Lavender Issue 379

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December 4–17, 2009

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LavenderMagazine.com

Contents |

[ Minnesota's Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual-Transgender Magazine ]

LavenderMagazine.com

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34 Bartender Spotlight Saloon: Beau 38 Chi Chi LaRue Comes Home For Annual Holiday Jingle Ball at Gay 90’s 40 Bar Showcase Gladius 42 Bar Calendar Plan Your Bar Outings 44 Club Metro Returns in Somerset, Wisconsin 46 Lavender Lens Soul Friday

CUISINE

48 Off the Eaten Path OM 52 Word of Mouth Tom Coben Creates Fork Sculpture 54 Dining Guide Food for Every Mood

New Lavender Digital Edition.

FLIP FOR THE NEW LAVENDER DIGITAL EDITION

YOUR CHANCE TO WIN PRIZES EVERY ISSUE! SUGARLAND GOLD AND GREEN CDS

BACKTALK Photo by Hubert Bonnet

OM.

PARING DOWN WINE & FOOD PAIRINGS Photo by Hubert Bonnet

COMMUNITY DIALOGUE

10 A Word in Edgewise Past Time To Abolish DOMA 12 Queer As Folks The Aliveness Project in Sight of Reaching Goal• 2009 Election Results

HOME & YARD BOULEVARD

14 Paring Down Wine and Food Pairings Advice From Bob Andrzejek, Zander Dixon, and Roy Goslin 18 Holiday Gift Guide 18 Final Suggestions

59 In a Family Way Mazel Tov 60 Get Outta Town My Old Kentucky Hometowns 66 Lavender Lens Deborah Chasnoff’s Straightlaced Premiere 68 The Network Business Services Directory 68 Business Profile New Home Store Realty 70 LavenderMagazine.com Calendar Plan Your Fortnight 73 Classifieds Find Some Classy Stuff 74 Community Connection GLBT-Friendly Nonprofits 76 Behaving Bradley Commentary 78 Ms. Behavior Confused 81 Yellow Pages Advertiser Index What’s Where This Issue 82 Dateland Evolution of Love 82 Cartoon Trolín

NEWS & POLITICS

December 4–17, 2009

BAR SCENE

34 Bar Advertiser Guide Find Your Way to Hot Spots

America’s ORIGINAL Podcasting Drag Queen Leave A Message, Get Famous! Always wondered what Wanda’s favorite ice cream flavor is? Maybe you’re having relationship troubles? Have a particular opinion you’d like to share? Now you can get answers to all your questions just by Photo Courtesy of Brian Roby picking up the phone and calling Wanda’s new listener voicemail! Simply dial 612-AIM-HOLE and leave your favorite podcasting drag queen a message for her to play on the podcast!

Your daily podcast of GLBT world news with host Bradley Traynor

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Use Your Black “Bar” Tab To Find

WandaWisdom.com

BigGayNews.com

26 Big Gay News National and World News

28 On the Townsend John Trones: Christmas in the City • Asians & Homos & Jews..Ho Ho • Jacob Marley’s Christmas Carol • Dance Film Project • The Seafarer • Nutcracker (Not So) Suite • Cinderella • Disney’s Beauty and the Beast 32 The Page Boy Paris Photos-Paris Walks • Russian River Rat • A Single Man • Stitches: A Memoir

GEORGE MICHAEL LIVE IN LONDON DVDS

Top Headlines

ISSUE 379 December 4, 2009 Holiday Dining & Entertaining, Holiday Gift Guide, Home & Yard Blvd.

Next Up ISSUE 380 December 18, 2009 Person of the Year, Year in Review, New Year’s Eve What-To-Do, Worship Guide, On the Runway

Puerto Rico Police Investigate Gay Teen’s Slaying Teacher Charged with Putting “Hit” on Student He Thought Was Gay’ California Gay Marriage Campaign Kicks Off Sweden’s Lutheran Church Ordains First Openly Lesbian Bishop

Get Your News in 12 Languages! Big Gay News now offers TWELVE foreign language newswires! You can get international GLBT news from hundreds of sources in twelve different languages. There is absolutely no other site offering this much relevant content. Visit http://biggaynews.com today! Sponsored by

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LavenderMagazine.com

Volume 15, Issue 379 • December 4–17, 2009

Editorial Editor Emeritus Ethan Boatner 612-436-4670 Editorial Director Russell Remmick 612-436-4671 Editorial Associate George Holdgrafer 612-436-4672 Podmaster Bradley Traynor 612-436-4669 Contributors Kolina Cicero, Meryl Cohn, Carla Continenza, Julie Dafydd, Chad Eldred, Heidi Fellner, Lawrence Ferber, Terrance Griep, Ed Huyck, Steve Lenius, John Michael Lerma, Jennifer Parello, Todd Park, Kevin Quinn, Sara Rogers, Darin Schwinkendorf, Vince Sgambati, Elizabeth Stiras, John Townsend, Carla Waldemar

Advertising Sales & Advertising Director Barry Leavitt 612-436-4690 Senior Account Executive Suzanne Farrell 612-436-4699 Account Executives Jonathan Halverson 612-436-4696, Michael Ladzun 612-436-4697 Sales & Advertising Traffic Coordinator Linda Raines 612-436-4694 Advertising Associate George Holdgrafer 612-436-4672 Classifieds Suzanne Farrell 612-436-4699 National Sales Representative Rivendell Media 212-242-6863

Creative Creative Director Hubert Bonnet 612-436-4678 Creative Assistant Mike Hnida 612-436-4679 Photographer Sophia Hantzes Cartoonist Rodro Lavender Studios Hubert Bonnet, Mike Hnida

Administration Publisher Lavender Media, Inc. President & CEO Stephen Rocheford 612-436-4665 Vice President & CC Pierre Tardif 612-436-4666 Chief Financial Officer Carolyn Lima 612-436-4664 Administrative Assistant Austin Lindstrom 612-436-4661 Founders George Holdgrafer, Stephen Rocheford Inspiration Steven W. Anderson (1954-1994), Timothy J. Lee (1968-2002), Russell Berg (1957-2005), Kathryn Rocheford (1914-2006)

Letters are subject to editing for grammar, punctuation, space, and libel. They should be no more than 300 words. Letters must include name, address, and phone number. Unsigned letters will not be published. Priority will be given to letters that refer to material previously published in Lavender Magazine. Submit letters to Lavender Magazine, Letters to the Editor, 3715 Chicago Avenue South, Minneapolis, MN 55407; or e-mail <[email protected]>.

December 4–17, 2009

Lavender Media Inc. 3715 Chicago Avenue South, Minneapolis, MN 55407 LavenderYellowPages.com 612-436-4660 phone 877-515-9969 toll free 612-436-4685 fax 612-436-4664 subscriptions 612-436-4671 distribution To advertise, call 612-436-4698

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LavenderMagazine.com

BigGayNews.com

WandaWisdom.com

Entire contents copyright 2009. All rights reserved. Publication of the name or photograph of any person, organization, or business in this magazine does not reflect upon one’s sexual orientation whatsoever. Lavender® Magazine reserves the right to refuse any advertising. This issue of Lavender® Magazine is available free of charge during the time period published on the cover. Pickup at one of our distribution sites is limited to one copy per person.

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Community Dialogue > A Word in Edgewise

[ by E.B. Boatner ]

Past Time To Abolish DOMA

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December 4–17, 2009

n an interesting clash concerning stateversus-federal bailiwicks, San Francisco Chronicle Staff Writer Bob Egelko reported on a recent ruling by Chief Federal Appeals Court Judge Alex Kozinski. On November 19, he ordered the Obama Administration to “stop resisting his finding that the wife of a lesbian court employee was entitled to government insurance coverage.” The Office of Personnel Management (OPM) had rejected Kozinski’s earlier ruling in the case, wherein he told the agency to allow Karen Golinski, a staff attorney at the court’s San Francisco headquarters for more than 17 years, to enroll her wife, Amy Cunninghis, in the family insurance plan through which their 6-year-old son already is covered. He further ordered that Go-

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linski be reimbursed for the cost—now at $429 a month—she has paid for her partner’s coverage since she first applied for it in September 2008. Kozinski’s rebuke is the second directed against OPM recently by the Ninth US Circuit Court of Appeal for denying insurance coverage to the same-sex spouses of court-supervised employees. In both cases, the agency, whose director was appointed by President Obama, invoked the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) that bars federal marriage benefits for same-sex couples. In a previous admonition, according to Egelko, Judge Stephen Reinhardt told the federal public defender’s office in Los Angeles to pay a gay lawyer for the cost of insurance coverage for his husband. Kozinski pushed even more broadly for equality when he directed the nationwide personnel office to allow family coverage for Golinski’s wife.

Golinski’s lawyer, James McGuire, said, “It’s now up to the agency to follow the law. Ours is a tradition of executive and legislative branches obeying the courts. The rule of law applies here.” In August, the Obama Administration filed court papers claiming a federal marriage law discriminates against gays, yet government lawyers continued to defend it in court. Golinski and Cunninghis are one of the 18,000 gay and lesbian couples whose marriages remain valid under the Proposition 8 court decision earlier this year. According to the November 20 issue of The Week in its “Telling Points,” the US Census has stated that one third of 150,000 same-sex couples reported as married also are raising children—like Golinski and Cunninghis: a couple, a child. A valid marriage—absent the rights of legally married heterosexual couples. Something is very, very wrong.

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Queer As Folks |

The Aliveness Project Receives $5,000 from UPS. Photo by Sophia Hantzes

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December 4–17, 2009

The Aliveness Project in Sight of Reaching Goal

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The Aliveness Project has taken two very large steps closer to its goal of a new building at 3808 Nicollet Avenue, Minneapolis. With the help of Erik Tollesfson and Brian LaMere of Wells Fargo, it received a $60,000 grant earlier this fall. Shortly thereafter, UPS gave an early Christmas gift of $5,000 to the organization as well. With the help of these two companies, plus many others groups and individuals, The Aliveness Project will be able not only to continue its great work of helping people living with HIV/AIDS, but also to do even more in a larger, up-to-date building when it opens.

Queer As Folks |

Gary Schiff. Photo by Simon Stromberg

> This year’s election results showed that support for the GLBT community is gaining ground. The following GLBT candidates either won or lost: Won Robert Lilligren (Minneapolis City Council, Ward 6) Gary Schiff (Minneapolis City Council, Ward 9) Carol Becker (Minneapolis Board of Estimate and Taxation) John Erwin (Minneapolis Park Board) James Llanas (Maplewood City Council) Kerry Gauthier (Duluth City Council, 4th District) Lost Phil Willkie (Minneapolis Board of Estimate and Taxation) Tom Nordyke (Minneapolis Park Board) Beth Olson (Duluth City Council, At Large)

LavenderMagazine.com

2009 Election Results

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Home & Yard Boulevard |

[ by Heidi Fellner ]

PARING DOWN PAIRINGS OF WINE AND FOOD

December 4–17, 2009

BOB ANDRZEJEK, A LONGTIME WINE CONSULTANT WITH SURDYK’S, PROBABLY HAS SEEN MORE THAN HIS FAIR SHARE OF PANIC. AFTER ALL, NOTHING’S QUITE LIKE THE PRESSURE OF IMMINENT HOLIDAY ENTERTAINING TO UNSETTLE AN OTHER-

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WISE CONFIDENT BUYER. AS ANDRZEJEK MUSES, “SOMEONE ONCE SAID THAT IF PEOPLE WOULD JUST DRINK THE WINE THEY LIKED WITH THE FOOD THEY LIKED TO EAT, THEY WOULD SAVE THEMSELVES A LOT OF HEADACHE.”

LavenderMagazine.com Photo by Hubert Bonnet

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December 4–17, 2009

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MAYBE IT IS A COMFORT TO SOME THAT THERE ARE NO FOOD AND WINE POLICE, AND NO HARD AND FAST RULES, BUT THAT LEAVES MOST OF US COMPLETELY STUMPED AT THE LIQUOR STORE WITHOUT MUCH TO GO BY.

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[Home & Yard Boulevard]

His statement may be very true, but if Mother is coming to dinner, which of us never has entered the liquor store with quaking knees, searching for that perfect “holy grail” wine to grant victory to our holiday dinner? According to Andrzejek, taking up that quest, while admirable, may be no more than a fool’s errand. Andrzejek says, “People get overly concerned and anxiety-ridden trying to find the one perfect wine with everything. But everyone drives a different car, and listens to different music, so why do they have this idea that there’s one magical wine?” The myth of the perfect wine pairing must be a recent invention in the broader spectrum of culinary history, but it is nevertheless a strongly held idea. Giving it undue weight is the old adage about pairing white wines with fish and poultry, and red wines with red meat. Neither Andrzejek nor any of the other wine aficionados I interviewed rejects this sentiment entirely, but they caution against taking the pairing “rule” too far. Andrzejek states, “Chicken with white wine—that’s a good one—but if you have chicken cacciatore or coq au vin, it’s more about the sauce.” Wines respond much differently to meats with heavier seasoning, so a good pairing will take into account not only the meat, but also its preparation. Maybe it is a comfort to some that there

are no food and wine police, and no hard and fast rules, but that leaves most of us completely stumped at the liquor store without much to go by. Zander Dixon, formerly of Zander Café, demystifies the process: “Generally, when I’m pairing food with wine, I go about it one of three ways. The first would be a parallelcomponent match, which would be if the wine is showing characters of cherry and herbs, I will try to match those characters directly. Then, there’s the contrasting pairing—if a wine is showing a lot of sweetness, I may put it with a bitter or a hot flavor. And then, there’s the complementary pairing, and that would be a situation if a wine is showing a smoky quality—Rhones can be a little smoky and chewy sometimes—so, when that’s the case, I may pair that with pork, because we associate smoke with pork.” Dixon takes his pairings one step further, explaining, “Because wine is so complex, and it invokes a lot of emotion, it has a mood, so you have to consider that, too. You have to consider the event it’s being served at. If it’s a family gathering, you want it to be comforting. You don’t want it to be overstated in its elegance, but you don’t want it to be too simple, either.” The single most common wine-pairing mistake that we Americans make, according to Roy Goslin of Z Wines, isn’t choosing a wine that conflicts with the flavors of the food. Our flagrant faux pas is choosing a wine that

completely overpowers the food. In Goslin’s words, “A lot of wines today are being made to grab your attention with the first sip, and those wines don’t necessarily work well with food.” Goslin insists those big, bold wines still have their place—on their own, paired with a robust steak, or served alongside a chocolate dessert. Nonetheless, they are probably not the best choice with most holiday fare. Instead, he recommends giving less attention-grabbing wines a second try. As Goslin suggests, “Take the wine home, and have it with dinner, and you will find it works better.” The wine with the showiest rating, the rave reviews, and the biggest price tag might not be your best bet, either. Just because one wine enthusiast loved it doesn’t mean that you or your family will, and that you’re in the wrong. Everyone’s palate is different, and one man’s sweet may be another man’s off-dry. With the overwhelming selection of different wines available from all over the world, learning about your personal preferences for wine and food pairings is bound to take some time. However, it is also perhaps the easiest and most pleasant topic to research. Available are several good books on the subject, as well as frequent classes around the Twin Cities, but all one really needs is a good liquor store and an open mind. After all, Dixon points out, “You can

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read all the books you want, but if you’re not drinking the wine, you’re not learning anything.” With Thanksgiving come and gone, and Christmas around the corner, not all of us have enough time for what is essentially an educated trial-and-error tasting process. So, for those of us who just are starting to strategize pairings, Andrzejek, Dixon, and Goslin have spotlighted a few of their favorites. Goslin, who hails from South Africa, tends to avoid some of the sweeter accompaniments with a holiday turkey in favor of traditional roasted vegetables in butter or olive oil, along with a nice, rich gravy. In his native country, a red wine would be served more often with such a meal, but here, customers favor a Vouvray, Riesling, or Gewurztraminer. A lovely wine available at several locations throughout the Twin Cities that Goslin feels works wonders with turkey is Bush Camp The Sundowner, a Chenin Blanc— priced at around $12, it is also an incredible value. If your holiday meal includes ham, he would recommend a good rosé, or an off-dry white. However, you could opt for a lighterstyle red, or a true pinot noir. As Goslin notes, “A pinot noir should show some strawberry or a hint of raspberry, but it should be subtle, and not over the top. And it should show a little bit of earthy characteristics, like some wild mushroom,

and there’s a characteristic that people in the trade describe as ‘forest floor.’” Goslin, who strongly recommends avoiding cheaper versions, opines, “I think a lot of [cheaper] pinot noirs are rubbish. Obviously, there are exceptions, but you would have to work to find them.” Making a good point that it is not necessary to pick only one wine to go with dinner, Andrzejek observes, “If you’re serving for more than just a few people, try a variety of wines. You’ve got 10 different items on your table. Get some different bottles, and have people try what they like.” Andrzejek often favors an American Gewurztraminer (such as Firestone or Snoqualmie Naked), which offers a little sweetness, as well as hints of cinnamon, apple, and nutmeg. With sides of sage stuffing and cranberries, a Beaujolais, a Pinot Noir, an off-dry Rosé, or a Riesling with a touch of sweetness can suffice. For customers on a budget, he suggests saving money on whites, and spending it on higher-end reds. Like Goslin, Dixon is a fan of a South African Chenin Blanc with turkey, if you keep your seasonings light. However, with a darker gravy, candied yams, and the like, he may reach for a Zinfandel, alongside a Beaujolais and a dry rosé as alternatives. After dinner, he often serves a locally made Ratafia from Alexis Bailey vineyards. Dixon adds, “Of course, you can’t beat a

nice bottle of champagne for dessert. If you want to impress that special someone, it certainly fits the mood.” Let’s hope your liquor store has someone like Andrzejek on staff to assist customers. But if you absolutely are flying blind, Dixon’s motto is to steer clear of wines with cute, kitchy labels. As Dixon remarks, “It’s a good sign they’re not using the quality of the wine to sell the wine—they’re using the label to sell the wine. It’s not a hard rule, and I probably miss some wines because of that, but I find it to be true more often than not.” No hard-and-fast rules about wine exist, but one overwhelming rule that governs the industry is change. The Chardonnays of today will not be those of the next generation. The market is shifting endlessly in response to consumer demand, which is fickle. When the film Sideways premiered, everyone suddenly spurned Merlot, and began buying up Pinot Noir. The industry then responded with a liturgy of cheap Pinot Noirs. My article has nowhere the same audience, and this magazine’s readers already march to the tune of their own drummers. I, therefore, don’t anticipate creating a huge butterfly effect in favor of South African Chenin Blanc. But if I do, I hope it will result in a lot of successful dinners and happy guests. Happy holidays, all! Eat, drink, and be merry.

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THE SINGLE MOST COMMON WINE-PAIRING MISTAKE THAT WE AMERICANS MAKE, ACCORDING TO ROY GOSLIN OF Z WINES, ISN’T CHOOSING A WINE THAT CONFLICTS WITH THE FLAVORS OF THE FOOD. OUR FLAGRANT FAUX PAS IS CHOOSING A WINE THAT COMPLETELY OVERPOWERS THE FOOD.

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HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

Garden Wisdom Compiled by Leslie Geddi-Brown

Illustrated by Angie Lewis Merrell $29.95 A charming compendium of garden writing, from 17th-Century John Gerard’s “Of Lettuce” to Hellen Dillon’s “On Watering” (2007). Voices in between include Sir George Sitwell (“On Water”), Duchess of Devonshire (“I’m a Lime”), and Dowager Marchioness of Salisbury (“Prince Charles’s Kitchen Garden). Selections have been chosen with an eye to practicality, enhanced by color illustrations.

The Vikings Reader Armand Peterson, ed. $25.95

Rock Revival Jeans Exceptional jeans in a variety of fashionable washes and fabric treatments, including whiskering and distressing, as well as a number of hardware, leather-detailing, and pocket choices. Wear casually around town or to a Vikings game, plus dress up for evening socializing. Locally available at The Buckle (Crossroads Center, The Shoppes at Arbor Lakes, Ridgedale Center, West Acres Shopping Center) and Metro Park (Mall of America). SRP $158.

Gophers Illustrated: The Incredible Complete History of Minnesota Football Al Papas Jr. $24.95 The University of Minnesota Press definitively settles what to get for the (Minnesota) football fan on your holiday gift list. In Vikings, a halfcentury of glory and defeat is seen through the eyes of sportswriters and commentators there on the scene, while Gophers reaches back to the first U of M game in 1879 and moves forward. Author Papas’s artwork is stunning.

Dos Lunas Tequila This line of award-winning, ultra-premium,

BAND HERO

The newly available Band Hero video game features 65 songs by 63 artists. From the makers of Guitar Hero, it allows you to create the band you always have dreamed of, using any combination of guitar or drum controllers and vocals. Provides rockers and performers of all ages the chance to experience and interact with their favorite music. Works with Guitar Hero instruments. Game alone $59; Band Hero kit (with faux instruments) $199.

December 4–17, 2009

VINAIGRETTE— SAMPLE GIFT BOX Visit Vinaigrette, taste the special oils and vinegars,

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then have your choices custom-bottled. Other gifts include Olivella Fragrance-Free Bar soap and liquid olive oil soaps from Umbria, Italy. Sample gift box displays two 147 ml. bottles of oil and vinegar, and a 375 ml. bottle for oil or vinegar, plus soaps ($45). Distinctive gift crate from the Nezinscott Guild, using 100 percent US renewable resources, employing people with disabilities. Visit <www. vinaigrettemn.com>. 5006 Xerxes Ave. S., Mpls. (612) 922-9192.

handcrafted tequila is made from 100 percent of the finest Blue Agave, each hand-filled and -bottled. Dos Lunas Tequila is all-natural, 100 percent chemical- and pesticide-free. Available in more than 24 states in the United States and Canada. Silver ($36.99), Reposado ($44.99), Anejo ($49.99), and Grand Reserve ($2,500). For more information and recipes, visit <www.doslunas.com>, or call (866) DE-AGAVE.

HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

Melted Glass Design Incorporate art into your entertaining this holiday

JUMB Shoes

season by using a fused-glass Red Swirl Platter. Melted Glass Design’s Red Swirl Series also offers bowls, sushi sets, plates, and platters. This artistic and functional one-of-a-kind art piece is 11 inches long, made from hand-cut red, brown, and black fused glass ($60). To see many other items and prices, call (612) 414-5969, or visit <www.meltedglassdesign.com>.

JUMP has colors and style for everyone, from basic leathers and patents to faux snakeskins and fabrics. The gray, stone, black, and white leather Vanquish are stylish, but not overly designed— dress them up with a blazer and dark denim, or pair with any outfit. Both the hightop Volunteer ($168) and lowtop Vaine ($172) come in a variety of patent colors, including bronze, black, brown, silver, white, and gray. Locally available at Macy’s, Nordstrom’s, and Bloomingdales, as well as Zappos.com.

Tesa Jewellers— Men’s Gift Set Sparkle & Shine with Tesa’s new Edward Mirrel line—just for men! Among the many bright and baubley things are Silver Hoop Earrings & Silver Circle Pendants (Toby Pomery Eco Silver™); Cocktail, Gemstone, Colored Diamonds, Stackable, and Chunky-Style Sterling Sliver (Sapphires, Rubies, Emeralds) Rings; Diamond Stud Earrings & Tennis Bracelets; 14 kt. Gold Necklaces & Earrings; Pearls and Trollbeads™ (special gift with each “First Frost” bracelet). Visit <www.tesajewellers.com>. 3525 Vicksburg Ln., Ste. 400, Plymouth (651) 704-0295

December 4–17, 2009

PARK UR PET HITCHING POST

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Safely secure your pet with a Park Ur Pet Hitching Post! The plated metallic finishes on these hitching posts provide a splash of elegance in any outdoor setting. If you don’t have a fencedin yard or an invisible fence, the hitching post is exactly what you’re looking for. Install the hitching post on any area that you want to designate for your pet. 9 x 3 3/4”; 3 lb. Hitching Post, attachment hardware, and jumbo carabineer–$99.99. <www.parkurpet.com>

MAX'S These snowmen won’t melt! The Breast Cancer Awareness Snowman and Frosty (both $68), along with the Mini-Snowmen ornaments ($36) from Vitrix Hot Glass Studio, join their other friends, including Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and The Cat in the Hat this holiday season at Max’s. 3831 Grand Way, St. Louis Park (952) 922-8364 <www.stylebymax.com>

SLIM DATA USB CARD

Thin as a credit card, Slim Data USB Cards, which come in capacities of 2GB, 4GB, 16GB, and 32GB, can be carried in a wallet, so you always have valuable photos, videos, music, and documents to share and exchange with friends and family. Business people will have presentations and important documents at their fingertips. 4GB is $24.95. Currently available through: <www.kemplerusa.com>; <www.amazon. com>; and <www.toptechproducts.com>.

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WANDA WISDOM'S HOLIDAY BITS & PIECES GIFT GUIDE Need help finding a lil’ holiday something for the homo who has everything? Let our resident podcasting drag queen and gift-giving guru help you stuff those stockings!

FIVE CLASS GIFT PACK | THE FIRM $65 | TheFirmMPLS.com No better way to burn off all that holiday hot-dish heft than a good workout, and The Firm is my favorite place to work up a post-holiday sweat. For a couple bucks, you can spin, funk, and striptease your way into a new waistline. Gift certificates are available in a variety of amounts, and first-time Firmies always can try the Complimentary Week!

MY GAY AGENDA IPHONE APP | CEREBRAL ITCH

WONDERJOCK HIPSTER BRIEF | AUSSIEBUM

December 4–17, 2009

$22.93 | aussieBum.com Don’t stuff your stocking to grab attention this holiday season—let aussieBum’s Wonderjock technology help you put your best, er, foot, forward! The attention (among other things)-grabbing pouch and comfy all-cotton hip brief will have you looking and feeling amazing. These crotch cozies from down under come in a variety of colors.

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$2.99 | Apple iPhone App Store I’ve got just the thing for the iPhoneobsessed gay tech geek on your list. For a few bucks, why not give the gift of a sleek personal calendar that also keeps you informed with daily homo-appropriate “historical events,” like Cher’s last farewell concert. Chic styling and snarky extras make this app a steal at only $2.99.

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WANDA WISDOM'S HOLIDAY BITS & PIECES GIFT GUIDE Need help finding a lil holiday something for the homo who has everything? Let our resident podcasting drag queen and gift giving guru help you stuff those stockings!

COOKING FUNDAMENTALS CLASSES | KONTENT

DREW’S HOMEMADE CARAMEL CORN

ROMEO AND JULIET DINNER PACKAGE | GUTHRIE THEATER

December 4–17, 2009

$55 per person ($100 value) | GuthrieTheater.org/Holidays After all the holiday hullabaloo quiets down, why not treat yourself and a special someone to dinner and a show at Minneapolis’s finest dining/ theater venue? After a delicious two-course prix fixe dinner at Sea Change, enjoy a performance of Romeo and Juliet.

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DrewsCaramelCorn.com You really haven’t lived until you’ve nibbled (inhaled) Drew’s Homemade Caramel Corn. Made from scratch using a special recipe handed down from the owner’s Grandpa, this caramel corn is simply addictive—like 12-step addictive. Go ahead and send a couple bags to your friends, plus a couple to your family, but don’t forget to route a couple to yourself.

$50 Each, Discounts Available | kon-tent.com or (651) 337-0205 Whether your household Heloise is a wiz in the kitchen, or hasn’t mastered the art of boiling water yet, why not give him/her the gift of culinary cunning? Lifestyle expert Ross Sveback, owner of Minneapolisbased kon-tent, is teaching cooking classes through January. From how to construct a happy hamburger to the ins and outs of a tri-bean bake, his classes run the gourmet gamut.

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Big Gay News > [ Written & Compiled by Bradley Traynor ]

NATIONAL NEWS

LARGEST GLBT NEWSPAPER PUBLISHER CLOSES According to the Associated Press, the largest publisher of GLBT newspapers in the United States has shut down. Window Media LLC, publisher of Southern Voice, Washington Blade, and a handful of other papers, has gone out of business. Southern Voice Editor Laura Douglas-Brown said in a telephone interview, “From my understanding, there was just no more money to keep these companies running. We had all been told that the companies would be sold. The fact that we were shut down was a complete shock.”

RHODE ISLAND GOVERNOR MEETS WITH GAY RIGHTS GROUP Rhode Island Governor Don Carcieri, who recently vetoed a bill giving same-sex couples the right to make funeral arrangements for one another, since has met with gay rights advocates. He now says he’s open to supporting a domestic partnership law in the state. According to The Providence Journal, he met with Queer Action of Rhode Island. Regarding domestic partnerships, Carcieri said, “Maybe it’s something we should consider.”

December 4–17, 2009

CATHOLIC CHURCH GIVES ULTIMATUM TO DC

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According to The Washington Post, the Catholic Archdiocese of Washington said that if the District of Columbia (DC) passes same-sex marriage legislation, the church might not be able to continue providing social services. While the bill under consideration does not require religious organizations to perform same-sex weddings, they would still have to follow existing city laws prohibiting discrimination against gays and lesbians. According to the Post, church officials are worried they’ll have to provide benefits to the same-sex spouses of employees. Archdiocese Spokeswoman Susan Gibbssaid, “If the city requires this, we can’t do it.” DC Councilmember David Catania, sponsor of the legislation, told the Post, “The church doesn’t represent, in my mind, an indispensable component of our social services infrastructure.” The Council of the District of Columbia is expected to vote on the issue early in December.

TEACHER CHARGED WITH PUTTING “HIT” ON STUDENT HE THOUGHT WAS GAY The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported high school teacher Randolph Forde remains on administrative leave with pay while the school district investigates an allegation that he threatened to hire someone to kill a student he thought was gay. According to the police report, he allegedly pulled a student out of class, and asked him if he was gay. A few days later, he allegedly asked another student to “put a hit” on the teenager. Forde was arrested by police, then released, and told to stay away from the student. The case is waiting to be sent to a grand jury. Forde will remain on leave until school officials conduct an investigation.

FORT WORTH COUNCIL VOTES TO EXPAND DISCRIMINATION ORDINANCE The Forth Worth City Council voted to expand its antidiscrimination ordinance to include transgender people. The vote came as it considered a number of gay rights proposals taken up following the controversial raid of a gay bar in June. After the event, city officials appointed a task force to look for ways to decrease tension between the city and its gay community.

WORLD NEWS World News

Jose Maria Di Bello and his partner, Alex Freyre, were granted a marriage license in Argentina’s capital, Buenos Aires. The couple won the right to get married when a judge ruled the ban on same-sex marriage violates the country’s constitution. Buenos Aires Mayor Mauricio Macri stated the city would not appeal the ruling. He said, “We have to live with and accept this reality: The world is moving in this direction.” He added that it was important for officials to “safeguard the right of each person to freely choose with whom they want to form a couple and be happy.”

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BUENOS AIRES GRANTS FIRST SAME-SEX MARRIAGE LICENSE

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Arts & Entertainment > On the Townsend

[ by John Townsend ]

JOHN TRONES: CHRISTMAS IN THE CITY / DEC. 7 / PANTAGES THEATRE, 710 HENNEPIN AVE., MPLS. / (800) 982-2787 / <WWW.TICKETMAS TER.COM> ASIANS & HOMOS & JEWS…HO HO! / THROUGH DEC. 13 / ILLUSION THEATER, 528 HENNEPIN AVE., MPLS. / (612) 339-4944 / <WWW.ILLU SIONTHEATER.ORG> JACOB MARLEY’S CHRISTMAS CAROL / THROUGH DEC. 20 / PARK SQUARE THEATRE, 20 W. 7TH PL., ST. PAUL. / (651) 291-7005 / <WWW.PARK SQUARETHEATRE.ORG>

Call them our “new traditions.” The classy John Trones creates melodic heaven on earth with dreamy guests like Jim Brickman, Jen Burleigh-Bentz, , Orla Fallon, and Joanna Jahn. Every year, when she’s done working the mobs at Provincetown, the fabulous Miss Richfield 1981 brings her irreverent campiness home for Hanukkah and Christmas mischief. Actor Jim Lichtscheidl and sound designer Michael P. Kittel transport you to Dickens’s London in a reimagining of the story that’s starting to compete with the Nativity. DANCE FILM PROJECT / DEC. 11-12 / INTERMEDIA ARTS, 2822 LYNDALE AVE. S., MPLS. / (612) 8714444 / <WWW.INTERMEDIAARTS.ORG>

Gay performance artist Jaime Carrera and gay filmmaker Tyler Jensen have created Station, one of the 11 new shorts in Dance Film Project. Carrera says, “Even though all the performers in it are straight, and the filmmakers are queer, there is a shift in masculine and feminine roles that reflects preconceived notions of our rigid gender-specific programming. The film itself is about longing and stagnation, which can easily be applied to questions of sexuality.”

December 4–17, 2009

THE SEAFARER / THROUGH DEC. 20 / JUNGLE THEATER, 2951 LYNDALE AVE. S., MPLS. / (612) 822-7063 / <WWW.JUNGLETHEATER.COM>

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Alcoholism, gambling, and mystical experience ingeniously intertwine in playwright Conor McPherson’s unlikely Christmas offering. A mysterious stranger (Phil Kilbourne) visits a dump of a house in North Dublin to expose unatoned misdeeds of recovering drunk Sharky (Stephen Yoakam). Designer-director Joel Sass makes the house’s condition reflect the psychic state of the men who live and loiter there. His powerhouse cast not only captures the characters’ raw seediness, but also conjures

The Seafarer. Photo by Michal Daniel

eerie ambience that comes out of the situation—a situation with much rough graphic humor. Patrick Bailey and Allen Hamilton are especially marvelous. NUTCRACKER (NOT SO) SUITE / THROUGH DEC. 31 (LAVENDER NIGHT, DEC. 11) / RITZ THEATRE, 345 13TH AVE. NE, MPLS. / (612) 436-1129 / <WWW.RITZDOLLS.COM>

That naughtiest of Christmas shows returns. Ballet of the Dolls choreographer Myron Johnson, who also plays The Uncle, remarks, “My character is just full-blown QUEEN! And Momma is obsessed with show tunes, not to mention it’s very hard to tell if she’s a man or a woman. If you like high kicks, handsome sexy men, beautiful diva women—and lots of sequins, lashes, and wigs—then our Nutcracker is for you. This year, I’ve planned more laughs, more color—and great music from Whitney, Eartha, Noel Coward, Streisand, Judy and Liza, Bette, Nina Hagen, Donna Summer. A gay boy’s dream!”

Nutcracker (Not So) Suite. Photo by Jim Smith

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...

[On the Townsend]

CINDERELLA / THROUGH JAN. 2 / CHILDREN’S THEATRE COMPANY, 2400 3RD AVE. S., MPLS. / (612) 874-0400 / <WWW.CHILDRENSTHEATRE. ORG>

Cinderella. Photo by Ann Marsden

This is perhaps Children’s Theatre Company’s best show in a long time, but without reservation, it sports the most uproarious slapstick drag performances on a local stage in a long time. Dean Holtz and Reed Sigmund as Pearl and Dorcas, the wicked stepsisters, are gems of physical comedy and gender incongruity. Autumn Ness is so gloriously crass as the Wicked Stepmother that you’ll wonder if she has been watching antics of a certain Congresswoman.

December 4–17, 2009

DISNEY’S BEAUTY AND THE BEAST / THROUGH JAN. 3 / ORDWAY CENTER, 345 WASHINGTON ST., ST. PAUL / (651) 224-4222 / <WWW.ORDWAY. ORG>

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Iconic gay film director Jean Cocteau inspires director Robert Johanson’s new Ordway staging. Johanson shares, “I’ve always been enamored of the Cocteau film—the sense of magic and mystery it gives off. I think when the initial Broadway production of Beauty and the Beast was done, they wanted to make it as much like a cartoon as they could. It was the very first Disney production on Broadway. So, subsequently, with The Lion King, they went far more theatrically, and made it an event, rather than ape cartoons. And I think that’s essentially what our approach is.” Drawing from his opera experience, Johanson adds that Beauty and the Beast “needs that grandeur and epic thing, that spectacle. It will feel even more poetic, and still fun and entertaining.”

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December 4–17, 2009

Arts & Entertainment > The Page Boy

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[ by E.B. Boatner ]

Paris Photos ~ Paris Walks

Russian River Rat

A Single Man

Stitches: A Memoir

PETER J. O’TOOLE ARTIST BOOK PRESS $65

MARK ABRAMSON LETHE PRESS $15

CHRISTOPHER ISHERWOOD UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA PRESS $15.95

DAVID SMALL W.W. NORTON & CO. $24.95

This is a striking work, 10 years in the making. O’Toole’s 150 black-and-white photographs, reminiscent of Atget’s work in their ability to convey the intimate and enduring Paris, illustrate a collection of 14 walking tours about the City of Light that includes the Buttes Chaumont, Père Lachaise Cemetery, and the Luxembourg Gardens. Text, written by O’Toole and translated by Daniel Ollivier, is presented in French and English on facing pages, a very pleasing treat for the Francophile, while the maps accompanying each walk were created and hand-drawn by O’Toole’s partner, Tim Schultz. This handsome self-published volume has received wide praise and numerous awards, including the 2008 Star of Excellence Best of Merit Award from the Minnesota Printer Industry. It not only has gone into a second printing, but also has been chosen by both Minneapolis Institute of Art and Walker Art Center for their gift shops. Highly recommended for the photographer, traveler, and avid bibliophile alike.

Book Three of Abramson’s Beach Reading series finds protagonist Tim Snow’s beloved Aunt Ruth moved to San Francisco, and Tim himself finally in love with the perfect man. Oh, really? Tim and Nick begin the “If he really loved me, he’d call first” dance, against the background hum of murder and intrigue, plus the ongoing lives of the wonderfully quirky denizens of Abramson’s Snow’s Castro. Then, Tim finds more anomalies in Nick’s background: a Big Easy cop cousin who turns up as the drowned body fished out of the Russian River, and lurkers from the past out to destroy… whom? Abramson can tie more complicated knots and entangling nets than a 19th-Century sailor, his catch prolific and entertaining. Don’t mind that the temperatures are falling (especially back in Tim’s native Minnesota): “Beach” is a state of mind, and Beach Reading can be done as enjoyably under an electric throw by the fireside as slathered in SP 40 by the lapping waves.

The University of Minnesota Press, together with the Weinstein Company, has reissued the late Isherwood’s A Single Man (1964) to coincide with the upcoming release of the film of the same name, directed by Tom Ford, and starring Colin Firth and Julianne Moore. This fortunate reissue enables modern readers to access this novel, which, for its time, gave a shockingly sympathetic portrayal of George, its homosexual protagonist. Taking place during a 24-hour period, it skillfully reveals the inner and outer life of 58-yearold George, still grieving the death of his partner. The two had lived in a secluded bungalow in a relentlessly heterosexual LA neighborhood, reachable only by a footbridge—“As good as being on our own island.” Now alone, George sees himself at a remove, going through the motions of his past life, tentatively reaching out to the new, while coping with the isolation that inevitably faces us all. An absorbing, worthwhile read. The film opens in US theaters December 11.

Author/illustrator Small has the shuddersome ability to recreate the hellacious home life he underwent before becoming the prolific children’s book illustrator he is today. As a child, he knew exactly where the wild things were: right there at home— in the kitchen, at the dinner table, anywhere with Mom. At 14, he was taken to the hospital for a “minor” operation, and awoke able to utter only, “Ack?” No one had told him he had cancer before. No one discussed or explained it after. The breakthrough, the turnaround, and the beginning of healing and health began only after a psychiatrist—depicted here as a white rabbit in vest, stick-pinned cravat, and plaid suit—tells the boy, “Your mother doesn’t love you.” It’s a brave tale told in few words and a wash of browns by a man who went on to regain his voice, in speech and through his art. Small’s awards and books include the Caldecott Medal and Imogene’s Antlers.

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Bar Advertiser Guide |

Bartender Spotlight | [ by George Holdgrafer ]

06

Ave. 10 E N e. Av l tra Hennepin Ave. 3rd

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CAMP 490 N. Robert St., St. Paul (651) 292-1844 <www.camp-bar.net> An upscale but casual spot with great video, dancing, cabaret, and the friendliest staff in town!

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408 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. <www.gay90s.com> Gay 90’s Upper Midwest’s Largest Gay Entertainment Complex. Serving reasonably priced menu in main bar Wednesday-Sunday. Dance Annex Awesome DJs deliver latest in dance, techno, and hot gay anthems for your dancing pleasure. Happy Hour Newly remodeled. Open longest hours of any local GLBT bar. State-of-the art sound/video. La Femme Show Lounge The Ladies of La Femme present the Twin Cities’s best female impersonator show Wednesday-Sunday. Men’s Room It’s a guy thing (ladies beware!). Hot men in a sizzling scene. Best male dancers. Retro Bar Just what its name says. Fabulous DJs reprise the best of the ’70s through ’90s.

December 4–17, 2009

07

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515-513-501 Washington Ave. S., Mpls. (612) 338-4214/(612) 338-0896 <www.minneapoliseagle.com> <www.boltbar.com> Minneapolis Eagle Gay-owned & operated for 11 years. Home of famous Friday 3-for-1 Happy Hour & Sunday afternoon Beer Bust. Bolt Best video bar in Twin Cities. Huge selection of music/comedy video clips & Show Tune Sundays. Best patio in town. Bolt Underground Industrial & carnal nightclub hidden beneath the city. Join us for CHAMBER every Thursday night.

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RUMOURS INNUENDO

SALOON FIRE BAR

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TOWN HOUSE PIANO LOUNGE 1415 University Ave. W., St. Paul (651) 646-7087 <www.townshousebar.com> Town House Fun neighborhood bar with a great mix of men and women. Karaoke. Drag shows. Piano Lounge That’s entertainment! Friday: Karaoke (Twyla). Saturday: Lori Dokken & Friends. Sunday: Karaoke (John). Monday: Men’s Night. Superior

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•

CLUB METRO

THE FLAME 1612 Tower Ave., Superior (715) 395-0101 <www.SuperiorFlame.com>

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J.T.’S BAR & GRILL 1506 N. 3rd St., Superior (715) 394-2580 <www.jtsbarandgrill.net>

WI

THE MAIN CLUB 1217 Tower Ave., Superior (715) 392-1756 <www.mainclubsuperior.com>

WHO Beau

WHAT Recipe: Beaudelicious 1 1/2 oz. Three Olives Cherry Vodka 1/2 oz. Midori Melon Liqueur 1 oz. Lemon Lime Splash of Orange Juice Splash of Cranberry Juice Splash of Lime Juice

WHEN Mon., Wed.-Sat. • 10 PM-2 AM

Wisconsin

223 Main St., Somerset • Somerset (715) 247-3373 <www.clubmetrosomerset.com> WI

BEAU

TICKLES 1032 3rd Ave. NE, Mpls. (612) 354-3846 <www.ticklesbar.com> Live Piano Music. Full-Service Menu, Happy Hour, Sports on 4 Flat-Panel TVs, Pool, Darts.

LUSH

MINNEAPOLIS EAGLE BOLT BOLT UNDERGROUND

er

830 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (612) 332-0835 <www.saloonmn.com> Saloon Long regarded as Minneapolis’s cutting-edge dance club, with friendly staff and discerning customers. Fire Bar Enjoy fabulous cocktails by the glow of the fireplace in an elegant ambience.

GLADIUS

990 Central Ave. NE, Mpls. <www.lushfoodbar.com> Video Bar. Eclectic Live Entertainment, Mixing Artists. Eat. Drink. Be LUSHious.

03 R ob

St

213 E. 4th St., St. Paul (651) 225-GLBT (4528) <www.rumours-stpaul.com> Rumours Hottest dance club with fabulous DJs, plus shows featuring variety of the best local talent. Innuendo Casual, intimate “Cheers” ambience for quiet conversation, Happy Hour, and community organization shows/fund-raisers.

GAY 90’S MEGABAR

1111 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (612) 332-9963 <www.gladiusbar.com> The New York Chic of Minneapolis. Most elegant space to drink in Twin Cities. 06

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Grand Ave.

BRASS RAIL LOUNGE 422 Hennepin. Ave., Mpls. (612) 332-RAIL(7245) Completely remodeled piano lounge featuring variety of entertainment. Nightly drink specials 7 PM-2 AM.

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University Ave.

Selby Ave.

19 W. 15th St., Mpls. (612) 871-5553 Shoot pool or play darts at your neighborhood bar—the Twin Cities’s oldest GLBT establishment.

02

Minnehaha Ave.

11 26th Ave. S.

Lake St.

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Larpenteur Ave. Larpenteur Ave.

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WHERE Saloon 830 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (612) 332-0835 <www.saloonmn.com>

WHY “The bartenders, the boys, the drinks, the DJs, the kitchen…we got it all. Instead, ask: Why NOT?”

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December 4–17, 2009

Bar Scene >

DJ CHI CHI LA RUE COMES HOME FOR ANNUAL GAY 90’S HOLIDAY JINGLE BALL

O

December 4–17, 2009

n December 19, DJ Chi Chi La Rue will appear at the Gay 90’s Dance Annex for her annual Holiday Jingle Ball. She has been hosting a popular local holiday event yearly since 1997. A native of Hibbing, Minnesota, LaRue launched her career as a female impersonator in the Twin Cities in the early 1980s, before moving to Los Angeles in 1986. She celebrates two decades of being the most famous gay adult video director. Her third incarnation is as a much-in-demand DJ. In 2007, Out Magazine named LaRue one of

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its Top 50 Most Powerful Gay Men and Women in America. Nina DiAngelo, Show Director of La Femme Show Lounge at the Gay 90’s, says, “We are tremendously excited once again to welcome Chi Chi LaRue back to the Gay 90’s, which was one of the first venues she performed at when she got her start in drag more than a quarter-century ago. She drew huge crowds when she appeared here last December and in June for Pride Saturday. Don’t miss her fabulous annual Twin Cities holiday extravaganza!” Photo Courtesy of Chi Chi LaRue

Bar Showcase |

[ Photos by George Holdgrafer ]

GLADIUS

December 4–17, 2009

November 26

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Bar Scene > Bar Calendar For club addresses, phone numbers, and Web sites, see “Bar Advertiser Guide” on page 42. For events not at bars, see .

Drag 9-1-1 9 PM. Rumours. Kittybump House 11 PM. Innuendo. SATURDAY, DECEMBER 5

Old Fashioned Country Christmas Imperial Court of Minnesota Benefit for Bill’s Pantry & The Aliveness Project Holiday Baskets 4:30 PM. Saloon. Diva Riot 8 PM. Rumours. Jeff Olson Open Mic Cabaret 8:30 PM. Tickles. Lip Service 9 PM. Town House. Underwear Nite Bolt Underground Leather Night Bolt Underground Opening Night: Drag Show 10 PM. Club Metro. Somerset, WI. SUNDAY, DECEMBER 6

The Atons Holiday Party 8 PM. Rumours. FRIDAY, DECEMBER 4

December 4–17, 2009

Gary Collins 5 PM. Tickles.

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THURSDAY, DECEMBER 10

Pumps and Pearls Drag Revue

7th Anniversary Show 9 PM. Town House. FRIDAY, DECEMBER 11

Minneapolis Movie Bears Bar Night 7 PM. Rumours. Total DiscTracktion 9 PM. Town House. Foam Party Gay 90’s SATURDAY, DECEMBER 12

Mark Bloom 8:30 PM. Tickles. A Christmas for Children Imperial Court of Minnesota Benefit for One Heartland 9 PM. Innuendo. TNT Show 9 PM. Town House. SUNDAY, DECEMBER 13

Jeff Olson’s Holiday Cabaret 7 PM. Tickles. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 17

Amy & Freddy’s How the Diva Stole Christmas 8 PM. Camp.

Bar Scene |

Returns in Somerset, Wisconsin

December 4–17, 2009

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n December 5, the new Club Metro debuts in nearby Somerset, Wisconsin—after an eightyear hiatus—with opening night featuring a unique drag performance hosted by Show Director Donna Dior. The former incarnation of the bar at 733 Pierce Butler Route, St. Paul, opened in April 1992, and closed November 3, 2001. James Hanson, General Manager of the new Club Metro, says, “Always a favorite with a wide spectrum of the GLBT community, Club Metro was one of the most popular bars in the 1990s. We’re bringing it back in a large new space that will remind patrons of the old Club Metro. Somerset is only a short distance from the Twin Cities, and just a few minutes from Stillwater. We’ll make it worth the brief drive for everyone, with great entertainment like casino gambling, DJ dancing, drag shows, male dancers, and more.” Club Metro, on Main Street between SA and Holiday in Somerset, will be open Friday-Saturday, 4 PM-2:30 AM; and Sunday, Wednesday, Thursday, 4 PM-2 AM. Smoking is permitted inside the bar. Tasty food is served. If you want to stay the night, the Somerset Motel is close by the bar. To get to Club Metro, take Minnesota Highway 36 to Stillwater, cross the St. Croix bridge Downtown, and continue on Wisconsin Highway 64 to Somerset. Make plans now for New Year’s Eve, when Club Metro will be open all night, which Wisconsin law allows. Enjoy free champagne and hors d’oeuvres at Midnight. CLUB METRO 223 MAIN ST., SOMERSET, WI (715) 247-3373 <WWW.CLUBMETROSOMETSET.COM>

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Lavender Lens |

[ Photos by Sophia Hantzes ]

SOUL FRIDAY

December 4–17, 2009

November 6 Nomad World Pub

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48 [ by Heidi Fellner ]

According to an old Sanskrit saying, “The guest is truly your god.” Step inside OM, and it is immediately apparent that the new restaurant heeds this advice, providing an atmosphere welcoming and comfortable from staff to decor. At the table, guests are presented with a complimentary basket of rice crisps, sprin-

kled with cayenne, and served with yogurtspinach dipping sauce. Our server informed us this traditional Indian snack is intended to open the palate. The term “rice crisp” may give the impression of something dry and flavorless, but they are nothing of the sort. In fact, the rice crips enticed us not only to peruse the menu, but also to settle

in, and enjoy the view of OM’s enormous chandelier, which appears to be a crystal rendering of a monsoon rain. It is interesting that in such a space, which is fairly open and acoustically resonant, OM manages to create a measure of intimacy. I would predict, however, that OM’s largest draw will be those looking for a different dinner experience on their way to a show, a game, or a night of dancing. Most Indian restaurants would have difficulty attracting such a clientele, but OM’s “Culinary Engineer,” Raghavan Iyer, has made it his mission to bring Indian food to a Western audience. At OM, he brings India to Minneapolis by way of modern-

OM

or its natural wonders, historic landmarks, and rich culture, India remains a formidable destination as the world’s most culturally and linguistically diverse geographical entity after Africa. Perhaps for that reason alone, it is a country that few Americans will visit. That’s a shame, because Indian hospitality is lauded the world over.

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Cuisine > Off the Eaten Path

December 4–17, 2009

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Taste of OM platter: Fresh Mint & Potato Tartlets; Mumbai Crackers; Patiala Cakes; Coconut Shrimp; Fenugreek; Lamb Chops. Photos by Hubert Bonnet

Alphonso Mango Cheesecake (above); Cardamom Thai Chile Soup.

December 4–17, 2009

...

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Dining Area.

[Off the Eaten Path]

izing traditional Indian flavors. Don’t expect lamb vindaloo. Instead, anticipate something more along the lines of mild and flakey Konkan Wild Salmon ($24), poached in a coconut milk-malt vinegar sauce. On your first visit to OM, consider starting with an off-menu preview: Taste of OM ($17) presents five different appetizers, suitable for two persons. Our first bites were Fresh Mint & Potato Tartlets, spiced with ginger, and served in dainty phyllo cups. Astonishingly light, they instantly revised my expectations of the rest of the menu. Next were Mumbai Crackers, topped with mango, potato, and red onion, and drizzled with two chutneys. They commonly are served as street food in India, but here, under the care of Iyer, they are transformed. Patiala Cakes (potato with mint, chilis, and red onion) are served atop tamarinddate sauce and mint-cilantro chutney. Both sauces are lovely. In fact, Iyer shows his mastery most in his sauces, which are the heroes in both Coconut Shrimp and two-

ounce Fenugreek Lamb. With- our appetizers, we also sampled a few of OM’s signature cocktails. Agni ($9) was our first, sporting just the barest hint of a Thai chili kick alongside Grey Goose Citron, muddled - limes, and simple syrup. In general, at OM, if a menu item includes chili, fret not. The heat factor here is so mild that a special condiment is provided to kick up Iyer’s dishes for the more adventurous. Slumdog ($9), a gingery drink also featuring Grey Goose Citron, was especially good at bringing out the flavor in our appetizers. Surprisingly, the Karma ($9) cocktail paired best with our next course: Cardamom Thai Chile Soup ($6). The smooth, frothy beverage managed to hide its Jameson kick behind a sly smile of half-and-half and simple syrup. Perhaps it is a topping of finely ground cardamom that makes it such an unexpected ally of the soup. The velvet red broth is the result of a red pepper puree with cashews, cardamom, and chilis, topped with yogurt and shredded paneer. It was by far the spiciest thing we tried, but I still

would classify it as mild to medium heat. Our Konkan Wild Salmon entrée was served with a bevy of sides that more closely resemble traditional Indian fare, but are given a cleaner, fresher make-under: a very hearty Naan ($4), Lentil Cakes ($7), Stuffed Baby Eggplant ($7), and Okra ($7). Our waiter suggested French Pinot Noir ($8), insisting that it goes with absolutely everything, and he was correct. For dessert, we were brought the exceptionally lush House-Made Chai ($3.75), soon followed by slim Alphonso Mango Cheesecake ($8) and cayenne-kissed Chocolate Nirvana Cake ($8). The lovely chai unequivocally stole the sweet show, but if you absolutely must touch fork to chocolate - after dinner, I understand. After all, “OM” refers to an ultimate state of peace, and I don’t believe it’s important how you get there. When arriving at nirvana, you should feel only welcome. OM 401 1ST AVE. N., MPLS. (612) 338-1510 <WWW.OMMINNEAPOLIS.COM>

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Cuisine > Word of Mouth

[ by John Michael Lerma ]

Tom Coben Creates Fork Sculpture

I SHARED WITH COBEN HOW EXCITED I WAS ABOUT HIS CRAFT—ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I AM IN THE FOOD BUSINESS. NOW, I NOT ONLY DINE WITH FORKS, BUT ALSO PROUDLY EXHIBIT THEM ON MY WRISTS AND AROUND MY HOME.

December 4–17, 2009

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om Coben staged magic acts while in high school. One of his tricks was bending cutlery by telekinesis. Much of it would end up in bizarre shapes. Then, he had an extraordinary idea. Now, age 19 and attending college, he has taken that idea to new heights. I met Coben a year ago at Highland Fest 2008 in St. Paul. My neighbor, good friend, and Team Spatula member, Mona Ahlf, and I rode our bicycles down to the event, where we walked through dozens of booths with exquisite crafts, drawings, paintings, and jewelry. We found one booth with extremely unique jewelry where the artist had shaped forks into bracelets. The fork tines had been bent into various beautiful shapes. The creations were only $10 each. We looked through the bracelets, as well

as a few of the sculptures and figures, including the cutest snail made from a fork and a wonderful copy of Auguste Rodin’s The Thinker. I tried on a couple of bracelets. I shared with Coben how excited I was about his craft—especially because I am in the food business. He demonstrated for us how he creates his bracelets. He offered to size several bracelets I was purchasing with the only mechanical device he uses: needlenose pliers. My friends loved the bracelets Coben created so much that I gave them away, one to someone in Grand Forks, North Dakota, and the last to Alex, an exchange student from France, before he returned home. In the meantime, I had lost Coben’s business card. Fortunately, he was at this year’s Highland Fest. I bought more bracelets, got a couple of his business cards, and set up a time for the two of us to sit down and gab. We

agreed to meet at my favorite hangout: Coffee News Café on Grand Avenue in St. Paul. Coben says, “I started during my senior year in high school. It was for a project in my Environmental Studies class. We could either raise money, or volunteer for some organization. I did a sculpture at school using a fork. I sold a couple that day. Then, I made some more, sold them at parent/teacher conferences, and raised $300. I gave some of the money I raised to the school band. After that, I started exhibiting at art fairs last year. This year, I have been at the White Bear Market, Highland Fest, Grand Old Day, and Uptown Art Fair.” When I asked Coben if he truly can do telekinesis, or if it’s just a trick, he paused a moment, smiled at me, and replied, “Of course I can.” I asked, “Do you use anything other than forks?” Coben responded, “No, only forks. I

purchase large quantities from restaurant supply stores. I use different types and weights that will bend easily. The mineral mixture will change between types of forks, and that can cause breakage. I stay with stainless steel rather than sterling silver. I don’t use heat to bend, just my needle-nose pliers. I do get special requests from clients. Some have asked if I will use their heirloom sterling silver. I do have to tell them that I will do this at their own risk, because sometimes, sterling can break. I’ve even had my pliers break.” According to Coben, sales have caught on because of the art fairs, especially during the holidays and Christmas. I asked Coben if he would like to see his venture expand beyond what he’s doing now, and he shared, “It’s a hobby on the side. I make everything by hand—literally. If I did mass marketing, I would probably develop carpal tunnel syndrome.” Some of the new designs that Coben is working on are figures such as a golf player and various musical instruments. He has assortment of “mood folks” that come in a variety of poses of people crossing their arms, thinking, and appearing strong. He shapes animals like elephants and giraffes. He has a line of sports figures from baseball to sword fighting (fencing). He has created an entire orchestra. Coben accepts special requests or custom designs if the client will draw it first, and send to him. If you’re looking for a wedding cake or GLBT union cake topper, Coben makes a pair of dancers, with one being dipped. Someone purchased the sword-fighting pair for a cake topper. Keep a look out for Coben around the holidays to see his Santa in a sleigh with reindeers. If you contact Coben, he will e-mail his Fork Sculpture catalog, photos, and information. Now, I not only dine with forks, but also proudly exhibit them on my wrists and around my home. But I still have one question: Why doesn’t Coben use telekinesis rather than pliers?

John Michael Lerma is a local chef, author, Food Network personality, and “lifestyle guru.” His company Garden County Cooking offers cookbooks, cooking classes, consulting, and private events, as well as culinary vacations to Italy and the Caribbean. Visit <www.GardenCountyCooking.com>. Check out his “Word of Mouth” Blog under Extras at .

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TOMFORKERY: FORK SCULPTURES BY TOM COBEN (612) 245-2389

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Dining Guide Listing | AVERAGE PRICE OF A TYPICAL ENTREE $ LESS THAN $15, $$ $15-$25, $$$ MORE THAN $25

Our Guide to the Metro Eateries Featured in This Issue Lavender Magazine’s Dining Guide is your resource to GLBT-friendly restaurants. We recommend calling restaurants before visiting to confirm information.

ANDY’S GARAGE $ American Classic American diner serving burgers, fresh-cut fries and malts. Lunch, Dinner 920 E. Lakes St., Minneapolis (612) 886-2602 Mon – Sat: 10 AM – 8 PM, Sun: 11 AM – 6 PM

B.A.N.K $$$ Modern American cuisine Step into BANK restaurant and prepare to be captivated. Delight in the retro-glamorous and modernly comfortable surroundings. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner 88 S. 6th St. Minneapolis (612) 656-3255 Mon – Fri: 6 AM – 10 AM, 11 AM – 2:30 PM, 5:30 PM – 10 PM • Sat – Sun: 7 AM – 10:30 AM, 11 AM – 2:20 PM, 5:30 PM – 10 PM CECIL’S DELI $ Deli/Bakery We specialize in box lunches & deli trays! Anything on our menu can be made to go, just ask. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner 651 S. Cleveland, St. Paul (651) 698-6276 Deli: Mon – Sun 9 AM – 9 PM Restaurant: Mon – Sun 9 AM – 8 PM COFFEE & TEA LTD. $ Coffee Our passion is to create affordable luxury. Try us, you will taste the difference. 2730 W. 43rd St. Minneapolis (612) 920-6344 Mon – Fri: 9 AM – 8 PM • Sat: 9 AM – 6 PM • Sun: 12 PM – 5 PM Sears – Mall of America, Bloomington, MN (952) 8542883 • Mon – Fri: 10 AM – 9:30 PM • Sat: 9:30 AM – 9:30 PM • Sun: 10:30 PM – 7 PM

D’AMICO KITCHEN $$ Italian A casual, contemporary Italian restaurant offering seasonal dishes created around the highest quality local & imported ingredients Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch, Dinner 901 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis (612) 767-6900 Sun: 6:30 AM – 9 PM, Mon – Thurs: 6:30 AM – 10 PM, Fri – Sat: 6:30 AM – 11PM DANCING GANESHA $$

December 4–17, 2009

Contemporary Indian We would like you to come & enjoy our novel Indian cuisines in an extraordinary ambiance. Lunch, Dinner 1100 Harmon Pl., Minneapolis (612) 388-1877 Mon – Sat: 11 AM – 2 PM, 4 PM – 10:30 PM • Sun: 11 AM – 2 PM, 5 PM – 9 PM

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DUPLEX $ French, Italian, American Unique entrees, moderately priced, cozy space with up-beat staff. Brunch, Lunch, Dinner 2516 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis (612) 381-0700 www.duplexmpls.com

FUJI YA JAPANESE RESTAURANT $$ Japanese & Sushi Authentic Japanese food, finest sushi available, Uptown Minneapolis, downtown St. Paul. 600 W. Lake St., Minneapolis (612) 871-4055 Mon: Closed • Tues – Thurs: 5 PM – 10 PM • Fri – Sat: 5 PM – 10:30 PM • Sun: 5 PM – 9 PM 465 N. Wabasha, St. Paul (651) 310-0111 • Mon – Fri: Lunch 11:30 AM – 2 PM. Dinner 5 PM—10 PM • Sat: Dinner 5 PM – 10 PM • Sun: Closed

THE GRANDVIEW GRILL $ American Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches. Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch 1818 Grand Ave., St. Paul (651) 698-2346 Mon – Fri: 6:15 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 6:15 AM – 3 PM • Sun: 8 AM – 3 PM

KINDEE THAI $ Thai This isn’t your traditional everyday Thai restaurant. Lunch, Dinner 719 S. 2nd St., Minneapolis (612) 465-8303 Mon: Closed • Tues – Thurs: 11:30 AM – 9 PM • Fri: 11:30 AM – 10:30 PM • Sat: 11 AM – 10:30 PM • Sun: 11 AM – 9 PM THE LOUISIANA CAFÉ $ American Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches. Breakfast, Brunch, 613 Selby Ave., St. Paul (651) 221-9140 Mon – Fri: 6:30 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 6:30 AM – 3 PM • Sun: 8 AM – 3 PM

LUNA ROSSA TRATTORIA AND WINE BAR $$ Italian Fine Italian food, espresso bar, gelateria, happy hour, banquets & events. Lunch, Dinner 402 S. Main St., Stillwater, MN (651) 430-0560 Sun – Thurs: 11:30 AM – 10 PM • Fri – Sat: 11:30 AM – 11 PM

MANNY’S TORTAS $ Mexican Gourmet Mexican sandwiches and fabulous desserts. Lunch, Dinner 1515 E. Lake (Mercado Central) (612) 728-5408 Daily: 8 AM – 8 PM 2700 E. Lake (Coliseum Building) (612) 728-1778 Mon – Thurs: 10 AM – 10 PM • Fri – Sat: 10 AM – 11 PM • Sun: 10 AM – 4 PM 920 E. Lake (Midtown Global Market) (612) 870-1820 Mon – Sat: 10 AM – 8 PM, Sun: 11 AM – 6 PM NEW UPTOWN DINER $ American Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches. Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch 2548 Hennepin Ave. S. Minneapolis (612) 874-0481 Mon – Wed: 6 AM – 3 PM • Thurs – Sat: 24 Hours • Sun: Close at 6 PM Indian Modern approach to Indian cuisine featuring bold and distinctive flavors. Dinner 401 First Ave. N., Minneapolis (612) 338-1510 www.omminneapolis.com

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[Dining Guide]

PARASOLE RESTAURANT HOLDINGS Visit one of our many fine restaurants throughout the Twin Cities area: Manny’s Steakhouse, Chino Latino, Salut, Pittsburgh Blue, Figlio, Muffeletta, Good Earth and Burger Jones www.parasole.com

PARK TAVERN BOWLING & ENTERTAINMENT CENTER $ American 50 years of dining & entertainment – award winning food, groups up to 300. Weekend Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Late Night Daily 3401 Louisiana Ave., St. Louis Park (952) 929-6810 Mon – Fri: 10:30 AM – 12:30 AM • Sat – Sun: 9 AM – 12:30 AM

RAINBOW CHINESE $ Chinese, Vietnamese Lunch, Dinner 2739 Nicollet Ave., Minneapolis (612) 870-7084 Mon – Thurs: 11 AM – 2 PM, 4:30 PM – 9:30 PM • Fri: 11 AM – 2 PM, 4:30 PM – 11 PM • Sat: 11 AM – 11 PM • Sun: 11 AM – 9:30 PM ROAT OSHA $$ Thai Uniquely crafted authentic and American influences. Decor that invites conversation Lunch, Dinner 2650 Hennepin Ave. S., Minneapolis Sat: 11 AM – 11 PM • Sun: 11 AM – 10:30 PM SAMPLE ROOM, THE $ American Unique restaurant provides an eclectic menu ranging from simplistic to upscale. Sit in a roomy booth and savor a wine flight or just enjoy the ambience of the historical building. Lunch, Dinner 2124 Marshall St NE, Minneapolis (612) 789-0333 Mon - Thurs: 11:30AM - 10PM • Fri - Sat: 11AM – 12AM • Sun: 10AM - 2PM 4:30PM- 10PM

SUSHI TANGO $$ Japanese Exciting and eccentric mix of Japanese cuisine and Uptown attitude. Lunch, Dinner Calhoun Square, (612) 822-7787 Mon – Wed: 5 PM – 1 AM • Thurs – Sun: Noon – 1 AM TOAST WINE BAR AND CAFÉ $ Wine bar with Italian influence Neighborhood wine bar serving pizzas, cured meats and small plates. Dinner 415 N. 1st St., Minneapolis, MN (612) 333-4305 Tues – Thurs: 5 PM – 11 PM • Fri – Sat: 5 PM – 12 AM • Sun: 5 PM – 11 PM

December 4–17, 2009

THE WOODBURY CAFÉ $ American Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches. Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch Bielenberg & Tamarack, Woodbury, MN (651) 2098182 Mon – Fri: 7 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 7 AM – 3 PM • Sun: 8 AM – 3 PM

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ZEN FUSION RESTAURANT $ Asian Contemporary Authentic pan-Asian food with a contemporary French twist. Lunch, Dinner 3016 Lyndale Ave. S., Minneapolis (612) 822-8896 Sun – Thurs: 11 AM – 9 PM • Fri – Sat: 11 AM – 10 PM

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December 4–17, 2009

Backtalk > In a Family Way

[ by Vince Sgambati ]

Mazel Tov AS MY SOON-TO-BE 13-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER SPOKE, I THOUGHT OF D’VAR TORAH. HER WORDS WERE NOT IN RESPONSE TO THE TORAH, BUT THEY WERE IN RESPONSE TO THEMES THAT RUN THROUGH SUCH ANCIENT TEXTS: OPPRESSION, LIBERATION, AND COMMUNITY. in his Torah portion, and shares it with his community––in a way, teaching his own Torah. Two of the Bar Mitzvahs I’ve attended this year were for boys I’ve known and loved since they were babies. I was overwhelmed by their critiques of present times through the lens of ancient text, and of ancient text through the lens of present times. So, it was with this rather sentimental mind-set that I attended Family Week in Provincetown this past summer—my family’s 13th. Mona was 10 months old when we first attended Family Week, where hundreds of GLBT families find community. This summer, she took part in workshops of COLAGE, a national movement of children, youth, and adults with one or more GLBT and/or queer parent(s). She roamed Commercial Street with friends she once eyed from the safety of her stroller, or clinging to Jack’s or my hand. Actually, she screamed most times we strapped her in a stroller, but you get the idea. The tribe of 12- to 14-year-olds didn’t all share a similar religion, ethnicity, or race, but they were linked culturally, nonetheless. They know firsthand what many of their mainstream peers only read about in history books and in scripture: the challenges of being marginalized, and the struggles of individuals and communities to meet such challenges. At a teen panel where the children of GLBT folks spoke about their experiences and perceptions, one young woman shared that she recently had met her birthmother. She observed that the experience was OK— not as earthshaking as she had anticipated. She also mentioned that she couldn’t imagine her life without her adoptive moms, and that she treasured her community—speaking of the other teens on the panel, and the

parents and young folks sitting in the audience. She is rooted strongly in an identity formed among families headed by one or more out and proud GLBT adult. Like this young woman, I believe that Mona also is rooted deeply within this burgeoning community. Last October, for her 12th birthday, she asked school friends and other party guests to make donations to COLAGE in lieu of gifts, and raised $425. Mona also was asked to write an article for Just For Us, a COLAGE publication, in which she makes clear how much attending Family Week and being a part of COLAGE means to her: “The people I see at Family Week have grown with me, and we have all faced the same obstacles. I love them like they are my family. Oh, yeah! They are.” During Family Week, Mona was asked to speak at a COLAGE reception. As my soon-to-be 13-year-old daughter spoke, and I watched our beautiful queer families listen, and hold her up as someone unique and precious, I thought of D’var Torah. Her words were not in response to the Torah, but they were in response to themes that run through such ancient texts: oppression, liberation, and community. Unless Mona someday chooses to convert to Judaism, she will not become a Bat Mitzvah, but last summer, in a hall opening to the pristine coastline of Cape Cod, at the threshold of womanhood, she stood confidently among her peers and elders, speaking of facing challenges, becoming strong and proud, and cherishing her community. Mazel Tov! Vince Sgambati’s writing also appears in the anthology Queer and Catholic (Routledge, 2008), and will appear in the Journal of Family Studies. He recently completed a contemporary fiction manuscript—set in the 11th hour of Italian-American urban life. He lives in Syracuse, New York, with his partner of 34 years, their 13-year-old daughter, his 98-year-old mother, and two dogs.

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B

efore the close of 2009, my family will have attended six Bar Mitzvahs and one Bat Mitzvah. No, we’re not Jewish, but—as the saying goes—some of my best friends are. I was raised Catholic, and my coming-ofage ritual was Confirmation—pre-Vatican ll. For those of you who aren’t Catholic (and old), that was a time when little Catholic children suffered gruesome deaths if they accidentally ate a hot dog on a Friday; thought ejaculations were prayers one mumbled after confession; and nodded convulsively like bobblehead dolls whenever they uttered the name of Jesus—which was often. All I remember about my Confirmation were nuns making clacking noises, Mary Catherine lifting her navy blue pleated skirt to show me the elastics holding up her stockings, and the crush I had on Rocco Conti. Of course, I also recall the Bishop’s slap, and being told that I was a “Soldier of Christ.” This was before Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Confirmation has come a long way since then. Those to be confirmed are older, training is more rigorous and relevant, and community service is required. However, I wish neither to evaluate the secular or religious significance of Confirmation, nor to compare it to Bar Mitzvah, but simply to recognize the coming-of-age aspect of the latter—the celebration of the child standing at the threshold of adulthood. From my queer layman perspective: “Today you are a star.” And in those turbulent adolescent years of being told most everything you do is wrong, how wonderful to have a day that you are held up by your community as someone unique, precious, and listened to. For me, the most meaningful part of the ceremony is the D’var Torah, when the child (soon to be an adult) finds personal meaning

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Backtalk > Get Outta Town

MY OLD

KENTUCKY HOMETOWNS Adsmore House, ca. 1850, in Princeton. Photo by Carla Waldemar

December 4–17, 2009

[ by Carla Waldemar ]

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K

entucky’s not about the fast lane (unless you’re there on Derby Day). Its gems, both manmade and engineered by nature, populate the state’s small towns, as well as off-the-beaten-trails traveled by explorers, Cherokees, and vigilantes— and, yes, the little green men from the UFO.

Let’s start in Hopkinsville, population 30,000 if you count the Army base. The small town’s museum traces vivid moments in its history, like the raids of the Night Riders in 1904, when small-time tobacco growers donned masks and mounted horses to ignite the storehouses of the agrimonopolies threatening their livelihoods. A news-

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Soy (smiling) takes orders at Ferrell's Hamburger, Star of Hopkinsville.

[ December 4–17, 2009

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Bar Amish quilt sign and tobacco drying, rural Kentucky.

GO FISHING FOR THE BEST BURGER IN THE COUNTY AT FERRELL’S, A SEVEN-STOOL DINER SINCE 1929, WHERE THE 91-YEAR-OLD MATRIARCH STILL MAKES CHANGE FROM THE CASH BOX.

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[Get Outta Town]

paper headline ranted: “In the Red Glare of Burning Buildings, Human Devils Gloat over Their Wanton Power to Terrorize Good Citizens”—journalism as yellow as the crop. That same breed of citizenry remained officially neutral during the Civil War, when brothers fought brothers. Local son Jefferson Davis worshiped here at Christ Church, while another church nearby served as an Army hospital. Later, in the 1950s, observers claimed an invasion of another sort: little green men from a spaceship. The museum tells all. A transportation museum across the street, in a former firehouse, displays gleaming engines of the past. It recalls an embarrassing moment in Hopkinsville’s history when, in a single week in 1924, the fire station burned down, the police station was robbed, and the sheriff was held up.

Meanwhile, do your own walk through times past in Young’s Hardware (ladders reaching shelves stacked to the ceiling), where its dusty treasury of antiques on offer ranges from a miner’s helmet and a soldier’s brass trumpet to stained glass windows, a Dodge hubcap, and fishing lures. Go fishing for the best burger in the county at Ferrell’s, a seven-stool diner since 1929, where the 91-year-old matriarch still makes change from the cash box. Waitresses like Joy, Barb, and Sandy sling the double patties stuffed with good ol’ American cheese and sweet pickles. Why do they outsell the town’s McDonald’s? According to Joy, “A lot of folks like the grease.” Come evening, it’s on to Charlie’s Steakhouse for more hair of the dog, as it were. Amid pine paneling, lino flooring, and oilcloth-covered tables, it turns out a heckuva

hunk of beef, enjoyed that evening by every demographic in the county. Except the Cherokee. They’re long gone from their native land, and it’s a shameful story, retold at the nearby Trail of Tears Commemorative Park—itself, in 1828, a stop on their forced march west. Masks, eagle feather dancing wands, and such remain to testify. Mosey on to Marian (population 3,000), where, when we parked in front of the mineral museum, I planned to snooze in the car. But never underestimate the persuasive power of Tina, who runs the place with passion, guiding folks through the collection amassed by miner Ben Clement—“a maniac for gem rocks”—plus the odd fossil, meteorite, and dinosaur bone. “God’s art” is what Tina calls the priceless shimmering, multifaceted showpieces, almost as

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[Get Outta Town]

December 4–17, 2009

amazing as the story of his life. Another lifestyle flourishes around Marian, too: a hundred-family Amish community where, on a self-guided tour (maps available in the Visitors Center), you’ll meet smiling Milo Yoder, with gray beard and black hat, along with his wife, with gray hair covered in a prim bonnet. She sells breads, jellies, fried pie, and homemade ice cream, plus the world’s best sugar doughnuts, each as big as a Frisbee. Swing by Spring Valley Rustic to say howdy to its furniture-maker extraordinaire, whose wife fabricates boutique soaps and lotions. Greenhouses, goats for sale, and a general store as well. Fueled by pulled pork from Marion Pit BBQ (pass it up at your peril), it’s off to nearby Princeton, where, in contrast, moreis-more is the mantra at Adsmore House, circa 1850, owned by the same prestigious family until 1984. It displays their elite possessions, from Limoges on the dinner table to trunks full of high-fashion shoes, hats, and what-have-you. The town’s current gentry—a pair of married doctors—have launched Black Oak

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Main Street, Paducah, KY.

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Winery on five acres, where they produce a fruity Vidal Blanc, an off-dry red Chamboucin, and more (including apple, pear, and berry wines), which weekend visitors are welcome to taste gratis. Why winemaking, Doc? “It’s a nice combination of science, art, culture, and agriculture,” he wearily responds. Paducah (population 27,000) is an artistic showplace of another sort. At the confluence of the Ohio and Tennessee Rivers, historically it has been a potent river town, as murals of its history on the floodwalls bring to life. Riverfront Discovery Center documents it via steamboat models, roustabouts’ songs, and topographical map of the disastrous flood of 1937, upon which you watch rivers burst their banks as rain sweeps from the ceiling. In an adjoining room, grab the steering wheel, and choose your challenge, as you “navigate” your rolling ship through day or night, calm or storm. (I crashed us on the shoreline—sorry.) Step on over to the National Quilt Museum, displaying magnificent contemporary quilts as artworks—winners of intense international competitions. Guys, digging their heels, get dragged in here, then refuse to be dragged out at closing time. Paducah boasts a vibrant Artist Relocation Program, inviting artists of all stripes to move here, buy an historic house for peanuts, and set up shop. The 26-block district, listed on the National Register, boasts close to 30 gallery-workshops, where you can watch the artisans at work. Or, join in. Several of these creative people offer Working Artist classes, including Charlotte, a papermaker, from whom we learned to make—and take away—our own beautifully mottled booklining papers. We practiced printmaking at another studio. At Aphrodite, we ogled jewelry fashioned from precious stones and patina’d metals, and at Terra Cottage, clay work in the making. If all those blue-road tracks still are to beaten for your taste, head for the wild, green forests called Land Between the Lakes—two manmade, rambling bodies of water created by damming parallel rivers. Here, several state parks boast classy resort compounds. Reserve a room, then take a swim, play tennis, hike the trails, ride a horse, rent a canoe, or drive the threemile Elk and Bison Prairie to try your luck at spotting critters. Or relax, as we did, dining on catfish, hush puppies, and fried green tomatoes as a thunderstorm swept in, providing a sound-and-light floorshow unparalleled in Vegas.

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Lavender Lens > [Photos by Sophia Hantzes ]

DEBRA CHASNOFF'S STRAIGHTLACED PREMIERE

December 4–17, 2009

NOVEMBER 16 CHILDREN'S THEATRE

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Lavender Lens > [Photos by Sophia Hantzes ]

DEBRA CHASNOFF'S STRAIGHTLACED PREMIERE

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NOVEMBER 16 CHILDREN'S THEATRE

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The Network

Accounting & Bookkeeping______

Beauty & Relaxation

Balktalk > Business Profile [ by Heidi Fellner ]

NEW HOME STORE REALTY

Addiction Info & Treatment______

Astrology__________ Chiropractors_______

Barbers___________ Computer_______ Sales & Services

December 4–17, 2009

Event Planning______

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Travis Callstrom. Photo Courtesy of New Home Store Realty

T

he Internet originally was developed for the use of the United States military, but since it went public in the early 1990s, it has revolutionized almost every aspect of modern life. Real estate professionals were quick to jump on the Internet bandwidth wagon, creating and maintaining searchable-listings databases, but many such sites were cumbersome, and difficult to navigate. In 2004, Travis Callstrom, a real estate agent with Re/Max, taking inspiration from successful retail sales and auction sites, founded New Home Store Realty. A property listing on that company’s website offers much more than the usual entry, including professional photography, virtual tours, and detailed information, plus the ability to e-mail listings and schedule a showing with one click of the mouse. Buying a home never has been an espe-

The Network

NAME OF COMPANY: NEW HOME STORE REALTY, RE/MAX YEAR FOUNDED: 2004 TEAM LEADER: TRAVIS CALLSTROM NUMBER OF EMPLOYEES: 90 AGENTS IN LOCAL OFFICE ADDRESS: 13875 HWY. 13, SAVAGE PHONE: (763) 360-3367 WEBSITE: <WWW.NEWHOMESTOREREALTY.COM>

Financial Services___ Health/Fitness_____

Home Services______

Funeral Services____

Hair Removal_______

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cially easy process, and in this economic climate, it can be downright problematic. However, the upside to the current market trend is that tremendous deals are to be had. Callstrom is one of a few realtors who work directly with Fannie Mae to sell foreclosures. Because a foreclosed property isn’t always able to give the best first impression to a buyer, he works hard to make sure buyers can see the property’s inherent worth. As Callstrom explains, “We can actually go in, and give a good value to the consumer who’s buying it—by cleaning, painting, recarpeting, and things like that. If a buyer wants to get a good deal in real estate, and wants the premium pick of foreclosures on the market, we’re the go-to team.” Additionally, having spent 12 years in the business, Callstrom operates a little differently than agents just out to make a quick sale. As Callstrom remarks, “I’m a career real estate agent—I’m not a storm chaser, so to speak. I would never sell a buyer a property that I wouldn’t be able to sell again. I’m looking for a good location— that my clients get a good price, that it will retain its value, and that it’s a good fit for the clients all around.” Callstrom works with properties throughout the Twin Cities area. His office offers many different lending resources, according to his clients’ various needs. To search foreclosure listings, interested buyers should visit Callstrom’s other website at <www.mnreorealty.com>.

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The Network

Home Services______ Home Services______

Backtalk > Calendar [ LavenderMagazine.com ]

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 4 Afton Village Holiday. Celebrate the holidays in the quaint and picturesque town of Afton, as you enjoy complimentary horse and wagon rides, ice skating in the park, strolling carolers, Santa, and other activities for the kids. To top off all that, visit the unique shops and restaurants Afton offers. Dec. 4, 5:30-8:30 PM; Dec. 5, 9 AM-5 PM; Dec. 6, 9 AM-4 PM. <www.Afton holiday.com>. Spiked! Put Some Punch in Your Holiday. Join Lowry Lab and Table Salt Productions for a classic variety show in the style of Andy Williams, Sonny & Cher, Carol Burnett, and the Dukes of Hazzard. Yes, Dukes of Hazzard. Through Dec. 20. Lowry Lab, 350 St. Peter St., St. Paul. <www.tablesaltproductions.com>.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 5 Foci Minnesota Center for Glass Arts Holiday Open House and Sale. Join the Midwest’s only opento-the-public glassblowing studio and school, as it showcases its skills with demonstrations, and offers a unique selection of ornaments, vases, bowls, paperweights, and sculptures for sale. 11 AM-6 PM. Minnesota Center for Glass Art, 2010 E. Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (612) 623-3624. <www.minnesotaglassart.org>. GLBT Book Sale. Join Quatrefoil Library for its annual Used GLBT Book Sale. With the weather becoming colder, nothing’s like snuggling up with a good book. With selections of paperbacks and hardcovers starting at just a dollar, this is a deal that shouldn’t be passed up. 1-4 PM. Quatrefoil Library, 1619 Dayton Ave., Ste. 105, St. Paul. (651) 641-0969. . Grand Meander on Grand Ave. Join everyone on Grand Avenue in St. Paul for a day of holiday joy. Eat breakfast with Santa at Tavern on Grand; listen to carolers and other musical groups; and take a free trolley ride—among other great activities. 8:30 AM-7 PM. Grand Ave., St. Paul. <www.grandave.com>. Project 515 + Lush = Fun. Join Project 515 and Lush Food Bar, as they put on a fun evening of appetizers and drinks (perhaps a Five-fiftini). Project 515 Executive Director Laura Smidzik will give a short speech about everything the organization has achieved in the past year. 8-11 PM. Lush, 990 Central Ave. NE, Mpls.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 6 1850s Holiday Party. Ever wish to party like it was 1850 again? Enjoy refreshments, entertainment, and tours, while seeing what life was like. 12:30-3:30 PM. Ard Godfrey House, 28 University Ave. SE, Mpls. (612) 813-5300.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 10 Junior Claus. The heartwarming and hilarious new musical finally is coming to the Twin Cities South Metro for a very limited (that means don’t miss it) run. With Santa on the sidelines, Will Junior must master the art of climbing down chimneys, driving reindeer, and wrapping gifts. Through Dec. 27. Burnsville Performing Arts Center, 12600 Nicollet Ave., Burnsville. (800) 982-2787. <www.ticketmaster.com>.

December 4–17, 2009

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 13

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Ordway Circle of Stars 2009 Gala: Beauty and the Feast. Join Ordway in a unique and special night out. Experience the theater as it was meant to be—upclose and personal—while you enjoy exquisite food and entertainment. Mix and mingle with the cast of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast, and attend the final dress rehearsal. This black-tie event will help raise funds to support the Ordway and its educational programs. 5 PM. Ordway Center for the Performing Arts, 345 Washington St., St. Paul. (651) 282-3006. <www. ordway.org>.

The Network TUESDAY, DECEMBER 15

Home Services______ Insurance__________

Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. The classic tale of finding hidden beauty inside is coming live to the Ordway. Watch as the hideous beast is transformed into a prince through the power of love. Through Jan 3. Ordway Center for the Performing Arts, 345 Washington St., St. Paul. (651) 224-4222. <www.ordway.org>. Tickets on Sale TICKETS ON SALE Dreamgirls. Direct from the world-famous Apollo Theatre in New York City, the dream of making it big in this rags-to-riches story of a 1960s Motown girl group comes to Minneapolis, complete with onstage joy and backstage drama. Jan. 12-17. Orpheum Theatre, 910 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (800) 982-2787. <www. ticketmaster.com>.

Insurance__________

Pet Products & Services______

Dreamgirls. Photo by Joan Marcus

Mamma Mia! The best-selling, Abba-filled musical is hitting the stage. The feel-good show tells the story of a mother, a daughter, and her three possible fathers. What could possibly go wrong? Mar. 9-14. Orpheum Theatre, 910 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (800) 982-2787. <www.ticketmaster.com>. The Wizard of Oz. The Yellow Brick Road is leading to Minneapolis, as Dorothy and her faithful friends take a trip to the great and powerful Wizard. This production is bound to blow you away from the moment the tornado touches down, and takes you to the dazzling art deco Oz. Mar. 26-28. Orpheum Theatre, 910 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (800) 982-2787. <www.tick etmaster.com>.

The Wizard of Oz. Photo Courtesy of Hennepin Theatre Trust

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Psychotherapy______

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The Network

Psychotherapy______ Real Estate________ ...

[Calendar]

ONGOING

Brett Favre’s Christmas Spectacular: The Immaculate Interception. Retail stores have told us it’s that time of the year again. In the holiday spirit, Brave New Workshop is back with its wonderful Christmas tale, and Minnesota-style, it stars Brett Favre! (Not really, but we always can dream.) Through Jan. 30. Brave New Workshop, 2605 Hennepin Ave. S., Mpls. (612) 332-6620. <www.bravenewworkshop.com>. A Christmas Carol. Join the Guthrie for its 35th-annual production of Charles Dickens’s classic story of finding the joy of Christmas. Not to be missed is Peter Michael Goetz, returning for the ninth consecutive season as Ebenezer Scrooge. Through Dec. 31. Guthrie Theater, 818 S. 2nd St., Mpls. 818 S. 2nd St., Mpls. (612) 377-2224. <www.guthrietheater.org>. IBEW Holiday Lights in the Park. Join this growing tradition, as the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers (IBEW) lights up Phalen Park nightly. Enjoy the spectacular array of more than 50 larger-than-life holiday-themed light sculptures and animated displays, while helping raise funds for local charities. 5:30-10 PM. Through Dec. 31. Phalen Park, 1615 E. Phalen Dr., St. Paul. <www.ibewpros.org>. In the Heights. Winner of four Tony Awards and a Grammy Award for Best Musical Show Album, In the Heights is making its Minnesota debut. Join a community on the brink of change, and full of hopes and dreams, as they sing, dance, and gyrate their way across the stage. Through Dec. 6. Orpheum Theatre, 910 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (800) 982-2787. <www.tick etmaster.com>.

December 4–17, 2009

Real Estate________

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In the Heights. Photo by Joan Marcus

Mu Daiko. For the past 12 years, Twin Cities taiko ensemble Mu Daiko has journeyed through the roots of Japanese drumming, and brought that rich history to audiences. Through Dec. 6. The Southern Theater, 1420 Washington Ave. S., Mpls. (612) 340-1725. <www. southerntheater.org>.

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Classifieds

[Photos by Sophia Hantzes ]

Health/Fitness 501 FIT. Strength with Class. Improve your life. Fun, Effective and Affordable Strength Training Classes. Try “1” Class for FREE! 501 Washington Ave. S. 3rd Fl., Minneapolis, MN. (612) 767-4415. www.501fit.com.

Home Furnishing COTTAGE HOUSE • An Occasional Market • Next sale: YEAR END CLEARANCE! • DECEMBER 11, 12, 13. FRI - SUN 10am - 6pm • 4304 Chicago Ave. S., Minneapolis, MN.

Home Services Current Affairs Electric, Inc. Full Service Electricians, Personalized Service, Affordable Rates, Prompt Response. License #CA05093, Bonded, Insured, Commercial, Residential. Twin Cities Metro, MN. Sahir: (612) 817-9213, Carl: (612) 220-6273. www. currentaffairselectricinc.com.

House Cleaning The Maids Home Services gives you the healthiest, most thorough housecleaning, guaranteed! Supervised teams, bonded, insured, environmentally safe cleaning products are why Nobody Outcleans The Maids.® Free estimates (952) 929-6243. www. maids.com. CLEANING MASTER INC. - 12 years experience. Homes, offices, clinics. Daily, weekly, bi weekly, event or monthly. Thorough, professional, responsible & honest. BBB member. (612) 521-9658.

Pet Products & Services A Tail of Four Paws. Pet care when your not there. Daily Walks. Special Needs Care. First-Aid CPR certified. Overnight. Your Dog House or Mine. Bonded. Insured. (612) 8227474.

Rentals-Residential 2 BR+ Duplex. New contemporary kitchen: granite, ss, slate floor. Laundry, hardwood floors, 2 fireplaces, double garage, private patio with firepit. Convenient access. 44xx Portland. $1100/month. (612) 859-5764. Lake Minnetonka Twin Home. 3 BR, 2.75 BA, loft, skylights, deck, dock, fenced yard, 2.5 car garage, AC, stove, refrig, W/D, DW, $1,800/ mo + utilities & security deposit required with 1 year lease. Credit check required. (952) 4717095 for appt. NE Mpls - 2 BR Ground Floor Duplex. Hardwood floors, free laundry, 3 season porch, fenced yard, garage available Pets OK. Close to busline & Logan Park. $950 plus utilities. (612) 702-3773.

LAVENDER FIRST THURSDAY NOVEMBER 5 MINNEAPOLIS JB HUDSON

Spa Services THE SPA by [email protected]. 2736 Hennepin, UPTOWN. 612.986.4929 Catering to the Beauty Rituals for all Men and Women. Handcrafted Natural Facials. Body and Brazilian Waxing and Trimming. Manicures. Pedicures. Massage.

Therapeutic Massages FULL BODY MASSAGE. Warm relaxing atmosphere, Minneapolis. Hour Massage $60.00. Shower Available. (612) 219-6743. 7 days a week, 10 am - 10 pm. Therapist: 5'10, 167#, 32 waist. GOT ME? I’ll do your body good. Swedish, Deep Tissue, Shiatsu & Tui Na. Downtown location. In/Out. Call anytime. Kurt, CMT: (612) 338-3329. FULL BODY DEEP TISSUE MASSAGE. Relax & Unwind from Head to Toe. Private S. Mpls Studio. Music, Candles, Jacuzzi, Full Bath. In/ Out Calls. 7 days. 10am - 10pm. (612) 3888993. STRONG & RELAXING hands, resulting in bodywork at its best! Bruck, MT, DC in South Minneapolis @ (612) 306-6323.

Psychotherapy IRENE GREENE, MSEd, Psychotherapist: 24 years experience. Individual, Couples Counseling, Mediation. Life changes, relationship, gender, sexuality, parenting, anger, anxiety, depression. Coming Out, Sexual Abuse, DID Groups. Sliding fee. Professional, nonjudgmental, confidential. (612) 874-6442. [email protected].

Real Estate

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Employment

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Community Connection Community Connection brings visibility to local GLBT-friendly non-profit organizations. To reserve your listing in Community Connection, call 612-436-4698 or email advertising@ lavendermagazine.com.

Addiction Info & Treatment

Hazelden Providing comprehensive treatment, recovery solutions. Helping people reclaim their lives from the disease of addiction. P.O. Box 11 15251 Pleasant Valley Rd Center City, MN (800) 257-7800 www.hazelden.org

AIDS/HIV Information & Treatment

Aliveness Project, The Community Center for Individuals Living with HIV/AIDS -- On-site Meals, Food Shelf and Supportive Services. 730 East 38th St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 824-LIFE (5433) www.aliveness.org HIM Program One of the Red Door Services of the Hennepin County Public Health Clinic. 525 Portland Ave. 4th Floor Minneapolis, MN (612) 348-9100 www.himprogram.org www.StopSyphilisNOW.org www.CrystalClearMN.org www.inSPOT.org/Minnesota MAP AIDSline MAP AIDSLine is the confidential statewide toll-free HIV information and referral service. 1400 Park Ave. Minneapolis, MN (612) 373-AIDS (metro) or (800) 248-AIDS (statewide) [email protected] www.mnaidsproject.org Park House Day Health / Mental Health Treatment Program for Adults Living with HIV/AIDS. 710 E. 24th Street, Suite 303 Minneapolis, MN (612) 871-1264 www.allina.com/ahs/anw.nsf/page/ park_house_home U of MN Research Studies Looking for HIV+ and HIV- individuals to participate in research studies. 420 Delaware Street SE Minneapolis, MN 55455 612-625-7472 WEB ADDRESS

Art Galleries

December 4–17, 2009

Minneapolis Institute of Arts Enjoy Masterpieces From All Over The World And Every Period Of Human History. Free Admission Daily! 2400 3rd Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN (612) 870-3000 www.artsmia.org

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Education

Minnesota Online Highschool Get ready for college and life with a supportive, online, public school that fits you 1313 5 Street, SE, Suite 227 Minneapolis, MN 55414 Phone: 1-800-764-8166 x 111 Fax: 1-866-586-2870 Website: www.mnohs.org

Events

Minnesota AIDS Trek Annual Bike Trek To Benefit Top Shelf, AIDS Care Partners, Camp Benedict, UCLA Vaccine Program. 3017 York Ave. N. Robbinsdale, MN (763) 522-8067 [email protected] www.aids-trek.org Red Ribbon Ride Four-day Bike Ride in July Benefiting Eight HIV/AIDS Service Organizations in Minnesota. 4457 3rd Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN (612) 822-2110 www.redribbonride.org

Fitness

YWCA of Minneapolis Healthy Me. Healthy Community. Co-ed, full-service health clubs. Locations in Downtown, Midtown and Uptown 2808 Hennepin Avenue South Minneapolis, MN 55408 (612) 874-7131 www.ywcampls.org

Health Services

GLBTCALLITQUITS.COM If you're ready to quit smoking, we're here to support you. 1-866-434-9736 Rainbow Health Initiative A coalition reducing the impact of tobacco use through mini-grants, education, and community events. 41 N. 12th St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 252-1222 www.rainbowhealth.org

Historical

Minnesota Historical Society The best of Minnesota comes to life with fun, hands-on exhibits and signature programs. 345 Kellogg Blvd W., St. Paul, MN (651) 259-3000 www.mnhs.org/historycenter

Media & Communications Minnesota Public Radio Providing in depth news coverage, classical music and emerging artists on our three regional services. (651) 290-1212 www.mpr.org

Radio K 770 Radio K is the award-winning student-run radio station of the University of Minnesota 330 21st Ave. S. 610 Rarig Center University of Minnesota Minneapolis, MN 55455 (612) 625-3500 www.radiok.org

Performing Arts

Ballet of the Dolls Resident Company of Newly Renovated Ritz Theater. Twin Cities first year-round dance-theater program. 35 13th Ave. NE Minneapolis, MN (612) 623-7660 www.balletofthedolls.org Brazen Theatre Plays, Musicals, Cabaret and Other Entertainment for Adventurous Audiences. See Individual Ads for Venue (414) 248-6481 www.brazentheatre.org

Guthrie Theater Come On In! Performances, Classes, Dining, Tours. 818 South 2nd St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 377-2224 www.guthrietheater.org Hennepin Theatre Trust Orpheum, State and Pantages Theatres Twin Cities’ best live entertainment: Broadway shows, music concerts, comedy, dance and more! Minneapolis, MN (612) 673-0404 www.HennepinTheatreDistrict.org Illusion Theater Nationally Renowned For Developing Artists and New Work While Sparking Conversation About Challenging Human Issues. 528 Hennepin Ave., #704 Minneapolis, MN (612) 339-4944 www.illusiontheater.org Jungle Theater Professional theater producing contemporary and classic works in an intimate setting in the Lynlake neighborhood. 2951 Lyndale Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN (612) 822-7063 www.JungleTheater.com Minneapolis Musical Theatre “Giving Voice to the Human Experience” New and Rarely-Seen Musicals. 8520 W. 29th St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 605-3298 www.aboutmmt.org

Park Square Theatre Creating entertainment that matters; transporting you to unique worlds through exceptional talent and masterful stories. 20 West Seventh Pl. Saint Paul, MN (651) 291-7005 www.parksquaretheatre.org Theater Latté Da Exploring And Expanding The Art of Musical theater Under The Artistic Direction of Peter Rothstein. Minneapolis, MN 612-339-3003 www.latteda.org Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus An award-winning chorus that builds community through music and offers entertainment worth coming out for! 528 Hennepin Ave., Suite 307 Minneapolis, MN (612) 339-SONG (7664) [email protected] www.tcgmc.org University of Minnesota Theatre Arts and Dance Educating artists and audiences through a diverse mix of performances on both land and water. U of M Theatre 330 21st Ave S, Minneapolis, MN (612) 624-2345 www.theatre.umn.edu

Pets

Animal Humane Society Buffalo: (763) 390-3647 Coon Rapids: (763) 862-4030 Golden Valley: (763) 522-4325 St. Paul: (651) 645-7387 Woodbury: (651) 730-6008 www.animalhumanesociety.org

Minnesota Opera America’s Most Exciting Opera Company Now Has a New GLBTA Group “Out at the Opera!” 620 N. First St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 342-9550 www.mnopera.org

Politics & Rights

Minnesota Orchestra Led by Music Director Osmo Vänskä, the Minnesota Orchestra, one of America’s leading symphony orchestras. 1111 Nicollet Mall Minneapolis, MN (612) 371-5656 (800) 292-4141 www.minnesotaorchestra.org

OutFront Minnesota Delivering programs / services in the area of public policy, anti-violence, education and training, and law. 310 E. 38th St., Ste. 204 Minneapolis, MN (612) 822-0127 www.outfront.org

Northrop Presenting world-class entertainment in the heart of the Twin Cities. 84 Church St. SE Minneapolis, MN 55455 Business Office: 612-625-6600 Ticket Office: 612-624-2345 northrop.umn.edu

Midtown Global Market An internationally-themed public market with over 40 independent vendors offering the finest selection of produce, meats, delicacies, prepared foods, grocery items, unique gifts and services from around the world. 920 E. Lake St. Suite G.10 Minneapolis, MN (612) 872-4041

One Voice Mixed Chorus Passionate about building community and creating social change by raising our voices in song. 732 Holly Ave. Ste. Q Saint Paul, MN (651) 298-1954 www.ovmc.org [email protected] Ordway Center for the Performing Arts Serving our community through hosting, presenting, creating performing arts and educational programs enriching diverse audiences. 345 Washington St. St. Paul, MN (651) 224-4222 www.ordway.org

Human Rights Campaign Advocates for all GLBT Americans, mobilizes grassroots action, invests strategically to elect fair-minded individuals. P.O. Box 50608 Minneapolis, MN www.twincities.hrc.org www.hrc.org

Public Market

Religious & Spiritual

All God’s Children Metropolitan Community Church All inclusive, welcoming Christian church founded by and for GLBT people and their allies. 3100 Park Ave. Minneapolis, MN (612) 824-2673 www.agcmcc.org Edina Community Lutheran Church Upbeat, growing congregation committed to inclusion, justice, peace, community and proclaiming God’s YES to all. 4113 W. 54th St. Edina, MN (952) 926-3808 www.eclc.org

Community Connection

Mayflower Community Congregational United Church of Christ An open and affirming, peace with justice church welcomes you. 106 E. Diamond Lake Rd. (I-35 & Diamond Lake Rd.) Minneapolis, MN (612) 824-0761 www.mayflowermpls.org

Spirit of Hope An Independent Catholic community At our table, all are welcome. Mass at 5 PM Saturday evening. Fr. Marty Shanahan. Worship at: St. Anne’s Episcopal Church 2035 Charlton Rd Sunfish Lake, MN www.spiritofhopecatholiccommunity.org St. Mark’s Episcopal Cathedral Wherever you are on your faith journey... St. Mark’s Welcomes You. 519 Oak Grove St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 870-7800 www.ourcathedral.org

Mount Olive Lutheran Church Ours is a welcoming parish, rich in music, liturgy and opportunities to serve the community. 3045 Chicago Ave. Minneapolis, MN (612) 827-5919 www.mountolivechurch.org

St. Luke Presbyterian Church We’re a Joyful, Compassionate Commmunity on a Spiritual Journey, Seeking Justice and Peace. Join Us. 3121 Groveland School Rd. Wayzata, MN (952) 473-7378 www.stlukeweb.org

Plymouth Congregational Church, Minneapolis A Beacon of Liberal Theology. Progressive Christianity, Traditional Setting & Service, Social Action, The Arts & Music. 1900 Nicollet Ave. at Franklin Minneapolis, MN (612) 871-7400 www.plymouth.org

University Lutheran Church of Hope Reconciling Congregation - All Are Welcome. Social Justice Opportunities. Strong University Links - Questioning Encouraged. Great Music. 601 13th Ave. SE Minneapolis, MN (612) 331-5988 www.ulch.org

Westminster Presbyterian Church A Covenant Network Congregation, Working Toward a Church as Generous and Just as God’s Grace. Nicollet Mall at 12th St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 332-3421 www.ewestminster.org Wingspan Ministry + PASTORAL CARE + EDUCATION + WITNESS + ADVOCACY + Outreach of St. Paul-Reformation Church to the GLBTQA Community. 100 N. Oxford St. St. Paul, MN (651) 224-3371 www.stpaulref.org

Sexuality

Man2Man An Interactive Seminar Where Guys Talk To Each Other About Sex, Dating, and Being Gay/Bi. University of Minnesota Minneapolis, MN (612) 626-7187 www.epi.umn.edu/m2m

Social Organizations Imperial Court of Minnesota P.O. Box 582417 Minneapolis, MN www.impcourtmn.com

Student/Campus/Alumni Minnesota GLBTA Campus Alliance A statewide alliance of students, staff, faculty, alumni, and community members

uniting for campus change. 2136 Ford Parkway #131 St. Paul, MN (612) 730-8541 www.mncampusalliance.org

Travel

Palm Springs Bureau of Tourism America's Gay Oasis is Beautiful Palm Springs. www.palm-springs.org Visit Minneapolis North Convention & Visitors Bureau We take pride in helping individuals find the ideal location for events & celebrations. 6200 Shingle Creek Parkway, Suite 248, Minneapolis, MN 55430 763.566.7722 / 800.541.4364 www.visitminneapolisnorth.com

Women’s Services

Womyn Unlimited Minnesota A Minnesota based non-profit grassroots philanthropic organization by, of, and for a diverse community of women. Rose Hart (612) 250-0119 www.womynunlimitedmn.org

Youth

District 202 District 202 provides social, cultural and educational opportunities for GLBT youth ages 21 and under. www.dist202.org

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Hennepin Avenue United Methodist Church Take a Spiritual Journey With Hennepin’s Faith Community Through Worship, Education, Fellowship, Service, and More. 511 Groveland Ave. Minneapolis, MN (612) 871-5303 www.haumc.org

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Backtalk > Behaving Bradley

[ by Bradley Tranor ]

FLAMING TROLLS OF THE INTERNET!

Y

December 4–17, 2009

ou’re walking down the street. A stranger stops you, and asks, “What does it mean to be gay?” How do you answer? Something very similar happened to me not too long ago. I was caught up in the back-and-forth of an online discussion about gay marriage. I generally avoid the ego trap of blog “discussions,” but on this particular day, my justice-wielding keystrokes got the better of me.

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During the yammering in question, one decidedly irksome commenter posited that gay marriage is not a civil or human rights issue, because gayness, unlike race, for example, is a behavior: “When you can convince anything nearing a majority of people that a behavior is like skin pigment, you’ll be on a roll.” I politely suggested that when he discovered being gay goes well beyond any particular “behavior,” perhaps he’d like to join us here in the 21st Century. Far from being stunned into enlightenment by my witty retort, my newfound Interwebular foe upped the ante: “If you can name one—just one—trait that defines homosexuality other than the desire to have sexual relations with a member of the same sex, I will admit that gay rights are equivalent

with ‘human rights’ in the broader sense.” Great. Suddenly, I’m on $25,000 Pyramid, and this guy is June Lockhart. Still, not one to freeze up in the face of a challenge, I bit. Name one trait that defines homosexuality other than sexual behavior. How about love? Not only did I not win the jackpot on this round, but also I unwittingly launched my opponent into a state of near apoplexy: “I love my brothers. I loved my Dad. I love a few lifelong friends. But I don’t want to have sex with any of them, because I’m not homosexual. Love is not a singularly defining trait of homosexuality. Sexual behavior is the single defining trait of homosexuality.” I began to get the feeling I was tilting at windmills. For starters, most gay people I know don’t want to have sex with their broth-

ers, dads, or lifelong friends, either—unless, of course, their lifelong friends are hot. Second, I began to wonder where our friend had become such an expert on the defining traits of homosexuality. I would’ve asked, but I was afraid I’d hear something like, “Some of my best friends are homosexual.” It would be easy to write off the ramblings of our friend in this instance as merely the ignorant blithering of a hapless bigot—his logic easily harpooned, his credibility on the subject beyond suspect. Nevertheless, he did send me away with something of value to think about. What does it mean to be gay? What are the defining traits of homosexuality? Are we merely the sum of our parts—or, rather, where we want to put some of our parts? I can’t remember the last time I thought much about what it means to be gay, but perhaps it’s time we all gave it a little more thought. For, if indeed society sees us as little more than our sexual behavior, I don’t imagine equal treatment under the law will be ours anytime soon. For my part, I’m content to answer the question as I did at the outset. What does it mean to be gay? Simply put: love. Just as my sparring partner loves women, I love men. No more, no less. How do you answer?

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LavenderMagazine.com

Ms. Behavior© | [ by Meryl Cohn ]

Confused Dear Ms. Behavior: I’ve seen my new boyfriend, Elliot, go through some difficult times, mainly because of problems with drug addiction. He has been clean and sober for nearly a year now. He just moved in with me. He says being with me is good for him. He really wants our relationship to work. Elliot insists that this time, his sobriety will stick. His old friends were into hard drugs—that whole “party and play” thing. He stays away from his old druggie friends. At his drug counselor’s suggestion, he got rid of his old cell number and e-mail address. He is doing well, going to work, going to meetings, and making new friends. The problem is that Elliot’s old friend, James, who got him into crack and meth, is trying to get back in touch with him. He now e-mails and calls my cell phone incessantly, looking for him. Ordinarily, it would be a no-brainer— I’d do everything in my power to keep them apart. But James claims he has a serious illness, so he needs to talk with Elliot, and settle their past. I have no way of knowing if this is true. Am I obligated to tell Elliot that James is looking for him? Or should I protect Elliot’s sobriety at all costs? —Confused

December 4–17, 2009

Dear Confused:

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No one can protect Elliott totally. As soon as he walks out the door of your house, James or any other old crack-head friend can try to find him. Elliott’s fate with regard to drugs will depend on many factors, including the level of support he cultivates, and his own daily decisions. Tell Elliott that James has been calling, and claiming to have a serious illness. Ask Elliott what he wants to do about it. If he tells you that he has no interest in seeing James, you’ll be free to tell him to get lost. If Elliott decides to call James back, help him to muster up all the support he can get first: meetings, therapy, and voodoo, plus, most of all, the advice and involvement of friends who are clean and sober. You might want to check out Al-Anon, too.

Adult > Classifieds Dear Ms. Behavior: My best friend, Sue, who is marrying her girlfriend, Mary, asked me to officiate at her nonreligious wedding. Sue is the most controlling person I know. She has my every word scripted, and my every movement blocked. I know this is just her anxious personality, so I’m OK with following her orders. The problem is that Sue has been taking modern dance classes on the sly. She plans to step out of her wedding dress when it’s her turn to say her vows, and do a full-on dance to express her love for Mary. Of course, no one knows anything about this but me. Unfortunately, I’ve seen the dance, and it is not good—not at all. I fear Sue will make a fool of herself, and make all of her guests uncomfortable, but, most of all, embarrass her bride-to-be. Is there anything I can say to her at this point? Am I being a jerk for wanting to squelch Sue’s self-expression? Or am I saving my friend from an unseemly moment in an otherwise beautiful ceremony? —Rev. Joan

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A bride unzipping and tossing off her dress, and doing a dance to express the emotion behind her vows, does sound rather like a comedy skit, especially because she’ll be surrounded by people who’ve gathered to witness the sacred event. Of course, the level of hilarity will depend a lot on what the bride wears underneath the dress (a white unitard? pasties and a G-string?), as well as on what kind of music accompanies her dance (an accordion? a French horn? a classical ensemble?). It’s nice that you’d like to save your friend from being embarrassed, but it’s not your job to protect her. If you suggest that her wedding dance is absurd, she’ll feel you’re not supporting her. You gently can try to convince her to save the dance for the reception, but it probably won’t work. Fortunately, your friend’s wedding isn’t an episode of So You Think You Can Dance, with a posse of harsh judges and a critical audience. Let’s hope the crowd of invited loved ones already adores the brides, and will be charmed by Sue’s flailing attempts at grace. Do try to discourage people from videotaping the blessed event, if possible. © 2009 Meryl Cohn. Address questions and correspondence to <[email protected]>. She is the author of Do What I Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette (Houghton Mifflin). Signed copies are available directly from the author.

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Dear Rev. Joan:

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Adult > Classifieds

December 4–17, 2009

Adult Chat

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Backtalk > Dateland

[ by Jennifer Parello ]

Evolution of Love Anyway, this show said that only dysfunctional idiots continue to make the same mistakes from relationship to relationship. But fully realized adults learn important lessons from each relationship, and it makes them better people. And my dream always has been to be a better people. I’ve been in about 57 relationships, and I haven’t evolved at all. I still have little use for my opposable thumbs, and I have trouble walking upright, especially on Sunday mornings. So, the following is a wish list of ways I’d like to evolve during my next 57 relationships: • Get a girlfriend from Europe! I think it has been proven by some scientists that Europeans are more evolved than Americans. They spend their days drinking coffee from fancy little cups, and debating physics principles in impressive accents, while we are trapped in foam cubicles, and waste hours

This is Tarzan’s jungle. Voici la jungle de Tarzan.

reciting one-liners from stupid sitcoms. Plus, Europe owns Sweden, and I always have had a yen for blonde, Nordic types. • Learn to use simple tools! My ineptitude in using utensils has been a problem in past relationships. My lady friend will make me a nice meal, and I’ll rip into it with my hands and canines before the table is set. It’s just that I get so hungry, I have a hard time waiting for a fork. • Mimic traits of more delicious girls! This is an important technique in evolutionary science. Here’s how it works: A perfectly delectable butterfly masks its tastiness by taking on the coloring of a poisonous species of butterfly, thus fooling predators into thinking it is the dangerous variety. I would do the opposite. I would disguise my bitter, nasty self by adopting the persona of a luscious, enticing girl. My prey wouldn’t realize it’s in trouble until after it bit into me.

Me Tarzan. You Jane. Moi Tarzan, toi Jane.

• Become older and sicker! This is a well-known evolutionary principle: Older and sicker members of the herd are the first to be caught by predators. And because I want to be caught, I need to get weaker. Damn me, and my robust good health and self-sufficient ways! • Grow a tail! I mentioned this above, but I feel the need to explain. If I had a tail, I easily could express emotion, something I’ve been accused of lacking by my past 57 girlfriends. It’s not that I don’t have emotions— it’s just that I have no capacity to express them. It would be easy with a tail, though. I can tell exactly what my dogs are thinking by watching their tails: happy, scared, hungry, anxious. Plus, if it were a long tail, I’d be able to hang from trees, and listen in on conversations of unsuspecting bystanders. • Get myself one of those big brains! I would rank my current brain size somewhere between a lemur and a harbor seal. I want me one of those great big primate brains I’ve heard so much about. A big brain will allow me to choose a proper mate based on such factors as ability to nurture, gather and prepare food, and pick nits from my hair. But at this point in my sad relationship history, I really would settle for a tail. Hey, I wrote a book! You can buy Dateland on Amazon.

Well… Flesh is weak. Disons que… la chair est faible.

LavenderMagazine.com

I

was at home sick last week, which gave me lots of time to catch up on daytime TV. One show that featured a portly, mustachioed faux therapist was about how people evolve from relationship to relationship. This made me really happy, because I always have wanted to grow a tail, and I’m pretty sure the only way to get one is through evolution.

81

Yellow Pages > Advertiser Index Adult

Coffee & Tea

Home Furnishings & Accessories

Optical

1-800-GayLive .............................. 79 Déjà Vu .......................................... 80 Dream Girls ................................... 77 Hennepin Avenue Adult Boutique......................................... 77 Interactive Male ............................ 78, 80 Megaphone .................................. 80 Squirt-PressNet .............................. 80

Coffee and Tea Ltd. ..............58

Furniture Manor ............................ 12 Hoigaard’s .................................... 25 Moveables Consignment ............. 66

Grand Spectacle .......................... 22

Communications 89.3 The Current ..................75 Air America Minnesota..........63 Radio K .................................31

Eye of Horus.................................. 68 Fantasy Gifts ................................. 25

Grocery Stores

Insurance

Groceries on Harmon .................. 51 Midtown Global Market .............. 56 Mississippi Market ........................ 69 Wedge Co-op ............................... 54

American Family Insurance.......... 58 Arens, John .................................... 71 Baldwin, Davina ........................... 71 Wagner Insurance-Financial Services ......................................... 71 Whitesong, Therese ...................... 71 Wolfson, Steve .............................. 71

DeskTech ..............................68

Apparel & Accessories jb hudson JEWELERS .................... 19 STYLEDLIFE-styledlook.................. 9

Dating Services

Arts & Entertainment

Financial

Ballet of the Dolls .......................... 31 Electric Fetus .................................. 25 Dixie’s Tupperware Party ............. 51 Hennepin Theatre Trust ............... 29 Illusion Theater ............................. 30 MacPhail Center for Music .......... 29 Minnesota Orchestra ................... 2 Ordway Center for the Performing Arts ............................. 33 Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus .... 29

Boyer, Daniel ........................69 Moltaji, Roya .........................27 Palm, Karen ..........................9 ROR Tax Professionals ........68 Wells Fargo Bank .................7

Simply Introduced .................67

Floral & Garden Anthony Shane Florist ..........22 Tangletown Gardens.............24

Food Automotive LaMettry’s Collision ...................... 66 Morrie’s Mazda ........................... 8

Bars & Clubs Twin Cities Bar Advertiser Guide ............................................. 34 19 Bar ............................................ 45 Brass Rail ....................................... 38 Camp ............................................. 44 Club Metro .................................... 43 Gay 90’s ...................................... 36, 37 Gladius .......................................... 42 Lush ................................................ 44 Minneapolis Eagle, Bolt ............... 40 Rumours/Innuendo ....................... 45 Saloon ........................................... 39 Tickles ............................................ 47 Town House ................................. 41

Beauty & Relaxation Barbers on Bryant ......................... 68 City Looks Salons.......................... 68 Garden of Eden ............................ 30 Homme by Maric Group ............. 21 SKIN Medical Spa ....................... 21 Wax Kitten..................................... 69

December 4–17, 2009

Beverages

82

Budweiser ...................................... 35 Sorella Wine & Spirits .................. 46

Casino Black Bear Casino and Resort..... 30

Catering Mintahoe Hospitality Group .. 51

The Aliveness Project .................... 47

Home Services A-Z Electric ................................... 70 Bauer Floor Covering ................... 70 Bluestem Construction .................. 69 Boe Plumbing ................................ 64 Bretts True Quality Homes ........... 26 Good Stuff Moving ...................... 70 Halet Remodeling & Renovations 69 Home Style Coaching .................. 70 Hopkins Carpet One .................... 31 Jeff’s SOS Drain & Sewer Services ......................................... 11 Matt’s Tree Service ....................... 69 Personal Pride Construction ......... 71 R. Davis Construction, Inc. ........... 71 Ryan’s Tree Care .......................... 70 Sage Building & Remodeling ...... 70 Skalski’s Woodworking Co. ....... 70 Soderlin Plumbing, Heating & Air Conditioning........................ 26 Solum Fine Flooring ...................... 69 SOS Homecare ............................ 70 Tangletown Design and Interiors .......................................... 70 The Tile Shop ................................ 10 Todd the Plumber .......................... 70 Twin City Heating and Air............ 31 Universal Windows Direct ........... 70 Vujovich ......................................... 13 Your Style Tile & Granite ............. 70

Computer & Internet

Vinaigrette ............................21 Funeral Services Funeral Consult ............................. 68 Barbara Johnson Hannah ............ 69

Gifts

Health, Wellness & Recovery 3 Bears Chiropractic .................... 68 Avenues of Health ........................ 67 Burns, Steve ................................... 71 Carrillo, Dr. Thomas P. .................. 72 Complete Body ............................. 69 Heffelfinger, Kate .......................... 72 HIM Program ................................ 27 inSPOT ........................................... 67 North Suburban Eye Specialists . 11 Laser Body Sculpture .................... 65 Latitudes-Meridian Behavioral Health ............................................ 66 Lyn Lake Chiropractic ................... 5 Mayfield Chiropractic .................. 7 Pride Institute ................................. 68 Rainbow Health Initiative ............. 11 Stechmann, Dr. Fred ..................... 72 Stolz, James................................... 71 University of Minnesota, Infectious Diseases........................ 67

Organizations

Jewelry Tesa Jewelry .................................. 3 Max’s ............................................. 13

Legal Cloutier & Brandl .......................... 63 Dean, Jeff ...................................... 5 Dunlap Law Office ....................... 11 Heltzer & Burg .............................. 26 Hoffner Law Firm .......................... 7 Moshier, Becky ............................. 9 Terry, Slane, Ruohonen ............... 7

Malls & Shopping Centers Mall of America ............................ 84

Mortgage Lozinski, David .............................. 8

Pet Products & Services Animal Humane Society ............. 9 Larpenteur Animal Hospital ......... 67 Pampered Pooch Playground ...... 71 Park ur Pet-Lexicorp ...................... 71

Public Service Hennepin County Public Affairs .. 8

Real Estate & Rentals Bowman, Jennifer.......................... 72 Calfee, David ................................ 72 Lakes Area Realty ......................... 72 Launert, Malinda .......................... 5 Leviton, Ann ................................... 72 McGee, Michael .......................... 65 New Home Store Realty .............. 66 Richardson, Beth ........................... 11 Ruzick, Amy & Johnson, Kay ....... 8, 72 Stevenson, Scott ............................ 12

Restaurants B.A.N.K. Westin Minneapolis ..... 53 Cecil’s Deli .................................... 53 Dancing Ganesha ........................ 53 Duplex Restaurant and Wine Bar ....................................... 58 Fuji Ya ............................................ 54 KinDee Thai Restaurant ................ 53 Luna Rossa Trattoria and Wine Bar ....................................... 58 Midtown Global Market .............. 56 OM ................................................ 51 Parasole Restaurants..................... 23 Park Tavern Bowling & Entertainment Center .................... 57 Rainbow Chinese .......................... 56 Roat Osha ..................................... 57 The Sample Room......................... 57 Sushi Tango ................................... 55 Tiger Sushi ..................................... 75 Toast Wine Bar & Café ................ 57 Uptown Diner/Calhoun Grill/ Louisiana Café/Grandview Grill 55 Zen Restaurant .............................. 56

Sports & Recreation Above The Falls Sports................. 64

Travel & Accommodations A North Shore Holiday................ 63 Chambers Hotel Minneapolis ..... 57 Hilton Garden Inn......................... 29 Hilton Minneapolis/St. Paul Airport Mall of America............... 21