Straight Talk, September 2007

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Inspiration corner

Straight Talk is all about dialogue! So take part and give your views: Keep in touch with fellow Straight Talkers through your newspaper. The Nabagereka of Buganda, Lady Sylvia Nagginda, condemns sugar mummies and daddies

b 9 Septem . o N 4 1 Vol.

er 2007

Would you have a sugar partner? Hi, Martin. I was thinking we should not see each other for two weeks. You know, I am preparing for my exams.

What are you talking about! I have to see you whenever I want.

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s you grow, there are things that you want. A good marriage partner will be one of them. What kind of marriage do you want? What kind of partner would you wish to have? Are you looking for specific qualities? Many girls and boys are taken advantage of because they do not stop to think about what they want in life. According to the Uganda HIV/AIDS Behavioural and Serosurvey, 18 year old girls are 18 times more infected than 18 year old boys! Where do these girls get HIV from? Often, they are having sex with older infected men. Many of these men lure the girls with gifts and money in exchange for sex. These are sugar daddies. In May we ran a quiz asking: How can you find the right partner to marry? How would you know that someone is the right partner for life for you? Would you marry someone 15 years older than you? Why or why not? We received interesting replies from Straight Talkers all over the country. Two letter writers win school fees, while all writers of letters used in this issue win T-shirts. Congratulations to all winners and thanks to all who wrote in.

And... I give you whatever you want, so you have to do whatever I tell you.

Winner 1 Joseph Musabe, Mpanga SS, Fort Portal says: I would consider the issue of age seriously. It

would be unwise to engage in a relationship just because someone is financially heavy. You never know, such a person may be having HIV and could have other marital vices. Ask yourself what has taken him long to marry. I am 20 and would like to marry when I am 32. It means I would be marrying a woman who is 47. I would not be different from someone who goes for a sugar mummy.

Winner 2 Nankinga Barbara, 15, S3, Hilton HS, Mukono says: A good marriage partner should

be single. I cannot marry someone who is 15 years older than me because he can use every opportunity to torture me. He may even die quickly

Oh my God! What did I let myself into! Will I manage with this relationship?

and I become a widow. He may also demand a lot of respect, which I cannot afford to accord him. He may also undermine me because of my age. He cannot be as romantic and caring for me as one of my age. It is normal for a woman to marry a somewhat older man. But the question is, “What is the quality of that relationship?” Could it be that this person has had other failed relationships? How many partners has he or she had? Remember, the older the person, the Relationmore partners they ships with are likely to have older partners had, and the more can land you likely they are to be into very infected with HIV.

serious trouble!

All winners of school fees,

please get in touch with Straight Talk Foundation on 0312- 262030/1 OR 0712-810007.

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2 Straight Talk, September 2007

Dangers of sugar partners G

irls, your future secure with much older man? Do they have much to lose if they leave you? They can easily get someone else. What about you, won't you get heartbroken? Think about it. You cannot trust a man who is 15 years older than you. If anything small happens, he can leave you. Akwamo Nelly Suzan, 16, S3, Hilton HS, Mukono

I cannot marry someone 15 years older than me because he can refuse me to interact with my agametes like my OBs and OGs, thinking that they may change my mind against him. Adero Jackline Fortunate, 17, chair, Dokolo Tech School I would not marry someone 15 years older than me. We may not have anything in common. She may not be interested in going to interesting places like the beach. Abdul Farag Bin Muhammad, 17, Kawempe Mixed Sch, Kampala .

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Why more girls are infected with HIV than boys

he high number of young girls infected with HIV compared to boys could be because some young girls have sex with men much older than them. The Uganda National Survey of Adolescents 2006 found that 10% of girls aged 15 – 19 years, had sex with men 10 or more years their senior in the past 12 months. After interacting with many young people, I have found out that physical appearance is their number one quality in a partner. Money, nice clothes, good hair styles and other material things do come up. The question is “Does having money or good-looks mean you are the ideal marriage partner?” Many young people get sugar daddies or sugar mummies because of poverty, ignorance or peer pressure or because of wanting

It is cool to abstain: Students of Glory HS, Entebbe

How you handle adolescence determines your future

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dolescence is one of the most interesting but challenging times in our lives. It is full of fun and excitement, but can also be confusing. Many of you may not know how to go about the daily challenges. Friends do not make it any easier, as they may keep telling us to do this and that whether it is right or wrong. Many young people, especially girls, try to find alternative ways of solving problems. We think that once we have money, everything is ok. However, this money instead brings more issues. You look for men old enough to be your fathers, to give you some money to buy nice clothes, eat some chips and buy perfumes. But how do you pay these men back? Very few people will give you money without anything in return, so what many young girls are doing is having sex with these men, so they can continue providing for them. This exposes you to early pregnancy and STIs

or even the bigger one, HIV. Therefore it is good idea for us to always find better ways of handling our problems. • Talk to your parents about providing the things you need. If they cannot afford to do this, try to accept the situation. • Find alternative ways of getting money that will not expose you to infection or pregnancy. You could do some work and get paid for it. You can use your talent like art to make something you can sell. • Headteachers, it is important that we talk to girls and together find a way of solving their financial problems. Remember, girls, having a relationship with a sugar daddy is not cool. Your life is worth more than a little money for chips, clothes, shoes and all those things that have no value in your life.

Straight Talk counselor, Patricia Wamala

expensive things. They are deceived with clothes, money and fancy phones but these material gifts are never free. These relationships for the most part include exchange of material possessions or cash for sex. This is crossgenerational sex. Lives of young girls are ruined. Many are left pregnant, infected with HIV or both. Some boys also get sugar mummies. Girls and boys, realize your worth and plan for long-term goals. Cross Generational Sex will cost you your futures, you may get unplanned pregnancies, HIV, loss of dignity and respect. There are no short cuts in life and when you have life, you will achieve your dreams. Cross Generational Sex stops with you!

Asumpta Namusoke, Communications Coordinator, PSI

Marriages with big age gaps

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he bigger the age difference between you and your partner, the more difficult it will be for you to influence decisions. • You may be do all the domestic work and child care because you are scared of asking the much older partner to give a hand. • You may not have a say over your body, whether or not to have sex.

• You may fail to negotiate condom use. • You may not have a say over the number of children to have and whether and when you need medical help. Big age and education gaps between partners increases the chances of a man being violent and abusive to his wife.

Know your body partner and

If you have sex with your immediately urinate, can you get pregnant? Nekesa L, Tiira SS, Busia

Yes, you can get pregnant, my dear. You are also at risk of getting STDs including HIV. Remember the birth and the urinary canals are totally separate areas. When you have sex, the sperms move from the vagina to the uterus, to the fallopian tube where fertilisation takes place. This is a different path from where urine comes from. Urine comes from the bladder through the urinary opening. Study the illustration!

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