Big Sister Mentoring Program - Smh

8

April 10, 2008

smh.com.au/essential

essential life

Lean on me, sister Grown-up ‘siblings’ are helping troubled teenagers to laugh – and cry – in a special mentoring program.

Path to recovery ... Shelley Taylor-Smith and ‘‘little sister’’ Kristi.

Words Jane Lyons EASTER, a time of new beginnings, was the beginning of an end for Kristi. Seven years ago it was a turning point the then 12-year-old tried to forget. For two years the memories lay buried, finally surfacing in the map of fine lines she engraved on her skin. This map would lead her friends, family and authorities back to the school holiday when a neighbourhood friend repeatedly raped her, and when her father was too sick from a liver transplant and her mother too burdened to tell. ‘‘My life had changed in that one day. I couldn’t trust anyone after that,’’ Kristi says. Her 28-year-old attacker was finally arrested and charged shortly before her 16th birthday but things got worse. With the abuse now public knowledge, Kristi was beaten up, received death threats, and was visited by strangers who insisted she drop the charges. Graffiti appeared on her school wall: ‘‘If you are older, available and looking for a good time, ring ...’’ Severely depressed and scared of what waited around every corner, she quit school halfway through year 11. But then she met her ‘‘big sister’’, Shelley Taylor-Smith. Kristi was one of the first girls to take part in the SISTER2Sister project, a mentoring program set up by the Life Changing Experiences foundation in 2004, which targets disadvantaged or underprivileged teenage girls. The program runs for a year and includes one-on-one mentoring by the ‘‘big sisters’’ and personal development courses that focus on issues such as depression, self-harm, eating disorders, body image and abuse. The year kicks off with the Butterfly Bootcamp. ‘‘That’s where the big and little sisters meet for the first time; it is quite exciting,’’ says Jessica Brown, founder and president of the Life Changing Experiences foundation. ‘‘By the end of the boot camp they are inseparable; they are overwhelmed by the support.’’ The newly bonded sisterhood meets

once a month for a day of organised activi- her, because I clicked with her,’’ she says. ties, which in the past has included record- ‘‘I related to Shelley’s feelings and things ing a CD with radio personality Bianca she did – she used to write, which is what Dye, training with a sports team or learn- I do. Lots of poetry and short writing.’’ Taylor-Smith, a world champion maraing to surf with a world champion surfer. The sisters are selected carefully. A psy- thon swimmer turned motivational speachologist has devised scenarios to test the ker, had also been abused as a young girl big sisters’ coping skills, and consistency and had dealt with seemingly insurmountable health obstacles. and commitment are key requirements. ‘‘She said she went through different ‘‘Consistency is important because a lot of the girls have not had that in their lives periods of self-doubt and worthlessness. and they don’t want to feel let down. But then she got to a point, which was around the point that I was at that time, Attendance is important,’’ Brown says. ‘‘These kids are hard-core cases and it is when you have to stand your ground and pretty important that big sisters feel sup- not care what people think,’’ Kristi says. ‘‘She’s got her own organisation, she’s a ported around that. So we have a team leader and a psychologist assigned to their seven-times world champion marathon team and we have monthly Tuesday night swimmer. She gave me inspiration to think meetings [for the big sisters],’’ Brown says. that things can be bad but there is always a To take part in the program, little sisters light at the end of the tunnel.’’ also need to show commitment. NomiTaylor-Smith runs a life coaching comnated by school counsellors, refuges and pany called Champion Mindset and reguparents, the girls must not only need the larly talks at the Butterfly camps. She also help but want it, too, Brown says. felt a click with her little sister: ‘‘Kristi ‘‘There are a lot of troubled and I connected at the first ever teenagers out there but to get boot camp.’’ results, we need the girls to She had not planned to be ready to change.’’ divulge her history of abuse Matching little sisters but found herself telling with their older siblings is Kristi in a group session. based on personality, ‘‘I told her: ‘I don’t know geography and issues. the pain you are in but I ‘‘Some of the girls are know the pain I was in quite withdrawn, so we and I held onto it for a put them with a perlong time ... and I am The pain they sonality that we know here for you right now.’ are in is greater will draw them out. The whole room cried We might have some ... and I just held her,’’ than the pain that are our toughest she says. cases, so we use the But Taylor-Smith that it will take big sisters who have says the program’s already been in the emphasis is on conto change. program in the past,’’ vincing the girls that Shelley TaylorBrown says. their past does not equal Smith, volunteer Kristi was immeditheir future. ately drawn to her big ‘‘I found in the work I sister the first time she do with adults, it comes met her. down to self-belief. ‘‘The highlight of the ‘‘They don’t believe whole course was meeting they are worthy, good

enough and it is all about what happened years ago.’’ The difference with the girls, she says, is their youth, rawness and desperation. ‘‘The pain they are in is greater than the pain that it will take to change.’’ The number of teenagers touched by the SISTER2sister project has grown from 15 in 2004 to this year’s intake of 50. The number of women wanting to help has also increased. ‘‘We interviewed 100 [big sisters] this program and we could only take on 40 of them because 10 of them came back from last year,’’ Brown says. With each program limited to 50 little sisters and with interest from other states and New Zealand, Brown would like to run more than one a year. ‘‘What we want to do is run multiple programs on a national scale, in each state. We are going to Melbourne and then we hope to go to Brisbane and Adelaide,’’ she says. ‘‘The only thing preventing us from growing as quickly as we would like is having more money.’’ Corporate support is already forthcoming, with one financial services company, Walter Turnbull, offering to pay for a university degree and to give a job to a girl who wants to learn finance. Also, Wagamama, the Japanese noodle restaurant, has given one aspiring chef an apprenticeship. But with government funding covering only a third of the costs and due to run out in July, Life Changing Experiences foundation is hoping to garner more corporate support through individual sponsorship of the girls. As for Kristi, she still has her bad days but has spread her wings. Now 19, she is sharing a flat with a friend, studying to be a nurse and taking it nice and slow with a boy. She has developed a strong support network of like-minded girlfriends, some of whom she has helped with their traumas. She hopes to be a rape counsellor. ‘‘I have some kind of purpose: that I can help others, maybe, from my experiences.’’