The Death Sciences - Leila

Leila She'll never escape her dreadful fate, the suffering and humiliation shared by everyone of her own sex, in the Arab world – these were her final thoughts and conclusion at that hour. The fact she succumbed to her beastly lust, and indeed reached orgasm several times – augmented her humiliation. She hadn't take any chances at least, and took the pill before leaving. She had had her notions, knew what unexpected hardships she might encounter. In any case she won't reach her fiancée, with Samir's or some other stranger's slug in her breach – developing into a living time bomb! Praised be Allah she was cautious and had the sense to take it. Samir, young and daring as he is but still inexperienced, does not believe it seems that she's engaged to be married. If he only knew her fiancée’s name… Why didn’t I tell him…? But why should he believe me isn't my engagement fictitious, a fallacy, which doesn't differ much from my "marriage" to Samir…? Releasing her emotions completely, yielding to self pity, she gave herself up to another sudden tide of tears. I’m older than Samir with five years at least, more experienced – a real veteran that's what I’m; and that punk of twenty-one or twenty two years at most, had to trample my pride – rape me as if I was some ignorant country girl – a "fallach's” (farmer) daughter, in some remote and retarded village... Or some shepherdess in some Bedouin enclosure, keeping goats in a god forsaken desert... Aren't I a graduate of the London school of economics, a diplomaed master – and am not I at least as intelligent as he is or even much more? Well that’s my cursed and unlucky fate... But if on the other hand, she was ordered to marry Samir, things could have been completely different. She would have adjusted herself to him, she would have behaved accordingly, and would have found without any doubt, the right way to his heart! Allah acbar...! What a fate, what a lousy fate...! During her years of study in London, she served as a secretary to the chairman of the organization's office there. She was still a virgin than, although she had a few dates with some foreign students. One of them a tall Swede had dated her several times, but it all summed up in a few harmless hugs and kisses. Her boss who was at about the age of her own father, raped her on his desk in the office, at lunch break – in a bizarre nightmarish frenzy, with most of their cloths on; ridding her off her virginity, and that took place on her first week at the office... Could she term that episode as a rape? Or was it the loyalty and deep respect she had for him, which made her yield – while he took advantage of it and she couldn't resist... She was stunned, awe stricken. He did release her from a heavy burden one might say, but in fact she was doomed! Who could have agreed to marry her... People guessed, her boss must have bragged behind her back in some way or another. She feared him so much at that time, and in her bewilderment moved to his flat, as he wished her to – and thus became his mistress as well, submitting in a fit of masochism time and again, to his perverse demands, so naive and weak was she. To her good fortune, he was soon fed up with her. That was at about the end of her first academic year. Some foreign beauty took his fancy; an Irish wench a bit older than herself; but with a pair of green eyes, a cascade of curly red hair falling down to her shoulders and of course, with a very light complexion, that milky white skin so typical to redheads. Her boss it seemed had fallen in love or was infatuated with his new discovery! She had hardly seen him in the office or at the luxurious flat – which she kept on sharing with him. He spent most of his time in the love nest, he had hired for his new love at the ‘Savoy’ – and left Leila with his luxurious flat all for herself and with the office duties as well! She did an excellent job at the office, had a clear

head for her exam's – and right after having graduated and getting her degree; he sent her in haste back to Nazareth, to her father's home. She wasn't active from that time on up to this event, when she was called to take part in Samir's rescue operation. She herself was bound to continue her journey afterwards to her fiancée. To the one her ex boss had chosen for her, to redeem her from shame and disgrace... Her would-be redeemer was one of the senior active members who served her ex-boss sometime in the past, and had still very close ties with him. He was about to leave for one of the European countries; and was promoted as reward to his loyalty. Leila was part of that deal. But her marriage to him which was irrevocable, was meant to activate her as his reliable aide in the first place; and as an available sexual tool; or rather as a human sexual tensions relief. In short she was supposed to keep him from mischief, make sure by her own presence at his side that he won't get caught in some honey trap; and thus get exposed to threats or blackmail, by the organization's foes. That is what she is expected then to call life, future, fate – the possibility to become an influential figure, who would have a share in shaping her own people's destiny. Thus having released herself of her frustration she cried silently on, letting her tears flow down her cheeks.. But what am I complaining about? She asked herself with wonder in a second thought, bracing herself, regaining her good reason. Why should I indulge in self-pity? Didn't Samir bestow me with happiness, once in my dreary life! Wasn't that young man beside me, the only lover I ever had? What a fool am I? She reproached herself. Why not live the moment, why not enjoy the chance, the opportunity fallen in my lap? In a couple of days we'll have to part, and who knows if we'll ever meet again. In two days time she'll be on her way to her spouse, who she hadn’t meet or know yet; the little she did know about him, didn't seem to encourage her at all. He was in his mid forties, short and stubby, that is what she heard and knew. Samir on the other hand, was young, vigorous and so handsome! It must have been the bits of information our contact man furnished us with, which terrified me so – god forbid! I was hysterical, I lost my senses almost! What has he done after all? Killed some old Jew that morning. What a fool am I! She reproached herself again. She would have followed him to the end of the world, she would have shared the rest of her life with him – be his real wife even if he marries with three more females younger than herself, according to their Muslim tradition. He is my true lover, the only man I'll ever love! I loathe Abu-adell, and that fiancée of mine, which Abu-adell had chosen for me! I hope though, I'll learn to tolerate him. Deeply moved she turned to Samir, and pulled his head toward her breasts – stroking his hair lightly, taking pains not to wake him. Gradually she felt much better, but as an outcome of having reached such heights of excitement, physical and mental – she stayed wide-awake. It’s been six months already, since she was sent back to her father's home, and though she never had any training in any field of clandestine activity; she did accumulate a great deal of knowledge and some experience in Abu-adell's company. She could remember quite well, having noted some uncommon activity near her father's house, particularly on the first days after her arrival. At first she believed it to be the outcome of her father's efforts to find her a match, as he was very keen on it of course. A few weeks later she had a rather stubborn suitor, although neither she nor her father took him too seriously. His stubbornness had evoked her suspicions; he might have been a collaborator, who was sent by the "Shabac". To snoop around, or who knows – he might even marry her just in order to penetrate the organization. But it was nothing more than an assumption; she did not report these incidents to anyone, as she did cut her ties with "them". She was hurt and quite distressed, for she took the act of being

sent back home as an expulsion. Although Abu-adell said something on summons when the time would be ripe. Anyway, yesterday night she was at last summoned, and thus was sneaked from her father's home, after a very short notice! One of her aunts brought her the message, including her order – the whole detailed plan of Samir's rescue operation. She was appointed as it's leader, and she still was! Taher was under her command, and as long as he did keep to the plan, she did not find any need to interfere. That must have been the reason that had thrown me to that emotional whirlpool, which I myself have created against my will – unaware of it at first. But on the other hand, I must admit I don't regret at all the consequences! She reminded herself with a happy smile. Well that's right, if I would have let him know who the boss was from the very beginning, things might have taken some other shape, and would have developed in the strict and banal way; and I whouldn't have been bestowed with so much happiness!