Story Of My Life.docx

I dated Aisha while we were in 11th grade. It was the first relationship for us & while it wasn't a love at first sight, we grew closer, changed for each other, and spent 7 years of our teenage life, living for each other. We would meet daily, had limited intimate moments, spending time, going on a movie date, dinner but were extremely faithful and loving to one another. People or even couples around us would view us as an ideal pair, or you can say love birds made to be together for the rest of our lives.

Aisha was not very ambitious, I was driven. She was very clear with her do’s and don’ts, but I wasn't. She was practical and logical, I was emotional and daydreamer. She would take each day even a hour at a time, but in my case I would want to have the next 5-year plan on paper & in dreams. Along the years and lines, we are so close to one another, spending time in each other house and our parents knew about us. At first, they weren't very supportive not dramatically and wanted us to focus on our career and education and not to put this thing in our mind from nowadays but over the years, deep down their mind changes and they accepted.

I had always aspired to pursue my postgrad in the US after completion of my universities and then return to India. In the years along, Aisha and I would often have mushy conversations on how much she will miss me & wait for me to return, spending time together, lame and sarcastic talk, joke about killing me if I were to hook up with a firangi and writing letters and email every week and save up money for long distance calls, and so on.

The days go on and we grew up together along with our relation. 6 years into the relationship, my MBA plans were on track. I completed my entrance exams, shortlisted on universities to apply, my recommendation letters, SOP, etc. As the time was nearing, Aisha was panicking and not in a condition to live without me. She couldn't imagine bearing a long-distance relationship and was constantly in the worry and deep down she was sad. She now wanted to follow me to the US and pick up a Masters course or anything, but her only want is to live with me. She was left with no plan or strategies, she had no idea what course, which university, application process, etc. So, the situation for 6 odd months was quite stressful and hectic for all of us. I led her through the entire admission process, worked with her father to get the financial documents right, shortlisted universities, etc. Weeks later, we both secured admission in universities that were within 2 hours of driving distance from one another! The only bummer, I had to spend the first 6 months in one of their other campuses which were several hours away from Aisha’s.

We flew out of India on the same day, different flights (she had her uncle receiving her in a different city while my cousin resided in another), before we moved into our campuses. We left India on a happy and a sad note, this was close to 15 years ago.

The weekend before I was supposed to fly to the temporary campus, Aisha and I met, we hugged, this one was so different from the previous million hugs and kisses. This felt like a milestone step into our future and togetherness. We had a great time before we said our goodbyes and I flew off for an uninviting 6 months.

Soon, we got busy with our courses and orientation, moving into the campuses, making new friends. I was homesick. I missed Aisha, my family. I didn't make too many friends as I knew the surrounding was just a stop-gap arrangement. All I did was count days in reverse order. I often got disappointed in the first couple of months wherein Aisha wouldn't speak to me as much. She was loving the new life, the independence. Her first quarter at the university was fabulous, she did very well for herself and landed up with a partial scholarship! I was proud of her. Deep down I was resenting her friends (guys especially) whom she mentioned time and again. One of them was a Pakistani and being an Indian, that feeling of annoyance and narrow-mindedness was obviously there, unwarranted though.

4–5 months later, things seemed weird with Aisha. She told me she was going on a road trip with 1 girl and 3 guys. I was quite unhappy about it but was thrilled when I realized she was coming to my city and meet me! I met her after 5 months, the first time in 7 years has it been that I haven’t seen her for this long. The wait was killing me. And then I met, we hugged, we kissed, but it was different. Not good different. It felt like I was standing on the world’s largest chandelier which has crashed into pieces. I asked her, probed her rather on “why aren’t you as happy as I am”, but her answers were vague. We went out for dinner that night but it wasn't how I was expecting, didn’t make me as happy as I thought it should be. She returned back to her city. I had 2 more months before I would move back, closer to Aisha. During those 2 months, our calls from once a day became once a week. She appeared too distant. She was so engrossed in her studies, her work, her friends, parties, that there was a smokescreen between the two of us.

The day of my return had come. The last 6 months was the worst times of my life. Surely, I was waiting to fly back but deep down I was scared to confront Aisha. Scared to get real answers from her. Within a day of my return, I travelled to her campus to meet her. It was so formal, so cold, and I was dying minute by minute. I burst into tears so did she. All I wanted to know was what's happening to you. All she said that she loves me but we cannot be together and she doesn't know what she wants in life. She said that I deserve a better girl and she is so upset to see me cry. She wants to be there all her life for me as friends. I asked her if she was seeing someone and she said no, but I didn't buy that. I got a feeling that she had a fling or is attracted to that Pakistani guy she used to hang out with but she denied. Typical lame excuses, all stupid answers. I was supposed to stay back one night but I couldn't bear the vibe and I left. Worst drive back.

I didn't talk to her for weeks, dodged her calls. She emailed me I didn’t reply, she texted me I didn't respond. After 3 weeks, I can’t stop myself, I finally answered her call. She apologized profusely, cried, and admitted. She confessed that she mistakenly got into a fling with that Pakistani guy, but it is over

now. I cried and without hesitation told her that I forgive her but want my old Aisha back. She denied, she said she can never be the person I loved and hence we both should move on. Things around were just crashing down upon me. I now knew what heartbreak is like. I told my friends about this and everyone around was stunned, many tried to speak to her but in vain. I told her categorically that I can either be her boyfriend or no friend at all. I thought maybe there was still a room if I maintained rigidity, but it didn’t work. We didn’t speak for weeks again and then months. It was over.

I was so mentally destroyed that the only way I could survive is to focus all my time on work. Beyond my classes, I took up some work off and on campus. During those times, I worked for nearly 120 hours a week. Didn't keep any idle time for Aisha’s memories to come in. God kept me still and focus and my worst time of life gave me the best success starts to a promising career. I got a scholarship, got the best internship and the most premier job out of college. Perhaps, down in love, I may have not achieved professionally what I did then. Thank you, god for that, again. Many people know about the events mentioned above. What nobody knows is this.

It is being 15 years since I saw or talked to Aisha. I am not on FB, I am not in touch with her friends either. Through some of my friends who have Aisha on their FB mentioned causally 10 years ago that she got married to an Indian guy, settled in the US, etc. A couple of times such mentions have happened in the past 15 years.

I am happily married, 10 years of blissful marriage, I love my wife Vani, she is beautiful and a fantastic human being and a true friend, I also got a lovely child Aryan and I couldn't thank god for anything more than what I have.

However, for these past decades and a half, I have dreams. Dreams of Aisha. Once every 4–5 months. Sometimes so strong that I wake up in the middle of the night to realize my dream isn't real. We obviously can't record or recall minute details of the dream but vague recollection is events wherein Aisha comes to my city for a visit and we happen to bump into one another and rekindle our lost love. One wherein she tells me the real reason why she broke up with me and didn't get back. One where she gets divorced and I support her and her child….and so on. Last December she had visited my city for a break, I get this info from a friend via FB and every time I walked out during those weeks, I had butterflies in my stomach, imagining or anticipating meeting her, thinking about her, eagerly waiting for her, my eyes were just like dying to see those face once again, my lips were so thirsty to taste that glossy lips once again and my hands were so shivered to hold her body once gain.

She was my first girlfriend and love, not my last. In fact, I dated 3 girls between Aisha and Vani and I have zero recall or memory of them but I am baffled on why Aisha hasn't been wiped off my memory. Obviously, my subconscious mind still has her somewhere hence these dreams - I get that.

Between typing this and now submitting it, I bumped into an old friend whom I had last met during college days. Ironically, he asked me “so you got married to Aisha?”, I replied “Who? Oh, Aisha, no we broke up years ago”, that's how life has been.