Chapter 0008 The Power Of Speech

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Chapter 8 The Power of Speech

The alarm clock jarred Judah awake. He sleepily looked back at what he had written only vaguely aware of the process that had cost him most of his sleep that night. Another day that he must now face as a teacher who was more and more feeling as though he were trying to live in two worlds. He had the nagging feeling that the other world was impatiently waiting for him whenever he left it.

Judah went to class with his mind half focused. He was teaching today about the power of our words and the power within each of us. There was a great social responsibility that came with this power.

As class started, Zelig introduced today’s discussion and lecture. “Your assignment for class today was to read the book ‘Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson A Day’ by Rabbis Shimon Finkelman and Yitzchak Berkowitz. I think the subtitle gives a clear explanation of the intent of the book, ‘The Concepts and Laws of Proper Speech.’ I will repeat the disclaimer I gave when I assigned the reading that these concepts, although introduced by a Rabbi especially for the study of Jews, are universal. I would challenge anyone from any other mainstream, and probably any stream, religion to show me how these beliefs would contradict theirs. The bottom line is that this is not about religion, but it is about spirituality at the soul level. And even for atheists and humanists who may not agree with the above terms, it is about relationships between I and Thou as Martin Buber discusses. We’ll get to him later. Even though this was written in the 1800’s in Poland, the

3 principles, I believe, are more than applicable today. The Chofetz Chaim lived everything he taught. What we know of him, admittedly from a biased group of witnesses was that he was never heard speaking ill of another. He struggled for 95 years to change the habits of the tongue among his people, but, unfortunately, saw little fruit of it. I understand this frustration, although can in no way claim to be an example of perfect speech, I believe as the Chofetz Chaim did, and as Martin Buber, knowingly or unknowingly did by teaching in the same spirit, that the age of peace will not come until we treat everyone with both word and deed as our equal. Who can tell me about the laws he lays down? Yes John.”

“Guarding the tongue which is how the Chofetz Chaim referred to his laws of speech were designed to show how people should and could live with each other. He gives practical advice that not only improves the life of others by but the speaker’s life as well.”

“He also says that negative speaking can negate a lifetime of doing good stuff,” Maria added.

“Even worse than that,” Sarah added, “Loshon Hara or evil speech is equal to every other sin you could do.”

“That’s a pretty powerful attribution given to something that we take so for granted as our right to complain and gossip. The editors of the book divide this power into roughly five functions -- the ability to move and create worlds, record deeds, affect others, reveal

4 ourselves to others and to ourselves, and to teach. Who can tell me about the first function? Sarah.

“It goes back to Genesis where it shows the world was created by the spoken word of God. Ten times it says ‘And God said,’ which is where the ten vessels or Sefirot of the Tree of Life come from. Mystical studies from various religions teach that the idea that we are created in God’s image has to do with our ability to create with our words just as God did. The book also says that the destruction of the Second Temple and the expulsion of Jews from Israel was brought about by baseless hatred, a form of loshon hora.”

“Right,” Zelig continued, “I will want to come back to this. Most of what we find in the book are negative aspects of speech, but I want to focus mostly on the positive. I think therein will be the main hope of getting us to practice it. What’s in it for me. But let’s move on for now. What about the next function of deed recorder?” Sarah’s hand went up. “Someone besides Sarah.” The class laughed. After a brief silence John spoke up.

“As deed recorder each time we speak against someone else, those words are recorded and will be used against us in a final judgement.”

“Correct. Looking at this from a non-religious point of view, the principle involved is the psychology of transference. Most of the time when we criticize others, we are actually seeing a part of our self that we are uncomfortable with and eventually, on a karmic level this could involve several lifetimes, we must face this in ourselves. The other side of this

5 coin is how our words, our criticisms affect others. If we could understand that when others criticize us, it is really themselves that they are unhappy with, it would be easier to let those words roll off. But most of us are still too sensitive to see that. On the positive side, a kind word at the right time can create within others a world of hope and freedom hitherto unknown by them. Our words make us gods to create or destroy on many levels.

As teacher our words can create angels or demons of our children. We can create a world of anger, frustration and insecurity for them or create a world of joy, goodness and peace. Loshon hora reflects the belief that everyone and everything should conform to one’s own standard. Our desire to feel important often must be by putting others down rather than raising ourselves up. There is a story told in Kaballa that in front of every human being there is a troop of angels whose only job is to proclaim, “Make way for the image of God.” If we really believed that about ourselves and others we would understand that everytime we criticize our fellow human beings we are really criticizing God. And again, if you don’t believe in God, the concept is the same. When we criticize or gossip or complain, we are really saying that we are setting ourselves up as God and that everyone else must bow down to our image.”

“Yep, that sounds about right,” Jack wisecracked and the class laughed.

“Thanks Jack. Since you have volunteered to play God, let’s continue with the idea. Is there anyone here who would not follow Jack as God?” Most of the class raised their hands. “So now Jack, as God, what will you do with these?”

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“Well, I think a little fire and brimstone should do the trick.”

“OK. So the path to that result could have a few twists in it. Let’s say you just think you’re God and you can’t really destroy all your opponents so easily. Instead you will raise an army from your followers and send them in to do your work for you. You may or may not be successful. Hitler comes to mind in this scenario. Or, maybe you are God and you can destroy 90% of all you created, which is about how many in this class opposed you. Then what? The only ones left are a small group who now see how truly terrible you are because they probably lost loved ones in your hail of fire and brimstone. They may continue to obey you, but they will probably no longer worship you in the sense that the word worship has the root idea of worthy in it. Soon you may find that you have to destroy much more of your creation until you have nothing left and you are alone. You could recreate the world with robots who have no feelings and are only programmed to honor you, but that would probably not bring you much joy. So now Lord Jack, it appears as though you are the loser in the end. And this returns to our original point. When we engage in Loshon Hara, we are the losers.”

“There are four forms of Loshon Hora given in the text, what are they? Yes Theresa.

“One is Loshon Hora itself, which is saying something bad about someone to someone else, and the companion to is that if you are the one who was told the bad thing, you go to

7 the person who was being talked about and you tell them that someone was saying something bad against them. But I don’t see what’s wrong with that.”

“Let’s talk about that then. First can you see what’s wrong with the first form, and remember we are not talking about lying here. That will come later. This is saying something bad that, at least in the mind of the gossiper, is true about someone else. What’s wrong with that? Yes, Lord Jack. Are you trying to redeem yourself.” The class laughed and even Jack smiled.

“As you said before, the gossiper becomes the judge and by so doing they are showing that they feel somehow superior to the person they are talking about.”

“I think it also shows that the gossiper is a coward.” Sarah interjected. “They are too afraid to say this to the person themselves, so they have to pretend to be this moral bigshot by telling someone else.”

“OK, let’s go from there to the second form that Theresa talked about, called Rechillus. That is where you tell the person who was gossiped about what was said and let’s expand that to include Sarah’s scenario. Is it any better to go to the person directly?”

“I agree with Theresa, I don’t see anything wrong with that.”

“Anyone disagree with Robert?” Judah asked the class.

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“Well, I suppose it depends on your motive,” Steven responded, I mean if you were trying to make the person angry or you were trying to get the gossiper in trouble, that would be a bad thing.”

“I’m not sure we can combine the two scenarios,” Sarah commented, I mean, there is probably no way that the one who was told the gossip and goes to the person talked about can justify his actions if saying something bad about someone else is the issue, because he or she would be saying something bad about the gossiper. But if I came to the person I had an issue with and spoke to him directly, I don’t see the harm in that.” The class seemed to agree.

“Alright, let me not get us sidetracked. I agree with Sarah. The intention of Rechillus is probably only dealing with the person who tells someone else about Gossip he or she was told. And yes, I think the reason is that one way or the other you are speaking ill of someone else even if you don’t name that person. It is taught by some that the Second Temple in Jerusalem was destroyed because of Rechillus, because some Jewish leaders who had only their own best interest in mind told Rome the bad things that were happening against the Empire in Jerusalem. Their actions, which ultimately hurt themselves as well were the catalyst for the final destruction. On a smaller scale the same is true whenever we speak negatively about another. We set into motion a chain of events that can bring more harm than good. The best philosophy it seems, is Thumper’s in Bambi, ‘If ya can’t say nothin’ nice than don’t say nothin’ at all.’ As for Sarah’s scenario

9 of going to someone directly, that probably better fits under the form of Onaas Devarim or causing pain with words. So let’s talk about that. What’s wrong with that?”

So finally, there’s the third form given in the book called Motzi Shem Ra or slander. I doubt that anyone can defend lying about someone else, although we do it far more frequently than we’d care to admit.

Other forms of prohibited speech include anger, arrogance, deceit, lying, and false flattery. Occasionally flattery itself could be prohibited.

Some ways to change your speaking habit patterns are also suggested in this introduction. When you see someone doing something that you may think is wrong, see it as a secret that you share with God or with yourself or the universe, etc. It is your job to keep this secret. Certainly, you may choose to speak to the person about the wrong, but only if your doing so is completely without malicious intent. We must always strive in all our speaking to keep peace ever before us. “Peace is the container in which all other blessings are held” (xliv). We should use our words for only one reason and that is to bring a blessing – a blessing to ourselves to others and to the universe. “Simply by becoming aware of the words and tone of voice one uses, by tuning into the needs of the people to whom one speaks, a person can generate immeasurable good into this world” (xlv).

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Defining and changing our speech habit patterns may seem like an impossible task, but that should not prevent us from trying. As Chofetz Chaim points out, “Imagine a person walking along the seashore, who sees that the sea has washed ashore precious gems. Would such a person – even if he where wealthy – refrain from picking up any gems because he knows it will be impossible to gather them all” (61). As with anything it takes exercise. Habits can be broken with persistence. The trick is to do as much as you can and always strive to do better. If you fail in your effort this morning be ready to try again this afternoon. And if you fail in the afternoon be ready to try again tomorrow. And if you don’t care about the spiritual benefits of practicing this, there are benefits related to our health and well being. Speaking ill of another often leads us to anger, frustration, stress, illness, disease, and death.

The bottom line here is that when we use our words for any reason but peace, we create the kind of world that most of us would agree exists now. To change our world is as simple and as difficult as changing our speech. And as I pointed out earlier, if we take small steps we can get it done. The first step, or at least the best step, is to begin with ourselves since so much of our destructive speech is related to our own feelings of lack and inadequacy. I think it is safe to say that the person whose speech is constantly negative and destructive is also the person who feels the most insecure and unfulfilled. If we each began to say positive things about ourselves every day, I believe we would see dramatic changes in our speech habits. It is a process of becoming. We should see ourselves as craftsmen, our tool is the word, and our buildings are heaven and earth and

11 us as the I Am. As Isaiah the prophet wrote, “I have placed my words in your mouth…to implant the heavens and set a base for the earth” (51:16). Chofetz Chaim likens loshon hora to damaged tools that can be repaired. He later makes a similar analogy pointing out that in business, “one does not cease from pondering ways by which to improve his enterprises and increase his profits. He is careful to remove any possible impediment to success” (105). All of this to amass a substance that time and again has been proven to be a poor substitute for happiness. What the Chofetz Chaim tries to show is that the rewards are far greater learning to use positive speech. Again he is speaking about spiritual rewards which for the believer are very great. For those who would rather have reasons based on this life and this time there is still the issue of happiness. There is far too much proof in the power of positive speaking and thinking from Norman Vincent Peale to Deepak Chopra to Wayne Dyer to dispute the benefits to this life. You don’t have to spend thousands of dollars to go to their seminars. I can give you their secret for free. “Which man desires life…” as David pointed out earlier, the answer is guarding our tongue. This not only brings us happiness but peace.

There is one other road to peace that involves words and this is told through a story in the Talmud that Chofetz Chaim quotes. In essence a Rabbi who is often visited by the prophet Elijah is in the marketplace one day and he asks the prophet if anyone there is destined for the World To Come? Elijah points out two and the Rabbi goes over to them and asks them what they do. “We are comedians and we go to cheer up those who are depressed. Additionally, whenever we see two people in a quarrel, we strive hard to make peace between them.” We see from this that humor as well as peacemaking is a noble use

12 of the creative power of speech. We have all read many accounts that seem to prove unquestioningly that humor has the power to heal, just one of the many great benefits to using the power of words positively.

Having spent time on the positive side of creative speech, Chaim now takes us to the dark side. He proves through many texts that slander and the disease of leprosy are related using his text proofs to also demonstrate that just as words can bring physical healings, words can also bring on sickness and dis ease, as well as poverty. One point to make here is that the Kabbalah does not view these maladies as punishment so mush as teachers in the great Karmic cycle. Chaim explains, “The sufferings of poverty takes the place of sickness, for by being dependent upon others for survival, the poor man becomes rid of any arrogance – a prime cause of loshon hora” (135).

Taking up once again the theme of the craftsman, Chofetz Chaim gives us another tool to work with – the tool of silence. He says, ‘To become skilled in a given craft requires a period of training and experience. So it is with the art of silence. The ability to restrain oneself from speaking when the situation warrants silence is, indeed, precious.’ This does not mean that we should take a vow of silence. Removal from the world is no more the answer for us then it would be for the trained professional to be so afraid of making a mistake that he or she decides not to work in the field at all. There is no potential for growth, and if you are not growing, you’re dying. The opposite extreme to silence is the need to talk. At various times in our life we feel a need to speak freely. As much as

13 possible during these times, we must try not to speak of others. This prohibition does not just apply to criticism of others, but to praise as well, which I found fascinating.

With regard to praises, Chaim again quotes Talmud as saying, “One should never speak the praises of his fellow [excessively], for praise will inevitably lead to criticism” (231). I have definitely seen this one in practice. Someone will begin saying glowing things about someone, and before long at least one other person has a “yeah, but” comment. Admittedly, this kind of faith in our fellow is hard to come by, and the story says early on that the worker was “bitterly disappointed.” We are not required to eliminate all our emotions, only to temper them when it comes to judging others. There’s another story that indicates why we should care for one another. This is the story of the passenger on a boat who decides to drill a hole in the boat under his seat. The others pleaded with him to stop, but his reply was, “What should you care, I am only drilling under my own seat.” We are all in the same boat. We are made of the same substance, and there have been scientific studies lately which seem to indicate that the very molecules of our makeup can think and react individually, and not only that, but they can communicate with other molecules not part of their same groupings. One such study is the book by Dr. Candace Pert entitled Molecules Of Emotion. We therefore should matter to one another, if for no other reason then the angry thoughts of another towards you, could affect you physically and emotionally. We are the authors of our own lives, and we can determine whether we have a happy or tragic life. There is no one else to blame. It is not our environment, since two brothers can be raised in the same house and one be a priest while the other becomes a killer. It is not in our stars since there are certainly successful people in all the signs.

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Why is it we are often willing to suffer physical pain to save our material possessions, as when our house catches fire, but are unwilling to allow our ego to be pained to save our spiritual possessions. We must realize that what others do to us do not affect what is ours. We are now given some final rules. We are told essentially, “When in doubt leave it out. “Generally speaking, unless one is certain that a given statement is not in the category of forbidden speech, he should not utter it” (339). We also hear a rule that many are familiar with because of a phrase that was used by Jesus, “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.” It is made very clear that even if you attack another who deserves it, yet you are guilty of the same or similar sins, then you “will be subject to Divine retribution as if he had acted or spoken against an innocent man” (343). We also must not gloat over another’s misfortune, even if it may be deserved. There is a story that God wept when he destroyed the Egyptians at the Red Sea.

Finally, we must realize that the coming of the Messiah or an age of peace to our world is totally and completely wrapped up in our ability to control our tongue. “The coming of mashiach is literally in our hands, for Zohar Chadash [Kabbalah] states that a single congregation can merit to bring about the final redemption by internalizing the quality of

15 peace in the desired way” (393). We don’t have to change the world. A congregation can consist of as few as ten people. If we can join ourselves to ten other people who can practice and live their lives completely free of loshon hora, we can bring about world peace. I believe that is our mission in these days. Best of Luck!

Sarah once again stopped Zelig after class. “I spoke with my friend in Glenwood today, Abby, and she would love to meet with you. She can come down here or if you would like you can spend some time their and she will pay your expenses as well treat you to a trip to the Hot Springs Pool. Here is her phone number if you want to get in touch with her.”

“So tell me about her.”

“What do you want to know?” Sarah sort of winked at this as if she were part of some grand conspiracy. “Do you want to know if she’s pretty?”

Judah grinned. “Just how shallow do you think I am? Is she?”

“She’s beautiful. But more to the point for your meeting is that she is really seeking answers to some of the same questions and beliefs that you are talking about. We have spent countless hours talking about things you brought up in your talks. She is also part of a group she formed that spends time every week just talking philosophy and they are

16 all interested in hearing you. I gave you a great buildup, so don’t disappoint me. At the very least I expect to get an “A” out of this.”

“Bribing the teacher. I have taught you well my dear.” Judah smiled and the two went their separate ways. Had anyone been paying attention they might have noticed a little skip in Zelig’s walk. He was beginning to feel a little like young schoolboy. He could sense something wonderful coming from this trip to Glenwood. He had always loved that area. There was a special sacredness to it. He would indeed accept her offer to travel there and went directly to his office to do just that.

He loved the sound of her voice. It had a wonderfully lyrical quality to it. My god, he thought, I am acting like a schoolboy. He tried to talk himself out of it by reminding himself that he knew nothing of her. Most relationships since Lindy were disasters. He had promised himself that he would immerse himself in his writings and not get involved again. But what was he saying. This is more or les a business meeting. There was no promise of involvement. Sure that was sort implied from Sarah’s non verbal messages, but that didn’t commit him to anything. He was simply going for a talk and a visit. Still wouldn’t it be nice if…. His mind began to wander. He was remembering the pain of Theseus after losing Hippolyta. It was much the same for him after losing Lindy. The thought of replacing her was a difficult thought for his mind to wrap around. Still Theseus had been made a promise in the last writings and Judah was anxious to see how it played out. As he prepared himself to write, he knew wonderful things were about to take place for Theseus as well as himself.

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