Newsletter 11-23-09

Your Self Healing Journey News Empowering You to THRIVE Beyond Chronic Illness ! volume _ 1 issue _2 Table of Contents Feature Article ......................................1 The Healing Power of ThanksReceiving Special Guest-Coach Article ................3

Donna Atherton, PhD(abd), MSW Getting Your Loved One in the Spirit of Thanksgiving ANNOUNCING! New Program .............4 Your Miracle of Self Healing™ Story Your Self Healing Skill of the Month ...4 The “TaDa!” Game Terms of Use ...........................................6

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Malcolm F. Dayton LPC, CHt for

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The Healing Power of ThanksReceiving! This Thanksgiving, I am compelled to share a special story with you about the experiences of a family in need, as it reflects the experiences of so many of us facing chronic illness. My younger son plays on a competitive sports team. The parents of one of his teammates is currently facing the loss of the father's income due to corporate down-sizing. They have never had to face such a crisis before, and are struggling, desperate month-to-month. As you might have guessed, many of the team parents have pitched-in to assist this family with food and financial support. That is the heartwarming and wonderful “giving” piece of this Thanksgiving story, for it is as much a gift to the giving families as the family in need. There truly is SO much to be grateful for! The other side of this story, however, is this family's felt-reaction to this support – humbled for sure, but also embarrassed and overwhelmed – even “undeserving”. The fact is that many of us living with the daily challenges of chronic illness have been in just such a situation financially – requiring the open-hearted kindness of family, friends, co-workers, churches and social agencies -- just to get by for another month – to pay for food, utilities and prescription medications. My family and I have certainly been there (and more than once)! When we receive such assistance, we are truly blessed, humbled and certainly thankful. Too often, however, with gratitude comes feeling embarrassed, undeserving, and shame!

©2009byMFDayton,LPC,CHt

Clearly, the western work ethic in which we are raised contributes to this lowered sense of self-worth; as does certain religious training and “new age guilt”. The sad fact is, many of us with chronic illness have integrated this deficit way of being right down to our core, deep within our bones!

This Holiday Season

However, such impaired self-worth is an aberration, an illusion that impedes your journey of Self Healing! Fact: Our brains are wired to hold onto “implicit memories” from past experiences beneath conscious awareness. Such wired-in implicit memories (in contrast to conscious, explicit memories) shape our perspectives, beliefs and even sensory reception! Regrettably, as a built-in survival mechanism, the brain tends to integrate more “negative” experiences over “positive” ones.1 Hence the aberrant neuroshaping power of our early upbringing! In contrast, to become skilled in Self Healing you simply MUST begin from a place of strength – IAM Worthy! To do so, begin to apply and integrate the following 3-step process into your daily living:

Share the Gift

1. Be open to receiving (just as you were when an infant suckling). You recognize that for anything to be a true “gift”, you must receive-the-gift-asnourishing. 2. You practice accepting-the-gift-in-gratitude – In short, you experience “ThanksReceiving”. 3. Finally, you take the time to notice the positive in each experience; consciously acknowledging the positive; and even seeking out more positive experiences.

Of Self Healing!

Coaching Your Self Healing

Gift Certificates

Each of these activities requires conscious intention and action. The beauty is that, over time, the brain will respond by generating new circuitry for more positive implicit memories to guide you through each day. Self-worth is enhanced, and Self Healing can begin deeply, consciously, intentionally. Allow yourself to receive your gifts each day.

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Malcolm PS: Happy ThanksReceiving! 1

Hanson, R & Mendius, R (2009): Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom ©2009byMFDayton,LPC,CHt

Getting Your Loved One in the Spirit of Thanksgiving Donna Atherton, PhD (abd), MSW Donna has worked as a therapist for the past 13 years serving at-risk adolescent girls and boys, families, adolescents facing addiction, and men and women seeking mental health therapy. Donna specializes in providing Life Coaching to Caregivers learning to manage the daily challenges of chronic illness of a family member. Indeed, Donna’s own caring journey began when her husband was diagnosed with kidney failure as a secondary complication to Type II Diabetes: Open heart surgery and leg amputatation have followed. Taking on the role of loving Caregiver has changed Donna's life forever! She has made it her life's work to help other Caregivers live in wellbalance and happiness through selfcare. In addition to her personal caregiving and Caregiver Coaching, Donna began pursuing her PhD in Counseling Studies Specialization. She is currently completing her doctoral thesis and will graduate Magnum Cum Laude in 2010. Experience Donna’s good work firsthand and receive her

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It is often difficult to get my spouse in the spirit of spending time with family and friends outside our home. We would normally invite guests to our home, his comfort zone, where he is relaxed: He can take a quick nap and guests would understand, because of his health problems, he just might not be feeling good. This year my brother’s in-laws invited us to their home for the Thanksgiving holiday, and of course I was elated, as this means I could bring a dish and not do all the cooking. My husband’s immediate reaction was, “NO, let’s just stay home”. I explained that our family was planning to have the holiday at this in-law’s home, and we would be spending the holiday alone. I realize this changes our usual norm of entertaining at home, but I strongly believe that getting out of the house and allowing someone else to be the host would be good for us this year. He thought about what I said and agreed. Although his adjustment to his lower limb amputation has been slow, but steady, he is trying to get out of the house more. And I realize that other health problems limit him from engaging in social interactions and activities as he is often very sick, and repeatedly in the hospital. Normally, I would comply and cancel plans, because I don’t want to leave him to go off and have fun; but sometimes as a caregiver we need to take time for ourselves. A caregiver makes on-going sacrifices and usually puts their loved-ones needs first; and can often feel “What about me?” It is important that you help your loved one avoid falling into a rut, and to implement social activities into their routine. As my husband’s caregiver, it is my responsibility to motivate him to engage in social activities outside the home, and to get out of the house and not just watch television and not be active.

DONNA ATHERTON COACHING ©2009byDonnaAthertonCoaching

This mindset will help him to live life to its fullest, despite his health concerns, and avoid symptoms of depression, isolation, and limitations. However, this selflessness helps me to stay connected with family and friends, to get out of the house, enjoy good times with my husband, and to avoid resentment, anger, and frustration.

Announcing!

Before his illness we enjoyed social activities and events together; and to avoid being an enabler, I have proposed to him that each month we engage in an activity that brings us well-balance and happiness. To receive Your FREE Caregiver Bulletins and FREE 30 minute Caregiver Consultation

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Your Self Healing Skill of the Month

(Share Your Miracle Story)

The “TaDa!” Game If you have ever watched a child learning to walk, it's clear that she will allow absolutely nothing to get in the way of her success. You watch as she struggles to pull herself up to a sturdy piece of furniture; she steadies herself, and then tentatively puts out her foot (as if testing for the chill before diving into a pool). Finally, she decides to put that foot down, and propels herself outward . . . and right onto her bottom. At once, her parents and siblings, uncles and aunts all shout out in approval – “Good job!” . . . “Way to go!” . . . “TaDa!” And with that encouragement, she heads right back to the furniture leg and starts all over again, . . . slow and steady . . . 1 step (& back on her bottom) . . . then 2 . . . & 3 and soon she's on her way! Cheered on, each step of the way – TaaDaaa! Interestingly, cultures throughout the world have similar sounds associated with such approval – that musical lilt of “TaDa!”

My Miracle Of Self Healing! Simply tell your story (in 350 words or less) and submit either your type-written .txt file or your .mp3 audio file to:

Malcolm Dayton, LPC, CHt [email protected] (Please see P.6 Terms of Use-User Submissions)

©2009byMFDayton,LPC,CHt

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Such sounds of approval get paired with the complex sensory-motor learning process; and the skill becomes wired into the brain. The learning occurs rapidly, deeply, as the brain makes new, lasting connections.

Self Healing Skills & Resources

But, then, as the child grows into the culture, such reinforcing sounds are all too soon replaced by “gold stars”, by grades, by competition; and in short order, the time from “TaDa” to “TaDa” becomes less frequent year to year . . . fading into distant memory by the time one ventures into adolescence.

Please send me your questions & feedback. Do let me know the topics you would like addressed in future issues of

Your Self Healing Journey News I look forward to you sharing

My Miracle of Self Healing Stories

Yet, when I have re-exposed adults to “TaDa!” during Self Healing skills training, playfulness returns to learning. A glint comes to the eyes, as these skills are acquired readily, and applied frequently. Joyfully. All it takes is for you to re-learn “The TaDa! Game” now. The rules are simple, but must be kept at all times: 1. Whenever you accomplish anything during your day – even the most seemingly trivial task – you must pronounce, out loud and with gusto, a firm and lilting “TaDa!” . . . Try it now – just let loose . . . 2. You must also verbally “TaDa!” yourself when either alone OR in the company of others: This is serious skill development work going on here. Go for it.

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3. As you become more comfortable, you'll notice chores get easier, your day gets lighter AND you may even want to share a “TaDa!” when you catch a family member or coworker doing something “right” (e.g., hanging up a coat, putting away a dish, picking up laundry). At this point, refer to Step 1 above; and just DO IT. 4. If you are ever asked what is going on with you, you do NOT reveal the game. You simply affirm you are happy about the task being done. Period. 5. In the days and weeks ahead, simply enjoy as those around you begin automagically returning “TaDa's” to you! 6. Finally, if you find yourself breaking any one of the above rules, you must restart the game from Step 1.

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The fact is . . . everyone wins playing “The TaDa! Game”. Play it long and with heart! Trust me here – I have witnessed cubicled-engineers returning to the joy of what actually works in life and learning! The neuronal wiring exists – Make use of it today – No, better yet, . . . PLAY WITH IT . . . starting NOW !

My business is to Coach You Well!

©2009byMFDayton,LPC,CHt

Malcolm

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