The Stag - Issue 2

Issue 2 Editor : Claire Worgan Editor-In-Chief : Elizabeth Simos Produced in USSU Media Hub, University of Surrey, Guildford Est. 2008

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CATHEDRAL SHOOTING: ARE WE STILL SAFE AND SOUND? By Amy Short

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t was a great shock to all of us when we heard that on Sunday 30th November a man wasshot dead by police on the steps of Guildford Cathedral. David Sycamore, 39, who wassuffering from manic depression, was killed at around 3pm by officers responding to reports of an armed man in the area. A postmortem examination carried out on Monday concluded that Mr Sycamore died as a result of being shot in the chest. He also suffered a second gunshot wound to his rightarm. A weapon recovered from the scene wassent off for ballistic testing which came backindicating that it was a blank-fi ring 8mm self loading pistol.

Tom Wright said “I saw the helicopters circling the Cathedral at around 2.30pm but didn’t think much of it. When I found out what had happened I was shocked. You think of a Cathedral as a place of peace and harmony, so for this to happen on the steps is beyond belief.” Eleni Vorgia, who lives in Battersea Court, said,

“One of the main reasons I chose the University of Surrey was the fact that the crime rate was so low. For this to happen right outside my residential block really hits home that nowhere is safe”.

A statement issued through the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC) said: “In Natasha Lewis, a student who parks her car his short life, David has suffered with manic depression, which we believe he coped with, in the Cathedral car park, also expresses her worries, “I am sometimes in that car with extreme diffi culties at times. park late at night. To have thought there could have been an armed man there is very “David found solace in the grounds of the cathedral and said it brought him inner peace worrying.” and closer to God. Unfortunately that day he did not fi nd inner peace. His intentions were However, Andy Vale, who was in the area said, “I was up there about half an hour never to harm anybody. He would never do before it happened. No hint of anything going this. But sadly the only loss was David and wrong. It didn’t seem like something like this he will be sorely missed.” was minutes away from happening. I walk up past there everyday and it is odd to think that Students have expressed worries something like this happened. about their safety.

2 Surr ey exc lu interv iews w sive it The H ollway h s The A utoma and tic!

Fear and Christmas Loathing on campus Campus Boy

Gift ideas for empty wallets but big hearts.

However it’s clearly an isolated incident so it won’t affect me going about my business.” Elizabeth Simos President of the Students’ Union stated that ‘The wellbeing of our students is of paramount importance to us as a Union. In light of the tragic event that has taken place on our doorstep we will continue to work closely with the University in order to ensure that our students’ are, and feel, safe.’

on recip i t ina my t s ra Yum e c o Pr tral , nsid i cen ake m to

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Issue 2 |10th December 2008 | www.ussu.co.uk/thestag

Wanna start a society?... we tell you how !

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Worgan’s Words of winter wishes

In this issue.....

News Pages 3,4&5 Features Atheist Christmas | Page 7 Campus Boy & Starbucks | Page 8 GU2 News | Page 9 Not News | Page 10 A Coffee With...| Page 11 Yummy Recipes | Page 12 Gift Ideas for the credit crunch | Page 13 Poker & Manor Park Mentors | Page 14 Societies The Great Mathscepade| Page 15 Guild Standing & Asian Soc | Page 16 The Year of the Guild| Pages 17 How to start a society | Page 17 PSA| Page 18 Politics Society | Page 19 Horoscopes Page 20 Arts Music Reviews | Pages 22 Exclusive : The Automatic | Page 23 Editor| Claire Worgan: [email protected] Album of the year & Set Reviews| Page 24 News| Amy Short & Steven Hayton: [email protected] Exclusive : The Holloways | Page 25 Features| Kim Harris : [email protected] Literature | Page 26 Societies| Justin Waite & Mariam Nasir : [email protected] Best and Worst of film 2008 | Page 27 Sports: [email protected] Film and Theatre reviews | Page 28 Music| Rachael Fitz-Patrick : [email protected] Sports Literature| Amy Barnes :[email protected] Gliding & Taekwondo | Page 29 Film| Ollie Sim: fi[email protected] Science| Toby Shannon : [email protected] Open water swimming | Page 30 Marketing| Amy Campbell :[email protected] Trampolining | Page 30 Well it’s that time of year again . Exam stress is everywhere, the constant sight of people running round in a frenzy with little hair and blood shot eyes. However, just think in 2 weeks it will all be over and you can go home, relax, eat hundreds of Christmas chocolates (are they really any different to non christmas chocolates?) and watch the festive Christmas tele. Oh and of course you have issue 2 of The Stag to take home ! From all of us here at The Stag we wish you a very merry, warm and tingly Christmas and hope you get all the gifts (and for most, money!) that you have been wishing for ! See you in 2009!

Claire -x-

Copy Editors | Joe Kenward & Stephanie Davies

The Stag is an editorially indepedent newspaper and is published by the University of Surrey Student’s Union Media Hub. The views expressed in the paper are those of individual authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the editor or her team, the Student’s Union or the University of Surrey. Printed by Surrey and Berkshire Media Limited Stoke Mill House, Woking Road, Guildford, Surrey GU1 1QA

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Manor Park Roasting on an Open Fire By Amy Short

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kitchen fire in Manor Park on Wednesday 6th December resulted in a midnight evacuation of sixty students. Two fire engines, an ambulance, three university security officers and several wardens were on the scene. An attempt to use extinguishers to put out the flames failed because the fire involved oil. The cost of repairing the damage is estimated at around £2000.

“Fires in student kitchens are nearly always caused by residents leaving cooking unattended,”

says Richard Paxton, the Director of Accommodation. He has advised all students to take great care when preparing food: “Do not, under any circumstances, leave cooking of any sort unattended at any time. The risks are higher This incident caused considerable at night, when there are less [sic] disruption to students, who residents around or when you are waited outside for two hours, and under the influence of alcohol.” put them at high risk of injury. Fortunately the fire detection and associated evacuation procedures went smoothly and So be careful everyone! nobody was injured.

[email protected]

The scene shortly after the fire

How the mighty fall.. By Steven Hayton

Meaning that a lot of people will be made redundant, this is why the company must be saved. Not through government funding, that’s not an ’m sure most of you will remember going into a Woolworths store option as the cause of Woolworth’s downfall is not unjustified, it’s not when you where younger, buying some pick and mix, looking at all down to the poor decisions made by some banks. It is regrettably but the toys. In fact it’s one of the few stores I can remember from my undeniably the fault of the people in charge of Woolworths. childhood. Heartbreaking to learn then that after 99 years of trading in the UK, Woolworths has fallen into administration. Unfortunately So next time you pass a Woolworths store, why not go in and buy that Woolworths hasn’t been in a strong position for years, the ever-expanding CD or DVD that you’ve been meaning to get and help this giant stand up supermarket chains have pushed the company to the floor. As these again. businesses expand at a phenomenal rate, earning masses of money they can afford to sell their products at prices lower than Woolworths could handle. But this is not the only reason for the downfall. An incredible £385 million debt left the giant on it’s knees with 815 stores and around 30,000 jobs at stake. Now administrators Deloitte will, in the worst case scenario, move in to make the most money out of Woolworths and it’s stock before it disappears.

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Surely though a huge name like Woolworths can’t just disappear? Thankfully it seems there maybe light at the end of the tunnel. The aim of the administrators is to try and recover the dept owed to its creditors and save what remains of Woolworths, so Woolworths will be trading at Christmas and as you can expect the stores have been busy with the recent media spotlight placed on the company. Unfortunately however, sometime in the next year the number of stores will most likely be reduced to around 200, the rest sold to other companies to help reduce the debt.

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A reply from the Union..... By Students’ Union

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n the last edition of ‘The Stag’ it was stated that the price of a pint in Chancellors has risen by 20p. The article implied that the rise was recent and was the effect of the credit crunch. This is a misleading statement and this is why... Bar prices saw an increase in April 2007 and then April of this year. The increase in April 2008 was 10p on a pint of Carlsberg, and this was the increase resulting in the rise in duty (rounded to the nearest 5p). So in the last eighteen months, the price of a pint in Chancellors has only actually risen by 10p and that rise was dictated by the budget increase. Looking further back to 2004 the price of a pint (Carling in those days) was £1.80, today that is £2.10 an annual inflation rate of 4% increase; but this is not the whole story. Duty has risen above inflation, and where the increase to students has been 16% over 4 years, the cost to the Union from duty increases has been 18% over the same period of time. In the same period the minimum wage has increased by 18%, and the University pay scales increased this year by 5%. These figures also assume that duty and staff are the only costs which alter; our suppliers are also entitled to pass on inflationary costs and have done so. As the volume of beer which Student Unions sell across the UK reduces each year, so does the ability of the National Union of Students to negotiate better prices. With each renegotiated beer supply deal, prices inevitability rise. Ticket prices have often been an area of debate and a regular topic of discussion amongst students. The facts however speak for themselves. The advance price of ‘The Friday Night Out’ in 1998 was £2. Today in 2008 it is £2. In real terms this is a decrease of £1 over the decade. As detailed in a previous edition of Bare Facts, music licensing in 2001 cost the Students’ Union £3874, last year this cost £14,865 a rise of 263%. General insurance premiums rose from £24,763 in 2001 to £39,813 in 2008, a 60% increase. There has also been over inflation increases in other costs, e.g. Energy Despite the challenge cost increases may present to the Union in its aim to offer the best value for students, we are committed to ensuring that all areas of cost and prices are kept in check. They are set to generate an appropriate surplus which is then re-invested straight back into the Students’ Union. There are no shareholders, so every single penny which is spent within your Students’ Union, stays within your Students’ Union.

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Holdiay wishes from your President Dear Surrey Students This message probably finds you in the midst of revision and exams so I would like to wish you the best of luck and I genuinely hope you succeed in everything you are aiming for. If you are for any reason finding this time of the year difficult, remember that your Union as well as Student Care are here for you, and that you can contact us at any time. Just remember that with the holidays just over the horizon you can soon look forward to leaving behind deadlines and enjoying festive fun! With 2008 drawing to a close, it’s time to look back to the first part of the academic year and review whether we have in fact achieved anything in what has felt like an incredibly busy semester for the Union. When I took office in July I refused to listen to those saying that Surrey students are ‘apathetic’, part of my thinking being that the Union can only be as strong as the students we represent. I am so pleased to report that my experience as Union President has proven that Surrey Students do in fact care. Demonstrated simply by looking at the immense successes of clubs and societies in bringing students together; course representatives actively pursuing the rights of fellow students; groups or individuals fundraising in the thousands for people in need. The student movement at Surrey is gaining strength and I would like to thank all the students that have contributed to the different elements that give the movement momentum. It is with this in mind that we have undertaken all our work so far with students’ rights, needs and interests at the forefront of our agenda and with your feedback moulding our policy. I would like to extend my thanks to the students that have communicated with us with ideas and suggestions throughout this semester. You have driven our work and without your support successes such as keeping the library open 24 hours during exams would

not have been possible.This can be further illustrated with some examples of what we have done so far: We have given power back to the student body by making Student Parliament policy making; We have fought for the rights of individual students on academic and welfare issues; We have raised the profile of our Union on a national level with our involvement in the National Union of Students through my election onto National Council and the leading role we have held in the Higher Education funding debate; We are leading on a national campaign on TV licensing issues; We have extended our work in the community to ensure that students living off campus are represented through the Guildford community initiative; We set up events committee; We have set up the Night Bus to ensure students are safe going to and from campus; We brought you ‘Steve the Stag’; We fought to keep the library open 24hours; We supported campaigns for ‘Students in the Red’ and ‘HIV awareness’;and the list goes on...There is of course still so much to be done, we do however still remain enthusiastic, dedicated and passionate about seeing the Union reach its potential. On behalf of everyone at your Students’ Union I would like to wish you Happy Holidays! If you will be here over the Christmas period, the Union with others will be hosting the International Christmas Dinner, which you are all most welcome to. With best wishes for an enjoyable and relaxing break, Elizabeth Simos Union President

Union fights for better student accommodation in Guildford

On the 4th December, Geogina Hancock, Community Officer, presented a motion to Guildford Borough Council asking them to commission them to produce an accreditation list of student landlords. This list would promote the landlords who provide decent, satisfactory service and show responsibility to the community in doing so. The motion is now being considered by the executive board of the Borough Council. The motion was backed by councillors Chris Ward and Fiona White, as well as the University of Surrey Accommodation office.The position of Community Officer is new to this year’s executive team designed by the Students’ Union to extend student representation in the local community.

Presidents’ comment: ‘The underlying issue is that students deserve to live in decent accommodation. All too often their rights as tenants are not upheld. Can we be doing more as students to upkeep our homes in Guildford? If we’re honest, yes we could. What would help though is receiving properties in good condition and landlords carrying out their duties. Work has to be done on both sides - Co-operation and mutual respect is the key.’ If you like to know more about this motion, scheme and local community issues please email Natalie Forrester, Vice President Welfare on [email protected]

Student Bursaries

By Nick Entwistle - VP Education

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niversity-led discretionary student bursaries have existed for many years on a small scale. The Higher Education Act 2004 industrialised the practice as part of a last minute package designed to quieten Labour rebels dissatisfied with the Higher Education paper that had been proposed.

There are several problems with this. Firstly, money should be made available to students who need it. The scholarships are not means tested and are based purely on performance. If all UK schools provided equal opportunities and quality of education this would not be an issue, but this is not the case. Pupils at fee paying schools and young people Ironically, this move that made bursaries an integral part of the funding from more privileged backgrounds perform better at A-level and are model also made the system inherently unfair and unfit for purpose. thus more likely to achieve the grades needed to get the scholarships. It has introduced a market into the funding system and has enabled Students with genuine promise and potential to achieve good degrees universities to direct money for recruitment purposes rather than to do not necessarily have good A-level grades and these students are help students who need it. the ones most likely to run into financial difficulty. The scholarships appear to exist purely as a recruitment tool, not to widen participation. The purpose of bursaries and scholarships as stated by the University By Surrey’s own admission only 40% of scholarships will be award to of Surrey’s Access Agreement 2008/2009 is: students from lower-income households. “To counter as far as possible the effect of higher rates of fees on Secondly, even the bursaries are problematic. The household income students from disadvantaged backgrounds.” ranges are very low; to get the full Surrey bursary of £2,000 the combined income of your household needs to be less than £10,000. The Surrey System This system also assumes that parents/guardians are able or willing The University states it is committing approximately one third of its to commit money to their children. There are many reasons, not just additional tuition fee income to bursaries, scholarships and extended financial, why this might not be the case. programme awards. This works out at about £630 from each full feepaying home or EU student. The remainder of the money, around The cost of going to University is higher than ever with tuition fees, rent £1,260 per student, is used to “[enhance] the ‘student experience’ in and living costs all leading to huge student debt. There a few students who would turn down scholarships and bursaries, but shouldn’t they be its broadest sense.” targeted at those among us who really need it the most?

By Steven Hayton

A brighter future

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fter writing last issue’s view of the car parking situation I received support from various car park users. As a result of the amount of people who shared my opinion I decided to find out what the story was from the view of the transport office. I spoke to Mr James Newby (Business support manger for the University) about the issues the car park users have faced recently. We spoke about the possibility of expanding the car park to account for the reduced number of spaces now that work has begun on the School of Acting building. Mr Newby explained that due to the Sustainability Agenda set out by the government it was very difficult for the university to expand the car park. Even after the loss of some spaces, the local authorities were refusing to lose any green land to allow for more parking. This stems from the government’s attempt to become more ecofriendly. Mr Newby went onto to say “We can’t build any more parking spaces on this campus, even if we wanted to. And believe me we do want to, because we know it would be the answer to an awful lot of problems.” The university is restricted on how many cars can be parked on campus and how much traf-

fic it generates. As a result of this the University is not even allowed to make a car park off campus for students and staff to use. So what is the solution to this? If expansion is out of the question, what can be done? We discussed the aspect of public transport; a lot of money is spent on making it easier for people to travel to the university, this has the bonus of complying with the government’s goal to reduce the amount of cars on the roads. But what about those of us who want to drive? Mr Newby went on to speak about the car park and possibilities for the near future; “What we’re hoping to do in the next 1-2 years is introduce a system of daily car park charging, instead of an annual permit”. Mr Newby stated that this system was still in the development stages and may not be introduced, however if it was then it would bring an end to the permit, scratch cards and the pay and display car park. Instead all users would apply for a free annual permit and then pay for parking as they require it. How this will be achieved is still unclear, the idea is that users will pay an up front fee to be used as a sort of credit. When it comes to the end of the year the credit that you haven’t spent would be refunded. This was said to be a much fairer means of charging people to park as most people will not spend all week at the University.

Of course this new idea doesn’t address capacity, there will still be a limited amount of spaces and thus restrictions will continue to apply. However on the plus side, with the completion of the new building there will be around 40-50 more spaces available in the car park by the sports centre. The situation with the car park will get better; it’s just a matter of time and getting the right balance between allowing as many people to park as possible with the limited space available. It looks like a brighter future then for car park users, granted there won’t be much improvement in terms of the size of the car park but at least it will be managed in a fairer way. So at least if we have to park somewhere else we won’t have that bitter feeling of having paid for a space that doesn’t exist. What is your view on this? Please feel free to contact me about this with your views and questions. Additionally, if you have any ideas for the car park you can email transportenq [email protected]. The transport office welcomes all feasible ideas, bearing in mind supply and demand and the fact that they cannot expand the car park.

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Cream or Custard with your Big Bang Cake, Sir?

By Andy Vale

On December 25th I can almost guarantee that the Country will stop. I don’t mean we’ll all die or sit in solemn silence; but whatever you normally do for a day, you won’t do. Instead you’ll find yourself doing all sorts of stuff just because “that’s what you do.” Like eating Turkey. I know no-one that eats Turkey outside Christmas, it’s dry and tasteless. This isn’t a negative Christmas article. I grow tit-gropingly bored of them (it’s got me in trouble before) and I wouldn’t want to add to the ongoing crowd of idiots who moan about every aspect of it but still take the day off work. Nor am I going to be one of those sudden earth mothers who say it’s become too commercial. If you dislike Christmas because it is too commercial then I’ll happily take any presents of yours that I choose. Moreover, as you despise partaking in commercial holidays, I’ll sleep with your girlfriend on Valentine’s Day too! What I am going to be looking at is the religious side (PLEASE PLEASE KEEP READING! DON’T LEAVE! THERE MAY BE RUDE The thing is, they don’t have any code of rules, JOKES!) beliefs or scriptures to follow. The rules are, there are no rules. So an Atheist holiday can According to the 2001 census just under 3/4 include whatever they choose. So I’m going of the population was actually Christian. This to make one up. It takes place on a week in leaves about 15 000 000 people who don’t summer because everyone wants more days give a fig for the true meaning of Christmas off over Summer. The name will come later. and could thus be described as holiday But here is an intinery. freeloaders. Now we can immediately take out about 4 000 000 who belong to other religions Throughout: Naked babes, vanilla yoghurt on and thus have their own holidays, which tap and Race Cars. everyone could join in with if they wanted to. So in other words, they are bringing something Day 1: Wake up and eat bacon (veggies can to the table. Even the 390 000 FUNNY people eat ham). Mass game of Frisbee. Partly to who put their religion as Jedi have someone mock those who believe in a flat earth, partly releasing computer games on their behalf on because Frisbee is fun! However we shall have a dead-horse-floggingly regular basis. a rule that says if any Ultimate Frisbee players begin to take it too seriously then they have to What about atheists? There are about 10-12 sit down. 000 000 in the country and I have never been invited to an atheistic party. I have celebrated Day 2: Massive Conga. It looks like DNA. many things with no religious theme, but never heard of anyone welcoming everyone to have Day 3: It’s Watersports day! Find a lake, a a big party in honour of Darwin. There is a peddle boat and bring a milkshake. Then for difference between something like New Year’s- giggles we go fishing with our bare hands. I which isn’t religious- and something which is know that in general that’s hard, but at our specifically made by Atheists. I have searched lake it’s not. I was down there feeding the and I can’t find a ‘Festival of Chemical Chance’ ducks and saw about 17 HUGE fish in mega anywhere! Not even a recipe for Big Bang shallow water just in front of me. They were Cake. Yet every year millions of atheists are also slow. I could’ve jumped, wrestled and happy to take a nice holiday. It’s all well and killed a fish without too much trouble. Wet Tgood playing the ‘I <3 Reason’ card, but can’t Shirt contests are old hat. Let’s have a Wet Stockings contest and really rave it up! you add a few events to our calendar too?

Day 4: Coaches have been booked and will be taking everyone to the nearest load of hills, where we can roll down them all day. There will also be a pancake party, orgasm tent and museum of moustache. Day 5: Firewood is running low from all the campfiring that’s been going on over the week. Today we go to supermarkets and burn the carrier bags that are too gratuitous in their boasts about their environmental credentials. Just because a bag is green doesn’t mean Mother Nature will open her legs wider for you! We then traipse into the evening and I’ve made a huge Bobsled track for us to race toy cars down. Day 6: Today’s morning activity is an eagerly anticipated event: Slapping People Who Perpetually Repeat Family Guy Quotes Until You Forgot Why You Ever Liked It/Them. This is one of the more sombre times as you realise that no God could allow something so eyeball gougingly annoying as that. To cheer people up and show no hard feelings, everyone is treated with a trip to a chocolate, doughnut and pizza factory! Even though none of these products grow in the dirt, they still rock and so it proves we are fine without nature. Day 7: Freestyle. An Atheist believes that one day they will die and cease to be consciously existent. Thus people are encouraged to make goals, dreams and hopes come true today. Day 7 is every day. Day 7 is forever. Day 7 is when you make your life happen. Doesn’t that all sound like fun? Bam, I’ve made a holiday! Let’s call it: A Giant Alien Week More Violent And Sick Than Anything You Can Imagine. That’ll do. Here are two jokes you won’t find in your crackers this year (because I made them up this morning): What instrument does a foot play? A socksaphone What do you call a really old prostitute? A Dinoswhore

Sorry.

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CAMPUS BOY

Who is Bob Mitchell, and why does he hate Starbucks?

By Christian Gilliam

A Christmas party, a Friday night, there was no getting out of this one. I was cajoled into going by some acquaintances. It’s got to the stage where people actually get excited if I attend a social event... ‘Wooooo, he’s here! Yaaay, lets drink some more... lets vomit into the fridge!’. Despite walking slowly across campus in order to down a beer, the WD-40 of social interaction, I arrived a little too punctually. I sat in awkward silence in a kitchen full of unknown clowns. This was no theme night at the Union, but the women present hid themselves beneath a mask of make-up, while the men demonstrated their bravado in drinking games, resulting in playing cards being flicked through the air. This was a circus, and I was the elephant in the room.

Someone new was at this party, a fresher that I hadn’t met before and didn’t really feel the need to now. I was urged to shake his hand, so he held out his hand expectantly. He noticed that I didn’t shake it properly. I blamed it on the Wotsits... saying that I thought he had been eating Wotsits and I didn’t want to touch his cheesy hand. I didn’t really get away with it because he hadn’t been eating Wotsits. I’m not even sure if there were Wotsits available. It was awkward, but it set the tone for the evening.

Finally, some friends arrived. I accidentally drank too much, and ended up agreeing to go to the Union, which has only ever happened on 3 other occasions in my life. Thankfully, it was pretty quiet in there. To be fair, I avoid most nights out. People have cottoned on to this, and one girl in particular keeps telling her friends that I am a social retard, which makes the introductions a lot easier at least. I’m honing my method of avoidance in order to steer clear of another custard-pie-in-face scenario. These people see me in the front row, observing their hideous pretence, and they see I’m vulnerable. But by the same token, I have the measure of them, and they can’t pull me out of my seat, into the spotlight. I’ve a beer in one hand, and the other in a bag of Wotsit flavoured popcorn. I’ll just sit and enjoy the show.

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Campus Boy

By the looks of things, ‘Bob’ is an unknown student political activist, keen on spreading his message of social justice and ethical business. It all started with the short-lived appearance of the anti-Starbucks posters. Presumably the Union, or perhaps a very pro-Starbuckian, determined the posters diminishment. Nonetheless it has evidently spurred on a great arousal. Within a week of the posters debut, there appeared a Surrey anti-Starbucks Facebook group ‘The UniS Hate Starbucks Front’. A curious name to say the least, masterminded by the curious ‘Bob Mitchell’. Is Bob a real person? Or is he (or she?) a student, passionate about their beliefs but worried about public appearance? If the latter factor is true, which seems to be overtly evident, it will undoubtedly cause problems when this infant social movement looks for a human leader. If the idea to form a public debate on campus about Starbucks prevails (which based on many of our students sentiments, seems likely) the Front will surely need Bob? Despite the identity of Bob, his message is what intrigues myself and many other students most. Bob and the ‘Bobites’ appear to be expressing concern over Starbucks’ unethical business practises. Although some of Bob’s remarks on the Facebook page about Affluenza have implied he holds an underlining moral objection to marketing and consumerism, his and his group’s real message is less ideological. On the Facebook group, Bob describes this movement as being concerned with Starbucks’ fictitious selling point. Namely, that they advertise themselves as partaking in fair trade, yet only 0.001% of their sales are fair trade. Bob and the Bobites also oppose the monopoly Starbucks evidently has, and its effects on local businesses. An interesting point that Bob has raised on the group message board is that, even by purely capitalist standards (laid out in Adam Smiths Wealth of Nations), Starbucks is illegitimate and any government would be legitimate in restricting its monopoly. In Smiths view, its monopoly infringes on the functions of the free market. Not just a left-wing movement after all.

Arguments against Bob, is that Starbucks brings considerable revenue to the University and that Starbucks is being unfairly targeted. Bob has addressed this point by stating that the students in the group do not want their tuition fees to be subsidized via illegitimate means. They express that students should have a say on how their University and, indeed, their education, is funded. Accordingly, justifying Starbucks on the grounds that it will provide revenue for the University is simply ‘not good enough…this is dirty money, funded by slave labour’, says Bob on the Facebook group. Apparently Starbucks is the only major corporation of this kind on campus using predominantly unfair trade while simultaneously pretending to be doing the opposite. Bob and his followers are encouraging a movement to boycott Starbucks, with the intention of sending a clear message; that they want Starbucks to sell more fair-trade and/or detail in their ‘fair-trade’ advertisements the real percentage of the fair-trade products that they sell. If they fail to do this, then according to Bob, they have no place on campus. This is not the first time Starbucks has come under a hailstorm of hate. Conversely it is not the first time that anti-Starbucks supporters are subjected to equal if not elevated amounts of hate. Both sentiments are evident on the Facebook group message board, and both of them have convincing arguments. The real question is though, what do the students think? Are there enough students in support of this to deem the group legitimate in launching an attack on Starbucks? Is Bob right when expressing that Starbucks’ fictitious selling point is countering the prevalence of any moral objection? Perhaps more students would reject Starbucks once presented with the evidence of their unethical practises? But of course there is always the choice argument. After all, who is Bob to deny you of your Frappuccino?

1350am GU2 Is Run By A Team Of Crack Addicts, Card Sharks and Insurance Salespersons By Andy Vale Actually that is a lie. I could never back it up. Part of me is glad it’s a lie; however another part of me holds no fear of such mavericks. The real faces behind the voices are a lot less glamorous and law breaking. Student Radio has its high and low points. On one hand you have more say over just about every aspect of your work than you are ever likely to have again in your career, be it in radio or used-car sales. You also have the opportunity to flex your creative muscles in a number of different disciplines such as music choice, presenting skills, marketing missions and technical bollocks. However you still have to pay for your own pizza. I did say there were downsides. Despite coursework, eXXXams and degrees in general, GU2 has been busy as sin these last few weeks. On Sunday 23rd November we hosted the National Student Chart Show, which was broadcast to over 30 other Student Radio stations across Britain. Each week a different Student Station is given the honour of hosting the chart run-down to the whole of the UK. Presented by Drivetime specialists Phill Nathan and Bex Wood, the show covered the top 20 student songs as well as two bum-scorching local acts. We received a great deal of praise for the slick job we did and we’ll hopefully be asked to host the Student Chart Show sometime next year. There is still space for us to add more shows, but in the mean time we have plenty of bucking frilliant slices of audiogasms broadcasting out to you all. Last week when listening to the Afternoon Tea show, I discovered that Russell Brand has also been knobbing the granddaughter of Che Guevara! Also, since starting here, Elliot Friel has played many big artists on his show long before the Radio 1 specialists. Examples include Black Kids, Foals and Ladyhawke. In fact last month he interviewed Ladyhawke and ended up asking her out, he got turned down but they are now Facebook friends. On a Wednesday night you can also tune into the Cyclone Dance Show to see why the Cyclone events have become such a success in the HRB. After that there is The Midnight Moshpit, which now starts at 11. It is worth tuning in for just to hear the ghost stories. All of which can be heard by listening at 1350am or WWW.GU2.CO.UK If you can’t find a computer/radio then we are often out and about on campus, hear us DJ live in Chancellors every other Saturday and at any other event we are invited to. If your society is holding an event and would like us to DJ your event then email [email protected] We are also a big supporter of local artists and high quality unsigned talent. Every week we have roughly three live sessions in the studio and are always on the look out for more artists. I’m actually shocked that I should have to say this, but if you are a music student then we would love you to come on down and play whatever you have. Just email [email protected] and I’ll see what I can do. Last week I had a

Elliot Friel interviewing Reggie Youngblood from Black Kids guy who’d flown over from Canada JUST* to do a live session for me. I also got sent a CD by a band called Travis Matte and The Kingpins, who are the best thing I have heard from New Orleans in a long time. Train of thought is rapidly going off the tracks here, basically if you are any good then contact us! If you consider yourself a bit of a music know-it-all then you’ll love our specialist programming. Each weeknight there is a different theme, it goes something like this. Monday is Indie/Electro night, Tuesday is an all-out rock affair, Wednesday is when we let Cyclone take over for most of the night, Thursday is urban/hip-hop and on Friday night there is really no telling what you may hear. On the weekends there is also a huge mash-up of different shows too, so go to the website WWW.GU2.CO.UK and have a look round. If you think “OMG this looks more fun than sitting around in my room, putting on some DVDs and congratulating myself” then send an email to [email protected] saying what you’d like to do! Alternatively just turn up to one of our meetings at Wates House at 6:15 on Thursday evenings. When you get there, find the best looking guy in the room. I’ll then point you in the direction of someone who can help you achieve your goals. You also score mega-points for joining the Faceboob group “GU2 Radio 1350AM” I also interviewed a band that has a mission to get the terms Windmill, Cowabunga and Insania into every interview they do. *Lie, lie, lie, but the truth is more interesting. I found a guy called David Celia on myspace. Liked the song. Contacted him. Told him to come play Guildford when he next toured the UK. That’s what he did.

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******** WARNING ******* THIS IS NOT NEWS!

Facebook status updates Alistair Darling savaged in badger baiting ‘frequently inaccurate’ mishap By Pete Natress down in a gutter surrounded by a puddle of her own stale vomit, with rotten kebab meat entangled in her Students on social networking filthy, matted hair. She wouldn’t be site Facebook are often guilty on Facebook. As she seems to still of posting fictional, exaggerated possess the dexterity required to and inaccurate status updates, use a computer, we can conclude according to new research by local that her night out was merely tosser Michael Reiner. Reiner’s ‘satisfactory’. Another mistruth to recently released report derides the append to the wall of lies.” common practice as “misleading, reckless and irresponsible” and Reiner insists that more people model their status labels those who perform it as should updating behaviour on his, which “exhibitionist pathological liars”. he describes as “an accurate, Reiner, who has less than twenty functional, despondent catalogue Facebook friends because he’s of the day’s events”. He added that such a colossal loser, was infuriated people who pollute their walls with at the amount of times his friends whimsical comments and pithy submitted “paradoxical falsehoods” observations make it much more which appeared on his news feed. difficult for him to stalk them. “To “One of my friends continuously be honest, it’s not as bad as joke wrote updates to inform the world relationship statuses. They can that he was ‘hard at work’. Of course be very misleading and lead to all this is impossible. If one is indeed sorts of trouble, including police ‘hard at work’ one cannot also have intervention,” he conceded. the spare time to announce this fact to one’s peers. The whole concept Reiner’s attempts to contact a Facebook community manager in is highly incredulous.” order to vocalise his complaints Updates regarding nights out and have repeatedly failed due to her parties did not escape Reiner’s being ‘really busy’, ‘out to lunch’ or ire. “’Laura had a really great night ‘having a laugh with [her] mates’. out’,” he complained. “Again this is “I’ll believe that when I see it,” he unlikely. If Laura had really had a complained bitterly, whilst wallowing great night out she’d surely be face- in a pit of self-loathing.

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By Pete Natress

Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling was accidentally killed by dogs last night after he was mistaken for a badger and used in an illegal badger baiting contest. According to the Metropolitan Police, Darling slipped and fell into a badger sett whilst walking home from the Treasury, where he had spent most of his day ruining the economy. Badger baiters then snared and restrained the unsuspecting cabinet minister, subsequently tying him to a tree and goading rabid dogs to bite his bits off.A police spokesman this morning described the incident as “a tragic case of mistaken identity”. Whilst it is usually highly uncommon for a grown adult man to be mistaken for a squat woodlanddwelling mammal, this was an exceptional case, he added. “Mr Darling has the facial structure, hair colouration and general demeanour which could lead one to potentially conclude that he is in fact a badger. Unfortunately this scenario appears to have transpired and has resulted in Mr Darling being torn into tiny shreds like a turkey sandwich at Christmas. Tragic.”

“Mr Darling was surprised by his baiting”

mean the economy’s back on track now that badgery bastard has been ripped apart like a dud cracker?” Asked one. “It does? Excellent! Time to get myself a loan and start spending again!”Badger baiting has been illegal in the UK for over two hundred years, but is still popular amongst Tories and bored people. However, the police have stated that they will not be pressing charges, despite the fact that Darling’s torso now resembles a pig in a blender. “Having spoken to the badger baiters in question, we have concluded that this was an innocent mistake which anyone could have made,” said a spokesman. “Furthermore, we have examined the Protection of Badgers Act 1992 and Outpourings of sympathy nowhere does it prohibit the from Westminster for the late baiting of senior government Darling were in short supply officials, so we wouldn’t have this morning. One cabinet a case anyway”. colleague mourned the This is not the first time an loss of “a frightfully boring MP has been mistaken for a man; the sort of person who wild animal. In March 2000, could put you into a coma by Michael Portillo was captured describing a helicopter crash”. in a big net after onlookers Others simply wept tears of became concerned about a inexpressible joy. Meanwhile, giant pelican ambling around shoppers around the country Hyde Park. He was later were delighted. “Does this released back into the wild.

A Coffee With...... Danny “ The Magic Bouncer” Brennan

Our very own Editor Claire Worgan sits down for coffee with the staff behind the union . This week she’s interviewing Danny Brennan and his box of tricks How long have you been a bouncer? Urmm, nearly ten years now, ten long arduous years

We all know you here at Surrey as “The magic bouncer”, have you ever tried to disperse a situation with your magic? Ha-ha, well working as a bouncer and magic don’t really go hand in hand to be honest!

Do you enjoy being a bouncer here at Surrey? Yeah I like it, been here for a couple of years now. I would like to stay here. *Danny shows us a magic trick * What’s the worst venue you have ever bounced at? Urmm, I would have to say a club in Aldershot, though personally I think Aldershot is just one big toilet, needs an airstrike on the place. I mean there was a pair of women’s pants down the side of the toilet in this place for 6 weeks. Blood splatters on the walls, nicotine on the walls dripping into people drinks. So what are your best and worst moments of being a doorman? Well I think both the best and worst are not suitable for your audience to be honest, plus some stories are about really scummy venues. Tell us something about you that some people might not know? Well, I got into martial arts at about the age of 16 , then moved onto cage fighting ( form of martial arts)when I was about 19 until about my early twenties, around the same time I got into door work. However, I was forced into door work by my trainer at the time, it wasn’t through choice. Then I got into magic. How did that come about? Well, I met a magician when working on the door once and it kind of went from there.

Wow Danny! , So if you weren’t a bouncer would you be a magician? Well that’s the plan but I do tend to drift through life . What’s your most embarrassing moment? Maybe not suitable for here either! I suppose falling over when running for a fight. I like to carry around potatoes in my pockets, For a handy snack and for throwing at people. I once So if you could do a degree what would had this really larey girl come up to me and I you do? kind of used a pick pocket technique but put I like history, so something like geology, palae- a half eaten potato in her bag. Would love to ontology, something where I get to study his- have been there when she was rooting around tory mainly. But I would only do it for nostalgia for her keys and found it! reasons. Where do you see yourself in 10years So anything with Ology basically? time? Ha-ha, pretty much. If doing doors in 10 years I will probably be suicidal! It’s not good for having relationships If you could be any super hero who would either, no nights in etc so i don’t really know ! you be? Actually, I have often thought about this, I Well I think that is it Danny, thanks ever mean Batman is an ordinary guy most of the so much. Do you have any closing words time, except he’s rich so maybe him, or may- for our readers? be Flash. Flash is just really fast and can do Urmm at the end of the day.... it gets dark, haeverything quicker than everyone else. All su- ha, urmm hang on a minute 3 of you, one of perheroes though are just alter egos they are me? I call that pimms o’clock! just normal guys, so possibly Super Man is the ultimate hero if I could chose. If it was down to a square fight Super Man can’t die and can do anything. Just some random questions now..... What was your favourite subject at school? Well I wasn’t very academic to be honest.....

If you have an idea for an interview why not email us at....

[email protected]

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Naughty or Nice? Tasty treats and naughty nibbles... Are you twiddling your thumbs over revision and procrastinating more and more as time goes on? I have a potential solution if you’re The semester is nearly over and I don’t know about you, but I’m a tiny bit curious about what will happen if you throw caution to the actually missing coursework over the revision. My thoughts right now winds, whip on a frilly apron and experiment in the kitchen. (I realise seem to be centring on that happy day when exams finish and I can that brings two potential activities to mind, but I was talking about put my feet up in front of the Christmas telly (with an oversized box of cooking). festive Quality Streets). If so, then here are some recipes you can try out* or just save for Well isn’t that just a little bit naughty (especially for a student making after exams. I’ve included two sweet ideas and a savoury dietitian)? But the year is nearly over, so there really isn’t much point snack, they’re simple to make and yummy to eat. (Don’t bother in trying to salvage yourself and be nice if you’ve been naughty all asking me for the fat and calorie content because a) I don’t know year. Best to just enjoy it now. and b) who cares).I’d better stop there and get back my own revision, accompanied of course, by a cup of tea and a star cookie or two… Don’t get me wrong; I’m not really advocating waiting for the 1st of January to start being healthy, in the manner of Bridget Jones. See you in 2009! If you’re motivated, do it now. If you’re successful then you can be *I’m holding no responsibility for making you procrastinate more smug that you resisted Christmas temptation. than usual, just trying to make it more Christmassy and fun rather If you’re not, then have no fear because most of the population are than boring. Enjoy! also in your shoes. By Chetna Pandya

Star Cookies

Quick Cheese Straws

Time: 1 hour Makes: 40 small cookies

Time: 20 minutes Makes: Serves 8 Other: Vegetarian and can freeze before baking

Ingredients 1 egg white Sugar crystals or silver balls to decorate 200g unsalted butter at room temperature 150g caster sugar 2 tsp vanilla extract 1 egg 300g plain flour, sifted 1.Cream the butter and sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer, or use a large bowl with a hand-held electric beater.

Black and White Pinwheel Cookies Time: 1 hour plus chilling Makes: about 40 cookies

2.Beat in the vanilla and egg, then add the flour. Beat until smooth, remove from the bowl, halve and shape into discs.

Ingredients 25g cocoa 200g unsalted butter , at room temperature 150g caster sugar 2 tsp vanilla extract 1 egg 300g plain flour, sifted

3.Wrap with clingfilm and chill for about 40 minutes until firm. Heat oven to 180/fan 160C/gas 4.

1.Cream the butter and sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer, or use a large bowl with a hand-held electric beater.

4.Dust the work top with flour and roll out one portion of dough to 3mm thick. Cut stars or other shapes with cutters.

2.Beat in the vanilla and egg, then add the flour. Beat until smooth, remove from the bowl, halve the dough and beat the cocoa into one of the portions using a mixer.

5.Line 2 baking sheets with non-stick baking paper and lift the cookies onto it using a palette knife.

3.Shape both dough portions into rough oblongs. Wrap in clingfilm and chill for 30 minutes until firm.

6.Chill for 10 minutes and then bake for 10-12 minutes until just turning golden at the edges.

4.Roll out each dough to £1-coin thickness, trying to keep the oblong shape. Put the chocolate dough on top of the white dough and trim the edges to neaten. Roll up lengthways like a Swiss roll

7.Cool on a baking rack. When cool, brush lightly with egg white then sprinkle with silver balls or sugar crystals.

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5.Wrap in clingfilm and chill for 45 minutes. Heat the oven to 180C/fan 160C/gas 4. Slice the dough into discs as thinly as you can, put them on a non-stick baking sheet and cook for 15 minutes. Cool on wire rack

Ingredients 350g pack ready-rolled puff pastry Four handfuls of grated parmesan Handful of flour, to roll pastry on 1.Heat oven to 220c/fan 200c/gas 7. 2.Unroll a puff pastry, scatter over a couple of handfuls of grated parmesan, then fold in half. 3.On a lightly floured surface, roll out to the thickness of a £1 coin. Cut into 1cm strips, then twist the strips 3-4 times. 4.Lay on a baking sheet, scatter over more cheese and bake for 12 mins, or until golden. Leave to cool, then keep in an airtight container for up to 2 days. As these cheese straws are very delicate, roll them in kitchen paper before packing into a plastic container.

Gift Ideas for the Credit Crunch Gifts for under £10.00

By Emma Rayment

Gifts for under £5.00 Flavoured oils- buy a small bottle of olive oil, and add a variety of their favourite ingredients to flavour. This can include chilli, rosemary, thyme, garlic, basil or peppercorns. To personalise the gift, why not create your own label? Perfect for parents and budding chefs. Housework voucher- create your own IOU gift voucher offering housework services, but be sure to keep your promise, and be prepared to get your hands dirty! Suggestions include washing the car, mowing the lawn, or hoovering for a week! Homemade truffles- 225g plain chocolate, 175ml double cream and a bit of icing sugar and cocoa powder is all you need to make 4565 truffles. Heat the cream to a gentle boil, and add the broken chocolate pieces, blending thoroughly until melted. Allow the mixture to cool at room temperature until set (1-1½ hours), before using a spoon to cut out bitesize pieces and rolling quickly in your hands to form a ball. Roll these balls in an icing sugar and cocoa powder mixture and place on a cling-film covered tray to set.

Look great in a small box filled with tissue paper!

Afternoon tea for two- perfect for a gloomy January day, and a break from sales shopping, treat that special person to a warming Homemade gingerbread men- these are a afternoon tea, complete with scones and fun and tasty gift, suitable for all the family. sandwiches. Marks and Spencer’s Cafe offers Personalise your gingerbread men using icing a very reasonable tea for two. Create a giftcard kits, or for children, provide an icing kit as part with tempting images which can be given on of the present so they can decorate their own. Christmas day. Alternatively, use a bit of fancy ribbon to make them into tree decorations. You can find an Personalised photo gifts- Tesco offer a good easy to follow recipe here: http://www.cookuk. range of personalised photo gifts, including co.uk/children/ginger_bread_men.htm. mousemats, mugs and underwear (because a photo of family isn’t at all out of place on Home made recipe book- ideal for siblings a thong!). Visit their site here for more ideas: who are yet to master the art of cooking. http://www.tescophoto.com/wpp/tesco/ Using an A3 ringbinder and some card, write buygifts_tour.jsp. out the ingredients and simple steps of their favourite recipes. To add a personal touch, Hampers- who needs Fortnum and Mason why not decorate the ringbinder with photos when you can create your own? Fill a wrapped of the delicious things they will soon be able shoebox full of tissue paper and a variety of to create? little treats. These could include the flavoured oils, homemade truffles and gingerbread men (see recipes above), and a selection of their favourite foods. Preserves, chutneys, biscuits and sweets will be welcome on Boxing Day, and well into the New Year. Alternatively, make a ‘Pamper Hamper’ filled with toiletries, face masks, bubble bath and cheap fizz.

Restaurant Review- Christmas on Campus By Joe Kenward, accompanied by warmer, however. Brr. Fortunately, the come with friends, to sit, chat, and drink Although there was a piggy-in-a-blanket food was a little hotter- for me, a turkey an afternoon away in a warm, festive to please meat-eaters, the potatoes were Emma Rayment If there’s something we all look forward to at Christmas, it’s being surrounded by family and friends, and stuffing your face, before slumping into a comfy chair and dozing between episodes of Eastenders and the annual blockbuster, Titanic. But that will have to wait. We’re still on campus, we have shared kitchens, and the chairs are anything but soft and welcoming. Some of us probably haven’t even created anything beyond a Pot Noodle yet, so there may be little hope of fashioning a full-on Christmas dinner, with all the trimmings, to celebrate the end of term with your mates. But there is an alternative to serving up turkey and brussel sprout flavoured Pot Noodles…

Chancellors Turkey lovers and vegetarians alike can enjoy a Christmas meal, with all the trimmings, at Channies for £4.95. We’re surely all accustomed to the new-look interior now, one which I feel is a vast improvement, enhanced by the festive decorations. No amount of tinsel can make the place

parcel comprising a moist medallion of turkey and a layer of stuffing wrapped in streaky bacon. For my eating companion, a thick, crispy slice of nut roast. For both of us; crispy roast potatoes, parsnips, buttery carrots and… brussel sprouts. While there may be some that enjoy these odd mini-cabbages (which pack the same gaseous punch as a whole cabbage may do), I’m sure there will be more of these returned to the kitchen on collected plates than will be consumed by students. It missed peas.

Immediate impressions were good, although the gravy had clearly split into islands of solidified skin in a watery mass. The potatoes and parsnips had a crispiness which hinted that Aunt Bessie had a role in preparation, although this, perhaps, is no cause for complaint in a good value meal. My companion found the nut roast tasting overwhelmingly of dried onion, something which also hindered the stuffing in my turkey parcel. Despite this, for the money, you’ll have a decent Christmas lunch here, something which you probably couldn’t make much cheaper, and certainly no better, than the folks at Chancellors do. This is a place to

and friendly atmosphere- isn’t that what Christmas is about after all?

Seasons If you favour food over atmosphere, my companion and I agreed that this is the place to go. Seasons offer their Christmas lunches for £4.75, but here you are more likely to eat up and get out. I opted for the turkey option again, this time served in thick slices which had dried out a little. Accompanying this was a serving of stuffing, a piggy-in-a-blanket (one of the highlights of a Christmas meal, in my opinion), carrots and peas… no brussel sprouts in sight. And it was a whole lot better for it. The vegetarian option was again nut roast, but my companion was far happier with this serving, ‘It’s less oniony this time… at least this won’t be repeating on me all day’ was the general gist of what she was saying. It was far nuttier than the version served in Chancellors, although the difference in taste may have been due to cooking method, as this portion was a little softer, as if it had seen the microwave.

a let down. As so often happens in canteens, they had lost their crispness and had become large, soggy affairs. There was also a distinct lack of parsnip. The gravy, however, was much improved from that at Chancellors, and you can help yourself which means you don’t get to that last potato wishing there was something to make it taste a whole lot nicer. We both felt, however, that this was the better lunch of the two. It felt as if it had been prepared, rather than simply put together, by the kitchen. They offer homemade mince pies here too (£1.50 for two). The atmosphere, though, lacked a warmth that you might desire while eating a Christmas meal. If you feel in need of a warming, filling, festive meal one lunchtime, this should be your first port of call. If you happen to be with friends, and favour a more relaxed approach to dining, then Chancellors will fill you with seasonal cheer. Merry Christmas.

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By Vikram Nanda

Poker After Dark

Every Sunday night the musty walls of Chancellors are filled with manipulating students eagerly and awaiting for the blasting sound from the surrounding speakers to echo across the room as it always does at 9PM; ‘Shuffle Up And Deal.’ To most Poker is a gambling game, a game of chance where the luckiest players win. If you lost, it was just not your night. These students are known as Fish, gamblers who do not know the value of Big Slick (That’s Ace-King, a strong drawing hand that is better than any other hand except a pocket pair.) and just play ‘the pretty cards.’ Among the laughter, the banter, the rising chip stacks and the falling players there lies the few knowledgeable students of the game. The few who understand that as the blinds increase every 10 minutes (forced bets) their starting hand selection increases, the ones who smile at the joke the raiser makes however understands that he is only asking Mr. Fishy McFishsticks how his day has been so she can fully understand by analysing reactions if it is worth chasing her flush getting 3:1 pot odds from the slightly worried possibly weak probably amateur raiser. These are known as the sharks, they constantly make the money every week While there are many forms of Poker the most popular one current and eventually all the money falls into their hands. With mathematically game is called No-Limit Texas Hold-Em. Each player receives two cards understandings of standard deviation and variance they are able to rise face down, these are hole cards that only the player can see, a round to the cream of the crop. of betting takes place, next five community cards are dealt out from the deck onto the middle of the table, these are cards all remaining players ‘I’m All In.’ After 3 hours and 24 minutes only two players remain, and eventually they ship all their chips into the middle announcing the can use to make their best five card hand. The five cards are placed famous last three words of any second place finisher. The last remaining in the middle via three sequences with betting turns in between each victors shake hands and exchange words; ‘Until Next week.’ one. The weekly tournament ends up drawing 5£ from every player and usually pays a decent amount to first place with less and less up to the The cards fell as the would any night, and some lucky amateurs made final 8% field; the majority finish past the bubble and therefore leave some cash, most dropped the price of a cheap takeaway lunch meal, and few played their hearts out and got what they deserved. with a lighter wallet. Thanks to popular televised shows such as ‘Late Night Poker’ and ‘World Series Of Poker’ a poker boom has been spreading within the community, especially within the University Of Surrey. In the past players such as Doyle Brunson would travel across America in secret, hustling players left, right and centre, it wasn’t the most glamorous of careers. However thanks to televised tournaments and cash games anchored with the invention of the hole camera, which allows viewers to see their players favourite hole cards, the game has become more of a sport.

Court Life Mentoring at Manor Park

By Yash Agrawal

Its been a busy term at Manor Park where the Mentors started the term with a Welcome BBQ, Pub-Crawl and Pyjama Party. October was the month of Games and Sports where residents participated in Ten-Pin Bowling and Table Tennis Tournaments. November was the month of proactive residents with “Manor Park Got Talent” and ending the term with Exam Relief filled with movie and Play station evenings. Manor Park Mentors wishes a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. See you all in January 2009, and keep an eye in your email for the January socials and parties to follow!

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The winners and the co-coordinators of the “Manor Park Got Talent” event from left to right - Leon (winner), Busayo and Mehrdad (Organisers for the talent show), Joie (2nd Runner-up) and Nate (1st Runner Up)

Fancy writing a feature for The Stag ? Then why not email us at [email protected]

The Great Mathscapade

By Justin Waite

Co - Societies Editor For many societies, living on the bread-line is a common enough experience. Short of funds and devoid of the large number of members that characterise some societies, it can be hard to hold a diverse range of events that extend beyond the odd pub crawl, socials in Chancellors or scheduled trips to items of interest. For some societies, the only way they can generate enough income to do something different is to hold an event in Rubix or HRB, selling tickets and opening the bars up to attract any potential punters to donate to the coffers and help fund something a little more exciting. However, this carries its own risks. Should a society fail to make the required total at each bar, they will be charged the remaining amount from the society funds up to a capped limit of £300 for HRB and £650 for Rubix, meaning that for some societies it can be a life-or-death event, with success hanging on the reliance of a binge-drinking campus. Don’t believe me? To open a bar in Rubix costs £1550 and in HRB costs £660. If we factor in the cost of the student drinking staple, the honourable Snakebite, at £2.15, this means that a staggering 721 snakebites need to be consumed, in the 4 hour gap of 10pm—2am that Rubix is normally opened for societies wishing to hold an event on a weekday, or for HRB nearly 307 snakebites. Obviously this sort of ‘guesstimate’ has its limitations, not everyone, including myself, likes snakebite, and there are all sorts of other drink costs that we could use. But this is merely to bring a bit of perspective to the table. Now if we include the figures of capacity, whereby HRB can hold 220 people and Rubix 1550, this can seem a more daunting prospect. Whilst some societies may find it easy

to fill out HRB, it can be a lot harder to attract over 1500 people to an event hosted by a society with a membership, on paper, of less than 100, which includes nearly every society. But this isn’t the point that I wish to make. Now the context has been set, and at the same time information has been given for any societies thinking about hosting an event in the future, it is time to move onto the main issue. After all, the Student’s Union is merely a company holding our best interests at heart, and they shouldn’t have to foot the bill should a society’s event fail spectacularly (imagine one guy with 6 pints on an empty dance floor). Yet are these claims completely water-tight? Although we are repeatedly told that the Student’s Union is “not for profit”, this would appear not to be completely true. Whilst the Union, quite acceptably, won’t provide for a society’s short-comings, it won’t support them when they succeed. Going back to those earlier bar figures of £1550 for Rubix and £660 for HRB, some societies do actually manage to repeatedly earn more at the bar than this! Indeed, one nameless society even claims to have drunk the bar dry in HRB. But whilst the Union is more than willing to take away money from a lower than expected intake, it refuses to provide you with the proceeds if you go OVER the figures. This means that quite often, a society will only receive a total of anywhere from £880 if they fill HRB, or £6000 for Rubix, if they charge £4 a ticket and fill the venue. This very often isn’t the case, as not even the busiest Flirt night manages to pack out the Union every time, but surely societies should get at least a percentage of the income from the bar? As far the Student’s Union is concerned, you’ve already paid for the wages for bar staff, bouncers (if required), lighting, technical expertise (optional) and all the other gubbins required for a good night out. So where is this

extra money from the bar going? Its certainly not going back into the hands of the societies, the group which needs it the most and can provide the Union a service by filling a venue on an quiet weekday. So again I feel the need to ask: where is this extra money going? Is it being used to help cover the costs of holding constant Score/Citrus and Flirt nights every week? Whilst they may be packed out in the first few fresher months, quite often it can appear like you’re the only guy on the dance floor…holding 6 pints. Is the money being used to help fund the Chancellor’s refurbishment, which replaced a bar full of atmosphere with a bar that looks as if an Ikea truck reversed into it and exploded? Just where is this money going and why can’t societies have access to money that should be considered rightfully theirs, or at least even a percentage of it? Hopefully we’ll have some answers soon for you.

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By Justin Waite

Guild Standing Report

Every first Monday of the month during term-time every society is given the opportunity to come together and discuss issues concerning the Guild of Societies. This can be anything from funding requests, which have now become a staple of each Guild Standing, to updates on the latest Guild membership numbers, finances and the offers that society members can take advantage of.

- Finally a request of over £100 for the Christian Union to help continue their charitable efforts of providing free tea and coffee at Rubix events, and other events they hold around campus. This too was accepted.

Jack Symons, V.P. of Societies, also unveiled the latest Guild offer: Societies can now book an event at the Holiday Inn (near Tescos) without having to pay for hire of the room, and can also have access to reduced prices on their dinner menu and wine. The Politics Society has already Following the previous Guild Executive meeting, societies were informed taken advantage of this offer and is planning to hold their first annual that SocSoc and MechSoc had been granted £50 for their Christmas Politics Ball at the Holiday Inn on May 26, after all the students have themed event in HRB, allowing them to purchase prizes, decorations finished their exams and can finally relax. and mince pies, the traditional Christmas staple. Finally GU2 Radio made an announcement that they would be more than willing to provide DJs for any society functions and events. Further funding requests made at the Guild Standing were also made: - The Arabic Society requested £300, to cover the fee they had paid for The next Guild Standing will be on February 1 2009! bellydancers at their recent HRB event. This request was debated, but was withdrawn after the president of the society decided to re-examine the cost of their events. - The newly formed Entrepreneur Society asked for £200 to create and promote their new ‘Heroes of Business’ lunches/dinners, where they will bring successful businessmen and entrepreneurs to come and talk to members of Surrey University. This was accepted.

Asian Antics By Rajan Thandi (President of Asian Society) The Asian Society is one of Surrey’s most established societies. A large and friendly society, we make it our mission to ensure that people have a great time during their stay at Surrey by creating the perfect place for meeting new people. Don’t be put off by the name, the society isn’t exclusively for Asians by any means; we actively encourage non-Asians to attend our events and join in. We don’t care who you are, just as long as you’re up for a great time! Not interested in labelling people, the Asian Society has been very active so far this semester, holding a number of Asian Nights both in HRB and Rubix, coach trips to London clubs, (semi)-regular film nights and weekly football sessions. If you haven’t been to one of our nights yet, then stop stalling and come on down! They’re always good for a laugh and never dull.

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We have big plans for the coming semester, including a joint event with the Arabic Society, more film screenings, more coach trips and generally aiming for bigger and better nights.

Check us out on Facebook on ‘UniS Asian Society.’ We give regular updates and it contains most of what you need to know. If anyone has any questions, we’re happy to answer them through our Facebook page, or at [email protected]. We hope to see you at our next event on Thursday 29th January!

or next New articles f issue in 2009!

s Section Editor

If you have any articles for our societies section then please email

[email protected]

By Mariam Nasir

The year of the Guild

This year is not only a year for the University to progress, but it is also a year where new ideas are conceived and introduced. The Guild of Societies is a new concept which was developed last year and introduced this year. In my interview with Jack Symons, VP of Societies and Individual Development, he told me how it came about...

Being Vice President of Societies and Individual Development, what is your job?

Jack: My primary jobs are looking after the Guild and overseeing that and to make sure it is received well and developed properly. Ensuring that democracy is in full swing at the Students Union- making sure that no decision is made without consulting every single How was the Guild initiated? society committee member or student. Overseeing the DAVE project and seeing how that Jack: It was developed last year, went through goes, with the VP of Education. Encouraging a few society standings, gauging student reac- students to pursue personal or professional tions - (focus groups) - to get feedback. It was qualification and sort of identify ways they can voted in by students, it was what they wanted improve their student experience. and developed because instead of the Guild being a solution to a problem, it was created The Guild of Societies is a small organisation for the sake of creating it. which was made for the students, by the students, and it is also run by the students. The

What are the aims and purposes of Guild consists of 8 Guild Executives who are the Guild of Societies? elected at a Society Standing by Guild memJack: Aims of the Guild are primarily to act as an umbrella for societies; it unites them and it provides a basis for sponsorship. It also helps getting merchandising cheaper for individual societies. The main purpose of the Guild is to ensure democracy- instead of the Union having control over what societies do, it is students deciding and controlling what their societies do. It also helps with funding, it is the student money (£5 for signing up with the Guild), which allows freedom of where it is spent.

bers. The main agenda on the Guild’s ‘to do’ list this year is to actually start this organisation and make it a process which will be carried on in Surrey’s tradition. Their job is not easy since they have to keep the ball rolling for the Guild, otherwise the whole idea would collapse. I was fortunate enough to get in on a meeting of the Guild Execs. From what I saw, we are in good capable hands for this year; the team is very united and focused. Apart from this, the target to reach 1000

Guild Exec Team members by the end of this year is already more than half way through since 700 new members have signed up since the beginning of this year. Being a member of the Guild not only helps in funding your society but it also gives access to many different discount offers every month. Students who work in the Guild are paid, however their job incorporates a 36 hour core week and a lot of hard work. To be part of the Guild is an achievement in itself since it offers great experience as well as lots of socialising opportunities. To run for a position in the Guild, students have to hand in a nomination seconded by 3-4 people. Then they have to campaign and create a manifesto which ends in a voting by the students. It is a completely democratic election and anyone can run for it!

How to start up a society...

By Mariam Nasir Co - Societies Editor

-Go to www.ussu.co.uk/societies -Click on ‘How to Set Up a New Society’ -Get the form and fill it out. You need to have at least 20 students who might be interested in joining the society -Send this to Jack at [email protected]. -It will then be put on the agenda for the next society standing; other committee members hear a small pitch about your society and vote. -After this, your society is ratified- a small AGM is held to elect the 3 committee members (President, Treasurer and Secretary) -You have your own society!!

As from this year, the Guild has ensured the ‘dormant not dead’ rule. This means that any society which has been dormant for more than 3 years will remain dormant and not be classed ‘dead’ as they were in the past. There is a list on www.ussu.co.uk/societies with all the dormant societies, so if anyone is interested in the ‘Folk music & dance society’, ‘Bellringing society’ or any other society from the list, you can easily revive it again by a simple AGM with 10 people and someone from the Guild. It is worth it to be part of a society or any other club because it enhances student experience. You meet people who have similar interests as you and it’s a great opportunity to socialise. To join the Guild, just log on to www.ussu.co.uk./membership.

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Pakistan Students’ Association (PSA): Looking Left and the Right at the same time

By Safwan Khalid , MSc Electronic Eng

If you belong to Pakistan or you are something similar to a Pakistani or if you just like Pakistan (I would certainly like to meet you if you belong to this category) … GREAT NEWS for all of you …. “Pakistan Student Association” is active again and when I say active I really mean it because PSA has never been so vibrant, enthusiastic and filled with action as it is this time around. Now I know we are all frustrated as the exams are near and work load is too much and we really wish to criticize something or somebody perhaps anybody. Guess what … we have got so much in store for you this time that you can criticize us to your heart’s content. A lot has already taken place and there is so much still coming … so join us in our activities … Have fun … Enjoy …. Criticize PSA, It’s all yours. There is something very special going on at the PSA this time … You all are aware of how Pakistan has got all these Leftists and the Rightist intellectuals always fighting and taking pleasure in criticizing each other and I know you really enjoy it... Don’t you? So the PSA experience would be much closer to Pakistan now as we have got this strange, unfortunate and really enjoyable Left - Right combination in our PSA team members as well. For instance we give you a very energetic, outgoing, outspoken, party loving goddamn leftist for a President and for General Secretary we have a traditional, decent, pious and to the nth degree Rightist. So what is the result of this disparate and disjoint combination??? ITS OUTSTANDING … PSA has gotten all charged up and dynamic and already it has arranged two successful events and there is a long list of stuff which is being planned for this year ... So you see no matter what group you belong to, PSA has got something interesting and you better not miss it. So who are these members of PSA, lets have a list (For further details please visit www.ussu.co.uk/ psa) And what have they been doing? INDIA VS PAKISTAN (Clash of cricketing civilizations) With Pakistan beating West Indies and India beating New Zealand the morale of both Nations was high and so were the expectations from this event. PSA organized in co-ordination with Indian student association a set of three cricket matches among students of Pakistan and India. To be honest if

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you have missed both the above mentioned series it may not be that big a deal but if you missed this event you really missed something. It was a very interesting evening (and morning) and all the matches were really exciting. We lost the first match out of sheer luck and won the next match out of sheer talent (he he). In the third match the players from different teams got reshuffled and two really threatening teams with good batsmen from India and bowlers from Pakistan were made and the third match was most interesting of the lot. So it was the first successful event of PSA and the success has tempted us to plan more and more cricket matches so don’t miss out the next ones maybe we will have a match with UK student association next time.

Earthquake Relief Fund Raising We are a diverse nation and we may have leftist and rightist in our team but when it comes to our country we have a habit of forgetting differences and working as one to achieve something important to us. The sad calamity which struck the south west areas of Pakistan (Baluchistan) left a painful feeling in our hearts and being so far away from our country we felt a bit helpless to support our brothers back there. However to do nothing was not acceptable for the patriotic and spirited members of PSA and they decided to arrange a fund raising activity in our university. The female members were more active than male members in this activity and they spent a whole day in the chilling cold with a hand painting stall and a bucket for donation. I must say that everyone did their best in carrying out their jobs and we were able to collect a donation of £1989.25 and sent it to ‘Edhi Foundation UK’ on the 28th November, 2008. PSA is grateful to all the students and staff community who helped in raising the donation money and we are amazed at the generosity which all the stu-

dents and people around us showed. These were the events which PSA has organized up till now. Both the events were a success thanks to the vibrant and energetic members of PSA and everybody who helped and joined us in our activities but it is just the beginning and so much more is still about to come. Let’s have a look at the tentative future plans After the exams, PSA plans to organize an evening dinner to celebrate Eid al-Adha. (I told you we will have rightist activities) 2. International Gala Preparation: PSA plans to organize an evening full of entertainment showcasing stage performances in the form of stage drama, traditional fashion show. (And here come the leftists as promised). 3. Sports Tournaments (summers): PSA plans to hold indoor and outdoor tournaments with different societies mainly of cricket, badminton, and table tennis 4. Independence Day celebration: PSA plans to invite a guest speaker to cherish the day of independence of Pakistan 5. Editorial Plan: Regularly writing something for the STAG on various subjects within student’s life; sports; entertainment. 6. Online Promotion: Using online channel to promote and increase its membership list. Plan is to record video interviews among the society members and posting them on Facebook; YouTube and of course PSA main website (i.e. www.ussu.co.uk/psa) There are many other events which are not still in the pipe line for example Showing Tele movies, Day trips, presence in the GU2 radio show, video interviews from various students and teachers in the University etcetera.

Well folks that’s PSA for this year, it is active and it is interesting for everybody and we are expecting a great involvement from all the Pakistanis and everybody who likes or is like Pakistanis. We welcome you and expect you in all the events and sessions. Keep a look on your mailbox you will be receiving a lot from us this time around and if you have not registered yet please get registered (by sending an email at [email protected] with your name and email address). Hope to see you in our next meeting, Please join us if you want to criticize or if you want to have a look on how the leftist and the rightists criticize each other. I guarantee it will be something very enjoyable.

‘Challenging the status quo of Surrey student apathy’

Our recent Politic sojourn was arguably it’s most successful of the year: the American Election 2008! Nearly 50 students crammed themselves into Lecture

By Jack Brockless ( Vice- President of Politics Society)

Theatre M (lovingly kept open by Campus Security, to which we are very grateful), armed with snacks, drinks and election paraphernalia, to watch We have all heard the age-old idiom that students at Surrey are simply not the live footage stream. As the evening wore on and the responsible bothered when it comes to politics and activism. But the times they are drinking prevailed, the victory of Obama over McCain became a certainty, a’ changing, with a little help from the Politics Society. Autumn Semester much to the chagrin of the Republican supporters in the room! Yet all 2008 has been an exciting time for us. Our AGM was held at the end were in agreement that the night had been a marvellous mix of beer of the last academic year, with the new Committee entrusted with the and banter. Proving yet again that politics can draw crowds. Perhaps roles to build upon the successes and learn from the shortcomings of Surrey’s student body isn’t quite as apathetic as previously imagined? previous years- with the over arching aim to be bigger and better than before! This year began with a strong showing at the Freshers’ Fayre, where a great number of new Freshers, brimming with enthusiasm, came to interact with the Committee members running the stall, decked out in flags, posters, books and relics from previous Politics Society activities. With many new names and emails taken, confidence was at an all time high. This was further supported by a wonderful evening of student frivolity at the annual Politics Society Pub Golf Tournament where members, new and old, successfully “putted” their way to victory on an alcoholic golf course. I hasten to add that the Politics Society promotes responsible drinking at all times! Next up was a Poker Event in the HRB, co-hosted with the University of Surrey Poker Society, where members of both pitted themselves against one another in a battle of wits and stone-like faces. The evening culminated in an impromptu social in the bar of Wates House, where once again many indulged in further responsible drinking.

So what next? Essays and exams loom, and as ever, the Politics Society is respondent to the concerns of its members – so for now, she sleeps. Next Semester however, the Committee is already thinking of new ideas, social events and more formal events (speakers etc). On the horizon, we are hoping to host our very first Politics Society Ball at the end of the academic year (May 26th), so politics students can celebrate the end of a year of hard work with dinner, dancing and further responsible drinking! The two subsidiary societies of the Politics Society, namely the Debating Society and the Model United Nations Society, will also be hosting their own array of shindigs to involve and support the most political, active and argumentative members of Surrey’s student body. Could this be you? If you’re interested in joining the Politics Society then you can e-mail us at [email protected], and click the checkbox next to our name on the Guild of Students page.

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Horoscopes by Madame Zsa-Zsa: “The stars speak to me, darling.” Aries (20th March – 20th April) Your parents have been giving you a hard time over the choices you have made lately. It might be time to sit them down and explain your position to them. Single? Take your chances on a date proposal this week. Taken? The distance may be hard to cope with right now but you’ll be back together soon so hold on. Taurus (21st April- 20th May) Procrastination is a very dangerous thing at this time of year, what with exams and holidays looming. Have you wondered about the thing that’s been taking up all of your time? Perhaps it’s time to let go. Single? A do at work over Christmas will make you see someone in a whole new light. Taken? Enjoy those nights cuddled up in front of the TV- excitement can be found elsewhere. Gemini (21st May- 20th June) A feud between housemates will escalate this week, and people will start to take sides. It’s important that you remain neutral, even if you have opinions. Single? There is more than one possibility at the moment, and the answer may not be as straightforward as you think. Taken? Relationships are about give and take, and right now they’re taking and you’re giving. Cancer (21st June- 21st July)

Libra (20th Sept- 21st Oct) Don’t get too complacent after that good grade- you still need to work hard to ensure your grades stay that good, so resist the festivities next Friday and get ahead. Single? Kisses under the mistletoe may be a bit of a cliché, but don’t be too cynical. Taken? Honesty may not be the best policy, nobody is going to gain anything but they will be hurt to know the truth. Scorpio (22nd Oct- 21st November) Christmas Eve will be a lucky day for you- so do all those things you’ve been too scared to do until now. You’ll feel much better when it’s all done and this is the right time to be doing it. Single? Ask them for some help on a project- you may not need it but it gives you the opportunity to spend more time together. Taken? It may feel like you’re having to share them right now, but they are just as frustrated as you are so don’t take it out on them. Sagittarius (21st Nov- 21st Dec) When you go to the cupboard and find no food, call up your mates and get them round for a takeaway pizza. You’ll have learned something interesting by the end of the evening. Single? They’re really not being as confusing as you think they are, just listen. Taken? They’re feeling more than a bit down right now, and they really need you to be there for them. It’ll make you stronger.

Your boss will admit something shocking at the Christmas party next week- how you handle it is very important. Your job is at stake here. Single? A New Year’s kiss may start more than you expected. Taken? That gift shows just how little they know you. Don’t feel disheartenedput the time in to make sure they learn.

Capricorn (21st Dec- 20th Jan)

involved- it’s all just a big misunderstanding and everyone will have made up in time for New Years. Single? Don’t focus so much on appearances. They are often misleading. Taken? You’ve given into temptation, so now you need to decide what that means and what to do next

Pisces (19th Feb- 19th March)

Someone will notice your talents over the holidays- keep on their good side because they may well have a proposition for you in the next few months. Single? Keeping things casual is rarely as simple as you might think, so make sure this is what you want. Taken? They Leo (22nd Jul- 22nd Aug) love you very much, but they need you to show them how much they You may feel that exam didn’t go well- but you will have done much mean to you too. better than you expected so don’t dwell on it too much. Single? The Aquarius (21st Jan- 19th Feb) way that couple make you feel is an indication that you aren’t ready for a new relationship just yet. Taken? She may be getting in the way He’s being overly touchy- there really wasn’t anything wrong with what a bit too much, a bit too often. But stand your ground, she’ll get the you said so don’t feel bad or guilty. Single? It doesn’t help that they hint and leave you both alone eventually. are there to constantly rub it in your face but grin and bear it- they’re not even half as happy as they’re making out. Taken? Things really Virgo (23rd Aug- 21st Sept) have moved too quickly, so stop and take stock- you might be missing A family bust up over Christmas can be solved by talking to those out on too much.

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Being at home is exciting, and your mum has missed you being around far more than she is letting on, so make her feel appreciated. Single? A break from that person over the holidays will make things clear. Taken? An ex may try to stir things up- but ignore them. Their intentions are not what they’d have you believe.

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MUSIC Red Light Company Attending the Boileroom on the 13th November, I was excited about seeing this relatively new 5 piece band. They’ve been on the verge of ‘making it’ for sometime now with an ever growing fan base. Their new single ‘Scheme Eugene’ is played regularly on Radio 1, once more adding to their growing success. The Boileroom isn’t an especially large venue, so I was interested in seeing how they sounded. They came on stage at about 10.20pm following 3 support acts, looking like a true indie band. They create an intense sound, and front man Richard has a unique voice, which really adds something to their music. The band looked like true professionals and put on an impressive, if not rather short, gig. After much anticipation, I feel the gig was cut short somewhat, probably because they came on so late. It felt as though they had a lot more left to give, and a longer slot would have been able to showcase more of what they can do. They are definitely a band to look out for, they seem to have a lot of commercial appeal as an accessible slightly more rocky indie band. Keep a look out!

The Fins at the Boileroom 26/10/08

From the outside, the Boileroom looks like any old pub. Maybe an alternative pub but still a pub. Being Freshers, Lauren and I have never been here before. My own experience of pub gigs tend to be dingy affairs where the band stand in a corner, previously occupied by tables and chairs. This is different. This place has been tailor-made for music. It’s personal and accessible. The bar is set off to one side and there is a large stage space beside the main area. Perfect for music. It’s at the former that we find our band, in high spirits. They are pleased at being interviewed, having only done one before. I get 3/5 by Rachael Fitz-Patrick in straight away with a standard question, how would they describe themselves as a band? Kanye West Concert – O2 Arena – 12/11/08 A barrage of answers are thrown at me including ‘Mental’, ‘Tired’ and Kanye West, one of the most prominent rappers of hip-hop today, came to the O2 ‘We’ve had to do ten shows in ten days.’ For a band that is constantly arena in London on the 11th and 12th of November as part of the UK leg of his criti- on the go, they aren’t letting on physically that they’re tired. They obvically acclaimed Glow in the Dark tour. ously enjoy their line of work. ‘You mean musically? It’s like foot stompSupport acts included Kid Cudi and Mr Hudson and the Library, both of whom are ing hard indie rock. It’s quite melodic but it’s a lot more pumping than signed to Kanye West’s record label GOOD music. Kid Cudi performed some good normal indie rock.’ Their attire looks very indie. The front man James, songs (including Day and Night which I recommend you give a listen to – a very good track – it’s a track that grows on you – trust me it’s a good track) and was, in my reminds me of Liam Gallagher. ‘We think, we’re heralding the new opinion, better than Mr Hudson and the Library. Mr Hudson and the Library took a 90’s!’ That makes sense. The conversation carries on in this style. I while to get through their songs and when they finally finished it was a relief. ask a question. The band makes a joke and then gives me the real The lights dimmed, the stage was lit, and out of the smoke emerged Kanye West answer. I’m not sure if this moves the interview along or not. ‘I was talking to the spaceship that formed part of the set. The crowds lit up with camera thinking of a name that you could do thousands of things to market flashes and the arena lights flickered. The theme of the concert was space exploration, and in between parts of the story he would perform his music. He played practi- with. We’ve got a decent logo and it’s good for the merchandise’. I was cally all his singles from his past studio albums and had everyone in the stands on a bit taken aback at first that a band would use their name to market their feet. I remember especially when the beat started for his single ‘Gold Digger’, themselves rather than to describe themselves. Actually, I’m sure it the audience roared, it was almost deafening. Also when ‘Stronger’ came on, the does describe them but was wondering why they would talk about crowd went crazy. His performance was energetic and the live instrumentation was the financial side. Then it hit me. It’s so hard for bands to get noticed an excellent addition. The concert ran smoothly and Kanye was on for almost 2 nowadays. They want to make a living out of it yeah, but exposure is hours. The standing ovation he received was well deserved. paramount. They want to be different and stand out. They certainly do that when they perform. Fat Freddy ‘Pull The Catch’ 1/12/08 After the first band, Static City, Lauren and I were ready for New Zealand’s Soul kings deliver another smooth track! Fat Freddy’s Drop’s new a change to say the least. After speaking to the young, local band single, ‘Pull the Catch’, is really easy to listen to but at the same time has a great earlier, we were optimistic that the night would start off with a bang. beat that will draw you in, making you repeat it again and again! We were informed that they were ‘Different from the mainstream’. 4/5, by Andy Phipps We both doubted it due to their typical style of hair and presentation but were obviously intrigued. It seems harsh to say but if you’re goGuns n Roses ‘Chinese Democracy’ 24/11/08 ing to sound (and look!) like any other Indie band, then it has to be The controversial new single by Guns ‘n’ Roses has already been slammed by the something amazing. Sorry to sound like Simon Cowell, but that’s how Chinese government (for obvious reasons), and will probably be slammed the music it is. Generic music gets a generic response. The Fins lived up to their loving public. The far-from-perfect Axel Rose takes a moral stance on an ongoing hype and more. They blew the audience away with their full throttle situation and puts it to the conventional Roses sound. Change the record. style. As punk fans, we were quite impressed. They belted out songs such as ‘Repeat to Fade’, ‘Face Behind the Wall’ and their new single 2/5, by Andy Phipps. ‘Adaptor’, with confidence and control. It would have been easy to get carried away but these guys know their stuff. I strongly recommend Nick Harrison: Something Special Released going to see these guys if you can. It’s grass roots music with the pros 24/11/08: touch. It’s The Fins! A happy, feel-good song full of storytelling lyrics from this up and coming young artist, currently on tour with The Automatic. 3.5/5 By Sarah Coe

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Surrey’s Own Music Exclusive with:

The

Automatic

Sara Coe and Rachael Fitz-Patrick have a chat with the band at start of their tour around universities. When The Automatic came onto the stage, a large crowd had gathered in anticipation. With an explosive start, the foursome played their way through songs from both their first and second albums. With a few songs under their belt, they pulled out the old favourite ‘Monster’, which got the crowd going and from that point they didn’t seem to stop. Mid-set there was a heartfelt tribute to Usher, with a cover of ‘Love in This Club’, an unexpected highlight of the gig. We were even lucky enough to hear an exclusive track that hadn’t even got a name yet; if this was a glimpse of things to come it looks like their music is going to progress further down the ‘heavy rock’ route. Overall they put on an amazing performance, and the crowd certainly loved it. Before the show we spoke to Rob (bass guitarist and vocals)... So you’re just starting a university tour? Yeah we’re about a quarter of the way through, started in Preston, been to Liverpool, Swansea, Bath, Warwick and Guildford today. And tomorrow we have a day off. We’re going to a place just outside Norwich, some country club thing with a hotel as well so we’re staying there, going to play some golf and relax. I guess you deserve some time off then? Yeah, you get physically worn out, this is our fourth gig on the trot and voices especially need a rest. 15 songs in one night, that’s 60 songs in four days. We don’t do ballads either so it’s pretty intense! [Laughs] Is it fair to say that with new band member Paul [from yourcodenameis:milo] the band have started to go down a slightly different route? Yeah we’ve sort of moved in a more rocky direction, not a million miles from what we did before but it’s a lot more developed, a lot more grown up I guess but I don’t really like using

the term grown up...more sophisticated. Have you noticed a change in your fans because of that? Umm, we’ve always had a bit of a mix because of ‘Monster’ really, little kids got into that so their parents had to come to gigs too. We’ve always had a bit of an age-range and we’ve still got that. There’s not been a dramatic shift but there’s a few yourcodenameis:milo fans that come along to see what Paul’s doing now. They’re fanatical. Our live shows have always

Do you feel defined by ‘Monster’? We play it still but it’s not the highlight of the set. We use it to get a crowd going early on rather than building up to it. We’ve got other songs you know. We take it fairly light-heartedly, we know what it is, it’s a pop song. We’ve tried not to let it define us but we wouldn’t be where we are now if we hadn’t had the song. Just like Radiohead they wouldn’t be where they are without the song ‘Creep’. Loathed as I’m sure they are to admit it. We’re about the same age but live quite different lives. If you weren’t in a band what do you think you’d be doing? Well we probably wake up at about the same time [laughs]. I would have gone to Uni definitely if it had been different, I think I will go at some point in my life. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Now I’d quite like to do Philosophy and Politics, back then I thought I might want to do creative writing because I am creative, it sort of makes sense but it would have been useless!

What’s it like living on a tour bus? It’s alright, the first few days of every tour you just adjust to waking up later, dressing rooms don’t open been rockier so we’ve picked up a lot of fans up til about 2ish so there’s no point in getting that way, especially compared to our album. out of bed as you can’t do anything until that’s F***ing battles with labels, it’s a pain in the open. It’s fine actually, it kind of feels like comarse. They want a pop record when we’re writ- ing home going on tour. You get used to sleeping rock music. It’s a constant hassle. ing whilst the bus is moving, and the beds are tiny. It’s like being in the Navy but much less Have you been able to compromise a bit disciplined and a lot more fun. more? I’d like to go a little bit more rock again because it gets mixed and mastered and stuff and we don’t tend to be there. You know, someone will stick in a tambourine when you’re not looking, SERIOUSLY people f***ing do that! It sucks. They’ve got their place but not over every f***ing chorus!

Look out for the next CD handout for your chance to review

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Andy’s Album of 2008 Two Fingers Of Firewater – Two Fingers Of Firewater By Andy Vale As I sit down to write this, I have the album pumping out of my speakers and have done for about fifteen minutes. I keep meaning to write something but there is always a rhythm I’d rather be tapping out, a bass-line to thud along too or a chorus to wail with. Since interviewing this band at Fahrenheit in March this year, the eleven tracks comprising their self-titled debut album have become a soundtrack to my existence. This is one of the finest party bands I have seen in all my time being here, and their gigs tend to have more fire, passion and spontaneity than seven Flirt costume parties combined. The album opens with a reworked version of the traditional track “Satan, Your Kingdom Must Come Down” that pulsates into the bands instrumental barnstormer “Bandit”. When a band’s opening track has an accordion solo and a mandolin solo, you know the album could well be interesting. Following on from

this is the pedal-steel-led “Endless Highway” which shows the rhythm section to be tighter than a gnats sphincter. I don’t want to give a description of each song, but at the same time I feel bad for not mentioning each one. It is genuinely hard to pick any holes in an album as accomplished as this. There are simple, strong, well written songs and some interesting two-part compositions such as “The Beginning/The End” that take a couple of listens to until you really appreciate them. I think that is why this album still sounds so vibrant to me after 9 months of fairly regular listens. It has that very tricky skill of having patches that augment from enjoyable to un-missable over time. In the mean time, there are some more immediate tracks such as “The Night Ends” and “South Bank Girl” which have catchy hooks, clever lyrics and the power to take over your body for a few minutes. When the final strum plays out at the end of the dozy, whimsical album closer ‘The World Can Turn’, there are few more satisfying feelings.

It makes you glad that at some point someone decided to put the Repeat setting on most musical appliances. The album is on iTunes, but if you want to be extra cool then pop down to their Christmas gig at The Boileroom on December the 14th.

Big Strides at 93 Feet East The Shortwave Set at 93 Feet East 24/11/2008 27/11/2008 By Rachael Fitz-Patrick

difficult not to be impressed by the band’s versatility showcased in their live performance- they effortlessly swap and mix different genres to produce an amazing sound. Their new single ‘Hen Night Limousine’ was performed with the lead singer lying on the floor in the crowd, definitely something different! At times they sound like a lighter Rage Against the Machine, which in my opinion is no bad thing. I urge you all to check them out!

If you don’t know who they are, Big Strides are a trio from London who have just released their 3rd album, ‘Super Custom Limited’. You name a genre and it is probably incorporated into their music; indie, pop, rock, jazz, blues and hip pop. There is literally something for everybody. With 93 Feet East being renowned for exciting interactive gigs, I was intrigued about seeing what they could do. Arriving at the venue, I was shocked at how empty it was. 5/5 For a band massive in Japan, even with their own clothes line, it would seem that us Brits were perhaps not feeling the love. By the time 9.30pm rolled around, a small crowd had gathered. The fans that were there were dedicated, knowing most, if not all, of the songs and made the venue feel fuller than it actually was. It’s

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By Miriam Kidane AHHH! Firstly, it was probably the coldest night of the year and open toe shoes are not appropriate in that kind of temperature, especially on your way to a trendy venue, about to watch a trendy band. So it’s 9.45 we enter 93 Feet East, one of my favourite venues, and I hear some funky sounds, start bobbing my head, look up and it’s the support act, The Mentalists. They had some amazing 50’s style bright outfits. I liked. But on to the band that we were reviewing, The Shortwave Set, a London based three-piece who are all about making soundscapes and wonderfully atmospheric music. I hadn’t heard much about this band apart from a quick listen on their Myspace. They are a distinct sounding band but sometimes the attempt of a recreation of ‘retro’ fails and hits dated. So the gig… it was a chilled out affair and I was surprised at how good the songs sounded live. I think the band peaked early in regards to their set list. The second track that they played, ‘High Social’, was by far the best of the night- it was catchy and fun and got the crowd moving. Overall, the band were good, easy to listen to, and I liked the electronica/acoustic sound that they were trying to portray. 3/5

Surrey’s Own Music Exclusive with: Katie Fitz-Patrick interviews the Holloways about their tour, new album and much, much more So... how’s the tour going? Rick James, make some good songs. Like Superfreak! A: Everyone needs to get on the Internet and do a load of Rick James research. Although I think he just made loads of money off that Superfreak thing and just sat back. B: Although it wasn’t a massive hit at the time. Then MC Hammer used the riff and people recognised it. R: Yeah, Rick James. He did sort of invent Hip Hop really. So what can we expect from the new B: What about Coolio? We were sat at a gig and then Coolio just walked in and started talkalbum? There’s not a lot of information ing to us. about it around at the moment. A: Yeah we’re friends with Coolio! A: The only place you can find any information is on our MySpace at the moment because So you get to meet quite a few big names our previous label tried to sue another record in the industry then. label who released some material via Pit-bull, A: Yeah, Sugarbabes. who’s a rapper in the states. They went bust so B: Coolio. they got taken over by another label who think R: Is that the best we could come up with? it’s a good idea the moment not to spend any Sugababes! money advertising anything that’s happening. B: Nah we did actually meet The Hoosiers and So we’re just putting everything on MySpace Scouting For Girls as well! ourselves. So yeah, we’re hoping to get the alA: But as for respectable people, we met Paul bum out in sort of February/March time. And Weller and Supergrass. you can expect... the same, but better! B: We got to support The Pogues on their tour. B: Still like upbeat and happy but less, like, just grinding out songs. We spent a lot longer reYou toured with The Wombats a while cording it so it sounds a lot better. D: First album took what? Like 5 days to track back, any gossip from that? but this one took about 3 weeks so technically A: Matt’s got a really big wang. R: We came in for our sound check and they’d it should be 3 times as good. taken a picture of him sitting in the tour bus, naked, like that [does thumbs up and a masSo who are your major influences? R: Ah we’ve got so many influences! It’s really sive grin] and they’d photocopied it and put it hard to narrow it down. Everything’s a sort of in- everywhere...all you see was this massive... fluence. We do try to make a Holloways sound. D: Dan’s thumb, or little finger even got This is what we tried to do on the second al- chopped off when he was little. You can sort of bum, we developed what we thought was our see a little white line around the top where it original sound in the songs that kind of made goes wonky a bit. Was it his thumb or his little us popular like Two Left Feet and Generator. I finger? think a lot of our early stuff was like straight A: I dunno I stopped paying attention to The edge indie music. We tried to leave that aside Wombats’ body parts after that photo. Alfie: Great. Rob: It’s a bit boring actually... Dave: Nah, it’s going really good. It’s long, the longest we’ve done. I mean, it started in October and doesn’t finish for another few weeks. We did our first, like, festival in it as well which was good. A: Yeah, Bryn’s tour managing us at the moment, hence the laptop. He’s actually playing Football Manger...

and Winners. Which I’m not surprised you’ve not heard about because if I wasn’t in the band I don’t think I’d have heard about it. My mum even phoned me up and said ‘Are you still doing that EP?’ and I was like ‘Yeah it came out 2 days ago mum’. D: Basically we’re just going to be doing the same thing. Touring, pushing some new stuff forward. I’d like to get out of the UK a little more as well because we did like spot gigs and festivals but no actual tour or anything. And we get comments on our MySpace from like Australia and stuff so we know there’s a fan base.

Ok this is my last question, it is a cheesy one! If you could be a cocktail what would you be?

D: Hmm. I’d be a Hurricane. Which is just like lots of Rum. Light Rum, Dark Rum and Gold Rum. B: You’d be a Hurricane because you’re powerful and...whizz round everywhere. R: I’d be a Singapore Sling. Sort of tropical. Tropical and sweet. A: This is really hard. I think Bryn’s would be a gin and tonic. It’s not a cocktail per se but still. Bryn and tonic. B: Actually Gin Fizz is good because it tastes like Gin. It contains Gin, like me. and just develop a bit more and be as original A: I’d be a Sex on the Beach because I love sex as we can. There’s a lot of bands and you want Ok so obviously you’ve got the new and I love beaches. to stand out. album coming out next year; do you have D: Don’t you love sex on the beach? any other plans for the coming months/ A: Dream come true isn’t it? If you could collaborate with anybody... years? R: Nooo. It’d be like sandpaper! A: Rick James! B: Well the EP’s out at the moment, Sinners B: Yeah Alfie would actually collaborate with

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Literature

Get those creative juices flowing....

All I want for Christmas is… Books! *(Haunted by) The Spirit Okay, so that may not be true for the major- done to your pocket. The free ‘Christmas ity of students, who have spent this semes- Books’ catalogue makes it even easier to of Christmas!* ter and possibly the past couple of years find the ideal gift for a friend. *By Stephanie Davies* She’d been perfection in holiday guise; hair like a fir tree, gleaming bauble-eyes. Her candy-cane teeth were covered with lies. They were beautiful when she smiled; the neon snowflakes glittered. She’d told me how she had wanted to die gift-wrapped for the coffin. I asked her, “but why?” The red and green of isolation swallowed her reply. So the last time that I saw her she was hanging like mistletoe. The funeral: I stood beside men with moustaches. “Sudden onset,” they reasoned from beneath tinsel lashes, “But happy holidays and all that, and ashes to ashes!” Their reindeer noses blushed outside, so they went in, and drank eggnog.

Humanity by Katie Allen

Society embracing the fast-paced life, Although immersed in conflict and strife No time to marvel at the wonders of the earth, We grow either optimistic or cynical since our birth. Multi-tasking is the norm, Constantly busy even after we are worn. Developing competitive streaks, Minutes fly by, let alone the weeks. Craving love, acceptance and security, Instead we receive hurt, mockery and pity; Despite this we are strong and able to cope, Only by believing in faith and hope. Clichés conquer while material consumption is paramount, Empty gratifications-- our world is crying out. Gaining no satisfaction, are we becoming crazy? Yes in fact, plus slightly complacent and lazy. So in the midst of all this chaos Stay true to yourself, otherwise you’re lost!

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surrounded by textbooks and journals. But if you’re stuck for gift ideas this Christmas, WATERSTONES (www.waterstones.com) books may well be the solution to your prob- Waterstones Online has a Christmas Giftlems… finder, so if you’re stuck for ideas simply enter who you want to buy a gift for, what their Why Buy Books For Your Family and Friends interests are and how much you’re prepared This Christmas? to spend. This is ideal for students who are The simple answer is: because they make on the lookout for gifts under a tenner. great (and often cheap!) presents. Books can be enjoyed long after your mum, dad, W H SMITH (www.whsmith.co.uk) sister, brother or whoever has read the last Smith’s have got some great deals at the page, not to mention that if the unthinkable moment, including up to half price on all of happens and they don’t like the book you’ve their best-selling hardbacks. This includes bought them, they can always sell it online autobiographies by Dawn French, Paul and buy themselves something they really O’Grady and Alan Carr, cook books by Nigwant! So, to take the some of the stress ella Lawson and Jamie Oliver as well as ficout of Christmas shopping, I’ve had a quick tion titles by Steven King, John le Carre and scout around online and summarised in a Jodi Picoult. With a wide range on offer from handy guide what’s on offer and where. You comedy to cookery, history to TV, you’re sure don’t even have to venture out of your house to find a gift that won’t do too much damage into the wintry cold as I’ve done some of to your bank balance! the hard work for you (I’m nice like that!). So, read the guide, plug in your PC and get PLAY (www.play.com) shopping… The brilliant thing about Play.com is that delivery is free, so you don’t have to fork out UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP for postage on top of your purchases. Like You don’t need to venture off campus to find Waterstones, Play also has a Gift Finder, as potential book gifts. The Bookshop current- well as boasting an extensive range of ofly has 20% off fiction titles, including ‘Arti- fers, including books for a fiver and up to cles of Faith’ by Russell Brand, ‘The Mighty half price on selected titles. For something Book of Boosh,’ and the 2009 edition of the a bit different, check out the Cult Christmas ‘Guinness Book of World Records’. There is section, with books such as ‘Fight Club’, ‘A a wide range of books from cook books and Clockwork Orange’ and ‘The Shining’ on ofbiographies to fiction and world affairs, and fer for under £10. the 20% reduction will lessen the damage ‘ The Literature Editor Recommends... ‘Neverwhere’ (Neil Gaiman) This book is one of my personal favourites. I asked for it last Christmas after a friend’s recommendation, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. It follows Richard, who has recently moved to London following a job promotion. His display of kindness towards an injured young girl whom he encounters on one of the city’s streets alters his life beyond comprehension, and he is introduced to the world that exists beneath the London we know- London Below. Richard meets an

array of intriguing and vibrant characters, including Door, the pretty young girl who he finds bleeding on the pavement, who is on a mission to avenge the killers of her once prestigious family. ‘Neverwhere’ turns the perceptions of modern-day London upside down, and London Below will linger in the imagination long after the book is put down. This book would make a perfect gift to a teenage or adult relative; it’s funny and fantastical, and will leave you wanting to read more by Neil Gaiman.

The best and worst of film 2008 Another year has gone and, well, not many film trends have made this year a highly significant one. The Writers Strike came to an end and a load of big budgeted films have been cast aside for next year, or had the crushing feeling of being rushed to meet demands. Quantum of Solace was a prime example of a film that was hard done by with the Writers Strike, without a proper story or certainly that essence of Bond. That’s not to say though films weren’t doing well. The Dark Knight was the second highest grossing film of all time. Mamma Mia! wasn’t far behind, doing wonders at the UK box office, plus other superhero movies joined in on the success, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Hancock, Iron Man et al. That’s all well and good, but I can help but feel that people are not bothering to explore any more. With normal moviegoers claiming The Dark Knight was the best film this year. The title of the ‘biggest’ film this year is agreeable, but I think we need to step back a little and look at all the films this year. In my opinion, these are the gems that stand out and I hope will be discovered before long:

THE BEST 1. Of Time and the City (12A, Terrence Davis) ‘Cinematic poetry’ is a term that if you said it to someone, all the white flags with ‘pretentious’ written all over it, would be swaying. Terrence Davis’ cinematically graceful film is so entrancing the fact that archive footage can create something that is truly cinematic, deserves admiration. With rows of terraced houses, dazzling picture houses, smoke coming from chimneys brings an aura of paradise and childhood lost. I know it is cliché, but there is a lot to get out of it, and never have I been more thoroughly moved this year than Of Time and the City. 2. Waltz with Bashir (18, Ari Folman) Israel’s entry for Best Animated Feature at the 2009 Academy Awards is for one’s consideration over a robot named Wall-E. The juxtaposing of the Lebanese and Israeli conflict with the animated comic book style is like watching the film in slow motion. It is certainly startling to watch beautiful images of flares running against tall buildings in this fashion, but it works impeccably. You can’t take your eyes off it; it’s a haunting dream on the confusions and mystery of war and conflict. 3. Man on Wire (12A, James March) What is interesting is how a film about Philippe Petit’s act of crossing the two towers of the World Trade Centre, would not blatantly mention the tragic events that happened twenty-seven years later. The answer is this; this is a film about a courageous man who crossed the two towers as a fitting tribute to a building he admired. Every audience member can see through hindsight what happened to the Twin Towers. Rightly so that it should not be mentioned. The towers are represented

as a centrepiece and the director lets the audience fill in that gap and have them enjoy this document of an astounding achievement. The documentary is entertaining and there is enough pleasure to be had, but ultimately it is engrossing. 4. Garage (18, Lenny Abrahamson) A touching, gentle, very sad, but ultimately quiet film. The best performance to come out of this year is from Pat Shortt, as an innocently lost soul who is washed out. Very tragic, but beautifully shot, this could be seen as a follow up to Abrahamson’s impressive debut film Adam and Paul. It is carefully directed, beautifully acted and what is a little film with a big heart. We all sympathise with Josie (Pat Shortt), but what the films does amiably is just let us. It doesn’t emphasise any elements, it gently moves at a superb pace. 5. Gomorra (18, Matteo Garrone) The big hit at Cannes; this film is a grim, tough observation of the crime-ridden area of Camorra in Italy. It’s raw, almost documentary style, makes it all the more chilling and remarkable. It’s bravado and at the same time repellent and in no way do you think there is characterisation or that annoying “geezers with guns”. It is a cold representation on the way society is battered and bruised by an all-too-higher power that cannot be controlled by any authority. It’s not an easy watch, but it is remarkable.

THE WORST 1. Meet the Spartans (12A, Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer) Not only does this film demonstrates how long ago Airplane! was, but how all these stereotypes about Hollywood fat cats sitting in their pools of money might not be far off in reality. Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg have written and made some of the most grossly unfunny and repugnant films over the years; Scary Movie 1, 2, 3, 4, Date Movie, Epic Movie and Disaster Movie (they got that right!). What stuns me is how audiences have the gaul to watch their films and bring in successful box office business. Meet the Spartans is stupid. No, it’s really, really stupid. It’s inconceivably stupid. These two filmmakers just found out that 300 was a bit homoerotic. So they made a film about it, and guess what? They think that dumb audiences like you would pay to go and see it. It is horrible, horrible, horrible, so horrible even Heat magazine gave it one star.

highest order. The worst part is that it thinks it’s art. It’s like watching a student film made in the lofts of New York, where people eat spaghetti and watched Zabriskie Point the night before. And let’s not even start on the amount of gratuitous nudity in this film, which is as impassionate as two rats mating. There’s just no need for it and our “lonely” protagonist is beyond loathsome. 3. The Hottie and the Nottie (12A, Tom Putnam) The title is about as morally abhorrent as the film. If you read the plot, you’ll notice that is has an aspiring message, which is this: if you’re ugly, no one will love you, no one will care for you and you might as well rot in hell. I’m not making this up. It’s a thoroughly depressing film more than it is a comedy. Even if it wanted to be a comedy, it’s certainly not funny and it certainly doesn’t aspire to anything. But here’s the thing everyone has been waiting for, which I will now say: what is the point of Paris Hilton? Aside from being a not a really good actress, her part in the making of this film is evident, who else was cast for the ‘Hottie’? All is not lost though, this film tremendously tanked at the box office. There is a god. 4. The Love Guru (12A, Marco Schnabel) Personally, I’ve never found Mike Myers funny. There is something very smug about the way he portrays comedy. However, I find it criminal when Myers is the only one who is laughing at his own jokes, and the rest of the audience is clutching their nails deep into the arm rests. As you can tell I really have a thing for bad comedies, but not only does Mike Myers bring up bad jokes, he recycles them from his other movies. Worst of all, you have Jessica Alba not having a clue what’s going on, Verne Troyer who’s treated really cruelly and Justin Timberlake who…I don’t even want to mention him. 5. Sex and the City (15, Michael Patrick King) To round off the list, I have to get something off my back that has been bugging me so much this year. The worst thing is the tons of backlash I got from saying that Sex and the City is terrible. There must have been a sign outside the cinema that said, ‘before you judge the film, think about it. It’s not aimed at men’. Of course it’s not, but that’s not going to stop. The film takes forever at two and a half hours. For a comedy that’s over long, for Sex and the City it’s two hours overlong. Aside from being poorly directed, poorly acted, poorly written, it’s huge advertisement for Chanel, Prada, Gucci, Burberry, Givenchy, Oscar de la Renta, the list goes on and on. Plus, The moral high ground is this: “all a girl wants is a huge, great, big closet”. Patronising? The jury has given its verdict.

2. Cashback (15, Sean Ellis) For film buffs among us who remembered Lars Von Trier’s The Idiots, our nightmares are coming back to haunt us. Sean Ellis’ Cashback grew as short film in 2004 and it was astoundingly nominated for Best Live Short at the 2006 Academy Awards. After that it was expanded for a torturous 107 minutes and released to as a feature film. That’s the brief history here’s the consequence: it’s self-indulgent, wallowing hogwash of the

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Film & Theatre Max Payne - (15)

By James Stansfield Based on the 2001 video game of the same name, this by-the-numbers adaptation stars Mark Wahlberg as Payne, a New York police detective, on the hunt for the person that killed his wife and child. As anyone who has played the well-received videogame would know, the Russian drug Valkyr is believed to be the root cause for the murders, for many of the addicts are physically and mentally tortured by the subsequent hallucinations. He is aided by Mila Kunis (of Family Guy fame), a supposed assassin who is out to avenge her sister’s death in what appears to be a huge conspiracy involving Payne’s wife.

Whilst his acting is never shambolic, he doesn’t commit himself enough to the role he’s supposed to be bringing to life, and so the character – as brilliant and suave as he is in the game – never truly emerges. In reality, Moore just doesn’t seem to know how to properly convert the style of the source material onto film, and despite the occasional nod to the game’s niche film noir elements, the over-the-top-style of the game which worked so well in a self-satirical fashion just doesn’t work in the film.

The action does pick up in the second half of the film, as Payne unravels the truths behind his family’s murder and he blasts his way through The film is directed by John Moore, whose resume includes the mediocre countless armed goons on his way. Slow-motion close-up shots - one The Omen remake and Flight of the Phoenix which was largely average. of the film’s selling points - are employed during one or two shootouts When Moore set out to make Max Payne it seems his plan was to though this feels like a wasted inclusion and merely plays homage to the translate a videogame about corruption and drug-induced psychosis slow-mo used in the Matrix, a film released nine years ago. into a mainstream film, all the time making it accessible for a teenage audience. Presumably, this is why Chris ‘Ludacris’ Bridges is in the film, Whereas, as a fan of the videogames, I could enjoy the references to the for not only is his videogame counterpart white, not black, but he also game’s plot points and certain key scenes, for anyone unfamiliar with the produces a wooden performance, rarely showing any real emotion or game it would appear to be a mess of frankly ridiculous action scenes ever providing the audience with a moment of real conviction. It seems merged with a confusing and unintelligible storyline. Some may see it as his ‘street appeal’ was more important than someone who could act. a harmless gun-toting affair; others will be put off by the unusual nature of the plot. At the end of the day, it’s a hit and miss film that could have As the film unfolds, it becomes clear that whilst the drug Valkyr is been handled so much better had the director actually known which indeed having a significant effect on those who become hooked on it, a audience he wanted to cater for. Sadly, the result is average and likely to sinister conspiracy is to blame, emanating from the very pharmaceutical be forgotten sooner rather than later. company Max Payne’s wife used to work for. Whilst this should make for a potentially exciting burst of intriguing and eventful scenes, Wahlberg’s performance is never quite raw enough to evoke any sort of worthwhile Score: 6/10 reaction from the audience.

Mighty Boosh Brighton Centre 11 Nov 08 By Mark Allen The Mighty Boosh are one of the best modern comedy duos in Britain, and when they come to put on a live show, tickets sell out instantly. This was their second time round the UK, after the massive success of the first live shows last year. Having been a huge fan since the series first appeared on TV and radio, this was something I wasn’t going to miss. I saw the previous live tour, and the atmosphere at Boosh gigs is like nothing else I have experienced. Mighty Boosh fans are notably devoted, with people coming dressing up as the characters from the shows. The age range is huge, with families and teens all getting involved. This was their second UK tour and runs from September 2008 to January 2009, with 95 scheduled dates.

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I wasn’t sure what to expect this time round, All in all, the introduction of the live band was especially with the fast turnaround from the an awesome experience, and it was great to see a variety of characters from across all the third series. The main show consisted of bringing characters from the show out to perform series. It did however have the feeling that it short portions, and performing songs from the had been put together much faster than the series. This pleased the crowd, as always, with original live tour in 2008, but ticked the boxes the usual heckling put downs from Fielding, and all round. If you can see them this year before geek-sheek from Barratt. One thing that was the tour is up, take the opportunity as it is one very different this time round was the introduc- of the most fun evenings you can have at the tion of a live band. Barratt, who composes all theatre. the music for the TV series, played guitar with them on most of the tracks. Rating – 4.5/5, There were also a number of new additions, all equally ridiculous as ever. Fielding introduced Sunflash, an angel who speaks with an Chinese/Chav accent, which Vince believes is how people will speak in the future. By the end of the show, most of the audience in the floor seating had got out of their seats and moved to the front of the stage, and it looked like it had turned into a full scale rock concert.

University of Surrey Gliding Club “Come fly with us” Join us and get one free flight each week! For more information and to book, visit: www.ussu.co.uk/gliding This Months Records Longest Flight: Johnny Mak had a flight of 1 hour 40 minutes. Most Flying: Jonathan Ross flew 30 flights. Congratulations: Chris Jones went solo this month Adam Lindsay went solo this month Jonathan Ross became a basic instructor Alex Jones converted onto the DG1000

By Nicholas Rose

Steve the Stag gives gliding the thumbs up!

If you have any articles for the sports section then email... [email protected]

Sheffield University Open 2008

At the end of November the Surrey Taekwondo club entered the Sheffield Taekwondo University Open, our second taekwondo tournament of the year. For those of you that are unfamiliar with Taekwondo here’s a little background:

Unfortunately Nina Bafouni, Asif Ali and I were not successful in achieving medals but nonetheless had strong performances. This was especially true of Asif who after only just starting taekwondo, had to fight a red belt (one before black belt). No one would have blamed him for throwing in the towel but he did not falter; lasting all three Taekwondo in its current form is a relatively ‘new’ martial art, although rounds, putting up a brilliant fight. it has quickly grown to be one of the most practiced martial art in the world. Taekwondo sparring is nothing short of unique. It’s full Aris Sakellariau and Waseem Sachak proved their worth in the black contact, but punches to the head are strictly prohibited. This forces belt category; achieving gold and silver respectively. They did not the competitors to use a variety of footwork and kicks with precise disappoint in their fights, each performing with the skill, timing and timing and accuracy in order to score points or get a knockout. finesse that one expects from fighters of their calibre. They both had to defeat 3 opponents before meeting each other in the final, showing Fight Report excellent athleticism and determination! We entered eight fighters to the tournament and ended up taking home 2 gold and 3 silver medals. Fights were unusually long consisting of 3 rounds of 3 minutes.

Final Thoughts

Overall it was a successful day for Surrey Taekwondo Club, which would not have been possible, if not for the excellent teaching and Spencer Boxer provided some of the most impressive performances coaching of Master Bae, the spirit and determination of competitors of the day. Head kicks ultimately proved to be his strength and he and very kind offer from Tof to drive us there. soon found himself facing fellow Surrey Taekwondo Student Naren Murralidharan in the final. Despite injuries he fought for the whole 9 minutes of his last fight and won silver in his first ever taekwondo competition. Naren was also on top form, defeating a far more If you are interested in the Taekwondo Club please feel free to drop experienced fighter in the semi-finals and ultimately beating Spencer in to try it out. Also if you would like to see some of the footage from the competition, you can do so by checking out our facebook group: in the final to take home Gold. ‘University of Surrey Tae Kwon Do Club’. After an unfortunate accident in the first round, Karim Abou outperformed his opponent in his second fight, winning by TKO. He then went on to win silver in the final; an impressive feat for his first competition

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Open Water Swimming By Nick Martin Open water swimming is by definition, an activity in which people swim in large bodies of water such as oceans, bays, lakes and rivers. It is a pastime, a way to challenge yourself and also a competitive Olympic sport, the first modern Olympics in 1896 held all swimming events in open water. More recently the International Olympic committee has added a 10km open water swim which featured in the 2008 Olympics.

the most efficient way of swimming over a prolonged distance and for triathlons keeps strain on legs muscles down to a minimum for the bike and the run sectors.In response to the rise in competitive events involving longer distance swimming, the Swimming and Water Polo Club have elected an open water swimming captain to help people get involved in this increasingly popular area of sport. Most events will be based around multidisciplinary sports such as aquathlons and Recently open water swimming has become increasingly popular, triathlons, however, open water swimming specific events as well as mostly through increased participation in multisport events such as training will be organised before the start of the new season next year. triathlons. A large number of triathlons involve swim legs which are In the mean time pool based swimming takes place at the spectrum held in open water especially as the distance of the race increases. This alongside water polo training every Sunday, Monday and Thursday. is how I got involved with open water swimming, my first competitive For any more information on open water swimming, triathlons, event was during the summer. I found it much different to swimming swimming in general or water polo, don’t hesitate to contact one of in a pool where you can see the bottom and there are no waves! the following people below. The emphasis on the sport is on endurance over long distances as See you in the pool, or maybe even in the sea! opposed to shorter races which are held in swimming pools. Distances of vary from 750m to 4kms for most triathlons to longer distance Nick Martin (Open Water Swim Captain) – [email protected] events of over 25kms. This means the most important aspect of an open water swimmers stroke is to focus on an efficient technique as Clare McCartney (Water Polo Chair) – [email protected] opposed to sprint speed. In general front crawl is the chosen stroke since it offers

Trampolinists Triumph!

By Claire Loveridge - Club Secretary

So far this year, the University of Surrey Trampoline Squad has attended 2 competitions, and successfully come home with 7 medals in the space of 2 weeks! On the weekend of 15th November, the squad travelled to Loughborough University, which slightly puts our sports centre to shame (wow!). Here Darryl Tott, Keiran Hyland, and myself all won silver medals in our categories of Advanced, Intermediate and Novice. The following weekend of the 22nd, we travelled to Bristol University, which we are only too familiar with due to BUSA 2008. This time Darryl Tott, Keiran Hyland and Ashley ‘Danger’ Murray all came home with silver, and I came home with bronze! Well done to everyone else who competed, especially to those who competed for their first time. All in all a great success, and it is only December…. Watch this space!

L-R: Ashley Murray, Darryl Tott, Claire Loveridge and Keiran Hyland.

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We hope you have a wonderful Christmas, from all of us here at

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See you in 2009!