Alexandra Hilbert Student - Heritagehs - Narrative Draft 2 1

[Last Name] 1 Alex Hilbert Wilson Period 3 2/28/18 It had been four years since I actually smiled but that all changed when I talked to her. I know what your thinking right now, “There's no way you didn't smile for four years.” Well, you’re partially right I did smile. But it wasn't really a genuinely happy smile it was fake. I bet you're wondering, “Why didn't you smile?” well this is why. I was in 4th grade when my parents got divorced. That day was the worst day of my life. It started a war within myself that i can't even explain. What happened was rough, but i got through it all with the help of my sister. I got through driving around downtown with my mom and Amy, which was her best friend at the time. I dealt with them getting me from school and ruining me. After being seperated from my dad who raised us since we were born, we haven't gone a day without seeing him. It was only for 2 weeks but it felt like 2 years. But with my mom, we couldn't spend the night for 2 years. Then we couldn't talk to her, see her, or even call her for a year. My mom had to go to rehab, the mental hospital, and medical hospital. She struggled with alcohol, depression, anxiety, and mental disorders. She's tried to kill herself several times and i can't blame her because i thought about it too. But my dad found out and he sent me to a psychologist. I got diagnosed with anxiety and ocd. They gave me medicine for it and i still take it to this day. I got better and I was a lot happier than before. My mom got help too and we’re both happy to this day. Throughout my life i went through many obstacles, but i got through it. Even though i got better things kind of started going downhill. I got into my old habits, and i was very lonely. Then one night on 10/12/18 i was watching a show. There was a couple in it, and they were so cute. I was in a very dark place at the time and i felt so lonely. I wished i had a girlfriend. Well it was National Coming Out Day and i was looking at peoples stories on snapchat. My friend Jaden’s name came up and i ended up being in her private story. I never noticed it before, so i watched her story and she had a post about National Coming Out Day. She never specified if she was gay or not, and i thought she was straight because she was a cheerleader. I slid up on her story because i thought she was cute and i said “Why are you posting this, I thought you were straight?” and she said “No i'm not.” I was thinking to myself i need to start talking to her more because she’s so cute and sweet. i asked her for her number and we facetimed for 6 hours that night. I fell for her quick. We started talking after that call and i asked her out 10/19/18. Throughout our relationship i’ve gained so much love for her. Jaden was my world.she helped me get through everything and made life worth it for once. We did everything together and we talked to each other 24/7. I missed her so much when i wasn't with her even though we were always texting, and right after she would leave after hanging out i missed her like .03 seconds later. Jaden and i’s relationship was the best, we were the cutest couple ever. Things felt so right with her and i really thought she was meant for me. But one day things started feeling different and we would get into small arguments and we never really argued before this only every once in a while about stupid things but now we were

[Last Name] 2 having little arguments a lot. Things just felt weird and it just didn't feel the same anymore. But i had faith in us and i tried to fight for our relationship and jaden did too and i felt like things were getting better but i guess they weren't. Today is 3/2/19 and i can’t talk about jaden and i’s relationship. It brings me pain, she broke up with me today and i’ve been crying for many hours. I had, and still have so much love for her. She’s my everything and i thought she was my soulmate. Maybe even a gift from God because she got me out of a really dark place. She made me happy again and actually smile. I guess for now that smile is going to be put away again because she took all of my happiness with her. i was absolutely in love with jaden. I tried to get her to stay but it didn’t work. I did nothing bad to her, i treated her with the most love in the world. I treated her like a princess but she said she needs space and time alone because she just isn’t happy. It is so hard knowing that you couldn’t make the love of your life happy. My goal was to make her happy and make her feel loved every second and knowing i couldn’t do that just causes me so much pain. I guess this is my life, in the beginning it was bad. But jaden came into my life and made it better. Now she’s made my life worse than before, but i guess that’s the risk you have to take with love.

Narrative Essay Rubric (Honors) Score: 40.5/50 W.9-10.3​. Write narratives to develop real or imagined experiences or events using effective technique, well-chosen details, and well-structured event sequences.

Standard 3.a​. ​Introduction​ Engage and orient the reader by setting out a problem, situation, or observation, establishing one or multiple point(s) of view, and introducing a narrator and/or characters; create a smooth progression of experiences or events.

Exceptional (10-9) ❏

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Effectively sets out a problem, situation, or observation in a compelling and/or creative manner

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Establish an insightful, original, or creative point of view

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Introduce a ​complex and/or creative narrator, characters, setting, and main idea

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Utilize ​two or more (teacher discretion) narrative techniques with purpose: dialogue, pacing, description, reflection,

8.5

3.b. ​Narrative​ - ​Use narrative techniques, such as dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, and multiple plot lines, to develop experiences,

Effectively hook the reader with a creative, original, and compelling hook

Proficient (8-7) ❏

Hook the reader with a compelling hook

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Effectively sets out a problem, situation, or observation

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Establish an insightful point of view

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Introduce a narrator, characters, setting, and main idea

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Utilize narrative techniques such as dialogue, pacing, description, reflection, and multiple plot lines

Emerging (6-1)

Not Evident (0)

[Last Name] 3 multiple plot lines, etc…

events, and/or characters. 8.5

3.c​. ​Organization​ - ​Use a variety of techniques to sequence events so that they build on one another to create a coherent whole.

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Develop experiences, events, and/or characters and to clearly develop a purposeful theme

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Use ​purposefully narrative techniques such as foreshadowing, dramatic irony, suspense, and/or flashbacks in a ​highly effective manner​ ​to create an original plot structure

7

3.d.​ ​Language​ - ​Use precise words and phrases, telling details, and sensory language to convey a vivid picture of the experiences, events, setting, and/or characters.

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Develop experiences, events, and/or characters in attempt to convey theme

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Use appropriately techniques such as foreshadowing, dramatic irony, suspense, and/or flashbacks

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Create a smooth progression of experiences or events that is logical and engaging

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Create a smooth progression of experiences or events that is logical, ​creative, and sophisticated ​and that uses ​highly engaging devices

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Use precise, detailed and ​sophisticated words, phrases, and sensory language​ to engage the reader ​and convey a​ ​vivid picture

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Use precise and detailed words, phrases, and sensory language to convey a vivid picture

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Provide a conclusion that reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved

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Provide a conclusion that reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved

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Extends the meaning and purpose to connect to the audience ​and​ ​convey a complex and original theme

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Extends the meaning to convey a theme

8.5 3.e.​ ​Conclusion​ - ​Provide a conclusion that follows from and reflects on what is experienced, observed, or resolved over the course of the narrative. 8