Influencing Styles 3.0

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Influencing Styles The words POWER and INFLUENCE often have a negative sound for a lot of people. Many times these definitions are related to the abuse of it. And it keeps people from looking at their own style of influencing in a more objective way, and to judge the positive and negative consequences that belong to this style. Still it is very important, because there are a lot of things that depend on the way you communicate with your colleagues. C’est le ton qui fait la musique! This means: often it is not so important what you say, but more how you say it (you can even say “I hate you” in a way that the one you are talking to, does not believe you at all). To communicate is to influence. The way you handle this often depends on the situation of that particular moment. The choice of your approach is an automatic activity, without you even thinking about it. By becoming more aware of the different influencing styles, you will be able to select a fitting style for every situation. Sometimes you have to scale up step by step as a strategy. This will enhance the effectiveness of what you are saying. During the training you will receive a schematic overview of the different styles and we will train every step. As you can see in this handout, the pressure increases: from creating enthusiasm, through participation and convincing to pressing (‘dictating’). It is obvious that you choose a certain style depending on the situation and necessity. You will speak differently to someone who you want to make clear to that his/her behaviour does not correspond to the criteria of the ‘desired culture’, than to someone that has not kept him/herself to his word again for the hundredth time. The first situation asks more for creating enthusiasm, while the second situation calls for a more pressing style.

1.

Creating enthusiasm

This style attempts to give you a common vision of something, and to enhance the assurance that by individual and joint efforts this vision can become reality. You try to appeal to the standards and feelings of the other person to mobilise himself to put energy into it, and make an effort to reach a common goal. What characterizes this style is the usage of the we-form. Another characteristic of this style is that you bring on your own enthusiasm to the other person to reach the common goal. This happens through non-verbal behaviour with gestures and intonation. Imagine yourself how you would say the following line: “With all the years of experience that we have in this team, it has to be possible to solve this problem!”, or “I am absolutely sure that I will have more time for you in emergency cases, if you would deliver me the normal work on a more regular basis”. Creating enthusiasm will become even more successful when you show your trust in a successful outcome, and when you approach the other person in a very motivating way. A way of doing this is mentioning former successful situations.

Influencing Styles ©2009, suo-marte.com

suo marte personal & business development

For example: “Do you remember that difficult question of Fujitsu last month? I am sure you will do just fine again!” Another example is: “If we try to talk and motivate each other, you will see that both the atmosphere and the results will increase”.

2. Participation Instead of putting pressure on someone, like when pressing (‘dictating’) and convincing, this style will draw the other person to your desired idea or behaviour by involving him/her. By actively listening and showing this to the other person, you will increase the other person’s feeling of recognition and appreciation, by which he/she will become stimulated to give his/her contribution to ‘the case’. Participation has three aspects:

a) Recognize and involve: Ask for the other person’s opinion and listen to it carefully. b) Test and honour: By summarizing or recalling what the other person has said, you will test the accuracy of the conversation. At the same time you will give the other person a feeling of being taken serious. c) Be open: By giving information and admit your insecurities and mistakes, you will win another person’s trust. Example: a) “How would you do this?” b) “If I understand you right, you want ….. “ c) “It would have been better if I had informed you about this in advance.” So the participation style is aimed at involving another person and building a trusting relationship. To use this style in the correct way, ‘the usage of drugs’ is permitted: LSD (Listen, Summarize, Dare to ask). By doing this you will show the other person he is being taken serious. You will listen actively by replacing yourself into the other person’s position. Summarize this in the right way and, based on this, ask yourself what is the right next step to take in the whole process. Example: “So I understand that you do see possibilities. What is the next step to be taken according to you?”

3.

Convincing

What characterizes this influencing style is the use of facts, logics and rational argumentation, when convincing some one else. It works very well when you use information that the other person gave to you in the participation phase. The agreement is based on its correctness and the logical reasoning of the other person. A logical argumentation is stronger that an emotional one. People who frequently use this style are very skilled with words. They express ideas and views, and are not afraid for reactions (they even provoke reactions).

Influencing Styles ©2009, suo-marte.com

suo marte personal & business development

They consciously listen to the other person to find the weaknesses in his/her argumentations. They are very determined and energetic in convincing someone. This style has two aspects: proposal and arguments (mentioning advantages of the own vision and disadvantages of the other’s vision). A good method for this style is the use of APC’s: an Argument, a solid Proof and a Conclusion why it is good for ‘him’. In the training session we will train APC’s. Example: -

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“I propose we first make an agenda.” “If this is what your situation is like, I think we would better choose to sell.” “Oh yeah, I understand that, but I think you are forgetting ….” “Look, and that is why it is so important to first discuss these matters with each other.”

Pressing (‘Dictating’)

This style aims at the consequences of someone’s behaviour. It is made clear to the other person what he/she is supposed to do, so your vision will be followed and the other person can avoid negative consequences. Being right or wrong is not based here on what is rationally right, but on morals and social standards, rules and expectations. Within this style it is also possible to negotiate: rewards can be offered or threats can be made. You can also express judgements, negative ones as well as positive ones. A lot of people find this style very unpleasant or even aggressive, but if you just apply it, it does not have to be so. Pressing means: being tough in business and gentle in relationships. With aggressiveness you are also being tough in relationships. Of course it is also important to take the surrounding culture into account. In some cultures being multiple obtrusive in certain cases simply is part of a courteousness ritual. In such a culture a subtle and friendly formulated request can, under no circumstances being refused. Example:

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“If you go on like this than ……..” (“if, than…” strategy) “You really can not do this!” “I find yours an excellent idea!” “That is a great idea!” “That is not what we agreed upon.” “You will have to come with some good arguments to get me into this!” “I think we should not go that far.” “If you won’t quickly pick that up, I will have to take measures.”

Influencing Styles ©2009, suo-marte.com

suo marte personal & business development

Conclusion Communication often works if you just let it happen naturally in the situation that you are in. Although you have to realize that your ‘natural style’ is not the most adequate in every situation. That is why it is very important to make yourself aware of: -

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What is the situation like? Is it worth the energy? Or ‘choose your battles!’ What influencing style is most suitable for this situation? 1. To start with? 2. In what pace? 3. How far do I want to go in this matter? What style am I using now? Does this style fit the desired culture/this person, in this situation?

Don’t forget: when you use information, the other person has given you (e.g. in the participation phase), to convince him (e.g. with an APC) or to build pressure (in the pressing phase) it is influencing. When you bring in things that he did not say, it can become manipulation and that is not the intention of these styles! Manipulating can damage the relationship.

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Influencing Styles ©2009, suo-marte.com