidence of the lacklustre batting performance carrying on from previous weeks. Rob ‘Fresher’ Wareing was next to the crease, with the dreams of title success resting on his young, inexperienced shoulders. A bit of stability was met via some sensible batting from the two Essex boys, before Captain Rix was dismissed again playing too much of an uppish shot. This left Rob ‘Snail Boy’ Wareing as the last man standing and with the aid of the energetic Rix, Rob pushed on the score with some spell binding drives, and just simple sensible batting. He was finally dismissed for 47 as the sight of a maiden half century clearly affected his judgement missing a straight delivery in the last over. With

the score at 135, the game was potentially in the balance, however in recent weeks the Stags bowling and fielding performances had been winning them games, so dreams of continuing the 100% record were still fresh in the mind.     Captain Rix again opened the bowling, proving once more why he is skipper with a couple of decent overs. However it was Rich ‘Today I Am A Bowler’ Linney who took the first wicket, as the dangerous looking opener was caught well by Prav ‘Safe Hands’ Sharma in the deep on the boundary. With the score still on 32, Rob ‘All Around Hero’ Wareing took his first wicket in first class indoor league cricket after a magnificent catch from Josh ‘I Get Very Over Excited If And When I Take A Catch’ Rix, with possibly his first ever catch in his short cricketing career, which has scorer Coston in a state of shock on the balcony. Chris ‘Mr Economy’ Coombs was next to take a wicket with Stuart ‘Wicket Keeping Legend’ Warner claiming his first ever stumping after the Old Woking batsman wandered out of his crease, obviously bamboozled by the immeasurable amount of spin from Coombs. The underdogs never really hit the required run rate, as the Stags put in another good fielding display, with Rich ‘I Can’t Help But Hit The Stumps When I Throw At Them’ Linney claiming another run out to add to his ever increasing total, obviously eager for the fielder of the year award. So the Stags closed in on another indoor victory, eventually winning by 27 runs thanks to the good middle overs bowling display.     Today’s TITS award was awarded by the only member of the SSC in attendance, Simon ‘Scoring Genius’ Coston, and it goes to Rob ‘Fresher’ Wareing for his tremendous batting display which almost certainly was the turning point in the game, allowing the Stags to romp to another convincing victory, and the sweet smell of title success is just starting to waft under the door at the end of the tunnel. by Simon Coston

Surrey Storm To Second Round Of The Cup Surrey Rugby First XV put in one of the best performances of the season to beat league rivals St Georges 27-12 in the cup.  Scrum half Matt Bramhall put in a fantastic performance despite only just returning from injury, linking up well with fly half Matt Ody to control the game, leading to an array of tries. Joe Whitehouse weaselled his way over the try line on two occasions following hard work from the rest of the team, earning him a mucky pint for Hat-trick Avoidance. Fellow winger Scott Lee made his debut for the first team in style, scoring a try which helped carry the team to victory. Deported Ozzie Dan Taylor put in a typically violent performance at Number Eight, biting and gouging his way through the match whilst coincidentally playing some very good rugby. Man of the match James Roberts put in a customary good performance, tackling hard and fast throughout the game and making numerous important

turnovers for which he was gifted a bottle of Tesco’s Finest Lambrini.  The Second XV competed against LSE at the Varsity in a bid to move up the table.  The team was supported by a group of chaps who kindly left their vast estates for the day to cheer the team on. The team hammered the opposition to a 17-10 victory thanks to an astonishing individual try from full back Josh Finch which started deep in the Surrey half and beat numerous LSE players to coast over the try line and gift Surrey five much needed points. This excited the chaps who waved their flat caps and port in delight! by Matthew Allen

The Best of 2009 by David Holt

Southend United away to Chelsea in the FA Cup Third Round.

And so, the time as arrived. The year is drawing to a close and now come all the arbitrary ‘End of The England 5-1 Germany Award… Year’ awards in every newspaper and magazine all over the globe. So why should this one by … for victory of the year any different?! After Tottenham Hotspur smashed Burnley 9-1 And so, if we are all suited and booted and two weeks ago, and following England’s 5-1 ready for the ceremony I give you the Sporting rout against Croatia, the winner of this award may come as a surprise. However, the Victory Award for 2009! of the Year Award 2009 goes to David Haye The Arsenal vs. Manchester United FA Cup for his victory over Nikolay Valuev to become Semi Final 1999 Award… the WBA World Heavyweight Champion. It may not have been the most exciting fight and the … for best match, game, race or fight of the giant Valuev may not be the greatest fighter year in the world, but the Hayemaker stuck to his gameplan and undid the Russian and therefore Named after the all time classic featuring the became the first British World Heavyweight Ryan Giggs wonder goal, this award is one of Champion since Lennox Lewis. the hardest to choose as it goes to the best sporting event of the year. There were of course The Geoff Stelling Award… many contenders, but the best match that I’ve seen this year was the epic Roger Federer vs. … for sports television personality of the year Andy Roddick Wimbledon Final. With neither man willing to budge for over 4 hours the Swiss There was only ever going to be one winner of legend eventually overcame Roddick 5-7, 7-6, this award. It simply has to go to the man, the 7-6, 3-6, 16-14 to reclaim the Men’s Singles myth, the legend… Steve Claridge. Giving the type of insight you can only get from having Championship. played for over 400 teams in a career spanning The Gareth Keenan Award… 8 decades, he makes the Football League Show even more worth watching with his overuse of … for team leader of the year the word “eulogising” and his confusion over even the simplest of clichés. Claridge really is For my money, there was only really one man “punching his weight”. for this award. Ross Braun has seen more success that just about anyone in Formula The Mike Tyson Award… One but the tears he shed as his own Braun GP team won the Constructors Championship … for biggest controversy of the year shows just how much the sport still means to him while his driver Jenson Button raced to It seems obvious that this award has to go the Driver’s Championship to claim the clean to Thierry Henry for his blatant handball in the World Cup play-off as it is the one thing sweep for Braun. everyone is talking about at the moment, but The Manchester United Award… after Roy Keane’s unmissable rant about the situation and the ridiculous efforts of the FAI … for last minute scum goal of the year to add Ireland to the World Cup draw or to get the match replayed, my vote this year goes to There are so many more candidates for this the controversy surrounding the gender testing award than any of the others. How can you of South-African athlete Caster Semenya. choose between Iniesta’s injury time winner for After she stormed to victory in the 800 metres Barcelona in the Champions League semi-final from seemingly nowhere the world has been against Chelsea, or the Pittsburgh Steelers shook by claims that she is in fact transgender, snatching victory in the dying seconds from leading to one of the most high profile genderthe Arizona Cardinals in the SuperBowl, or testing cases in memory. France’s handball-assisted aggregate winner against Ireland? The truth is, you can’t. And as The Andriy Voronin Award… I am nothing if not biased, the award this year goes to Peter Clarke’s injury time equaliser for … for the worst contribution to a team of the

52

year After a season that could be best described as “average”, Finnish Formula One star Kimi Raikkonen has left the sport for a year after claiming McLaren were not offering him enough money, despite finishing 6th in the Drivers Championship and being the second highest paid athlete in the world, and he refused to join Toyota as they have never produced a racewinning car. In any other year he would have romped to victory in this award, but the award isn’t named after Andriy Voronin for nothing. The New England Patriots Award … for team of the Year It may not have been the best cricketing performance you have ever seen, and it may not have been classy, but the team of the year has to go to the Ashes-winning England cricket team. After being thrashed 5-0 in the previous Ashes series, England had a point to prove and they came out fighting, overcoming the Ozzie’s 2-1 in the series, winning the final test by 197 runs after a bowling masterclass from Stuart Broad. It may not have been pretty, but England has reclaimed the urn. The Tiger Woods Award… … for individual of the year How can you put one person above all others in a sporting year like we’ve just had? Ryan Giggs has been rolling back the years (and if you don’t believe me, listen to the commentators on Match of the Day) while Andrew Strauss led England brilliantly during the Ashes and Usain Bolt smashed both his world records in the 100m and 200m, but my sporting individual of the year is Jenson Button. His Championship may have been based around success at the start of the season but nothing should be taken away from the achievement. Always a great racer, Button finally had the car to back it up did it all seeming like a really nice guy. 2009 really was his year. So there we have it. The most unimportant award show in history is in the books and we have our winners. But what do you think about this list? Who should have won in your eyes? What awards were missed off? Contact us at [email protected] with your thoughts and opinions.

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Guildford Heat

54

Spotlight on....

Mike Martin

by David Holt

As you know every issue we shine a light on the best players at Guildford Heat and find a little out about them. While last week we looked at Chad McKnight, this week we look at the team’s longest serving player in Mike Martin. What is there to say about Martin that hasn’t already been said? He’s the team’s longest serving player, having been there since the start, he’s the leading scorer and rebounder, played in the Championship winning team and it could be argued that he’s been the British Basketball League’s best home grown talent of the last four years. Defences find the power-forward difficult to guard one on one yet he remains one of the best interior defenders in the league, regularly marking the oppositions best players whilst scoring on average 15.7 points a game in his four seasons for the Heat. As well as starring for Guildford Heat, Martin has played on the continent for St Etienne as well as representing The Heat in the ULEB Cup. In fact, it was in European Competition that Martin remembers his favourite game for Guildford, when he scored 28 points against Turk Telecom in Ankara. “I had an awesome game- everything just felt right and was a somewhat out of body experience where I could see myself balling and nothing could stop me!” Despite not starting playing basketball until he was 19 years old, the Londoner won a bronze medal with the British basketball team in the 2006 Melbourne Commonwealth games, playing in every game and even scoring 13 points in just 16 minutes in the bronze medal play off game. But does he ever wonder what might have been had he started in the game at a younger age? “I’m blessed to have travelled and enjoyed success wherever I have ended up playing over the years. When it comes down to it, you have to make the most of the situation you find yourself in. You can have success wherever you are if you put in the work.” Never a truer word has been spoken, but Martin also lives by this philosophy off the court as he is currently training to become a sports therapist, as well as joining the “Heat Hoops 4 Health” team, promoting Ryan Giggs has arguably been one of the greatest footballers to pull on the red devil shirt at Old Trafford since George Best. Ever since he scored his first goal in the Manchester Derby on his full début for United at 1, Giggs has graced the left wing for a very long time and has been the only player to have scored in all 18 seasons of the Premiership. He will always be remembered as one of the ‘’men with wings’’ that graced Old Trafford

healthy living to school children around Surrey. So with all this talk of a life after basketball, is he considering retirement? “I keep myself in good shape all year round, and I actually feel like I’m jumping higher and running better now than a couple years back. As long as there’s a ball and a hoop, and an opportunity for me to improve, you’ll see me around”, which can surely only be good news for The Heat as they push towards another BBL Championship, as well as his fellow players. Playercoach Chad McKnight said “I know that I can gamble on my man because Mike’s always got my back. He’s so active around the basket.” And besides, if Martin carries on with the way he has been playing, including his top scoring performance against Milton Keynes Lions last Tuesday, why would he ever want to stop?

There are no more international breaks with the exception of the Africa Cup of nations; meaning there will be a lot of football during the festive season and into the New Year. With United fighting on four fronts and slowly getting back to their best could this be the season to do another treble or even a quadruple? Or is it too early to dream big? Surely there is the beast of the multi million pound squad of Chelsea. Chelsea are favourites in almost every competition apart from the Carling Cup. Their recent run of form has been incredible. Having beaten all three of the rest of the so-called ‘Big Four’, most pundits think these are the most important games to win in order to be champions of England. After recently beating arsenal 3 nil at the Emirates, playing Chelsea at the moment is a nightmare for every manager. Didier Drogba is looking sharp again and definitely back to his best. He is scoring easily and is every defender’s nightmare. Will Chelsea suffer, come January as they will be losing the likes of Didier Drogba and Michael Essien and the rest their African players? There is a bonus for the blues in a certain Joe Cole if you remember him. Cole is back in the starting line up as he is back to fitness and showing us what he is made of, while Mr. Capello will surely be just as happy as Carlo Ancelotti. What would the Premier League be without the ever attractive champagne football of the North London club Arsenal? The gunners are still mathematically in contention to win the premiership. With Arsene

Wenger’s belief he has in his players, they too believe and still have a say in where the title goes this season. Spurs of course are still vying to crack the ‘Big Four’ and want to have a taste of Champions League football. They have been looking good despite drawing against Aston Villa and being knocked out of the League cup by the holders Manchester United. Jermaine Defoe looks to have already secured his ticket for the World Cup in South Africa next year especially after his 5 goals in an emphatic and unbelievable 9-1 mulling over Wigan Athletic. His form has been impressive and he is in contention for the golden boot. I am still wondering where Liverpool have been this season. Surely we can’t blame the departure of Xabi Alonso for their poor form. Without a doubt, with Torres coming back to fitness I believe we will be hearing the echoes of ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ very soon. For the sake of Liverpool I am sure the fans want to see Mr Benitez work his wonders that saw them win the Champions League in 2005. Now in the Europa League, they should be favourites to win that competition. Could there be a Merseyside derby final against Everton who recently progressed to the next phase? With their recent performances in the League, I would be interested to see whether Fernando Torres will stay at the Club if they fail to qualify for the Champions League next season.

Football Insight

His recent performances against Manchester City and Portsmouth have been very crucial in the title challenge, but more importantly, so has his overall contribution to the history of Manchester United. With his performances not going unnoticed, he was rewarded a one year contract to grace Old Trafford and the world of football.

Apart from being such a graceful player, Giggs over the years has shown good discipline on and off the pith and has been the perfect example and role model for every football player and youngster. Now at the Age of 36, he has won almost every award there is to be won and has won every trophy with the exception of then Uefa Cup, now referred to as the Europa League. We can only begin to imagine the number of medals he has in his cabinet. After his 800th appearance for United, I also hope Giggs will hit 200 career goals for United just as he has now scored a graceful 100 in the English Premier League; with an exceptional free kick in a 4-1 win over Portsmouth. Long Live Ryan Giggs - a true red and a true legend.

by Don Decaprivano

55 Look on My Power, ye Children, and Despair! 

by Bhavan Aujla

Once again the football was beautiful to watch. From their own box players were weaving in and out of position, as the ball was being moved with such grace that it’s easier to assume it was floating rather than rolling; however, here’s the kicker, Arsenal still manage to lose, and haven’t we all heard that before. Despite a wealth of possession, as soon as they hit Chelsea’s final third the Arsenal fans were treated to watching their team pass the ball from side to side to side to side to… you get what I mean. Now this can be blamed on the fact that they were missing Van Persie for a bit of cutting edge, and I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but they also seemed to be missing the ‘presence’ of Bendtner, but there was one major factor that I could see when watching the game which stood out as the major difference between the two teams – size. Drogba, Anelka, Lampard, Terry, Mikel and Essien (I could name the whole of Chelsea’s team, but I’m sure you understand my point), these are players with tremendous skill on the ball and great technical ability, as are most of Arsenal’s players, but when coming up against a small side like Arsenal, the physical prowess and sheer power of some of their players really shines. This power was epitomised in one moment in the second half; Drogba was tearing down the right wing, chasing a ball that was heading into the Arsenal area and Traore comes from nowhere and tries to shoulder barge him, however, he ends up just flying off the body of Drogba and landing on his behind looking quite bemused. How is a small, skinny, twenty year old left back supposed to compete with Drogba? How is a small, skinny, young Arsenal side supposed to compete with Chelsea? Quite honestly, the only physical attributes that are slightly impressive in the Arsenal side are Arshavin’s ridiculously huge thighs and Vermaelen’s equally as impressive scary, bald look. I’m an Arsenal fan and I, for one, don’t want Arsene Wenger to start splashing out on massive meatheads, but what I would ask is that he conditions his players to be a little stronger; either that, or he has to buy one or two players that can impose themselves physically on the opposition otherwise, no matter how technically gifted the kids of Arsenal are, they are at the end of the day still kids and that shows when they play against sides with a physical presence similar to that of Chelsea’s. If every player in the Arsenal side is going to be shrugged off the ball as Traore was then I’m sorry to say that the Gunners dream for a Premier League title and a Champions League title will remain just that – a dream. I’m not a pessimist; I support my team through thick and thin, through hail and rain, but I’m not going to pin my hopes on an Arsenal title any time soon (I’m tipping Chelsea if you hadn’t already noticed). Let’s just hope I’m wrong. I mean, miracles happen, right?

Results 11th November

Netball

Surrey 1st

Badminton

Surrey 1st 40-44 Portsmouth 2nd

Greenwich 3rd 6-2 Surrey 5th

Royal Holloway 2nd 19-Surrey 2nd 34

Women’s

Men’s

Sussex 2nd 2-8 Surrey

Brunel 4th 0-3 Surrey 1st

Men’s Surrey 1 2-6 Royal Holloway 1st st

Women’s

Hockey

Men’s

Surrey 1 1-7 Portsmouth st

Men’s

Football

Reading 3rd 1-2 Surrey 2nd

Basketball

Surrey 2nd 17-10 London School of Economics 3rd

Men’s

Women’s

Royal Free & University College Medical School 1st 3-1 Surrey 1st

Chichester 1st 77-66 Surrey 1st

Reading 34-5 Surrey

Netball

Surrey 4th 3-4 Reading 5th

Squash

Surrey 1st 22-18 Roehampton 2nd

Middlesex 5th 5-1 Surrey 5th

Rugby

Women’s

Men’s

Roehampton 5-2 Surrey

Women’s Surrey 1 40-58 Thames Valley 1st st

Fencing Imperial College 2nd 134-93 Surrey Football

Surrey 1st 5-0 Imperial College 2nd Imperial College 4th 1-2 Surrey 2nd Tennis Men’s

Men’s

Surrey 1st 5-5 Portsmouth 1st

Surrey 1st 3-4 Imperial College 1st

Royal Holloway 1st 9-1 Surrey 2nd

Surrey 2nd 3-1 Reading 2nd

Women’s Chichester 1 3-7 Surrey 1st st

Surrey 1 2-1 Kings College 2nd st

Surrey 4 2-4 Buckinghamshire 5th

Royal Free & University College Medical School 3rd 41-5 Surrey 2nd Women’s Surrey 31-0 London School of Economics Squash Surrey 1st 3-0 Kings College 1st

14 November

Surrey 2nd 3-0 Imperial College 4th

Hockey

Tennis

Men’s

Queen Mary 1st 8-2 Surrey 1st

th

London School of Economics 2-0 Surrey 3rd

Hockey Men’s Surrey 2nd 2-1 Addiscombe 3rd Women’s Surrey 1st 2-0 Kenley 2nd Kings College 4th 0-12 Surrey 2nd Netball

th

West London College 1st 9-0 Surrey 5th Women’s

Old Cranleighans 4th 3-0 Surrey 2nd Women’s

Surrey 5-1 Royal Holloway

Surrey 2nd 6-4 Royal Holloway 2nd 21 November st

Hockey

Surrey 1st 7-1 Cheam 3rd

Hockey

Men’s

18th November

Men’s

Sussex 1st 1-3 Surrey 1st

Badminton

Surrey 2nd 2-7 Old Mid Whitgiftians 4th

Royal Holloway 1 11-1 Surrey 2nd

st

Women’s

Together with the Students’ Union we strive to provide you with the best opportunities to participate in sport whilst you are studying at Surrey. T: 01483 (68)9201 (Sports Centre) T: 01483 (68)9242 (Varsity Centre) E: [email protected] / www.unisport.co.uk

Rugby

Queen Mary 1st 8-0 Surrey 1st

Surrey 1 6-0 Kingston 1st

Men’s Royal Free & University College Medical School 1-7 Surrey 1st

st

Surrey 2 0-13 Brighton 3rd nd

Football Men’s King’s College 1st 2-3

Women’s Reigate 3rd 0-2 Surrey 1st 25 November th

Badminton Men’s

Surrey 2nd 31-36 Imperial Medicals 2nd Rugby Men’s Surrey 1st 13-0 Reading 2nd London School of Economics 2nd 22-7 Rugby 2nd Squash Reading 2nd 2-1 Surrey 2nd Tennis Chichester 1st 10-0 Surrey 1st Reading 3rd 5-5 Surrey 2nd

See you all in the New Year!