Lavender Magazine Issue 372

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August 28–September 10, 2009

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Contents |

[ Minnesota's Gay-Lesbian-Bisexual-Transgender Magazine ]

LavenderMagazine.com NEWS & POLITICS 30 Minnesota AIDS Trek 24

New Lavender Digital Edition, Weekly Newsletter, Events, plus the chance to Win Prizes every issue!

Rides to Duluth Local, National, and World News

FLIP FOR THE NEW LAVENDER DIGITAL EDITION

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

WATCH LYNX IN ACTION

31 Big Gay News

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32 On the Townsend After Juliet • Ella • Ashesh Barsha, Unending Monsoon • Mary Poppins Use Your Black “Bar” Tab To Find

BAR SCENE 36 Twin Cities Bar Guide/Map Find Your Way to Hot Spots

36 Regional Bar Guide Out-of-Town Change of Pace

38 Bartender Spotlight Bolt/Minneapolis Eagle: Justin 40 Leather Life Interview with Buck Angel 42 Lavender Lens Out in the Stands 45 Bar Calendar Plan Your Bar Outings

Dogga for your Pooch

ACTOR

THOM BIERDZ Heads to Minneapolis for HRC Dinner Award Thom Bierdz Photo ©John Paschal/jpistudios.com

10 A Word in Edgewise Love You Like a Brother 12 Queer as Folks Lavender’s Pride Central Raises $4,992 for The Aliveness Project • Julie Dafydd Reprises Miss Margarida’s Way

COVER FEATURE

Hell’s Kitchen

50 Dining Guide Food for Every Mood

WandaWisdom.com

BACKTALK

America’s ORIGINAL Podcasting Drag Queen

52 The Network Business Services Directory Plan Your Fortnight

57 Classifieds Find Some Classy Stuff

58 Community Connection GLBT-Friendly Nonprofits

60 Ms. Behavior White Mama • Concerned Moms

65 Yellow Pages Advertiser Index What’s Where This Issue

14 20th Annual Human Rights

66 Consider the Source

Campaign Dinner Honors Actor Tom Bierdz

66 Cartoon

Foaming at the Mouth

What better way to enjoy late summer than with your favorite drag queen on a stick! She may not be a ride at the state fair, but she’s just as fun Photo Courtesy of Brian Roby for you and your friends! Simply click on over to wandawisdom. com for your daily dose of deep fried Wandalicious goodness!

BigGayNews.com Your daily podcast of GLBT world news with host Bradley Traynor

DULUTH-SUPERIOR PRIDE 16 RuPaul Headlines

Top Headlines

Four-Day Northland Fete

Judge Sets January Trial Date for Prop. 8 Case Michigan Boy Says Teens Used Gay Slurs During Beating Gold Awarded Amid Dispute Over Runner’s Sex Justice Department to Hire LGBT Community Liaison Anchorage Mayor Vetoes Gay Rights Ordinance

PETS 18 Doga for Your Pooch K9-Connection Brings Yoga to Dogs August 28–September 10, 2009

Pet Shop Boys concert tickets

48 Off the Eaten Path

Trolín

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LETOYA Lady Love CDs

CUISINE

54 LavenderMagazine.com Calendar

COMMUNITY DIALOGUE

A FINE FRENZY Bomb In A Birdcage CDs

20 Pic of the Litter Peggy Krizak Creates Unique Dog Portraits

ON THE RUNWAY 22 Fashion Daylight Luck

26 Onward Style It’s in the Bag

28 Isn’t Fashion Fun The New Fashion Equation

ISSUE 372 August 28, 2009 Pets Duluth-Superior Pride On the Runway

Next Up ISSUE 373 September 11, 2009 Fall Arts & Entertainment AIA Home Tour

Get Your News in 12 Languages! Big Gay News now offers TWELVE foreign language newswires! You can get international GLBT news from hundreds of sources in twelve different languages. There is absolutely no other site offering this much relevant content. Visit http://biggaynews.com today!

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Volume 15, Issue 372 • August 28–September 10, 2009

Editorial Editor Emeritus Ethan Boatner 612-436-4670 Editorial Director Russell Remmick 612-436-4671 Editorial Associate George Holdgrafer 612-436-4672 Podmaster Bradley Traynor 612-436-4669 Contributors Kolina Cicero, Meryl Cohn, Carla Continenza, Julie Dafydd, Chad Eldred, Heidi Fellner, Lawrence Ferber, Terrance Griep, Ed Huyck, Steve Lenius, John Michael Lerma, Charlene Lichtenstein, Jennifer Parello, Todd Park, Sara Rogers, Darin Schwinkendorf, Vince Sgambati, Carisa Sibbet, Elizabeth Stiras, John Townsend, Carla Waldemar

Advertising Sales & Advertising Director Barry Leavitt 612-436-4690 Senior Account Executive Suzanne Farrell 612-436-4699 Account Executives Jonathan Halverson 612-436-4696, Michael Ladzun 612-436-4697 Sales & Advertising Traffic Coordinator Linda Raines 612-436-4694 Advertising Associate George Holdgrafer 612-436-4672 Sales & Advertising Intern Chris Wood 612-436-4695 Classifieds Suzanne Farrell 612-436-4699 National Sales Representative Rivendell Media 212-242-6863

Creative Creative Director Hubert Bonnet 612-436-4678 Creative Assistants Carisa Sibbet 612-436-4677, Mike Hnida 612-436-4679 Photographer Sophia Hantzes Cartoonist Rodro Lavender Studios Hubert Bonnet, Mike Hnida

Administration Publisher Lavender Media, Inc. President & CEO Stephen Rocheford 612-436-4665 Vice President & CC Pierre Tardif 612-436-4666 Chief Financial Officer Carolyn Lima 612-436-4664 Administrative Assistant Austin Lindstrom 612-436-4661 Founders George Holdgrafer, Stephen Rocheford Inspiration Steven W. Anderson (1954-1994), Timothy J. Lee (1968-2002), Russell Berg (1957-2005), Kathryn Rocheford (1914-2006) Letters are subject to editing for grammar, punctuation, space, and libel. They should be no more than 300 words. Letters must include name, address, and phone number. Unsigned letters will not be published. Priority will be given to letters that refer to material previously published in Lavender Magazine. Submit letters to Lavender Magazine, Letters to the Editor, 3715 Chicago Avenue South, Minneapolis, MN 55407; or e-mail <[email protected]>.

August 28–September 10, 2009

Lavender Media Inc. 3715 Chicago Avenue South, Minneapolis, MN 55407 LavenderYellowPages.com 612-436-4660 phone 877-515-9969 toll free 612-436-4685 fax 612-436-4664 subscriptions 612-436-4671 distribution To advertise, call 612-436-4698

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BigGayNews.com

WandaWisdom.com

Entire contents copyright 2009. All rights reserved. Publication of the name or photograph of any person, organization, or business in this magazine does not reflect upon one’s sexual orientation whatsoever. Lavender® Magazine reserves the right to refuse any advertising. This issue of Lavender Magazine is available free of charge during the time period published on the cover. Pickup at one of our distribution sites is limited to one copy per person.

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Community Dialogue > A Word in Edgewise

[ by E.B. Boatner ]

Love You Like a Brother

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August 28–September 10, 2009

friend, knowing my fondness for photography and men, sent me an article concerning photograph collections of men being “affectionate.” There are actually a number of books in this genre. Two books dealing with the subject that I have reviewed in Lavender are Evan B. Bachner’s At Ease: Navy Men of World War II and Men of World War II: Fighting Men at Ease (Abrams 2004 and 2007). Culled from the National Archives, many of the images were by men of the stature of Edward J. Steichen, Wayne Miller, and others. They were not taken as part of an exposé, or to ferret out “unnatural” behavior, nor were they combat photos. On the contrary, the opposite of sensationalism, they were commissioned by the military to document day-to-day life among America’s enlisted men.

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A given image may show one young man lying with his head in another’s lap, or two men with their arms about each other. Nothing, either implied by the men or superimposed by the photographer, has overt sexual implications, yet the imaged relationships are obviously pleasurably physical. Other volumes, like Dear Friends: American Photographs of Men Together, 1840-1918, make it clear that from the birth of photography, American male friends have celebrated their relationship by having their likenesses captured by the camera’s lens. Why and how these displays of fraternal bonding and affection became stigmatized is more a subject for a PhD dissertation than this small essay. The Cold War? The McCarthy hearings? There has never been an unequivocal acceptance of homosexuality, but at some point after these World War II photos were taken, the mere bestowing of a touch or embrace was forbidden to American males.

We’ve not yet solved the admittedly crucial issues of equal rights, gay marriage, and tolerance for transgender individuals in the workplace, but consider today’s burgeoning “bromance.” This portmanteau word, according to Wikipedia, refers to a “mancrush,” a “close but nonsexual relationship between two men, a form of homosocial intimacy.” A blending of “brother” and “romance,” the neologism was coined in the 1990s by Dave Carnie in the skateboard magazine Big Brother. The recent Humpday, dealing with two straight buddies deciding to film themselves having sex together for a local porn festival, is but one example of the genre. It is perhaps a small breakthrough, but I hope that bromance, allowing for intense bonding between two straight buddies— or even a straight and a gay—will have an incrementally salutary effect on the spread of tolerance and visible affection between males of any persuasion.

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Queer As Folks |

Photo by Sophia Hantzes

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August 28–September 10, 2009

Lavender’s Pride Central Raises $4,992 for The Aliveness Project

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Pride always has been a reason for the GLBT community to come out en masse to celebrate who we are, and show support for the community we live in. This year’s Twin Cities Pride took place shortly after Iowa became the first Midwestern state to approve gay marriage, providing a much-needed boost to the quest for GLBT equality. Though the community has made great strides in advancing equality, those infected with HIV/AIDS—both gay and straight—still suffer in silence more often than not. On June 28, at Lavender’s Pride Central—with the help of Ameriprise Financial and the Chambers Hotel—$4,992 was raised for The Aliveness Project, one of many local organizations that help those living with HIV/AIDS. To donate, or to learn more, visit <www.aliveness.org>.

Queer As Folks |

Artwork by Shawn Van Briesen

> Lavender columnist Julie Dafydd is reprising her smash one-woman show, Miss Margarida’s Way: A Tragi-Comic Monologue for an Impetuous Woman, by Roberto Athayde. It runs September 3-4, 7 PM, at the Whitney Fine Arts Center Stagedoor Theater, Minneapolis Community and Technical College, 1424 Yale Place, Downtown Minneapolis, with an additional performance September 9, 6:30 PM, at Founders Hall, Metropolitan State University, 700 East Seventh Street, St. Paul. Directed by Scott M. Rubsam, this allegory about totalitarianism uses at its central metaphor a biology classroom where the teacher is the dictator, and the audience is the student body. Miss Margarida, an engaging though grotesque monster, often digresses from biology to taunt and harangue. Admission is free. For reservations for any of the Minneapolis performances, call (612) 659-7222. No reservations are necessary for the St. Paul performance.

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Julie Dafydd Reprises Miss Margarida’s Way

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> Cover Feature [ by Todd Park ]

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ctor Thom Bierdz is best-known perhaps for his role as Phillip Chancellor III on the daytime drama The Young and the Restless. Millions of viewers know the distinct features of his face, and the personality and complex story line of the character he crafts, along with his voice. But the unmistakable timbre of his voice isn’t limited to his acting. It sings through evocative imagery on his canvases, and cries out from visceral depths in his writing. Despite the occasional misstep or imperfection, it remains steady and firm, with nothing to hide. By his own admission, Bierdz is an “open book”—a good thing for an author. It’s pre-

came out publicly. After my brother, Gregg, killed himself, I was in a place where I had to stop pretending, and focus on what was important. I didn’t want to lie about that.” Surprisingly, even today, some in Hollywood counsel young gay actors to stay closeted, but Bierdz has found that publicity

PETA. But the singular cause closest to his heart is the National Alliance Research for Schizophrenia and Depression. The subject of Bierdz’s newly released memoir, Forgiving Troy: A True Story of Murder, Mental Illness, and Recovery, gives a personal and often painful look at the devastating effect of mental illness in his own family. Beginning with the brutal bludgeoning murder of his mother with a baseball bat by his younger brother, Troy, the captivating story moves through raw emotions of the tragedy, and how, through remarkable circumstances, the two brothers are reconciled. Despite the dramatic details of the story, the author was surprised at the resonant chord his story has struck with so many of his readers.

20 >THOM BIERDZ August 28–September 10, 2009

TH ANNUAL HRC DINNER HONORS ACTOR

cisely this true-to-himself living in the public eye as an openly gay man that won him recognition by the Human Rights Campaign (HRC). A recipient of one of this year’s Visibility Awards, he will receive the honor at the 20th annual HRC Twin Cities Gala on September 12. The evening’s theme, “Speak the Truth,” couldn’t be more fitting. Bierdz says demurely, “I appreciate the award. I don’t take this on as a personal thing.” Viewing his acting as a way to open minds by making a gay person familiar, Bierdz explains, “I just want [my character] Phillip to be inside people’s homes as this loving gay member of the family. I’d like to help combat homophobia in that respect.” Beirdz is portraying the first gay character on The Young and the Restless since its debut in 1973. He credits Executive Producer Maria Arena Bell as instrumental in reviving the character of Phillip after a 20-year hiatus—this time with a gay story line. When Bierdz left the show in 1989 to pursue opportunities in film, his agent advised against coming out, citing the prevailing closemindedness of the time surrounding AIDS. Bierdz recalls, “It was what people did. It was a scary time. It wasn’t until 2000 that I

surrounding his own sexuality has been an entirely positive thing. According to Bierdz, “The e-mails and letters I get are all supportive—100 percent positive. People are always receptive.” Being in the public eye has brought muchneeded recognition as well to the many causes Bierdz supports. He has used that recognition to battle ignorance and hatred well beyond the television screen. Donations of his art have raised more than $100,000 for a number of charitable organizations, including GLBT ones like HRC, the Matthew Shepherd Foundation, and the Point Foundation. Beirdz shares, “I love to help out, and my painting is an easy way to do that. I love to paint in public, so it’s a natural fit there.” Out Magazine recognized Bierdz as 2005 Emerging Artist of the Year, Los Angeles. Of all the things in his very full life, it is his artwork that gives Bierdz the greatest pleasure, as he enthuses: “I absolutely love painting. It’s instant gratification.” In addition to GLBT causes, Bierdz’s philanthropy embraces children’s charities, including Make-a-Wish and The Art of Elysium, as well as animal rights organizations, such as PAWS Los Angeles and

In Bierdz’s words, “I didn’t think my story would be as universal as it is, but I’m writing about relationships. It’s something everybody can understand.” Troy Bierdz remains incarcerated in a Wisconsin prison, but he talks to his brother on the phone a couple of times every week. Thom Bierdz relates, “It’s unbelievable how much we’ve changed, how much we’ve gone through. I’m very proud of how he’s grown.” The change is visible and extraordinary. Bierdz’s Web site at <www.thombierdz. com> contains 1994 interview footage from the prison, with his brother struggling to maintain composure. Personal tragedy hasn’t defined Bierdz, but it certainly filled him with a sense of clarity and purpose, as he has emerged from his considerable trials. Some have called him a Renaissance man. In looking at the trail of successes in virtually everything he has put his hand to, it’s a fitting description. Underneath the many successes is a muted tone of humility that pushes past his talent to portray a character, and into something rooted in his small-town upbringing. It has kept him focused on reality, while carrying him into the limelight through heartbreak, and back to center stage. Thom Bierdz. Photo ©John Paschal/jpistudios.com

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The Twin Cities Human Rights Campaign Gala takes place on September 12 at The Depot, 225 Third Avenue South, Minneapolis. Tickets are available at <www. twincities.hrc.org/dinner>, or by calling (800) 494-TIXS. A special showing of Thom Bierdz’s art will be on display at the Jean Stephen Gallery, 917 Nicollet Mall, Minneapolis, on September 13, 4-7 PM. It’s open to the public. Visit <www.jeanste phengalleries.com>. Copies of Bierdz’s book, Forgiving Troy: A True Story of Murder, Mental Illness, and Recovery, can be purchased via his Web site at <www.thombierdz.com>, which also has a number of his works of art and links for The Young and The Restless fans.

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Regional Pride Preview >

[ by George Holdgrafer ]

RuPaul Headlines Duluth-Superior Pride Fete This year, Duluth-Superior Pride marks its 23rd anniversary with a four-day event in the Twin Ports of Duluth, Minnesota, and Superior, Wisconsin, over Labor Day Weekend, September 3-6. The legendary RuPaul is the headliner of the Pride Festival on September 6. Info: <www.dspride.com>

CALENDAR THU., SEPT. 3 Mayor’s Reception & Weekend Opening 5-8 PM The Depot 506 W. Michigan St., Duluth Poetry Reading & Book Signing 7-9 PM Jitters Coffee House 102 W. Superior St., Duluth

FRI., SEPT. 4

August 28–September 10, 2009

Pride Patio Party 7 PM-2:30 AM The Flame 1612 Tower Ave., Superior Bonfire on the Point Sunset-Sunrise First Parking Lot on Wisconsin Point Rd., Superior

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Open All Night Duluth Sauna 18 N. 1st Ave. E., Duluth

SAT., SEPT. 5 5K Family Fun Run/Walk 8:30 AM Registration • 9 PM Start Western Lake Superior Waterfront Trail 7408 Grand Ave., Duluth Pride Festival 11 AM-7 PM Bayfront Festival Park S. 5th Ave. W. & Railroad St., Duluth Pride Block Party 8 PM-Midnight J.T.’s Bar & Grill 1506 N. 3rd St., Superior Open All Night Duluth Sauna 18 N. 1st Ave. E., Duluth

SUN., SEPT. 6 Worship Service & Breakfast 9:30 AM Peace United Church of Christ 1111 N. 11th Ave. E., Duluth Pride Parade Noon Tower Ave., Superior Fruit Float Boat Cruise Lake Superior 2:30 PM Boarding Vista Fleet Tours 323 Harbor Dr., Duluth Lesbian Film Festival 5:30-9 PM Chester Creek Café 1902 E. 8th St., Duluth Pride Drag Show Fund-raiser Benefits Northland HIV/Aids Groups 8 PM The Main Club 1217 Tower Ave., Superior

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> Pets

Doga Pooch FOR YOUR

K9-CONNECTION BRINGS YOGA TO DOGS [ by Chad Eldred ]

DOGA ATTEMPTS TO INTERTWINE BOTH DOG AND OWNER IN A SERIES OF COMBINATION STRETCHES AND MASSAGES. WHILE THE DOGS THEMSELVES MAY NOT PARTICIPATE IN EVERY YOGA POSE, THEY ALWAYS ARE KEPT CLOSE BY.

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August 28–September 10, 2009

he downward dog now has whole new meaning. K9-Connection, the dogfriendly event provider known for its Wine and Wag and Beer With Your Buddy gatherings, has dipped its tail in the world of yoga, or doga as it’s called, for about the past year.

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Angie Gwiazdon, owner and founder of K9-Connection, kick-started her organization about two-and-a-half years ago. She wanted to mesh her event-planning skills with her passion for bringing people and their dogs together, because she saw, and knew firsthand, the benefit canines have on their owners.

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Gwiazdon says, “People are usually in a good mood when they are with their dogs. They are more relaxed and at ease. And I felt it was a missing piece to the Twin Cites, because there are so many dog lovers here.” K9-Connection events typically revolve around anything social, such as offthe-leash doggy happy hours, and doga is no different. The idea came to Gwiazdon about a year-and-a-half ago, while she was taking part in a mommy-and-me yoga class with her two-month-old daughter, Addison. She translated that concept into dog and owner yoga classes. After doing a bit of research, she discovered the idea already had taken root in cities across the country. Gwiazdon, who owns a 10-year-old blue tick coon hound rescue dog named Belle, asked friends who already were instructors if they would try it, and they agreed. For the past year, the event has continued to gain momentum, especially selling out classes in the colder months. According to Gwiazdon, “People love it. It’s been great. People who have done it talk about doing yoga at home, and having their dog get in the way and be a distraction. This class teaches you how you can incorporate your dog into it, and that is very helpful.” Apart from having the ability to be fully focused during your yoga routine, Gwiazdon has seen how the classes impact the dogs and their owners in a different manner. Gwiazdon explains, “It’s really interesting to observe that, typically, when the class starts, the dogs might be a little anxious and a bit more rambunctious, but by the end of the class, they are all so calm. Dogs really pick up on our emotions and spirit, and it’s a good bonding experience, too.” Doga attempts to intertwine both dog and owner in a series of combination stretches and massages. While the dogs themselves may not participate in every yoga pose, they always are kept close by. Gwiazdon remarks, “I think it is a really growing in popularity because there are an awful lot of dog owners and a real need for events that are like mine. I’m a small business, and everything has been word of mouth, but most of my events sell out, and when people find out about them, they are so excited. It’s been really successful and a lot of fun.” For more information about doga and K9-Connection, visit <www.k9-connec tion.com>.

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Pets

PIC OF THE LITTER Peggy Krizak Creates Unique Pet Portraits [ by Heidi Fellner ]

August 28–September 10, 2009

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he truly gifted people in this world may not have a lot of money or the flashiest of career paths, but they have known the deep and meaningful love that is possible with a cherished pet. They truly will appreciate the realistic pet portraits created by artist Peggy Krizak. Although she was an artist at an early age, Krizak didn’t turn to art as a source of income until later in her life. As her children approached their teenage years, she perfected her techniques. She soon began exhibiting her work at art shows around the country. When a very special portrait of a dog seemed to catch everyone’s eye, she realized she’d found her niche.

Krizak recalls, “It was my ‘aha’ moment, and I changed direction immediately.” The change in course paid off. These days, Krizak takes commissions both nationally and internationally for charcoal sketches or oil paintings, usually working from digital photographs sent to her via email. That same tool allows her customers to approve of sketches and the final portrait in stages, before the last payment is made. Krizak says, “I think that builds confidence for people.” The Bradford Exchange has commissioned Krizak’s work for its line of collectible plates. Perhaps what makes Krizak’s paintings so striking is that she uses the Venetian painting technique, which requires a series of thin glazes to achieve a more luminous quality. Krizak explains, “When you see my portraits, in every single one of them, you notice the eyes first. The eyes that melt your heart are in my portrait every single time. I know I’ve finished the portrait when I am moved by the look in their eyes, and I don’t quit until I get that look.” If you are considering a portrait, either for a companion still with you or one that has passed, Krizak’s prices vary by materials, the subjects to be featured, the background’s complexity, and the size of the finished piece. Perhaps the most enjoyable aspect of working with Krizak, apart from seeing your beloved friend’s image so perfectly captured, is taking the photographs that she will work from. Instructions for achieving a good photograph can be requested via her Web site, so even if you do not have a trained eye, you can play an integral part in the artistic process. More information can be found at <www.peggykrizak.com> or <www.krizakpetportraits.com>.

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KRIZAK TAKES COMMISSIONS BOTH NATIONALLY AND INTERNATIONALLY FOR CHARCOAL SKETCHES OR OIL PAINTINGS, USUALLY WORKING FROM DIGITAL PHOTOGRAPHS SENT TO HER VIA E-MAIL. THAT SAME TOOL ALLOWS HER CUSTOMERS TO APPROVE OF SKETCHES AND THE FINAL PORTRAIT IN STAGES, BEFORE THE LAST PAYMENT IS MADE.

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August 28–September 10, 2009

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Paisley Lace print thermal $59, Style# 7W60396 Zoe straight leg jean $99, Style# 7W10419 Angel boots $199, Style# LK-ANGEL Azul belt $59, Style# BURUR484 Peace Love necklace $39, Style# JLRU3502

Produced by Mike Hnida Hair & Makeup by Adam Lang Photography by Mike Hnida, Lavender Studios Special thanks to Toni Trussoni at A&E Casting for studio space Models: Raina & Peter with Agency Models & Talent, Jaron Clothing provided by Lucky Brand at Mall of America, online at www.luckybrand.com

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Daylight Luck 23

August 28–September 10, 2009

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Slim jean $99, Style# 7M10586 Bandit belt $45, Style# BKRUR239

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On the Runway > Onward Style

[ by Sara Rogers ]

It’s in the Bag Hot picks from MOA® Trend Specialist Sara Rogers You’ve already learned how to carry yourself with style; now you can carry your stuff in style as well with this season’s arsenal of great bags. Whether you’re backpacking across Europe or just hiking across the highway, there is a bag style out there that is perfect for your needs. With great colors and tons of surprise storage space, you may even start to enjoy packing! ORGANIC SUNDOG TRADING COMPANY / LEVEL 2, SOUTH (S276) Make both yourself and the planet happy with this eco-friendly bag from PrAna. Made out of recycled polyester, this pack also features a padded notebook sleeve, and tons of room for a laptop, books or whatever you need to cart around.

GRAPHICS COLUMBIA SPORTSWEAR CO. / LEVEL 1, WEST (W117) You get two trends in one with this neon backpack from Columbia. Bright, attention-grabbing colors and cool, pop-art prints are both huge hits for fall. Reflective front panels and waterproof construction also show that this bag is full of “bright” ideas.

GRAY PUMA / LEVEL 1, NORTH (N106) Gray is maintaining its hold as the #1 neutral on the fashion scene. This season the cool color can be paired with black for the ultimate in recession chic, or you can look on the bright side and combine it with this fall’s neon brights.

HARDWARE

August 28–September 10, 2009

RUGGED

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FOSSIL / LEVEL 2, EAST (E262) There is nothing cooler than a perfectly worn-in bag, and this messenger style from Fossil has exactly the right mix of rugged appeal and retro charm. Inspired by vintage military gear, this bag has enough pockets and patches to keep you stocked for any (fashion) emergency.

TUMI / LEVEL 1, WEST (W140) Bags were seen sporting multiple zippers, shiny studs and plenty of other bling this season. Don’t worry if your style is more sophisticated than showy; you can still add a little heavy metal with basic buckles like this chic Tumi bag. The slim shape and durable nylon make this bag a must for travelers.

Onward Style is Lavender’s exclusive column written by Sara Rogers, MOA® Trend Specialist. She has worked in the fashion industry for more than 20 years as a model, fashion specialist, wardrobe therapist, and television host. As the Trend Specialist and Personal Shopper for Mall of America®, her “office” spans 4.2 million square feet and more than 520 stores, providing her with extensive resources to research what’s hot in retail trends.

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On the Runway > Isn't Fashion Fun

August 28–September 10, 2009

Hi, I’m Kevin with the STYLEDLIFE® and styledlook® team. Yes, summer is winding down and thoughts will be turning soon to autumn romance, Vikings football and of course fall fashion. I can’t help too much on the romance and football front, but I know that STYLEDLIFE and styledlook can make your fall look modern and cool. STYLEDLIFE is “ReArriving” as we are calling it into a new flagship location in Galleria in early October. Our new 3,000 square foot digs (yes, 3,000) will be located near Good Earth restaurant and we are jazzed beyond belief. Our new store is coinciding with our new autumn/winter advertising campaign that we are calling “The New Fashion Equation."

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What is the new fashion equation, you ask? It’s our vision and belief that looking modern and fashionable has nothing to do with status, money and/or buying all new clothes. We believe it’s a mix of taking what you have, mixing in accessories, honoring and developing your personal style and “owning your look.” Whether that look is always casual, always dressy or like most of us a blend of casual elegance, we strongly believe in being yourself.

Granted, we don’t really believe that anyone starts out with “no style”…but after twenty+ years in the fashion industry, I do know how challenged the average person feels about their personal style and wardrobe.

Many of you know that STYLEDLIFE is an accessory shopper's nirvana specializing in modern fashion accessories for men & women. I don’t want this to be just a plug for our company….because quite frankly, there are mass merchant stores that have cool accessories too. We just want each of you to understand that adding one simple accessory, be it a long necklace, pair of cufflinks and/or a fresh new messenger bag can ramp up your new fall look.

[ by Kevin Quinn ]

Our happy “STYLED YOU” stick figures, Alex & Paul, represent the confident, polished dudes who utilize accessories to make their own unique style statements! Oh, and of course, happily replace Alex & Paul with Alice and Patty and you’re good to go too! We will start a new round of “On the Runway” starting in September. Thank you very much for partaking in our column this past year and don’t hesitate to let us know what you’d like more of, less of, etc. This column is for you, loyal Lavender readers. And don’t forget, STYLEDLIFE’s last Sale of the year is going on now until September 6. With discounts of 30-70% off, now is the perfect time to start focusing on your fall fashion look!

Isn’t Fashion Fun is your monthly go-to resource for tips, suggestions, and fashion expertise on how style-related material plays into your wardrobe and vis-à-vis your busy life. Isn’t Fashion Fun is brought to you by fashion leader STYLEDLIFE® and the wardrobe experts® team at styledlook®, the premier at-home wardrobe consulting company with clients nationwide. Got a big event or hot date coming up, and don’t know what to wear? No worries—we’re here for you. What’s the best accessory gift or music CD for a particular recipient? Yes, we can dial you in on that, too. E-mail all of your fashion questions and/or wardrobe dilemmas to . You deserve to look your best, feel your best, and strut your stuff looking dynamite! Isn’t fashion fun.

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> News & Politics

[ by Russell Remmick ]

Minnesota AIDS Trek 24 Rides to Duluth

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ach year, thousands of people across this country are infected with the HIV virus. As the numbers grow, so do the support and funding to help them. The Twin Cities is blessed in this respect. We have a multitude of organizations that assist people, from everyday necessities to the most complicated issues. The area also mounts many fund-raisers to generate much-needed money for these groups. Lavender recently spoke with Dirk Klick, who helps organize the Minnesota AIDS Trek.

August 28–September 10, 2009

How is the Minnesota AIDS Trek different from the Minnesota AIDS Walk or Red Ribbon Ride? Each of these events has its own beneficiaries—all of which provide services to individuals living with HIV/AIDS. The funds raised by the Minnesota AIDS Trek go to six beneficiaries who provide a variety of services to their clients. In 2009, the beneficiaries are: Camp Benedict, Emory

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Vaccine Center, Minnkota Health Partner, Positive Care Center/HCMC, Top Shelf, and Women and Families Network. What goals were set for the AIDS Trek this year? In 2009, our goal is to raise $85,000, which will be divided among the six benefiting agencies. Anything new added to the AIDS Trek this year? Two new benefiting agencies have been added this year: • Women and Families Network. Their mission is to engage HIV-positive women to advocate for a more responsive service system that addresses their unique health-care needs, which promote a better quality of life. • Emory Vaccine Center. Developing a vaccine to halt the AIDS epidemic is a key part of the mission of the Emory Vaccine Center, and much of the research at the center relates to this effort. Scientists

(From Left) Dr. Ron Schut, HCMC Positive Care Center; Jim Maurer, Camp Benedict; Luisa Rodriguez Duran, HCMC Positive Care Center; Maureen Wells, Top Shelf at Abbott Northwestern; Chad Waltz, Top Shelf at Abbott Northwestern; Clinton Lende, Minnkota Health Project; Ned Bayrd, UCLA AIDS Institute. Photo by Hubert Bonnet

specializing in basic immunology strive to elucidate the fundamental workings of the immune system and how it responds to infection. Other investigators examine the interaction between HIV and the immune cells it attacks in order to identify ways to prevent or interrupt the process by which the virus destroys the immune system. How late can someone sign up to take part in the AIDS Trek? People can register to participate up until we ride out on Saturday, September 12. To help, by participating in or by donating money to the Minnesota AIDS Trek, visit <www.aids-trek.org>.

Big Gay News > [ Written & Compiled by Bradley Traynor ]

LOCAL NEWS

MINNESOTA SAYS STUDENT FACED TEACHERS' GAY SLURS The Anoka-Hennepin School District agreed to settle the case of a high school junior who allegedly was harassed by two teachers because of his perceived sexual orientation. According to a Minnesota Department of Human Rights investigation, two teachers repeatedly made antigay comments about the student in front of classmates. The department stated that teacher Diane Cleveland told a class the boy’s “fence swings both ways.” Another teacher, Walter Filson, allegedly told students the boy “enjoys wearing women’s clothes.” The school district denied it violated Minnesota’s Human Rights Act, but has agreed to pay the boy’s family $25,000.

NATIONAL NEWS National

WHITE HOUSE SAYS DOMA “UNFAIR,” BUT WILL DEFEND IN COURT Although the Obama Administration filed legal papers recently claiming the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) discriminates against gays and lesbians, Justice Department lawyers say they still will defend the law. Department spokesperson Tracy Schmaler stated, “The administration believes the Defense of Marriage Act is discriminatory and should be repealed,” but the department is obligated “to defend federal statutes when they are challenged in court. The Justice Department cannot pick and choose which federal laws it will defend based on any one administration’s policy preferences.” World

WORLD NEWS

According to a new report from the advocacy group Human Rights Watch (HRW), murder and violence against men perceived to be gay continues to rise in Iraq. Hundreds of men reportedly have been murdered since 2004. Human Rights Watch researcher Rasha Moumneh said in the report, “These killings point to the continuing and lethal failure of Iraq’s postoccupation authorities to establish the rule of law, and protect their citizens.”

LavenderMagazine.com

ANTIGAY ATTACKS ON THE RISE IN IRAQ

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Arts & Entertainment > On the Townsend AFTER JULIET / THROUGH AUG. 30 / THEATRE OR, 4330 CEDAR LAKE RD., MPLS. / (612) 227-1188 / <WWW.TCTWENTYPERCENT.ORG>

After Juliet. Photo by Claire Avitabile

August 28–September 10, 2009

Do you recall the beginning of Romeo and Juliet, when Romeo yearns for his cousin, Rosaline? Playwright Sharman MacDonald speculates on an immediate and horrific aftermath sprung from the double suicide of the star-crossed lovers. Rosaline calls Juliet’s action a “selfish suicide,” because it puts the nurse, the friar, a servant, and the

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apothecary in dire jeopardy. The Prince’s admonition for all to bury the hatchet at the end of the play cannot extinguish the vengeful mess left behind. Claire Avitabile, who codirects the 20% Theatre Company Twin Cities production, says, “After Juliet’s many women represent an eclectic mix of stereotypes, as well as resistance to them. Juliet was the perfect girl, held up on a pedestal for all to admire and strive to assimilate. Rosaline [Anika Taylor] is the spitfire protagonist, outspoken and intimidating. She has no wish to be a man, but dons men’s clothing to ‘fight more easily.’ There’s also Alice [Claire Loyd], the Southern belle who acknowledges that she was a ‘born bitch,’ and that it will take ‘a lifetime to overcome it.’ Livia [Caitlin Ray], the bookworm lesbian, stands up for what she thinks is right. Rhona [Danielle Silver] is the goody two-shoes with a sense of righteousness that runs deep and even angry. Helena [Katrina Hawley] is the one forced to grow up too fast. But ultimately, it’s Rosaline’s internal battle with herself, her grief,

[ by John Townsend ]

and anger, with her desperate need for both revenge and discovery of self-peace.” ELLA / THROUGH SEPT. 6 / GUTHRIE THEATER, 818 S. 2ND ST., MPLS. / (612) 377-2224 / <WWW.GUTHRIETHEATER.ORG>

Ella. Photo by Ed Krieger

Tina Fabrique triumphs in this biomusical of scat singer extraordinaire Ella Fitzgerald, conceived by Dyke Garrison and director Danny Holgate. Fabrique’s complex, mind-boggling, multisyllabic delivery may not be as high-pitched as Fitzgerald’s, but the style, the spirit, and the rhythms of the First Lady of Song are channeled to exhilarating effect. Fitzgerald’s 1966 concert in Nice, France, serves as a catalyst that triggers personal regrets and joyous memories. John Lasiter’s lighting achieves transcendent moments on Michael Schweikhardt’s elegant nightclub-style set. Some may feel the show should address issues of racism more forthrightly, but the focus on Fitzgerald’s inner emotional voice, and how it attuned to the important people in her life and her external singing voice, nonetheless makes for a marvelous theatrical experience that will please and enlighten a wide audience.

The wild distortions of insurance companies about health-care reform may be part of a larger pattern. The carbon emissions of poor women in the Third World preposterously are compared to the megapolluters to their north. Outrage over that distortion fuels Ananya Dance Theatre’s newest work, Ashesh Barsha, Unending Monsoon. Choreographer Ananya Chatterjea explains that such comparisons are “shocking to us. Ashesh Barsha takes off on such inequities, yet is also inspired by the work done by primarily women’s communities to propose equitable solutions to the problems of climate change. In particular, the idea of affecting a paradigm shift in the ways in which we think about energy usage is explored through ideas of female sexuality and intimacy, through the building of relationships to each other. The women dance to articulate the pain of finding themselves in a social structure where the overconsumption of energy is continuously corroding their ability to live in balance with their environment; their rage of realizing that information has been made inaccessible to them; the courage to persist in efforts to reconnect with lost indigenous knowledge; and the despair that comes from constantly searching for solutions and building community together. We articulate the multiple facets of women’s work around climate and energy justice.”

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ASHESH BARSHA, UNENDING MONSOON / SEPT. 10-13 / SOUTHERN THEATER, 1420 WASHINGTON AVE. S., MPLS. / (612) 340-1725 / <WWW.SOUTH ERNTHEATER.ORG>

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...

[On the Townsend]

MARY POPPINS / THROUGH SEPT. 20 / ORPHEUM THEATRE, 910 HENNEPIN AVE., MPLS. / (800) 9822787 / <WWW.HENNEPINTHEATRETRUST.ORG>

Iconic gay choreographer Matthew Bourne exudes ethereal sexuality and dark wit in his box office blockbusters Swan Lake, Car Man, and Edward Scissorhands. He does the same in Mary Poppins, whose Broadway tour now plays Minneapolis. You’ll hear many of the fab Sherman Brothers tunes from the film, as well as new ones by George Stiles and Anthony Drewe. In the weeks after Mary Poppins hit Broadway en route to many Tony nods, I chatted with Bourne, who described the new tune “Temper Temper,” based on one of P.L. Travers’s stories not included in the film: “It’s Mary’s night off. The kids have lost their temper, and they’ve been rude to

August 28–September 10, 2009

Mary Poppins Photo by Joan Marcus

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their father and mother. There’s a lot going on in the house. Everyone’s unhappy, and she leaves them with the words ‘Temper. Temper. No supper for you tonight.’ And what happens in the nursery is, their toys come to life, and put them on trial for treating them badly. I love the idea of toys putting kids on trial, because they do sort of bash these toys around all the time, and you see that constantly. It’s a bit spooky and a bit scary. I would say it’s absolutely joyous and moving and touching.”

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Bar Advertiser Guide > Twin Cities 08 E N e. Av l a ntr Ce

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05 06

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02 03 09

01 13 07 10 26th Ave. S.

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19 BAR 19 W. 15th St., Mpls. (612) 871-5553 Shoot pool or play darts at your neighborhood bar—the Twin Cities’s oldest GLBT establishment.

BOLT 02

03

04

07

513 Washington Ave. S., Mpls. (612) 338-0896 <www.boltbar.com> Best video bar in Twin Cities. Huge selection of music/comedy video clips & Show Tune Sundays. Best patio in town.

BOLT UNDERGROUND 501 Washington Ave. S., Mpls. (612) 338-0896 <www.boltbar.com/underground> Industrial & carnal nightclub hidden beneath the city. Join us for CHAMBER every Thursday night.

CAMP 490 N. Robert St., St. Paul (651) 292-1844 <www.camp-bar.net> An upscale but casual spot with great video, dancing, cabaret, and the friendliest staff in town!

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GLADIUS 1111 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. Opening soon. The New York Chic of Minneapolis.

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LUSH FOOD BAR 990 Central Ave NE, Mpls. <www.lushfoodbar.com> Video Bar, Eclectic Live Entertainment, Mixing Artists. Eat. Drink. Be LUSHious.

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515 Washington Ave. S., Mpls. (612) 338-4214 <www.minneapoliseagle.com> Gay-owned & -operated for 10 years. Home of famous Friday 3-for-1 Happy Hour & Sunday afternoon Beer Bust.

SALOON 830 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (612) 332-0835 <www.gaympls.com> Long regarded as Minneapolis’s cutting-edge dance club, with friendly staff and discerning customers.

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TICKLES 1032 3rd Ave NE., Mpls. (612) 354-3846 <www.ticklesbar.com> Live Piano Music, Full Service Menu, Happy Hour, Sports on 4 Flat Panel TVs, Pool, Darts

MINNEAPOLIS EAGLE 09

RUMOURS 213 E. 4th St., St. Paul, (651) 225-GLBT <www.rumours-stpaul.com> Newest, hottest dance club with fabulous DJs, plus shows featuring the best local talent.

INNUENDO 213 E. 4th St., St. Paul, (651) 225-GLBT <www.rumours-stpaul.com> Casual, intimate “Cheers” ambience for quiet conversation, Happy Hour, and community organization shows and fund-raisers.

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04

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TOWN HOUSE 1415 University Ave. W., St. Paul (651) 646-7087 <www.townhousebar.com> Fun neighborhood bar with a great mix of men and women. Visit our piano lounge.

GAY 90’S

August 28–September 10, 2009

408 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (612) 333-7755 <www.gay90s.com> Upper Midwest’s Largest Gay Entertainment Complex. Six bars: Main Bar, Happy Hour, Dance Annex, Men’s Room, La Femme, Retro.

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> Regional IA

The Blazing Saddle, Des Moines 416 E. 5th St., (515) 246-1299 Buddy’s Corral, Des Moines 418 E. 5th St., (515) 244-7140 The Garden, Des Moines 112 SE 4th, (515) 243-3965 Kings & Queens Tap, Waterloo 304 W. 4th St., (319) 232-3001

WI

Scooter’s, Eau Claire 411 Galloway St., (715) 835-9959 My Place, La Crosse 3201 S. Ave., (608) 788-9073 Players, La Crosse 218 Main St., (608) 784-2353 Chances R, La Crosse 417 Jay St., (608) 782-5101

The Flame, Superior 1612 Tower Ave., (715) 395-0101 J.T.’s, Superior 1506 N. 3rd St., (715) 394-2580 The Main Club, Superior 1217 Tower Ave., (715) 392-1756

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LavenderMagazine.com

Bar Scene > Bartender Spotlight

JUSTIN

▼

[ by George Holdgrafer ]

WHO Justin

WHAT Recipe: Tropical Heat 1 1/4 oz. Bacardi O 3/4 oz. Absolut Mango 1/2 oz. Malibu Rum Pineapple Juice Grenadine on Bottom Myers Rum on Top Garnish with Cherry & Lime

WHEN Thu., Sat. • 9 PM-2 AM

WHERE Bolt/Minneapolis Eagle 513-515 Washington Ave. S. (612) 338-0896/(612) 338-4214 <www.minneapoliseagle.com> <www.boltbar.com>

WHY

August 28–September 10, 2009

“The atmosphere is really relaxed and very casual. Many types of people come here for many different interactions. The ambience is pretty honest and nonjudgmental. Anyone can walk in the door and feel at home.”

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Bar Scene > Leather Life

[ by Steve Lenius ]

Interview with Buck Angel Pioneering transsexual man and awardwinning porn star Buck Angel recently appeared at The Smitten Kitten in Minneapolis. You’re controversial. A lot of people have problems with what you do. Some people say porn is violence against women. Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, obviously. By the way, I’ve also won a feminist porn award for my work. I think what I do empowers women as well as men, as well as everyone who’s never fit into a box. You have a wife. Yes, I have a wife.

August 28–September 10, 2009

You’re legally married? I’m legally a man. I had my birth certificate changed.

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If it’s just a matter of changing a birth certificate, why can’t two men or two women…. Thank you! I get so pissed off! I have a vagina. My wife has a vagina. When I went to get married, they didn’t ask me to drop my pants. I would like to do a huge campaign showing that I’m married—to a woman—legally in the United States of America. How is it possible that I’m married to a woman, and you’re not letting any of these people [samesex couples] get married, because you’re basing it on what’s between their legs? How long do you see yourself continuing to do porn? I see myself doing porn, honestly, forever. But I don’t see myself in front of the camera after another couple of years. I’m looking to bring other guys into my production company, and produce more porn with transsexual men.

Do you have other projects in the works? A book, and I’m trying to put together a reality TV show. Maybe people are ready for me, maybe not. Do you pack [i.e., wear a prosthetic phallus]? No way! Why would I pack? I’m super proud of my vagina, so there’s no reason for me to pack. Though it’s OK for other guys to pack, it’s not an issue for me. Other transmen have told me they pack because of body geometry—a woman’s center of gravity is higher, and a man’s is lower. I’ve never heard of that. My male center of gravity is up here in my head, in my brain. That’s my whole point of what I’m trying to get across to the world. It has nothing to do with what’s between your legs. It has everything to do with what’s in your head.

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Lavender Lens |

[ Photos by Sophia Hantzes ]

OUT IN THE STANDS

August 28–September 10, 2009

August 15 Minneapolis

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August 28–September 10, 2009

Bar Scene > Bar Calendar For club addresses, phone numbers, and Web sites, see “Twin Cities Lavender Bar Advertiser Guide” and “Regional Bar Guide” on page 36. For other events, see .

FRIDAY, AUGUST 28

Lure: Ultimate Lesbian Party 9 PM. Rumours. SATURDAY, AUGUST 29

MisMatch-ed Game Benefits MarryMeMinnesota.org 8 PM. Bolt Underground. Lake Calhoun Boys Party & Fund-raiser 9 PM. Rumours. SUNDAY, AUGUST 30

A Tribute to Gary Hinze Triangle of Hope Benefit for Clare Housing 5 PM. Town House. MONDAY, AUGUST 31

CD Release Party: Whitney Houston’s I Look to You 7 PM. Happy Hour. Gay 90’s. THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 3

Benefits The Aliveness Project 8 PM. Bolt. FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 4

Hips ’N Lips Show 9 PM. Rumours.

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Bingo-Palooza

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...

[Bar Calendar]

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 5

Lip Service 9 PM. Town House. Underwear Party Bolt Underground WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9

Bango Blow-Out 5 PM. Saloon. FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 11

Minneapolis Move Bears Bar Night 7 PM. Innuendo. Total DiscTraction 9 PM. Town House. SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 12

Minnesota Storm Patrol Night 5 PM. Minneapolis Eagle. TNT Show 9 PM. Town House. Leather Dress Code Night Bolt Underground SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 13

Imperial Court of Minnesota Picnic & Membership Drive 2 PM. 19 Bar.

ONGOING MONDAYS

Game Night 9 PM. Innuendo. Karaoke with Dana 9 PM. Town House. Men’s Night: Male Dancers 9:30 PM. Lounge Town House. Karaoke with Killer B’s 10 PM. Gay 90’s. Hard Monday Saloon TUESDAYS

Mega Bingo Benefits MS Society 6:30 PM. Gay 90’s. Team Trivia 7:30 PM. Innuendo. Karaoke with Killer B’s 9 PM. Saloon. Karaoke with John 9 PM. Town House. Diamond Diva Drag Show

August 28–September 10, 2009

10 PM. Gay 90’s.

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Fiesta Latina 10 PM. Saloon. WEDNESDAYS

Bango with Mother Pearl Benefits The Aliveness Project 5:30 PM. Saloon. Debbie Duncan 8 PM. Camp. Drag Show

...

[Bar Calendar]

9:30 PM. La Femme Show Lounge. Gay 90’s. Karaoke 10 PM. Bolt. Hump Night: Male Dancers Saloon THURSDAYS

Trivia with Carl Saloon Mega Bingo Benefits MS Society 6:30 PM. Gay 90’s. Progressive Bingo Benefits The Aliveness Project 8 PM. Bolt. Chamber 9 PM. Bolt Underground. Drag Show 9:30 PM. La Femme Show Lounge. Gay 90’s. Karaoke with John 9 PM. Innuendo. Pumps and Pearls Drag Revue 10 PM. Town House. Boys Night Out Saloon FRIDAYS

Erin Schwab 6 PM. Camp. Red Carpet with Candi Stratton 9:30 PM. La Femme Show Lounge. Gay 90’s. Male Dancers 10 PM. Gay 90’s. Mineshaft Bolt Underground Wet! Male Dancers Saloon SATURDAYS

Drag Show 9:30 PM. La Femme Show Lounge. Gay 90’s. Male Dancers 10 PM. Gay 90’s. Sinful Saturdays: Male Dancers 10 PM. Innuendo/Rumours. SUNDAYS

Showtunes 5 PM. Bolt. Karaoke with John & Trover 7 PM. Lounge. Town House. Mia Dorr 8 PM. Camp. Karaoke with Jamie & Jeremy 9 PM. Innuendo. Pumps and Pearls Drag Revue Drag Show 9:30 PM. La Femme Show Lounge. Gay 90’s. Amateur Shower Contest 11 PM. Saloon. Check out our online “Bar Advertiser Guide” Web links at <www.LavenderMagazine.com>.

LavenderMagazine.com

9 PM. Town House.

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Cuisine > Off the Eaten Path

HELL’S KITCHEN [ by Heidi Fellner ]

August 28–September 10, 2009

J

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udging by the fare at Hell’s Kitchen, I would ascertain that the devil isn’t really a fussy guy, but appreciates small touches and good quality. Apparently, he likes to fill a large hole in his emotional well-being with comfort food. Perhaps it’s a commentary on my nuclear family, but descending into Hell’s Kitchen’s digs feels a little bit like coming home. The decor is funky. The staff is friendly. The smells emanating from the kitchen are familiar and heartening. An initial round of cocktails—the “Bloody Hell” bloody mary and the Foxy Fosse (both $8.50)—was all the remaining welcome we needed. I am not typically a fan of bloody marys, but Hell’s Kitchen’s spicy concoction is tarted up with a little beef rub around the rim; garnished with shrimp, pepperoncini, and green olive; and served with a chaser. That turned me into a fan. The Foxy Fosse is a dangerous cocktail, given the speed with which it can be consumed. It’s a light, summery little medley of homemade basil lemonade and ginger-infused Finlandia vodka. I

was only mildly apologetic about downing most of it myself. More converts shall be found among those who try either the Crispy Calamari ($8.50) or the Chicken Wings ($6.95). The calamari was lightly breaded, and I very much appreciated the twist of lemon in the batter—it arrives at your table with no need for the usual citrus ritual. One can order it served with basil aioli for an additional 75 cents, and I’m sure that’s lovely, but with its accompanying homemade jalapeño tartar and cocktail sauce, we were absolutely content. With a garlic teriyaki glaze, the wings were done perfectly—nice and soft on the inside, instead of the often chewy, overdone app— served with celery sticks and blue cheese dressing. Because Hell’s Kitchen is known for its breakfasts, we were loathe to pass up the opportunity to sample a few, even though it was getting on 7 PM. Luckily, the establishment is a fan of breakfast at any hour, so we feasted on a heaping helping of Huevos Rancheros ($9.95), as well as Lemon Photos by Hubert Bonnet

(From left) Martini and House Bloody Mary; Not Your Momma's Blueberry Pie; Chicken Wings.

on the daily specials, which is where Chefs/ Owners Steve Meyer and Mitch Omer really get creative. We had the Osso Bucco ($15.75), a slow-roasted bison shank over orzo pasta and sweet potato puree. I enjoy bison, and with such great local sources, I always am glad to see it featured. A trip to Hell’s Kitchen also has a sweet side, found in its dessert menu. Not Your Momma’s Blueberry Pie ($6.50) has a bright pop of fresh farmers market blueberries in a graham cracker crust. We also sampled the Triple Threat ($4.95), a trio of homemade ice cream cookie sandwiches: peanut butter, strawberry, and chocolate. Neither my din-

ing partner nor I could finish any of these lovelies. I’m astonished to see that they were just as delectable a day later. If you find yourself on your way to Hell’s Kitchen sometime soon (no handbasket required), try everything you can. This fromscratch eatery even makes its own peanut butter, and it is sinfully good. The portions at Hell’s Kitchen overall are a tremendous value for the price. HELL’S KITCHEN 80 S. 9TH ST., MPLS. (612) 332-4700 <WWW.HELLSKITCHENINC.COM>

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Ricotta Hotcakes ($10.50), which were entirely worthy of their cult following. The hotcakes, served with fresh berries, are so flavorful that I saw no need to add the real maple syrup. I absolutely would second the restaurant’s recommendation to try the first bite without. The Huevos Rancheros are layered—a crisp flour tortilla forms the base, which is topped with buttery hash browns, black beans, scrambled eggs, three cheeses, homemade salsa, and sour cream. Hell’s Kitchen isn’t as known for its dinners, and I suppose with a menu full of breakfast and sandwich options, that’s inevitable. However, one should keep an eye

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Dining Guide Listing | AVERAGE PRICE OF A TYPICAL ENTREE $ LESS THAN $15, $$ $15-$25, $$$ MORE THAN $25

Our Guide to the Metro Eateries Featured in This Issue Lavender Magazine’s Dining Guide is your resource to GLBT-friendly restaurants. We recommend calling restaurants before visiting to confirm information.

BAD WAITRESS DINER & COFFEESHOP $ American Casual/Diner A retro-themed diner, all-day food; coffee, free wi-fi. All-day Breakfast & Lunch, Late-Night 2 E. 26th St., Minneapolis 55401 (612) 872-7575 Mon – Sat: 7 AM – Midnight • Sun: 7 AM – 11 PM BOCA CHICA RESTAURANT $ Mexican Family owned restaurant, made from scratch, lovely murals on the wall; authentic. Lunch, Dinner 11 Cesar Chavez St., St. Paul Sun – Thurs: 11 AM – 10 PM • Fri – Sat: 11 AM – 11 PM THE GRANDVIEW GRILL $ American Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches. Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch 1818 Grand Ave., St. Paul (651) 698-2346 Mon – Fri: 6:15 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 6:15 AM – 3 PM • Sun: 8 AM – 3 PM

HELL’S KITCHEN $$ American In the heart of downtown Minneapolis, appropriately located in a beautiful underground space, you’ll discover Hell’s Kitchen, a chef-owned restaurant known for its damn good food. Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner 80 S. 9th St., Minneapolis (612) 332-4700 • 310 Lake St. S., Duluth (218) 727-1620 Mpls: Mon – Fri 6:30 AM – 10 PM, Sat – Sun 7:30 AM – 10 PM Duluth: Sun – Thurs 8 AM – 9 PM, Fri – Sat 8 AM – 10 PM (closed Mondays except during summer) IT’S GREEK TO ME $

August 28–September 10, 2009

Greek Family-owned & run for over 25 years, we’ve treated generations of diners to our authentic menu & warm Greek hospitality. Dinner only weekdays, Lunch & Dinner on weekends 626 W. Lake St., Minneapolis (612) 825-9922 Tues – Fri: 4:30 PM – 11 PM • Sat: 11 AM – 11 PM • Sun: 11 AM – 10 PM

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KINDEE THAI $ Thai This isn’t your traditional everyday Thai restaurant. Lunch, Dinner 719 S. 2nd St., Minneapolis (612) 465-8303 Mon: Closed • Tues – Thurs: 11:30 AM – 9 PM • Fri: 11:30 AM – 10:30 PM • Sat: 11 AM – 10:30 PM • Sun: 11 AM – 9 PM THE LOUISIANA CAFÉ $ American Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches. Breakfast, Brunch, 613 Selby Ave., St. Paul (651) 221-9140 Mon – Fri: 6:30 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 6:30 AM – 3 PM • Sun: 8 AM – 3 PM

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The Network

Addiction Info & Treatment

Barbers___________

Astrology__________

...

[Dining Guide]

MIDORI’S FLOATING WORLD CAFÉ $ Sushi, Tempuru Sushi, tempura, noodles, traditional, contemporary, home-styled specials, beer, wine, sake. Lunch, Dinner 3011 27th Ave. S., Minneapolis (612) 721-3011 Mon: Closed • Tues – Wed: 11:30 AM – 2 PM, 5 PM – 9 PM • Thurs – Fri: 11:30 AM – 2 PM, 5 PM – 10 PM • Sat: 12 noon – 2 PM, 5 – 10 PM • Sun: 4 PM – 8 PM NEW UPTOWN DINER $ American Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches. Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch 2548 Hennepin Ave. S. Minneapolis (612) 874-0481 Mon – Wed: 6 AM – 3 PM • Thurs – Sat: 24 Hours • Sun: Close at 6 PM PARK TAVERN BOWLING & ENTERTAINMENT CENTER $

Attorneys__________

Chiropractic________

American 50 years of dining & entertainment – award winning food, groups up to 300. Weekend Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Late Night Daily 3401 Louisiana Ave., St. Louis Park (952) 929-6810 Mon – Fri: 10:30 AM – 12:30 AM • Sat – Sun: 9 AM – 12:30 AM

SPYHOUSE COFFEE SHOP $ Coffee, espresso, pastries 2451 Nicollet Ave., Minneapolis (612) 871-3177 2404 Hennepin Ave., Minneapolis Mon – Fri: 6:30 AM – Midnight • Sat – Sun: 8 AM -- Midnight

SUSHI TANGO $$ Japanese Exciting and eccentric mix of Japanese cuisine and Uptown attitude. Lunch, Dinner Calhoun Square, (612) 822-7787 Mon – Wed: 5 PM – 1 AM • Thurs – Sun: Noon – 1 AM TIGER SUSHI $

Computer Sales & Services___________

Asian Fusion A bold fusion of flavors and cultures take you beyond traditional sushi. A hip vibe & exceptional chefs. MOA location: Lunch & Dinner 11 AM – 9:30 Daily (952) 876-9410 Lyn-Lake location: Daily Dinner, Weekend Lunch 2833 Lyndale Ave. S., Minneapolis (612) 8774-1800 Mon – Fri: 5 – 10:30 PM • Sat: Noon – 10:30 PM • Sun: Noon – 9:00 PM

TOAST WINE BAR AND CAFÉ $ Wine bar with Italian influence Neighborhood wine bar serving pizzas, cured meats and small plates. Dinner 415 N. 1st St., Minneapolis, MN (612) 333-4305 Tues – Thurs: 5 PM – 11 PM • Fri – Sat: 5 PM – 12 AM • Sun: 5 PM – 11 PM

August 28–September 10, 2009

Automotive_________

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THE WOODBURY CAFÉ $

Financial Services___

American Fresh hand ground hash browns, French toast, omelets, pancakes, coffee, juices, soups, salads & sandwiches. Breakfast, Brunch, Lunch Bielenberg & Tamarack, Woodbury, MN (651) 209-8182 Mon – Fri: 7 AM – 2:30 PM • Sat: 7 AM – 3 PM • Sun: 8 AM – 3 PM

ZEN FUSION RESTAURANT $ Asian Contemporary Authentic pan-Asian food with a contemporary French twist. Lunch, Dinner 3016 Lyndale Ave. S., Minneapolis (612) 822-8896 Sun – Thurs: 11 AM – 9 PM • Fri – Sat: 11 AM – 10 PM

The Network

Financial Services___

Home Services___

Health/Fitness_____

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Home Services___

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The Network

Home Services___

Home Services___

Calendar | [ LavenderMagazine.com ]

FRIDAY, AUGUST 28 Mama Said Knock U Out! Join Intermedia Arts, as it showcases 28 female artists from around the world who have used their visual voice to empower, inform, and organize. The exhibition includes work in video, photography, painting, sculpture, film, and textiles. Through Oct. 23. Intermedia Arts, 2822 Lyndale Ave. S., Mpls. <www.intermediaarts.org>. Sopranorama: Divas of a Different Feather. Three divas together on one stage are good for more than drama. Enjoy irresistible sopranos Mario Jette, Janis Hardy, and Molly Sue McDonald, as they perform music from the sublime to the downright silly. The Star Tribune said, “It’s about voices and musicianship and that almost tangible delight in seeing a performer get it just right….” Aug. 28-30. The Southern Theater, 1420 Washington Ave. S., Mpls. (612) 340-1725. <www. southerntheater.org>.

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 Mary Poppins. The classic story of a nanny with a few tricks up her sleeve is coming to Minneapolis. With the original Broadway stars Ashley Brown and Gavin Lee, along with the entire original creative team, the story of Mary Poppins, based on P.L. Travers’s cherished stories and the classic 1964 film, is sure to astounded audiences more than 40 years later. Through Sept. 20. Orpheum Theatre, 910 Hennepin Ave., Mpls. <www.ticketmaster.com>. Duluth-Superior Pride 2009. Summer is coming to an end, but that doesn’t mean Pride needs to stop. Head up north for a weekend of Pride-filled fun. The Pride Festival at Bayfront Park in Duluth features RuPaul, the fabulous and legendary icon who is star of the hit TV series RuPaul’s Drag Race. Other events throughout the Twin Ports include the Pride Parade, the Fruit Float boat cruise and dance party, the film festival, and the 5K run. Sept. 3-6. For more information, see page 16 of this issue, or visit <www.dspride.com>.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 5 Antique Show & Flea Market. Take a trip south to Elko over Labor Day Weekend for Minnesota’s largest Antique Show & Flea Market, now in its 26th year. With more than 300 vendors and dealers, this indoor/ outdoor show will have a little something for everyone in the family. Sept. 5-7. (952) 461-2400. <www.trader smarket.us>.

August 28–September 10, 2009

THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 10

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Drawings and Paintings by Clarence Morgan and Howard Oransky. Both transplants to Minneapolis, these artists became acquainted 15 years ago while serving on the Board of the Center for Arts Criticism. Clarence Morgan is best-known for his colorful abstract works that embody a certain painterly physicality organized within an overall geometric compositional structure. Howard Oransky is best-known for a sustained body of work that investigates the nature of memory and remembrance of the Holocaust, made in black and white in various media. Form+Content Gallery, 210 N. 2nd St., Ste. 104, Mpls. Through Oct. 17. Noon-6 PM. Thu.-Sat. (612) 436-1151. <www.for mandcontent.org>.

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 12 Diane Ford. Comedian and Minnesota native Diane Ford is bringing her battle-of-the-sexes comedy back to where it all started. With 11 nominations at the American Comedy Awards and three HBO specials, she has perfected her act for all audiences. 7:30 PM. Running Aces Harness Park, 15201 Zurich St. NE, Columbus. (651) 925-4600. <www.runningacesharness. com>.

The Network

Home Services___

Insurance__________

Synthetic Worlds, by Clarence Morgan

Mike Quernemoen Art Show. Artist and graphic designer Mike Quernemoen promises that this new show will blow away his already-awesome display of creations last year. A portion of artwork sold will be donated to the Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus. 7 PM. Wilde Roast Café, 518 E. Hennepin Ave., Mpls. (612) 331-4544. To view a gallery of Quernemoen’s work, visit <www.mqartwork.com>.

Insurance__________

Pet Products & Services

Courtesy of Mike Quernemoen

Africa! Join the Minnesota Zoo, as it continues to carry guests away in the endless sea of grass that is the Africa exhibit. Catch a glimpse of majestic giraffes browsing succulent treetops, as well as herds of gemsbok and zebras grazing on the sweet new shoots. Through Sept. 7. Minnesota Zoo, 13000 Zoo Blvd., Apple Valley. (952) 431-9217. <www.mnzoo.org>. The Brave New Workshop Saves the Planet; or Yes We Can, but Do We Have To? The titles may be getting longer as the years go on, but the comedy only gets better. Watch as Brave New Workshop takes on the issues of the world, and saves you from the mundane that is your life. Through Oct. 31. Brave New Workshop, 2605 Hennepin Ave. S., Mpls. (612) 332-6620. <www.bravenewworkshop.com>.

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Ongoing ONGOING

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The Network

Pet Products & Services Real Estate_________ ...

[Calendar]

The Kimono Show. Kicking off a two-month event, the Artist Mercantile will be giving the public a chance to view a rare and exclusive collection of vintage kimonos from Japan. The kimonos not only will stay on display, but also paper cranes and Asian art will be included. Mon.-Fri., 10 AM-5 PM. Sat., 11 AM-5 PM. Through Sept. 5. Artist Mercantile, 24 W. 7th Pl., St. Paul. (651) 222-0053. <www.artistmerc.com>.

Psychoterapy_______

August 28–September 10, 2009

Photo Courtesy of Minnesota Renaissance Festival

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Minnesota Renaissance Festival. En garde, you swine! Bring on the mead! Or, some other medieval catch phrase. It’s time to don the armor, and head on out to annual Renaissance Festival, one of the largestattended themed festivals in the country. Weekends through Oct. 4. 1244 Canterbury Rd. S., Shakopee. (952) 445-7361. <www.renaissancefest.com>. Minnesota State Fair. It’s time for funnel cakes, cookies, and concerts. The 125th Minnesota State Fair is a staple for Twin Citians—and everyone else. Don’t miss a chance to walk around all the booths; gorge on yummy—though perhaps not healthy—food; and listen to some of the biggest names in the music industry, including Kelly Clarkson. Through Sept. 7. Minnesota State Fairgrounds, 1265 N. Snelling Ave., St. Paul. <www.mnstatefair.org>. Sin and Salvation: William Holman Hunt and the Pre-Raphaelite Vision. Minneapolis Institute of Arts offers visitors a rare glimpse into the life and work of 19th-Century painter William Holman Hunt, with an exhibition of more than 60 iconic works by the artist who is considered to be the founder of the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood, and has been deemed by some to be the Damien Hirst of his day. Through Sept. 16. Minneapolis Institute of Arts, 2400 3rd Ave. S., Mpls. (612) 870-3046. <www.artsmia.org>. When We Are Married. Set in 1908, J.B. Priestley’s farcical comedy starts off as a celebration of the silver wedding anniversary for three different couples, but soon turns hilarious, as a secret spreads, and the couples’ relationships are tested to the limits. Through Aug. 30. Guthrie Theater, 818 S. 2nd St., Mpls. (612) 377-2224. <www.guthrietheater.org>.

Classifieds Employment LEASING SPECIALIST Salary plus commission. You will aggressively lease apartments within the Bigos Mgmt portfolio. Must be able to rapidly familiarize yourself with the community particulars, including the following duties: generating and handling traffic, leasing apartments, qualifying prospects, and preparing documentation. May be assigned to new or existing sites. May be involved in the development of leasing skills in our leasing staff, and may be called upon to assist in conducting leasing training programs. Must be professional in appearance, attitude and communication (verbal and written). Must have the desire and ability to sell a product successfully. Must be willing to travel to all Bigos locations occasionally and work occasional evenings and weekends. Minimum of Associates Degree in Business or related exp. 5-7 years sales and Property Management experience. Previous experience in an apartment leaseup environment preferred. Send resumes to [email protected] or fax to 763-367-7151. Please include salary requirements.

Events

Home Services

Real Estate

CARPENTER - 10 YEARS EXPERIENCE. Integrity, quick turn around. Kitchens, Bathrooms, WINDOWS, DOORS. Remodeling, Rehabs. Tile work, fine finishing, custom decks & siding. NO JOB TOO SMALL. (612) 247-0691. Portfolio, Referrals.

Private wooded acreage in Pepin, WI hides this beautifully remodeled 3 bedroom, 3 bath home. Licensed Bed & Breakfast. $299,900. Bill Jewson, (866) 565-2618. www. jewsonrealty.com.

House Cleaning T. LIDDELL CLEANING, I would like to THANK all of my clients over the years for their continued business. It has been a pleasure to work with you. Terry, (612) 7109157. Cleaning and/or organizing: environmentally friendly. One-time basis and regular scheduling available. Minneapolis and immediate suburbs. Call or email Katy at (612) 807-8705, [email protected]. The Maids Home Services gives you the healthiest, most thorough housecleaning, guaranteed! Supervised teams, bonded, insured, environmentally safe cleaning products are why Nobody Outcleans The Maids.® Free estimates (952) 929-6243. www.maids.com.

Lost and Found Paul Cocoanto, formerly from Iron Range, DinkyTown, Badreichenhal Germany... Contact Wally at londonwallace1941@ yahoo.com ASAP!

Business Opportunities

Psychotherapy

Employment Health/Fitness CareMinders® Home Care. Customized Services To Meet Individual Needs in: Skilled Nursing, Live-In Care, Respite Care, Medication Reminders, Meal Preparation, Light Housekeeping, Companion Care, Transportation. Caregivers screened by industry exclusive 12-point background check. (612) 435-7140. www.careminders. com. 501 FIT. Strength with Class. Improve your life. Fun, Effective and Affordable Strength Training Classes. Try “1” Class for FREE! 501 Washington Ave. S. 3rd Fl., Minneapolis, MN. (612) 767-4415. www.501fit.com.

Help Wanted Free Arts Minnesota: looking for volunteers to work with abused, neglected, at-risk children using art and mentorship. Time commitment of 1.5 hours weekly. More information, Krissy, (612) 824-2787. www. freeartsminnesota.org.

IRENE GREENE, MSEd, Psychotherapist: 24 years experience. Individual, Couples Counseling, Mediation. Life changes, relationship, gender, sexuality, parenting, anger, anxiety, depression. Coming Out, Sexual Abuse, DID Groups. Sliding fee. Professional, nonjudgmental, confidential. (612) 874-6442. [email protected]. Dan Maki, MA, LMFT – Individual, Couples and Family Therapy. Helping people build confidence, hope and fulfillment in life and relationships. Offices in Uptown Minneapolis and the South Metro. (952) 936-2800. www. danmaki.com.

Real Estate

Rentals-Residential UPTOWN 1 BR Condo, Lake/Nicollet. Near freeway, post office, banking, shops. Public excercise room. Heated parking plus storage. Small pet OK. No smoking. $800 includes heat. Avaailable Nov. (612) 822-1854.

Roommates SW MPLS - share large 3 BR, 2 BA with single, professional, responsible but fun 47 year-old female. Close (not too close) to freeway, Southdale area, 12 blocks to Lk. Harriet. $600 month includes utilities, garage and monthly housekeeper. Room has hardwood floors & a large closet. Furnished or unfurnished. No smoking. No pets. (612) 730-5349.

Spa Services The Tranny Factory @ The Spa. Complete Makeovers for Men becoming Women. [email protected]. (612) 986-4929. Private-Supportive-Affordable makeupnails-wardrobe-hair-waxing.

Therapeutic Massage GOT ME? I’ll do your body good. Swedish, Deep Tissue, Shiatsu & Tui Na. Downtown location. In/Out. Call anytime. Kurt, CMT: (612) 338-3329. FULL BODY DEEP TISSUE MASSAGE. Relax & Unwind from Head to Toe. Private S. Mpls Studio. Music, Candles, Jacuzzi, Full Bath. In/Out Calls. 7 days. 10am - 10pm. (612) 3888993, Keith. THERAPEUTIC HANDS. Swedish/Deep Tissue, Shiatsu. Energizing relaxation. Call Bob at (763) 208-4056 for appointment. Evenings & weekends available. FULL BODY MASSAGE. Warm relaxing atmosphere, Minneapolis. Hour Massage $60.00. Shower Available. (612) 219-6743. 7 days a week, 10 am - 10 pm. Therapist: 5'10, 167#, 32 waist. Stressed? Overworked? Sore Muscles? Find relief & get $20.00 OFF regular price. (Reg; $60 hr, $70 1.5 hr). Swedish, Deep Tissue, Relaxation. 2-10:00 PM. Doug, CMT: (612) 229-0415. Deep Relaxing Massage, 1 hour $60.00. Over 20 years experience. Call Stephen: (612) 875-6677. Massage by JR. Loring Park Area. (612) 8704181.

Travel APOSTLE TRAWLERS - Unforgettable charter from Bayfield into the Apostle Islands. Trawler with most comforts of home, sleeps up to four. Captain Jeff runs the boat... you relax. (651) 485-8989. www. apostletrawlers.com.

Home Furnishing COTTAGE HOUSE • An Occasional Market • Next sale: FRENCH COUNTRY! • SEPTEMBER 16. 17, 18, 19, 20. Wednesday: 1 - 8pm. Thurs-Fri 10am - 8pm, Sat-Sun: 10am - 6pm • 4304 Chicago Ave. S., Minneapolis, MN.

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Arts

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Community Connection Community Connection brings visibility to local GLBT-friendly non-profit organizations. To reserve your listing in Community Connection, call 612-436-4698 or email advertising@ lavendermagazine.com.

Enjoy Masterpieces From All Over The World And Every Period Of Human History. Free Admission Daily! 2400 3rd Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN (612) 870-3000 www.artsmia.org

Addiction Info & Treatment

Hazelden Providing comprehensive treatment, recovery solutions. Helping people reclaim their lives from the disease of addiction. P.O. Box 11 15251 Pleasant Valley Rd Center City, MN (800) 257-7800 www.hazelden.org

Community Activism

Project 515 A focused initiative to ensure that same sex couples and their families have equal rights and considerations under Minnesota law. P.O. Box 50143 Minneapolis, MN (612) 246-3885 www.project515.org

Historical

Minnesota Historical Society The best of Minnesota comes to life with fun, hands-on exhibits and signature programs. 345 Kellogg Blvd W., St. Paul, MN (651) 259-3000 www.mnhs.org/historycenter Landmark Center Beautifully Restored Old Federal Courts Building, Housing Arts Events, Gangster Tours, Museums, Café, Gift Shop! 75 West 5th St. St. Paul, MN (651) 292-3225 www.landmarkcenter.org

Education

AIDS/HIV Information & Treatment

Aliveness Project, The Community Center for Individuals Living with HIV/AIDS -- On-site Meals, Food Shelf and Supportive Services. 730 East 38th St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 824-LIFE (5433) www.aliveness.org Clare Housing - Partners in AIDS Care Providing affordable housing, supportive services and compassionate care to people living with HIV/AIDS. 929 Central Ave. NE Minneapolis, MN (612) 239-9515 www.clarehousing.org HIM Program One of the Red Door Services of the Hennepin County Public Health Clinic. 525 Portland Ave. 4th Floor Minneapolis, MN (612) 348-9100 www.himprogram.org www.StopSyphilisNOW.org www.CrystalClearMN.org www.inSPOT.org/Minnesota

August 28–September 10, 2009

MAP AIDSline MAP AIDSLine is the confidential statewide toll-free HIV information and referral service. 1400 Park Ave. Minneapolis, MN (612) 373-AIDS (metro) or (800) 248-AIDS (statewide) [email protected] www.mnaidsproject.org

Events

Minnesota AIDS Trek Annual Bike Trek To Benefit Top Shelf, AIDS Care Partners, Camp Benedict, UCLA Vaccine Program. 3017 York Ave. N. Robbinsdale, MN (763) 522-8067 [email protected] www.aids-trek.org

U of MN Research Studies Looking for HIV+ and HIV- individuals to participate in research studies. 420 Delaware Street SE Minneapolis, MN 55455 612-625-7472 WEB ADDRESS

Art Galleries

LGBT Health & Wellness

GLBTCALLITQUITS.COM If you’re ready to quit smoking, we’re here to support you. 1-866-434-9736 Tobacco-Free Lavender Communities A program of Rainbow Health Initiative A coalition reducing the impact of tobacco use, through mini-grants, education, and community events. (612) 710-2019 www.MNTLC.org (612) 708-6208 www.rainbowhealth.org

Red Ribbon Ride Four-day Bike Ride in July Benefiting Seven HIV/AIDS Service Organizations in Minnesota. 4457 3rd Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN (612) 822-2110 www.redribbonride.org

Library

Quatrefoil Library Your GLBT Library with stacks of DVDs, books, and magazines. Check out our online catalogue. 1619 Dayton Ave., No. 105 St. Paul, MN (651) 641-0969 www.qlibrary.org

Graphic Design

Minneapolis College of Art and Design (MCAD) Offering BFA, BS, and MFA degrees, postgraduate certificates, and classes for youth and adults. 2501 Stevens Avenue Minneapolis, MN www.mcad.edu

Park House Day Health / Mental Health Treatment Program for Adults Living with HIV/AIDS. 710 E. 24th Street, Suite 303 Minneapolis, MN (612) 871-1264 www.allina.com/ahs/anw.nsf/page/ park_house_home

Minneapolis Institute of Arts

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Minnesota Online Highschool Get ready for college and life with a supportive, online, public school that fits you 1313 5 Street, SE, Suite 227 Minneapolis, MN 55414 Phone: 1-800-764-8166 x 111 Fax: 1-866-586-2870 Website: www.mnohs.org

Grantmaker/Funder

DIVA MN Through creative events, DIVA MN raises money to provide grants which impact AIDS/HIV in MN. 12911 Forest Meadow Dr. Minnetonka, MN 952-544-6599 www.divamn.org

Media & Communications

Minnesota Public Radio Providing in depth news coverage, classical music and emerging artists on our three regional services. (651) 290-1212 www.mpr.org Radio K 770 Radio K is the award-winning student-run radio station of the University of Minnesota 330 21st Ave. S. 610 Rarig Center University of Minnesota Minneapolis, MN 55455 (612) 625-3500 www.radiok.org

Museums

Science Museum of Minnesota Boasts a 100-year history of a hands-

on approach to science, learning and entertainment. 120 West Kellogg Blvd. St. Paul, MN 651-221-2547 www.smm.org

Neighborhood Associations

Neighborhood Development Center (NDC) 663 University Ave. Suite 200 St. Paul, MN 55104 651-291-2480 Powderhorn Park Neighborhood Association / Powderhorn Art Fair Bringing together diverse residents of the neighborhood to enhance the physical, economic, housing, cultural environment. 821 E. 35th Street Minneapolis, MN (612) 722-4817 www.ppna.org www.powderhornartfair.com

Performing Arts

Bloomington Civic Theatre Bloomington Civic Theatre brings the best of Broadway musicals under the direction of John Command. 1800 W. Old Shakopee Rd. Bloomington, MN (952) 563-8575 www.bloomingtoncivictheatre.org Brazen Theatre Plays, Musicals, Cabaret and Other Entertainment for Adventurous Audiences. See Individual Ads for Venue (414) 248-6481 www.brazentheatre.org Guthrie Theater Come On In! Performances, Classes, Dining, Tours. 818 South 2nd St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 377-2224 www.guthrietheater.org Hennepin Theatre Trust Orpheum, State and Pantages Theatres Twin Cities’ best live entertainment: Broadway shows, music concerts, comedy, dance and more! Minneapolis, MN (612) 673-0404 www.HennepinTheatreDistrict.org Illusion Theater Nationally Renowned For Developing Artists and New Work While Sparking Conversation About Challenging Human Issues. 528 Hennepin Ave., #704 Minneapolis, MN (612) 339-4944 www.illusiontheater.org Jungle Theater Professional theater producing contemporary and classic works in an intimate setting in the Lynlake neighborhood. 2951 Lyndale Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN (612) 822-7063 www.JungleTheater.com

Community Connection U of M Centennial Showboat Harriet Island, St. Paul, MN (651) 227-1100 www.showboat.umn.edu

www.myspace.com/rumclivingwaters Edina Community Lutheran Church Upbeat, growing congregation committed to inclusion, justice, peace, community and proclaiming God’s YES to all. 4113 W. 54th St. Edina, MN (952) 926-3808 www.eclc.org

Performing Arts

The Minnesota Opera America’s Most Exciting Opera Company Now Has a New GLBTA Group “Out at the Opera!” 620 N. First St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 342-9550 www.mnopera.org Minnesota Orchestra Led by Music Director Osmo Vänskä, the Minnesota Orchestra, one of America’s leading symphony orchestras. 1111 Nicollet Mall Minneapolis, MN (612) 371-5656 (800) 292-4141 www.minnesotaorchestra.org One Voice Mixed Chorus Passionate about building community and creating social change by raising our voices in song. 732 Holly Ave. Ste. Q Saint Paul, MN (651) 298-1954 www.ovmc.org [email protected] Ordway Center for the Performing Arts Serving our community through hosting, presenting, creating performing arts and educational programs enriching diverse audiences. 345 Washington St. St. Paul, MN (651) 224-4222 www.ordway.org Park Square Theatre Creating entertainment that matters; transporting you to unique worlds through exceptional talent and masterful stories. 20 West Seventh Pl. Saint Paul, MN (651) 291-7005 www.parksquaretheatre.org Saint Paul City Ballet Making ballet accessible to all through excellence in classical training, progressive in outreach, and extraordinary in performance. 1680 Grand Ave. Saint Paul, MN (651) 690-1588 www.spcballet.org Theater Latté Da Exploring And Expanding The Art of Musical theater Under The Artistic Direction of Peter Rothstein. Minneapolis, MN 612-339-3003 www.latteda.org Twin Cities Gay Men’s Chorus An award-winning chorus that builds community through music and offers entertainment worth coming out for! 528 Hennepin Ave., Suite 307 Minneapolis, MN (612) 339-SONG (7664) [email protected] www.tcgmc.org University of Minnesota Theatre Arts and Dance Educating artists and audiences through a diverse mix of performances on both land and water. U of M Theatre 330 21st Ave S, Minneapolis, MN (612) 624-2345 www.theatre.umn.edu

Hennepin Avenue United Methodist Church Take a Spiritual Journey With Hennepin’s Faith Community Through Worship, Education, Fellowship, Service, and More. 511 Groveland Ave. Minneapolis, MN (612) 871-5303 www.haumc.org

Pets

Animal Humane Society Buffalo: (763) 390-3647 Coon Rapids: (763) 862-4030 Golden Valley: (763) 522-4325 St. Paul: (651) 645-7387 Woodbury: (651) 730-6008 www.animalhumanesociety.org

Religious & Spiritual

Mount Olive Lutheran Church Ours is a welcoming parish, rich in music, liturgy and opportunities to serve the community. 3045 Chicago Ave. Minneapolis, MN (612) 827-5919 www.mountolivechurch.org

Politics & Rights

Human Rights Campaign Advocates for all GLBT Americans, mobilizes grassroots action, invests strategically to elect fair-minded individuals. P.O. Box 50608 Minneapolis, MN www.twincities.hrc.org www.hrc.org OutFront Minnesota Delivering programs / services in the area of public policy, anti-violence, education and training, and law. 310 E. 38th St., Ste. 204 Minneapolis, MN (612) 822-0127 www.outfront.org

Public Market

Midtown Global Market An internationally-themed public market with over 40 independent vendors offering the finest selection of produce, meats, delicacies, prepared foods, grocery items, unique gifts and services from around the world. 920 E. Lake St. Suite G.10 Minneapolis, MN (612) 872-4041

Religious & Spiritual

All God’s Children Metropolitan Community Church All inclusive, welcoming Christian church founded by and for GLBT people and their allies. 3100 Park Ave. Minneapolis, MN (612) 824-2673 www.agcmcc.org Central Lutheran Church We welcome all people to celebrate, discover and share the love of Christ. 333 Twelfth St. S. Minneapolis, MN (612) 870-4416 www.centralmpls.org Church of the Imperfect Richfield UMC 11AM “Informal, progressive, joyful, oriented, interactive, creative. “ 5835 Lyndale Ave. S.

justice

Plymouth Congregational Church, Minneapolis A Beacon of Liberal Theology. Progressive Christianity, Traditional Setting & Service, Social Action, The Arts & Music. 1900 Nicollet Ave. at Franklin Minneapolis, MN (612) 871-7400 www.plymouth.org Spirit of the Lakes, UCC (United Church of Christ) God’s Warehouse...Something Is Happening Here! Founded by GLBTA. Open, Affirming, Just Peace, Anti-Racist Church. Worship 10 AM Sundays 2930 13th Ave. S. Minneapolis, MN (612) 724-2313 www.spiritucc.org www.ucc.org St. Mark’s Episcopal Cathedral Wherever you are on your faith journey... St. Mark’s Welcomes You. 519 Oak Grove St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 870-7800 www.ourcathedral.org St. Luke Presbyterian Church We’re a Joyful, Compassionate Commmunity on a Spiritual Journey, Seeking Justice and Peace. Join Us. 3121 Groveland School Rd. Wayzata, MN (952) 473-7378 www.stlukeweb.org

Sexuality

Man2Man An Interactive Seminar Where Guys Talk To Each Other About Sex, Dating, and Being Gay/Bi. University of Minnesota Minneapolis, MN (612) 626-7187 www.epi.umn.edu/m2m

Social Organizations Imperial Court of Minnesota P.O. Box 582417 Minneapolis, MN www.impcourtmn.com

Sports & Recreation

North Star Gay Rodeo Association Assisting local community and charities through fundraisers,support and education about western lifestyle and skills. P.O. Box 48039 Coon Rapids, MN 55448 (763) 786-7472 www.nsgra.org [email protected] Twin Cities Goodtime Softball League (TCGSL) Join 500 GLBT softball players as we celebrate our 30th year! PO BOX 580264 Minneapolis, MN www.tcgsl.org

Student/Campus/Alumni

Minnesota GLBTA Campus Alliance A statewide alliance of students, staff, faculty, alumni, and community members uniting for campus change. 2136 Ford Parkway #131 St. Paul, MN (612) 730-8541 www.mncampusalliance.org

Youth

District 202 District 202 provides social, cultural and educational opportunities for GLBT youth ages 21 and under. www.dist202.org

University Lutheran Church of Hope Reconciling Congregation - All Are Welcome. Social Justice Opportunities. Strong University Links - Questioning Encouraged. Great Music. 601 13th Ave. SE Minneapolis, MN (612) 331-5988 www.ulch.org Westminster Presbyterian Church A Covenant Network Congregation, Working Toward a Church as Generous and Just as God’s Grace. Nicollet Mall at 12th St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 332-3421 www.ewestminster.org Wingspan Ministry + PASTORAL CARE + EDUCATION + WITNESS + ADVOCACY + Outreach of St. Paul-Reformation Church to the GLBTQA Community. 100 N. Oxford St. St. Paul, MN (651) 224-3371 www.stpaulref.org

Women’s Services

Womyn Unlimited Minnesota A Minnesota based non-profit grassroots philanthropic organization by, of, and for a diverse community of women. Rose Hart (612) 250-0119 www.womynunlimitedmn.org

Zoo

Minnesota Zoo Home to more than 2000 animals. A sight to see for all ages. Open year-round. 13000 Zoo Blvd. Apple Valley, MN 952-431-9200 mnzoo.org

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Minneapolis Musical Theatre “Giving Voice to the Human Experience” New and Rarely-Seen Musicals. 8520 W. 29th St. Minneapolis, MN (612) 605-3298 www.aboutmmt.org

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Ms. Behavior© | [ by Meryl Cohn ]

White Mama Dear Ms. Behavior: My partner, Maya, and I are trying for our first child. She is Mexican, and I am white. We plan to have two babies. We’ve agreed that she will carry the first one. I think we should use sperm from a white donor for me, and from a donor of color for her, so that we each will have a baby who looks like her or me. Maya does not want me to use any white sperm. She can’t bear the idea of my having a child who isn’t related to her, doesn’t look like her, and leaves her out. There are lots of issues in our marriage. I am thinking not being able to agree on a donor is a bad sign. What should we do? —White Mama

August 28–September 10, 2009

Dear White Mama:

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You and Maya probably need assistance to resolve this issue. A couples therapist could help you explore the big scary issues of identity that come up around having babies, which in your case also is mixed with the politics of race. Can you feel equally attached to and responsible for a baby when only one of you is the biological mother? How do you deal with feelings about the child not looking like you? One practical solution could be switching your plan around. Instead of each of you caring only about creating a reflection of yourselves from the fruit of your loins, it would be great if you and Maya could compromise, and agree on one particular donor, so that the children will be biologically related to one another, too. But how do you agree about a donor if you’re committed to having a white baby, and your wife is committed to a baby of color? Perhaps you jointly can choose a talented and attractive latte-colored donor, and call it a day. Dear Ms. Behavior: We are two rather tired lesbians who somehow have managed to raise a pretty good male child to near adulthood. He is home for the summer from college.

The problem is that Kirby, who is 19, wants us to allow his girlfriend, who is 17, to stay in his room, and sleep over. This means having sex, we assume. Neither my partner nor I is comfortable with this idea. We have had many long family debates about the topic. Kirby says we are being sexist old farts by overprotecting his girlfriend, who is perfectly capable of making her own decisions. What do you think? —Concerned Moms

Dear Concerned Moms:

© 2009 Meryl Cohn. Address questions and correspondence to <[email protected]>. She is the author of Do What I Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette (Houghton Mifflin). Signed copies are available directly from the author.

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Many people are a little freaked out by the sexuality of their children. But oldstyle lesbian separatists may be even more sensitive to the appearance of male sexuality, even in the boy child who once sprang from their women-only wombs. A couple of issues need to be teased apart: Does Kirby seem irresponsible? Does his girlfriend seem too young to decide to have sex? Can you remember your own teenage years, and what if felt like to be young and juicy? It actually isn’t clear whether you’ve met Kirby’s girlfriend. If so, you should be able to assess her level of maturity, and find out (because she’s technically a minor) if her parents know where she’d be sleeping. If all that seems kosher, and you already have talked with Kirby about things like birth control, STDs, and condoms, you should let your son have his overnight guest, even if it means you and your partner need to sit in the garage cross-legged, and take some deep yogic breaths. You obviously mean well. Now, it’s time to give up some control. And be thankful that you’re not the parents of a girl—you probably would feel you needed to protect her from all the turgid penises of the world. If you’re really afraid to condone adolescent sex (and not just plain horrified by the thought of heterosexual intercourse), think back for a moment to what it felt like to be young and sexually driven. Sexually active teens will find places to hook up, whether in cars, alleys, beaches, or deserted buildings. Having sex at home is really rather safe by comparison, even without the four watchful eyes of Kirby’s Two Mommies.

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August 28–September 10, 2009

Adult > Classifieds Adult Chat

Adult Massage

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August 28–September 10, 2009

Yellow Pages > Advertiser Index Adult

Communications

Home Services

Pet Products & Services

1-800-GayLive ................................61 Déjà Vu ............................................64 Dream Girls .....................................62 Duluth Sauna...................................17 FindFred.com...................................63 Hennepin Avenue Adult Boutique .62 Interactive Male ..............................60, 63 Megaphone ....................................64 Squirt-PressNet, Inc.........................63

Air America Minnesota ..................30 Radio K ............................................20

American Boarding Kennels ..........55 Animal Humane Society ............................................19, 20, 21 Cat Nap Inn ....................................56 Douglas Animal Hospital ...............20 Larpenteur Animal Hospital ...........20 Pampered Paws Savage ................55 Pampered Pooch Playground ........19, 55

Apparel & Accessories

Events

A-Z Electric .....................................54 Bauer Floor Covering .....................54 Bluestem Construction ....................53 Bretts True Quality Homes .............54 Current Affairs Electric....................54 Elegant Expressions ........................53 EM Contracting...............................55 Glacier Concrete & Masonry........54 Good Stuff Moving ........................54 Grout Professionals .........................53 Halet Remodeling & Renovations..53 Hopkins Carpet One ......................12 Jeff’s SOS Drain & Sewer Services................................16 MAGIC Painting Company ..........54 Matt’s Tree Service .........................54 Personal Pride Construction ...........54 Ryan’s Tree Care ............................55 Sage Building & Remodeling ........54 Soderlin Plumbing, Heating & Air Conditioning ...........54 Solum Fine Flooring ........................54 SOS Homecare ..............................53 The Tile Shop ..................................10 Universal Windows Direct .............12

Arts & Entertainment

DeskTech .........................................52 Meefers.com ...................................46

Education Metropolitan State University ........12

AIA Homes by Architects Tour .......9, 11, 13 Lavender First Thursday..................18 Summer of Pride..............................4

One Voice Mixed Chorus ..............33

Financial

Automotive

Boyer, Daniel...................................53 Essential Financial Planning ...........52 Moltaji, Roya ...................................7 Palm, Karen .....................................9 ROR Tax Professionals....................5 Wells Fargo Bank ...........................5

Hagen’s Auto Body ........................52 LaMettry’s Collision ........................31 Morrie’s Mazda .............................8

Bars & Nightlife Twin Cities Bar Advertiser Guide ..36 19 Bar ..............................................44 Camp ...............................................45 The Flame Nightclub ......................17 Gay 90’s ........................................38, 39, 41, 67 J.T.’s Bar & Grill ..............................17 Lush ..................................................46 The Main Club ................................17 Minneapolis Eagle/Bolt .................40 Rumours/Innuendo .........................42 Saloon .............................................43 Tickles ..............................................45 Town House ...................................44

Beauty & Relaxation Barbers on Bryant ...........................52 Garden of Eden ..............................29 Juventus MedSpa & Laser C..........27

Beverages Budweiser ........................................47 Miller Lite .........................................37

Casino Black Bear Casino and Resort.......16

Coffee & Tea Coffee and Tea Ltd. ........................51 Spyhouse Coffeeshop ....................9

Gifts Eye of Horus....................................52 Fantasy Gifts ...................................35 Max’s ...............................................29

Health, Wellness & Recovery 3 Bears Chiropractic ......................52 Burns, Steve .....................................13 Carrillo, Dr. Thomas P.....................56 Christian, Dennis V..........................56 Complete Body ...............................29 Fitness Together...............................30 Full Potential Personal Training ......53 Heffelfinger, Kate ............................56 Heteroflexible Therapy...................56 CAPS Program ................................34 North Suburban Eye Specialists ...27 Klausen, Paul DDS .........................8 Mayfield Chiropractic ....................27 O’Hara, Paul ...................................56 Pride Institute ...................................52 Frederick, Ron .................................56 Stolz, James.....................................56 University of Minnesota, Infectious Diseases..........................3 Vader, Kathy....................................56

Insurance American Family Insurance............33 Baldwin, Davina .............................55 Herr, Cindy ......................................55 Wagner Insurance-Financial Services, Inc. ...................................55 Whitesong, Therese ........................55 Wolfson, Steve ................................55

Legal Bohn & Associates .........................52 Cloutier & Brandl ............................35 Dean, Jeff ........................................5 Dunlap Law Office .........................11 Heltzer & Burg ................................2 Hoffner Law Firm ............................7 Moshier, Becky ...............................9 Pierce Richards Law Office ............52 Terry, Slane, Ruohonen .................7

Mortgage Gleason, Pat ....................................35 Lozinski, David ................................34

Optical

Home Furnishings & Accessories

Specs Appeal..................................53

DirectBuy of Minneapolis ..............21

Human Rights Campaign ...............68

Organizations

Real Estate & Rentals Abele, David ...................................56 Bowker, Kent ...................................56 Bowman, Jennifer............................49 Launert, Malinda ............................13 Leviton, Ann .....................................56 Lowertown Lofts Apartments ..........18 Marquette Place and One ten grant..................................32 McGee, Michael ............................11 Minneapolis Grand Apartments ...35 New Home Store Realty ................31 Richardson, Beth .............................9 Rossom, Lynn ...................................56 Ruzick, Amy & Johnson, Kay ......... 34, 56 Stevenson, Scott ..............................7

Religious Westminster Presbyterian Church..31

Restaurants The Bad Waitress ............................7 Boca Chica Restaurant and Cantina ....................................50 Hell’s Kitchen ..................................49 It’s Greek To Me .............................51 KinDee Thai Restaurant ..................51 Midori’s Floating World Cafe .......53 Park Tavern Bowling & Entertainment Center ......................50 Sushi Tango .....................................51 Tiger Sushi .......................................50 Toast Wine Bar & Café ..................50 Uptown Diner/Calhoun Grill/ Louisiana Café/Grandview Grill ..51 Zen Restaurant ................................50

Travel & Accommodations aloft Minneapolis............................2 Gardenwood Resort and Motel ....17 Sheraton Duluth Hotel ....................17

LavenderMagazine.com

STYLEDLIFE-styledlook....................29

Computer & Internet

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Backtalk > Consider the Source

[ by Julie Dafydd ]

Foaming at the Mouth

I

nightclubs, the Limelight and the Palladium, are throwing foam parties. Club-goers brazen enough to sacrifice vanity for novelty writhe, grope, and dance in waist-high foam, a concoction of water and highly concentrated liquid soap propelled through an engine.” OK, maybe that “propelled through an engine” thing was someone else’s stroke of genius. But the rest is mine. “It’s quite sexual, but also safe,” one club patron told the reporter. I made a list of other things that fall into the same category, but I can’t find it. I seem to have misplaced my really thick glasses, and to be honest, I am blind without them. Anyway, the deal here is that people who are under the influence of drugs such as LSD now fling themselves into a giant vat of soapsuds with their clothes on, and fondle whatever happens to be nearby (man, woman, the butt-crack plumber just finishing up with the tank). Then, they get blasted with a hose to clean off the soap, all right there in the middle of the nightclub. Not that ballroom dancing isn’t still popular, too. The reporter followed the soapy escapades—I think I once sued somebody after falling down a soapy escapade—of a New York girl who gave her name only as “Girly.” “And so,” the story said, “Girly tumbled inside an oversized kiddie pool brimming with foam, eager, finally, to immerse herself in the club scene’s latest ‘event.’”

I recently called a lesbian colleague “Girly!” Doctors tell me it would be too dangerous to try to remove the hardcore edition of Webster’s New World Dictionary. They say it’s resting up against some remaining vital organs. I now refer to her simply as Ms. Maloney. The soap thing was brought to New York, the story claims, by Steve Dumington, president of a company that designs nightclubs. He said he first saw foam-filled nightclubs in Barcelona back in 1992. So, Dumington—and not me—has been given credit for bringing this trend to New York, which has all the raw ingredients to make it work: soap and drugs. “Many foam enthusiasts,” according to the story,” freely admitted using LSD, Ecstasy, marijuana, Special K, and an animal tranquilizer that is pulverized and usually snorted.” I don’t know about you, but there are few things I enjoy more than pulverizing a handful of animal tranquilizers, stuffing it up my nose, and settling in for the three-hour special Great Moments in Bowling on ESPN. Seriously, though, a word of caution here from someone who has experimented with this sort of stuff: If you are under the influence of LSD, pulverized animal tranquilizers, or even Spam, and find your shoes covered with slippery soap, please stay off the escalator at Sears! Unless you have a good lawyer. But, hey, consider the source here. Bye for now. Kiss, kiss.

August 28–September 10, 2009

’ve always been a trendsetter. Take that time my bloated buddy, Rush Limbaugh, loaned me his windbreaker jacket because I was cold. I got drunk, fell off a cliff, and— well, I assume by now you’ve heard about this hang-gliding thing? Or the time I went to the plus-size women’s department at Sears, and somehow got my thong string jammed in the escalator. This spawned the trend of $12 million frivolous personal injury lawsuits, in which a lawyer argues that moving machine parts were recklessly and irresponsibly placed in an area where people were known to try on pants. Believe me, $12 million goes a long way, especially when you don’t go out much anymore. Crotch recovery, you know. But a few months ago, I briefly left the house, and found myself in a bar. Believing the drinks were overpriced, I asked the gentleman on the adjacent stool to hold my ankles, while I dove over the bar, and helped myself to the schnapps. Halfway through the bottle, the guy says he’s “got an itch,” and drops me into the sink. Next thing I know, I’m covered with soapsuds, and felt like dancing. So, it came as no surprise to me when I read a story out of New York about the latest trend sweeping the nation’s bars. From The New York Times News Service: “Two seemingly immortal Manhattan

Hi, Trolín. Hi, Lesbi. Hi, Ana.

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Why are you turning so much?

We are making love.

I won’t watch pornography again!