Lola's Apple Pie And Diniguan

1 Lola’s Apple Pie and Dinuguan By conrad panganiban R.J. Uh… Hi. Is this dance studio B? LISA Yeah. R.J. Great! Then you must be Lisa. LISA Maybe. Who’s asking? R.J. Oh, sorry. Hi, I’m R.J. Jasen’s roommate. He said that he’s running a little late for your dance practice. LISA About how late? R.J. About 10 minutes maybe? He was gonna call, but he didn’t have your number. Can you wait til then? LISA Actually. I was gonna meet up with my lab group to study for a mid-term if he’s… R.J. You know, he said that you’re a really good dancer… and we really need more of you for our PCN. LISA Really? What else did he say about me? R.J. He said. Yo R.J. Check it out dude. I met this fly dancer who transferred here from UCLA in my Afro-Caribbean dance class. She’d be perfect for our Urban Dance segment for your PCN. Her name is Lisa and… LISA He said, Fly?

2 R.J. Yeah. His vocabulary gets sometimes lost in Bel Biv Devoe land. LISA That’s not a bad land to be stuck in sometimes. R.J. True that. True that. Smack it up, flip it, rub it down BOTH Oh, no… R.J. Not a bad land at all. So can you stick around for a couple of minutes until he gets here? LISA Well, he did call me fly. R.J. Hell yeah you are. LISA Excuse me? R.J. I meant… Hey! Are there flies in here? LISA Whatever. Actually he said something about you too. R.J. He called me fly too? LISA No. R.J. (disappointed) Oh. LISA No. He said that his roommate, and I’m assuming it’s you, wrote the script for the Pilipino Culture Night this year and that I’d be crazy if I didn’t even audition for a role because you’re an extremely talented writer.

3 R.J. Really? He said that? LISA Well, everything except the last part. R.J. That’s jacked up. LISA I’m kidding. Joke lang. But for reals, I’d love to read your script sometime to see if there is any truth to talent part. I used to write a little at my old school and… R.J. (immediately pulls out a script and gives it to LISA) Here. LISA Ohhhh kay. R.J. I’m just. I’m just always working on it and it’d be nice to have a fresh pair of eyeballs look at it if you weren’t too busy, maybe you could… LISA Sure. (pause while R.J. looks at her) You mean right now? R.J. If you don’t mind. LISA (looks at her watch) I got six minutes to kill, I guess. R.J. Cool! I got this monologue that I’m still trying to work out and something’s not clicking. It’d be cool, if you can read it with me and just let me know if it… you know? LISA Clicks? R.J. I’d really appreciate it. LISA Sure.

4 R.J. Sweet. The scene starts here. It’s about this guy, who Jasen will be playing, who comes to the realization of his identity when his Grandmother is dying. LISA Got it. R.J. Cool. I’ll read the part of the grandson and you will read the Grandmother, which is Lola in Pilipino, role right there. Cool? LISA Like a penguin. Uh… action. R.J. Lola, I ran here as fast as I could before you... you... don’t go! There’s still so much I need to learn from you and about our culture which I didn’t realize until I read through your scrapbook of your stories. About the fiestas where you danced the tinikling. I didn’t realize the importance of keeping these traditions alive while at the same time building our own history with our own modern slash urban dancing. I owe everything to you and my heritage. Lisa, that’s your cue. LOLA/LISA Uh, yeah... Apo. I am glad dat you now realize ebryting dat I tried to teach you about your cultooore and herit age. I lub you berry berry berry berry berry berry much. Neber porget dat or me. Now let me snip you one last time? I can now die in peace. JASEN Lola?... Lola?... Why?! Bakit why, God? Take me! Not her. Me! Bakit... bakit labis kitang mahal?!!! ...and scene. Well, what’d you think? Be honest. LISA Wow. Look at the time. It was really nice meeting you, but I have to study. Big mid-term coming up. Tell Jasen that I’ll see him in class. R.J. Hold up. What’s wrong? LISA You sure you meant you wanted honest feedback? R.J. Of course.

5 LISA Well… first of all, I can’t believe you used the “finding your identity” plotline in Jasen’s monologue. Hello? That’s like been done in every PCN. At the very least switch it up a bit, cuz right now, it kinda sucks. R.J. I didn’t mean to be that honest. LISA And then, you actually wrote the words I was saying for the Grandmother phonetically. R.J. Why? It’s funnier that way. LISA It just sounded hella fake. R.J. It wasn’t hella fake. That’s how my lola talks. That’s how all older Filipinos talk. LISA You’re not serious. R.J. No, I’m not serious. I’m trying to be funny. LISA But it’s not. Don’t you think that it’s kinda wrong when young people like us portray Filipinos with the thick accent and broken English for giggles sake? It’s kinda treading on the Rosy O’Donnel racist territory don’t you think? R.J. I’m not trying to do that. LISA So, it’s not your intention to make people laugh when you’re writing in the accent. R.J. Well. LISA All I’m trying to say is that I don’t want people to laugh at the Lola character. When they do, it feels like it’s okay for people to laugh at anyone with an accent. You know? R.J. Jeez so sensitive.

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LISA No, respectful. R.J. Okay, point taken. I guess I just never thought of it like that. LISA And I guess in my own way, I’m just trying to stick up for my Lola too. When she’d take care of me and my brother when we were kids, she told us stories of how people would make fun of her accent when my Lolo and her came to the States after World War Two. My mom even told me that they were the ones who told her not to teach us Tagalog because they didn’t want me to go through the humiliation they must have felt. R.J. My parents didn’t want me to learn cuz they said that it would’ve confused me. But, I’m just naturally confused. LISA My grandma really worked hard at trying to fit in to this country. Like, she taught me how to dance the jitterbug. And how to say the Pledge of Allegiance. She even taught me how to make an apple pie. It was a trip. Apple pie and dinuguan for dinner. R.J. Mmmm… tasty. MOON Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it. R.J. She sounds like a cool person. LISA Yeah. She was. R.J. I’m sorry. LISA Thanks. But, she had a long amazing life. It was nice meeting you, R.J. I should really get going. R.J. Wait up, you know that you can’t just jump in and say that there’s something wrong with what I wrote and not give a suggestion on how I can fix it, like with Jasen’s monologue.

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LISA You’ll be fine. See ya. R.J. It figures. LISA It figures what? R.J. I just didn’t think that you were one of those people who would complain about something and not be able to step up and try to think up something better or different. But hey, you’re not the first, and you won’t be the last. LISA Excuse me. One of those people? R.J. Just complain and complain. You’re just like one of them Community Organizers. LISA Oh. Uh uh. All right. I’ll give it a shot. So, let me get this straight, Jasen’s grandmother is on her deathbed, right? R.J. Right. His Lola. LISA Right. And he’s trying to tell her how much she means to him? R.J. Right. Also, can you add in the dancing stuff since he’s in the Modern Dance segment? LISA You’re not making it easy on me, are you? R.J. Not unless you’re just a complainer. LISA Okay... Lola, I know that you can hear my voice between the ever growing silence between each inhale... and exhale you take. Please listen to my words of praise and thank yous for everything that you have given me.

8 From the time I first heard the stories of how you hid in the hills with your children in tow As strangers invaded our land of golden sunsets and fragrant sampaguitas during the Second World War Protector of my mother and uncle when you moved to a new land of velvet fogged-in mornings and cable cars that went up and down California Street To the one who helped raise me and my brother to know wrong from wrong and right from right to left to right to left and back again the dance steps you taught me from the Jitterbug to the La Jota Caviteña to the Tinikling of bamboo polls that still resonate from my ears to my core click click clap click click CLAP! I snap out of my trance Lola, when I hear your voice call out to me, “Did you eat yet?” And before I could even get out the words to say, “I'm fine, Grandma.” A plate of Rice and Dinuguan is placed before me Which is made with the recipe, of not chocolate meat, which we Should Not try to pass off as a euphemism to ignorant Western palettes But made with the special ingredient of Your Love. Because of you I know what love is Because of you I know what strength is Because of you, Grandma I know the importance of taking the time to take in the fragrance of a rose with a single breath To take in the essence of life and how to live it With each Step I Take In Dance In YOUR HONOR Dahil Sa Iyo, Lola Alam ko na kung sino ako Salamat po at Mahal kita I love you R.J. Uh… wow. Shut me the fuck up. That was amazing. LISA Thanks. It’s been a while since I did something like that. R.J. So, how come I’ve never seen you around campus or at any of the poetry nights at the pub?

9 LISA Maybe it’s because you haven’t looked hard enough. R.J. Believe me, I have. It’s just that when I do look, I get the stare right back at me... “Oh, uh uh. You are not looking at me. Cuz if you are, then my boyfriend will beat you into next week. Psshhh... looking at me.” LISA Wow. You do that really... well. R.J. As I said, I’ve been looking. But I never found you. LISA Well, maybe it’s because you haven’t been to any of the Filipinos for Obama meetings. R.J. So, let me get this straight, you dance... speak mad poetry... and you really are a Community Organizer? LISA Why? Is there anything wrong with that? R.J. Apparently, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. LISA (looks at her watch) Hey, Jasen’s 10 minutes are up. I really have to see if my group is still at the library. R.J. Right. Sorry for making you wait. Oh, hey. Can I get your number? I mean, for Jasen since he didn’t have it to leave you a message. LISA Sure… here you go. R.J. Thanks. Hey, you wrote your number twice. LISA Well, one of them is for him. R.J. Oh. Ohhh… Hey, Lisa. I was wondering if you had any plans after your study session.

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LISA I don’t know. I was just probably gonna catch a bite to eat at the Union or something... R.J. Well, I was just sayin’, cuz I’ll be chillin’ at the Union after class too, so... if we happen to see each other there and we happen to be, you know, hungry at the same time, maybe we can kick around some real story ideas I had for the PCN. LISA Yeah... maybe. Bye. R.J. Bye. END