Paradox Coaching

Paradox Coaching –

a method which incorporates a highly accurate assessment tool and special coaching exercises to help clients balance key traits.

For coaches who like to use a diagnostic tool for structure and feedback whilst also being creative in their choice of interaction. Paradox coaching is the term we use to describe a specific approach to executive coaching which incorporates an online questionnaire, a framework, a set of coaching guides, and a variety of proven NLP techniques for change.

How Paradox Coaching differs from other coaching styles There are many ways a coach can interact with a client to help the client progress to a desired state. Even a brief overview of the approaches available would produce an exhaustive list, but there are some comparisons which can be made to the general approaches, and this is where I will focus my attention for this orange paper. Paradox Coaching gives the coach a proven method for coaching executives. It uses the 1Harrison online assessment to provide a framework for coaching sessions, and includes change exercises and coaching guides. Whilst this may delight coaches who like their work to be structured it also gives the more freewheeling coaches freedom to choose whatever processes they feel are appropriate for a specific client. So let’s begin with the term paradox. A paradox can be thought of as a contradiction in terms. For example, how would you demonstrate frankness when communicating whilst also being diplomatic? If I’m totally open and frank about everything how could I also be diplomatic? Diplomacy suggests a degree of tact or discretion in the use of words. So if someone is so frank that they are perceived as blunt, a coach may encourage diplomacy as a replacement for bluntness. This is where Yin and Yang come in to remind us that you cannot have one thing without also having its opposite. Yin contains Yang and vice-versa, and so the coach can encourage the client to recall examples of being successfully diplomatic. The context which the client draws Figure 1 from for this experience doesn’t matter – all the client needs to do is identify a place and time where he was being successfully diplomatic and the coach can introduce an NLP procedure to help the client transfer the diplomacy trait from this context to wherever it is needed. Bluntness

Quadrant 1 = Balanced Versatility

has the sharp edges taken away by an injection of natural diplomacy. The term given to this balance is forthright diplomacy and achieving it gives the communicator balanced versatility. If you remember that Yin and Yang are always at work, even a trait which is considered a weakness can have a positive result somewhere, sometime. So in Paradox Coaching the maxim is not right/wrong or good/bad, but ‘every trait can be utilised for a positive outcome’ – you just need to decide where and when. If a trait has not been useful in achieving a desirable outcome, it may have been acting as a barrier. So in our example being blunt too often could get a client a reputation which may inhibit their prospects for promotion. It could also be a hindrance to cooperation, creativity and of course to being an effective leader. But there may be times when bluntness is required, and so the Paradox Coach will not encourage the client to be less blunt, rather to compliment this trait with diplomacy. So no trait is ever diminished – rather the job is to gain a more appropriate balance, and achieving balance increases flexibility of behaviour. Frankness and Diplomacy are 2 pairs of seemingly paradoxical traits. There are a further eleven pairs in the paradox report which is arranged on a grid that includes: On the vertical axis: A 4-step process (what managers and leaders do) 1. 2. 3. 4.

Initiating – generating ideas and making decisions Motivating – motivating yourself, and getting buy-in from others Implementing – getting new ideas moving, harnessing the power of teams Maintaining – keeping things moving and checking ongoing contribution to the strategy

On the horizontal axis: The ‘how’ of the 4-steps above • Interpersonal – how you communicate with self and others • Achievement – how you get things completed • Leadership – how you think strategically and lead others

Stereotypes and context Coaches use a variety of assessments. In my experience a coach is likely to use with their clients the assessment which they have experienced themselves. Some instruments have an inherent danger of stereotyping the client as ‘this’ or ‘that’ type of person. Whilst the raised awareness can be useful to a client, it can also act as a barrier to change. Think how often you have heard someone say, after taking an assessment, ‘I’m a yellow creative’ or ‘I’m an ENTJ’ as if the statement substantiates the behaviour. This is not a useful place to be when your desires and the demands on you require you to change your behaviour. A simple test of any questionnaire based assessment is to ask ‘so what?’ of the report. If the report is unable to offer or connect with ways of changing behaviour, then it is at best a self-awareness tool. The disadvantage of having no ‘tools for change’ is that the assessment personal gives the client a language to describe their behaviour which often serves to reinforce what they already knew. development

is behavioural change

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It may be important at this juncture to state that personal development is behavioural change. Without it self-awareness becomes self-consciousness. Those with plentiful will-power may be able to find their own ways of changing, but generally we need

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either a significant life event, or some expert support via coaching to get us into the ‘I am already changing’ frame of mind. Without some degree of shock to the system well established behavioural routines dominate. Some instruments have an additional flaw or weakness in addition to having no change tools. They assume certain behaviour regardless of context, whereas we know that people can behave very differently across contexts. For example, a person disorganised at work can be very organised at home. To label a weakness is counter-productive to positive change as people often seek to fulfil the category they fall within, i.e. a person who emerges as a ‘red/blue’ may be prone to confirming that this is indeed what they are, and who they are. In contrast, the Harrison Paradox assessment avoids resistance to change because it has no general labels with which to categorise and qualify your behaviour. Instead it gives you a graphical view of how you apply yourself at work across 12 pairs of traits. So you are guided to where imbalances occur. Specific instances are used to generate change through balancing, a process which is assisted by the Coaching Guides (which have been specifically written for Harrison Paradox Graph) and special NLP techniques.

Paradoxical traits The 12 pairs of traits on the Paradox Graph are: 1. Certain

Open/reflective

2. Analytical

Intuitive

3. Risking

Analysing pitfalls

4. Self-acceptance

Self-improvement

5. Self-motivation

Stress management

6. Enforcing

Warmth and empathy

7. Frank

Diplomatic

8. Persistent

Experimenting

9. Authoritative

Collaborative

10. Assertive

Helpful

11. Organised

Flexible

12. Optimistic

Analysing pitfalls

Download a free sample Paradox Graph report consisting of the 12 pairs of traits plus a description of how to interpret the results. Click the link below …

www.box.net/shared/ug98bj2zum

The traits in red are yang (strong) traits. The traits in blue are yin (gentle) traits. The objective for the client is twofold: 1) to gain a high scoring balance in the traits which are hindering progress the most, and 2) to look for ways of maximising existing strengths. Such is the high accuracy of the Paradox Report clients are able to easily connect a difficulty or problem with one or more trait imbalances. Harrison Paradox is used on the 2Real Leadership programme. It provides aspiring leaders with a framework they can relate to and act upon. It is an ideal executive coaching assessment since the traits are common to anyone wanting to succeed within an organisation consisting of people and resources. It is also consistent with leadership thinking as portrayed by 3Collins and Porras in their research into successful organisations ‘Built to Last’. One of the key tenets ‘tyranny of the OR, genius of the AND’ describes a way of thinking which fits the yin/yang of Harrison Paradox. Quadrant 1 International www.quadrant1.com 0870 762 1300

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Getting into the detail A coach knows that to help a client you often have to get beyond the generalisations frequently used by clients to describe their predicament, e.g. ‘I hate doing 1:1 appraisals’ or ’I’m so indecisive’. You get into the detail so that you can describe an actual behavioural example. Then, when you know exactly where and when of the predicament, you can begin change work and reinforce positive generalisations such as ‘I can learn to enjoy appraisals’ or ‘I am becoming more decisive by the day’. The Paradox report helps you get to the detail. For example, if a client has scored low on certainty you might ask ‘how do you become uncertain?’ This line of questioning, which comes from the NLP Meta model, is included in the 4Paradox Coaching Certificate course. Once you get to a specific description and demonstration of the presenting state you can use further linguistic patterns to assist the change process. Underpinning the Paradox Coaching method is the yin/yang philosophy reminding us that everything contains its opposite. So even the most uncertain person will be certain about something or other, and if a client can be certain about some things they can learn to be certain about others.

Coaching Guides There are 12 Coaching Guides consisting of a series of questions and statements designed to encourage the client to take alternative perspectives and balance a particular pair of traits. They can be used effectively over the telephone or to support a face-to-face coaching session. The idea is not to rattle off a list of questions; rather the coach will choose one or two questions which are likely to have the biggest impact on the client. The guides have been written for specific use with the 5Harrison Paradox Graph and the questions and statements are constructed from NLP language models. It is possible to use them as selfcoaching tools, although they are designed primarily for coaches to use with their clients. They can be used purely in conversational style, and also to reinforce any techniques you may prefer to use. There is a coaching guide for three of the four quadrants which make up each pair of traits (refer to figure one on page 1). In figure 1 there are coaching guides for each of the three quadrants: blunt, evasive and avoids communication. As there are 12 pairs of traits there are 36 different coaching guides available as sets of 3 per trait pair.

Advanced NLP techniques Paradox Coaching is all about helping the client to discover and grow their own inner resources using the central principle of Yin and Yang – that the possibility for an opposite position is always present. So a weakness becomes a strength as the traits are balanced. Using the Paradox Graph as a reference point, a good conversational coach with an understanding of yin yang can get excellent results. However, the variety, speed and duration of change can be increased using a set of advanced NLP techniques. Even with a deeper awareness of certain traits behavioural change can be bamboozled by a limiting belief. An experienced coach might spot a limiting belief, or sense one Quadrant 1 International www.quadrant1.com 0870 762 1300

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and know how to sniff out its roots. To do this you need good sensory acuity; you need to be able to notice signs of incongruence in body language, and know what questions to ask to gain extra clarity. Once spotted there are a number of ways you can help a client change a belief they have been hanging onto for too long. There are specific 6language patterns and visualisation exercises which can change beliefs quickly, on the assumption that the client has decided he wants the change, and has a clear outcome in mind. If you have been trained and are confident in using advanced NLP techniques, you might select a 7 submodality change procedure to disconnect a negative emotion from the memory which has been causing it, and then design a new thought process to create a positive emotional state and positive behavioural change. Using NLP techniques it is possible to carry across resources from one context and put them in another. This is one way to release hidden potential. In fact it is never hidden as such, rather forgotten about as it wasn’t deemed significant enough at the time. Working with Paradox gives the coach a way to keep coaching sessions positive, good humoured and focussed. Whilst the outcome is client-centred, the framework ensures that the organisation also gets value from the process. If you are a coach you can download a sample Harrison Paradox graph for free from http://www.box.net/shared/ug98bj2zum, or why not take the online questionnaire yourself and receive your personal Paradox Graph plus narrative? If you do, we welcome all feedback on accuracy and utility.

Orange paper written by David Molden, Chartered Fellow CIPD, NLP Master Practitioner and Trainer, Director with Quadrant 1 International, author of Managing with the Power of NLP, and NLP Business Masterclass, co-author with Pat Hutchinson on Brilliant NLP book and audio CD and How to be Confident using the Power of NLP, co-author with Denise Parker on Beat Your Goals, and co-author with Jon Symes on Realigning for Change.

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Harrison Assessments, Hong Kong, is a widely used assessment in Asia, Australia and the USA. It consists of an online questionnaire and a comprehensive set of recruitment and development reports. At the time of writing Harrison has not yet been marketed widely in the UK, but is gaining recognition because of its accuracy and applicability. Website: www.harrisonassessments.com 2 Real Leadership from Quadrant 1. Website: www.quadrant1.com/Quadrant-1-Courses/real-leadership 3 Built to Last by Collins and Porras, Harper Business Essentials, ISBN 0060516402 4 A 2-day course covering: 1) use and interpretation of Harrison Paradox, 2) use of the Coaching Guides and the NLP concepts and techniques behind them, 3) NLP language patterns Milton and Meta models. 5 You can download a sample Paradox Graph and report from http://www.box.net/shared/ug98bj2zum 6 Read Brilliant NLP by David Molden and Pat Hutchinson, Pearson, ISBN: 0273714937 7 Submodalities are what we use to represent our reality, through images, sounds and feelings. A procedure which works with submodalities basically utilises image and sound to change the feelings associated with a past or future experience.

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