Well Being

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Choose to say no

fore-feet being tied together he was drowned. “That will teach you,” said an old man who had followed them: “Please all, and you will please none.” This story teaches us that there are times when we should choose to say “No!” We have been regularly writing in this wellbeing series that life is all about choices we consciously make and one of the important choices is to say “Yes” or “No”. The story of the man, boy and their donkey makes us understand that they could have said “No” to the negative or thoughtless remarks made by people who did not really matter. They trusted all that was said without personal critical thinking. It is important to learn to say “No” when needed.

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any of us would have at some time or the other read or listened to the story of a man, his son and their donkey. A man and his son were once going with their donkey to the market. As they were walking, a countryman passed them and said: “You fools, what is a donkey for, but to ride upon?” So the man put the boy on the donkey and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said: “See that lazy youngster; he lets his father walk while he rides.” So the man ordered his boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn’t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other: “Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along.” Well, the man didn’t know what to do, but at last he asked his son to sit with him on the donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passers-by began to jeer and point at them. The man stopped 

“Every time you say yes to something that is unimportant, you say no to something that is important.” - Robin Sharma and asked what they were scoffing at. The men said: “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey with you and your hulking son?” The man and boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, till at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey’s feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them till they came to Market Bridge, when the donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the donkey fell over the bridge, and his Don bosco march 2009

Jesus was in the desert for forty days and forty nights to prepare himself with prayer and fasting for his ministry. He was tempted by the evil one to go beyond his Father’s love and act like God. He was tempted to make use of his powers to satisfy his own hunger, his own choice to fast for the Kingdom and use his divine power for a display of spectacular events to satisfy the greed and superficial needs of onlookers. Jesus says an emphatic “NO!” He was ready to follow the path of love and sacrifice. We also see how the Pharisees demanded a heavenly sign (a miracle) from Jesus and He said, “Truly, I say to you, no sign shall be given to this people.” Jesus teaches us to say “no” when needed. First, we have to learn to say “no” to ourselves. There is a strange sickness called Akrasia (or acrasia - an ancient Greek word κρασία). It is the state of acting against one’s better judgment.

W E LL - B E I N G The condition in which while knowing what it would be best to do, one does something else. In other words we are not able to say ‘no’ to ourselves. For example, I know I have to reduce my weight and yet I overeat and often eat junk food. I am killing myself. I have to learn to say no to my body. If you don’t want to live in debt and misery you have to learn to say ‘no’ to the latest I-phone or other funky gadgets which many of your friends may be possessing. If you want to succeed in life you have to learn to say ‘no’ to laziness, late rising or just spending a lot of time relaxing. If you want your marriage to last you have to learn to say no to certain words you feel like using in a moment of anger. If you have to succeed in your exams you have to learn to say ‘no’ to the exciting cricket match being telecasted on television. Robin Sharma, the author of a bestseller, ‘The monk who sold his Ferrari’, says, “Every time you say yes to something that is unimportant, you say no to something that is important.” We have to become good in saying ‘no’. It is not just saying no for everything in life. The secret lies in living a conscious life and setting priorities. It is important to set value based priorities. We say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ based on these value based priorities. I have a friend who can never say no to anyone who comes to his office. He takes upon himself all the work thrust on him by others (because of their own laziness or lack of creativity). He tries to please everyone and in the end his own life priorities go haywire. At a certain point of time he was not able to do the most important things in life. If a friend of yours invites you for a late evening get-together and it is also your son’s birthday party at home, you have to say a firm ‘no’ to your friends. This is the meaning of working with value based priorities.

really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?” “No, on the contrary, it is bad.” “So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true. You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left: the filter of usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?” “No, not really.” replied the man. “Well,” concluded. Socrates, if what you want to tell me is neither true, nor good, and not even useful to me, why tell it to me at all.”

There is no choice really if you have to choose between a thrilling movie and going to Church for mass on a Sunday. We have to learn to say no to groups that just gather together to gossip or to spread negativity and cynicism. We have to say no when people deliberately spoil the names of other people. There is a beautiful story attributed to Socrates, entitled ‘the Triple Filter Test’. One day a man met Socrates, the great philosopher and said, “Do you know what I just heard about one of your friends?” “Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied. “Before telling me anything, I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.” “Triple filter?” asked the man. “That’s right,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say. That’s why I call it the triple filter test. The first filter is Truth. Are you absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?” “No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it and wanted to tell it to you” “All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t Don bosco march 2009

Socrates had a wonderful way of saying ‘no’. This is an important value we have to teach our young people. Youth are easily influenced by the media and by the peer group. History is replete with incidents that speak of how young minds have been so strongly influenced by other young minds. Many young people do not have the power to say “No”. The invitation to smoke or consume alcohol, to try drugs just for fun, to cut classes and go for movies on a regular basis and to try out experiences that leave traumatic imprints on their mind, are everyday happenings. We have to help young people set their priorities and dreams and do some critical thinking regarding media and peer group. It is the age when a person can be easily led astray. Parents and teachers have the important duty of helping young people to discern and to live a conscious, value based life. The gospels are full of positive events and sayings of Christ, we can call them the ‘yes’ aspects but there are times when Jesus said a firm ‘no’. We can also pattern our life in keeping with the Gospel values.

Joe Andrew sdb

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e are created for happiness and peace. But as life evolves and as we progress, our problems also increase and so do our worries. Wellbeing calls for choices. We can consciously choose to live a positive life or go after a negative life. One of the choices we can easily make is to live ordinary events in an extraordinary way. We have the freedom to experiment and to experience newness. Modern day life in a certain way chains us to habits, strict timeframes and monotonous living. We become automated beings. This results in boredom and we run the risk of losing the meaning of our existence. One of the outcomes of a positive life is to break free and to break the monotony of daily life and do something we normally never do or think of doing. This positive

habit can help us to have fun, break the routine, help us to smile and this in turn becomes a happy memory. Memories of happy moments have an important role to play in our lives. They reconstruct our lives and they have the power to inject fresh energy and enthusiasm when we are bored or tired of living. I would like to share with you this story forwarded to me via e-mail. A little girl had been shopping with her mom in Target. She was 6 years old, beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was raining outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth. People stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target. Everyone waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day.

Let’s Run Through the Rain

Some were mesmerized by the rainfall. They got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing as carefree as a child, came as a welcome reprieve from the worries of everyday. The little voice was sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance they were all caught in, “Mom let’s run through the rain,” she said. “What?” mom exclaimed. “Let’s run through the rain!” she repeated. “No, honey. We’ll wait until it slows down a bit,” mom replied. This young child waited about another minute and repeated: “Mom, let’s run through the rain!” “We’ll get soaked if we do,” mom said. “No, we won’t, mom. That’s not what you said this morning,” the young girl said as she tugged at her mom’s arm. “This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?” “‘Don’t you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, ‘If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything’!”

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The entire crowd stopped dead silent. There was complete silence except for the sound of the rain. No one came or left in the next few minutes. The little girl’s mother paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child’s life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith. “Honey, you are absolutely right. Let’s run through the rain. If God wants, let’s get wet, well maybe we just needed washing,” she said. Then off they ran. Don bosco june 2008

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We do the same things day after day and week after week. We have to plan to break free and find time to do what is different, just funny or the unthinkable. The rest of them stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars. They all needed some washing. Today more than ever, we tend to live life like clocks or computers. This obviously results in monotony and boredom. The type of jobs or responsibilities that people have force them to live in ways that are akin to the ticking of a clock. We do the same things day after day and week after week. We have to plan to break free and find time to do what is different, just funny or the unthinkable. God shows us the way. He could have lived his solitude in heaven. But He broke the silence, the solitude. He became one like us. He walked and talked with us. He smiled and He wept. Can one think of a greater adventure than this? Remember the movie “City of Angels’ with Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan? Seth, an angel watching over Los Angeles, begins finding his job difficult as he falls in love with Maggie, a beautiful heart surgeon. This makes Seth want to become human so he can feel, smell, and love Maggie. It is a touching story of an angel who wanted to do something very different. Jesus was one day preaching in the Province of Judea, beyond the Jordan River and at a certain point He sits down to take some rest. The mothers from the surrounding villages begin to bring

their children to Him. The disciples (let us keep in mind a culture two thousand years ago that did not greatly respect women and children) in order to allow Jesus to rest tried their best to send them away. The gospels say that Jesus on noticing this, was very angry. Jesus then took the children in his arms and blessed them. This is one of the most beautiful scenes in the gospels. Jesus, God incarnate, finds time to play with children. Jesus often found time to dine with tax collectors and sinners. This often turned out to be a moment of conversion for them. It is good to stroke a cat if you have never done it before. If you always take your car to your place of work take the bus for a change. You will also get to know how much people suffer. How about sleeping on the terrace one night and do some star gazing before you sleep. You could talk to a poor person or an elderly person if you have never found the time to do it before. You could play with children. You could go for a walk in the forest or climb a mountain. You could do some manual work for a change. Gardening could be

We have to take time off to create beautiful memories. A few years later we will think of the walk with our child on the beach running after sea crabs as they jump into the holes they have made. The picnics we enjoyed, the fun we had together as a family, the train journeys, the walk in the park, the pranks and wild fun. Don bosco june 2008

an inspiring and interesting, hobby. If you have never tried cooking, you could try cooking something different. You could try to live without the television for one day. We have to take time off to create beautiful memories. A few years later we will think of the walk with our child on the beach running after sea crabs as they jump into the holes they have made. We could think of the beautiful walk with the ones very close to us. The picnics we enjoyed, the fun we had together as a family, the train journeys, the walk in the park, the pranks and wild fun. There are families that have very interesting family rituals. I was with an Italian family on April 22, Earth Day. On that day they did not use their electric lights or television. They were using candles. There are others who often use the cycle in order to keep our mother earth a little less polluted. There is a family that distributes bread and curry to the poor of the neighbourhood on Friday evenings. There are families that clean the cemetery before All Souls day (not just the tomb of their dear ones). I just heard of a young man who gave away his sandals to a poor boy who was selling some simple things at the road signal under the hot sun. A friend of mine did not want gifts for her wedding but asked the guests to bring cash for the poor children in India and Madagascar. The list is endless. Circumstances or people can take away our material possessions, they can take away our money, and they can take away our health. But no one can ever take away our precious memories. So, don’t forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven. Take the time to live! Keep in touch with your friends, you never know when you’ll need them. I hope you will take the time to run through the rain.

Joe Andrew sdb

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ne of the most important and realistic truths about living is that there is no life without pain, suffering, loss, struggle and sacrifice. Once we understand and accept this important truth about life, we can reduce a lot of stress and discouragement in our day to day life. The dictionary defines discouragement as follows; “a feeling of despair in the face of obstacles; or a state of distraught and loss of sense of enthusiasm, drive or courage.” When we accept the fact that life is a package of joys and sorrows, high points and low, success and disappointment, ecstasy and pain, we learn to overcome discouragement and a feeling of despair

either your purpose or your problems, God’s power or your weakness, Christ or your circumstances. It’s your choice.” I am sure that most of you would have read the inspiring story of the farmer’s donkey. One day a farmer’s donkey fell into a well. The animal cried miserably for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. He consulted the people of his village and finally they decided that the animal was old and it could die in the process of being saved. At the same time they could not leave the animal to die slowly. They decided that mercy killing was the only solution and the well needed to be covered up anyway. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel

Drive your blues away

“You have a choice of what you’re going to focus on: either your purpose or your problems, God’s power or your weakness, Christ or your circumstances. It’s your choice.”

or desolation; or in the words of popular musicians ‘drive away or sing away or rock away our blues’. Momentary bouts of discouragement and despair are natural since life has its share of struggle and pain. But wellbeing calls for the acceptance of this fact and hence to make the choice of fighting discouragement. As I have often repeated in these wellbeing articles - life is all about choices and one of the choices we have to make is to fight discouragement. It could become a way of life if we are not careful. This momentary feeling can become our attitude. Discouragement could become our choice.

Today he is hailed as a great economist, lawyer, educationist, politician, champion of human rights and emancipator of millions of downtrodden people. Imagine the fate of India if he had become a victim of discouragement and despair.

Rick Warren says: “If you’re discouraged, that’s your choice. You have chosen to be discouraged. Discouragement is always a choice. It comes from thinking discouraging thoughts-and you can change your thoughts any time. You have a choice of what you’re going to focus on: 12

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dirt and mud into the well to bury the animal alive. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone’s amazement, he became quiet. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked into the well and was astonished to see a miracle taking place. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something astonishing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer’s neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest

W E LL - B E I N G wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up! There are stories of so many great leaders that teach us the importance of not falling into the trap of discouragement. Life beckons us to face challenges. Dr Ambedkar’s childhood dream to go to school was shattered when his teacher asked him to sit outside the classroom. He had to carry a gunny sack everyday to sit outside since he was from a low caste. Untouchable children were segregated and given no attention or assistance from the teachers. They were not allowed to sit inside the class. Even if they needed to drink water somebody from a higher caste would have to pour that water from a height as they were not allowed to touch either the water or the vessel that contained it. This task was usually performed for the young Ambedkar by the school peon, and if he could not be found Ambedkar went without water. All this did not deter Ambedkar. He proved to the world that untouchability is a figment of the mind. He later went to the United States to complete his Ph. D. Upon India’s independence on August 15, 1947, the new Congress-led government invited Ambedkar to serve as the nation’s first law minister. On August 29, Ambedkar was appointed chairman of the Constitution Drafting Committee and given the task of drafting free India’s new Constitution. He bravely fought against great odds and became one of the founding fathers of our country, the backbone of our Constitutions. Today he is hailed as a great economist, lawyer, educationist, politician, champion of human rights and emancipator of millions of downtrodden people. Imagine the fate of India if he had become a victim of discouragement and despair. It is said that Albert Einstein could not speak until he was four years old and did not read until he was seven. His parents and teachers worried about his mental ability. Beethoven’s music teacher said about him, “As a composer he is hopeless.”

What if young Ludwig had been discouraged by this teacher? When Thomas Edison was a young boy, his teachers said he was so stupid he could never learn anything. He once said, “I remember I used to never be able to get along at school. I was al¬ways at the foot of my class...my father thought I was stupid, and I almost decided that I was a dunce.” What if young Thomas had been discouraged by his teachers? A newspaper editor once fired Walt Disney because he was thought to have no “good ideas.” Caruso was told by one music teacher, “You can’t sing. You have no voice at all.” What if these people had listened and become discouraged? Where would our world be without the music of Beethoven, or the ideas of Ambedkar, Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison? As Oscar Levant has accurately said, “It’s not what you are, it’s what you don’t become that hurts.” Jesus worked miracles, cured the sick, gave people bread, forgave sinners, was close to people and yet at the end of it all, He was crucified on a cross. It may seem paradoxical but the truth is that Don bosco july 2008

his death on the cross became the greatest sign of love and hope for mankind. Jesus must have been very discouraged when the people he had so lovingly served had turned against him. But he took up his cross as a sign that He still loved them. The cross became a sign of faith, compassion and victory. He chose to fight discouragement and taught us the meaning of love and suffering. Helen Keller wisely said, “The struggle of life is one of our greatest blessings. It makes us patient, sensitive, and Godlike. It teaches us that although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” When Paul was in prison, he wrote to the Philippian Christians, “But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel.” (Phil. 1:12). While most of us would have focused on the “defeat” (being in prison even though he was innocent), Paul was able to see what God was doing in his life. A man once told a sad looking passerby “I love the look of spring skies.” The sad person looked up and saw a lot of clouds. It was a cloudy day and he said, “It is far from spring, my friend. Summer is nearing the end and we still have winter ahead.” “Oh, I understand,” the other man replied and he continued, “I hope one day you’ll see spring in everything.” And he walked away with a smile. I hope all of us will be able to see spring in everything.

Joe Andrew sdb

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he following incident is reported to have taken place on a British Airways flight between Johannesburg (South Africa) and London. A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a native African. Very disturbed by this, she called the air hostess. “You obviously do not see it then?” she asked. “You placed me next to a black man. I did not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat.” “Be calm please,” the hostess replied.

still have one place in the First Class.” Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued. “It is unusual for our company to permit someone from Economy Class to sit in First Class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting.” She turned to the African and said, “Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in the First Class.” At that moment, the other passengers, who had been shocked by what they had

just witnessed, stood up and applauded the crew of the aircraft. The moral of the story is that arrogance does not always put you on a pedestal and that humility and respect for others is still a value that is cherished. We are living in a society that encourages raw competition, unbridled consumerism and a craving for material possessions. A natural outcome of this phenomenon is arrogance, aggressiveness and the need

Humility-the forgotten virtue “Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available.” The hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later. “Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in Economy Class. I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there is also no seat in Business Class. All the same, we

Humility is actually founded on inner strength. Once I am confident of my self worth, I am not afraid of being humble.

to push forward our external selves. We have to win at the cost of the failure and fear of others. The overemphasis on personal fulfillment, self-confidence and self glory by psychologists and new age gurus could lead to selfishness and pride. The famous novel ‘The Fountainhead’ by Ayn Rand (1943), for example, spoke of extreme positivism or Objectivism – ‘each person is expected to think primarily about himself and to live primarily for himself. The needs of the individual can never be sacrificed to the needs of the group.’ In our wellbeing articles we have spoken of self acceptance and self confidence but it has to be founded on humility. True self-acceptance is based on love and humility and we can call this love for self. Selfishness instead, is based on pride and a disregard for others. Love for self begins with the humble acceptance that all that I have (talents, looks, achievements etc.) is a gift from above. This enables me to be grateful and to look at others with compassion and love. Jesus is humility personified. He was God but he took the form of a human being and was born in poverty in a stable. He died a shameful death on the cross to save humanity from their sins. This is

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W E LL - B E I N G humility. If God himself humbled himself how much more should we humble ourselves? He said to his disciples: “Learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your souls.” (Mt. 11: 29). Humility is the foundation for a life of holiness and sanctity. It makes one understand that God is in control and that we are only his humble, but worthy instruments. It is said that as the ant and the elephant walked across the hanging bridge, the ant remarked to the elephant, “Boy, don’t we make this bridge shake!” It is God who is at the centre of the universe. In the words of Bernard Baily, “When science discovers the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find they are not it.” Christian Herter was the governor of Massachusetts in the 1950’s and once when he was campaigning, he came across someone whom he was about to ignore, but found himself having to notice. Apparently, he was having a really hard day campaigning, missed his lunch and came in the late afternoon to a church barbeque, really hungry. As he moved down the serving line, the story goes, he held out his plate to the woman serving chicken. She put a piece on his plate and turned to the next person in line. “Excuse me,” the governor said. “Do you mind if I have another piece of chicken?” “Sorry,” the woman told him. “I’m supposed to give one piece of chicken to each person.” “But I’m starved,” the governor said. “Sorry,” the woman said again, “Only one to a customer.” Governor Herter was apparently a modest and unassuming man but he decided this time he would throw a little weight around. “Do you know who I am?” he said to this woman. “I’m the governor of the state.” “Do you know who I am?” the woman replied. “I’m the lady in charge of the chicken. Move along mister,” she said. Humility is the defining characteristic of an unpretentious person, one who is modest and is not arrogant or aggressive.

Humility is often mistaken for timidity or subservience or lack of assertiveness. Humility is actually founded on inner strength. Once I am confident of my self worth I am not afraid of being humble. The more a person grows in greatness and wisdom, the humbler he or she becomes. It is said that it is often the neo-rich who flaunt their wealth in a very vulgar manner. David Packard, the cofounder of Hewlett-Packard is quoted as saying: “You shouldn’t gloat about anything you’ve done; you ought to keep going and find something better to do.” Another great leader is Patrick Daniel, CEO of North American energy and pipeline company Enbridge, espouses two leadership attributes: determination to create results and humility, “I have learned through the lives of great leaders,” he said, “that greatness comes from humility and being at times, self-effacing.” Friendships and marriages often dissolve and come to nothing due to the lack of humility. A little humility can often solve a number of problems in our families and places of work. It is the lack of humility that does not allow real dialogue to take place. The very word dialogue means that we come open to the truth and not come with fixed ideas. True humility makes us make statements like: “You are right!” or “This is something I can learn from you.” Humility helps us to apologize. Arrogance is “I” centered and humility Don bosco SEPTEMBER 2008

is “we” centered. A famous evangelist decided to write a book on “Humility” and unfortunately its publication was delayed because the printer ran out of capital I’s! In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. “How much is an ice cream sundae?” “Fifty cents,” replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the number of coins in it. “How much is a dish of plain ice cream?” he inquired. Some people were now waiting for a table and the waitress was a bit impatient. “Thirtyfive cents,” she said brusquely – a little arrogant. The little boy again counted the coins. “I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away without a smile. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and departed. When the waitress came back, she began wiping down the table and then swallowed hard at what she saw. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies - her tip. No wonder Jesus one day took a child in his hands and looked at his followers and said: “Unless you become like little

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n Phoenix, Arizona a young mother stared down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of terminal leukaemia. Although her heart was filled with sadness, she also had a strong feeling of determination. Like any parent, she wanted her son to grow and fulfill all his dreams but now that was no longer possible. And seeing her son’s innocent smile, she decided to fight till the end and if possible to make all his innocent dreams come true. She wiped away her tears and took her son’s hand and asked, “Billy, did you ever think or dream about what you wanted to be once you grew up? “Mommy,” he replied, “I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up.” She smiled back and said, “Let’s see if we can make your wish come true.” Later that day she went to her local fire department where she met Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as a Phoenix. She explained her son’s final wish and asked if it might be possible to give her 6 year old son a ride around the block on a fire engine. Fireman Bob thought for a while and said, “Look, we can do better than that. If you’ll have your son ready at seven o’clock, Wednesday morning, we’ll make him an honorary Fireman for the whole day. He can come down to the fire station, eat with us and go out on all the fire calls! And if you’ll give us his sizes (shirt, pants, shoes), we’ll get a real fire uniform for him, with a real fire hat, with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire Department on it, a yellow slicker like we wear and rubber boots.” Her sad face brightened up. She was now certain that she could make her little son’s dream come true. Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy, dressed him in his uniform and escorted him from his hospital bed to the waiting hook and ladder truck. Billy got to sit on the back of the truck and help steer it back to the fire station. He was in heaven. There were three fire calls in Phoenix that day and Billy got to go out 12

on all three calls. He rode in different fire engines, the Paramedics van, and even the fire chief’s car. He was also videotaped for the local news program. This little boy lived three months longer because of this dream come true and with the love and attention that was lavished upon him. One night all of his vital signs began to drop dramatically and the head nurse called the family members to the hospital. Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a Fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked if it would be possible to send a fireman in uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he made his transition. The chief replied, “We can do better than

he said. Billy smiled and said, “I know, my mommy told me that and she said that angels will be holding my hand.” He closed his eyes one last time. A little boy’s innocent dream had come true. (This story is an internet forward and also to be found in ‘Chicken Soup for the soul’) One can look into trains, buses, colleges, schools, market places or in Churches, temples or even seminaries and observe a number of people who are living ordinary lives of quiet desperation with no big dreams pushing them, with no

Live a purpose driven life that. We’ll be there in five minutes. Will you please do me a favour? When you hear the sirens screaming and see the lights flashing, will you announce over the PA system, that it is not a fire in the building but it’s just the fire department coming to see one of its finest members one more time? And will you open the window to his room?” About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder up to Billy’s third floor open window and 16 fire-fighters climbed up the ladder into Billy’s room. With his mother’s permission, they hugged him and held him and told him how much they LOVED him. With his dying breath, Billy looked up at the fire chief and said, “Chief, am I really a fireman now?” “Billy, you are, and the Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand,” Don bosco october 2008

We all have dreams but once we grow older we seem to get lost in the maze of life definite purpose driving them. And often they are good people. Often the bad ones are driven by a negative purpose, for example, terrorists. They work with a purpose and a good plan. But ‘good’ people seem to just live or partly live. They are not conscious of their ‘big’ dream or their purpose or the singular message God has sent them to deliver on this earth. When we are small we have dreams but as we grow older we seem to get lost in

W E LL - B E I N G abandoned and neglected people of society and she responds to this call. This was her particular mission, dream or purpose. Don Bosco was nine years old when he had a dream of reaching out to children and youth. He kept dreaming and working on this purpose, against all odds. He was focused and said a definite ‘no’ to other invitations. And today his

Life is all about choices. Live a purpose filled life ... make your life a meaningful existence on this earth.

the maze of life. As I often write, life is all about choices. There is one more choice we can make. We can live a purpose-filled life or a life that is not purpose driven. We can dream great dreams and find the ways to fulfil these dreams or just partly live. Little Billy (in the story above) had a dream but his mother’s love and the fire chief’s compassion made this dream come true. If they had not believed in his dream, if they had scorned his dream, he would have died without having fulfilled his dream. Rick Warren (the author of bestseller ‘Purpose Driven Life’) writes: “People ask me, ‘what is the purpose of life?’ And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.” This we could call the ultimate purpose of our existence and we should be constantly challenged by this purpose, this goal of life. But

we could also think in terms of our meaningful existence on earth. What is my personal contribution to this earth or to our society? We could have dreams for our family and for society at large. If I am a married person I could question myself often and see what is the legacy I want to leave for my family? How will my family members remember me? What will be my contribution to my family? It is important to be conscious of this purpose. The second level of this purpose is our contribution to society. Some have contributed much. Think of world class scientists, inventors, people who discovered various medicines, great artists, world class musicians, engineers, educators, thinkers, philosophers, saints etc. Mother Teresa was a member of a religious congregation and she was struck by the poverty she saw around her. God calls her to leave that congregation and to begin a new mission for the most Don bosco october 2008

followers are reaching out to thousands of youth all over the world. What is my special message, what is my purpose? We have to pray, reflect and discover our personal purpose for being alive. The more we dream and reflect the shadows will give way to light. We will discover a path, a personal path, a rich legacy. All of us may not be called to achieve great dreams or purposes that newspapers and encyclopaedias will record. We may be just called to achieve more humble tasks. But the important factor is to have a purpose. There are people who have planted as many trees as possible, there are those who have organized soup kitchens for the poor or have given water to the thirsty on their streets, or taught others to save rain water. What will your purpose be, what will your verse be? Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “He should sweep streets so well that all the host of heaven and earth will pause to say, ‘Here lives a great street-sweeper who did his job well’.” Stephen Covey would say: “Find your voice and inspire others to find theirs”.

Joe Andrew sdb

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