Funny One Liners

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root. 1000 A.D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer. 1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion. 1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill. 1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic. 2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root. 2B or not 2B? I think it's a grade of pencil. 3 nails + 1 cross = 4 given. 43% of all statistics are worthless. 668: The Neighbour of the Beast. 7/5th of all people do not understand fractions. 90% of men kiss their wife goodbye when they leave the house. The rest kiss their house goodbye when they leave the wife. A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers. A banker is someone who lends you an umbrella when the sun is shining, and who asks for it back when it sta A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist. A beautiful relationship does not depend upon how good we understand someone but on how well we avoid m A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two-tired. Ability can take you to the top, but it takes character to keep you there. Ability is what you're capable of doing... Motivation determines what you do... Attitude determines how well you do it. A bird does not sing because it has an answer -- it sings because it has a song. A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, how soon will I be old enough to d The father answered immediately, "I don't know. Nobody has lived that long yet." Abraham Lincoln was once talking with a woman about how the North must treat the South. She disagreed w she felt that we must destroy our enemies. Lincoln replied, "What, madam? Do I not destroy them when I make them my friends?" A brook would lose its song if God removed the rocks. A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward. A budget is something we go without to stay within. A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business. (Henry Ford) A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. A calm sea does not make a skilled sailor. (African proverb) A camel is a horse designed by a committee. A candle brightens the world around it. Unfortunately, it creates a shadow of its own. It still serves the purpo A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. A candidate is someone who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each ot A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. A loving word may heal and bless. Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune. (Willia Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, th tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a tatol mses and you can sitll raed Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid bein A certain man had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's job to set the table. But eat, Joey's mother said with surprise, "Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?". "I didn't think I explained, "I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse." A children's catechism class was learning the Apostles Creed. Each child had been assigned a sentence to repeat. The first one said, "I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth." The second child said, "I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son.

"When he had completed his sentence, there was an embarrassing silence. Finally, one child piped up, "Teacher, the boy who believes in the Holy Spirit isn't here." A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark. (Chinese Proverb) A child will perform from their mind for their coach/teacher, but for a parent they perform from their heart. A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other. A city is a large community where people are lonesome together. A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has. A clean tie attracts the soup of the day. A clergyman had just enjoyed a hearty chicken dinner at the home of a rural parishioner. Gazing out the window, he remarked: "That rooster seems a mighty proud and happy bird." "He should," the host replied. "His oldest son just entered the ministry." A closed mind is a good thing to lose. A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood. (Chinese proverb) A college professor asked his class a question. If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I. One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor your 44.." The Professor said "you're absolutely correct, but tell me how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said. "You see professor I have a brother, he's 22 and he's half nuts." A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be A compliment is a statement of an agreeable truth; flattery is the statement of an agreeable untruth. (Sir Jo A computer beat me at chess once. But, it was no match for me at kick boxing. A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer. A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. A conference is a gathering of important people who individually can't do anything but together can decide th done. A conservative is a politician who wants to keep what the liberals fought for a generation ago. A conservative is a worshipper of dead radicals. Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A crisis is when you can't say: "let's forget the whole thing". A crumb from a winner's table is better than a feast from a loser's table! Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action.

A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in th clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin." A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing. A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold," ........ At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait you called God, Harold? The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name." Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and s about the way his mother cooked. (Kimberley Broyles) A dancer goes quick on her beautiful legs; a duck goes quack on her beautiful eggs. A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight. A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never loo A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. A disbelief in God does not result in a belief in nothing; disbelief in God usually results in a belief in anything A dog inside a kennel barks at his fleas. A dog hunting does not notice them. A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet m of me... They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet m of me... I must be a God! A dog who attends a flea circus most likely will steal the whole show. Adolescence and snow are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough. A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline. (Harvey Mackay) A drop of ink may make a million think. A drunk mans' words are a sober mans' thoughts. Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American. "Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them." The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!" Adversity doesnt build character, it reveals it. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. (Erica Jong) A face without freckles is like a sky without stars. A failure is a man who has blundered, but is not able to cash in on the experience. (Elbert Hubbard) A fair face may fade, but a beautiful soul last forever. A fall will always make a wise man wiser. (ancient Chinese) A family came home from Church where the sermon was on Adam and Eve. The Mother noticed the boy sitting on the bed feeling his ribs. She asked what he was doing. He said, "I counted these things 3 times now. Ma ! I think I'm having a wife." A farmer learns more from a bad harvest than a good one. A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be. A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace. The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President." A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wif city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked: "What happened to the flea?" Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. (C.S. Le A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. A five year old boy was sitting down to eat when his mother asked him to pray for his meal. He replied, "Mom we don't have to. We prayed over this last night." His mother had prepared leftovers from the day before. A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma. Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?" The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail." A flea and a fly in a flue were imprisoned so what could they do? Said the flea "let us fly" said the fly" let us flee" so they flew through a flaw in the flue. A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed by a gas station on a lonely country road. On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of hi "Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" he asked. "No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds, "It stands for "Unleaded Fuel Only." A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained. "These fairways seem to be getting longer too," wheezed a second. "And somehow, the sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember 'em too," said the third. Hearing just about enough from his buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the foursome at 87-years-old, pipe friends, just be thankful we're still on THIS side of the grass!" A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette pepper!" A friend is one who knows who you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you become, and st

to grow. A friend is someone that won't begin to talk behind your back when you leave the room. A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the shadows. A friend is someone who has the same enemies you have. (Abraham Lincoln) A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten t A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart. A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked. A friend to all is a friend to none. A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he al hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The pastor said, "You need to join the Army o said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Ch He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service." After all is said and done, more is said than done. After hearing two eyewitness accounts of the same accident, you begin to wonder about history. After months of training and you finally understand all of a program's commands, a revised version of the pro all-new command structure. (Thoreau's First Theory of Adaptation) After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. H hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine." After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balanc A gentle word, like summer rain, may soothe some heart and banish pain. What joy or sadness often springs, from things! Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. (Satchel Paige) A girl phoned me and said...Come on over there's nobody home. I went over... Nobody was home! A giving church is a living church. A goal properly set is halfway reached. A goal without a plan is just a wish. A good character is the best tombstone. Those who loved you and were helped by you will remember you wh have withered. Carve your name on hearts, not on marble. (Charles H. Spurgeon) A good conscience is a soft pillow. A good example is the best sermon. A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up. A good friend see the first tear, catches the second and stops the third. A good marriage is like a casserole: only those involved actually know what goes into it. A good match blows fire... A good school is a community where children learn to live first and foremost as children and not as future ad A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as poss A good way to change somebody's attitude is to change your own. A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you every A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. (William Jam A guilty conscience needs no accuser. A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of att A happy person is one whose arithmetic is at its best when they is counting their blessings. A hard thing about business is minding your own. A heavy burden does not kill on the day it is carried. (Kenyan Proverb) A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, on teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively. "I sure did, teac replied. "I just prayed for more snow." A helping hand is no farther than at the end of your sleeve. A helping word to one in trouble is like a switch in a railroad track . . . an inch between wreck and smooth, r (Henry Ward Beecher) A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it. A honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?, " gasped her mother.

"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him." A house divided against itself cannot stand; I believe this government cannot endure permanently half-slave (Abraham Lincoln, June 17, 1858) A HOUSE is built of logs and stone, Of piles and post and piers; A HOME is built of loving deeds, That stand a thousand years. (Victor Hugo) A hug is a great gift... one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange. (Natasha Isabelle) A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home. A husband got in big trouble after his wedding anniversary. His wife told him the day before: "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero flat." The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. A husband is the medicine that cures all the ills of girlhood. Aim at heaven and you get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither. (C. S. Lewis) A journey of a thousand miles always begins with one step. (ancient Egyptian proverb) A judge is a law student who marks their own examination papers. (H.L. Mencken) A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer. A kid's idea of a balanced diet is a hamburger in each hand. A king's castle is his home. A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

Alcohol preserves everything but not dignity. A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way and shows the way. (John C. Maxwell) A leading authority is anyone who has guessed right more than once. Algebra was easy for the Romans because "X" was always 10. A lie has speed, but truth has endurance. (Edgar J. Mohn) A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses. Alimony: funds which allow a woman who lived unhappily married to live happily unmarried. Alimony is having an ex-husband you can bank on. A little boy asked his mother why the minister got a month's vacation while his dad only got two weeks. The m "Well, son, if he's a good minister, he needs it. If he isn't, the congregation needs it." A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, so the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in be "Mama, look what I found", the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear"? With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!" A little boy sat through a Sunday School class and learned about the time Jesus went to a wedding and chang wine. "And what did you learn from that story?" asked his father afterward. The boy thought for a moment and answered, "If you're having a wedding, make sure Jesus is there." A little boy's prayer. "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother a Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess." A little boy took the chair at the barbershop. "How would you like your hair cut today, son?" asked the barber. "Oh, do it like you do Daddy's, with the big hole at the back." A little boy was saying his bedtime prayers with his mother: "Lord, bless Mommy and Daddy, and God, GIVE ME A NEW BICYCLE!!!" Mom: "God's not deaf, son. Boy: "I know, Mom, but Grandma's in the next room, and she's hard of hearing!

A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear; "Don't pay for five." A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. F "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?" A little lie is like a little pregnancy it doesn't take long before everyone knows. (C.S. Lewis) All animals, except man, know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it. (Samuel Butler) All bicycles weigh 50 pounds, except that a 30 pound bicycle needs a 20 pound lock, a 40 pound bicycle need a 50 pound bicycle does not need a lock. All fingers are not alike, If you cut bigger ones to make all equal it is communism, If you stretch smaller ones to make all equal it is socialism, If you do nothing to make all equal it is capitalism. All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness. All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen. (Ralph Waldo Emerson) All mankind is divided into three classes: those who are immovable, those who are movable; and those who m Franklin) All men can fly, but sadly, only in one direction -- down. All men make mistakes but married men find out about them sooner. All mothers are working mothers. All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - say intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness. (Mark Kennedy) All of us are God's creatures... just some are more creature than others. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. All power corrupts, but we need the electricity. All sunshine makes a desert. All that is necessary for the forces of evil to win in this world is for enough good men to do nothing. (Edmund All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today and yesterday. All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do. All the treasure in the world is worthless, unless you have someone to share it with. All your dreams come true, if you have the courage to pursue them. (Walt Disney) A long dispute means that both parties are wrong. A long life may not be good enough, but a good life is long enough. (Benjamin Franklin) A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing. Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it. (Helen Keller) Although they had no first aid class, Egyptians were not dummies. They knew the art of bandaging, They learned it from their Mummies. A luxury once enjoyed becomes a necessity. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. (Wendell Johnson) Always buy good shoes, and a good bed. Because if you aren't in one, you're in the other. Always forgive your enemies but never forget their names. Always give without remembering and always receive without forgetting. (Brian Tracy) Always keep several get well cards on the mantel. If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them. Always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you see them. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. A man and his wife are sitting in the living room and he says to her: "Just so you know, I never want to live in

dependent on some machine. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." His wife gets up and unplugs the TV. A man convinced against his will is still of the same opinion. A man has nothing to loose in trying, however: he may loose if he fails to try. (Monsieur Nana Adom) A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police. A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "Aw, Dad, it's okay" the son said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing." A man is at his tallest when he stoops to help a child. A man is never astonished that he doesn't know what another does; but he is surprised at the gross ignorance knowing what he does. A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. (John Barrymore 1943) A man is not where he lives, but where he loves. (Latin Proverb) A man listens to his son yelling at his mother. After they finish fighting and make up the man calls his son and hammer and drive this nail into that peice of wood". Afterwards the father tells him to pull out the nail. Than "When you fight with your mother, you drive a nail through her heart. But look at how when you are forgiven nail, the hole stays." A man prayed, and at first he thought that prayer was talking. But he became more and more quiet until in t that prayer is listening. (Soren Kierkegaard) A man's knowledge can never outweigh his experience. A man spends the first half of his life learning habits that shorten the other half of his life. A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!" A man's reach should exceed its grasp. (Browning) A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everythin feeling persisted. When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried, "Daddy, where's Mommy?" A man who is attracted by your mental appearance loves you more than a man who is attracted by your phys A man who lives in a glass house should change in basement. A man who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones. A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.

A man who thinks he is smarter than his wife, has a very smart wife! A man who throws dirt loses ground. A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose we America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross America is a land where citizens vote for Democrats but hope to live like Republicans. America is the only country in the world where the poor have a parking problem. Amidst the mists and coldest frosts he thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts. (and now speak it out loud) "Am I indecisive?" Can I get back to you on that? A mind, like a home, is furnished by its owner, so if one's life is cold and bare he can blame none but himself A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimension. (Oliver Wendell Holmes) A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand m all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He want had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now p sermon on the sin of lying." A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant wo

there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him towar "Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business." A minister was talking to similar group of young children. "Who can tell me what we must do before we can expect forgiveness of sin?" There was a moment's pause, then Tommy made a logical contribution: "Well, sir, first we have got to sin." A moment on the lips, an eternity on the hips. Among the things you can give and still keep are your word, a smile, and a grateful heart. (Zig Ziglar) A more expensive tennis racket will not make you a better player. A mother holds her childrens hands for a while, their hearts forever. A mother was asked: "Do you do any literary work?" "Yes," she replied, "I am writing two books." "What are their titles?" " 'John' and 'Mary,' " she answered. "My business is to write upon the minds and hearts of my children the lesso forget." A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep snooze button. An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night. counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it." An adolescent is a person who acts like a baby when they aren't treated like an adult. An agnostic lay dying. He called his weeping child to his bedside and asked her to read to him the one text th contained a summary of his life's philosophy: GOD IS NOWHERE. The little girl began to read: "G-O-D: God; I-S R-E: here. God is now here," she repeated. The mistake of the child led to her father's conversion. An angry person is seldom reasonable; a reasonable person is seldom angry. An Apple a day keeps the doctor away. But . . . an onion a day keeps everyone away. An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in h An army of deer led by a lion is more to be feared than an army of lions led by a deer. A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by way of an usher. The note read gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, the clergyman startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having go desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." An educational system isn't worth a great deal if it teaches young people how to make a living but doesn't tea a life. An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwri her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications. An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and From the back of the room a voice called out, "....... so, what are the words?" An error doesn't become a mistake until you choose to ignore it. A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the sky. Phychotic is the man who lives in it. And a psychiatrist collects the rent. A new minister was talking to the oldest member of his congregation. "I am 90 years old, sir, and I haven't an enemy in the world," said the aged one. "That is a beautiful thought," said the clergyman approvingly. "Yes sir," was the answer. "I'm thankful to say that I've outlived them all." A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindle swindled!" Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. Finding nothing, the ma nothing in here about fifty people being swindled." The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, "Read people swindled!" An expert is a man that has made all mistakes possible in a narrow field of expertise (Albert Einstein) An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind. (Mohandas Gandhi)

Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it. (Seneca) Anger is costly on the soul, be carefull with what you choose to spend it on. (Bohdan Chreptak) Anger opens the mouth and shuts the mind. An inch of time cannot be bought by an inch of gold. (Chinese proverb) An Internal Revenue inspector walks into a synagogue and asks to see the rabbi. He is shown to the rabbi's off seat. "Rabbi, I believe a member of your synagogue, Mr. Klutz, states on his tax return that he has donated $100,00 Tell me, Rabbi, is this correct?" The Rabbi answers, "Yes, he will." An obstacle is something you see when you take your eyes off the goal. An obstinate man does not hold opinions, they hold him. (Samuel Butler) An old-timer is someone who remembers every detail of their life story, but cannot remember how many tim same person. An open mind does not always require an open mouth. An optimist believes we live in the best of all worlds. A pessimist fears this is true. An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh. A note left for a pianist from his wife: "Gone Chopin, have Liszt, Bach in a Minuet." An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance. - Nolan's / Peter's Placebo Antiques are things one generation buys, the next generation gets rid off, and the following generation buys prices. Anybody who thinks talk is cheap never argued with a traffic cop. Any car will last a lifetime - if you are careless enough. Any man who laughs at women's clothes has never paid the bill for them. Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way. That is not easy. (Aristotles) Anyone can make a mountain out of a molehill by throwing on more dirt. Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. (Albert Einstein) Anyone who has time to look for a 4- leaf clover needs to find one. Anyone who is not a socialist at 16 has no heart, but anyone who still is at 32 has no mind. (Woodrow Wilson) Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. (Henry Ford) Anyone who thinks that they are too small to make a difference, has never been in bed with a mosquito. Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it. (Mitchell's Law of Comm Anything labeled "New" and/or "Improved" is not: the label means the price went up. The label "All new" or "Completely new" means the price went way up. Anything that can be changed will be changed until there is no time left to change anything. Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. Anything you lose automatically doubles in value. (Mignon McLaughin)

A parishioner had undergone a serious operation and was still under the influence of the sedative when the v just said a prayer and left. The next day he returned and asked the patient if he had been aware of his visit. your visit yesterday. I remember opening my eyes and thinking 'I can't be in Heaven because there is the vica A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys s the phrase "Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life..." "What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked. "Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I'm not sure I'd me around all the time."

A penny saved is a penny earned, and a penny spent, is a penny enjoyed. A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye. A perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home. A person can fail many times, but they are not really a failure until they start to blame someone else. A person is getting along the road to wisdom when they begin to realize that their opinion is just another opi A person is grown up not when they can take care of themselves, but when they can take care of others. A person is only as big as the things that make them angry. (Confucius) A person lives, to be loved. A person loves, to have lived. (Michael Crowgey) A person of words and not deeds is like a garden full of weeds. A person's character and their garden both reflect the amount of weeding that was done during the growing s A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. A person without knowledge of his history is like a tree without roots. A person who can speak many languages is not necessarily more valuable than a person who can listen in one A person who makes no mistakes, generally makes nothing. A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities (Harry Truman) A pessimist is someone who looks at the land of milk and honey and sees only calories and cholesterol. A physician can bury his mistakes, an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. (Frank Lloyd Wright) A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He sa A politician is a person who can make waves and then make you think they are the only one who can save the A politician is the one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after. A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything, except office. A politician will stand for what he thinks people will fall for. (Anon) A poor person isn't he who has little, but he who needs a lot. (German proverb) A poor report card has one good thing in its favor: at least you know the student is not cheating. A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch, he notices a large bowl of table. " Mind if I have a few?" he asks. " No not at all," the woman replied. They chat for an hour and as the p leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl. "I'm totally sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really meant to just have a few." "Oh that's all right," the woma lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them!" A promise is a debt. (Irish Proverb) A proud father phoned the newspaper and reported the birth of twins. The girl at the desk didn't quite catch the message. "Will you repeat that?" she asked. "Not if I can help it," he replied. A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience. (Miguel de Cervantes) A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat. (Slick's Second Universe Law) Whoever acquires knowledge and does not practice it resembles him who ploughs his land and leaves it unsow Whoever follows a crowd will never be followed by a crowd. Who gossips to you will gossip of you. (Turkish proverb) Who got it, did get it; and who left it, did regret it. (Algerian proverb) Who says nothing is impossible, I have been doing nothing for years. Who travels for love finds a thousand miles not longer than one. (Japanese Proverb.) Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers? Men don't like flowers. I've been wearing a great n New Car Interior. (Rita Rudner) "Why?" is the query of a skeptic; "How?" is the question of a person who wants to believe. (J Tilse) Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor." Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous." Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor." Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?" Wife: "In the pool." Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything Winter is the season in which people try to keep the house as warm as it was in the summer, when they comp

heat. Win with humility; lose with grace. Wisdom has two parts: 1) Having a lot to say. 2) Not saying it. Wisdom is a comb given to a man once he is bald. (Irish proverb) Wisdom whispers - foolishness shouts. Wisdom will keep you from getting into situations where you need it. (Bruce M. Sandbrook) Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something. (Plato) Wise sayings often fall on barren ground; but a kind word is never thrown away. (Sir Arthur Helps) With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster M13 in t Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress. (Rans With money I can buy things; with thinking I can understand things. Without God, I can not. Without me, God will not. Without risk there is no opportunity for gain. With prayer as with other gifts from God, it is not what you get that counts, it's what you do with it. With wealth you can live in comfort. With drive you can make a comfortable living. With peace of mind, you can be comfortable in living. Wit is educated insolence. (Aristotles) Women like silent men. They think they're listening. (Marcel Archard) Woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. HIM: "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today." HER: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." HIM: "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news." HER: "Well, the air bag works." Women's faults are many, men have just two! Everything they say and everything they do!!! Won't you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you. (Richard Brinsley Sheridan 1751-1816) Work like you don't need the money, love like your heart has never been broken, and dance as if no one is wa Paige) Work with every buyer as though that person represents a thousand referrals. (Tom Hopkins) Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow; it empties today of its strength. (Corrie Ten Boom) Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you may never owe. Worry is the darkroom in which 'negatives' are developed. Worry pulls tomorrow's cloud over today's sunshine. Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. (Mark Twain) Write injuries in the sand, kindnesses in marble.

Yesterday is a cancelled cheque. Tomorrow is a promised note. Today is ready cash, use it! Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present. (Bill Keane) Yesterday today was tomorrow yet tomorrow today will be yesterday. You always find something in the last place you look. You are getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. You are getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coa You are never fully dressed until you wear a smile. You are richer today if you have laughed, given or forgiven.

You are what you think about all day long. (Dr. Robert Schuller) You are young only once, but you can be immature all your life. You better think about the future, for it's where you will spend the rest of your life. You can blow out a candle, but you can't blow out a fire, once the flame begins to catch, the wind will blow it higher. (Peter Gabriel) You can bomb the world into pieces, you can't bomb the world into peace..... You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. (Malcolm Fo You can employ men and hire hands to work for you, but you must win their hearts to have them work with y You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you mind. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years people interested in you. (Dale Carnegie) You can never understand the true value of something until you don't have it anymore. You can outdistance that which is running after you but not what is running inside you. (Rwandan Proverb) You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips. You can send a message around the world in 1/7 of a second; yet it may take several years to move a simple inch of human skull. You can survive on charm for about 5 minutes...after that, you'd better know something! You can take a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink. You can't be in two places at once, they say. Then how is it that you are there and in my heart at the same time? You can't be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. You can't build character & courage by taking away men's initiative & independence. You can't do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late. (Ralph Waldo Emerson) You can't do anything, if you believe you can't. You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him. You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him. (L You can't expect people to look eye to eye with you if you are looking down on them. You can't get to the top by sitting on your bottom. You can't help the poor man by destroying the rich. You can't make an omlette without breaking eggs. You can't make someone else's choices. You shouldn't let someone else make yours. (Colin Powell) You can't make your candle burn brighter by blowing out the other fellow's. You can't prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but can prevent them from building their ne You can't shake hands with a clenched fist. (Indira Gandhi) You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track. You can't test courage cautiously. You can't train a horse with shouts, and expect it to obey a whisper. You can turn dollars into cents, and sense into dollars, though not dollars into sense. You can win more friends with your ears than you can with your mouth! you could hit someone over the head with a hammer and they would say, "gee, thanks, it feels so much bette stopped"... Their glass is a keg, and over flowing with the values of true life. If we all acted a little bit more like him, th be a better place. (Peter Walstrom) You could better start giving me mouth to mouth, because you just took my breath away! You did touch me but didn't feel my pain. Jesus came and touched me and I don't feel the pain any more. You don't become a missionary by crossing the sea but by seeing the cross. You don't get old, you just become a classic. You don't have to blow out anothers candle to make yours shine bright.

You don't look at a picture of a Chevy when you drive a Cadillac.

You don't lose if you get knocked down, you lose if you stay down. You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her You don't marry someone you can live with; you marry the person with whom you cannot live without. You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing. (Michael Pritchard) You don't win silver. You lose gold. You either have to be first, best, or different. (Loretta Lynn) You have a lifetime to work, but children are only young once. (Polish Proverb) You have reached middle age when the phone rings on Saturday night, you pray it isn't for you. You have three choices in any situation; the sooner you choose, the less stress you’ll feel: change, accept or You have to protect the privacy of the advice you get, or you'll never get the advice you need. (Richard Nixon You know it's love when you can't fall asleep because reality is better than dreams. You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. (Bob Hope) You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell yo going. (P. J. O-Rourke) You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because your all the same. You may be born with a silver spoon in your mouth, but you need gold-hearted people to make your life more You may forget with whom you laughed, but you will never forget with whom you wept. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but (Mary Pickford) You may have grown old, but you may not have grown up. You may not be able to turn back the clock; but you can always wind it up again. You may only be one person in the world, but to one person you may be the world. You may pass violets looking for roses and contentment looking for victory. You must be the change you wish to see in the world. (Gandhi) You must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day! You must have long range goals to keep you from being frustrated by short range failures. (Charles Noble) You never lose by loving, you only lose by holding back. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view. Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep burning, unquenchable. (Henry Ward Beecher) You only have one chance to make a first impression. You pay God a compliment by asking great things of Him. (Teresa of Avila) Your actions speak so loud that I can't hear what you're saying. Your attitude is the librarian of your past, the speaker of your present, and the prophet of your future! Your brain is that bodily organ which starts working the moment you awake and does not stop until you get in Your child has started growing up when he stops asking you where he came from and starts refusing to tell yo Your children know you love them by your presence, not your presents. Your current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coast You're in middle age when you realize you have more on your mind and less on your head. Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is origin Johnson) Your morality can keep you out of jail, but only the Blood of Jesus Christ, can keep you of hell! Your neighbour is the man who needs you. Your problem is never really your problem, your reaction to your problem is your problem. (Brian Kinsey) Your responsibility is your response to His ability. Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends. Your smile lights up a room like a candle in the dark. I can still hear the song of your laughter. Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God. (Leo Buscaglia) Your temper is the only thing you can lose and still have.

Your thoughts can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved, happy or unhappy, attractive or unattractiv Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never beyond the need of God's grace. (Jerry Bridges) Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment. (Karen Crockett) You satisfy the hungry heart with gift of finest wheat. Now give to us, O saving Lord, the bread of life to eat. You should not confuse your career with your life. Youth is when we are always hunting greener pastures, and middle age is when we can barely mow the one w Youth wastes away, but immaturity can last a lifetime. You will come across hope and despair in almost every situation. Only one of them wins each time. You will face many defeats in your life, but never let yourself be defeated. (Maya Angelou) You will find that the only thing you can do easily is be wrong, and that's hardly worth the effort. (Norton Jus You will never be promoted until you become over-qualified for your present position. You will never "win" an argument concerning religion. You wouldn't care what people thought of you if you realised how seldom they do. 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest? 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. A closed mouth gathers no foot. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. A day without sunshine is like, night. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. All generalizations are false, including this one. All men are idiots, and I married their King. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Always try to be modest and be proud of it! Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of. Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. Assassins do it from behind. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back. Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Chocolate: the OTHER major food group. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass? Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy. Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk? Death is hereditary. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? Did anyone see my lost carrier? Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.

Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink. Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. Double your drive space. Delete Windows! Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery. Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue. Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving. Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told. Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade! Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Honk if you want to see my finger. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? How does Teflon stick to the pan? How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. I need someone really bad. Are you really bad? I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it. I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing! I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

If you can't convince them, confuse them. If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you. If you haven't much education you must use your brain. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it. If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician. Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole. Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them. Keep honking. I'm reloading. Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. Montana: At least our cows are sane! More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed! Multitasking means screwing up several things at once. My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom. My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. Never mess up an apology with an excuse. Never miss a good chance to shut up. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. No one is listening until you make a mistake. Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW! Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check? On the other hand, you have different fingers. Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow. Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. Remember half the people you know are below average. Save the whales. Collect the whole set Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date! Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips. Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield. Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view. Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have. The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire. The more you complain, the longer God makes you live. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it. The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette. The shortest distance between two points is under construction. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's no future in time travel. There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. There's too much blood in my caffeine system. Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students. Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes. Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship. Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart? We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse. Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! What happens if you get scared half to death twice? What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free? What's the speed of dark? When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way. When there's a will, I want to be in it. When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly. Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? Who stopped payment on my reality check? Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Why is abbreviation such a long word? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. You are depriving some poor village of its idiot. You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you. You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you! Your gene pool could use a little chlorine. Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

Archeologist: someone whose carreer lies in ruins. A real friend is someone who takes a winter vacation on a sun-drenched beach and does not send a card. (Far A real patriot is someone who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. A relationship is like sand in your hand. If held loosely in the palm of your hand it stays there, but as soon as tightly it slips through your fingers. A relationship is like that held tenderly with respect for the other person it last, but once you close your han slips through your fingers.

A religion that is small enough for us to understand would not be large enough for our needs. A retired husband is a wife's full time job. Are you fuel for your job or is your job fuel for you. (Prof. Preston Bottger) Are you living for the things you are praying for? (Austin Phelps) Are you wrinkled with burden? Come onto Church for a FAITH LIFT! A rich person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least. A rookie cop was asked the following question on an examination: "How would you go about dispersing a crow He answered: "Take up an offering. That does it every time." A rose can say I Love You. . . orchids can enthrall. . . but a weed bouquet in a chubby fist. . . OH MY that says it all! Artichokes are like humans: you have to go through so much to get to the heart. (Kathy Good) Art is work, to sell it is art. A rumor is as hard to unspread as butter. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. A sad Texan once prayed, "Lord, I wish you would make it rain - not so much for me, I've seen it - but for my As a man begins to live more seriously within; he begins to live more simply without. As a rule, Man's a fool. When it's hot, He wants it cool. And when it's cool, He wants it hot, Always wanting What is not. A scientist knows more & more about less & less till he knows everything about nothing while a philosopher k more & more till he knows nothing about everything. A seafood diet is the best: whenever you see food, eat it. A seminar on time travel will be held in two weeks ago. A sharp tongue and a dull mind are usually found in the same head. A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. (John A. Shedd) A signature always reveals a man's character... and sometimes even his name. A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. A single reason why you can do something is worth 100 reasons why you can't. A sinning man will stop praying. A praying man will stop sinning. As intelligence increases speach decreases. (Ali bin Abi Talib) As I said before, I never repeat myself. Ask a question and you're a fool for three minutes; do not ask a question and you're a fool for the rest of your proverb) Asking the boss for a rise may not be patriotic, but it will help the government with the extra tax if it comes Ask yourself if what you are doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow. As long as people keep killing people, to stop the killing of people, the killing will go on. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. As long as you don't forgive, who and whatever it is will occupy rent-free space in your mind. (Isabelle Hollan As long as you put in the work, you can own the dream. When the work stops, the dream disappears. (Jim Die A smart husband buys his wife very fine china so she won't trust him to wash it. A smile is a curve that sets things straight. A smile is a fortune, but you can't sell it, you can't buy it and you can't steal it, but it isn't good to anyone un A smile is the cheapest way to improve your looks, even if your teeth are crooked. A smile is the lighting system of the face, the cooling system of the head and the heating system of the heart A smile on your face can be felt on anothers heart. (Rhonda Marlow) A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner. (English Proverb "As often as you eat this bread and drink this cup" (today) "you proclaim my death" (yesterday) "until I come a Aspire to inspire before you expire. A spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar. (Benjamin Franklin)

A stand can be made against invasion of an army; no stand can be made against invasion of an idea. A statesman shears the sheep. A politician skins them. A status symbol is a symbol, not status. A stone thrown at the right time is better than gold given at the wrong time. (Persian proverb) A student writes a letter via telegram to his Dad . . . It goes . . . no fun, send mon, your Son! Dad write back saying . . . so sad, too bad, your Dad! A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it ne church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping." A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter." A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms?" A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God? A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... " A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the B gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn't r After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. Then came the day that the kids were scheduled front of the congregation. When it was his turn, Rick stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lo and that's all I need to know." A Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah, the Prophet and the false prophets of Ba Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then Elijah com of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times - "Now," said the in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?" A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, " I know, I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!" A Sunday school teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when littl "My Mummy looked back once while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a tele A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaini to "honour thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our b Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." A sweater is usually put on a child when the parent feels chilly. A synonym is a word you use in place of one you can't spell. At age 20 we worry about what others think of us. At 40 we don't care what they think of us. At 60 we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all. (Ann Landers) At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends. At age 17 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 35 success is . . . having money. At age 50 success is . . . having money. At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 75 success is . . . having friends. At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants. A talent is formed in stillness, a character in the world's torrent. At a party, a woman walked up to Calvin Coolidge, 30th President of the United States, and said, "My husband three words out of you." Coolidge replied, "You lose." A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops. (Henry Adams) A teacher asked her students if they could use the words 'defeat, defense, and detail' in a sentence. Little Johnny was a smartly, so he answered with, " De feet of de dog went over de fence before de tail." A teacher observed a boy entering the classroom with dirty hands. She stopped him and said, "Johnny, please goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?" With a smile the boy replied, "I think I'd be too polite to mention it."

A teacher was winding up a discussion in her fourth grade class on the importance of curiosity. Teacher: "Where would we be today if no one had ever been curious?" Child: "In the Garden of Eden?" A tear shed can say more than a hundred words spoken. A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. "Wow!" said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?" "Wrong number..." replied the girl. The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his no where to be found. Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand. "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was look At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. (Ann Landers)

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said: "Son the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said:"Don't kid me, Mom. I know they're my feet." A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense. A true friend reaches for your hand and touches your heart. A true friend walks in when the world walks out. A truth spoken before its time is dangerous. At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do "Sure," Little Johnny replied. "They go out in back of the church yard." At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny see when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him he were ill, and said, Johnny what is the matter? Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I' wife." Attend Church weekly NOT weakly. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is hell? Come early and listen to our choir prac Attitude might not catch fish, but it helps when you don't. Attitude must be an art because it draws, and not a science because it can't be measured. A twofold national problem is how to preserve the wilderness in the country and get rid of the jungle in the c At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. "Automatic" simply means that you can't repair it yourself. Autopsy is a dying practice. Availability is better than ability for God. Avarice hoards itself poor; charity gives itself rich. (German proverb) A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I?" Ready to play th don't know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own m recognize me!" A vibration is a motion that can't make up its mind which way it wants to go. A vicar was preparing to leave his parish. In order to avoid a particular parishioner being sad, he said "Don't w get a better man." "Not necessarily," replied the parishioner, "that's what the last one said before he left." A weird thing about humans is we work till we're sick to get a fortune, then pay a fortune to get well again. A wife is a person who can look in the top drawer of a dresser and find a man's handkerchief that isn't there. A winner says, "There must be a better way to do it". A loser says, "This is the way it has always been done here". A wise enemy is still safer than a fool friend. A wise man among the ignorant is as a beautiful girl in the company of blind men. (Saadi, Persian poet) A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. (Baltasar Gracian)

A wise man may look ridiculous in the company of fools. (Thomas Fuller) A wise man sees as much as he should, not as much as he can. A wise person escapes temptation and leaves no forwarding address. A wise person has something to say, a fool has to say something. A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe e says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." A 'wish' changes nothing. A 'decision' changes everything! A woman never shot a man while he was doing dishes. A woman's greatest power is her vulnerability. A woman's heart is like a campfire; if you don't tend it often the flame will go out. (Willie M. Lawrence) A word gets its meaning by the person who speaks it. A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success. A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God. A young boy about five or six years was talking on the telephone. As his dad listened on, the youngster told h dejectedly, "Mom is in the hospital, so the twins and Roxie, Billy, Sally, the dog, and me and Dad are all home A young lawyer, just out of Law School, was pleading his first case in South Carolina. A train had killed twenty young attorney was trying to impress the jury with the magnitude of the injury. "Yes, Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, twenty-four pigs. Imagine, twenty-four pigs. Twice the number there A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his th prepared from countless refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously. "It seems to me that we've b before." A young minister was helping his wife with the dishes meanwhile complaining: "This is not a man's job!" "Oh, she quoted from 2 Kings 21:13, "I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it and turning it upside A young person knows the rules but the old person knows the exceptions.

Baby: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. Bacteria: the only culture some people have. Bad planing on your part does not necessarily constitute an automatic emergency on my part. Be as friendly to the janitor as you are to the chairman of the board. Beat me with the truth, don't torture me with lies. Be at peace with yourself first and then you will be able to bring peace to others. (Thomas A. Kempis) Beautiful faces are those that wear whole-souled honesty printed there. (Ellen Palmer Allerton) Beautiful hands are those that do..... deeds that are noble, good, and true. Beautiful young people are acts of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I'm not one to judge. Beauty is only skin deep...but ugly goes all the way to the bone! Beauty is quite different from charm, beauty is what you notice in a woman, charm is when a woman notices Be beautiful if you can, wise if you want to... But be respected, that is essential. (Anna Gould) Be bold in what you stand for; and careful what you fall for. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. (Mark Twain) Be careful of the words you say. And keep them soft and sweet. For you never know from day to day. Which ones you'll have to eat. Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment. Because you are someone special I send jou my love today For you are verry wonderful In each and every way Been there, done that and have the tee-shirt to prove it. Before a man can stand he must learn to kneel. Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children.

Now I have six children and no theories. (John Wilmot) Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy they are who already possess it. Rochefoucauld) Before you can break out of prison, you must realize that you are locked up. Before you point your fingers be sure your hands are clean. Be good or be good at it! Be grateful for the gifts you have rather than lament those you have not. Behaviour is a mirror in which everyone shows his image. (Goethe) Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. (Mr Sim York Soo) Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then travelling home, curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV. Being cool, is not trying to be cool. Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart. (Richard Carlson) Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are - you aren't. (Margaret Thatcher) Being right is highly overrated. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Being yourself is being the person everyone else wants you to be. Believe in miracles, but don't depend on them. Believe your beliefs and doubt your doubts. (F.F. Bosworth) Be like the flower that perfumes the very hand that crushes it. Be more concerned about your character than about your reputation, because your character is what you rea reputation is merely what others think of you. Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all on the way down. (Fred A. Hufnagel Sr Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still. (Chinese proverb) Be not simply good; be good for something. (Henry David Thoreau) Be of use, but don't be used. Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing. (Benjamin Franklin) Best friends don't ask you: "Is something wrong?" Best friends ask you: "Whats wrong?" B(est) I(nformation) B(efore) L(eaving) E(arth). Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of Be thankful for problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have your job. Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without. Better a good heart than a fair face. (Japenese proverb) Better an end with pain, than pain with no end. Better to bend than to break. (Indian proverb) Better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. (Abraham Lincoln) Better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot. Better untaught than ill-taught. Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss. Be who you are and say what you feel: because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't min Be ye fishers of men, you catch them -- He will clean them. Be yourself- who else is better qualified? (Frank J. Giblin II) Big doesn't necessarily mean better..sunflowers aren't better than violets. Big Ideas are so hard to recognize, so fragile, so easy to kill. Don't forget that, all of you who don't have them BIRTHDAY BELIEF SYSTEMS Idealism: Happy Birthday. Capitalism: I shopped all day for your birthday. Atheism: I can't believe it's your birthday. Hinduism: Holy Cow! Is it your birthday? Taoism: It's everybody's birthday. Buddhism: If your birthday party was held in the forest and nobody came... would it make a sound? Existentialism: Your birthday means nothing to me.

Sarcasm: You don't look half bad for someone twice your age. Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. (Rev. Larry Lo Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape. (Michael McGriff, M.D.) Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. (Herbert Hoover) Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, they will never cease to be amused. Blessed is he who doesn't show hatefulness over what is lost, but instead, shows gratefulness over what is lef Blessed is he who, having nothing to say, refrained from giving wordy evidence of the fact. Blowing out another's candle will not make yours shine brighter. B positive is not my blood group, still its in my blood. Bones; there are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: two bones of the middle ear have nev skiing accident. Boredom is a sign of unused potential. Boredom sets into boring minds. Born twice, die once. Born once, die twice. Borrow money from pessimists. They don't expect it back. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. Buses stop at bus stations, trains at train stations, my desk has a workstation. Butcher's window: Let me meat your needs. But the lies we live will always be confessed in the stories that we tell. (Orson Scott Card) By learning to obey, you will know how to command. (Italian Proverb) By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game. By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. (Mark Twain)

Cancer is so limited, It cannot corrode faith, It cannot shatter hope,It cannot kill friendships, It cannot cripp destroy peace, It cannot silence courage, It cannot suppress memories, It cannot conquer the spirit. Can't never could do anything. Till could came along and whipped Can't butt... now can't can do a lot. Can't never did anything but fail (Mr. Eaton) Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is sleep. (Paula Poundstone) Celibacy is not an inherited characteristic. Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken. (Warren Buffet) Challenges can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks. It's just a matter of how you view them. Change your thoughts and you change your world. (Norman Vincent Peale) Changing one thing for the better is worth more than proving a thousand things are wrong. Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real t Lincoln) Character is made by what you stand for; reputation, by what you fall for. (Robert Quillen) Character is what a person is in the dark. (Dwight Moody) Charity begins at home. Success begins at work. Charm is getting the answer yes without asking a clear question. (Albert Camus) Cheerfulness is contagious, but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a "carrier". Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need do to lose weight is to take a bath. Children are natural mimics. They act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manne Children go through four life stages with dads: 1) They call you da-da. 2) They call you daddy. 3) They call you dad.

4) They call you collect. Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children. Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. (Harold S. Hulbert) Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you wan Choose a job you like and you will never have to work a day of your life.(Confucius) Choose well. Your choice is brief, and yet endless. (Goethe) Choose your love, love your choice. Christians aren't perfect, they're just forgiven! Church is the only place I know, where I can arrive late and get the best seats in the house! Church is the only society on earth that exists for the benefit of non-members. (William Temple) Church members are either pillars or caterpillars..the pillars hold up the church, and the caterpillars just cra Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it has stopped snowing. Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. (Mark Twain) Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous. Coins are made by mint of metal. Character is made by dint of mettle. Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. College is that bright interlude of freedom a young man has between subjection to his mother and submission Come, work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are Coming together is a beginning, Staying together is progress, Working together is success. (Henry Ford) Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. Common sense is genius dressed up in work clothes. (Ralph Waldo Emerson) Communication by empathy is a talent that few possess. Compromise: the art of dividing a cake so that everybody believes he or she got the biggest piece. Conditions are never just right. People who delay action until all factors are favorable do nothing. (William F Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation. Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes from being open to all the questions Confrontation doesn't always bring a solution to the problem, but until you confront the problem, there will b Baldwin) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. Consider how hard it is to change yourself; and you will understand what little chance you have trying to cha Constant use will wear out anything... especially friends. Consumers are statistics, customers are people. Contentment is not to be found in having what you want, but rather wanting what you have Conviction is worthless unless it is converted into conduct. (Thomas Carlyle) Copy from one its plagiarism. Copy from two its research. Count your blessings instead of your crosses, Count you gains instead of your losses, Count your joys instead of your woes, Count your friends instead of your foes. Count your courage instead of your fears, Count your laughs instead of your tears. Count your full years instead of your lean, Count your kind deeds instead of your mean. Count your health instead of your wealth, Count on God instead of yourself. (Irish Blessing) Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms. Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says...I'll try aga

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the precence of fear with the capacity to manage and overcome it. Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. (Winston Churchill) Creation of woman from the rib of Man: She was not made from his head to top him; nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him; but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved. Crime has already been organised. Now it's up to the police. Criticism should always leave people with the feeling that they have been helped. Cultivate money and you grow rich. Cultivate mind and you raise culture.

Dad: Someone who hopes his sons will turn out to be just like him, and who is afraid his daughters will meet som Dance as if no one's watching, love as if it's never going to hurt. (Stuart Appleby) Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire. Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only life can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that. (Martin Luther King Jr) Dear God, help me to guard my tongue and learn to say the right thing at the right time for the right reason me, too, to know when to keep my mouth shut. Dear God, So far today, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped. I haven't lost my temper. I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that.

But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed; and from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot more help. Amen Dear Jesus, Please help Mommy and Daddy. Take care of Brother and Me. And please God, take care of yourself cause if anything happens to you we are in big trouble. Amen Death is life's way of telling you you're fired. Death is not a period but a comma in the story of life. Death is not totally extinguishing the light but turning off the lamp because the dawn has come. Deciding not to choose is still making a choice. Dedication is not what others expect of you; it is what you can give to others. Defeat isn't bitter if you don't swallow it. Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this Bull before! Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried. (Winston Chur Democracy is three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper. Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be Jennings Bryan)

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives. (Sue M Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side? He's all right now Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americ very edge of the pool and throw them fish. Dieting is wishful shrinking. Digital Wisdom: Affirm brain on-line before opening mouth.com. Diplomacy -- the art of letting someone have your own way. DisAppointments are often His Appointments. Disappointments should be cremated, not embalmed. Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice. Discipline without freedom is tyranny. Freedom without discipline is chaos. (Cullen Hightower) Do all you should, not all you could. Do bad and remember, do good and forget. (Algerian proverb) Doctor, doctor, my hair's coming out. Can you give me something to keep it in? Certainly - how about a paper bag? Doctor, doctor, my little boy's swallowed a bullet. What shall I do? Well, for a start, don't point him at me. Doctor: "Ever had an accident?" Rancher: "No." Doctor: "Never had an accident in your whole life?" Rancher: "Well, last spring I was out in the pasture and a bull tossed me over the fence." Doctor: "And you don't call that an accident?" Rancher: "No. I think the bull did it on purpose." Doctor: "Take the green pill with a glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another glass of water." Man: "Exactly what's my problem, doc?" Doctor: "You're not drinking enough water." Do for others with no desire of returned favor. We all should plant some trees we'll never sit under. Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. Doing a thing wrong for a long period of time gives it the superficial appearance of being right. Doing little things with a strong desire to please God makes them really great. (St. Francis de Sales) Don't ask God to guide your footsteps if you're not willing to move your feet. Don't ask what your community can do for you. Ask what you can do for your community. (Steve Andres) Don't attempt to run from the past, it is always behind you. Don't be afraid of opposition; Remember a kite rises against, not with the wind. Don't be afraid of the dark, be afraid of what it hides... Don't be afraid of tomorrow, for God has already been there. Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily. Don't be angry at a friend who told your secret, for neither could you keep it to yourself. Don't be concerned others not appreciating you. Be concerned about your not appreciating others. (Confuciu Don't be irreplaceable -- if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted. Don't believe them who say that they will follow you like your shadow; because shadows disappear in darknes Don't be so Heavenly minded that you do no earthly good. Don't be so humble, you're not that great. (Golda Meir) Don't borrow sorrow from tommorrow! Don't control, be in control. (Kwai Chang Caine in Kung Fu, The Legend Continues) Don't count the days, make the days count. (Mohammed Ali) Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. Don't ever slam a door- you may want to go back.

Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three de might have, and should have. (Louis E. Boone)

Don't find fault, find a remedy. (Henry Ford) Don't get good at doing something if you don't like doing it. Don't get married only because of the money. You can borrow it cheaper. (Z. Z. Gabor) Don't grieve that your roses have thorns. Rejoice instead that your thorns have roses. Don't gripe about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't be a member. Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. (Robert Louis Stevenson) Don't just get something out of church, put something into it. Don't kill the dream - execute it! Don't learn the tricks of the trade, learn the trade. Don't let anybody walk trough your mind with dirty feet. (Gandhi) Don't let people drive you crazy when it is within walking distance. Don't let the littleness in others bring out the littleness in you. Don't let time take control of your destiny. Let your destiny take control of your time. (Ulrick Ricardo Milord) Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. (John Wooden) Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. Don't let you mind wander. It is too little to be left alone. Don't limit your challenges - challenge your limits. Don't listen to what I say; listen to what I mean. Don't love the things you own, lest they own you. Don't marry for money - you can borrow it cheaper. Don't measure your life by how many breaths you take, measure it by how many times you get your breath ta Don't pray for easy lives; pray to be stronger people. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers; pray for pow tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be a miracle. Every day you shall wonde richness of life which has come to you by the grace of God. (Phillips Brooks) Don't protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends. Don't read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly. (Mary Smich) Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been but also where you're going. Don't save your loving speeches for your friends till they are dead; Do not write them on their tombstones, speak them rather now instead. (Anna Cummins) Don't say" if I could, I would". Say instead "If I can, I will". Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo DaVinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein. Don't seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise: seek what they sought. (Basho) Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings. Don't speak of secret matters in a field that is full of little hills. (Hebrew proverb) Don't spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you have now was once am only hoped for. (The Vatican Sayings, Epicurus) Don't stand in a place of danger trusting in miracles. (Arabic Proverb) Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things. Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out of it alive. (Elbert Hubbard) Don't take people for what they are! Most people do not deserve this. Take them rather for what they should be. Don't take me for what I should be. Take me for what I want to be.

Yours friendly and faithfully! (Margarethe Strnad) Don't tell a man how to do a thing. Tell him what you want done, and he'll surprise you with his ingenuity. (Ge Patton) Don't tell God how big your problems are...tell your problems how big your God is. Don't think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm. (Malayan proverb) Don't think you're on the right road just because it’s a well-beaten path. Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church. Don't wait for your ship to come in. Row out to meet it. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend. (Albert Camus) Don't wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly. (St. Francis De Sales) Don't work for recognition, but do work worthy of recognition. Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. (Robert Fulghum) Don't worry that there won't be a tomorrow, it's already tomorrow in Australia. Do one thing at time, with supreme excellence. (NASA proverb) Do's and don'ts influence wills and won'ts. Do what you love and love what you're doing, and you'll never work another day in your life. "Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied. " makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's fun to see you." Do you know the three times that most people are in church? When they are hatched, matched and dispatched. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. (James Dean) Dream but always with your eyes wide open. Dreams come true, without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them. (John Updike) Drink wet cement and get really stoned. Drive carefully! Remember, it's not only a car that can be recalled by it's maker. Drive carefully, we need every taxpayer we can get. Drive-In banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. (E. Joseph Cossman) Due to financial difficulties the light at the end of the tunnel has temporarily been switched off. During a carnival, men put masks over their masks. (Xavier Forneret) During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Gary's mother w pinched him into silence, and after church, asked: "Gary, whatever made you do such a thing?" Gary answere to teach me to whistle. . . And He just then did!" Dusty bibles lead to dirty lives. Duty over desire - may that inspire.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. Earlier people used to switch on TV's after getting bored with their routine work. Now they switch on to routine work after getting bored with TV. Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead. (Anamaniacs) Eat and drink with your relatives; do business with strangers. (Greek Proverb) Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may diet. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. Eat your spinach and you'll grow up big and strong like Popeye. You'll also end up with a girlfriend that looks like Olive Oyl. Education and intelligence aren't the same thing! Eighty percent of life's satisfaction comes from meaningful relationships. (Brian Tracy) Engineer: a person who knows a great deal about very little and who goes along knowing more and more abo finally he knows practically everything about nothing. Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. (Robert Brault)

Equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is a balanced diet. Even a broken clock is right twice a day, but you wouldn't go scheduling your day by it would you? Then by th too much faith in science. Even a mosquito doesn't get a slap on the back until he starts to work. Even a short pencil is more reliable then the longest memory. Even if I'm not asleep, that doesn't mean I'm awake. Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there! (Will Rogers) Even in a pile of manure, a flower will grow. Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to. Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion. Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark. Even though a marriage is made in heaven, the maintenance work has to be done here on earth! Events are less important than our response to them. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Everybody has a photographic memory. . . . Some don't have film. Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. Every closed eye is not sleeping; and every open eye is not seeing. Every crown is made for a head, but every head is not made for a crown. Every day there's sad news and bad news, but each day itself is glad news. Every fool knows that he cannot reach the stars but it never keeps a wise man from trying. (Ronnie B. Woods Every girl should use what mother nature gives her before father time takes it away. Every good friend once was a stranger. Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it. Every man dies; not every man really lives.(Braveheart) Every man reaps what he sows, except the amateur gardener. Everyone hears what you say, Friends listen to what you say, Best friends listen to what you don't say. Everyone leaves footprints in you memory, but the ones that leave footprints in your heart are the ones you w (Nicholas Sperling) Everyone needs to be loved . . . especially when they do not deserve it. Everyone should carefully observe which way his heart draws him, and then choose that way with all his stren Everyone wants to go to Heaven, yet no one wants to die. Every person is a fool in somebody's opinion. (Spanish Proverb) Every successful man I have heard of has done the best he could with conditions as he found them, and not w year for better. (Edgar Watson Howe) Every ten seconds, somewhere on this earth, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and Everything is possible; just not too probable. Everything that can be counted doesn't necessarily count; everything that counts can't necessarily be counted Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. (Carl Gustav Jung) Every truth has two sides; it is well to look at both, before we commit ourselves to either. (Aesop) Everywhere children are schooled to become masters at answering questions and to remain novices at asking Evolution or Creation? Take a disassembled motor car engine and put it in a container. Shake for 1 million years. If you don't have a running car by then just accept God. (Christian Archives) Examine what is said, not who speaks. (Arabian Proverb) Excuses are the easiest things to manufacture, and the hardest things to sell. Expectations are for the unsure. (Peter Walstrom) Expect people to do better than they are..it helps them to become better; but, don't be disappointed when t them to keep trying. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. Extraordinary: it is the "extra" that make us more than ordinary. Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. (Aldous Huxley) Failure comes in two ways: Those who do it without giving a thought. Those who thought about it but do nothing. Failure is nature's plan to prepare you for great responsibilities. (Napolean Hill) Failure is no more fatal than success is permanent. Failure is opportunity in disguise. Failure is the only opportunity to begin more intelligently. (Henry Ford) Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers. Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservations. (Elton Trueblood) Faith is not believing that God can, but that God will! Faith is not faith until it's all you're holding on to. Faith is personal, but never private. Faithless is he who quits when the road darkens.(J.R.R. Tolkien, Lord of the Rings) Faith makes all things possible. Love makes all things easy. Hope makes all things work. Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Falling in love is awfully simple. Falling out of love is simply awfull. Fanatics are the first to betray their beliefs in order to defend them. Far too many people spend their lives reading the menu instead of enjoying the banquet. Fat people are harder to kidnap. Faults are thick when love is thin. Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free. Fear doesn't overwhelm you; you let fear overwhelm you. Fear grows from what we don't know, faith comes from what we do. Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered and no one was there. Feed you faith and your doubts will starve to death! Few men have the virtue to withstand the highest bidder. (George Washington) First old man: "You want to go for a walk?" Second old man: "Isn't it windy?" First old man: "No, it's Thursday." Second old man: "Me, too. Let's go get a soda." First things first! But not necessarily in that order. Five out of four people have trouble with fractions. Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. (William Arthur Ward) Flattery is telling others exactly what they think of themselves. Flirtation...Attention without intention. Flowers will not grow but die if they don't get rained on every once in a while. Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others (Otto von Bismark) Fools look to tomorrow, wise men use tonight. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Fools rush in - and get all the best seats. Foot: A device for finding furniture in the dark. Forbidden fruit creates many jams. Forget yourself when with others and others will not forget you.

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. (Paul Boese) Forgiveness is like the fragrance a flower gives after it's been stepped on. Forgiveness is the best remedy for any injury. Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realising you were the prisoner! (Max Lucado) For God is not against us because of our sin. He is with us; against our sin. For good or ill, your conversation is your advertisement. Every time you open your mouth you let the people (Bruce Barton) For people who like peace and quiet: a phone less cord. For the child of God, death is when the earth recedes and heaven opens up. For the want of a nail, the horseshoe was lost; For the want of a horseshoe a horse was lost; For the want of a horse, the rider was lost; For the want of a rider, the message was lost; For the want of a message, the battle was lost; For the want of a battle, the war was lost; For the want of a war, the kingdom was lost; And all for the want of a horseshoe's nail. Four things come not back: the spoken word, the spent arrow, the past, and the neglected opportunity. (Oma Four-word story of failure: Hired, tired, mired, fired. Freedom is doing what you know is right without fear. Freedom is not the right to do as you please, but the liberty to do as you ought. Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life! Friends are like puzzle pieces. If one goes away, that special piece can never be replaced and that puzzle wil again. Friends are like stars. You may not always see them but you know they are always there Friends forever; never apart, maybe by distance, but not by heart. Friendship: a building contract you sign with laughter and break with tears. Friendship is a golden chain, the links are friends so dear, and like a rare and precious jewel It's treasured mo Friendship is God 's special way of beautifully expressing the precious gift of caring and His never-ending blessing. Funny how a dollar can look so big when you take it to church, and so small when you take it to the store. Funny thing about humility. Just when you think you've got it, you've lost it. Fun is a good thing, but only when it spoils nothing better. (George Santayana) Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need. (Kahlil Gibran, poet) Getting older, everything gets worse; except forgetfulness... That gets better. Give according to your income, lest God will make your income like your giving. Give a man a fish and he won't starve for a day. Teach a man how to fish and he won't starve for his entire lif Give God what's right, not what's left! Give me a stout heart to bear my own burdens. Give me a willing heart to bear the burdens of others. Give me a believing heart to cast all burdens upon Thee, O Lord. (John Baillie) Give plenty of what is given to you, And listen to pity's call; Don't think the little you give is great And the much you get is small. (Phoebe Cary 1824-1871) Give to a pig when it grunts and a child when it cries, and you will have a fine pig and a bid child. (Danish Pro Give us clear vision that we may know where to stand and what to stand for, because unless we stand for som for anything. (Peter Marshall) Goals are dreams with deadlines.

God alone is the judge of true greatness because He knows men's hearts. (Mahatma Gandhi) God answers knee-mail. God can mend a broken heart but he must have all the pieces.

God created woman from the side of man. Not from his head to be above him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him. From his side to be equal to him, from under his arm to be protected by him, from near his heart to be loved by him. God creates a worm for every bird - but He does not throw it in the nest. God didn't promise us it would be easy or painless; He just promised us it would be worth it! God doesn't ask your ability or your inability. He asks only your availability. (Mary Kay Ash) God doesn't call people who are qualified. He calls people who are willing, and then He qualifies them. (Rich God doesn't discriminate ... only religions do. God gave us memories, that we might have June roses in the December of our lives. (James M. Barrie) God gave us time so that everything wouldn't happen all at once. God gave us two ears but only one mouth . . . Some people say that's because He wanted us to spend twice a as talking. Others claim it's because He knew listening was twice as hard as talking. God, give me courage to do what I can, humility to admit what I can't, and wisdom to know the difference. God give me work, till my life shall end. And life, till my work is done. (Winifred Holtby's epitaph) God gives every bird its food but he doesn't throw it to its nest. God gives us faces; we create our own expressions. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the difference. (Reinhold Niebuhr) God has a thousand ways, Where I can see not one; When all my means have reached their end, Then His have just begun. God has given us two ears, but one tongue, to show that we should be swift to hear, but slow to speak. God has set a double fence before the tongue, the teeth and the lips, to teach us to be wary that we offend (Thomas Watson) God had promised salvation to your repentance, but he has not promised tomorrow to your procrastination. God heals, and the Doctor takes the Fee. (Ben Franklin) God is God, and I'm not. (Stephen Mansfield) God is not moved or impressed with our worship until our hearts are moved and impressed by Him. (Kelly Spa God is too kind to do anything cruel; too wise to make a mistake; too deep to explain Himself. God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruit of the Spirit" over "religious nuts!" God loves us not because of who we are, but because of who He is. God loves us the way we are, but too much to leave us that way. God loves you right where you are but he doesn't want to leave you there. (Max Lucado) God never said it would be easy .... He just said He would go with me. (J.G. Holland) God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forev God puts some in places of leadership to shoulder responsibility, not to enjoy privileges. God sends no one away empty, except those who are full of themselves. (Dwight L. Moody) God so loved the world that He did not send a committee. God's will will not lead you where His grace cannot keep you. God tries our faith so that we may try His faithfulness.

God uses broken things. It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume . . . it is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever. (Vance Havner) God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic. Golden Rule: Those who have the gold rule. Good, better, best. Never rest Until good be better And better best. (Mother Goose) Good intentions are like seed pods that blow away in the wind, but good acts are like the seed planted in fer Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Good leaders are like baseball umpires; they go practically unnoticed when doing their jobs right. (Byrd Bagg Goodness is the only investment that never fails. (Thoreau) Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the la Good taste is boundless, while bad taste knows no bounds. Good works are the fruit of salvation not the root. "’Go ye’ is as much a part of Christ's Gospel as ‘Come unto Me.’ You are not even a Christian until you have h responsibility in regard to the carrying of the Gospel to the ends of the earth. J. Stuart Holden) Grace is the divine ability to cope with every circumstance. Grandparents: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising t Great men may die, but there ideas won't. (Kelly Nelson) Great minds ... discuss ideas. Average minds ... discuss events. Small minds ... discuss people. Greed is a lasting slavery. (Ali bin Abi Talib) Growing old is like watching a great river erode your property and knowing you are helpless to stop it. (Rober Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Guests and fish start to stink after two days. (Spanish Proverb)

Habit is a cable; we spin a thread of it every day and at last we can not break it. Habit never goes Because if you remove H Abit remains, If you remove A Bit remains, If you remove B It still remains Half of the world's misery comes from ignorance. The other half comes from intelligence. (Bonar Thompson) Handicapped is not helpless. Handle yourself using your brain but handle others with your heart. Handy Guide to Modern Science: 1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology. 2. If it stinks, it's chemistry. 3. If it doesn't work, it's physics. Happiness depens on happenings but joy depends on Christ. Happiness is a path, not a destination. Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but no one feels the warmth as you do. (J.Tilse) Happiness is not something you have in your hands; it is something you carry in you heart.

Happiness is what happens to us when we try to make someone else happy. Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have. Happy laughter and family voices in the home will keep more kids off the streets at night than the strictest c Hard work doesn't harm anyone, but I do not want to take chances. Hard work has future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some (Sam Ewing) Hate is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die. Hating hate does not mean you love love. Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. Have children while your parents are still young enough to take care of them. (Rita Rudner) Have less. Do less. Be more. (Aboodi Shaby) Have you ever noticed how the contents of a box are much more interesting before the box is opened? Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee. Having someplace to go to is home. Having someone to love is family. Having both is a blessing. Having the right to do it, doesn't mean it is right to do it. Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end. Heaven is where the police are British, the mechanics German, the cooks are French, the lovers Italian, and Swiss. Hell is where the police are German, the mechanics are French, the cooks are British, the lovers are Swiss, a the Italians! (Eliane Kirchner) He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help. (Abraham Lincoln) He has Van Gogh's ear for music. He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. (Jim Elliot) He is not afraid of work, you can tell by the way he fights it. He is not ready to lose a minute of his life, but he's ready to lose his life in a minute. Hell has no exits. Heaven needs none. Hell has no fire escapes. Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply. Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it. Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't. (Richard Bach) Here's to you and here's to me and may we never disagree, but if we do I'll still love you. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. (C. S. Woodbridge) Heroes and winners aren't the same thing. He that can't endure the bad will not live to see the good. (Yiddish Proverb) He that communicates his secret to another makes himself that other's slaves. (Baltasar Gracian) He that is discontented in one place will seldom be happy in another. (Aesop) He that lets the small things bind him, leaves the great undone behind him. He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes... He who angers you controls you! He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. (Chinese proverb) He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey. He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived. (Chinese proverb) He who breaks a thing to find out what it is, has left the path of wisdom. (J.R.R. Tolkien) He who builds to every man's advice will have a crooked house. (Danish proverb) He who buys what he does not need steals from himself. He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. (Albert He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. (George Herbert) He who can take no interest in what is small, will take false interest in what is great. He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead. He who fails to prepare, prepares to fail.

He who has a thing to sell and goes and whispers in a well is not as apt to get the dollars as he who climbs a tree and hollers. He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree. He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit. He who is not grateful for the good things he has would not be happy with what he wishes he had. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone! He who kneels the most stands best. (D.L. Moody)

He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool. Shun him. He who knows not and knows that he knows not is a child. Teach him. He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep. Wake him. He who knows and knows that he knows is a wise man. Follow him. (Arab Proverb) He who knows others is learned. He who knows himself is wise. (Lao Tse 604-531 BC) He who laughs last thinks slowest! He who receives a good turn should never forget it; he who does one should never remember it. He who sees the calamity of other people finds his own calamity light. (Arabian Proverb) He who slings mud looses ground. He who stands for nothing, falls for anything. History is a selective interpretation of events designed to justify those currently in power. Memory is the same thing on an individual scale. History is a set of lies agreed upon by the victors. History repeats itself, but each time the price goes up. Hoffer's law: When people are free to do what they want they usually imitate one another. Holding on to a hurt creates more hurt. Hollywood's a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss, and fifty cents for your soul. (Marilyn Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. (Frank Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, re turns out. (Vaclav Havel) Hope is the ability to hear the music of the future. Faith is having the courage to dance to it today. Hospital is a place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home -- even when you wish they were. Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything. Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don't do it. How do you start your days? Good morning Lord or Good Lord, morning. How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world. (Shakespeare) How far you go in life is determined by how tender you are with the young, compassionate with the aged, sym striving, and tolerant with the weak and strong, because some day in life you will have been all of them. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand! How would you like to spend eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking? Hugs are not measured by quantity; they are measured by quality. Humans are interesting creatures, when given everything they need, they can't live through hardships. But when given very little they surpass every hardship. Humans are like tea bags. They never realize their strength until they are put in hot water. Human things must be known to be loved: but Divine things must be loved to be known. Humor to a man is like a feather pillow. It is filled with what is easy to get but gives great comfort. Hurt leads to bitterness, bitterness to anger, travel too far that road and the way is lost(Terry Brooks)

Hurt people hurt people. Whole people heal people. Hymns appropriate to the occasion. Dentist's Hymn -- "Crown Him with Many Crowns" TV Weatherman's Hymn -- "Showers of Blessing" Contractor's Hymn -- "The Church's One Foundation" Tailor's Hymn -- "Holy, Holy, Holy" Golfer's Hymn -- "There Is a Green Hill Far Away" Politician's Hymn -- "Standing on the Promises" IRS Hymn -- "All to Thee" Gossiper's Hymn -- "Pass it On" Electrician's Hymn -- "Send the Light" Shopper's Hymn -- "Sweet By and By"

If you MUST speed on the highway, sing these hymns loudly: at 45 mph.... "God Will Take Care of Me" at 55 mph.... "Guide me, O Great Jehovah" at 65 mph.... "Nearer My God to Thee" at 75 mph.... "Nearer Still Nearer" at 85 mph.... "This World is Not My Home" at 95 mph.... "Lord, I'm Coming Home" at 100 mph.... "Precious Memories" I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met. I always knew that looking back on my tears would someday make me laugh, but I never knew that looking ba would someday make me cry. I always thought looking back on the times I cried would make me laugh; but I never knew looking back on th would make me cry. I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back. I always win. Except when I lose, but then I just don't count it. I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. (Thomas Jefferson) I am a poet and did not know it. I make a rhyme every time. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 96% how I react to it. I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship. (Louisa May Alcott) I am not an organ donor, but I once gave an old piano to the Salvation Army. I am not religious, I just love the Lord. I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't know when I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job, and I don't want it. (Bill Cosby) I am on a thirty day diet. So far, I have lost 15 days. I am so glad God sees the whole video tape of my life, and not just a snapshot of where I am now. I am sorry I offended you - I should have lied. I am the master of my unspoken words, and a slave to those that should have remained unspoken. (Anon) I am the world's greatest authority on my own opinion. I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. (Dave Bar I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong. I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve. I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brain to work. I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome. I asked for patience God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait. I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help. I asked for favors and God gave me opportunities. I asked for everything so I could enjoy life. Instead, He gave me life so I could enjoy everything.

I received nothing I wanted I received everything I needed. My prayer has been answered. I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me. I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because by it I see e Lewis) I believe in the Big Bang theory. God spoke and BANG! It was. I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an obligation; every possession, a duty. Jr.) I believe the time we really look big in a child's eyes is when we go to them and apologize for our mistakes an wrong. Will you forgive me?' (Kevin Leman) I can calculate trajectories, I can analyze chemical compositions so why can't I figure out where the other so dryer? (Karl Reinhard pyrotechnician) I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you. I can get more out of God by believing Him for one minute than by shouting at Him all night. (Smith Wigglesw I can lead you to the water but I can't let you drink. I can not and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions. (Lillian Hellman) I can not dial 911. There's no 11 on my phone. I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do! I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do. That is charac Roosevelt) I climbed up the door Opened the stairs I said my pajamas And put on my prayers I switched off the bed And climbed in the light All because he kissed me goodnight. I close my eyes in order to see. I could drown in a frown and swim in a smile. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Ideas are funny little things, they won't work unless you do. I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated and jumped up and down for an hour. But, by the leotards on, the class was over. I dialled one of those 900 numbers to get some financial advice. They advised me not to dial 900 numbers. I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My fellow students and I had little money for mea awful food provided at the hospital complex, and sometimes kindly visitors would give us some of the treats patients who had not wanted to eat them. One night a woman brought a pie to the kitchen and said to me, "Would you eat this up, love?" Another student and I devoured every delicious crumb! Soon our benefactor returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?" I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. (Voltaire) I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in? I'd love to make up my mind, but I can't remember where I left it. I don't believe you can do today's job with yesterday's methods and be in business tomorrow. (Nelson Jackson I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I'd be irresponsible too. I don't feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has in their use. (Galileo Galilei) I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. I don't have a solution but I admire the problem. I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. (Bill Cosby) I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow. I don't know what weapons will be used in world war three, but in world war four people will use sticks and s Einstein)

I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for r it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.(Erma Bombeck) I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.

I don't need music, lobster or wine. Whenever your eyes look into mine; The things I long for are simple and few: A cup of coffee, a sandwich and you! I don't need your attitude I have one of my own. I don't think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that still remains. (Anne Frank) I don't think so, therefore I'm probably not. (Alan Smithee) I don't understand Christianity, nor do I understand electricity, but I don't intend to sit in the dark until I do! I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it. I want to have lived the wi (Diane Ackerman) I'd rather do something and fail than do nothing and succeed! If a bird is flying for pleasure, it flies with the wind, but if it meets danger it turns and faces the wind, in ord higher. (Corrie Ten Boom) If absence makes the heart grow fonder, some people must really love church. If a church wants a better pastor, it can get one by praying for the one it has. (Rev. Robert E. Harris) If A is a success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut. (A If all else fails, read the directions. If all the misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most peop contented to take their own and depart. (Socrates) If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. If a man does not make new acquaintance as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone. A his friendship in constant repair. (Samuel Johnson 1709-1784) If a man is called to be a street-sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethove Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause great street-sweeper who did his job well." (Martin Luther King Jr.) If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size? (Sydney J If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, the first woodpecker to come along would de If danger's a step away, safety's step away. If evolution was true, mothers would have more than two hands. If God didn't forgive Heaven would be empty. If God is your co-pilot, switch seats with Him! If he was any slower, he'd be going in reverse. If I am not free to fail, I'm not free to take risks, and everything in life that's worth doing involves a willingne Hugh Franklin) If I can only be with you in my dreams, then I want to sleep forever. If I could grasp a hint of innocence ,or exude some of the purity, that so freely flows from my little girls eyes learned something about being her father. (Brandon for Kyla) If I did not laugh, I should die. (Abraham Lincoln) If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in stora If I had my life to live over I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while wa Bombeck) If I had my life to live over I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less ab someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. (Erma Bombeck) If I had my life to live over I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would g pattern if I weren't there for the day. (Erma Bombeck) If I had my life to live over I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the Bombeck) If I had my life to live over I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains. If I had my life to live over I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. (

If I had my life to live over I would have talked less and listened more. (Erma Bombeck) If I had my life to live over I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day becaus been teased and sprayed. (Erma Bombeck) If I had never met you, I wouldn't like you; If I didn't like you I wouldn't love you; If I didn't love you I wouldn't miss you... But I did, I do and I will. I find it fascinating that most people plan their vacations with better care than they plan their lives. Perhaps that is because escape is easier than change. (Jim Rohn) If I never had a bad day, how would I know whether I was having a good day? (Lee) If innocence can leave guilt can come. If it is to be, it is up to me! (10 most important 2 letter words) If it is worth doing, it is worth overdoing! (Stacey Brown) If I try to be like him, who will be like me? (Yiddish proverb) If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought. (Dennis Roch) If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. If life deals you a lemon, make lemonade. If life were a novel, then dead would mark the end of the first chapter...(Kelly Nelson) If life were easy, then it would be boring. (Charles Beck) If love was a raindrop I would send you a shower If hope was a minute I would send you an hour If happiness was a leaf I would send you a tree If you need a friend you will always have me! If money could talk, it would say goodbye. If nobody knows the troubles you've seen, then you don't live in a small town. If our gifts are not surrendered to God, we tend to beat people over the head with them. If raindrops were kisses, I would send you a storm. (Natasha Isabelle) If someone is standing between you and God, guess who's closer to God. If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own, because no one needs a smile as much as to give. If someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. If success attend me, grant me humility; If failure, resignation to Thy will. (David Livingstone) If suffering brings wisdom, I would wish to be less wise. (W.B. Yeats) If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has. If the desire to need is measured by the value of something, then you my darling are quite simply priceless. ( If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, maybe yours needs a little more tending. If the grass on the other side of the fence appears greener...it must be all the fertiliser they are using! (Kevin If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand we'd be so simple we couldn't understand. If there is light in the soul, There will be beauty in the person. If there is beauty in the person, There will be harmony in the house. If there is harmony in the house, There will be order in the nation. If there is order in the nation, There will be peace in the world. (Chinese Proverb) If there is no enemy within, the enemy out side can do us no harm. (African proverb) If there was any justice in this world, oil company executive bathrooms would smell like the ones in their gas Carson) If the road you travel, has no obstacles, It leads nowhere. If the wind stops, row! (Polish proverb) If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same? If there are no tears in the eyes, there will be no rainbow in the soul. If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

If things get better with age, I'm approaching magnificent! If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. (Abraham Lincoln) If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. If wealth is lost nothing is lost. If health is lost something is lost If character/reputation is lost everything is lost. If we are walking in joy, we are trusting God. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy. If we'd confess our sins to one another we'd all laugh at the lack of originality. If we don't control our money, it will control us. If we don't know our own history, we are doomed to live it. (Hannah Arendt) If weak in prayer we are weak everywhere. (Leonard Ravenhill) If we preach what we live....We don't ever have to worry about practicing what we preach! If you aim at nothing, you'll hit it every time. If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got. If you are headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns. If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances. If you are not big enough to lose you are too small to win. If you are not enjoying your work, you should either change your attitude, or change your job. (Leo Tolstoy) If you are not fired with enthusiasm, then you will be fired with enthusiasm. (Vince Lombardi) If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate. If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow. (Chinese Proverb) If you are willing to admit you are wrong when you are wrong, you are all right. If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transform Krishnamurti 1895-1986) If you believe everything you read, don't read (chinese proverb) If you came and you found a strange man teaching your kids to punch each other, or trying to sell them all ki kick him right out of the house, but here you are; you come in and the TV is on, and you don't think twice ab If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death...you are more bles people in the world. If you can keep your head while all about are losing theirs and blaming it on you - perhaps you have underest seriousness of the situation. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use (Shantideva) If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning. If you can't be content with what you have received, be thankful for what you have escaped. If you can't control the wind, adjust your sail. If you can't convince them, confuse them. (Harry S. Truman) If you can't laugh at yourself, you may be missing the joke of the century. If you can't say something nice, become a reporter. If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd. If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, (Dale Carnegie) If you could kick the person responsible for most of your troubles in the backside, you wouldn't be able to sit If you decide not to choose then you've already made the wrong choice! If you depend on others to make you happy, you will be endlessly disappointed. If you don't do it, you'll never know what would have happened if you had done it. (Ashleigh Brilliant) If you don't have time to do it right, you must have time to do it over. If you don't know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere. (Henry Kissinger) If you don't know where you're going how do you expect to get there. If you don't like something about yourself, change it. If you can't change it, accept it. (Ted Shackelford) If you don't like the road you're walking, pave another one. (Dolly Parton) If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.

If you don't love, you can't live; if you don't live, you can't love. (Jason Benson) If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. If you don't want your children to hear what you're saying, pretend you're speaking directly to them. If you do your best, don't mind the rest. (Irish Proverb) If you drop a white glove into the mud, the glove will get muddy but the mud will never get glovey. If you ever need a helping hand, there is one at the end of your arm. If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail. If you find a four-leaf clover, it means you have entirely too much time on your hands. If you follow in others footsteps you will never leave yours behind. If you gave me something I need more than you do, you've given me a gift; If you've given me something you you've gifted me with love. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. If you give 100%, God will make up the difference! If you go out looking for friends, you're going to find they are very scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you'll (Zig Zigler) If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange these apples then you and I will still each have on But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas. Shaw 1856-1950) If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead, and a place to sleep...you are rich world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace...you are among the top wealthy. If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your heart. (Arab proverb) If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent. (Bette Davis) If you haven't all the things that you want, be thankful for all the things that you don't have that you didn't w If you haven't much education you must use your brain.

If you have the desire, you are halfway there. (E. Crique) If you have time to worry, you have time to pray. If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable. If you judge people, you will have no time to love them. If you laugh a lot, when you get older your wrinkles will be in the right places. (Andrew Mason) If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it. If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. If you love something set it free....If it comes back to you it is yours, if it doesn't than it was never meant to If you need time alone, try cleaning the house. If you only have the Word, you will dry up. If you only have the Spirit, you will blow up. But if you you have t Spirit, you will go up and grow up. If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. If you receive something that says "Send this to all your friends", please consider me not your friend. If your vision doesn't scare you, then both your vision and your God are too small. (Brother Andrew) If you set the example, you won't need to set many rules. (Mama Zigler) If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it. (Andrew A. Rooney) If you step in a puddle, don't blame the puddle. If you still have the courage after loosing all , you can be rest assured that you have not lost everything. If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. (Mark Twain) If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur. ( Red Adair, wh was for extinguishing oil well fires after the Gulf war.) If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. If you think you are getting too much government these days, just be happy that you're not getting all you ar If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito. (Bette Reeves) If you treat a man as he is, he will remain as he is; if you treat him as he ought to be and could be, he will be be and could be. (Goethe)

If you treat every situation like a life or death matter, be prepared to die a lot of times. If you understand something today, it must be obsolete. If you wait to have kids until you can afford them, you probably never will. If you want a thing well done, do it yourself. (Charles Haddon Spurgeon) If you want breakfast in bed, then start sleeping in the kitchen. If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. (Abigail Van If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody. (Chinese proverb) If you want something done, ask someone who is busy! If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road. (Cha If you want to be well liked never lie about yourself, and be careful when telling the truth about others. If you want to feel rich, just count all of the things you have that money can't buy. (Robert Marlowe) If you want to play, practice. If you want to win, practice harder. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what wou And why are you waiting? (Stephen Levine) If you will always insist that you are right, people will think that there is something wrong with you. (Melchor If you wish your merit to be known, acknowledge that of other people. (Oriental Proverb) If you woke up this morning with more health than illness...you are more blessed than the million who will no If you your lips would keep from slips, Five things observe with care: Of whom you speak, to whom you speak, And how and when and where. Ignorance of one's misfortunes is clear gain. (Euripides) I had dreams and I've had nightmares. I overcame the nightmares because of my dreams. I have all the money I'll ever need - if I die by 4 today. (Henny Youngman) I have changed my mind a dozen times. It seems to work better now. I have discovered the whole problem with the National Debt. Most of us work 5 days a week, and the governm I have gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams. (D I have faith in fools, my friends call it self-confidence. I have learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless o (James Rhinehart) I have learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you m that. (James Rhinehart) I have learned that the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can? I have learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. (James I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in w to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every qualit a man, they love in a cat. I have no particular talent, I am merely extremely inquisitive. (Albert Einstein) I have no problem keeping secrets. It's the people I tell... I haven't lost my mind, I know exactly where I left it. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand. (Chinese proverb) I just got lost in thought. . . . It was unfamiliar territory. I just want to turn on the light and have it work...I don't want to know where the electricity comes from. I know Karate! ...and several other Japanese words. I know UNIX, PASCAL, C, FORTRAN, COBOL, and nineteen other high-tech words. I know you know what I think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

I laugh just like you, I cry and feel pain. When you touch my skin, we feel just the same. But you were born black and I was born white, Our prejudice formed because of our sight. But if you were blind and I couldn't see, Just think of how nice our friendship could be! (Poem by Forrest Campbell) I like pigs better than cat and dogs. Dogs are subservient and look up to man. Cats are aloof and look down o will look you in the eye, and see his equal. (Winston Churchill) I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. (Augus I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were g (Helen Keller) I lost twenty pounds. Unfortunately, I was in England at the time. I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting system through which God speaks to us every hour, if w (George Washington Carver) I love you 2 day, I love you 2 morrow, I love you 4 ever. Imagination is intelligence having fun. Imagination is more important than knowledge. (Albert Einstein) Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't; and a sense of humour to console him for Walpole) "I'm a lawyer." .. "Honest?".. "No, the usual kind." Imbesi's Law of the Conservation of Filth: "In order for something to become clean, something else must beco Freeman's Extension: "...but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean." Immature love: I love you because I need you. Mature love; I need you because I love you. I'm old enough to know better but I'm still to young to care. Impossibility simply means I'm possibility. (Monsieur Nana Adom)

I'm serious; it was a joke. I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and rea Marx) In a completely rational society, the best of us would be teachers and the rest of us would have to settle for because passing civilisation along from one generation to the next ought to be the highest honour and the hig anyone could have.(Lee Iacocca) In a full heart there is room for everything, and in an empty heart there is room for nothing. (Antonio Porchia Inch by inch life's a cinch. Yard by yard life is hard. In cities no one is quiet but many are lonely. In the country, people are quiet but few are lonely. (Geoffrey F. Fisher) In communism, man oppresses man. In capitalism, it's the other way around. Incontinence Hot line...Can you hold please. Indian build small fire stand real close, White man build BIG fire stand way back.... In essentials, unity; in nonessentials, liberty; in all things, charity. (Melanchthon) Information is giving out. Communication is getting through. Initiative is the ability to do the right thing.. efficiency is the ability to do the thing right.. effectiveness is d Ink drys, paper burns, but what is written in the soul will last an eternity. In life, what happens to you isn't as important as what happens in you. (Anon) In many cases stress is caused, not by the event itself, but rather by our response to the event.

In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. (Thomas Jefferson) I no longer worry about being a brilliant conversationalist. I simply try to be a good listener. I notice that peo usually welcome wherever they go. (Frank Bettger) In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him an ignore him. (Dereke Bruce) In our search for truth let us not be influenced by what is easiest to believe. In places of delight, there are no clocks. In prayer it is better to have a heart without words than words without a heart. (John Bunyan) In spite of the cost of living, it's still quite popular. Instead of singing the Doxology phrase "Praise all creatures here below," a little girl sang instead, "Praise all p go." It made sense to her because everybody sang it at the end of the service, just as they were leaving. Integrity is the cornerstone of trust. Integrity is when what you say, what you do, what you think, and who you are all come from the same place. Haynie) Intelligence is like underwear, everyone has it but you don't have to show it off. Intercessory prayer might be defined as loving our neighbour on our knees. (Charles Brent) In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, people take prozac to make it In the dark dreary nights when the storm is at its most fierce the lighthouse burns bright so the sailors can fin again. In life the same light burns. This light is fuelled with love, faith, and hope. And through lifes most fier burn their brightest so we also can find our way home again. In the long run we get no more than we have been willing to risk giving. (Sheldon Kopp) In the pasture of life, don't be a cowpie. In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life; it goes on. In your life you will love someone so much you could eat them, then you will get married and wish you had. I once saw this sign on a diner wall: "I have an agreement with the bank: they don't fry hamburgers, and I don I only work to enjoy when I am not working. I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man. I ran up the door, closed the stairs, said my pajamas, put on my prayers, turned off the bed, jumped in my li kissed me goodnight. I rather lose a second in my life, than my life in a second. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I "had" any loose fitting clothin signed up in the first place! "Is ignorance or apathy the biggest problem with the world today?" "I don't know and I don't care". Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economi It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice. (Deng Xiaoping) It doesn't matter if you win or lose until you lose. It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room-temperature. I thank you God that I can be a father. I cherish the hug from my son or daughter. I pray my Dear Father that in some small way You will feel my love as I hug you today. (Richard Wimer) It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats. I think if I have a good breakfast I could go without food for the rest of the day. I think that until about lunch I think I've found the trouble with our economy. There are far more ways to get into debt, than there are to g It is a good thing God chose me before I was born, because he surely would not have afterwards. (C.H. Spurgeon) It is always the ones who talk loudest who do the least. It is amazing how many people want to live a long life, and yet so few want to grow old. It is amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away. (Michael Arlen) It is a pleasure to give advice, humiliating to need it, and normal to ignore it. (Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.) It is a poor workman who blames his tools. It is a small world, but I wouldn't like to have to paint it.

It is as necessary for men to hear the Gospel, as it was for Christ to die. It is better to be 5 minutes late than dead for 5 minutes. (John Leighton) It is better to be hated for what you are, then to be loved for what you're not! It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. (Mark Twain) It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation. (Herman Melville) It is better to forget and smile, than to remember and be sad. It is better to have bad breath than to have no breath at all. It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong, than to be always right by having no ideas at It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness. It is better to live day by day for you might not be here tomorrow. It is better to regret something you did, rather than to regret something you didn't do. It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it. It is better to sleep on what you intend doing than to stay awake over what you've done. It is better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot. (Anatole France) It is difficult but not impossible to conduct strictly honest business. What is true is that honesty is incompatib of a large fortune. (Mahatma Gandhi) It is difficult to "go with the flow" when you are swimming upstream. It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one. It is easy to be flexible when one is spineless! It is easy to have a balanced personality. Just forget your troubles as easily as you do your blessings. It is far better to be alone, than to wish you were. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. It is funny how we can see this outside world using our eyes; and we can see someone's inside world looking i It is good to be a Christian and you know it, but it is better to be a Christian and show it! It is hard to face the problem, when the problem is your face. It is hard to read a cartoon aloud. It is hard to stumble when you're on your knees. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial charges and blamed it on the cost of living. It is important to stay cool, but be sure to not get frostbite. It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. (Epictetus)

It is impossible to overestimate the immense need that humans have to be listened to, understood, and take It is my hearts desire that I must be no more, that He be known more. (Saheed B. Olalekan) It is much easier to be critical than to be correct. (Benjamin Disraeli) It is never easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. It is nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. It is not against the law to be stupid, but it is stupid to be against the law. It is not always easy to.... apologize begin over take advise be unselfish keep trying be considerate think and then act profit by mistakes forgive and forget .... but it usually pays. (Richard Hamilton) It is not always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. It is not a war on drugs; it's a war on people. It is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy. It is not how busy you are, but why you are busy- the bee is praised, the mosquito is swatted.

It is not how much of your money you are going to give to God, but how much of God's money you are going t It is not how much we do, but how much love we put into doing it. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving. (Mother Teresa) It is not, how much you know...It is making the best use of what you know ! It is not raining. The sky leaks. It is not 'seeing' the light that impacts one's life; it is never 'ceasing' to see the light that impresses one's life, (Diane Lahaie) It is not talking but walking that will bring us to heaven. (Matthew Henry) It is not that I disagree with you, it is just that I'm not in full accord. It is not that we don't know the right answers, it is just that we don't ask the right questions. (Tony Robbins) It is not the difference between people that is the difficulty; it is the indifference. It is not the employer who pays wages- he only handles the money...It is the product that pays wages. It is not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it. (Lena Horne) It is not the lofty sails but the unseen wind that moves the ship. It is not the moutain ahead that's wearing me out, it's the grain of sand in my shoe. It is not the people who tell all they know that cause most of the trouble in the world- it's the ones who tell It is not the relation which is important, but the relationship that is important! It is not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog. It is not the speaker who controls communication, but the listener. It is not the years in your life, but the life in your years that count. (Adlai Stevenson) It is not what a teenager knows that worries his parents. It's how he found out. It is not what's right about war, it's about what's left. It is not what they say about you, it's what they whisper. It is not what you are that holds you back, it is what you think you are not. (Denis Waitley) It is not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived. It is not what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or un It is what you think about. (Dale Carnegie) It is not what you would do with your millions should riches ness be your lot. It is what you are doing at present with the dollar and quarter you've got. It is not your position that makes you happy or unhappy, it's your disposition. It is okay to visit your past just don't bring any luggage with you. It is OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound. It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. (Ralph Waldo Emerson) It is one's attitude at the beginning of a task which will, more than anything else, determine its outcome. It is our responsibility, not ourselves that we should take seriously. It is risky not to take risk. If you don't take risk, risk will take you. (Archbishop Benson A. Idahosa - Nigeria) It is seldom easy to do what's right or right to do what's easy. It is strange how an earthquake 4,000 miles away seems less of a catastrophe than the first scratch on your n It is taken me all my life to understand that it is not necessary to understand everything. (Rene Coty) It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with the pearl. It is time to quit playing church and start being the church. (Keith Green) It's time we stopped blaming our problems on people in the past, and started blaming them on people in the After all, people in the future have time travel. Why aren't they coming back to help us? It is when we forget ourselves that we do things that are most likely to be remembered. It is wonderful what God can do with a broken heart, if He gets all the pieces. (Samuel Chadwick) It is your attitude and not your aptitude that determines your altitude. (Zig Zigler) It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose I try to lose weight, but it keeps finding me. It takes less time to do the thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong. It takes more money to amuse todays children than it took to educate their parents.

It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. It was all so different before everything changed. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.

I used to be Snow White...but I drifted. (Mae West) I used to cry for I had no shoes to wear until I saw a man with no feet. I used to have a photographic memory, but it was never developed.... I used to want to pack as much as I could into my life, but now I realize it's more about quality of life than qu I value all things only by the price they shall gain in eternity. (John Wesley) I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One I've never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind. Being broke is a temporary situation. I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened. (Mark Twain) I've to say NO to the good so I can say YES to the best. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car ... I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me. I was regretting the past and fearing the future. Suddenly God was speaking: "My name is I am." I waited and "When you live in the past, with its mistakes and regrets, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I was." "When you live in the future, with its problems and fears, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I will be. "When you live in this moment, it is not hard. I am here. My name is I am." (Helen Mellincost) I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. She asked, "Do I click the square?" I said, "Yes." She asked me, "Single click or double click?" I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy next to m I wear my wife's eyeglasses because she wants me to see things her way. (Jayson Feinburg) I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think "Hey, maybe I wrote Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?" Jesus accepts you the way you are, but loves you too much to leave you that way. (Lee Venden)

Jesus did not come to make God's love possible, but to make God's love visible. Jesus is the man God intended all humans to be. (D.L. Dykes) Jesus paid a debt he didn't owe because we had a debt we couldn't pay. Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to "They should not put up such misleading notices", said Joe. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE." Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. Just as children bring their broken toys for us to mend, I brought my broken dreams to God because he was my friend. Instead of leaving him in peace to work alone, I stuck around and tried to help with ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried "how could you be so slow?" "My child", he said, "What could I do, you never did let go". Just as war is more the absence of love than the presence of hate, and darkness is the absence of light, a ne absence of a positive one. Just because a person grows older, it doesn't mean he necessarily grows up. Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is. Justice without force is powerless. Force without justice is tyrannical. (Blaise Pascal) "Just think, children," said the missionary, "in Africa there are six million square miles where little boys and g School. Now, what should we all strive to save money for?" "To go to Africa!" Just when I was getting used to yesterday along came today. A great love? Send real roses preserved in 24kt gold! Click Here Karl Marx's Mother: If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it would have been Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great you too, can become great. (Mark Twain) Keep eye on many, but thoughts on one. Shake hands with many, but give your heart to one. Keep your head and your heart in the right direction and you will not have to worry about your feet. Keep your head in the clouds.. you're the first to know when it rains, and it's easier to see the silver lining. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin) Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable. (Erma Bombeck) Killing time murders opportunities. Kindness: a language the deaf can hear, the blind can see, and the mute can speak. Kindness has converted more sinners, than zeal, eloquence or learning. (F. W. Faber) Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. (Mother Teresa) Kisses are like tears, the only real ones are the ones you can't hold back. Knowing is not enough; We must Apply. Willing is not enough; We must Do. (Goethe) Knowing what to say is not always necessary; just the presence of a caring friend can make a world of differe Knowing without doing is like plowing without sowing. Knowledge is of two kinds: we know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information upon it. Knowledge is proud she knows so much; wisdom is humble that she knows no more. (Cowper) Knowledge is that which is acquired by learning. Wisdom is knowing what to do with it? Knowledge of God can be fully given to man only in a Person, never in a doctrine. Faith is not the holding of correct doctrine, but personal fellowship with the living God. (William Temple 1881-1944) Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens. Language is the dress of thought. (Johnson) Last night I dreamed my life was done, and heaven's gates flung wide. And with kindly grace, an angel ushered me inside. And there stood those I'd shunned or judged unworthy or unclean. Indignant words rose to my lips, but never were set free, On every face showed stunned surprise: no one expected me. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it! Laughter is a smile with the volume turned up. Laughter is like changing a baby's diaper. It doesn't permanently solve any problems, but it makes thing more awhile. Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of the heart. Laughter is the jam on the toast of life; it adds flavour, keeps it from becoming too dry, and makes it easier t Laws are like sausages. It's better not to see them being made. (Otto von Bismarck 1815-1898 German chance Lawyer (n): Larval stage of Politician.

Laziness is the mother of all vice... but, it's a mother and you should respect her! (Spanish popular wisdom) Leaders help others to succeed. (Erin Templet) Leadership is an opportunity to serve. It is not a trumpet call to self importance. Leadership is the ability to get men to do what they don't want to do and like it. (Harry S. Truman) Learn from other people's mistakes, life isn't long enough to make them all yourself. Learn from the past Live for today Look for tomorrow Take a nap this afternoon Learning history is easy. Learning its lessons is almost impossible. Learning is forging a head. Thinking is foraging a head. Learn to listen, opportunity often knocks softly. Learn to say no. It will be of more use to you than to be able to read Latin. (Charles Haddon Spurgeon) Leave loved ones always with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. Let me give so much time to the improvement of myself that I shall have no time to criticize others. (Dean C Let nature take its course and hope it passes. Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning. (Sir Winston Churchill) Let perseverance be your engine and hope your fuel. (H. Jackson Brown Jr.) Lets face it, the world would be a boring place without oppressive governments. If we were free to do or say it wouldn't be exciting to do or say anything. (James Maverick Cook) Let us realize that the privilege to work is a gift, that power to work is a blessing, that love of work is succes Let us so live that when we die even the undertaker will be sorry. (Mark Twain) Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. (Soren Kierkegaard 1813-1855) Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it. Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel. Life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up, depends upon what you're made of. Life is an echo. What you send out - you get back. What you give - you get. Life is a roller coaster. You can either scream every time you hit a bump or you can throw your hands up in the air and enjoy it. Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life. Life is fragile ... handle with prayer. Life is full of surprises. Just say "never" and you'll see. Life is hard, no one makes it out alive. Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know when you'll find a nut. Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free wi Life is like a game of tennis; the player who serves well seldom loses. Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense. Life is like a ladder, the higher you climb, the more expansive your view is. (Taimi Megivern) Life is like a mirror, if you frown at it, it frowns back; if you smile, it returns the greeting. Life is like an onion. You peel it off layer by layer and sometimes you cry. Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes. Life is mostly froth and bubble; Two things stand like stone: Kindness in another's trouble, Courage in our own. (Adam Lindsay Gordon 18331870) Life is much like writing in ink : All you can do is read over your past and look forward to a blank page for you soon be filled with words that can never be erased. (Gabe Suico) Life is not fair, but life is not fair for everyone. That makes life fair. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. (Nico

Life is really a bed of roses, others are just lucky to have friends to help them pick the thorns off. Life is so much simpler when you tell the truth. Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third. Life is too short to long for money. Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. (John Lennon) Life is what you have while you are waiting to have one. Life itself cannot give you joy unless you really will it. Life just gives you time and space. Its up to you to fill it. Life just gives you time & space; it's up to you to fill it. Life without you would be like a broken pencil... Pointless. (Rowan Atkinson) Like all great travelers, I have seen more than I remember; and I remember more than I have seen. Listening and hearing are two different senses. Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf. (American Indian Proverb) Little birdie in the sky, dropped a poopie in my eye I didn't scream, I didn't cry, But I thanked the Lord cows can't fly! Little differences - like a letter in a word make all the difference in the world. Little Johnny's new baby brother was crying and screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, "Where'd baby bro His mother replied, "Heaven, Johnny. He came from heaven." After listening to his baby brother's wailing for another few seconds Johnny shot back, "WOW! I can see why t Live by what you trust, not by what you fear. Live each day as if it were your last, but learn from each day as if you will live forever. Live for Jesus now and spend the rest of eternity in the non-smoking section. Live so that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. (Will Rogers) Live without pretending, Love without depending, Listen without defending, Speak without offending, Give without ending, Build without rending. (Nina Roberta Baker) Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people's souls. (Melo Live your own life, for you will die your own death. (Latin proverb) Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror. Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so. (David Grayson) Looking back, may I be filled with gratitude; Looking forward, may I be filled with hope; Looking upward, may I be aware of strength; Looking inward, may I find peace....... Looks capture the eyes. Personality captures the heart. Lord, be merciful, shut me up when my life speaks so much louder than my words. Lord give me an answer, or give me the patience to wait for one, just do it now please! Lord grant me the courage to do the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I can accomplish. (Michelangelo) Lord, make my words soft and tender for tomorrow I may have to eat them. Lord, may others treat me tomorrow as I have treated them today. Lord, so far today I've not been grumpy, selfish, greedy, envious, proud, or angry. I'm really pleased about tha minutes now, I'm going to get up and from then on, I'll probably need a lot more help. Lord, where we are wrong, make us willing to change; where we are right, make us easy to live with. (Rev. P Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with yo breaks down. (Oprah Winfrey)

Love and Time: The only two things in all of life and all the world that cannot be bought, but spent. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. Love God more than you fear hell. Love has reasons that reason knows nothing of. Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by imagination. Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. (Robert Frost) Love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener. Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Love is not about who you live with... It's about who you can't live without. Love is not a game, so don't be a player. Love is not blind; it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less. (Rabbi Julius Gord Love is not finding a perfect person, it is seeing an imperfect person perfectly. Love is not just gazing at each other but looking together in the same direction. Love is not paid back only passed on. (Nancy Pettit) Love is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity. (Helen Hayes) Love is that condition in which the happiness of another is essential to your own. (Robert Heinlein) Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly. Love is the one word that we use every day, and the one word that words cannot define. (Anna K. Schwartz) Love is the only capable force of transforming an enemy into a friend. Love is the only fire hot enough to melt the iron obstinacy of a creature's will. Love is the unity of two hearts beating together as one.

Love is when you don't want to go to sleep because reality is better than a dream. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship, and find out you stil Love, like paint, can make things beautiful when you spread it, but it simply dries up when you don't use it. Love makes a house a home. Love many, trust few, and always paddle your own canoe. Love reckons hours for months, and days for years; and every little absence is an age. (John Dryden) Love sees no colour. Love sought is good, but given unsought is better. (William Shakespeare) Love: the only game that two can play and both can win. Love the sinner but hate the sin. (Mahatma Gandhi) Love was not put in your heart to stay. Love is not love until you give it away. "LSD melts your mind, not in your hand" Luck is a loser's excuse for a winner's position! Lust is pure passion. Love tempers passion with reason. (John W. Kennedy) Mae: I've been asked to get married lots of times. Rae: Who asked you? Mae: Mom and Dad. Lots of times. Make crime pay, become a lawyer. (Will Rogers) Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. Make no judgments where you have no compassion. (Anne McCaffrey) Make your life a mission, not an intermission. (Arnold Glasgow) Man and the turtle are very much alike. Neither makes any progress without sticking his neck out. Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one!

Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has courage to lose sight of the shore. Man finds it hard to get what he wants, because he does not want the best. God finds it hard to give, because He would give the best, and man will not take it. Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then e Man's way leads to a hopeless end! Gods way leads to an endless hope! Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it. (Maurice Che Many a man thinks he is buying pleasure, when he is really selling himself to it. (Benjamin Franklin) Many Christians debate whether the devil is on earth or in hell. Can he dwell in Christians or only in the worl devil is in darkness. Wherever there is spiritual darkness, there the devil will be. Many folks know how to say nothing. Few know when. Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers. Many people lose their tempers merely by seeing you keep yours. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. Many people spend their health for wealth, and then try to spend their wealth for health. (Mikey) Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. Many years ago, a large American shoe company sent two sales representatives out to different parts of the A see if they could drum up some business among the Aborigines. Some time later, the company received teleg agents. The first said, "No business here . . . natives don't wear shoes." The second one said, "Great opportunity here . . . natives don't wear shoes!" (John M. Capozzi) Marital problems? You don't need a new wife, you need a new life! Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. (Erma Bombeck) Marriage - is an expensive way of getting your laundry done for free. Materialism is buying things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people who don't matter. Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and le many birthdays you've celebrated. Maturity is the ability to do a job whether or not you are supervised, to carry money without spending it and without wanting to get even. (Ann Flanders) Maturity means being emotionally and mentally healthy. It is that time when you know when to say yes, when to say WHOOPEE! Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction. (Ashleigh Brilliant) May every day of your life together be worse than the next. (Old Irish wedding blessing) May there always be work for your hands to do; May your purse always hold a coin or two; May the sun always shine on your windowpane; May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain; May the hand of a friend always be near you; May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you. (An Irish friendship wish) May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you are dead. (Irish proverb) May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep hope to make you happy and enough money to buy gifts. May your life be long and useful like a roll of toilet paper. May your love be filled with life and may your life be filled with love. (old wedding toast) May your trouble be like the old man's teeth...few and far between. Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct; what they like to be is a ma Men, as well as women, are much oftener led by their hearts than by their understandings. (Lord Chesterfield Men moet altijd het vergeetboekje bij zich dragen, anders houd je geen enkele vriend over. Men tell you the facts, but God will tell you the truth! Menstruation, menopause, mental breakdowns... Ever notice how all womens probIems begin with men? Men will spend their health getting wealth. Then, gladly pay all they have earned to get health back. (Mike M Methods are many,

Principles are few. Methods change often, Principles never do. Middle age starts when you have been warned to slow down, not by a motorcycle cop, but by your doctor. Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open. Money: a businessman earns it, an economist learns it, a banker turns it, a politician burns it, and a wise man spurns it. Money comes and goes, but people last for a lifetime. (Rob Shan) Money glitters, beauty sparkles, and intelligence shines. Money is an excellent servant, but a horrible master. Money is like unspreadable butter, you try and spread it but it all lumps together at one end of the bread. Money is nice, yet nice is worth more.

Money talks. I'll not deny. I heard it once. It said good-bye. Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. Moral rules are directions for running the human machine. Every moral rule is there to prevent a breakdown, friction, in the running of that machine. (C.S. Lewis) More doors are opened with "please" than with keys. Morning people: "Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise." Night people: "Anybody who goes to bed the same day they got up is a quitter." Mosquitoes are a great moral force; it forces mankind to wear more clothes that modesty. Most accidents happen at home - maybe we should move. Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime. Most great men and women are not perfectly rounded in their personalities, but are instead people whose on is so great it makes their faults seem insignificant. (Charles A. Cerami) Most of our suspicions of others are aroused by our knowledge of ourselves. Most of the trouble in the world is caused by people wanting to be important. (T.S. Elliot) Most of us are pretty good at keeping promises to others and pretty bad at keeping promises to ourselves. (La Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it's biting my fingernails. One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails. "Great idea, honey," he smiled. "You can eat them straight out of the box." Most of us spend our lives as if we had another one in the bank. (Ben Irwin) Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. (Abraham Lincoln) Most people want to serve God -- but only in an advisory capacity. Most would rather be ruined by praise than saved by critisism. Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?" Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?" Mrs. Squiffy decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a dia emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant." "But you are not wearing any of those things." "I know," said Mrs. Squiffy. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry, and I want hi looking for the jewelry." Much of the stress that people feel doesn't come from having too much to do. It comes from not finishing wh

Allen) Murphy's Law isn't recursive. Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work. Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence. (Robert Fripp) My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not you'll become a philosopher. My aim is that when my hands will work no longer, that the works of my hands will still continue to keep on w My best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself. My "check engine" light came on the other day. I popped the hood, and looked, the engine is STILL there! Silly My children need love the most when they deserve it the least. (Erma Bombeck) My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I've only been jogging once and feel ten years older already. My dog is very obedient, he does what he is bid. A sign said 'wet paint', and that's just what he did. My eyes may be closed, but my mind is not asleep. My face in the mirror Isn't wrinkled or drawn. My house isn't dirty. The cobwebs are gone. My garden looks lovely, And so does my lawn. I think I might never Put my glasses back on. My father said there are two kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better. My five-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher what her father does, and she replied, "Whatever my Mo My goal in life is to be the sort of person my dog thinks I am. My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who tak He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition. (Indira Gandhi) My house was clean last week. Sorry you missed it. My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there. (Charles F. Keetering) My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded f Bombeck) My love is like a cabbage, divided into two, The leaves I give to others but the heart I give to you. My mind contains many good ideas, but it is not always easy to squeeze one out. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. (Ashleigh Brilliant) My parents worked hard to give us everything money could not buy. My pastor-husband has a sweet tooth, so I knew the chocolate chip cookies I'd just baked might disappear be running errands. To discourage him, I taped a verse on the wrapped goodies: "'Everything is permissible for m is beneficial." - 1 Cor. 6:12. When I returned I found half the cookies gone and another verse attached: "The righteous eat to their heart's stomach of the wicked goes hungry" - Prov. 13:25. My Sunday school class of kindergartners was studying the creation story. After several weeks, we were ready to review. "What did God make the first day?" I quizzed. "The second day?" They answered both questions correctly. "And what happened on the third day?" I asked. One little child, face shining with enthusiasm, exclaimed, "He rose from the dead!" My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, le Why should you? (Erma Bombeck) My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said, "Would blessing?" I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife said. Our d

head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?" My worst day of vacation has always been better than my best day at work. Nature's laws are the invisible government of the earth. (Alfred Armand Montapert) Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. (Abraham Linco Need some time to be alone, try washing the dishes! Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. (Benjamin Disraeli) Never argue with a stupid person. First they'll drag you down to their level, then they will beat you with expe Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic. Never confuse having a career with having a life. Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. Never fear shadows... they simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby. Never interrupt your opponent while he is making a mistake (Napoleon Bonaparte) Never let a problem become an excuse! Never mistake motion with action. (Albert Einstein) Never overlook wallflower at dance; may be dandelion in grass. (Confucious) Never run from your fears. Because when they catch up to you you're too tired to fight. Never say anything unless it is kind, necessary and true. Never seek the wind in the field. It is useless to try and find what is gone. (Polish proverb) Never stand between a dog and a tree. Never take counsel of your fears. (Andrew Jackson) Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. (Gen Jr) Never try to make anyone like yourself. You know, and God knows, that one of you is enough. (Ralph Waldo E Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Never wrestle with a pig. You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it. New and improved: if it's new it's not improved; if it's improved it's not new. New friends are silver, old friends are gold. Always make new friends but don't forget the old. Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of it. (Emerson) Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israe When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved. "No Joey, is that really what the teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!" No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. (Fables Aesop) No amount of darkness can hide a spark of light. No answer is also an answer. Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it. (Tallulah Bankhead) Nobody is perfect.... I am Nobody!!! Nobody plans to fail, they just fail to plan. No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. (Aesop) No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace. No happy time is really gone, if it leaves a special memory. No horse goes as fast as the money you bet on him. No individual raindrop ever considers itself responsible for the flood. No Jesus - No Love. Know Jesus - Know Love. No life without the sun, no Life without the Son. No man ever injured his eyesight by looking on the bright side of things. No man ever repented on his deathbed of being a Christian. (Hannah Moore) No man is a failure who has friends. (Clarence)

No man is rich enough to buy back his past. (Oscar Wilde) No man is too big to be kind...but many men are too little. (Matt Maguire) No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions. No matter how far you have gone on a wrong road, turn back. (Turkish proverb) No matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them fo No matter what happens Today. You must remember that...Today will be Tomorrow's past, and Tomorrow will Satjapot) No matter what you want to do, there's always something else that has to be done first. No moving parts, no batteries. No monthly payments and no fees. Inflation proof, non-taxable, in fact it's quite reliable. It can't be stolen, won't pollute, one size fits all, do not dilute. It uses little energy, but yields results enormously. Relieves your tension and your stress, invigorates your happiness. Combats depression, makes you beam and elevates your self esteem. Your circulation it corrects without complicated side effects. It is, I think, the perfect drug. May I prescribe, my friend. . . . . . the hug! Non-smoking area: If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. (Eleanor Roosevelt) No one ever injured his eyesight by looking on the bright side of things. No one is listening until you make a mistake. No one is responsible for all the things that happen to him, but he is responsible for the way he acts when th No one plans to fail but people can fail to plan. No one should live by the early bird policy without finding out whether he classifies as a bird or a worm. No one would remember the good Samaritan if he had only good intentions. He had money as well. (Margaret No prayer is spoken too softly to be heard. (Natasha Isabelle) No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Not being beautiful was the true blessing. Not being beautiful forced me to develop my inner resources. The handicap to overcome. (Golda Meir) Note on a door: Out to lunch; if not back by five, out for dinner also. Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts. (Sign hanging in A at Princeton) Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. (James Baldwin) Nothing is as soft as water, yet who can withstand the raging flood? (Lao Ma) Nothing is as strong as gentleness: nothing so gentle as real strength. (Ralph W. Sockman) Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely. (Rodin) Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. Nothing seems expensive on credit. (Czech Proverb) Nothing seems impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. Nothing seems to bring on an emergency as quickly as putting money aside in case of one. Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at. (Goethe) Nothing tastes as good as slim feels. Notice: The only person getting his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe. Not our activity for Him but our captivity to Him! Nowadays we are consumed by desires to buy things we do not need, with money we do not have, to impress like. (Patrick M. Morley) Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is. (Ernest Hemin

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal. (Hannah More) Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest of these is: "It might have been". Of all the music that reached farthest into heaven, it is the beating of a loving heart. (Henry Ward Beecher) Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. Of course, there's now a higher percentage of seat belt users. The non-users are slowly being killed off. Often a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. (Jim Backus) Often, the only way to comfort the suffering is to understand that you can't understand and just be there. Oh Lord, help me to keep my big mouth shut until I know what I'm talking about. Oh, the worst of all tragedies is not to die young, but to live until I am seventy-five and yet not ever truly to Luther King Jr.) Old hippies never die, they just surrender to society. (Stephe) Old love letters are like souvenirs from the past. Don't just throw them away. (Natasha Isabelle) On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs. On a front door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog. On anniversaries the wise husband may forget the past... but better never forget the present. On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer arrived at the village church. The p guess we won't have a service today." The farmer replied: "Heavens!, if even only one cow shows up at feedin Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box. (Italian Proverb) One afternoon after a rainstorm, I noticed one of the most beautiful rainbows I had ever seen. I called my 3Ashley, to the door so we could go outside and look at it together. With wide eyes she carefully studied it unt me and said, "But, Mommy, where is the ark?" One can resist an intrusion of armies but not an idea whose time has come. (Victor Hugo) One day a lady criticized D. L. Moody for his methods of evangelism in attempting to win people to the Lord. Moody's reply was "I agree with you. I don't like the way I do it either. Tell me, how do you do it?" The lady replied, "I don't do it." Moody responded "I like my way of doing it better than your way of not doing it." One day, your life will flash in front of your eyes... Make it worth watching. One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a "battle" that goes on inside people. He said, "M between 2 "wolves" inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, fa and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosit and faith." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed." One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others. One good thing about forgetting is that you can no longer worry about what ever it was you forgot. One half of the world will never understand the other half, and it doesn't matter which half you're in. One man with courage is a majority. (Thomas Jefferson 1743-1826) One must learn how to lose before learning how to play. (Mexican Proverb) One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds. One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment. (Merle Shain) One of the ceaseless wonders of the world is the power of a smile. (Malcolm S. Forbes) One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother. One of the most important things in communication is to hear what is not being said. (Peter Drucker) One of the most important ways to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present. In doing so, we build the trust of those who are present. (Stephen R. Covey) One of the most lasting pleasures you can experience is the feeling that comes over you when you genuinely whether he knows it or not. (O. A. Battista) One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors One of the surest hindrances to the recovery of the sick is the centring of attention upon themselves. (Ellen One reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the pho One thing you can give and still keep, is your word.

One time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it is holding a parking ticket. One unable to dance blames the unevenness of the floor. (Malaysian proverb) One who looks for a friend without faults will have none. One will never reach distant shores, if he chooses to remain upon the dock, In fear his little ship of dreams may be dashed against the rocks. (F.Bolen) One with God is a majority. (Billy Graham) One Youngster was explaining to another what "mixed emotions" meant. "It's like watching the school burn do catcher's mitt is in your desk," he said. Only boring people get bored. (Robin Beyer) Only in America do people order double cheese burgers, a large fries, and a diet coke. Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and jun garage. Only one life, it will soon be past. Only what's done for Christ will last. (C. T. Studd) Only the winners decide what were war crimes. (Gary Willis) Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. (Sicilian Proverb) On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fi from the back of the room asked: "How will that help?" On the other hand, you have different fingers. Open your mind to God's wisdom, open your soul to God's peace, open your heart to God's love and all three forever. (Mary Stavros) Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. Opportunities are like sunrises. If you wait too long, you miss them. (William Arthur Ward) Opportunity is a bald man with a beard: You can catch him coming, but you can' t catch him going. Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. (Thomas Edison) Opportunity is often inconvenient. Optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place. Originality is the art of concealing your source. (Franklin P. Jones) Others may argue your beliefs, but they can't refuse your love. Our arms are the only ones God has to hug His children. Our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we bec Our character is shaped as much by our failures as it is by our successes. (John Gray) Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than look back. Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth - a sense of humor. Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me. He got restless, so my wife handed him a pad and pencil and suggested he mark down every time the speake After a while, he grew bored, and I asked, "Would you like to listen for a different word?" "Yes," he whispered. "I'd like to listen for 'Amen'." Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. (Oliver Goldsmith) Our marriage was a love match pure and simple; she was pure and I was simple. Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if said, "the price will be only $5.50." From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that informatio Our toaster works on either AC or DC, but not on bread. It has two settings: too soon or too late. (Sam Leven Our vision is more obstructed by what we think we know than by our lack of knowledge. (Kristen Stendahl) Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a sc worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time." I watched for several days as my husband our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly........... For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa!! Outer agitation reveals inner instability. Overheard during a particular long sermon, "If we give him the money now, Mommy, will he let us go?"

PARENTAL OBSERVATIONS A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning. A child will not spill on a dirty floor. A young child is a noise with dirt on it. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children. If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable. You can learn many things from children... like how much patience you have. Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid. Parents are so excited about the first steps and words of their children, but then they spend the next 17 year down and shut up. Passing by the primate area one day, a zoo attendant happens to notice a chimpanzee sitting on a rock with a hand, looking first at one and then at the other. Upon closer examination, he identifies the books: the Bible, of Species". Curious, he asks the chimp, "What's with the books?" The chimp replies, "I'm trying to decide whe keeper, or my keeper's brother." Passion: A feeling you feel when you feel a feeling you've never felt before. (Andrew Edgerton) Passion: there are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue t Patience accomplishes its object, while hurry speeds to its ruin. (Saadi, Persian poet) Patience is how you act while you're waiting. (Joyce Meyer) Patience is the silken cord on which are strung the pearls of virtue. Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes. (Antisthenes) Peace is not the absence of trouble, but the presence of God. (Steve Dow) People and their managers are working so hard to be sure things are done right, that they hardly have time t doing the right things. (Stephen R. Covey) People are funny. They want the front of the bus, middle of the road, and the back of the church. People are like tea bags - You have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are! People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges (J. F. Newton) People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. There is much chaos in this world because thin people are being used. People are never too busy to tell you all that they have to do. People do not care how much you know, till they know how much you care! (Brett Watson) People do not plan to fail, they just fail to plan. People do not quit playing because they grow old. They grow old because they quit playing. (Oliver Wendell Holmes) People forget how fast you did a job- but they remember how well you did it. People forget what you said. People forget what you did. But people never forget how you made them feel. People in power need the power of prayer. People laugh because I'm different, I laugh because they're all the same. People love flowers but they hate the rain. The things that bring joy come from that which brings pain. So this should leave a stain on your brain, the reason why you have fields of grain, is because its got to rain. People may not always believe what you say, but they will believe what you do. People never say, "It's only a game", when they're winning. People pick bad things from bad company very quickly but good company takes a good time to gift good thing People say walking on water is a miracle, but to me walking peacefully on earth is the real miracle. (Thich N People seem to get nostalgic about a lot of things they weren't so crazy about the first time around. People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of rive compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars.... and they pass by themselves without wondering. People want the front of the bus; back of the church and centre of attention. People who are often in a hurry imagine they are energetic, when in most cases they are simply inefficient. ( People who do the world's real work don't usually wear neckties.

People who have heard me sing, say I don't. (Mark Twain) People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either of them being made. People who think they're out of this world always make you wish they were. People who value their privileges above their principles, soon lose both. People who want by the yard, but try by the inch, should be kicked by the foot ! People will believe most anything that is whispered to another. People with true character show it when nobody else is present. People would enjoy life more if, once they got what they wanted, they could remember how much they want People would worry less about what others think of them if they only realised how seldom they do. Perhaps the dominant force in the average life is possessions. Life becomes a scramble for gain instead of a m are so busy making a living that we forget to make a life. (A. P. Gouthey) Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. Personal ad from newspaper: Worried about in-law meddling? I'm an orphan. Write POB 74 Pet owner: Every time a bell rings my dog goes and sits in the corner. Veterinarian: That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer.

Philosophy can not be attained from text on a page... it comes from with the soul. (Russ Kolibas) Plan ahead: It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark! Please do not complain about the coffee. You'll be old and weak someday, too! Plenty of love, Tons of kisses, Hope some day, To be your Mrs. Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance. (Carl Sandburg) Politics: Poly (many) + ticks (bloodsucking parasites) Positive anything is better than negative nothing. Poverty is a condition with but one advantage, it doesn't take much to improve your lot. Poverty never spoils a good man, but prosperity often does. Poverty within is as dangerous as poverty without. (Rowan Swan) Power works best in the hands of those who don't want it. Praise can be your most valuable asset as long as you don't aim it at yourself. Praise your children openly, reprove them secretly. (W. Cecil) Pray as if everything depended on GOD, Act as if everything depended on yourself! Prayer does not cause faith to work, faith causes prayer to work. (Gloria Copeland) Prayer is the key to Heaven, but faith unlocks the door. (Mosie Lister) Praying is hard; living without it is harder. Preach the Gospel at all times ... if necessary, use words. (St. Francis of Assisi) Precious is the parrot who is trained by a clean tongue. Presence is more than just being there. If your absence doesn't make any difference, your presence won't eit Pretty much all the honest truth telling in the world is done by children. (Oliver Wendell Holmes) Pride is something we have. Vanity is something others have. Problems are only opportunities in work clothes. (Henry J. Kaiser) Professionals built the Titanic, amateurs built the ark. Professor to noisey students: "Every time I open my mouth some fool speaks." Promises are meant to be kept, for they are like precious pearls in an ocean, their value is high and quality g once they are made they can never be broken. Promises are like babies.... Mostly easy to make bit hard to deliver. Proverbs are short sentences drawn from long experience. Proverbs contain within one or two lines the lessons of lifetime.

Public transportation notice: "When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your s so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you." Put your creed in your deed. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. (Frank Frye) Quality is presence of value and not absence of mistake. Quality rather than quantity determines your success. Quieting the chattering mind promotes directed action. Quotations are sometimes valuable pearls, but original thoughts can be priceless treasure. Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research. Raise your voice and your dignity is lowered. (Melchor F. Cichon) Rather than trying to find the right person, try being the right person. Reach for the moon. If you miss, you may fall on a star. (Marvin the Martian) Reading the Bible without meditating on it is like trying to eat without swallowing. Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out. Recipe; a series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't the dog won't eat. Refusing to have an opinion is a way of having one. Relationships can be boring - not people! Remember boys, flies spread disease so keep yours closed. (General Taylor) Remember, don't put it off... Go ahead and do it... If you get to it... And don't do it... You may never get to it.. To do it... Again. Remember that failure is an event - not a person. Remember the golden rule: he who has the gold makes the rules. Remember, worth and value are not wrapped up in what you do. You are not a human doing. You are a human being. Remember, your relatives had no choice in the matter either. Repentance is never something to be ashamed of. Repentance is sorrow for the deed..not for getting caught. Reputation is made in a moment: character is built in a lifetime. Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us. (Thomas Paine Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. (Cindy Clabough) Respect cannot be learned, purchased or acquired- it can only be earned. Respect is mutual, if you don't respect others viewpoints, chances are they won't acknowledge yours. Revenge has no more quenching effect on emotions, than salt water has on thirst. Rich earn; smart learn. Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't Rules without relationship equals rebellion.

Sanctification means being made one with Jesus so that the disposition that ruled Him will rule us. It will cos not of God in us. (Oswald Chambers) Save time ... see it my way.

Saying remain meaningless until they are embodied in actions. (Kahlil Gibran) Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean. Science without religion is lame; religion without science is blind. (Albert Einstein) Second place is the first loser. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it. Seen on a T shirt in Australia: "My wife says that I don't listen (and then in smaller print below) At least I think that's what she said." Seen on the back of a biker's vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off. Sentences that begin with "all women" are never, never true. (Margaret Banning) Serve Locally - Pray Globally Seven days without prayer makes one weak. Seven sins of life: Politics without principle. Commerce without morality. Wealth without work. Education without character. Science without humanity. Pleasure without conscience. Worship without sacrifice. (Mahatma Gandhi) Sex is like nose picking. It's fine as long as you practice it yourself, but it's disgusting watching someone else Shared suffering brings people together faster than anything else does. Share love and it grows; share sorrow and it lessens. Share your smile with everyone, but save your kiss for only one. She is an expert housekeeper: every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house. Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see? "Well, I see thousands of stars." And what does that mean to you?" "Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?" "To me, it means someone has stolen our tent." Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you will land among the stars. (Les Brown) Show a little bit of your anger everyday instead of showing a lot of it on one day. Show me a man who cannot bother to do little things, and I'll show you a man who cannot be trusted to do bi Show me a man with both feet on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't put on his pants. Sign at a crematorium: Urn more. Pay less. Sign at animal shelter, Children left unattended will be given a puppy or a kitten. Sign at the Pavlov Institute: Knock: Please don't ring bell. Sign on a church bulletin board: Planning to go to Heaven? Get your flight training here. Sign on a church bulletin board: You aren't too bad to come in, You aren't good enough to stay out. Sign on restaurant window: Great food (50,000 flies can't be wrong) Silence is frequently misinterpreted, but it is never miss quoted. Silence is golden, and example is the best teacher, so is a silent example a golden teacher, ..... or is a silent teacher a golden example? Silence is golden but shouting is fun. Silence is the only thing that can't be misquoted! Silence is the ultimate weapon of power. (Charles de Gaulle) Silence is wise if we are foolish, but foolish if we are wise. Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.

Since I have smashed my denominational glasses, I have a better vision of who Christ is. Since thou art not sure of a minute, throw not away an hour. (Benjamin Franklin) Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special regard to those who, by the accidents of time, or plac are brought into closer connection with you. (Saint Augustine of Hippo) Sing like you know the words; dance like no one's watching; and love like it's never going to hurt. Sin wouldn't be so attractive, if the wages were paid immediately. Sit next to a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. Sit on a red-hot stove for a minute, it seems like relativity. (A. Einstein) Skier; one who pays an arm and a leg for the opportunity to break them. Slight not what's near, while aiming at what's far. (Euripides 480-406 B.C.) Smile! It increases your face value. Smile.... it makes others wonder what you're thinking. "Snowflakes are one of natures most fragile things, but just look what they can do when they stick together. So many people will walk in and out of your life, but those who leave foot prints are true friends. Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws trying to enforce 10 commandments. Some books have table of contents; others have no contents. (Melchor F. Cichon) Some cause happiness wherever they go; Others whenever they go. Some goals are so worthy, it's glorious even to fail. Some have the wisdom of old age and the energy of youth. Most have the wisdom of youth, and the energy o Some minds are like concrete... all mixed up and permanently set.

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were imposs Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world. Some open minds should be closed for repairs. Some people are about as helpful as a porcupine in a balloon factory. (Donna Early) Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them. Some people are bitter, some sour, others are sweet. Who you hang out with depends on your taste. Some people are wise, and some are otherwise. (Mark Twain) Some people attend church three times in their lives: when they're hatched, when they're matched, and whe Some people change when they see the light, others when they feel the heat. (Caroline Schoeder) Some people complain because the roses have thorns. Others give thanks because the thorns have roses. Some people drink deeply from the fountain of knowledge, while some others only gargle. Some people grin and bear it. Others smile and change it. Some people grumble because roses have thorns. Be thankful instead that thorns have roses. Some people hate waking up and getting out of bed. I enjoy it. I do it three or four times a day. Some people have all the commitment of a kamikaze pilot on his tenth mission. (Lou Holtz) Some people just don't take advice, they have to hit their own head off the wall to believe it will hurt!! Some people reach the top of the ladder of success only to find it is leaning against the wrong wall. Some people take too much of vitamin "I". Some people think holding on makes them strong, sometimes its letting go. Some persons don't know the difference between thinking for yourself, and thinking of yourself. Some succeed because they are destined to. But most succeed because they are determined to. Some things that cost $5 to buy several years ago now costs $10 just to repair. Sometimes God doesn't tell us His plan because we wouldn't believe it anyway. (Carlton Pearson) Sometimes I know that there is intelligent life on other planets because they haven't tried to contact us. Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." (Charlie Brown)

Sometimes it costs more to do nothing than to do something. Sometimes it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep. Sometimes life can be as bitter as dragon tears. But whether dragon tears are bitter or sweat depends entire perceives them. (Chinese proverb) Sometimes providences, like Hebrew letters, must be read backward. (John Flavel) Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push. (Joann Thomas) Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side. Sometimes the Lord calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child. Sometimes to be headstrong, is to be brain-weak. (Bob Faravoni) Sometimes we all have days where we are 386's in a P4 world. Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile, And finds it in your presence that life is worth while, So when your lonely.... remember it's true, Somebody somewhere is thinking of you. Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up. Soul-winning and missions is the life blood of the church. Space is a dangerous place...especially if it's between your ears! Speak softly. If you really want to be heard, lower your voice. (Terri Levine) Speak when you are angry and you'll make the best speach you'll ever regret. (Lawrence J Peter) Spotted on a desk: Of course I don't look busy ... I did it right the first time. Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sides. (Marg Start by doing the necessary, then the possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible. (St. Francis of Ass Statistics is like a Bikini; what is revealed is suggestive, but what is concealed is vital. Sterilise: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on i 'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand. Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can shatter my soul. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. Stride and strut goeth before a fall; tried and true goeth before a raise. Strip us of our skin and we are all the same within. Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralising. (Harriet Braiker) Strong expressions create deep impressions. (Skip Ernst) Student: "How long do you want this report to be?" Teacher: "I would like you to think of this paper much like a lady's dress - long enough to cover the subject, y keep it interesting." Stupidity is NOT a handicap! PARK ELSEWHERE! Suburbia is where the bulldozers have knocked down all the trees and the planners rename the roads after th Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. Success comes in cans, not can't s. Success hinges on a passion for excellence. (John F. Kennedy) Success in marriage is more than finding the right person. It's becoming the right person. Success is a ladder that can not be climbed with your hands in your pockets. Success is getting up just one more time than you fall down. Success is not forever, and failure is not fatal. (Coach Don Scula) Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You have got to set your self on fire for it. (Anon) Success is relative - the more success, the more relatives. Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. (Winston Churchill) Success: its an never ending improvement in what you do. Success occurs when opportunity meets preparation. Success of today resulted from the failure of yesterday. Suffering well borne is better than suffering removed. Surely it's no coincidence that the word "listen" is an anagram of the word "silent".

Sweet is the remembrance of troubles when you are in safety. (Euripides) Sympathy sees and says, "I'm sorry." Compassion sees and says, "I'll help."

act is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. Tact is the ability to tell your boss that he is open-minded when you know he has a hole in his head. Take care of your character and your reputation will take care of itself. Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise. Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go for it. (Andrew Jackson) Take time to relax especially when you don't have time for it. (Sydney J Harris) Talent hits the target which no one else can hit; genius hits the target which no one else can see. Talk is cheap, barbers give it away free with haircuts. Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself. (Chinese proverb) Teacher to a third grade student: "Billy, if both of your parents were born in 1967, how old are they now?" Billy: "It depends." Teacher: "It depends on what?" Billy: "It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother." Tears are the baptism of the soul. Tears will get you sympathy. Sweat will get you results. Teenagers express their burning desires to be different by dressing exactly alike. Teenager with nose rings, baggy clothing and spiked hair to a friend: "I don't really like dressing this way, but from dragging me everywhere they go." Television is bubble gum for the eyes. (Frank Lloyd Wright) Television is the single greatest threat to communication and intimacy within a family. You may as well be fif the person sitting next to you if you're both watching television. Television ruins more minds than drugs. Telling the boss what a good worker you are is worth 1%..showing him is worth 96%. Telling the truth and making someone cry is just as bad as telling a lie and making someone smile! Tell me...I will forget. Show me...I might remember. Involve me...I will understand. (chinese proverb) Temptation resisted is the true measure of character. (Louis Dega) Thank God for dirty dishes, they have a tale to tell. While others may go hungry, we've eaten very well. With home, health & happiness; I shouldn't want to fuss. By the stack of evidence. God's been very good to us. That place is so crowded, nobody goes there anymore. (Yogi Berra) That which is acquired without difficulty is dispersed with equal facility. That which was hard to endure is sweet to remember. That which you cannot give away, you don't possess; it possesses you. The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you The ABC of salvation. A - All have sinned. B - Behold the Lamb of God which taketh away the sin of the world C - Come to Christ for peace, pardon, and eternal life. The act of giving is more important than the merit of the receiver. (Glenn Kittler) The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in. ( The aim of argument, or of discussion, should not be victory, but progress. (Joseph Joubert) The answer to having a better life is not about getting a better life, it's just about changing how we see the o (Angel Kyodo Williams) The attitude within is more important than the circumstances without. The axe soon forgets, but the tree always remembers. (Shona saying) The bad news is time flies. The good news is you're the pilot. (Michael Althsuler) The balding middle-aged man asked his barber,

"Why charge me the full price for cutting my hair,there's so little of it." "Well, "said the barber, "actually I make little charge for cutting it. What you're paying for is my searching for The banquet was about to begin when the master of ceremonies was informed that the clergyman invited to unable to attend. He asked the main speaker if he would oblige, and the man agreed. He began, "There is no clergyman present, let us thank God." The bank of friendship cannot exist for long without deposits. The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith. The beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety. The beloved of the Almighty are the rich who have the humility of the poor, and the poor who have the magn (Saadi, Persian poet) The best bridge between hope and despair is often a good night's sleep. The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given The best of battles are won on our knees... The best leader is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restra from meddling with them while they do it. (Theodore Roosevelt) The best revenge is a vow to never be like the one who hurt you. The best things in life aren't things. (Art Buchwald) The best time to plant an oak tree is 20 years ago, the next best time is right now! The best way to beat your enemy is to beat him at politeness. The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment. The best way to have the last word is to apologize. The best way to keep your kids out of hot water is to put some dishes in it. The best way to overcome temptation is to avoid the tempting situation. The Bible tells us to love our neighbours, and also to love our enemies; probably generally they are the same Chesterton) The biggest liar you'll ever have to deal with probably watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning The biggest man you ever did see once was a baby. The block of granite that was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak became a stepping stone in the pathwa The British have a reputation for keeping calm even when there is no crisis. The burdens of the world on my back lightens the world not one whit, while removing them greatly decrease The business of preaching is to comfort the disturbed and to disturb the comfortable. The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. (Rabindranath Tagore) The cheapest gift I have to give is kindness, and it is the best. (Bob Kerry) The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a larg nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching." Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One of the "Take all you want, God is watching the apples." The Chinese word for "crisis" contains two characters. One of them means "opportunity". The church is looking for better methods. God is looking for better men. The cold absolute truth is much more preferred than a kind and uncertain lie. (Gabe Suico) The collapse of character begins with compromise. The Congress is a strange place where people get up and speak, nobody listens, and then everyone disagrees lungs. The contented person is never poor. The discontented is never rich.

The deepest waters make the least noise. (Guatemalan Proverb) The definition of a recession is when your neighbor loses his job.

A depression is when you loose yours. (US President Truman) The definition of luck is when opportunity meets preparation. The definition of virtue: Insufficient temptation. (George Bernard Shaw) The degree of panic is the degree of the lack of personal spiritual experience with God. (Oswald Chambers) The desire of knowledge, like the thirst of riches, increases ever with the acquisition of it. (Laurence Sterne) The desire of love is to give. The desire of lust is to get. "The devil has four chief servants: 'There's no danger,' 'Only this once,' 'Everybody does it,' and 'By and by.'" (Sherman A. Nagel) The difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about a week. The difference between men and boys .... .... is the price of their toys. The difference between a rebel and a patriot is wether who is in power. The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. (Einstein) The distinction between a manager and a leader is as broad as the distance between control and inspiration. The doctor is not able to operate the notable, because he has no table! The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don't let them put you in that position. (Leo Buscaglia) The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. The easiest way to grow up is to surround yourself with people who are smarter than you. The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on forecasters. The essential sadness is to go through life without loving. But it would be almost equally sad to leave this wo telling those you loved that you love them. The eyes of men speak words the tongue cannot pronounce. (Native American proverb) The farther backwards you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see. (Winston Churchill) The fastest way to find something you've lost is to replace it. The fellow who has no money is poor; the fellow who has nothing but money is poorer still. The fellow who is fired with enthusiasm for his work is seldom fired by his boss. The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time. The first duty of love is to listen. (Tillich) The first time we kissed, I closed my eyes, You closed your eyes and........ We missed! The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose. (Hadia Bejar) The foundation of relationships is based on the premise of mutual purpose. The funny thing about common sense, it ain't all that common. The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. (Eleanor Roosevelt) The gap between advice and help is very wide. The girl with a future avoids a man with a past. (Evan Esar) The glass is not half-empty, it’s just twice as big as it needs to be. The graduate with a Science degree asks: "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks: "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks: "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks: "Do you want fries with that?" The greatest actions of love often got unnoticed. The greatest fool of all is the man who fools himself. The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own. (Benj The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spit

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot. (Walter Bagehut) The greatest strength a champion can hold is humility. (Vince Lombardi) The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. The greatest tragedy is when man gives up what he wants most for what he wants now! The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he didn't exist. The great lie of the news media: "I am the public". The great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. (Holmes) The Greek words recorded in the Gospels when Jesus died, translated in English as "It is finished" were the sa of sale and meant "paid in full. (John Hoh) The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; They just make the best of everything that comes along their way. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. The heart has reasons which reason does not understand. The heart that loves is always young. (Greek proverb) The height of your accomplishments will equal the depth of your convictions. (William F. Scolavino) The heights by great men reached and kept were not obtained by sudden flight. But they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night. (Thomas S. Monson) The higher we soar, the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. (Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche) The horn of plenty is usually the one behind you in traffic! The idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it. The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. The insane create worlds, the sane live in them... the sane create cages, the insane live in them. (Kappa Mak The Iron Rule: Don't do for others what, given the chance, they wouldn't do for themselves. The key to happiness is not fixing your problems but changing your attitude towards your problems. The last 7 words of a dying church: "We never did it like that before". The latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population. The law is a rule to the fool, but a guide to the wise. The lesson is what you read in the fine print. The experience is what you get when you don't. The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else. (Geo The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, "I'm so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe da The grandmother was curious. "What trick is that my dear," she asked. The little boy replied, "I heard daddy t would climb the walls if you came to visit us again." The longer you wait, the better the date. (Myriad Sky) The Lord loves a cheerful giver. He also accepts from a grouch. The Lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math. The love in your heart wasn't put there to stay. Love isn't love till you give it away. The love of parents for their child is measured by the length they will go to compete with the world for the l

The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing - and the main thing is Christ. (Pastor Clay Peck) The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on. (Robert Bloch The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything. (Edward Phelps) The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man i humbly for one. (Wilhelm Steckel) The mark of a saint is not perfection, but consecration. A saint is not a man without faults, but a man who ha without reserve to God. (W. T. Richardson) The math teacher saw that Little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnn and 28 and 44?" Johnny quickly replied: "CBS, NBC, HBO and the Cartoon Network." The meaning of life is not a question to be answered, but an event to be experienced. The measure of a man is not the number of servants he has, but the number of people he serves. The measure of greatness is not found in your accomplishments. Its in how much discouragement it takes to s

The memory of bad quality lasts longer than the shock of high prices. The mind can only stand what the butt can endure. The mind is like a parachute, it's no good unless it's open! The mind of a poet begins with an H and ends with a T, listening with an EAR in between. (Lori Herber) The minister selected a 50-cent item at a convenience store, but then discovered he didn't have any money w invite you to hear me preach in return," he said jokingly to the clerk, "but I'm afraid I don't have any fifty-cen "Perhaps," suggested the clerk, "I could come twice." The minute you start talking about what you are going to do if you lose, you have lost. (George Schultz) The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth. The moral test of any society is how is treats its weakest: children, elderly, sick, needy and handicapped. (Se Humphrey) The more I know the more I know I don't know. The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war. The most beautiful discovery two friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. The most important thing in the application development is the name. An application will not succeed withou recently invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable application. The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Ma Adams) The next time the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future. The nice thing about standards is, there are so many to choose from. The noblest revenge is to forgive. (Thomas Fuller) The obstacle to discovery is not ignorance, but the illusion of knowledge. The older I get, the older old is. The old rule of an eye for an eye leaves everybody blind.(Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr) The one who makes it, sells it. The one who buys it, never uses it. The one that uses it, never knows that he' A coffin. The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it. The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable. The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe. (Rob Kalnitsky) The only justification for ever looking down on someone is to lift them up. (Jesse Jackson) The only limitations to God are in our mind. The only man who is a bigger fool than the one who knows it all is the one who will argue with him. The only new thing in this world, is the history you did not know. (Harry Truman) The only place you can win a football game is on the field. The only place you can lose it is in your head. (Da The only routine with me is no routine at all. (Jackie Kennedy) The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. The only stupid question is the question you don't ask. The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary. The only thing I like about the stones that come in my way is, once I pass across them, they automatically be The only thing worse than an ignorant man is an ignorant man with a bible. The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. The one thing you can give and still keep is your word. The only thing you have to do is breathe; Everything else is just optional. The only way to be free is to limit yourself. (Jason Benson) The only way to make a dream come true is to wake up and live it. The opinion of the intelligent is better than the certainty of the ignorant. (Egyptian proverb) The opposite of love is not hate, but apathy. You cannot hate someone you don't care about. The optimist says, "My cup runneth over, what a blessing." The pessimist says, "My cup runneth over, what a m The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity. (Sir. Winston C The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true. The palest ink is better than the strongest memory. (Chinese Proverb)

The past is history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present. The Pastor said, "Today I've prepared a $10 sermon on fire and brimstone that will take me about an hour and I've prepared a $50 sermon on the evils of sin that will take about 45 minutes to give, and I've got a 10 minut and generosity. We'll take the collection at this time to see which one y'all vote for." The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you. (Nancy Astor) The person who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. The person who says he trusts no one should include himself. The pessimist complains about the direction of the wind, the optimist expects the direction to change, but th adjusts the sails! The people who holler "All power to the people!" want power to be handed to the people who holler "All pow The preacher was growing concerned about sparse attendance, so he published this item in the church bullet This . . . is . . . the . . . way . . . the . . . church . . . sometimes . . . looks . . . to . . . the . . . preacher . . . . . . into . . . the . . . pulpit. Itwouldlooklikethisifeverybodybroughtsomebodyelsetochurch. The price of greatness is responsibility. (Winston Churchill) The price of liberty is eternal vigilance. (Thomas Jefferson) The priest is repairing the church fence. A boy is standing nearby for a long while. The priest asks him: "Do you want to speak with me, my son?" "No, I'm just waiting." "Waiting for what?" "Wanna know what a priest says when he hits his finger with a hammer." The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then out into a sweat. The purpose of all prayer is to find God's will and to make that will our prayer. (Catherine Marshall) The purpose of education is to replace an empty mind with an open one. The purpose of prayer is not to get answers, things or anything - not even holiness. Valuable though they are, effects. The purpose of prayer is to get acquainted with God. Anything else is a bonus. (Alfred C. McClure) The quality of expectations determines the quality of our action. The quest for beauty is a quest for love. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket. The quickest way to receive love is to give love; The fastest way to lose love is too hold it too tightly; In add keep love is to give it wings. The real act of discovery is not in finding new lands, but in seeing with new eyes. (Marcel Proust) The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time. But also to leave the wrong thing unsaid at the most tempting moment. The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money. (Bernard Meltzer) The real problem concerning your leisure is how to keep other people from using it. There are 10 types of people in the country, those who understand binary and those who don't. There are 2 fools in every market: one asks too little, one asks too much. (Russian proverb) There are 4 Santa Claus stages: 1) When you believe in Santa. 2) When you don't believe in Santa. 3) When you are Santa. 4) When you look like Santa. There are 400 hundred words in the dictionary that begin with "self" and only 8 that begin with "fellow". There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers. (Robert Orben) There are four types of people in this world. There are people that make things happen. There are people that watch things happen. There are people that wonder what happened. And there are people that don't know anything happened. There are no hopeless situations -- only people who are hopeless about them. (Dinah Shore) There are no passengers on spaceship Earth- we are all the crew.

There are no strangers in this world, just friends we've never met. There are no substitutes for fresh air, sunshine and exercise. There are only two kinds of people in the world - there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning." There are some days I practice positive thinking. And other days I'm not positive, I am thinking. There are three billion women who don't look like super models and ONLY eight who do. There are three dimensions to credit cards, length, width and debt. There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't. There are three secrets to success: The first is "Keep your eyes and ears open." The second is "Don't tell everything you know." There are three sides to any story, my side, his side and the truth. There are three things extremely hard; steel, a diamond and to know ones self. There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself; hire someone; or forbid your kids to do it. There are three ways to obtain wealth: inheritance, luck, and hard work. None is guaranteed, but you have n first two. There are times when forgetting can be just as important as remembering, and even more difficult. There are too many mediocre things to deal with. Love shouldn't be one of them. There are too many people praying for mountains of difficulty to be removed, when what they really need is them. There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works. There are two types of pain in this life; that of discipline, which lasts a short while... and that of regret, which can last a life time. There are two types of people in this world: those who leave a mark, and others who just leave a stain. There are two types of people who can tell you the truth about yourself: an enemy who has lost his temper a you dearly. There are two ways to be contented: one is liking what you do, and the other is doing what you like. There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. (Albert Einstein) The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common "enemy". The reason why people do not obtain success is because it is disguised as hard work. There can be no rainbow without a cloud and a storm. There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full. There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about. (Ashley Brilliant) There's a book that tells you where you should go on your vacation. It's called your checkbook. There is a difference between ignorance and stupidity. Ignorance can be cured by learning and reading. Stupidity isn't willing to be cured. There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path! (Morpheous) There is always something to be thankful for. If you can't pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one McKenzie) There is a magnet in your heart that will attract true friends. That magnet is unselfishness, thinking of other to live for others, they will live for you. (Paramahansa Yogananda) There is an “exception to every rule” - and most people think they are it. There is a pill for every ill, and a bill for every pill. There is a technical meteorological term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days. It's called a "Mo There is never a right way to do the wrong thing. There is no future in spending the present worrying about the past.

There is no future in time travel. There is no "I" in team, but there is a "ME". There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience. (French proverb) There is no such thing as a hole on your side of the canoe. (native Indian saying) There is no such thing as a 'self-made' person. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has eve us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and of our th success. (George Matthew Adams) There is no such thing as government money, only taxpayer money. (William Weld) There is nothing as strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strength. (Ralph W. Sockman) There is nothing so easy but that it becomes difficult when you do it with reluctance. There is nothing wrong in having nothing to say, unless you insist on saying it. There is nothing wrong with people possessing riches. The wrong comes when riches possess people. ( Billy G There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle. (Robert Alden) There is only one real failure in life that is possible, and that is not to be true to the best we know. (Frederic There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience and that is not learning from experience. There is only one thing that feels better than to be loved... to love! (Derek Prince in 'Caring for widows and o There is some consolation in the fact that even if your dreams haven't come true- neither have your nightma There is so much bad in the best of us and so much good in the worst of us that it doesn't behoove any of us t of us. There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news a good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out ther There is truth in humor, but not humor in truth. There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fa Wiesel) There was a break at the prison yesterday. An ex-fortune teller, described as being short with dark hair, broke public is advised to be on the lookout for a small medium at large. There was a guy telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before. "But it ended came crawling to me on her hands and knees." "What did she say?" asked the friend. The husband replied, "She said, 'Come out from under that bed, you cow There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages. There was this lady who was visiting a church one Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in asleep. After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, extended her hand in gree I'm Gladys Dunn." And the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one ma'am, I'm glad it's done too!!" "There you go, tracking mud all over the house. Didn't I tell you to wipe your feet before you came in!" "Oh, nobody's blaming you, Mom. You did all you could."

The richest person in the world is not the one who still has the first dollar they ever earned. It's the person w friend. (Martha Mason 1864 - 1949) The rich invest; the smart investigate. The road to success is always under construction. The safest way to cross life's streets is to hold hands. The same sun that melts butter hardens clay. (Donald Meyer) The secret of happiness is to admire without desire. The secret of true greatness is simplicity. The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. (Albert Einstein) The ship is safer in the harbour, but it is not meant for that. The shortest books: 1) A guide to arab democracies 2) Everything men know about women

3) The Amish phonebook The silence of one man can be louder than the screaming of 10 boys! The small print takes away what the big print grants! The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears. The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease..sometimes it gets replaced. The story is told of a farmer who was known for his generous giving, and whose friends could not understand much and yet remain so prosperous. One day a friend said: "We can't understand it. You give far more than any of the rest of us, and yet you alwa to give." "That's easy to explain," the farmer said. "I keep shoveling into God's bin, and God keeps shoveling back into bigger shovel." The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home. (Confucius) The sum of human knowledge is not contained in any one language. The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when li interrupted. "My Mummy looked back once while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a tel The sun, reflecting upon the mud of strands and shores, is unpolluted in his beam. (J.Taylor) The taste of low quality lingers long after the satisfaction of low price. The teacher smiled at her Sunday school group and exclaimed, "All right, class, all those who want to go to H hands." Everybody in the class had a hand raised, except one boy. "Don't you want to go to Heaven?" asked th ma'am. My mom wants me to come straight home." The teenage daughter, Cathy, had just been given family car privileges. One Friday night she returned home next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frown At 11:30 AM Cathy sleepily walked into the kitchen to face the question "What time did you get in last night?" "Not too late, Dad." "Then I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front tire of the car," commented father! The tip you leave now for lunch would have bought you one twenty years ago. The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. (Benjam The tragedy of life is what dies in the hearts and souls of people while they live. (Albert Einstein) The trouble is, by the time you have money to burn, the fire has gone out. The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive. The truth will set you free...but first, it will make you miserable. The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. The trouble with man is two-fold; he cannot learn truths which are too complicated.. he forgets truths which The trouble with work is - it's so daily. The truth is like ice water, it shocks you when it hits you, but no one's ever died from it. The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where h challenge and controversy. (Martin Luther King Jr.) The vulgar only laugh, but never smile; whereas well-bred people often smile, but seldom laugh. (Lord Chest The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday. The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. (Dolly Parton) The way to make the cold winter go fast is to sign a note in October that becomes due in six months. The way you see people is the way you treat them. And the way you treat them is what they become. (Johann W. Von Goeth) The weak can never Forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the Strong. (Mahatma Gandhi) The weakest Christians are those who know that they need to pray . . . and yet don't pray. (Daniel O.C.) The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion. (Arab proverb) The whole being of any Christian is faith and love. Faith brings the man to God, love brings him to men. (Martin Luther) The will of God will never take you to where the grace of God will not protect you.

The willow knows what the storm does not; the power to endure harm outlives the power to inflict it. The will to win is important, but the will to prepare is vital. The woman who thinks no man is good enough for her may be right.... But she is more often left. The wonder of a single snowflake outweighs the wisdom of a million meteorologists. The woods are always empty if you're a poor hunter. The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent. The word of God will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from the word of God. The world is a great big book, of which those who never travel read only one page. (Augustine) The world is a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. (Sean O'Casey) The world is composed of givers and takers..the takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better. The world is full of willing people. Some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. (Robert Frost) The world is like a beehive: We all enter by the same door but we live in different cells. The world is so fast that there are days when the person who says it can't be done is interrupted by the perso The world may be your oyster, but it doesn't mean you'll get its pearl. The world was not given to us by our parents, it was lent to us by our children! The world would run a lot smoother if more men knew how to dance. They are happiest who have power to gather wisdom from a flower. (Mary Howitt) They have all sorts of new services today. Now they've got a dial-a-prayer service for atheists. You call a num answers. The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions. They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I'm going to mis days. (Garrison Keillor) They say you can't really know someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. I say if they've got itsy-bitsy fee disease, I don't wanna know 'em! The zoo is a place for animals to study the behaviour of human beings. Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least. (Goethe) Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason so few engage in it. (Henry Ford) Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought. Those we hurt the most are often those we love the most. Those who admire the freedom of birds have never built a nest. Those who are at war with others are seldom at peace with themselves. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others. Those who do not find time for exercise will have to find time for illness. Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart, don't know how to laugh either. (Golda Meir) Those who do not plan for the future have to live through it anyway. Those who drink to drown their sorrows should be taught that sorrows know how to swim. Those who have accepted Christ in their life don't need to ask for more of Christ, they need to let Christ have Those who jump to conclusions often land in ignorance. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. Those who race through life finish first. (Darrel Hunsbedt) Those who say it can't be done are usually interrupted by others doing it. Those who talk don't know, those who know don't talk...... Those who want to learn listen; those who know it all interrupt. Those with the best advice usually offer no advice. Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new e Thoughts lead to acts. Acts lead to habits. Habits lead to character. And our character will determine our eternal destiny. Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. H decreases by being shared. Three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading. The ones who learn by observation.

And the rest of them who have to touch the fire themselves to learn if it's really hot. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: bananosecond. Time heals nothing, it merely re-arranges our memory. (Gary Numan) Time is a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician. Time is like money: you can either spend, waste, or invest! Time is relative... The mind makes it slow, the heart makes it fast, our friends make it worth while, and word Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students! Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once. To accomplish something, the first person you have to defeat is yourself. To be content with little is hard; to be content with much is impossible. (Marie Ebner-Eschenbach) To belittle is to be little. To be or not to be... I think its a trick question. To cool a hot attitude, apply nice. To melt a cold attitude, address warmly. Today's beautiful moments are tomorrow's beautiful memories. To do is to be -- Marx. Do be do be do -- Sinatra. To do two things at once is to do neither. To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are. (Sholem Asch) To err is human, to blame it on someone else is more human. To every complex problem there is an easy answer; and it is wrong! To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends. (Benjamin Franklin) To find the person you can truly trust, look no further than the nearest mirror. To foretell the destiny of a nation, one has to open the book of her past. (Dr. Jose P. Rizal) To forgive calls upon our love-- to forget calls upon our strength. To get profit without risk, experience without danger, and reward without work is as impossible as it is to live (A.P. Gouthey) To give counsel as well as to take it is a feature of true friendship. (Marcus Tullius Cicero) To hate a person is a waste; half the people you hate don't care, and the other half don't know. To let a fool kiss you is stupid. To let a kiss fool you is worse. To light a candle is to cast a shadow. To live your life to the fullest, you've got to be a master of economics...after all, time's demand is always far (Andy McIntosh) To love and win is the best thing; to love and lose, the next best. To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten. ( To love for the sake of being loved is human; to love for the sake of loving is angelic. To love is to risk getting hurt. Not to risk loving is the greatest risk of all. Too many Christians are no longer fishers of men but keepers of the aquarium. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, and honest complime act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. (Buscaglia) To overcome evil with good is good, to resist evil by evil is evil. (Prophet Mohammed) To realize the value of ONE YEAR Ask a student who has failed his final exam. To realize the value of ONE MONTH Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of ONE WEEK Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of ONE DAY Ask a daily wage labourer who has ten kids to feed. To realize the value of ONE HOUR Ask the lovers who are waiting to meet or . . . To realize the value of ONE MINUTE Ask a person who has missed the train. To realize the value of ONE SECOND Ask a person who has survived an accident. To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND

Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics. Treasure every moment that you have! And treasure it more because you Share it with someone special . . . special enough to have your time. . . To reform a man, you must begin with his grandmother. (Victor Hugo) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. To say that a man can not love one woman at a time is ridiculous. It is like saying a musician needs more than same piece of music. To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world. To think too long about doing a thing, often becomes its undoing. To truly hear you must quiet the mind. Tough times gets you real friends and others get you tough times. To walk only on sunny days is to never reach ones destination. (chinese proverb) Tradition is a guide not a jailer. (W. Somerset Maugham) Traveler there is no trail you blaze the trail as you travel. (Xochitl Garza) Treat anger like gold. Spend it wisely or not at all. (Grandfather) Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you, not because they are nice, but because you Treat people as if they were what they should be, and you help them become what they are capable of beco Treat people like angels; you will meet some and help make some. Treat your friends as you do your pictures, place them in their best light. Triumph is "umph" added to try. Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earning his salt that he forgets his sugar. Trouble is a part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to lo Shore) True friends are like diamonds, precious and rare. False friends are like autumn leaves, scattered everywhere True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable. True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost. True happiness may be sought, thought, or caught -- but never bought. True love can not be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it does. True love is not based on what you have, but it is based on who you really are. True power is when what you say is only the tip of the iceberg of what you really know. Trust but verify. (Russian proverb) Trust enables you to put your deepest feelings and fears in the palm of your partner’s hand, knowing they wil care. (Carl S. Avery) Trust in God, but tie your camel. (old Moslem proverb) Trust is like money; you spend it, you save it, you lend it, and sometimes you get robbed. Truth is not determined by majority vote. (Doug Gwyn) Truth is the most powerful force on earth because it cannot be changed. (Mike Murdock) Truth needs no flower of speech. Trying to squash a rumour is like trying to unring a bell. (Shana Alexander) Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value. T-shirt: My heart belongs to Daddy. . .and so do my credit cards! Turn the despair of being alone into the wonder of being alone with God. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you did not do than by the ones you did. Two brothers were discussing Adam and Eve. The 8-year-old asked: "How did Adam and Eve die?" And the 4-year-old said: "They ate bad fruit." Two friends were beginning a game of golf. The first man stepped up to the tee, hit the ball, and scored a hole-in-one. The other man said, "Now I'll take MY practice swing, and then we'll start the game." Two kinds of people: Those who finish what they start and ... Two men looked out of prison bars. One saw mud and the other saw stars. Two men went into a diner and sat down at the counter. They ordered two sodas, took sandwiches out of the eat them. The owner saw what was going on and approached the men. "You can't eat your own sandwiches in complained. The two men stopped, looked at each other, and then swapped their sandwiches.

Two Two Two Two Two Two

people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. people shorten a road. (Irish Proverb) rules to success in life: 1. Don't tell people everything you know. things are sure in life: There is a God, and you are not him. wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left. wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane. Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. (Maori proverb) When a bishop visited one of his remoter parishes, he was surprised to find only five people in the congregation. "Did you tell the people I was coming?." The vicar replied "No, but Heaven help the person who did!" When a church seeks a pastor, they want the strength of an eagle, the grace of a swan, the gentleness of a d of a sparrow, and the night hours of an owl. And when they catch that bird, they expect the pastor to live on When a friend asked his six-year-old brother why babies are spanked when they are born, the youngster repli to it. (Doug Belknap & Chad Goodwin) When a man gets up to speak, people listen, then look. When a woman gets up, people look; then, if they lik listen. (Pauline Frederick) When a mother saw a thunderstorm forming in mid-afternoon, she worried about her seven-year-old daughte walking the three blocks from school to home. Deciding to meet her, the mother saw her walking nonchalant smile whenever lightning flashed. Seeing her mother, the little girl ran to her, explaining happily, "All the way taking my picture!" When an old man dies, a library burns down. (African proverb) When a person wants to believe something, it doesn't take much to convince them. When asked by his Boss why he only worked 4 days a week the enployee replied because I can't manage on 3 When asking a question of someone your not sure of, only ask if you know half the answer. When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit sti engineer. (Corrie Ten Boom, author and Holocaust survivor) When a woman is speaking to you, listen to what she says with her eyes. (Victor Hugo) When confronted with a Goliath-sized problem, which way do you respond: "He's too big to hit" or like David, "He's to big to miss"? When dogs leap onto your bed, it's because they adore being with you. When cats leap onto your bed, it's because they adore your bed. (Alisha Everett) Whenever an armed forces pilot is involved in an aircraft accident, he is required to make a statement of the pilot summed up his mishap thus: "I believe the cause of the accident was administrative. I should never have flight school." Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. (A. Linco When everything seems to be going against you, remember the airplane takes off against the wind, not with When fear knocks at the door, and you answer, there will be no one there. When God allows a burden to be put upon you, He will put His arms underneath you to help you carry it. When God closes a door He opens a window. When God sends us on hard paths, he provides strong shoes. When God takes measure of a man. I've often heard it said. He always measures 'round the heart. But never 'round the head. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did--in his sleep. Not screaming like the passengers in his car. When I'm right no-one remembers, when I'm wrong no-one forgets. When in doubt, tell the truth. (Mark Twain) When in doubt. . . mumble. When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don't pray, they don't. (William Temple) When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, everything You gave me." (Erma Bombeck) When I walk backwards, it feels like I'm helping everyone else move forward faster. When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. Bu twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. (Mark Twain) When I was a child I could remember anything....

Whether it happened or not. (Mark Twain) When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece. (John Ruskin) When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grand "Mine says I'm four." When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't y used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied . . . "I remember." When no one is watching, live as if someone is. When one door of happiness closes, another opens: but often we look so long at the closed door that we do n has been opened for us. (Helen Keller) When placed in God's hands, life is like a chocolate cake: Take something bitter, something dry, something we leaven, mix well, and let it bake someplace hot. The result is something sweet. When satan reminds you of your past, remind him of his future. When seeking a companion, become the type of person you would like to attract! When signing a contract, it helps to remember "the big-type gives, and the small-type takes away". When someone asks me what I think, I tell them: "I think all of the meat around a pig's ass is pork." (Tim Earl When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently. When someone says, "do you want my opinion"?- it's always a negative one. When speaking to your children: say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't be mean when you say it. When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion. (Ethiopian proverb) When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. When the congregation falls asleep it is time for the minister to wake up. When the devil starts messing, God starts blessing. (R.W. Schambach) When the going gets tough, the tough get going. When the going still gets tough, the tough, pray. When the Jones family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked five-year-old Sammy how he like "It's terrific," he said. "I have my own room, Mike has his own room, and Jamie has her own room. But poor m dad." When the mouth stumbles, it is worse than the foot. (West African Proverb) When there's a will, there's a way..when there's a won't, there isn't. When there's nothing on TV, most people will watch it anyway. When the tide of life turns against you, and the current upsets your boat. Don't waste time on what might have been, just lie on your back and float. When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open them stuffed with explosions. When they say Doctors are practicing, they aren't kidding. When things go wrong as they sometimes will, When the road your trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to smile but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit Rest if you must, but don't you quit. Success is failure turned inside out, The silver tint on the clouds of doubt, And you can never tell hoe close you are, It may be near when it seems afar. So, stick to the fight when your hardest hit It's when things go wrong that you mustn't quit. When we die we leave behind us all that we have and take with us all that we are. "When we get home," I lectured my three young sons in the backseat of the car, "I want you all to clean your Ed is coming over. He's never been to our house before, and I want it to look tidy." My nine-year-old finally broke a lengthy silence. "But isn't that kind of like lying?" When we learn all the answers, they change the questions.

When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves. (William Arthur Wa When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One represents danger, and the oth opportunity. When you aim for perfection you discover it is a moving target. When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing. When you are at school, you wish you where old enough to work. When you are old enough to work, you wish you were at school. When you are born you are crying and everyone around you is smiling. Live your life so that when you die you are smiling and everyone around you is crying. When you are standing on the edge of a cliff a step forward is not progress. (Grandfather) When you are trying to convince yourself something is right, it is usually wrong. When you ask someone to go somewhere with you, and they say no and then start explaining why, you say, "J don't tell me how the watch works." When you can't trace God's hand, trust His heart. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. When you forgive it takes you from the place of the victim to that of a victor. When you give and don't expect anything back that's love. But if you give and expect a return it's an investme When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this - you haven't. (Thomas Edison) When you hear a kind word spoken about a friend, tell her so. When you live in the past, it costs you the present. When you lose, don't lose the lesson. (Chinese proverb) When you put somebody down, you have to be down there to hold him down. You could soar high otherwise. When you reach the end of light in your life and you find yourself standing before a dark abyss, faith is know the next step there will be something solid to walk on or you will be taught to fly. When your heart speaks, take good notes. When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. When your outgo exceeds your income your upkeep will be your downfall. When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt. (Henry J. Kaiser) When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey. (An old Arab proverb) When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life in such a manner that when you die the rejoice. (Old Indian Saying) Where there are love and generosity, there is joy. Where there are sincerity and sacrifice, there is friendship. Where there are harmony and simplicity, there is beauty. Where there are prayer and forgiveness, there is peace. Where there are moderation and patience, there is wisdom. Where there are conflicts and crises, there is opportunity. Where there are wonder and adventure, there is growth. Where there are adoration and confession, there is worship. Where there are compassion and concern, there is God. Where there are faith and hope, there is spring. (Larry Reed) Wherever you are - be all there. (Jim Elliot) Where God guides, He provides. Where there are friends; there is wealth. (Titus Maccius Plautus 250-184 BC) Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts. (Oliver Wendell Holmes) Where will you be sitting in eternity--smoking or non-smoking? Where you're going is more important than where you stand. Whether you think you can or think you can't, you are right. (Henry Ford) Which dreams indeed are ambition, for the very substance of the ambitious is merely the shadow of a dream Shakespeare, Hamlet) Which Eternity do you prefer? Smoking or Non-Smoking. While men talk of killing time, slowly time kills men. While shampooing our son, 4, I noted his hair was growing so fast he'd soon need it cut. He replied, "Maybe we shouldn't water it so much."

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about. With righteousness in the heart there will be beauty in the character. With beauty in the character there will be harmony in the home. With harmony in the home there will be order in the nation. With order in the nation there will be peace in the world.