Chapter Thirteen

The Heart Remembers ©2009

Chapter Thirteen

I finally managed to fall asleep that night, but it was a fitful sleep and I woke up throughout the night, my mind trying to process everything that had happened. I kept thinking back to what Nat had said earlier about her glasses making her feel ugly and the vulnerable expression on her face as she said it. It had never occurred to me that Nat was that self-conscious about how she looked. On the contrary, I had thought that Nat relished the idea of shocking people since some of her look, like her tangled hair, could be easily fixed with a brush, but she rarely bothered to brush her hair, even though she kept it reasonably clean. I thought back to the time when Elise had brought us food from the birthday party and how Nat had stared at Elise’s shoes before rearranging herself to hide her own shoe with the hole in the toe. Yet only days later Nat had begun to wear the most worn out clothes that she possessed whenever Elise was around, any self-consciousness hidden or at least masked by her defiant attitude. But I couldn’t get the image of her sad face out of my mind that night as I tossed and turned on the tiny cot in the tree house. I wasn’t exactly sure how much glasses cost, but I felt the need to somehow get Nat some new ones, and to do it before school started to hopefully dispel some of the inevitable teasing and comments that would come with the new school year. Thompson’s had some eyeglasses in a small rack and once when we had all been in there getting a soda, Nat had tried them all on, but they must have been reading glasses because she said that everything was still blurry that was far away so those really weren’t an option.

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To make matters even more difficult, I had already blown most of the money Mr. Preston had given me on sodas and sweets for my friends and I at Thompson’s store. I thought about asking my parents for the money because I knew that my mother would do anything she could to help Nat, but my parents spent many nights trying to balance our own budget, finding any way to they could to pinch a few pennies, I realized that it just wasn’t feasible. I knew Elise would have helped; she had even mentioned it to me once, but Nat would never have accepted such a gift from anyone but myself, and until now she probably would have balked because of her stupid pride. But, somehow I didn’t think that would be the case anymore after hearing her comments about how she hated her glasses last night and seeing the sad expression on her face. Something had changed in Nat, seemingly overnight, and somehow, I felt as if it was my responsibility to help her and no one else’s. I finally decided to get up after waking up for what seemed to be the hundredth time that night. I rolled over to tell Nat not to worry about her glasses; that I was working on a few ideas and was startled to see that she was gone. Her blanket was carelessly tossed on her bed and her clothes were no longer hanging on the rope. I got up to check outside thinking maybe she had gotten up to go pee, but there was no sign of her outside. “Nat!” I shouted. “Are you there?” There was no response. I called her name a few more times with the same result. Throwing my own blanket on my cot, I dressed quickly in my still damp clothes and made my way towards home. Thankfully, it had stopped raining. Passing Nat’s house on the way, I snuck up to her bedroom window and peeked inside. I didn’t know what time it was but it was still pitch black out.

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In order to keep our overnight adventures a secret from our parents, we usually unlocked our bedroom windows so we could sneak back in the following morning. I opened Nat’s window and tried to peer inside, but it was difficult to see anything. “Nat, are you in there?” I said in a half whisper. I heard the rustling of blankets and the creak of her bed. “Yeah, I’m in here.” “Why did you leave?” “Because we always leave in the morning, dummy.” “It’s not morning, Nat” It’s dark as tar out here.” “Well I couldn’t sleep and you kept tossing around on your cot making noise.” “Why didn’t you wake me up?” I said, feeling a little angry at her cold voice after what had happened last night. “I could have slept in and got in trouble.” “Your mom and dad never get up early on Sundays. They wouldn’t know if you stayed out all night or if you just got up early, so what’s the difference?” “We always wake each other up, Nat. You know that.” “Well I forgot this time.” “How could you forget?” I said, exasperated at her aloofness. “I just did.” I was getting really angry, but I kept thinking back not only to Nat’s sad face earlier, but also to Nat’s conversation with Ronnie about going to dances and stuff. I didn’t want Nat as a girlfriend. It was too ridiculous to even consider, but for some strange reason I didn’t want anyone else wanting her either. I stood there for a few moments, wondering what I should do next, thinking how everyone in my life except Elise seemed to not make much sense anymore. “I thought maybe we could go look at glasses, maybe take the bus to Akron.

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I still have enough money for the fare and even enough to buy us something to eat there,” I blurted out, making one last attempt at being friendly despite my hurt feelings. There was a long silence before Nat spoke. “I don’t have any money for glasses, and even if I did I wouldn’t buy them. These are fine and if anyone says anything to me at school, they’re going to be really sorry, and that’s all I have to say about that, Daniel. Go away and let me go to sleep.” “Fine! I shouted, slamming her window and storming off. I just didn’t get it. Last night Nat had been so quiet, almost shy. We had talked and rarely bickered about anything practically the whole night. Heck, we had kissed like in the movies, even though it was just practice! And now she was treating me like I was just some jerk stranger. She was friendlier to Ronnie for Pete’s sake. I kicked a can lying in the gutter and stubbed my toe and began spouting every curse word I could think of. I didn’t feel like going home. I wanted to talk to somebody. I wanted to make sense of all the strange things that were happening in my life. My thoughts kept wandering to Elise. Elise, with her calm demeanor and her sweet ways was exactly what I needed right now. But it was still the middle of the night and she would certainly be in bed. I made my way towards Elise’s house anyhow, not even caring if my parents woke up and found me gone. I would just lie like Nat had said and tell them I got up early. On my way there,I quietly snuck onto my front porch and grabbed a jacket since my clothes were still damp and I had begun to shiver. I arrived at the front gate of the Preston estate and stood around realizing that I had no real plan except to wait for it to get light out. The main house was still shrouded in darkness, a vague silhouette at that distance. I had no idea what time it was but I was prepared to wait until I saw someone stirring outside.

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I figured I could help Seth when he woke up even though it was my day off today. I felt bitter and confused about how Nat had acted towards me and I wanted nothing more than to just see Elise right now. Seth’s quarters in the stable were still dark, telling me that morning was still some time away since he usually got up at least an hour before dawn. I loitered by the front gate, bored and restless, wishing that I owned a pocket watch. I was just about to call it a night and go home when I sensed some movement to my right. My heart leapt to my throat and I almost took off running, but instead pressed myself flat against the gate house. Minutes passed. My heart was pounding so hard that I was certain that anyone standing within ten feet would be able to hear it. I finally summoned enough courage to peek around the edge of the wall next to the gate, thinking that it must have been a deer cutting across the vast lawn of the Preston’s estate in the darkness. I peered around the corner and I could see an indistinct form lying prone on the ground, barely twenty feet away. It seemed to be smaller than a deer and lay there motionless. As I stood there trying to make out what I was seeing, the figure suddenly began to move again and I realized that what I was seeing was a person lying flat on their back, one arm reaching towards the sky, almost as if they were trying to grasp something. I felt chills creep up my spine and for the second time considered running away, but my curiosity overcame my fear and I kept watching from the safety of the corner of the gatehouse. After a few more moments of squinting in the darkness and still being unable to make out who was there, I decided to creep around the corner, staying in the shadows, hoping to get a better view, when I clumsily stumbled over the step leading into the gatehouse. The figure sat up and I heard a voice. “Who’s there?” It was Kathleen’s voice, but she sounded different somehow. 122

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I pressed myself against the wall of the gatehouse, not knowing what to do now. How would I ever explain to Mr. Preston what I was doing creeping around the front of the estate so early in the middle of the night if Kathleen sounded an alarm? Had Kathleen actually seen me and should I run for it if she hadn’t. I knew I could never outrun his car if they decided to give chase. I would have to make my way home trying to hide from tree to tree and hoping I made it there before dawn. Mr. Preston might even call the sheriff whose car sported a large spotlight on the left front fender to catch boys just like me who had no business being out this late. And I knew in my heart that even if I managed to get away and home safely that Kathleen would eventually ask me about it and be certain to see in my face that it was me, since I had absolutely no control over anything I did when I was around her. I was stuck with no option except to expose myself and hope that Kathleen would keep my secret. I walked past the gate and revealed myself, but Kathleen was no longer sitting up. She was lying flat on the ground once again. I shuddered, feeling a little frightened in the darkness as I tried to discern what she was doing but there was not enough light to see under the stately elms that lined the edge of the large expanse of grass that fronted the estate. I began to wonder if Kathleen might possibly be injured as I remembered all the warnings about not letting her ride Sloan, and Elise’s worried expression as Kathleen climbed down the ladder in the stable that one day. “Kathleen, it’s me,” I whispered, drawing a few steps closer. “It’s me…Daniel.” There was no movement and no response. I crept closer and there was still no movement. I was less than ten feet from her now. Suddenly, the moon, which was nearly full, appeared from behind one of the stubborn clouds left behind by the thunderstorms.

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I sat there transfixed, staring at Kathleen, almost unable to believe what I was seeing. She was lying completely nude in the grass under the moonlight. Her skin, always tanned with a golden glow, looked like ivory in the surprisingly bright aura of the moon. I couldn’t even speak to ask her if she was okay as I stared at her nakedness. She sat up slowly once again and turned towards me, but it was as if I weren’t even there. Her eyes seemed to look right through me. She stood up and began walking away, looking like a beautiful pale Goddess under the moonlight. I called out to her once more, but she ignored me so I began following her. She moved gracefully like a cat, and appeared to be making her way towards a bench at the edge of the maple trees. She ignored me as if I weren’t even there, but her actions were always a mystery to me, so I continued to follow her in silence now. We arrived at the bench and I could see that she had draped one of her white dresses over the back. Then I was horrified to see her suddenly collapse at the foot of the bench. I hurried over and lifted her head. She appeared to be sleeping, but her body was shivering and I removed my jacket and placed it over her. Despite her shivering, her face looked peaceful. I leaned forward and placed my face against her nose and I could feel her breathing. Her chest rose and fell rhythmically and I caught myself staring at her breasts. They were small and delicate looking in the moonlight. I forced myself to turn away, ashamed at myself for taking advantage of her condition. I didn’t know what to do. Kathleen was lying naked in my arms in the middle of the night on the front lawn of the Preston’s estate. There could be no viable explanation from me if I ran to the house and woke someone up. She appeared to be sleeping comfortably and even her shivering had ceased, her body growing warm under my jacket. I looked towards the main house to see if anyone was up yet, but it was still dark. Then I thought of Seth. 124

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Maybe I could wake Seth up and he could make sense of what to do. I knew he liked me. But how could I explain what I was doing out here in the middle of the night? Birds were beginning to chirp in the trees and I realized that dawn was less than an hour away. An idea suddenly occurred to me. I could wait till just before dawn and go wake Seth up. I would tell him that I had stopped by to ask Mr. Preston if I could work a few extra hours today to buy glasses for Nat. I felt pleased with my idea and glanced towards the stables where I could see that Seth had finally lit his lamp, meaning that he was up and probably making his coffee on the small burner he kept in his room since he liked to drink several cups before ??? brought him breakfast from the main house. I suddenly felt Kathleen stirring and glanced down. My heart leapt to my throat as I saw that she was awake and staring at me. “Why am I naked and what are you doing here?” she said in an amazingly calm voice. “I don’t know. I found you laying naked in the grass.” She nodded, as if the ridiculousness of the situation made perfect sense. “What time is it, Daniel?” Kathleen asked, sitting up with a puzzled expression on her face. My jacket fell into her lap and I turned my eyes away from her exposed breasts. “I’m not sure. It’s morning. Your dress is on the back of the bench. You should put it back on. You were cold and I put my jacket over you,” I added, feeling guilty about her nakedness even though I had absolutely nothing to do with it. Kathleen continued to stare at me oddly, almost as if she were still half asleep. “Why are your clothes damp?” “I got caught in the rain earlier,” I explained. “In the middle of the night?” she said frowning. “Yes. Nat and I snuck out tonight to sleep in a tree house I built in the woods.” 125

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Kathleen nodded as if this were a perfectly natural thing to do. “Get my dress for me Daniel.” She shifted her weight off my lap so I could get up and I went to fetch her dress. It seemed to be snagged on the wrought iron of the bench and I spent a few seconds trying to free it without tearing the dress. I finally succeeded and turned back around to find Kathleen standing there, facing me, my jacket lying on the ground as she stood there naked before me again.

I averted my eyes and handed the dress to her. I figured that this was going to be another one of the games she played with me where it seemed she delighted in the thought of shocking me and making me feel uncomfortable. Moments went by and she made no move to take the dress. I glanced over nervously and her eyes looked distant and glassy. She was standing there quietly, pale and surreal like a ghost in the moonlight. She looked incredibly beautiful. “Kathleen, are you okay?” “I don’t feel so good, Jimmy. I think I’d like to sit down.” I looked around in alarm to see whom Kathleen was speaking to, but there was nobody but me. The sky was getting lighter and I could see the main house clearly now. Lights were on in the kitchen. I had to do something and I had to do it right away. I grabbed her by the shoulders and steered her to the bench, sitting her down. “Get the car Jimmy. If father sees you, he’ll call the sheriff. Where’s Frank?”

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Kathleen sat down on the ground and placed her head in her hands, almost as if she were crying. I called out her name several times but she ignored me. I had seen enough. She seemed to be in another world, almost as if she were sleepwalking, but this was different since she had recognized me only moments before. I turned and started to run to go get Seth, then as an afterthought, raced back, and draped Kathleen’s dress over her like a blanket. She was staring straight ahead now into the darkness. Except for her eyes, which appeared vacant and unseeing, she seemed fine. Had she hit her head on something or was her odd behavior just a spell, maybe some kind of fit. Were some of the rumors I had heard in town about her being insane true? I didn’t have time to speculate as I ran towards the stables to get Seth. I burst into his small room, startling him, and causing him to spill his coffee. “What the hell?” he said, jumping to his feet, his face full of alarm. “It’s Kathleen. She’s down by the gate. She’s acting really funny and…and she doesn’t have any clothes on,” I stammered. I expected Seth to bombard me with a dozen questions, but his face grew somber, and the only thing he said as he headed towards the door was,” Come with me and stay quiet.” I did as he ordered and we raced down to the bench by the gate. Kathleen’s dress was lying on the ground a few yards away from my coat. She was nowhere in sight. Seth took in the scene at a glance. He searched the area around the gatehouse and even out by the road, but Kathleen had disappeared. I stood there feeling useless and afraid. Seth took one last glance towards the main house before turning towards me, pointing his finger angrily. “I want you to tell me exactly what happened here, starting with why you were here in the first place. Don’t lie to me or I’ll drag you by your shirt collar up to the house and you can deal with Mr. Preston yourself.” 127

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I wasn’t used to this sharp tone from the normally amiable Seth and I knew that I was in big trouble, that my job and friendship with Elise were both about to vanish because of one stupid mistake. I decided to stick to the story I had thought up, figuring I had nothing to lose now. “Hurry up, boy. There’s not much time.” I told Seth the lie about coming to the house to ask about getting some extra work and was relieved to see him nod as if he believed me. After that initial lie, I spoke the truth about everything else. I saw his face grow pale when I mentioned the names “Jimmy and Frank.” He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me roughly. “I want you to listen to me and I want you to listen to me close. I think I know where she is and I’m going to go get her. I want you to get your butt home where it belongs and I don’t want you to mention a word of this to anyone, not to your parents, not to Nat or Harvey, not even Elise. Do you understand me?” he added, shaking me once more for emphasis. “Yes, Sir,” I said weakly. “Is she going to be all right?” “I hope so, son,” he said, his voice growing softer, “for both our sakes. Get on home now and do it quick. Come to work tomorrow and act like everything is normal. We’ll know soon enough if it’s not.” I began running towards the gatehouse, stealing one last glance over my shoulder. Seth was running as fast as his old legs could carry him past the stables and towards the rear of the Preston estate with Kathleen’s dress clutched in his hand.

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