Thursday March 12
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Review to information to date Evans Article Activity-Parent conference Timed Test Listening/Questioning Independent Work
Why is listening difficult? How can we identify poor listening? How can we become effective listeners?
Talkers are rewarded: noise gets attention. We learn this from infancy. We are more important: we tend to think and boost our self esteem, thus we don’t listen. We are more knowledgeable: a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. A lot of knowledge is more dangerous when it comes to listening.
We think faster than the other person speaks: this can be used to be distracted or ignore what the other person is saying. We develop our mindsets: in order to cope, we create areas of certainty-beliefs, assumptions and attitudes that we hold true. The talker communicates poorly: sometimes the person speaking speaks too fast, does not know the listener, or has too much information.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Communication is the most important skill in life. Think of how many years you have spent learning to read and write and speak. But how long or what training have you had in listening? (Covey, p.234)
At the heart of poor listening is body language-the nonverbal signals transmitted, the gestures we make or the postures we take.
Aggressive listening: arms folded, stiff posture, glaring at the speaker, fidgeting. Passive listening: little eye contact, hand over mouth, slumped in chair. Listening interruptus: we don’t want to listen, we want to speak. Playing with a pencil, tapping fingers, physically moving forward and interrupting.
Logical listening: listening with our minds, not our hearts. We are deaf to messages conveyed we hear only the facts: “I am getting a divorce” then get a lawyer. Lack of warm supportive body language and eye contact. Arrogant listening: hands clasped behind the head, leaning back, legs stretched or elevated, eyes fixed on the ceiling, eyebrows raised Nervous listening: awkward situations, job interview, with the boss. We want to listen but can only hear our heartbeat. We don’t realize we are doing this but we often play with our hair, tap the foot, touch ears or nose. This may lead us to ask for information again as we did not hear it properly the first time.
Be committed: recognize the power of effective active listening. Be objective: we need to think, pause and breath. It is our feelings, prejudices, nerves and opinions that get in the way of effective listening. Suspend judgment: if we judge we don’t listen, we automatically may disagree without all the facts or we may agree too soon. Check for understanding: summarize key points, clarify and confirm your understanding.
Use positive body language: words we speak have 7% impact on face to face communication. Tone and intensity has 38% impact and body language has 55% impact. Facial expressions, body language and gestures. (telephone operators are coached to smile so they are warmer to the other end of the line customer)
Facial expression: frequent eye contact, not a glare or a stare. Usually should reflect the feelings being conveyed. Gestures: these are for the speaker not the listener. May be distracting and non-verbal interruption. Use words: words and tone convey understanding and interest.
Posture: while there is no single proper posture; assertive posture is best, not aggressive not submissive. Appreciate silence: we tend to dislike silence and rush to fill it. Silence can be a very powerful way to uncover the truth. --Mozart “Silence is the most profound sound in music.”
We are more likely to learn something from people who disagree with us than we are from people who agree with us. However, we tend to hang around with and over listen to people who agree with us, and we prefer to avoid and under listen to those who don’t. Effective leaders listen attentively, ineffective leaders make up their minds prematurely.
The heroic image of leadership is one source of the problem with listening. When leaders believe they possess all the important information and knowledge, they do not see listen to others as essential. Listening is passive, reactive and uninspired. To listen appears to be uninformed and weak.(Jossey Bass, p. 121.)
Recognizing that people are different and giving others the benefit of the doubt are behaviors that facilitate listening. Good listening involves and effort to look at the world from another persons point of view. Good listening requires instant analysis of what has been said as well as gathering a sense of what remains unsaid.
Listening requires you to understand the facts but a leader need to understand the feelings, the meanings and the perceptions that are tied to those facts. Main rule of thumb: If you don’t listen to others, they won’t listen to you.
Open questions promote discovery: what, why, and how. Closed questions establish facts and provide yes or no answers: where, when, and who.
Confirm facts Acknowledge emotion Push for a decision, such as “will you marry me?” Avoid a conversation. How often on Monday do you say, “how was your weekend?” this can lead to a long dialogue. Instead we say “did you have a good weekend” (closed question) and we can run with yes or no.
Four reasons for the over-use and inappropriate use of closed questions: ◦ Education: our schooling has been more about finding answers than asking questions. ◦ Psychology: closed questions provide immediate answers. Subconsciously we may desire this. ◦ ignorance: few people are taught how to ask open questions. We carry on as we know. ◦ Time: closed questions save time and we are very busy.
◦ Think first: when you know the time and place in advance, think about the conversation. ◦ Think with open questions in mind. ◦ Avoid leading questions: they do not promote discovery. “Don’t you agree Jim has poor timing?” ◦ Use the right wording: the way a question is worded can have a large impact on the answer. “in what ways is the job bigger,” is better than “how much bigger is the job.”
Keep questions simple: stay to the point. Keep questions single: one question at a time. Practice!!
Why is listening difficult? How can we identify poor listening? How can we become effective listeners?
Talkers are rewarded: noise gets attention. We learn this from infancy. We are more important: we tend to think and boost our self esteem, thus we don’t listen. We are more knowledgeable: a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. A lot of knowledge is more dangerous when it comes to listening.
We think faster than the other person speaks: this can be used to be distracted or ignore what the other person is saying. We develop our mindsets: in order to cope, we create areas of certainty-beliefs, assumptions and attitudes that we hold true. The talker communicates poorly: sometimes the person speaking speaks too fast, does not know the listener, or has too much information.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Communication is the most important skill in life. Think of how many years you have spent learning to read and write and speak. But how long or what training have you had in listening? (Covey, p.234)
At the heart of poor listening is body language-the nonverbal signals transmitted, the gestures we make or the postures we take.
Aggressive listening: arms folded, stiff posture, glaring at the speaker, fidgeting. Passive listening: little eye contact, hand over mouth, slumped in chair. Listening interruptus: we don’t want to listen, we want to speak. Playing with a pencil, tapping fingers, physically moving forward and interrupting.
Logical listening: listening with our minds, not our hearts. We are deaf to messages conveyed we hear only the facts: “I am getting a divorce” then get a lawyer. Lack of warm supportive body language and eye contact. Arrogant listening: hands clasped behind the head, leaning back, legs stretched or elevated, eyes fixed on the ceiling, eyebrows raised Nervous listening: awkward situations, job interview, with the boss. We want to listen but can only hear our heartbeat. We don’t realize we are doing this but we often play with our hair, tap the foot, touch ears or nose. This may lead us to ask for information again as we did not hear it properly the first time.
Be committed: recognize the power of effective active listening. Be objective: we need to think, pause and breath. It is our feelings, prejudices, nerves and opinions that get in the way of effective listening. Suspend judgment: if we judge we don’t listen, we automatically may disagree without all the facts or we may agree too soon. Check for understanding: summarize key points, clarify and confirm your understanding.
Use positive body language: words we speak have 7% impact on face to face communication. Tone and intensity has 38% impact and body language has 55% impact. Facial expressions, body language and gestures. (telephone operators are coached to smile so they are warmer to the other end of the line customer)
Facial expression: frequent eye contact, not a glare or a stare. Usually should reflect the feelings being conveyed. Gestures: these are for the speaker not the listener. May be distracting and non-verbal interruption. Use words: words and tone convey understanding and interest.
Posture: while there is no single proper posture; assertive posture is best, not aggressive not submissive. Appreciate silence: we tend to dislike silence and rush to fill it. Silence can be a very powerful way to uncover the truth. --Mozart “Silence is the most profound sound in music.”
We are more likely to learn something from people who disagree with us than we are from people who agree with us. However, we tend to hang around with and over listen to people who agree with us, and we prefer to avoid and under listen to those who don’t. Effective leaders listen attentively, ineffective leaders make up their minds prematurely.
The heroic image of leadership is one source of the problem with listening. When leaders believe they possess all the important information and knowledge, they do not see listen to others as essential. Listening is passive, reactive and uninspired. To listen appears to be uninformed and weak.(Jossey Bass, p. 121.)
Recognizing that people are different and giving others the benefit of the doubt are behaviors that facilitate listening. Good listening involves and effort to look at the world from another persons point of view. Good listening requires instant analysis of what has been said as well as gathering a sense of what remains unsaid.
Listening requires you to understand the facts but a leader need to understand the feelings, the meanings and the perceptions that are tied to those facts. Main rule of thumb: If you don’t listen to others, they won’t listen to you.
Open questions promote discovery: what, why, and how. Closed questions establish facts and provide yes or no answers: where, when, and who.
Confirm facts Acknowledge emotion Push for a decision, such as “will you marry me?” Avoid a conversation. How often on Monday do you say, “how was your weekend?” this can lead to a long dialogue. Instead we say “did you have a good weekend” (closed question) and we can run with yes or no.
Four reasons for the over-use and inappropriate use of closed questions: ◦ Education: our schooling has been more about finding answers than asking questions. ◦ Psychology: closed questions provide immediate answers. Subconsciously we may desire this. ◦ ignorance: few people are taught how to ask open questions. We carry on as we know. ◦ Time: closed questions save time and we are very busy.
◦ Think first: when you know the time and place in advance, think about the conversation. ◦ Think with open questions in mind. ◦ Avoid leading questions: they do not promote discovery. “Don’t you agree Jim has poor timing?” ◦ Use the right wording: the way a question is worded can have a large impact on the answer. “in what ways is the job bigger,” is better than “how much bigger is the job.”
Keep questions simple: stay to the point. Keep questions single: one question at a time. Practice!!
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