One Liners

Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify."" 2=""The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose."" 3=""God is real unless stated integer."" 4=""The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill."" 5=""To make a million, start with $999,999."" 6=""Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day."" 7=""Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway."" 8=""Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity."" 9=""If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the situation."" 10=""I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."" 11=""When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last."" 12=""Smoking Kills 1 of 5, Be in Other 4 and U are more probable to die"" 13=""Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing."" 14=""Some people ask the secret of our long marriage."" We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."" 15=""Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."" 16=""Any man who has $10,000 left when he dies is a failure."" 17=""I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them."" 18=""Have you ever noticed... anybody going slower than you is an idiot. And anyone going faster is a maniac "" 19=""I'm not prejudiced at all ...... I hate everbody equally !!!! "" 20=""There is a fine line bet'n Genius & Insanity ...... I've erased it !!!! "" 21=""Earlier a person used to go to some dense forest of Himalaya to detach from family, friends and all other relatives .Now he joins Software profession."" 22=""Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!! "" 23=""Choose the Builder of your home as carefully as you will choose the bride to inhabit it!!"" 24=""I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.""

25 = ""Thank you for not breathing when I smoke."" 26 = ""My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it."" 27 = ""Black holes are where God divided by zero. "" 28 = ""All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. "" 29 = ""Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. "" 30 = ""I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. "" 31 = ""OK, so what's the speed of dark? "" 32 = ""How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? "" 33 = ""If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. "" 34 = ""Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. "" 35 = ""Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. "" 36 = ""When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. "" 37 = ""Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. "" 38 = ""Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. "" 39 = ""Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. "" 40 = ""Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. "" 41 = ""Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. "" 42 = ""I intend to live forever - so far, so good. "" 43 = ""Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. "" 44 = ""If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? "" 45 = ""Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. "" 46 = ""If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. "" 47 = ""24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... coincidence? I think NOT! "" 48 = ""Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire. "" 49 = ""When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. "" 50 = ""Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! "" 51 = ""Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? "" 52 = ""What happens if you get scared half to death twice? ""

53 = ""I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. "" 54 = ""I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. "" 55 = ""Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? "" 56 = ""If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. "" 57 = ""If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. "" 58 = ""A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. "" 59 = ""Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. "" 60 = ""For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism."" 61 = ""No one is listening until you make a mistake. "" 62 = ""Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. "" 63 = ""The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it. "" 64 = ""The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. "" 65 = ""The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. "" 66 = ""To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. "" 67 = ""Two wrongs are only the beginning. "" 68 = ""You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. "" 69 = ""The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. "" 70 = ""Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. "" 71 = ""The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. "" 72 = ""A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. "" 73 = ""If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. "" 74 = ""Change is inevitable... except from vending machines. "" 75 = ""A fool and his money are soon partying. "" 76 = ""Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. "" 77 = ""If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. "" 78 = ""Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route. "" 79 = ""I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. "" 80 = ""Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. ""

81 = ""Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back. "" 82 = ""Half the people you know are below average. "" 83 = ""99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. "" 84 = ""42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. "" 85 = ""A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good"" 86=""I imagine bugs and girls have a dim perception that nature played a cruel trick on them, but they lack the intelligence to comprehend the magnitude of it."" 87=""Aggressiveness without definite plans in the background always lead to show in the foreground more piteous.!!"" 88=""Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles!!"" 89=""Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.!!"" 90=""All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.!!"" 91="" Sorting on the part of mendicants mustbe interdicted.!!"" 92=""Neophyte's serendipity.!!"" 93=""A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.!!"" 94=""Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.!!"" 95=""Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.!!"" 96=""Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.!!"" 97=""It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.!!"" 98=""It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.!!"" 99=""The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimalcachinnation.!!"" 100=""Surveillance should precede saltation.!!"" 101=""Where there are visible vapours having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.!!"" 102=""In your heart, keep one still, secret spot where dreams may go and sheltered so may thrive and grow."" 103=""To Keep my Computer Healthy, I download Five Digital Fruits and Vegetables Every Day"" 104=""Most people are only ALIVE because it is illegal to shoot them""

105=""My wife once applied mudpack on her face, she looked beautiful for 2 days, and then the mud pack fell off"" 106=""If there is no light at the end of a tunnel, it must be LOAD SHEDDING."" 107=""They say love hides behind every corner, then I must be 108=""I can please only one person a day... today is not your day... tomorrow doesn't look good either..."" 109="" Its very easy to quit smoking.I have done it a thousand times."" 110=""smoking kills 1 in 4 ... so smoke and reduce your death probability...."