Dalton Lawrence Student - Heritagehs - Narrative Draft 2

Lawrence 1 Dalton Lawrence Ms. Wilson 3rd Period 03-06-19

I went to hawaii when I was 4 years old. This confused me​/​as I had never heard of it and had never even been out of the state. It excited me because it was suppose to be my 5th birthday present,​/​I don’t know why he wouldn’t wait until​/​I was​/​older and could enjoy/remember it all. I was nervous about going on a airplane because it would be my first time. On the car ride to the airport we had discussed all the different things we were going to do. We talked about our hotel, the pools, the dolphins, the fishing, I was so excited. When we got to the airport is was very crowded, as i’m sure if you’ve ever been you know the deal. A bunch of rowdy people crowded up and trying to get to their flight on time. I got a seat near the window when we were waiting and got to see all the airplanes come in and leave. I know all of this sounds pretty basic but I was 4 years old, what do you expect. I had been getting fed by airplanes not flying in one. My brother and I were playing on our gameboys while we waited for the plane, which took forever. We were so bored we had finished our game and had started to replay through it. When our plane finally got called I was pumped and scared. What if I had not gotten a seat next to my parents? What if there's a fat guy next to me? What if I don’t get a window seat? Luckily I sat next to my mom, no fat guy, and I got to sit next to the airplanes window. We went through the regular routine, put your phones away, put seatbelts on, stay seated, all that jazz. When the plane was taking off, my 4 year old mind was going crazy with bad ideas, I was praying our plane wouldn’t crash. Before I knew it we were off to hawaii. During the plane ride we had

Lawrence 2 peanuts, movies, and refreshments which were all kind of disgusting, don’t get them. I don’t remember too much of the whole landing part but I do know I was tired, grumpy, and excited. We got to our hotel and I did the normal kid thing where you jump from bed to bed almost hitting your head a few times, my dad wanted to sleep and my mom wanted to go shopping so we came to a compromise and went shopping. I got a new bathing suit and some floaties, don’t judge I was 4. We got my brother some goggles and a bathing suit. My mom stayed shopping while my dad took us to the pool. The pool was incredible, it had two slide that led to another pool and a staircase to get back up. I feel bad for my dad now because I had made him stay at the bottom of the slide while i kept going up and down. He had to catch me every time because I couldn’t swim. At one point they wanted to go scuba diving but since I needed floaters they wouldn’t let me go. This made me very upset because that meant somebody had to stay behind with me, which meant no fun for them. Near the end of our second day there we went to the drink bar and I got some pina coladas, virgin so no alcohol. They are really good, especially in Hawaii. On our last full day we just wanted to go see the scenery and go to the beach, swim in that clear water, fish and just relax. By sunset we saw sea turtles and dolphins from the beach and we headed back to our hotel to go to sleep. We woke up early again and headed to the airport to go back home. This time I didn’t get my window seat because it was my brothers and he wanted it. We touched down and went home and that’s my story about my trip to Hawaii for my 5th birthday.

Narrative Essay Rubric (Honors) Score: 37/50 W.9-10.3​. Write narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or events using effective technique, well-chosen details, and well-structured event sequences.

Standard 3.a​. ​Introduction​ Engage and orient the

Exceptional (10-9) ❏

Effectively hook the reader with a creative,

Proficient (8-7) ❏

Hook the reader with a compelling hook

Emerging (6-1)

Not Evident (0)

Lawrence 3 reader by setting out a problem, situation, or observation, establishing one or multiple point(s) of view, and introducing a narrator and/or characters; create a smooth progression of experiences or events.

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Establish an insightful point of view

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Introduce a narrator, characters, setting, and main idea

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Utilize narrative techniques such as dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, and multiple plot lines

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Develop experiences, events, and/or characters in attempt to convey theme

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Use appropriately techniques such as foreshadowing, dramatic irony, suspense, and/or flashbacks

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Create a smooth progression of experiences or events that is logical and engaging

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Use precise and detailed words, phrases, and sensory language to convey a vivid picture

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Introduce a ​complex and/or creative narrator, characters, setting, and main idea

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Utilize ​two or more (teacher discretion) narrative techniques with purpose: dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, multiple plot lines, etc…

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Develop experiences, events, and/or characters and to clearly develop a purposeful theme

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Use ​purposefully narrative techniques such as foreshadowing, dramatic irony, suspense, and/or flashbacks in a ​highly effective manner​ ​to create an original plot structure

8

3.d.​ ​Language​ - ​Use precise words and phrases, telling details, and sensory language to convey a vivid picture of the experiences, events, setting, and/or characters.

Effectively sets out a problem, situation, or observation in a compelling and/or creative manner

Effectively sets out a problem, situation, or observation

Establish an insightful, original, or creative point of view

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3.c​. ​Organization​ - ​Use a variety of techniques to sequence events so that they build on one another to create a coherent whole.

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3.b. ​Narrative​ - ​Use narrative techniques, such as dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, and multiple plot lines, to develop experiences, events, and/or characters.

original, and compelling hook

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Create a smooth progression of experiences or events that is logical, ​creative, and sophisticated ​and that uses ​highly engaging devices

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Use precise, detailed and ​sophisticated words, phrases, and sensory language​ to engage the reader ​and convey a​ ​vivid picture

Lawrence 4

8 3.e.​ ​Conclusion​ - ​Provide a conclusion that follows from and reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved over the course of the narrative. 6

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Provide a conclusion that reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved

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Provide a conclusion that reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved

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Extends the meaning and purpose to connect to the audience ​and​ ​convey a complex and original theme

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Extends the meaning to convey a theme

The concluding sentence does not reflect on the experience or offer an overall theme for the story.