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1.The Mighty Ant Line! You are either brave or stupid. Sometimes, it feels like you missed a life-time opportunity by going some commonly accepted set idea while your crimson blood spoke otherwise. something is truth or a lie, black or white but only in perception. Who decides truth or a lie? Court? It follows some book somebody wrote! "A lot of people don't want to make their own decisions. They're too scared. It's much easier to be told what to do." Marilyn Manson said so. and that person is real cult. Actually, it's this crowd! Pata nahi ki what this 'Ant-Line' finds sweet and starts following almost blindly. Gandhiji, to me, is brave to have stood for himself. Though many might have, but he is quite lucky to have a loooooo...ng ant-line following him. I'd frankly admit that part of me would never believe him 'cause i've never met him personally and what all i know is what some 'ant' told me! Ab Jaswant Singh had his truth but this mighty ant line found it salty. i read the other day that the renowned painter Hussain is in exile. he actually had to run away because people or 'ants' here had gone blood thirsty behind him and burnt his artwork!! painful.... it doesn't take just canvas and colors to make a painting that actually talks... and they burnt it. i can only imagine that man's agony. And as it turned out, he sold his work in 500 grands there in new york and his own country is...!! this is the amount nirvana's 'smells like teen spirit' made in a week. A person in rags with a high of cocaine or any other drug when says something good, he's called hippie and rebuked completely. Daily, a mother stuffs her offsprings with ways to become just another 'ant', but never encourages him to discover the adventure of following the first thought blindly that a drug addict lives daily. 'mom, your son is not living, he's just keeping alive.' Gandhiji is father of more than a billion people...! but this doesn't actually click me 'cause a person can never father this huge mass, not all might think the same way. china has a father of nation, u.s has so we too should, right? RSS supports Nathuram Godse and they've many followers too. So, who was right now? i mean is this some sort of election that the one with longer ant line behind wins?! Aise to for more than half of a millennium church and it's huge fan following believed that earth is the centre of the universe! we know what is truth now. mathematics and physics never veil the truth inside stories like literature authors do and so are not that popular among masses. But when i'd say this out loud, some 'uncle' would come professing his experience to age proportionality and ask me what position or status i hold...? I'd be seriously pissed off, i know, but then i'd ask him if i heap a lot of something the crowd would approve, would you listen to me then? this is exactly like attenuation of a high frequency plane wave inside the medium(the crowd). There arises the conception of retarded potentials but this is not an article on uniform plane waves so let's stop here only. Age has nothing to do with one's time coordiante or say the age his brain can think. two people might be very close but their thoughts could be worlds apart. moral of this article is only to encourage you to stand for yourself. i'm quite brave there! i'm almost all alone because i didn't find people worth making friends so i decided something anti-social that is loneliness. And though fucking hard... it's at least self satisfying. I know one thing for sure that my talent or my specialties will make 'ant-line' find me sweet, no matter what i do. There's not much or anybody i got to live for but still there are so many lives i can make... doesn't that count! count or don't, i don't give a damn! 2.just another night... 4 am in the morning while i was awake all those hours of night n was trying to

finish plasma oscillations in the ionized gases. though i did get how a simple 'm*a' due '-eE' became extremely complicated due to introduction of angular frequency omega, bt in the end it felt that i passed so much time and toil over an overtly complicated doubt and covered just one topic. all classic 100 guitar solo tracks from likes of led zeppalin, jimi hendrix, red hot chili peppers, pink floyd, doors, Beatles etc played whole night and this all just urged me to reach some friend and tell him how beautiful being tired with the work you like is. but then i realize that i've no such friend who'd appreciate or even get the depth of such obsessive attachment. i did never get that i'm a cult or just in wrong posse... why being in an engineering college is not enough for me to have a group of people like it is for everybody else? it becomes even harder to believe when i remind myself that i'm in a hostel! not that i don't talk girls to them as they often like to, but... something just does not let me blend. even after an hour or so long talking, i come to my room, to my reality or say the reality that i perceive.... superficially, i can see that i don't sleep in their rooms, booze or puff cigarettes which might be impelling them to think me not like them. 80% of my day i'm just either working or listening to the music i love which too is quite uncommon. i help almost all of them all the ways possible from suggestions to cash... all i don't give them is much of time 'cause i myself don't have enough of it left before final show. is this being too busy that is keeping me out? but that ain't a fault. i mean, though i'm using it, but i'm not being able to make most of it as there a lot of things and they need an impeccable planning and similar execution. i being a human do get tired... i sleep one dream to another, but never a silent deep continuous sleep for 6hr a day is on my side! but that is just part of the work so never a problem. you might say i lack peace even on the exuberance of silence and more of it. no doubt the stay in a hostel is never easy since i don't why guys have to be so political! and you're supposed to get their motives right. not to mention that 'the girl' is the biggest issue here and if u don't have one to get lucky with, then no matter how many theorems u can solve, you're a straight loser! so have to carry a tag of loser too because i don't bow in the respect of common perception. my room has one door and one window(pun intended)... and after months of lack of sleep and mellow bloody discontentment, reality might be distorted. may be a gut of my age should drool looking at something so insulting as a bust! i don't know if its my reality that's distorted or i'm just being human and not a dog who needs bitch as season approaches...! damn! but then i felt, it's far deeper than i think. i never have been ready to hear or seek anybody's views. when i sense a problem, i search solution silently and whenever somebody little concerned asks i tell him like news being read. just mention and walk away... though here i met few even more sensitive ones and now i know that if something worth being heard is said, i do hear to it. i'm nt arrogant then for sure! but why should i be thinking this while i've always been coming up with appropriately closer to perfection solutions without much help? this keeps me to busy to ever live among people. they perhaps have started to think that i'd just keep doing something they can't even care about, they might be finding me either a dead body or a machine or may be somewhere in between.... man... "not knowing was hard. knowing was harder." ~toni morison. sometimes... things just become too heavy to carry, too long to measure a shadow when the sun's going down and so slowly but still so disturbingly everything is getting darker. i remember even the slightest of their details and speak to heal them but why not even a single to my respite...? observing, studying and experimenting with myself i've grown so vigilant that i somewhat can guess if there's anything wrong with a person from his music choices, movies, gestures and many things and this now comes too naturally. mathematics is so austere and intriguing that i just love it's coexistence in both unspeakable complexity and quite palpable simplicity. do you count it sane to keep closing any source of running water along the roadside? many don't but till now i've not started concidering their opinions. if my being workaholic caffeine addict who has good control over his animal instincts and unnecessary desires is keeping me from having meeting people i might

surrender myself before, then i better count is misfortune and not my fault!