Ryan Ocain Student - Heritagehs - Narrative Draft 2

O’Cain 1 Ryan O’Cain Mrs. Wilson 1st Period 3/6/2019

The old saying “When in Rome, do what the Romans do”, states that when you are put in a situation that you aren’t used to, do what everyone else does. While this saying applies to many situations, having this mindset very nearly could have gotten me suspended in middle school. It was towards the end of eighth grade. I had been going to the same school for nine years at the time. I was so tired of middle school and everything that came with it. My classes had never seemed so boring, and I was anxious for school to finally end. Apparently, my classmates felt the same way. My grade as a whole was acting up far more than usual, and as the teachers got angrier they started handing out demerits (the school’s system of tracking misbehavior) like candy. At one point we went on a field trip to some camp near the mountains to learn about the difference between clean and polluted water. At the beginning, everything was fine. Throughout the day, however, a handful of my classmates were yelled at for not paying attention and disrespecting the people who worked at the camp. Ironically, while the teachers had been addressing us about this right before we were about to leave, heavy rain started pouring on us. The teachers were still furious, and we had to ride the bus home in silence. Our school normally took the eighth grade to that camp for a field trip every year, but after that visit, the school was asked not to bring students on field trips to the camp anymore. It had seemed like that field trip really divided the students and teachers into enemies. The students misbehaved and stopped giving much effort in classes, and the teachers were extremely strict, sometimes unnecessarily.

O’Cain 2 As the weeks passed by, I stopped caring about trying in class. Most classes I would just mess around with my friends the whole time. At this point we were not doing enough work to really affect my grade anymore, so I didn’t feel the need to pay attention or give effort in my classes. My mentality for effort and behavior had completely changed. As I tried less in class, the teachers seemed more annoying. Some of them continued to

Commented [1]: I wonder how you could divide this up into two paragraphs. You might highlight the problem in paragraph 1, and then start the build up to your climax in paragraph 2.

be unnecessarily strict, especially towards specific people they didn’t like. It seemed as if they were yelling at kids for their own entertainment. Some of the teachers that we once respected were seen as public enemies among the grade. Even some of the parents were starting to dislike the teachers. My favorite teacher from sixth grade became the “dean of students”, and he went from being generally well-liked by students to being someone seen as full of himself and obnoxious. That's how it was for many of the teachers. They had been well-liked and respected by the students, but through those couple months they seemed like completely different people. In some cases, it got to the point where if you talked back to a teacher, you would actually gain respect from your classmates. I got swept up in the little movement of rebellion, and I started talking back to teachers more often. One day I got in an argument with my English teacher over something that didn’t even matter. I didn’t really care though. I didn’t mind getting yelled at or talked to by teachers. Besides, the whole grade was starting to act up more, and relations between the students and the teachers got even more tense. It started to seem like a riot could break out at any moment. If anything, I felt like I was just one of the pack. One day, it all changed. Rumors had been flying around about the staff checking students’ phones. Nobody knew if the rumors were actually true or not, but everybody was worried, especially with how things had been recently. Later that day, we found out three people in our grade had been suspended, and two more had been completely expelled. They had been

Commented [2]: I like the figurative language and description you give in this paragraph. I also like how "one of the pack" connected back to the idea of "When in Rome, do as the Romans do" that you introduce at the beginning.

O’Cain 3 talking shit about teachers and staff on a group chat, and the school decided to set an example of them. The whole grade was shocked. We made fun of teachers all of the time. These were people we had been going to school with for years. I didn’t realize how easy it would be for the staff to suspend or expel someone. Until then I had seen it all as fun and games. This really snapped me out of my phase. Suspensions and expulsions were serious, and they went on the permanent records of anyone who got one. That’s not even accounting for all the trouble at home that would come with it. I decided that I needed to get it together, because they could suspend or even expel me just for disrespecting a teacher. My mentality had changed, and I realized that the staff could have very easily set an example of me instead of my classmates. From then until the end of the year, I kept my nose clean and stayed out of trouble.

Narrative Essay Rubric (Honors) Score: 45/50 W.9-10.3. Write narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or events using effective technique, well-chosen details, and well-structured event sequences.

Standard 3.a. Introduction Engage and orient the reader by setting out a problem, situation, or observation, establishing one or multiple point(s) of view, and introducing a narrator and/or characters; create a smooth progression of experiences or events.

Exceptional (10-9)

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Effectively sets out a problem, situation, or observation in a compelling and/or creative manner

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Establish an insightful, original, or creative point of view

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Introduce a complex and/or creative narrator, characters, setting, and main idea

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Utilize two or more (teacher discretion)

9

3.b. Narrative - Use narrative techniques,

Effectively hook the reader with a creative, original, and compelling hook

Proficient (8-7)

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Hook the reader with a compelling hook

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Effectively sets out a problem, situation, or observation

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Establish an insightful point of view

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Introduce a narrator, characters, setting, and main idea

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Utilize narrative techniques such as

Emerging (6-1)

Not Evident (0)

O’Cain 4 narrative techniques with purpose: dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, multiple plot lines, etc…

such as dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, and multiple plot lines, to develop experiences, events, and/or characters. ❏

Develop experiences, events, and/or characters and to clearly develop a purposeful theme

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Use purposefully narrative techniques such as foreshadowing, dramatic irony, suspense, and/or flashbacks in a highly effective manner to create an original plot structure

9

3.c. Organization - Use a variety of techniques to sequence events so that they build on one another to create a coherent whole. 8

3.d. Language - Use precise words and phrases, telling details, and sensory language to convey a vivid picture of the experiences, events, setting, and/or characters.

dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, and multiple plot lines ❏

Develop experiences, events, and/or characters in attempt to convey theme

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Use appropriately techniques such as foreshadowing, dramatic irony, suspense, and/or flashbacks

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Create a smooth progression of experiences or events that is logical and engaging

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Create a smooth progression of experiences or events that is logical, creative, and sophisticated and that uses highly engaging devices

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Use precise, detailed and sophisticated words, phrases, and sensory language to engage the reader and convey a vivid picture

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Use precise and detailed words, phrases, and sensory language to convey a vivid picture

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Provide a conclusion that reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved

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Provide a conclusion that reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved

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Extends the meaning and purpose to connect to the audience and convey a complex and original theme

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Extends the meaning to convey a theme

9 3.e. Conclusion - Provide a conclusion that follows from and reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved over the course of the narrative. 10