Beyond Imagination: 2003 Musings Volume 1

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003

BEYOND IMAGINATION 2003 Musings - Vol I

by

Wayne Hartman

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003

INTRODUCTION Namaste! Welcome to my world! On these pages you will find a stream of consciousness expression … one that I have actively been participating in for just over a decade. The snapshot here comes from the period from January through April of 2003. As you’ll see, it was quite a productive period of time for this expression. The musings occurred nearly daily … 111 times in 120 days in fact. The expression comes to roughly 457 pages and just over 177,000 words. Yes, that is a lot for one-third of a year. But, what can I say? That is what I was moved to express, and what I am moved to share. My hope is that you find this mind-expanding or better yet consciousness-expanding. It should cause you to stretch outside of the normal confines of your consciousness into a wonderful new domain. If it does, I have done my job well. There is a reason that spirit expresses through me in the manner that she does. This is to be an example of what is possible for you to experience as well. By following this record of my stream of consciousness, you get to taste a sample of what is possible. What I can do, you can do also. No, not necessarily in the same manner. Written expression may not be your forte. But, there is some manner of creative expression that is right for you. This is something you will have to find for yourself. Some of this material may provide you with some insight as to where to look. By all means use whatever parts of it you find applicable and useful to your life. Only you will know what these are. Not everything is for everyone. But there is enough variety in this expression that there is probably something for everyone. These are the Musings of a Spiritual Warrior. I don’t know how to prepare you for what they convey other than to have you experience them directly. They come from a source inside of me. Even after a decade, I still don’t know if this source is a part of me or not. It is simply there. The words just appear in my mind. I don’t plan any of this communication, I simply allow it to manifest through me. The expression is ordered by day, as it was expressed. The only editing was some spell checking and minor grammar correction. It seemed that the date ordering of the material was appropriate somehow … at least for this product. There are two major sections in what follows. The first major section has the day by day musings as they came forth from January through April of 2003. It covers the first 460 or so pages. The second section is a selection of best quotes from this expression. These are literally what I consider to be the gems of what came forth from consciousness during this time. 883 passages were selected for this section, with the date ordering remaining intact. I hope that you enjoy what you find here. More than that, I hope that it helps you to awaken to see parts of yourself that you never knew you never knew. One challenge from all of this is for you to expand your reality framework to account for the fact that an expression such as this could come forth through me in the manner that it did in such a short period of time at the beginning of 2003. It is possible. It did happen. That, in itself, says a lot about the creativity of consciousness as she expresses through us. Yet, what I can do, you can do also. I came as a wayshower. Part of showing the way for me is sharing the fruits of what my consciousness is able to produce. That is what I do at my Beyond Imagination website: http://www.redshift.com/~beyond/mainpage.htm And, that is what I do here in the pages that follow. I hope that they bring to you some fraction of the joy and wonder they have brought into my life.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 This work is titled as it is in anticipation that there will be at least one if not two sequels to follow in the days ahead this year. Then again, that depends on how spirit continues to express in my life in the months ahead. At this time, there is every indication that we are in for a very prolific year. But, all that we can do is wait and see … and continue to express as we are moved to express. Enjoy! Be Happy and Create Well! I AM THAT I AM THAT YOU ARE! LOVE, Wayne

Feel free to contact me if you relate strongly to this material or you have feedback to provide. I’m looking for kindred spirits to help co-create the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh.

Wayne Hartman 1800 Harper Av, Redondo Beach, CA 90278 [email protected]

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003

JANUARY 1 January 2003 Many can experience ideas and even ideals in their head. We need to go beyond that and find a way to experience them in our world. We can do that now. This year brings the opportunity to do that. It is a matter of choosing what we want to make so. We have entered a period where we can literally manifest whatever we want. Consciousness can only express through us. More than that, we are consciousness in expression each and every moment of our lives. Everything is consciousness in expression ... and consciousness experiencing what is being expressed. We are all points of view of the same one consciousness. Though, it seems that most of us were never taught that we are connected in this manner. Were we aware of our true nature, the atrocities that are committed by us against us would cease in a heartbeat. It is only because we believe that we are separate that such acts can be committed. We are responsible for our own spirituality or lack thereof. We cannot plead ignorant for ignoring the small still voice within us ... for not developing our own intuition as our inner connection to source. We are completely responsible for the reality we experience both individually and en masse. As the years roll on, we will be forced to realize this more and more as we are confronted by our own creations. We will see the role that we play and we will decide to change our ways and create a far more peaceful, kinder and gentler world. It is completely within our power to do this. It is simply a matter of deciding that this is indeed what we want to do ... and then making choices consistent with this decision. It doesn't take the whole world to change the whole world. All that is necessary is a critical mass, a subset that is sufficient to plant the seeds and generate the foundation. Look at the United States as an example. How many people did it take in the 1770-1780's to create the foundations for a new country ... one that was to be a New Order for the Ages? The bottom line is that it took very few. The issue of visionaries is interesting. Where do we find them? Perhaps the place to start is with ourselves. Each of us is a visionary. Each of us has some idea about what we want to contribute to the world and what we want back in return. Each of us can evaluate what is working in our lives and what is not working. Each of us can evaluate our beliefs to see why we engage in the things that are not working. Each of us can choose to question and even replace those beliefs and try something new, something more empowering. Then, we can evaluate the changes to determine how well the new beliefs are working. There is nothing hard about the process, except for overcoming the inertia ... and perhaps the fear that we might make things worse. That is why the inner connection to source is so important. That is where we distinguish what is right and true for us. Yes, for us. Right and truth are relative terms in this existence. It is important that we remember that our way is a way and not the only way. That doesn't mean that we can't share our way and our truth with others. It just means we can't force it on them. We have to leave it to them to accept and use what they will in whatever way is right for them. It is through sharing that we build the relationships needed for cooperative efforts. And, it is cooperative efforts that are the wave of the future. Through such efforts, spirit will be able to express in ways never before possible. Through cooperation, we are building the organs, the organizations, that constitute the body for spiritual expression on the planet. As loosely connected individuals, only so much is possible. And, this is precisely what we are when we operate as independent beings in independent countries.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 I desire to participate in a far grander way in the creation of something that has yet to see the light of day ... the creation of a collective body for the greater expression of spirit in flesh. As individuals, we will all have our unique parts to play ... roles that allow us to be all that we can be. No social system to date has facilitated such expression. In fact, none have even come close. So, what makes me believe that now will be any different? Because I can imagine it, because I can dream it ... and because I can take action in my own little part of the world to make it so for me, and hopefully by example for those whom I touch. There are no prior examples of what we speak of here. The collective body for spirit that is evolving has never reached this level of consciousness before. When it is finally born, the worldview of everyone will be different. People will go from being asleep to being awake, from being victims to being creators, from being subject to fate to manifesting their own destiny. These changes and more we will see in a relatively short period of time. We need to quickly establish the infrastructures that will support people in their newfound awareness. This includes educational, political, economic, and spiritual infrastructures. Further, these need to accommodate the whole world, not just the developed nations. This will require some serious thought. The rules that applied when the developed nations did their developing are not the same as the rules that apply today. For one thing populations are much larger and resources are much more limited. Further, the availability of weapons and the resolve to use them allow relatively small groups to hold power in many countries. All of this makes it far more difficult to achieve developed nation status in this day and age. 2 January 2003 We see what we need to see, when we need to see it. We experience what we need to experience, when we need to experience it. Everything happens in accordance with a master plan for the expression of consciousness in flesh. We are intimate parts of that plan ... every one of us. It is important to develop our intuition, since this is the connection to the source that knows the part we are here to play. The popular songs, movies, and shows of the day reveal consciousness in action. If we look in the right places, spiritual themes are indeed being broadcast ... loud and clear. However, how many are being moved by these broadcasts to the point where they are questioning and even changing what they believe? Ultimately, that is what counts. If we aren't changing the spiritual beliefs, we aren't tackling our problems at their core. It is that simple. Everything starts with what we believe. What we experience will be in accord with what we believe. We create our own reality, no fine print, no exceptions. Seth said something to the effect. It is a very powerful truth. If it doesn't ring true for you yet, then I suggest that you consider it, and strongly consider believing it. Then see what difference it makes in your life. If you like the differences, you will know firsthand that you are on to something. Utility is the ultimate test for all beliefs. Do we like the results and the experience that they bring into our lives? This is something only we can decide. Beliefs are powerful ... some of the most powerful things that we have in our arsenal. They are the thought forms, the structures through which we create all that we experience. And, what we experience is reality for us. Note that I didn't say what happens is reality ... I said what we experience is reality. There is a big difference. We experience when we apply meaning to what happens. Until we apply meaning, events don't really touch us. We are ever in the process of applying meaning to the events in our lives. Much of this we do automatically, based on long held beliefs. However, some of it we do consciously ... although it seems that much of this is automatic as well. It is useful to break out of our patterns on occasion and assign new meanings to things. It is useful to stretch out of our molds and see things from new and

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 different vantage points. As a soul, as a point of view ... it is useful to be flexible in how we view the world that we know. These words are not the foundations for a new world. Yet, I have been saying for nearly a decade that I am here to build the foundations for a new world. It seems that it is time to get started on the foundations. I don't know how to do this yet. But, what I have been doing for the past 10 years didn't work. Oh, it resulted in a lot of expression ... capturing a stream of consciousness in great detail over a significant period of time. And, it resulted in a lot of shifts in awareness and awakening experiences for me. However, I do not know how it impacted others. It seems that if I am going to continue expressing, then I should know who benefits from the expression and how. Otherwise, this is all an elaborate exercise done solely for me. It seems to me that this expression has value far beyond that as an example of what spirit can do through us when we open up enough to allow it. We are all instruments of spirit. We are all spirit expressing in flesh. It helps if we help to facilitate the process rather than fight it. It is amazing what we can do when we willingly cooperate and go with the flow. One person can only do so much. However, with spirit working through us, that can be far more than we have ever imagined. I look at what I have done here, and I wonder what we could do collectively if each person donated a tithe = 4 hours per week to serve spirit in some manner. That would unleash over 10 million person equivalents of effort each year for the betterment of society. Can you imagine what that much effort could accomplish if it were organized and applied effectively? 3 January 2003 I know so little about others, that I have no basis to compare how I experience things to how they experience them. I have not really done any research into what is known about consciousness and the functioning of the brain. I know what metaphysics tells us on many fronts. But, I have not been interesting in what science tells us on a more formal front. What seems most important is our firsthand experience and finding a way to capture that and share it with others. There is a great urge to share of whom that I AM, as fully as I can. Also, to demonstrate firsthand how spirit can express in flesh in our lives here and now. I am a wayshower. This is what I came to do. Further, it seems that this is the only thing that I came to do. It took 35 years to reach a point where I was able to tap the well of consciousness. We are coming up on the 10 year anniversary of that day in two months. Can it really be a decade since the words from consciousness started flowing forth into expression? It truly is hard to believe that this much time has elapsed. Yes, I've changed a lot in that time. And yes, I have an abundance of words to show for myself. If I had $1 per word, I would be a millionaire. There is something magical about that. Over one million words expressed in ten years ... nearly 1/3 of those expressed in 2002. But, is the world a better place for my having lived this past ten years. That is a more difficult question to answer. Is this stream of consciousness expressed here my legacy? Will it make a difference during my lifetime, or is the expression before its time, as the saying goes? Many good books are like that. Their full impact is not felt until many years after they were written, and perhaps long after the author has passed on. Is that the nature of this expression? Will it stand the test of time? Perhaps, perhaps not. There is still the possibility that all of this is meant for my eyes only. It is all part of an elaborate training process for my consciousness. Hmm ... who is doing the training? None other than spirit herself.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 What is it that I am to do with my life? This expression seems to be a major part of that. I can tell because of how I feel when I am engaged in doing it. It is as if this is the most important activity that I could be doing. It is as if I'm capturing something wonderful, something magical ... a stream of consciousness flowing from spirit through me. The sense is that this is a rare thing. Many are engaged in the dance of consciousness. But, few record that dance and make it available for others to experience. Computer programming has come a long way in the past 50 years. But, computers are no where near as complex or as capable of adapting as the human brain. Further, the very fact that our minds are selfconscious sets us apart. We know what kinds of things impact our beliefs and our behavior. Commercials and advertisement have taken advantage of this for years. There are many metaphysical and self-help books that explain how to use similar techniques to program our beliefs and behavior to attain goals that we desire to reach. However, these only work if we want something, and want it strongly enough to exhibit the required discipline. What of those who don't want things for themselves? What of those who desires go far beyond self to the society and even to the world? How would we achieve what we desire? Be the change that you want to see in the world. Something to that effect came from Gandhi if my memory serves me. But, if what I want is community, common unity, in the deepest sense of the word ... how can I be that? Hmm ... that seems simple. Start establishing your relationships according to your grandest ideals of what should exist in your ideal community. For life to have value, ultimately it must be shared. Yes, we all need our quiet time and solitude ... some far more than others. But, at some point we must interact with others and must do something of service with our lives. The only place that we have any power is in the moment ... right here and right now. What we decide to believe and do in each moment will determine how our lives unfold. Every experience is drawn to us in this manner. Change what we believe, and we change what we experience. When we do this en masse, we change the world. The mass media has the awesome power to impact many in a short period of time. At no time in history has it been this easy to reach so many people. And, remember ... critical mass is a small subset of the population. Many would be happy to see the physical and economic conditions in the world improve. Can we do things that make them better off than in the year before ... in particular, safer and more abundant? Poverty is one area where we as a human race have failed miserably, allowing a large portion of our population to live in dire circumstances. This is not fair, this is not right, and this must be changed. We change it by realizing that all humans deserve to live in a manner where their basic needs are met, period. This is a spiritual belief. We are all entitled to a decent life. Yes, how decent should be somewhat dependent on the effort that we apply. However, the poverty level is the level below which needless suffering is incurred. This we simply cannot allow. It is simply not acceptable. It is within our power to fix this. Charitable organizations are one way, but this results in the few who give carrying the load for a problem that belongs to all of us. As a society, we need to decide what individuals are entitled to. Yes, entitled to. Living conditions above the poverty level are one such entitlement. Education is another. It is society's responsibility to provide these entitlements. That doesn't mean that we can't expect something in return. The basic social contract is from each in accord with their abilities, to each in accord with their needs. The entitlements that we are talking about are basic needs. In return, individuals need to apply their abilities in ways that provide a service to society. It is perfectly OK for society to decide what this should be. However, it needs to be an agreement between the individual and society. This begs the question of who speaks for "society" in these matters. That is part of what is missing in the social infrastructure. We need a 7

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 vocational placement service that categorizes people by ability and matches them to suitable occupations. The current economic system does not do this. 5 January 2003 Time is colored by our psychological perception of it, just as space is. We experience reality in the way that we do for a reason. And, we can change this perception at a moments notice, should we choose to see the world differently. That is the key ... our perceptions are choices that we make, choices about where to apply our attention and then choices about what these perception mean to us. Reality is not absolute, it is relative ... it is different for each of us. I come here to experience the joy and the wonder of this creative expression where so many words flow forth out of what is essentially nothingness. Here, consciousness gives birth to expression in words. Here, spirit speaks through me in a manner that is unique as far as I can tell. There is a role that I am playing, there is a play of consciousness that is unfolding in my life. My sense is that I am not alone in this ... that everyone has such a role. It is only that as a wayshower, it is for me to share what I experience and what I AM as intimately as I can with others. How can I speak in this manner? What is there within me that knows such things that they could be expressed as if they were fact? I only know that there is a source within me that I experience as a voice in my head, as a stream of consciousness, that expresses in this manner. How it is possible is a mystery. That it is possible, I know from firsthand experience, so there is no doubt. Why am I so moved to share what is expressed here, while I keep such a tight hold on everything else in my life? Overall, I am a very private person. Yet, here, I freely share much of whom that I AM, along with whatever source is able to bring forth through me. Perhaps the sharing is easy because it is effectively anonymous. I don't know who reads this and how it impacts them. Yet, there is a desire to know, a desire for feedback that would allow me to see what impact I am having. It is important that what I do, what spirit does through me, have world impact. Yes, I have high expectations. However, where the abilities are great ... so are the expectations of their usage.

6 January 2003 I still consider this expression to be one of my crowning glories. It is here where I am able to do things that few others can do, and even then, not in the same way. Here, I allow a stream of consciousness to flow forth. Here, I allow spirit to speak through me as she will ... or, at least, as she can through this channel. I am impressed and amazed by what is able to come through. In particular, by an organization which is completely outside of my conscious awareness. Either this comes from spirit herself ... or, I am blind to major parts of my own consciousness which have such abilities. My sense is that it is a little of both at work. I still have far to go to address the prime directive - Know Thyself. Yes, I have come far on the path ... far enough that I can share where I have been with others. But, this is only the beginning not only of what I am able to do, but of what we are able to do together. In this case, we being spirit and I ... and others and I. Both contexts are equally valid and equally important. I have focused on the first and neglected the second for too long. It is time for a shift, a major shift I suspect.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 What is this communication? Many would liken it to a journal of sorts ... documenting a path that my mind has followed. But, I think of a journal being a chronicle of the events of our lives plus the feelings that we have about those events. That is not what comes through here. Neither is this fiction. I am not making it up. I am not creating it out of my imagination. It shows up in my mind as a voice that I type. It comes across as factual and declarative. For the most part, I have no reason to doubt it. Ye shall know them by their works is a powerful truth. It is by the works that we do, that we impact the world. And, impacting the world is very important. This is how we find meaning in our lives. This is how we make a difference. I would live a life of meaning, of purpose ... a life that makes a difference to many. Why must my life be so grand? Why am I not content to live as others do and be ordinary? There is just something inside that knows what is right for me. The standards that I set for myself are very high ... so high in fact, that I do not expect others to live by them. Yet, I know that I must. These are spiritual standards that apply to me personally, and to all beings once they reach an appropriate level of awareness. My opinions of myself and my abilities are very high. Some might label them extreme and overly grandiose. However, it is this very self-assessment that drives me to do what I do in the manner that I do. Awareness is a subjective experience. Consciousness is experienced subjectively as well. And, this more than any other is the realm that is home to me. If resources were not a constraint ... what would I be? ... what would I do? Then, how can I live my life so that I can be this and do these things anyway? Constraints only exist to the degree that we believe in them. There is always a way over them, through them, or around them. Though we may have to be patient and creative to find these ways.

7 January 2003 What next? There is a strong sense that something major has changed ... both for me and for the world. I feel different somehow. I am different somehow! Spirit is flowing forth in a fresh and new way once again. Where this is all headed remains to be seen and experienced. But, I like what I am seeing so far. My world is changing as I am changing. That is how the process works. Indeed, be the change that you want to see in the world. It is by our example that the mold is set through which events in the world are shaped. Each of us is an example to someone. For many, it is the role of parent to child, or that of older sibling to younger sibling. However, some of us have chosen to break the biological chains and have to find other ways of serving as an example to others in the world. Then again, perhaps the emphasis for needing to do this comes from the fact that I came to be a wayshower. And, for me, leading by example is the way that seems appropriate. Who is it that needs to hear what I have to say, what spirit has to say through me? Is it even meant for me to know? There is a sense that much of my work is foundational and that generally happens behind the scenes. There are many who care to bask in the limelight. And, yes, the Leo rising in me would like to see some of that. However, for the most part, I am content to do my work anonymously. It is enough that I get to participate in this endeavor in the manner that I do. But, is it really enough? Am I being as effective as I could be? My sense is no to both accounts. However, it is not clear how to remedy this.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 How do I turn this expression ... what I love to do ... into a vocation, into something through which I earn my living? Is that something that I really want to do? Could I continue to express in this manner hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year? The sense is that YES, I could ... no problem. Last year provided an example of what I can do part time. I long for the opportunity to see what spirit and I could do engaged in this expression on a full time basis. Here, I see things revealed that I did not know that I knew. Each paragraph is a new revelation as well as a spontaneous creation. Here, more than anywhere else, I can live in the moment ... awaiting each letter, each word, each thought. How other men live does not concern me except in general terms. I still express primarily as an individual. Just look at how many times "I" is used in this expression. Yet, this is not from a place of being full of myself. Rather, I can share only what I know ... and my existence to date has focused on knowing myself. The next step is to start building the foundations for a new world that is beyond anything that we can imagine. We do this by keeping the foundations open and flexible. The foundations are beliefs, in particular, spiritual beliefs that allow spirit to more fully express in flesh because we collectively become a body for its expression. This requires far more cooperation than any efforts in the past have achieved. It also requires a recognition and acknowledgement of how interdependent we are. Independence is an illusion in this world. There are interdependencies everywhere we look. We are all richly interconnected in the web that is LIFE. How do we know what choices to make? What makes us really think that we have choices? After all, we are never given the chance to return to a previous state and make a different choice. Yes, we have logical "reasons" as to why we do one thing versus another, at least some of the time. But, for all of our reasoning, we never really know whether we have considered all of the factors relevant to the seeming choice. Most of us have such a limited understanding of our conscious mind, that we really have no clue as to how it is functioning. If I can say this with all of the time that I have spent thinking and thinking about thinking and expressing without consciously thinking ... then it is clear that for the vast majority the functioning of the mind is a mystery, and a great one at that. Then again, perhaps all of this effort has put me so out of touch with the consensus reality that there is little common basis left. It has been awhile since I considered that question ... am I sane? I guess that depends on your definition of what it means to be sane. I don't see people who aren't there. I don't hear voices of others ... except for this voice inside of me through which this expression comes. Is this the work of a madman? My sense is no. It is too coherent and content rich for it to be the expression of a madman. Then again, perhaps I'm not the best to judge that. Complex systems need feedback to keep them within proper operating constraints. Just look at life. Human life, in particular, exists within very tightly controlled operating ranges. There are numerous regulatory systems to keep things balanced properly. When parameters go outside of their ranges the body gets sick and can even cease to function altogether resulting in death. Do not the same kinds of things exist within the body of humanity? Are our social systems the equivalent of the regulatory systems? What is the overall state of health of humanity? My sense is that it is dying rapidly ... and in need of something to heal it and bring it back into balance. That something is a set of spiritual beliefs that truly serve us ... all of us.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 One day at a time. That is how we are meant to live our lives. No, that does not mean that we cannot plan for the future. The things that we do now definitely have a far reaching impact. However, we need to be careful not to overdo it. We need to allow some room for the unknown, for the mysterious ... to enter into our lives. Spirit has much more in store for us than we can imagine, if only we will allow her to impact our lives as only she can. Whatever we experience is right for us ... it is a way, not the way. It helps to remember that. There are as many paths to spirit as there are people. Each of us must ultimately find the path that is right for us. Most follow the well-beaten paths of the mainstream religions. There are a select few who choose to blaze their own paths through the wilderness of spirit. I would use the God given abilities and talents that I came into this world with. And, I would use them in the service of spirit, society, and even the whole world. Yes, I believe that I am meant to have world impact somehow. This is a heavy cross to bear, one that is accompanied by a great responsibility. However, I have never been one to shirk responsibility. Genius or madman ... a bit of both or neither? How would I determine this or not? The sense is that it does not really matter. I am what I am and I express what I express. That is enough. I need no label to define whom that I AM. Clearly, I do not see the world as others do. And, it is more than a matter of needing different glasses. It is our beliefs that determine how we see the world. Change the beliefs and you change the reality. It is that simple. However, where do we go to find more empowering beliefs? My path has taken me to metaphysics. That is one such place to look. New Age, Aquarian Age, and Inspirational books are other places. Also, books of quotes are wonderful. The greatest quotes from the greatest minds in history have much to offer. All of this suggests that the work I do may not be understood in my own time. I came to be a wayshower, yes, but that does not necessarily mean for current generations. The desire is simply to allow spirit to express in flesh as fully as she can through me at this time. Yes, that is a lofty goal ... one that is worthy of a lifetime of striving. It is not for me to determine what form this expression will take. It is better to freely allow it to go where it will. I am a willing vessel, a willing participant in all of this. But, what is expressed is far beyond anything that I consciously know to be me. How can this be so? That is a worthy question to ponder. However, that it is so is a fact ... it is something that I am aware of experiencing daily. What does it say about the nature of consciousness, the nature of spirit, and the nature of reality creation that this expression occurs in the manner that it does? What part of this expression is spirit speaking versus me speaking? At some level, we are one, so the distinction is really arbitrary. This expression is a training ground of sorts for me. It allows me to experience expressing a stream of consciousness in a particular way. It forces me to open up and be receptive to what would come forth. It ever surprises me ... in terms of both the quantity and quality of what is expressed. It provides a type of programming for my mind ... programming in which I am the recipient and not the programmer. The very fact that this sequence of letters and spaces, of words and ideas passes through my hands and through my mind is evidence of this programming. What I am being programmed for, I can only guess. 11

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 But, the sense is that it is to carry out the mission that I came to perform. This very expression is part of that mission in some way. Though, there is a sense that there is far more to come. This is only the beginning. An auspicious one yes, but a beginning nonetheless. There is so much more that I could do ... if only ... That is part of the problem. It is time to remove the conditional and get on with it. There are foundations to be built. Is it not appropriate that one whose Heart's Desire is 22:The Master Builder would have a role to play in building the foundation for a new world? Yes, that is a big task for anyone. But, it is child’s play for the one. It is a matter of moving people to cooperate and work together in the right ways ... in effective ways ... in ways aligned with generating the reality that we say that we want to experience on this planet.

9 January 2003 The expression continues. While I am moved to engage in it ... it seems to be the most important thing in the world, in my world anyway. Here I participate in something grander that I know myself to be. Here, my beliefs get challenged. Here, I am forced to confront experience that goes beyond anything that I have any right to expect or suspect might occur. But, this is the reality that I experience. There is no denying it. Here, I can be the best that I can be ... in ways that far exceed any other experience in my life. This expression, this stream of consciousness, is my connection to the eternal within me. It is where I tap into a source that is far more than I know myself to be. This doesn't mean that I am not that source. Perhaps I am, perhaps I am not. It just means that I don't experience it as being me. I've found it is always good to leave spirit sufficient room to express as she will in my life. How do I carry out my mission as a wayshower? What is it that I would show and to whom? The most important thing that I can share is whom that I AM ... and in the process of sharing, hopefully show others more of whom that they are as well. And, what we are is spirit expressing in flesh, seeking ever greater expression. This is what evolution is all about. Evol-ve. From the middle back this is LOVE. From the middle forward this is L-VE. There is a message here. The love from spirit is the motive force. The l-ve that we experience is the best that we can do in flesh. It is not quite a mirror reflection, but the intent is there. What the forward direction is missing is 0:source. That is how we experience unconditional love. We allow spirit to do her works through us. We serve as the instruments of spirit that we are meant to be. Be all that you can be is a strong spiritual directive for all of us. It doesn't matter what that is ... it is not fair to compare what anyone is to what anyone else is. What matters is what each one of us is compared to what we have the potential to be. And, this is far more than most people imagine. We are incredible beings, capable of doing grand things ... especially if we allow spirit to work through us to do them. There is a sense that something important has changed ... that we have passed through another breakpoint somehow. Exactly how this will affect us collectively remains to be seen. However, the sense is that the effect will be widespread, encompassing the entire world. It is as if the world is a much smaller place somehow. We have realized some of the interconnectedness, because it has been forced upon us in a way that we can no longer choose to ignore. The long term effects from this will be changes in the ways we relate person to person, group to group, society to society, and country to country. The status quo no longer works. And, we will have to find something to replace it that does work.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 As usual, I don't have much of a clue as to what will come next. I only know that it is always safe to take the next step, in whatever direction I am moved to take it. There is an inner compass that knows where I am meant to go. I count on it to lead the way. I have no need to have conscious control over the process. I know that spirit knows best, and that she is guiding me, leading me to where I need to be and moving me to do what I need to do. Under her care, I know that I cannot go wrong. The stream of consciousness has its own way of wandering through the wilderness of spirit. Words get expressed and ideas connected in ways that go beyond anything that I know or have seen before. It is curious that I would change the world, yet for all practical matters I am cut off from that world. I don't watch the news, read newspapers or magazines, or listen to the news on the radio. I live much as a hermit ... interacting with few people at work, and very few people outside of work. Yes, this is a selfimposed isolation of sorts, one that I freely choose to experience. To some degree, this way of living makes me whom that I am, and allows me to express as I do. No, I am not trying to rationalize it. Nor would I wish it on another. In some ways, it has been an easy life overall; however, in other ways, it has been quite difficult and challenging. I need to do it my way. Yes, that is a distinct theme ... I would do it my way or not at all. Hmm ... it is interesting that in this very expression I don't exert control over the way the expression comes forth. I trust spirit to provide whatever control is necessary. Perhaps some of this is driven by an inner knowing that it is not the world as it is that is important, rather it is the world as we are in the process of creating it to be. That is, a new world order in a new age. Yet, where is this work to transform the world happening? Surely, in the minds of some of our greatest thinkers. But, how do we get it from there to practical implementation in this world here and now? Yes, that is the many trillion dollar question. We get results wherever we apply our resources ... and especially the minds of the best and the brightest among us. We can engage such minds on the next generation of weapons of mass destruction, or on how to create an abundant and peaceful society. It is our choice … or, in this country, our representatives choice. However, here we cannot afford to be silent. Government is meant to be for the people. It is time that we demanded that it be just that. I know that those whom I am meant to work with and interact with are there, around me already. It's just that we don't yet know it ... and haven't determined the level of interdependence we want to manifest to do what we are meant to do together. Yes, it is up to us to determine this and to agree to it. Conscious interdependence is effectively a contract between the parties involved ... a contract that lays out what is expected from each party and what they will receive in return. We are also interdependent on other than conscious levels. In addition, all of us are interconnected in many ways in the web of all life. I seem to be at a crossroads of sorts. My present way of living works by the standards of the world ... but doesn't work by the standards that I set for myself. I am not as effective as I could be. My talents are not being applied where they are most needed. My work is not as challenging or as satisfying as it could be. It is time for something to give. It is not that I can't do the job and do it well. It is just that I know what I am capable of doing ... I know the things that keep my attention, the things that challenge my innate abilities ... and I am not getting enough of these on the job. But, one could say, that's how the game is played in the economic system. We do what the job requires in return for our paychecks, we sell ourselves at whatever price the market will bear. That makes us mental prostitutes of a sort ... in my work area anyway where mental products are the chief things that are produced. Yes, that is the way things are. But, something deep within me says that it does not have to be such. The economic system is one of the social systems in need of fundamental change. It is far less productive overall than it could be. Part of this comes from a fear in the labor force that increased productivity 13

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 results in fewer jobs. That might be true if the economy were fixed ... but it is not. There are always more goods that can be created and more services that can be provided. If the savings efficiencies are invested in new areas, there will always be plenty of work for everyone. I have great confidence that we can make the economic system work ... and that we can do it in a manner that serves the world. However, it will take something different than more of the same. We need some bold new ideas to recreate our economic lives. To begin with, we need a social contract: from each in accord with their abilities, to each in accord with their needs. We've said this before many times. We will continue to say it until it sinks in. Yes, this is communism pure and simple. But, it has not been implemented successfully anywhere yet, not even close. The contract is as straightforward as you can get. Each individual gives to society by employing their natural abilities in some way that serves. In return, society gives to the individual that which is necessary to meet each individuals needs ... physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Note that communism as an economic contract does not conflict with democracy as a government. We are so used to the Cold War mentality where democracy and communism were completely at odds as political systems. This is more than a philosophy argument of whether the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one. In reality, each individual counts. If they are asked to give their life to something ... it should not be a political or economic or ideological cause that may require their death. If anything, it should be to give their whole natural life to something worth living for, not something worth dying for. At this point in my life, I cannot think of a scenario where something is worth dying for. Yet, I continue to work in an industry supporting the military. And, many that I work with see that the Constitution of the United States is indeed worth both fighting and dying for if necessary. Yet, who is it that determines if necessary? Who determines what threats are worth engaging in war over? Yes, I have been working with beliefs and consistency of belief systems for some time now, over 15 years. That is a long time working with anything. However, it was in 1993 when I experienced a crisis in beliefs, a beliefquake of a major order that shook the foundations of all that I thought that I believed. It took many months to rebuild what was torn asunder ... this time on far more solid ground. 1998 was another story. It shook me in a far different way, one that I am still integrating nearly 5 years later. I don't know if I will ever know the full picture of what that experience meant. It is within our power to create ourselves and our world anew, in whatever manner we choose for it to be. Yes, we are that powerful. Further, the time is right for doing this ... now as at no other time in history.

11 January 2003 So, here I am standing on the edge of the abyss once again. I have been here often ... and it seems that I am destined to be here for major portions of my life. That is OK. Standing on the edge of the unknown is old hat now. It is something that I have grown used to, more than that, something that I long to do. Here I am free in a way that I can be nowhere else. Here the wings of my consciousness can soar on the winds of source, of spirit. I like doing this. In fact, I like it so much that I am willing to pour untold hours in this. I do this because I must ... because there is a force deep within me that drives me to express. Also, I do this because I have some sort of contract with spirit herself ... something to the effect that she will look after me if I will do her bidding. Here I speak for spirit ... that is, I allow spirit to speak through me. These are my words, yet in a way, they are not my words at the same time. They are selected via a process of which I am not consciously aware. Further, it seems that I will never be aware of this process. It is meant to be a mystery, and it 14

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 seems that it will remain so. That is OK. One can do far worse than have mystery as an active part of ones life. I am comfortable living with the unknown and even the unknowable in my life. As an explorer of consciousness, this is a very good thing. Exploring where others have been may yield some new information, but exploring the unknown, exploring where none or no more than few have ventured is a whole other thing. This is what excites my soul. This is what gives my life meaning. Further, it does so even if consciousness herself is the only witness to my discoveries. Life for me is the expression of spirit in flesh. My task, my mission, is to find ways to reveal more of what is unknown ... that is to make the unknown known. This is a most challenging endeavor. It is one that is worthy of all the effort that I can muster. Further, it is one that allows me to be all that I AM, and use the god-given talents with which I have been gifted. Gifts are meant to be used. The greater the gifts, the greater the tasks for which they are to be used. Yes, I consider my gifts to be great. But, I have a tendency toward grandiosity. However, it doesn't hurt to believe in yourself and your abilities. After all, if you don't, who will? How are we to judge whether our evaluations are reasonable or accurate ... especially our evaluations of our abilities? How do we know what pronouncements of ourselves are true? This expression is often stated in the declarative, as if what is being said is obvious and true. There are no arguments given for things. There are no debates. There are no rationalizations. There are simply statements to be evaluated on their own merit. It pays to believe strongly whatever we believe, yet be open to more powerful ideas should they come are way. There is nothing wrong with changing beliefs often ... or with changing them quickly. Beliefs are the vessels through which we create our reality. Because of this, it is important to become acquainted with what our beliefs are, and the methods for consciously changing them. When we become the masters of our beliefs, we become the masters of our reality. Further, we are meant to be masters in this area ... each and every one of us. That means this should be something that we are taught. It is probably the most important lesson that we can learn. Yet, why is it that something so important is absent from the education of the vast majority? Why is it that we have to go to the metaphysical/new age/occult and now self help sections of the libraries and bookstores to find any material on this? It seems the time has come to make consciousness technology more available to the masses. Actually, the first step might involve using consciousness technology to wake up substantial portions of the population so that they in turn can help wake up others that the whole world might awaken. The sense is that this is indeed the course that we are on. Further, it is a course that will occur in a much shorter timeframe than most might imagine. The sense is that this will be in years, not decades, and definitely not centuries. Am I wasting my life away on foolish beliefs? I don't consider this expression wasting my life away. In fact, this expression may be the only thing that remains that is evidence of my having lived. Yes, this stream of consciousness, recorded in this fashion is my greatest creation to date. It may when all is said and done be the greatest creation of my life, though I sincerely doubt that. My path seems to be leading to the ever greater expression of spirit in flesh. I sense that this will continue so long as I live ... and at this point, that seems to be for a good many more years. We speak of building the foundations for a new world. That involves building an infrastructure that supports each and every individual on the planet to be the best that they can be. That means educational, social, political, economic, and spiritual systems that work to support this. These systems are meant to serve society. Where they do not do this effectively, it is time to reform them into something that does. The infrastructure must support meeting the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs of everyone. At present, it does not come close. Where there is hunger and starvation, the system is failing. Where 15

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 there is poverty and suffering, the system is failing. Where there is war or violence, the system is failing. Where there is ignorance and intolerance, the system is failing. Even when we confine ourselves to this country, the system is failing. When we look at things from a world perspective, the system is a disaster. Yet, who is there that sees things for what they are, feels a responsibility to change them, and has the power to implement the necessary changes? It seems that if I knew that, I could be king. Though, the answer is obvious ... spirit herself sees these things and will do what it takes to right them. However, she does this by moving us to do her works.

12 January 2003 There is something magical about being able to come to this place and express in this way day after day. Who would have thought it possible, even as little as 13 months ago. Yet, here we are ... allowing this stream of consciousness to flow forth as it will, following it wheresoever it leads us. Somehow, we find a way to fill the blank page. And, not just for the sake of filling it ... but with words that have the possibility to move people and ultimately help to transform the world. Yes, the grandiosity comes forth again. But, what am I to think given the nature of the ideas that are expressed? These go far beyond my formal training. There is a wisdom that comes through that is far beyond my years. If it is indeed mine, then for certain it comes as a legacy/inheritance of what I have done before in other lives. I am only 44 years old. And, for most of that time, I have lived in relative isolation with my primary interaction with the world being through metaphysical books that provided some of the greatest ideas of some of the greatest minds the planet has to offer. I am the instrument ... spirit is the musician. She is ultimately the source of the music that we play. Yes, it is necessary that I do my part. Without the instrument there would be no music. However, without the musician, the instrument is useless. My path tends to be a solitary one ... one that does not seem to follow where others have been. Then again, this may be due to a preference on my part of finding my own path rather than following in the footsteps of others. "I decided long ago to never walk in anyone's shadow. If I fail, if I succeed, at least I'll do as I believe." Indeed, such seem to be words that I live by as well. This song has always moved me deeply ... as do many songs. It is not the music that stirs my soul, rather the lyrics. Words have that power over me. Such is why books have been so prominent in my education, books for the most part that I had to find on my own, or with the prodding of consciousness herself. I find it interesting that the books that have had the most influence on my life came outside of any educational context. How can things that surprise me be expressed through me? That is part of the magic and the mystery of it all. This is what makes life the grand adventure that it is. Consciousness is everything. Awareness is the most powerful thing that we can possess because it is what allows us to create the reality that we experience. Awareness is thus the stuff of the Gods. We have been told that we were made in the image of God. What we are lacking is that awareness of our true nature. This we can gain at any time. We can awaken from our slumbers literally in a moment. But, it takes self work to prepare us for awakening. The right use of will is to choose to serve spirit and manifest things in her timing not ours. Thy will, not mine, be done. Actually, it is more than this ... my will is for thy will to be done. It is for us to align our will with that of spirit. In rejecting our will, we choose to throw out one of our most powerful tools that could be used to serve spirit. And, serving spirit is the name of the game in this existence. Or, better yet, allowing spirit to express through us as fully as she can here and now. 16

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 There is still a strong desire to be doing this on a full time basis, as my occupation. Here is where I make my contribution to the world. Is the world a better place as a result of my endeavors? As of yet, not in any way that I know, other than the impact that this expression has had on me. This is where we have power ... we can change ourselves, we can become the change that we want to see in the world and then live our lives in a way that demonstrates that. Through our example we can impact others, who in turn can impact other, etc ... until the whole world is touched. How we live makes that much difference. We won't even necessarily know who we impact. That is OK. We are to live the life we choose anyway. In particular, we are to live our life knowing that we are spirit expressing in flesh, here and now. We always have been, we always will be. It is only our beliefs and our lack of awareness that have limited us by keeping us in the dark. The world will be a better place when we do our part by being the best that we can be. This is not some static thing. After all, we are ever in the process of becoming more. With each step in awareness, whole new possibilities open up for us. It is for us to choose from these those that are consistent with our best picture of whom that we want to be. Interesting, we are ever in the process of becoming the image of whom that we want to be. We need to reconcile this with being created in the image of our creator, God/Goddess/All That Is/Spirit or whatever name you choose for this. Our actions need to be consistent with what we say that we want to be ... otherwise, we are not choosing to be this at all. It is in me to be great ... yet, only in the reflected glory from spirit herself. There is only so much that I can do as an individual. However, there is far more that spirit can do working through me. It is a matter of choice as to who would be the director of our life. Do we choose this mantle ourselves ... from our limited understanding and perspective? Or, do we give this mantle to spirit herself, trusting that she will guide us to do that which is ours to do? Clearly the later offers the most promise, and the most benefit to the society in which we live. That doesn't mean it is the easiest choice. There are many whose egos desire to be in control of their lives ... who don't acknowledge the limitations, and who don't see the benefits that spirit would offer.

13 January 2003 We are meant to give of whom that we are in service to our world in some way ... preferably in some effective way. In return, we are entitled to all that we need and more. That is the social contract. No, it has not been publicly declared yet. But, that does not preclude us from acting as if it is already in effect. When we do that, effectively, it becomes in effect. We don't need some external force to impose anything on us. This can be an inside job. We can choose to do it at any time. My life continues to change all around me. Yet, in many ways, I am still the same. The setting is different, the props and the scenes are changing, but I am still much as I was. I am still standing at the center awake and aware ... anxious to become something more, yet not knowing what that something more might be. That is OK. I am a patient man, I can wait as long as it takes. My sense is that it won't be for much longer. I am deeply moved to be an author, officially. That means being published. Self publishing appears to be the right route. And, I even found a publisher that appears to be right for the job. Infinity Publishing, of course. There must be a better way to employ my talents in a manner that serves society more effectively. That is what ultimately matters to me. How well was I able to serve society? And even more important, how well was I able to serve spirit? Though often the two go hand in hand. What would I do if I could choose what to do each day with my time? Actually, I do have that choice to make each day for a substantial 17

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 amount of free time. And, the primary choice that I make is to come here and express whatever spirit would have me express each day. I feel good about that choice. There is a sense of accomplishment that comes from this expression, a sense that a record has been captured that may ultimately last far longer than I do. This stream of consciousness is important somehow ... more important than any concept that I have of myself. The hope is that what is captured here is sufficient to trigger others to awaken. Whether it does that or not depends on how well I have done my job of bringing it forth.

14 January 2003 There is a sense that something wonderful is about to happen. Last year was special, but it seems that this year will top it by far. Last year caught me by surprise. The expression got off to a running start at the beginning of the year and never really stopped. That was unprecedented. Yet, it continues into this year, two weeks and counting. There really is something special in the air. There is a sense that I can begin to do great things in ways beyond anything that I've experienced to date. I offer all that I AM in service to spirit and thus to the world. It is when we do spirits bidding that we are being the best that we can be. Spirit employs the best that is in us. She knows how to elicit our best. She guides us, she encourages us, she leads us, she moves us ... to the degree that we allow her to. She is only limited by the limits we accept of our own free will. The unknown is a magnet for me. It attracts me like a moth to a flame. Then again, that comes from my nature as an explorer and a wayshower. Yet, to whom would I show my way? After all, it is only a way, and I have no idea as to whom and how many would benefit from following where I have been. What makes my way any better than any other? It is not any better, but it may be helpful. Further, it is distinct in the manner in which it is expressed. I have to believe that spirit knows what she is doing. After all, this is as much her expression as it is mine, perhaps even more.

15 January 2003 There is something mysterious and magical about this. No matter how long I spend engaged in this manner, the expression remains fresh and new. The expression challenges what I know myself to be and what I understand spirit to be. That alone is sufficient to justify the time spent. Besides, there is a product that comes out of all of this ... a stream of consciousness expression, a record of where one consciousness has been. Interesting ... where one consciousness has been others may follow if there is a map, a record of sufficient fidelity. Is that what all of this is? And, if so, how do we get the map to those who need it? Look for ways to speak, to express whom that you are, with others. Allow the light within you to shine. Express as only you can express. Yes, this expression is your expression in the only way that counts. There is not you and spirit. There is only you as the expression of spirit. Only part of this expression is in flesh. However, that is the part that counts. We have incarnated specifically to allow spirit to manifest and experience reality.

16 January 2003 There are many ways of striking out into the unknown. Paths to some degree are the trodden directions, though some are far more trodden than others. It takes a rare soul to venture into the unknown on their own. The many are possessed of the mentality of the herd. Blending in, and doing things as others do, are important to them. My life is somewhat of a mixture. I am silent by nature, blending into the 18

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 background in most social settings. However, I do speak out on things that matter, both in my work life and my spiritual life ... especially in the latter, as is obvious from everything that is expressed through me here. I would be the consummate individual, yet much that I do is in service to things greater than myself ... in particular to society, to the world, and to spirit herself. I express by writing. And, I write whatever I am moved to write. What is it that does this moving? The only answer I can give is the spirit within me. She is the source from which all of this springs. I've known myself to be an ancient being for some time. There is a knowingness, a wisdom, a common sense that I possess that is far beyond my years in this existence. Some of the things that I know, as revealed in these writings are not things that I learned in this lifetime. They had to come from somewhere else ... in particular, other places and other times. So, where does that put me in the grander scheme of things. I am a scribe, an instrument through which spirit writes what is expressed here. Whether this is that part of spirit that is focused on expressing as me, or a grander part of spirit of which I am only loosely aware seems to vary from day to day and minute to minute. Ultimately, it doesn't really matter. The expression stands on its own as the creation of consciousness. From some standpoint, this is all me. And, some day, I will be aware enough to fully realize this. And on that day, a new day will have come indeed. For the fire of spirit will not be squelched. Rather, it will spread to encompass the whole world. Further, that day is not far off, in some distant future. It is close, on the immediate horizon. Though, I don't know how soon that will be. Not that it matters. The timing will be perfect, in accord with the plan of consciousness. Each will be moved to play their roles, if not by inner forces, then by external ones.

17 January 2003 Behind the scenes, consciousness communicates to consciousness through consciousness. Those who are meant to interact will be moved to do so. The appropriate events, the appropriate scenes in the play will be scripted ... and these will be enacted by each of us. Destiny will ensure that those whose lives need to touch one another will indeed do so. There are things that we can do to facilitate this happening. The first step is being open to the idea that there may be things that we have to do ... and that we should do them when we are so moved. Realize that we are the vehicles through which spirit expresses and experiences life as we know it. The limitations are all ours. Spirit can show us the way to freedom from these limits. It is all a matter of beliefs and perceptions. In our perceptions, we assign meaning to what we experience. The meaning is not part of the experience, it is something that we choose, that we create. In fact, this may be our greatest choice as sentient beings ... the ability to choose what anything that we experience means on whatever scale we choose to apply that meaning. Everything is relative. It is all a big interconnected web. Each piece of information gets tied to others. The more richly interconnected the web, the more useful that it seems to be. We are information processing and interpreting machines. Yes, biological ones ... but, more and more, our value to society lies in what information we collect, process, and generate. No, that is not all that we do. There are whole realms of relationships and emotions that are more than information ... or is this just different kinds of information? Where are the other revolutionaries ... my compatriots in change? Surely, there are others who are aware that the foundations for a new world must be created now, and that many of these conflict with existing 19

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 foundations. Gradual change or drastic change? It seems that the time for the former is long past, and the time for the later is upon us. Yet, it seems that if such is the case, we would see signs of it in the world already. Hmm ... perhaps such signs are indeed there. My interaction with the world is so limited that I wouldn't really know one way or the other. Spirit has been bountiful expressing through me ... especially bountiful last year. This has not really changed the circumstances of my day to day life, however, other than consuming a great deal of my free time and enhancing my awareness. This expression is a revelation ... from spirit to me, but also from spirit to you. This expression is the record of where one consciousness, namely me, has ventured. Does that make it worth the time it takes to read it? For me, the answer is a resounding yes. But, I cannot speak for others. I know that something in my life needs to change. I need to be different. I need to believe differently. And, I need to act differently. It is only through such changes that my world will change. Our world changes when we change, individually and en masse. Our personal world reflects back to us whom that we are in the eyes of the world. This may or may not be consistent with whom that we believe ourselves to be. It is important to notice and note the differences ... for it is here that we have the power to do something. Reality is not some absolute thing. It is different for each of us, and very different across the extremes. While we live in a common world, we as individuals choose what part of that world we engage in and to what degree. Our choices literally shape the reality we experience. They carve out a place in the scheme of things to provide a context for our existence. For most, this is still primarily an other than conscious process. But, some are starting to awaken ... becoming aware that this can be made conscious. And, in doing so, they are finding that they can take control of their own destiny. We create our own reality, no fine print, no exceptions. We can either do this consciously or other than consciously or perhaps a combination of the two. At the very least, we should be setting the course consciously. However, to do this effectively, we need to connect to source, the spirit within us ... and develop enough trust in what she tells us to base our beliefs and actions on the wisdom from within. This is our soul, the spark of spirit that is focused on our expression as individualized consciousness. It knows things far greater than we know. But, it remains silent, until we stop our ceaseless activity and learn to listen, really listen ... deeply. If we do so sincerely, we will find the voice that we seek. It may be silent at first, until we quiet our minds. But, it will find a way to get through. We each have a destiny to fulfill. Our soul knows what that destiny is. Often, consciously, we do not. And, perhaps we never really will. We have to be content to take each step, one step at a time. With each step, the next step will make itself known. We may or may not be given a hint of the ultimate destination or some of the waypoints along the path. Consciousness works on a need to know basis. We are given what we need to know when we need to know it. One sign that we need to know something is the questions that we are moved to ask. When questions are formulated and expressed, it seems that they attract the very answers to address them. Indeed, ask and it shall be answered. It is that simple. Though, when you ask, be open to receive the answers from other than normal sources. Spirit won't be limited by our preconceptions of valid sources. She has her ways ... and a multitude of ways at that.

18 January 2003 There is still a sense that I need to find a way to make this my fulltime job ... this, or something derived from it that is closely related. The question is who would consider what I do here to be a service, and who 20

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 would be willing to pay to have me do it? Now that I've been moved to ask, perhaps the forces have been initiated to make it happen. This or something better for all concerned I ask for now. I must live a life of meaning. There is no other option. I would live a life that makes a difference to society and to the world. Yes, this requires what some might consider to be sacrifice. However, I look at it as an investment of whom that I AM for the betterment of the world in which I live. We have talked about creating the foundations for a new world. It is high time we got on with this ... for the world is in great need of new foundations, especially spiritual ones that allow us to create a world of peace, tolerance, understanding, and even abundance. It doesn't have to take centuries, or even decades, to institute the foundations for a better world. This can be achieved in a matter of years. It just takes commitment, and a decision to do it. We have the technology, we have the principles, we have the labor force, we have the resources ... we just need to change the rules of the game to something more fitting for this day and age. While physical laws are beyond our control, social and economic laws are ours to create. And, we can even create as we go should we so choose. Further, spiritual laws are revealed as well. And, these, it seems are the most freeing of all. Most religions have such laws at their core ... but all the additional religious laws that have been codified are far more restrictive. They place one on what the religion considers to be the way, and most are intolerant of the ways of others. It is as if each believes they have the only true way, when in fact, there are many ways to connect with spirit and to live a spiritual life. It matters not if these ways are consistent. However, it is important that they be tolerant and peaceful. Different ways are OK. More than that, they are necessary. Spirit seeks greater and greater varieties of experience. This will lead to more and more ways, not less and less. That is appropriate for the everexpanding population of the world. It is not clear how many humans a balanced world can handle. But the poverty that is present in much of the world is a sign that things are out of balance. But, you say, some of the poverty has been there for centuries, if not millennia. And, such is true. But, that doesn't make it right. It is time to see it for what it is ... and for society to accept responsibility for our part in it. Yes, even the developing nations are contributing by the ways they are doing business. We are in a position to take economic advantage of our less fortunate neighbors in the world, and we do so on a regular basis. Look at how many things we consume that cost a small fraction of what it would take to make them in this country. I assume this is true in most developed nations. I've heard that wages in some places in the world are as little as a few dollars a day, perhaps even less. That is an order of magnitude less than minimum wage in this country. What is fair about that? Yes, the people are willing to work for that amount, and may even be glad to have the work. But, does that make it right? Dwindling rainforests and global warming have been in the news for some time. But, have we considered paying countries with rainforests not to cut their trees? So long as the market for the exotic woods of the rainforest trees is greater than the collective desire to save the rainforests, we will continue to see them vanish until there are no more. Many developed nations had early periods of growth when they greatly diminished some of their natural resources. The buffalo and bison in this country come to mind. They provided great resources to the Native Americans for centuries, but within a decade were slaughtered and decimated by settlers who considered their own needs to be beyond those of the "savages" they conquered. When it comes to a way of life, is our way any nobler that that of these "savages"? In some respects, their society was far better than ours ... at least in terms of the collective looking out for the needs of the individuals. Our way is a different way. It has its good points and its bad. One could do far worse than to live in one of the greatest examples of a free nation that we have in the world. But, we are still a young country. We would be wise to at least listen to what some of the more elder nations have to say. That does not mean we have to agree. However, we should be open enough to learn what we can and employ that in our beliefs and our actions. 21

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Our forefathers set us up as a Novus Ordo Seclorum, a New Order of the Ages. They knew that they were setting in motion something great, something that would be the shining example of liberty in the world. They knew that this was spiritual work that they were doing ... it was far more than establishing a government. They were part of a spiritual brotherhood, and they firmly believed that there was an unseen deity guiding their hands through all of this. Does such a spiritual brotherhood/sisterhood exist today? Is there a similar recognition that a spiritual destiny is at hand ... and that we are the instruments of that destiny? My sense is yes, but I have no awareness of it. They haven't found me, and I haven't found them. Further, it is not clear that we are meant to find one another. Perhaps such will happen, perhaps not. Regardless, I must continue to do as I am moved to do. I do this because in a very real way, this is my job, my task, my mission in this existence. This is why I came. This is why I live. Nearly everything else is a diversion. I am in her majesty's service as the saying goes, and am grateful to be in this position. What is expressed through me is what can be expressed through me. This is true for everyone. Each of us is spirit manifesting in flesh. Each of us is a unique expression of consciousness. My hope is that my works provide you with a means of expanding what you know yourself to be and hence the expression of consciousness that you are. I can only do this by example, by allowing you to walk in my mind for a bit, and follow the path that my consciousness has trod. It is up to you to evaluate whether this is beneficial to you. I know that I am walking on a fine edge ... and perhaps even crossing the line of sanity from time to time. What I believe is often not logical. But, nothing said that logic provides a sound basis for believing anything. If something can be proved, assuming the proof itself is sound, then the issue is a fact and hence not subject to belief at all. The most interesting parts of our life are in those areas where we have choice ... the very realm of beliefs. Here we have true freedom. We can believe whatsoever we will. My tendency is to neglect the physical in favor of the spiritual. However, this is erroneous thinking. It is all spiritual, the physical as well as everything else. I'm very stubborn, in general, so when I set my mind on something, I typically find a way to achieve it. Though, it is rare when I set any goals that extend beyond a given day. I live my life in the here and now. Tomorrow, next week, next month, next year ... are an eternity away. Actually, this is not a bad way to live. It enables us to make the best of each moment. Though, I can see that the local decisions may be suboptimal if they are made without insight into where we are headed in the long run. Here, though, spirit intercedes. She moves me to do what must be done in the moment and I believe that spirit knows best. She knows not only what is in my best interest, but what is in the best interest of all concerned. My job is easy ... to do her bidding to the best of my abilities. That is how it works for me. What works for me may or may not work for you. My advice is to try it and see if it feels right to you.

19 January 2003 Each of us has a spiritual destiny. But, we only achieve it if we accept it and allow it to happen. It takes being all that we are to manifest our destiny. And, we are far more than we think ourselves to be, even those of us who already think in grandiose terms. That is the key ... to do as we are moved by spirit to do. That means that we must have a connection to spirit within. That also means that we must have the discipline to abide by what it tells us. Both of these 22

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 things are well within our power. However, neither of these things are the standard path that most people follow. When we expend effort to know thyself, one of the fringe benefits is that we find the source within us. Making the choice to abide by what this source tells us is a different matter entirely. This requires a conscious choice. Further, it requires that we believe that we are ultimately here to do spirit’s works. Yes, we can do works of our own as well. But, it seems that these don't count as much as the works that we do for spirit. Yet, from another vantage point, every work that we do is for spirit in some way. There is nothing else except spirit in expression in this world. Everything is spirit. No exceptions. We live in dire times ... yet, we live in promising times as well. We can choose to say enough of this nonsense and choose to create the world in which we would prefer to live. Yes, this is our collective choice. And we, as individuals, have the power to influence that choice and shape the very reality we experience. If we truly wish for our world to be peaceful, then we must live peacefully. It is that simple. When enough of us do that, the world will have no choice except to do as we do ... for, we are the world. If we want the world to be more cooperative, then we must be more cooperative. Everything starts with what we believe and ultimately what we do. Cooperation by its very nature involves others. No matter how grandiose our thoughts of who we are and what we can do, these pale in comparison to our true nature and reality. We truly are grand beings and we are here to do grand things. Exactly what is different for each of us. However, whatever it is, we gave ourselves the necessary skill, talents, and abilities to do what is ours to do. We have a purpose, a reason for incarnating into this very existence. While we may have established some challenges to overcome ... we stacked the deck so that we would succeed in accomplishing our mission. Part of the agenda calls for us to learn and to grow so that we can better serve those we are meant to serve. There are many ways to serve. We can serve self, family, friends, community, society, country, world, and even spirit herself. It is important that we find ways to give of whom that we are in service to something greater than ourselves. This is how we abide by the spiritual economic law to never take more than we give. How do we make the economic system fair to all? Who would be the authority to decide what is fair? My sense is that differences of several orders of magnitude per hour of labor can't be justified. Why can one hour of one day of one persons labor be worth one year of another’s, or one year of one persons labor be worth many times a whole lifetime of labor of another? There is something inherently wrong about a system that permits this. This has gone on far too long. Something needs to be done about it. We collectively need to decide what is reasonable and fair. Whatever the market will bear is not a sound economic principle. Neither is let the buyer beware. Rather, let the seller be responsible for providing a fair value for any goods and services that are sold. In some areas, a free market economy works fine. It encourages companies to provide decent goods and services at the best overall value. It does this naturally. If prices are too high, there is room for other companies to enter the market and provide competitive goods or services at better values. However, far too often, this does not seem to happen. Competition by its very nature produces winners and losers. It is not a WIN/WIN enterprise.

20 January 2003 We continue to speak with a voice that would be heard, only we do not know who would do the hearing. We express what must be expressed through us, simply because it must be expressed through us. It is as if 23

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 we have no real choice in the matter. To choose to be silent would be to deny whom that we are. And that, we cannot do, at least not any longer. These words, this expression, is a large part of the work that we are to do in the world. It is not clear whether I am ever to work closely with others. My habit has always been to keep my distance ... to isolate myself from the world that I observe. That doesn't mean that I live my life objectively. Far from it, a life devoted to consciousness is highly subjective, because the very nature of consciousness is subjective. What I experience impacts me, it changes me. And, when I change, my world changes as well to be consistent with whatever I have become. We are ever in a process of becoming more and more of whom that we truly are. It is not clear that this process ever completes. There is always something more to become, some new level of awareness to be reached. In fact, this goes on lifetime after lifetime until we get it ... until we fully realize that we are spirit in flesh. It is one thing to say the words. It is quite another to realize them to the depths of ones being. Yet, that is what we are here to do. What does it take to facilitate change in our lives and in our world? First, being open to it in whatever form it my come. Far too many limit their experience by deciding this kind of change is acceptable but these other kinds of change are not. Second, being willing to go out on a limb and risk something. Much change requires that we take a chance, in particular on ourselves. Third, being proactive and taking initiative. Most of the world operates in a reactive mode that is wasteful and inefficient. Fourth, being responsible. Amazing things happen when we start taking responsibility for the world in which we live. It seems that I have been playing this game consciously for nearly ten years. What has all of that got me? Even more important, what has that done for the society and world in what I live? For me, the biggest benefit has been the leaps in awareness. I understand myself to be far more than I dreamed possible before. And, my world conforms pretty much with this understanding as well. Yet, this is not true for me alone. It is true for everyone who dares to dream ... especially to dream of a better reality and a better world. It seems that several have utopian visions, and that such dreams have been part of our experience for some time. On this very day, we celebrate Martin Luther King, one made famous by his "I Have a Dream speech". This was true magic, consciousness operating at its highest levels. We still have a long way to go to get to King's dream of having people be judged based on their merit, and based on the content of their character rather than the color of their skin. We can build a better world. We can make equality a basis for treating people across the land. However, it will only happen if we practice it on a personal level, and if we demand it on a collective level. This is within our power to do. It is a matter of choosing to do it. When will we so choose? My sense is that if is not in question ... the only variable is when. There is still a strong sense that massive change is on the immediate horizon ... at least in my life, and most likely in the consensus world as well. I can hope anyway, and I can dream. Further, I can take the next step and base my actions in accord with my hopes and dreams. It is through our actions that we manifest things in our world. But, these must be in line with a belief system that serves us. Many do not even know that they have belief systems. Fewer still know that they can assess the utility of these systems and change those that do not serve us. Why is it that such necessities of living are not taught to us. Why is it that we are forced to learn such things on our own. Actually, that is not quite right. We are not forced at all. That would imply that we have to do it sometime in our lives. Many never get this far.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 We are the creators of our reality. We are the masters of our fate. Either we do this consciously, or we do it other than consciously. The choice is ours. Living consciously ... living an aware life, are not such easy things to do. But once we breakthrough into awareness, there is no going back. Once we truly realize that we are spirit manifesting in flesh, the rules of the game change. The things that concern us change. Where we focus our energies, our resources, and our attention changes. We become the spiritual beings that we are. Yes, we are still physical, we are still flesh ... but, we become aware of other aspects of ourselves as well. Awareness is one of the most, if not the most important things in the world. It is where consciousness finds the vessels for expression. When we are aware, we experience firsthand our unity with consciousness ... at least with the part of consciousness that manifests through us and as us. What we are and what we do are not separate things. They are united such that one cannot exist without the other. Consciousness by its very nature experiences and expresses. In other words, it is and it does. Being and doing seem to be separate things. On the show Babylon-5, there were two ancient races ... the Shadows and the Vorlons. They were characterized by two basic questions. The Shadows explored the question "what do you want"? The Vorlons explored the question "who are you"? How we approach these two questions and the degree to which we favor one over the other says a lot about us. As you can probably tell, I heavily favor the Vorlon nature. There is not much that I want for myself. Fame, fortune, achievements, possessions, relationships ... none of these drive me or stir my soul. They may be nice to have from time to time, but it is the things of the spirit that consume my attention. These are the gifts that I seek ... the return for the investment of my labors. I would know whom that I AM. That, more than anything else, is my strongest desire. At some point I need to confront the question of what it is that I truly want? For, at some level, what I want is what spirit wants for me. These two wills are in sync with one another. My will is thy will and vice versa. Interesting, why can't fame, fortune, achievements, possessions, relationships ... be the things of spirit as well? I speak of them as if they were less than the spiritual in some manner. There is no reason this needs to be the case. Perhaps that is some of what holds me back. I have limited my focus and my experience to those things that I deemed to be spiritual. As always, such limits are self-imposed and only exist so long as we choose to experience them. It seems that mine have bound me long enough. I would be free to experience all of the gifts that spirit has to offer, that life has to offer. Can it be that simple? Does all it take is to declare what we desire to be? No, there is more to it than that. We must sincerely believe that we are deserving of what we desire. Further, our lives must be balanced or positive from a spiritual economics standpoint. We must be giving more than we are receiving. We must be creating a surplus in whatever areas our lives touch. This doesn't mean each aspect must have a surplus ... though there would be nothing wrong with that. Rather, overall there needs to be a positive balance. The sum of what we give must be worth more than the sum of what we receive. We are our own judge and our own jury. And, if my experience is any indication, we can be far harsher with ourselves than any others would ever be. For one thing, nothing is hidden from us. We know the facts. We know our intents and our motivations. At times we may allow the emotions to take over and determine our behavior. This may or may not cause difficulty. There is nothing to say a rational life is superior to an emotional one. We are both, we are rational beings and we are emotional beings. Actually, that is only half of it. We are also physical beings as well as spiritual beings. All of these dimensions of our beingness are valid. They are all worthy of being experienced. Different people choose different combinations of these basic ingredients. Some are balanced across all four. Others favor one or more, or avoid one or more. These are all the varieties of earthly experience, the endless varieties of the expression of spirit in flesh. 25

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 21 January 2003 I feel quite blessed to be able to be of service to spirit in this manner. I had no formal training to prepare me for this role. But, spirit has been guiding me to whatever material I needed to prepare me for this job for much of my life. And, even then, some major leaps of faith were required. I'm sure that many would consider my beliefs to be crazy. This very expression is not the work of a lunatic or a madman. Quite the contrary. I consider it to be the work of one who has been enlightened ... one through whom spirit has found a voice. Yes, I have a very high opinion of myself and my abilities. That should not be a surprise for one who has focused on the task of knowing thyself. Along with abilities comes the responsibility to use those abilities to serve others in some way. The greater the abilities, the greater the level of service required. Yes, required. Spiritual law demands that we use the gifts that we are given. Songs can be very powerful. They have the potential to touch many people and to move them deeply. Often, people are not aware of the full impact that the songs have. For me, the lyrics are by far the most important ingredient. Then, I am moved primarily by words, so this is not surprising. Thus far, this has been a voluntary service, one that I do for the sheer love of doing it. However, it seems that this is my true life’s work, and there should be some way to make a good living doing what I love to do. We can engage the first clause ... we can choose to do what we love. From there, it seems that it is in spirits hands. We can only do so much ... but we will be surprised by how much that really is when we free ourselves to do what we love. When we do so, work is transformed into play, and we achieve an efficiency of effort that is not commonly found in our endeavors. There is a great deal of wasted time, effort, and money because we force individuals to make decisions under less than optimum circumstances. For instance, why should individuals have to do their own research to compare products or services when they need to make a purchase. Wouldn't it be better for an impartial qualified person or group to do the analysis and then make that available to many who might need it. Consumer Reports does something like this on a number of products. "Life is short, and I can't afford to waste another minute." That is one of Jack Nicholson's lines in the movie About Schmidt. That is another case where the creative arts express profound spiritual truths ... this time in a movie. I've heard this line in ads for the movie many times in the past few days. I definitely feel this way ... not so much that life is short, but that we need to make the most of every moment no matter how few or how many our days in this existence. We can only do that if we place a high value on our time, and if we decide what constitutes waste versus worthy endeavors. Spirit will not be forced, neither will she force. She operates strictly on a basis of cooperation. We could do far worse than to base our life and our actions in a similar manner. Cooperation is the way of the future. Competition has its place, but it needs to be limited to where it is truly of value. Cooperation is always WIN/WIN, provided it is sincere. Competition is nearly always WIN/LOSE. It nearly always results in benefit to someone or some group at a cost to someone else or some other group. The economic system and sports are two areas where this is prominent. But, there are many other games that we play as individuals and as a society where this applies as well. I would be whom that I AM. Here, I can do that to a degree greater than anywhere else in my life. It is curious that this would be the case, that I express open loop to an unseen audience, with spirit alone as my witness. Yet, day after day, this is exactly what I do. 26

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 My experience is just that, my experience. From what I have seen, it is unique, different from that of any other. Yet, it is not that I have much of a basis for comparison. I don't interact enough with others to know how they experience life and experience consciousness. Will this ever change? My sense is yes, it will. To some degree I have learned what I can on my own. To advance further will require entering into cooperative interdependent relationships with others ... potentially many others. Though, the later thought makes me cringe. I'm a very solitary person overall. I need solitude to explore the depths of whom that I AM and to touch the waters of spirit. I can't see ever giving this up. It is a part of my very nature. But there is the stubbornness coming forth. Richard Bach said "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours." Yes, the Messiah's Handbook in the book Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah had its share of gems. Who am I to advise another? All that I can do is share the path that I have followed, in hopes that it may have some benefit to you as well. Whether you choose to venture down that path, and the degree you choose to do so are your choice and should be based on the utility you experience in your life. Try what moves you, and use whatever you find useful. Don't be too rigid. Adapt the techniques and make them you own. My path is just that, my path. It is a path, it is definitely not the path. There are as many paths to spirit as there are individuals ... perhaps even more. Yet, there is no reason for us not to share and learn from one another. Cooperate and graduate. It seems that we are at a critical juncture point in the growth of our world. Either we learn to cooperate and work together to create a better world, or we fail and we suffer the consequences of our actions and inactions. It is that simple. None of the problems that we face are insurmountable. They may seem to be that way, but that is only when we look at them from the level in which they were created. Einstein said something to that effect. The key is to take the high ground, to see things from a larger perspective. The main problems of the world are not physical ones, nor political ones, nor economic ones. Don't get me wrong; there are a lot of these. But, for the most part, they are symptoms rather that the root problems. Our major problems are spiritual problems. They can only be resolved with spiritual solutions. How can I know all of this? It just seems so obvious. Nearly three decades of reading and thought didn't hurt. All of the many books, word after word, thought after thought effectively programmed my mind and created chinks in the armor of my self. Finally, in 1993, there was an explosion ... an emergence from the cracked cosmic egg. The chrysalis became the butterfly, opened its newfound wings of consciousness and flew with spirit as the wind beneath my wings. This was a wonderful experience for me. However, it was frightening for my wife and others around me. I was noticeably different ... but in ways that those around me could not really relate to. Oh, there were a few. However, for the most part, I was on my own, with spirit herself as my sole guide. I can remember those days as if they were yesterday. My mind was on fire ... being consumed by the very fire of spirit. And, what was burned away has never returned. I have spoken of having a Beyond Mind experience. That was the only way to find awareness, to find consciousness, I had to go beyond anything my mind as I knew it could do.

22 January 2003 I call these musings. I don't know that I even have a good definition of that term. I know the muse to be the source of all inspiration. And it seemed that the appropriate products of one guided by a muse were musings. Some might consider this to be more of a journal, a record of where my thoughts and emotions have taken me. But, this is far more than that ... for the record goes beyond thought, beyond mind to awareness and 27

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 the experience and expression of consciousness herself in my life. Is this any different for me than for others? I sense that indeed it is, at least consciously. I am aware of being aware. And, further, I am aware of some of the levels of awareness that I am able to reach. Further, I am aware of a connection to consciousness that most do not seem to experience consciously. That does not mean it isn't there ... just that it is not conscious. I can only know this from the behavior that I observe, and deducing what that means about the awareness of those exhibiting the behavior. I don't spend much time observing others. Perhaps I need to do more of this. Up until now, I have been content to focus on myself, what I experience, what I express, and how I experience. I would know whom that I AM. In discovering this, my sense has been that I will indeed discover what others are as well. For, we are all spirit manifesting in flesh. Further, we are all souls that spring forth from the same ONE spirit, ONE consciousness. I use the words spirit and consciousness often on these pages, many times as interchangeable terms. Consciousness is a form that spirit takes, a set of clothes that she wears. Consciousness in turn is the organizing principle that serves as the interface between spirit and the mind. It is through this interface that this communication takes place. The mind seems to have a local operating mode and a cosmic operating mode. The later of these seems to operate on other than conscious levels, behind the scenes if you will. However, with proper self work, it can be made more conscious, and even fully conscious if needed. Awareness relates to how much of the cosmic we have integrated into our lives. Interesting, I don't recall ever seeing it expressed in this manner before. Here, I try to speak from firsthand experience whenever I can. Primarily, because this is all that I truly know. That doesn't mean we ignore the many lessons learned by others. In fact, we can make our own path easier by taking these into account. However, there is a tradeoff here. The time that we invest in examining and evaluating the applicability of the lessons of others to us is time that we lose in being able to experience things firsthand. We need to make sure that the payoff is worth the cost. This is not always easy to determine up front. Often, we need to try it to see what benefits there are. However, we should expect a relatively quick payoff or move to something else that better serves us and all concerned. We need to be pragmatic in how we approach life. We need to be willing to try new things and see whether we like what results. It is only by doing this that we evolve how we express in the world. And that is one of the major points of life. We are here to evolve and grow into what we are capable of becoming. This exceeds any concepts that we may have, no matter how grand they may be. Any conceptual framework imposes limits. OK, some impose far less limits than others hence are more acceptable from a spiritual expression standpoint. The goal is to escape from limits altogether, though it is not clear that this is achievable so long as we are physical. That is OK. It is enough that we get close ... that we find a way to be as free as we can be and to express as fully as we can in the world. We express most fully when we allow spirit to express through us. It is that simple. Most of us block such expression, however. Happiness is a choice that we make as to how we interpret the reality that we experience. Our founding fathers spoke of the pursuit of happiness being an inalienable right. They said nothing about how to find or reach this thing that we pursue. There is a sense that a little dissatisfaction is a good thing. It motivates us to try something different or do something more. To the degree that this is so, we need happiness as the goal that we continue to strive for. For me, I am happiest when I am doing those things that truly challenge me and require my full attention and abilities. Expressing here is one place that I find that. On a fairly regular basis, I find that at work as well. My job allows me to do things that are natural for me ... that provide a showcase for some of my abilities.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 This expression is a major investment for me. No, not in terms of resources or finances, but in terms of my time. Time is one of the most precious resources that we have. More and more, I am moved not to waste it, not even one moment. Yet, it is impossible to stay so focused that we make every moment count. We can start by making each day count, doing something each day that has lasting value. We can work up or down from there, making each week count and making each hour count. I try to make it a point to do sufficient work each day to justify the cost that the customer pays to my company for my services. Because this is important to me, I find that most of the time I succeed, often surpassing my own expectations. I feel that a tithe of my time is the minimal investment in the spiritual side of life. That is a full tithe = 24/10 = 2.4 hours per day. Further, this is not an average anymore. Rather, it is a minimum per day. No, I don't expect others to live by this standard. It is something that I know to be right for me. It is my obligation to spirit for all that I have been blessed to receive. Yes, I feel very blessed. Spirit has given me many gifts, and she has been an instrumental guide for me all of my life. I am clearly in her debt. So much so, that at times it seems that there is nothing I can do to fully repay her for all that she has done. The closest that I can come is to live a spiritual life, to allow spirit to express through me as she will, to do what I am moved to do, and to be all that I can be by serving others to my utmost capacity. For me, serving others is not an option. The only choice is how to serve. And here, I try to leave it to spirit to move me to where my services are of the most utility. I don't necessarily know where this is. However, I trust that I am being attracted to the specific circumstances where my services are most needed. This is spiritual law at work. Spirit is ever in the process of finding needs and filling them. This is what she does naturally. All that we have to do is be open and allow it to happen, and of course do as we are moved by spirit to do. For me, spirit is not a personification, it is not an individual. It is the sum of all individuals and more than that, much more than that. Spirit is the source from which we as souls spring. Souls are individualized sparks of consciousness. But, that is like drops of water in the ocean. Consciousness is the ocean, yet it is composed of all of the drops as well. There is a sense that it is time to move onward and upward. The way to do this is through relationships, through the establishing of community. Yes, an intentional community, one whose constituents freely choose to be such and make a true commitment to one another. Indeed, this seems to be the next step toward the greater expression of spirit in flesh. It is through community that we accomplish things far greater than we can accomplish with the sum of our individual efforts. Here is where the power of synergy gets applied ... allowing spirit additional avenues for expression not only through us as individuals, but through us as a collective. This is as the difference between the individual brain cells and the mind that occupies the brain. I've spoken of the ONE consciousness and the plan for the greater expression of spirit in flesh, the plan for the creation of a body composed of individuals as cells, that can serve as the home for cosmic consciousness. Strategic thinking deals with understanding the stakeholders, the vision, the mission, the objectives, and the resources of an organization and how these are applied to meeting the goals of the organization. Inherently, I know how to do this. However, I don't typically operate in this manner. I don't have goals. I don't create plans to meet goals. I don't consider myself to be an organization of many parts which must be lead and controlled to accomplish particular things. My strategy is simple. Do what you are moved to do when you are moved to do it. And, for me, the motive force is spirit herself. Perhaps the prodding at work is an indication that I need to change this modus operandi. Yes, it has served me well for many years. However, if I am to work with others, it seems that they will need to have some insight into what I am doing and why ... and more importantly, how what each of us do fit together within a larger 29

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 framework that leads to some useful end. We need a common vision to guide our endeavors. And then, we need to partition the work into packages that can be done by smaller groups or by individuals. What worked for the hermit does not work for one who would be a wayshower for many. It is time to take a more public role, at least a role that is inclusive of others. How many others is still open, depending on how you choose to operate. Here, we will not force your hand. You have followed our guidance faithfully for many years. We will continue to be there for you whenever you call for our assistance, but we expect to cut the strings somewhat and have you operate more autonomously and in a more worldly manner. You have looked to us for solace and comfort long enough. It is time for you to find more of that in those whom your life touches. That means that you will have to touch more people far more deeply than you have to date. But, we know that you have it within you to do so. It is a matter of desiring it and then doing what it takes to make it happen. That doesn't mean that you need to abandon your musings. Writing is still your strongest ability. And, there is much that you have to say. Yes, you have to say. You are not only our voice, you are our brain, our mind, our very consciousness made flesh. Whether it comes from us or comes from you, the expression is what it is. It should be evaluated on its own merit. How useful is it in establishing the foundations for a new world? Yes, you are meant to work primarily on the spiritual but also on the mental foundations. Others will deal with the emotional and physical foundations. Much of your life has been lived in a detached manner. That kept you from getting hurt, but also kept you from getting close. Is this what you still want to do? Does this choice serve you or limit you? Our sense is the later. Many of your choices as to how to deal with the world were made when you were young. It is time you re-examine them and start to make better choices ... better in terms of who and how you say you want to be now. To change your world, the only real place to start is in changing yourself. After all, this is the only place where you truly have power. You can only have power over others if they grant it to you. They may do this out of hope, out of fear, or out of ignorance. Some people are naturally dominant and are meant either for such roles or to deal with power issues. The multitudes, however, would much rather not deal with such issues. They came to be part of the herd. They are comfortable living as others live and doing as others do. For each exceptional individual, there are many average ones. Though, there is a sense that we are all exceptional in some way and one of our goals should be to establish the social infrastructure necessary to elicit and nurture the exceptional abilities of each of us.

23 January 2003 Quiet time is very important as well. This is what allows us to communicate with ourself, with the spark of spirit that is within us. Unless we are quiet, our own chatter drowns out any chance of receiving anything from source. Yes, silence is definitely golden ... especially when used properly. It can be used to renew our reserves, and to refresh us so that we are ready to face the world again and to carry out the missions for which we incarnated. Yes, missions. We live our lives on several levels, and it seems that there are things that we came to learn and to do on each level. We are all grand beings. We truly are. Yet, clearly a large majority do not believe thus. That doesn't change the fact one iota. It is time more realized how precious they are, how fragile, and yet how powerful. At the very least, we have the power to create our own reality. On top of this, we have the power to impact the reality of others. However, here, it is based on mutual understanding and choice. We may never know how many we impact and how deeply. This expression is a case in point. The audience is unseen, and for the most part silent. That makes it impossible to know how many I've touched and in what manner. That is OK. I 30

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 can live with this as an unknown in my life, and continue doing what I know to be my spiritual work anyway. I am a spiritual being in flesh ... and my will is spirits will. There is no separation. Yes, I need to be wary of ego muddying things with its limited perspective. However, overall, it seems that my will is now to be used as a tool to manifest things both in my life and my world. Further, it seems that my world is expanding by leaps and bounds. No, this has not yet translated into more and deeper relationships, but that seems to be on the immediate horizon. One year. There is a sense that much of my world will be transformed in that timeframe. However, this will not be imposed on me by anything on the outside. Rather, it is all change that springs forth from within. To influence others, however, I need to reach out and touch them in some way. This expression is one way. But, it is not enough. There is more that I can do. There is more that I must do if I am to reach those with whom I am meant to connect and work. Since the expression began, I have trusted that it was spirits job to disseminate this expression to those in need of it. I still believe that to be the case. However, now it seems that I have a roll to play in this as well. At this point, I don't know exactly what that is. I sense that it involves finding ways to interact more with others. I like to explore the edge of the unknowns of consciousness and bring back whatever I find. Most of what I find are states of consciousness which I in turn try to express in words. How successful am I in doing this? That is not for me to decide. That depends on the utility of these words to others. Yet, I do not base the success of my life on the utility of these words. The very act of bringing them forth was the greater success. Their utility is the dessert. Interesting. I do consider myself highly successful. I am proud of my accomplishments both at work and on the spiritual front ... especially the later because it seems to be of a nature to have a more lasting value. I go to bed content each day that my efforts have been of value and will ultimately make a difference. I can't imagine living life without making a difference, without serving society in a big way. That would be my definition of failure ... to go through life and not be able to make a statement, not to make a difference because of my presence. And, for me, just any old difference won't do. I have declared it to be my task to build the foundations for a new world. This declaration was not made lightly. I know how much commitment it takes. There is a sense that this is not new to me, that I have been here before. No, not exactly in these particular circumstances, for we live in a very special time for the unfoldment of consciousness ... but in similar circumstances where I had an instrumental role to play in creating major change. Clearly, this was not in this existence. Further, it may not even have been on this planet. My home is a state of consciousness. It has no location. Where I reside is simply that, where I reside. It is all temporary. It is only in consciousness that we can find permanence, and even then it is an everchanging permanence. That is OK, life itself is impermanent. Change is good. Motion is good. Emotion is good. That is, they can be good if we handle them effectively and use them for our benefit and the benefit of all. This later clause is important. We need to consider the impact to the collective when we make decisions. The greatest good comes when we do this. The greatest good will not always maximize the benefit to us personally. But, we need to learn what is enough for us, and how to balance this against the needs of others. Can I succeed in carrying out the tasks that I believe to be mine? At this point, I have the utmost confidence that indeed I can. The main reason for this is because I am not alone in this. Spirit is ever at my side. More than that ... in a very real way, spirit and I are one. No, I am not all of spirit, but spirit is all of me ... even those parts of me that are still hiding from myself. Given this, I am not a separate entity. The perception of separation is the result of the viewpoint from which we are seeing things and the walls and shadows that are part of that viewpoint. At this point, it still serves us to see ourselves as 31

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 individuals. So long as it serves us, we will continue to experience it. However, the day is coming when it may be more beneficial to see ourselves as members of a society, rather than as individuals. When we start to do this, we will have unleashed the sleeping dragon that awaits to be freed. Only, in this case, the dragon is not a monster. It is a mythical creature of power and wonder. Puff, the magic dragon ... I would do what I am here to do. It might help if I knew more specifically what that was. So far, the description is pretty general: create the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh. Also, serve as the midwife to the birth of the Aquarian Age. These are huge tasks. Yet, they are tasks that someone or some group needs to do. If not me, whom? If not now, when? If not here, where? I am glad to give my life in this service. In fact, I would have it no other way. Do I have much of a clue as to what it will take to do either of these tasks? Not really, at least not yet. But, I trust that I will know what I need to know when I need to know it. I trust that I will always know enough to be able to take the next step ... and further, to do it safely. Then, it is a matter of creating the way by taking one step after another and doing what we are moved to do along the way. I am not building a house that requires a blueprint. However, I am creating a path, and documenting or making a map of that path. Ultimately this will allow others to follow ... to reach where I have been and venture out further, wherever there own inner guidance takes them. Someone said something to the effect: "If I have seen further than others, it is because I have stood on the shoulders of giants." This is definitely true for me, more so in the early years of this expression than now. Of late, I take in very little input from the world, preferring to see where consciousness would lead me on my own. Are the musings cohesive enough to serve as a basis for others to read and to follow? I still don't know how all of this can come through as it does. Even after close to a decade. But, we don't have to understand something to be competent in doing it. Sometimes, we just have to do it, and allow our natural competence to shine forth. When I think about it, I don't know how I do most of what I do ... especially the things that I do well. They are just natural. The experiences of my life lead to either the development of innate skills or to the unleashing of talents that were already there. I don't know how I see, or how I sense, or even how I know things. I use the words sense and know a lot. However, sense does not correspond to the standard definition of experiencing through the five senses. It is more of an intuitive sense, an inner feeling. As to knowing things, that is mysterious as well. Typically, what I know is not limited to what reason tells me. In fact, it may not involve reason at all. Yet, knowing is different from sensing. This is not the knowing that many speak of. This is not the knowing of the mind, the knowing that has the knowledge of the world as its basis. This is the knowing of the soul, the knowing of spirit. Both religion and science come from entirely different worldviews. They are neither wrong nor right. Both are realms in which beliefs and dogmas operate. Each could learn something from the other. Spirituality operates in a whole other realm. It accepts the good that religion and science have to offer, but is more concerned with the basic principles of how consciousness operates and how spirit expresses in the world. Both religion and science have part of the answer. Metaphysics seems to have even more. At least I've found it to offer a more open and inclusive framework on which to base ones life. Yes, I know, a great majority of the population doesn't see it this way. That is irrelevant, however. If something is true, it is true. It matters not how many people believe it or even more important, know it. I'm the first to admit that some "metaphysicians" are flakes and airheads. They dabble in the occult sciences in the same way that many dabble in religion. That doesn't mean that there isn't some truth to be found in these disciplines, just as one can usually find great spiritual truths at the core of many religions. We are moving into a new age. A new age demands new ways of doing things, new ways of knowing things. In particular, the ways that will work in the new age are intuitive ones. Isn't it curious that the 32

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 intuition is so heavily involved in most metaphysical pursuits? There is a reason for this. The new ways that we need for the new age are already here. They have already been developed. All that it takes is the proper training to spread these skills across the population ... or across enough of the population to change the world. Actually, that is not quite correct. The disciplines required are only in their infancy. To advance them to where they need to be, we need to apply the proper resources to turn them into true sciences. However, their very nature is such that repeatability is a problem. Many of these disciplines deal with an intuitive reading of what a combination of energies or symbols means. The intuitive nature of the reading is the very element that tailors the reading to the individual. What makes me believe as I do? There is no person that has served as a role model in my life. Most of what I know had nothing to do with anything that I learned in school. That says a lot about me. It also speaks volumes about the education system. At least there were metaphysical books that I was moved to find and to read from the time I was 14. Had I been born even a decade earlier, my life could have been far different. I'm sure I would have found my way to metaphysics. But, Seth would not have become part of my life until far later. Further, the energies would have been different. I chose my date and time of birth, with some assistance from my parents, of course. To some degree, we all do this. It is not a matter of chance. Rather, it is one of fate ... a fate that we create for ourselves.

24 January 2003 For now, I'll continue to do what I am moved to do ... expressing whatever comes to mind. I trust that whatever message that is meant to be conveyed is somehow being conveyed. Isn't it my job as a writer to ensure that such is the case? My sense is no, my job is to capture this expression in words and make it available to others. That is what I do here. Yet, it seems that I have other obligations as well. As the creator of this expression, it is my obligation to feed it, to care for it, to nurture it, to facilitate its growth ... and to assist in getting it into the mind and hearts of those meant to hear it. This is the testament of my life. This is my spiritual manifesto. Here, I share whom that I am as freely as I can. It is my desire that this serve as an example of the degree and depth of sharing that I would like to see happen in the world ... in my world anyway. I can only demonstrate by example. It is not enough to say something, we really need to show others what we are talking about via our actions. Yet, actions follow beliefs. Ultimately, it is what we believe that is manifest in our lives. I wonder just how different we really are. My sense is that we might be shocked by this. With all our talk of equality, we need to make sure we don't equate being equal with being the same. We are all different, with extremes being very different. That is OK. Variety is good. Differences are good. We just need to find ways to make beneficial use of the differences. In society, it seems we suffer by trying too hard to put round pegs in square holes. It would be far better to assess the shape of each person and then try to place them in the right place within society. That place would be one where their unique gifts and skills are of the most benefit to society ... or at least are of value to society. We don't want to get stuck in optimization loops of having to find the best fit for everyone. At some point, the fit is good enough and any adaptations can be made from there. How do we categorize individuals to know what their abilities and talents are? Astrology, numerology, auras, psychological and personality tests, self inventories and assessments, enneagram, ... and any number of other ways will do. It is not for us to use one way, but rather to use all or any combinations of them that are useful for whatever we are attempting to do. Yes, many of these are occult ways that do not stand up to scientific scrutiny. However, we are dealing with subjective reality of conscious entities here, not objective reality ... so science is not really relevant. We need to be pragmatic here. We need to try 33

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 things and use utility as our measure for judging them. We will find that some things are far more useful than we thought possible. We may also find that some things are far less useful than we may have thought. Further, we need different ways to deal with different types of people. There are many types of intelligence, few of which are measured by IQ tests. That doesn't mean that such tests are not valid, just that they are meaningful only to the people who possess the types of intelligence that they test. If we don't know what our talents and abilities are, how can we hope to find employment that would bring out the best in us by requiring us to use these talents and abilities? Collectively, we need to do a far better job of matching resources to tasks. The result of failing to do this is incredible waste and inefficiency. This we can fix. However, it requires a social contract. We need a commitment among the members of society that ensures that each individual and family is taken care of. This does not come for free. Contracts are two sided. They explain what we are expected to give in return for what we expect to get. For the social contract, this is easy ... we give what we can by using our abilities to serve society in some way, most likely for a prescribed period of time each week. In return, we get what we need. Communism states this most simply: From each in accord with their abilities, to each in accord with their needs. Yes, it is that simple. Yet, we have not seen this implemented in our world to date, as far as I know anyway. For one thing, this demands full employment. For another, it demands assessing the abilities of individuals and finding where they might be used to serve the community. Further, this requires assessing the needs of individuals, and doing what it takes to meet those needs. These needs may be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. As a society, we need to establish a social infrastructure that addresses all four areas. You may say "it can't be done". I beg to differ. We can do whatever we choose to do. It is a matter of applying our best and brightest and employing the necessary resources to do it. We tend to do whatever we set our minds and our hearts on. Resources are everything. We've already identified where some of these resources might come from. A tithe of four hours per week from everyone (10% of a 40 hour work week) x 200 million yields a 20 million person level of effort. If we can find a way to organize this labor effectively, we will be amazed by what can be accomplished. Four hours per week in service to society is not much to ask, especially when we see the return side of the contract take place. We need to keep people challenged, not overwhelmed, but challenged enough to keep them improving, to keep them becoming more and more of whom that they are. This seems to be an organizational nightmare ... channeling the equivalent of 20 million people working full time. Actually, it could be more than this because if done right, this should be something people love to do, hence they should be more effective than in their normal jobs. It doesn't have to be a nightmare. It is not even clear that it needs to be consciously organized. Perhaps in pockets, here and there, but, overall the expression could be open and free. Though, we need to find ways for people to see the needs that require their abilities ... and then fill the needs as best they can. Some people are good at seeing the needs. We need ways for them to make available what they see into a database of sorts so that the people with the right skills can be tasked to fill the needs. We need evaluation services to help people find out what they are good at and then training to develop their skills and talents so that they can serve optimally. We need mentors, teachers, and guides. We need ways to share of whom that we are. We know what is lacking. We know what is not working. We may not want to admit it. We may fear what some of the alternatives might be. The bottom line is that some of the fundamental foundations of society are cracked badly and may be ready to topple shortly. Recognizing this, we have an obligation to use our power of free will to do something about it or to do nothing and allow the foundations to come crashing down. I, for one, cannot sit back and do nothing. At the very least, I choose to come here and express, in hopes of reaching kindred spirits who feel and know the same things. It will take cooperation, working closely together for us to make a difference of the scale and order of magnitude required. Yet, 34

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 we know that this is part of what we came to do. In fact, our very happiness is tied to carrying out what we know to be our mission ... even if we cannot explicitly state what that mission is. There is something inside of us that knows when we are on mission, doing what we are meant to do. There is hope. If we liken souls to pieces of the puzzle that is spirit, the one, then we can conclude that at some level each soul, each piece, knows what its relationships are to all of the other parts that it touches. We don't have to discover what this is. We simply have to develop an infrastructure that allows it to manifest, that allows the pieces to connect and enter into cooperative interdependent relationships. Hmm ... easier said than done. Or, maybe, easier done than said. We are spirit expressing in flesh already. At some level we know where we are going and exactly what it takes to get us there. There is a sense that there are already prototypes for many of the organizational structures that need to exist. Though, we may need to be creative and apply these structures in new ways in different domains. Further, there is some portion of the population already giving their fair share, their tithe, to the community. Some are giving far more effort than this. I have no way of knowing how many are in this category. I won't even bother to guess. However, it is far lower than a majority. So, there is room for much improvement. There are people who like to organize. There are people who like to lead. There are people who like to be part of a group. There are people who work best by themselves. There are people who are objective and rational. There are people who are subjective and perhaps irrational. That is only a small sampling of some of the categories of people. We need to know such things so that we can select the right combinations of people for teams. Many problems are so complex that it takes teams of people to address them, sometimes large teams. Still other problems can be addressed by a single individual. We need ways to identify, collect, and broadcast problems or work packages so that teams or individuals can select and apply for what they want to work on. If you are a worrier, you might think that the work packages would never match the work force. However, I'm an optimist. Further, I believe in the spiritual order of the universe. Where there is a talent, there is a need for that talent.

25 January 2003 We have the technology. Even more important we have the ideals, the ideas, and the principles to build a better world for all of us. The question is ... will we choose to do so? For one thing, it may require shifts in the power base of the world. Not only in the political power base but the economic one. Further, we live in an information age. Actually, the shift to this age is recent, and it still only touches a small fraction of the world’s population. Yet, that is a start. The newness of this all makes it an open frontier. We are only catching glimpses of what we can do on a worldwide basis when we freely share information. We will be astonished by what we are capable of when we cooperate on grand endeavors. Changing the world is everyone’s business; it is everyone’s job. However, the specific roles that each of us have to play will be different. It is for each of us to find our place and do as we are moved to do to the best of our abilities. This is always within our power to do. It is a matter of choice, not chance. But, you say, I am only one person ... how can I change the world? I would answer, you are more powerful than you know. Change always starts with one person, or with a small group. When you change who you are, when you change what you do, your world can't help but to be impacted. We are here to make a difference ... each and every one of us. Some may have greater roles or lesser roles corresponding to their abilities and the specific parts they came to play. But, each, ultimately has a role tailored to them. We are all unique individuals. It only makes sense that spirit would bring out and use those things that make us unique. This is true for all of us, not just in this country but throughout the world. We have many living in dire circumstances. At what point do we collectively take responsibility and do what it takes to fix this? Further, how do we go about doing such?

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 We have a United Nations, but it does not seem to be promoting equality among nations. There are developed, developing, and undeveloped nations. Do we continue to leave the fate of each nation to its own choices and actions ... or do we collectively find ways to help all nations to evolve to what they can be? This doesn't mean to bring each nation to the "developed" standard of living. It is not clear that there are sufficient resources on Earth for that. However, there are ways for each nation to improve, though this may require active help from fellow nations. We need to start thinking as a United World. It is not clear that retaining status as independent nations serves us in the long run. We are all interdependent. This is true for our economies, and to some degree our governments. It is time that we cooperated far more than we ever have before. If I don't feel a responsibility to my neighbors, many of whom I don't even know, then how am I to feel a responsibility to someone in some undeveloped country whose country I don't even know exists? We are all connected. What happens to any of us, happens to all of us. It doesn't matter whether we know those to whom we are connected. The connections exist nonetheless. It is for us to honor the obligations that we feel. When we start to explore this area of our lives, we will find that we are more connected than we ever knew or believed possible. If we rely on our intuition, it will naturally move us in a manner to allow us to honor our obligations. We don't have to know everything. We don't have to keep up with the news or current events. What we need to know will be brought into our awareness somehow. Further, we will be moved to do what we must to meet our obligations. We simply have to allow this to occur naturally. What is ours to do may challenge us, it may be beyond what we believe that we are capable of. However, trust that spirit knows us even better than we know ourselves, and she has no reason to set us up to fail. That does not mean we will always succeed in the endeavors that we believe we are doing. However, we will not fail to do what it is that we can do. We will make the difference that we are meant to make. This is our fate. Though, it does require our cooperation as well. This is a grand and glorious endeavor that we are participating in. It will enable others to break the bonds of their minds, and experience consciousness firsthand. Thus far, it is a record of my travels in consciousness. At some point, it will be far more than that. Cooperative endeavors are on the immediate horizon. And these have the potential to be far grander than anything that we have seen thus far. This expression is magical to me. It is a mystery in the manner that it comes forth. How I can speak of things that I have no right to know based on my education to date is amazing. We definitely possess a knowledge that is far greater than what we have learned in our present incarnation. That is the only conclusion I can draw based on what I experience coming forth. The bottom line is that I know very little about how my mind functions ... and even less about how spirit does what she does. I came to do a job, to accomplish a mission. If it were not for this, I would not have chosen to incarnate. That is not true for everyone necessarily. Many simply enjoy being physical. We continue to incarnate so long as we have something to learn or something to do, or both. One of the things I came to do, is to bring forth this expression. I know that because of how it feels when I am doing it. There is a sense of completion, of honoring my obligations in some way. I will continue to express in this manner so long as I am moved to do it. After that, we will move onto whatever form of expression is next. Step by step, our lives unfold. With each step, the next one becomes clearer. At least, that is how it is for me. Some seem to operate quite differently. They see things from a larger perspective and plan the steps to get them to some destination. It is not clear that I will ever operate in such a mode. Though, that may be based too much on what I have seen to date in my life. At any moment, that could change. The future does not have to follow the past. We can make choices in the present that alter the past and create the future. This is within our power to do at anytime. We are free to remove our shackles whenever we wish. Though, this is difficult if we view our shackles as wings. 36

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 It still amazes me that this expression can come forth day after day in this manner. One might think that I would run out of things to say. But, that doesn't seem to be the case. In fact, it seems that the more that I express, the more that there is to express. The very act of expression creates a vacuum that draws forth more. Yes, I have tapped a well. And, it is not clear that it will ever run dry. Then again, it might ... forcing me to find another well to tap. Interesting. It seems there are deposits of spirit everywhere. It is just a matter of finding them. The most productive place to look is inside ourselves. That is where the greatest treasure we could ever hope to find is hid awaiting our discovery. Further, the game is stacked in our favor. We are meant to find whatever we seek. It is a matter of seeking those things that ultimately matter. This is a choice that we must make. It doesn't happen automatically, unless we allow it to and expect it to. How can I know of what I speak? I don't know how, I just know. The words just come forth, and ring true somehow. As far back as I can remember, I have had this gift of knowing what is true for me. It is not an intellectual knowing, it is a spiritual knowing springing more from the heart than from the head ... and yet coming from someplace beyond either of these two. I consider this to be one of my greatest gifts. It has served me well through over 30 years of metaphysical study. In fact, it is what got me here, to this place where I can speak in this manner. This is not something I developed. It is something I was born with ... or, a spiritual inheritance that came to me early in life anyway. Ye shall know them by their works. I don't know who said that, but it is true to a large extent. Here, you get to walk where my consciousness has been. In doing so, your consciousness is tuned to whom that I am in a manner that is not possible any other way. Yet, how does that benefit you. Is where my consciousness has been worthy of being followed? My sense is yes. If it were not the case, it seems that I would not be moved to capture this stream of consciousness in this manner.

26 January 2003 This expression is the cornerstone of my life now. It is upon this rock that I build the foundations for my world ... and perhaps for a greater world that stretches beyond me. There is a sense that what will be will be. Destiny is definitely playing out her hand not only in my life, but on the world stage as well. We are all actors on this stage. It is high time we realized this and truly got into our roles. There is much to do. Yet, it seems that few are aware enough to know it. That can change quickly. The mass media offers the means to reach and influence many far more rapidly than we have ever been able to do before. However, this would require that someone in control realize that something needs to be done. There is a sense that the most creative among us are already realizing this ... and as a result, their works are being designed to move us spiritually. That is good. That is exactly what we need at this time. If there is any area that is truly lacking in our expression, it is the spiritual. For most, this has been the domain of religion for centuries, if not millennia ... and little has changed in that time. This needs to be re-examined. Spirituality is the pole that holds up the tent of the self. Without it, we are effectively nothing. With it we can do all things, we are effectively unlimited. Do religions teach us this? Perhaps some, but clearly not many. Spirituality should empower us to be all the we can be and to do all that we are meant to do. Each day brings us one step closer to our destiny, to assuming our rightful role in the scheme of things. Actually, to some degree, at each point in our lives we are doing exactly what we need to do. That doesn't mean that we have to be satisfied with the status quo. Desire for change is a very good thing. It motivates us to do what is necessary to achieve the desired change. It is not important that we know what that is. Rather, we need to be open to what we are moved to do by the very nature of whom that we are. This is 37

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 not necessarily whom that we have been. It is within our power to recreate whom that we are at any moment. We do this through beliefs, and through actions consistent with those beliefs. It helps if we recreate ever grander versions of ourselves, for we are grand beings all, grander than we could ever imagine. In front of us lie infinite possibilities. It is for us to turn them into probabilities, and then into actualities in our lives. This is always within our power. We are meant to actualize whom that we are. The very forces of nature cooperate with us in this endeavor, if only we allow them to. We often do not think in such terms ... that there is a benign universe supporting us in all that we do. But, indeed there is, no matter the circumstances we find ourselves in. It is time that we realize whom that we are, and our relationship to All That Is. We are important, each and every one of us. Each of us has the power to make a difference, and a great difference at that ... to our family, our friends, our society, and even our world. Yes, we are that powerful. But, it is what we do that makes the difference. We can think wonderful things, but unless we take the next step and act on them, the opportunity for impact has been lost. That is not to say thoughts do not have their place. Thoughts turned into beliefs are indeed very powerful. But, in the end, it is the actions we take that make things so in our world. Besides, that is what turns a thought into a belief anyway ... the willingness to act in accord with. Until we are willing to act, we are just paying lip service to the thoughts. Believe firmly whatsoever you will believe. The strength of the belief provides the impetus to make things happen in our lives. But then, we must be willing to do what we are moved to do. The saying actions speak louder than words comes to mind. This is indeed the case. What determines how much gets expressed and when? It doesn't seem like it is me. Yet, to some degree it must be the states that I'm in and the energies that are around me. 2002 and 2003 are clearly meant to be banner years. At least the beginning of 2003. We have no means of knowing at this point how long it will last. However, it is very important that I run with it and express as fully as I can for however long it lasts. That is why I volunteer so much time to this endeavor. This is something that I must find time for. The sense is that what comes forth here cannot come forth in this particular manner in any other way. It takes my unique consciousness and my specific level of awareness to serve as the vessel for this expression. Yes, that says a lot about me. But, it says even more about consciousness. After all, it is her that I serve. None of this would be possible without her. Though, it seems, we could say the same thing about me. Yes, I can get grandiose at times. But, this expression is a lot to deal with. We attract experiences in accord with our beliefs and in accord with what we need to learn. What we most need to learn are the things of spirit. Yes, there are other things that count. But, the spiritual things are the things that count most. Here is where our true treasure lies. However, it takes focus and dedication to find it. We will be amazed with whom that we truly are. We surely will. Our souls, our spiritual selves, are grander and wiser than we have ever imagined. Even for those of us who already hold grandiose visions of ourselves.

27 January 2003 The most important choice to make is to be whom that we truly are. That one choice makes all the difference in the world. That one choice opens up untold possibilities. This is how we maximize our effect on the world. It is that simple, be whom that we are ... and express that faithfully. Education should challenge us, not overwhelm us. It should bring out the best in us. Further, it should continue to do this so long as we live. The day that we stop learning, we are as good as dead. Yes, learning is that important to life. 38

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Yes, that should be the goal of everyone ... to be all that they can be. To facilitate this, society must establish the necessary foundation that encourage, promote, and enable individuals to achieve this. Society wins big when individuals are able to express whom that they are in this manner. We can't afford to waste the abilities and talents of any of us. This requires a big commitment from each of us. We have to take responsibility not only for ourselves but for assisting others to excel where we can as well. It is not enough to simply do our jobs. We must find ways to excel, ways that challenge us to apply everything that we are to achieve great things. Yes, great things. We all have the potential to achieve greatness in some area. It is up to us, with the help of society, to find what that is for us ... then to develop and achieve that potential. We have much to be grateful for in this country. Unfortunately, the abundance we experience here, is not shared very fairly with our fellow beings in other countries. Part of this is because we still see ourselves as separate. We see ourselves as competing in a resource-constrained world. Yet, we live in an abundant world, or what could be an abundant world if only we cooperated to make it so. The developed nations, however, don't see what's in it for them to cooperate. The status quo gives developed nations far more than their fair share economically. However, the developed nations also have the might that makes their position right ... regardless of how fair or unfair it may be. In the end, we will reap what we sow as a nation. When we take advantage of another nation, politically or economically, the action is recorded on a national karmic record of sorts. In the end, we will have to balance our accounts. That is simply the way it is. We balance our accounts by acts of kindness and acts of service. Most countries believe the land within their borders and all that lies beneath it are theirs, that they are free to do with it what they will. However, the world is a small place, becoming smaller and smaller all the time. When the population was much less spread out and much less dense ... what one country did had limited impact on countries around it. This is no longer the case. There are ecological interdependencies. There is a fragile balance that nature has maintained that we are in danger of uprooting. Nature herself will not come to the rescue. She will not do what we can do for ourselves. However, she will allow the ramifications of our actions and inactions to fall where they may. There is, for instance, a sense that the human population is far more than is sustainable. It is as if we have surpassed the limits to growth and a correction is in order. How such a correction might manifest ... by natural disaster, by disease, by hunger, by war ... all of these are possibilities. Would we as a world do what it takes to stop this? My sense is no. There are billions of people living in poverty on this planet. I am not aware of any massive efforts to correct this. Perhaps people feel this is just too big of a problem to address. Further, one might ask why it is my responsibility. God helps those who help themselves. But what about those who cannot help themselves? Don't we need some way to help them as well? And how does god do the helping anyway except through us and with our hands? I have said before that spirit is a slave driver. But it seems that I am truly the one with the reigns. I decide how much or how little time to invest each day. But then, some might consider me a man possessed or obsessed. And, perhaps they would be right. Yet, if material such as this can come forth from one so afflicted, then perhaps we should all be so afflicted. It would make the world a much better place. We collectively have the power to change our world for the better, to create a utopia on earth. But, it will only happen if we believe it, and if we choose to make it so. Our spiritual destiny will indeed play itself out. As actors in the play, we have roles in carrying out this destiny. As we come to know ourselves, we will come to know our destinies. My hope is that each days material will at least have one new thing worthy of being quoted. It seems that I am succeeding here, that the material expressed is just as full of quotable expressions as was the material last year. 39

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 What allows us to come forth with such golden nuggets of wisdom? I truly do not know. I only know that it happens ... I experience it happening nearly everyday. The source however is spirit herself, or at least a part of me of which I am not consciously aware. I am privileged to be able to serve spirit in this manner. I can't think of a more important thing to be doing with my life. I do not intend to have children in this existence. The closest that I come is three furry kids who I love dearly. My other children are the things created through my mind. This expression is the primary thing in this category. My works are my children. They are the things that I invest my time and energy in. They are, in a very real way, my legacy ... the legacy that I leave to the world. Yet, there is something that says this is not enough. There is more that I can do, there is more that I must do. This is not imposed on me from the outside. Rather, it is imposed from within, and because of this I cannot help but to do it. It is as if I cannot find peace, I cannot find rest, until I get it done. This is what my life is all about, doing what spirit would have me do, whatever that would be. Yes, this requires a great deal of trust, but spirit is worthy of all the trust that we can give to her. When we do the work of spirit, we are strong in ways that we are not otherwise. It is amazing what we can do when we are serving spirit, and thus serving the world.

28 January 2003 It is amazing what happens when one chooses to consciously live a life of spirit. There is something magical that is engaged. There is something that cooperates with us to allow us to do more than we could do otherwise. This unknown, this unseen becomes present by its effects in our lives. Spirit herself is able to work her wonders through us, allowing her to touch all those whom we touch. No regrets. It is important to live our lives so that we have no regrets. That doesn't mean that we will have everything that we want to have or do everything that we want to do. We may or we may not. However, it does mean that we are grateful for our experiences ... whatsoever they may be. If we don't like our experience it is up to us to take responsibility and do what it takes to change it. We create our reality via our beliefs. It is up to us to make a masterpiece of our belief systems. In doing so, we will also make a masterpiece of our lives. Yes, that is the goal. We are artists all. Our most important work is our own reality, our own life. How many know that this is completely our responsibility to mold and to shape as we will? When we focus on service, on what we can do to serve others, society, and our world ... we engage the greatest parts of ourselves. We may not know exactly what we are doing, but there is a surety in our step. We are personally guided by spirit. Or, we can be if we are open to being so. Our lives become purposeful, in ways that they have not before. We need to operate in a WIN-WIN manner wherever we can. There is always a way to do this. Then again, I'm sure there are others who can think of scenarios where this might not be so. Those simply are not a part of my world so they don't even come to mind for me. Yes, my reality is quite isolated. Some might think that I live in a fairy-tale world, a utopia that can never exist on Earth. But, I beg to differ. The world is what we make of it. It is fashioned by our hands and by our minds ... in particular by our beliefs and by our actions. We can literally make it into anything that we desire it to be. Collectively we are that powerful. Individually we are that powerful. We are the creators of our reality ... the masters of our fate. We are the lords of our lives. What we desire sincerely, we find a

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 way to create and to experience. Through our beliefs, we draw to us the circumstances that either confirm our beliefs or challenge them. We are only allowed to operate in error so long. At some point, we are moved to find a better truth. Better is always measured in terms of utility. What works better is better ... that is, until something better still comes along to replace it. I have done in a decade more than many do in a lifetime. Perhaps even more in a year than most do. But, my output is not to be compared to most. The only measure of value is what we do versus what we could have done. Did we do all that we could do? Were we being all that we could be? What was the actual versus what was the potential? What do I truly know and how do I know it? Those are excellent questions to ask. But, we need to make a distinction between what we believe versus what we know. What we believe may or may not be true, but we choose to believe it because it serves us in some way. It makes our life easier or better in some manner. What we know comes from a deeper part of ourselves, our very soul. We don't choose to know it ... we just know. There is no doubt as to whether it is true or not. Yet, are there not times when this knowingness is wrong? Perhaps, but it seems that when this happens, we have confused believing with knowing. My sense is that the knowing is never wrong. Also, knowing is timeless. This doesn't mean that we can't read the signs around us in the wrong way. This is especially troublesome where we have an interest in the outcome. In general, it is best to leave outcomes to spirit. That doesn't mean that we can't do things with the objective of achieving an outcome. However, we need to be careful to allow something better for the good of all concerned to happen. Often, we see only part of the picture ... and for many, only a small part. Spirit has the whole in mind and can optimize effort for the good of the whole if we submit to her reign and choose to allow her to express through us. The sooner we choose to do this the better for everyone. People must be given a spiritual manifesto ... a set of ideas on which they can base their spiritual identity. The latest Conversations With God book by Neale Donald Walsch does this as well as anything I've encountered recently. Some of the ideas at the Beyond Imagination site do this as well. The spiritual manifesto should explain what we collectively want to manifest spiritually. Since nearly all of our problems are spiritual problems, this will go a long way towards fixing many of the things that are wrong. We need to decide what we want to be as a society, and as human beings. And then, we need to make our beliefs and our actions consistent with getting us there. It is our choice. It is up to us. Where do we record collective decisions, especially ones that affect the world? There is something that knows our every thought, our every belief, our every action. These are known to consciousness directly. And, this consciousness is ONE consciousness that animates us all. So, there is a collective place that is omniscient, and is omnipotent in that it has the power to move any part to act in a particular way to accomplish its objectives. Just look at our experiences in life. How many times have we been moved to do things for which we had no reason as to why? It is not that we are out of control. It is simply that much of the control is exerted via other than conscious means. There is nothing wrong with this. There is a reason the mind is split into subconscious, conscious, and superconscious parts. Each of these organizations has its functions and its purposes. Though, if we were to look for actual boundaries, we would find these divisions to be arbitrary.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 I do expect everyone to contribute at least a tithe of their working time. That should be the minimum acceptable contribution to society demanded of everyone. If we are going to partake of the benefits of society, we need to be willing to invest some part of ourselves in that society. We do this by contributing of our time and our talents. We all have something that we can do that could benefit others ... something special that allows whom that we are to be expressed. This benefits not only the recipients but those who give of themselves in this manner as well. The Beyond Imagination quote for today is: As citizens, we owe something to our fellow citizens. It is curious, that is exactly what this tithe is all about. It deals with how we fulfill our obligation to others. We are meant to share of whom that we are with society, with the world in some way. It is for us to find out what ways work best for us and then to engage them ... preferable often. Each day we make choices about what we do, about where we apply our focus and our resources. It is important that we do something that reaches out to impact others. When we make a habit of doing so, it will enrich our lives greatly. There is much to be gained by the sharing of whom that we are. Yes, I'm one to talk, living such an isolated life. Yet, I do choose to express here in this manner. So, ultimately, much that I do becomes part of the common domain if you will. It is freely expressed, and freely available. Though, it does take some searching to find. The idea of packaging some of the material into a book and going the traditional publishing route comes to mind. But, that grates with the idea of open and free communications. Yet, I do need an income sufficient to sustain a lifestyle and particular standard of living. I should be able to generate this income by doing what I love to do. How do I do what I love and get the money that I need to follow? Yes, that is the abundance question. That is the secret to living a life of purpose, a life that truly makes a difference. I must make a difference on a major scale. I simply must. Nothing else is acceptable to me. My abilities are such that I know that I am meant to accomplish great things. The sense is that I have not even begun to live up to this. Though, each day I get closer. It continues to be important to come here and capture this stream of consciousness. There is something about creating this physical record that is important somehow ... highly important. At the very least, it is important for me and my development as a spiritual being. Here I am able to unveil and express more and more of whom that I am. The uncertainty of it all makes it exciting. There is something about dealing with the unknown that is intoxicating to me. I don't consume alcohol or drugs, with the exception of my medications. But, this expression is able to take me to the high vistas of the spiritual realm. There is nothing else like it that I know of. There are depths to the self, to the soul that may never be fathomed no matter how hard or how long we try. It seems that there are just some things that are meant to remain a mystery. There is nothing wrong with that. This is what gives life much of its fascination. We are ever challenged to become more of whom that we truly are and to express this in our lives to the greatest degree that we can. In fact, this is the supreme challenge of our life: to be all that we can be. But, we can't do this if we don't have a solid concept and awareness of whom that we are. That is the key, awareness is everything. Yet, what is awareness? How do we become more and more aware? How do we make quantum leaps in what we are aware of ourselves to be? My sense is that such events are timed to happen when we are somehow ready for them to occur. Self work and self knowledge are two things that seem to make us ready. But, the hand of fate is at play as 42

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 well. It is as if we have a spiritual inheritance of some type ... perhaps earned by what we have done in other existences. At some point in our life, we come into this inheritance. At that point, we know more than our experiences in this life can account for. However, there is also a sense that we must use it or lose it. The inheritance gives us the opportunity to do something more with our life ... to be part of the drama of the unfoldment of the expression of spirit in flesh. What we do with this is up to us. There is nothing that we have to do. There is nothing forcing us to be a certain way or to make particular choices. We have free will. It is all up to us. Though, our lives seen to work better if we cooperate and go with the flow. It seems only natural to me to have a strong desire to be the best we can be, and to serve spirit and others in our world as best we can. If we all did such, the world would be transformed for the better in a heartbeat. In fact, the difference would be as drastic as that between night and day. We live a spiritual life in a spiritual world now. We are only talking about doing this more consciously and more wholeheartedly or should we say whole-personly. It still amazes me that I can speak as I do, with such an inner sense of authority. Perhaps what allows this is that I know it is not solely me that expresses here. Spirit herself has a hand in this. Together, we enter into a cooperative interdependent relationship that allows this to come forth as it does. At times spirit seems more involved than at other times. I'm the first to admit to grandiosity at times. But, how else am I to interpret what happens here? Clearly, there is a special relationship with self that is revealed. But also, there is a special relationship with spirit. I am Wayne, and I express in a manner that is suitable for me. However, I am open to change, if it serves spirit or my world for me to express differently. We need to be careful about becoming too set in our ways. Flexibility is a very good thing ... flexibility of body, of mind, of emotions, and of spirit. We don't necessarily need to have all to function effectively, but it doesn't hurt. Engaging all of these areas takes considerable time. Depending on what we are here to do, some areas are more important than others. For me, flexibility of mind and spirit are clearly important. I tend to emphasize them to the detriment of the other areas at times. Perhaps I emphasize them too much for my own good. Then again, I can only judge this by the productivity in the areas of my life that I truly care about. By that criteria, I am doing quite well, if I have to say so myself. And, operating primarily as a hermit ... who else is there to say anything? Even if someone were to say something, it is not clear how much importance I would place on what they have to say. I refuse to be judged, except by myself. And even then, I try to be very lenient. I can only be whom that I AM. But, I say that not out of any sense of limitations but with an understanding of the grand possibilities that this invokes. We are spiritual beings. As such, at the very least we are eternal, immortal, all-knowing, and unlimited. When we see ourselves as other than these things, what we are seeing is illusion ... not whom that we truly are. For many, this may seem to be highly suspect. Death is all around us. There are many things that we don't know, some of which even seem to be unknowable. Further, everywhere around us and even inside of us we are confronted with limits of a variety of types. Some of these seem to be insurmountable. And, they may be so to us, but they are never so to spirit. The key is to realize that we are spirit first and foremost. The illusions of death, lack of knowingness, and limitations are just that ... illusions. Oh, they feel very real while we are experiencing them. But how something feels is not the same as how something is. To a large degree, we control how something feels by our beliefs and by our choices as to how we assign meaning to what we experience. Most do not realize that we actually choose what meaning to apply to things. For most experiences, there is no innate meaning. In particular, there is no objective meaning. Our reality is a subjective experience. It has always been and always will be. That doesn't mean that objective thinking doesn't have its utility. Virtually all of our technology is based on it. However, 43

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 technology may be good or bad depending on how we choose to employ it. When we focus so much effort on military technology, we run the risk that it will get into the wrong hands and be used against us in ways that we might not have envisioned. That is one of the problems with technology. When you open the Pandora's box, there is no telling what you will unleash. It is high time that we chose to invest in more beneficial technologies. We have no real science of mind at the present time. Yet, these lumps of gray matter that reside in our skulls may be some of the most powerful things on the planet. They have taken eons to evolve and to become aware to the degree that they have. And, now, we seem to be standing on the edge of a major breakpoint ... one in which the awareness of the mass consciousness experiences a radical discontinuity, one that rocks the very foundations of the world that we know. Yes, that is what it is all about ... expressing spirit in flesh to the greatest degree that we can given whom that we are in each moment. Each and every moment counts. Not one moment is repeated. Once gone, it is gone. However, from another framework, time is an illusion. There is always sufficient time to do the things that need to be done. That doesn't mean there is excessive time. That also doesn't mean that we can be lazy about things. We need to get on with it, and do those things that are ours to do. And, if we don't know what those are, we need to start doing the self work necessary to find out. This doesn't have to be hard. There is a sort of spiritual gravity that operates to try to get us to where we need to be to actualize and then to act out our roles in the play of consciousness. Yes, we are all part of the play of consciousness. This play has been in operation since the beginning of time, orchestrating things so that forms evolved that could house ever-increasing constructs of spirit in flesh. Dolphins seem to be comparable sentient beings with nearly equivalent sizes of brains to humans. Their social structures are different. Their relationship with their environment is far more direct and far less destructive. They have a language and seem to enjoy their lives. However, we have no way to know what their mental or spiritual life consists of. That doesn't mean they don't have them. In fact, they may even be rich. We just don't know. I'm not one to conduct much research on any issue. The key exception being metaphysics. But, even there, I read many books but I did not study these books. It wasn't like my training in mathematics and engineering. It was far more cursory. The underlying goal seemed to be to get a comprehensive big picture perspective of metaphysics in general. I purposefully stayed away from philosophy, with the exception of Plato ... finding it far too deep for my taste. Not surprising, given my eventual beyond mind experience. Philosophy still tries to be objective and gets buried in heaps of deep thought. It is not thought that gets us to awareness. And, ultimately it is awareness that is the goal, not thought, no matter how deep or how refined. Then what is this expression about? Is it not thought too? How does one distinguish between a stream of consciousness and a stream of thought? Are they not the same? That would depend on where the thoughts originate. What comes from self versus what comes from source? Consciousness is tied to the expression from source. Thought is a more local phenomena. Though it seems most do not have control over their stream of thought either. My experience in this are may be different from most. I have never had a lot of mental chatter to deal with. My mind has always been quiet much of the time. When I'm just sitting doing nothing ... my mind seems to follow suit and does the same. So, when the expression started coming forth in 1993, my mind was experiencing something new and different. Further, there was and still is no sensation that I originate any of this. Yes, it all comes forth through me. But, something greater than I know myself to be is deeply involved in creating this. There is something wonderful about creating something out of nothing in this manner. There is a power being expressed that is simply awesome.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 This is the record of a stream of consciousness. It is recorded in this manner because that is what I am moved to do from the depths of my being. Could I be doing something else? Perhaps, but it seems important that I do exactly what I am doing. So long as it seems so, I will continue to do it. I am making an investment here ... of my time and my self to express in this manner. For me, it is a major investment ... the biggest that I make with my free time. Yet, my sense is that it is worth every minute that I give to it. My hope is that others would benefit from this as well. Perhaps even many others. But, that may or may not happen in my lifetime. And, even if it does happen, I may or may not be made aware of it. It needs to be enough that I express as fully as I can, and that I stay true to whom that I AM in the process. What more can be asked of anyone? This is all that spirit asks of us. It seems that at times we are far too harsh with ourselves. Life is meant to be easy overall, though that doesn't mean it will be free of challenges. Quite the contrary, it will be full of them. Challenges relieve the boredom and keep life interesting. Though, that doesn't mean that things can't flow smoothly at times ... sometimes even for extended periods. The surest way to stay on mission is to do what we are moved by spirit to do. That means we must know when spirit is moving us, and then must do as she moves us. This requires trust and faith in spirit. That is far easier for some than for others to practice. Hmm ... yes, practice seems the appropriate word to use here. Some do not exercise the trust and faith muscles very much. Others exercise them but do so blindly without consciously knowing what they are doing or why. Actually, there is a prerequisite for this trust and faith as well. We have to believe that spirit exists and that she can touch and influence our lives directly. She doesn't force her way, but she does guide us and prod gently to try to get us to move in a particular way. For me, this is expressed more as a drive to come here and to express for as long as I am so moved. Yes, you could say that I am driven by spirit. But, this too is a choice that I make as to how to live my life. Spiritual expression is key ... it has the #1 priority in my life, by a long shot. That shouldn't surprise any who have been with me for awhile. What you see here is the expression of spirit though me in flesh. Yes, it is through the medium of words. But, that is the medium in which I am most suited to express by nature. It is time for us, the consumers, to decide what we want for spiritual services. I believe that will be very different than what we have offered today by most religions. Actually, it is time we took some of our spiritual power back ... power that many gave to a priestcraft who they assumed knew more of such matters than they as individuals could know. We are seeing more and more people making their spirituality a personal matter. These people refuse to allow any intermediaries between themselves and spirit, or between themselves and their God. This is as it should be. Spirituality is one of the most intimate relationships that we have, the relationship between us and the source from which we spring ... the spiritual source that expresses through us. We are spirit expresses in flesh at this moment. We have always been thus, whether we knew it or not. Further, we will always be thus ... so long as we are in flesh anyway. And, when we are not in flesh, we will still be aware, and we will still be spirit ... in whatever form is right for us next. Life goes on. The collective expression of spirit in flesh grows greater and greater with each passing moment. Each of us have parts to play in that collective expression. We may not consciously know what these parts are, but we will moved to play them anyway. We may wonder why we do what we do at times, maybe even often. That does not matter. The play is being orchestrated via great cooperation on all of our parts. Much of this happens subconsciously, or other than consciously. However, it can be made more conscious if we choose to make it so. We can only be whom that we are. We can only express that which is our nature to express. And, we will express in whatever manners are appropriate for us. There is no judgment or comparison of what we do to what others do. What matters is what we do versus what we are capable of doing. Are we living up to our potential? Are we being all that we can be, and doing all that we can do? Are we applying ourselves in service in some way so that our lives make a difference, in particular, a positive difference, to others? 45

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 This is how we tell whether we are steering our lives in the right direction. It is not by how many toys we have, regardless of how much we enjoy them. What counts is what we do with our lives that has lasting value ... that makes a difference somehow, preferably a big difference. This is within our power to do. It is a matter of where we choose to focus our energies. We all have the same amount of time per year, until our last one anyway. What we do with the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years is our choice, at least for a relatively large amount of that time. Here is where free will definitely applies. How many squander away the time in pursuits that have limited value? High impact = high value. We need to strive to lead lives of high positive impact. High impact can be achieved by touching many at some level, or by touching a few deeply. My sense is that the later will be the course for my life. I just don't see this being the stuff of bestsellers. Then again, what do I know. There may be a publisher out there who thinks differently. What does the reader take away from all of this? What is to be gained by walking down this particular stream of consciousness for awhile. My greatest hope would be to facilitate awakening the connection to spirit in the reader. We do not offer any particular exercises or instruction. But, perhaps the very expression is written in such a manner as to program such a response in the reader. How it got that way is spirits doing. I am not consciously involved in choosing how this expression flows forth. I receive it as a finished product. I am not being asked to use my abilities to organize it ... unless this is happening on other than conscious levels, which it may be. That may be why I was selected as the vessel for this expression, because my abilities were such that they could be used for spirit to express in this manner. Yes, that makes me special. The analogy of a programmer of consciousness is intriguing to me. I programmed computers for a number of years, and found it enjoyable. The idea that this expression could be programming for the mind is exciting. Besides, I can't think of a more important endeavor. If we can program people to be more aware, if we can wake them up, then the potential for the expression of spirit expands exponentially if not faster. This is a breakpoint, a radical discontinuity that takes us to a whole new way of being. We've talked about breakpoints before. The analogy of a play comes to mind. It is not necessary for the next scene to start where the previous one ended. Often, the next scene is in a different locale perhaps even at a different time. Can it be that way for the consensus reality of the world as well? Can we go to sleep one day and wake up the next day in a whole new place with a different set of rules? It is curious that I even ask the question. Does that mean it is indeed a possibility? And, even if it can't happen for the world as a whole, can it happen for individuals and small groups who might be executing smaller plays within the collective whole? Interesting questions to ponder. There is a sense that the world is far stranger than we have ever conceived of it to be. Yet, there is an order to it as well ... but it is a spiritual order, an order that may by its very nature surpass all of our understanding. Some things are meant never to be known, even though they may be experienced.

31 January 2003 Life is a process of growth and of expressing whatever we have become as faithfully as we can every step of the way. The way is different for each of us, though our paths may cross at times, and we may share in our adventures. We decide all of this. We decide how we will live our lives. However, for the vast majority, this is not yet a conscious process ... nor is it clear that it ever will be. We don't need everyone to question everything. It is OK for most to simply enjoy and live out their lives learning what they can at whatever pace they desire. If you are reading this, you clearly are not part of the vast majority. Consciousness has a special place in your life. You are more aware than most. And, awareness carries with it a heavy price tag, or a burden of 46

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 responsibility if you will. Though, it doesn't have to be experienced as a burden at all ... we can choose to gladly bear it as our responsibility to spirit, and to others in our society and in our world. We may see it as a mantle that we wear, one that distinguishes us from others. We came to play some of the more significant roles in our time, this time of the transition from one age to another ... from Piscean principles to Aquarian ones. We may not even know fully what these are, but as wayshowers, we will be moved to demonstrate them nonetheless. It is all a matter of trusting spirit to reveal to us what we need to know and then following whatever path we are moved to take one step at a time. There is always room for one more step no matter how close to the unknown that we venture. And when we step there and shine our light there, what was unknown becomes known and we are then in a position to take the next step, again guided by spirit all the way. We must be willing to try new things and evaluate their results to see whether they work or not. This is not an area for preconceived notions. We need to be open to allowing spirit to work her magic through us. We do this by doing what we are moved to do when we are moved to do it. That has worked well in my life to date. I have no reason to think that it will change anytime soon. Spirit has far more resources than we have ever dreamed. When we allow her to express through us ... we tap into these resources. But then, we must be careful to give credit where credit is due. Of ourselves, there is not much that we can do. Spirit has no such limits, except for those that we place in her way. It is important that we do what it takes to discover where we are doing this ... and then to remove the limits of our own accord. This is always within our power to do if we remain open to doing it. Always. This could all be an elaborate training ground for me. There is a sense that there is no rest for the weary ... that past laurels, no matter how great, are not good enough. We must move ever onward to the next monition of consciousness, wherever it may take us. Such is my path. So long as I am alive in this existence, there will be work that I must do, that it seems that only I can do, at least in the way that I do it. There is a sense that retirement is not a state that I will ever reach. However, when one is engaged in the work that one loves, why would one even consider ceasing to do it. Yes, this presumes that we find a way to make what we love to do our work. This is possible, even in today's world. In the new age, this goes from being possible to probably and perhaps even to likely. From an individual standpoint, it is a matter of expecting it and of not being willing to settle for less. We need to believe that it can happen for us, that it will happen for us. Though, it may not happen on its own. We may have to help put the wheels in motion. We can be anything we choose to be. However, some occupations are more in line with whom that we are than others. It is for us to know ourselves enough to seek these out, and be willing to move on if things don't work out. Whatever we do, we need to be competent doing. The more competent, the better. Also, this doesn't mean that we need to stay in the same vocation forever. As our skills develop, as our interests change, as our life unfolds, we may decide there is something we would rather do. This is especially true if we grow dissatisfied with what we are doing. When it becomes not enough, it is time to find something more, something grander that challenges us and allows us to express whom that we are more fully. I continue to type, to translate the voice in my head onto these pages. That task occupies over three hours per day of my time. It is something that I freely choose to do. And, it is the most important thing that I do with my free time. This has become somewhat of an obsession, coming here to express each day. I do it because I can. I do it because it gives my life meaning in a way that nothing else does. Ultimately, I do it because I believe it will make a difference to the world ... by people who read it being moved to more fully express whom that they are and thus allowing spirit to more fully express in flesh. However, the difference may be secondhand. The prime difference may come from what I have yet to express in my life as a result of being the recipient of all of this. I am grateful for all that I have been given in life. I feel a strong obligation to pay back spirit, and ultimately society in return for all of this. To this end, I give my life in service to spirit and to the world. However, I do this in my own way. Not that I would limit this 47

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 service. Rather, I desire to maximize the beneficial impact that would result. Part of that seems to be under my control, but the greater control belongs to spirit. Clearly, writing is one of the things that I am meant to do in my life. It comes natural to me. It is a truly a gift. There is a sense that I have been a scribe before ... perhaps in ancient Egypt. However, here I express as essentially a scribe for spirit herself, and for whatever organization of consciousness we are able to create together. To do this, I have to be receptive. There is no sense of being in control. If there is a part of me from which this is originating, I have no direct awareness of it. I only see its results as they make themselves known to my mind and through my fingers to these pages. It is OK to yield to spirit. It is not necessary for us to "be in control" all the time. In fact, it doesn't hurt to get a little crazy at times. We allow the geniuses among us great latitude in their eccentricities. Do I deserve any less? Does this expression demonstrate that I am among the select among us? Actually, it does not matter. I will be what I must be. Yes, must. It is that simple. I have chosen to live a life of spirit ... expressing spirit as fully as I can. That choice has its consequences, ones that I freely accept. I would not live an ordinary life. That might be OK for many. But, it will never be sufficient for me. I don't need pressure from the outside to do what I know must be done ... there is more than enough pressure from the inside. I expect a great deal from myself. I expect to do great things. I expect to make a major difference to the world by the way that I live my life. I would be a wayshower, demonstrating what one person can do at first ... but eventually demonstrating what many can do cooperating and working together. We are capable of wonders beyond imagination. It is simply a matter of allowing them to come forth. Life is clearly an adventure now. For me, primarily an adventure in consciousness. Consciousness is everything to me. She gave me birth, she nurtures me, she moves me ... yes, I owe all that I AM to her. Yes, her. I have always known spirit and consciousness to be feminine in nature. I still don't know why that is. It is simply what I experience, and I have felt no need to challenge or doubt that knowingness. Yes, I am aware that others ... including the vast majority of people on the planet believe in a masculine God. That does not detract from what I experience directly. It doesn't matter to me what others experience. That is their reality, not mine. Yet, I would be a wayshower and share with others my path and my experiences. However, I do so not out of any desire to convert anyone to anything, or out of any need to have followers. I share of whom that I AM because that is how spirit expresses. It is that simple. Spirit has nothing to hide. She is what she is. She expresses through us to the degree that we allow her to. Logic does not work very well when we are dealing with spirit. She won't be contained by such a rigid and objective structure. Spirit is the epitome of subjectivity. Our experience of reality is a subjective process no matter how objective we attempt to make it. I don't know that this expression qualifies as "personal". It is not addressed one on one to particular individuals. Yet, this is a fairly intimate portrait of whom that I am ... far more intimate than most communications get. Here you see what my soul and spirit would say through me. That seems to be something quite rare. But, my nature is such that I can give voice to such things as this ... or, at least capture the voice in written words. That doesn't make me better than anyone, it just makes me different. Differences are good. Spirit expresses with endless diversity. Yet, within that diversity lies a unity, a oneness, a wholeness that will not be separated no matter how hard we try. I have said before, there is only one spirit that animates us all. We spring forth into expression from that same ONE. Unfortunately few seem to recognize this. What we do to any one of us, we ultimately do to all of us. That is a very powerful principle. However, we need to take the next step and realize that we have a sacred responsibility to one another ... a responsibility to care for one another and help each being to be the best that they can be.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003

FEBRUARY 1 February 2003 One more unknown in my life does not make much difference at this point. I have become so used to them that I expect them. I am comfortable with the unknown ... sometimes more comfortable than with the known. Altering brain chemistry means altering how consciousness is experienced. It is that simple. Physical brain states correspond to mental states correspond to states of consciousness correspond to states of spirit. There is a one to one mapping. The brain is the vessel through which spirit can be made physical. These very words are a testament to that. The seeds for change start with dissatisfaction with the status quo. When we are dissatisfied enough to start looking for something new, we will be amazed at how quickly we find what we seek. Our jobs take up the largest percentage of time of any activities that we engage in other than sleep. It is crucial to our overall well being that we find work that we love to do. There is always a way if we are insistent and persistent ... not willing to settle for less. That is not to say that there are not aspects of my job that I enjoy. And, I tell myself that there are far worse ways to be employed. But, that is not enough anymore. I am tired of wasting my time and energies on things that ultimately seem to have limited value. It seems that much that I do at work is of that nature. Then again, to whom does what I do here have value? Clearly to me, and to spirit. But is that enough? The sense is that it is always enough. Whenever we are expressing as and for spirit ... it is always enough. The challenge is to find ways to do this far more often and for longer periods of time. This is an investment that we are making with our time and out energies. It is the most important investment that we can make. Connections ... everywhere connections. How do I know which ones are important? How do I know what methods to use to find the meaning from a particular message? I trust my intuition to find the embedded meaning in any message. I continue to search so long as I am moved to do so. I trust that when my search is complete, I will know that I have found what consciousness intended for me to find. Many of the methods are not logical. Only some of my machinations are mathematically correct. That doesn't matter. It seems that intuition knows far more than our logic could ever find. Part of the reason is that intuition is about as subjective as logic is objective. They are on two very different sides of the spectrum. Though, in my experience, when we allow intuition to guide reason we can uncover whole new things. And, often, this allows us to create whole new things. The internet is a free market arena for information. Anyone can establish a web site. Anyone can create web pages in which they are free to say or show anything that they want. There are no censors. As far as I know, there is no information that would be downright illegal ... though my awareness in this area is limited. All that I know is that for nearly a decade, I have been free to write anything I want and post it for any to see. There is a let the reader beware philosophy that is applied. I don't have to prove that what I say is true. I don't have to generate arguments backed by facts. I can simply be whom that I AM and express that as fully as I can. Over time, we can establish a rapport, and you will either find me and what I say credible or not. I ask that you evaluate what I say by its utility in your life. Does it make you a better person? Does it make your life better? Does it allow you to more fully express whom that you are? If it does, then I have done my job and have provided one of the chief services that I am here to provide. I consume my own information ... and I have definitely become a better person in the process, in 49

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 particular, a more aware and more spiritual person. But, whether it does this for you, you will have to determine for yourself. I ask nothing from you except for you to be all that you can be and express that as fully as you are able. That is all that spirit asks from you as well ... to be the best that you can be. You will know when you are doing this. You will feel it deep within you. There will be a sense of fulfillment as well, and a sense that you are doing what you were born to do. The song Wind Beneath My Wings plays as I write this. "I would be nothing without you." I feel this way about spirit. She is the wind that has allowed me to soar to great heights of consciousness. It is though her wind that all of this is able to be expressed in the manner that it is. "Thank you, thank you, thank God, the wind beneath my wings". This is particularly important to me because of how greatly I value soaring in consciousness. At least that is what I believe that I experience anyway. Not that I have anything else to compare it to. Yes, my existence has been that solitary. My primary outlet for seeing others is through TV and movies ... and we dropped our home cable many months ago, so I do without on weekends. That is OK. There is nothing important that I am missing. I still watch a few shows during the week, but with my new computer allowing me to muse in the evenings ... even this is dwindling to shows that I can watch while I exercise. I am definitely not what might be considered a media junkie. Newspapers, magazines, TV news, news talk shows, ... none of these are part of my life. I still remember being told in my teens that current events were important. I didn't believe it then. And, certainly, I don't believe it now. This is obvious from my actions. 2 February 2003 Everywhere I look, things are connected in ways that are miraculous to behold ... ways that show that there is an order and an intelligence arranging our lives that few of us even suspect. What can I say? Spirits ways are indeed wondrous to behold. I couldn't make this stuff up even if I wanted to. I wouldn't know how. I would life a life of spirit. I would live a life of purpose. The key purpose seems to be one that has been with me since the beginnings of my quest around 1974 (age 16:The Tower). I would search for the answer to the question WHY? This has come up before. But, it seems particularly important now. It is not clear that the musings have yet addressed why we exist. We have talked about reality creation. We have talked about the expression of spirit in flesh. We have talked about capturing a stream of consciousness. But, none of that really addresses why. Perhaps that is the next thrust for this expression ... to start addressing why reality is the way it is, why we experience the things that we do in the way that we do. Yes, we are spirit expressing in flesh here and now. However, we are subject to many self-imposed limits. It is for us to free ourselves from these so that we can more fully express whom that we are. Yesterdays Columbia disaster is a case in point. Yes, there will be a cause that is found for it. It may take awhile, but the people whose job it is to determine such things are excellent at doing their jobs. They will find what they search for. However, they will be looking for a scientific answer. No one dies before their time. No one dies without choosing to participate in the event at some level of their being. To what disciplines do we turn to find out why it was time for these seven people on this fateful morning on the first of February in 2003? They will not be scientific ones. My sense at this point is we will not even turn to them. Yet, how else are we to learn the lesson that this event offers us? What statement was made with the lives of these seven? How do we make the world a better place as a result of their lives? Yes, they made a difference to the families who survive them. But what would cause them to terminate their active involvement in the lives of the families they loved? Death brings hard questions. But, they are questions that need to be asked. 50

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 3 February 2003 We have a right to use things. However, with this right comes the responsibility of stewardship. Can we really share all the world fairly and peaceably? It seems that is the only right way to live. However, what constitutes fair is open for interpretation. Fair doesn't mean splitting everything equally ... that just makes everyone poor. It seems that there needs to be consolidation of resources to permit the economy to generate better goods and services for all. Here, we all have our roles to play. Each of us must do our part to generate more than we consume. That makes the choice of how much we consume ours ... so long as we pay for it with our services. Living as one is definitely where we are headed. It is only appropriate, for in fact, we are one. The divisions that we have chosen to accept are artificial at best. There is nothing inherently right about any of them. Divisions are OK if they are useful ... if they allow us to do things better. However, they are dangerous as well ... potentially leading to a system of castes where some are judged to be "better" than others. Differences are to be tolerated, even embraced. We need to be wary of allowing such differences to divide us however. We do this be recognizing the unity amidst the diversity. There is a grand spiritual destiny that is unfolding. We are all players in a grand drama ... in the expression of spirit in flesh as us and through us. We are spirit in the only way that counts. Yet, we are not all of spirit. There is a great part of spirit that is able to express through us, using whatever abilities and talents we have to offer. However, this expression is not forced. Spirit may prod and push gently ... but it is up to us to volunteer to offer ourselves in her service. This is one of the greatest and noblest things that we can do. However, it requires a kind of resignation that most are not willing to embrace. That is OK. When you are ready, the timing will be right. Until then, do what you are moved to do, when you are moved to do it ... however, harm no one in the process. That is crucial. Life is as difficult as it is for many because humans do so much harm to one another. That this is still a choice that we make collectively is a testament to our level of civilization or lack thereof. This clearly is not enlightened behavior. Yet, we are ready to be part of an enlightened world. It is time to wake up and take responsibility. Certain behaviors are simply not acceptable. We need to do what it takes to remove them as valid choices of actions for individuals. However, banning behaviors typically does not work. We need to instill new behaviors to replace the old undesired ones. Behaviors are one of the primary results of our belief systems. So, the challenge here is to fix the beliefs so that the individuals involved not only see new possibilities, but are moved enough to choose the actions necessary to create them. In the coming years, that might be a very important profession, belief fixer ... perhaps even one of the most important professions. Some will be able to do the self analysis and self work necessary to do this for themselves. But, it seems that many will need help in this area of their lives. And, why should they not get it? There are those who are good at asking the necessary questions to get to core beliefs, exploring the foundations of these beliefs, finding where the foundations are shaky and either shoring them up or tearing them down depending on the desired outcome. People should do what they are good at doing. People should employ others to provide those services that they need that they are not good at providing for themselves. This is the right use of others. However, we need to make it easy for people to find those who can provide the services that they need ... and, we need to make it affordable. This gets back to the basic social contract: From each in accord with their abilities, to each in accord with their needs. We need a means to execute this. We need a means for society and the individual to agree on the needs of each individual, and we need a means for society and the individual to agree on what services the 51

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 individual will provide to whom and how. Actually, even before that, we need a realization on the part of many that this social contract makes sense and should be implemented. Eventually, it will be, because it is an expression of spiritual law. How can I know that? I just do. There was divine inspiration driving the basic principles of communism in the 20th century. No, it didn't work very well as a governmental system. However, that wasn't because the principle is wrong ... rather, it was that the implementations to date have been severely flawed. No implementation to date has come close to implementing this social contract. In particular, the needs of individuals have not been met ... not even basic needs on a regular basis. And, the social infrastructure didn't ensure that people were put in positions that fully utilized their natural gifts and talents in service to society. Can this work? I have to believe the answer is yes, and within my lifetime. But then, I'm quite the optimist about such things. Some might argue that basic human nature is such that this kind of a contract would never work, that people would take advantage of it. We won't really know for certain until we try, and not with some half-hearted try, but with all our minds, hearts, and souls. We will be amazed by what we can achieve in this manner. As free beings, we are free to choose to enter into such a social contract at anytime. However, it is a contract between individuals in a society. It is not between an individual and a government, or an individual and any organization for that matter. The contract is between the individual, the part, and the society, the whole. The obligations of the whole fall onto the entire collective to honor. One of the most important things missing in society today is this social contract. There is nothing that defines what society expects from the individual and what the individual can expect from society in return. Part of this was provided by a religious framework in times past. It needs to be provided by a more open spiritual framework. The sense is that such a framework is in the process of being unveiled on many fronts ... some of which include mass media outlets. We need a framework that empowers us to greatness both individually and collectively. That such is possible, there is no doubt. That such is where we are headed, there is no doubt as well. We have literally performed magic technologically in the past century. And, the pace at which technology progresses is so swift that it is impossible to keep up with it. We have not made such rapid progress in other areas of life that ultimately matter more. Such areas as the nature of consciousness and how the mind works being two important cases in point. I don't know if there is a scale for awareness. I know that mine has increased many fold since 1993, going through several breakpoints and major transitions. I don't believe this happens to many. How few, I don't know either. Regardless, my experiences and my need to capture this stream of consciousness, set me apart as different and unique. They may also set me apart as eccentric, strange, weird, and even crazy or insane at times. That is OK. My reality is what it is, and I am moved to share it in this manner. Whether that ultimately benefits anyone but me, we shall see soon enough. My sense is that it will. My desire is for it to do so, and in a big way. I would make a difference with my life. And, this expression is in a very real way my life. Life as expression, expression as life ... such indeed is how it is. By their works shall ye know them. Well, these are my works. Welcome to my world! I'm curious as to what these works reveal to you about me. But, for that, you will have to provide feedback. One type of feedback is what this expression means to you personally, how it impacts you. Another type of feedback is what this expression tells you about who I am. I'm open to either type or whatever else you may have to offer. I've been operating open loop now for many years. It seems that it time to get the expression under some type of control. As the ultimate individual, highly regarding freedom, this runs against much that I have accepted to date. Effectively, I have given spirit free reign to bring forth what she will in whatsoever manner she chooses. That is what stream of consciousness expression is all about. Now, we seem to be saying more control, more order, is needed in what is expressed. Perhaps that is what the Pluto energy is bringing into the picture. Clearly, there is an increased intensity that is apparent. But, perhaps an increased organization is demanded as well somehow. We need a succinctness of expression, something that gets to the point without too much meandering. The musings serve their purpose well. They record the stream of consciousness. But, what 52

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 do we do with it after that? Yes, one avenue is to make it available as it came forth. That will serve those who are ready to experience it. However, there is much wisdom contained therein that could be presented in a different context. The best of musings and best quotes pages are good attempts, but they only condense, they don't rearrange.

4 February 2003 What is it that allows all of this to come forth as it does? What is the creative source of all of this? Why do I not experience being the creator, even though the expression clearly comes forth through my mind and through my fingers? I don't really have an answer for this. I only know what I feel ... and that does not include being the source. This is somewhat of an automatic process for me. I enter into a receptive state of consciousness and allow it to happen. There are other things that I do where I am aware of making them happen. However, here there is clearly a distinction, an allowance rather than an imposing of my will. That does not mean that the imposing of my will is wrong in any way. It is just that for this communication, the expression is clearer if spirit does it herself. No, not all of it. There is a mixture of a stream of consciousness and some thoughts of my own here. But the focus is on the former ... on giving spirit a written voice through which to speak. Actually, that is not quite right. It seems that what comes forth in this stream of consciousness is born of two sources, spirit and me. Though, this is primarily other than conscious parts of me. Is this true for what is expressed by everyone? In particular, for creative expression? Or, does it take a set level of development to be able to express in such a manner? All that I know is that prior to 1993, I didn't express like this, and since 1993, I can only express like this. Though, even then, the expression has evolved substantially over the past decade. Ego in and of itself is neither good nor bad. It all depends on how it is used. Ego has a function. It is meant to interpret physical reality. However, it can be opened so that it facilitates and accepts the expression of spirit through us. This is not something that it does automatically. In fact, quite the opposite, it seems to be something that it fights. The trick is to show it how it can function more effectively when it allows spirit to control the reigns. In general, it does not like giving up this control. But, the bottom line is that the control that the ego has is all illusion anyway. Life goes on. There is still a sense that it is time to do something new and different ... to express in a manner that I have not been moved to express before. I'm still trying to figure out just what that is. However, I know that when I am moved to ask the question and to search ... the answer is close at hand. That is simply how things work. Another spiritual law in effect. I believe it so strongly that I have come to expect that this is how reality works. Why does not matter. It is as it is. That is enough. What is the next scene in the drama that is my life? Hmm ... drama is an interesting word to use. It hasn't been much of a drama to date. But then, that could change at any time. We typically think of dramas involving and moving the emotions. There have been some things that have moved me deeply, some quotes, some books, some songs, some movies, some TV shows, and even some relationships. In general, this area has been lacking in my life, and could definitely use some enhancement. Spirit herself moves me deeply, primarily in this very expression. Here I learn things about myself, spirit, and life that I learn nowhere else. Why is that? I don't know. Perhaps, it is that this method is the most direct, allowing me to experience things firsthand. Spirit and consciousness have special places in my life. In fact, you might say that they are what I live for. The expression of spirit in flesh is what I am here to do. Also, there is a sense that it is what I am here to teach ... and to demonstrate by example. Who am I to express in this manner? Why is it that I am not moved to build more upon the wisdom of others who have gone before me? Some of the issues regarding consciousness and awareness have been 53

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 dealt with in various ways for many centuries in the West, and millennia in the East. Perhaps it would be beneficial to spend part of my free time studying rather than expressing all the time. Yet, that is not what I am moved to do. That is not how I operate. At this moment, I am in expression mode. How long that will last I do not know, but while I am in that mode, I will express as fully as I can. Should the time come for doing further study, I'm sure I will be moved to do that as well. But, at this time, that is an if, not a certainty. I am not a scholar. I did not come to build upon the knowledge of others. Further, I am not a researcher, curious about what is known in a given area of interest. For instance, when I deal with astrology, I don't care much about the mundane characteristics and aspects. I care about those things that touch the soul. These one doesn't find in the typical astrology books. Further, I care about how the transpersonal elements impact the personal. It seems that this does not happen until one reaches at least a certain level of awareness. Prior to that, the forces are simply too subtle to have a personal impact. The concern for the personal comes from Uranus in the 1st house near the Ascendant in my chart. I am definitely an individual first and foremost ... and I am an eccentric one, though many might not have sufficient insight to know that. This expression sets me apart as different from others. Perhaps, there are some who express in this manner. However, I am not aware of them. Not that I've looked very hard. But, I have read a lot of books over the past 30 years. What is it that I want from life? An infrastructure that facilitates the social contract: from each in accord with their ability, to each in accord with their needs. That is a lot to ask for. Or is it? It seems that this is the minimum that we should expect. How do we create such an infrastructure? First, we have to decide that this is something we want to build. The reason for doing it is that this is how we define what we expect of individuals and society. One of the key things lacking in our world is a reasonable set of expectations in these areas. After we have decided, we have to take the next step and establish a binding contract. This may be a challenge as the contract is between each individual and the society and needs to be tailored to each individual. Part of this tailoring is to define what the individual is expected to provide to society. The other part is what the society to provide is to the individual in return. The social contract suggests that this should be whatever the individual needs. Note in particular that this says needs, not wants. We may desire many things. Only some of what we desire are truly needs. Who gets to decide what this subset is? What recourse does the individual have if they don't believe they are being treated fairly or getting enough? Have such issues as these already been worked out? Are there intentional communities that have worked out how to live harmoniously and peacefully, in a manner that allows individuals to meet their physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs? In the area near my home, there are many gated communities. However, while the individual homeowners within these communities band together to achieve certain common functions ... these communities do not come close to executing the social contract that we spoke of above. My own neighborhood is a community of sorts. However, it is more a collection of homes in a given area that are subject to a set of Covenants, Codes, and Regulations that are designed to keep the neighborhood looking good and thus keep property values up as well. What constitutes a neighborhood? What does it mean to be neighbors? For the most part, in my experience, all this requires is to live in proximity to one another. I know very few of my neighbors. Community is a different matter. I break this apart as common unity. This requires much more interconnectivity. I don't think community happens by accident, it happens by intention. We have to give into it. We have to create it. How does freedom and free will enter into this? Is not the world as it is because of our collective choice already? Yes, but is the world what we want it to be? My sense is that a small minority in the world might answer yes ... but, the resounding answer would be no. If we looked at the United States alone, this might be reversed though the minority might be a little more substantial, since we do have a significant number of folks living at or below poverty levels. I still find that difficult to believe, that arguably the 54

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 most prosperous and mighty nation in the world has people suffering from hunger, homelessness, and poverty. Not to mention serious problems with drugs and crime. How is it that we haven't found the causes of some of these problems and found ways to remedy them? Is it just that we don't consider them worthy of our effort? What else are we to conclude? When problems go unsolved for decades ... we simply aren't expending the right resources to fix them. It makes no sense to have any person go hungry in a country that pays farmers not to grow food. We have a surplus of food. We simply need to make sure everyone can get to it as a right or entitlement, if they don't have enough money to pay for it. The same is true of nearly ever other good and service that is produced. We need to make more conscious economic decisions regarding how goods and services are to be distributed. It is not clear that the present method of allowing the market to determine what goods and services are available at what prices really serves us. It seems to work well for a small minority, work OK for a majority, and work poorly for a substantial minority. That is from a United States perspective. From a world perspective, I think it would be assessed to work poorly for the vast majority. Given this, when are we going to take responsibility and do something? Some may say, but what can we do ... it has been this way for many centuries in most of the world. Our experience in the US is an anomaly. We are a new country. Our economic growth is nearly unprecedented.

5 February 2003 One more day. They continue to flow from one to the next. Ever onward we go into whatever future we would create for ourselves both individually and collectively. I've been in a class at work for the past few days. It has been interesting to encounter people who have been with the company a long time, some since its beginnings over 30 years ago, who simply love what they do. You can tell by the way that they talk about their experiences, that their jobs have been an adventure ... both challenging and rewarding. There is something infectious about being around people who love what they do. It offers some hope that perhaps there is something here that I am not seeing. There are opportunities for experiences in my present working environment that simply do not exist anywhere else. There is a sense that I can mold the job into what I want it to be ... if only I knew what that was. Perhaps it is time to take an inventory of the things that I love to do and the things that I would prefer not to do, and see if there is a way to manifest more of the former and less of the later in my current job. What is it that I love to do? Expressing in this manner is definitely near the top of the list, for many reasons. One, it gives me a sense of accomplishment ... a sense that I have accomplished something of value. Two, it provides insight into whom that I AM that I don't get in any other way. Three, it allows me to touch the unknown realms of consciousness. Whether, these are unknown overall, or simply unknown to me doesn't really matter. The sense of discovery is still the same. What value does this expression have? What is it ultimately worth, and to whom? Good questions, but not ones that it seems that I am meant to answer. Worth is typically defined by the consumer not the generator of a service. Yes, I consider this expression a service. It is a product of the marriage of my consciousness with a source that comes from deep inside me, a source that I believe to be connected to Spirit, the ONE consciousness, herself. This is a stream of consciousness expression, but I don't consider it my stream of consciousness. For it to be mine, I would have to be in control of it in some way. But, I feel more like a radio, tuning into a particular station. We don't say that the radio is the programming that comes through the station. Similarly, my mind tunes into a "station" of consciousness. The content of what comes forth is just as new to me as it is to any who may be reading this. In fact, that is primarily 55

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 how I am experiencing this, I am reading it as I am typing it. So, is there a part of me that is doing all of this? ... that is this source of whom I speak? Perhaps, but if so, I only see the products, the works that result. Will this always be so. I have no way of knowing. My sense, however, is NO. As I grow in awareness, my knowledge of whom that I AM expands. As a result, I become more than I was before. This process never ends. There is always something more to become. There is always room for further growth. How fast we grow, and how we express whom that we have become are choices that are ours to make. The very forces of nature, of life herself, encourage us to grow and be all that we can be. It only seems right that we as a society should actively assist nature in this process by doing what we can to establish social infrastructures that facilitate both individual and collective expression. Of course, the focus is on spiritual expression. But, in a way, everything is spiritual expression ... there is nothing but spirit expressing in our world. Our brains are among the most complex physical systems that we are aware of on the planet. Mind, while it resides within the brain, does not seem to be contained by the brain. Further, consciousness, while it resides within the mind, does not seem to be contained by the mind. It is like the hardware and the software of a computer. The hardware and the operating system provide a base on which the application software can reside and perform its functions. What we do with the application software is a different matter. I can bring up Netscape Communicator, but it takes something more to allow this expression to be entered into that application program. I don't even know what that something more is. I just know that it happens. Lately, everyday for several hours per day. To some degree I make it happen. I come here to express. I sit down in front of the computer, turn it on, and type away expressing whatever comes to mind. I experience this as a stream of consciousness. I don't control what gets expressed or how it gets expressed. There is no organization. There is no purpose or intent other that to express what spirit would bring forth through me. We are here to express spirit in flesh. We are doing that now, and have been doing that for our entire lives. However, we need to learn to develop the capacity for this kind of expression. The goal of Beyond Imagination is to create the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh. It helps if this is conscious, but it doesn't have to be. How do we go about building such foundations? My sense is that they start with ideas that become beliefs that result in actions. Though, it may take more than that to reach the masses. The mass media provides powerful means for reaching large numbers of people quickly. But, who decides what messages need to be conveyed? Ultimately, the answer is spirit. In fact, that is the answer to all such questions. Spirit is orchestrating the unfoldment of the expression of consciousness in flesh. Life is this very expression. Though, this is not a mechanical or deterministic process. We, as individuals and en masse, choose how we are going to experience reality. We may or may not control what we experience. But, we definitely choose the meaning of what we experience, especially the meaning to us, but also the meaning in a larger context. What do we know about the brain, about the mind, about consciousness? Overall, it seems that even after thousands of years of investigations we still know very little. Oh, we know more now than we ever have known. And, we find out more everyday. But, how much resources do we commit to research into what these things are and how they function? We know about various mental disorders. At least, we know some of their symptoms and their effects. However, our knowledge is still limited at best. Further, when we deal with mental and emotional behavior over the population, we tend to see statistical effects rather than the details that would explain each individual case ... assuming such an explanation is even possible. It seems that there is a whole other side of mental behavior that we are missing, a positive side that results in abilities that have more utility than the norm. Athletes are a case in point where the mental and physical abilities seem to be combined in a manner that is far better than most. However, there are people with emotional abilities and with mental abilities that give them similar advantages in different areas of endeavor. 56

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 There is a sense that we are born to do what we came to do. The trick is to find what we are born to do. The key is to follow your bliss as Joseph Campbell would say. Find what you love to do, then find a way to do it. Yes, it is that simple. There is an inner compass within each of us that knows exactly what direction we need to head in next. We can choose to follow it and take the optimal route to our destination ... or we can ignore it and take a more roundabout way. The choice is ours. I believe that this is at least part of what I was born to do. There is something about this form of written expression that activates and animates me as nothing else does. But, there is also a sense that this is not everything that I was born to do. This is not enough. There is something more, something greater and grander ... further, something that involves working with others that is yet to be done. Here, I am at a loss as to how to proceed. It is not yet clear with whom I am to work and in what capacity. This expression is simple. I can do it on my own time in my own way. Working with others requires establishing a framework, including a purpose, goals, methodology, roles and responsibilities, etc ... Yet, it seems that this is indeed the next step. We need focused efforts on particular foundations to lay the groundwork for evolutionary change if practical, or revolutionary change if necessary. One way or another, the changes that are necessary will see the light of day. A New Day Has Come as Celine Dion's song proclaims. It is just that many have not realized it yet. That is OK. Some people awaken later in the day than others. Further, some people are in a coma hence may not awaken at all. People will awaken when they are ready to awaken. There is nothing external that can be done to accelerate that. Oh, we can try. But, we will find that people will simply not get it until they are ready to get it. What is consciousness? What makes us aware that we are aware? How does self-awareness change the rules of the game of life? What additional responsibilities come into play with awareness? Yes, these are heavy questions. Yet, in my experience, with awareness, we bear the very weight of the world on our shoulders. No longer can we be content with our selfish behavior and selfish ways. Others, the whole, becomes a consideration in all that we do. At times the burden can seem extreme. At other times, it is light because it is really spirit herself carrying it through us ... not us carrying it. That is an important distinction. We can only do so much on our own. However, spirit working though us can do far more than we could even imagine. The lesson from this is to allow spirit to do the work. That doesn't mean we don't have to pitch in and do our part, we do ... and to the best of our ability, but we don't have to do everything. We can trust that spirit is orchestrating things to ensure the efforts that need to get done are indeed getting done. Hmm ... it just came to me that even the orchestrating needs to be happening in flesh as well. So, there should be people who are being moved to take on such tasks. Each of us is being groomed for a particular role in the plan of consciousness. If we allow ourselves to ... we will fall into that role naturally. The trick is not to fight it. That doesn't mean to accept things that we don't like to do. We just need to believe that we are being naturally attracted to the role that is meant for us. It doesn't hurt to augment this with conscious choices to develop the skills necessary to carry out this role. In fact, the more we do this, the sooner we can get on with the mission that we came to perform. Yes, we can impact the timing here to some degree. Our readiness creates new probabilities of expression from which we collectively choose the path the world will follow. We stand on the brink of war again. What does that say about the readiness of the world to enter a new age? While we have warring factions, even though war not be proclaimed, we cannot have peace. Yet, peace is what the new age demands. How do we put an end to our squabbles permanently? How do we rid ourselves of weapons of mass destruction? How do we get rid of hatred and intolerance? How do we establish a spiritual foundation that all can agree on? No, not a religious foundation. After thousands of years of quarreling, there is no hope that religions will mend their ways and reconcile their differences.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Why ... Why ... Why? This is the question that I came to answer ... or to assist in answering anyway. At this moment, I may not consciously know the answers, or even know how to proceed to find the answers. But, the first step is always to start asking the questions. I can't believe how silent I was in this area for the first 35 years of my life. I didn't really ask questions. Not formally anyway. I don't remember ever asking questions in my classes in school. Yes, I had to answer questions that were assigned, but that is not the same as originating questions yourself. Now, I originate many questions each week, far more than I answer. Some, if fact, that may even be unanswerable. This week has shown me that I work for a company that has some pretty impressive folks working for it ... people who care about sharing their expertise and experience with others. There are a lot of special people out there who can do things in ways that make a difference. How do we get some of this kind of culture extended to other aspects of society? The impression I have from my class, is that there is still much that I can learn in my present work environment. However, the question that comes up is can I learn more in this environment or outside of it? Where does my path take me? Clearly, I am not one to live for my job. The job is a necessary trade I make to earn an income sufficient to meet a good portion of my needs. At this point, I see no other alternatives. So long as that is the case, I will continue to do my job to the best of my ability. However, I am ever open to whatever would come next, whatever that might be. Part of the problem with repeatability is that the intuition simply will not be subjected to any such tests. Either we learn to trust what she knows and what she tells us, or we don't. She offers no proof. She is her own authority. Life is primarily a subjective experience. That is simply how it is. We can try to make it objective, but the more we try, the more hollow it becomes. When we open ourselves to the infinity of whom that we are, all sorts of possibilities open up for us. We can do things far grander than we have ever believed possible. We are only limited to the degree that we limit ourselves. What am I worth? That is an interesting question. It seems that we also need to ask, to whom? To my employer, the answer is obvious ... I see it in the paycheck that I receive each week and in the work itself and the working conditions. However, it is not so clear what I am worth to others in my life. Nor is it clear what the work that I do in my free time is worth. That would primarily be the work that I do here, this stream of consciousness expression ... all that I do under the guise of Beyond Imagination. My sense is that the value of this voluntary spiritual work is far greater than that of my job. It seems that it will have the most lasting value. Only time will tell. Though, I do have 25 years of work experience, and I would find it difficult to identify anything that I did during that time that truly made a difference. That's a sad commentary on our times. That is especially difficult for me to accept given how important it is for me to make a difference with my life. It is not that I have not done good work. What I have done, I have done well. Further, I have been far more productive than most of my peers. But that is not enough for me. Perhaps that is why this expression is so important. It is my chance to invest whom that I AM in something greater than I am. I do this willingly, with all my heart and soul. This is my way of giving something back in return for all that I have been blessed to receive. For ten years, this has been enough. However, there is a strong sense that it is now time for something more. I don't yet know what that is, but I will soon ... I just know it. That is how I live my life these days. I allow whatever is to unfold to unfold as it will. There is no sense that I have to make anything happen. That does not mean that I can sit back and do nothing. Quite the opposite, as evidenced by all that I am moved to do. What makes me different than others? My talents and abilities are different. My awareness is different. My belief system is different. My very reality is different. Note ... different is not better, it is simply different. All that we can do is be whom that we are, whom that we truly are ... not our limited concepts of whom we believe ourselves to be. That means we need to do what it takes to discover whom that we are. It would help greatly if our social infrastructures supported us in doing this. In a way, they do. The necessary materials and resources are available to help lead to our awakening. Though, they are not the 58

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 easiest to find, and they are not readily available to the masses. For instance, they are not yet embraced by our formal education system. Part of this is a matter of what is traditionally acceptable. Most of our organizations tend to change slowly overall. It seems that I have entered a new phase of my life. Along with that comes the question, what do I want to do with my life now? The answer is still the same ... to serve spirit as fully as I can by creating the foundations for a new world. I would be 22:Master Builder. That is what it takes to build the foundations under our castles in the air. Yes, spirit has already expressed the ideas and ideals that constitute the basis on which a new world can be founded. It is for us to embrace these, and act as if we truly believe them. We can create the world to be anything that we choose for it to be, both individually and en masse. However, we need to see the bigger picture of what spirit is trying to create as a whole and find a way to relate our individual piece to that whole. Some people are better at doing this than others. That is OK. That is what we should be employing them to do as their service to society. I believe this to be one of my talents. Further, I believe that in capturing this expression and sharing it with others, I am somehow contributing something back to society. Yet, there is still the sense that this is not enough. Though there are thousands of pages of expression ... this is only the beginning of what I am to do with my life. It seems that writing will always play a major role. However, it may not be the only tool of choice for reaching people. That goes with the idea of having entered a new phase. In a new phase, the purpose and the methods of expression may change as well. They don't necessarily have to, but they may. There is an increased sense of urgency to do something concrete, something that actually establishes some type of foundation. We've had several attempts to do this over the past decade, most of which have been shortlived, or were before their time as the saying goes.

7 February 2003 What does it take to find those with whom we are to share our lives? It does not seem to be just happening. So it seems that it requires some type of effort on our part. Actually, others do not seem to have as much difficulty in this area as I seem to have. Establishing relationships is a challenge for me. It is not something that comes naturally. My preference is to avoid them to the degree that I can. Yes, there are notable exceptions in the work environment and with a few friends, but overall, I am a very solitary person. I spend the bulk of my time alone ... in the company of my self. That is OK. It is natural for me. Though, it may also be limiting as well. There is still the remnant of a fear of others that developed in my childhood. In particular, it manifests as a concern for how others will judge me. Fortunately, I don't allow it to impact what I express here in any way. One reason is that I don't believe this to be solely me expressing here. Spirit herself has at least equal authorship, and I trust that she knows what she is doing and will not be subject to judgment from another. Similarly, it seems that when I am being true to myself, there is no room for judgment either, except perhaps self-judgment that compares how I perform with what I am capable of. To be all that we can be ... that is the goal. That is the challenge that we all face. It is not hard to do. The very forces of the universe are cooperating with us in doing this. We have to believe in ourselves, and believe in spirit as she expresses through us. When we do so, we will be surprised at the things that we can do. We are grand beings all. We are spirit enfleshed. It is time for us to realize this and start behaving as if we know that it is true. We do know. We may have to reach deep within ourselves to find the place that knows, but it is there. And, we can find it if we search for it, provided we are earnest and sincere in our searching. Our life is our masterpiece. Yes, masterpiece. We are all masters in the art of reality creation. That doesn't mean that we've learned everything that can be learned. It simply means that we create our reality to mirror our beliefs faithfully already. We do it on other than conscious levels for the most part. 59

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 However, we can gain some conscious control by examining our beliefs, removing ones that don't serve us, and replacing them with ones that do. We may not know whether the new beliefs will indeed have the desired effect. So, we need to monitor the results, determine the utility, and make further adjustments as needed. This is one area where it pays to be pragmatic. We must be willing to try new things to see what works and what doesn't ... and then eliminate those things that don't work. That doesn't mean we have to try everything ourselves. We can use the lessons learned from others as helpful guidance. We don't do enough of this. We don't do enough sharing of our experiences in ways that can help others. Part of the problem is how do you share and how do you find guidance relevant to some area of interest in a timely manner? If it takes more time to find out if there are relevant lessons learned, than it does to do something and learn whatever lessons are necessary, then there is no value added in the lessons learned. Part of the challenge of the information age is to put the information that we need at our fingertips when we need it. Actually, for many, a voice input might be more appropriate. We are nowhere near answering this information accessibility challenge. Oh, there are probably groups who are trying for particular categories of information. But, there is much more that can be done. Just consider all of the information on the WWW. Some sites have started to catalog and organize the material on particular topics. But, overall, this seems to be a small number compared to the number of sites offering information. Abstracting material and showing how it relates to a larger whole is important as well. From what I've seen, there is still far too little of this that is done. Perhaps in time. I can only hope. If we are to truly see the value of information, we need to see it in all its glory, with all its connectivity. We need to see how it fits within the whole. Does everybody need to see this? No. We don't need everyone to be holistic thinkers. It is enough for those whose function it is to look after the whole to see in this manner.

9 February 2003 In general, I don't get too attached to things. Nor am I accustomed to taking care of them very well. What is important to me is ideas. This expression is where I am able to freely communicate what is inside of me, albeit still with an unseen audience, or perhaps even no audience at all except for me. For your eyes only, only for you. The line from that song still haunts me. Can this be true. Can this elaborate construct be all for me? Is this the mansion that I have made for myself? Every fiber within me yells out no, that consciousness doesn't waste effort ... that such expression as this is indeed meant to reach and to move people somehow. Then again, if all of this has been done to train me, it is not a waste of effort either. It will enable me to do what I am meant to do next ... and then to do after that ... and so on, and so on, until my life is done. That is enough to make it of tremendous value. However, that means that I can't necessarily count on anything that I've done to date to fund my existence. Don't quit your day job as the saying goes. That's OK, I still have my night job to engage my soul. There is so much to do ... yet there seems to be so little time. Yes, I know. That is a matter of choice. It is for us to decide what we will do with our free time. Being entertained is becoming a less and less viable choice. With minutes becoming precious, choosing to spend an hour to watch a show or two hours to watch a movie is a major choice. Then, there is sleep. On weekends, I find it difficult waking up in the morning and often sleep for 10 hours per night. That really makes the days go by faster, as they literally are two hours shorter. This expression offers me a chance to bring forth something new, something that no one has ever brought forth before in the same manner. How can I know that? Clearly, I haven't read everything. Perhaps, it is precisely because my reading has been limited that I can know that what is expressed here is new and different. It is not patterned after anything that I have read. There are very few quotes and even fewer references to other works. I can still go back and read any of the best notes or best of musings pages and be amazed at what has been expressed through me. It is interesting because while I do this often, I have limited to no recall of having written what I am reading. I would expect that if this were really mine alone, there would be a recognition somehow. Yet, such is not the case. If I had $1 per word of 60

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 expression, I would have over 1 million dollars by now. Is this expression worth that much? My sense is yes. But, the obvious answer is to whom? Can I find a benefactor willing to pay me $1 per word to continue to express in this manner? With such a contract, I could indeed quit my day job and do this for a living. Further, with 40-60 hours per week to devote to this task, who knows what additional creativity and forms of expression might be unleashed. It will be if it is meant to be. There is still a sense that "Circle A" still has something to offer. There are things that the organization knows collectively that I could benefit from. There is a reason for everything that happens in my life. Everything unfolds in its proper timing. There is nothing I can do to force things to happen. This is an existence of allowing things to happen in a manner that is appropriate. That doesn't mean my desires don't count. At some point, my desires are spirit’s desires. There is no separation, no distinction. Has that point happened already, or is it still to come? I am still leery about imposing my will on various situations. There is a difference between allowing things to happen their way and allowing them to happen my way. Ultimately, which way is right? Does it matter one way or the other? Or, is the issue how attached we become to the particular way? It seems that attachment is almost always a troublesome area. How do I gravitate to the job that I am meant to have and the life I am meant to lead? The sense is that this is exactly what is happening. The process is just a bit slower than I'd like at the present time. That's OK. Things will unfold in their proper timing. That includes my destiny. Not only mine, but the destiny of each and every one of us. That is simply how it is. Life unfolds as she will. Sometimes this is as we will as well, but just as often it is not. It depends on whether our will is aligned with the will of consciousness. How do we know? It seems that we don't until we see what manifests. If what we will manifests ... then our will is indeed aligned with spirit. If not, then it is not. It is that simple. Lack of manifestation does not mean that we should cease trying. Rather, we should re-evaluate what we are willing ... and perhaps change something.

10 February 2003 Another day. I can't shake the feeling that I am here to do far grander things than I am currently doing, that I am in effect wasting a good deal of my time. Yet, I don't see what I can do about it. I need an income, and a good one at that. And, there are only so many things that I am trained to do and have experience doing. We put ourselves in boxes of sorts, boxes that contain us, defining what we can and cannot do. I would not be so restricted. That is one of the good things about my job. I get to make it up as I go along. No two days are ever the same. I don't typically know what I am going to be doing more than a few days ahead of time, and even then only loosely. That is OK. I thrive on the uncertainty of it all. Rigid structures are foreign to me. But some structure is familiar. The patterns that I see in numbers and symbols are that way. They reveal a spiritual structure that seems to be hidden from most. And, I often say that my mission is to build the foundations for a new world. Foundations are major elements of structure ... as basic as you can get. Yet, even as I do this, I would be free, and I would allow consciousness free reign to create and fashion the structures as she will. I know enough to realize that it is not me doing this work, it is her doing this work through me. I gladly offer my services however. I can think of no better way to engage my talents, my abilities, my energies, and my time. Yes, the work of consciousness, of spirit, is that important to me. It is my very life. It is not a matter of giving my life to it. There was nothing that was mine to give. This is my life. I could live in no other way and be true to myself. That doesn't mean that this is the path that everyone must follow. Quite the contrary. My sense is that I have taken the road less traveled, and perhaps not a road or even a trail at all. It is OK for me to be a trailblazer. I came to be a pathfinder and a wayshower. But what am I to show the way to? Thus far

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 it has been to the states of consciousness that I have had the fortune to reach ... to the degree that I could share my experience anyway. Why must I be so special? I just see what I am capable of, and realize that this is quite different than the vast majority. My abilities and my awareness set me apart. But, these same characteristics come with a responsibility to use them in service to the world in some way ... in my case, in a major way. The need to be of service to humanity runs deep within me. It is particularly curious considering that I still consider myself to be very much the hermit. But the hermit card in the Tarot has this element to it. The hermit comes down from the high mountains to share of his wisdom with the world. Am I wise enough to do this yet? Is the source that I tap sufficiently wise to provide such service? I don't have to do it all. It is spirit working through me that achieves most of this. The working of a transistor comes to mind. The application of a small amount of base current controls a much larger amount of collector/emitter current. Here, we have a similar effect. The application of a small amount of conscious effort on our part allows a great deal of energy of consciousness to flow forth into manifestation. It doesn't happen automatically, however. We have to provide the initial current. Consciousness can use us to do her works, but only when we cooperate to allow it to happen. Many are in the mode of my works be done, though they do not even realize it. They create their reality in accordance with their belief systems. This is OK. Some of the lessons young souls and adult souls learn revolve around achievement of various types. However, mature souls and ancient souls have different perspectives on what is important. They no longer see that winning is important, especially if others lose in the process. They have a much stronger need to find their place in the overall scheme of things and to play that role effectively. This requires being true to themselves and being true to others. There can be a tendency towards laziness, as if nothing in the world really matters much. Or, the opposite can manifest ... with some cause becoming so important that the rest of life pales by comparison. This can be good or bad, depending on the cause, and depending on the individuals orientation. I'm the first to say that it is wonderful to have something that one can devote ones life to. This expression is of that nature for me. I strongly desire to do something different with my life. Yet, am I motivated to do what it takes to turn that desire into something different? Yes, that is the question. That is not something that I have much experience doing to date. My decisions are generally fairly intuitive. But, in this case, there is no cushion of reserves to tide me over financially until I figure out what else I might be able to do. I have to find a way to start doing it, and start getting paid for it, long before I would even consider giving up the security of my present job. That is OK. That is one of the conditions for living in this world. We have to pay for the standard of living at which we live. The accepted way of doing this is by selling our services to an employer. That is the way that most of us do this anyway. But, there are other ways. Some are entrepreneurs. It is not clear that I have the personality to be such. Actually, it is clear that I don't. I'm not enough of a people person for that. Yet, I would build the foundations for a new world, in which people can express in community in ways that they have never expressed before ... and in which spirit can express in flesh more fully than ever before. What makes me qualified to do any of this? Me, who has essentially lived as a loner for all of my life. That does not seem to matter. There is something within me that drives me to do this. Further, there is something within that seems to inherently know what it is doing. I simply have to have the courage to do as I am moved by spirit to do, trusting that I am being led exactly where I need to go each and every step of the way. At this point, my entire life confirms this ... but especially the past decade. My life has been one of destiny for as long as I can remember. Though, I typically do not have the foreknowledge of what the destiny is prior to it occurring. That is OK. I am comfortable with the unknown playing a major role in my life. For many, this is not acceptable. They need their lives to be packaged nice and tidy. I prefer to venture far from the norms ... to the point of touching the very edges of sanity at times. Thus far, in all my cases of manic flying I have been able to come back, to return to some semblance of control. Will that always be the case? The sense is yes. There is an inbuilt governor of sorts that limits just how far I can 62

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 go. Perhaps that is what the medications and the associated adjustments to brain chemistry do. Perhaps that is why this latest medication was added to the arsenal. Nothing happens by chance in my life. Everything is by design. Everything happens for a reason, often for multiple reasons. Change. The times seem ripe for change somehow, of a magnitude and a rapidity that exceeds anything we've seen to date. Yet, can social change really happen as fast as technological change? Would we even want it to? The answer seems to be yes to both questions. Further, we shall see soon enough. It seems we are at or are rapidly approaching a breakpoint. Beyond the breakpoint lies a rainbow of great brilliance. Somewhere over the rainbow ... there is a world that is beyond imagination. All that we have to do is follow the rainbow and get there. Easier said than done, you say. In general, that might be true. But the deck is stacked in our favor in this case. Providence desires that we succeed ... and so we shall. It is only a matter of when. What would I do next? That question has been coming up a lot lately as well. Last year, and all last month, it was enough to muse and select best of musings and best quotes. But, that no longer seems to be enough. There is a sense that something is missing, a sense that there is something more that I could be doing. If I'm going to spend 2-4 hours per day serving spirit, I need to make conscious choices as to how I'm going to invest that time to make it as productive as possible. It is not clear that coming here to express all the time is the best choice. That doesn't mean that it isn't a good choice, at least for some amount of time. It is just that I need to start considering other alternatives as well. Doing what I am moved to do still seems to be the right process. However, I need to be open to being moved to do different things. That is OK. Change, in general, is a good thing. Do what you love and the money will follow. I think that was the title of a book by Marsha Sinetar. I am doing what I love but the money doesn't seem to be following ... at least, not directly from the Beyond Imagination work that I love. Part of the problem is that I'm not doing what I love in a manner that necessarily provides service to any individual or group of individuals. When you serve "society", who pays? How do I collect one penny per person from 250 million people? That would be enough to fund my work for 10 years. Yes, just one penny from each person. However, that is what large numbers do for us. If one person or one company has to pay, the cost is the same ... roughly 2.5 million over 10 years. Am I worth that much? Clearly the answer is yes. One way or another that much will be paid for my work ... either to my present employer, or to me directly if I can arrange it. Given that, how do I alter the circumstances in a win-win way so that I am happier and more effective in applying my services? Can I do that within my present working environment? Or, will I ultimately need to go beyond it? The sense is the later. The only question is the timing.

11 February 2003 Again we start with a nearly blank slate, something we have done everyday except once this year to date. While we are moved to express in this manner we will continue to do so. This is a form of therapy for me. It is a place of release ... where I can open my heart and soul to the world, even if the particular members that constitute that world are largely unknown to me. Perhaps that is why it is so easy, because I don't know who is going to be exposed to this material or what impact it will ultimately have on them. I only know what impact generating and reading the material have on had on me and then only in general overall terms. This is material that impacts ones state of consciousness. And, that has ripple effects into all other areas of one life. I wouldn't presume to know how this material impacts others. My hope would be that it would be mind shattering or at least belief shattering ... but that may be too much to ask. Then again, that may be exactly what I am here to do ... to shake up peoples worlds and concepts of self. Clearly, I have done this for myself. Or, more precisely, spirit has done this for me. 63

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 There is still a strong sense that it is time for a major change in my life, and further that it is completely within my power to make this change. That seems to rule out a job change ... as that would seem to involve others besides me. Though, I am in complete control of how I apply my free time toward my spiritual job. It is this part that I could change at anytime. That will have to be good enough for now. What is it that is mine to do? That I would do with a glad heart. There is no burden too great to bear, when it is rightfully ours and when we have spirit bearing it with us. However, it does take courage to do what is ours to do. This requires stretching beyond what we typically see as the boundaries of ourselves to become something greater that we ever thought we ever were. Yet, when we do this, we will never cease to be amazed, we will never cease to surprise ourselves by what we are able to accomplish. I am a man possessed, driven to express by a force that I cannot control. OK, maybe cannot is a bit too strong. Clearly, I choose not to control it. Hence, the proliferation of musings over the past 13 plus months. What would I do with all of these words? Yes, I post them to make them available to the world ... or, that part of the world that would find them. But, what else is to be done? It seems that some of what is written is of a nature that is publication quality. But, that seems to be such a big job to package appropriate material into a book. Perhaps the Best of Musings or the Best Quotes pages might be good starting points. I won't know unless I try. The fact that I am being moved to think about it suggest that perhaps it is worth doing something along those lines and seeing what results. The worst that can happen is that I'll have packaged some of the Beyond Imagination material into another product. The only downfall is how much time is involved to convert from web pages to files in Word. I don't think I've done this for some time so I have no idea as to what to expect. Nothing ventured, nothing gained ... as the saying goes. Are the words and ideas that flow forth through me ultimately meant to find an audience ... and, if so, is it to happen in my lifetime ... and, if so, is it to happen soon? Interesting questions. Yet, important ones, questions whose answers change the very nature of how I am to express and interact with others in the world. That makes them very important to me personally. However, at the same time, there is a whatever will be will be attitude that is present at my core. This keeps me centered and connected to source. Regardless of what is happening around me, there is this inner connection that is always there. The words continue to flow. So long as they do, I am content to allow this expression to continue. Yes, that means investing my free time in this endeavor. That means making a judgment call that what comes forth is worth far more than the cost of my time required in this expression. To date, this has been true without a doubt. The quality and quantity of what has come forth has literally blown me away. And, not only the first time, but each time that I go back and re-read what has come forth. The question that gets raised is "did all of that really come forth through me"? WOW! I don't know what else to say. This stream of consciousness that I tap is rich and deep. Sometimes she is downright unfathomable. She carries me to the edge of the unknown ... and even pushes me off the edge of the cliff at times so that I can discover my newfound wings of consciousness and fly. It is easy to soar in consciousness, it really is. But then, that may be because my natural brain chemistry is pre-disposed to such, being bipolar and all. I really have no basis for knowing the degree to which my experience is common with that of others. From everything that I have seen, it is quite different. But, it is all that I know ... and I have grown accustomed to it being what it is. Consciousness is pretty amazing. Yet, there was nothing in my formal education that taught me anything about it. I still find that astonishing ... even frightening. How can an intelligent society know so little about something as important as consciousness itself? I am anxious to do something different. It is time for major changes in what I manifest in my life. That is starting to happen, but it seems that it is just not happening fast enough. I have a new computer and a new vehicle. And, Mr Bear recently passed away. Further, this expression has increased both in volume and nature as well. Though, the difference is still somewhat subtle. Let's see, I should get a raise in another 64

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 week or so. So, changes are happening ... but, the sense is that this is only the beginning. There is much more in store throughout the year to come. I welcome the changes, both the comings and the goings, difficult as they may be. I welcome the very process of becoming more and more of whom that I AM and expressing that to the degree that I can. Further, I welcome the opportunity to start establishing cooperative interdependent relationships that will serve as foundations for some of my future collaborative work. Where I'll find the people with whom I am to work remains to be seen, but I am sure that at some level we are in the process of attracting ourselves to each other. We may not know this consciously. But, at some level, we know. We know what roles we came to play and we know who the other players are. It is simply a matter of finding them in the world and assuming our rightful places and relationships. Consciousness is the star by which I navigate. She animates me. She breathes life into me. I am her Words made flesh. And, this very expression is largely her expression through me. I have said these words come from source. But, what is this thing called source? It is a place deep within me where I am able to connect to a stream of consciousness from spirit. I believe that we all have such a place within us, though for some it may be buried or hidden making it difficult to find and connect to. But, if you persist, you will succeed. The game of life is stacked in our favor. We are meant to succeed. This does not mean it will be easy, challenges seem to be a natural part of life. However, challenges can be just as easily be approached joyfully and playfully as they can be dreadfully. It is all a matter of choice. Life is indeed a game that we are playing. When we are operating at our finest, we play it win-win on every level. There is always a way to do this. It is a matter of being committed enough to making it happen. What do we want to manifest? One of our most intimate creations is our physical body. What does it say when over half the population of the country is obese? I guess I put myself in that category. I could stand to lose about 50 pounds. That’s a lot, over 20 percent of my present body weight of 230. It's all a matter of exercise and controlling food intake. I've been getting my share of exercise, but the food consumption control has been poor. It doesn't help that my bipolar medications all have weight gain as side effects except for the latest one which has weight loss. I do feel more in control right now for some reason. The appetite is suppressed. I have been able to eat smaller portions and not need snacks in between. So, maybe it is working. As with most things, time will tell. Also, it helps to have an objective in mind. I haven't been good with goals in the past ... but maybe the shift has changed this as well. Perhaps it is time to start consciously establishing some goals and working toward those goals. That provides a way to measure progress against achieving a given set of objectives. We may need to be flexible about the objectives. That is OK. But, the sense is we need something written down to work toward. With me alone, the stream of consciousness may have worked fine. But, if we are going to engage others ... we need goals, objectives, and step by step work plans to achieve those goals and objectives.

12 February 2003 I challenged myself to generate a Beyond Imagination "product" this week. It is only Wednesday, and I already succeeded beyond my expectations. The next step is the difficult part. Now that I have created it, what do I do with it? Essentially, it is a Best of Musings collection for 2002. It is a large enough work to package as a book. But, I have no idea about how to deal with potential publishers. Further, I have no way of assessing whether there is a sufficient market to make the material worthy of being published. However, I will not know that unless I get it out there and see what feedback I receive. I was amazed that the transformation from web pages to Word went as smoothly and as quickly as it did. It probably shouldn't have surprised me. HTML is similar to what word processors have been using to format text for years. However, I've had other cases where things that should have been easy proved to be much harder 65

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 than anticipated. I feel good about having another major product completed. I even spell-checked this one. There is a sense of finality about such completions. It is as if the work is cast in stone. It is more real somehow. It is no longer just the stuff of the ethers. What drives me to work so hard? I hold myself accountable to a higher tribunal than man's. I am moved to make each moment count to the best of my ability. That goes for both my work time and my free time. That means working an average of 60-70 hours per week between my job and my Beyond Imagination work. Yes, that is a lot of time. But, that is the commitment that I am moved to make. My spiritual work is the equivalent of over a half time job ... and it is one that I volunteer to do. You see the results from that job here, posted nearly daily. Is this expression worth the effort that goes into it? Is it worth the time that it takes to read it? Ultimately, that is not something that I can decide. I am not privy to the effects of this effort. I know not who is moved by this expression in what ways. I can only evaluate what comes forth based on what it means to me and how it applies to my life. You'll have to do the same. Utility is the only measure for evaluating information. Does this expression provide anything that is useful? Does this expression assist you in doing things to improve your reality and your experience of life? If so, I have done my job well. If not, find somewhere else to spend your time. The bottom line is that I express what I express because I must. I am moved to do so by a strong force that comes from deep within me, a force that I choose not to resist. How long can I continue my present pace? The sense is indefinitely. I truly have nothing better to do with my time. This expression is what my life is about. This is part of carrying out my mission and accomplishing my purpose in this existence. I know that by the way that I feel when I am doing it. It is the most natural thing in the world for me to be doing. It is home for my consciousness. And, consciousness is everything for me. Here I am free to be whom that I AM in ways that I can be nowhere else. It is impossible to imagine what my life would have been life had this expression not entered my reality on 5 March 1993. We are three weeks shy of a decade since that fateful first day. In many ways, that was a spiritual birth for me, a time of awakening. Though, it took awhile to realize what I was experiencing. In fact, even now, ten years later, I am still in a major learning mode ... ever discovering what consciousness would care to show me of how spirit manifests in our lives. This business of reality creation is not easy stuff ... yet, at the same time, it is mere childs play if we view it from the right perspective. Life does not have to be difficult. It is meant to be engaging yes, and to be a challenge ... but it is not meant to be overwhelming as it seems to be for many. When will we start taking responsibility for one another ... full responsibility? When we have people starving, this is not happening. When we have people living in poverty, this is not happening. When we have people who want work unemployed, this is not happening. What does it take to rid our society of such problems once and for all? And then, how do we extend the solutions to apply to the world? Yes, the challenges are greater there. However, the responsibility is the same ... it is just shared among many nations. And no, the answer is not that each nation is responsible for itself. There are many poor nations that have no means to address the many problems that plague their countries. It seems that here we need a United Nations to step in as an equalizing force between the developed, developing, and undeveloped nations.

13 February 2003 I had an interesting e-mail this morning from someone who had just read Reality Creation 1010 and accused me of stealing some of his ideas. It seems that independently, he had come up with similar ideas in the past few years ... not knowing that Reality Creation 1010 was generated from 26 Dec 93 to 4 Jan 94. That one was particularly easy to remember because the whole thing came forth in 10 days. It was 66

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 literally a blur. I still can't believe how connected I was at that time to be able to allow that to manifest as it did. Anyway, we'll have to see what comes from this new connection. The copyright on the Reality Creation 1010 page is dated in 1996. The person who contacted me was dismayed that if it was correct, my work predated his by a few years. I guess he'll be even more disturbed that the dates were even two years earlier. Actually, anymore this doesn't really matter. The ideas that come forth through me are from spirit. As such, I don't believe them to be mine to own or to control in that matter. On January 1, 1997, I was moved to give the works of Beyond Imagination freely to the world. However, in doing so, I made it clear that anyone who chose to use them could not claim any copyrights either. The works belong to spirit ... and thus, to the world as a whole, not to any particular individuals or groups of individuals. That does not mean that we cannot prosper from the works that we do. We just need to be careful about how much control is imposed. We are meant to give of whom that we are in service to our world in some way ... preferably in some effective way. In return, we are entitled to all that we need and more. That is the social contract. No, it has not been publicly declared yet. But, that does not preclude us from acting as if it is already in effect. When we do that, effectively, it becomes in effect. We don't need some external force to impose anything on us. This can be an inside job. We can choose to do it at any time. Can I make a living from writing? Am I good enough? Do I know enough? Do I have sufficient selfdiscipline? Perhaps, perhaps not. My sense is that if I could, I would not still be here in my present job. It will take a lot of book sales to replace the income that I make on the job. Perhaps the best approach is to ease into it and to allow it to augment my income first until I am sufficiently established to do this fulltime. That is the conservative approach anyway, and it seems that caution is in order at the present time. In the meantime, I am open to learning whatever I can from whatever opportunities present themselves. Lately, these seem to be coming in many flavors. The move to strategic thinking is a natural one. Strategy deals with what and why, tactics with how and when. I'm definitely naturally inclined toward strategy. Though the musings do occasionally address how to achieve the desired objectives. However, perhaps it is time that they should do more of this. If we are to build the foundations for a new world, it seems that we should be getting on with it. My life continues to change all around me. Yet, in many ways, I am still the same. The setting is different, the props and the scenes are changing, but I am still much as I was. I am still standing at the center awake and aware ... anxious to become something more, yet not knowing what that something more might be. That is OK. I am a patient man, I can wait as long as it takes. My sense is that it won't be for much longer. I am deeply moved to be an author, officially. That means being published. Self publishing appears to be the right route. And, I even found a publisher that appears to be right for the job. Infinity Publishing, of course. But, I still have more research to do. It seems that for as little as $400, one can be published in the electronic age and have ones books available electronically and printed on demand within 48 hours. Such is where technology has taken us. However, being published and creating a demand for ones books are two very different things. If the books are to sell, then I'm going to have to take an active role in getting the word out. Marketing is not something that comes easy to me. If the material is good, it seems that word of mouth should be sufficient to get the word out. But, that is not necessarily enough. The words came forth through me. Who better than me to be their advocate? Where does my responsibility end? It seems that this expression is not enough. It seems that I am also to be involved in the dissemination, at least to some degree. At least, that is what I am moved to do now. And, that is all that counts. We must do as we are moved to do. It is spirit herself that moves us. At least, this has been true for me for all of my life. I am close to something. I can taste it. I just don't know what it is yet. I feel different somehow. It is as if a large burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I'm not even sure why. Nor does it matter. There is a sense that destiny is at play once again in my life, and in a major way. Where it will take me we'll see soon enough. Indeed, there is a sense of urgency, a sense that we will not be waiting long. It is time for a 67

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 major shift in what I do. Yet, it seems we have to allow for a transition period as well. It all comes down to what do I want to be doing with my life? In particular, what do I want to be doing with my work life? If I were king, would I be doing what I am doing? The answer is clearly no. Then, why am I doing it? Yes, I am good at it. And, yes, there are things that I am learning from it. And, most importantly, because it pays me decently. But, are those things enough? They have been to date. After all, I am still here. But, for how long? There must be a better way to employ my talents in a matter that serves society more effectively. That is what ultimately matters to me. How well was I able to serve society? And even more important, how well was I able to serve spirit? Though often the two go hand in hand. What would I do if I could choose what to do each day with my time? Actually, I do have that choice to make each day for a substantial amount of free time. And, the primary choice that I make is to come here and express whatever spirit would have me express each day. I feel good about that choice. There is a sense of accomplishment that comes from this expression, a sense that a record has been captured that may ultimately last far longer than I do. This stream of consciousness is important somehow ... more important than any concept that I have of myself. The hope is that what is captured here is sufficient to trigger others to awaken. Whether it does that or not depends on how well I have done my job of bringing it forth.

14 February 2003 I am still moved to get some of my works published formally. But, the idea of copyrighting them presents a challenge. To me, limiting the distribution and dissemination of the works is counterproductive. I would rather that the works receive the widest audience than that the profits from the works are precisely administered and controlled. Further, there is the matter of it being spirit that does these works through me. How can I copyright them as mine when they are not solely mine? At the same time, there is no other person on the planet living or dead who contributed to the works ... so from that standpoint, they are indeed mine. Perhaps that is enough. Life goes on. It seems that lately the challenges are more frequent and more difficult to deal with. That is OK. It is forcing me to reevaluate my life and see what is truly important and what is not. Clearly, this expression is near the top of the list. It is still one of the most important, if not the most important, endeavors in my life. Here I am able to be whom that I AM in ways that I can do nowhere else. What good does it do if it doesn't involve others however? Good point. That is something I am just starting to realize. There is an emptiness in my life, a void when it comes to relationships. This is primarily my fault. For the most part, I simply haven't been interested enough to apply the effort. My concern has been with my self and with self-knowledge. After all, Plato did say Know Thyself, not Know Others. I say that with a big grin. But, it does seem that my life is lacking in some important areas. However, more than at any time before, I feel empowered to change this. I can do things now to start establishing cooperative interdependent relationships. It all starts with an openness and a willingness to do so. The next question is what relationships with whom for what purposes? I guess that was more of a series of questions. The very fact that I am asking them suggests either that I already know the answers or that the answers are close at hand. Questions are a powerful means of self-discovery and of reality creation as well. They allow us to focus our energies on what we want, or more precisely, on what we need to know. If we pay attention, we may be surprised at where our questions take us. The journey of self discovery is truly an adventure, the likes of which no earthly adventure can compare. However, we need to give our consciousness the space to soar to heights unknown and to realms beyond imagining. How do I create my dream job? Can I do that within the confines of my present job? Hmm ... that is a possibility. There is some reason that I am with my present employer.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 In a very real way, this expression is my dream job ... except that I would have more interaction with others. In particular, meaningful interaction with others that allows them to understand and then engage whom that they are. Interesting. I truly am doing what I love to do. I am expressing the best of what I have to express. Though, there is a sense that appropriate interaction with others could make this process even better ... could step it up to a whole new level. That is what I seek. That is what I sense is missing. You are a creator now! It is fully within your power to create the job that you seek within your present work environment. It is simply a matter of choosing to do it and then focusing your resources to make it happen. You are manifesting your present job circumstances. When you desire for them to change ... you will manifest what is necessary for that to happen as well. And, with the pace of reality creation these days, this doesn't take years or even months anymore. Can it really be that simple? Indeed it can ... and that difficult as well. Crafting reality to be what we want it to be is creation at its finest. The trick is to make sure what we want for ourselves is aligned with what spirit has planned for us. That is the part that takes all of the self work. That is the part that takes the resignation of the will to the greater will of spirit. But, you have already been there and done that. So, that is no longer an issue for you as it might be for others. You struggled with my will versus thy will for many years through the mid-90s. At some point, you realized that your will is really spirits will for you when you allow it to come from the source deep within you anyway. We are not divorced from spirit. We are never separate. At every moment, we are spirit manifesting in flesh as fully as we can here and now, under the circumstances that we have created for ourselves. This is true for every moment that we exist ... for each and every one of us. I continue to speak with a voice that comes forth from a place deep within me. I have called this place source. And, I have called this expression a stream of consciousness. But, what does that really mean? Source is clear, it is that point of origination. Whether it is a generation point or a receiving point, I have no means of knowing. The words just flow forth. I have no sense of creating them other then that of actually typing them into a keyboard. As to stream of consciousness, I differentiate that from a more simple stream of thoughts. There is something deeper going on here. There is a depth of awareness that is being conveyed in some manner. Hopefully it is in a manner that you can learn from ... that allows you to experience altered states of consciousness. However, I cannot guarantee that. I can only express what I am moved to express and trust that the expression will have whatever effect spirit intends. I would build the foundations for a new world. Yes, that is a very lofty enterprise. But, it is one that I feel myself up to. Will I do this alone? The sense is no, definitely not ... ultimately, this is a task for many cooperating together to create the necessary infrastructures. So, when will I start finding my place with respect to others? I don't know that yet. It seems that it is time. But, I have not been the best judge of the timing of things in the past. When it is the right time, it will happen. Until then, I can continue to do whatever I am moved to do, trusting that spirit herself is doing the moving. There are some things that I can do to assist the process. One, I can become more visible and take actions that expose more people to the Beyond Imagination works. Two, I can become more visible and take action to expose more people to me personally. The first of these will be easier than the later. But, it seems that both are necessary. The older I get, the more I realize that when it comes to our spiritual life, we have no real choice but to do whatever it takes to achieve what we must. There is a destiny that we came to fulfill, a destiny that will not be denied. Yet, it does not happen automatically ... it takes work, sometimes hard work, to make it happen. That is OK. There is nothing wrong with a healthy amount of work in our lives. It is often our work that gives our life its meaning. This expression continues to be full of interesting quotes and passages. Yet, it springs forth spontaneously from a source that I know nothing of other than the expression that it has produced. Consciousness is clearly a mystery. Perhaps she is beyond anything that we will ever fathom. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't try. This might at least give us some rudimentary understanding that allows us to more fully express her in our lives. 69

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 It seems that benefit could result from engaging in dialog and interchange of ideas with others. To date, this has been a one way communication ... from spirit through source through me to these Beyond Imagination pages, lately to these Musings, to whoever would access and read them. There has been very little feedback in the eight years that the material has been on the WWW. I have no means of knowing how many people the Beyond Imagination material is reaching. There are page counters on a few pages at the site, but these only provide a rough indication of traffic. The main page seems to get about 2000 hits per year. This has been pretty study for the last several years. Whether those are new visitors or repeat visitors is unknown. Roughly 6 hits per day for one page is not a lot of traffic. There are few sites that link to Beyond Imagination. Perhaps that is an avenue to explore. Though, I hate the concept of reciprocal links. I think links should be unconditional. They should not be done with an expectation of a return. If I like a site, I have no problem linking to it. If I don't like a site, I probably don't care that they link to me anyway. Hmm ... So, where do I find others with whom to engage in dialog and interchange of ideas? I had hoped that the fifty plus 2003 Quote Per Day calendars that I sent out this year would have found a few such people. However, we are halfway into February, and only one person has questioned me on one of the daily quotes. What does that tell me? The feedback from the universe is that I haven't found the right audience yet. Perhaps they aren't in my immediate work environment. Or, perhaps I need to translate the ideas into something more relevant to the people that I work with. Either way, there is currently a major disconnect. My current lifestyle doesn't put me in positions to engage in conversations with others very often. I still spend the vast majority of my time alone. I prefer it that way. It seems that as long as this is the case, it is going to stay that way. So, what does it take for me to prefer something else? And, not just to do it, but to do it sincerely? I don't know. The hermit nature, is second nature to me ... actually first nature. I have been doing it for so long that it is difficult to imagine living in any other way. Yet cooperative interdependence demands just that ... living in a whole new way, relating closely with others on many levels. I look forward to this as well. I have had brief tastes of what can be over the past 10 years. They have been enough to ignite a desire for more. There is a recognition that this is something that I need to do ... both for me personally, and for being able to carry out the mission that I came to perform.

15 February 2003 Once again, we find ourselves coming here to express. This has definitely become a habit of late. Yet, it is a benign habit overall ... one that results in a beneficial product that will hopefully be of service to humanity one day. If I'm lucky, perhaps even during my existence. However, I do not demand that such be the case. I chose to be of service in whatever way I am moved to be anyway. That is my existence now. I would do as spirit moves me to do. I live not of my own accord ... at least not solely of my own accord. How do I know that? Good question. The only answer I can offer is that I just do. That is enough for me. Judge me based on what I express and what I do consistent with that expression. That is all that I can ask. That is all that spirit asks of us. It seems that I am meant to be a maverick. It is not meant for me to follow in the footsteps of others ... at least not for very long. I would make my own path through the wilderness of consciousness. Yet, I would have companions along the way as well. I have been going it alone for quite some time. It seems that it would be much more productive to engage with others of like mind and co-create something grander than any of us can conceive alone. We need to create a center for engaging in cooperative interdependent living at its finest. This takes commitment, and it takes resources. The first I am good at ... the second I could use some help on.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Nearly 10 years ago, in the very first musing, we spoke of building such a center. But, here we are a decade later, without having made any real progress toward its establishment. At least, no progress of which I am consciously aware. What goes on at other then conscious levels is another matter. But, there, we can only speculate at best. On the one hand, a decade is a brief moment in time ... on the other hand, it is an eternity. Why were we given a glimpse of what might be in that very first musing only to have it not come to pass for so long? There is a reason for everything. We were tapping into something special that very first day, a forecast of things to come. It didn't say when. The assumption was soon. But the answer to timing questions is always when the time is right. Apparently it hasn't been right yet ... otherwise the center would have been established already. Then again, perhaps it has, and I have just not been made aware of it yet. I had assumed that I would have a major role to play in the establishment of the center. But, that may or may not be. In the meantime, my role is as it has always been; to do what I am moved to do when I am moved to do it. That is what I expect of myself ... demand of myself. That is what keeps me coming here hour after hour, day after day. Yet, it is more than that. Obligation is one thing, but I truly love doing this. Here, I am able to express parts of myself that have no other avenue for expression. In doing so, I am able to find out more of whom that I AM and I am able to express more of whom that I AM. This is what has meaning to me ... the expression of spirit in flesh as fully as we can here and now. Everything else pales by comparison. How do I know that this is spirit expressing through me? Because that is the only thing there is that can express through us and because whatever it is that is expressing through me is far more than I know myself to be. In my reality framework the only thing bigger than me is spirit herself. Can it really be less than a month shy of a decade since that first musing on 5 March 1993? The date is permanently etched in my memory. It was a spiritual birthday of sorts ... a day of emergence, a day when the outflow of metaphysical information began. Now, we probably have 4000 pages worth. For some, that might be a lifetimes worth of work. But, for me ... that is one decade of part time labor. It will be interesting to see what the next decade brings, especially with the Easter birthdays at the 4 and 9 year points from now (2007 and 2012) in the next decade. Further, 2012 is also the end of the Mayan calendar. Indeed, it will be interesting to see what will happen in the times ahead. There is a plan for the evolution of consciousness that is being manifested in flesh. We are the players in that drama. Our individual lives fit within the context of a larger whole. We did not make that whole, but we contribute to it with every aspect of our being. The whole is always greater than the sum of its parts. That is where the synergy of systems comes into play. Evolution is building more and more complex bodies in which consciousness can be housed and enfleshed. The greater and greater expression of spirit in flesh is the name of the game. But, it has to be in flesh, or it doesn't count. What am I moved to do next? There is still a sense that it is time to do something new in bold new ways. What I have been doing hasn't been working. The bottom line is that I'm no closer to building the foundations for a new world now than I was a decade ago. Yes, I'm a different person than I was then. But, is the difference noticeable enough to make a difference to those around me. There, it seems like this is not the case yet. Though, that may be changing. Slowly, yes, but changing, nonetheless. Are these foundations even mine to build? The sense is yes, I would be 22:Master Builder. But, master builders typically work with whole crews of builders to get jobs done. Where do I find the others with whom I am meant to work? I had assumed that I could put the word out at Beyond Imagination and those meant to work with me would be moved to find me. However, that was either an optimistic or naive assumption or I got the timing all wrong once again. At this point, all that I know is that the Beyond Imagination site has not generated the response that I would have hoped. I am not discouraged. I am still moved to express and to capture what is expressed through me at Beyond Imagination that any might experience what comes forth through me. Though, I am also motivated to repackage parts of the material and offer it as books to the public as well. Can I make any money from that? It depends on what kind of audience would care to 71

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 experience these works. The book form is enough different than the electronic form that it might be worth the difference. The bottom line is that something is moving me to try it. Self publishing is only a little more expensive than making copies at Kinko’s and the products come out as real books that can be printed on demand within days. Is ego rearing its head here? Do I have something to gain by being a real author versus an internet one who simply freely posts what he writes for any to read? Part of me says it does not matter. But, another part says that I would like to derive some income from all the hours I spend in this endeavor and this is one way of doing that. Is it the right way? Is it a fair way? I am not considering denying anyone access to the material. I am simply offering to make it available in another more convenient format at a fair cost. Is the material good enough to sell many copies? Who knows? I believe it is good. But, that does not necessarily translate into there being a market for it. I've offered copies of works for sell in the past. In fact, I spent several hundred dollars in printing costs. However, in several years, only 3 people paid for copies of my work and they were all co-workers. I still have several copies of various Beyond Imagination works lying in boxes in my room. I ended up giving most away as gifts. What makes this any different? I don't know. It just feels different. The time is right somehow. That doesn't mean that ego is not a factor. It would be very nice to be a best selling author and be able to commit myself fulltime to writing. However, that is not my present reality. For now, halftime will have to do. I'm sure if we do that right, the universe will find a way to allow us to do more. That is the way universal law works. However, to engage it, we have to take the first step and do the thing that we love to do first ... and to it with all our heart and soul. This is how we tell the universe that we are serious.

16 February 2003 A new day has come once again. It does that, one day after the next, onward and onward. The expression of spirit continues as it will in my life. It has a prominent place. It always has ... but particularly so since 5 March 1993. That was when the wake up call came and I was moved to allow spirit to speak directly through me in a manner that it had never done before. The past decade of my life has been completely colored by that event and all of its ramifications. In fact, it seems that my entire life will be impacted by what happened then and more importantly how I reacted to it and how I allowed it to become an active force in my life. Judging by what has been able to come forth, it seems that I have been handling things well. Though, it also seems that what has worked for the past decade, may not work so well for the next. We can't afford to rest too long on past laurels. It is for us to proceed ever onward to new heights and depths of expression. Yes, that is an appropriate analogy. It is out of the depths of spirit that the heights of experience and expression come. There is still a sense that massive change is in store in the immediate days ahead. How many days, I have no means of knowing. But there is an urgency that I need to start doing things differently. If we keep doing the same things in the same ways, we shall get the same results. It is folly to think otherwise. Change comes when we choose to do different things, or even similar things in different ways. Yes, that requires being willing to get out of our comfort zones for awhile. But, there is no rule that says life should be comfortable. It can be at times. And, perhaps that is a desirable objective. However, to grow we need to be willing to stretch. When we do this, we demonstrate that we are more than we knew ourselves to be. This is a powerful experience, one that we should engage in often. We are here to grow. We are here to learn whom that we are. And, we are here to express whom that we are as fully as we can. It has always been so. Though, these simple truths have been hidden from us. We don't need an elaborate religious systems to explain whom that we are. Deep down, we already know this. We just haven't been allowed to trust what we know. That can change far quicker than any can imagine. Further, it seems that the things necessary to allow it to change are already starting to manifest in our world. Consciousness herself is orchestrating the play. She will ensure that each detail is taken care of at the appropriate time.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 What would I do differently? How would I live differently? How would I express differently? How would I choose to expend my time differently? These are all important questions. And, I'm sure, in time, I will have answers. But, for now, I am still moved to live much as I have lived and to continue to express here much as I have expressed, at least over the past 13 months. Will that change sometime soon? My sense is yes, it will. But, I don't know to what yet, nor when. The bottom line is that there is a sense that I am changing again ... and when I change, by definition the expression of whom that I AM must change as well. In fact, it is by the new expression that I will discover what I have become. At least, that seems to be how it works in my life. I know whom that I AM by the works that I am able to do. This expression, in particular, constitutes "works" that have literally blown me away, completely undermining my understanding of whom that I AM and what I am capable of doing ... or more precisely what spirit is capable of doing through me. Yet, who is the audience for this expression? There is at least one for whom it is meant. Are there more? Does it matter one way or the other? It seems that it shouldn't really matter. If spirit desires that the words communicated here reach others, then moving me to generate web pages each day to contain the material is sufficient to make it available to the connected part of the world anyway. All they have to do is find it. Here, I may be able to help by spreading the word as to what the Beyond Imagination site is and what it has to offer. Though, I find advertising to be quite distasteful overall. But, how else are people to know of my work other than word of mouth? 1000 hours per year x $100 / hour = $100,000 is the equivalent investment that I am putting into this work. But, who benefits from what I express? Clearly I do, but that doesn't really count. The next beneficiaries would be any who are moved to find and read this. But, how do they benefit? How does this expression make them any better people? How does it allow them to see themselves in a different light ... and perhaps to awaken and see things from a whole new perspective? How does it allow them to better see how they relate to others and see that the rightful role of everyone is to be of service to society in some manner that benefits both the individual and society? I don't expect others to give at the halftime = 1000 hours per year level ... though, there is nothing wrong with that if you can do it. We have spoken before of a tithe = 40/10 = 4 hours per week = 208 hours per year. This should be the minimum investment that we expect people to make for the betterment of society. This unleashes a tremendous amount of resources for social change if only we can harness them appropriately. Should I be able to be paid for the investment of energy that I am making? It only seems fair. This use of my time is far more beneficial overall than my work time. And, I believe the product to ultimately be of far greater value. Then, why should I not be entitled to fair compensation for the effort that is expended. Yes, I understand volunteering to do spirit’s work. But, volunteerism only goes so far. At some point there needs to be some type of return on the investment of time and effort. It doesn't necessarily have to be money. But a service has been performed. There needs to be a balance of energy achieved.

17 February 2003 I will be working all of my days, regardless of my means. Work defines me. In many ways, it is what gives my life meaning. Right now, this expression is the most important work that I am doing. But, that is a value judgment on my part only, not yet based on any impact that the works have had on the world ... at least not that I am aware of. Various parts of the Beyond Imagination works have reached many thousands, so there is hope that by now they would have had some impact. They have definitely changed my life. And, as a result have had some impact on those few people whose lives I touch. Yes, few. As a loner, and effectively a hermit, I don't really get out much. Though, it seems that may be starting to change. Slowly yes, but definitely nonetheless.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 What is it that I would do? That is the question on the forefront of my mind these days. It seems that it is time to do something new, something different. Whether this is at work, in this expression, or both remains to be seen. Though, my guess is that both is the right answer. But what would I do differently? How would I live differently? How would I express differently? What would I believe differently? These are all very important questions to ask. However, the bottom line answer seems to be to trust the spontaneous expression of whom that I AM ... and observe how these questions get answered via demonstration in my life. I came to be a wayshower. Wayshowers don't work solely in the field of the mind, they work in the field of action. They do things that others may see what is possible. And, what is possible for me, you can do also. It is a matter of preparing your consciousness and choosing to do it. Hopefully, this expression helps with the preparation. Here, you get to walk in the shoes of my consciousness for awhile. Yes, it may be some pretty strange walking, but I hope you find it interesting. Further, I hope it enables you to discover parts of yourself of which you were not aware. If so, I have done my job well. At least, that is one of the outcomes that I hope for. Another desired outcome is to encourage you to be all that you can be. That means never settling for less. That is a high mark to set. However, if we don't strive to be our best, we will never be able to realize that we are better and more capable than we had ever imagined. We are consciousness enfleshed. It is high time we realized that and got on with the task of living as if that were true. At this point in time, the vast majority do not believe this. As a result, we live in a world where spirituality is sorely lacking. Or, at least, it is clearly not manifesting at anywhere near the level at which it could. We live in a world where spiritual problems abound. Hunger, poverty, crime, terrorism, war, ... all of these are spiritual problems. They exist because we have refused to take responsibility to care for one another collectively. Spirituality teaches us that all problems are our problems. What we do to another ultimately we do to ourselves. How do we fix this? We teach our children well, as the song says, and allow them to show us the way. Those being born today have an inner compass that guides them. They are the children of the Aquarian Age. They have a natural predisposition the type of spiritual expression we are speaking of. This is why the world can be transformed so quickly. The basic mechanisms required are literally being hardwired into the genes. For some of us, it seems softwiring was necessary. Brain chemistry had to be altered to allow us to reach our rightly place in the world. So it seems for me anyway. That is what my bipolar condition is, it is a difference in how the brain chemistry, the firmware of the brain functions. For me, this is positive. This difference allows everything you see here to get produced. It allows my consciousness to soar. Spiritual expression is by far the most important aspect of my life. This stream of consciousness expression is indeed that meaningful to me. It is hard to imagine what my life would be like without it. I have no hobbies or interests that might fill the void. This is it for me. This is what I am meant to do. This is what I choose to give my life to, my time and my energies to. Is it a fair exchange? I don't really think of it in terms of being an exchange. This is what I must do. I know that from a place deep within me. Spiritual giving is unconditional, or it simply doesn't count. When we give conditionally, our reward occurs in whatever is exchanged. When we give unconditionally, our reward is abundance ... we get what we need when we need it. That doesn't mean that there will be a lot of excess. There may be, but much depends on our beliefs about our worthiness. Spirit can only give us what we feel we are worthy of receiving. To get more, we need to do something to increase our feeling of worthiness. This may be by giving more, or by realizing the true value of whom that we are. The economy seems to put arbitrary constraints on the consumption and distribution of goods and services, in the process resulting in people not getting some of the things and services that they need because of insufficient funds to pay for them. At the same time, we have people who provide these goods and services out of work or underemployed because they cannot find enough customers or clients. This seems to be a very foolish economy overall. Though, despite its faults, it still seems to be one of the best around. We have more goods and services available at relatively affordable prices than any society in the 74

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 world. The question is whether that is good enough or whether we can do better? So long as we have people living in hunger, and people living in poverty ... we definitely can do better. It is all a matter of having the resolve to do so. How does society execute its resolve? The first answer that comes to mind is through its institutions, through its social organizations. The primarily such institution is its government. The primary spiritual institutions seem to be religions, though one might argue that many of these ceased to be spiritual organizations many centuries ago. Yes, that is a harsh judgment, but my sense is that it is an accurate one. As to government, in this country, we still stand on a Constitution from over two centuries ago and a few dozen amendments made over the years. It is not clear that this foundation is sound enough to deal with the complexities of government in a modern world where change is rampant and impacts of so many decisions are global. It seems that there should be some fundamental changes but I'm at a loss to say what they might be. One area to consider, however, is what we can expect of our individual leaders. Integrity goes without saying ... though, it is not clear that this comes with the territory for politicians, or for lawyers, the chief prior occupation of most politicians. So, how do we make our government more representative of whom that we are as a people? Is that what we really want? Or, does it take a different set of skills to be a government servant? If so, we should be defining what skills that we are looking for and evaluating the various candidates against these skills and allow the most qualified to serve us? It is that simple. We get what we expect. If we allow the candidates to stack the deck and misrepresent their own abilities, it is our own fault. We need to learn from our mistakes and chose not to make the same ones again. But, it seems that we don't really learn. We've settled into basically two camps, the Democrats and the Republicans and we take whoever the party offers. Often we have a choice from among several, but even then, all have been identified and authorized by the party. Then, when it comes to the overall elections, most vote along party lines. We might as well not vote at all. This is something I personally have chosen for myself. I've completely divorced myself from the political system. I have never voted. At this time, my sense is that I never will. Yes, I had Civics class in school. And, yes, they stressed the importance of voting, calling it one of our civic duties. However, I didn't buy it then. And, I don't buy it now. To me, it doesn't matter what laws are passed, or who is elected for what offices. That is all being worked out behind the scenes and enacted physically. I can't think of any law or any political act in the past 30 years that has impacted my life or made me make particular choices. My world is in many ways disconnected from the consensus world. Disconnected is neither good nor bad. It just indicates that the overlap is limited at best. I live in a world of my own making. Is it an imaginary world? I would offer that it is far more than that, it is Beyond Imagination. That is what I was moved to call this expression when it began in 1993. The name is still appropriate today. Nothing can stop me from doing the work that I came to do. This expression is part of that ... but only the first steps. If the timing above was right, I have another quarter of a century to accomplish my mission. That, literally, is an eternity. Just, look at how much has come forth in a decade ... then multiply by 2.5 and another 4 or more for the power of synergy. That would give us an order of magnitude more works than we've produced from 1993-2003. That is the minimum that I would expect from myself. If we add the synergy of working in cooperative interdependent ways with others, the sky's the limit. I would not venture to guess what we could produce collectively. In the meantime, it is for me to continue to do my part. And, for the time being, that still means coming here to express what would be expressed. I say here because this is indeed a place to me. I sit in front of a computer with Netscape Composer awaiting whatsoever I would type. But, also, here is a state of mind, a state of consciousness where I am in touch with a stream of consciousness that flows through source. How can we have a state of consciousness experiencing a stream of consciousness? It just does. I am an aware being and I experience this flow of words coming forth from source within me. I don't question the flow of the words. I simply accept them 75

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 and relay them as I receive them. My job is very much akin to that of a scribe of olden times ... only, it seems that my consciousness is necessary for this communication to occur. Why me? I've asked myself that many times. But, why not me? This question is just as valid. Obviously, I am the right person for the job in some manner. Otherwise, it simply wouldn't be me expressing in this manner. It is that simple. This expression is a fact. I've had to confront that fact for nearly a decade now. But, that was not enough for me. I desire to know what it is that I am to do with all of this. Recording it and posting it on the WWW is all well and good. But, the bottom line, is that this does not seem to have worked. It has not resulted in the building of foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh. And this is what I have said that Beyond Imagination is here to do. So, what does it take for us to actually do what we say we are here to do? The time for feeble attempts is over. It is time for concerted action aligned to achieve specific ends. But, what actions would we take? And, what ends do we desire to achieve? We would build a better world. We would build a true society, where individuality is not lost, but is respected and worshipped. Yes, worshipped. There is a spark of spirit, a soul, in every individual. That spark needs to be treated with dignity and given everything it needs to develop into all that it can be. In return, the individual has an obligation to use their god given talents and abilities in service to society in some way. What can I do differently? How do I start to involve others in my endeavors? Who should I involve in my endeavors? Where do I find those with whom I am meant to work? Do I need to find them, or will they find me? More questions. Again, I do not have the answers but I sense they will be forthcoming soon. This expression is still one of my biggest means of advertising what Beyond Imagination is about and my search for kindred spirits to work with on this endeavor.

18 February 2002 Where did I learn this language of numbers? Much of it just came to me. I allow my intuition to play with things and guide me where it will. I am fascinated by the connections it makes and by the meanings that it finds for things. At first, I was skeptical. But, the more I did it, the more I found the result to be useful. Then, I was hooked. This was a new way of seeing the world, a way that went beyond anything that I was ever taught. I was captivated ... and grateful that I had been chosen for such an experience. Yes, chosen. My sense is that I somehow had to have been ready for all of this to happen to me. I had to attract it into my life. I had to manifest it as part of my reality. No, I was not consciously aware of doing all of this at the time. But I was aware of what I was experiencing and I knew that it was far from what any would consider to be normal. That did not bother me. My experience is what it is. I do not need to judge it against what another does or experiences. It is enough for me to be all that I can be and live up to my potential. At times, I may not even know what that is. But there is an inner guide that knows. It is not fooled by any attempts that are less than the best that we have to offer. Though, there is a concept of good enough that applies in many circumstances. We need to learn under what circumstances good enough is good enough so that we can conserve our resources for doing those things that we are passionate about, those things that consume our heart and soul. For me, this expression is still one of those things. That does not mean that it will always be. But, it is right now, and that is what matters in the moment. It is difficult to tell what the morrow will bring. I have not been very good at predicting it anyway. Perhaps that is because I have no need to know. Those things that I need to know are the things relevant to carrying out my mission. And, even then, I only need to know enough to take the next step. Thus far, consciousness has assured that I would have everything that I needed to do what I need to do in each moment. My biggest obstacle is getting in my own way at times. Though, it seems that in this area, I am starting to see some breakthroughs as well. I am becoming less uncomfortable interacting with others. To say that I am completely comfortable would be going a bit too far. But, the trend is moving in 76

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 the right direction. I am more comfortable with whom that I AM than I have ever been in my life and this is increasing daily. That is good. It can only lead to more positive relationships with others. The more comfortable that I am, the easier it is to share of whom that I AM. But sharing is a two-way process, a give and a take, an exchange between two people. Here, I am operating in foreign territory for me, at least in this existence. My sharing for the most part is an anonymous opening of whom that I AM to any who might find and read these pages. Within hours at this site, you will know more about me than all but a dozen or so people in the world. That is how sheltered and isolated of a life I have lived. It seems that such was necessary for me to learn what I have learned and become what I have become. As such, I consider that to be good. I am proud of what I have become. I am also proud of all that has been expressed through me over the past decade. These works show signs of a creative genius at work ... one that is beyond what I know myself to be. Yet, the works were able to come forth through me. My consciousness was able to deliver them. That says something about my level of awareness as well. Though, I know of no scales for measuring levels of awareness. I know that I am more aware now than I was 14 months ago before the frequency of musings increased so dramatically. Actually, I am more aware this year than I was last year. Or, more correctly, it seems that I am aware in a different way. Though, I don't know how to describe what is different about it other than that there is more of a directness now and more of a sense of purpose. This expression continuously challenges what I know myself to be. Just when I think that I've figured it out, something more comes through that blows me away. Consciousness won't be contained within our arbitrary boundaries for very long. She stretches them and challenges them at every turn. The watchword is freedom. Yet, within that freedom is sufficient structure to create the foundations for the society. There is a balancing act that is going on. Too much freedom and we have chaos. Too much structure and we lack the flexibility needed to evolve and adapt ... two important characteristics required for life to exist. So how do we strike a happy medium between freedom and structure in society? We don't need a single answer that applies to everyone. We could have a spectrum and a bell curve with some people at the extremes and most lying somewhere in the middle. Clearly, I'm one of those types who don't need a lot of structure. I would set my own rules and march to the beat of my own drum. But, there are many who need to have clearly defined rules and roles to play in society. Actually, perhaps this is starting to change. The sense is that people are starting to wake up and realize that the reality game they are playing is not the same as that of their parents. This is somewhat of a recent phenomenon. It is only in the past couple of generations that the world has changed so rapidly that within a generation [20 years] it was a dramatically different world. There are no signs that this rate of change is going to cease anytime soon. Though, it seems that our ability to process the changes are coming close to being saturated. The saving grace is one of being able to assign priorities to where we apply our time and attention. This control over what we focus on ultimately determines what we experience. When we change our focus, we change our experience. The main conscious and subconscious control mechanism we have over our focus is our belief systems. So, it all comes down to what we believe. We experience what we believe. Some people say "I'll believe it when I see it" ... but that is not the way of the metaphysician. We know that it is the belief that comes first. We shall see what we believe that we shall see. It is that simple. However, we need to make sure that we don't have conflicting beliefs getting in our way. I was just thinking ... for several thousand dollars and several months of effort, I could have as many as a dozen Beyond Imagination books in print. At this point, I don't have the money available, but there is nothing preventing me from putting in the effort. But, what's the point? Why make the works ready if I'm not in a position to do anything with them? All that I can say is that there is something moving me to do this now. Perhaps by the time I am done, the resources will somehow or another become available. If it is meant to be, it will indeed happen. In fact, there is noting I can do to stop it. I trust spirit. I wouldn't be moved in this manner if there wasn't something right about it. Then again, I have followed false leads before ... doing things that I thought would have particular results, only to see them fail dismally. Perhaps 77

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 this is just another one of these. Perhaps the phrase for your eyes only truly does apply. Though, I still find it hard to believe that spirit would do all of this for me. Then again, if you are reading this, it hasn't been only for my eyes after all.

19 February 2003 Again we come to this special place where consciousness graces us with her presence. Actually, it is not only here that this happens, it is everywhere. Consciousness animates us always. It is just that we are not always aware of her presence within us. Though it is always there waiting to be tapped, if only we would make the effort and pay attention to the inner source through which she speaks to us. She also speaks to us through the meaning of the reality that we experience. But, here, we have a major role to play ... for we determine much of the meaning that gets applied to what we experience. Yes, we control the reality that we experience that much. We literally create it. For most, this is an other than conscious process. But, it doesn't have to be. It can be made conscious, or at least semi-conscious. It seems to require way too much work to make it fully conscious. It is far easier to trust that there are parts of ourselves that are working behind the scenes that are fully capable of taking care of the details of reality creation. Yes, that is a leap of faith. But, when we look at our lives, they are indeed miraculous. There is so much that we do competently in other than conscious ways. We walk, we talk, we see, we hear, we think, we communicate ... these are only a few of the things we do daily virtually automatically. Yet, most of them are a mystery when it comes down to how we are really able to do them. That is OK. That doesn't keep us from performing these things and doing them well. Spent some time getting another one of my works ready for publication, Reality Creation 1010. That remains one of the most interesting works that has come forth ... nearly 50 pages of complex and original metaphysical material in a span of 10 days. In the over 9 years since it was generated, there has been nothing else of a similar nature. We've had periods where close to that much material has been expressed in that short of a time span ... but the material wasn't orchestrated into a cohesive whole as it was in that case. Can I produce such works again? The sense is yes. What I can do once, I can do again. But, how do I free myself to be able to focus that much of my effort in such a condensed period of time ... and further, what topic would I write about? It seems that such is not for me to define. Reality Creation 1010 just came through. I didn't have to do anything to make it happen other than to give in to the urge to sit and to write what came to mind. It organized itself. It was as if I was reading something that was already finished. To some degree, this expression is that way as well. It just happens as it is meant to happen. I just allow it to flow where it will. I don't have to force it in any way or constrain it or even direct it. But, is it any good? I believe that it is. It captivates my attention anyway. My sense is that it will do this for others as well. How many others, I have no way to know. But, there must be ways to find out. There must be ways to get my works out to an audience that can evaluate their worth and utility. This doesn't have to be a large audience, though I wouldn't mind if it was. I'm not sure that my style of writing is such that it would be of interest to many. But, even 1 in a thousand is 300,000 people in this country. Is my writing of a nature that 1 in 1000 people would find it informative and interesting enough to read. My gut feel is yes. This number should be easy to achieve. The difficult part is how to find this one hundredth of one percent of the population. How do I find them, or what can I do to make it easier for them to find me? The Beyond Imagination website is a starting point. But at 12,000 hits to the main page in 7 years, we clearly aren't reaching our 300,000 yet. In fact, at this rate, it will take two centuries. So, it is time to do something different. I still have nearly a thousand business cards that I was moved to create around 1995. Everything I do, I do for a reason. Though, it may take some time for that reason to reveal itself in my life. Also, for many things, I don't care to even know the reason. It is enough that I am moved to do something. I trust that spirit is guiding me at every step, and each step is as it needs to be.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 I still can't shake this feeling of being moved to do something different. There is a sense that I am supposed to be reaching a much larger audience than I have begun to reach. How I, essentially a hermit, go about doing that is another matter ... but if it is meant to be, there will be a way. I trust that I will be moved to do what is necessary. Though, it doesn't hurt to apply myself and play a more active role in this area. Earlier, we talked about reaching one person per one thousand. That still seems to be a reasonable goal. That means reaching approximately 300,000 in this country or 6,000,000 in the world. The later number seems to be a staggering figure. Though if we reach the first objective ... it seems that the impacts will definitely be felt on a larger scale worldwide. The difference between the two numbers is only a factor of 20. The percentage of the population is the same. Only the population base is different. Yes, the grandiosity is showing forth again. But, my life is meant to have world impact. And, this is what is meant by world impact. What if this doesn't come to pass? Will I be disappointed? What can I say? All that I can do is my best. What happens as a result of that happens. Besides, it is not me doing this ... it is spirit doing this through me. That makes all the difference in the world. I have chosen to give my life in service to spirit. My primary means of doing that at this time is here in this very expression. I still insist on doing things on my own terms. I freely give of my time and my energy in what I believe to be an endeavor that is of service to spirit, to society, and to the world. But, it is not for me to judge what is of service and what is not. That is for the recipient of the service to determine. Though, in this case, I am one of the chief recipients of the service. In some cases, perhaps even the sole recipient. It is not clear what draws people to this expression and what makes them return. For over a year, I have been coming back to express and post what I express nearly daily. But, I strongly doubt that I have readers who frequent the site enough to stay current with the musings. Why should that be? Why haven't I developed even a handful of regulars by now who follow this stream of consciousness expression? For your eyes only ... of course, that phrase would come up again. Could that indeed be the answer? Why does my life have to be so grand? Why does my life's impact have to be so great? Why can't I be just like everyone else? The answer is simple ... because I am not like everyone else. I came to perform a mission. I came with the precise skills and abilities necessary to accomplish that mission. I created the appropriate reality and learning experiences to grow into whom that I AM so that I could reach this point where I am ready to freely and willingly execute my responsibilities. This required reaching the level of awareness that I have reached and experiencing the states of consciousness that I have experienced. This was no easy matter. The training started when I was young and occurred at an accelerated pace all through my life. Because I was so isolated, I had no way of knowing how different this was than the way that most people experienced their lives. Even now, I have virtually no basis for comparison. My interactions with others have still been relatively minimal. In particular, they have not delved into such areas as how my experience of awareness and states of consciousness differed from or were similar to their own. Nor did I have any classes that dealt with these topics. One must ask why? How can such important topics be ignored by the traditional curriculum in our schools? Do we just not know enough to teach anything useful in these areas? Perhaps that is it. But, if so, that is a sad commentary on the educational system ... that it focuses so much on filling our minds with the whats that it forgets about the hows and the whys, about the very nature of the mind and the consciousness that learns the whats. There is no going backward. Once you have accepted a role, once you have accepted an earthly incarnation, the wheels of destiny are set in motion. Things happen to ensure that destiny is fulfilled. Part of this is conscious, but much of it occurs on other than conscious levels. It matters not. What must happen, happens. What we learn from that, what we experience from that is our choice. Reality lies primarily in the meaning that we assign to what we experience. When we change the meaning, we effectively change the experience and the reality. It is that simple. The process of assigning meaning to things, events, symbols, etc ... is that powerful. Because of this, it is something that we should pay attention to. This is especially true if we don't like what we are experiencing. This doesn't mean that we 79

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 are stuck with the kinds of things that have been happening in the past. These don't have to keep happening in the future. If they do keep happening, it is generally because we have beliefs that do not serve us. Some of these may involve self worth and what we believe we deserve to have happen to us. If we want things to change, we need to fix the faulty beliefs by uprooting them and replacing them with more empowering ones. Feel free to consider the realm of beliefs as a playground. Believe firmly while you believe, but evaluate utility often, and be willing to change beliefs frequently should you encounter more promising ones. With beliefs, in many cases, you don't know what you'll get until you try. But, it is definitely worth trying. Further, beliefs lie in the realm of the unknown. If we already know something to be true or false, there is no room for belief. We continue to pump out target rich material in terms of the stuff from which best quotes may be selected. How is it that we can do this day after day, week after week, month after month? All of this comes forth without forethought, without planning, without organization, and without editing. It continues to amaze me that source can be this creative and original. But, the words speak for themselves. There is an intelligence that is revealed here that is beyond anything that I would claim for myself. There is a wisdom that is expressed here that is wise far beyond my years, at least in this existence. If all of this is coming from other than conscious parts of me, then that says a lot in and of itself. It says that we are far more than we know ourselves to be. This stream of consciousness expression is a testament as to just how much more. However, if parts of this are coming from connections to sources that are distinct from us, that says a lot as well. Everything in me says this later alternative is false. There is only ONE consciousness from which we all spring. The partitions within that ONE consciousness are illusory separations that permit us to experience reality as we do.

20 February 2003 The days continue to march on, and we continue to express what spirit would have us express. It is such an easy process, serving as a vessel through which consciousness works. I don't have to think about it. I simply have to choose to allow it to happen. I have to allow myself to be carried away as it were by spirit. Though, if one is going to be carried away, one could do far worse than to have spirit herself doing the carrying. I call this expression "Musings of a Spiritual Warrior". Clearly there is a muse that guides what is expressed here. And, there is no doubt that I am by nature and predisposition a spiritual being. But, what is it that makes me a warrior? With whom or against what do I battle? One answer might be against illusion. But, I exist within illusion much to the same degree as anyone else so long as I occupy a physical form. We don't really need our explorers to be warriors, though they may at times need to battle against the elements, and against those that they meet in their travels to survive. Our beliefs about what is possible have changed a lot in the past century. There is every reason to believe that we have only experience the tip of the iceberg. Change is the name of the game now. Massive change on many fronts simultaneously. We need to decide personally which changes we will keep up with and which we will leave below our radar scope. There simply is not enough time to deal with everything. There is simply too much information for anyone to process it anymore. We need to divide and conquer ... trusting one another to do the parts that are allocated to each of us? But, who is responsible for doing the allocation to begin with? Who is in overall control? It is not clear that this resides in any one person or group anymore. Rather, it may be a collective phenomenon that arises from a group cooperating on a common endeavor. I continue to speak with a voice that is only partially mine. Yes, it is my mind from which the instructions to type these words come. But, what is it that fills my mind? That is a fundamental question about how consciousness expresses in flesh. Yet, is there anyone who is even close to knowing the answer? My 80

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 sense is no, there isn't. I have chosen to point to this essence inside that I call source as the place of origination for all of this. But, naming something only recognizes that something exists, it doesn't show that one understands what has been named. Understanding is a higher level function of the mind. Further, it is not clear that understanding is required in all cases. Knowing that something exists, and knowing enough to be able to use it effectively is often enough. That, and having the courage to apply what we know in service to others. It is here that we distinguish ourselves. It is here that we make our mark on the world. And, making a positive difference is what it is all about. On my own, I would be the beneficent dictator ... doing those things that spirit moves me to do for the good of society. But, we need to be careful here. Who ultimately judges what is for the good of society? That should be society's call to make, but how does she do this in practical terms? How do we determine the pros and cons of any given action? How do we know when our assessment is complete? I have always operated under the premise that we just know. We look at the situation, and the answer is intuitively obvious. This may be how it works for me. However, most don't seem graced by this same sense of intuition. That gets back to the idea of purpose ... of what my role in society is. This inner compass is one of the gifts that I have been given with which to navigate through life ... and to help guide the way for others. My way is still only a way, it is NOT the way. Yet, as ways go, it is just as valid as any other, and far more documented than many. However, if you are looking to be taken to a specific place ... then this is probably not what you are looking for. However, if you are looking to experience different states of consciousness in a fairly safe manner, then Beyond Imagination has much to offer you. These are the flights of fancy that I allow my mind to venture on. Generally, they lead to discoveries that have some utility ... however, if you don't venture out and see, you just won't know. I've chosen to give myself free reign on these adventures of consciousness. I enjoy where they take me. Further, I enjoy what I become as a result of what I experience. This is powerful stuff that we are talking about here. Consciousness is not something to be taken lightly. We are consciousness expressing in flesh though many see this upside down, seeing themselves as animals who happened to evolve enough to possess consciousness. The collective reality that we experience is a direct indication of the degree of our collective spiritual awareness. Right now, that leaves a lot to be desired. There is much room for improvement. The Aquarian Age demands such improvement and we will indeed evolve in that direction naturally. There will be spiritual forces to do so that we simply can't resist. That doesn't mean that we don't have free will. Free will doesn't mean that the force of gravity doesn't apply to us. Why should spiritual forces be any different? So, it is time to create a different future. The path to that future starts with the steps that we take here and now in the present. Self worth is critical to manifesting abundance in our lives. Unless we feel worthy ... unless we believe ourself to be worthy, we will not attract abundance into our lives. We will continue to get by as we have always gotten by. Until we find that no longer acceptable, we will not be moved to change it. And, change it we must ... if we are to receive the spiritual inheritance of abundance that is our birthright as spirit manifesting in flesh.

21 February 2003 The quote for today is: "Everything is spirit. Everything is godstuff." Truth, simply and elegantly expressed. There is nothing but godstuff, there is nothing but spirit in expression. Literally, nothing. So, how do we fashion this godstuff into the stuff of our hopes and our dreams? Yes, that is the question at hand ... that is what creators do after all, and that is what we are - creators. Some of us may be more experienced at this than others. But, the very fact that we are incarnated into human form puts us pretty high up there on the scale ... at least in terms of our potential. How we use what we've been given is another matter. That is our choice. And, unfortunately, many seem to make less than optimum choices 81

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 and thus do not live up to their potential. Much of this is not their fault. As a society, we have not done our part to establish a social infrastructure that encourages and brings out the best in individuals. This is part of what we are talking about when we speak of building the foundations for a new world. We need a supportive infrastructure at the core of society that recognizes the value and importance of each individual. This includes an acknowledgment and even a celebration of individual differences. Yes, I have socialist tendencies, but I am not your typical socialist. Actually, I am not your typical anything that I know of. But then, I don't get out much ... so I have no means of knowing how this expression relates to other ideas and bodies of material that are already out there. Perhaps someday that will change. Perhaps someday I will be part of the cooperative society that I so desire to create. It seems that one way or another, we will know in time. What is meant to be, will be. Of that I can be certain. It's just that at this time I have no means of knowing what that will be. That is OK. Life is meant to be a mystery. As such, uncertainty is a natural part of day to day existence. One learns to become comfortable with the unknown. It doesn't have to be a scary and frightening thing. It is a place we go to explore. It is a place we go to engage our abilities and talents. This is a good thing. No, we don't need everyone engaged in this manner, just as we don't need everyone to be lawyers or doctors or basketball players or nurses or grocery clerks. We need enough people employed in any endeavor to get the job that needs to be done, done ... no more and no less. Free enterprise is supposed to ensure that this happens. But, it is not clear that it does. First, it is not clear that people are making sufficient income to purchase the goods and services that they need. Though, part of this may be because they are being persuaded to purchase goods and services that they may not really need. Yet, who is to determine what someone needs and what they don't need? This definitely conflicts with any notions that we have of individual free will. However, we allow advertisers to effectively wage war against potential consumers to sell their wares ... and we do nothing to prepare the consumers to combat the tactics that are being used against them. What is fair about that? There is nothing that say that the economic system is fair. The bottom line is profits. Price is driven not by value, but by whatever the market will bear. We call ourselves a developed nation, but we are far from being an enlightened nation. What does it take to be wise? We are still a young nation, with only 226 years since our Declaration of Independence. Some nations have histories stretching back several thousands of years. But, we have come a long way in that time. And, we were born as a melting pot that brought together peoples from many nations throughout the world to create a new structure, a new form of government, the likes of which had not been tried before. By most accounts, we have succeeded in our endeavor. We are arguably the strongest and the greatest nation that the world has ever known. Oh, there have been empires that have spanned greater portions of the world. But, none with the technology and wealth of information that we have at our disposal ... and none whose masses have had anywhere near the present average standard of living in this country.

22 February 2003 We never know where this stream of consciousness is going to carry us. That is one of the good things about it. Onward the adventure takes us. The expression makes the unmanifest manifest. These very words go from being potential expression to being actual expression. And, I am the lucky one that gets to see and participate in it all. Yes, I consider myself to be incredibly lucky to be able to witness all of this. It seems that very few get to experience consciousness expressing in this fashion. How few, I have no way of knowing. Thoreau spoke of one in one million capable of effective intellectual exertion, and one in one hundred million capable of living a poetic or divine life. These are very low numbers. It is not clear that I fall into such an august group. But maybe, just maybe.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 I continue to express whatever consciousness would have me express. I say that as if consciousness is some separate thing from whom that I AM. Well, is she or is she not? That is a good question. When I speak of consciousness, I go directly to a source that is deep inside me, a source through which I connect to spirit, the ONE consciousness. I experience her as feminine. I don't know why, that is just my experience. The words or the energy that gets translated into these words comes forth through that source and fills me mind, and I type what I hear. So, is this me generating all of this? I would have to answer, yes and no. It is me, but I have some help from this unseen source. Could this source be completely within my own mind? I have to admit, yes, that is indeed a possibility. Regardless, any separation between source and I is strictly illusion. So, ultimately, I guess that means I continue to express what I would express. Further, I choose to do so daily. There is something important about this realization. I am consciousness in expression. We all are consciousness in expression. But, we also are us in expression. It helps if these two ideas are congruent with each other. It helps if what consciousness wants and what we want are compatible with one another. At what point do we jump from independence to interdependence? This is a major step, a breakpoint in the way we think about society. Yet, it is not clear that our organizations are taking this into consideration. It is not clear that we have realized that cooperative interdependence is the only way to survive and thrive in the times ahead. How close to the brink of disaster will we have to come to realize this? Right now, we stand poised on the brink of war. The very idea that in this day and age we would have to resort to war to settle our differences is horrible. Yet, that is where we stand in February of 2003. How do we declare our Cooperative Interdependence? It is not like Independence, where we tell the King that we are free and refuse to be subject to you any longer. Cooperative Interdependence is a set of relationships between the parts within the whole which are recognized as being necessary for the whole to keep functioning. Remove the parts, or change their relationships, and the whole is impacted. What does it mean to declare our Cooperative Interdependence? We realize that we are all interconnected and interdependent upon one another and we choose to cooperate for the individual and common good. Note that it is important to keep the individual good in the equation. It is OK for some to choose to lose themselves in service to their fellow beings, but this should not be the norm. Individual needs should be met as well as societal ones. How do I know that these same thoughts haven't been experienced and captured by others already? The bottom line is that I don't. There is no time to do the research necessary to see if anything like this might have been expressed. I know that it is unlike anything that I have ever read ... and I consider myself to be fairly well read, at least in the area of metaphysics. Also, even if similar thoughts have come forth, there is some reason I am being moved to capture them in this manner at this time. Everything happens for a reason in my world ... and generally, for a spiritual reason. There is a sense that my world is about to expand dramatically. I don't know how long it will take. As I wrote that, the answer in my head was: before the year is out. Interesting. If it takes a few months to publish a book, that timing could indeed be reasonable. Pluto square to my natal Sun is definitely having fun in my life. There were other outer planet transits coming up as well. That's OK, one day at a time, one step after the next ... and we'll get to a destination beyond anything we've ever dreamed.

23 February 2003 It is wonderful to be able to use what I consider to be my greatest gifts and talents in service to spirit, and ultimately in service to my society and my world. It does not matter that few, if any, recognize the service that I am providing. It is enough that I know, and that spirit herself knows. Though, at some point I 83

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 would hope to expand my span of influence to other kindred spirits so that we might cooperate in an interdependent way to create something far grander than any of us are as individuals. That is what an organization or a society should be. It is not clear that we have created structures that live up to this yet. Though, there have been noble attempts. What would I do next? As always, the answer is whatever I am moved to do. Generally, I don't know what that is until it is time to do it. I have not be granted the foreknowledge to see what might come. Oh, I have a high level vision of a utopian world in general terms. But, the specifics are lacking, as is the particular role that I am to play in manifesting the vision. Perhaps that is OK. Perhaps such visions should be a bit fuzzy. Then again, something suggests no, they should be crystal clear. In fact, the clearer, the more likely they are to be manifested as envisioned. But, the saying "this or something better for the good of all concerned" keeps coming to mind. I don't necessarily know what is best ... but spirit does, and we need to allow her to work her will in our affairs. However, she will only do this if we invite her to do so. She does not force her way into our lives. She waits until we invite her. Where does all of this come from? What is this thing that I call source? Is there an origination point within my brain that is capable of doing all of this? If so, it works in ways that are not conscious. I don't know what material is going to come forth when I sit down to write. Then again, when I speak, I don't know what word is going to come next as I am speaking until it happens. The process is spontaneous. I trust that it will happen naturally. I don't question how it happens or why it happens. It is enough to know that it happens and to capture it as I do. Is it me? Is it other than me? Is it consciousness or spirit herself speaking through me? I believe so. But, perhaps I will never know for certain. The bottom line is that it doesn't really matter. The expression is what it is. Judge it based solely on its content and utility. I believe you will find it to be an original work. It is different from anything else that I have ever read anyway. For me, that is a big part of its attraction. Here, consciousness is recorded at play in a way that has not been captured in this way before. That allows me to go back and revisit where my consciousness has been. However, that also allows you to walk in the steps of my consciousness as well. I'm sure that you will find it to be interesting walking to say the least. I'm a bit free with the reigns and allow myself to venture to the edges of the unknown at times ... perhaps a little too close for comforts sake for some of you, and perhaps treading on the very edge of sanity at times. But, as far as I can tell, I am indeed sane. Oh, I am manic at times, even with my bipolar medications ... even highly manic occasionally. However, I recognize when I am in these states of mind and I do not find them to be debilitating in the least. If anything, they are positive and powerful states for me. I do some of my best work when I am flying high in consciousness. That is what the mania is for me, a state in which my consciousness is soaring ... perhaps too much for its own good. Yet, bipolar is part of my nature. I cannot turn it off. The medications can control the extremes of the swings, but even the doctors don't know how and why the medications work. In fact, different medications work or don't work for different patients. We need to be careful when we play with consciousness, for we truly are playing with fire ... the fire of spirit. I still find it interesting that quotable material can come forth each day. It is not like I have to work at it. I don't spend hours trying to come up with a few good quotes for the day. I just freely express whatever would come forth ... and the quotes just seem to be there. It is as if they already exist out there somewhere and I am just reading them and getting them down on paper ... or on the screen as it were. What accounts for this? What about my life is such that I am in a position of being able to do this now? Just a few years ago ... there were very few musings being generated at all. That went on for most of 1998 through the end of 2001. The bottom line is that why now does not really matter. What does matter is that it is now ... and that while I am moved to express, I need to express as fully and as often as I can. We can worry about what to do with it all later when the lean times come again. That is, assuming that such times will indeed come again. Yes, things tend to happen in cycles. However, this seems to be a new phase of my life, so the cycles of the past do not necessarily apply any longer. 84

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 There is a strong sense that who I am at the end of this year will be a far cry from who I was at the beginning. Yes, it is to be one of those kinds of years for me ... definitely a year of destiny. Yet, it is a destiny that I have to do my part to make manifest. It will not happen by itself. That is not to say that the forces of spirit do not stand ready to do their part as well. However, they will only engage to the degree that I engage. I am not used to having to exert my will. It seems that this needs to change. I have realized that my will is for the good of spirit, society, and the world. It is time that I engage it as the powerful tool that it is to manifest that good. This may not be easy to do at first. But, the fate of the world is dependent on individuals exercising their free will in a manner aligned with the higher will of spirit. We do this one person at a time by demonstrating what is possible when individuals find their rightful place in the scheme of things, in the plan of consciousness. Ever onward this expression goes taking us to wherever consciousness would carry us. It is interesting that we know so little about consciousness. We know so little about the mind and how it functions. We know so little about the brain and how it functions. Oh, we know more than we ever have before. And, each day, it seems that we are learning more. But, overall, we have limited understanding of how we think, and even less understanding of what makes us conscious and aware, especially spiritually aware. The basic grey matter in the brain of a genius and an idiot is nearly the same. Yet, their abilities are orders of magnitude different. Perhaps my own ignorance is showing through here. Perhaps others have published works that document some of this. Perhaps collectively we know more than I am aware that we know. It would surprise me. But, it would be a very pleasant surprise. There are so many of us doing so many different things that it is difficult to find and stay connected with those whose works are related to ours. Yet, it seems that this is what we must do if we are to efficiently push the envelope collectively. This gets back to the idea of what is our part? What is our task to do? It seems that we have to do more than do something. In my case, for example, the doing is expressing here and posting the work on the WWW. But, that no longer seems to be enough. It seems that part of my task is to somehow tie what I have expressed to the collective body of works somehow. I don't even know where to start doing that yet. Though, publishing a book seems to be connected to that somehow. Interesting. So where do I go to tie what I have done to what others have done? Neale Donald Walsch and Conversations with God comes to mind. His format is very different but the overall message is very similar. It is worth a try to establish contact, however he is very busy with his own endeavors. I don't see Best Passages from 2002 Musings as a bestseller. Though, I do think there is a sizeable audience that will enjoy reading it and find value in the passages that are captured. How big ... who knows?

24 February 2003 Again the familiar blank slate awaits ... or rather the nearly blank template. I start each musing by saving the previous days musing under a new name, changing the date and selecting and deleting the text until the parting phrases. Then, it is a matter of filling the space with whatever would come forth next. One thing is certain, if I sit in front of the terminal, I can be assured that something will flow forth. Sometimes it flows more easily than at other times. Also, sometimes it is deeper, while at other times it is more at the surface level of my mind. Regardless, it comes forth as it does, as a stream of consciousness expression. This is good in some respects. It means that I don't have to go back and rearrange it or edit it to turn it into a finished product. It is what it is. The only intent I have in expressing it is to demonstrate what can be expressed. It seems that we have far too few cases showing consciousness in expression. What is captured here is important somehow, primarily because of the example that it provides of what can be expressed. Hopefully, in sharing this stream of consciousness, you will be encouraged to share your own stream with others as well. Each of us has valuable experience to share. It is a matter of having the resolve, the discipline, and the courage to share it.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 The greatest thing that we can share is whom that we are. And, more than anything else, we are consciousness/ spirit enfleshed. It has always been thus, hard as that may be to believe. How often do we need to be reminded to know thyself ... before we will take heed and do what it takes to do just that? It seems that we make the process of living far more difficult than it needs to be. Why do we choose to compete when we could choose to cooperate and make things better for everyone? Yes, this requires getting beyond the me/my/I mentality to a us/our/we perspective. This is not an easy thing to do for many. If it were easy and beneficial, we would have already found a way to make it happen. But, we still live in a society where the individual is king. So long as this remains so, we will find it difficult to create the structures that are necessary as the very foundations for society. Note that I said difficult, not impossible. I am a case in point. My experience to date has illustrated this point completely. I have been the consummate individual, barely participating in society at all. Yet, I have a deep concern for society anyway. How can that be? From whence did this come? All that I know is that it comes from deep within me. I know that my life is meant to be of service, great service to spirit, society, and the world ... in that order. This is so engrained in whom that I AM, that I would consider my life to be a failure if it did not have world impact in some way. That is a lot to ask of anyone. Indeed, it is. But, it is something that I demand of myself. At the very least, I need to go down trying. In the end, I need to be able to say that I did my best to do what I could do. One day at a time. That is how our life unfolds. That is how our destiny manifests. It helps if we learn to go with the flow. That doesn't mean that we don't need to take action to alter the course at times. However, in general, we can trust that the very processes of life are working as they are meant to work in our lives. Then again, this depend on how well we like how our lives are unfolding. If we don't like what we are experiencing, it is time to start questioning why we are creating that reality for ourselves ... for indeed, we are choosing and creating the reality that we experience at some level, regardless of whether we like that reality or not. It is time for us to make this process more conscious so that we can start creating more of the reality we prefer, and eliminate those things we don't like. This is always within our power to do. We are the creators of our reality, we are the masters of our fate. However, much of this is done at other than conscious levels unless we expressly take conscious control over the processes. Even then, we only want loose control. Much of the details of the inner workings of reality creation are superconscious. It is not clear the conscious mind could ever understand them. We only need enough control to steer the ship of the self to where we want it to go. That is, assuming that we have some idea as to where we want it to go. For many of us, myself included, this is not always clear. How do we live in the moment yet plan for the future? This seems to be a contradiction in behaviors. Yet, is it? If I plant an acorn in the moment, I do so with the vision of the oak tree it will ultimately be in the future. Thus, I avoid planting it too close to structures or to other trees. Similarly, many of our activities in the present can be constrained by factors and likely impacts in the future. This doesn't so much restrict our freedom. Rather, the constraints help us make decisions with more useful long term impacts. There is nothing wrong with this. There is an optimization of benefits that always accompanies living processes. So, what do I do in my life that is of this nature? What planning do I do that has the long term in mind? The investment of time in this expression is one such thing. It has limited near term benefit, though it does make me feel good when I am doing it. Yet, I know that the seeds that I am planting here will ultimately grow into something wonderful ... something that will help to transform the world, something that will help to establish the infrastructures necessary for spirit to be more fully expressed in flesh. I use that phase a lot. Spirit is already expressed in flesh. In fact, everything is spirit in expression. What we are talking about is evolving the forms ... and building new forms, through which spirit can express in flesh. We do this via conscious effort on our parts. We do this by deciding what organizations we will participate in to what extent. To date, I have not been much of a joiner. With the exception of my organization at work, I am not really part of any organizations. The sense is that this needs to shift somehow. It seems that my best work is to 86

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 be done in the context of others somehow. That will definitely be a departure from how I have worked to date. Both in my job and in this expression, individual achievement has been prominent. Most of the things that I do, I do by myself ... or on my own anyway with the direct assistance of spirit. What can I take credit for? If something comes through my mind and my body, is it mine? Do I own it? Can I lay claim to it? Per legal standards, the answer seems obvious. If it is a product of my mind, then clearly I have the right to copyright the material. However, what about from a spiritual standpoint? Do we have a right to own such expressions in this manner? There is a sense that no, while we may be the vessels through which an expression is manifest, the expression is of spirit and belongs to the world. We have no right to hoard it or limit its dissemination. The whole concept of ownership in society is problematic. In the song Colors of the Wind, there is the line "you think that you can own the land you land on, the earth is not some dead thing you can claim." This expresses a powerful truth ... yet land ownership is one of the foundations of our economic system. Rather than ownership, we should be thinking in terms of right to use and stewardship. And then, our right to use should be revoked if we fail to be good stewards and take care of the thing that we have been entrusted. What do I want from life? Only to be the best that I can be and to accomplish the mission that I came to accomplish as fully as I can. I believe this mission to be to build the foundations for a new world, one in which spirit can more fully express in flesh. This very expression is an example of what I am talking about. I consider this to be representative of consciousness operating at her finest. I am grateful to be able to serve her in this manner. Sure, some of the material is better than other parts. But, it was amazing how big the selection of best passages for 2002 turned out to be. There is every indication that 2003 will be just as fruitful. In fact, it's about time to get started on the first installment since the month ends in four days. It is obvious that I have an inflated view of the value and quality of my own writings. Yet, who better to judge them than someone who has read them all ... several times in most cases? Yes, I can see how some might see this as ego-centric. Others might see it as highly subjective and biased. That is OK. Life is highly subjective and biased by its very nature. One thing that I do want from life is abundance. I want to be free from having to be concerned about having enough. This means replacing the belief that there will always be enough with a more powerful belief that there will always be a surplus, and a large one at that. The only question is what do I need to do differently to make that so now? I got a small raise at work, but that is not enough to create a large surplus. Publishing a book is a possible means of bringing in additional income. If that works, many other books could follow quickly. In fact, that could keep me very busy for the remainder of the year, especially if I had to do things to publicize the books and make people aware of Beyond Imagination and who I AM. Are the Musings of a Spiritual Warrior of such a nature that people would find them interesting? Hundreds of people? Thousands of people? Tens of thousands of people? Are they deep enough that philosophy or metaphysics classes could be established to study what has been expressed? Could I use the Best Passages book as a text book for the Beyond Imagination School Without Walls? It seems that the possibilities are endless. Yet, there is only so much time. I have to think in terms of where to expend my effort so that I maximize the effect that I have. Hmm ... though, this is how we change the world ... one person at a time. There is still a sense that one on one interaction is the most immediate and the most effective. However, it is also the most costly from a resource standpoint. For instance, take this musing. I have spent approximately three hours engaged here. However, when I am finished, there is a resource that is available for anyone to access, enjoy, and learn from. Further, the page is available indefinitely, so long as I continue to pay my monthly fee to my internet service provider.

25 February 2003

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Again we wipe the slate clean so that consciousness may come forth and express anew. What is in store for today? We never really know in advance. We simply allow the expression to proceed as it will ... trusting that there is an intelligence that is guiding it, trusting that what spirit needs to have expressed is somehow being expressed. Is this also what I need to have expressed? Apparently the answer is yes, otherwise, all of this would not be coming through me. There is a sense as I do this that I am indeed carrying out my destiny and in some way fulfilling my life's mission and purpose. This is why I am here, this is why I came into this existence ... to demonstrate firsthand what could be expressed through us when we cooperate with spirit as equal partners. All that comes forth here somehow manages to make it through my consciousness. Whether I generate it, or receive it from inner or outer sources ... you can determine for yourself. The communication is what it is. Its merit lies in its content, not in its method of delivery. And the only valid measure of content is utility. In this case, both utility in our individual life, and utility for society as a whole. It still amazes me that I can have so much to say here ... page after page, for hundreds of musings. Yet, I have so little to say to people in general. Part of this is that I simply am not engaged unless the topic is worthy of my attention. Yes, that is a harsh statement to make. But, with time being such a precious commodity, we have to be very careful about how we choose to spend it. Many of the topics that are raised here are contentious topics, and it would probably be helpful to engage in debate on them. It would help me to refine the material further, and perhaps to bring up issues that I have failed to consider. Here is where we have the potential for the power of synergy to kick in, resulting in a product that is better than that of any of the individuals. However, there is a cost in resources, and we need to make sure that the added benefit exceeds the cost. Is a selection of best passages worthy of being a book? Given what I know of the passages, I would say that the answer is a resounding yes. These passages are indeed that good. They are rich with quotable material. That they came forth through one individual in one year is amazing in and of itself. This makes the work remarkable in its own right. Is it a normal nonfiction book? Does it have a topic or a specific message to convey? Does it present a case or and argument for something? No. What it does is document the road that one consciousness has traveled. It does this in a direct and personal manner ... primarily from the first person singular perspective. The hope is that it provides sufficient context for you to enter similar states of consciousness and employ them for your own use and for the benefit of others in your life. Two common themes are the expression of spirit in flesh ... and building the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh. These are very important to me, or to the world that I hope to create. From my perspective, the only thing that truly matters is the expression of spirit in flesh. Part of my expertise seems to lie in being able to see where it flows freely and where it is blocked and being able to do things to help remove the blockages. I'm probably the only one who would remember this anniversary anyway. It marked a highly significant event in my life, my transformation from a metaphysical information consumer to a metaphysical information generator. Not that I stopped consuming altogether. I still read a book now and then. However, I am much more captivated by the information that I am producing. There is something immediate about this expression. There is something that speaks directly to my heart and my soul as nothing else does. It is as if this communication were specifically tailored for me. You might ask, then why am I sharing it with you. The only answer I can offer is because I am moved to do so, because I feel there is some value in what is expressed for you. What that is, only you can know. I'm even ready to start opening myself up to doing some promoting. That will be a new experience for me, but it seems that it is something that is long overdue somehow. I have stayed in the shadows, out of the limelight for far too long. It is time to shine in a much more public way than I have done before. Interesting. Yet, it does seem appropriate. The winds of change are upon us ... and we need to go where they blow us. Actually, we need to spread our wings and fly and thus go where we would choose to go. 88

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Hmm ... that is a different way of looking at things. When we fly, we are in control of the forces involved. We use the forces of nature and the laws of physics, including the very laws of flight to do our bidding. One might expect that after all these words there might be more repetition of what has come before. However, my sense is that there is relatively little that is repeated, and this is generally for ideas that are of such importance that they warrant it. Then again, my memory is poor overall ... so I would have a difficult time assessing how much material is truly original. There are many recurring themes. There are many similar ideas presented in a variety of ways. I find this useful. The nuances are felt by consciousness, even though it may not be easy to explain the differences. Also, there is some reason this stream of consciousness came forth in the order and manner that it did. I don't feel that it is my job to alter that expression ... with the exception of cleaning up any glaring spelling and grammar errors. There is no sense that I should be reordering the expression and trying to group related content. That may come at some point in the future. But, right now, chronological order still seems to be right somehow. I just don't feel that it is right for me to second guess spirit in this area. There are many things that I could do if I had the time to do them. But, I haven't figured out how to make that so yet. Perhaps that is meant to be, perhaps it is not. It seems that we shall know soon enough. If I were to have my way, I would definitely choose this as being what I want to do with my life. The only issue is how do we derive sufficient abundance from it to live well? This expression turns me on and lights me up as nothing else does. Though, my work environment is pleasant overall and still tolerable. However, I don't know that I find it enjoyable. I would not be doing it if I did not have to do it. That is not a good state to be in. Yet, how many people can say that they truly love their jobs?

26 February 2003 Another day ... another opportunity to bring forth what spirit would have us express. Why do I use those terms? Why do I not say "what I would express"? Primarily because I experience this expression as involving something more than what I know myself to be. How can I explain that? I can't. It is something that I experience. Further, I see it as something wonderful. It is not something that requires explanation, though I am ever in search of finding such. However, my happiness is not dependent on whether I succeed ... only in that I did what I could to try to explain it. Mysteries are OK. They are what make life interesting. They are what make life the wonder that it is. As such, these are to be relished and enjoyed. There are some things that will never be explained, try as we might. However, there are many more things that can be explained given sufficient priority, resources, and of course funding. We get what we focus our efforts on. If we want a more peaceful community on a worldwide basis ... we should not be spending tens to hundreds of billions of dollars on weapons and defense. Yes, there is an argument that to have peace you must be strong enough to back up your word with the threat of war. But, is that really necessary? Are there no other alternatives in this day and age? What is the true relationship between peace and war? Peace is not simply the lack of war. It is a whole different mindset that is diametrically opposed to that of war. I have worked in the defense industry for nearly all of my adult life in various capacities. Did I choose this? At some level, the answer is yes. But, from a practical standpoint, it seems that I just fell into it ... one job led to the next taking me to where I am now. However, I'm starting to feel that where I am is not where I need to be, at least not any more. But, I don't really know what to do about it. I don't know what step to take next. Radical discontinuity comes to mind ... that is what a breakpoint is. It seems that such is what I have reached once again. Indeed!

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Interesting. Though, it does indeed seem to be time for a major change once again ... one that completely transforms my life, though this time, not just my inner reality but my outer reality as well. The first decade of Beyond Imagination was primarily an inner one. Yes, I was moved to share it on the WWW ... but there was little interaction with others that came as a result of that sharing. It seems that we are about to begin a new phase of expression. This time, one that is far more outgoing. Hmm ... you might say nearly anything is far more outgoing. And, you would be right ... I have been that much of a hermit that my interactions with others have been rudimentary at best. There is a growing awareness that there is something that I have been missing as a result, and that I need this component added into my life to make it more full and complete. So, the desire is there to start to connect and communicate in ways that I have not done before. We'll see what manifests as a result. My desires tend to work quickly to bring about the circumstances necessary for their actualization. "You are never given a wish without being given the ability to make it come true". If memory serves me, that came from Richard Bach, in the Messiah's Handbook part of Illusions. I find it interesting how my mind is able to bring up such quotes on demand. I don't know if the words are right, and I'm too lazy to look them up ... so this will have to do. The intent is there. The bottom line is that my desire, my wish indicates that the means for making it come true is close at hand. The only real question is whether this is what I really want? At this point, my answer is yes. I am ready for a massive change in how I interact with the people in my world. It is time for the isolation to lessen dramatically, and the interaction and closeness to increase just as dramatically. Yes, that will take a concerted effort on my part. However, relationships are two-way interactions between people. They need to be nurtured and developed over time. What would I do next? There is a sense that there is a different me inside waiting to be unleashed. It is as if I have worn a set of clothes that have held me back for all of my life. Though, that was not all bad. It was necessary to allow me to grow into who I have become, so that I would be ready to take this next step at this very point in my life. It is time to shed these clothes now and put on new ones that accurately reflect whom I would be now. That is my choice to make, and I exercise my right to make it now. This is a new behavior for me. It is a bolder, more direct type of action than I am used to taking. At the same time, it is refreshing ... perhaps even a bit intoxicating. Though, having never consumed alcohol, it is not clear how I would know what intoxicating was. There is a new sense of directedness and assuredness in my step. I am onto something her. I have locked into a path that is right for me somehow. Everything is intricately orchestrated, down to the last detail. No, this is not done consciously. But, it is done, and furthermore it is done by us. We are all the conductors of our own lives. Moreover, we are the composers as well. We create it all ... everything that we experience. One of the primary reasons for doing it is to learn from it ... to learn whom that we are, and to learn the nature of spirit as she expresses in flesh. This is why we live. We live to learn whom that we are and then to express that as freely and as fully as we can in service to spirit, our self, our society, and our world ... not necessarily in that order. Can it be that simple? Yes and no. For many, being responsible for creating their own reality is too big of a burden to bear. They would rather have someone else to blame for their troubles. Can we really live in a world without victims? This seems so contradictory to everything we see and hear on the news. Everywhere we turn there is some crime being perpetrated by some person or some group on another person or group. It is virtually an epidemic of violence. What does it take to turn the tide? What does it take to bring peace and compassion back into our lives? For one thing, all of the violence that we are exposed to in the mass media clearly doesn't help. It starts as early as with kids and cartoons and proceeds through most of the adult programming. Is all this violence really necessary. Clearly, repeated exposure to such images and such concepts exercise pathways in the brain that might better be left untouched. Does exposure to such violence result in violent behavior? Obviously, not all of the time. However, there does seem to be some correlation between what people watch and what people consider to be acceptable. Does that mean that we should apply more censorship? I would argue yes. It is not clear that the amounts of violence that we see in films and on TV shows are necessary to convey the plots and storylines. This makes it a judgment call as to how much to leave in or not leave in. We really should be 90

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 asking ourselves how much violence we really need to see to convey the message, and where possible, keep this to a minimum. I really do feel a strong need to be something different than I have ever been. That is a new feeling for me. I have changed into something different several times before, but that was different. It just happened. I had no sense that it was about to happen. Now, it comes as a premonition, as something I know will happen. Further, the reason I can know it will happen is because I am moved to do whatever it takes to make it so. As to what I will become, that remains to be seen. Though, the sense is that I will not have to wait very long. The term persona comes to mind. It seems that I am in the midst of creating a new one somehow. The more that I think about it, the clearer it is that it is indeed time for a dramatic change in how I present my self to the world. I've been doing that here for nearly a decade, but obviously that is not enough. If it were enough, my reality would be different. In particular, my relationships with others would be different. Also, my means of earning my livelihood would be different. That these things are what they are indicates that this expression is not yet having the positive impact that it could have in the world. Part of the reason for that is my failure to do what it takes to get the word out. It seems that it is not enough to bring the material forth and post it. I also have a part to play in introducing the Beyond Imagination works to people. I've neglected this last task, relying on spirit to guide those people who are meant to find the expression to the Beyond Imagination site. It wasn't so important who I reached. What was important was the expression, the expression for the sake of expression. Now, the tables have turned somewhat ... and it seems that who I reach is important, perhaps as important as the expression itself. After all, what good is a stream of consciousness expression if it is not experienced? Thus far, my attempts at reaching others have been somewhat feeble. I've contacted a fair number of people, but have received very little feedback. My nature is not naturally outgoing, so this is difficult for me. However, I am determined to do it anyway. We've reached a point where it is time to start trying something new. I've done the inner work that I can. I've spent nearly a decade developing a connection to source to the point where it can express as it does here. Now, we need to convert this to something able to do works in the world. These words may do some of that ... but only if people find them. And, it seems that I am to play a crucial role in leading them here. Perhaps the Best Passages from 2002 Musings book will make a difference as well. It may provide a focal point for introducing this expression to the world. Can I be outgoing enough to self publish and do the publicity stuff necessary to make people aware of the book so that it will have a fighting chance to sell? If I have to, yes! And, the sense is that indeed I will have to. I strongly desire to earn my livelihood by doing what I love to do. And, right now, this is it. I have to give it a chance. I have to see if it can succeed. Even if it only supplements my income at first, that is a step in the right direction. Depending on how the first book goes, we could easily produce another half dozen or so works within a year. There is that much material readily available at Beyond Imagination. Something feels right about this now. It is as if the world is somehow ready for what the musings have to say. How many people might be interested? I have no way of knowing this. I would be pleased if it is in the tens of thousands but that may be optimistic thinking at this point. Then again, there are over 300 million people in this country alone. 10 thousand is one in every 30 thousand. When you look at it that way, it is not that many. But, you still have to reach the 10 thousand, let them know the book is available, and motivate them to buy it. Can I do that? Can I do what it takes to reach the right 10 thousand people? My circle of friends doesn't make it far past a dozen and not all of those would be interested. Yes, that's pretty pitiful. But, I don't get out much. Perhaps I need to change my ways. Then again, it is my ways that enable me to be whom that I AM and to express as I express so I must be doing something right. "Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours." Another quote from Richard Bach in the Messiah's Handbook of Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. Richard Bach is one of my 91

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 favorite authors. We need to be careful about considering our ways pridefully as capabilities when in fact they just may be liabilities or limitations. The bottom line is that all such limitations are self-imposed. As such, they are there only so long as we accept them or "argue for" them.

27 February 2003 There is a reason that my work is breaking up my time in this manner. It is forcing me to break up my routines, to shake up my habitual patterns ... so that I can start making new choices and start doing different things with my time and my life. My job is pushing me to break out of my shell and establish new contacts. This is something that is hard for me to do. Talking to strangers has never been easy for me, and new contacts are effectively that ... strangers. But, I can't do my job without connections with others in the community in which I work. It seems that my Beyond Imagination work is reaching a similar point. I need to make connections with others who are effectively strangers to me now. It is through these connections that cooperative interdependent relationships will be established that will allow us to carry out the great work of building the foundations for a new world. At the present time, it is probably not clear that there is agreement that new foundations are even needed. You would be right about that. However, that doesn't alter the fact that they are indeed needed, and that they are being built even as we speak. Hmm ... I wonder where that came from? Who is carrying out this task ... and how do we volunteer our services to be part of this endeavor? I am being forced, out of necessity, to deal with people in new ways. This requires developing skills that I have not had to use before, or awakening skills that have lain dormant within me for a long time. Either way ... I am being moved to act differently. I see this as a good thing overall. My life had become somewhat stagnant. Oh, I have been extremely busy. But, being busy is not enough. We must do things that have utility. We must do things that are of service, that make a difference in our world. This expression is where I shine. This expression is where consciousness expresses through me at her finest. This is where the word is made flesh. OK, only to the degree of appearing physically in a computer and on a screen ... but that is physical. And once physical, it is able to enter your mind and be made flesh just as it was in my mind ... only your understanding may be different. That is OK. It is for each of us to assign meaning to what we experience. Nothing says this meaning has to be the same. In fact, that is one of the things that makes reality so interesting ... literally, each of us experience our own reality. More than that, we create the reality that we experience. We have been doing this for all of our life ... actually for all of our lives. Yes, I believe that we experience many lives, and further that even though these lives are in different time periods, they are somehow simultaneous ... our very idea of time is an illusion. Can I prove this? No, I can't. I can only offer that Seth found it difficult to focus on what we considered to be our reality because of its highly focused emphasis on specific aspects of time. In particular, when considering an individual, Seth would see past, present, and probable future associated with the individual. That made it difficult to focus on any present reality the individual was experiencing. Life itself is a spiritual phenomenon for me. That makes everything we do "spiritual". Everything is spirit in expression. There simply is nothing else. But, what about all the bad things that happen? Is spirit behind these as well? The only answer that makes sense is yes. There can be no exceptions. There is nothing except spirit in expression. That doesn't mean the expression isn't distorted. Our belief systems constrain what can be expressed through us. That is where self knowledge comes into play. The more that we know of whom that we are, the more fully and clearly spirit can express through us. However, self knowledge doesn't just come to us ... we have to pursue it with all of our heart and soul. We have to strive to be all that we can be. We have to have the courage to do what we are moved to do. Only then can spirit shine forth fully in our lives. Only then can we fulfill the missions for which we came.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 This, more than anything else is our directive from spirit ... to be the best that we can be, and to do what we are moved by spirit to do. These two things are crucial. They are the foundation for right living and for building a better world. It is not important that we know in advance what it is that we must do. It is enough that we develop our intuition and trust it enough to act on it when the time comes to do so. It seems that this is not an easy step for many. It requires a degree of self confidence that most do not possess. But, it is more than that. It is more than a faith in self ... it is a faith in spirit herself. And, she will not let us down. We may not always get what we think that we want or what we think that we deserve; but we will always get what we need. Spirit operates from needs not wants. She ensures that needs are met wherever they arise. However, she often uses us as the vehicles for providing the goods, services, or experiences necessary to meet the needs. "God's hands" as the song says ... that is what we are.

28 February 2003 My reality framework is clearly more open than most. I accept things as real that others would dismiss as nothing more than products of an active imagination. But, that is why this expression is called Beyond Imagination. It deals with reality in new and unique ways. At least, they are new and unique from my perspective. That could easily be because I have not studied enough to find similar works. I spent over twenty years of my life in input mode, primarily reading the best metaphysical books I could find. Then, in 1993, a switch turned on within me, and this expression began. Now, it occupies approximately 3 hours of my life each day. Yes, that is a major investment to make toward any voluntary pursuit. I do it willingly, but I also do it because I must. In a very real way, this expression defines whom that I AM. It is as if I would be lost without it. I would be without a purpose or a mission. Expressing what spirit would express through me is a purpose ... and a noble purpose at that. But, is it a copout? Have I relinquished responsibility to be who I would be? Wow, that is a good question. However, how can there be any real difference between what I would be and what spirit would have me be if I am operating true to the highest ideals of my self? The bottom line is that there cannot be. I am spirit in expression now. We all are. We have always been, and we shall always be. The issue is how do make this expression better? How do we allow it to flow more smoothly ... or, if not smoothly, at least more abundantly. That does not mean turning up the volume to the point of excess where we burn out. However, I think that most of us will find that there is far more that we can do without risk of even coming close to this point. It won't happen unless we choose to make it happen, unless we choose to do what it takes to manifest it. Further, going in, we may not even know what additional expression is required. It takes a great deal of trust in spirit to show us the way, step by step, to where we need to be, and to how we need to express. When I say spirit, that is something I look for inside of myself. It is something to which my intuition is tied. It is not an outer force of any type, and it is definitely not something that I have ever found through religion. Spirit is a feminine source from which we all spring. She is the ONE consciousness that feeds the individual consciousnesses of each of us. Here I speak not so much from authority, but rather from my own personal experience. I have no means of knowing whether or how many others see things in this manner. When I say "look for inside of myself", that relates to a direction of seeking. The spirit that I am looking for is not contained inside of me, but there are connections to it inside of me. It is these connections that I seek to find, to nurture, to develop, and ultimately to use in my life. In the decade since this expression began, I have been essentially on my own in dealing with it. I've spoken with a few people a few times, but with no one on a regular basis. Considering how much has been expressed, something definitely seems wrong about that. But, I was moved to continue to express anyway ... even if there was no one but me available to hear. Interesting. What was the purpose in all of that? Why bring forth such wonderful expression, yet put limits on its dissemination. 14:Temperance 93

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 comes to mind. I am undergoing a process of spiritual growth that readies me for what I will ultimately need to do. If the early material had been successful commercially, I wouldn't have been forced to go through some of the soul-searching and self-development that I have over the past several years. Everything happens for a reason. There is a grand plan of consciousness that is being played out. We each have our roles to play within that plan. Approaching 45, I am a vastly different person than I was approaching 35, when the expression began. Yet, there are still many elements of my nature that are the same. I am still solitary, very much the hermit ... though I am actively attempting to get out far more than I even have. Metaphysics is still my primary interest. I have no close friends and few acquaintances. What I do have is a body of writings at Beyond Imagination that document a decade long adventure in consciousness. This is a major achievement. Though it is one that goes unrecognized by any conventional standards.

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MARCH 1 March 2003 What comes forth comes forth when it is meant to do so and not until. I am the vessel through which it comes forth ... but there is still no sense that it is me creating all of this. Perhaps I am ... but if so, it is not from any part of myself that I am consciously aware of. Yet, in another sense without me, none of this would exist; at least not in this form. So, in some respects, I am the creator ... or at least the co-creator with consciousness herself. My session with the psychologist was interesting. He couldn't figure out why I was there. It was obvious that I was somewhat manic. And, while my life was not normal, I was able to function well at work and was happy overall. He was used to dealing with people that were distressed and needed help. In my case, he didn't see this was the case so he didn't understand what his role was. As to my writings ... he said there is nothing wrong with stream of consciousness material. He read a few of the passages and found them interesting. However, he suggested to be wary of publishing ventures and definitely don't spend the retirement accounts on them. Publishing a book is the easy part. Advertising it to get it to sell is a whole other matter. The psychologist wasn't open to valid information from metaphysical disciplines such as numerology, astrology, and tarot. He didn't consider them scientific, hence they were not valid in his reality framework. My framework is far more loose than that allowing it to be more inclusive of much more information ... including that from intuitive sources. I think this is good overall. However, clearly this is uncomfortable to many. We are winding down to the 10th anniversary of the beginning of this expression. The first day was 5 March 1993. It is simply amazing that a decade has passed already. I would have thought Beyond Imagination would have had more impact by now. Extensive material has been available on the WWW since the Fall of 1995. It is curious that I will be away on a business trip alone in a town where I know no one on this anniversary. I guess that is appropriate in some way. I have chosen the path of the Hermit much of my life. Why should I expect anything to be different now? It won't be different until I start doing something different. Perhaps this is confirmation of what I have already sensed ... that the time has come for me to venture out of the house of self into the house of others. This is a major step for me. But, it is one that I must take if I am to accomplish what I came to do. And the sense is that now is the time to take that step. Not to worry, the very forces of the universe are on my side, ready to do my bidding ... but they await my action. They would do what I would have them do. Free will is at play here. In particular, my free will. I've struggled with this for many years. What is right for me to will to be? There is the issue of my will versus thy will. I have always bowed to the will of spirit in my life. Or, at least, I've thought that this is what I've done. Essentially, I've simply backed off and refused to force my will upon others. Is that good overall? Not necessarily. Why is my will any less important or any less valuable than that of anyone else? Why should I not do what it takes to exercise my own will, so long as it harms no one ... or so long as the benefit is greater then any harm that might be done? Isn't what counts the bottom line? We can't necessarily please everyone. I've lived my life in my head for much of my life. It seems that I am still doing it. Perhaps that is because I am afraid to live it in real life. Then again, what is real life? It seems that it is whatever we experience. I have effectively been alone all of my life as well. That is not quite right. Spirit has been by my side for many years. She has been my guide, my teacher, my friend, my companion. It seems time that I should have others in my life to fill these roles as well. Not that spirit hasn't done a superb job. It is just that I 95

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 need something more now. I need a level of companionship that spirit herself cannot offer. At least, that's what I think that I need. We will see soon enough by what changes occur in my life. In particular, the changes involving relationships with people.

7 March 2003 Yes, there was a five day break in this stream of consciousness. Several times, I came close to being moved to start to express longhand, but I just couldn't do it. The energy just wasn't there. Then again, perhaps it was ... only it needed to be unleashed by an act of initiative on my part. At this point it is past history. What matters now is what we do from this moment forward. And, it seems that we are back in the saddle again, as the old expression goes. Nothing noteworthy happened on 5 March 2003. There was no acknowledgement from spirit or from others that a milestone, namely the tenth anniversary of the birth of this expression had been reached. Then again, no one else was around at the birth ... nor have any been around at subsequent anniversaries. Why should number 10 be any different? I don't know. There was just an awareness that something was different now and an expectation that there might be a different outcome as a result. I don't even know what I expected. A burst of output perhaps. A party, or even recognition of the significance of the date by anyone. But, such did not occur. It is interesting that I was called away on a last minute business trip with only a few days of notification the week before. It is also interesting that my free time while on the business trip was as poorly used as it was. I could have done something. I definitely could have done more. But, I wasn't moved to do so. Washington D.C. is a pretty spectacular place overall. The architecture of all of the Federal Buildings and the Monuments is almost unbelievable. There is a sense of permanence, and a sense of planning. There is a sense that someone cared for what they were building here. The Metro is quite remarkable as well for its efficiency and convenience. Overall, there was also a sense of safety and security ... even at night. This is the city that is the seat of the National Government. Here is where political battles are fought, where decisions get made, and ultimately where programs get funded. But, do the representatives that reside here have the pulse of the people that they represent? Our republic is the showcase for democratic government in the world. It is the standard by which all others are measured. Our people have a degree of freedom that is unknown in many parts of the world. Further, our people have a degree of creativity and industriousness that has resulted in the strongest economy in the world. Indeed, we have many blessings. No wonder there are so many who go to great lengths to become citizens of our country. But, what does it really mean to be a citizen? We work and pay our taxes. I would say we vote, but I have never chosen to do this. Most of the things that we are asked to vote on have no impact on my life. As you can probably tell by now, my motivations are highly selfish overall. If you want me to vote, you have to show me how that ultimately benefits me or benefits society. It is not enough to simply say that every vote counts. There are far too many uninformed votes. I firmly believe that if one is going to vote then one should at least do sufficient research to understand the issues. This can be difficult since political arguments often involve emotions more than facts. It is great to be back expressing again. I definitely miss it when I am away from it, especially for an extended period. How do I make this what I do for a living? Is that even in the cards for this existence? Or, does my destiny lay elsewhere? One way or another, what will be will be. All that I can do is allow it to happen as it will and find a way to enjoy the process as much as I can. But, is that really true? Do I have no control over what happens? Am I truly a passive observer, or am I an active participant? My sense is that I am the later. As such, I have a responsibility to do things and make decisions that cause particular things to happen ... or at least make them highly likely. This is where our role as the creator of our own reality comes into play, and on a larger scale, the co-creator of the consensus reality. But, what is it that I would create? I speak of creating the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully 96

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 express in flesh. That is a lofty goal. However, that is a very high level objective. How do we tell whether our actions are proceeding in accord with this goal? How do we measure how much progress we are making? We need to define what we mean by "foundations", "new world", "spirit", "more fully", and "express in flesh". That is a lot to explain from such a succinct expression. By "foundations", I mean the educational, governmental, and other social institutions and infrastructures needed to support civilized society. By "new world", I mean the world that results from the right operation of these social institutions and infrastructures and the extension of universal laws to all humankind. By "spirit" I mean the fundamental essence that animates us all. For me, there is only ONE spirit, though each of us only seem to possess or be aware of an individual spark of that spirit. By "more fully" I mean that we need to build the organizations necessary to allow more of spirit to express through us and our creations. How much more? As much more as we can express. Finally, "express in flesh" ... it seems that in this existence, it has to be expressed in flesh or it just doesn't count. We can dream of and imagine many things, but that is not sufficient to make them real. Here, we need to go Beyond Imagination and manifest as we believe. It is interesting how often that phrase comes up ... beyond imagination. The name seems just as appropriate for this material today as it did when I came up with it a decade ago. Whatever you can dream, whatever you can imagine, you can achieve. Someone said that. However, how do we take the next step and get to places beyond anything that we can yet imagine? The sense is that spirit knows of such places and can guide us to them if we let her do so. This requires a faith in spirit, a fundamental trust in the nature of consciousness as it expresses in our lives. For some this is easier than for others. I've always had a strong inner faith in self and in the soul that is my personal connection to spirit. It didn't take any effort on my part to develop this. It was just a natural part of who I was as a spiritual being ... and I related to being a spiritual being more than anything else. I still do, though I am starting to see that all aspects of our being are spiritual. There is a sense that it is time to do something different. Publishing a book may just be the right step. But, that is only a first step in a new direction. I need to take this expression out of the for your eyes only mode. Does that apply to past expression, to future expression, or to both? Good question. There is a lot of Beyond Imagination material. My sense is that, in general, it is much more clear than many philosophical or metaphysical texts. Yes, there is some strange stuff with numbers going on in the Notes and Musings. But, that only provides a sampling of some of the kinds of things that my mind observes and does to find meaning. For the books, I can choose what passages to keep. This provides some control over what is presented to the world. Will the world be receptive to what I have to say? Perhaps, perhaps not. However, the receptivity should not be a factor in the decision to give the work a chance to fly. How will I know for certain unless and until I try? And, not with some half-hearted effort, but with all the energy and intention that I can muster. The cause is indeed a worthy one. This expression is of a nature that it deserves to be heard, so that it may have whatever impact it is meant to have. Will that ultimately change the world? We can always hope. It just takes one pebble to cause ripples in a whole pond of still water. Am I that pebble? Is this expression the equivalent of throwing the pebble into the pond? Will what I have to say make the world a better place? Interesting that I state it so, for what I do is say what I have to say. Yes, I meant to use those terms. There is a sense that I am not in control somehow. Further, there is a sense that there is no need for me to be in control. It is OK that spirit guides me in my life, both consciously and other than consciously. With her in charge, I am in the safest of hands indeed. But, what about personal responsibility? I can accept spirits guidance and still remain completely responsible for all that I do and all that I experience. Yes, this includes all that others do unto me. We co-create everything. There is nothing that happens to us that we don't choose to participate in. We may not do this consciously ... in fact, often it is worked out on other than conscious levels. However, that does not alter the fact that we are doing it. It is time for my world to expand. My inner world is huge compared to my outer world. It seems that it is time to reach some sort of a balance or an equilibrium. That requires being different. That requires expressing in whole new ways for me. Am I convinced that this is really what I want to do? There is still 97

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 the attraction of the 9:The Hermit ... of the recluse who observes but does not really participate in the world. Is it an attraction, or is it simply a state that I am comfortable with, like an old pair of shoes? Does it serve me any longer? Does it serve the world that I so long to serve? The bottom line answer seems to be no, that this image is one whose utility is gone. Yet, it is not clear that I will grow comfortable being a people person. That is just not my nature. Yet, I would build a society ... the likes of which has never yet been seen. Interesting. How would I go about doing that? What qualifications does a loner bring to the table for building a society? How would I know a good society from a poor one? I only know that I seem to be able to see whether complex systems are working effectively or not and identify what kinds of changes might help them to function better.

8 March 2003 No excuses. What needs to be expressed will be expressed ... as it always is, of that I can be certain. In a way, my life is no longer my own. I have willingly chosen to give a significant part of it in service to spirit and ultimately to society and to the world in the process. Yes, I think in grand terms. I don't know why exactly. They just seem to suit me somehow. It is as if I were born to express in this manner. It is definitely not something I was bred to do, or trained to do. It is something innate, something that comes forth from the very depths within me. My term for this connection is intuition tied to source, the ONE consciousness that animates us all. Whether my understanding is correct or not, only time will tell. For now, it seems to have its utility. Source is very productive ... even the part that is able to express through me. So long as the productivity is there and the material is first class, it seems that this is the most important activity that I can engage in. How long this will be the case, I cannot know for certain. Spirit seems to work in cycles. My cycles seem to be on the order of 8-9 years. 93-97 were productive years for Beyond Imagination, while 98-01 were much less so. 2002 and 2003 have been a quantum leap forward. Can this last another 3-4 years? Perhaps, perhaps not. Actually, at this point the more correct answer seems to be probably. It seems that I have entered a phase of my life where once again it is my works that will define me, only this time not only to myself but to a larger world that I am to touch somehow. Reach out and touch somebody. That is the admonition of spirit to me now. My works have touched me deeply for over a decade. It is time that either they (my works) or I start doing things to touch others. What can I do? I am just one person ... with limited contacts. But, I am far more than that. We all are. We are all interconnected in ways beyond anything that we have ever dreamed or imagined. When I do something, when I realize something, the very fabric of consciousness is altered as a result. Consciousness learns from everything we do, everything we think, and everything we realize. No act of kindness goes unnoticed ... nor any act or neglect nor any atrocity. We are all held accountable for what we do, and to some degree for what we could have done that we failed to do. The measure that we are ultimately held against is what we achieve versus what we had the potential to do ... with what we could have been. This makes it very important to live our lives without regrets. We don't want to be in a position of remorse over what we might have done differently. It is for us to seize the moment and reduce or eliminate these might have dones from our life. One area to question is where we have chosen to accept compromise. We need to get to the heart of our reasons for doing so. If avoidance is a primary reason, we need to reconsider whether this truly serves us and those with whom we have compromised. Is the result truly WIN-WIN? If not, there is a better way ... other avenues need to be explored. What do I want out of life? For this expression to continue and to grow, for one. However, I also desire relationships that help lead to a greater sense of fulfillment. Here, I am in the dark. What does a loner, one who effectively lives isolated from others, know about relationships, especially about cooperatively interdependent ones? What can I say? I know what I know. Where that knowledge comes from is a 98

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 mystery. Clearly, it does not come from experience in this existence. This brings up an interesting issue. Much of how my mind functions and how my consciousness works are mysteries to me. I've spent many an hour over the past decade observing this expression flow forth ... but I am no closer now to understanding how the process works than I was in the first year of the expression. How can that be? How can I spend thousands of hours doing something and not really understand what it is that I am doing and how it is that I am able to do it? It is truly amazing. The sense is that I could spend the rest of my life in this pursuit and barely touch the surface. There is so much to learn. There is so much that is unknown. And, there may even be large parts that are unknowable ... they may be such that our minds are incapable of conceiving of or comprehending them in any fashion. That is OK. There is nothing that says we have to understand everything that we experience. One can comprehend the awesome scenic beauty of Yosemite without having any understanding of the forces of nature that occurred over time to carve those very features we find so beautiful. Similarly, we can marvel at the wonder of the human body as it has evolved over the eons as the house for the mind. The complexity of human life is simply amazing ... and the training necessary to get a newborn infant able to function effectively in the modern world in roughly 17-21 years is mind-boggling. It doesn't stop there. At the pace that the world is changing, the day that we stop learning is the day that we begin to become obsolete. This doesn't seem fair. Evolution has always worked on a greatly expanded time scale, with changes occurring in eons, millennia, centuries ... not decades, and definitely not years. Yet, we are living in a new age, and it seems that new rules apply. It is not our bodies that are the limiting factors anymore, it is our minds. Further, not just the minds that we were born with, but our minds as extended by the myriad of information tools that we have created to augment our natural abilities. The internet is one such tool. This very expression is brought to you over a medium that has only really gone public in a big way in the past 5 years or so. Computer technology has empowered us to be able to communicate in ways that we never dreamed possible. Within minutes, I can post something to my service provider computer which is then immediately available to anyone in the world with internet access. All this at a cost of less than $10 per month, plus the cost of a computer which is less than $600 these days. That doesn't mean anyone will access and read what I have to say. However, that doesn't stop me from being moved to say it anyway. We all do what we must do. There is a strong sense that it is time for me to do something new, something different. What that is, I don't yet know ... but, I sense that I won't be in the dark for much longer. Wishful thinking? Perhaps. But, the times they are a changing, as the song says. We either change with the times or we wither and die. I expect to be around for awhile, so it seems that my only choice is to change. Given that, I might as well be proactive and take the lead. No one else in my circle of acquaintances seems to be doing this. Then, why is it so important for me to do? Simply, because I must ... I know that this is my task to do and I would do it willingly and wholeheartedly. It has never been important for me to live a normal life, to live as others do. My psychological isolation from others was quite extreme, perhaps excessively so ... but, it was a choice that I made for myself. Now, I see it as a choice that got me here, a choice that allows me to express in this manner. Had I made different choices (if indeed that were possible), the outcome would have been different ... I would be a different me. Better or worse, I have no way of knowing. I AM THAT I AM. That is sufficient. What can be impacted now is what is HERE and NOW and via causality what will be in the future. But, the future will take care of itself if we focus on right action in the moment. That is always within our power to do. However, it requires taking responsibility and doing what we know to be right. We will know. There is a place inside each of us that knows. This is not something open to debate and argument. This doesn't mean that what is right for you is right for someone else. There are no absolutes in this area. Though, the Ten Commandments have a pretty strong set of shall statements. And, I'm sure that other religions have similar lists. There is a book out called The Second Ten Commandments that is much more positive and uplifting. It offers new age commandments that truly make the world a better place if we abide by them. Some already live them, but for many, they will seem foreign, at least at first.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Things happen in the way that they happen because that is how we make them happen. It is all us. Yes, spirit expresses through us. But, we are the ones that shape and mold that expression into form in our world. Spirit is somewhat neutral. She seeks to express in whatever manner she can express through the resources that she is given. She is given resources by our willingness to do her works. We have to volunteer for our spiritual jobs or they simply will not be done. That is just how it is. Spirit will not force her way into our lives. She gently prompts us at times, but it is up to us to listen and to choose to abide by what she says. This requires establishment of a level of trust. Some find this difficult. They demand proof. But, spirit will offer no proof of her existence. You either know her firsthand in your life or you do not. Intuition is one of the key abilities to which she is tied. Intuition has to come from someplace. I guess you could believe it to be a natural function of your own mind somehow tapping into information from somewhere. I prefer to consider that somewhere to be source, spirit herself.

9 March 2003 Once again spirit moves me to come to this place to express what would be expressed through me at this time. That makes it seem as if it is a passive process, but this is far from the case. My consciousness is fully engaged, though I am not consciously knowledgeable of how. That is OK. The very fact that this expression exists is proof that other than conscious parts of ourselves can indeed create things in our lives ... in my case, a stream of words, over three million of them to date. Consciousness is highly creative and quite prolific if we allow her to be. It is amazing how much work we can do when we resign ourselves to allowing spirit to work through us. It seems that when we do so, our resources increase many fold. And, indeed, such is the case ... for our resources are augmented by spirit's resources, and her resources are inexhaustible. Actually, ours are as well when we are doing what we love to do. That is how much difference this makes in our life. Attitude is everything! It truly is. When work is drudgery, it is an endless chore to get through the day. When work is a labor of love, we look forward to the opportunities of each moment and the day simply flies by. The trick is how we transform the work that we do into the later ... or, if necessary, how we find a new job that is right for us. One way or another ... the character of our working life is our responsibility. We need to be careful not to settle for less than what could be, and enslave ourselves in the process into a less than optimum arrangement where we contract our services and in many respects a good deal of our life for far less than they are ultimately worth. How do we determine what we are worth? In the free market, this is determined by whatever the market will bear. For those of us that work in large companies, this is further influenced by salary averages, raise pools, and performance appraisals. These tend to keep salaries in relatively tight groupings by experience level and education. To earn substantially more than this, I will have to do something different. Marketing is definitely not one of my strong suits, so that is clearly out. It seems that somehow my livelihood will be tied to this expression. Perhaps not in its present form, but in some form evolved from this. That would mean that I need to interact with the potential audience for my books. Yes, it seems this is so. But, it also seems that I am ready for such interaction. I've had ten years of practice in doing this on my own. It seems that it is time that I start to engage others. What do I expect from such engagement? At this point, the primary things are feedback and a stimulus that drives further expression. I have been expressing in effectively an open loop manner since 1993. Feedback provides the signal that allows the control mechanism to better focus and guide the expression. The stimulus that I am looking for is questions or comments about what has been expressed that force me to more thoroughly explain various things. Will these things come? Either they will or they won't. In either event, I am prepared to continue to express open loop so long as spirit moves me to do so. That could be for a very long time. That is OK. I'm used to it now. But, at the same time, this is a new decade ... what was true for 1993-2003 may not be true for 2003-2013. We'll just have to see what happens. Here, it is not clear that I can make things happen. I can't make people provide feedback. However, I can encourage people to do so, and I 100

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 can do things to put the Beyond Imagination material in the hands of more people. At this point, the sense is that this is the next step for me to take. I need to do what it takes to get the material out. That means to more than my Beyond Imagination site on the WWW. There is a larger audience that I need to find and to reach. Will this be easy? The immediate sense is no, but it is something that I must stretch and do anyway. It is that important. And, that is ultimately why it will be done. As always, I will do what I am moved to do ... even to the extent of doing new things in new ways. Such is how I have chosen to live my life. I would do what spirit demands of me. And, I would do so willingly and joyfully. I am an instrument through which the divine plan of consciousness is being enacted. I freely choose to play the role that I came to play. I do this with full responsibility for all that I do and all that I experience. There is still a strong inner sense that I am to have world impact somehow ... that what I do will make a difference to the world. To date, the most important part of what I do is to capture this stream of consciousness and make it available on the WWW. The ideas that are presented here are my contribution to society and to the world. However, they are not presented in such a manner that many receive them and are impacted by them. Hmm ... I have relied on consciousness to get the word out so to speak and guide the people to the Beyond Imagination site who could most benefit from what is expressed there. But, that does not seem to have happened. Either that, or the material is meant for far fewer people than I had hoped. Everything in its proper timing. When the message needs to reach people, it will reach people, and they will be the right people. This is not something that I have to worry about. One step at a time. Publish a book. Then, start to do what it takes to advertise the book. There is nothing wrong with announcing to people that you have created something ... or that spirit has created something through you. It is still their choice as to what they will do about it. However, without the announcement, you don't even give them a choice. Further, unless you publish the book, there is no work to announce in the first place. So, take the first step, and then the next, and then the next after that. One step at a time gets us to any destination eventually. However, remember to enjoy the process ... each and every step of the way. Live your life in a grand way, as only you can do. Allow all of whom that you are to be expressed. This is easier said than done. It takes courage to be all that you can be. It takes courage to exercise ones freedom of expression to the fullest. But, we must be brave and do so. Life is meant to be a grand adventure. If that is not the way we are experiencing it, it is high time to start making different choices so that we experience a different reality more consistent with this. For me, this expression is the grand adventure in my life. It is an adventure in consciousness. However, though I desire to share what I have experienced, it seems that I have not been so successful in doing so. It is not from a lack of effort ... several thousands of hours have been expended in this endeavor. It seems that effort alone is not enough. We need right action, whatever that would be for the dissemination of this information. That assumes that the information is worthy of dissemination. Of that, I have no doubt. The quality of the expression is suitable for presentation to an audience. How can I know this? The most direct answer is based on firsthand experience of how this expression moves me. I consider myself well read enough to be able to judge whether or not something is good. As to how large of an audience it might reach, that remains to be seen. It seems that depends on what I do to get the word out, and what others do to reach still others via word of mouth. My circle of acquaintances is quite small. The subset that might be interested in my metaphysical works is even smaller. That is OK. It is time that I extend my circles and start to meet those with whom I am meant to establish interdependent relationships. The sense is that they are just as ready to find me as I am to find them. So, once we do find one another, we can effectively get a running start toward defining and doing the work we are meant to do together. I'm excited by what lies ahead. There is a sense that much change lies in the immediate future in this area. So, what is the next step? The immediate answer is publish your book. In the worst case scenario, it won't sell and I'll be out roughly $650. However, I'm certain that some people will be moved to buy the book. How many is dependent on a number of factors, some of which are in my control, many of which are not. I can only do what is within my power to do. Making people aware of the book is something that I can do ... though many of the methods for doing this will definitely stretch my comfort zone regarding 101

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 how I deal with people. That is OK. It is time for this comfort zone to be stretched anyway. It has been far too small for far too long to serve me. Looking up, I have a stack of five Beyond Imagination works that have been generated over the years. I generated an economic engine in 1998 to try to sell some of these works but it has not been very successful to date. Only three people have chosen to buy any of these works. At the time, it seemed like a great idea. I was looking for people who were willing to pay me 10 cents per hour for what I am able to express.

10 March 2003 Being away from a computer was not sufficient to stop us this time. I'm moved to express anyway, and when I am so moved, there is no choice but to express. Yes, no choice. I do what I must do. There is still a strong sense that I am in the midst of some major changes in my life, and on many fronts at that. These are welcome changes and necessary ones. I can say this without even knowing what all the changes will be. I can do this because I trust the process of life as it is unfolding through me. I am the sacred in expression. We all are. It is high time that we realized this and acted as if we believed that it were true. Longhand expression is much slower than using Netscape Communicator. In fact, it is painfully slow. But, at this time, it is my only option other than not to express. And, my preference is to express. There is so much inside awaiting expression. The more that comes through, the more there seems to be. The source seems to be inexhaustible. The days fly by. Yet, there is a sense that each day brings me closer to manifesting my destiny. Yes, it is up to me to manifest that destiny. It won't just happen of and by itself. This is a different way of looking at destiny. It is not something that happens to us beyond our control. Rather it is something that we create in our own lives. Knowing this, what is it that I would create ... what destiny would I manifest for both myself and the world of which I am part? Why me? Why is it that I have been selected by consciousness to express in this manner? I don't really know, but I consider it a gift and a blessing. Along with such gifts comes the responsibility to use them effectively in service to society in some way. This is true for all gifts. Whatever abilities we have are there because they are needed by society. It is for us to find a way to apply them in service. We really haven't answered the question why me. Perhaps that is a question that can never be answered. It is enough to know I am whom that I am and that there is a grand task that I came to do. Whether I will accomplish this or not, only time will tell. One thing is certain, it won't be for lack of trying. However, trying and succeeding are two different things. Sometimes no amount of trying assures success. We need to be smart about how we apply our efforts to maximize our successes. To some degree, we can allow spirit herself to orchestrate our efforts. In general, she seems to know far more about what she is doing than we know. What would I do differently in my life? Where am I satisfied and where am I not satisfied? What are the things that truly matter to me? Interesting questions. It does seem to be time to focus on the things that really matter. This expression is one of those things. Without it, my life would be missing something very special, something that I would not want to live without. Yes, that is a strong way to state it. But, that is precisely how I feel about it. This expression is that important to me. In fact, it is the most important thing in my life. Does that create a problem for relationships? Perhaps it does. Further, it will continue to do so until I consider relationships with others at least on a par with my relationship with spirit. Is this likely to change anytime soon? Only if I desire for it to do so. Here logic comes in to play. If everything is spirit, my relationships with others are just another flavor of relationship with spirit. Yes, that is an interesting way of looking at things. 102

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 So, why have I isolated myself from others for so long? It just seemed to be the natural thing for me to do. Though, there was an element of fear of others that entered into the equation. This has lessened over time but I am still shy and reluctant to engage with strangers. Will I ever outgrow this ... or is it a natural tendency that I simply need to live with? The bottom line comes down to whether it serves me or not. Obviously, it served me well for over three decades or I would not have held onto it so rigidly. However, what has worked in the past is not necessarily good for the future. We need to be open to changing our ways, even characteristics that we consider to be fundamental to our being ... perhaps especially if we consider them such.

11 March 2003 Again we are moved to come here to express longhand. It is not optimal but it will just have to do. I am away from home, yet moved to allow this stream of consciousness to come forth. At some point, it seems that I will need to invest in a laptop, especially if the business trips are going to be frequent. It has reached a point where a computer is am essential tool in my life, something that I use for hours nearly every day. Further, there is every indication that if I were self employed, I would probably spend more time at the computer, not less. In an average week, my computer time is about 50 hours. Yes, that is a lot. But, I'm an information worker in an information age and find it most productive when I am working on my own. Perhaps this will change at some point. Then again, not necessarily. When I imagine my ideal work environment, it still involves me generating a lot of information and interacting with others via e-mail. I like the record and context that e-mail can provide. However, there are some negatives to overcome as well. There is a sense that this ideal environment may no longer be ideal for me. Perhaps I need to expand my horizons. Something rings right about this. My life seems to be unfolding in a manner that is consistent with this. I only know that I am being moved to be differently. What I have been to date is simply not enough. There is so much more that I could be. I have said that spirit is a stern taskmaster. Indeed, she is. But, it seems that I task myself even more sternly. I do this because I know something of whom that I am and what I am capable of. It is simply not acceptable to me to be less than I can be. However, this doesn't apply in all areas. Clearly, when I look at my own life, it is obvious that the spiritual is more highly valued than the emotional or the physical. And, indeed, it is much more highly valued. Perhaps it always will be. However, we are equally physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual beings. It is not clear that any aspect should be any more important than any other. However, that doesn't stop the fact that in practice, they are far from equivalent. It is probably clear that my focus is in the mental and spiritual domains. These are home to me. The body and emotions are far more foreign. Is this a problem or a characteristic to be used for advantage? Something Richard Bach said in Illusions comes to mind "Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours". As I wrote that, I got shivers all through my body. The sense was that this is exactly what I was doing. However, I also got this realization that everything that I have read, and everything that I have expressed are all of the same nature. It will all have its moment when it is perfect for the occasion. Further, my memory is such that it will recall what is appropriate for the situation that it finds itself within. I've noticed myself observing how my mind and awareness are functioning a lot more lately. At times it is difficult to stay focused on the tasks that I am doing. At such times, I find myself more loosely associated with physical reality that normal. So far it has not been a problem. However, it is reaching a point where it is becoming a concern. I only have so much control over how and where I focus my attention. This seems to be an indication that I am trying to force myself to focus in ways that are not natural for me ... in ways that are not appropriate for me. Hmm ... this suggests that perhaps it is time to be doing something else. The question is what? When it comes to jobs, I'm pretty conservative. My present job of 6 years is 103

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 pretty safe and secure. But, is that what I need out of a job? Apparently, it is. Or, at least, it has been to date, because that is what I have manifested. Awareness, allowance, and acceptance ... these are the keys to living life. Until we are aware, until we allow, until we accept ... there is nothing we can do to change things to the way that we would prefer for them to be. Until we are aware of whom that we truly are, we can't begin to be all that we can be. Even then, it is ever a work in progress as who we are is continually evolving into something greater and grander than we have ever been. I'm excited by the possibilities for what lies ahead. It seems that it is time for one scene in the play to come to a close and a whole new scene to begin. In some plays, this allows an opportunity for a discontinuity where a major change in the setting can occur. It will be interesting to see if it dies occur in this particular case. How else might I interpret this? The saying "don't quit your day job" comes to mind. It seems that I am not yet ready to strike out on my own. That doesn't mean that I can't start taking steps in the direction that I ultimately want to head. In 24 years, I have only had two job transitions. There first was smooth and occurred with an overlap of several months of leave. The second was smooth as well but took six months to manifest, only three months of which were covered by termination pay. It is not clear that working for someone else is the next step ... yet, at the same time, it is equally unclear how to generate goods and services that would be sufficient to cover my financial needs.

12 March 2003 This is the tenth anniversary of the second day of the Beyond Imagination expression. There was a whole week between the first and second expression in 1993. This year we mused for 6 of the 8 days between the fifth and the twelfth of March. What a difference a decade has made. Now, this expression is an essential part of my life ... nearly an everyday occurrence for several hours per day. It hasn't always been that way. Just over a decade ago, it wasn't that way at all. And then, from May 98 through Dec 01 there was very little expression. Looking back now, it seems to have been a phase or a part of a cycle that I was going through. Now, I am clearly in a different phase ... one in which the productivity is at its peak. Then again, that is peak for part time expression. I don't know what I could accomplish if I could engage in this endeavor on a fulltime basis for an extended period. Though, I do have much firsthand experience to show how productive I can be in the work environment without suffering from burnout. I can tolerate 6080 hour work weeks indefinitely especially if I enjoy what I am doing. If I truly loved what I was doing, I'm sure that I could do even more than that. That is a lot to expect of myself. But, in many ways, my work is my life ... at least my spiritual work, this very expression, is. Many people live to play ... they live to have fun. However, I live to express ... to express whatever spirit would have me express. This has been true on and off since Mar 93, but particularly true since Jan 02. That puts us in our fifteenth month of high frequency and high quantity expression. I would offer that it is high quality as well, but that is a purely subjective assessment. If I am to succeed in ways beyond what others do, I need to be willing to invest more of myself into what I do than what others are willing to invest. Ultimately, we reap what we sow. What we invest of ourselves ultimately pays dividends. Maybe not right away. Sometimes it takes time for the interest to compound or for the market to turn around. But, in the long term dividends will accrue for all that we give of ourselves. This is the greatest thing that we have to give ... ourselves and our abilities in service to others, our society, and our world. We have an obligation to society, a sacred obligation. However, it comes in the form of a contract between the individual and society. We've said many times that communism expresses this most succinctly:

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 from each in accord with their abilities, to each in accord with their needs. Each individual is obligated to use their abilities as fully as they can to serve society. In return, society is to provide each individual with all that the individual needs. This doesn't say that government provides this to each individual, it says that society does. How does society fulfill its part of this contract? It does so by its individuals and its organizations creating and providing goods and services to those who need them. Government and all of its varied agencies are among such organizations. Companies are among such organizations as well as are schools/universities and spiritual organizations. How do we manage the overall organization of all of these organizations? Do we need an overall infrastructure into which all of these varied agencies fit? If so, who has the authority to establish such an infrastructure? Even more important, who has the knowledge to build an effective social infrastructure? The closest thing that we seem to have to this is government. However, government does not have any real control over the economic sector. Yes, there is some regulation, and yes, there are a lot of government contracts that buy a lot of goods and services and in the process employ a lot of people. Further, the government itself employs a lot of people to provide an assortment of services. I don't have any idea of how many people are employed in this manner, between government employees and individuals that directly support government contracts. I would guess the number is higher than some might expect, maybe in the 25-35 percent range. Perhaps even higher. That's between 1 in 4 and 1 in 3 workers. That seems like a lot, but I don't know where to go to check. How do we get companies to shoulder the responsibility for matching individuals to the jobs that are best suited to their abilities at a level of compensation that is sufficient to meet the needs of the individual? That is what the social contract demands, and the economic system is the arm of society that exchanges individual services for fair compensation. The sense is that this is not happening in the current system. For one thing, differences in compensation of several orders of magnitude per hour are neither fair nor reasonable. It just doesn't seem right that one person can make more in a day than another can make in a year or one person can make more in a week than another can make in a lifetime. No, I don't believe in equal pay for everyone either. We have different abilities and talents. Some jobs are more difficult than other jobs. I haven't really thought about what should differentiate what one person makes from what another makes. The free market has been the primary influence in shaping the current wage structure. Wages are based on the forces of competition and what the market for various types of services will bear. It is almost impossible to do relative comparisons from one industry area to another. Is the free market fair? Does it provide a reasonable estimate of value? My sense is no. But, how would we know one way or the other? The bottom line is that it is the system that we have ... and it seems to be the best that there is in the world to date. That doesn't mean it can't be better. However, it seems that when the economists try to control it their efforts are meager at best and may even make things worse. Perhaps this is because we are limiting the constraints to too narrow of a scope. Part of the problem is that the economy is so complex and interdependent that regulation in any one part has a myriad of impacts on other parts. Often, we don't know these interdependencies in advance so we cannot predict the negative impacts that will result. Does that mean that we shouldn't try? No, not in the least. It means that we should spend some time and resources on understanding interdependent systems so that we can get them functioning as well as we can within society. This is the wave of the future. Individuals are complex interdependent systems. The organizations that we create within society are simply larger such systems composed of many individuals performing particular functions.

13 March 2003

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 What next? What is the next step in my life? There is a strong sense that it is time to be doing something different, to be living my life as only I can live it. To some degree, I am doing that already. But, it is nowhere near enough. I am still not close to living up to my potential. I know that there is greatness within me ... a greatness that has only partially been revealed to the world. Is this to change anytime soon? My sense is yes, however only if I do what it takes to make it do so. That is OK, I am motivated now to do just that, more so than at any other time in my life. Destiny calls. I would allow it to unfold as it will. Actually, I would be an active agent in enabling it to unfold as it must. That is a different way of looking at things. In the later way, my will matters ... my will makes a difference in the world, especially if it is aligned with the will of consciousness. What am I moved to express next? It seems that it is time to start doing something different to reach people. I have relied on spirit to bring those who are meant to find my work to me. But, is that a reasonable thing to expect? Do I not have a responsibility in this area as well? Do I not need to do what it takes to get the word out so that people who might benefit from the material might be aware that it exists and have a greater chance of finding it? It seems that it is not sufficient that I generate the material and make it available to others on the WWW. I need to take the next step somehow and introduce people to the work that is Beyond Imagination. This requires leaving my comfort zone and interacting with others in ways that are new and somewhat foreign to me. However, the alternative is unacceptable. The Beyond Imagination material deserves to be heard ... to be read. It deserves to have an audience. How large that might be, only spirit knows. Until I take the risk to publish and see what kind of response there is, I will not know. We have to give spirit something to work with. We have to give spirit a means to provide us with feedback. If we don't take the initiative and do things in our lives, we will never know how successful we might have been. We are meant to live our lives with no regrets. That doesn't mean that we have to do and experience everything. However, we do need to do and experience the things that are important to us. Also, no regrets doesn't mean that we have to do everything perfectly. Good enough is sufficient. In a resource constrained world ... we need to establish reasonable criteria for what is good enough. That doesn't mean that we should accept inferior quality work. However, we do need to accept work that is of reasonable quality for the specific task at hand. I am close to having a book ready for publication ... Best Passages from 2002 Musings. Yes, it is a selection of the best passages that were expressed here in over 300 musings from last year. That does not make for an ordinary book. It is not fiction. However, it is not organized as many non-fiction books that are oriented into chapters that address various topics. Rather, the material is in chronological order, and is a collection of passages or quotes from the individual musings. The only thing that holds them all together is that they came forth from the same source in the same year. Is this enough to make the collection a "book"? I can only answer that I have been moved to package it in this manner ... so it seems that the answer is yes. What benefit do I expect you to get from the book? One, it exposes you to a stream of consciousness expression, to spirit expressing in flesh. Two, it provides the opportunity to walk in my shoes, in my consciousness for awhile, and perhaps thereby to gain a glimpse of awareness different than you normally experience. Three, it allows you to see how productive spirit can be, even on a part time basis, in our lives. Four, it provides insight into how you function that can be used to change your life. This includes insight into the nature of belief systems, belief management, and the nature of reality creation. But is that enough to be worth buying ... and more importantly to be worth reading. It is for me, but I'm a captive audience. I guess we'll see soon enough. Within a week or two I'll be ready to get the process going. We'll see what happens from there. My sense is that I would not be moved to do it unless it were right somehow. But, I have felt that way before and have been wrong before. When my ego is involved in the process, the outcome is far from certain and is typically far different than I imagined it would be going into the situation. Will it always be this way? Perhaps ... at least until I reign in this part of myself. I can come across as grandiose at times ... even extremely so. I clearly think highly of myself and my abilities. But then, how many have the presence of mind and the presence of spirit to express in this manner. In my experience, this is quite rare and as a result, quite precious. How do I share 106

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 it with the world? Why is it so important that I do so? You would think that as a hermit, the world would be of limited concern to me. And, that is true of most aspects of the world. I simply will not be bothered. But, I would build the foundations for a new world, one in which spirit can more fully express in flesh. There is an inner drive, a strong inner need to do this. It is not something that I was taught. It is a responsibility that I have assumed naturally somehow as my very destiny. I would bear the burdens of the world to facilitate the changes that must be made. It matters not that no one asks that I bear these burdens. It is sufficient that spirit reveals to me what is mine to bear and what is mine to do. I am her willing servant. Yet, in other respects, I am also a master. 11:Justice, 22:Master Builder, and 33:Master Teacher are all prominent for me. What do I desire to do with my life? Am I here to make a statement? Am I here to enjoy the pleasures that life has to offer? Am I here to carry out a mission and a destiny? I'm rapidly approaching my 45th birthday. It seems that I should have figured it out by now. My sense is that close to two-thirds of my life is over. I don't expect to reach 70. I may be surprised, but my sense is that I will have completed my mission by then and that it will be time to move onto other adventures in consciousness. It seems that I came into this existence with a specific role to play, a role that seems to have begun in my 34-35 year. I've been actively playing that role for a decade now, roughly 2/9ths of my life. Hmm ... that is 22 percent. By the time I reach 69 or so, this will have grown to 1/2 of my life. That is an interesting breakout. Half of my life asleep, and half of it awake spiritually speaking. How appropriate. In any event, if my inner sense is right, that gives me roughly a quarter of a century to make my mark on the world ... beginning now. In some respects, that is a long time. However, looking back over the past decade, the time definitely has a way of flying by. A quarter of a century is only 2.5 times the length of a decade. If I'm not careful and vigilant, it will be over before I know it. The trick is to start living in a manner that makes each moment count. Each moment that is wasted cannot be recovered. But, we need to be careful about how we assess what constitutes waste. Being busy all the time is not necessarily the answer, especially if we are busy on things that don't have long term value. Meditation and quiet time are important. It is amazing what benefit silence can bring to one's life ... especially if it allows you to connect to and listen to the source within you. Spirit is there, ever ready to communicate. But, she awaits us to take the initiative and invite her to play an active role in our lives. Even then, we must develop a relationship with her. Is what I have to say worth reading? And, if so, to whom? It seems that it would make an interesting textbook for a psychology class dealing with how consciousness is experienced by one who is in the manic phase of bipolar much of the time. If I can express like this under the regimen of medications that I take daily ... Eskalith, Depakote, Zyprexa, and Topomax -- what does that say about the nature of consciousness? It is astonishing to me that I can do this day after day. It would be nice to know how others experience consciousness. To what degree is it the same as my experience, and in what aspects is it different. I haven't studied anything of this nature. Yes, I've read a lot of metaphysical books. But, I don't know that they really explained how consciousness works. When my spiritual awakenings happened in 1993, there was nothing that I had read that was able to help me deal with what I was experiencing firsthand. I was aware in ways that I had never been aware before. It was as if I had awakened from a deep sleep. Even 10 years later, I have no friends in my life that relate to this aspect of my experience. I have contacted a few people via e-mail who have websites from which I was able to determine that we had similar experiences and had become aware in similar ways. The specifics were different, and in each case, the individuals were actively doing their own thing ... following their own path.

14 March 2003

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Once again we find it necessary to come here to express what consciousness would have us express. Why is that? Why is this such an important part of my life? It is not clear that it matters why. All that matters is that it is, and that I know this. As a result, I am moved to spend a significant amount of my time and energy engaged in this expression. I would have it no other way. This expression is uplifting and satisfying for me. There is a sense that I am accomplishing something, even if others are not yet aware of what I am doing to the degree that I believe they should be. Yes, it seems that what I am doing needs to be shared somehow. Part of this comes from a desire for recognition for what I have done. But, the greater concern comes from a desire that all of this be put to use in a manner that serves humanity in a way that I know that it can. Yes, that is a tall order. I have great expectations. But, the work that is being done through me is of a nature that could ultimately have world impact. Yes, the grandiosity is coming through again. Clearly, I have a high opinion of myself and my abilities ... perhaps too high for my own good. But, to date, I have been able to deliver on nearly everything that I have set out to do. There were a few times when the extremes of mania were a bit beyond my ability to control. However, that was many years ago. If everything goes right, I should be able to get the publishing package for my first book in the mail next weekend. There are only a few things to wrap up. Then its an eight week wait for the publisher to do their thing and get a book out for me to redline. Another few weeks after that, and everything is set to go. That puts us some time in June. That's not too bad ... to have a book of selected passages from 2002 musings out within six months of the end of the year. Advertising will be a challenge. I will need to start doing things to let people know that the book has been published and is available. I can do part of that at the Beyond Imagination web site. But, there is not enough traffic there to be the intended audience for the book. However, it is a place to start. Depending on how this first book does, we can start making plans for others. It would be good to have multiple Beyond Imagination books. There is definitely enough material to do this. However, translating material from web pages to book form takes some time and effort. With limited resources, the choice is always between reformatting of what has come before and expressing what would come anew. Most of the time I opt for the later. Though, I do take the time on occasion to go back and revisit what has come before. It always comes across as fresh and new. There is something about this expression that is timeless. At most, I get a deja vu feeling when I read what I know came through me before. I find it curious that there is so little of it that I actually remember. Then again, I can barely remember what was in the prior sentence as I write this now. I have no idea as to how the paragraph started. That is one of the reasons it is recorded in this manner. In effect, this is an extension of my memory ... an extension that exists in a medium that is freely shared with anyone who can find it. And, how would you go about finding it? What would make you think that such an expression as this even exists ... or that you would want to access it? I only know that it exists because I am part of creating it. My guess is that tens to hundreds of others are finding it ... but I have no way of knowing for sure. There are no page counters to tell me how many times the various pages are accessed. For you eyes only. Yes, that phrase comes forth again. Is all of this an elaborate training ground for my consciousness? Indeed, it could be. I have to offer that. Yet, at the same time, the idea seems distasteful and revolting somehow. Spirit works efficiently. It seems an awful waste that all of this would have been generated and not used. But, spirits ways are mysterious. What counts is not what we have done in the past, but what we do from this moment forward. Our lives are to be lived in the present with an eye to the future. This does not mean we neglect the past. It has its lessons to teach us. We learn from it, and hopefully make better choices in the present. We are ever in the process of choosing to express the grandest concept of our self that we can express. Yes, every one of us. Clearly some have grander concepts than others. That is a matter of education and experience. We can change this. We can do what it takes to improve the reality for everyone. What is necessary is to create the appropriate social infrastructures. What would I do differently? How would I be differently? If my world is to change, then I must change. So long as I stay isolated from others ... there is no path for what is expressed through me to touch others 108

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 and to return through others unto me. That is a different way of looking at things. The economic system requires an exchange of energy, not just an application of energy. Here, I apply a lot of energy. I believe it is in a way that will ultimately be of service to society ... but what must happen to turn this expression into a service? Whom does it serve, and how does it serve them? To date, the expression has clearly served me. And, there have been several dozen e-mails from others moved by various materials at the Beyond Imagination site. But, that is small potatoes. We should be thinking in terms of impacting tens to hundreds of thousands, if not millions. Yes, that is a lot of folks. Is the material of such a nature that it can truly do that? My sense is yet ... perhaps not what has been expressed to date, but what is to be expressed. The past decade has been a training period, enabling me to firmly establish an inner connection and to get grounded to the degree that my bipolar condition will allow. It seems that we are now entering a new phase, one that requires more outward expression. This will be a major jump for me. It is not a natural step, though there is a Leo rising in my makeup that relishes this change. This is the mask with which I am meant to face the world. I have just not chosen to do much facing the world to date. Is this expression worth the 2-3 hours per day that it takes to generate it? Wow, that is a tough question. Would I pay $110-$165 per day for the expression? That is roughly my equivalent salary for that amount of time. When you look at it that way, it costs a lot to produce this. Yet, how can we put a price tag on creative expression? Without this investment of time and energy, the expression would not exist. What would be the loss to the world as a result? That depends on what value this expression has to the world. How do we determine that? Who determines what these words are worth? Who determines what impact they will have ... what benefit they will have for whom? The next question is if the expression is indeed worth this, or even more, how do I get paid for the work that I have done? How does society pay for the services that it consumes? Could I generate 8-10 pages per day on a regular basis if this were my fulltime job? That is a lot of time in front of the keyboard. Would the expression be able to come forth continuously for such an extended period of time? Or, would I run out of things to say? The sense is that there is enough to express to keep me busy for the rest of my days ... the whole quarter century or so of them. It is not clear that an 8-10 page average quota per day is reasonable. I may need to do some research to start connecting my work to the greater body of work that is out there and spend some time doing things to increase the visibility of Beyond Imagination. This gets back to the idea that the changes that lie ahead are such that doing more of the same is not sufficient. I need to be doing new things, things that I have not been doing before. What these are will be revealed when the time is right. For now, it seems that I can continue to take one step at a time ... doing as I am moved to do, trusting that spirit is the guiding star in my life. With her as my guide, I can literally do no wrong. It is simply a matter of listening to what she has to say, and trusting her enough to follow through and do it. This has worked to date. I have no reason to think that it will change anytime soon. Though, Tony Robbins said "the past does not equal the future". This brings up the possibility that the nature of my connection with spirit may change too. I am open to this as well, and am ready for whatever changes develop. I can't imagine spirit not being an active force in my life. I am a spiritual being after all, first and foremost. We all are. This has been consciously true for me since 1974 and especially true since 1993. Awakening experiences have a way of making spirituality much more real and intimate. I was just thinking ... 10 pages per day x 300 days per year = 3000 pages. That's about the equivalent of 10 books. That's an incredible amount of productivity. It seems that a book per six months is a more realistic goal. That is still a lot, especially if the books are more topic oriented and require more organization. I don't know what kind of productivity is reasonable to expect from an author. I only know what I have done to date at work and in this expression. I'm capable of a lot ... especially when I have the freedom to do it my way. Thus far, both at work and in this expression, I have had this freedom. Perhaps that is why I am still in my present job. It provides the salary that I need to live while offering an open 109

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 and flexible work environment. How long will this continue? Am I as productive as I could be? Is the work that I do at work of such a nature that it truly matters in the long run? Does it matter whether it matters? Now that is an interesting question. Work is what it is. It offers a training ground as does everything else in our experience. Also, it offers a mechanism for the exchange of my services for the salary that I need for my family to live. That is what the economy is supposed to do. However, does the work environment provide the opportunity for me to be the best that I can be and use my natural skills and talents fully? The sense is no, however, it is in the midst of changing ... and the changes may indeed be conducive to my growth and greater expression. The bottom line is what will be will be. Further, it will be whatever I make it to be. It seems that it is time to play a much more active and conscious role in this. I have been allowing life to unfold naturally. It is as if it were on automatic. Things just happened. Some other than conscious part of me just took care of making the things that needed to happen, happen. I didn't have to think about it. I just had to stay out of the way and allow it. Now, it seems the rules have changed. This modus operandi is no longer sufficient. It seems that spirit wants my conscious input to help decide what road my life is to take. More than "wants", insists on. I guess it is about time. I have always accepted responsibility, even for what other than conscious processes brought into my life. Now, it seems it is time to have direct responsibility for the results of my own choices. Through this all, I am still the same person. Yet, there will be changes that others will see directly. Part of this comes from a difference in attitude. Part of this comes from a difference in what is important. Most of this comes from an unveiling of new aspects of self. The expression of these new aspects will impact the personality as presented to the world. What this will be for me remains to be seen. However, the wait will not be long. The unveiling will take place over a period of months. It is interesting that this period corresponds with the self publishing of my first book. Then again, it is not surprising. That is an outer act of presenting myself to the world as well. Interesting. It will be curious to see where the year takes us. We are nearly one quarter into it ... and much has transpired already. Though there is a sense that the major changes are yet to come ... and that they are indeed on their way. What makes me so sure of any of this? How can the expression come forth in declarative statements most of the time? I don't really know. It simply comes forth as it does, and it feels right. It strikes me as true somehow. I have no reason to doubt it. I've been doing this for over a decade now. That is a long time. Yet, I am no closer now to knowing how all of this is able to manifest than I was when the communication started. It still comes forth as stream of consciousness from a place inside that I call source. But, being able to name something is not the same as understanding what it is. I tap source using my intuition. However, that doesn't explain anything about the nature of source other than that it can connect to our intuition. Even then, it seems it only does so when we have developed our intuition sufficiently and when we have entered a state of awareness where we are receptive to it. You would think that after a decade of doing this, I would know more than I do about the process. Then again, I have been driving since 1974 and don't know much about engines and how cars work. So, it seems one can use something without knowing the details of how it works. When you think about it, there are many things that we do that we have little clue as to how we are able to do it. Some things that come to mind are walking, thinking, and speaking. We typically don't know how we are going to end a sentence when we start speaking ... yet, that doesn't stop us from speaking anyway. Similarly, most of us have no clue as to how thoughts come into our heads or how we move from thought to thought. Actually, it may be far more than most of us. It is not clear that anyone knows. Why is there such a driving need to achieve greatness? I come from fairly humble beginnings. I was the first in my family to go to college. I am the only one in my family to have awakened in the way that I have. That is not surprising anymore. It seems this puts me in rare company. It has taken some time, but I am finally at ease with myself in a way that I have never been before. In particular, at ease enough that I am finally ready to allow and even to draw others in if necessary. Those are bold words coming from one who has been a loner all of his life. Yet, it is time for a change. And, it seems that I am as ready as I am ever going to be. The motivation is there. I cannot achieve my destiny alone. My mission requires 110

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 working closely together with others to create a new order ... perhaps even a new world order. The order will be spiritually based because we are spirit in expression. We have always been, though we haven't always acted as if this were the case. That doesn't change the fact.

15 March 2003 Another fine day in which to express. It seems that lately they are all that way. It will be interesting to see what comes forth today. Something seems different somehow. It has been a rainy day all day. That is quite rare for Palm Springs. It seems that makes it a rare day for this expression somehow as well. It is as if the weather affects the nature of the connection. Hmm ... perhaps it does. Perhaps the weather is an outer picture of a mass psychological reality. The day hasn't been particularly gloomy, just overcast and rainy. I've been a bit sluggish all day, as if I never really woke up. Some days are like that. Though, I am getting an earlier than normal start on the expression for today. What would I bring forth today? Whatever spirit would bring forth through me, as always. I don't understand how consciousness works. However, I know enough to enable her to express through me on these pages. This expression is the work of spirit through me. Though, that could be said of the expression of any one of us. We are all spirit expressing in flesh, here and now. There is nothing but spirit. I would change the world. Yes, I believe that my existence is to have world import somehow. At this point, it seems that will happen through my works. And, right now, these musings are my works. Will they transform to something else in the coming quarter century? The answer is a resounding yes. Though, at this time I do not know to what. That is OK, my life will unfold as it will, and I will be moved to do the works that are mine to do ... perhaps works that only I can do. Grandiose thinking ... yes, I acknowledge that. However, that doesn't necessarily make it wrong. Who is to say what my role in the grand scheme of things is? Perhaps I won't know for certain until it happens ... moreover, until I make it happen. We manifest our own destiny after all. This is part of the reality that we create for ourselves. Yes, the is an overall plan of spirit at play as well. However, within that overall plan there is much flexibility for us to construct our individual roles. More and more, I am realizing that I have a major say in my own destiny. I don't simply have to allow it to manifest. I can create it to be what I desire it to be. Yes, it helps if this is in line with an understanding of what spirit has in store for me. It seems that both factors are at play. Spirit defines the grand schemes and I take care of the details. Though, even there, I don't tend to be detail oriented. I live my life in very general terms. In fact, much of what constitutes my world is abstract ... in the realm of ideas and ideals. I realize that most people do not live in this manner. That does not matter. It is what I experience. That makes it the reality that I know. What counts is the reality that we experience. We are free to change this at any time. However, we only effectively do so by becoming masters of our belief systems. Belief management is one of the most important skills that we can learn. Yet, as far as I know, it was not a course taught in any formal school that I attended in eighteen years from kindergarten through a MSEE at Stanford. There are some self-help and new age/metaphysics books that are available that address this and you would be wise to seek them out. Look for books that help you explore what your beliefs are, evaluate their utility in your life, and provide techniques for replacing beliefs that don't serve you. Are these words such that they would be of utility to inquiring minds who want to know how consciousness works? After all, this is a stream of consciousness in expression. One can learn a lot about consciousness by observing what she creates. This record is being generated for a reason. Yes, it allows me to go back and see where I was on a particular day in my life. But, the sense is that it is being recorded for the benefit of others as well. It is meant to show others what is possible, and that their own stream of consciousness is just as varied and as valuable. No, not everyone speaks in words as I do ... their creativity is expressed in other areas. However, wherever it is expressed is perfect and precious. 111

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Each of us have unique gifts and talents. Part of our challenge is to find a way to use them in service to society and the world. Yes, that is a tall order. But, that should be the expectation. Nothing less is acceptable. Anything less is a waste of someone’s gifts and talents. Unfortunately, when we allow such waste, there is never any recovery. A spiritually based society recognizes this and ensures that each individual is enabled to contribute all that they can to society. This is an obligation, one that is freely accepted by each individual. It only seems right that we would desire to be of service. Though, it seems that for some, this may not be as natural of a trait as for others. That is OK. Within society we have both natural behaviors and learned behaviors. Both are important to our ability to function. Though, even for the learned behaviors, it seems that we have natural tendencies and talents that make us better at some things than other things. That is OK too. The differences are there for a reason. They have their utility in the overall scheme of things. All that is asked of us is that we do our best ... that we be the best that we can be. It is not for us to judge this in comparison to others, but in comparison to what we are capable of. We know what we are capable of. It is not easy to fool ourselves. We know when we are doing our best. We also know when we are being less than we can be. We feel that there is something missing from our lives; that there is something that is not being expressed, or that there is something that is being left undone that is ours to do. At least that is my experience to date. As a loner, I have only my experience on which to base everything that I express. Though, my experience has included reading many books by some wonderful authors. However, this is not the same as interfacing with the authors directly. I interact secondhand through the words and ideas that they were able to convey. And, even then, it is not so much an interaction. The authors words are static ... though my understanding of them may change over time. That is not only true of the words of other authors. It is true of the words that come forth through me. That one is harder to deal with. How is it that I can create expressions that have meanings that are even beyond my grasp ... at least my present grasp? Yet, I have been doing it for a decade. I can still go back to nearly any day of expression and be blown away by what was expressed. Is it that good? I believe that it is, and I have read enough in my lifetime to be able to judge this. However, I am a biased judge. These are my works, they are the only children I will ever have, except for my furry kids, which I adopted rather than created. Then again, perhaps these works are adopted as well. They enter my life, they show up in my mind ... but I have no sense of generating them or putting them there. I faithfully express what appears. Is that not how the creative process works for all of us? Is there not a sense of mystery and magic to it? Once again, I only know what I have experienced firsthand. Whether this is similar to what other experience or not, I have no way or knowing. My sense is that I cannot be that much different that my experience would be substantially different than others. However, from what limited interaction I do have with others, it seems that I live in a very different world and my reality is indeed quite different as a result. We each live in worlds of our own making. We each create our own reality. Such is how it has always been. Though, it seems that we are entering a time where we have far more options and where the time from thought to manifestation is drastically reduced. Can I make my living in the world as an author ... as one who produces words for a living? Effectively, that is what I do now, though the words produced in my work environment are highly constrained. Here, with this expression, I am free. Is there a way to harness this freedom in a way to transform it into a service that people are willing to pay for? The very fact that I am asking the question suggests that the answer is indeed, yes. So, what do I do to make it so? My attempts in the past have been miserable failures ... but, at least they showed me what was not the right way. That, or the way was right but the approach was ahead of its time. The economic engine foundation that I created in 1997 was brilliant. However, what I failed to grasp was why anyone would feel that my writings were worth 10 cents per page. That seemed like such a reasonable amount to pay. Yet, only 3 people chose to purchase products. Part of the problem is that the page is somewhat hidden, so it is not clear that many people even found their way to the page describing this new foundation. When I created the page, I was highly manic and had every confidence that this would be the beginning of transitioning to an income derived from my 112

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Beyond Imagination work. That proved not to be the case. And, within a year, the expression had reduced tremendously in volume. Everything in our lives is there to teach us something. Sometimes it takes many years to determine what that is. My experiences in 1998 were like that. I'm still recovering from them, and integrating them. Though, with all of the expression since the beginning of 2002, there is not much time for doing much of that anymore. So much time is consumed directly here expressing what would be expressed. That is OK. There will be quiet times again. Or, at least, I think there will be. These things seem to run in cycles. But we can't be sure. Sometimes there are one way changes. Something gets turned on that cannot get turned off again. Whether that happened in 2002 or not, only time will tell. We are in our 15th month of greatly enhanced expression. In fact, we express nearly daily. This is unprecedented before 2002, so I have no means of knowing how long it will last. However long, is fine with me. I feel privileged to be part of this. I know that this is what I am meant to do with my life. This is what gives my life meaning and purpose. I anxiously await what spirit has in store for me ... what I have in store for me at the deepest levels of my soul. This is being revealed moment by moment. Life is a grand adventure in consciousness. That is exactly what it is meant to be. Yet, it is also a physical sojourn ... and it is to be enjoyed in the body as well. You can't do that if you neglect the things of the body in favor of the things of the mind and the spirit. We are whole beings ... physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. No aspect is meant to be neglected. That doesn't mean that we can't have our favorites. It just helps to have some balance. It ever amazes me that all of this can come forth through me as it does. I am often surprised by what comes forth. It goes beyond what I know that I know. Yet, it comes forth in the declarative anyway. And, when it comes forth such, it touches a place within me that recognizes that it is true. Yet, I know not how I could know this. It does not come from what I have learned in my 44 years in this existence. Could it come from other existences? If not, where else? It has to come from somewhere. Surely it is not encoded in the genes. That would require a much grander concept of genetics than any have ventured to propose. Yes, I believe we have had other existences and that we will have future existences. There is simply far too much to learn and to experience for one lifetime to be sufficient. However, even if you believe elsewise, especially if you believe elsewise ... then it should be all the more important not to waste a single moment, not to leave anything that you need to do go undone. Only you know what you truly need to do. This is something that comes from the depths of your soul, not something others can tell you or decide for you. That means that you need to establish contact with this part of your self ... and learn to listen to it and act based on what it tells you. This is probably one of the most important things you can learn. This one thing provides an inner compass by which you may set the course of your life.

16 March 2003 One more day. It is amazing how one keeps flowing into the next. And, here I am again, expressing what would come forth once more. This is an essential part of my life. It is what I do. How long this will be so, only time will tell. Though, it seems that it could be for quite some time. I've become accustomed to expressing in this manner. That doesn't mean that the expression won't evolve ... in fact, I'm sure that it will. But, in this moment, I trust that it is what it needs to be. Further, this is true for each moment. And, not just for my expression, but for yours as well. Spirit ever expresses through us all. None of us are exempt from her touch and her handiwork in our lives. Yes, we create our own reality as well. But, as the popular song goes, it is spirit that is the wind beneath our wings. She allows us to soar to heights that would not be possible for us otherwise. But, what about the desperation and the lows? Does spirit induce these as well? It seems that she allows these, but they are primarily of our own making. Here, we choose the reality that we experience. When we make choices of desperation, we experience desperation. To get 113

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 beyond this we need to realize that it is our choices that are creating the reality that we experience ... and that we are free to make more empowering choices at any time. For this, we need no permission. We need only to claim our own power, and take responsibility for our own fate. Easier said than done. Perhaps, but it won't get done until we try ... until we make different choices that better suit us. Life continues to unfold as it will. I know not where it is ultimately headed. Oh, I have some general idea, but the specifics are left to the morrow. They will happen as they are meant to happen. There is a plan for my life that I had a role in creating somehow. I sense that this occurred prior to this incarnation ... I set up the key events and challenges that would occur, just as a playwright generates his script. Only, I did this at an other than conscious level, and then effectively forgot about what I had done. So now, the script unfolds ... and I experience the reality that I was meant to experience. I learn from this, and I am moved to take action ... to do things that impact my world. Lately, I have been moved to do things that impact others more than at any other time in my life. Thus far, I haven't been too successful. However, it seems that is simply a matter of persistence and time. What must be done will be done. What must change will change. The very forces of spirit will ensure it. If it were me doing this alone, the outcome would be far less certain. But, we are doing spirits work now. She will not be denied. Her will will indeed be done. That is certain. Interesting. How do I distinguish when I am doing something from when spirit is doing something through me? That is no longer important for you. You are already in spirits employ, and you are fully aware of it. So, your works are spirits works through you. There is no separation. I an anxious to get on with it, to start working in a manner that fully engages all that I AM. It seems that I can start doing this by making different choices with how I use my free time. I still have many hours per week that are effectively wasted, even though I am putting in my 40+ hour work weeks and 20+ hour spirit weeks. Yes, that is in excess of 60 hours per week. That is a lot by conventional standards. But, there are still many hours not accounted for. 168 hours per week minus 56 hours for sleep is 112 hour per week. Interesting, the 1000 complement of 888. 60 hours is just over half of that. 8 hours for commuting and 12 hours for meals per week drops the total to 32. Getting ready in the morning takes about an hour per day leaving 25. That is approximately how many free hours per week that I have to do everything else in my life. The bulk of these occur on the weekend, the only time that I am home and available to do chores around the house. It is amazing to realize that less than 1/4 of my waking time is free. Though ... it is hard not to count this expression as free. But, my spiritual job is just as much of a demand on my time as my paid job. But, you say, I have a choice with regard to this expression. However, I would argue, do I really? It seems to me that this is something that I must do. It is not clear that I have any say in the matter. In some respects, my very sanity is at stake. This expression keeps me one step removed from the edge, the place where the boundary between sanity and insanity blurs. At times I may even cross the line. But, generally, only for a moment ... and then only where the interpretation of the meaning of numbers is involved. I have to admit, at times some of my machinations are even baffling to me. I have no means of knowing whether they are correct. That doesn't matter. They are what they are. They reveal connections that I was meant to discover. The only thing that matters is utility. So, how do I work smarter with the time that I do have? We all have the same allotment of time. That is one area in which we are equal ... though even there, the number of days of our lives may differ greatly. However, 24 hours per day is what we get, with an average of 16 hours per day of waking time. Some get substantially more because they are able to sleep less. But, I have not found that this works very well for me. In fact, on weekends I sleep closer to 10 hours per day. Part of this is burnout from the week. Part of this is a lack of motivation. There is a sense that something important is missing from my life. My paid work and this expression are not enough. My spirit demands more. The key aspect missing seems to be relationships. But, here I am somewhat at a loss. This is not an area that I am experienced in. It is not an area that comes natural. Being genuinely interested in others as individuals is not an acquired skill. Yet, it seems to be crucial for building relationships. However, there is a sense that I either have a natural 114

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 ability, or can develop the appropriate skills for everything that I need to do. That is simply how life works. Whatever is needed is provided where it is needed when it is needed. What would I do next? I still feel moved to get a book published. I need to see what kind of feedback the universe provides to this first step. From there, many courses of action are available. If the book is successful ... we can begin work on several others. If it is not successful ... we regroup and see what action we are moved to take next. Eventually something will succeed. We just have to be persistent. That is how I approach my paid work. Why should my spiritual work be any different? I am extremely confident in my abilities ... and in the fact that I will find a way to use them to resolve whatever challenges and problems present themselves. Though, lately I am being forced to start working more with others to get things done cooperatively. That is OK. We can do far more working together than the sum of what we can do working separately, that is provided we have the right working environment. That last condition is a big one. We are still in the process of learning what works and doesn't work for collective behavior. This is still a relatively new area of endeavor. We are so used to being independent that it takes extensive training to think and act in cooperatively interdependent ways. Yet, that is exactly what we must do ... not only in the work environment, where it is necessary for enhanced productivity and quality; but also in our daily life, where it makes for a better society. We are responsible not only for ourselves, but for one another. The sooner we realize this and act in a manner consistent with it, the sooner many of the problems that plague our society will start to diminish and vanish. It is curious that I who has so little to say to anyone in person can have so much to say to the world here. Yet the world is an indescript audience. It has no face. There are no specific individuals that constitute it. So, effectively I am saying all of this to me. Hmm ... for your eyes only comes to mind again. Though, it does not seem reasonable that consciousness would go to all of this trouble just for me. Then again, it is really no trouble. It is the natural expression of a stream of consciousness. There is no work involved. The expression simply flows forth to fill whatever time I give to it. The rate of expression is approximately one page per hour. That seems to be partially limited by how fast I can type, but also limited by my needing to read and interpret what is being expressed as it is coming through. Then, there are also breaks from a few seconds to several minutes at times. The expression seems to have a mind of its own. It expresses as it will. I don't seem to be in control of it, except in the loosest of terms. My choice is whether to allow it to flow or not. And since the beginning of 2002, we have chosen in the affirmative quite often. It still amazes me how many musings have come forth. There have been nearly 70 already this year. If my memory is correct, we've missed 7 days to date this year. We're on a similar pace to the record set last year. It will be interesting to see how the expression evolves in the months ahead ... especially with all of the transpersonal energies at play in my chart this year. Yes, it should be quite an interesting year.

17 March 2003 St. Patrick’s Day, not that I'm one to celebrate. That typically involves being around others and that is not something that I do very much. So, instead, we come here to express. Lately, this has become a habit. I would offer, a very good habit ... but a habit nonetheless. We need to be careful about becoming too habitual and set in our ways. Though some amount of regimen is good. It enhances productivity by taking care of things that need to be done in an economical and effective way. We just need to be careful of getting too much of a good thing and stifling our creativity in the process. Life is meant to have an element of spontaneity. This is what keeps us awake and alive. However, this can be overdone as well. Too much of a good thing can have detrimental effects. The watchword is balance. That is what the 56 card of the Tarot is all about ... balance. It just struck me that the 56 card of the minor arcana is the final card, the Ten of Pentacles. 115

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 I'm feeling somewhat antsy. There is a sense that there is something that I could be doing that I am not yet doing. There are things that are within my power, within my control, that could make a difference not only in my life, but in the world in which I live. Yes, I still desire to have world impact ... and major world impact at that. Is that so much to ask? For many, it might be. However, for me, I expect and demand it of myself. I don't impose my standards on others. They are free to accept them or not accept them as they will. But, I must live as I believe. I must be true to what I know. I must express what would be expressed through me, and I must be the best that I can be. To do less and to be less is simply not acceptable. And, it is not that there is anyone out there who will judge me one way or another. I do enough of this myself, perhaps too much for my own good. I came to be a wayshower. As such, I am to demonstrate a way of being that is possible for any who care to adopt it. It may not be the easiest of ways ... but it is one that is very rewarding overall, the greatest reward coming in the form of increased awareness. It is difficult to put a price tag on this. Awareness is so precious and so rare. It is not typically something that we can buy. We can read books, we can take classes, we can meditate, we can practice yoga, we can take walks in nature ... all of these help, but none of them necessarily trigger a change in awareness. And, ultimately that is what life is all about, the level of awareness that we are able to achieve and demonstrate. Yes, the demonstration is important. It is not enough to be something, we must also do something with whom that we are. I posted three more musings earlier today. I wonder how many people are finding and reading these expressions from consciousness? Is the number sufficient to justify all the labor that goes into their production? I know there is at least one reader, namely me. But, are there others who come here on a regular basis to see what spirit has to say through me? Does it matter one way or the other? The bottom line is that what is expressed here must be expressed, and it must be expressed by me. Who it is for in the short term and in the long term will be decided by consciousness. My part is to do as I am moved to do. In particular, I am to bring the expression forth, and to share it in whatever manner I am moved. This includes actively promoting the Beyond Imagination material ... or at least announcing that the material exists. If people are not made aware of the ideas ... how can they be moved by them? It is that simple. I am to have a role to play in raising the consciousness of the people around me. This material is one means that I am using for doing that. However, it is only effective if people find it and experience it. It seems that I am being moved to assist more and more in this. It is not enough to "publish" the material to the WWW. That does not guarantee that those who need to find it will indeed do so. Self publishing is a more formal venue. We'll have to see what happens with that. So far, the signs are encouraging. Everything just seems right about it. Anyway, it is what I am moved to do next. What happens after that depends largely on the outcome of this next step. If I would have to guess, I would guess that several more books await publishing in the future ... some from material that has already been expressed, others from material that is yet to be created. First things first. One step at a time. Publishing a book is the easy part. Generating sales for the book is another thing entirely. Note that 1998(16) = 3 x 888(16) = 24 24 24 = X X X = 30:Four of Wands = Camelot. This is one factor beyond X X = 576. Something from this suggests that the message for 1998 was and then there were three. That is an interesting message. I'll have to think about it to see whether it helps to explain what I experienced and have continued to experience since then. Actor, observer, and creator seem to be the three. But, I haven't had much insight into the later of these. Then again, perhaps I've had more insight than I've known, I just wasn't aware of it. Three constitutes a trinity of being. It is one step beyond duality. Is not this very expression the act of the creator at work in my life? It is clearly beyond the actors abilities ... and the observer sits back and watches rather than actively participates. So there is a part of me that is tied to the creator aspect of myself. Further, this tie is exercised frequently and for extended periods of time. Yes, it took some effort to develop ... but the process unfolded naturally. From the very beginning, I accepted it and even invited it into my life. It seems so effortless and the expression moved me so deeply. Now, the expression consumes a good deal of my free time. I gladly choose for this to be so. This is the most important aspect of my life. The words in this expression have the potential to 116

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 impact the world far longer than I am around. Yes, I believe what flows through me is that important. I only hope that I will be around long enough to see some of the impact. Either way, that doesn't stop the need to convey what spirit moves me to convey. It seems that the country is headed for war with Iraq within 48 hours. President Bush was pretty clear about the times calling for the use of force to stop Saddam. He mentioned the recent difficulties in dealing with the United Nations, but effectively declared that there are already UN directives in place that authorize our actions. I don't know what to make of this. The fact that we've mobilized over a quarter of a million troops to the area is somewhat alarming. You don't put that many people in harm's way unless you intend to use them. Then again, I could be surprised. The line from John Lennon's song keeps playing in my mind ... all we are saying, is give peace a chance. It is not clear that such is an option when you are dealing with terrorists and the likes of Saddam Hussein. On the economic front, I saw something yesterday that showed the stock market falling from a high of close to 1600 in early 2000 to around 780 in the summer of 2002. It said this was the worst fall of the market since the Great Depression in the 1930s. That caught my attention. On a related note, I've read that the decline of the market has drastically impacted retirement accounts for many people with the result that they expect to have to work 4-10 years longer before they retire. I've always had a sense that I would be working so long as I'm breathing. Perhaps that is a good thing. It seems that there are many people who don't know what to do with themselves once they retire. During their life, their work defined who they were. That is not necessarily bad ... it depends on what makes you happy. For some, work is what does that. However, for many, the better part of life is lived outside of work. They have outside interests and hobbies that keep them occupied and fulfilled. That is OK too. There is no way that is better than any other. It is for each of us to find a way that we are comfortable with.

18 March 2003 The creative process continues to be a mystery. I would have it no other way. Though, that is not quite right. There is much that has been expressed already that needs to be "packaged" into topic oriented works. I've been reluctant to take the time to do that ... hoping that perhaps that might be tasks for others to do. However, the more that I think about it, the more that it seems that I may not be correct in this. These may indeed be my tasks to do. When will I find the time? Where will I find the energy? There is always sufficient time and energy to do what needs to be done. It is simply a matter of recognizing this and doing what is ours to do. Destiny ... everything that is happening in my life supports achieving a spiritual destiny that I planned for myself long before I entered into this incarnation. How can I know that? I just do. It feels right to me. I've been watching my life unfold since my sophomore year in high school. That is when I became aware of being aware of being in the process of knowing myself. That is when I started on the path of metaphysics. This path has served me well for nearly 30 years, that is for two-thirds of my life. It is hard to believe that it has been that long. But, there is no denying it. This expression has been going on for one-third of that 30 years. One-third of two-thirds = two-ninths = 22.22 percent. Unless something drastic happens, we are less than 24 hours from being at war with Iraq. That is clearly important to the world. However, it is not important to me personally. I find it difficult to accept that war is our only option for dealing with such problems in this day and age. It seems that there should be other alternatives. The cost of war will easily run into the billions, perhaps even the hundreds of billions especially when we add the cost of reparations for Iraq after the war. That is a lot of money and resources that it seems could be better employed elsewhere. However, if war is destined, then war it will be. There 117

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 does not seem to be much that we can do about it at this point. President Bush is insistent on ridding the world of some of the weapons of terror and mass destruction that Iraq has in its arsenal and freeing the people of Iraq from a totalitarian regime in the process. He speaks quite well. The state of the world mirrors the state of my self somehow. What is there within me that is ready to go to war? What is there within me that is the equivalent of a totalitarian regime terrorizing my reality? Hmm ... this is not clear to me at this time. But, there is a saying, as above, so below. In other words ... as without, so within. How is it that my inner reality is contributing to this specific outer reality? This is such a major event that there must be a connection. Then again, it seems that there is a lot that happens in the outer world that does not really touch my inner world. And, for me, my inner world is effectively my reality. No, this is not true for everyone ... we have our extroverts and our introverts. I don't really know how extroverts experience reality, but from what I have observed, it seems to be very different from what I experience. At least the behavior is difference, so I assume that what drives the behavior is different as well. Will I ever change my ways? Perhaps, perhaps not. It depends on whether there is a driving reason to do so. Clearly, I need to be more outgoing than I have been. That is not difficult since I've effectively operated at an extreme. Though, it is a change in behavior, one that takes some effort to achieve. However, I am motivated. It is time for my reality to change. I need to be engaged with others to carry out the work that I am meant to do. There is only so much that I can do in isolation. It seem that I've come close to maximizing this. It is time to take the next step, whatever that may be. I've reached a point where the Best Passages from 2002 Musings is good enough to be published. No, it is not perfect. Perhaps it will never be. But, it is good enough. My current plan is to get it in the mail on Saturday and see what happens from there. The work is 522 pages and probably consists of around onefourth of the text from the 2002 musings. It still amazes me that so much material came forth last year. The selected passages are the most quotable of the material. The only thing common about the passages is that they came forth in 2002. That makes for an interesting book. The material is in the order that it was generated during the course of the year. The only editing was some minor spelling and grammar correction. I have never been moved to rewrite or perform any major editing on any of the Beyond Imagination expression that has come forth since 1993. It effectively comes forth in final form. It is as if I am reading something that consciousness has already completed. That is an interesting way of looking at things. Will it always be this way? Will I always be able to count on the stream of consciousness to come forth with finished works? Probably not. It seems that I have a mind for a reason ... and that it is time that I engaged it more in this expression. One area where I have done that is the selection of best quotes and best passages. Though, when I do that, I only choose what to include and what not to include ... I don't change the order of the expression. It seems that it might be useful to create topic-oriented works. However, this would be a bit more of a challenge given that the Beyond Imagination material is spread out over so many individual files. There are nearly 500 Musings of a Spiritual Warrior alone and there could be another 200+ before the year is done at the rate we are going. No excuses. If I am meant to do it, it will indeed be done. I'm getting a bit overwhelmed by everything that needs to be done, not so much here, but at work. My way of dealing with that is to shut down and to sleep more. That is almost the opposite of what needs to happen, since it cuts into the time that is available to do what needs to be done. Yet, such is what I experience. I am more tired and sluggish than normal, and find it more difficult to focus and to stay awake. Hmm ... this is the closest that I come to being depressed. Though, I associate a far more negative state of mind with depression. And this, I have never experienced, as far as I know. Since the mania began in 1993, I have experienced it as being a spiritual awakening. None of the doctors that I have seen have had a framework that was sufficient to include this possibility. To them, I suffered from bipolar disorder which had to be medicated to be controlled. There was no real choice. To continue to function normally, my brain chemistry had to be controlled. Eskalith, then Depakote, then Zyprexa, then Topamax. It takes four medications daily to perform this control. According to the doctor, it is likely that 118

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 I will have to take the medications for the rest of my life. This seems to be a harsh sentence. It seems that there should be more natural ways to control ones state of mind. However, until I know what these are, it is not worth the risk of weeding myself off of the medications. Right now, I consider them to be food supplements rather than drugs, that keep my brain functioning in a manner that is within acceptable limits. I would not say this is normal ... because even with the drugs, I don't seem to think and to experience reality as others do. Not that this matters. It has never been important for me to be like others. In fact, just the opposite. I've prided myself on being exceptional, on being unique ... different than others. I would be whom that I AM. That is the only thing that I can be. That is the only thing that I want to be. It helps tremendously if what we want to be agrees with what we can be. What do I have to offer to the world? The immediate answer is whom that I AM. But, what is that? In what practical ways do I impact the world? We impact the world by impacting individuals within the world. One way that we do this is by offering them more empowering thought forms. That is part of what this expression is about. Though, the format of the Musings is less direct than it could be. Hmm ... is it my job to make it more direct? Are there other channels for books available that might be more direct? That is an interesting question. Are there other aspects of source that I could tap ... aspects similar to the source of Reality Creation 1010 for instance? The sense is that yes, indeed there are. It is a matter of seeking and finding them. It will be interesting to see what happens when we try to focus the expression on a given topic. We did that when the Musings first started in 1996, with some success. There is no reason we couldn't do something similar now.

19 March 2003 It seems that we are in the final countdown to the war in Iraq. We're down to around six or seven hours to go as I write this. It is interesting that it should come to this. It is not clear what Saddam has to gain. Clearly the forces allied against him are sufficient to assure the quick defeat of his own forces. So, what is the point? A line from the Borg in Star Trek: The Next Generation comes to mind ... resistance is futile. Indeed, such seems to be true in this case. Yet, what seems true to me does not necessarily seem true to others; in particular to Saddam Hussein. It seems we shall see soon enough. Saddam's date with destiny is close at hand. And, it seems that he may not like what is in store for him. Iraq will survive. She is an old country with an ancient culture. Once freed from the shackles of tyranny ... she will take her rightful place in the world of nations. She is rich in culture, and rich in resources, especially oil. Though, it seems that she has compiled a lot of debt. Who am I to express in this manner? Is what I express worthy of the time that it takes to read it? How much of an audience is there for this kind of expression? Very good questions, however, I don't really have the answers. It is worth my time to generate the material or I wouldn't be here ... I would be doing something else. And, it is worth my time to read what has been expressed for I find myself doing that often. But how do I know that this expression is not for my eyes only? It just seems to be such a waste of effort if this expression is not meant to be shared with others. Everything within me says that this is not being done only for me ... that others might benefit from what is expressed here. In particular, this stream of consciousness provides an example of what consciousness can do and how she can express through us. I am a wayshower. This is one of the things that I came to demonstrate. As to who might benefit from this demonstration, it seems that it would be those ready to awaken spiritually. This expression is a record of a stream of consciousness ... a stream that anyone can follow, a stream that hopefully leads you to increased awareness of whom that you are and what you came to do. Does the stream have a purpose? To date, not that I can tell ... other than to be a vehicle for consciousness to express. What she expresses and when is up to her. I go along for the ride. Yes, I am a necessary component for this particular expression, but I have no sense that it originates with me. That has been 119

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 true for a decade. Though, I am starting to sense that the source may indeed be more a part of me than I have experienced it to be to date. That is coming from a realization that I am more than I knew myself to be before ... extensively more. At some point, I may even realize that it was me doing all of this all along. But, I am not quite there yet. Though, that does indeed seem like a reasonable outcome. What would I do next? How do I become more outgoing? That is not a natural behavior for me. I am so accustomed to doing things on my own, as an individual ... that working with others is quite a foreign concept. That doesn't mean that I can't do it. In fact, it seems that I have no real choice but to start doing it. There is no other way to get my job done. I need access to information to function effectively, and in my new role at work, that must come from interfacing with others. In my prior job, nearly everything could be done on my own ... as an individual contributor. That does not seem to be the case any longer. However, it is taking awhile to transition. It is not an easy process. It is a major shift in mindset. One side effect is that I am not in control of my own destiny as I was in the past. The outcome of things that I am supporting depends not only on my efforts, but on the efforts of others as well. This can be good or bad depending on how you look at it. It is good from the standpoint of multiple resources being applied to achieve something. However, it is challenging from the standpoint of no one really having the responsibility for getting the job done because it is a collective not an individual responsibility. I'm not sure that I like this yet. I don't understand how to make things work in this environment. On my own, fate was pretty much in my hands. I could do what it took to get the job done. But, with cooperative endeavors, no one person has such power. The rules of the game have changed ... and I have not yet learned how to play by the new rules. That is OK, I've only been at this for a relatively short time, roughly six months. As the saying goes ... Rome wasn't built in a day. But I expect a lot from myself, far more than I expect from others. However, now I'm in a situation where I don't even know what it is that I expect ... yet I expect something anyway. My life is like that. It is meant to serve as an example to others, an example of what spirit expressing in flesh can do in the world, an example of the difference that one person can make when they choose to serve humanity by serving spirit. At least that is what I believe that I am doing. Only time will tell. This expression is my legacy. It is one of the gifts that I give to the world. Actually, that spirit gives to the world through me. Were it not for her, none of this would be possible, none of this would exist ... I would never have started to write on that fateful day in March of 1993. I would change the world. How's that for a goal? Yes, it is a bit grandiose to think that I am capable of doing this. Actually, maybe substantially more than a bit. But, grandiose or not, there is a strong sense that this is exactly what I am destined to do. I came to build the foundations for a new world in which spirit is more fully expressed in flesh. I've done this with my foundation of self. The transformations and awakenings over the past decade have definitely increased my capacity to hold and express spirit. This very expression is a testament to that. It has become a natural part of my life, one that occupies close to three hours per day. Yes, that is a lot of time to invest in any endeavor. However, I am compelled. I am drawn to this expression. It is where I get to be whom that I AM in ways that I am not able to express elsewise. Lately, it has become a habit ... something that I do daily. Is that good? Perhaps, perhaps not. Habitual behavior can go either way. In this case, however, it seems to be positive. Though, it does get in the way of getting out and meeting people. However, I don't really want to meet people just to meet people. I'm looking to meet kindred spirits with whom to enter into cooperatively interdependent relationships to do works that we mutually decide need to be done. Where does one go to find people that meet such criteria? These are not your average run of the mill folks that I am looking for. The sense is that if I announce who I am and what I do loudly enough ... the message will reach the right people and they will respond. We'll have to see if it turns out that way. So far, my attempts to do this have fallen on deaf ears, or they seem to have anyway. That is OK. Everything happens in its proper timing. When I am ready to meet others, I fully expect that they will be there waiting for me to extend my hand to greet them. Such is how spirit seems to work in my life. Her timing is always the right timing. Until then, I 120

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 can only do what I am moved to do. One step at a time ... that is how we travel along the path, and the journey is everything. Who am I that I am so special as to have such an important role? I am Wayne. I am a way shower, one who would show the world a new way of being. No, that does not mean that everyone should live as I live. However, there is much to be learned from what I have been able to demonstrate in terms of consciousness, or spirit, expressing in flesh in the world. The very facts that this stream of consciousness expression exists and is shared in the manner that it is offer great hope for the world. They show that we know far more than we ever dreamed that we knew. Literally, our abilities are Beyond Imagination. We are capable of so much. All that is required is to unleash our potential by freeing ourselves from our selfimposed limitations. Easier said than done. We become so used to limitations that often we forget that they are limitations. A quote comes to mind: none are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. That is definitely something to be watchful of. Freedom is one of our most valued possessions. But, it is something that we have to safeguard or we risk losing it. America prides itself as one of the bastions of freedom. But, even here we have our limits. There is much information that is classified in the interests of national security, in the interest of competitive advantage, and in the interest of privacy. These are all justifiable limits to the freedom of information ... but they are limits nonetheless, and they can be abused if we are not careful. It is not clear that we have real economic freedom for individuals. Yes, one is free to apply for whatever jobs for which one has the appropriate qualifications. But, it does not seem that we are doing a good job of getting people in positions that effectively use their skills and talents. For one thing, we don't do a good job of assessing what people are good at and then matching them to positions that require those talents. For some jobs, it seems that if you are breathing and can show up on time, you are qualified. Something is inherently wrong with that. We need to do a better job of matching resources to the tasks that need to be done. This takes some time and effort, both on the part of each employee and on management. However, it should pay dividends in the long run. If we challenge people and make effective use of their talents, it seems like everyone should win in the long run. The individual wins because the job is more fulfilling. The company wins because the individual is more productive. That is what win-win is all about. I'm anxious to get on with it, to get on with doing whatever it is that I am supposed to be doing. There is a sense that there is something important that I could be doing that I am not yet doing. Exactly what this is, I do not yet know. I just sense that there is something missing in my life. Yes, even with everything that I do ... that is still not enough. I'm missing a personal touch. I'm missing personal connections with others. However, I'm looking for a special kind of such connections. I'm really looking for transpersonal connections rather than personal ones. This is exactly what I do with astrology. I focus on the aspects and influences of the transpersonal energies and how these impact the individual, and not just any individual, but me in particular. My whole life has been self-centered. It has been about knowing myself and being whom that I AM. For me, this is my nature. It is just how I am. Though that doesn't mean that I am justified in carrying it to an extreme. Then again ... if that is what I am moved to do, why not? How would I spend my life? If it were my choice, would I spend it in the manner that I am doing? But, it is my choice. And, I am choosing to spend it in exactly the manner that I am doing. If I want to change this, I need to do something and change it. My job is where I spend the bulk of my time. Effectively, I exchange my services (my time and my talents) to do the work of my employer for a weekly paycheck that I use to meet my economic needs. Is there another option? Is there a different way to exchange my services for what I need that more effectively uses my talents and abilities? What am I worth and to whom? I know what I am worth to my present employer. What I don't know is what other options are available. I wouldn't know how to be an entrepreneur and package my services to sell directly to people. My present job is safe and secure. However, is that enough? Is that acceptable? It has been for over 20 years ... but that doesn't mean that it will continue to be. What I love to do is write. This expression is my bliss. This is where I find joy. Is there a way to get paid to do what I love to do? Is this expression 121

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 worthy of being funded? Who would pay for me to do it? One mechanism is via publishing of books. However, are there benefactors out there who would deem the expression worthy of their backing as well? After all, not everyone can express in this manner. Effectively, I'm looking for the circumstances by which to actualize the social contract: from each in accord with their abilities, to each in accord with their needs. I'm willing to give everything that I've got in service to society. This expression is a major part of that. In return, I don't want to have to worry about meeting my needs. I don't ask for a lot. I'm fairly thrifty with money. My present job uses some of my talents and abilities, but does not have the overall level of importance that would be worthy of my time and energy. There is a sense that what I do just doesn't make enough of a difference to be worth the effort expended. Also, the true test is do you love what you do? For my job, the answer is no. If I did not have to do it, I would not go to work each day. On the other hand, I would engage in this expression each day even though there is no compensation for it other than the joy of doing it. It just occurred to me that I am not stuck in my job. I am good at what I do and it is relatively easy for me to do. However, I could look for other jobs within my company that might better use my talents. Though, there is a sense that this would be somewhat futile. It seems that any job would be overly confining after the freedom that I experience in this expression. You might say that I am spoiled. I have tasted what it is like for consciousness to express freely and openly ... and I have loved what I have experienced. My desire is to move in a direction that allows me to do more of this, preferably on a full time basis. We'll have to see whether that is in spirit's plans as well. My sense is that we shall see soon enough. The forces of change are in motion. This year is one of major changes on many fronts. Looking back from December we will be amazed to see just how far we have come how fast. That is only nine months away. How do we make this expression our life's work? In a way, it already is. It is the work that counts anyway. It is the work that is likely to have a lasting value ... perhaps extending past my own existence. Will it also be understood in my own time? I would hope so. Overall, the ideas expressed are not difficult. The nature of the stream of consciousness is different than has been expressed elsewhere ... but many of the themes addressed are similar.

20 March 2003 Once again, we find ourselves here in this place that has become so familiar. I don't know what I would do without this expression being a regular part of my day to day existence. I value it highly. It has become the most important aspect of my reality. It is the most important work that I do, that is if you could call it work. It is unlike any work that I have ever known. There is a sense of joy that comes from this expression. Here, I am free to express in ways that I am not able to express in other areas of my life. There is something about spontaneous spiritual expression. This stream of consciousness meanders where it will. It is not under my control other than to allow it to come forth or not. And, even there, it is not clear how much choice I really have. I come here because it is fun, and because it is fulfilling. But, I also come here because I am compelled to do so, compelled by a force that I am not really at liberty to resist. Part of my destiny is to engage in this expression. I do so willingly. This is a positive experience for me. It is something I look forward to. It is something that wakes me up and enlivens me. It also challenges me ... to be more, and to express more of whom that I AM. Lately, this also extends to sharing more of this with others. Though, it is not yet clear with whom I am meant to share. That is OK, everything will be revealed in its proper timing. Spirit knows what she is doing. And, she is definitely pulling the strings in my life. Whether she is doing this in everyone's life, I can only guess. My sense is yes, but it may not be in such a direct manner. There is still a sense that I need to be doing something that I am not yet doing. There are choices that I could be making as to how I live my life, as to what is acceptable and what is unacceptable to me, that I 122

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 don't seem to be making. Instead, I am simply allowing what would be to be. It seems that it is time to take conscious charge of my destiny. Along with that, I can start doing things that make a difference ... not only to me but to others around me. Yes, that requires doing things to gather others around me. This will be a challenge for me. I'm not used to stepping out into the world. My boldest steps to date are this very expression. Here you see whom that I AM expressed openly and honestly. I try not to hold anything back. This expression allows you to know me in ways that no one in my life knows me, not even my wife. Yet, this is a monologue, a one-way communication. Unless you provide feedback, there is nothing that closes the loop. I see what I express, and I continue to express. Sometimes the topics repeat, but surprisingly much of the material is fresh and new. How this can be so even after a decade of expression boggles my mind. Spirit has a lot to express. I feel fortunate to be one selected to be her voice, or her hands (to type with). What is the relationship between us and spirit? In my framework, there is only one spirit that animates everything and expresses and experiences through everything. The same spirit that animates me also animates you. So, at a basic level, we are one. However, we are also individuals. We are partitions of spirit that have particular focuses and limitations that allow us to experience reality in the way that we do. That is just how life is. Our true nature is spiritual, but our physical nature is clearly limited ... more so for some than for others. Here, we seem to have some choices as well. We can do things that increase our physical flexibility. Though it seems most people tend to do things detrimental to the functioning of their bodies. Similarly, we have mental flexibility. Some are far more adept at this than others. However, no matter where you are, you can improve your condition through the proper attitude and self work. It is a matter of discipline and desire. We get what we focus upon. That is one of the keys to our power. However, we need to be mindful of what we are focusing upon. It is our choice. We can focus upon whatever we will. It helps if we focus on things that extend beyond our own good, to the good of society and even the world. That is particularly important for those who would be world servers. And, it seems that many have come to fill such roles. They are not content with doing things for themselves. They derive their self-worth from what they are able to do for others. That is a good thing. The world is in need of such souls at this time. They are crucial for the establishment of the infrastructures necessary to support the Aquarian Age. Yes, a new day has come. What else can I do? How do I get the word out to those who might be moved by what I have to say? Is that even my responsibility to do? The fact that I ask suggests that perhaps it is. I have been satisfied with posting what has been expressed through me to the WWW at my Beyond Imagination site. But, it seems that this is not enough. This is not ensuring that the people who might benefit from the material are being exposed to it. Finding the material via search engines is very hit and miss. There are few links to the Beyond Imagination site from other sites. And, I don't do any advertising. So, it is not really clear how people find the material. I had assumed that spirit would ensure that those who were meant to find the expression would indeed be drawn to it somehow. I considered it to be out of my hands. But, my sense now is that it is completely within my hands. What I choose to do and choose not to do will determine how aware people become of the works of Beyond Imagination. The destiny of this endeavor is definitely in my hands now. It has been for many years. But, it is clearly so now. There is a sense that I need to do something to become more alive in my work environment. Either that, or I need to evolve the work environment into something that is closer to what I love to do. Though, that may be a bit premature. This may still be a training ground that prepares me for the spiritual work that I will be doing in the future. Until I have learned what I need to learn, I need to remain in the present environment. Things are getting better. There is some promise. However, there is also a lot of uncertainty regarding exactly what I need to be doing. For over six years, I have lived in a very now oriented work environment. I typically don't know what I am going to do on a given day when the day begins. There may be a meeting or two, but most of my day is free for me to set. I react a lot to spontaneous tasking and do things that need to be done as they come up. I don't know that I would say 123

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 that my paid work is truly satisfying. It has its moments, but overall it is definitely not as challenging as it could be. How much of that is the nature of the work and how much of that is my own fault? There is a sense that the job is what I make of it. If it is less than I desire, then it is time to change what I envision it to be. Change ... just how much of that is in store in the times ahead. That is one thing that has been expanding at an exponential rate. It has reached a point where it is simply amazing that we can even keep up with it. Yet, collectively, we find a way. The things that need to get done get done. The things that need to get learned get learned. In the process, we find ways to discover and to express whom that we are. The process is amazing to behold. It is truly amazing watching the plan of spirit unfold. Each of us touch the lives of others. Some of us do this more than others, but all of us do this to some degree. We are all doing exactly what we are meant to be doing. That doesn't mean that we can't be doing more if we desire to do so. However, it will only happen if we desire to do so.

21 March 2003 Spring has arrived. The days are getting noticeably longer. Though, it is still dark by the time I leave work. Spring is a time for planting. Hmm ... it seems appropriate that tomorrow I plant the seeds for formally publishing my first book. And, it will be the summer before the effort comes to fruition. That too seems appropriate somehow. But, time does not stand still. I am not to stand by and wait for what is to happen 3 months from now. That is just a single seed. It seems that there are many seeds that need to be sown ... and then to be tended so that they may be nourished an grow in the coming months. There is much to do. Though, at this time, I am not even aware of most of what needs to be done. I operate very much in the present, doing what is immediately in front of me as quickly as I can so that I can get on to the next thing. In this way, I am able to focus and accomplish a lot. But, there is no overall plan that I follow. There is no overall objective. There is no endpoint. There is never a sense of being done since there is always the next thing to do. Something always comes up. Usually, several things come up concurrently. Is there a problem with this way of operating? Not necessarily. It depends on the circumstances. What makes me think that any of this is worthy of public consumption? I enjoy what is expressed. But, would others find it interesting or beneficial? My sense is yes. The chief reason for this is that it offers a fresh perspective. It demonstrates consciousness in expression in a way that is rare and precious. The mystery behind its expression makes it that much more interesting. Even after a decade, I am still at a loss to explain how this communication is possible. It just happens. There is a source within me that simply brings it forth. I experience what is expressed, observing what comes forth through me and am amazed. How is it that this could come though me? Yet, it comes and comes and comes ... seemingly without end. I consider myself fortunate to be blessed with the abilities that allow this to happen, and to be chosen for such a communication. Yes, I feel that I was selected for this task. This is a spiritual vocation for me. It is my soul’s duty if you will. As such, I have no choice but to honor it. This is a sacred responsibility for me. That is especially important for one who values the spiritual more highly than anything else. Yet, there is a sense that there is more to me than this. I am meant to be more than an isolated being musing away as I do, even if I would share those musings with the world. But, the question is what more am I to be? How do I expand my concept of self to extend to a community? How do I create the very type of community in which I would choose to be an active member? We create community by giving of ourselves for the greater collective good. However, this doesn't work if it becomes a sacrifice of whom that we are. We have to get something from our giving. We have to become empowered as a member of the community in a manner that we were not when we were just an individual. Here the power of synergy comes into play. Communities, as collective entities embody 124

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 synergy when they are functioning well. Actually, all organizations have the potential to do this. But, it is only potential ... until the organization operates in a manner where the power of synergy can be evoked. Yes, this is what I would do with my days and with my nights if it were up to me. But, at present, that does not seem to be my choice to make. The need for an income forces considerations of reality, which calls for the selling of my services for an income. How long I will need to do that remains to be seen. But, at this moment, the sense is that I am where I need to be. One day at a time. Allow things to unfold one day at a time. Trust that each day brings you closer to your destiny. You will be employed doing what you are meant to do soon enough. Perhaps not as soon as you would like, but soon enough. Much can happen within one year. In fact, you will be amazed by how much. Be open to new modes of expression. Be ready to accept new challenges and opportunities that come your way. And, they will indeed come. This is a transitional year for you, and a major one at that. Be open and flexible. Go with the flow, and do as you are moved to do. In the end, you will find you are exactly where you need to be. Is what I express here of sufficient value to support generating an income that allows me to meet my needs? If not, what do I need to do to transform it into something that is sufficient to do this? There is no doubt about it, this expression is what I love to do. It is what I am meant to do. It is what I am designed to do. If it weren't, it wouldn't flow forth so naturally. So, the obvious question is how do I turn it into my life's work? What more do I have to do? In a way, it already is my life's work. That is, it is the work that matters most in my life. But, how do we take it the next step and turn it into a vocation ... into the work from which I derive my sustenance? Is that really what I want? At this point, I believe the answer to be yes. Though, along with that comes an awareness of the need to make the expression more public. Part of my job is to make others aware of the material that is expressed through me. It is up to me to seek out the audience for which this expression is intended. Can I do that? It seems that I can do whatever needs to be done ... especially when it is in the service of spirit. And, this is definitely in the service of spirit. Besides, it is time for some new experiences. I need to get out more. I need to find those whom I am meant to work with to create the foundations for a new world. There is no time to waste. Every moment is precious. Every moment offers the opportunity for us to make progress on our path. A New Day Has Come. That song from Celine Dion says it all. The question is what are we going to do with that new day and all of the myriad possibilities that it offers. The choice is ours. We are free to fashion our reality in any manner that we choose. However, we bear full responsibility for all consequences of our choices as well. This can be scary to some. In fact, so much so that they avoid choosing altogether. But, that is not the answer. We are meant to bear our responsibilities nobly. This can be difficult to do at times. All that we can do is our best. That is always enough. It is amazing how much we are capable of when we apply ourselves fully to the tasks at hand. Along with a new day, we are fortunate to live in a time when a new age has come as well. This is the grandest of new days that there is. The change of an age offers a completely new promise. It marks the end of one way of life and the beginning of a new way. Literally, the rules of the game change. What worked for roughly 2200 years, no longer works ... as it gives way to a whole new mode of expression. Here, we are dealing with the transformation from the Piscean Age to the Aquarian Age. Off the top of my head, I don't know what characteristics apply to those two ages. I just don't tend to remember details like that. Tried to look up some of the characteristics but my computer froze up and I had to reboot. I took that as a sign that such was not what I needed to be doing at the moment. One can find such characteristics in various astrology books and at many astrology sites. It probably would help to know what characteristics define the age ... because when we act in ways that resonate with those characteristics, we will be successful in what we do. We will have the very forces of the universe backing us in our endeavors. However, if we continue to apply Piscean approaches, more and more we will see that these fail to be effective. There are generally sharp differences between adjacent signs of the Zodiac. It is curious that here we are moving from 12:Pisces = The Hanged Man in the Tarot (Interesting that we associate the fish symbol of Pisces with Christ as well.) to 11:Justice = The first Master Number. There is a sense that we are entering a period 125

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 where all of the Master Numbers can find expression either directly, or as harmonics. Here, we are not only talking about 11:Master, 22:Master Builder, and 33:Master Teacher ... but all the higher Master Numbers as well through 99 and beyond to three and even four digit forms. Why do I say this? Because there is a reason that I have been moved to notice all of these numbers over the past several years and they seem to be increasing in their frequency of occurrence. Nothing happens by accident. This is true not just for my life but for yours as well. The fabric of life is intricately woven. The information fabric embedded therein is just as intricately woven. It is full of items of information and connections between the various items. If you've frequented this site, you've been exposed to some of the variety of connections that I make between various pieces in my information infrastructure. Many of these are quite unorthodox. However, that has no bearing on their validity. Utility is the only measure of value in this area. And, even that is somewhat of a soft measure. The war with Iraq is proceeding full speed ahead. There have been a few casualties, but today’s weapons of destruction have such precision that collateral damage can be kept to a minimum. The bottom line is that if you are going to fight a war in this day and age, this indeed seems the way to do it. That begs the question of whether war was the only option. However, the very fact that it is happening suggests that in this case it is. Though, John Lennon's cry "all we are saying is give peace a chance" still plays in my head. This phase of the war is termed Shock and Awe. It is meant to do exactly as it says by demonstrating what firepower we are capable of delivering. From all reports, it seems to be working. The outcome is just a matter of time. The forces of Iraq are no match for the Allied Forces. What benefit did Saddam gain by allowing things to escalate to this point? It seems that he had nothing to gain and everything to lose. Then again, it is not clear that he was given any options other than to lose. That is where diplomacy seems to have failed. But, there are some situations in which diplomacy simply doesn't work. Perhaps this was one of them. Personally, I don't feel moved by the war one way or another. I am indifferent. I am not aware of what Saddam has done to his people over the several decades that he has been in power. Oh, I have caught a news clip here and there, but nothing that I would remember. I find it curious that we can mobilize over a quarter of a million of our people to fight in a different part of the world. I find it interesting that we can effectively commit billions of dollars to such an endeavor. That is the price of freeing the Iraqi people and freeing the world from the threat posed by Saddam Hussein and his regime. In a country of 350 Million or so, 1 Billion is only $3 per person. So, perhaps the end result is well worth the price. Though, that doesn't count the cost of loss of life. Hopefully, this will be kept small. Freedom. A concept that we hold dearly in this country. Actually, given the numbers of people trying to get into this country and the lengths that they go to do so ... it seems a lot of people hold this concept dearly. But, what does it mean to be free? In this country, we can believe what we want, we can say what we want, we can even do what we want provided that we don't harm others as a result. We have equal opportunity. We can be whatever we want to be. We can achieve whatever our abilities and focus allow us to achieve. The free market provides a large variety of goods and services for us to choose from at competitive and fair prices. We are free to travel wherever we wish. We are free to live wherever we choose, provided housing is available at a price that is affordable to us. These are definitely things that are not to be taken for granted. Many in the world do not enjoy such freedoms. We are truly blessed to live in this country. One thing freedom does not guarantee is access to information. We live in an information age. We live in a world where information is power. For information to be powerful, it must be controlled. That means that someone decides who has a need to know what information. This works at the highest levels for government secrets, but it also works on an individual basis with private information. For the later, it is up to the individual to control who gets told what information. Spirit also seems to work on a need to know basis. At least, such has been my experience. When I need to know something, I am moved to ask. And, about the time that I am moved to ask, the answer finds its way into my life somehow. That is just how it works. I just need to be open to it. Actually, sometimes the 126

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 information comes even before I realize that I need to know it. But then something happens such that the newfound knowledge becomes useful. It is interesting that I have no need to control access to any of the information that is expressed here. I make it available freely to the world via the WWW within days if not hours of it being generated. There is nothing that I have to hide. My hope is that this expression would be of benefit to the world, that it would help people to experience different states of consciousness than they are accustomed to ... and to do so without the use of drugs. By walking in my stream of consciousness for awhile, you tune into a spiritual station similar to a radio station. If you do this enough, you may be able to learn to change the channel to one that is your own ... so that you can experience spirit expressing through you directly. Until then, feel free to listen to what spirit has to say through me for as long as it interests you and serves you. My intent is for this expression to be of benefit to those whom it reaches. The greater the benefit, the better. If there are particular things that you find of value, do write and provide feedback. This will allow me to at least give some consideration to providing more focus on those areas.

22 March 2003 We took the first step today and sent the materials off to Infinity Publishing. Yes, I thought that was an appropriate name for a publisher as well. Of the several publishers that I checked, they had the best deal going. We'll see what they deliver. How much can I expect for $400? That is less than the cost of four hours of my time at work. The manuscript was pretty clean. They shouldn't have to do a lot to it. I'm anxious to see what kind of cover they design. Anyway, within a few months, I should have my first book officially published. Overall, my part so far was relatively easy. Converting material from web pages to Word was easier than I thought it would be. There are easily several books that could be produced from what has already been expressed at Beyond Imagination. However, it seems that I should see how well the first book does before I commit the time and resources to doing any others. I don't like waiting however, and it seems that the next step in the process is a two month wait while the publisher does their thing. In the meantime, I can continue to express as I have been doing since the beginning of 2002. Or, I can find new ways to express ... ways that take me our of the shell that has become so familiar to me over the years. It seems that this is what I must do. Yet, I observe that I resist doing so. Where does one go to share expressions such as this? I don't want to meet people just to meet people. I want to find those people with whom I am meant to work to create the foundations for a new world. At this point, I have no clue where to even start. My hope was that by expressing as I do and openly sharing what I express, those who I am meant to work with would somehow be drawn to this expression and would take the initiative to seek me out. My address and my e-mail are provided at the Beyond Imagination site, so it is easy to reach me. Yet, to date, few have chosen to do so. I'm not sure why that is. Perhaps people are overwhelmed by what is expressed. Or, perhaps they simply don't relate to it at all ... seeing me as a lunatic or a madman. Clearly I am not normal. I don't believe that I have ever been that. But, I do believe that what I experience as reality will be far more commonplace in the not too distant future. Is that good? I believe so. To be aware is a very good thing. Now is the time for a spiritual awakening, the likes of which the world has never seen before. No, that doesn't mean that more people will join religions or start going to church. Spirituality and religion are very different things. For me, spirituality is an individual thing, it is something that I go within to connect with. Then again, nearly everything in my life to date has been an individual thing. Though, there are signs that this is starting to change. The walls of separation that I have held onto so dearly are starting to crumble. But, I have no basis for knowing what to expect will come next. All that I know is that it will be different than anything that I have ever experienced ... and my sense is that I will indeed like the changes.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 It is interesting to observe how this stream of consciousness twists and turns on its way to only spirit knows where. I am not privy to the direction or the intended destination in advance, if indeed there is a destination for any of this. It seems to flow where it will. I am never really at a loss for words. They just keep coming forth. I consider it to be worth my time and effort to engage in this activity. It is the most productive use of my energy in my life at this time. Will that always be the case. Not necessarily. However, there is something about writing that has a special place in my heart. It is a strong natural ability for me. Whether I am good at it or not, I guess you'll have to be the judge. We'll see how the works do on the open market. Either they will be successful or they will not. We cannot know one way or the other until we test the waters and try. One way or another, what happen between now and the end of June will largely determine what I choose to do for the final half of the year. A lot can happen in just over three months. And babies are born in 9 months ... so we still have much that can be done this year. Spring is upon us, and spring is the time for planting. The first seed went in the mail today. The question is was the seed planted on fertile ground? If so, we should see the fruits of our labor sometime this Summer. Yes, we need to do our part and tend the garden. But, the bulk of the work is nature doing her part. Each day takes us one step closer to our destiny ... whatever that may be. One step at a time, doing each day what spirit moves us to do, that is how we achieve what we came to do. We will know what this is when we are doing it. It will motivate us as nothing else does. It will stir our soul. It will demand everything that we are and more. It will force us to be the very best that we can be. And, it will satisfy us as nothing else in our life does. By these ways will we know that we are on the path that is right for us. On any other path, we will know that something is missing and this knowledge will get in the way of our happiness. That is one of the secrets to life. We can't truly be happy until we find the path that is right for us. That doesn't mean that we can't realize that the path that we are on is the one that is right for us. Spirit has a way of playing tricks like that on us. We look outside of ourselves for the very things that we already have inside of ourselves. Sometimes we already have what we are looking for. Realize this and be on the lookout for it. What next? It seems that I'm in a waiting period for a couple of months. But, there is another side of me that says no, I need to be doing things to make things happen. What things do I need to be doing? And, what things do I need to make happen? Clearly these things would be other than the activities related to publishing Best Passages from 2002 Musings. Hmm ... Gini had a flyer on an Astrology conference coming up this fall. I wonder if there are similar conferences in metaphysics where I might present some of my work to an audience that is somewhat open minded as far as these kinds of things go. Also, do I have insights into the nature of consciousness that might tie into some of the consciousness research that is being done. No, my methods are not objective or scientific ... but consciousness is a very subjective experience. The fact that I have recorded so much of a stream of my own consciousness should make for interesting study. Could my books be used as textbooks some day for classes on the nature of consciousness. Consciousness is as consciousness does. This expression is what consciousness does ... at least in my life. So, how do I find others who are exploring consciousness and how it expresses in flesh in our lives? The immediate answer that comes to mind is to find others whose works resonate with my own and initiate contact. That means entering an outward phase again of seeking and finding these others. Yet, it seems that such is the next step. Looking at the messages in my inbox, it is obvious no one is seeking me ... at least not yet. Will this change? My sense is yes, but only with some initiative and perseverance on my part. It seems that if I want others to start looking for me, then I need to take the first step and start looking for them. Interesting how that works. Be the change that you want to see in the world. I think Mahatma Gandhi said something to that effect. And, indeed, he was correct. That is how spiritual law works. Hmm ... am I ready to teach? Is it time for the Beyond Imagination: School Without Walls to start operating once again? I am so good at starting things. But, the carry through seems to leave a bit to be 128

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 desired. Though, it seems in many cases my efforts seem to be years ahead of their time. That is OK. I am moved to do them anyway. And, there is something important about doing them when I am moved to do so. They can always be picked up again when the time is right. However, at least the idea is captured, the seed is planted. It seems that the only foundation that has been successful to date is the body of Beyond Imagination works. Though, The Search for Center newsletter did quite well for its nine month life span. It just took too much effort to do on my own, and my pleas for assistance did not result in any volunteers to help. Also, the readership was dismal. There were typically less than 20 hits to the newsletter pages. We live in a free enterprise economy. What goods or services do I have to offer to others that are worth paying me for? How do I turn what I do here into something that can benefit individuals specifically? General metaphysical stuff is all well and good. But how can that be applied to improve the lives of individuals or groups? This is one area where I have difficulty. It is easy for me to identify how something relates to me personally. But, unless others are like me, that does not give me any insight as to how it will relate to others personally. Some people are good at that. They can do readings tailored to individuals. That is not my way. Perhaps that suggests that I need to be somewhere in the organization where I can do the things that I do best ... which includes thinking in general terms and understanding the big picture. I also have a vision of what could be, of how the world could be a better place ... of how spirit could be more fully expressed in flesh. These are grandiose things. These are bigger than any individual. Whose job is it to look after the whole of society? Shouldn't we be employing our best and our brightest to do this? Yes, I consider myself in such august company. But, because of this I feel an obligation to society to use my gifts in her service. This, I will do. I will find a way. It is part of my destiny. To do less would be to fail in the mission that I came into this existence to perform. And that, I cannot do. Failure is not an option.

23 March 2003 I know ... this line of thinking is a bit on the strange side, perhaps even more than a bit. But, what can I say. This is my stream of consciousness. This is what would be expressed through me at this time. Is it the best that I am capable of? That is hard to say. It is what it is. I have no means of assessing its quality until after it is expressed. And, even then, it is not clear that I am meant to perform such an assessment. I will perform some filtering when I select the best passages, but the raw musings are what they are. I feel no need to edit or restrict them in any manner. That is one of the things that make them special. Here we have consciousness expressing freely and openly. But, is what is expressed worthy of consumption? My sense is yes. However, we shall see soon enough. To date, the expression has not reached anywhere near the audience that I thought it might when the Beyond Imagination site was created in 1995. There is a lot of material posted, and it would take a large commitment of time to even read a significant fraction of it. At the moment, I don't really know whether anyone other than me is doing this. Just because I find three hours daily to write does not mean that others can find the 10-15 minutes it might take to read the musing each day. But then, that is where the Best of Musings and Best Quotes pages come into play. They select the best material ... thereby reducing the time required to consume the best of what the Musings have to offer. Yes, it seems appropriate that these should be packaged into books. Not everyone is computer literate. And, some who are don't necessarily like staring at the screen for hours to take in material. Will the Best Passages of 2002 Musings book sell? We'll know soon enough. We're down to a matter of months. Though, it seems that it will take some initiative on my part. I will need to do some things to give the book some visibility. No, they will not be easy for me, I know that going in. But, they are necessary nonetheless ... so, I will indeed find ways to do them. I am committed to succeed in this. This could easily be the first of many books. Much depends on its success. Though, succeed or fail ... there will always be a next step. 129

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 I have read many books in my life. What makes what I have expressed different from what I have read? The nature of the expression and the details of what is expressed make it different. This work shows consciousness in expression in a manner that is different than anything that I have ever seen expressed. That makes it worth it. It provides an example of what consciousness can do. Also, because I have lived such an isolated life ... the evolution of my consciousness and its awakening were relatively free from much of the dogma of society. I have lived in a world of my own making for a good deal of my life. We all do to some degree. But, for most, the consensus world has a big sway as well. How do I extend my world to the greater world around me? Is that even what is meant to be? Why am I not content to live my own life as I would? Why must I live in a manner that impacts the world ... and significantly impacts it at that? The bottom line is that I have come to carry out a mission, one involving building the foundations for a new world. This is not optional for me. This is something that I must do. Failure is not an option. The change of an age requires new foundations. As a 22:Master Builder, I came to help be a part of building these foundations. It seems that this is not something that I can do alone ... though I have been attempting to do so for the past 8 years. Thus far, my attempts have been dismal failures; but that doesn't dissuade me. I will continue to keep trying new things until I get it right. Eventually, something is going to work. I just know it. At this point, it seems that the book is the right next step. Once that is in place, we can determine what to do after that. One step at a time. Each step builds upon the step before. That is how life is lived. How does what I have expressed benefit anyone? Wow, that is a tough question. But, it is definitely one that is worthy of an answer. What does this stream of consciousness expression do that is of value? One, it provides an example of what one consciousness has done. Two, it provides techniques and guidance for becoming more aware and living ones life more consciously. Three, it provides a mental pathway that can be engaged in to alter ones state of consciousness. Four, it provides an example of what spirit manifesting in flesh can do. But, is that enough? The expression is not focused. It wanders where it will from day to day and even from sentence to sentence within a given days musing. Yet there is an order and an organization of its own, one that comes from above ... one that I had no conscious part in manifesting. There is a sense of anxiety now. I am wondering how the world will react to the child that I have borne. But, at this point the wheels are in motion. Any reaction will be what it is, and I'll simply have to deal with it as it comes. Goethe told us to be bold. That is the first step. There is another level of benefit to address as well. Have I expressed ideas that have the potential to benefit society or even the world as a whole? If so, that is a large benefit on a major scale, especially if the ideas are accepted and become manifest. It is in this area that I feel that I have the most to contribute. There is a reason that I am a systems engineer by profession. What better systems to work on than the social systems that provide the very foundations for our world. Here we are talking about the government, economy, educational system, and society itself. In all of these systems we have made great progress in our history, but we face major problems that require new thinking to overcome. It seems that people may be ready for the changes necessary to fix some of the problems. This will not be easy. It requires taking responsibility in area where people have been reluctant to do this before. Further, the biggest change seems to be in realizing and declaring our cooperative interdependence on one another and relaxing our strong focus on independence. We live in an interdependent world, like it or not. There is no way to be independent in an interdependent world. Interdependence requires cooperation for it to work smoothly. Independence has no need for such.

24 March 2003 Another week and March is history. It is amazing how quickly time flies by. It makes it all the more important that we find a way to do something each day of lasting value ... something that at least has the 130

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 potential to make a difference not only in our own life but in the lives of others. I believe that what I do here is of that nature. But, perhaps I am not the best judge of that. Ultimately, you will have to decide if what I have expressed is of value to you. I cannot do that for you. However, who decides if what I have expressed is of value to the world? Not to worry, spirit will ensure that credit is given where credit is due. My job is to do what I am moved to do, and, in particular, to do those things that perhaps only I can do. That applies not only to me, but to each of us. The words are slow in coming today. I'm not sure why. Sometimes it is like that. We go with the flow however it flows. This is stream of consciousness stuff after all, what other choice do we have? It is not like we can make it happen ... it does this of its own accord, though it does need our participation. We speak with words that are not our own, yet at the same time they are not foreign either. They come through us, but they are not of us. This is a key distinction. Though at the same time, it seems that perhaps it is an illusory distinction. Perhaps this separation between source and I is not real at all. Perhaps it is indeed me that is doing all of this. That would say a lot about what we are capable of as spirit expressing in flesh here and now, at this very time and in this very place. I firmly believe that I am a wayshower. In particular, I am demonstrating a way of expressing consciousness in flesh ... a way that I hope would inspire and encourage others to follow. I have every intent of succeeding in this. For me, this is the natural expression of whom that I AM. My hope is to interact with others on a similar level. However, first we have to find one another. Finding starts with seeking. But, where do we look and how do we seek? My common method is simply to be open to what spirit would bring into my life. However, this does not seem to be sufficient any longer. It seems that more and more I am being asked to make things happen. Perhaps it is about time. Perhaps I have been doing it all along and had just not been consciously aware of what I was doing. However, now there is no excuse. I am aware, and I am responsible for everything that I experience. That includes not only everything that I do, but everything that I don't do. Went back to revisit some of my writings in the Beyond Mind work from 1993. It is very clear that my mind was going beyond itself by the time August rolled around. It is interesting to have such a record ... to see how I felt and how I was thinking at a given time in my life. As it turned out, much of what I thought that I was deciding did not manifest. Even now, it is not clear whether that is because they could not manifest, or whether fear got in the way to keep me from doing what was necessary to make them so. At this time, the point is moot. We can only go forward from here. However, I'm starting to feel the same restlessness, the same need for a major change in my life. Though this time the options are not clearly laid out before me as they seemed to be then. Though, even then ... the options only seemed to be real. There is no sense that they were firmly planted on the ground ... not in the least. My mind was definitely doing funny things that summer. September of 1993 was particularly interesting, leading to my stay in the mental hospital from 1-10 October of 1993. And then, there were two months of a medical leave of absence for recovery and several years after that to integrate what I had experienced. In some ways, I am still undergoing the integration process. The experiences were that strange and that powerful. There was nothing in my formal training or informal metaphysical training to prepare me for my experience. That is not quite true. The sense is that without my metaphysical training, I would have gone completely off of the deep end, and probably not been able to return. Seth, in particular, offered some core ideas and beliefs that were beneficial. It also helped that I had a deep trust in my own ability to deal with my reality and to create the reality that I needed to experience to be able to carry out my mission. This fostered a belief that spirit would never give me more than I could handle. That is a very good belief to have. It assures that we will have the resources necessary to deal with anything that confronts us. While I was going through the most interesting of these times, Uranus was exactly conjunct Neptune, and the two were nearly exactly square to my natal Sun. It is no wonder that I was experiencing such a crisis/transformation in my concept of self/personality at the time. This conjunction doesn't occur very often and to have it so tightly aspected to such an important personal planet as the Sun was truly phenomenal. Yet, it was destined to 131

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 happen. The event could have been predicted at any time given the time and location of my birth. In my particular case, I didn't find out until after the fact when I tried to find explanations for what I had already experienced. Prediction is an interesting process. How do we know what patterns to look for? How do we know which events are likely to manifest ... and which events while unlikely will nevertheless manifest anyway? This is definitely an art and not a science. Part of it depends on our reason for doing it. If were trying to get rich by predicting the stock market or the lottery ... we should cease and desist. However, if were looking at the basic energies at play and whether they are conducive to an endeavor or not, that may be within our power to predict. I wonder what the chart said for the start of the War with Iraq? I wasn't moved to check it out this weekend, but it might be interesting to see. I guess we could use the timing for the first strike as the beginning of the war. It would be interesting to see how that aspects Saddam's chart, assuming birth information is available on him. Everything comes down to the issue of what would I do next? How do I relieve some of the boredom? How do I make my days more exciting? How do I start interacting with others in a manner that is meaningful and that brings variety into my days? There is only so much that I can do sitting in front of my computer screen each day ... whether that is at work or here in this expression. Surely, that is not the only way that I am meant to express. Yet, that is what the current environment seems to be offering. How do I get beyond that? How do I take the next step? It is obvious that I need to be doing something different. What I am presently doing isn't working. I am not as effective as I could be, and I am not nearly as happy as I might be. Not that I am sad or depressed or anything like that. I am pleased with my life overall. It is just that happiness eludes me. Life is just pleasantly OK. It is not great. Work is not even that good. It is still tolerable, but it is clearly not what I love doing. And, it does not pass the test of would you do it if you didn't have to do it? There, the answer is clearly no. However, this expression is another matter. This I do because I love doing it. I am not forced to do it out of economic necessity. In fact, it costs me to express in this manner, though not a lot. Then again, if you count the equivalent cost for the time expended, the cost is quite substantial. If I had to put a price on it, I would put it at in excess of $100,000 per year. That is the equivalent of what the time is worth to the Air Force. What makes me think that a stream of consciousness is interesting enough to be worthy of attracting an audience? I only know that the expression fascinates me. It engages my mind and my consciousness in a way that nothing else that I have ever read does. It is curious that I say have ever read ... even though this expression is generated through me. But, I see it as I read it. I experience it a word at a time as it comes forth. It is as if I am reading something that is already completed. And, indeed, at times it seems that such is the case. This expression has taught me more about the nature of consciousness than anything else in my life. Can it do the same for others? My sense is that yes, it can. How do we give it a chance to do so? That is the larger issue. One means is by posting this expression and allowing people who are moved to find it to do so. The next means is by publishing a book. We've initiated the action to put that into motion already. What else can be done? It seems every step that I try takes time to manifest. That requires patience. Yet, at the same time, I am moved to continue taking action. It seems that there is more and more that I can do. I don't need to wait for one thing to end until the next completes. That is one of the characteristics of Aries. I am very good at initiating things ... though sometimes I lose interest and the follow through leaves something to be desired. That is one reason for entering into relationships with others. If I find the right others, we can complement one another, assuring that we have the right skills for doing everything that needs to be done. Who am I that all of this could come forth through me? I have asked that question many times. It is not clear that I have ever come up with a good answer. The bottom line is I am whom that I AM. My natural talents and abilities are such that I am perfectly suited to be doing exactly what I am doing. If they were not, I would not be doing it. There is no denying whom that I AM. I must do as I am moved to do. Spirit 132

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 herself moves me and when she moves us there is no choice but to do her bidding. No, this does not mean that I am a puppet ... or that I am controlled somehow. My free will is still intact. But, I freely choose to do as spirit moves me, knowing that she has my greatest good and the greatest good of all concerned in mind. I trust that by doing her will, I operate in my own best will as well. I firmly believe that we need to subjugate my will to THY WILL to accomplish our spiritual missions. It is by allowing spirit to work through us, to express through us, that we do this.

25 March 2003 One thing is certain, I'm sure generating a lot of these files. This makes 77 musings for the year to date. There were over 300 last year. That is a lot of words to flow forth. That is a lot of time to spend on this expression. Yet, it was definitely worth it. Every minute engaged in this expression is worth it to me. I may not know exactly why at times. But, there is a sense that here is where I confront my destiny. This is where I get to be whom that I AM. This is where I get to express in ways that I cannot in any other aspects of my life. Here is where my consciousness is given the reigns to do as she will in my life. She is the 7:Chariot, and I am the charioteer along for the ride ... only in this case, it seems that the chariot controls where the journey goes. Yes, life is a journey, a magnificent journey. However, we only see it as such if we approach it with the right attitude. This is something that is completely within our power to control. Yet, attitude is everything. It makes a phenomenal difference in what is experienced. Overall, I like where my life is headed. Yes, there are things that I desire to change, but the sense is that they will change in due time. Though, in some cases, concerted effort on my part may be required to effect the changes. There is a lot that I can tolerate. I don't ask for much, though I am relatively well off overall ... especially in the riches of spirit. Then again, that is a self-assessment, one for which I have limited basis for comparison. That doesn't seem to matter. I am the authority in my own life. We all are. In fact, when you get down to it, we need no authority other than ourselves and the spirit within us. These are always sufficient, but only if we listen to their counsel and follow them. This is a year of transformation. The sense is that I will find myself far different leaving this year than I was when I entered it. To some degree that is already the case. Close to three months of expression has assured that. Will this be a year of transformation for the world as well? It seems that the War with Iraq has already assured that. This will clearly have repercussions that carry us through the year. 2003 will ever be marked as the year of the Iraqi War ... just as 9/11 marked 2001 as the year of Terror. How do we reconcile this with the need to express peace, harmony, and understanding in the world? The bottom line is that we don't. They are at opposite ends of the spectrum. They cannot coexist together. We must eliminate one set to experience the other set. That makes it a matter of choice. Will the current war result in a world environment that allows us to make a different choice? Ultimately it must ... because the end result is assured. Though, how long it takes for us to get there is still to be determined. That depends on our choices. That depends on how rapidly we embrace spirituality into our daily lives ... not religion ... spirituality, there is a difference. We are by our very nature spiritual beings expressing in flesh. All that we need to do is come into touch with whom that we are. This is easier said then done however. Most of us have masks that we have hidden behind for ages. In many cases, these masks even get in the way of our seeing ourselves clearly. It is time to remove the masks and see the magnificent essences that we truly are. This is not difficult to do, but it takes some effort and desire. We have to want to do it or it just doesn't happen. We continue to ramble on, allowing the expression to flow wherever it will, trusting that what is expressed ultimately has some value to someone. It has value to at least one ... namely to me. But, is that enough? It is if it needs to be. But, it seems like an incredible waste of energy if this is so. It seems far more credible to believe that this expression has a purpose, that it is meant to be shared ... and that 133

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 through that sharing it will have a positive impact on the world. That is my hope anyway. Whether it will be realized, we shall see as my life unfolds, and as this expression continues to manifest. Yes, these words are made manifest. They become real before my eyes. A voice from beyond imagination speaks into my consciousness and I relay what she says. What is of me versus what is through me? There is no distinguishing this anymore. Not that I ever could. Everything comes through me. I am not aware of generating any of it. Though, even as I said that, there was an awareness of generating the last sentence. But, what is this part of me that does the generating? Where does the creator part of myself reside? I have looked upon this entity as being a magical part of myself, of which I had little or no direct awareness. But, is that true? Or, have I been playing a game of hide and seek ... and simply not found the part of self that I was so desperately seeking? Though, something has changed. It seems that this is no longer the case. It seems that I am more actively involved in the doing of this expression ... and not just as a scribe, but as one who is picking the words to be expressed. That is a different sense than I have had before. But, that is what I am experiencing now. We'll have to see if it changes the nature of the expression. Though, it is not clear that I would know even if I saw it. My memory of what has come before is so limited. There is a reason for this. It frees my mind from being too strongly held by past expression ... allowing me to focus on what new expression would come forth. That has its good points and its bad points. On the bad side, it does not really allow me to build on what has come before. There is no order imposed on which to do such building. However, in exchange for this, we get freedom ... a freedom that allows the greatest expression that I can muster to come forth in the moment. Would it be better if there were more planning involved. Perhaps, perhaps not. Yes, it would be different. But, better is a matter of taste. The expression is what it is. You are free to take it or leave it. Take from it what you will. Allow utility to be your guide. Use whatever works for you, so long as it works for you ... then switch to something better whenever that comes along. However, be willing to try things for awhile to see what results they have in your life. The results are generally not immediate. There is a time lag involved in reality creation. This can be on the order of weeks and even months at times. Be patient however. In the end, things do indeed work out as they are meant to. What we choose to do can help or can hinder the process, but it does not seem that it can change the end result ... not for the big things anyway. It seems that these we decided on before we entered the play. Once we selected our part, or once we were selected for it, we have no choice but to play out our role as scripted. In some cases, there is some room for some creative adlibbing. But, for the most part, the script is set. Not all actors are great actors. We have some free will as to how we play our roles. Further, it is entirely up to us as to how much we enjoy the roles that we play, whatever those may be. It still amazes me that this expression can continue to manifest as it does. Prior to about ten years ago, I had nothing in my experience that showed that I was capable of any of this. And now, I have thousands of pages of material under my belt. That is not something I would have dreamed possible. I would have never have thought that I would have had this much to say. Yet, the words keep coming forth. And, there is no sign that they will stop any time soon. But, is what is expressed worthy of being expressed ... and even more important, is it worthy of being read? The answer that comes to mind is YES. This expression deserves an audience as does any creative expression. Whether it is a large audience or not ultimately depends on what the expression does for the reader. I'm too close to the material to know what that might be. As the originator of the material, I'm clearly biased in its favor. There is nothing wrong with that, that is just the way it is. It is curious that I specified myself as the originator of all of this. Usually I stop short of that. I acknowledge that it comes forth through me, but origination is a different matter. However, what comes forth through me is indeed mine in every sense that matters. Yes, it is also spirits, but it is equally mine as the aspect of spirit through whom it comes. This is a newfound degree of acceptance of what I experience. Yet, it seems right somehow. So, what do I do with this realization? How does that change what I express and how I share that expression? It seems that I am about to fully realize that I am also the creator self. It is about time. I've been doing and observing for over a decade. “For your eyes only ... only for you. 134

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 You see what no one else can see.” Those words still cross my mind. I wonder why? Are these words meant for my eyes only? Or, is it just that I am the only one able to see and express them in this manner? What others experience as a result of what I express is different from what I see and what I experience. I am still deeply moved to share this communication freely and openly. Though, I am also inclined to share this communication in a manner that benefits me economically. Perhaps, a combination of both of these will work. I can continue to post material to Beyond Imagination while at the same time formally publishing books based on material from this expression.

26 March 2003 We take each day as it comes. We apply ourselves where it seems that we can make a difference. Whether we actually make a difference or not is a different matter. The fact that we tried is ultimately what counts. Our efforts are as important if not more important than our successes. Ultimately, if we are persistent and innovative we will find a way to succeed at nearly any pursuit. Note that persistence alone is not enough. We have to be willing to learn from the feedback we receive and alter our approach accordingly. What would the morrow bring? At this point, that does not matter. What matters is here and now, what choices I make in the moment. At this moment I choose to express as spirit would have me express. Or, is this strictly as I would have me express. I am responsible for my reality. I am responsible for my choices and will bear the ramifications of those choices. Yet, there is more than me that expresses here. There is an unseen element, an intelligence that reveals itself to my mind that I may express it here. But, is this intelligence not simply an aspect of me? Does it not reside within my brain? Why must I look to sources outside of the physical for this intelligence? It just seems obvious that spirit, the ultimate source of this expression, is not confined to the walls of this body. I don't believe that the mind is captured within the brain, just as software is not captured within the hardware of a computer. Yes, without the hardware, the software could not run ... but the software exhibits an intelligence and functionality of its own that was not intrinsic to the hardware. I don't believe that consciousness is captured within the brain either. Yes, it is expressed physically through the brain ... but it exists in another domain as well. I believe awareness to be more than patterns of brainwaves, though particular levels of awareness may indeed correspond to certain brainwave patterns. The question of which comes first comes to mind. Does the state of consciousness create the corresponding brain states or the other way around? My sense is that the state of consciousness comes first and creates the necessary organization to allow it to manifest in flesh. If it were the other way around, there would be a whole lot more trial and error making it much more difficult to grow and evolve. Then again, it depends on whether you believe in a destined growth or an opportunistic one. Both models are valid. Both have their applicability. My sense is that spiritual growth is destined. It follows an overall plan for the increased expression of spirit in flesh over time. The time involved spans millennia, but the march of consciousness proceeds ever onward. We cannot stop or even impede its progress. Time itself marks the level of awareness as it unfolds. Time cannot move forward unless consciousness does as well. What would I do next? Obviously, I'm here ... so this expression is still important to me. But, there is a strong sense that it is time to do something more, something different, something that I have not done before. Interesting. I wonder what that could be? How do I make a difference in my world ... a bigger difference than I have ever made before? I'm not asking for much. Or, am I? Do I expect too much of myself? Why am I not content to live my life as others do ... to count my many blessings, and enjoy my life as much as I can? The bottom line is that such is not enough. I am not content with what I have 135

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 done. I know that there is so much more that I am capable of doing, that I came into this existence to accomplish ... and I will not be satisfied until I have done what I must do. It is that simple. I am a man on a mission. I know that. It is an earthly mission, but it is one inspired by spirit herself. My happiness is linked to how close I am to carrying out my mission. Though, there are times even at work where there is a strong sense of joy that comes from accomplishment. I would build the foundations that allow spirit to more fully express in flesh. I know that I can do this because I have been able to establish such foundations in my own life ... in my mind and in my consciousness. I share these with all who venture into this space that I call Beyond Imagination. My hope is that my secrets are somehow revealed in this expression. I don't know how to explain much of this directly. One learns what consciousness can be by walking in the shoes of where other consciousnesses have been. I have always found that the great quotes were some of the best places to start. They quickly take one to an altered state of consciousness, where the power of the quote is manifest. One of the things that I have found most amazing since this expression began in 1993 is how many quotable passages have come forth. You can find them on the many best quotes pages at the Beyond Imagination site. Ideas have the power to move us deeply. And, the right ideas at the right time have the power to change the world as we know it. How do we build a new world? The trick is to do it from the inside out. In fact, that is probably the only way to do it. People would resist outward change far too much. However, most people don't seem to have developed an inner connection yet. So, how do we effect the changes that need to happen. The sense is that we will be moved to change in the ways that we need to change naturally. It will be a matter of going with the flow and doing what we are moved to do. Here, we need to take our guidance from within. It is not for us to do what others tell us we should be doing. We are more than capable of determining this for ourselves. But, we have to believe that we are. It is amazing what we are capable of when we believe in ourselves, and believe in the innate abilities of spirit expressing through us. It is curious that I treat these as if they were two separate things. Perhaps they are, but what if they are not? What if they are one and the same? I'm going through some kind of integration process at the moment. Where it is leading, I don't really know yet. However, I am thinking in a manner different than I have been thinking for the past decade. I am coming to the realization that that part of spirit that I call source from which all of this has originated for so long is actually a part of me. This requires redrawing the boundaries of where I consider my self to be, so that I am far more than I had ever known before. It was bound to happen. There was a mantra from yoga that applies: Me and Source, Source and I, are One. The reality of the situation is that any separation must be illusion, hence is not real. What am I afraid of? I still fear people, especially interacting with strangers. I'm just not comfortable initiating contact. Overall, I'm still shy and fearful of being judged. This clearly is a remnant from my childhood, and definitely no longer serves me. It is time to overcome this. It is time to get beyond it. So long as I continue to do things, there is always the risk that someone will have an opinion about what I do. However, I don't have to let such opinions reflect back upon whom that I am. I can allow them to be what they are, feedback about what I have done. As such, I can use it to help adjust my actions so that I improve the outcome. That is the proper use of feedback. It is essential for the improvement of processes and especially for self-improvement. I find it curious that I live such a private life, yet I freely share all that I share here. You will know more about me from reading the works at Beyond Imagination than all but less than a handful of people know about me. That is how few people I interact with. Also, that is how much I express here. In fact, you may find far more than you care to know about me presented here. But, there is a reason this expression is as it is. It provides an example of the level and depth of sharing that I would like to see between people in the world. For me, the best way to make it real was to express it in written form. Clearly not everyone relates to this. Many people communicate by speaking. Still others use art, architecture, mathematics, sciences, dance, etc ... The specific modality doesn't really matter. Any one or any combination is fine. 136

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 There is something about the written word that is magical for me. The fact that 26 letters, a space, and a few punctuation marks are sufficient to communicate so much is unreal. Yet, so it is. Am I a master of my craft? I don't really know. What I do know is the process is nearly automatic. It simply happens. I observe it taking place, making minor corrections on the fly. But, the bulk of what is expressed comes from a source that is other than conscious. It only becomes conscious in the moment that it is expressed. And then, it is recorded on a web page so that it can be posted and shared with the world. If my craft is writing and practice makes one a master, then I should be getting close by now based on the volume of material that I have generated. Yet, it seems that if this is so, I should be able to make my living from my craft as well.

27 March 2003 So, what happens next? There is a sense that much change is on the immediate horizon. But, it is not yet clear what that change will be, nor whether I will really like it. Yes, that is a concern. More and more, I am drawn to find ways to do more of what I love to do. I can do some of that in my present job environment. But is it enough? To date, it has been enough that I have not been motivated to move. I have developed a level of expertise in the area in which I work that makes me a useful asset. Though, it is not clear how to translate that into my new position at work. I'm still in a learning mode. I don't know enough to actively contribute very much yet. However, that is starting to change. I've only been at the new job a little over six months ... and then only on a part time basis, since I haven't really relinquished anything that I was doing. It is time for that to shift. I need to live up to some expectations of me on the part of management. As far as I can tell, they are realistic expectations. Though, I don't know that I'm completely clear about what is expected of me. In my old job, I knew what I was responsible for ... and I knew what authority I had. In the new job, it is not so clear what my role is in the bigger picture. Perhaps that is the first step, to figure out how I fit into the larger scheme of things. That is not only true of my work life. It is true here, in this expression. How does what I express here fit into the grand scheme of things? How does what I do contribute to the welfare of society ... to the betterment of the world? Yes, that is the scale of difference that I would make. Whether I am successful or not, only time will tell. However, if I don't succeed, at least it will not be for lack of trying. I don't always do the right things. And, I don't always do things that work. But, I try a lot of things. I express a lot of ideas. I test a lot of beliefs. I like to think that I practice what I preach. But, I’m not sure that this is always the case. It seems that there are some things that I know ... that I don't yet demonstrate. Perhaps that will change as I grow and mature. Then again, perhaps there will always be a delta between what we are and the best that we could be. After all, such a delta is what keeps us motivated and striving to better ourselves. Our goal should be to: be all that we can be. That is all that can be expected from anyone. Actually, that is probably more than can be expected from anyone because it assumes that we have no limits imposed on what we can be. And, we all have limits. Most of these are self-imposed, but some of them are accepted from external sources. To the degree that we accept such limits, we constrain our freedom. To be truly free ... we must rise above and beyond such restrictions. This is something that we can do. It is not easy, but it is within our power. It is all a matter of choice, a matter of what we desire to do, a matter of how we desire to live. Hmm ... and how do I desire to live? How would I fill my days and my nights? Where would I choose to live? Where and how would I choose to work? I feel that I am capable of so much more than I have been doing. Yet, it is not clear how to adjust what I do in my present work environment to actualize this. But, there must be a way. The problems the organization faces are definitely big enough for there to be the opportunity to excel. But, opportunity does not necessarily lead to success. Though, it is far better than 137

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 the lack of opportunity. How do I carve out the role that I would prefer to play within this organizational structure. Or, better yet ... is there a way to leave the structure altogether and work directly in the service of consciousness? There should be a way? The very fact that I am moved to ask suggests that there probably is a way. It is simply a matter of being open and finding it ... or allowing it to find me. Somehow, it seems the way should be tied to this expression. After all, this is what I do. I have demonstrated that for over a decade. That is sufficient time to show that I am serious about this. The past 15 months have been especially prolific. They show a level of commitment that goes above and beyond the call of duty. Here we are engaged in a voluntary choice of expression. Yet, it is a choice that has the potential to impact the world. Consciousness is that powerful. When she expresses, whole new realms of reality are born to be experienced by all who are drawn to them. I desire to live in a community ... yet, I sense it is one unlike any that has yet manifest on this Earth. Though, it seems the time has indeed come for that to change. It seems that the world is ready to see communities based on new age principles arise, grow, and prosper. These can then serve as prototypes that allow others to follow in like manner. This only works if we have a free society where lessons learned, both good and bad, can be shared for the benefit of all. Communities are entities in their own right. They have properties of their own, above and beyond the individual properties of their constituents. There is a synergistic effect that takes place. Exactly what this is cannot be predicted. However, we can observe and detect its presence. In a community, people cooperate and work together to achieve a common good and common reality that is better than the sum of individuals could have achieved alone. They do this by choosing to participate in various ways in various types of organizations. No, most of our so called "communities" don't come close to doing this yet. That doesn't deter me. That doesn't mean that the time is not right for this to start happening. Everything in me tells me that it is time. And, my sense is that it starts with me. I am a community on one. I need to take steps to extend this and make myself a part of communities of 2, 3, 4, 5 ... and so on. In some ways, I am already loosely part of such "communities", though it is not clear that such groups of people would consider themselves to be communities. We continue to express ... on and on. We are driven by a need to express, by an urge from within that will not be quenched. Day after day, we bring forth the best of whom that we are from the depths of our soul. And, for what? For the sheer joy of expression for one thing. But also, because we are moved to share of whom that we are ... and this, above all else, defines that. This expression captures something about me that you can know in no other way. You would not know it by talking to me, because I don't talk very much to anyone. You would not know it by observing me, because the content of the expression is not conveyed in my day to day actions. The only place you can discover this element of whom that I am is here on these pages. Here is where I share the most intimate conversation that I have with source, that I have with my self. This is the stream of consciousness that I am moved to capture. This is the record that I make of where my consciousness has been. Lately, I've been adding to that record nearly every day. It hasn't always been thus. What do I attribute this flood of expression to? It seems that it was simply time. The vibrations were right for the expression. And, I was receptive and open to allowing it to flow forth in the manner that it does. It is still a mystery to me. Perhaps it always will be. Perhaps that is just the nature of creative expression. There are a whole host of factors that might be involved. But, the bottom line is that the expression is what it is. I don't question it or challenge why it exists or why it comes forth in a given manner. I am grateful that it comes forth as it does. I consider myself very fortunate and blessed to be the vessel for this expression. If it is all me, that is fine to. I am glad to be whom that I AM. It seems time to challenge myself to find ways to employ all of whom that I am in what I do. To some degree, I do that now, but there is a big separation between my work life and my spiritual life. My desire is that this separation be eliminated ... however, I do not want my spiritual life to be dropped in the process. Somehow, I want my work life to be absorbed within my spiritual life. Yes, that is a tall order. But, I am not any ordinary person. Is there a way to be more of whom that I AM in my present work 138

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 environment in the meantime? I'm not sure how, but it seems that the answer is yes. There is always a way to express whom that you are ... in whatever circumstances that you find yourself. In fact, in the very act of asserting yourself, you set the forces of change in motion to alter the circumstances. What we do makes all the difference in the world. We can't emphasize that strongly enough. We have the power to change the world. However, it doesn't happen by thinking about it. We have to take the next step and take action. We have to do something to enact the changes that we desire to make. However, we need to be careful about our expectations concerning the changing of others. The place to start change is always with ourselves. Be the change that you want to see in the world. Demonstrate that change in your actions so that others can observe and experience the difference that it makes in your life. Your demonstration may inspire others to make similar changes. Where you can, offer your help and encouragement, but don't force your way on anyone. People will change when they are ready to change. We have to give them the freedom to choose if, when, and how. Is what I do here good enough to be worthy of deriving my existence from what I produce? Wow, that is a tough question? I have no basis for being able to answer it. Do I believe in myself enough to believe that the products of my consciousness are worth something on the free market? To that, I would have to answer yes. But, selling the works is a different matter entirely. How do I cash in on what I have created, and what I will be creating in the future? Is that even something that I am meant to do? Does that lessen the importance of the work in any way? How could it? Making the work formally available to a wider audience is a good thing, even if they have to pay for it. Why shouldn't I be able to make the social contract work for me personally? Why shouldn't I be able to exchange the best of what I can do ... this very expression, for the money necessary to meet my needs? Indeed, there is no reason that I shouldn't. So, what is it that stops me? How do I become an entrepreneur and sell my services in the marketplace? Is this even necessary? I have to admit it is somewhat scary. I have no idea of who to approach with my services. I don't even know that I have a clear definition of what these services are. Yet, spirit knows me even better than I know myself. She knows exactly where my services are needed, and I have to believe that she is guiding me to exactly where I need to be to apply myself effectively. At present, that must be in my current job. Otherwise, I would have been moved to move on by now. No, it seems that there is still something more for me to learn. Though, it is not clear how much longer that may last. Unfortunately, I haven't been very accurate in predicting the timing of things. So, who knows?

28 March 2003 March is rapidly winding down to a close. The 28:Man with the World in His Hand day. That is one of the most powerful numbers in the deck. It represents God to me. So what would consciousness bring forth this fine day? I was reading something earlier that dealt with the idea that one of the chief powers that we had was the control over our own thoughts. Yet, this stream of consciousness runs completely counter to that idea. I do not control what is expressed. I may have some control over when it is expressed ... but even there, it seems that I am moved by a force that I cannot resist. That does not mean that I don't have free will. I have chosen to participate in this expression on many levels, most of which seem to be other than conscious. But, at least for the past decade, it has been conscious as well. I come to the blank screen, look within, and open my mind to what consciousness would express through me. I've done it so much that it is a natural form of expression for me. It doesn't matter whether others express in a like manner. I am a unique expression of consciousness. We all are. We must be who we are. Actually, that is all that we can be anyway. It helps if we find a way to enjoy the process. I'm one to talk. There could be far more joy in my life than there is at present. Part of this is not being satisfied with what I have been able to do yet. It seems that we should be much further along in carrying out our mission by now. But, it is not my timing but spirits timing that matters. Everything is unfolding exactly as it is meant to unfold. Spirit is ensuring that. Yet, within the overall constraints of the play, individuals have free will 139

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 that allows them to tailor the reality in their local vicinity. We create our own reality. We draw it unto ourselves via our beliefs ... and primarily our conscious beliefs at that. If we don't like our experience, we have no one to blame but ourselves. To change the experience, we need only to adopt more empowering beliefs. Yes, it is that simple. But, it seems that few believe in it enough to do it. Thinking, especially positive thinking can be hard work in a world that overemphasizes the negative. What is it that makes this particular stream of consciousness worthy of being recorded and shared in this manner? In many ways, it does not really matter. The bottom line is that I am moved to capture it and share it. That is enough for me, especially since I feel that it is spirit that moves me in this case. We express because that is what consciousness does. She expresses where she can when she can through whatever resources she is given. In my case, I volunteered to serve her. At the time, I didn't really know what I was getting myself into ... but I was move to volunteer nonetheless. I have no regrets. I would gladly do it again. This expression has provided me with the opportunity to learn so much about myself and about the nature of consciousness. I would not trade that experience for anything. Clearly, one benefit is that I have become a more aware person in the process. Though, it is not clear how one teaches awareness to another. There are things we can do to point the way, but ultimately it seems to be a leap that the mind needs to make beyond itself. Awareness is beyond mind. Then, what is beyond imagination? There is some reason I have been moved to call this expression Beyond Imagination. Surely I can't be making all of it up. These are nonfiction writings. Though, I can see how many might mistake them to be fiction. It still amazes me that we have been doing this for over a decade. That seems like forever. It is so long that it is difficult to remember what life was like before Beyond Imagination. Actually, the past 15 months seem quite long, especially given the intensity and regularity of expression. That is nearly 450 days ... with musings or work related to musings occurring on most of those days. This expression has clearly become a habit. It is one of few hobbies that I have. Though, I am not sure hobby is sufficient to address the seriousness of this work. Spiritual expression is important to me. This is not religious expression. I belong to no organized religion and don't subscribe to any particular faith. My path is an individual one, one that spirit herself has guided me on. It has no rites or rituals, nor does it have any sacred scripts. It doesn't need any of these. It reveals itself through the beauty of nature, through the revelation of truth within my mind, and through the recognition of spiritual truth in the creative expression of artists of all types. Not everything has a spiritual message, but it is surprising how many things do if you go looking for it. There is still a sense that I am missing something ... that there is something important that I could be doing that I am not doing. That sense is there for a reason. It should motivate me to go searching for what is missing from my life. Clearly, there are some things that are eluding me. I know this because I am not yet satisfied with my position in life. I am not yet satisfied with what I have become ... primarily because I know that there is so much more that I am capable of, there is so much potential that is not being actualized. And, I cannot stand for potential to be wasted ... especially when it is my own. Yet, what can I do about it? How do I change my circumstances so that more of my potential can be actualized? Is this possible within my present job environment? Good questions. The very fact that I ask them suggests that the answers are forthcoming. The sense is that one way or another, we shall see soon enough. I can continue to allow my reality to unfold day by day. In the end, I will be exactly where I need to be. It works that way for all of us, if we allow spirit to work her way in our life. There is no use fighting it. It is far better to go with the flow. Spirit would not lead us astray. She always has our best interests at heart. How can I be so certain that spirit is such a positive influence in our lives? I can only go by my own experience. I have found her to be a wise council, a compassionate and devoted friend, a teacher, and a motivator. She has pushed me to new heights of expression that I would never have dreamed possible for 140

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 me. And, she has connected directly to me through my intuition to express things above and beyond things that I knew that I knew. Perhaps there is a place deep within my subconscious which knows much of this. However, that seems to be a big stretch. It seems cleaner to believe that I am tapping a source that knows more than I know. Ultimately, it matters not. Either way ... what was other than conscious is made conscious. And, in the end, that is all that matters. Expressing spirit in flesh is the name of the game. We do that by making thoughts conscious, and more than that, by doing what it takes to actualize the thoughts in the world. More than anything else, we are reality creators. We create all that we experience. Further, while much of the mechanics happen at other than conscious levels, the control mechanism is primarily conscious. It is something that we can access and learn to operate. But, it takes some work, just like driving does. It is not necessarily hard, but it is a skill that one must learn and master to operate safely in the world. The control mechanism is primarily our beliefs. These more than anything else determine the reality that we will draw into our lives. We are free to believe whatsoever we will. We are not enslaved by the beliefs that we engrained upon us in childhood. Much of these have outgrown their utility. Beliefs should be questioned. And, they should be put to the test of utility. That is the only measure of worth for beliefs. Do they serve us, others, and society? If not, it is time to relinquish them and adopt new ones. Sometimes this can be difficult. It can be like giving up a favorite pair of jeans or pair of shoes. But, to progress in life we have to be willing to let go sometimes so that something greater can come into our lives. Unfortunately, we usually have to let go before we can embrace whatever comes next. How does what I express compare with that of others? Is there need for comparison? Is it not enough that the expression is what it is ... a stream of consciousness? Because of that, my sense is that I have limited to no control over it. It just flows forth as it will. But, this is not just a series of random thoughts. There is an order in what is expressed. Perhaps it isn't apparent from day to day or even from paragraph to paragraph ... but there is an intelligence that is arranging all that is expressed here, and I do not consciously know that intelligence to be me. I participate, yes. But, I have no sense of originating all of this. Yes, I see it come forth through my consciousness. However, that is the key, through my consciousness. I don't sense that it is generated by my consciousness. It seems that if it were, I would know somehow. My experience of the expression would be more immediate and more personal. But, it isn't. I'm an active observer of what is expressed just as you are. It takes me by surprise that consciousness can express in this manner at all, much less that she can do so through me. Yet, here I am engaged in this expression which constitutes the equivalent of a half time job of late. Not to worry ... I do this willingly. This is by far the most important activity of my life right now. Will it always be so? We'll just have to see about that. Always is one of those words that is almost never true. Yet, the expression of spirit in flesh is the key activity that I came to facilitate. We do that by building better infrastructures, better foundations within society. However, this seems to be something that I cannot do alone. And, it seems that it is time to start doing the building. I've counted on spirit to move me to where I need to be in my life. It seems now I have reached a point where spirit may need my assistance to move me to where I need to be next. I am spirit enfleshed after all. Why should spirit not work directly through me on those things that I need to do? Indeed.

30 March 2003 Missed another day of expression. Worked hard on the pool most of the day, so I just wasn't in the mood to express. Instead, I chose to watch two movies to finish out the evening: My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and Life as a House. Both were outstanding but in very different ways. I had heard good reviews about both movies ... but they far surpassed my expectations. It is always great when movies do that. It is surprising how many movies do that. Then again, given the resources that go into making a movie these days ... it better be moving. After all is that not what mov-ies do? They move us, sometimes

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 intellectually, but primarily emotionally. It is amazing that tens of millions of dollars can go into making a movie. At the high end, it is over one hundred million. That takes a lot of viewers to break even. I heard some very dismal statistics on how few people read in this country, on how many fewer still read well. Yet that does not deter me. My medium is words. The natural outlets for expressions in words are books. It doesn't matter how few people read these days. It doesn't matter how few are likely to pick up a metaphysical book. Those who are meant to find me an my work will find a way to do so. They will be attracted by a spiritual force, by the very force of destiny unfolding in their lives. I don't believe that all of this is coming forth for me alone. That is why I am so moved to share it. Yet, at the same time, much of this is personal ... relating to me as an individual being. How do I reconcile this with the need to share? How is it that I can desire to share all of this with the world ... yet, find so little to share with others in my life on a day to day basis? The difference is in the level of sharing. Here I would share of the best of whom that I AM. I haven't yet figured out how to do that on a personal level. All in good time. What we desire, we find a way to make happen in our lives. Who would find what I have to say interesting enough to be worth their time to read it? That is a big question. It is not clear that I have an answer for it. All that I can do is express the very best that I can. In doing so, I trust that the content of what is created is such that it is worthy of being read by some audience. Who that audience might be, only spirit knows at this point. Further, it is not clear that I will ever know. Though, I will have to do some things outside of my comfort zone to make people aware that I have a book in print in another two months. At this point, I don't even know what things. But, I know it involves reaching out and touching people in ways that I have not done to date. That is OK. It is time for me to reach out and stretch beyond my limits. That is what growing is all about. We find our limits, then we take whatever steps are necessary to stretch beyond them. We can do this at any time. It is a matter of looking, finding, and overcoming. This is a natural process. Spirit has designed us for growth in this manner. We are ever evolving into greater concepts of ourselves. As our concepts change, our experiences change ... and hence our reality changes. We can chose whatever concepts of ourselves empower us to do what we must do. I believe that we each have a spiritual destiny to manifest. Herein lies our opportunity for greatness. We have each come to carry out a role in a spiritual master plan for the unfoldment of consciousness. At some point in our life we will realize what that role is, and we will have the opportunity of choosing to accept it or turn it down. Of course, I would advocate accepting it at all costs. But, then, I am a little touched ... touched by spirit anyway, so perhaps I am too biased to offer advice in this matter. However, whenever there is a choice of spiritual vs. anything else, I have found it is far better overall to choose the spiritual. It isn't necessarily the easiest choice, but it is the most beneficial to all concerned. And that, is ultimately the truest test of value. It is amazing to me that we can continue to have original material to express after over a decade and over three million words of expression. Yet, the expression continues. It still takes us on a journey that is unknown until it comes forth. The workings of consciousness are truly a mystery. Perhaps we shall never fathom her depths. Perhaps we will always have to be content with what she can do in our lives. Not that there is anything wrong with that. We are not meant to understand everything, try though we might. Sometimes, the best that we can do is be aware of the existence of something, and learn enough to control and harness it so that we can use it to manifest things in our lives. Much of the spiritual is of that nature. And, consciousness is primarily spiritual in nature. What makes me say that? How can I know that? It just seems so obvious to me. The body is physical, the brain/mind is mental, the hormones/glands are emotional ... consciousness itself is spiritual. Yet, these higher level functions are ultimately of the body and hence physical as well. That is why we are in the process of building the foundations for spirit to more fully express in flesh. Sound body, sound emotions, sound mind ... form a basis for sound consciousness. But, is that absolutely necessary? My body and emotions leave much to be desired, but my mind is solid and sharp, and my consciousness is far more highly developed than most. This suggests 142

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 that perhaps a sound triad for a basis is nice but not a necessity. Though, it wouldn't hurt me to start paying more attention to these aspects of my being. However, there is only so much time. And, what we devote to one area of life, we take from another area. That is, unless synergy is involved to bring a multiplying factor into the equation. When all areas of our life are balanced, we are more effective in all that we do. This more than makes up for the effort required to get us there. However, we must take the first step and make the choice and the investment. For me, that means eating better and regular exercise. That's the physical step. For the emotions ... it is not clear what is required to get in touch with my emotions and to express them. Here, I've been shut down for so long that I don't really know how to proceed. That is OK. I'm sure the desire to do something will start opening some doors ... and perhaps even some floodgates. Then again, I've lived in the manner that I have for a long time. In just over a week I turn 45. What makes me believe that I need to make changes in this area now? There is just a sense that these areas may be the cause of that something missing in my life. So, if I am to reach completion, at the very least, I'm going to have to investigate them. As the saying goes, nothing ventured nothing gained. We must be willing to risk if we want to achieve rewards. The bigger the risks, the bigger the potential for rewards. But, there is a conservative side that says we should avoid risks where we can as they tend to lead to nothing but trouble. In fact, in project management we do what we can to control risks through identification, monitoring, and mitigation where necessary. Where will I be one year from now? The hope is that it will be in a very different place than I am today. But, what is the likelihood of that happening that quickly? From one perspective, one year is an eternity ... it is such a long time that literally anything can happen. But, from another perspective, one year is a brief moment and unless I make the most of every aspect of that moment, the necessary changes won't happen to take me where I need to be. Yes, need to be. I am on a path of destiny now. I may not know exactly what that path is but I know that I am on it nonetheless. How do I know? I just feel it. It is something that one just knows. One year. Can it really make that much difference? Indeed it can! It can make all the difference in the world. Just look at what 1993 did for me. Within one year, I went from being asleep to being awake in consciousness. That was a huge change, one with repercussions to this day over ten years later. Can 2003 bring a similar change? Considering we are in the midst of it, it seems that we will see one way or another soon enough. If the expression since the beginning of 2002 is any indication ... clearly there has been a major change. We'll have to see whether what has been expressed finds a suitable audience. That is still a major unknown.

31 March 2003 The end of March has arrived. It took awhile to get here. That makes one quarter of the year already. From that standpoint, it is a bit hard to believe. And how did we do for the quarter? If my reckoning is right, we are 82 for 90 as far as musings go. With the exception of one streak of 5 days due to a business trip, we only missed one musing per month. That is not bad at all. If we keep up the pace, we'll have over 320 musings for the year. Though, that may be a bit much to expect. Then again ... who knows what I will be moved to do for the remainder of the year. Right now, this expression is still of great importance to me. So long as that remains true, I will find a way to make the time necessary to express. It is amazing how much time we have when we start to treat it as the precious commodity that it is, and when we do what we can to make each moment count. This expression is an important element of how I do that. Nearly every day I take the time to come here to express for between 2 and 3 hours per day, and occasionally longer. I do it because I am called to do it. But, I also do it because I love to do it. In this 143

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 expression I get to share of whom that I am in ways that I cannot do anywhere else in my life ... even if I only do the sharing with myself, the benefit is still there. But, the WWW offers the potential for the material to be shared with a much wider audience. What does it take to turn that potential into an actuality? It seems that much of the material would make for an interesting case study in the area of consciousness and its expression. How do we account for the fact that all of this has been expressed in the manner that it has? I've been facing these questions for nearly a decade. How is it that consciousness can express in this manner though me ... when she does not appear to express through others in similar ways? That hasn't really bothered me before. It was OK to be unique and different. This was a badge of distinction that I wore proudly. In fact, I continue to do so to this very day. I take pride in being eccentric, but not in a bad way ... just different. What matters to me is spirit and its expression in flesh. It has to be in flesh, or the expression doesn't really count. We can imagine a myriad of things, but we need to take them beyond imagination to make them real in our lives. The words expressed here are my first step in doing this ... making the things of my imagination real. The next step is to live the words. I must live as I believe. My life and my actions must be congruent with what I say that I believe. I'm getting close, but it seems there may still be some work to do in this area. About the time that I recognize that something needs to be done, the universe seems to ensure that the right circumstances happen to allow it to manifest. Of late, anyway, that seems to be the way things happen. Perhaps that is because that is how I am making them happen. After all, this is my reality ... and I am creating it. Perhaps not consciously, but definitely at some level. But then, how do I know it is me doing the creating? For one thing, I take responsibility for all that I create ... both consciously and other than consciously. I accept all that I experience as the result of choices that I either have made or chose not to make. Yes, the later are just as important as the former. Actually, the most important of these choices are the beliefs that we have adopted. These define the character of our life and the nature of the experiences that we draw into that life. These are the place to start when we want to change our lives. Every change starts with the adoption of a more powerful thought form. Ideas are indeed powerful. As the saying goes ... there is nothing that can stop an idea whose time has come. That definitely speaks to the power of thought when used properly. However, that same power can be harnessed for activities that go against the common good. That very fact brings in the whole struggle of light versus dark. Though, in the end, the game is rigged. Light is destined to win out, primarily because she has truth on her side. The motto at Caltech, the second college I attended, after a semester at a local Junior College while in High School, was: the truth shall set you free. My whole life has been one of seeking the truth on multiple fronts, especially metaphysical ones. How successful have I been in this pursuit? You'll have to judge that for yourself. Let us say that I have found some things that others don't seem to have found. Then again, operating so much in isolation as I do, how would I know one way or another? That is one of the difficulties of being a hermit. There is very little to guide one along the way. Books were my companions and my guides for over two decades. And then, an inner connection to source took over ... with an occasional book here and there to assist, most notable being the Conversations with God books by Neale Donald Walsch. I literally ate those up. But there have been relatively few others in the past decade. During this time, I have been primarily concerned with my own expression. This has been an intense training period for me ... especially the past 15 months. It will be interesting to see how long it continues. It is too bad such intensive training isn't recognized officially. It seems that at the very least it should be worthy of a degree or two. But, then what does it matter. I don't need a degree to express what I would express. Besides, I already have a Masters. As far as I'm concerned, that is enough higher education for me. I can't see specializing enough for 3-5 years to earn a Doctorate in anything. That is just not how I function. That doesn't mean that it is wrong in any manner. We need our academicians. We need our scholars. They have their rightful place within society. I just don't count myself among their numbers. I expect to be learning all of my life, just as I expect to be working. However, I will do both my way. That is just how I am. I would be an individual first and foremost. And, I would be a unique one at that. However, that doesn't mean that my life needs to be as alone as it has been for so much of my life. That is one alternative ... but it is not mandatory, it is not the 144

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 only way. Further, at this point in my life, it is no longer the preferred way. However, that means breaking out of some of my established ways. I can be pretty rigid and set in the way that I do things at times. Here, flexibility is clearly called for. What would I do next? While I await the fate of Best Passages from 2002 Musings I need to go on with life and continue doing what I am moved to do. One thing is this very expression. After today, I can start selecting the Best Passages from the first quarter of 2003 Musings. As I recall, that takes significant effort. It is different than the realtime expression. But, it is important in its own right. The selection process acts as a filter to bring forth the very best that has been expressed. As such, it provides a useful service, one that I feel is more than worthy of my time and effort. It seems strange that all of this expression is built primarily on my discussion with myself. How much more could I accomplish if I were engaged in true interactions with others ... deep and meaningful interactions? Then again, how much of what I am able to accomplish is because of the focus that I am able to apply? I was going to say singleminded focus, but it is not clear that single-minded is an appropriate adjective for me. Consciousness seems to have her own direction in mind for my life. I have no choice but to follow her lead. Actually, perhaps I have a choice, but I choose to follow where consciousness leads me. And, in making this choice, I take full responsibility for my actions. Yes, consciousness led the way, but I am still responsible. After all, what is this part of consciousness that I follow? It is a part of me as well. Much of the time it is an other than conscious part of me. But, as time goes by, other than conscious parts of me tend to become conscious parts of me. That is what the process of self discovery is all about. The self is very much like an onion with layer after layer to be unpeeled. At times, it seems that there are so many layers that we may never get even close to the core. But, then, in our quiet times ... when we look within, we find that still place from whence we spring. It is in those times that we know whom that we are. It is in those times that we are in touch with our inner self ... the seat of our soul. What allows this expression to keep coming forth day after day, week after week, and month after month? It is the sheer force of spirit within me that does all of this. That is not to say that I don't have my part to play. And, this force of spirit within me is a part of me too. So, ultimately ... it is the willpower of me that does all of this. Yet, we generally think of willpower as being more consciously directed. In this case, it is far more subtle ... though its force is seen in its results, in its works ... in the words of this expression. It amazes me that I create all this, or that all of this is created through me. Yet, here it is before my eyes such that there is no denying it. Had it been merely thoughts that passed across the screen of my mind, that would have been one thing. My limited remembrance would have effectively meant that much of what was expressed was lost. But, here, I have been moved to capture the expression in writing so that it is a permanent record of a stream of consciousness. Since the beginning of the expression in 1993, it has seemed that this was the proper medium. It seems that this has been done for a reason ... something more than augmenting my poor memory. Though, to date, the expression that is Beyond Imagination has been seen by a limited audience. That is something that we would like to see corrected. But, it is not clear how to find those who are meant to be served by what we have to offer. That is OK. It seems that the material will naturally attract those who are meant to find it eventually. However, I desire to assist the process and speed up the timetable a bit. Ultimately, the sense is that what I do is to impact the world. Right now, what I do is express. It is not clear that this is enough. Expressing without an audience is somewhat futile. That is, unless what we are expressing is ahead of its time ... in which case we will have to wait for the appropriate time for what is expressed to manifest. Service. What services do we provide to whom? That is a hard question to answer ... especially when there is so little feedback to what we have expressed to date. Perhaps the material is too general to be of specific personal utility. Though, it doesn't seem so to me. It seems full of practical information, especially regarding belief systems and specific beliefs that may be of utility. Further, there are many passages that stir the soul. At least, they do so for me. I would hope that they do so for you as well. 145

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APRIL 1 April 2003 April Fools Day. 4/1 in a 23 year. That is Wayne | wayne. I hadn't noticed that before. And 0:The Fool is also 22:The Fool Complete or the Master Builder. All of these I can relate to personally. 2341 is 925(16). I learned that when I made some metaphysical business cards over seven years ago ... in the fall of 1995 if memory serves me. I still have most of the box of them. “Who knows what miracles you can achieve ... when you believe.” I caught that line from a song playing on the radio in the background. It conveys a great truth. Yet, how many take it on face value and believe it literally? Probably not very many. Most just take it as another nice upbeat song. But, it is really more than that, far more. It is an expression of spirit plain and simple. I notice such things far more lately than I ever have before in my life. Part of that is because I've changed, and I'm constantly filtering my reality to look for such things to confirm my belief that there is a spiritual world richly enmeshed in our physical one. However, part of it seems to be that the amount of spiritual expression in the world is growing greatly as well. Not religious expression, spiritual expression. There is a difference. Spirit doesn't need all of the ritual or the control over people’s lives. She is perfectly happy to serve as a guide and to offer whatever services we feel that we are in need of. She leaves it up to us to ask for what we need when we need it. Though, not all of this happens consciously. We have a host of other than conscious forces within us that are actively engaged to do our bidding. We task them primarily via our belief system. This is different than our desires. Our desires are more temporal, changing from moment to moment. Whether these are met or not is dependent on a number of factors, many of which involve tradeoffs that we are willing to make regarding what is important to us. Beliefs are more permanent, and result in more permanent manifestations. That doesn't mean we can't change our beliefs, and even change them often if necessary. We just need to be careful and let utility be our guide in evaluating whether the new beliefs serve us better than the old ones. What would I do next? Who would I be next? What is the grandest vision of myself of which I can now conceive? What does it take to get from where I am to that vision? What hurdles must be overcome? What behaviors must be eliminated and what new habits instilled? What we do habitually ultimately determines our destiny. We take one step at a time in that direction, but it is in that direction. Unless we change, we will end up exactly where we are headed. And, for most, this is exactly where we have been for ages. That is not the way that life is meant to be. Life is meant to unfold into ever greater and greater expression. It does so naturally if we allow it to. However, we have a tendency to get in our own way and set up roadblocks and impediments. It doesn't have to be that way, but all too often it is. To correct this, we need to adopt a different attitude about ourselves, about life, about spirit, and about how reality unfolds in our lives. The fabric of reality is rich with meaning. It is up to us to decide which sections and patterns to focus upon ... and then to determine what meaning to apply to what we find. Some of us seem to be more intricately involved in this information web than others. Note, I did not say communications web ... that is something entirely different. Many are tied to an electronic tether of pagers or cell phones that keep them connected at all times, or potentially connected anyway. I don't own or carry either of these devices. In fact, I rarely use the phone at work, much less at home. My preferred mode of communication is e-mail. There is something about writing down what I want to say that makes it more real for me. And, then there is the benefit of having a record of the communication. With voice, it seems that the message often goes in one ear and out the other. Yes, some people have minds that are able to remember such conversations far better than I do. But, they too must have their limits. 147

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 It seems that there should be something that I should be able to do to manifest the changes that I want to see happen in my life. Yet, I don't really know where to start. For any journey, we have to start with the first step. And sometimes, it doesn't really matter in what direction we take that first step ... what is important is that we overcome the inertia and start to move. We can change course as necessary to move in the right direction as that is revealed to us along the way. We don't have to know the whole path when we start. We only need to know enough to begin or to course correct and keep us moving in the right direction. The unknown will be an ever-present part of our reality for all of our days. It is time that we get used to that and accept it. In fact, we can even find ways to use it to our advantage if we are innovative and think creatively. It is out of the unknown that our greatest abilities come. What we have experienced to date is only a small sample of what we can be if we harness the full power of spirit working through us. Yes, it is that simple. But, it is also that difficult. For, it seems that few in history have succeeded in expressing what we desire to express. However, that doesn't change our need to express it. This comes from deep within us. Simple words expressed in simple ways. I don't have the largest of vocabularies. That was never something I took the time and effort to build. But, I know enough words to be able to convey what needs to be expressed. Maybe it is not as eloquent or as poetic as it might be. However, it attempts to be direct and to the point. Though it does carry on. After all, over three million words in a decade is quite an achievement. It would be a decent achievement for a lifetime for many ... but clearly not for me. This is only the beginning. I would guess that I have a good quarter of a century left in me. At the pace for the past decade, that would be another eight million words. Perhaps much more if I can find a way to make this my full time work. It is interesting that my life's pay will come to about $1 per word. I just crossed the $1 million mark about a year ago. However, the pay received to date wasn't for the words that were generated. They were for engineering services related to my job. How do I find someone or some organization to pay me by the word? 300 pages x 300 words per page = 90000 words per book. At $1 per word that would almost cover what I need to exist per year. However, is it reasonable to expect to get $90,000 for a metaphysical book, especially for an unknown author? What is reasonable is not what is important at this point. Here, what matters is what is possible. Further, what is it that we desire to make so? Whatever that is, we are free to create. Best Passages from 2002 Musings would have to sell 15,000 copies to bring in an income of $90,000 ... and that's at the maximum royalty rate. With wholesale sales it will require even more copies. Can it do that well? Perhaps. What would I be happy with? As a minimum, we will need to sell 150 copies to start seeing a profit. It would be nice to see that in a relatively short time period. That would be the trigger for getting more Beyond Imagination works ready to be published. We probably need to sell at least 5000 copies to make it worth all the time and effort that went into producing it. Though, I don't really do this for such financial reward ... I do it for the sheer joy of doing it, and because I am moved by spirit to do it. However, there is nothing wrong with being paid for what you love to do. And, if you are going to be paid, you might as well be paid well. By August, we should see some signs of what is going to happen on this front. I am optimistic. I believe that it has a strong chance of succeeding this time ... where before the time was not yet right. The nature of the expression is different. It has something to offer that other material of its type does not. As a stream of consciousness expression, it is an example that can be followed that takes the mind and consciousness of the reader to a different state. This is powerful stuff. It is not to be taken lightly. And, it is definitely worth the price. Too bad there is not some place that I can go to simply sell my works for my $1 per word rate. If there were, I would quit my day job and become a full-time writer in an instant. That is how much I love doing this. That is how much I believe that this is indeed my calling. Clearly, not everyone can write in this manner. This is definitely a gift, and a very special one at that. I've known that I had talent in this area since High School. I was a natural writer. It wasn't something that I needed to learn. I just did it. Here, I don't even think about what I write. I just allow whatever will come forth to come forth as it will. I feel no need to control it in any manner. The expression seems to have a mind of its own. It knows where it 148

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 wants to go and how to get there. I'm just along for the ride much of the time. I observe what comes through and am amazed that it can come forth through me. Yet, it does. And, I am left with the task of explaining how it is that this can happen. I don't deny what I experience. I embrace it and accept it. Yet, at the same time, I know that it is more than me doing it ... at least more than the conscious parts of me. That is OK, there are many other than conscious parts of me that I have learned to rely on, the chief among which is my intuition. Just in this expression to this point there are already over 1850 words. I expected there to be less than half of that for some reason. Oh well. That would mean that in a 3-4 hour day of writing, I could earn in the neighborhood of $2000. That's the equivalent of a yearly salary of approximately $500,000. That's just over double what the Air Force pays my company for my services at the moment. If I consider selfemployment taxes and benefits, this is probably not that unreasonable to expect ... especially given that I would work 60-80 hour weeks rather than 40 hours. Further, this might allow me to hire out some services that I need to have done. On top of the writing time, I would spend the other 8 hours per day in research, communication, and other pursuits related to Beyond Imagination. Is what I can do worth half a million dollars a year? If so, to whom? How do I find them? Or, how do they find me? How do I acquaint them with the work that I am doing, and with my vision of the work which remains to be done? I had thought the Beyond Imagination web site would do some of this. But, it has not succeeded ... at least not to date. So, it seems it is time to try something else. Perhaps the book is the starting point. Yet, it does not seem to be the kind of stuff from which bestsellers are made. Then again, I might be pleasantly surprised. There might be a market for using it as a textbook for a course in consciousness or in the spiritual experiences of a bipolar patient. Can I get academic interest in helping to explain what I have experienced, subjective though it may be? I would be curious to see how they explain some of this ... in particular, how consciousness functions and how awareness works. Well, I've convinced myself of what I am worth. However, there is no way in my present company for me to come close to earning anything near that. So, it seems that it is time to look elsewhere. Spirit, I seek your assistance. Where can I find a position that uses my talents more fully and compensates me in accordance with what my services are worth? I'm willing to work both hard and smart to do what needs to be done. I would prefer that the work be related to this expression and to the efforts that Beyond Imagination has started ... but that is not a necessity if there is something better in store. I can work alone if need be ... but I sense that it is time that I start finding others with whom I am meant to work. Some of these may have the funds or resources but lack the vision and initiative that I can supply. Each of us have our place in the scheme of things. It is for us to find this place and perform it to the best of our abilities. One option is to continue to split my work as I have, between an engineering job and a spiritual job. The spiritual job can consume 20-40 hours per week and should start to see compensation commensurate with the worth of the services being provided or the works being created during that time. To start with, using round numbers, we can set the pay rate for spiritual work to roughly the cost of engineering services, that is $100 per hour or $1 per word whichever is greater. It's my services that we are talking about. I'll set the prices and we'll see if they are such that the market will bear them.

2 April 2003 Another fine day in April. This is proving to be an interesting month already and it has just started. It seems that it is going to be quite a busy month at work. And, the spiritual expression doesn't seem to be letting up either. That is OK. Busy is good, especially when it is a productive busy. How can I tell whether it is productive or not? At work, I can see how the results of what I do get used. Here, it is not so obvious. I am not privy to how this expression is impacting anyone other than me ... or even if it is for that matter. But, that is not important. I must express nonetheless. There is something about this stream 149

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 of consciousness that must be captured. The sense is that it is being captured in this manner for a reason, so that it is readily available to those who are meant to see it when the time comes. Clearly, that time is not yet here. If it were, I would have expected to receive far more feedback by now. The fact that I have not suggests that I am not really getting through to people yet. Given the personal interest I take in people in general, or the extreme lack thereof, why should this come as any surprise? If I want people to take more of an interest in what I am trying to do ... it seems the place to start is to take more of an interest in who they are and what they are trying to do. That strikes me as a major time sink that I have been unwilling to commit to, to date. It seems far more beneficial for me to continue to do what I do best ... to do what perhaps only I may be able to do. That would primarily involve engaging in this expression. When we choose how to expend our efforts, we need to keep in mind that we should focus on doing those things which only we may be able to do ... those things which use our unique gifts and talents. In doing so, we manifest the best that we can be. That is the most that can be expected of anyone. Don't get me wrong ... I care deeply about society in general, and about the expression of spirit in flesh in the lives of individuals within society. In fact, building the foundations that facilitate this is one of the primary reasons that I am here. How can I know that? I just do. I've known it for the good part of a decade if not longer. The larger question is what am I doing to actualize this? What foundations have I started to build ... and are they going anywhere yet? Thus far, the only foundation that seems to have succeeded is this growing body of work that is Beyond Imagination. Everything else that I have tried has basically reached a dead end. I've taken this as feedback from the universe that either the approach was wrong or the timing was wrong or perhaps even both. That does not deter me. This can easily change with the very next thing that I am moved to try. The key is to continue doing what we are moved to do, trusting that we are indeed being guided to where we need to be. We call these communications musings. For one thing, they amuse us. For another, they spring forth from spirit or consciousness, the source or muse within us. I am ever amazed at what is able to be communicated. I find it curious that I can react to what is expressed in this manner. Yet, I observe how I react, and indeed such is the case. I learn from what is expressed. I learn about myself, but more importantly, I learn about the nature of consciousness and how she expresses in our lives. I have no direct experience of a masculine spiritual source ... so I have no means of knowing how that feels. However, that doesn't seem to matter. My life is rich and blessed anyway. I do what I can to serve spirit in my own way. Much of this is by serving as her voice here and now in this very expression. But, this is not only her expression. This is equally me expressing. Source and I, me and source, are ONE in the only ways that matter. How do I meet the people with whom I am meant to work on the spiritual front? Is this indeed what I want to do? At this point, I believe that the answer is yes. But, that is always subject to change. There is a part of me that says that I am meant to go it alone ... to remain the hermit, ever observing life from that framework and offering what I can of my wisdom to the world. That would imply that I have some wisdom to offer. I believe this to be the case. Though, it is not clear that I am the best judge of the value of what I have to offer. Not that there is any way that anyone else could judge this. The most that anyone else could know about me is from what I have already expressed. That only provides a sample of what I know and what I can do ... and probably a small sample at that. Hmm ... how is it that we really get to know others, and not at the surface, but deeply? To begin with we have to start to take an interest in them. That is a major step for me to take. My natural interest has always been in who I am. Who others are hasn't really fit into that. Is it time for that to change? Do I want it to change? If my life is going to take a different course, this does indeed seem to be one of the things that needs to change. I am learning that I can work with others, and even effectively some of the time. It isn't my preferred mode of working yet, but it may grow to be with time. Then again, I do like the sweetness of solitude and independence. Though, even in my independence, I am somewhat interdependent on the inputs from and 150

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 interactions with others. In this expression, I am interdependent on spirit herself to provide the very stream of consciousness that gets expressed. Without spirit, none of this would exist ... none of this expression would have ever been captured. I could sat the same thing about me. Spirit and I are equal cocreators in this expression. That says a lot about the nature of creative spiritual expression. No, not all of it is like this. In fact, probably very little of it is like this. But, what is expressed here provides an example ... I would hope a shining one, of what spirit can do through us. What will my life be like one year from now? Will it be that much different from what it is at the present? My sense is that yes it will. This is to be a year of major transformation. I know, I've predicted that before and have been wrong. But, this time ... it feels different somehow. There are powerful forces of change at work. They will be at play all through the year personally for me. It is not clear to what degree they will be at play in the larger world as well. At this point, my personal reality is still my primary concern. But, my personal sense of reality is growing to encompass society and even the world. What I care most about is how spirit is able to express in the world. I experience firsthand how this happens through me and to some degree through those with whom I have contact. It seems that to experience more of the first, I need to experience more of the later. There is only so far that I can go on my own. To venture further into the unknown, we need a support team around us. I have yet to begin to build such a team. Here I am, nearly 45 years old, and I am only now realizing that I have limited how far I can go by failing to build appropriate relationships, by failing to gather a support team around me. I'm far closer to doing this at work than to doing it in my spiritual expression. That does not surprise me anymore. It seems that my job is a training ground for my spiritual work as well. Multiple things are happening on multiple levels. Things are not always as they appear to be. Sometimes they are far more than we give them credit for. Spirit is very economical of resources overall. She doesn't waste them needlessly. Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes for many reasons. That does not mean there is not an element of surprise in what we experience. The unknown is ever-present in virtually everything. If it were not, life might be boringly predictable ... too much so to be tolerable. Then again, some might find such a life safe and comfortable. That is not a life for explorers however, especially for those who would be explorers of consciousness. It seems that we are a rare and special breed. That is OK. I'm comfortable being different than others. I take pride in being special and unique. This is a distinction of honor for me. Who pays explorers of consciousness to do what they do? Right now, this is a half time job for me. Yet, it is one that goes uncompensated by the standards of the world anyway. I do benefit greatly from what is expressed. My awareness has grown by leaps and bounds as a result of this expression. However, that is not enough anymore. I desire to be compensated in accord with the worth of the work that I am doing. As a minimum, that would be $100 per hour for my time. Preferably, I'd like to set the price at $1 per word for my work. That gives me more incentive and includes the possibility for generating works based on material that has already come forth. As usual, the very fact that I am asking these questions in this manner suggests that it is time for something to happen in this area. The only questions are what and how soon? It seem that we shall see soon enough. For today, we are already over 1750 words. Is just over two and a half pages of expression worth $1750? How do I determine this. It is worth whatever the market will bear. But, where is the market? Who consumes such an expression? Who would read such an expression on a daily basis? What is the expansion of consciousness worth? Does this material promote and support the expansion of consciousness? If it does what I believe that it does, then it is well worth this price and more. Publishing of a book may indeed be the right vehicle for manifesting this feedback from the universe. If the book does well, that says a lot for the nature of the material contained therein. However, if it doesn't do well ... what does that say? We'll face that bridge if and when we come to it. At this point, I'd rather think positively and see this venture succeeding. It is a pathfinder that establishes the way for many other potential works. I am a writer after all. That is one of the major things that I am here to do. It is only 151

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 right that I should be able to make my living from what I love to do. Metaphysical expression is definitely it. There is nothing else that begins to compare. Though it seems that if I am going to continue for another quarter century, I'm going to have to do my fair share of research and effort to connect my work to the work of others. That's OK. It seems that it is time for me to start engaging in doing that anyway. There is a sense that I am close to reaching the end of where I can go on my own. I need to start working with others somehow to open up whole new vistas for exploration.

3 April 2003 The days keep marching on, one by one ... and I keep on coming here to express. You might think that it would get old or stale after awhile, but it does not. It is always fresh and new, no matter how much time I spend here. Lately, that has been a lot. This is the equivalent of a half time job. Even more if you count some of the prep work that goes into it. I spend close to 20 hours per week glued to the keyboard typing away ... allowing this expression from consciousness to manifest in my life, and your life too if you are reading this. This expression is the one thing that I do that has a chance of surviving physically once I am dead and gone. This is especially true if I can convert it into a format officially recognized as a repository for information ... namely in book form. It seems that posting all of this material freeform on the internet is not enough. Also, because of the manner in which I have done it, substantial effort would be required to change links if I ever had to go to a different internet service provider. Not that it couldn't be done. It is just that everything takes time, and time is such a precious commodity. How do we make the most of the time that we do have? How do we make each and every moment count? At the same time, how do we take care of our souls and ensure we get the proper amounts of rest, relaxation, and re-creation? We are not meant to be busy every moment of every day ... though we could indeed be so if we so choose, there is that much that we could do. Stop and smell the flowers. I don't know who said that, but it expresses a very important principle. Often we are so busy with what we are doing that we don't take the time to notice and to appreciate the beauty around us. This we can correct. This is a matter of attitude. We see what we want to see. We see what we expect to see. It is time that we truly take control of our lives and create the reality that we would prefer to experience. This is within our power to do. It has always been within our power. Though, this is not something that we are taught ... at least not be the mainstream educational establishment. Now, why is that? Why is it that something so fundamental could be absent from our education ... actually, for most of us, from our whole upbringing for that matter? How can such a vital lesson be missing? Why is this relegated to the New Age/Metaphysics/Occult section of the bookstore where only the weird people frequent? Yes, this has changed a lot in the past 30 years. The section has grown larger. And, some of the books have even made it to the bestseller list. But, all in all, it seems that metaphysics has only begun to play a larger role in society. It was there when this country was founded. It is evident in the symbology of the Great Seal. There was definitely a new spiritual order that was being established in 1776. Looking at the world today, it is not clear that we have finished establishing that order. Perhaps it is too much to expect that we ever will. But, I'm an optimist at heart. I believe in utopias, in Camelot, in establishing heaven on earth. What makes me believe? Is it wishful thinking? Perhaps. Or, is it a deep faith in the nature of spirit as she expresses in our lives and in our world? Yes, I have such a faith. It was not something that I was taught, nor does it seem to be something that I was born with. Rather, it seems to have developed naturally as my life unfolded ... as my consciousness was unveiled. In many ways, my life has been easy. I consider myself highly talented and gifted. And, I am grateful for all that I have been given. Yet, I know that along with such gifts comes the sacred responsibility to use them in service to society. That is what moves me. That is what drives me. That is why I spend hour after hour, day after day engaged in this expression. This is my greatest hope of making a real difference 152

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 in the world. My circle of acquaintances is relatively small. Perhaps even very small by most peoples standards. But, what I can do is generate words. In particular, words that convey a meaning that consciousness would express through me at this time. This is what I do best. This is what I can offer the world. Does my offering have value? In my eyes, it does ... great value. But then I am biased in this matter. If it truly has value, it should draw the appropriate compensation that it is due. To date it has not really done this. However, I haven't really given it a chance to do so. If I want a different outcome, I need to start doing different things ... or at least start doing the same things in different ways. There is no sense that any of the effort to date has been wasted in any way. For one thing, I have learned a lot from all of it. Also, the material that has been expressed needed to be expressed ... even if it has not yet reached most of those whom it is meant to serve. All in due time. Consciousness will not be forced. She reveals what can be revealed through us in each moment. How wonderful life is while you're in the world. That line from a song on the radio caught my attention. It was meant to apply to another being. But for me, it applies to spirit herself, which is great because she is always in the world ... she has always been, and she will always be. It is only for us to realize this and maintain an awareness of it as we go about the business of our day-to-day existence. The one thing still missing from my life is others ... especially when it comes to relationships of depth. As I near my 45th birthday, my honest assessment is that no one other than me really knows who I am. My wife comes the closest but we don't communicate a lot. I have no close friends. The closest I come to this is a few people at work that I interact with on a regular basis. That is the way that it is. Is that the way that I want it to be? It seems that such is the way of the hermit. But, is that the archetype that best characterizes me? What about the me that I desire to be? Do I even know what that is? How can I get there if I don't have some idea of what I desire to be? I have been content to live my life in the moment, allowing it to unfold as it will, not really being concerned about what the future would bring. I trusted the process. I trusted that there was a part of me looking out for me, and creating exactly that reality that I needed to experience. It happened automatically. It wasn't something that I had to worry about. However, now it seems that it is time to start taking a more active role in consciously designing my life. I haven't felt the need to do this before. Now, however, it is time. The conscious creator part of me needs to be unleashed. We'll see what happens as a result of that. The sense is that the nature of the expression is about to change in major ways. Hmm ... even more important, the nature of the expression that is me is about to change in major ways as well. It was interesting re-reading the above. There was a several hour break since I wrote it, and I didn't remember what had been expressed. It is that way all of the time. I literally forget what is expressed nearly as quickly as I express it. It is amazing that there is any sense of continuity at all. Then again, it is not so amazing ... for the forces at work that are doing the organization are powerful indeed. They just operate below the surface in my case, at other than conscious levels. That is OK. So long as they operate, that is all that matters. It is perfectly fine to be unconsciously competent. However, it is typically preferable if we reach this state after we have become consciously competent. That is not always necessary. There can be exceptions. But the basic path for growth is unconscious incompetence => conscious incompetence => conscious competence => unconscious competence. In the final phase we are just naturally good at what we do without having to think about it. That is a state of grace, one that we should all strive to find. Each of us have some area where we excel. It doesn't matter what that is. There is always a way to put it to good use. To live as we believe, that is the admonition of our spirit. It is curious that believe has the letters of the word live in the right order. Hmm ... perhaps it is the other way around, as we believe so we will live. Our reality will conform with our beliefs. How we live is formed from what we be-li e ve. It is interesting how words can reveal hidden meanings in this manner. Just noticed something else, be-lie fs. Are all of our beliefs lies as well? After all, they are not truths. They are simply things that we choose to 153

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 accept as if they were true because of the utility in doing so. Actually, this later criteria should be the key criteria that is used in choosing beliefs. Unfortunately, most beliefs of the vast majority of people are not selected in this manner. This is a problem that needs to be fixed. It is a spiritual problem that the education system needs to address. However, it is not clear that the problem is recognized or that anyone or any group feels responsible to fix it. I see that it is a major problem, but what can one person do? I can speak out as I do here. And, I can take steps to take my message to a larger audience. Perhaps by doing this I will reach the person or group of people who can indeed make a difference. I don't have to do everything. But, I do have to be observant and share what I observe with the world. The trick is to make the world more personal. My attempts to share to date have fell somewhat on deaf ears. They haven't led to deep metaphysical discussions on the nature of mind, self, consciousness, spirit, or reality creation. I thought some of that would indeed be the outcome of this. But, such has not been the case. What am I to make of that? Everything happens or doesn't happen for a reason. The universe always provides us with the feedback that is appropriate for our present state of awareness. That means that a decade of limited feedback was appropriate somehow. It forced me to deal with the expression on my own terms, including the states of awareness that accompanied the expression. So, what makes me so certain that things have changed now? There is a deep inner knowingness that I am more than I have ever been ... and that this more is ready to face the world in a way that I have never done before. We'll see what opportunities come up as a result of this. No, I don't see myself as becoming extroverted or anything like that. However, I can be far more outgoing and interactive than I have been in the past. This is easy in the work environment. We'll have to see how it manifests in the realm of the spiritual expression that is Beyond Imagination.

4 April 2003 Another day. They keep on coming one after another, just as the words keep coming forth in this expression. Yes, there are breaks and blank periods of silence, but overall this expression is pretty prolific. We're now into our 16th month of this heightened intensity of expression. And, at this point, we see no end in sight ... definitely not in the near term anyway. I get too much joy from this expression for that to happen. Then again, that didn't stop the relative dry spell from 5/98 through 12/01. So, when it comes to long term predictions, who knows? However, it does feel like something has shifted, something important was turned on that cannot be turned off again. In 1993, I became a metaphysical information generator after voraciously consuming metaphysical information for nearly two decades. In 2002, the information generation became a daily occurrence. I'm not sure why. I've offered some theories. But, the bottom line is that it happened starting Jan 1, and over 15 months later we are still expressing on a daily basis. Oh, there are exceptions here and there. But, they are few over all. The basic trend is that this expression manifests daily. What it manifests varies substantially from day to day, and from paragraph to paragraph for that matter. The stream of consciousness wanders where it will and I follow wherever it takes me. I trust spirit enough to give her latitude in my life. She doesn't need to convince me of anything. I know that she has my greatest good in mind in all that she does. Because of this, I know that whatever I experience is the right experience for me at the time. If it could have been different or should have been different, then it would have been different. This comes across as a bit fatalistic, or maybe even a lot fatalistic. Yet, I believe that I have a hand (albeit an other than conscious one for the most part) in creating everything that happens in my life. I take full responsibility. I don't place the blame outside of myself for anything. My world is my construction for the most part, though it does to some degree involve interactions with others. Though most people would probably be surprised at how isolated of a life I live. Even in the midst of others, I tend to keep my distance. This has been true throughout my life ... though probably less so now than it has ever been. Though, it is not easy to reach out when you have never really done it before or never seen it done. Clearly, I'm much more comfortable with words than with people. That is true even when I know that the words are going to be read, whether by one or many. 154

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 It is in this arena that my skills lie. It is here that I can manifest that which has never before been expressed in a brand new way. There is something about spontaneous creative expression. It elevates one to a whole new level of consciousness, especially when one experiences being aware of being the one through whom the creative expression is happening. When spirit animates us in the manner, there is no denying our essence as spirit. We become aware of whom that we are in ways that no other process allows. It doesn't seem to matter whether the breaks are measured in minutes or hours or even days for that matter. I still have no recall of what I wrote earlier. Even when I read it, it only stays fresh in my mind for a brief period then it retreats somewhere into the dim recesses of my mind. That seems OK. If I were too bogged down with what had been expressed before, there would be no room for creating and expressing something new. So, it seems this is simply part of the process. It is for me to trust that this is a natural mode for the expression of my consciousness. Some might consider me forgetful. But, I remember what I need to remember ... most of the time anyway. I have caught myself drawing a blank on occasion. Earlier this week, I couldn't remember the name of one of my dogs. It took me several minutes to figure it out. I'm even worse with the names of people. Unless I deal with them very frequently, I remember their faces but not their names. This has been a problem for me as far back as I can remember. Part of it comes from not really being that interested in people. It is ideas, in particular ideals that excite me. How do we create a better world? How do we enable spirit to more fully express in flesh? Yes, she needs our help in this endeavor. We are her arms, her ears, her legs, her hands. It is through us that she does her works in the world. Her works are our works and, as a result, our works are her works too. There is only spirit/consciousness in expression. There is literally nothing else. That doesn't mean that it is all light. There are many areas of darkness and shadows. But, these are only there until we find ways to shine light upon them. In the end the restrictions that create the shadows will be alleviated. The light will shine through, and the shadows will be no more. And then, we will have to find other games to play ... games more worthy of our attention and energy. I don't mean to be judgmental here. We are doing the best we can with what we have been given. It just seems that the whole process of transformation is so much slower than it needs to be. Then again, what's the rush? We have all the time in the world. Though, for the individual, that is not true. In this existence there is a life expectancy. So live longer, and some live less ... but on average, this is it. Personally, I expect to live to a ripe old age of 70. That gives me another quarter of a century to make my mark on the world. I find it interesting that the midpoint of my life was about the time that this expression began. How appropriate. One half of my life in an inflow mode followed by the second half in an outflow mode. A quarter of a century seems like an eternity. Yet, at the same time, the past decade was but a brief moment ... and a quarter of a century is only 2.5 times that. At this point in my life, I expect to be working all of my days on the planet. However, I don't expect to have an employer for all that time. At some point, I expect to be self-employed doing what I most love to do ... expressing what spirit would have me express, and building the foundations for a new world. At this point it is still unclear as to how I get paid for doing this. But, the how is not my concern at the moment. Where there is a will, there is a way as the saying goes. There is a sense that if I keep doing what I am moved to do, something will indeed break loose. The universe will kick in to create the conditions necessary for me to not only continue, but to increase and expand my efforts. As I do so, I will start to impact others. Actually, we will start to mutually impact each other. We will find that our efforts are interdependent and that by cooperating, everyone benefits greatly. The more cooperation, the greater the benefit. It is that simple. It is through cooperation that synergy is manifest. As time goes by, we will find that the motivation to cooperate grows greatly. Those who choose to do so benefit greatly. It is a matter of simple positive feedback. In the end people will learn to adopt this behavior as their natural way of dealing with others. The world will be a far better place as a result. Yes, cooperation is that powerful. When we work together in unison, we can achieve things far greater than any of us could achieve operating alone. Here I speak from conjecture primarily. My only real firsthand experience in this area is 155

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 what I do here with spirit. I'm not sure that is comparable to what I could do by cooperating with others. I don't even know how I would go about doing that at this point. I guess a starting point might be to engage in dialogue. This could be captured and shared just as this expression is. However, the interaction and feedback would permit a whole new level of order and organization to the material that is generated. That seems to be the proper direction. Spirit herself doesn't seem to be willing to provide such order. She allows the stream of consciousness to meander and/or rage where it will. I haven't done much to control or shape what is expressed either. I simply allow it to come forth as it will. The closest thing to control that I have done is to select the best quotes and best passages and even then the final works are still in the order in which the expressions came forth originally. Is there something sacred about that? No, not that I can think of. However, there is a reason that the order is what it is. I liken the stream of consciousness to a computer program. Each sentence is like a line of code performing its intended function. Since I don't know exactly what that is, it makes it difficult to decide what to keep and what to eliminate. Though, the raw musings have it all. There is no editing nor filtering of what is expressed here. This is the stream of consciousness as it came forth. Does that make it of value? I believe that it does. And, great value at that. But, who am I to judge. Being the creator of all of this ... or at least the one through whom it is created, I am clearly biased. I think highly of my own work. Perhaps we all do. Yet, I know enough to know that such expression as this is rare. This is primarily because of the level of awareness that I have reached and the degree to which that awareness gets embedded in this expression. I don't have a rating scale for level of awareness. I was associated with Eckankar by correspondence for a few years starting in the late 70's and with the Rosicrucians by correspondence for a couple of years in the early 80's. I went to a few events, but I never developed any relationships with anyone. I know that both groups have levels of initiations, so they must have criteria for distinguishing levels of awareness. But, that doesn't necessarily follow. I know that I am consciously aware of being aware ... and that I am in this state most of the time. I am almost always aware of being the observer, even as I am aware of observing myself being the observer. Consciousness can get very convoluted at times as she bends back and reflects on herself. Lately, I have become more and more aware of being the creator of what I experience ... the conscious creator. This is a new role for me. Most of this has been automatic for me in the past, just as this expression is automatic. The thought not for long just crossed my mind. Perhaps that means we will see a change in the nature of what is expressed and how it is expressed. I'm open to that. I'm open to doing whatever it takes to carry out what I know to be my mission. We have foundations to build ... foundations for a new world. Our forefathers got off to a great start in 1776. But we are now in 2003, 227 years later. It is time for us to establish our own vision of where we need to go from here and then generate a course of action that will get us there. "Where there is no vision, the people perish." I don't know who said that, but it definitely applies. We need our visionaries, we need people who can paint the pictures of what the future can be. Utopias don't have to be things of the imagination only, they can be real, they can be manifest in flesh. However, it takes more than wishful thinking to make such things so. We have to choose to act in accord with the vision. We have to act as if the world that we desire already exists. In doing so, we will literally make it so, person by person, one step at a time. That doesn't mean to put your head in the sand and ignore the realities of the present world. They still have their sway and impact in our lives. However, where we can, it means to choose the better way ... the way that we would prefer the world to be.

5 April 2003 One more day. Once again I am moved to come here to express. My days would not be the same without this daily ritual. For 2-3 hours per day, I set aside my normal day to day concerns and allow consciousness to express through me as she will. I consider this to be a high quality use of my time ... an investment in getting to know myself and hopefully doing something that will ultimately help others in 156

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 the process. Whether it will actually do so, and to what degree remains to be seen. And it may be that I never get to see it. But, it seems only fair that I should see the fruits of my labors. I didn't say eat the fruits ... just seeing them would be enough. Then again, I do desire to be compensated fairly for the spiritual work that I do. Yes, there is something to say for volunteer effort. However, we should be compensated in some manner for the work that we do ... all work that we do. We may not be paid for it. But, there are other forms of compensation. Job satisfaction, self-worth, and happiness are three that come to mind immediately. I'm sure there are many others. What would I do next? That is indeed the question of the hour. Expressing here is one activity that occupies a good deal of my free time. But that alone does not get me where I want to be. How do I get the expression that is Beyond Imagination into the consciousnesses of more people ... in particular, into the people who are to help build the foundations for a new world? Is that even necessary? Or, have they already undergone their own personal education in this area? Hmm ... there is a reason that I am a wayshower. There is a group of people out there to whom I am to show the way. Is this group one, one hundred, one hundred thousand, or ... ? It is what it is. And I shall find out what that is in due time. It is not for me to know in advance. Nor does it really matter. It doesn't change the reality. I must continue to do as I am moved to do. Right now, that involves coming here to write. At some point in the future that may change. But, until it does, I must keep on expressing as I do. There is something about this stream of consciousness expression that is unique. There is literally nothing else like it. How do I know that? Clearly I haven't read everything. But, I have read a lot. And I don't recall anything similar. Does that mean that it is any good? I believe so. But, most authors believe that their works are good. Is it good enough to sell in the open marketplace? That too, we shall see soon enough. By the end of May, we should have a book on the streets. That leaves just over half a year for it to sell in 2003. It will be curious to see just how many books are sold in that timeframe. Earlier today, I figured I will need roughly 10,000 sales to recoup the cost of the time involved in generating the material for the book. That seems like a big number, but is it? That is 1 book for every 35,000 people in this country. When you look at it that way, it doesn't seem like much. But, I heard only about 15 percent of the population reads regularly, and if 1 percent of those read metaphysical books we are down to 1 in 700. That would mean that 1 in every 500 metaphysical readers would need to buy and read my book. That assumes that 1 percent is a reasonable figure for metaphysical readers. Might the book have a wider appeal? Eventually perhaps. As people become aware of becoming more aware ... they may find the experiences that I have documented quite valuable to them. I've already suggested that the work might be used as a text in a course on the nature of consciousness. I would expect that such courses will become more prevalent as we march onward into the Aquarian Age. This stream of consciousness challenges conventional knowledge as to what should be possible for a being to experience and to express. Awareness has this way of poking holes in conventional foundations. When we awaken, our consciousness operates at a whole new level ... one that could not be predicted from anything that we did or experienced before. At least that is has been my experience and continues to be my experience. My sense is that others will experience this in much the same way, though I haven't confirmed this. It is not clear that enough have awakened to really draw a conclusion about this. All in good time. Each day more and more awaken. I don't know ... 10,000 books seems like an awful lot. But, I have an open mind. If it is meant to be, it will be. One way or another, we will get some of the feedback that we have been asking for. And, what we do in the later half of the year will be heavily driven by what happens with this first book. Yes, first book. There is the potential for many others, at least a few that I can think of that could be completed by the end of the year. The question is should I do the work to prepare the books anyway, or do I wait to see how the first book does? We are talking about a substantial amount of work ... work that would probably eat into some of the time spent in this expression. There are just so many hours in a day. And I can only squeeze so much out of them. Though, it seems there is always time to do the things that need to get done. Part of me says to take the risk and invest the time to get the books ready to go. Another part says what's the rush ... hold back and do the work when it needs to be done. Perhaps there is a happy medium. 157

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 We are at a point where we can start doing the Best Quotes and Best Passages selections for 2003. If we do it during the year, within weeks of the end of the year we could have the Best Passages from 2003 Musings book ready to go. Depending on how well the first book did, we would have some idea as to the potential market for the sequel. Beyond Imagination, Reality Creation 1010, and Best Quotes would make an Early Works book. Another book could come from the Best of Notes pages though it would be long and take more work to produce. So, if all goes well, we could easily have four books out by this time next year. That would be quite an accomplishment. Again, if it is meant to be, it will be ... because I will do what it takes to make it so. After all, the books don't write themselves. Though, with the way that this expression comes forth, it is awfully close to that. I continue to express as consciousness would have me express. Even after a decade, there is still a sense of mystery and magic to all of this. Consciousness unveils herself piece by piece, but there is always an unknown element in the expression. It is this unknown that excites the explorer within me. It is in search of this unknown that I venture out of my own consciousness to try to experience something more, something greater than I know myself to be. My own consciousness is the tool through which I search and my experience is what I find. Yes, this is different than most. What I find is different because my consciousness is different and what I search for is different. Here, we have free will. We set the parameters of the search algorithm. When we do so, the end result is that we get what we search for ... or some form of it anyway. That is one of the spiritual laws ... seek and ye shall find. We've been told that for many millennia. Yet, from our actions, it doesn't seem like we really believe it. Why is that? Why do we not believe such basic spiritual laws? Why are these not taught in school? These are not religious principles ... they are spiritual principles that happen to be common to most religions. That doesn't change their nature and their importance. That doesn't change the dire need for them to be taught to everyone. This is not a matter of church versus state. If the state doesn't stand on a solid spiritual foundation, all is lost anyway. Spirituality is that important, especially in this day and age when states have the power to do such grave damage in the world.

6 April 2003 We are getting a very late start this evening. It is already 10:30 PM as I begin this. I debated whether to skip another day and decided against it. I don't like doing that if I don't have to. It just doesn't feel right when I don't find the time to allow this expression to come forth. I watched the movie Altered States earlier today. It was quite fascinating. The sense I got from it however is that altered states of consciousness are very much the unknown territory. Further, they are subjective experiences. It is not clear that they will ever succumb to the scientific method. That doesn't make them any less real. Our subjective experience is as real if not more real than our objective experience. It just exists in a different realm, one that won't be poked and prodded. After doing a few chores, I relaxed for much of the day. There were several opportunities to write, but it was too nice of a day to be sitting in front of a computer. I just wasn't moved to do it. That is unusual. Nearly everyday, I find that I choose to spend at least two hours expressing whatever would come forth. But, some days, it is more difficult to find the energy than other days. And, occasionally, we even miss a day. That is OK. Overall, there is a lot of material that gets expressed here. Perhaps even too much. But, I'd rather err on the side of too much than not enough. We can always down select material at a later time. But, it is very hard to fill in gaps if there are any. It is about time to do the Best Quotes and Best Passages selections for the first quarter of 2003. That seems like a perfect task to spend my birthday doing. It's a bit tedious. But, I've decided to take the day off from work. This will be a good test of how focused I can stay on my Beyond Imagination tasks. Can I put in a 10 hour day on this? If I can't do it for one day, how can I expect to do it for 6-7 days per week each and every week? 158

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Got an interesting fortune today: You will be successful in a business of your own. It got me to thinking about what kind of business I could be successful in? What services do I have to offer to whom? How do I make prospective customers aware of these services? It seems that I need to think radically differently about what I can do for others. I have far more to offer than even I am yet aware. Though, this is not something to be forced. It will happen in due time. However, I need to be persistent, and I need to do my part. I'll know what that is when it is time to do it. As always, I will be moved by spirit to do what is right for me to do. And ... as always, I will choose to do that because I will know it to be right for me. Does that mean that I don't have free will? Not in the least. It just means I am choosing to exercise my free will in line with spirit's will. I don't know how long it takes for such fortunes to manifest. I think I still have one in my wallet from 1995 or so that said: Soon you will be sitting on top of the world. As far as I can tell, I still haven't achieved that one yet. There are no coincidences in my life. These things happen for a reason. These messages come forth to tell us something, in this case about the future. Celine Dion sings A New Day Has Come as I write this. This is a powerful song announcing the birth of a New Age, though it doesn't explicitly mention that in its words. Then sense is that the song is a marker of sorts, a cosmic marker applied by consciousness to mark a major astrological event ... the changing of an age ... the coming of a new day. This song played frequently several months ago. Now, it still plays, but I don't notice it anywhere near as much, and I don't think it's even in the Top 20 anymore. The sense from this is that the actual event occurred during the many weeks when the song was #1 or near the top of the chart. It is amazing to me how many songs have a powerful spiritual message. These are not "religious" songs. These are everyday songs, popular songs that are played on the radio many times each day to tens of millions of listeners, if not more. Do people get it though? Do people get the spiritual messages conveyed be these songs? One that comes to mind is Colors of the Wind by Vanessa Williams. You think that you can own the land you land on. The earth is not some dead thing you can claim. You think the only people who are people, are people who look and act like you. But, if you'll walk the footsteps of a stranger, you'll see a world you never knew you never knew. The first line challenges the very principle of the ownership of land. This is something the Native American's never understood. To them land was not something one could own. It was shared. It was of Mother Earth, and was freely given to all. However, along with the use of the land came a responsibility for stewardship of that land. When we slaughtered the Buffalo in the 1800's, we altered a balance that had been achieved over centuries. And we did it in about a decade if memory serves me. Chief Seattle spoke of the interconnectedness of all things in the web of life and that what we do to our brothers the animals, we do to ourselves. I used to have some words from one of his famous speeches posted on the wall above my desk. I don't think I got around to unpacking them when I changed companies over 6 years ago. The second set of phrases deal with how we see others, and the need to walk in their footsteps awhile to appreciate the world that they see. This may be different than our own, but it is just as valid. In this very expression, I ask you to walk in the footsteps of my consciousness to catch a glimpse of the reality that is 159

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Wayne's World. You may or may not like what you find. You may consider me to be out of my mind. That is OK. I do myself at times. Consciousness has chosen to give me some interesting experiences to integrate. And, she's done this without having the benefit of being able to use others as a sounding board for how reasonable some of the ideas expressed were. I have to believe this was done for a reason. I have to believe that the open loop expression allowed something to be created here that would not otherwise have been created.

7 April 2003 Yesterday's musing was quite short. We'll have to see if we can make up for it today. Here we are one day shy of completing 45 years of existence on this planet. And what have I to show for it? The biggest thing is this expression that is Beyond Imagination. This expression that I have been capturing for just over a decade is the most valuable thing that I have to show for my having lived to date. The sad part is that it is such a solitary expression ... or it has been for the most part. While I've been searching for likeminded others with whom to interact and work ... I haven't really found such in my journeys to date. Those others who I have found that are awake are following their own paths already. They have their own direct connections to source just as I do. Will there be a transition from the expression that is Beyond Imagination to the organization that is Beyond Imagination? At this point, I still have no real desire to be part of any organizations. Yet, at the same time, it seems that it is via organizations that we get things done ... especially in the Aquarian Age. That doesn't change my natural predisposition towards individuality. Yet, being a solitary soul does have its limitations and challenges as well. It seems that in the times ahead I need to find ways to apply the best of both worlds. I need to be an active member of society yet at the same time retain my individuality and solitary nature. This seems to be somewhat of a contradiction in terms. However, it is not. My body is already a society of billions of individual cells cooperating together so that I can experience reality as a solitary being. Why should membership in society be any different? One major difference is in getting the cooperation to take place. Individuals with free will are much more difficult to get to cooperate than the cells of the body. The have much less incentive to cooperate ... especially when they have been trained to compete from an early age, and that only the fittest survive. This is a very ruthless view of the world. Yet, it seems to be one that many hold. How much easier it would be on everyone if we learned to cooperate rather than compete. And, along with this we learned what roles we came to play within which organizations. It seems that we should understand why we are here. It is not enough just to be here and enjoy the process ... not for me anyway. I must make a difference somehow. My life must not be for naught. It must make a difference to not only my country but to the world. No, I don't know exactly what that will be yet. But, I know that I will leave the world a better place for my having lived. That is a lot to demand. But, I demand it of myself, not of anyone else. My standards are high. Some might say way too high. But, I have seen what I am capable of, especially when I am able to let go and let spirit speak through me. Whatever the source of all of this, it seems to know far more than I have a right to know based on my experiences in this existence to date. If this source is indeed part of me, how is it able to know all of this? When did it learn it? Perhaps this is the stuff we carry from existence to existence. Perhaps, it is encoded in our very genes or our mental structure. It has to be captured somewhere or it couldn't be expressed in flesh. A New Day Has Come. That title of the song from Celine Dion fills my mind. It does indeed seem that this is true. Tomorrow marks my 45th birthday. These are always new days signifying new years. I'll be 45, but it will be the beginning of my 46th year of expression. We'll have to see what this new day brings into my life. Whatever it is, I am ready for it; ready in ways that I have never been before. Anymore, each day is a new day bringing forth it gifts, its tasks, its challenges, and its rewards. One day at a time. 160

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 That is how we get from where we currently are to any destination. It helps to remember that enjoying the process is more important than reaching the destination. We may or may not have the right destination in mind. However, if the process is right, it will take us to exactly where we need to be. We need to be open to the course that spirit would set for us. How can I forget what comes through so readily? You would think that the process of bringing this expression through my consciousness would engrain it somehow. Yet, it does not. Within minutes of expressing something, I am at a loss for what has just been expressed. And, I'm not just talking about the details. I don't even remember generalities. That is just how it is. I have gotten used to it. Though, I still find it amazing that it works the way that it does. Given this, I would think that there would be far more repetition than there is. But it seems that there is something within me that knows what has already been expressed and keeps this from happening ... for the most part anyway. Some things get repeated multiple times for emphasis. There are some common themes that recur not on a frequent basis but on an occasional one. All in all, spirit finds fresh new ways to express more often than not. And, she does this day after day, week after week, and month after month. It is quite an achievement if I must say so myself. The creativity of consciousness seems to know no bounds. She always finds more to express in more and more effective ways. Yes, I have an active role in all of this. It is through me that this expression is manifest. But, I cannot claim that it is by me that all of this is done. For, that is not how I experience it. Yes, I observe these words coming into my head and see my fingers typing away. But, I have no sense of originating the words. They just show up in my head. But, you say, that is how we all think. Perhaps that is so, perhaps not. If it is so, then I would suggest that for most of us, the mechanics of thinking is an other than conscious process. We only see the resulting thoughts as they pop into our head. We do not see their source. I don't know how to differentiate what I do here from what I do at work. I don't generate as many words at work. I do a lot more reviewing of the words of others. But even then, most of what I do is automatic. I don't think about how to do it. I just do it. I trust that my mind is capable of handling the task at hand and I give it the latitude to do what it takes to accomplish the task. I like to do this as efficiently and effectively as I can. One thing that disturbs me is the waste or inefficient use of resources. If we are going to do something, we need to do it right ... and we need to do it with as few resources as necessary so that other resources are freed to do other things that need to be done. What is it that I can do that no one else can do in the same way? Those are the things that I am here to do. Those are the things that I need to find? This expression seems to be one of those things. Though, it is not clear what its ultimate utility is. Then again, I cannot tell what a reader will get from the example provided by this expression. What is a change in one's state of consciousness worth? Can I guarantee that such will be an outcome of reading this? No, there are no guarantees. But, there is a strong likelihood. By walking in my shoes for awhile, by experiencing what this consciousness has thought ... you get to take a journey of sorts to another realm, one that is probably foreign to your habitual way of thinking, and hence may serve as a stimulus to wake you up just a bit. And, as you read further, a bit more and more ... until you find yourself in a new place, with some new beliefs that better serve you by providing you with the reality that you would prefer. Are these words powerful enough to do that? Taken as a whole, perhaps. But, even more so as triggers for your own monitions of consciousness. Just as I am moved by consciousness, so you too can be moved. It is a matter of finding the source within, developing the connection to that source, listening to that connection, and acting on the information that comes from that connection. However, these are things you must do for yourself. My words provide an example of what one can tap into. It is my job to bring the words forth and share them in this manner. That is not the common experience. Your experience may be a far more personal one. Whatever it is, is right. Trust the sanctity of spirit expressing through you. I had good intentions for tomorrow. I was going to start on the Best Quotes and Best Passages pages for 2003. However, the Zip disk that I brought home with the files on it doesn't work in the drive for some 161

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 reason. Who knows why? I guess consciousness has other plans for me for tomorrow. Instead, we'll muse the day away and see how much can be expressed that way. Everything happens for a reason. It will be interesting to see what comes forth. The other task would have taken a good deal of the day. Now, I am free to express whatever consciousness would have me express. At this time that seems to be more important. We'll see soon enough. Tomorrow is only a few hours away. I try not to plan too far ahead in most aspects of my life. It seems best to take each day as it comes and to live in the moment as much as I can. Clearly, that does not work for some people. They need to have their reality more structured, their days and weeks planned out to fine detail. There is nothing wrong with this. Different things work for different people. What is wrong is forcing ways on people that are incompatible with their basic natures. That presumes that we have some means of determining the basic nature of people. Here psychology can help, as can some metaphysical disciplines. It is simply a matter of applying them and using them. What would I do next? That is nearly always the next question these days. Doing is important. It is not enough just to express here. Though, that is a lot in and of itself. For me, however, it is not enough ... nowhere near enough. I demand a lot of myself, more than anyone has a right to demand. Yet, I know that I can achieve everything that I demand of myself and more, much more. I am driven to excel. I am driven to succeed. But, I define success in different terms than most. Success is primarily a matter of achieving what I came into this existence to do. It is not measured in economic terms related to what I receive. It is measured in terms of what I am able to do for spirit. My chief task is to build the foundations for a new world. We will know that the foundations have been built when we see that the world has changed in major ways for the better. These will not be imperceptible changes. They will be very visible. There will be no doubting that fundamental changes have occurred. We haven't answered the question that we started with: what would I do next? Thus far, this expression is one thing that I am moved to do. However, I haven't yet been moved to do anything else. Though, there is a nagging sense that this is no longer enough. It was for awhile. And, it remains part of what I need to be doing. But, it is only part. Somehow, I need to find a way to start engaging in relationships with others, something that I have not done much of to date in my life. However, as Tony Robbins says, the past does not equal the future. My life can be rich with relationships depending on the choices I make here and now. The question is what do I want now? An appropriate question for the eve before my birthday. What do I wish for? Yes, I know to heed the warning ... be careful what you wish for, you just may get it. At the same time, it does not seem to be right to leave something so important to chance. This seems to be one area where I need to express my preference, where I need to declare my intent to the universe to give spirit something to work with when manifesting reality in my life. That is a new mode of operating for me. I have been content to allow what would be to be. There was nothing that I had to make so. In fact, I was leery of imposing too much of my will on anything. Now, however, it seems that it is time to engage all that I am, including my will, in doing what needs to be done. I still count on spirit to provide guidance as to what that is, but more and more, I expect to figure out some of this for myself as well. Spirit doesn't have to do it all. Actually, she does do it all ... only part of it she delegates to do through us. Nearly 2500 words today. That is quite a few more than normal. At $1 per word, that would be quite a tidy sum. I could definitely live off of that. In fact, that would be enough to quit my day job. The only problem is where do I go that would pay me that amount for this expression for an indefinite period of time. The bottom line is that I don't want to worry about finances again. And, with a buyer for this expression, I would have a means for regularly earning a paycheck sufficient to meet my financial needs. That means making a commitment to express. But, I've already made that commitment anyway. Paid by the word, however, I have no motivation to be succinct. There could be a tendency to ramble. We'll deal with that when we come to it, and try to minimize it to the degree that we can. Could I do this on a full time basis? My sense is yes, definitely. There is no doubt about it. However, is it time for that to happen? I would like the answer to be yes as well, but it is not clear that it is. Is this something that I can make happen? The sense is no, it will happen when the time is right for it to happen, not until. That is not 162

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 something that can be forced, it can only be allowed. So much of life is like that. Awareness, allowance, and acceptance are extremely important.

8 April 2003 Started off making this a relaxing day. I love that state halfway between sleep and waking where the mind just drifts aimlessly ... or seemingly aimlessly anyway. It feels productive, even though I am not capturing the results of the meanderings. It is not quite sleep, but it is somewhat like sleep. It is also not quite like being awake, yet I am aware of far more of what is occurring than I normally am with sleep. It truly is an in between state. It is one that consumes energy, however. I don't wake up alert and refreshed. In fact, I am still in the process of waking up as I write this. My eyes are weary and overall I feel tired. But, I had plenty of sleep. So, it is time to get on with the day and see what the expression would bring forth. Today is my 45th birthday. Only a handful of people know that, and most of those are immediate family. Yes, I still lead a very isolated life. It seems that it is time for this to change. There is a sense that I could do much more in the context of a support group. However, creating such a group could be a bit of a challenge. It is not something that I am used to doing. That is OK. If the desire to do it is strong enough, we will indeed find a way. That is simply how the process works. How do I know that solitary expression is not the intended way? There is just an inner sense of lack of satisfaction ... a sense that something is still missing in my life. Since the expression has be flowing freely for over 15 months now, it is not the lack of expression. It is something more basic that goes to the connectivity between me and others. Relationships ... that is the core of the difficulty. I have not established the appropriate relationships to allow me to thrive as a being in the world. At least, I've developed the one relationship that seems to count the most, my relationship to spirit, to consciousness herself. But, this needs to be reflected in relationships with others to be real. That is OK. There is a sense that I have done the most difficult one first. Attitude is a major factor in developing relationships with others. Also, we need to manage our expectations. We need to be reasonable about what we expect from others. We also need to be reasonable about what we expect from ourselves. We are starting off much slower today than I had expected. It is approaching 11:30 AM already. I expected to be at two to three pages by now but we haven't even completed one page yet. Oh well. The expression comes forth as it does when it does. Part of it seems to be out of my control. I am a willing participant in a magical process. Each day the process is the same. I step aside a bit and allow something to flow forth. Does it come from me? Clearly it comes through me, but I have no sense that it comes from me. Then, from whom does it come? From source or consciousness herself is the only answer that makes any sense to me. I don't know that to be a part of me. There is a part of me that connects to source but that is not the same as being source. Perhaps this is just a matter of not yet realizing that this indeed is a part of me. If it is, I wonder what other parts of us, greater still exist that are yet to be discovered and assimilated. We seem to be far more capable than we know ourselves to be. This is true no matter how highly we regard ourselves. There is always more to us to fathom. Further, there are always parts of us that may be unfathomable, no matter how hard we try to comprehend them. Some things are simply beyond our minds power to understand. There is a unknown realm of consciousness. Part of that realm will always remain unknown. We will always have things for which we can seek. We will always have an unknown territory to explore. That is just the way that it is. The unknown offers us a realm that challenges whom that we are and forces us to grow into what we may become. However, it only does this if we have the courage to face it and play with what it has to offer to us.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 There is still a sense that I need to do something that I am not yet doing, something above and beyond capturing this expression. But, it is not yet clear what that something that I need to do is. I trust that when it must be done, I will indeed be moved to do it, whatever it is. Further, because it is part of my spiritual path, I will find a way. How can I be so sure about this? It is simply the way that my life works. It seems that the place to start is with what I want from life. For one thing, it would be great not to have to work away from home every week. Each Sunday evening I commute to LA, where I spend the work week, and then return either late on Thursday or Friday evening. I've been doing this for over six years, as part of the price I pay for working where I do while living where I do. Fortunately, the weeks go by quickly, so it is not too bad. But, it is definitely not something that I would choose if I did not have to do it. Do I have the discipline to work on my own ... day after day, week after week? I'm doing it over half time already. Stepping it up to fulltime would not be that big of a jump, especially if it were in place of my current job. The question is how do we get that to happen. How do I sign a contract that pays me by the word that I generate? Or, how do I get sufficient royalties from the sales of my works to supplant and then replace my present income? Yes, this is what I desire. The question is how to make it so? I firmly believe it is within my power to make it so. It is a matter of applying myself correctly. It is a matter of letting spirit know what I desire, and believing firmly that as I desire so shall it be. Here though, I am leery of forcing myself too directly. There is still a sense that spirit knows what is right for me and is moving me in that direction. I need only follow the signs and the guidance that she so readily provides. I wouldn't say that we are on a roll yet ... but the expression continues to flow forth. Some days are like that. Some days I just can't type fast enough to capture what is coming forth. Other days are much slower, with far more breaks in the expression. Since I don't know the details of the mechanics of how all of this occurs, I don't know why this is so. I just note that it is. A lot of things are like that. We simply observe that they are as they are. That doesn't mean that they can't be changed or that they can't be understood. It just means that there is a sense of mystery to them ... a mystery that we simply accept as part of their nature. That is OK. Mystery is a very good thing. It engages us and enlivens us in ways that nothing else does. Mystery is able to touch the spirit in us. It is akin to the sacred. It stirs our souls. And, our souls need to be stirred at times. What is it that I would do with the remainder of my life? I have estimated that to be another quarter of a century. If I am not careful, it will have passed me by before I even know it. Twenty five years to build the foundations for a new world. That is the key task I know to be mine. Yes, it is a big task. Yes, it is too big for any one person to do. I will be forced to find others with whom to cooperate and share the burden. But, find each other we shall. For, the task that we have to do must be done. Failure is simply not an option. The new age is coming. The foundations for it need to be sound. How many will be involved in doing this task? Ultimately, very many indeed ... hundreds of thousands or more comes to mind. How many will I interact with? Closely, maybe a handful or two. Less closely, maybe dozens. Even more remotely hundreds to thousands. Hmm ... can that be true? And, if so, how long before it manifests? I am anxious. I don't want to wait any more. It is time to get on with the mission that I came to do. There is only so much that I can express on my own ... even with my connection to spirit being as strong as it is. Cooperative interdependence is the next step. It is one that does not happen automatically, but voluntarily. Actually ... that is not quite correct. The conscious part happens voluntarily. Beneath the scenes there is great cooperation already taking place. And, the world is quite interdependent whether we choose to be aware of this fact or not. So, it seems that what need to be done is indeed getting done. If that is the case, why this empty feeling? Why this sense that something is missing that is within my power to correct? Generally, when I have such feelings, there is a good reason for them. I'm sure that this is the case here. This motivates me to find what is missing and make the necessary changes to bring it into my life. This expression that is Beyond Imagination gives me something to show for the last decade of my 45 years of existence. In my eyes, it is a work that is worthy of my having lived. It is difficult to imagine 164

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 where another 2.5 decades will take us. That is interesting in that it will have meant 1/2 my life was spent in input mode and 1/2 in expression mode. That is, assuming I can keep this up for the remainder of my life. That is a lot to ask. It takes a lot of energy and commitment to do this. However, in many ways, I really have no choice. I am moved by spirit to do this. I must honor the directions of my soul. OK, must is a bit strong. I still have free will. It is still my choice. But, I am strongly moved to choose to engage in this expression. Here, I come alive in ways that I don't anywhere else. Here, I am free to express whom that I AM. It is strange. I do so freely, without even knowing to whom I am expressing. Yet, it matters not. I must express anyway. In a very real way, I am what I express. Yet, I am more than that as well. I am the entity that is aware of what I am expressing even as I express it. There is a saying as a man thinketh, so he is. What does all of this tell you about me? Probably far more than you care to know. Hopefully you find it interesting. I know that I do ... yes, even though it comes through me. Perhaps more so because it comes through me. I don't know whether you have similar conversations or expressions from yourself. I am not privy to such anyway. I would guess that we all have them in one form or another. Though it appears extreme for me to spend so much time bothering to record mine. Then again, I am a writer by disposition, so this expression is a natural one for me. However, can I make my living doing what I love to do? Can I make my living though this expression? Don't quit your day job just yet. Perhaps that will come in time, but give it time. There are still things for you to learn in your present job environment. And it takes time for transformation to occur, especially major transformation. But, have faith, the changes will come ... and you will be pleased with the results. Just allow them to unfold as they will. You do have a destiny to fulfill, and you will achieve the mission that you came to accomplish. That is a given. There is no doubt that you will find a way to do whatever it takes. Others have their own missions. Some of these overlap and intercept with your own. Where this happens, interdependencies are created that provide opportunities for working together. You will have such opportunities ... just be open to them, and be willing to jump in and establish the necessary cooperatively interdependent relationships to carry out this work. You know how to form such relationships. No, not from things that you have done in this existence. But, you have a history that extends to experiences on other worlds. You came as a troubleshooter of sorts. You are able to see where spirit flows smoothly and where it is blocked. Part of your job is to find the restrictions and remove them. This makes you a spiritual healer of sorts ... but for society as a whole, not for individuals. How can a hermit with few relationships have sufficient understanding to work with society as a whole? Yes, that does seem somewhat contradictory. However, it is a gift that you have. It is best that you use it. This is true for gifts in general. Whatever gifts we are given are meant to be used in service to spirit. Serving society, serving humanity is serving spirit. On to round 4. At this rate, we are not going to make it through 8 rounds for the day. That is fine. Whatever comes forth comes forth. I've said before that there is no quota on this expression. I like to get at least 2-3 pages per day and that happens most of the time ... but that is not a necessity. The world doesn't come to an end if I don't make it, or even if I don't express on a given day. Though, I don't really feel right when I don't find the time to express. The activity allows me to engage my spiritual muscles and it feels good to do so. Just as the body needs exercise to stay fit so that it can function properly, so the mind and spirit need exercise as well. This expression exercises my consciousness. And, if you are reading this, it exercises yours as well. Though reading is not quite the same as originating the material. However, it is a close second. At least it allows you to engage your consciousness in the same train of thoughts. You may find that difficult going. Logic is not the only tool in my mental repertoire. Intuition is the preferred source for direction and she tends to be far more scatter brained. Or, so it seems on the surface anyway. Though, there is an underlying order in the material. There is a richness of interconnectivity. And, while the material is not planned per se, neither is it random. Something is choosing what to express when. I just do not have a conscious awareness of doing this. Overall, the material stands on its own from passage to passage and from day to day. Yet, it also builds upon itself in ways that I cannot even begin to explain because I cannot keep enough of it in my mind at any one time. Last year, there were close to 1000 pages of expression. That's roughly the equivalent of 5 books. That is 165

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 a lot of material. This years pace to date matches if not exceeds last years. As far as I can tell, the material is just as good this year as it was last year. However, it is different somehow. The vibrations are different, and this makes the nature of the expression different. I'm not sure yet how to describe that difference. For one thing, there seems to be more emphasis on what I can do and less on what spirit is doing. It is as if I had gone overboard in assigning responsibility for everything to spirit when in reality there are many things that she delegates to me to do for her. These things it is not her that does, it is me that does. This is a major realization. It is a reclaiming of my power in this area of my life. I am responsible for major areas of reality creation that I just took for granted before. I still take them somewhat for granted, as I trust that there are inner parts of me that know exactly what they are doing that are responsible for creating the reality that I need to experience. I'm only now starting to take conscious responsibility for deciding what reality I want to experience. This is a struggle for me. I'm not used to thinking in terms of what I want. Yet now I am being asked to consciously decide what reality I would prefer. If were going to do that, we might as well do it right. We might as well create the world in which we would prefer to live in the process. That is one of the measures of success after all. Did we leave the world a better place for our having lived? I would hope the answer to date is yes. Though I have had limited impact to all but a few people to date. Is that enough? My spirit cries no ... definitely not. There is so much more for you to do. Yet, something says that we should be able to say at any point in our life that we have done what we could do ... and that we are satisfied with what we have done. Were it not for Beyond Imagination, I definitely could not say that. However, even with Beyond Imagination ... the sense is that we have only started what we must do. This is definitely an area that I need to work on. I am neither happy nor satisfied much of the time. Not that I am unhappy. I am just not happy. Our founding fathers claimed that one of our inalienable rights was the pursuit of happiness. They said nothing about actually finding and achieving this state of consciousness. Oh, I have my moments here and there. But, overall ... there is a strong sense that something is still missing in my life. This sense drives me. It moves me to come here for untold hours to express. And, it moves me to search for what I know to be missing. There is a sense that I will know it when I find it. Further, there is a sense that it seeks me even as I seek it. Overall, I have many of the trappings of success ... a good job, a nice house, a beautiful wife, nice things. But, I lack friends, companions, and relationships. Effectively, this has been by choice. I have isolated myself from others for most of my life partially out of nature and partially out of fear. In particular, fear of being judged. I don't even know where this fear came from. When I was growing up, I was by far my harshest critic and judge. But, the fear was there nonetheless, and I allowed it to keep me from interacting with others except on the most surface of levels. That is not a great way to live. It can be very lonely. But, it was the path that I chose for whatever reasons. There is a sense that all of that was necessary somehow. Every experience programmed my mind and my consciousness to be able to experience what was to follow. That doesn't mean that I had to make the choices that I did. I could have learned the necessary lessons in other ways. However, overall, the experiences enabled me to reach the major transformational period in 1993, and then again in 1998. These I would not trade for anything. Awakening experiences are still relatively rare. Prior to 1993, this expression did not exist. In March of 1993, the switch was turned on and information started to be generated. By the end of the year, I was generating over two pages per day on average. In fact, the Beyond Imagination book was completed on 20 December 1993, and Reality Creation 1010 on 4 January 1994. I was elated beyond measure. In fact, I was truly happy in ways that I had never been before in my life. With major spiritual works completed, the possibilities for the future were endless. I was imagining that great things would happen. I was expecting them. But, try as I might, nothing that I was doing seemed to work. I believed that I had created some remarkable works. However, they weren't going anywhere. I was still stuck in my old job. I was aware in whole new ways, spiritually aware. But, in many of the ways that counted, my newfound awareness didn't seem to be making a difference. So, what was the problem? Now, nearly ten years later, I'm faced with the same issues. I'm even more aware then I was then. And, I'm producing more material than ever. Yet, my life 166

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 does not seem to be changing in any noticeable ways ... other than my conscious awareness of the situation. What would I choose to do differently? How would I choose to live differently? What do I have to show for my 45 years on the planet? (We passed the 45 year mark 23 minutes ago.) The key product of my life is the expression that is Beyond Imagination. To date, that is over 3 million words of expression in just over a decade. I don't know how many over 3 million. Because of the way the expression is produced, it is difficult to estimate accurately. There are literally hundreds of web pages at the Beyond Imagination site. Over one-fourth of the expression occurred in 2002. Something changed at the beginning of 2002. Starting on 1 January, I was moved to muse daily and did so with few exceptions for much of the year. Whatever changed has continued into 2003 as the daily musings still continue. I am hard pressed to explain why such things happen. From mid April 1998 through December 2001 there were only occasional musings, less than a dozen in a whole year for some years. I don't really know what triggered the dry spell. But, the years seemed to fly by anyway. Not so fast as they do now, however. There is something about having a halftime job for a hobby that really makes the time go by. At least it is something that I love doing. Actually hobby does not seem to be the right term to use. This is far more than a hobby. It is curious that I don't think that there is anything that I can point to in my work life as a product of lasting value. I've been working for over 25 years. You would think that by now there would have been something that stood out, something that was ultimately important. But, in the long run, all of that is transitory. What was important in the moment lost its value after the moment was over. In the end, it did not make a significant contribution or a significant difference. That is a sad commentary on life in the workplace. I wonder how many others feel as I do. Yes, there are things that I do everyday. And, they may even be things that no one else can do as fast or as well. But, in the end, how much difference do they really make? If you really feel this way, how can you continue to do what you do? It is a job and a job is a means for exchanging our time (and abilities and skills) for a salary. Until I figure out a way to live without the salary, my only choice is to continue to do the job as I understand it to the best of my abilities. I don't have to like it to be able to tolerate it. Such is life. We don't necessarily like everything that happens ... but it is always within our choice to make the best of it. Further, there is some latitude for changing things. So, how do I find a job that I love, or better still how do I create one from the job that I have? Hmm ... that indeed is a more empowering question. There is a sense that Circle A is indeed the last employer that I will have. This is the symbol on my ring, an A composed of 12 diamond chips with a larger diamond at the top. What is not certain is for how long. At this point, my sense is not for long. However, timing is elusive. Do I have the skills to be able to work for myself? It depends on what it is that I would be doing. Clearly, if I would be writing, I have shown that I can do that regularly for extended periods of time. However, it is not clear what other services I might be able to offer ... or how I might sell these services to prospective customers. There is a sense that I could teach, primarily in the area of metaphysics and how consciousness expresses in flesh. Then, there is the building of the foundations for a new world. Here, it is not clear who would pay for the work. This is not something that is the responsibility of any individual. Perhaps government should pay, but it is not clear that they are enlightened enough to realize that new foundations are even necessary. Society has no other arm or voice that represents it and is responsible for meeting its needs. Here we get back to the idea of the social contract: From each in accord with their abilities, to each in accord with their needs. I know. Communism crumbled some time ago in the Soviet Union. But, the economic principle of communism is just as sound as it ever was. This is the basis for a contract between the individual and the society. It recognizes the inherent interdependence of the society and declares explicitly what is expected from the individual and what the individual can expect in return. Had the Soviet Union succeeded in implementing this contract, it would have been so strong that it never would have crumbled. But the 167

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Soviet economy was plagued with lack and people clearly were not engaged in manners that used their abilities. We have the know-how to make this work. That doesn't mean it will be easy. It requires honest assessment of the abilities of people and assignment of people to jobs that require those abilities. Further, it requires a fair and honest assessment of the needs of people and a structuring of compensation so that needs are met to the degree possible. These are not things that most people do for themselves very well or that most companies do for their people. Self-assessment is difficult work. And, one may not like what one finds. But, it is better to know where ones strengths and weaknesses lie than to wander through life unaware. Further, with knowledge, there is also the potential for selfwork, growth, and improvement. It is up to the individual as to how much they want to do to achieve their potential. We all have far greater potential than most of us even begin to suspect. We will be amazed at what we can accomplish when we put our minds and our hearts to it. We are capable of so much. The question mark is how much of this we will actualize and manifest in our life. This depends on what we choose to do. This depends on whom we choose to be. The words continue to pour forth. We've made it to round 7. That means we've done the equivalent of three days of expression in one day today. That is not bad. I set my sights on eight pages and perhaps I'll reach that, but even if I don't I consider this a successful day. I don't really like quotas. They are arbitrary. At the same time, we do need something that helps measure our productivity. Unfortunately, we can't really count how many original ideas were expressed or something of that nature. I have no means of knowing how many fluff or filler words there are. For that, I would have to judge the content of what is expressed. I don't really do that anymore, definitely not as the material is being expressed. When I create the Best Quotes and Best Passages pages, I apply a filter and separate the wheat from the chaff. Even then, there is still a lot of wheat. The Best Passages of 2002 Musings book came to 522 - 5.5 x 8.5 pages. That is a lot of material condensed from one year of expression. However, I have no means for comparison. I don't know how much or how fast other authors write. Nearly everything in my life is like that. I have firsthand knowledge and limited to no knowledge of how others do or experience the same thing. I have no reason to believe that they feel things or think things or experience things in the same way. Yes, as human beings, you would think there would be some common basis. However, as psychological beings, we are very different creatures. What I have dealt with is unlike anything anyone else has dealt with. This is probably true for all of us. Though, their seem to be many who have very common upbringings that result in much more similar frames of reference. I know that mine was unique ... primarily because other people were for the most part absent from it. This highly introverted focus convoluted the way that my brain perceived things. But, in the process, it created patterns that could become the home for new and higher forms of consciousness. There is a sense that all of this was an elaborate computer programming process, one that enabled my brain/mind to establish data structures that allowed me to perceive the world in new ways. In particular, they allowed me to see the synchronicities that existed and as a result to become convinced without a doubt that there is a spiritual world embedded in the symbol systems of the physical world. This spiritual world is as real if not more real than the physical one. When I believed it was more real, I lost touch with physical reality, and needed to be brought back to Earth via medications and a stay in the mental hospital. To date, I've lost touch twice. I don't believe that will happen again. The second time was more scary than the first. I still don't know what I learned from it other than not to stop taking my medications. And the near lack of expression for 3.5 years after it, was quite disconcerting. However, whatever I was meant to learn, I must have learned. The switch was turned on again on 1 January 2002 and hasn't turned off yet. I trust the process of life as it unfolds. What happens is meant to happen. Yes, we create it all at some level. Because of this, I haven't been too concerned about making things happen, or about imposing my will to force them to happen. Though, it seems that in failing to do so, I have kept one of the major tools in my arsenal for reality creation in its holster. My will is a powerful force that awaits to be unleashed. It is not a monster. It will not run amuck and create a mess of things. It's job is to apply itself to achieve whatever it is that I desire. Yes, that means I need to be careful about what I desire. But, overall, my 168

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 desires are kind and beneficial. The biggest desire is to create a better world ... and a society that I would truly want to be part of. On the personal front, relationships are the biggest area of desired improvement. Here, I am looking for more and deeper relationships. Though, I must admit, I am a bit wary of the time commitment that I believe goes along with that. Perhaps that is a misconception. Perhaps the time is more than worth it. We won't really know until we try. There are some very good quotes regarding friends that I have read that suggest that some of these would be very good to have indeed. Also, I'm at a point where this one way expression has taken me about as far as it can. I need some interaction ... I need some others to bounce ideas off of, and to stir the pot a bit so that more can flow forth. We'll see whether this manifests soon. Perhaps the book will be the impetus that attracts these others. Or, perhaps it will be the activities that I engage in to promote the book enabling me to meet others. One way or another we will see soon enough. There is a destiny that is unfolding in my life. It is a powerful destiny. It is not clear that I could stop it even if I wanted to. And, I definitely choose to allow it to manifest ... whatever it might be. At this point I have some general idea of where I seem to be headed, but the details have definitely not yet been set. Some of these are to be molded by me. Perhaps even most of these. Others are to be molded by spirit herself. Regardless, the details will work out to be exactly what they need to be ... and I will play the role that I need to play in determining this. Just checked, we have 5800 words in today's expression already ... more counting this sentence. We'll easily top 6000 for the day before we finish this evening. That is a lot of expression for one day. At $1 per word that would make for a very nice payday. I'm not sure that I could do this everyday ... not for this long anyway. We're at over seven going on eight hours of expression for the day. That's a lot of time in a creative writing mode. But, I have taken several breaks, the latest of which was over two hours to go out to dinner to a place called Killer Shrimp. The shrimp were true to their name. They were wonderful served in a very spicy broth. It was interesting. The place really only has one thing on the menu. However, what they do, they do very well. We should have more of that ... more specializing that allows excellence in the area that is focused upon. It seems there are too many places that are relatively average or ho-hum. They are tolerably acceptable, but not extraordinary. It seems that more things in life should be extraordinary. It takes work to make them so however. Though, when done right, it is not clear that it takes more work to do things in an extraordinary way than to do it in an ordinary way. We need a touch of the miraculous in our lives. This brings a level of richness that nothing else does. What does it take to see the miraculous? First, we must be in search of the miraculous. This means adopting an attitude regarding how the spiritual manifests in the material world. Yes, indeed, the spiritual does so manifest. It is for us to open our eyes and see it happening everywhere around us. We don't have to look far. The miraculous appears in nearly everything. There is so much that is unknown that the realm of the miraculous is wide open. Just thinking. At $1 per word, it would only take about 20 days like today to earn my present yearly salary. How do I contract my services in this manner? How do I find someone willing to pay me $1 per word for all that I generate on a five year contract? That would be enough of a commitment to allow me to do this full time. Is that what I am meant to do? My sense is yes. This is something that I am good at. Though that is a self-assessment. It might help to hear what others might have to say about it. Then again, do I really care? I've expressed what I have to express. That is enough for me. What others get from this expression is largely up to them. It depends on what energy they put into reading and experiencing the material. The material is content rich. However, the content needs to be mined to be reached. That requires time and effort. Is it worth it? My answer would be yes, but I can only speak for myself. It is for you to judge the value of the material based on its utility in your life. Ultimately, everything comes down to utility ... does the information serve us or does it not? We are the only ones who can judge that for ourselves. We made it to round 9. I'm a bit surprised. We got off to somewhat of a slow start this morning. But, we kept at it. On and on we expressed throughout the day until we arrived here. This has definitely been a 169

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 productive day, one that proved just what I am capable of when I devote my efforts to this expression on close to a fulltime basis. Now, I am elated but weary as well. The expression is fun, but it is also a lot of work ... more work than my job in some respects. Here, I must manifest words out of nothingness. For most of my paid work, there is always a starting point. Though, in both places, it is consciousness that does the work through me. And, even after extensive study and investigation, I still know little about how she works. You would think that after expressing for ten years as I have, that I would know more about this. However, it is still a great mystery. Perhaps it will always remain so. Then again, some mysteries are revealed with time.

9 April 2003 Wow, there was a lot that came through yesterday. I knew that as it was coming through. But, seeing the finished product in hindsight is a different vantage point altogether. Is it any good? That is not for me to determine. I believe that it is. In fact, I believe that it is quite good. However, I am too close to what is being expressed to be impartial in this matter. Then again, judgment is never impartial ... that is the very nature of judgment. But is it good enough to be worthy of getting paid for it? That is a different matter, one that will be resolved one way or another soon enough. Perhaps not as soon as I would like, but as soon as spirit deems that it needs to be resolved. Until then, we maintain the status quo, continuing to work at a job that may not be optimum ... but that makes some use of my skills in exchange for a salary that I find acceptable. Does it pay me what I am worth? I wouldn't go that far. But then, I may have an elevated sense of my own worth. That's OK. To some degree, this is healthy. It is only when we take it to an extreme that it can become a problem. Our beliefs must have some basis in reality. It is alright to stretch things so that we force ourselves to grow and we can do this by setting our beliefs about what we are to something bigger than we are at present. But, we need to be careful to take small steps. That is the safest way to get from where we are to where we want to be. Though, it may not be the fastest way. And, at times, our safety may not be the prime consideration at hand. 4/9/2003 ... a 13 day in a 23 year. Be M W comes to mind. Written atop one another, this is IXXI which comes across as a strange form of the number XXII = 22. As you can tell, I see different patterns and different meaning in symbols than most people see. And, the symbolic world is every bit as real to me as the physical one. It just exists in slightly different dimensions and its rules are different. I know that it exists. I see evidence of it every day. It speaks to me, often offering messages of confirmation about things that I have thought about during the day. These often come in the form of numbers, primarily on license plates ... numbers that I have to manipulate and interpret to find the relevant meaning for me. Special numbers come up quite often. I take these as confirmation that spirit is a work in my life. Perhaps the numbers come up so often because I am looking for them. Then again, perhaps it is the universe trying to tell me something. Morning came far too soon today. I'm clearly not a morning person. I don't wake up easily. I am not anxious to start my days. Given all that I do each day, you would think that I might be. However, this is not the case. I enjoy this expression. It lights up my days. But, it still drains my energy. It is a task that I do that demands much of the resources that I have to offer. In fact, it demands more of me than my job typically does. So, where do I go to relax and recuperate? Where do I go to recreate? I sleep a lot ... probably more than the average person. I typically get 8 hours per night during the week and close to 10 hours per night on weekends. Even then, I am tired at times. Though, this may be from getting too much sleep rather than not enough. Hmm ... I'll have to vary the patterns a bit to see if that is true. Any hours that I can free up from my sleep time are free hours that I can use in any way that I desire. Given how precious time is, any such free hours are indeed welcome. They can definitely be put to good use. There is so much that needs to be done. Yet, I can only do so much, especially on my own. Yes, it is a lot ... but, 170

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 it is limited nonetheless. How do we decide what is ours to do versus what to leave for others to do? The first test is whether the task requires our talents. The second test is whether the task really needs to be done. The third test is whether we are moved to do the task. There are probably more, but that is enough to start with. Looking at IX XI again from the middle to each side, we have 11:11. That is an interesting number in and of itself. 780+78+11 = 869. 880+88+11 = 979 = 21 to 1000 = 2121 000. Neither of these seem particularly noteworthy. But 11:11(88) is halfway to 22:22(88) = 1958, my birth year. Hmm ... 22:22 would be II XX : XX II. This formula strikes a chord within me somehow. The symbolic form on the screen with the way the characters merge together means something subconsciously. It speaks to me somehow. II = Pi. XX = Community. Symbols have meanings that extend beyond their conventional usage ... even simple symbols. XX evokes an image of intersecting triangles, one pointing up and one pointing down. In the interlocked form they represent community. This is a part of the Star of David. Peace officers have this symbol on their badges. I never know what is going to come up in this expression. But, it is always a pleasant surprise to find out. That is what keeps me coming back. That and this irresistible urge to express. OK, it may be resistible. But, why should I resist it? Look at what it brings forth into my life. How could I even think of not doing this, even for a moment? I get far too much out of it to give it up. Yes, you could say that I am hooked. But, there are far worse things to be hooked on than spiritual expression. But, you might argue, if I am hooked then I am not really free. However, I don't see it that way at all. I am completely free. I just have this compelling reason to choose to express what spirit would express though me. Does that mean that I give up some of my freedom? No more than a cell in my body gives up some of its freedom in choosing to perform a particular function for the good of the body. Only in this case, I make my choice for the good of the body of humankind ... and perhaps for all life. I do this willingly, without any mental reservation. I know this to be the path that I must follow, the path that is right for me, at least at this particular time in my life. I also know that this may change on a moments notice. I am open to alternative forms of expression when they become necessary ... or when they become more beneficial than the current course that I am on. The bottom line is that spirit is extremely capable and when we allow her room to express in our life she can astonish us with what we are capable of. I say we, because she is not capable of doing anything in flesh except through us and we are not capable of doing anything except as we are animated by spirit. It is important to give credit where credit is due. And, spirit definitely deserves all the credit we can give her. But, that does not mean we should sell ourselves short. We are all incredible beings capable of doing extraordinary things. We don't always live up to this. But, if we look closely we will find that parts of our lives are indeed miraculous. Once again, the ever present question: what would I do next? That doesn't seem like much to ask. Yet, why does the answer elude me? It seems that I am stuck with living in the present and doing what I am moved to do in the immediate moment. Even this expression is like that. Though I do have a choice. Tonight, at some point I can choice to stop bringing forth new expression and start working on the Best Passages from January 2003. At this point, I don't know for sure that I will make that choice. I may. It is a distinct possibility, and perhaps even highly probably ... but I won't know for sure until I actually do it. Even something as simple as that, governing how I am going to spend the next few hours, I don't decide until I decide. Though I did check. I do have all the files that I need. So, it is a matter of choosing to do it. Does it really make a difference? Eventually I will get around to it. Is when really that important? Actually, my sense is yes it is. What passages get selected will very much be dependent on my frame of mind when I am reading through the musings and making the selections. I would like to think the selection process is more objective than that, but I know it is not. It is fast, and very subjective. The passages that need to be retained are obvious as are those that need to go. I don't believe the subjective element of the process is repeatable. That is, I don't believe that multiple passes through the same set of musings would result in the same Best Quotes or Best Passages. That is OK. What is selected is fine. It 171

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 is a filter applied to the raw musings that reduces them by a factor of around four. That yields a more condensed product that is of greater overall value. That didn't answer the question. Obviously, the expression is continuing so the first answer is that I am moved to do this. The rest of the discussion suggested that I am close to being moved to start on the Best Passages from 2003 Musings. In fact, I sense that I could literally start doing that at any moment. What triggers me to change from one task to the next? The bottom line is that I don't really know. It just happens. I just allow it to happen. My consciousness changes course, and I move with it. I don't feel that I choose the course. It is more like the course chooses me. This happens in a similar manner in my work environment as well. Overall my day is fairly unstructured. It is up to me to decide how to focus my consciousness on the tasks that need to get done and even to determine what tasks need to be done. Well, enough for now, I think I will start with Best Passages. Namaste!

11 April 2003 Given the time constraints, yesterdays musing came out all right after all. Today brings one more opportunity to express what spirit would express through me. I welcome these opportunities. I choose to be of service in this manner. I choose to actively engage whom that I AM in this expression. Yet, it is an expression that is still a mystery to me ... even after over a decade. It comes forth automatically. I don't think about it, or organize it in any way. It is simply a stream of consciousness. But, as you'll see, a stream of consciousness is not so simple at all. Though, I don't use a lot of big words. In fact, the average word comes to just over four letters. That is probably a bit less than normal. The rule of thumb for counting words is five characters per word. It probably doesn't help that "I" is used so often. But, my experience for the most part is in the first person singular so this seems the most appropriate way to express it. So, what would come forth today? We're getting a decent start. It is early afternoon as I begin this. We have all afternoon and much of the evening available to do as we are moved to do. How much of that we will spend here we shall see as the day unfolds. At the moment, there is no sense that there is a burning desire for things to be expressed. It is not my will that drives this expression. I come here to participate and to observe what would be expressed. Sometimes there is a sense that there is a backlog and that I can't type fast enough to bring it forth. However, at other times, it just comes through in a trickle ... one statement after the next. Yet, there is often little connection between successive statements. That depends too. Sometimes the expression focuses on a given topic for awhile. But, I never know when this will be. Clearly, I am not in control of what is being expressed other that volunteering to allow it to come forth through me at particular times of particular days. I have to choose to sit in front of the computer and open Netscape Composer to allow this to come forth. And, I have to do it for 2-3 hours per day. That is a lot of time to invest in anything. But this is my spiritual job. It is something that I know that I must do ... not because anyone forces me to, or because anyone tells me that I must ... but because I feel it to be a calling from my soul. And this I cannot deny, I will not deny. I will carry out my destiny. Yes, I believe strongly in destiny, especially spiritual destiny. In some ways, it is as if I have no choice in the matter ... but that is only because I have already made my choice. I have chosen to serve spirit. That was a big choice. Most of the little choices I don't really care much about. Yes, they matter. But, the sense is that if we focus on the big things and get them right, the little things will take care of themselves. Earlier this year, I offered that I would consider these musings successful if they contained one new quotable expression. I haven't started looking for Best Quotes yet for 2003, but my sense is that the material this year is target rich as well. We'll have to see how it compares with 2002. Thus far, that is the only year of expression that is even loosely comparable. Though, it is not clear what such comparisons 172

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 bring. The expression is what it is. Each year is different, and rightly so. Each year of expression is to be judged on its own merits ... not in comparison to any other year. Though, it is difficult not to categorize and compare ... and even to judge. Humans are good at that. Each year makes it rougher to live up to the standards set in the past year. Though, it is strictly me that imposes this condition on myself. However, there is only so much time. At some point I am going to max out the amount of free time that I can expend engaged in this expression. No, I haven't done that yet. But, it isn't that far away. I couldn't find double the time for instance. There just isn't that much free time in my weeks. So, my max must be somewhere between 20 hours and 40 hours per week. That's still a pretty wide range. But 40 hours requires that I spend nearly every free waking moment engaged in this expression. That's just not going to happen. That is, not unless I can find a way to make this my job. That has been a common theme lately. It seems that there should be a way to be paid for doing the work that I love to do. This is far more interesting, more challenging, and more consuming of my talents than anything else that I have ever done. Here I am engaged in the dance of consciousness in a way that nothing that I was ever taught prepared me for. Am I good at it? I believe so, but you'll have to judge that for yourself. Does what I have to say serve you? Does it teach you something about yourself and how you create your reality? If so, then I have done my job well. For, those are some of the most powerful lessons that can be offered. I don't mind working hard. I don't mind working 60-80 hour weeks. I would just rather that I were doing this full time for spirit and being rewarded abundantly for what I do. And, what I do is write. I generate words. It seems a fair exchange would be a rate of pay per word of expression. $1 per word is a nice round number. Further, it is a number that would motivate me to express for untold hours each and every day. In fact, it might even be enough to give me a reason for getting up in the morning. Such a contract would definitely make a major difference in my life. Within months, many of my financial challenges would be overcome. This would be a level of financial freedom that I have not experienced before. Are the writings worth $1 per word? Yes, indeed the are! Where else are you going to go to get such writings as these after all? Will they sell enough to earn that? That is a different question. Here, I do not know. Perhaps, perhaps not. We shall see soon enough with the first book. Depending on how that does, we can generate others or not. Or, perhaps we generate the others anyway, just to have gone through the step of doing so. We're already nearing 1200 words for today’s expression. That's a pace of over 600 words per hour. How long can I keep up such a pace? Or, should I say how long can consciousness? It seems that she continues to have something to say so long as I give her the resources through which to speak. At $1 per word, I am asking for roughly $600 per hour for the time that I am expressing. When you consider that this is highly creative time, perhaps that is not such a high price to pay after all. The Air Force pay my company around $120 per hour for my work time. But only a small amount of that time is truly creative time. I am productive and do a lot of work, but much of it is busy work and meetings. Here, we're off by a factor of five. That is the difference for what creative expression is worth. Further, what I do here has the potential to benefit far more people in far greater ways in the long run. That makes it much more valuable. OK ... I'm convinced. Where do I go to find someone willing to pay this to me? Or, perhaps it won't be someone ... perhaps it will be distributed across the portion of the population that buys my books. Then again, the universe may have some other alternatives up its sleeves of which I am not aware. That would not surprise me. She has this way of doing things that surprise me. The more that I think about it, the more right it seems. $1 per word seems to be a fair value for this work. That would allow me to generate enough money to get the foundations of Beyond Imagination rolling as well ... something that has bogged down to date for a variety of reasons. This would put my destiny in my control in a way that it has never been before. For that, I would be extremely grateful. Who knows what might pour forth if I could engage in this expression on a fulltime basis. I have never yet been able to do that. My birthday a few days ago was a fine example. So, this is obviously what I desire. What does it take to make it so? Is this in line with spirits plans for me? My sense is that yes, it 173

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 is. My sense is that there is only so much that I can learn in my present work environment and that I have reached a point where it is time to move on. But, I can't jump without a parachute. I need a new job before I can leave my present one. That is the way that it works. It is not clear where the contract will come from that pays me for these words. But, there is a sense that it will come, and that it will be a fair one. When is a different matter, one that I seem to have little to no control over. Though as always, my hope is that it would be soon. The sooner the better. It seems that I have done what I can in my present work environment. It is time to make a new one for myself. And, this time not to have anyone as an employer other than spirit herself. Hmm ... or a suitable benefactor in the name of spirit. Beyond Imagination is more than this expression. It is about doing things to create the foundations for a new world. This will require uncompensated time and effort that ultimately is paid for by the $1 per word of expression. Two hours of writing per day would cover my salary. That would leave 8-10 hours per day for doing things and interacting with others. However, I would probably write four to six hours per day in the beginning to get my financial house in order and to establish a habit of expression. This all assumes that the expression would continue to come forth at the rate it does for that many hours per day. Before 2002, I would not have believed it. But now, it seems that so long as I can sit and type ... spirit can find a way to express something of value. Today, we are just over two hours and just shy of 2000 words. The typical days expression is about another half page. I don't set quotas ... but informally, I do have a goal for the day that I am trying to reach. Sometimes it is a general goal, and I don't know that I've reached it until I get there. At other times it is more specific. For regular days, I like to see the expression fill over onto the third page and fill at least half of it. If I don't get there, there are no penalties. However, most of the time, I succeed ... at least lately. What would I do next? I have a book in the process of being published. I'm starting to select the Best Passages of 2003. When that is finished, I'll take a cut at selecting Best Quotes of 2003. I'm still musing nearly every day. What more should I be doing? What more could I be doing? It still seems that there is something that I am missing. Everything I've covered are solitary activities, things that I do on my own. Where are the group activities? Where are the social engagements? Yes, your efforts at sharing with your Beyond Imagination Quote per Day Calendar failed dismally. That doesn't mean that you can't try other things. You need to find an audience that is likely to be more receptive to some of the kinds of things that you are trying to say. This would be a metaphysical type of audience. That narrows the customer base a lot. But, such is how it is. This expression demands a level of openness on the part of the reader. Without this openness, much of the message is lost. Then again, we're not asking that the book reach millions of people ... though that would be nice. Tens of thousands would be respectable and more reasonable. Though, it is not clear how reasonable. That, we shall see in the coming months. The sense is that we are in for one interesting Summer. I'm up for it, ready to embrace whatever it has to offer. It seems that we are about to reach a crossroads ... and much is riding on the direction in which we choose to go. Though, at the same time, it seem the right direction will be obvious, though it may not be the easiest of choices to make. Hmm ... that is a bit different. I'm used to the choices in my life being both obvious and easy to make. It seems here we are in store for something a little different than that. OK, I'm ready to take on whatever choices are required. How much do I believe in myself and my abilities? Not enough to venture out on my own without a contract providing financial backing … yet, enough to believe that I am creating exactly those circumstances required for my liberation here and now.

12 April 2003 Another careless mistake with filenames cost me another musing. This time it was a short one, just over an hour's work late on Thursday evening. But, nonetheless, it is expression that is lost never to be 174

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 recovered. My memory is such that I don't remember what is expressed from paragraph to paragraph, much less what is expressed from day to day. I do know that it came to just over a page and a quarter of expression. That's OK. What is done is done. All that we can do is move on from here and express what spirit would have us express next. At this point we still don't know what that will be. We never really know until we see it happening. Even after a decade, the process is still a mystery. That is fine, mysteries are good. They challenge us and keep our interest. Not everything is meant to have an explanation, especially a logical explanation. Some things simply defy logic ... they exist in a realm outside of that in which logic or even rationality has power. Here, intuition offers great hope. It provides us with an alternative means for knowing and for handling the reality that we experience. We can use intuition to help find or assign the meaning to things. We all have powerful intuitions. Though, most of us have blocked the channels through which this intuition can pass information to us consciously. We have to find ways to remove the blocks and open up the channels once again. Why would I spend over an hour musing only to write over the file and lose the work forever one day later ... and then not discover it for another day? You would think that there would be some built in safeguard to protect me from doing things like that. But, there is not. This is the second time this year that I have lost a musing in this manner. I'll just have to be more careful when I start of the musing for the day to do a Save As rather than a Save. Such a simple error can make all the difference. During the week, I post the files each day, so I have multiple copies and can recover. However, on weekends, I typically do not back up my work. Perhaps it is time that I should. What would I express next? What is so important that it needs to be expressed on this 12th day of April? At this point, I do not know. There is nothing pressing. There is nothing that I am dying to say. The stream of consciousness continues to wander where it will. I don't feel a need to harness or direct it. Not yet anyway, but it seems that may be changing. It seems that the day may be coming when I need to take a more active role in deciding what is expressed here. This is my expression after all as much as it is spirits. If I'm going to take more credit for what is expressed, then it seems that I need to do more of the work myself. Then again, there is nothing wrong with serving spirit and expressing as spirit would have us express. In fact, when we are doing it, this seems to be the highest form of expression that we can engage in. I guess that means that whether I express as me or whether I express for spirit ... both are right for me at this time. I will do whichever I am moved to do when I am moved to do it. Either way, I will express. The difference is in the modality. And, even there, it is not clear how much difference there is when during my expression, I come from the deepest part of my soul. That part of me is very close to spirit. That is true for all of us. When we learn to touch the depths of our soul ... we also reach out and touch spirit. These two things go hand in hand. We cannot achieve one without the other. If you have nothing to say, then why come here to express? Because I do not know what might be expressed. Further, I am moved to come here by a force that I choose not to resist. It is a very strong force. Yes, I could fight it if I wanted to ... but, why should I? It is far easier to start the computer, open Netscape Composer, and type away. Who knows what pearls of wisdom might be captured? At any time the ideas necessary for my liberation or the liberation of others may be expressed. I may or may not recognize them as they come forth. But, that is why they are captured in this manner. We can go over them time and time again until we get the messages they are trying to impart to us. Indeed, they are trying to impart messages. It is a matter of us seeking them out and finding them ... and more than that applying meaning to them. It is ultimately the meaning that we apply to the messages that is of the utmost importance. This more than anything determines the impact of the messages on our lives. The world is alive with spiritual meaning. It is everywhere that we look. It is embedded in all of the symbol systems of the world. Everything has not one, not two, but multiple meanings. These meanings are in varying contexts that can have little to nothing to do with one another. Most people don't see any spiritual meaning in the world. However, they can be made to see it if it is pointed out to them clearly. A 175

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 select few already catch glimpses of spiritual meaning ... maybe even vistas of it. They can be assisted to see even more. Further, they can be enlisted to serve as wayshowers for others. It is time people realize that they are spiritual beings living in a spiritual world. It is time we realize that most of our social problems are spiritual problems and that if we want to fix them, we are going to have to find spiritual solutions. I did not say religious solutions, I said spiritual solutions. There is a big difference. Religions tend to be exclusive and tend to believe that their way is the way. Spirituality is inclusive, recognizing that there are many paths to God and any path is only a way. Being inclusive is clearly the better way to go. We need to find ways to embrace others regardless of their differences.

13 April 2003 Once again, it is late as we begin this musing tonight. But, I couldn't stand the alternative of losing another days expression. It doesn't matter how long the expression goes on. There is something about doing it everyday that is important ... or nearly everyday anyway. I'm definitely here to express. This is one thing that I can do that distinguishes me from others. No, it doesn't make me any better or any worse for that matter ... just different. I would say that I am more awake and more aware than most. But it has cost me a lot to get to this state. Yet, the cost was for the most part a labor of love. It was something that I did because I was moved to do it and because I enjoyed doing it. At the time I was doing it, I considered it an investment in knowing myself ... and I believed this task to be one of the most important tasks that we had as individuals. Though, it was obvious that the vast majority neglected and all but ignored the task. How could something be so supremely important to me yet have so little importance to others? I never really did figure out an answer to that. The closest I came was a realization that each of us are on our own path and will draw to us those beliefs and experiences necessary to our own growth and development along that path. It is not for us to impose our way on anyone else. We can freely share our way with all who care to listen. Indeed, we are encouraged to do so. For, great benefits can come from such sharing. But, we must allow others the freedom to take away what they will in their own way and use it in whatever manner they see fit. It is by sharing that we evoke the power of synergy. We can learn from one another’s failures as well as successes ... and in doing so as a whole make fewer of the same mistakes and experience far more successes. We will find that what works for others may work for us. It doesn't always work. We may have to tailor it to fit us. Further, we may have beliefs that conflict with it. However, these things can be overcome if we are serious about it. It is amazing what we can do when we put our mind to something, especially if our heart is set on it as well. The mind and heart operating together is a very powerful combination indeed. We need something in our life that we can be passionate about. It doesn't matter what it is, but it needs to have the power to move us deeply. It needs to be something that we are committed to in some way. It can be a talent, an activity, a mode of expressing ... any number of things. But it needs to be something that keeps us excited about life. It needs to be something that keeps us coming back for more. This expression does that for me. This is my life’s work. This is my legacy. When I am dead and gone, this will be what is left to show for the life that I have lived. Is it worth my life? Yes, this expression is worth living for. I can't think of anything at this moment that is worth dying for. However, I live in a country where we take our freedom for granted. Though, even were that not the case, it seems that living and fighting for the desired changes would be better than dying to try to achieve them. Where does this expression stand relative to the expression of others? Is it similar to anything else that has been expressed? Is it worthy of an audience ... a sizable audience? How many people are ready to hear the messages that are being conveyed here? Will people find the Best Passages book when it comes out in a couple of months? Will they choose to buy it? I wonder how many people read this expression 176

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 on a regular basis. They would have had to bookmark the Main Page or the Musings Page and then do a reload of the page each day to get the latest version with links to the latest musings. I do that to check the links, but I wonder whether anyone does that to read the pages. Would it be better to send the material out to a newsletter audience? Perhaps, but I wouldn't know where to start to develop a mailing list. Given how averse I am to unsolicited e-mail, I am very reluctant to send anything out to a mass mailing. Yet, how else do I give people the opportunity to see what I have to offer? How do they know what Beyond Imagination is about, or even that Beyond Imagination exists, without being introduced to me and what I do ... and what spirit does through me? It seems time to do some advertising and promotion, as much as I dislike those things. It seems that they are a necessity in getting the word out on something to a target audience. Hmm ... that is the key. I need to be careful to define the target audience to be people that are likely to see the benefit and value of what I have to offer. Then, I need to be clear about stating what it is that I am offering. Can I do this? Can I promote my self and all that is Beyond Imagination? If not me whom? If not now when? We've been doing this in relative silence for over a decade now. It seems time to find a way to speak out. It is time to start connecting with others. It is time to start building the foundations that allow us to cooperate and work together more effectively for the benefit of all. We are meant to live in an interdependent society. Actually, we already live in one, we just are not consciously aware of all of the interdependencies.

14 April 2003 Another day. Selecting best passages for 2003 is more difficult than I remember it being before. The January file is still at 47 pages. That is far more than what I would have expected. I guess I'll have to make another pass and with more rigid criteria and condense it further. Everything takes time however. And, that seems to be a commodity in short supply of late. I need to find ways to be even more productive than I am. It doesn't matter that I do more than most people that I know. That is still not enough. I know myself to be capable of more. But how do I get beyond the tiredness and sense of lethargy that I feel during the day? Something is not right. I've been working late into the night, but it makes getting up in the morning difficult and staying awake during the day somewhat of a challenge. We're already two weeks into April. Before long, we'll be one-third of the way into the year already. Will anything of interest happen today? That remains to be seen. Thus far, it has been a pretty normal day. But, I got a late start ... so the day is still young. A lot could still happen in the next 11 hours before I retire for the night. Six of those are work, one for commuting/eating, one for exercise. But, that leaves three hours for expression. That is, if I don't watch Crossing Jordan tonight. I can exercise while watching television. But, it is very difficult to engage in this expression with the television on. The radio is a different matter. I have it playing nearly all the time. But, television demands far more attention. It is not the same when you just listen to it. Is there something that I should or could be doing to make the day special in some way? ... something different than what I am doing via this expression? Hmm ... that opens up a whole other realm of possibilities. Though, here I still feel very much isolated from others. I don't seem to think as others think. I don't seem to feel as others feel. I don't seem to be aware in the same way that others are aware. We are different in so many ways. Yet, this is the work environment that I have chosen to be in for whatever reason. Somehow, this environment is where I am meant to be. This environment is providing me with what I need to experience. Then, why is there this gnawing sense that this is no longer enough? Why is it that my spirit demands more out of everything ... including my work environment?

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 What can I say? I've reached a breakpoint in my life once again ... a point where the old ways of doing things no longer work, and new ways are required. I need to deal honestly with my reality and identify those things that I am pleased with and those things that I dislike and then take the steps to fix my belief system to increase the former and decrease the later. Part of this is to come to grips with what I am truly worthy of. We have spoken of $1 per word being the fair value for this expression. It will be interesting to see how the universe comes up with its part of the bargain in this. I have agreed to express. I have volunteered a great deal of time toward and energy toward this end at spirit’s behest. It seems only right that spirit should work out the compensation. Though, I am open to that coming in ways that I had never dreamed possible. I'm the last one to put a cage around spirit to restrict her expression. Such serves no one. Yet, there are still many places in the world where spirit is restricted ... not because spirit is not free, but because people believe that they are not free and hence impose this constraint on how spirit expresses through them. It doesn't have to be that way. Spirit can express freely regardless of the amount of restriction and oppression imposed ... though it does seem to take exceptional souls to demonstrate this to us. Spirit is amazing, however. She can literally move mountains if necessary to effect her works in the world. Yet, it seems she does most of this by revealing ideas and ideals to us ... ideas whose time we realize has come ... ideas we believe so strongly in that we are able to do what it takes to manifest them. This is no small feat. But, we are grand creatures ... and ours is a grand endeavor. Once again, I have no clue what I've written to this point. That is OK. I'm moved to go on blindly anyway. There is something about the 62:Eight of Swords = Blindfolded Lady card in the Tarot that I've related to for some time now. I don't have to worry. Spirit guides my every step. I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow. The greatest love of all is easy to achieve. I've found the greatest love of all inside of me. Some words from one of my favorite songs. This time sung by Whitney Houston. This is a very powerful song and Whitney sings it in a manner that is very moving. It is appropriate that song would be playing just as I began musing again. These writings are my children ... probably the only ones that I will have in this existence. Though it is not clear how I would teach them. It seems that they already know enough to teach me a lot and to lead me where I need to go. I trust that the words come from spirit. And, because of this, they have a level of credibility to me that I don't need to question. Though, I do remember being warned by a teacher about accepting anything without question. That hasn't stopped me. I've been believing things ... and believing them strongly for nearly a decade. Yes, it got me into trouble a couple of times. But, overall, it has been a highly effective practice. It enables me to experience reality as I do. It has enabled me to awaken and become aware in ways that I never knew were possible before. It is amazing what firsthand experience brings into ones life ... especially in the spiritual domain. What is it that I want to do next? That is the question that fills my mind. It seems that it time for action ... but not just the same old actions, not just doing more of the same old things, but doing something fresh and new. If I knew what it were, I would be doing it already. Soon enough. The sense is that I will not have to wait long. The circumstances are working themselves out. The necessary conditions are being drawn into my life even as I speak ... perhaps because I speak. Soon, I will be moved to do whatever it is that it is that I am to do next. Spirit already knows what this is. At some level, I already do as well. It is just a matter of making it conscious and doing it. That's all it takes. Then again, that can be said about nearly anything that we want to create in our lives. We are masterful creators already ... each and every one of us. We are creating exactly the reality that we experience, every aspect of it. Some of us might not 178

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 like what we have created. However, the only place to lay blame is with ourselves. We create our own reality. We always have, and we always will. There are no exceptions to this. Nothing happens to us by chance. Nothing is forced upon us by others. It may appear so under the circumstances ... but we cocreate the circumstances out of what we believe. I'm anxious to get on with my life ... to achieve the destiny that I am meant to achieve. Everything that I have done to date is only the beginning. I still have a quarter of a century or so to do my work, to make my mark on the world. I would make a difference with my life, a large difference for many if I can. How does one who has been virtually a hermit do that? What I have been to date has no bearing on what I am to be in the future. I will be what I need to be. I will do what I need to do. I will do this because I must, because it is necessary for the accomplishment of my mission. Failure is not an option, in this I must and will succeed. This is important to me, this matters ... perhaps more than anything else that I do. Again, what is the next step? What is next on the agenda of my life? Thus far, I haven't been privy to know until near the time that it was about to happen. That makes it easy to live each day, one day at a time. But, it makes it difficult to plan anything. Then again, I've always felt planning was highly overrated. I've done very little of it in my life. The expression is a prime example. There is no planning that goes into it. It is a spontaneous expression. Whatever comes forth comes forth when it comes forth. There is no forcing it. There is only an allowing of it. This is not something I create. This is not something I make happen. Though in a sense I do. I come here and volunteer my services to express in this way. I engage in this dance of consciousness. I give consciousness a voice through my fingers onto this screen in front of me ... and ultimately in front of you. I take the time to record what consciousness would express through me in this manner, trusting that it is worthy of being captured and shared, even though I may never get any feedback from it. It may have to be enough that the material has value to me. Then again, the sense is that this is one of the major things that is starting to change ... that what was a solitary expression is going to become a social expression. That is a big jump for me. I would be lying if I didn't express some reluctance to making the jump. Yet, I know that such a leap is crucial at this time. Because of that, I have no doubt that I will make it. Those things that are necessary for me to do, I find a way to do ... especially when they are related to carrying out my spiritual mission. But, it is not just me. We all find ways to do the things that are most important to us. With proper practice, we can get even better at this. It helps, however, if the things that are most important to us also happen to be the things that are most important to spirit or to society. Just checked, we are rapidly approaching 2000 words for today’s musing. With that, I think I'll stop and use the remainder of the evening to make a second pass at selecting the Best Passages for January. There is a sense that I've done my duty for today, expressing what was meant to be expressed. Sure, I could always express more. But, there is always another day. If I had a thousand readers out there consuming my writings each day, I might decide differently. At this point, I don't know that I have even a single reader other than myself. Yet, I am moved to muse anyway. As I write this Celine Dion sings A New Day Has Come once again. It seems that I'm hearing that song a lot more frequently lately. I wonder what that is telling me? It is a powerful song, full of spiritual meaning. It was #1 for around 15 weeks last Summer with one of the fastest rises to the Top of the chart of any song. Now, it is if we are seeing a resurgence nearly 9 months later. Interesting. One of the lines of the song still baffles me ... Let it shatter the walls for a new Sun(son). I took this as suggesting that the walls be shattered for a new age, for the next Sun sign in the progression ... in this case the change from Pisces to Aquarius. As the song from the sixties said: This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius. But, there is a difference between the dawning and the dawn. The dawning is over when the dawn has arrived. It does indeed seem that we have arrived. But, it also seems that there is some overlap. There are people who built their Heavens on Earth by Piscean rules who are entitled to live out their days in peace under those rules. There are others of us who seem to be Aquarian types. It is not yet clear what 179

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 rules we will live by, at least not collectively. But whatever they are, they will be revealed in short order and they will be fair and just.

15 April 2003 We've reached the midpoint in April already. My, time is flying by this year. There is just so much going on on all fronts that it is hard to keep up with everything. But we find time to do what matters most. We find the time to come here to express. And we do it nearly everyday for several hours. That is a major commitment that we make. Bu it is one that we feel that we must make. Not expressing is not a choice ... or at least not a life affirming choice anyway. So, the only real issue is how much we will express. Over the past 15 plus months, that has been a lot. At this point there is no sense that this is to stop or even let up substantially anytime soon. It seems that if anything I am being moved to express even more than ever before. Yet, there is a limit. At some point, I run out of free time in my days to apply to this endeavor. Then, to do more I need to find ways to enlist and harness the support of others. Hmm ... I hadn't thought about this before. But that is indeed how I do more. The analogy of a transistor comes to mind. When a small base current is applied, a much larger corresponding emitter/collector current flows. I need to find a way of arranging myself so that my efforts are aligned in this manner ... so that what I do gets magnified greatly in the larger world. That assumes that what I do is of such value that it deserves to be magnified. I would hope that by now I have demonstrated that such is indeed so. My intent is for the greater good of society. That is the only way that spirit knows how to express. That doesn't mean that individuals don't get the message confused at times. Indeed they do, and all too often. But, people have good intents in general. They do the best they can with what they have given what they know and the circumstances that they find themselves within. That doesn't mean the results are always the best. But, at some level, they are good enough. Though, are they really. When we look out and see all the dire poverty in the world, is that really good enough? Or, does that incite us to do something to make a difference and help to fix the problems? There is a sense that if we are not part of the solution, then we are part of the problem. It is our indifference that allows the situation to continue to exist year after year, decade after decade, even century after century in some cases. In this day and age, no one should be living in poverty. We have more than enough economic capacity to produce the goods and services needed by everyone in society. It is a matter of choosing to distribute these goods and services where they are needed. That does not mean that we freely give everyone anything they might want. However, it does mean that we do not refuse anyone anything that they might need. What does it mean that this expression continues at this frenetic pace? And, how long can it continue to do so? How much is there for me to say that is new and original? Thus far, it seems that I have done pretty good at keeping it so. Yet, as the mountain of words continues to grow, is there some limit to how high it can reach before it comes tumbling down? Are the foundations solid enough to prevent this? Obviously, they were not prior to 1993 and again during 1998. Am I on a five year cycle and ready for another fall? Or, have I learned my lessons better this time and planted myself on more solid ground ... perhaps even on bedrock this time? I feel more integrated and more grounded. Yet, my consciousness still finds time to soar to heights beyond itself. I don't stop this behavior because I enjoy it so much, and because I'm not sure that I could even if I wanted to. There is something about exploring the realms of the unknown, especially the unknown of consciousness, that excites me. This is what I do. If I knew how to make it my vocation ... I would do so. But, for now, I must be content to do it on my own. That is OK for now. It demonstrates a level of commitment that I have chosen to apply. To do much more, I need to see resources start to come my way. At this point, it is still not clear as to how that will happen. My attempts to exchange my services for the things that I need have had limited success with the exception of my job. All of the things that I have done that I value most have yet to generate any compensation. What makes me think that they should do so? There is a book with the title Do What You Love and the Money Will 180

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Follow. I firmly believe this. And, this expression is what I love to do, at least in the moment. So ... how do we get the final part of the clause to kick it? And, how much money are we talking about? Is this enough to make our living off of? At what point can I be financially independent of any company? Is that even in the cards for me? That I am even asking suggests that yes, it might be. If only I were King, the world would be a much different place. But, we do not live in a time of dictators anymore. If we would change the world, we will have to do so through ideas ... ideas whose time has come. Indeed, this is what a New Age is all about. Aquarian principles are different than Piscean ones. During an interim period, both sets of principles will be operative ... with the Aquarian ones winning out eventually. Whether that is 20 years or 200, I have no means of knowing ... but my sense is the shorter is closer to the reality. Further, Piscean principles were born in secrecy over 2000 years ago around the time of the birth of Christ. Aquarian principles will not need to be so veiled and hidden. They can be openly discussed, taught, and practiced. Though, it is not clear that the old age will die easily ... it seems that it will go out kicking and screaming all the way. Oh well, we need a little of that to wake us up now and then, to get us to realize what is really important to us. We may be surprised at what this is. Often, we do not know ourselves as well as we might think. However, spirit is never fooled. She knows us far more intimately than we know ourselves. Because of this she knows what is in our best interest ... always. And, she will guide us in that direction if we will only listen to her and follow her. Though, most of us fail to do this. We think that we know better, that we can decide for ourselves. Indeed, we can make such decisions for ourselves ... but then we are responsible for the consequences of the decisions. We are responsible if we choose the path suggested by spirit as well, but that path is almost always rosier. How would I make the world a better place? I would start with rebuilding the foundations of society ... the government, the economy, the educational system and I would ensure that underneath it all was a strong spiritual foundation. Without this spiritual foundation, nothing else that we do will succeed in the Aquarian Age. It is that simple. This is an Age of Spiritual manifestation unlike anytime that has existed before. Consciousness is about to flower in ways that she has never done. We have seen hints of what she is capable of in individuals here and there. However, we are about to see consciousness unleashed on a massive scale through organizations of people that have never chosen to cooperate in such a manner before. And the works that will be achieved and the forces that will be unleashed will truly be beyond imagination. We live in an interesting time in the history of humankind ... in the history of consciousness. There is a plan of consciousness that is being enacted. Day by day it is being unveiled. Where it is leading and what we will be able to do once we get there remains to be seen ... but the sense is that miracles will be as child’s play. We are that powerful. We are creators of a very high order. It is time we recognized this, and took responsibility for whom that we are. Some do this more than others. But, most do not do this anywhere near enough. Then again, who am I to judge? We each live our lives as we feel that we must. However that is, is appropriate for us. What are my qualifications for doing any of this? Why am I qualified to bring forth this expression in this manner? I still ask myself that. Yes, I spent over 20 years studying metaphysics ... primarily by reading a lot of books, from age 15 to 35 prior to my initial awakening experience. Now, I have spent over 10 years expressing this stream of consciousness. I must be qualified to do it, because I do it, and I consider myself quite good at it. Though, this is a subjective assessment. I have no basis for comparison other than seeing what I produce compared with some of the things that I have read. One might think that this expression would be based on the many inputs that went into my mind prior to the expression. But, I'm not sure that is the case at all. I don't know how all of this originates. It definitely does not seem to be tied directly to the things that I have read or heard before. Oh, I do offer quotes from time to time. But, for the most part, the expression is original. It expresses things anew, in ways that they have never been expressed before ... at least to my knowledge. Even when the material repeats, the wording is not exact. The point of view is slightly different, the focus is different, thus the material is different. How long can this go on? It seems that the process can go on indefinitely. There is that much that can be expressed. 181

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Though, there is a sense that such would not be the most effective way of using my talents. I've already shown that I can do this. It seems that it is time for me to take the next step and show that I can do whatever I am to do next. Right now, the sense is that this simply is not it. I know because I am not gathering people around me with whom to enter into cooperatively interdependent relationships. That, it seems is the next step for me. Each step that I take needs to be measured with respect to whether it is moving me in this direction. Being an individual contributor is no longer enough. This is stopping me in my career path at work. It seems that it is showing up here in the spiritual path as well. I'm an outstanding individual contributor. However, is that as far as I want to go? I believe that I've already decided the answer to this is no. But there is a learning curve to operating in a new way. I don't even know what you call how I need to be operating. What I do know is that it involves working far more closely with others. I'm not real good at networking and interacting with people in general. Hopefully, some of that is an acquired skill. Otherwise, the way ahead could be quite rocky. There is always a fall back. I can always go back to being an individual contributor, if need be. Though, it does seem that my destiny is driving me along this path for a reason. To some degree, I live my life as a drifter ... going where the winds of consciousness blow me. Many might find this a difficult way to live. It has its challenges and its uncertainties. And, it has its periods of boredom. However, overall, I seem to be making progress. Though it is somewhat cyclical in nature. I cannot say that over the long run each year has been better than the year before. 93-95 were very productive ... then there was virtually nothing from 5/98 to 12/01 and then the explosion started in 01/02 and continues through the present. Overall, my awareness has grown each year during that timeframe. However, I just wasn't moved to express it very much for that 42 month span in the middle.

16 April 2003 Once again we come to the blank slate to express. Or, almost to the blank slate anyway. We start with the same few lines at the top and the same several line ending every day. But, the bulk of the content gets expressed in the magic zone, the nothingness between these two sections. What was nothingness gets filled somehow by a process that is still very much a mystery to me even after a decade of doing it. I had a class on visual communication skills today. At one point the instructor said we retain 10% of what we see, 20% of what we hear, 50% of what we see and hear, and 90% of what we do. This expression is clearly an act of doing. Though, I see it and I hear it in my head as well. But, I don't remember it ... not in the sense of being able to recall what came forth in the prior paragraph much less prior day or prior week of expression. Clearly, I do not recall anywhere close to 90% of what is expressed. In fact, I would be surprised if this were 10%. Why is that? Why is the nature of this information such that it doesn't fit the mold? For one thing, this is original creative expression. That, by itself, places it in a special class. But there are other people who remember what they have expressed. The sense is that I would remember as well if it was important for me to do so. At this point in time however, it seems that would be more of a distraction or a hindrance to the expression than a help, therefore I don't remember. There is something powerful about keeping the mind as a blank slate. As such, there is plenty of room for accepting information. I really do think that is one of the features that addresses the question "why me"? I am naturally suited to do this by the very way that my brain is wired. Being bipolar ... or maybe unipolar (since I have experienced mania but have yet to experience depression) seems to help as well. My brain chemistry is different than most. That in turn impacts the reality that I experience. For good or for bad ... it makes my reality different. This expression is recorded in this manner for a reason ... perhaps for many reasons. First, so that I have a record of this stream of consciousness that I can go back to at any time. Second, so that I can share this stream of consciousness with the world. Since 1994, I have been strongly moved to share what I have 182

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 experienced. I established the Beyond Imagination web site in the Fall of 1995. I've been adding more and more material to the web site each year as spirit expresses through me. This is incredibly easy to do. We truly live in remarkable times. That I can express something and within minutes post the information for the world to see is simply amazing. It is a testament to our times ... and the nature of the information age. However, there are pitfalls? How do we find the specific information that we need? How do we evaluate whether the information that we do find is accurate or not? How do we judge the trustworthiness of sources of information? How do we announce that we have information that might be of benefit to others? For instance, would one even have reason to expect that such information as that expressed at this site even existed ... much less that it was freely available to anyone? The fact that the information comes through me doesn't seem to mean that I am to control its dissemination. I post each days musing in a separate file and make it available as a link from the Musings of a Spiritual Warrior page. I've been doing this for many years ... though it has only been a daily thing since January 2002. Is there anyone other than me aware that I am doing this? Hmm ... the answer to that is probably no. Then, why am I doing it. Why put in the nearly 3 hour investment each day? Is there not something better that I could be doing with my time? At this point, I would have to answer no. I do what I do because I can and because I must. I am driven to do it by an inner prompting of spirit. The investment results in a tangible product. There is a sequence of words, on the order of 2000 words per day that are captured as this stream of consciousness comes forth. Each day, something is created ... something that contains ideas, some of which may potentially change the world as we know it. How many such ideas these works contain is ultimately not something for me to judge myself. That will take people applying the ideas and evaluating their utility. Is this expression worth it? Thus far, I would have to say yes, each and every moment of it ... just from what I get out of it. However, there is a great potential that much good could come from this as well ... good on several fronts: good for individuals seeking to awaken, good for society, and good for the very infrastructures of the world order. Do I really believe that what I have been able to express here to date and what I will be able to express in the future will allow me to contribute in such a manner? You bet I do. I have every confidence that I can carry out my mission ... and I believe this to be part of that. It still amazes me that I can find something to express each day. I express this to myself and to any who happen to find it and chose to read and listen to what I have to say ... or should I say what spirit has to say through me. But then, at some level spirit and I are one, so it doesn't really matter. What does matter is the messages that are conveyed. Part of that is in the very nature of the expression. As you walk though my states of consciousness word by word, idea by idea ... you experience something that you could not otherwise experience. Only you can judge whether the experiences that result are of value to you. I have to believe that they are. I have to believe that consciousness is expressing through me in this manner for a reason. I may not know what that reason is exactly. But, life has purpose in my world. And, while you are treading on these words ... you are in the realm of Wayne's World. Here is where I exist, more than anywhere else. Here is where I put my energies and my talents. Here is where I put my attention and my focus. These thoughts are real to me. The ideals conveyed herein may still be in the clouds ... but I have a strong desire to build the foundations under them that allow them to be realized on earth. Yes, I believe that I can do this. Yes, it will require a cooperative effort with others. Yes, it is grandiose of me to think in this manner. I know that. But, when you have a big task to do ... it helps to believe that you have the abilities to do it. Often, the very belief is enough to assure the right abilities will be there. We tend to find ways to live up to our expectations of ourselves. Though, it pays not to go overboard on this. At some point, there is only so much that we can do and enough is enough. Yet, there are always ways to do anything that we do more efficiently and effectively thereby freeing us up to be able to be more and do more. Sometimes this involves delegating tasks that others can do to others so that we can free ourselves to do those tasks more suited for us to do. By more suited, in many cases I mean tasks that only we can do elegantly. Yes, elegantly is the operative word here. It implies effectively with the most efficient use of resources. Yes, that is asking a lot. But that should be the goal that we strive for ... to do everything with elegance. This requires a major attitude adjustment for many people. 183

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 It sure would be nice if I could find a way to make this my job. $1 per word, that's all that I ask. That would be enough to empower me to do a lot of things to get Beyond Imagination rolling. There is much work to be done. This expression is only part of that. Yes, a big part, but a part nonetheless. So, where do I go to make it so? Where do I go to find a benefactor willing to pay this price for my work? Or, how do I get the universe to cover it in a more distributed manner? Do I need to do something to make it happen or will it just happen naturally? At this point, the sense is that I need to be actively involved in manifesting it somehow. However, I still don't know how. The first book is a start. It puts a defined product in my hands. But selling it will be a major endeavor. Then again, who knows, I may be surprised. Each day brings me one step closer to what? I know that there is a destiny that I must fulfill. However, it is not clear what the way points are on the way to that destiny. It seems that I may not know what they are until I experience them. That is one way to force me to live life in the moment. There is a sense that if I knew too much it would make it far too confusing as to what step to take in the present. By limiting my knowledge, I have to rely on spiritual sources to fill in the gaps of my own understanding and guide me as to what direction to step next. We can only take one step at a time, so we only need enough foresight to take the next step ... that is assuming that we can leave it to spirit to keep us moving in the right overall direction. This we can always do. Spirit knows what she is doing, even when we do not. We can count on her to guide us and to protect us. She takes us to where we need to go. She brings unto us what we need to experience. Though she does this not of her own accord but based on our own beliefs and wishes. Life is a process of the ever increasing expression of spirit in flesh. We are an active part of that process. The more active we can be in this the better. The more fully we can allow spirit to express through us, the better for us and for everyone our life touches. It is that simple. Because of this, we need to focus on spirit first ... especially the expression of spirit in our life. However, we can't really do this until we come to know ourselves. The search for self, the search for soul is the greatest endeavor of the first part of our life. The expression of what we find is the greatest endeavor of our whole life.

17 April 2003 I'm getting a late start again tonight. But, I worked several hours selecting passages from February 2002. We're rapidly approaching 200 pages for the first 2003 Musings book. There could be two or maybe three if the pace keeps up. It seems that the selection of passages process isn't eliminating as much material as it did in 2002. I don't know if that is because the selection criteria that I am applying is less strict or that the material is better this year than last. Part of it is that there was more of a Best Quotes focus last year. I was looking for succinct expressions. This year I am allowing longer passages that provide more context. I've made two passes through the January and February files and then a spell check pass in their Word format. So, this is close to final form. If we do three books for the year, then we will have the raw material for the first one completed in two weeks. At the pace that I am going, within a few weeks of that, I could have this 2003 Musings - Vol I book ready to go. About that time, we should hear something from the publisher on the Best Passages from 2002 Musings book. It should be ready for final proofing. As you can see, I have a lot on my plate that needs to be done. And, we haven't discussed anything related to publishing material that came forth prior to 2002. There are Books, Quotes, Notes, Best of Notes, and Newsletters. Some of this I have packaged before, just not in Word in a format suitable for publishing. And then, there is no sense that there is to be any relief in this expression. This is my bread and butter. This is my staple. On this, everything else rests. Without this, everything else crumbles. Yes, it is that powerful and that important. And, I know it. Because of that, I choose to expend my time in this 184

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 manner. I freely choose to come here to engage in this stream of consciousness expression. I consider it to be the most productive use of my time that I could engage in. Just look at the results. Just look at the record that has been produced as a result of this choice made over the course of a decade. Look at how many words have been expressed that would otherwise not have been expressed. OK, so they may not have reached many people yet. But that is not to say that they won't given time. There is nothing that says that I will see the impact of what is expressed through me. It would be nice if such were the case. And, I hope to see at least some of this ... but sometimes we express ideas before their time. That may be the nature of what is expressed here. The nature of consciousness is a big topic, one that few seem qualified to address even though all have some experience of consciousness on a daily basis. But the fact that we experience something does not mean that we understand it ... not even close. It is obvious that I take pride in what I am able to create here. There is something about creative expression that brings out the best in us. It activates us in ways that nothing else does. For me, it allows my consciousness to soar to new heights ... an experience that the explorer in me is ever in search of. Yet, I would also be a wayshower. Because of that, I must do what I can to share what I experience. Since most of what I experience is states of consciousness, that is what I try to capture and convey. My hope is that my words are sufficient to propel you into similar states of consciousness. The words create a resonance, a vibrational state that matches what I experienced. They can only do this to a degree. The match is never exact. But it is close enough. Flexibility of consciousness is a goal that we are attempting to achieve. The more flexible, the better. Though, that doesn't mean that we should lack resolve where principles are concerned. Some things are worth standing up for. However, we need to be careful that the things that we choose to fight for are things that truly matter ... and not just matter to us, but matter in the larger context of society. I can already tell that this is going to be a shorter musing than normal. I'm tired, I started late, and the pace just isn't there. Then again, I've seen that change in a heartbeat. It doesn't take much for the muse to kick in and the musing to go into high gear. It is great when that happens. It is like flying or driving in high gear. Everything is in synch and moving swiftly. There are no pauses between words or between sentences. The expression just rolls out full speed. That doesn't happen too often. But, it is quite exciting when it does. For normal musings, the pace is slower, roughly one page per hour. It has been this way since the expression began in 1993. So, it does not seem that this is something that improves with time or with practice. That is interesting. For most endeavors we engage in, we see improvement with practice ... dramatic improvement with lots of practice. But, that is not the case here. Though, I cannot really judge whether the quality of the musings has improved substantially in that time. There are quotes from the material from 1993 that blow me away just as much as anything from the material from 2003. The quantity of material in 1994 was probably similar to that of 2002. In both years there was a lot expressed. There has been a lot of ground covered in a decade. Yet, it has been a one-way expression. There has been virtually no feedback. What am I supposed to interpret from this? How is it that all of this great stuff is able to come through me ... but doesn't seem to reach anyone other than me? Surely, this is not all being done for my edification alone. I guess it could be, but that seems like such a waste of resources. Why am I so moved to share all of this? This is especially interesting since I am such a private and quiet person in general. Yet, there is this driving need to reveal this side of me to the world. No, it is not all of me. But, it is a lot of me. I would share of whom that I AM with the world. Further, I would do what I can to help make Wayne's World manifest in the world. This is what Beyond Imagination is all about, to date anyway. This will change as soon as Beyond Imagination becomes a group rather than an individual endeavor. When will this transformation to a group endeavor occur? I have been loosely looking for kindred spirits since 1994 and have found a few but they were busy doing their own things for the most part. Perhaps it 185

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 is time to begin the search in earnest. Perhaps the Best Passages from 2002 Musings book offers the opportunity to engage in that search, in particular in the activities involved in promoting the book. It does seem like this is indeed the year for transformation, in ways that have never occurred before. It is a matter of staying open to the possibilities, and doing what I am moved by spirit to do. We are venturing into new territory here. What has worked in the past is not enough to carry us forward into the future. We are at a breakpoint. We are at a discontinuity. It takes a major leap of faith to get beyond it. Not faith in the religious sense, but faith in spirit ... and faith in self. The year is moving by rapidly. Two more weeks and we are at the one-third point. Yet, there is no time to stop and call a time out. There is so much that needs to be done. There is so much that needs to be expressed. There is barely enough time to do it all. However, there is always sufficient time to do those things that need to be done. That is simply the nature of reality. That does not mean there is excessive time, so there is not necessarily time to waste. But, there is sufficient time. We just have to use the time that we do have efficiently. At the rate we are going, 2003 will be the most productive year for Beyond Imagination by far ... especially considering all of the extracurricular activities related to packaging and promoting books that we will need to support in the coming months. Yes, that assumes that the pace of the Musings will continue as it has. But, there is no indication that this will stop or even slow down anytime soon. In the meantime, we take each day as it comes ... expressing as we are moved to express. That is all spirit ever asks of us.

18 April 2003 Another day in which to express. This makes number 99 for the year. Wow, one shy of the century mark. 99 musings in 108 days. That's impressive. That's a lot of work accomplished already. But, that's only the first step. Giving birth to the expression is one thing. Getting it out into the minds and hearts of people is quite another. The giving birth part I am getting good at. I've had a lot of practice in the past decade, and particularly in the past 16 months. Getting the information out is another matter entirely. Here I have chosen the WWW as my outlet. But, it is not clear that this is enough. It is not clear that the right people are finding me in sufficient numbers for this expression to make the difference that it is meant to make. Yes, that assumes there is an overall plan that this expression fits within. I definitely believe this to be the case. Spirit is expressing in accordance with a plan that is unfolding even as we speak. I have a role to play within that plan ... we all do, in many cases multiple roles. So, how do we best achieve these roles? ... especially when they seem to involve others? Yes, that is an important question, especially for me. I'm still learning how to work with others. My overall tendency is still to work alone, to be alone, to express alone. Is this going to change anytime soon? I have mixed emotions. On the one hand, I desire change and the new possibilities that will bring into my life. On the other hand, I like the status quo and all that I have been blessed to do and to be as a result of it. It seems that I'm going to have to resolve the conflict in my mind before I see it resolved in my life. Interesting. Yet, this is definitely reality creation in progress. Good Friday ... two days shy of Easter Sunday. I think I'll watch The Ten Commandments this weekend. It is one of my all time favorites. Charlton Heston's role as Moses is particularly good. He was excellent in Ben Hur as well. Both movies are classics. They are long, but are worth every minute. I can say that even having seen both movies more than several times ... perhaps as many as a dozen times in my life. Yet, my recall is such that the movies are still entertaining and more importantly, moving to me. Is that not what movies are, films that move us ... primarily emotionally, but also mentally and/or spiritually at times. Songs can do that as well. They can move us either with their lyrics or with their beat and 186

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 rhythm. I often use the phrase do what you are moved to do. When I speak in this manner, for me, it is spirit herself that is the motive force that does the moving. How do I know this? The bottom line is that I cannot know for certain. I only know that it comes from a source deep inside, and that this source seems to know what it is doing ... often even at times when I do not. "Thank you, thank you, thank God for you ... the wind beneath my wings." Another line from the end of an inspirational song that caught my attention. I have the radio playing in the background much of the time, at work, in the car, at home. Yet, I am surprised by how many inspirational lyrics I catch in the course of a day. After doing this for years, one might think that I would be used to it by now. But, these songs move me deeply. I don't know whether they have the same impact on others or not. It doesn't really matter. What does matter is the reality that we experience as individuals. That is what is real to us at the present time. Though, we are transitioning to a reality that we experience as individual in the context of society. This is a very different experience. In particular, we have to give up our seeming independence and accept our interdependence in the web of society and the web of life. This is not the easiest thing to do for individuals who have been raised to value independence highly. But, it must be done. Cooperative interdependence is the wave of the future. It is the only way that we can continue to exist and to thrive in the times that are ahead. The world is interdependent now. In many ways, it has always been ... even when we believed that we could remain isolated and independent. However, with our technology the world is a much smaller place in many ways than it has ever been. What happens in one part of the world is felt in many others. We live in a very intricate web ... and the web gets more and more intricate with each passing day. Got an interesting e-mail from someone who had found, read, and enjoyed Reality Creation 1010. He was only 15, about the same age that I was when I began my walk on the metaphysical path. Can it really have been nearly 30 years ago? That is 2/3 of my life. It is hard to believe. But the calendar doesn't lie. The turn of the millennia seemed to be so far into the future back then. Yet, here we are, three years into it already. Has anything really changed? The information explosion has definitely touched nearly everyone, some more than others. Some have beepers, pagers, cell phones and a whole host of communications gadgets. I stick to e-mail and the occasional phone call. Anyway, the e-mail was interesting because feedback is still relatively rare. I'm not surprised that Reality Creation 1010 triggered it, however. I believe that is still one of the most visited works at the Beyond Imagination site. It is one of few works that actually has outside links to it. I've read it many times and am still blown away by what was able to be expressed so succinctly and quickly at that time. The whole 50 page work came through in 10 days. Who am I to be able to speak as authoritatively as I do on the topics that I do? The nature of self, of consciousness, of reality, and of reality creation are some pretty powerful topics. They are also about as abstract as we can get. However, they do have practical applications. We experience every one of these everyday of our lives. We are all masters in these areas ... subconscious masters for the most part, but masters nonetheless. I just choose to be more vocal about it. I'm willing to stick my neck out and explain things from my point of view. Perhaps your point of view is similar, perhaps it is different. But, to get a dialog going, someone has to initiate the conversation. I believe that is what I am doing here in a way. Though, it is not clear why so many words are necessary. All that I know is that I can express and more than that, must express. Further, I must do this regardless of the feedback that I get ... or even whether I get any feedback. This expression is part of whom that I AM. In a way, it defines me. Why am I so moved to share all of this in this manner? I don't really know, it just seemed to be the right thing to do. It feels right to me. There is a sense that this will allow it to be of some benefit somehow ... perhaps even to people that I never get to know. Most likely, primarily to such people. In my experience to date, few people provide direct feedback to anything, good or bad. That is OK. I've consumed a lot of information in my days and was rarely moved to contact the author and provide feedback. One of the exceptions was 187

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 for the book The Second Ten Commandments. I don't even remember who the author was right now. But, I did try to reach him several times to no avail. Feedback is extremely important in systems. It is what allows them to stay within their operating ranges so that they can function effectively. In a social system, we need frequent honest feedback to allow us to identify what is not working and adjust our processes to try to improve things. We won't always succeed the first time. That is why it is so important to keep on trying. Failure is not the enemy. Failure is not something we avoid at all costs ... except perhaps in specific areas such as manned space flight. Failure is part of the learning process on the way to success. The sooner we see it as such, the sooner we will be able to see the gifts that each failure has to offer us. Look at nearly every famous inventor. All of them failed many times on the road to their success. One notable exception seems to be Nicola Tesla. He seemed to work from another realm entirely. Edison said something to the effect that invention was 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration. He didn't like Tesla because he never saw him sweat. For Tesla, inspiration was everything. The two words differ only in their first syllable. We have the difference between in- and per-. I don't have the language skills to know how this impacts the meaning. All that I know is that the two words have very different meanings. One is on the spiritual realm, the other on the physical realm. How do we get people to start providing feedback? The first step is to solicit it. We ask that individuals who are moved by this expression contact us and share how they feel. Is the material worth the time it takes to read it? Are there particular topics that you would like to see addressed? Are there particular things that you resonate with strongly, or disagree with strongly? We don't necessarily get everything right. What is brought forth is the best that consciousness could express through us at the time it was expressed. Use utility as your guide for what to accept and what not to accept. Just because I say something doesn't necessarily make it so. Find that place within you that knows and let that be your ultimate guide. That doesn't mean we can't be of assistance. Use what you can from this expression to enhance your life and the lives of others. Find a way to make a difference. Feedback is a way of confirming that we have made a difference in some way. We would hope it would be a major way. But sometimes big things start small. As they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Find a way to take the first step, then the next, then the next after that. You will be amazed at where it all leads. I know this has been true in my life. In particular, it has been true for this expression ... this journey of over three million words to date. There have been so many words that it is difficult to even come up with a reasonable estimate anymore. I was surprised to discover that each page contains around 800 words. That would mean 4000 pages would be roughly 3.2 million words. I would guess that I am close to that by now. It is amazing. All this through someone who basically had nothing to say prior to that fateful day on 5 March 1993. We're very close to the 2000 word mark already for today’s expression. That has become a sort of benchmark ... a target that I try to reach each day. On most days I succeed. It helps to have a goal. It helps in focusing ones energies to achieve a desired end. Does it matter whether I express 1200 words or 2000 words or 3400 words on a given day? It must matter to consciousness or she wouldn't drive me to express as she does. Now, if I could only find a way to be paid $1 per word for expressing in this manner, I would be set for life. I would definitely make some major changes. My whole life would revolve around this expression. Much of it does already. But, we're talking about taking it to a whole new level. I would need a good 3-4 hours per day for stream of consciousness expression. On top of that, add another several hours per day for correspondence and promoting Beyond Imagination. Finally, add a few hours per day for research to make new connections. Yes, that would easily fill my days. But, it would also make them the most blissful of days. What better job can there be than to do what one loves and be paid well for it?

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Will I eventually burn out and run out of things to say? My sense is no. Spirit’s well is quite deep and my tap into that well is quite strong now. It seems that as long as I can stay focused, I can continue to bring forth new information ... or at least similar information in new ways. The creativity of consciousness is without measure. It exceeds any and all bounds that we try to place on it. Once it is unleashed in our lives, we can never go back to being what we were before ... for we are awakened to the spirit that we are. We have touched the fire within.

19 April 2003 Wow, musing number 100 for the year. It is hard to believe that we've reached the century mark. I would guess there have been over 250 pages of expression in total so far. At this pace we should be in for close to another thousand page year. No matter how you look at it, that is a lot of expression ... especially for a part time endeavor. This is not my primary job. At least not yet, despite how much I wish that it would be. All in good time. When the time is right, the circumstances for my deliverance will manifest. Until then I will continue to do as I am moved to do. Right now, this means holding down two jobs, an engineering job that pays the bills and a spiritual job that captivates my attention. As time goes by, it is increasingly difficult to focus on the first, as the later demands more and more ... it seems not only from me, but from many. I would live a life of spirit. I know of no other way to live. In living in this manner, I would do what spirit moves me to do. It is not that I do not have a will of my own. I have just chosen to subjugate it to the will of spirit herself. How do I know that spirit is a she? That is just how she comes across to me. Spirit and consciousness come across as being feminine to me. I don't question why ... that is just what I experience. It has always been this way for me. I don't relate to a male God figure. Though I do think of God as the creator, not spirit. Interesting. How are we to know what is true in these domains? Here beliefs definitely reign. There are no absolute truths. There is only our experience ... and often only our remembrance of what we think that we experienced. This may or may not bear any resemblance to our actual experience. What would I do if the limits that presently bind me were unleashed? That is an interesting question. Would I live my life differently? Would I make different choices? Would I be a different person? Would I express differently? In all of these areas I am free to be different already. It takes no input from outside authority. For that matter, it doesn't necessarily even take any resources. It is amazing how many of the things that truly matter in life are free. Most of it is a matter of attitude. It is important to go through life being the best that we can be. Some people are as a candle in the wind ... ever fearful of being blown out. It is much better to go through life as a blazing torch, not only lighting our own way but helping to light the way for others in the process. We can do this. However, it takes coming to a realization of whom that we are and what we are here to do. Our mission is just that, our mission. It is for us to seek and find it. We can turn to others for help, but ultimately this is something that we have to learn and do for ourselves. That is not to say that the guidance from others can't help to steer us in the right direction. It is just that we need to find our own direct internal navigation source and learn to rely upon it. Yes, this requires a level of faith in ourselves and in our connection to spirit. But, that faith is well rewarded ... so, by all means develop it. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough. Having spirit as our inner compass is that important. What sets me apart from others? Physically, I am much the same. My formal education, many thousands have had as well. The twenty years of metaphysical reading and study sets me apart. Then, the ten years of expression at Beyond Imagination put me into a whole new category of information generator. It is this final step that made the greatest difference. Corresponding to the expression was a series of spiritual 189

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 awakenings. These are still ongoing in my life. My awareness expands each time consciousness expresses through me ... especially when something new is expressed. I'm ever having to expand my concepts of reality and reality creation to account for what this expression brings into my life. That is OK, I've become used to it by now. This is more than mind-expanding. This is consciousness expanding, This is beyond mind, it is beyond imagination. Imagination is a very powerful tool in our arsenal for reality creation. However, consciousness does not restrict herself to the tools of the mind, though she uses these to the degree that they can be used. Yes, the fact that I sit down to write for hours per day distinguishes me from most others. It demonstrates a level of commitment to what I am doing here that most people don't have to anything in their lives. Ultimately, we will reap rewards in whatever areas we commit our focus and attention to. What rewards will come from all of this still remain to be seen. Thus far, I am still doing it primarily for the joy of doing it ... and because I feel an obligation that I must do it. This obligation comes from within me. It is not imposed on me from anyone else, not even from spirit. I feel a need to be of service. And this expression is the greatest service that I can offer at this time. It has the greatest potential to help the most people in meaningful ways. Will it do that? My sense is yes, but it may take awhile. Spirit will not be rushed. Yet, at the same time, it seems that there is only so much time. We must get on with doing what we came to do. What else sets me apart? My bipolar condition puts me in a two percent category. My relative isolation from people for most of my life must be somewhat unusual. It clearly is outside of the norm. Not that it matters. I abhor being normal or average in nearly any respect. I would be a unique individual. Yet I would also build the foundations for a new society. Yes, me, one who barely belongs to any society at present. Perhaps that is the issue. I need to build the foundations for a society that would be worthy enough for me to want to be a member of. Right now, I'm just there by default. I exist within a society, but we have no contract ... or for that matter, even expectations of one another. Don't get me wrong. I am blessed to be born a citizen of one of the greatest embodiments of freedom in the world. However, even America has its limits. There are things that can be better. We haven't yet come close to realizing what cooperative interdependence allows us to achieve. That is OK, we will. The time is coming. We will give up some of our independence for interdependence because we will see the necessity of it. And, via cooperation, synergy will kick in to give us rewards beyond anything we had even dreamed. We already live in an interdependent world. The sooner we accept this consciously, the sooner we can start to take advantage of how reality creation works in such a world ... the sooner we can start to create the world that we choose to live in. Yes, we are that powerful. Yes, the times are such that the decision is ours to make. We can manifest the world of our dreams, and we can do it now ... literally within years, not decades or centuries.

20 April 2003 Another day, another musing. It looks like I'm not going to get to watch The Ten Commandments after all. I spent a good deal of the weekend dealing with problems with the sprinkler system. For a relatively simple system, it sure can have its share of problems. Oh well, we do what needs to be done when it needs to be done. Social systems can be far more complex. But, we need to approach them with the same attitude. We need to do what needs to be done when it needs to be done. Further, we need to trust that we will know what this is ... or that someone in our immediate vicinity will. We don't have to know everything. What we don't know, others can fill in. Cooperation is what it is all about. That is how social systems function effectively ... through the cooperation of their members. Here, we must do our part. Cooperation is a mutual endeavor. It is not achieved unilaterally, though that does indeed provide a start. Synergy kicks in when multiple parties are engaged. And, it is the power of synergy that we are seeking. This is the power that can transform the world, that can alter it beyond our wildest imaginations. But, we have to believe. And, we have to do our parts. It all starts with the individual contributing what they can 190

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 to the creation of a better world. This expression is a large part of my contribution to date. Is it a valuable contribution? Is it an effective contribution? It seems that it is not for me to know that yet. It is the contribution that I am moved to make at this time ... and for the past decade. I share what spirit expresses through me. I trust that this stream of consciousness expression is worthy of being captured and being shared. At least, I know that I am moved to do that. How long will this continue? Perhaps as long as I exist. Expression, especially written expression, is that important to me. However, there is nothing to say that it couldn't be turned off just as it was turned on in March of 1993. What that means is that it is all the more important to express what I can while I can. That way if the lean times ever come, I will have a large body of works to revisit. Easter Sunday. At this moment, I feel nothing special one way or another about this day. I got off to a late start, remaining in bed listening to the radio until 11:00. Most holidays do not have a particular significance to me. Easter is primarily a religious holiday and a Christian one at that. My path, while spiritual, has me avoid religions altogether. The closest that I get is some of the core beliefs at the roots of most religions. These seem to be common to the spiritual path. However, most religions put various layers of interpretation and dogma on these core beliefs. This I find unacceptable and wrong for me anyway. Obviously, it seems to fill a need for many people. To the degree that it finds a need and fills it, it is a natural spiritual process at work. However, when needs are based on fear to a large degree, it is not clear that filling the need is the most prudent action. It seems that what is needed is to remove the fear so that the individual can see more clearly. It also doesn't help that religions hold power as organizations in the world. The Catholic Church is one example. It is one of the richest organizations in the world ... yet many of its constituents are among the poorest. Something is wrong in this. Yet, at the same time, it does provide a service. If it didn't, it would not be in business. Yes, business. Religion is very much a business enterprise these days. Most religions anyway. And, big business at that. Will this change anytime soon? My sense is yes, in major ways, and very soon. What worked in the Piscean Age will not work in the Aquarian Age. Oh, it will work for awhile during some transition period. And those who have invested heavily into those belief systems may indeed find the heavens that they have built. However, such is not enough for those who would live in a New Age. We demand more from all of the infrastructures and institutions that support us. We may not even know what this more that we demand is. We just know that there is something important that has been missing. Our consciousness demands the freedom to be more and to express more. To do this requires increased awareness. Everything comes down to that crucial factor ... awareness. The Aquarian Age is to be an age of awareness beyond which any have been before. That is what is required to build the foundations for a new and better world. Awareness is our connection to source, to the spirit, the one consciousness that spawned us. That is where we go for our personal instructions as to what we are to do. Yes, there are some to whom we can turn for guidance in these matters, but I have found the most reliable source to be the one within. Each of us have such a source to which we are connected. It is a matter of finding the connection, tuning into it, and trusting it enough to take action based on what it has to say. That doesn't mean to blindly follow everything. Common sense has its place as well. When will the changes that I desire in my life start to manifest? Is this something that I can choose? Is there something that I can do to indicate the strength of my convictions? Does that even matter? Or, is there a destiny that is already planned out that is unfolding according to plan? I have tended to believe the later for the most part, accepting that a spiritual destiny was playing itself out in my life. However, it seems that I have some input and control over this. What I say and what I do can make a difference. The overall theme will be the same, but the specifics will be different. Consciously, I'm finding that I want to influence what is done and how it is done. I assume this is because I have an expanded role to play. Consciousness is choosing to use more of my faculties to accomplish her works. That, or I am allowing consciousness to use more of my faculties. Why not? Consciousness should have free reign to use all of whom that I AM. Restrictions of any type are not necessary or desired at this point. We've been doing this long enough that we can be free and open with one another. 191

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 What would I do next? That is the question of the day nearly every day. There is a sense that there is something that I could be doing that I am not yet doing. If I knew what it was, I would be doing it. Right now, it is just a feeling that something is missing ... and that somehow I can fix it, I can do something to make it right. Hmm ... I'm sure it will come to me. Spirit doesn't typically keep me in the dark for long. When there is something that I can do, I am usually moved to do it ... and strongly moved to do it at that. I offer little resistance anymore. I know that spirit has my best interests at heart, and she definitely has societies and the worlds interests at heart. For now, this expression is still where the bulk of my work is done. How long that will be the case we cannot know in advance. However, while the getting is good, it feels right to bring forth as much as we can. We can always filter and select from what is expressed later. When we are expressing, though, it is important to keep the channel as wide open as possible to allow whatever would flow forth to come through. I have said before that consciousness not I is the source for all of this. Yet, clearly I have a role to play as well. Without me doing what I do, none of this would be manifested in this manner. Yet, without spirit doing what she does, I could not begin to express in this way. So, this is a marriage of sorts, a joint venture between spirit and I. Together, we bring you all that you see expressed at this site. That is a lot of expression for 10 years. Our guess is that we have another 25 or so to go. On the one hand, that is a quarter of a century ... an eternity. Yet, a quarter of a century ago was 1978. I had just enlisted in the Air Force after dropping out of CalTech after my first year. That was the start of my working life. There is a sense that I need to bring the Beyond Imagination message out to people somehow. No, not to everyone, and not even to a big group ... but to a select group who are meant to hear what spirit and I have to say. The question is how do we do this? Generating a website was a start, but the traffic is not sufficient to get the message to the kinds of numbers of people that I am talking about now. How do I announce to people that I exist, and that such a site as Beyond Imagination exists and has material that could be beneficial to them? Were I to be searching, without knowing about it, I would not expect that such a site existed. There are many metaphysical sites, many of which sell goods or services of various types. But, there are few sites whose purpose is to primarily share information ... and lots of information. Actually, some sites do this by providing articles and links to information on various categories of topics. However, I don't know of any with the mountain of metaphysical information that is shared at Beyond Imagination. Then again, I don't explore the WWW very often, so I'm not an expert on what is out there and what is not. I only know how much time I spend generating new material. It is enough to make it the equivalent of a half time job. To date, it is a volunteer job ... it is a spiritual job that I do for the pleasure of doing it. Lately, however ... it seems that I deserve to be compensated for all the time and effort that I put in. What I do here is worth far more than the paid work that I do. Ultimately, it is likely to have far more lasting value. The signs from the universe are telling me that I am on the right path for me at this time. 2184 and 888 show up in many contexts. 2184 = 888(16). There was a license plate on a car in front of me tonight 4SFU888. 41-621-888. The middle number is interesting as 23 x 27 = 9 x 69 = The Hermit x The Ace of Pentacles. That makes for an interesting message. We'll just have to see what comes to pass. I am resigned to essentially live a life of fate ... trusting that my higher self is busy pulling in the exact experiences that I need to experience. This is not something I have to worry about ... unless I desire to do so. And, even then, it is not out of worry or out of concern ... but out of a choice to make the process more conscious. The phrase be careful what you ask for comes to mind. Whatever we ask for will be brought into our reality in one way or another. It may or may not be as we anticipate or expect. For most of us, the garden of our beliefs is unkempt and overgrown with weeds. As a result, it is not really clear what we will get from it. The first order of business is to get our beliefs in order. One belief that helps in this is that there are no beliefs so hidden that we cannot reach them. In fact, for most beliefs, they are more than ready to reveal themselves if we go searching for them. However, we have to be sincere in our search. And, we have to search with our eyes wide open. It is easy to miss beliefs, even 192

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 core beliefs. We accept so many things as fact without realizing that they are really built upon structures of beliefs. All of our sciences are belief systems in operation. If you buy into the fundamentals at the core, everything else can be proven. But, at the core there is always that leap of faith that is required. It is a worthwhile leap. The scientific disciplines have taken us far. They have allowed us to accomplish much in the world. They enable this very expression to be captured and shared so readily in this manner. However, the sciences by their very nature strive for objectivity and life demands to be lived subjectively. Reality is subjective. The whole process of reality creation is subjective. It is not clear that the sciences will ever offer us answers in these domains. These are the domains of the spiritual. Yes, we will find that there are physical and mental counterparts to the spiritual parts of us. However, it is not clear how much of a picture these will give of the corresponding spiritual domain. It seems that it should be significant. The sense is that it will be like seeing a 2-D projection of a 3-D or 4-D object. The behavior that we see will be nothing like the behavior in the actual domain that is being projected. Oh well. So much for living in a world of limitation. But, we don't have to be restricted by the limitation. In our souls we are free. And we can exhibit this freedom in our day to day life. We can choose to be far less restricted than we have been. We can choose freedom ... freedom from want, freedom from fear, freedom of expression ... I don't remember the famous four freedoms that President Roosevelt spoke of in his famous speech. That is OK. What is important is that we find those areas where we feel restricted and need to be free. And then, we need to do what it takes to become free. Freedom doesn't mean that we don't have obligations. In fact, when we are free, it seems we are in the best position to be able to accept those obligations that are rightly ours to bear. Each of us have responsibilities ... sacred responsibilities that we must carry out during our life. The sooner that we accept this and accomplish it the better.

21 April 2003 Again we start with the nearly blank slate. It can be a bit daunting at times, especially when we begin the musing. But, it seems to find a way to fill itself in. All that I have to do is be a willing recipient and allow the communication to flow forth. And, yes it is a communication ... even if it is primarily between me and other aspects of me. At least, that is the part that I have been allowed to see to date. Whether others are moved by it as well is a different question, one that matters ... but not one that determines if this expression will occur of not. The expression is expressed because consciousness would have it expressed and because I agree to cooperate and co-create it. It is that simple. There is a divine purpose behind all of this. I know it. And, I gladly serve in whatever capacity that I can, but especially if that capacity is demanding of whom that I AM. We are each special and unique. Spirit would have us celebrate this and allow it to permeate all that we do. This is not always easy to do. When we look at our "reality" in the present world, there is a lot of uncertainty. This isn't necessarily bad. We can learn to accept uncertainty and even to use it to promote change ... or we can fight it every step of the way. Personally, I find the unknown fascinating. It is the appropriate realm in which spirit can be engaged in the pursuit of higher knowledge. What would I express today? At this moment, there is nothing on my mind. But that is generally not enough to stop the expression from coming forth anyway. After all, it is from my spirit, not my mind, that much of this originates. And spirit’s depths are very deep indeed ... perhaps even unfathomable. It seems that so long as I can provide the vessel for this expression ... spirit can provide material to bring forth. In a way, that makes it easy for me. I don't really have to do anything other than show up and participate. Do what you are moved to do when you are moved to do it. That is the spiritual directive that I follow. To date, it has never steered me wrong ... not that I know of anyway. The directive works for me because it is spirit that does the moving. It seems that this is not true for everyone ... perhaps not true for the vast majority. That doesn't mean that it can't be, or that it shouldn't be. It just isn't at the present time. What does it take to get people to awaken ... to become aware of the true spiritual beings that they are so that 193

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 they can begin to behave congruently with this? We need a wake up call of a major order. But, it needs to be done in a way that we can accommodate the magnitude of spiritual emergency that results. Here we are operating on new ground. We've seen techniques work for individuals ... but we need to find ways that work for the masses. Then again ... perhaps the awakening is to be more gradual with a phase or two of wayshowers to lead the way. This would make sense. It would keep us from overwhelming people with more than they can handle. But, we need to be careful here. People are capable of handling far more than we generally give them credit for. Never underestimate the spiritual component of individuals. It is there in each of us, a giant waiting to be unleashed to do its works in our lives. But, it only operates by invitation. We have to choose to make it an active part of our lives. Oh, it always operates behind the scenes. But, the key is to make it more conscious. There is something about spontaneous creative expression that gets the juices flowing. There is a high that is produced that is untouched by most other activities in my life. That is why I keep coming here. You might say that I am addicted to this expression, awaiting what each phrase, each idea, each sentence has to offer. There are far worse things to be addicted to. Is this healthy for me? It is what it is. I have no sense that this expression is anything but beneficial. In fact, if anything, I feel extremely blessed to have it in my life. Why me? Why am I so fortunate to be the one through whom all of this comes through in this manner? I can only answer that it is because such is what was meant to be. I am enacting a part in a play that I came into this existence to carry out. I would do that. I would accomplish what I came to do and more if I can. Each of us came into this existence for a purpose, and probably not one but many purposes. Some of us are more single-minded than others. For me, right now anyway, this expression is it. This is where I live my life. This is where I choose to expend my free time. The only thing I find lacking is the fellowship and friendship of others. But, that has been lacking for my entire life to date. Why is that? Most of it is my own attitude toward people. I consider myself to be essentially a hermit. As such, I have effectively isolated myself from others. Whether this was out of a fear of being hurt ... or simply a natural disposition doesn't seem to matter anymore. What matters is what I want to do from this point forward. Would I continue to operate as the hermit or not? Do I even have a choice in the matter? If this is indeed my nature, is it something that I just have to make the best of? However, if it is chosen, then what would I choose to express instead? A transformation to an outgoing nature would probably be too much to ask ... or would it? I'm still a very solitary soul. I can get along well with others, and I can work with them ... but it is not my preferred way of operating. Though, it seems that this too is destined to change. There is no way for me to build the foundations for a new world on my own. This will demand close collaboration and cooperation with others ... most likely many others. It will take awhile to be comfortable with this, but after I've done it for awhile going back will not be an option. The benefits of working closely together with others are that great. So, when can we look forward to seeing some of these changes manifest? Literally, any day now. It only takes one person to find me to begin the process. The Beyond Imagination site provides the bait ... if it is not enough to attract someone by now, then nothing is. We have over a decade worth of stream of consciousness expression captured there. If my rough count is right, we are rapidly approaching 3 million words. Yes, that is a lot of expression. It would be impressive for a lifetime. But, that it has come forth part time in ten years is remarkable. Further, the expression continues at a brisk pace. On 1 January 2002, a switch was turned on and we started musing on nearly a daily basis. We continue to do so to this day, nearly 16 months later. At this point in time, there is no sense that this is to stop ... at least not at any time soon. Consciousness seems to have a lot to say, enough to fill whatever time we choose to alot to this expression. Right now, approximately 3 hours per day is all that we can muster. Though, with the proper motivation, this might be increased substantially. Further, if I can find a way to make this expression my paid work; a contract for $1 per word would suffice ... I would be able to do this on a fulltime basis and have enough time and resources to support Beyond Imagination. Is that asking for too much? Just $1 per word for creative expression. Further, at that rate, I could apply it to the filtered expression rather than the raw expression and still do very well. I would guess that I could easily generate 194

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 1 million words per year as a full time endeavor. I expect to generate nearly half of that this year with the effort that I am presently applying. Yes, I consider this to be my calling. But, it does not seem fair that I should continue to have to do it for free for much longer. It seems that I should receive fair compensation based on the nature, quantity, and quality of the expression. Yes, it is a privilege that I am able to serve in this manner. But volunteerism only goes so far. The economy works on the basis of a wheel. But even then we should put more in than we take out. That is the key to achieving a surplus. What am I worth? What is the expression worth? I've been moved to name a price, but is that a reasonable price? Will one person pay it, a company pay it, or a collective group of people pay it? One way or another, it seems that I will know soon. There is a sense that changes are definitely in the works. How the transformations in employment will occur remain to be seen, but they will happen when the time is right. That is just the way it is. There is a sense that somehow I will find a way to be working for myself ... selling the expression that manifests here and other communications related services that I can muster. That is what I am good out. That is what makes my heart sing and my spirit soar. It is only right that I should be engaged full time in such things. That I have found this by my 45th year is very good. Actually, I found it by my 35th year ... but it has taken 10 years to reach a point where I am finally ready to take the expression to a new level and make it public. I can remember back in 1994 asking when I would be able to make a living from my writings. The sense then was that it would be soon, but that was more out of wishful thinking. Then again, perhaps there was a possible opportunity for this to happen at that time that somehow was lost for some reason. Now, it seems the cycle has returned again and the opportunity is about to strike one more time. I don't want to allow it to pass me by this time. So, I need to be more vigilant about doing what I am moved to do ... and more watchful about what opportunities are presenting themselves in my life. I'm highly optimistic that something good will come from all of this. I have no regrets. All of this expression for spirit has been worthwhile. Yes, it allows spirit to express. However, it benefits me in the process. I can't imagine a more positive spiritual experience than what this expression has brought into my life. I've shared it here as intimately as I can to give you a taste of what is possible. It is not clear that the words do justice to the spiritual states that they attempt to describe, but they are as close as I can come at the moment. My hope is that by reading these words you will be triggered to enter similar states of consciousness to those that I have experienced.

22 April 2003 Another day. Each day we start fresh and go wheresoever consciousness would take us. We have done this so many times that it has become habit. But there is still something mystical and magical about it. I can't explain how all of this occurs. I only know that it does ... and that I am grateful for all that it brings into my life. I feel a sense of duty to use the many gifts that I have been given in service ... primarily in service to spirit, but in service to society, humankind, and even the whole world in the process. Can what one person does have that much impact? Can it make that much of a difference? I have to believe that the answer is yes. That is one of the reasons I choose to express for consciousness as I do. Because I can and because I must ... but more importantly, because of the nature and value of what is expressed. Yes, all of this is expressed through me not by me. For me, there is a big difference. But is the distinction really so important? After all everything is spirit in expression. So, in effect everything is spirit being expressed through us. I've just found a way to step this up a bit through increased awareness. OK, maybe more than a bit. But, it is spirit doing all of this through me. Yes, I am open enough to allow this to manifest in this manner. And yes, I am an active participant in the process. It is my mind through which this expression comes, and my fingers that type the material that I hear in my head. However, I still have no sense of being the creator of the material. That doesn't mean that I am not the creator. There are many things that 195

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 I do that I am not aware of how I do them. It is just that in this case, I am not consciously aware of the creation process. I see the results in realtime. I see the letters and the words expressed one by one. That is OK ... it is good to have a little magic and mystery in one's life. Not everything needs to be explained. Sometimes it is enough to be aware of some of the mechanics of a process to put it to use in our life. We don't need to know everything, just enough to apply the process. How would I go about changing the world ... especially I, who have had so little to do with the world for so much of my life to date? It does indeed seem ironic to say the least. But irony or not, my mission is as it is, and it will either come to pass or not. I am moved to do whatever it takes to see that it does. Yes, those are strong words. But, this is one of the only things that I am truly passionate about. I would do what I came into this existence to do. My sense is that I came into this existence by choice, specifically to play a particular role, to accomplish a particular mission. And, I will do my utmost to carry out that mission to the best of not only my abilities but those whom I can enlist to assist me. Hmm ... this later phrase is not one that I have used before but definitely seems to be appropriate now. Cooperative interdependence is important now. It is time to enlist others in the endeavor. Together we can do far more than the sum of us operating independently. However, we can only do this if we are efficient in how we operate together. This takes work. It does not come for free. But synergy does indeed accrue from group endeavors when they are run properly. Further ... it is only through cooperative endeavors that the potential for synergy exists at all. We reap what we sow. It is spring. It is time to sow the seeds that we want to reap this summer and this fall. What we do now will determine what comes back to us then. It is that simple. It is time to decide what it is that we want to create, what is is that we want to experience ... and then to manifest that in our lives. If we don't like what we manifest, we are always free to make different decisions. But, we need to take the reigns of reality creation and take responsibility for our lives. We create our own reality, every aspect of it, no fine print, no exceptions. Further, we have been doing it all of our lives. Understood, this has been primarily an other than conscious process for most ... but that is not how it has to be. We can make the process more conscious. It is all a matter of choice, a matter of how consciously involved we choose to be. This doesn't mean we can't retain a "cruise control" or "automatic" function if we so desire. We don't have to consciously worry about every little thing ... or even every big thing for that matter. We can establish filters and rules that determine what we want to see and what we want to control consciously. It's all a matter of setting up the right beliefs. This we can do anytime. Our beliefs are ours to do with what we will. Too few of us have accepted responsibility for what we believe. We have allowed outside sources of authority to plant beliefs in our belief system, often with strong foundations that are difficult to tear down. Yet, tear them down we must if we would ultimately be free. That does not mean that all external beliefs are suspect. However, it is a good idea to examine the foundations of all of our core beliefs to see if any stand on shaky ground or few legs. For me, it took a beliefquake of a major order to get me to tear down and rebuild my belief systems. This made for an interesting time for one who primarily lived in his head, in the realm of thought. The process took many months, but in the end I was more open and more aware. It is curious that I, the epitome of the loner, would see myself as a world server and world transformer. But that is exactly how I see myself and my role. It doesn't matter that I live such an isolated life. What I do will ultimately have an impact ... and a big impact at that. It may be through this expression, or it may be through things that I have yet to do that will surprise even me. That is OK. It will happen as it is meant to happen. Life is just that way for me. I suspect it is that way for many ... or could be if we would just allow it to be. It takes a lot of courage to allow spirit to express her will in our lives. There can be a fear that we will lose our sense of self in the process. Quite the contrary. I have found that I have gained not lost my sense of self through this expression. I have found out more about whom that I AM here than in any other place. Yes, that is saying a lot. But, I mean it. This expression has been a source of great wisdom to me ... explaining things that rightfully I have no way of knowing, yet know them I do. There is no denying what we know. And why would I even consider denying something that I experience as being so beneficial to not only me but to others. The bottom line is that I wouldn't. Though, I don't yet know 196

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 how others benefit from this expression. It seems that I should know. It seems that this should not be a wholly anonymous process. But, what can I do about that? I can't force others to be interested in things that don't interest them. So, how do I find the audience that is suited to what I have expressed ... or how do they find me and this expression? Have I done all that I can do? The sense is no, I haven't done everything yet. If I had, I would have succeeded by now. Ultimately, that is the test ... if we haven't succeeded, and we are sure that what we are doing needs to be done, then we haven't yet done everything that we can do. Though, collective rather than independent effort may be what is required. How do I get the universe to compensate me for the work that I do here? Is it fair to expect such compensation? Is the pleasure of the accomplishment of doing the work not sufficient? It is and it isn't. It seems that I should be able to be paid for what I love to do. And, this is definitely what I love to do, there is simply no denying that. So, how do I transform this into my job ... the work that sustains me and my family? That seems to be the next logical step. If I were free economically due to an appropriate contract (say $1 per word for 5 years), then I could actively promote Beyond Imagination in ways that I have not been able to do to date. Is that my destiny to do? I believe so, but we can't know for certain until we see it manifest. I'll see it when I believe it versus I'll believe it when I see it. These are two different ways of looking at reality. How do we know when we've allowed our beliefs to jump into the realm of mere wishful thinking? Does that even matter? Can we not make wishes come true as well if we apply the appropriate effort? I'm looking down at a fortune from a few weeks ago if memory serves me: You will be successful in a business of your own. I wonder. Am I indeed suited for such? What goods or services do I have to offer? Is this expression sufficient to constitute a service? My sense is that indeed it is. The next issue is how to market it. Who is most served by this expression and what is it worth to them? How does one set a price on such services as these ... especially services that have the potential to benefit society as a whole? The whole issue of value and worth is a strange on in society. We pay extraordinary sums for entertainment ... and don't seem to mind at all. Celine Dion sings A New Day Has Come again as I type this. I have noticed this playing far more often in the past few weeks. I don't know whether that is because it is playing more often or because I am paying attention and happening to notice it. "Let the rain come down and wash away my tears. Let it fill my soul and drown my fears. Let it shatter the walls for a new Sun. A new day has come." I still don't know what that third line means ... even after hearing it countless times. How can that be? Can the message be that complex? Am I trying to read into it more than is there? The bottom line is definite however, a new day has come. This very expression is a testament to that. We continue to express. Consciousness seems to never run out of things to say. That is much different than my individual expression. I rarely have anything to say on my own ... and when I do, I generally don't say much. But, here, I am free to speak volumes. Is that because it is not me doing the speaking and because I am not speaking to anyone in particular? Perhaps. However, consciousness knows who the ultimate audience will be even if I do not. Spirit does not work in the blind. She knows exactly what she is doing and why. I choose to go along for the ride, trusting that spirit has my own best interests at heart as well. Thus far, there is every indication that this is the case. How is it that I can continue to express in this manner hour after hour, day after day, week after week, and month after month for nearly 16 months already? That is a lot of expression. Yet, it seems that it is still only a small fraction of what could be. OK, not too small. At three hours per day, we already have a significant time commitment here. But, what could we do if that were nine rather than three hours per 197

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 day? What would the difference be with that increased level of commitment? I would expect more than a linear relationship. There is a synergistic effect of condensing the expression and having shorter breaks. Would I produce three times the output per day? If my birthday was any example, the answer is yes, I could. How long I could do so might be questionable. But, there is a sense that the source that I tap runs very deep and that no matter how much material is brought forth, there will always be more awaiting expression. There is no need to be concerned about running out. Spirit is not so shallow that such would ever happen. However, I need to keep growing to be able to serve as the conduit. Effectively, I am the container that spirit fills. She can only take the shape of the forms that I provide for her. The container that matters most to me is clearly that of my consciousness. It is this that I allow spirit to fill as she will.

23 April 2003 Looking at the date it strikes me as interesting that we have 23 on one side of April and 2--3 on the other. 23 squared is 529. 925(16) = 2341 = wayne Wayne. It seems that this should be particularly significant to me somehow. Perhaps that will be revealed as we continue. Each day is a new adventure. We never know when it begins just where it will take us. It is curious that my work is somewhat like this as well. A good deal of it is unstructured and unplanned. I sort of invent it as I go ... deciding what needs to be done and doing it, reacting to a variety of requests and inputs during the course of each day. I live my life that way as well. For the most part, I don't plan things. I do what I am moved to do when I am moved to do it. On weekends the time is somewhat constrained. There are some chores that need to be done. But even then, there is some flexibility as to when. What would I do next? We ask that question a lot. The standard answer is whatever we are moved to do. But, is that enough of an answer? Can we not be more specific after all of these years? Do we not have some clue as to what we would like to be doing? I've already said that a position that pays $1 per word for this expression would be desirable. Is that required? At this point, no, I will continue to express regardless. However, why should I not be paid for doing what I love to do ... especially given the nature and quality of this expression? I have no doubt that it is well worth that amount. Further, the financial freedom that it would give me would be sufficient to allow Beyond Imagination to blossom in ways that it has not been able to thus far. So, will this happen? What do I need to do to help to make it so? The sense is that it is indeed within my power to co-create this. However, it is not clear how to do it yet. All in good time. When the time is right, the means will be obvious. That is simply the way that it works for me. Perhaps it works that way for others too. There is a sense that it is time for Beyond Imagination to take off as an organization rather than as an individual endeavor. That requires getting people to join and make commitments of their resources, time, and energy towards the pursuit of building the foundations for a new world. We need to be clear about what we expect from individuals here. We need to make it easy for people to contribute in ways that make a difference. We need to make it easy for people to collaborate and cooperate on a variety of projects. This includes facilitating finding others with whom to work on various tasks. Yes, this could take a significant amount of organization if the size of the group gets large. And, eventually, it may indeed get large. How large remains to be seen. However, those with appropriate organizational skills will be attracted to the endeavor as well. Whatever skills are needed will be available within those who are attracted to Beyond Imagination to serve. We serve one another, we serve society, we serve humankind, we serve the world, and we serve spirit ... not necessarily in that order. How can I know this? How can all this come forth as if it were fact? I don't know how. I just know that it comes forth in this manner and I am moved to express it in this way. Further, it rings true deep within me when it comes forth. I don't ask you to take my word for it. Find that place within you that knows 198

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 and see if this resonates there. For there is such a place inside each of us. It may be buried deep within ... so you may have to do some searching and digging to find it. But, your efforts to do so will not be in vain. For once you have found it, you will have a compass by which to navigate through life. This is one of the most important faculties that you can develop. I'm anxious again. There is this gnawing sense that there is something important that I could be doing that I am not yet doing. Further, the sense is that whatever it is would make a big difference in my life ... both my professional life and my personal life. What could it be? What am I missing? It has something to do with the process of reality creation and in particular with the exercise of free will. There is a sense that I need to be more insistent about what I want both for me and for the world. However, this means that I need to come to grips with what I truly want. I've been particularly wishy-washy in the area of relationships. It seems I need to be crystal clear here to give consciousness something more to work with. But, do I really know what I want? Do I know what is missing? I have a vague sense that there are holes in my experience ... in particular, with my experiences with others. I can feel the distance and the separation. In fact, that is basically all that I have known much of my life. Close relationships are not something that I've learned to develop. Is learned the operative verb or is "chosen" more appropriate? This expression demonstrates that I can share deeply what I think and feel about a variety of things. However, I find the written word so much easier to express than the spoken word. It is curious that I share all of this with anyone, everyone, and effectively no one. The audience is anonymous to me. It is as if it doesn't exist. In fact, at times it seems that I am the only one benefit from this expression. But that would be such a shame, and such a waste of a lot of good words. It is time to take charge of my life in a way that I have never done before. The sense is that I need to consciously decide my fate and do what it takes to put me on the path that gets me there. We've relied on consciousness for many years, and she has served us faithfully. However, it seems that it is time to take responsibility for our own destiny and set our own course. That doesn't mean to stop listening to and following the guidance we receive from spirit. However, it is no longer necessary for spirit to do it all. We are equal conspirators in the process. We need to do our parts. Actually, looked at from another perspective, spirit is doing it all anyway. It is just more elegant when some of the parts are done through us and by us directly. Elegance is one of the prime directives of spirit. Spirit ever seeks to express in more and more elegant ways. Elegance involves achieving a given result with the most efficient use of resources. How do I make writing my vocation? And, not just any writing, this very stream of consciousness expression? Who would be willing to pay to have this created on a daily basis? Is this something an individual or a company would fund? Or, do I need a mass readership of some type? We're talking on the order of $2000 to $5000 per day. That's not pocket change ... not to anyone I know anyway. But, is it unrealistic? The sense is no. The material is worth every penny of that and more. Where else would you go to create anything that is like it? The bottom line is that you probably can't find anything else like it. That is not to say that some of the ideas aren't covered in other metaphysical works. However, the nature of the material and the way that it is expressed is unique. This is an example of a stream of consciousness from an awake and aware being. Much of its value comes from the fact that it is precisely that. Yes, I can be grandiose at times. Perhaps I am being so now. But, what am I supposed to make of the fact that there have been roughly 2.5 million words expressed here in the past decade? Yes, that is a lot of words. But, there is a sense that you ain't seen nothing yet. I wonder. In particular, I wonder how many words might come forth during my lifetime? Though, it is not the quantity that ultimately matters ... it is the quality of what is expressed. Then again, there is no reason that we can't have both quantity and quality. So, how do I manifest the circumstances that I seek? What do I have to do to create the job environment that I desire? Am I ready to do what I believe it is my mission to do? Every indication is that I am more ready than I have ever been. My sense is that it is indeed time to step out on a new venture. Where to get 199

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 the financial resources to do that is the million dollar question. Literally. But, look what it would be buying. If I could be functioning at full productivity 7 days per week, 365 days per year ... the output would be phenomenal. It would make what I do now pale by comparison. Yes, this is what I desire. I am ready to give everything that I AM to this. I just need a commitment suitable to cover my needs coming back. I've set that at $1 per word. I believe that to be a fair exchange. Will anyone take me up on my offer? How do I go about presenting the offer to people or organizations who might take it? This is completely new ground for me. I am not used to having to sell myself or my services. Yet, here it seems that such is the position that I find myself within. Where is this path ultimately leading? After ten years, I still have no others following along on the same or similar paths. This is quite surprising to me. I knew the material was good when it started coming through in 1993. I'm probably too close to it to objectively judge how good ... but it is good enough to warrant study and consideration. It is not clear that it has really been subjected to this. Yes, people have found some of the material over the years. But, except for a few page counters ... I have no way of knowing how many people have found what particular material. There are a lot of pages at the Beyond Imagination site. A given "page" might be 1 page of text or as many as 60 depending on the work. Is the work still ahead of its time? Perhaps. But, the sense is that the world is rapidly transforming and reaching a point where what has been expressed and what is to be expressed at Beyond Imagination now has value to the world. Its time for isolation is over. It’s about time. I've been attempting to share what was expressed ever since the expression began. It has astounded me that a decade could go by without seeing the works have the kind of impact on the world that I know deep inside of me that they are meant to have. There didn't seem to be anything that I could do about it. The few feeble attempts that I made to get the works disseminated and get them published failed miserably. Rather than take these as challenges to try other ways ... I took them as signs that the time was not yet right to do this. I guess I never really believed the maxim if at first you don't succeed, try and try again. Perhaps that works for some things. But, clearly it doesn't necessarily work for everything.

24 April 2003 One more day in which to express. They continue to come day after day. And, I continue to be moved to express day after day. Where all this is leading I do not really know. I only know that this is the path that I must tread at the moment. Yes, for the moment. Who knows what the next moment may bring. I am even open to new possibilities ... to new avenues for this expression to take. However, it seems that written expression is indeed the right vehicle for me. This calls on my innate skills and abilities as nothing else does. Writing has always been a natural process for me. It wasn't something that I had to struggle to learn how to do. Whether the material is any good or not ... that is for you to judge. But, judge it based on its utility in your life. If it provides something of value, something that you can use in some way in your life, something that justifies the time you spend in reading the material ... then I have done my job well. If not, move on and find other material more to your liking. This expression is not necessarily for everyone. If it is for you, you will know it. You will find yourself fascinated. You will find it difficult to put the material down. At least, that is how it is for me. And, this expression definitely strikes me in that fashion even though I am the one through which it comes ... perhaps because I am the one through which it comes. Yes, that makes me special. But, no more special than anyone in their own way. To whom much is given, much is expected. I know that I have been given a lot. And, as a result, I expect a lot from myself. Will I live up to my own expectations, grandiose as they may seem? I will definitely do my darndest to try, and I have every confidence that I will succeed. In this, failure is simply not an option. I will do whatever it takes to accomplish the mission that I came to accomplish. And, since I believe this to be in accord with the plan for the evolution of consciousness, I have no doubt that I will succeed ... for consciousness is behind me in this. 200

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Is this expression enough? Is this sufficient to do my part? More and more, the sense is that even though it is a lot ... it is still not enough. There is more that I can do. There is more that I must do. Further, it seems that some of these things may be things that only I can do. Can that be true? The sense is yes, there are things that each of us are uniquely designed to perform. It is for us to find what these are and to perform them. That is how we fulfill our destiny. That is how we give back something for all that we have been blessed to receive. This is crucial. There is a spiritual law governing this. It comes from the play The Lion King - The secret to life is to never take more than you give. Yes, it is that simple. The secret is out. Yet, how many still hoard their resources and their time? Freely give! That is the directive that creates abundance. Freely give! So far, that is what we have done here. Though lately, we have expressed a strong desire to be compensated for this expression. Is this a contradiction? It seems to be, but is it? We should be able to expect fair compensation in return for our services, especially when we are providing the best services of which we are capable. The quote for today is appropriate somehow: This is how we accelerate the rate of spiritual growth. We SHARE! We share what we have, we share what we feel, we share what we know, we share what we experience, we share whom that we are, as much as we can. That is what this expression is all about. It is my way of sharing whom that I AM with the world in as intimate of a way as I know how. Is it good enough? It has to be by definition. Our best is always good enough ... and here I am definitely giving my best. Last year's expression was full of such quotable passages. This year, I haven't really gone back and attempted to pick the creme of what was expressed. It seems time to start doing that however. With April winding to a close, I am close to having enough material for 2003 Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - Vol I. I think that I want to include a selection of Best Quotes from Jan 03 -Apr 03 at the end of the book. That may be quite some challenge. There is a lot of material to pick from. But, I've done this kind of thing before. And, it is something that needs to be done ... so, I will find the time to do it. Since I spent a couple of hours on 2003 Musings - Vol I today, we're not going to get our usual 2.5 - 3 pages of material tonight. This is just going to have to do. There is only so much time available in a day. Until I am directly employed to engage in this expression on a full time basis, what I can do is limited. Yet, it must be enough. All that we can do is our best. I'm excited that I could have this work ready in such a timely manner. The bulk of it will be done within a week of completing the musings for April. That is just two weeks away. That is about as realtime as you can get. Though, the publishing decision could still be a ways off. I'll have to see what I am moved to do. If I like what comes back from Infinity Publishing ... I may very well put a second work in the publishing pipeline.

25 April 2003 Another busy day ... so I'm getting a late start once again. Oh well, that happens sometimes and we just have to deal with it. We'll just have to see what gets expressed anyway. I did get a lot accomplished, however, even if it had nothing to do with this expression. But, at this point in my life, this expression is what matters most. Here is where I face the unknown. Here is where I am my most creative. Here is 201

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 where the unmanifest becomes manifest as a result of my effort. That is awesome power for anyone to have. And, the bottom line is that we all have it when it comes to creating our own reality. In this, I am no more special than anyone else ... except perhaps in my level of realization of what I am doing. But even there, I have often said I don't really know how all of this happens. I don't know how this expression comes forth. I just know that it does, and that I can count on it. I'm grateful for all that I have been blessed to experience ... especially the levels of awareness, and the serving as a vessel through which consciousness can speak. Of my own, my life would have limited utility, especially being as isolated from others as it has been. But I am not on my own. It is not clear that I have ever been. It seems that spirit has been there guiding me in one way or another as far back as I can remember. Though, this stepped up to a whole new level when the expression began coming forth in March of 1993. Can it really have be over a decade ago? That seems like so much time. It seems that the expression would have reached more people and made a bigger difference by now. The fact that it has not says something. Either it says something about me or it says something about the expression, I'm not sure which. As the one through whom this expression comes, what is my responsibility? Thus far I have recorded the expression and posted it on a regular basis at my Beyond Imagination site. Do I need to be doing more than this? If so, what more? There is a sense that yes, it is somehow my responsibility to disseminate the expression to those who might be moved by it. How do I go about doing that? How do I find such people? At this point, they do not seem to be in my circle of acquaintances. That's OK. Just knowing that there is a task that is mine to do will get the creative juices flowing to help determine a way to do it. That is how life works for me. I find ways of doing the things that are mine to do. And generally, they are elegant ways. Elegance is one of the prime directives of spirit. Wherever she can, she seeks to operate that way. Publishing still seems the right way to go. Perhaps if the self publishing is successful, I can get a real publisher interested in my works. One can always hope. The sense is that doing so would get the books out to a far greater audience at a substantially reduced price per copy. That is not my concern at the moment. One thing at a time. Actually, that is not quite right, it seems that I am never doing one thing at a time. I am always doing multiple things simultaneously or concurrently anyway. Even as I type this, I am listening to a Charlotte Church CD on the stereo, and I can hear the wind howling outside. I can see my hands typing away, even as I see beyond the rims of my glasses. My body is somewhat tense and slouching in a chair that is not the most comfortable ... so there is a slight pain in the middle of my back. All of these and more I deal with in the moment. We can be aware of a great number of things. Some we choose to live with and ignore ... others we choose to do something about. Which things are in which category are for us to choose. Awareness is one of our finest possessions. It is what separates us from our brothers in the animal kingdom. However, it only distinguishes us if we learn to us it properly as the wonderful tool that it is. Once we have awakened, there is no returning to our slumbers, try though we may. Awareness is turned on as if by a light switch ... but it seems that it cannot be turned off that way. Once we have tasted of the fruit of awareness, that is it, we are aware forevermore. We can become more aware, but we cannot become less. Another month or so and I should be an author ... officially this time. Though, I don't need any external source to tell me whether I can write or not. But, author connotates something different than one who just generates words. To me anyway, it implies that the words are written for a purpose with an audience in mind. I don't know that I can say that about this expression. It's only real purpose seems to be to allow me to express what spirit would have me express. If spirit has a purpose in this, I am not privy to it ... at least not yet. Do these words help to awaken those who may still be asleep? Do they activate pathways of consciousness that are fresh and new? From my vantage point ... this is exactly what they do. But, there are a lot of words. Perhaps too many for the intended task. Then, again, how are we to judge how many words are too many in this kind of an endeavor? We speak what must be spoken. You are free to fast forward and skip through whatever passages you wish. I say we speak. What I mean is that we 202

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 write. We write what the voice says in our head. It is not clear what the voice is. It may be me. It may be spirit. It may be some combination of the two. It really doesn't matter. It is source, and it speaks. It comes through as if I am hearing it in my head. This has been true since the expression started in 1993. There has been no real evolution in the process. Actually, this is not too surprising. In a Tony Robbins seminar, I was clearly categorized as the kinesthetic-auditory type. This is my primary mode of dealing with information. This is exactly what you see here. The voice in my head is auditory and the typing is kinesthetic. The combination of the two makes this real for me. How can I be different than I am? Why would I even want to do so? For one thing, the reality that I am creating for myself is not anything close to the ideal reality that I would like to experience. Hmm ... yes, I have a lot. And, I am grateful for all that I have. But, there is much that is still missing. And, this I would like to see corrected sooner rather than later. I have been willing to live with the status quo for several years, but it is not clear that is good enough any longer. Yet, major changes are difficult to make. It helps to start small and work up to big changes in the long term. However, it is not clear that there is time for this. We need to be doing the things that make us happy. We need to be doing the things that make our spirit soar. To do less is to dishonor ourselves. It is time to be who I want to be. But, that brings up the key question: who is it that I want to be? We can be anything that we choose to be ... within reason, of course. We need to consider our natural abilities and talents when we make this choice. We have these things for a reason ... they are meant to be used, and used for service. The more people doing this, the better off society will be. It is that simple. Society is most effective when individuals are expending their finest abilities in service to society. Of course, society needs to keep its part of the bargain and ensure the needs of each individual are met as a result. That is the social contract, plain and simple. $1 per word. Is that too much to ask? Yes, that counts for all words, the small ones as well as the large ones. My tendency is toward the smaller side of things. My average word is just over 4 characters. I'm not sure what to compare that against. But, it seems short. That is OK. I don't mean for these musings to be difficult reading. I try to speak in plain English. I never was one to work on building my vocabulary or using the thesaurus or anything like that. What I learned, I learned from reading a lot ... primarily books on metaphysics. I also thought a lot ... though I don't really know how the thought process operated either. Thoughts would just fill my mind and move from one to another. However, it was different than this expression. Here, I don't know what is coming forth until it comes through. With thoughts, the results stayed in my mind in a different way. Here, I forget what I write from one sentence to the next. It is only because I have a record that I know that I can go back and recover what came before. I find this somewhat strange. I've been living with it for over a decade, but it is still strange. You would think that I would intimately know what I had so intimately created. The fact that I don't says something about the nature of consciousness. But, what does it say? Do others experience it in this way? Actually, that doesn't matter. My experience is what it is. That is sufficient. How unique is any of us? How much is our reality like that of others? It seems that we might be surprised at just how different it is. Yes, we all live in the same world so to speak ... but do we really? Many of the things are similar, but how similar are the things that really matter to us the most? For many, this might be quite similar. That is why mass media and advertising work so well. However, there are a good number of folks on the fringes who do not fit into such molds. Is this ultimately where my audience lies? What portion of these people read books? And, would Musings fascinate them enough to hold their attention? How do I make my living from doing what I love to do? Right now, this means from engaging in this expression on a full time basis and from promoting the cause of Beyond Imagination. That includes doing what it takes to build the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh. Yes, a very lofty task. But, it is one that I believe that it is mine to do. Mine and some others whom I have not 203

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 yet found anyway. Though, I am still searching for the kindred spirits who might be meant to work with me in this endeavor. Surely this is not a solitary enterprise. Then again, spirit has had some grand things for me to do in this existence. Yes, the grandiosity can flare up from time to time ... but I did come into this existence with a good deal of talent. Further, I got started on the spiritual path in earnest much earlier than most. Also, when I became aware of my mission, there was a sense of recognition deep within me that this was right. Along with that came an acceptance. I knew that this was something that I must do. This was something that I must give my life to. Thus far, my way of doing that has been to express what you see here. Is there more that I could be doing? You bet there is. Wow, that came out quickly. So, the next question is: what else should I be doing. How do I take the message and work of Beyond Imagination public? Is that even what needs to be done? The sense is yes. That is the next step somehow.

26 April 2003 The days keep rolling by. And, each day, it seems that we find time for the expression. Yes, some days more that others. But overall we do quite well ... at least by the standards that I set for myself. And, I tend to set the bar very high. I expect a lot from myself. However, I don't expect others to live up to my standards. They are my standards for a reason ... and they apply only to me. That is, unless you choose to adopt them for your own as well. I choose to demonstrate what I believe in the way that I live my life. You see a lot of that in what I am able to share here. This is the kind of sharing that I would like to see go on to a much greater degree in the world. Perhaps it does, just out of my view. Then again, perhaps it does not ... and as a wayshower I am being true to my name and showing the way that others might learn from my example. This is not hard to do. In fact, when you are doing it, it seems like it is the most natural thing in the world. Perhaps it would be different if the audience were real and tangible. That it is unknown and faceless makes it easier somehow. However, one loses direct feedback in this manner ... and that it seems is highly important. That is how we know where to steer and control where we are going. Though, it is not clear that these are really necessary. We can use spirit as our guide and allow her to take us where we need to go. This has been my modus operandi to date though it seems that this is starting to change. There is a sense that I need to take a more active role in all of this. What has worked to date has served me well, but will not continue to be effective in the future. I need to start using some of what I have learned during three decade of metaphysical training and one decade of metaphysical expression. It is time to apply the principles firsthand and make the masterpiece of my life that I know it can be. That is the place to start. Within one year, I need to be living the life that I am meant to live. That suggests that I am not already doing that. And, such would be my assessment. There are many things in my life that could use some improvement. Though, overall, I live a good and pleasant life. There is just not enough passion expressed yet. Here I come closest to that than anywhere. In this expression, my spirit is evoked. For me passion and spirit go hand and hand for the most part. So, it seems that I must take my life in my own hands. Am I ready to do that? Of course I am. I wouldn't be asking the question if the answer weren't so obvious already. However, the bigger question is what do I want to experience? The answer to that question will shape the reality that I create in the times to come. First, I desire that this expression be transformed into my fulltime employment somehow. Yes, that is a big wish. But, I have been doing this for ten years. That is enough practice. It is time to make this my profession. Will it be as much fun if this were my job rather than my hobby? Every indication is that yes, it would. Could I do it day in and day out for 10-12 hours per day and 60 hours per week? A resounding yes to that as well. There is something about doing what you love to do that makes the hours fly by. One might think that eventually I would run out of things to express. But, consciousness has no such limits. It seems that her depths are unfathomable. So long as she continues to be the source, I see no reason to be concerned about reaching any limits to the expression. At one page per hour, we're talking as many as 50 204

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 pages per week or 200 pages per month. That is a lot of expression. Is that reasonable to expect? We can only try and see what we are able to do on an extended recurring basis. Three hours per day on top of normal workdays is quite impressive to begin with. It shows a level of commitment that few are willing to make. But, there is a big difference between 20 hours of expression per week and 60 hours of expression per week. That is a lot of time to be sitting in front of a keyboard. And, besides that ... isn't there more to life that unilateral expression? How do we take Beyond Imagination to the next level? Yes, that means taking me to the next level as well somehow. It seems that it is time. Though, I've been wrong about the timing of things before. Something seems different now. There is a sense that destiny's hand is at play in my life and in the fate of the world. We shall see where she takes us. It seems that we will arrive there soon enough. Everything in its right timing. And, it is spirit that sets what is the right timing, not us ... no matter how hard we try. We can trust that spirit has our needs and desires in mind and is considering these as she builds the fabric of reality that we will experience. Our needs will be met one way or another. Our desires may or may not be met depending on the benefit they produce for us and for others. The greater the overall benefit, the more likely they are to actualize. How can I promote Beyond Imagination? Is that even a task that I am meant to do? If not me, who? If not now, when? Beyond Imagination is a entity ... an organization of one at the present time, created out of my mind to build the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh. Yes, that is a mouthful. Why is it still an organization of one after all these years? How can I have failed so dismally to attract likeminded others who wanted to join in and participate. There have been less than a handful who have offered their services over the years, but it wasn't clear how to use them. I expected people to have some idea as to what they wanted to do to help. Now, I don't know what to expect anymore. There is a sense that Beyond Imagination is indeed to grow to be an organization and that it will do some good works in the years ahead. Because of this, it will make a difference in peoples lives, and in at least a portion of society and the world. That is all that we can ask. The greatest benefit of all is for our gifts to be of service ... preferably great service to the world. Will the world recognize this as being so? That doesn't really matter. Individuals whose lives are impacted will know that we made a difference. At this point that is enough. What of all the expression that has come forth to date? How much of it is worthy of being published? One part of me says all of it ... but I know that is not the right answer. There are parts of the Notes and even the Best of Notes that are still pretty raw expressions involving a lot of connections between numbers. There is probably enough to get a book out of Reality Creation 1010, Beyond Imagination: Creating the Foundations for a New World, and Best Quotes. Then, there is probably another two books that could be condensed from the Best of Notes pages. That's three books in addition to the Best Passages book in publication and the 2003 Musings - Vol I book being readied now. Can we release five books on the market within a year? Actually, it might be seven if the musings continue as they have for the remainder of 2003. Hmm ... there is nothing forcing them all to come out right away. We could just as easily stretch them out over two years. And, who knows when the musings will start to wind down ... or even if they will do so? Yes, it seems I really am an author. There was no denying that I was a writer. The volume of works was a direct testament to this. However, the process of packaging works into books is another matter entirely. Authors are more than writers. Authors generate books for the consumption of the public in some fashion. That seems to be what I am in the process of doing now. Though the Beyond Imagination book and the Reality Creation 1010 book have been at the Beyond Imagination site for over eight years. And, I did go through the process of packaging the works into products (books) for which Kinko's generated copies. However, I was not successful at selling enough copies to even make my money back. I ended up giving away most of the copies as gifts, and still have some lying around in boxes in my room. More feedback from the universe that a particular course of action was not the right action. That is, not in terms of achieving what I thought that I wanted anyway. I've done several things over the past decade believing that they were going to be the thing that made the difference and allowed me to break through and lead the life that I was meant to lead. I was hopeful and optimistic (and 205

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 generally highly manic) as I embarked on each endeavor. But, the results were always far less than I had hoped. I'm still not sure why. Perhaps I simply was not mature enough and ready to succeed. Are things really different now? My sense is yes. I am not the same person that I was then. I am far more aware. And, I am far less likely to let success get to my head than I might have been at an earlier time. Does that mean that I'm immune to all that success might bring? No, I am still susceptible ... much as others are. However, I know to temper any success that I might have. While the musings flow smoothly at the moment, can I count on them to continue day in and day out ... especially if my income is dependent on how many words I generate? Actually, there is a sense that I can indeed count on them, especially if they are my means of earning my livelihood. How can I know this? There are some things that we just know. There are some practical issues. I don't know that working from home is the right answer. We don't really have space to set up a decent office. Yes, I'm sure I could work out all of the details. The bottom line is to start working for spirit full time as soon as is practical so that my needs can be better satisfied, and so that I can carry out my mission and accomplish the work that Beyond Imagination was established to do. My focus is very much singleminded. I would live a life of spirit or I would not live at all. This is what I came to do. This is why I am here. So far, this expression is the closest that I come to doing what I came to do. Here, I give spirit voice. And, I do so gladly. I can think of no better way to spend my time. Perhaps that is why I am alone so often. Hmm ... I'd rather spend time in solitude and with spirit, than with people. That has been the case for most of my life. Though, that is starting to change little by little. However, is it too much to expect that there would be others at least interested in if not passionate about the kinds of things that I am passionate about? Is that too much to ask? If not, how do I go about finding such people and establishing relationships with them? Are they moved to find me as much as I am moved to find them? Are we destined to find each other?

27 April 2003 Another weekend day. Another very late start to this expression. I tried to start earlier this afternoon but my wife had other things in mind. She said I spent too much of my time doing this. I'm always sitting in front of the computer. In fact, so much so, that there is time for little else. To some degree she is right. I do spend a lot of time doing this. But, I consider this to be my calling. It is something that stirs my soul ... something majestic that I must do. As to whether I have to do it everyday, that is another matter. While I am moved to do it, it seems that I need to take advantage of the energies and express whatsoever would come forth. Besides, I'm sure my wife would feel much differently about this if I were being paid for the expression, especially well paid. It seems that such is coming quite soon. Then again, soon by what standards? Is soon a week, a month, a year, a decade ... or even longer? Everything is relative, especially time. A business trip takes me out of town for the next two days. We'll have to see whether I am moved to express in longhand. Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not. It just depends. Either way, one day later and we're at the end of April already. That wraps up the first third of the year. If I had to guess based on a gut feel, I would say that both the quantity and the quality of expression have been greater this year than over the same period last year. That is saying a lot. The expression last year was quite good and quite prolific. I wonder how long this trend will continue. We're at sixteen months and counting. There is a sense that it could go on indefinitely. Spirit is that deep that she could continue to find new material to express through us forever. But, is this what I want to do forever? Is this enough for me? Am I using all of my abilities and talents? The immediate answer that comes to mind is no ... not by a long way. Given that, what do I need to transform this expression to so that I am using all of my abilities and talents? The desire to do so is a great start. You don't have to know the answer ... at least not consciously. 206

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 What would make me excited enough to start each day by jumping out of bed at a decent hour? Right now, on weekends I sleep until 10:00 AM. I'd probably do so during the week as well if I didn't have to be at work. However, I typically work until past 11:00 PM. There is something about the night hours that just seems more conducive to spiritual expression. Then again, perhaps I'm just an afternoon/evening person. I can work tirelessly at particular tasks if I am interested in them. However, if I am not interested, I get bored and can get so tired that I find it difficult to stay awake and pay attention. My interests are fairly narrowly confined. They always have been. Perhaps they always will be. Yet, they are big interests from a different perspective. The nature of how the foundations of society function is not something many people would think twice about. Yet, I come to build the foundations for a new world. The nature of reality creation is too esoteric for most people to consider within their responsibility. Little do they realize that we create our own reality all the time and it behooves us to know the nature of reality creation so that we can do a better job of creating what we need and want. It is amazing what happens when we start to take responsibility for ourselves and the reality that we create. When we do this spirit herself kicks in with untold forces to aid in our endeavors. It is as if we command an army from on high to do our bidding. But, it is important that our bidding stay aligned with spirits will for us as well. That takes some soul searching on our part. However, if we have reached this far, we are indeed ready for this step on the path. Consciousness assures that we are exposed to that which we are ready to see. There is a need to know principle by which spirit operates as well. We are given access to information if and when we need to know it, and not until. Because of this, everything that we are exposed to is in our life for a reason. Struggling a bit tonight. Even though it was a lazy kind of day, I am still tired. I didn't get up until after 10:00, and I took a two hour nap in the late afternoon. But, that was not enough. It is as if I never really woke up today. Some days are like that. It is as if we go through the day in a sleepwalking state. I do so like that state between sleeping and waking. I can literally spend hours there. I allow the alarm to go off an hour before I want to wake up during the week and then hit the snooze every six minutes until my actual waking time just to give me time in this state. Even then, I don't really want to leave it and actually wake up sometimes. Why should it be so difficult? I have this expression to look forward to after all. But, there are also the chores of day to day life and day to day work that must be done. If I could pick and choose only what I wanted to do, that would be one thing. But, that is generally not the case. Some things are imposed on us. Fortunately, I've managed to keep these to a minimum. It seems that it is time to start imagining what my ideal day might be like. How would I spend it? How would I integrate my work with my life? Writing for eight hours straight probably isn't going to work, definitely not everyday. However, I could probably break the writing into three or four periods per day separated by various activities such as meals, research, meetings/promotions, and exercise. I would need to design a lifestyle that worked for me. I haven't really had that in the past. By most people's standards, I haven't really had a life. Then again, I've lived my life in the way that felt right to me. I have no regrets. I am grateful that it got me to where I am today. However, I am ready for something new and different ... something I have not experienced before. Because I haven't experienced it yet, I don't exactly know what it will be. I just know that it is coming, and that I will be pleased with it. How can I be so sure? Simply because I trust the process of spirit expressing in flesh through us. This is part of that ... a very big part.

28 April 2003 Well, I did break down and choose to engage in longhand expression today after all. Yes, it is slower. But, as the saying goes, it is better than nothing. My preference is to express whenever I can. I can't think of a more useful way of expending my time. There is something about this expression that is 207

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 special. It brings out the best in me. It allows me to grow in ways that I could not do otherwise. It continuously stretches my concept of whom that I Am, forcing me to realize firsthand that I am far more than I ever knew possible. There is nothing like firsthand experience, especially when it comes to matters of consciousness. I still desire to be free in a way that I have never been before. My sense is that this requires finding a way to enact the social contract for me personally. At this point, I expect for this to happen. If I can't make it happen in my life, how do I expect it to manifest in society and the world? One step at a time. "Be the change that you want to see in the world" as Gandhi said. What I can do for myself, I can demonstrate and teach to others. It seems that this is exactly what I am meant to do. But, how do I go about doing it? How do I make the work that I love to do, the work that I am paid, and paid well, to do? My current job has its limits. Overall, I enjoy doing it ... but I don't love doing it. It pays decently but I have assessed my worth to be far more. I have been moved to establish a value of $1 per word for this expression. There is some reason for that. Yes, it is a nice round number. Do I really believe that I am worth that, that this is worth that? Indeed, I do! But, I'm not the one that has to be convinced, or am I? If I am going to be the one to create the reality that conforms to this, then indeed it is me that needs to be convinced. Does this mean that I am not fully convinced yet? Am I looking for proof before I act? That is not like me. What must I do to manifest the reality that I want to experience? It seems that first I need to be more clear about what I want this to be. So far, I still think in terms of vague generalities. Though, there are some specifics. Lately there have been more than there used to be. This may be some indication that things are changing for us again. My life is becoming more conscious. This is a process that began in earnest a decade ago ... but, recently has been taken to a whole new level. It is about time. One can't live ones whole life on automatic. Well, one can, but that is not the most effective way to live. What is it that I want from life? An environment in which to exchange the best services that I have to offer for having my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs met. Is this too much to ask? Indeed not. This is exactly what we should expect. When more of us start expecting it, perhaps that is what we will create. Is that what it takes, raising expectations? That is something the mass media can help us to do quite well. At least, it can if it were used properly. Spirit will find a way to make that happen when the time is right. Then again, spirit does what she does by working through us. We are her instruments, her hands, her feet, her voice, her mind. How can I place so much faith in spirit? I would ask to the contrary, how could I do anything but this given all that I have seen and all that I have expressed here over the years? It is obvious that there is a divine hand at play in the affairs of humankind. There always has been, even in some of our darkest times. We're fortunate to have chosen to live in times that are to be far more enlightened than most. We're not there yet, but we're getting closer with each passing day. It is simply a matter of time. Ours will be an enlightened society. It is destined to be so. How soon remains to be seen. But, the Aquarian Age is here. Its principles apply to us now, or can apply to us if we choose to embrace them. Yes, it is a choice that is ours to make. Nothing is forced upon us. We draw into our lives exactly those circumstances, conditions, and events that we need to experience. Clearly, not all of this is by conscious choice. But, much more of it could be if we work to master our belief systems. Is there a way to transform this expression into something that could more directly help individuals? Is that even necessary or is it better to keep applying my skill in the manner that I do? It is not clear to what degree I am meant to work with individuals. Then again, perhaps it is clear. My forte is the transpersonal and the transcendental. At least it has been for much of my life. One could do far worse than to focus on these aspects. I found out in the past week or so that one of my favorite transcendentalists, Henry David Thoreau, died at 45. I just turned 45 a few weeks ago and still feel that my life has just begun. There is so much yet for me to do. My life is not yet the masterpiece that I desire for it to be. Yes, it has its 208

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 moments, even extended ones at times. However, there is still a life’s worth of work to do. But here, I am not talking about the work I am paid to do, rather the work that I am moved by spirit to do. At this point there is still a difference. My desire is for that to change.

29 April 2003 Again, we come here to express as we have been doing so regularly of late. It is always a more difficult choice when it is in longhand, especially knowing that I will need to type this at some point. That is OK, it is still a labor of love. I do it because I am moved to do it. I do it because I must. That doesn't mean that I have no choice. It is just that at this point in my life I have chosen to do what I am moved to do. In my reality framework, it is spirit or consciousness herself that does the moving. No, this doesn't apply to every little thing that I do. My overweight condition is a case in point. There I watch myself continue to make poor choices regarding food consumption and exercise. The result from this is that I am 40-50 pounds over what I would consider to be a healthy weight for me. All of that has been gained back in the past 18 months. Does this have deeper psychological ramifications as well? Do I eat to compensate for something? Our bodies are our most intimate physical creations. We need them to function well if our lives are to function well. It is that simple. Our bodies are that important. Through them we make a statement. However, more importantly, through them we express what can be expressed through us. Am I convinced enough to do something to change this? At this point, I don't really know. But , the sense is that the possibility is definitely there. We tend to get stuck in our patterns ... especially when that are comfortable to us. It doesn't seem to matter whether they are good or bad. But staying within our comfort zones is not conducive to living an adventurous life, and life should be a grand adventure. It is for us to choose to make it so. What do I need to do to make it so for me and to facilitate making it so for others? This expression is a start, but it seems that it is not enough. There is still a strong sense that something is missing ... that there is something that I could be doing that I am not yet doing. Whatever it is will alter my life in a major way. I sense that deeply even though I don't yet know what I am to do. That is OK. The unknown is welcome in my life. I would much rather be aware of and embrace the unknown in my life than allow it to remain dark and hidden. This attitude makes all the difference in the world. That is the power of awareness in our lives. There is a sense that I need to take more control of my life than I do at present or have ever done for that matter. I have allowed spirit to allow my life to unfold as it will. Overall, this has been very well. I have definitely been blessed in many ways. However, it seems that any further progress is highly dependent on what I choose to do. It is time to give voice to my will knowing full well that it conforms with the will of spirit. Am I ready to do this? I am more ready now than I have ever been. But is that good enough? It will have to be, that is all that I have to work with and it seems time to do something. Though, there is nothing that prevents me from augmenting my abilities, or lack thereof, with the abilities of others. I don't have to do everything ... only those tasks that are mine to do. The tough part is figuring out just what those are. Clearly this expression is one. But, thus far it is the only one and it seems that there should be more.

30 April 2003 We caught up again. It didn't hurt that yesterdays expression was far less than normal. That is OK. At least there was something, and what came forth was worthwhile. Let's see if we make up for it today. We're getting started at a decent time and have a whole evening ahead of us. But, time doesn't necessarily 209

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 guarantee a decent quantity and quality of expression. We need to be moved by spirit to make this happen. Most of the time ... we are so moved, so indeed the amount of time we can expend translates directly into a volume of expression. We have been fortunate for the past 16 months to have tapped a gusher. It seems that no matter how much attention we give to this expression, there is always more waiting to come forth. It is as if it is already finished somehow, and we are just reading it to bring it forth. I know, that is an over-simplification, but it seems close to what I experience. No, I don't see a book, a scroll, or a screen from which I am reading this. It just appears as a voice in my mind. I say voice. I hear it in my head. It is the stream of my consciousness. I don't know what feeds it or why it flows as it does. I don't know why I experience it as I do. I only know that for just over ten years, I have been moved to take notice and capture a particular portion of the stream of consciousness that I experience. On average, I document about 3 hours of that stream per day. That is 1/8 of my life ... nearly 1/5 of my waking life. That is a lot of time to spend on any activity. Yet, I am compelled by an inner force that I cannot resist. This expression is part of my destiny somehow. Capturing this stream of consciousness and sharing it, is one of the tasks that I am here to do. It provides an example of the level of commitment and the level of openness and sharing that I would like to see in the world. If we want to create a better world, we do it via demonstration. We do it by providing real world examples for others to see and to emulate should they so choose. It is not our intent to force anything upon anyone. If you find value in what is expressed, by all means use it in your own life and share it with others. If you don't find utility, waste your time no further, and move onto something else that has more value to you and those whom your life touches. There is still a sense that something is missing. This expression takes me only so far. That is a long way, but the sense is that it is no longer far enough. My life demands more somehow. I demand more of myself. Yet, it seems that I should not have to do this on my own. Surely there have been others who have ventured into similar areas. Surely there are disciplines from which I can learn more effectively than trying to discover everything on my own. Yet, why have I not been moved to find these. There was a program on Madonna last night. I found it interesting that spirituality and the Kabbalah Centre were such an important part of her life. It is definitely something worth looking into. I don't know that it will provide some of the answers for me that it obviously provided for her, but there is no harm trying. This is another metaphysical discipline worthy of consideration. There are no accidents. That the show would be on last night and would happen to discuss spirituality in this manner is no coincidence. I was meant to see this and make this connection. How many other such groups are out there who are seriously pursuing and teaching metaphysical knowledge? How do we find them? Or, how do they find us? There is an old saying when the student is ready, the master will appear. Is that how it works? Is there some sort of monitoring going on at psychic or spiritual levels in which an assessment is being made of our readiness? Our souls know exactly what we need for our highest growth. I have to believe that they also know exactly what to do to draw that into our reality. However, it seems that we may be able to assist the process by including our conscious involvement. There is a sense that it may be time for me to enter a student phase once again. I have a Masters in EE. Now, it seems that a Masters in Life or a Masters in Reality Creation is in order. I have done enough study to earn such a degree. But, have I put it together in such a way to constitute a thesis? Does this expression qualify for that? It seems that it should. Then again, it is not clear that I've put enough of this into practice to make me a Master yet. That seems to be the next order of business. Practice what you preach as the saying goes. Do as you say. There have been more than enough words expressed to date. How do we pick the best of the best and apply them in our day to day life? That is the chief challenge of one who would be a metaphysician. There is a saying: physician, heal thyself. We would alter this: metaphysician, create/heal thy reality. I thought my student days were over. But, it seems that we are always doer, learner, and teacher simultaneously in different areas of our lives. That is OK. It keeps life interesting and challenging. 210

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 Time is becoming more and more of a obstacle. There is only so much of it. When we choose to spend time in one area, effectively we are choosing to not spend it in some other area. So many things compete for our time. In addition, it is difficult to operate at peak efficiency or even high efficiency much of the time ... further reducing what we can do. Time management is definitely an important skill that we need to learn. Yet, despite all of this, it seems that there is always sufficient time to do the things that need to be done. It is as if this happens by definition. We don't have to really work at this. We just need to allow it to unfold naturally. We need to trust that we will be moved to do the things that need to be done. And, believing this ... indeed we will be so moved. That is how reality creation works. At least, that is how I observe it to work in my life, and I believe that I am observing the operation of universal laws. How is it that this expression can extend on and on, day after day, week after week, and month after month? Today marks the end of 16 months. How long will it continue in this manner? I really don't know the answer to either question. The expression is what it is. It comes through as it does when it does. It will continue to do so as long as it does. So long as I am moved to come here, I will gladly give it voice and allow it to express through me in this manner. I believe that this stream of consciousness deserves to be heard. It provides a record of one consciousness in action over an extended period of time on a fairly regular basis. The material might serve as source material for a course on the nature of consciousness. One of the prime benefits of the material for me has been to stretch my concepts of who I believe that I AM. Somehow I have to account for the fact that all of this could come forth through me in the manner that it has. That is a lot to account for. It was obvious very early that much of what is expressed was not based on things that I had formally learned to date, or read about in my extensive readings in metaphysics. This was not a mere rehashing of the things that had been put in. The material was original and new. Further, the awareness that accompanied some of the material was beyond anything that my mind was prepared to deal width. This was primarily because awareness is a beyond mind experience. One has to literally go beyond mind to experience being aware. All the thinking in the world doesn't help. One is simply aware or not. I still remember a video with J. Krishnamurti toward the end of his life - he said that one of his major regrets was that in several decades of teaching students around the world, nobody had really ever gotten what he was trying to teach about awareness. From the video, it was obvious that this was because his students were still thinking far too much. What is the difference between thinking and a stream of consciousness? I don't know how to answer that anymore. This is what fills my head these days. When I am not expressing, much of the time my mind is blank. I don't know how to compare this with the river of thoughts that fills most peoples minds. That is, assuming there is such a river. I don't remember when all the mental chatter stopped for me. It was well before this expression began in 1993 however. Is what is expressed here my stream of thoughts? Stream of thoughts, stream of consciousness ... is there a difference? Thoughts we typically think of as being originated within us. I don't feel that way necessarily about the stream of consciousness. It is expressed through me. But, it is not of me. Is not the consciousness from which the stream originates my consciousness? Perhaps, perhaps not. The bottom line is that I have no way of knowing. What I do know is what I experience ... and that is a voice in my head, a silent voice but a voice nonetheless. My ears don't hear it, but my mind does. And, I hear it at about the pace as if it were speaking to me. Even slower, because I need to be able to type it, and I'm not the fastest of typists. Also, I know that I hear it, because most of the mistakes that I make are typos with wrong words that sound alike (to/too/two, their/there, hear/here, etc ...). Why would I make this kind of mistake so frequently if sound were not heavily involved? How do I relate what I experience to what others experience? Does it even matter that I do so? Is it not enough to experience what I do and express as I am moved to express? As a wayshower, I would like to share what I have experienced in a way that others might benefit from it. How do I do that in an optimal way. This expression will attract certain types of people. However, the sheer volume of material demands a great deal of time. What can I do to make it easier for people to benefit from what is here 211

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 without necessarily having to spend weeks or months reading it all? Where is the Readers Digest version? Is that another work that is for me to create? Perhaps one book spanning the entire decade of expression that is Beyond Imagination to date. That should be relatively easy to do. Though, there is a lot of material to pick from. It would help to have a theme to provide a focus for the work. Perhaps Reality Creation could provide that focus since that has the most intimate impact both individually and en masse. Hmm ... perhaps we could use Reality Creation 1010 as the centerpiece and add appropriate surrounding text. We speak of awareness, but is it clear of what we mean? Being aware of being aware is a starting point. Being aware that we are doing something even as we are doing it is a case in point. For instance, as I type this, I am aware of observing myself observing the screen through my glasses and observing my fingers going through their motions on the keyboard in the lower part of my visual field of view. Being aware of being aware is very high level behavior ... even if it is only low level functions that we are observing initially. Finding the observer part of yourself is not the easiest of tasks, but can be done with proper effort and perseverance. It is the observer part of ourself that is aware ... that sees things for what they are, that is not fooled by the illusions. The more we get to know this part of ourself, the more conscious of a life that we will live. Actually, getting to know is not quite right ... we need to actualize this part, we need to live it to the degree that we can. That doesn't mean we relinquish the other aspects of the trinity of self. We are doer, creator, and observer simultaneously ... the 3 in 1. Most of us relate to being the doer. Some of us learn enough to consciously create as well, but few over all. The observer still seems to be relatively rare. Awareness is still highly limited on the planet. This is changing. More and more people awaken with each passing day. But the process is still a slow one. Waking people up is not easy ... especially when they are enjoying their slumbers. In fact, many do not even know that they are asleep. But the alarm clock is about ready to go off, and the masses will indeed awaken. The challenge is to have the infrastructures in place to channel all of the additional energy unleashed when that happens to good use ... in particular for the benefit of society. Are people ready to wake up? Are we forcing something on them that they are not ready for? There is a spiritual plan for the evolution of consciousness in the world. Part of that plan deals with the level of awareness that consciousness will reach at various points in the plan. This is a spiritual agenda. It is like the spiritual laws of the universe. We can try to fight them or struggle against them, but just as with the forces of nature ... these are things that are simply beyond our control. It is for us to find ways to operate in harmony with them and go with the flow. My sense is that we will find people far more ready to awaken than we have given them credit for to date. People have learned a lot through recent incarnations. The world has changed tremendously in the last century, and in particular in the last 50 years. The pace of change continues to grow at a rate that is such that no individual can deal with it any longer. Cooperation is the only solution. We divide the problem up into pieces that different individuals or groups can handle, and then we cooperate to come up with the overall integrated solution. We count on different groups to do their parts. This makes the individuals and groups interdependent. Cooperative interdependence is the way of the future. It needs to be the way of the present as soon as we can make it so. Actually, it already is, except it is happening at other than conscious levels.

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BEST QUOTES from 2003 Musings – Vol I

The following is an indexed set of best quotes selected from the 2003 Musings in this book. It is organized by day in the same manner that the musings were presented. It constitutes what I consider to be the gems from this expression. It is not necessarily meant to be read in any order. Allow the numbers that come up in your life trigger you to read particular quotes. The universe has a way of pointing us to the material that we need to see when we need to see it, if only we allow her to do so. Also, if it moves you, feel free to open the book to any page and start reading from anywhere on the page. When you do this, the universe will ensure that the passages you find have relevance to your life at this time. At least, that is how it works for me … even though I generated all of this.

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JANUARY 1 January 2003 1 - Everything is consciousness in expression ... and consciousness experiencing what is being expressed. 2 - Were we aware of our true nature, the atrocities that are committed by us against us, would cease in a heartbeat. 3 - It doesn't take the whole world to change the whole world. All that is necessary is a critical mass, a subset that is sufficient to plant the seeds and generate the foundation. 4 - Right and truth are relative terms in this existence. It is important that we remember that our way is a way and not the only way. 5 - Through cooperation, we are building the organs, the organizations, that constitute the body for spiritual expression on the planet. 2 January 2003 6 - We see what we need to see, when we need to see it. We experience what we need to experience, when we need to experience it. 7 - If we aren't changing the spiritual beliefs, we aren't tackling our problems at their core. 8 - What we experience will be in accord with what we believe. 9 - Beliefs are powerful ... some of the most powerful things that we have in our arsenal. 10 - It is amazing what we can do when we willingly cooperate and go with the flow. 3 January 2003 11 - Many are engaged in the dance of consciousness. But, few record that dance and make it available for others to experience. 12 - For life to have value, ultimately it must be shared. 13 - The only place that we have any power is in the moment ... right here and right now. 14 - Change what we believe, and we change what we experience. When we do this en masse, we change the world. 5 January 2003 15 - There is a role that I am playing, there is a play of consciousness that is unfolding in my life. 16 - Where the abilities are great ... so are the expectations of their usage. 214

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 6 January 2003 17 - Ye shall know them by their works is a powerful truth. It is by the works that we do, that we impact the world. 18 - I would live a life of meaning, of purpose ... a life that makes a difference to many. 19 - Constraints only exist to the degree that we believe in them. There is always a way over them, through them, or around them. Though we may have to be patient and creative to find these ways.

7 January 2003 20 - It is by our example that the mold is set through which events in the world are shaped. 21 - Here, I see things revealed that I did not know that I knew. Each paragraph is a new revelation as well as a spontaneous creation. Here, more than anywhere else, I can live in the moment ... awaiting each letter, each word, each thought. 22 - Independence is an illusion in this world. There are interdependencies everywhere we look. We are all richly interconnected in the web that is LIFE. 23 - Complex systems need feedback to keep them within proper operating constraints 24 - What is the overall state of health of humanity? My sense is that it is dying rapidly ... and in need of something to heal it and bring it back into balance. That something is a set of spiritual beliefs that truly serve us ... all of us.

8 January 2003 25 - We need to allow some room for the unknown, for the mysterious ... to enter into our lives. 26 - Spirit has much more in store for us than we can imagine, if only we will allow her to impact our lives as only she can. 27 - Whatever we experience is right for us ... it is a way, not the way. It helps to remember that. 28 - There are as many paths to spirit as there are people. Each of us must ultimately find the path that is right for us.

9 January 2003 29 - This expression, this stream of consciousness, is my connection to the eternal within me. It is where I tap into a source that is far more than I know myself to be. 30 - I've found it is always good to leave spirit sufficient room to express as she will in my life. 215

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 31 - The most important thing that I can share is whom that I AM ... and in the process of sharing, hopefully show others more of whom that they are as well. 32 - Be all that you can be is a strong spiritual directive for all of us. It doesn't matter what that is.

10 January 2003 33 - It is not the world as it is that is important, rather it is the world as we are in the process of creating it to be. That is, a new world order in a new age. 34 - We get results wherever we apply our resources ... and especially the minds of the best and the brightest among us. We can engage such minds on the next generation of weapons of mass destruction, or on how to create an abundant and peaceful society. It is our choice. 35 - It is within our power to create ourselves and our world anew, in whatever manner we choose for it to be. Yes, we are that powerful. Further, the time is right for doing this ... now as at no other time in history.

11 January 2003 36 - Exploring where others have been may yield some new information, but exploring the unknown, exploring where none or no more than few have ventured is a whole other thing. This is what excites my soul. This is what gives my life meaning. Further, it does so even if consciousness herself is the only witness to my discoveries. 37 - Gifts are meant to be used. The greater the gifts, the greater the tasks for which they are to be used. 38 - It pays to believe strongly whatever we believe, yet be open to more powerful ideas should they come are way. 39 - It seems the time has come to make consciousness technology more available to the masses. Actually, the first step might involve using consciousness technology to wake up substantial portions of the population so that they in turn can help wake up others that the whole world might awaken. 40 - We speak of building the foundations for a new world. That involves building an infrastructure that supports each and every individual on the planet to be the best that they can be. That means educational, social, political, economic, and spiritual systems that work to support this. 41 - The infrastructure must support meeting the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs of everyone. At present, it does not come close. Where there is hunger and starvation, the system is failing. Where there is poverty and suffering, the system is failing. Where there is war or violence, the system is failing. Where there is ignorance and intolerance, the system is failing.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 42 - I am the instrument ... spirit is the musician. She is ultimately the source of the music that we play. Yes, it is necessary that I do my part. Without the instrument there would be no music. However, without the musician, the instrument is useless. 43 - Consciousness is everything. Awareness is the most powerful thing that we can possess because it is what allows us to create the reality that we are experience. Awareness is thus the stuff of the Gods. 44 - The right use of will is to choose to serve spirit and manifest things in her timing not ours. Thy will, not mine, be done. Actually, it is more than this ... my will is for thy will to be done. 45 - Through our example we can impact others, who in turn can impact others, etc ... until the whole world is touched. How we live makes that much difference. 46 - The world will be a better place when we do are part by being the best that we can be.

13 January 2003 47 - We are meant to give of whom that we are in service to our world in some way ... preferably in some effective way. In return, we are entitled to all that we need and more. That is the social contract. No, it has not been publicly declared yet. But, that does not preclude us from acting as if it is already in effect.

14 January 2003 48 - It is when we do spirits bidding that we are being the best that we can be. 49 - Spirit employs the best that is in us. She knows how to elicit our best. She guides us, she encourages us, she leads us, she moves us ... to the degree that we allow her to.

15 January 2003 50 - Where one consciousness has been others may follow if there is a map, a record of sufficient fidelity. 51 - There is not you and spirit. There is only you as the expression of spirit. Only part of this expression is in flesh. However, that is the part that counts. We have incarnated specifically to allow spirit to manifest and experience reality.

16 January 2003 52 - There are many ways of striking out into the unknown. Paths to some degree are the trodden directions, though some are far more trodden than others. It takes a rare soul to venture into the unknown on their own. 53 - The many are possessed of the mentality of the herd. Blending in, and doing things as others do, are important to them.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 54 - I would be the consummate individual, yet much that I do is in service to things greater than myself ... in particular to society, to the world, and to spirit herself. 55 - I express by writing. And, I write whatever I am moved to write. What is it that does this moving? The only answer I can give is the spirit within me. She is the source from which all of this springs. 56 - I've know myself to be an ancient being for some time. There is a knowingness, a wisdom, a common sense that I possess that is far beyond my years in this existence. Some of the things that I know, as revealed in these writings are not things that I learned in this lifetime. They had to come from somewhere else ... in particular, other places and other times.

17 January 2003 57 - Behind the scenes, consciousness communicates to consciousness through consciousness. 58 - Destiny will ensure that those whose lives need to touch one another will indeed do so. 59 - This may be our greatest choice as sentient beings ... the ability to choose what anything that we experience means on whatever scale we choose to apply that meaning. 60 - Our personal world reflects back to us whom that we are in the eyes of the world. This may or may not be consistent with whom that we believe ourselves to be. It is important to notice and note the differences ... for it is here that we have the power to do something. 61 - Our choices literally shape the reality we experience. They carve out a place in the scheme of things to provide a context for our existence. 62 - One sign that we need to know something is the questions that we are moved to ask. When questions are formulated and expressed, it seems that they attract the very answers to address them. Indeed, ask and it shall be answered. It is that simple.

18 January 2003 63 - I must live a life of meaning. There is no other option. I would live a life that makes a difference to society and to the world. 64 - While physical laws are beyond our control, social and economic laws are ours to create. 65 - Spirit seeks greater and greater varieties of experience. 66 - Our forefathers set us up as a Novus Ordo Seclorum, a New Order of the Ages. They knew that they were setting in motion something great, something that would be the shining example of liberty in the world. They knew that this was spiritual work that they were doing ... it was far more than establishing a government. They were part of a spiritual brotherhood, and they firmly believed that there was an unseen deity guiding their hands through all of this. 67 - The most interesting parts of our life are in those areas where we have choice ... the very realm of beliefs. Here we have true freedom. We can believe whatsoever we will. 218

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19 January 2003 68 - Each of us has a spiritual destiny. But, we only achieve it if we accept it and allow it to happen. 69 - It takes being all that we are to manifest our destiny. And, we are far more than we think ourselves to be, even those of us who already think in grandiose terms. 70 - That is the key ... to do as we are moved by spirit to do. That means that we must have a connection to spirit within. That also means that we must have the discipline to abide by what it tells us. 71 - When we expend effort to know thyself, one of the fringe benefits is that we find the source within us. 72 - There is nothing else except spirit in expression in this world. Everything is spirit. No exceptions. 73 - If we truly wish for our world to be peaceful, then we must live peacefully. It is that simple. When enough of us do that, the world will have no choice except to do as we do ... for, we are the world. 74 - If we want the world to be more cooperative, then we must be more cooperative. Everything starts with what we believe and ultimately what we do. 75 - No matter how grandiose our thoughts of who we are and what we can do, these pale in comparison to our true nature and reality. We truly are grand beings and we are here to do grand things. 76 - We have a purpose, a reason for incarnating into this very existence. While we may have established some challenges to overcome ... we stacked the deck so that we would succeed in accomplishing our mission. 77 - It is important that we find ways to give of whom that we are in service to something greater than ourselves. This is how we abide by the spiritual economic law to never take more than we give. 78 - Competition by its very nature produces winners and losers. It is not a WIN/WIN enterprise.

20 January 2003 79 - What I experience impacts me, it changes me. And, when I change, my world changes as well to be consistent with whatever I have become. 80 - We are ever in a process of becoming more and more of whom that we truly are. 81 - There is always something more to become, some new level of awareness to be reached. 82 - Amazing things happen when we start taking responsibility for the world in which we live. 83 - It is through our actions that we manifest things in our world. But, these must be in line with a belief system that serves us. 219

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 84 - Awareness is one of the most, if not the most important things in the world. 85 - When we are aware, we experience firsthand our unity with consciousness ... at least with the part of consciousness that manifests through us and as us. 86 - What we are and what we do are not separate things. They are united such that one cannot exist without the other.

21 January 2003 87 - Along with abilities comes the responsibility to use those abilities to serve others in some way. The greater the abilities, the greater the level of service required. Yes, required. Spiritual law demands that we use the gifts that we are given. 88 - Cooperation is the way of the future. Competition has its place, but it needs to be limited to where it is truly of value. Cooperation is always WIN/WIN, provided it is sincere. Competition is nearly always WIN/LOSE. 89 - All that I can do is share the path that I have followed in hopes that it may have some benefit to you as well. 90 - Whether you choose to venture down that path, and the degree you choose to do so are your choice and should be based on the utility you experience in your life. 91 - There are as many paths to spirit as there are individuals ... perhaps even more. 92 - Cooperate and graduate. It seems that we are at a critical juncture point in the growth of our world. Either we learn to cooperate and work together to create a better world, or we fail and we suffer the consequences of our actions and inactions. 93 - Our major problems are spiritual problems. They can only be resolved with spiritual solutions. 94 - That was the only way to find awareness, to find consciousness … I had to go beyond anything my mind as I knew it could do.

22 January 2003 95 - We are all spirit manifesting in flesh. Further, we are all souls that spring forth from the same ONE spirit, ONE consciousness. 96 - Consciousness is a form that spirit takes, a set of clothes that she wears. 97 - Awareness relates to how much of the cosmic we have integrated into our lives. 98 - We are here to evolve and grow into what we are capable of becoming. This exceeds any concepts that we may have, no matter how grand they may be. 99 - I feel that a tithe of my time is the minimal investment in the spiritual side of life. 220

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 100 - Spirit has given me many gifts, and she has been an instrumental guide for me all of my life. I am clearly in her debt. So much so, that at times it seems that there is nothing I can do to fully repay her for all that she has done. The closest that I can come is to live a spiritual life, to allow spirit to express through me as she will, to do what I am moved to do, and to be all that I can be by serving others to my utmost capacity. 101 - Spirit is ever in the process of finding needs and filling them. 102 - It is through community that we accomplish things far greater than we can accomplish with the sum of our individual efforts. Here is where the power of synergy gets applied ... allowing spirit additional avenues for expression not only through us as individuals, but through us as a collective. This is as the difference between the individual brain cells and the mind that occupies the brain. 103 - For each exceptional individual, there are many average ones. Though, there is a sense that we are all exceptional in some way and one of our goals should be to establish the social infrastructure necessary to elicit and nurture the exceptional abilities of each of us.

23 January 2003 104 - Unless we are quiet, our own chatter drowns out any chance of receiving anything from source. 105 - We live our lives on several levels, and it seems that there are things that we came to learn and to do on each level. 106 - We are all grand beings. We truly are. Yet, clearly a large majority do not believe thus. That doesn't change the fact one iota. 107 - It is time more people realized how precious they are, how fragile, and yet how powerful. 108 - I can't imagine living life without making a difference, without serving society in a big way. That would be my definition of failure ... to go through life and not be able to make a statement, to make a difference because of my presence. 109 - My home is a state of consciousness. It has no location. 110 - It is only in consciousness that we can find permanence, and even then it is an everchanging permanence. 111 - We need to consider the impact to the collective when we make decisions. The greatest good comes when we do this. The greatest good will not always maximize the benefit to us personally. But, we need to learn what is enough for us, and how to balance this against the needs of others. 112 - I am not building a house that requires a blueprint. However, I am creating a path, and documenting or making a map of that path. Ultimately this will allow others to follow ... to reach where I have been and venture out further, wherever there own inner guidance takes them.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 113 - As the creator of this expression, it is my obligation to feed it, to care for it, to nurture it, to facilitate its growth ... and to assist in getting it into the mind and hearts of those meant to hear it. 114 - This is the testament of my life. This is my spiritual manifesto. Here, I share whom that I am as freely as I can. It is my desire that this serve as an example of the degree and depth of sharing that I would like to see happen in the world ... in my world anyway. 115 - We are all different, with extremes being very different. That is OK. Variety is good. Differences are good. We just need to find ways to make beneficial use of the differences. 116 - In society, it seems we suffer by trying too hard to put round pegs in square holes. It would be far better to assess the shape of each person and then try to place them in the right place within society. That place would be one where their unique gifts and skills are of the most benefit to society ... or at least are of value to society. 117 - There are many types of intelligence, few of which are measured by IQ tests. That doesn't mean that such tests are not valid, just that they are meaningful only to the people who possess the types of intelligence that they test. 118 - We can do whatever we choose to do. It is a matter of applying our best and brightest and employing the necessary resources to do it. We tend to do whatever we set our minds and our hearts on. Resources are everything. 119 - We know what is lacking. We know what is not working. We may not want to admit it. We may fear what some of the alternatives might be. The bottom line is that some of the fundamental foundations of society are cracked badly and may be ready to topple shortly. 120 - Recognizing this, we have an obligation to use our power of free will to do something about it or to do nothing and allow the foundations to come crashing down. 121 - I believe in the spiritual order of the universe. Where there is a talent, there is a need for that talent.

25 January 2003 122 - We have the technology. Even more important we have the ideals, the ideas, and the principles to build a better world for all of us. The question is ... will we choose to do so? 123 - Changing the world is everyone’s business, it is everyone’s job. 124 - Change always starts with one person, or with a small group. When you change who you are, when you change what you do, your world can't help but to be impacted. 125 - We are here to make a difference ... each and every one of us. 126 - If I don't feel a responsibility to my neighbors, many of whom I don't even know, then how am I to feel a responsibility to someone in some undeveloped country whose country I don't even know exists? 127 - We are all connected. What happens to any of us, happens to all of us. It doesn't matter whether we know those to whom we are connected. The connections exist nonetheless. 222

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 128 - This is a grand and glorious endeavor that we are participating in. It will enable others to break the bonds of their minds, and experience consciousness firsthand. 129 - This expression is magical to me. It is a mystery in the manner that it comes forth. How I can speak of things that I have no right to know based on my education to date is amazing. 130 - Step by step, our lives unfold. With each step, the next one becomes clearer. 131 - We are free to remove our shackles whenever we wish. Though, this is difficult if we view our shackles as wings.

26 January 2003 132 - This expression is the cornerstone of my life now. It is upon this rock that I build the foundations for my world ... and perhaps for a greater world that stretches beyond me. 133 - If there is any area that is truly lacking in our expression, it is the spiritual. For most, this has been the domain of religion for centuries, if not millennia ... and little has changed in that time. This needs to be re-examined. 134 - Spirituality is the pole that holds up the tent of the self. Without it, we are effectively nothing. With it, we can do all things, we are effectively unlimited. 135 - Spirituality should empower us to be all the we can be and to do all that we are meant to do. 136 - It helps if we recreate ever grander versions of ourselves, for we are grand beings all, grander than we could ever imagine. In front of us lie infinite possibilities. It is for us to turn them into probabilities, and then into actualities in our lives. 137 - We are meant to actualize whom that we are. The very forces of nature cooperate with us in this endeavor, if only we allow them to. 138 - We often do not think in such terms ... that there is a benign universe supporting us in all that we do. But, indeed there is, no matter the circumstances we find ourselves in. It is time that we realize whom that we are, and our relationship to All That Is. 139 - We are important, each and every one of us. Each of us has the power to make a difference, and a great difference at that ... to our family, our friends, our society, and even our world. Yes, we are that powerful. But, it is what we do that makes the difference. 140 - We attract experiences in accord with our beliefs and in accord with what we need to learn. What we most need to learn are the things of spirit. Yes, there are other things that count. But, the spiritual things are the things that count most. Here is where our true treasure lies 141 - Our souls, our spiritual selves, are grander and wiser than we have ever imagined. Even for those of us who already hold grandiose visions of ourselves.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 142 - The most important choice to make is to be whom that we truly are. That one choice makes all the difference in the world. That one choice opens up untold possibilities. 143 - This is how we maximize our effect on the world. It is that simple, be whom that we are ... and express that faithfully. 144 - Education should challenge us, not overwhelm us. It should bring out the best in us. Further, it should continue to do this so long as we live. 145 - The day that we stop learning, we are as good as dead. Yes, learning is that important to life. 146 - We can't afford to waste the abilities and talents of any of us. This requires a big commitment from each of us. We have to take responsibility not only for ourselves but for assisting others to excel where we can as well. 147 - When we take advantage of another nation, politically or economically, the action is recorded on a national karmic record of sorts. In the end, we will have to balance our accounts. That is simply the way it is. We balance our accounts by acts of kindness and acts of service. 148 - God helps those who help themselves. But what about those who cannot help themselves? Don't we need some way to help them as well? And how does god do the helping anyway except through us and with our hands? 149 - We collectively have the power to change our world for the better, to create a utopia on earth. But, it will only happen if we believe it, and if we choose to make it so. 150 - When we do the work of spirit, we are strong in ways that we are not otherwise. It is amazing what we can do when we are serving spirit, and thus serving the world.

28 January 2003 151 - It is amazing what happens when one chooses to consciously live a life of spirit. There is something magical that is engaged. There is something that cooperates with us to allow us to do more than we could do otherwise. This unknown, this unseen becomes present by its effects in our lives. Spirit herself is able to work her wonders through us, allowing her to touch all those whom we touch. 152 - No regrets. It is important to live our lives so that we have no regrets. 153 - We create our reality via our beliefs. It is up to us to make a masterpiece of our belief systems. In doing so, we will also make a masterpiece of our lives. Yes, that is the goal. We are artists all. Our most important work is our own reality, our own life. 154 - When we focus on service, on what we can do to serve others, society, and our world ... we engage the greatest parts of ourselves. We may not know exactly what we are doing, but there is a surety in our step. We are personally guided by spirit. Or, we can be if we are open to being so. Our lives become purposeful, in ways that they have not before. 155 - The world is what we make of it. It is fashioned by our hands and by our minds ... in particular by our beliefs and by our actions. We can literally make it into anything that we desire it to be. Collectively 224

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 we are that powerful. Individually we are that powerful. We are the creators of our reality ... the masters of our fate. We are the lords of our lives. 156 - People must be given a spiritual manifesto ... a set of ideas on which they can base their spiritual identity. The spiritual manifesto should explain what we collectively want to manifest spiritually. Since nearly all of our problems are spiritual problems, this will go a long way towards fixing many of the things that are wrong. 157- We need to decide what we want to be as a society, and as human beings. And then, we need to make our beliefs and our actions consistent with getting us there. It is our choice. It is up to us. 158 - There is a reason the mind is split into subconscious, conscious, and superconscious parts. Each of these organizations has its functions and its purposes. Though, if we were to look for actual boundaries, we would find these divisions to be arbitrary.

29 January 2003 159 - If we are going to partake of the benefits of society, we need to be willing to invest some part of ourselves in that society. We do this by contributing of our time and our talents. We all have something that we can do that could benefit others ... something special that allows whom that we are to be expressed. 160 - The Beyond Imagination quote for today is: As citizens, we owe something to our fellow citizens. It is curious, that is exactly what this tithe is all about. It deals with how we fulfill our obligation to others. 161 - There are depths to the self, to the soul that may never be fathomed no matter how hard or how long we try. It seems that there are just some things that are meant to remain a mystery. 162 - Flexibility is a very good thing ... flexibility of body, of mind, of emotions, and of spirit. 163 - I can only be whom that I AM. But, I say that not out of any sense of limitations but with an understanding of the grand possibilities that this invokes. 164 - We are spiritual beings. As such, at the very least we are eternal, immortal, all-knowing, and unlimited. When we see ourselves as other than these things, what we are seeing is illusion ... not whom that we truly are. 165 - The key is to realize that we are spirit first and foremost. The illusions of death, lack of knowingness, and limitations are just that ... illusions. Oh, they feel very real while we are experiencing them. But how something feels is not the same as how something is. 166 - We have no real science of mind at the present time. Yet, these lumps of gray matter that reside in our skulls may be some of the most powerful things on the planet. They have taken eons to evolve and to become aware to the degree that they have. 167 - We seem to be standing on the edge of a major breakpoint ... one in which the awareness of the mass consciousness experiences a radical discontinuity, one that rocks the very foundations of the world that we know. 225

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 168 - Each and every moment counts. Not one moment is repeated. Once gone, it is gone. 169 - There is always sufficient time to do the things that need to be done. That doesn't mean there is excessive time. 170 - There is a sort of spiritual gravity that operates to try to get us to where we need to be to actualize and then to act out our roles in the play of consciousness. Yes, we are all part of the play of consciousness. This play has been in operation since the beginning of time, orchestrating things so that forms evolved that could house ever-increasing constructs of spirit in flesh.

30 January 2003 171 - Life is meant to be easy over all, though that doesn't mean it will be free of challenges. Quite the contrary, it will be full of them. Challenges relieve the boredom and keep life interesting. 172 - The surest way to stay on mission is to do what we are moved by spirit to do. That means we must know when spirit is moving us, and then must do as she moves us. This requires trust and faith in spirit. That is far easier for some than for others to practice. 173 - It is time for us, the consumers, to decide what we want for spiritual services. I believe that will be very different than what we have offered today by most religions. 174 - Spirituality is one of the most intimate relationships that we have, the relationship between us and the source from which we spring ... the spiritual source that expresses through us. 175 - The collective expression of spirit in flesh grows greater and greater with each passing moment. Each of us have parts to play in that collective expression. We may not consciously know what these parts are, but we will moved to play them anyway. 176 - What counts is what we do with our lives that has lasting value ... that makes a difference somehow, preferably a big difference. 177 - We all have the same amount of time per year, until our last one anyway. What we do with the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years is our choice, at least for a relatively large amount of that time. 178 - We need to strive to lead lives of high positive impact. High impact can be achieved by touching many at some level, or by touching a few deeply. My sense is that the later will be the course for my life. I just don't see this being the stuff of bestsellers. Then again, what do I know? There may be a publisher out there who thinks differently. 179 - The idea that this expression could be programming for the mind is exciting. Besides, I can't think of a more important endeavor. If we can program people to be more aware, if we can wake them up, then the potential for the expression of spirit expands exponentially if not faster. This is a breakpoint, a radical discontinuity that takes us to a whole new way of being. 180 - Some things are meant never to be known, even though they may be experienced.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 31 January 2003 181 - Life is a process of growth and of expressing whatever we have become as faithfully as we can every step of the way. 182 - The way is different for each of us, though our paths may cross at times, and we may share in our adventures. 183 - There is always room for one more step no matter how close to the unknown that we venture. And when we step there and shine our light there, what was unknown becomes known and we are then in a position to take the next step, again guided by spirit all the way. 184 - We must be willing to try new things and evaluate their results to see whether they work or not. 185 - Of ourselves, there is not much that we can do. Spirit has no such limits, except for those that we place in her way. It is important that we do what it takes to discover where we are doing this ... and then to remove the limits of our own accord. 186 - There is a sense that there is no rest for the weary ... that past laurels, no matter how great, are not good enough. We must move ever onward to the next monition of consciousness, wherever it may take us. 187 - Whatever we do, we need to be competent doing. The more competent, the better. Also, this doesn't mean that we need to stay in the same vocation forever. As our skills develop, as our interests change, as our life unfolds, we may decide there is something we would rather do. This is especially true if we grow dissatisfied with what we are doing. When it becomes not enough, it is time to find something more, something grander that challenges us and allows us to express whom that we are more fully. 188 - It is OK to yield to spirit. It is not necessary for us to "be in control" all the time. In fact, it doesn't hurt to get a little crazy at times. We allow the geniuses among us great latitude in their eccentricities. 189 - We are capable of wonders beyond imagination. It is simply a matter of allowing them to come forth. 190 - Life is clearly an adventure now. For me, primarily an adventure in consciousness. Consciousness is everything to me. She gave me birth, she nurtures me, she moves me ... yes, I owe all that I AM to her. 191 - Differences are good. Spirit expresses with endless diversity. Yet, within that diversity lies a unity, a oneness, a wholeness that will not be separated no matter how hard we try. I have said before, there is only one spirit that animates us all. We spring forth into expression from that same ONE. Unfortunately few seem to recognize this. 192 - What we do to any one of us, we ultimately do to all of us. That is a very powerful principle. However, we need to take the next step and realize that we have a sacred responsibility to one another ... a responsibility to care for one another and help each being to be the best that they can be.

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FEBRUARY 1 February 2003 193 - One more unknown in my life does not make much difference at this point. I have become so used to them that I expect them. I am comfortable with the unknown ... sometimes more comfortable than with the known. 194 - Altering brain chemistry means altering how consciousness is experienced. It is that simple. Physical brain states correspond to mental states correspond to states of consciousness correspond to states of spirit. There is a one to one mapping. 195 - The brain is the vessel through which spirit can be made physical. These very words are a testament to that. 196 - The seeds for change start with dissatisfaction with the status quo. 197 - When we are dissatisfied enough to start looking for something new, we will be amazed at how quickly we find what we seek. 198 - It is crucial to our overall well being that we find work that we love to do. 199 - I ask that you evaluate what I say by its utility in your life. Does it make you a better person? Does it make your life better? Does it allow you to more fully express whom that you are? If it does, then I have done my job and have provided one of the chief services that I am here to provide. 2 February 2003 200 - Everywhere I look, things are connected in ways that are miraculous to behold ... ways that show that there is an order and an intelligence arranging our lives that few of us even suspect. 201 – Spirit’s ways are indeed wondrous to behold. I couldn't make this stuff up even if I wanted to. I wouldn't know how. 202 - I would live a life of spirit. I would live a life of purpose. The key purpose seems to be one that has been with me since the beginnings of my quest around 1974. I would search for the answer to the question WHY? 203 – Yesterday’s Columbia disaster is a case in point. Yes, there will be a cause that is found for it. It may take awhile, but the people whose job it is to determine such things are excellent at doing their jobs. They will find what they search for. However, they will be looking for a scientific answer. 204 - No one dies before their time. No one dies without choosing to participate in the event at some level of their being. To what disciplines do we turn to find out why it was time for these seven people on this fateful morning on the first of February in 2003? They will not be scientific ones.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 3 February 2003 205 - We have a right to use things. However, with this right comes the responsibility of stewardship. Can we really share all the world fairly and peaceably? It seems that is the only right way to live. However, what constitutes fair is open for interpretation. 206 - Each of us must do our part to generate more than we consume. That makes the choice of how much we consume ours ... so long as we pay for it with our services. 207 - Living as one is definitely where we are headed. It is only appropriate, for in fact, we are one. 208 - Divisions are OK if they are useful ... if they allow us to do things better. However, they are dangerous as well ... potentially leading to a system of castes where some are judged to be "better" than others. 209 - Differences are to be tolerated, even embraced. We need to be wary of allowing such differences to divide us however. We do this by recognizing the unity amidst the diversity. 210 - There is a grand spiritual destiny that is unfolding. We are all players in a grand drama ... in the expression of spirit in flesh as us and through us. 211 - We are spirit in the only way that counts. Yet, we are not all of spirit. There is a great part of spirit that is able to express through us, using whatever abilities and talents we have to offer. 212 - Spirit may prod and push gently ... but it is up to us to volunteer to offer ourselves in her service. This is one of the greatest and noblest things that we can do. However, it requires a kind of resignation that most are not willing to embrace. 213 - People should do what they are good at doing. People should employ others to provide those services that they need that they are not good at providing for themselves. This is the right use of others. 214 - We need a means for society and the individual to agree on the needs of each individual, and we need a means for society and the individual to agree on what services the individual will provide to whom and how. 215 - As free beings, we are free to choose to enter into such a social contract at anytime. However, it is a contract between individuals in a society. It is not between an individual and a government, or an individual and any organization for that matter. The contract is between the individual, the part, and the society, the whole. 216 - I would make a difference with my life. And, this expression is in a very real way my life. Life as expression, expression as life ... such indeed is how it is. By their works shall ye know them. Well, these are my works. Welcome to my world!

4 February 2003 217 - Why do I not experience being the creator, even though the expression clearly comes forth through my mind and through my fingers?

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 218 - All that I know is that prior to 1993, I didn't express like this, and since 1993, I can only express like this. Though, even then, the expression has evolved substantially over the past decade. 219 - Ego in and of itself is neither good nor bad. It all depends on how it is used. 220 - Ego has a function. It is meant to interpret physical reality. However, it can be opened so that it facilitates and accepts the expression of spirit through us. This is not something that it does automatically. In fact, quite the opposite, it seems to be something that it fights. 221 - I know that when I am moved to ask the question and to search ... the answer is close at hand. That is simply how things work. Another spiritual law in effect. I believe it so strongly that I have come to expect that this is how reality works. 222 - I am not a scholar. I did not come to build upon the knowledge of others. Further, I am not a researcher, curious about what is known in a given area of interest. 223 - What is it that I want from life? An infrastructure that facilitates the social contract: from each in accord with their ability, to each in accord with their needs. That is a lot to ask for. Or is it? It seems that this is the minimum that we should expect. 224 - Are there intentional communities that have worked out how to live harmoniously and peacefully, in a manner that allows individuals to meet their physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs? 225 - Community is a different matter. I break this apart as common unity. This requires much more interconnectivity. I don't think community happens by accident, it happens by intention. We have to give into it. We have to create it. 226 - When problems go unsolved for decades ... we simply aren't expending the right resources to fix them. 227 - It makes no sense to have any person go hungry in a country that pays farmers not to grow food. We have a surplus of food. We simply need to make sure everyone can get to it as a right or entitlement, if they don't have enough money to pay for it. The same is true of nearly ever other good and service that is produced. 228 - We need to make more conscious economic decisions regarding how goods and services are to be distributed. It is not clear that the present method of allowing the market to determine what goods and services are available at what prices really serves us.

5 February 2003 229 - There is something infectious about being around people who love what they do. 230 - What is it that I love to do? Expressing in this manner is definitely near the top of the list, for many reasons. One, it gives me a sense of accomplishment ... a sense that I have accomplished something of value. Two, it provides insight into whom that I AM that I don't get in any other way. Three, it allows me to touch the unknown realms of consciousness. 231 - Worth is typically defined by the consumer not the generator of a service. 230

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 232 - Yes, I consider this expression a service. It is a product of the marriage of my consciousness with a source that comes from deep inside me, a source that I believe to be connected to Spirit, the ONE consciousness, herself. 233 - This is a stream of consciousness expression, but I don't consider it my stream of consciousness. For it to be mine, I would have to be in control of it in some way. But, I feel more like a radio, tuning into a particular station. 234 - The very forces of nature, of life herself, encourage us to grow and be all that we can be. 235 - Everything is spiritual expression ... there is nothing but spirit expressing in our world. 236 - Our brains are among the most complex physical systems that we are aware of on the planet. 237 - Mind, while it resides within the brain, does not seem to be contained by the brain. Further, consciousness, while it resides within the mind, does not seem to be contained by the mind. 238 - Spirit is orchestrating the unfoldment of the expression of consciousness in flesh. 239 - We may or may not control what we experience. But, we definitely choose the meaning of what we experience, especially the meaning to us, but also the meaning in a larger context. 240 - We are born to do what we came to do. The trick is to find what we are born to do. The key is to follow your bliss as Joseph Campbell would say. Find what you love to do, then find a way to do it. Yes, it is that simple. 241 - There is an inner compass within each of us that knows exactly what direction we need to head in next. We can choose to follow it and take the optimal route to our destination ... or we can ignore it and take a more roundabout way. The choice is ours. 242 - People will awaken when they are ready to awaken. There is nothing external that can be done to accelerate that. Oh, we can try. But, we will find that people will simply not get it until they are ready to get it. 243 - With awareness, we bear the very weight of the world on our shoulders. No longer can we be content with our selfish behavior and selfish ways. 244 - We can only do so much on our own. However, spirit working though us can do far more than we could even imagine. The lesson from this is to allow spirit to do the work. 245 - Each of us is being groomed for a particular role in the plan of consciousness. If we allow ourselves to ... we will fall into that role naturally.

6 February 2003 246 - Why ... Why ... Why? This is the question that I came to answer ... or to assist in answering anyway. At this moment, I may not consciously know the answers, or even know how to proceed to find the answers. But, the first step is always to start asking the questions.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 247 - Part of the problem with repeatability is that the intuition simply will not be subjected to any such tests. Either we learn to trust what she knows and what she tells us, or we don't. 248 - Life is primarily a subjective experience. That is simply how it is. We can try to make it objective, but the more we try, the more hollow it becomes. 249 - When we open ourselves to the infinity of whom that we are, all sorts of possibilities open up for us. We can do things far grander than we have ever believed possible. 250 - We are only limited to the degree that we limit ourselves. 251 - All that we can do is be whom that we are, whom that we truly are ... not our limited concepts of whom we believe ourselves to be. 252 - We can create the world to be anything that we choose for it to be, both individually and en masse. However, we need to see the bigger picture of what spirit is trying to create as a whole and find a way to relate our individual piece to that whole. 253 - I believe that in capturing this expression and sharing it with others, I am somehow contributing something back to society.

7 February 2003 254 - To be all that we can be ... that is the goal. That is the challenge that we all face. It is not hard to do. The very forces of the universe are cooperating with us in doing this. 255 - We have to believe in ourselves, and believe in spirit as she expresses through us. When we do so, we will be surprised at the things that we can do. 256 - We are grand beings all. We are spirit enfleshed. It is time for us to realize this and start behaving as if we know that it is true. 257 - Our life is our masterpiece. Yes, masterpiece. We are all masters in the art of reality creation. 258 - Part of the challenge of the information age is to put the information that we need at our fingertips when we need it. Actually, for many, a voice input might be more appropriate. 259 - If we are to truly see the value of information, we need to see it in all its glory, with all its connectivity. We need to see how it fits within the whole.

9 February 2003 260 - This expression offers me a chance to bring forth something new, something that no one has ever brought forth before in the same manner. 261 - There is a reason for everything that happens in my life. Everything unfolds in its proper timing. There is nothing I can do to force things to happen. This is an existence of allowing things to happen in a manner that is appropriate. 232

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 262 - At some point, my desires are spirit’s desires. There is no separation, no distinction. Has that point happened already, or is it still to come? 263 - If what we will manifests ... then our will is indeed aligned with spirit. If not, then it is not. It is that simple. Lack of manifestation does not mean that we should cease trying. Rather, we should reevaluate what we are willing ... and perhaps change something.

10 February 2003 264 - I often say that my mission is to build the foundations for a new world. Foundations are major elements of structure ... as basic as you can get. 265 - The application of a small amount of conscious effort on our part allows a great deal of energy of consciousness to flow forth into manifestation. It doesn't happen automatically, however. We have to provide the initial current. 266 - I would build the foundations for a new world, in which people can express in community in ways that they have never expressed before ... and in which spirit can express in flesh more fully than ever before. 267 - My life has been one of destiny for as long as I can remember. Though, I typically do not have the foreknowledge of what the destiny is prior to it occurring. 268 - I prefer to venture far from the norms ... to the point of touching the very edges of sanity at times. 269 - Nothing happens by chance in my life. Everything is by design. Everything happens for a reason, often for multiple reasons. 270 - It seems we are at or are rapidly approaching a breakpoint. Beyond the breakpoint lies a rainbow of great brilliance. Somewhere over the rainbow ... there is a world that is beyond imagination. All that we have to do is follow the rainbow and get there. 271 - When you serve "society", who pays? How do I collect one penny per person from 250 million people? That would be enough to fund my work for 10 years. Yes, just one penny from each person.

11 February 2003 272 - This is a form of therapy for me. It is a place of release ... where I can open my heart and soul to the world, even if the particular members that constitute that world are largely unknown to me. 273 - This is material that impacts ones state of consciousness. And, that has ripple effects into all other areas of one’s life. 274 - There is no burden too great to bear, when it is rightfully ours, and when we have spirit bearing it with us. 275 - It does take courage to do what is ours to do. This requires stretching beyond what we typically see as the boundaries of ourselves to become something greater that we ever thought we ever were. Yet, 233

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 when we do this, we will never cease to be amazed, we will never cease to surprise ourselves by what we are able to accomplish. 276 - The quality and quantity of what has come forth has literally blown me away. And, not only the first time, but each time that I go back and re-read what has come forth. The question that gets raised is "did all of that really come forth through me"? 277 - WOW! I don't know what else to say. This stream of consciousness that I tap is rich and deep. Sometimes she is downright unfathomable. She carries me to the edge of the unknown ... and even pushes me off the edge of the cliff at times so that I can discover my newfound wings of consciousness and fly. It is easy to soar in consciousness, it really is. 278 - How can an intelligent society know so little about something as important as consciousness itself? 279 - The game of life is stacked in our favor. We are meant to succeed. This does not mean it will be easy, challenges seem to be a natural part of life. However, challenges can be just as easily be approached joyfully and playfully as they can be dreadfully. 280 - Life is indeed a game that we are playing. When we are operating at our finest, we play it win-win on every level. There is always a way to do this. It is a matter of being committed enough to making it happen. 281 - With me alone, the stream of consciousness may have worked fine. But, if we are going to engage others ... we need goals, objectives, and step by step work plans to achieve those goals and objectives.

12 February 2003 282 - I am not privy to the effects of this effort. I know not who is moved by this expression in what ways. I can only evaluate what comes forth based on what it means to me and how it applies to my life. You'll have to do the same. Utility is the only measure for evaluating information. 283 - Does this expression provide anything that is useful? Does this expression assist you in doing things to improve your reality and your experience of life? If so, I have done my job well. If not, find somewhere else to spend your time. 284 - This business of reality creation is not easy stuff ... yet, at the same time, it is mere child’s play if we view it from the right perspective. 285 - Life does not have to be difficult. It is meant to be engaging yes, and to be a challenge ... but it is not meant to be overwhelming, as it seems to be for many. 286 - When will we start taking responsibility for one another ... full responsibility? When we have people starving, this is not happening. When we have people living in poverty, this is not happening. When we have people who want work unemployed, this is not happening.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 287 - My life continues to change all around me. Yet, in many ways, I am still the same. The setting is different, the props and the scenes are changing, but I am still much as I was. I am still standing at the center awake and aware ... anxious to become something more, yet not knowing what that something more might be. 288 - There must be a better way to employ my talents in a matter that serves society more effectively. That is what ultimately matters to me. How well was I able to serve society? And even more important, how well was I able to serve spirit? Though often the two go hand in hand. 289 - This stream of consciousness is important somehow ... more important than any concept that I have of myself. The hope is that what is captured here is sufficient to trigger others to awaken. Whether it does that or not depends on how well I have done my job of bringing it forth.

14 February 2003 290 - Here I am able to be whom that I AM in ways that I can do nowhere else. What good does it do if it doesn't involve others however? Good point. That is something I am just starting to realize. 291 - There is an emptiness in my life, a void when it comes to relationships. This is primarily my fault. For the most part, I simply haven't been interested enough to apply the effort. My concern has been with my self and with self-knowledge. After all, Plato did say Know Thyself, not Know Others. I say that with a big grin. 292 - Questions are a powerful means of self-discovery and of reality creation as well. They allow us to focus our energies on what we want, or more precisely, on what we need to know. If we pay attention, we may be surprised at where our questions take us. 293 - The journey of self discovery is truly an adventure, the likes of which no earthly adventure can compare. However, we need to give our consciousness the space to soar to heights unknown and to realms beyond imagining. 294 - Crafting reality to be what we want it to be is creation at its finest. The trick is to make sure what we want for ourselves is aligned with what spirit has planned for us. 295 - At every moment, we are spirit manifesting in flesh as fully as we can here and now, under the circumstances that we have created for ourselves. This is true for every moment that we exist ... for each and every one of us. 296 - The older I get, the more I realize that when it comes to our spiritual life, we have no real choice but to do whatever it takes to achieve what we must. 297 - There is a destiny that we came to fulfill, a destiny that will not be denied. Yet, it does not happen automatically ... it takes work, sometimes hard work, to make it happen. 298 - It is often our work that gives our life its meaning. 299 - Consciousness is clearly a mystery. Perhaps she is beyond anything that we will ever fathom. That doesn't mean that we shouldn't try. This might at least give us some rudimentary understanding that allows us to more fully express her in our lives. 235

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 15 February 2003 300 - It seems that I am meant to be a maverick. It is not meant for me to follow in the footsteps of others ... at least not for very long. I would make my own path through the wilderness of consciousness. Yet, I would have companions along the way as well. 301 - I have been going it alone for quite some time. It seems that it would be much more productive to engage with others of like mind and co-create something grander than any of us can conceive alone. 302 - We need to create a center for engaging in cooperative interdependent living at its finest. This takes commitment, and it takes resources. The first I am good at ... the second I could use some help on. 303 - In my reality framework the only thing bigger than me is spirit herself. 304 - There is a plan for the evolution of consciousness that is being manifested in flesh. We are the players in that drama. Our individual lives fit within the context of a larger whole. We did not make that whole, but we contribute to it with every aspect of our being. 305 - The whole is always greater than the sum of its parts. That is where the synergy of systems comes into play. Evolution is building more and more complex bodies in which consciousness can be housed and enfleshed. 306 - The greater and greater expression of spirit in flesh is the name of the game. But, it has to be in flesh, or it doesn't count.

16 February 2003 307 - We can't afford to rest too long on past laurels. It is for us to proceed ever onward to new heights and depths of expression. Yes, that is an appropriate analogy. It is out of the depths of spirit that the heights of experience and expression come. 308 - To grow we need to be willing to stretch. When we do this, we demonstrate that we are more than we knew ourselves to be. This is a powerful experience, one that we should engage in often. 309 - We are here to learn whom that we are. And, we are here to express whom that we are as fully as we can. It has always been so. Though, these simple truths have been hidden from us. 310 - We don't need an elaborate religious system to explain whom that we are. Deep down, we already know this. We just haven't been allowed to trust what we know. That can change far quicker than any can imagine. 311 - This expression in particular constitutes "works" that have literally blown me away, completely undermining my understanding of whom that I AM and what I am capable of doing ... or more precisely what spirit is capable of doing through me. 312 - At some point there needs to be some type of return on the investment of time and effort. It doesn't necessarily have to be money. But a service has been performed. There needs to be a balance of energy achieved. 236

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 17 February 2003 313 - Various parts of the Beyond Imagination works have reached many thousands, so there is hope that by now they would have had some impact. They have definitely changed my life. And, as a result have had some impact on those few people whose lives I touch. 314 - Wayshowers don't work solely in the field of the mind, they work in the field of action. They do things that others may see what is possible. And, what is possible for me, you can do also. It is a matter of preparing your consciousness and choosing to do it. 315 - If we don't strive to be our best, we will never be able to realize that we are better and more capable than we had ever imagined. 316 - We are consciousness enfleshed. It is high time we realized that and got on with the task of living as if that were true. 317 - We live in a world where spiritual problems abound. Hunger, poverty, crime, terrorism, war, ... all of these are spiritual problems. They exist because we have refused to take responsibility to care for one another collectively. 318 - Spirituality teaches us that all problems are our problems. What we do to another ultimately we do to ourselves. 319 - Spiritual expression is by far the most important aspect of my life. This stream of consciousness expression is indeed that meaningful to me. It is hard to imagine what my life would be like without it 320 - Spiritual giving is unconditional, or it simply doesn't count. When we give conditionally, our reward occurs in whatever is exchanged. When we give unconditionally, our reward is abundance ... we get what we need when we need it. 321 - Spirit can only give us what we feel we are worthy of receiving. To get more, we need to do something to increase our feeling of worthiness. This may be by giving more, or by realizing the true value of whom that we are. 322 - I live in a world of my own making. Is it an imaginary world? I would offer that it is far more than that, it is Beyond Imagination. That is what I was moved to call this expression when it began in 1993. The name is still appropriate today. 323 - If we add the synergy of working in cooperative interdependent ways with others, the sky's the limit. 324 - We would build a better world. We would build a true society, where individuality is not lost, but is respected and worshipped. Yes, worshipped. 325 - There is a spark of spirit, a soul, in every individual. That spark needs to be treated with dignity and given everything it needs to develop into all that it can be. In return, the individual has an obligation to use their god given talents and abilities in service to society in some way.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 18 February 2002 326 - We need to learn under what circumstances good enough is good enough so that we can conserve our resources for doing those things that we are passionate about, those things that consume our heart and soul. 327 - The more comfortable that I am, the easier it is to share of whom that I AM. But sharing is a twoway process, a give and a take, an exchange between two people. 328 - My sharing for the most part is an anonymous opening of whom that I AM to any who might find and read these pages. Within hours at this site, you will know more about me than all but a dozen or so people in the world. That is how sheltered and isolated of a life I have lived. 329 - These works show signs of a creative genius at work ... one that is beyond what I know myself to be. Yet, the works were able to come forth through me. My consciousness was able to deliver them. That says something about my level of awareness as well. 330 - This expression continuously challenges what I know myself to be. Just when I think that I've figured it out, something more comes through that blows me away. Consciousness won't be contained within our arbitrary boundaries for very long. She stretches them and challenges them at every turn. 331 - The watchword is freedom. Yet, within that freedom is sufficient structure to create the foundations for the society. There is a balancing act that is going on. Too much freedom and we have chaos. Too much structure and we lack the flexibility needed to evolve and adapt ... two important characteristics required for life to exist. 332 - Some people say "I'll believe it when I see it" ... but that is not the way of the metaphysician. We know that it is the belief that comes first. We shall see what we believe that we shall see.

19 February 2003 333 - Why does my life have to be so grand? Why does my life's impact have to be so great? Why can't I be just like everyone else? The answer is simple ... because I am not like everyone else. I came to perform a mission. 334 - My interactions with others have still been relatively minimal. In particular, they have not delved into such areas as how my experience of awareness and states of consciousness differed from or were similar to their own. 335 - That is a sad commentary on the educational system ... that it focuses so much on filling our minds with the whats that it forgets about the hows and the whys, about the very nature of the mind and the consciousness that learns the whats. 336 - What must happen, happens. What we learn from that, what we experience from that is our choice. Reality lies primarily in the meaning that we assign to what we experience. 337 - When we change the meaning, we effectively change the experience and the reality. It is that simple. The process of assigning meaning to things, events, symbols, etc ... is that powerful.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 338 - Feel free to consider the realm of beliefs as a playground. Believe firmly while you believe, but evaluate utility often, and be willing to change beliefs frequently should you encounter more promising ones. 339 - All of this comes forth without forethought, without planning, without organization, and without editing. It continues to amaze me that source can be this creative and original. 340 - The words speak for themselves. There is an intelligence that is revealed here that is beyond anything that I would claim for myself. There is a wisdom that is expressed here that is wise far beyond my years, at least in this existence. 341 - There is only ONE consciousness from which we all spring. The partitions within that ONE consciousness are illusory separations that permit us to experience reality as we do.

20 February 2003 342 - Our beliefs about what is possible have changed a lot in the past century. There is every reason to believe that we have only experienced the tip of the iceberg. 343 - We need to decide personally which changes we will keep up with and which we will leave below our radar scope. There simply is not enough time to deal with everything. There is simply too much information for anyone to process it anymore. 344 - Knowing that something exists, and knowing enough to be able to use it effectively is often enough. That, and having the courage to apply what we know in service to others. It is here that we distinguish ourselves. It is here that we make our mark on the world. 345 - On my own, I would be the beneficent dictator ... doing those things that spirit moves me to do for the good of society. But, we need to be careful here. Who ultimately judges what is for the good of society? 346 - My way is still only a way, it is NOT the way. Yet, as ways go, it is just as valid as any other, and far more documented than many. 347 - These are the flights of fancy that I allow my mind to venture on. Generally, they lead to discoveries that have some utility ... however, if you don't venture out and see, you just won't know. 348 - Consciousness is not something to be taken lightly. We are consciousness expressing in flesh though many see this upside down, seeing themselves as animals who happened to evolve enough to possess consciousness. 349 - Free will doesn't mean that the force of gravity doesn't apply to us. Why should spiritual forces be any different? 350 - Self worth is critical to manifesting abundance in our lives. Unless we feel worthy ... unless we believe ourself to be worthy, we will not attract abundance into our lives.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 351 - The quote for today is: "Everything is spirit. Everything is godstuff." Truth, simply and elegantly expressed. There is nothing but godstuff, there is nothing but spirit in expression. 352 - This is part of what we are talking about when we speak of building the foundations for a new world. We need a supportive infrastructure at the core of society that recognizes the value and importance of each individual. 353 - Perhaps someday I will be part of the cooperative society that I so desire to create. What is meant to be, will be. Of that I can be certain. It's just that at this time I have no means of knowing what that will be. That is OK. Life is meant to be a mystery. 354 - One learns to become comfortable with the unknown. It doesn't have to be a scary and frightening thing. It is a place we go to explore. It is a place we go to engage our abilities and talents. 355 - We call ourselves a developed nation, but we are far from being an enlightened nation. What does it take to be wise? We are still a young nation, with only 226 years since our Declaration of Independence. Some nations have histories stretching back several thousands of years. 356 - We were born as a melting pot that brought together people from many nations throughout the world to create a new structure, a new form of government, the likes of which had not been tried before. By most accounts, we have succeeded in our endeavor. 357 - We are arguably the strongest and the greatest nation that the world has ever known. Oh, there have been empires that have spanned greater portions of the world. But, none with the technology and wealth of information that we have at our disposal ... and none whose masses have had anywhere near the present average standard of living in this country.

22 February 2003 358 - Onward the adventure takes us. The expression makes the unmanifest manifest. These very words go from being potential expression to being actual expression. 359 - I am consciousness in expression. We all are consciousness in expression. But, we also are us in expression. It helps if these two ideas are congruent with each other. It helps if what consciousness wants and what we want are compatible with one another. 360 - At what point do we jump from independence to interdependence? This is a major step, a breakpoint in the way we think about society. Yet, it is not clear that our organizations are taking this into consideration. 361 - It is not clear that we have realized that cooperative interdependence is the only way to survive and thrive in the times ahead. How close to the brink of disaster will we have to come to realize this? 362 - How do we declare our Cooperative Interdependence? It is not like Independence, where we tell the King that we are free and refuse to be subject to you any longer. 363 - Cooperative Interdependence is a set of relationships between the parts within the whole which are recognized as being necessary for the whole to keep functioning.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 364 - Everything happens for a reason in my world ... and generally, for a spiritual reason.

23 February 2003 365 - It is wonderful to be able to use what I consider to be my greatest gifts and talents in service to spirit, and ultimately in service to my society and my world. It does not matter that few, if any, recognize the service that I am providing. It is enough that I know, and that spirit herself knows. 366 - The expression is what it is. Judge it based solely on its content and utility. I believe you will find it to be an original work. It is different from anything else that I have ever read anyway. 367 – This expression allows me to go back and revisit where my consciousness has been. It allows you to walk in the steps of my consciousness as well. I'm sure that you will find it to be interesting walking to say the least. 368 - We need to be careful when we play with consciousness, for we truly are playing with fire ... the fire of spirit. 369 - I have realized that my will is for the good of spirit, society, and the world. It is time that I engage it as the powerful tool that it is to manifest that good. 370 - It is interesting that we know so little about consciousness. We know so little about the mind and how it functions. We know so little about the brain and how it functions. 371 - The basic gray matter in the brain of a genius and an idiot is nearly the same. Yet, their abilities are orders of magnitude different. Perhaps my own ignorance is showing through here. Perhaps others have published works that document some of this. Perhaps collectively we know more than I am aware that we know. It would surprise me. But, it would be a very pleasant surprise.

24 February 2003 372 - Hopefully, in sharing this stream of consciousness, you will be encouraged to share your own stream with others as well. Each of us has valuable experience to share. It is a matter of having the resolve, the discipline, and the courage to share it. 373 - The greatest thing that we can share is whom that we are. And, more than anything else, we are consciousness/ spirit enfleshed. It has always been thus, hard as that may be to believe. 374 - Why do we choose to compete when we could choose to cooperate and make things better for everyone? Yes, this requires getting beyond the me/my/I mentality to an us/our/we perspective. 375 - We still live in a society where the individual is king. So long as this remains so, we will find it difficult to create the structures that are necessary as the very foundations for society. Note that I said difficult, not impossible. 376 - We are the creators of our reality, we are the masters of our fate. However, much of this is done at other than conscious levels unless we expressly take conscious control over the processes. Even then, we only want loose control. Much of the details of the inner workings of reality creation are superconscious. 241

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 377 - We only need enough control to steer the ship of the self to where we want it to go. That is, assuming that we have some idea as to where we want it to go. 378 - Spirit is already expressed in flesh. In fact, everything is spirit in expression. What we are talking about is evolving the forms ... and building new forms, through which spirit can express in flesh. We do this via conscious effort on our parts. We do this by deciding what organizations we will participate in to what extent.

25 February 2003 379 - The communication is what it is. Its merit lies in its content, not in its method of delivery. And the only valid measure of content is utility. In this case, both utility in our individual life, and utility for society as a whole. 380 - It still amazes me that I can have so much to say here ... page after page, for hundreds of musings. Yet, I have so little to say to people in general. 381 - I still read a book now and then. However, I am much more captivated by the information that I am producing. There is something immediate about this expression. There is something that speaks directly to my heart and my soul as nothing else does. It is as if this communication were specifically tailored for me.

26 February 2003 382 - Mysteries are OK. They are what make life interesting. They are what make life the wonder that it is. As such, these are to be relished and enjoyed. 383 - There are some things that will never be explained, try as we might. However, there are many more things that can be explained given sufficient priority, resources, and of course funding. 384 - We get what we focus our efforts on. If we want a more peaceful community on a worldwide basis ... we should not be spending tens to hundreds of billions of dollars on weapons and defense. 385 - We are all the conductors of our own lives. Moreover, we are the composers as well. We create it all ... everything that we experience. 386 - One of the primary reasons for doing it is to learn from it ... to learn whom that we are, and to learn the nature of spirit as she expresses in flesh. 387 - This is why we live. We live to learn whom that we are and then to express that as freely and as fully as we can in service to spirit, our self, our society, and our world ... not necessarily in that order. 388 - For many, being responsible for creating their own reality is too big of a burden to bear. They would rather have someone else to blame for their troubles. Can we really live in a world without victims? This seems so contradictory to everything we see and hear on the news. 389 - After all, what good is a stream of consciousness expression if it is not experienced?

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 27 February 2003 390 - We must do things that have utility. We must do things that are of service, that make a difference in our world. 391 - This expression is where I shine. This expression is where consciousness expresses through me at her finest. This is where the word is made flesh. 392 - Life itself is a spiritual phenomenon for me. That makes everything we do "spiritual". 393 - Everything is spirit in expression. There simply is nothing else. 394 - The more that we know of whom that we are, the more fully and clearly spirit can express through us. However, self knowledge doesn't just come to us ... we have to pursue it with all of our heart and soul. 395 - This, more than anything else, is our directive from spirit ... to be the best that we can be, and to do what we are moved by spirit to do. These two things are crucial. They are the foundation for right living and for building a better world. 396 - Spirit operates from needs not wants. She ensures that needs are met wherever they arise. However, she often uses us as the vehicles for providing the goods, services, or experiences necessary to meet the needs. "God's hands" as the song says ... that is what we are.

28 February 2003 397 - My reality framework is clearly more open than most. I accept things as real that others would dismiss as nothing more than products of an active imagination. But, that is why this expression is called Beyond Imagination. It deals with reality in new and unique ways 398 - I am spirit in expression now. We all are. We have always been, and we shall always be. The issue is how do make this expression better? How do we allow it to flow more smoothly ... or, if not smoothly, at least more abundantly? 399 - That does not mean turning up the volume to the point of excess where we burn out. However, I think that most of us will find that there is far more that we can do without risk of even coming close to this point. 400 - When I say spirit, that is something I look for inside of myself. It is something to which my intuition is tied. It is not an outer force of any type, and it is definitely not something that I have ever found through religion. 401 - Spirit is a feminine source from which we all spring. She is the ONE consciousness that feeds the individual consciousnesses of each of us. Here I speak not so much from authority, but rather from my own personal experience. 402 - Everything happens for a reason. There is a grand plan of consciousness that is being played out. We each have our roles to play within that plan.

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MARCH 1 March 2003 403 - We are winding down to the 10th anniversary of the beginning of this expression. The first day was 5 March 1993. It is simply amazing that a decade has passed already. I would have thought Beyond Imagination would have had more impact by now. 404 - Why is my will any less important or any less valuable than that of anyone else? Why should I not do what it takes to exercise my own will, so long as it harms no one ... or so long as the benefit is greater then any harm that might be done? 405 - Spirit has been by my side for many years. She has been my guide, my teacher, my friend, my companion. It seems time that I should have others in my life to fill these roles as well. Not that spirit hasn't done a superb job. It is just that I need something more now.

7 March 2003 406 - Our republic is the showcase for democratic government in the world. It is the standard by which all others are measured. 407 - Our people have a degree of freedom that is unknown in many parts of the world. Further, our people have a degree of creativity and industriousness that has resulted in the strongest economy in the world. 408 - For me, there is only ONE spirit, though each of us only seem to possess or be aware of an individual spark of that spirit. 409 - We can dream of and imagine many things, but that is not sufficient to make them real. Here, we need to go Beyond Imagination and manifest as we believe. 410 - It is interesting how often that phrase comes up ... beyond imagination. The name seems just as appropriate for this material today as it did when I came up with it a decade ago. Whatever you can dream, whatever you can imagine, you can achieve. Someone said that. 411 - However, how do we take the next step and get to places beyond anything that we can yet imagine? The sense is that spirit knows of such places and can guide us to them if we let her do so. 412 - It just takes one pebble to cause ripples in a whole pond of still water. Am I that pebble? Is this expression the equivalent of throwing the pebble into the pond? Will what I have to say make the world a better place?

8 March 2003 413 - In a way, my life is no longer my own. I have willingly chosen to give a significant part of it in service to spirit and ultimately to society and to the world in the process. Yes, I think in grand terms. I don't know why exactly. They just seem to suit me somehow. It is as if I were born to express in this manner. 245

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 414 - We are all interconnected in ways beyond anything that we have ever dreamed or imagined. When I do something, when I realize something, the very fabric of consciousness is altered as a result. 415 - Consciousness learns from everything we do, everything we think, and everything we realize. No act of kindness goes unnoticed ... nor any act of neglect nor any atrocity. 416 - We are all held accountable for what we do, and to some degree for what we could have done that we failed to do. 417 - The measure that we are ultimately held against is what we achieve versus what we had the potential to do ... with what we could have been. This makes it very important to live our lives without regrets. 418 - We don't want to be in a position of remorse over what we might have done differently. It is for us to seize the moment and reduce or eliminate these might have dones from our life. 419 - How can I spend thousands of hours doing something and not really understand what it is that I am doing and how it is that I am able to do it? It is truly amazing. 420 - There is so much that is unknown. And, there may even be large parts that are unknowable ... they may be such that our minds are incapable of conceiving of or comprehending them in any fashion. 421 - There is nothing that says we have to understand everything that we experience. One can comprehend the awesome scenic beauty of Yosemite without having any understanding of the forces of nature that occurred over time to carve those very features we find so beautiful. 422 - Similarly, we can marvel at the wonder of the human body as it has evolved over the eons as the house for the mind. 423 - We either change with the times or we wither and die. 424 - What can be impacted now is what is HERE and NOW and via causality what will be in the future. But, the future will take care of itself if we focus on right action in the moment. 425 - Spirit is somewhat neutral. She seeks to express in whatever manner she can express through the resources that she is given. She is given resources by our willingness to do her works. We have to volunteer for our spiritual jobs or they simply will not be done. That is just how it is. 426 - Spirit will not force her way into our lives. She gently prompts us at times, but it is up to us to listen and to choose to abide by what she says.

9 March 2003 427 - The very fact that this expression exists is proof that other than conscious parts of ourselves can indeed create things in our lives ... in my case, a stream of words, over three million of them to date. 428 - Consciousness is highly creative and quite prolific if we allow her to be. It is amazing how much work we can do when we resign ourselves to allowing spirit to work through us. It seems that when we do so, our resources increase many fold. 246

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 429 - Attitude is everything! It truly is. When work is drudgery, it is an endless chore to get through the day. When work is a labor of love, we look forward to the opportunities of each moment and the day simply flies by. 430 - There is still a strong inner sense that I am to have world impact somehow ... that what I do will make a difference to the world 431 - One step at a time gets us to any destination eventually. However, remember to enjoy the process ... each and every step of the way. 432 - Live your life in a grand way, as only you can do. Allow all of whom that you are to be expressed. This is easier said than done. It takes courage to be all that you can be. It takes courage to exercise ones freedom of expression to the fullest. But, we must be brave and do so. 433 - Life is meant to be a grand adventure. If that is not the way we are experiencing it, it is high time to start making different choices so that we experience a different reality more consistent with this.

10 March 2003 434 - This is a different way of looking at destiny. It is not something that happens to us beyond our control. Rather it is something that we create in our own lives. 435 - Why is it that I have been selected by consciousness to express in this manner? I don't really know, but I consider it a gift and a blessing. Along with such gifts comes the responsibility to use them effectively in service to society in some way. This is true for all gifts. 436 - Whatever abilities we have are there because they are needed by society. It is for us to find a way to apply them in service. 437 - If everything is spirit, my relationships with others are just another flavor of relationships with spirit. 438 - What has worked in the past is not necessarily good for the future. We need to be open to changing our ways, even characteristics that we consider to be fundamental to our being ... perhaps especially if we consider them such.

11 March 2003 439 - I have said that spirit is a stern taskmaster. Indeed, she is. But, it seems that I task myself even more sternly. I do this because I know something of whom that I am and what I am capable of. It is simply not acceptable to me to be less than I can be. 440 - Awareness, allowance, and acceptance ... these are the keys to living life. Until we are aware, until we allow, until we accept ... there is nothing we can do to change things to the way that we would prefer for them to be.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 441 - Until we are aware of whom that we truly are, we can't begin to be all that we can be. Even then, it is ever a work in progress as who we are is continually evolving into something greater and grander than we have ever been. 442 - I'm excited by the possibilities for what lies ahead. It seems that it is time for one scene in the play to come to a close and a whole new scene to begin. In some plays, this allows an opportunity for a discontinuity where a major change in the setting can occur.

12 March 2003 443 - If I am to succeed in ways beyond what others do, I need to be willing to invest more of myself into what I do than what others are willing to invest. 444 - Ultimately, we reap what we sow. What we invest of ourselves ultimately pays dividends. Maybe not right away. Sometimes it takes time for the interest to compound or for the market to turn around. But, in the long term dividends will accrue for all that we give of ourselves. 445 - This is the greatest thing that we have to give ... ourselves and our abilities in service to others, our society, and our world. We have an obligation to society, a sacred obligation. However, it comes in the form of a contract between the individual and society. 446 - Each individual is obligated to use their abilities as fully as they can to serve society. In return, society is to provide each individual with all that the individual needs. 447 - This doesn't say that government provides this to each individual, it says that society does. How does society fulfill its part of this contract? It does so by its individuals and its organizations creating and providing goods and services to those who need them. 448 - How do we get companies to shoulder the responsibility for matching individuals to the jobs that are best suited to their abilities at a level of compensation that is sufficient to meet the needs of the individual? That is what the social contract demands, and the economic system is the arm of society that exchanges individual services for fair compensation. 449 - The free market has been the primary influence in shaping the current wage structure. Wages are based on the forces of competition and what the market for various types of services will bear. 450 - Individuals are complex interdependent systems. The organizations that we create within society are simply larger such systems composed of many individuals performing particular functions.

13 March 2003 451 - Destiny calls. I would allow it to unfold as it will. Actually, I would be an active agent in enabling it to unfold as it must. That is a different way of looking at things. In the later way, my will matters ... my will makes a difference in the world, especially if it is aligned with the will of consciousness. 452 - The Beyond Imagination material deserves to be heard ... to be read. It deserves to have an audience. How large that might be, only spirit knows. Until I take the risk to publish and see what kind of response there is, I will not know. 248

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 453 - We are meant to live our lives with no regrets. That doesn't mean that we have to do and experience everything. However, we do need to do and experience the things that are important to us. 454 - No regrets doesn't mean that we have to do everything perfectly. Good enough is sufficient. In a resource constrained world ... we need to establish reasonable criteria for what is good enough. 455 - When my ego is involved in the process, the outcome is far from certain and is typically far different than I imagined it would be going into the situation. 456 - I can come across as grandiose at times ... even extremely so. I clearly think highly of myself and my abilities. But then, how many have the presence of mind and the presence of spirit to express in this manner? 457 - I would bear the burdens of the world to facilitate the changes that must be made. It matters not that no one asks that I bear these burdens. It is sufficient that spirit reveals to me what is mine to bear and what is mine to do. I am her willing servant. 458 - Each moment that is wasted cannot be recovered. But, we need to be careful about how we assess what constitutes waste. 459 - Meditation and quiet time are important. It is amazing what benefit silence can bring to one's life ... especially if it allows you to connect to and listen to the source within you. 460 - Spirit is there, ever ready to communicate. But, she awaits us to take the initiative and invite her to play an active role in our lives. Even then, we must develop a relationship with her.

14 March 2003 461 - I have great expectations. But, the work that is being done through me is of a nature that could ultimately have world impact. Yes, the grandiosity is coming through again. Clearly, I have a high opinion of myself and my abilities ... perhaps too high for my own good. 462 - In effect, this is an extension of my memory ... an extension that exists in a medium that is freely shared with anyone who can find it. 463 - Spirit works efficiently. It seems an awful waste that all of this would have been generated and not used. But, spirits ways are mysterious. 464 - What counts is not what we have done in the past, but what we do from this moment forward. 465 - Our lives are to be lived in the present with an eye to the future. This does not mean we neglect the past. It has its lessons to teach us. We learn from it, and hopefully make better choices in the present. 466 - We are ever in the process of choosing to express the grandest concept of our self that we can express. 467 - The economic system requires an exchange of energy, not just an application of energy. Here, I apply a lot of energy. I believe it is in a way that will ultimately be of service to society ... but what must happen to turn this expression into a service? 249

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 468 - How does society pay for the services that it consumes? 469 - Being able to name something is not the same as understanding what it is. I tap source using my intuition. However, that doesn't explain anything about the nature of source other than that it can connect to our intuition. 470 - My mission requires working closely together with others to create a new order ... perhaps even a new world order. The order will be spiritually based because we are spirit in expression.

15 March 2003 471 - We are all spirit expressing in flesh, here and now. There is nothing but spirit. 472 - I would change the world. Yes, I believe that my existence is to have world import somehow. 473 - At this point, it seems that will happen through my works. And, right now, these musings are my works. Will they transform to something else in the coming quarter century? The answer is a resounding yes. Though, at this time I do not know to what. 474 - Spirit defines the grand schemes and I take care of the details. Though, even there, I don't tend to be detail oriented. I live my life in very general terms. In fact, much of what constitutes my world is abstract ... in the realm of ideas and ideals 475 - Belief management is one of the most important skills that we can learn. Yet, as far as I know, it was not a course taught in any formal school that I attended in eighteen years from kindergarten through a MSEE at Stanford. 476 - Each of us have unique gifts and talents. Part of our challenge is to find a way to use them in service to society and the world. 477 - All that is asked of us is that we do our best ... that we be the best that we can be. It is not for us to judge this in comparison to others, but in comparison to what we are capable of. 478 - We know what we are capable of. It is not easy to fool ourselves. 479 - We each live in worlds of our own making. We each create our own reality. Such is how it has always been. Though, it seems that we are entering a time where we have far more options and where the time from thought to manifestation is drastically reduced. 480 - Everything in our lives is there to teach us something. Sometimes it takes many years to determine what that is. 481 - Life is a grand adventure in consciousness. That is exactly what it is meant to be. Yet, it is also a physical sojourn ... and it is to be enjoyed in the body as well. You can't do that if you neglect the things of the body in favor of the things of the mind and the spirit.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 482 - It is spirit that is the wind beneath our wings. She allows us to soar to heights that would not be possible for us otherwise. 483 - When we make choices of desperation, we experience desperation. To get beyond this we need to realize that it is our choices that are creating the reality that we experience ... and that we are free to make more empowering choices at any time. For this, we need no permission. 484 - This expression keeps me one step removed from the edge, the place where the boundary between sanity and insanity blurs. At times I may even cross the line. But, generally, only for a moment. 485 - Being genuinely interested in others as individuals is not an acquired skill. Yet, it seems to be crucial for building relationships. 486 - We can do far more working together than the sum of what we can do working separately, that is provided we have the right working environment. That last condition is a big one. We are still in the process of learning what works and doesn't work for collective behavior. 487 - We are so used to being independent that it takes extensive training to think and act in cooperatively interdependent ways. 488 - We are responsible not only for ourselves, but for one another. The sooner we realize this and act in a manner consistent with it, the sooner many of the problems that plague our society will start to diminish and vanish.

17 March 2003 489 - Life is meant to have an element of spontaneity. This is what keeps us awake and alive. 490 - I must live as I believe. I must be true to what I know. I must express what would be expressed through me, and I must be the best that I can be. To do less and to be less is simply not acceptable 491 - We can read books, we can take classes, we can meditate, we can practice yoga, we can take walks in nature ... all of these help, but none of them necessarily trigger a change in awareness. 492 - Ultimately that is what life is all about, the level of awareness that we are able to achieve and demonstrate. Yes, the demonstration is important. It is not enough to be something, we must also do something with whom that we are. 493 - The words in this expression have the potential to impact the world far longer than I am around. Yes, I believe what flows through me is that important. I only hope that I will be around long enough to see some of the impact.

18 March 2003 494 - The creative process continues to be a mystery. I would have it no other way.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 495 - Destiny ... everything that is happening in my life supports achieving a spiritual destiny that I planned for myself long before I entered into this incarnation. How can I know that? I just do. It feels right to me. 496 - I've been watching my life unfold since my sophomore year in high school. That is when I became aware of being aware of being in the process of knowing myself. That is when I started on the path of metaphysics. 497 - It is time for my reality to change. I need to be engaged with others to carry out the work that I am meant to do. There is only so much that I can do in isolation. It seem that I've come close to maximizing this. 498 - I would be whom that I AM. That is the only thing that I can be. That is the only thing that I want to be. It helps tremendously if what we want to be agrees with what we can be.

19 March 2003 499 - This expression is a record of a stream of consciousness ... a stream that anyone can follow, a stream that hopefully leads you to increased awareness of whom that you are and what you came to do. 500 - Does the stream have a purpose? To date, not that I can tell ... other than to be a vehicle for consciousness to express. 501 - On my own, fate was pretty much in my hands. I could do what it took to get the job done. But, with cooperative endeavors, no one person has such power. The rules of the game have changed ... and I have not yet learned how to play by the new rules. 502 - My life is like that. It is meant to serve as an example to others, an example of what spirit expressing in flesh can do in the world, an example of the difference that one person can make when they choose to serve humanity by serving spirit. 503 - This expression is my legacy. It is one of the gifts that I give to the world. Actually, that spirit gives to the world through me. 504 - I would change the world. How's that for a goal? Yes, it is a bit grandiose to think that I am capable of doing this. Actually, maybe substantially more than a bit. But, grandiose or not, there is a strong sense that this is exactly what I am destined to do. 505 - I'm looking to meet kindred spirits with whom to enter into cooperatively interdependent relationships to do works that we mutually decide need to be done. 506 - The very facts that this stream of consciousness expression exists and is shared in the manner that it is offer great hope for the world. They show that we know far more than we ever dreamed that we knew. Literally, our abilities are Beyond Imagination. 507 - We are capable of so much. All that is required is to unleash our potential by freeing ourselves from our self-imposed limitations.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 508 - We become so used to limitations that often we forget that they are limitations. A quote comes to mind: none are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. 509 - Freedom is one of our most valued possessions. But, it is something that we have to safeguard or we risk losing it.

20 March 2003 510 - I come here because it is fun, and because it is fulfilling. But, I also come here because I am compelled to do so, compelled by a force that I am not really at liberty to resist. 511 - Spirit knows what she is doing. And, she is definitely pulling the strings in my life. Whether she is doing this in everyone's life, I can only guess. My sense is yes, but it may not be in such a direct manner. 512 - What is the relationship between us and spirit? In my framework, there is only one spirit that animates everything and expresses and experiences through everything. The same spirit that animates me also animates you. So, at a basic level, we are one. 513 - What I choose to do and choose not to do will determine how aware people become of the works of Beyond Imagination. The destiny of this endeavor is definitely in my hands now. It has been for many years. But, it is clearly so now. 514 - Change ... just how much of that is in store in the times ahead. That is one thing that has been expanding at an exponential rate. It has reached a point where it is simply amazing that we can even keep up with it. Yet, collectively, we find a way. 515 - The things that need to get done get done. The things that need to get learned get learned. In the process, we find ways to discover and to express whom that we are. The process is amazing to behold. It is truly amazing watching the plan of spirit unfold. 516 - Each of us touch the lives of others. Some of us do this more than others, but all of us do this to some degree.

21 March 2003 517 - What makes me think that any of this is worthy of public consumption? I enjoy what is expressed. But, would others find it interesting or beneficial? 518 - My sense is yes. The chief reason for this is that it offers a fresh perspective. It demonstrates consciousness in expression in a way that is rare and precious. The mystery behind its expression makes it that much more interesting. 519 - This is a spiritual vocation for me. It is my soul’s duty if you will. As such, I have no choice but to honor it. This is a sacred responsibility for me. 520 - We create community by giving of ourselves for the greater collective good.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 521 - Communities, as collective entities embody synergy when they are functioning well. Actually, all organizations have the potential to do this. But, it is only potential ... until the organization operates in a manner where the power of synergy can be evoked. 522 - One day at a time. Allow things to unfold one day at a time. Trust that each day brings you closer to your destiny. You will be employed doing what you are meant to do soon enough. 523 - Be ready to accept new challenges and opportunities that come your way. 524 - There is no time to waste. Every moment is precious. Every moment offers the opportunity for us to make progress on our path. 525 - We are free to fashion our reality in any manner that we choose. However, we bear full responsibility for all consequences of our choices as well. 526 - It is amazing how much we are capable of when we apply ourselves fully to the tasks at hand. 527 - This is the grandest of new days that there is. The change of an age offers a completely new promise. It marks the end of one way of life and the beginning of a new way. Literally, the rules of the game change. 528 - We have equal opportunity. We can be whatever we want to be. We can achieve whatever our abilities and focus allow us to achieve. 529 - The free market provides a large variety of goods and services for us to choose from at competitive and fair prices. 530 - We are truly blessed to live in this country. 531 - One thing freedom does not guarantee is access to information. We live in an information age. We live in a world where information is power. For information to be powerful, it must be controlled. That means that someone decides who has a need to know what information.

22 March 2003 532 - I want to find those people with whom I am meant to work to create the foundations for a new world. At this point, I have no clue where to even start. 533 - Clearly I am not normal. I don't believe that I have ever been that. But, I do believe that what I experience as reality will be far more commonplace in the not too distant future. 534 - Now is the time for a spiritual awakening, the likes of which the world has never seen before. 535 - It is interesting to observe how this stream of consciousness twists and turns on its way to only spirit knows where. I am not privy to the direction or the intended destination in advance, if indeed there is a destination for any of this. 536 - Each day takes us one step closer to our destiny ... whatever that may be. One step at a time, doing each day what spirit moves us to do, that is how we achieve what we came to do. 254

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 537 - Could my books be used as textbooks some day for classes on the nature of consciousness? Consciousness is as consciousness does. This expression is what consciousness does ... at least in my life. 538 - Whose job is it to look after the whole of society? Shouldn't we be employing our best and our brightest to do this? Yes, I consider myself in such august company. But, because of this I feel an obligation to society to use my gifts in her service.

23 March 2003 539 - To date, the expression has not reached anywhere near the audience that I thought it might when the Beyond Imagination site was created in 1995. 540 - This work shows consciousness in expression in a manner that is different than anything that I have ever seen expressed. That makes it worth it. It provides an example of what consciousness can do. 541 - Because I have lived such an isolated life ... the evolution of my consciousness and its awakening were relatively free from much of the dogma of society. I have lived in a world of my own making for a good deal of my life. 542 - One step at a time. Each step builds upon the step before. That is how life is lived. 543 - There is a reason that I am a systems engineer by profession. What better systems to work on than the social systems that provide the very foundations for our world. Here we are talking about the government, economy, educational system, and society itself. 544 - We live in an interdependent world, like it or not. There is no way to be independent in an interdependent world. Interdependence requires cooperation for it to work smoothly. Independence has no need for such.

24 March 2003 545 - It is amazing how quickly time flies by. It makes it all the more important that we find a way to do something each day of lasting value ... something that at least has the potential to make a difference not only in our own life but in the lives of others. 546 - What makes me think that a stream of consciousness is interesting enough to be worthy of attracting an audience? I only know that the expression fascinates me. It engages my mind and my consciousness in a way that nothing else that I have ever read does. 547 - It is curious that I say have ever read ... even though this expression is generated through me. But, I see it as I read it. I experience it a word at a time as it comes forth. It is as if I am reading something that is already completed. 548 - That is one reason for entering into relationships with others. If I find the right others, we can complement one another, assuring that we have the right skills for doing everything that needs to be done.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 549 - My natural talents and abilities are such that I am perfectly suited to be doing exactly what I am doing. If they were not, I would not be doing it. 550 - There is no denying whom that I AM. I must do as I am moved to do. Spirit herself moves me and when she moves us there is no choice but to do her bidding. No, this does not mean that I am a puppet ... or that I am controlled somehow. My free will is still intact. 551 - I firmly believe that we need to subjugate my will to THY WILL to accomplish our spiritual missions. It is by allowing spirit to work through us, to express through us, that we do this.

25 March 2003 552 - Life is a journey, a magnificent journey. However, we only see it as such if we approach it with the right attitude. 553 - Attitude is everything. It makes a phenomenal difference in what is experienced. 554 - I am the authority in my own life. We all are. In fact, when you get down to it, we need no authority other than ourselves and the spirit within us. These are always sufficient, but only if we listen to their council and follow them. 555 - A voice from beyond imagination speaks into my consciousness and I relay what she says. What is of me versus what is through me? There is no distinguishing this anymore. Not that I ever could. Everything comes through me. 556 - The expression is what it is. You are free to take it or leave it. Take from it what you will. Allow utility to be your guide. Use whatever works for you, so long as it works for you ... then switch to something better whenever that comes along. 557 - There is a time lag involved in reality creation. This can be on the order of weeks and even months at times. Be patient however. In the end, things do indeed work out as they are meant to. 558 - What we choose to do can help or can hinder the process, but it does not seem that it can change the end result ... not for the big things anyway

26 March 2003 559 - We take each day as it comes. We apply ourselves where it seems that we can make a difference. Whether we actually make a difference or not is a different matter. The fact that we tried is ultimately what counts. 560 - Our efforts are as important if not more important than our successes. 561 - Ultimately, if we are persistent and innovative we will find a way to succeed at nearly any pursuit. 562 - There is an unseen element, an intelligence that reveals itself to my mind that I may express it here. But, is this intelligence not simply an aspect of me? Does it not reside within my brain? Why must I look

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 to sources outside of the physical for this intelligence? It just seems obvious that spirit, the ultimate source of this expression, is not confined to the walls of this body. 563 - The question of which comes first comes to mind. Does the state of consciousness create the corresponding brain states or the other way around? My sense is that the state of consciousness comes first and creates the necessary organization to allow it to manifest in flesh. 564 - Why am I not content to live my life as others do ... to count my many blessings, and enjoy my life as much as I can? The bottom line is that such is not enough. 565 - I am not content with what I have done. I know that there is so much more that I am capable of doing, that I came into this existence to accomplish ... and I will not be satisfied until I have done what I must do. It is that simple. I am a man on a mission. I know that. It is an earthly mission, but it is one inspired by spirit herself. 566 - My happiness is linked to how closely I am to carrying out my mission 567 - I would build the foundations that allow spirit to more fully express in flesh. I know that I can do this because I have been able to establish such foundations in my own life ... in my mind and in my consciousness. I share these with all who venture into this space that I call Beyond Imagination. 568 - One learns what consciousness can be by walking in the shoes of where other consciousnesses have been. I have always found that the great quotes were some of the best places to start. They quickly take one to an altered state of consciousness, where the power of the quote is manifest. 569 - Ideas have the power to move us deeply. And, the right ideas at the right time have the power to change the world as we know it. 570 - I find it curious that I live such a private life, yet I freely share all that I share here. You will know more about me from reading the works at Beyond Imagination than all but less than a handful of people know about me. That is how few people I interact with. 571 - There is something about the written word that is magical for me. The fact that 26 letters, a space, and a few punctuation marks are sufficient to communicate so much is unreal. Yet, so it is. 572 - If my craft is writing and practice makes one a master, then I should be getting close by now based on the volume of material that I have generated. Yet, it seems that if this is so, I should be able to make my living from my craft as well.

27 March 2003 573 - How does what I express here fit into the grand scheme of things? How does what I do contribute to the welfare of society ... to the betterment of the world? Yes, that is the scale of difference that I would make. 574 - Whether I am successful or not, only time will tell. However, if I don't succeed, at least it will not be for lack of trying.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 575 - Consciousness is that powerful. When she expresses, whole new realms of reality are born to be experienced by all who are drawn to them. 576 - I desire to live in a community ... yet, I sense it is one unlike any that has yet manifest on this Earth. 577 - It seems that the world is ready to see communities based on new age principles arise, grow, and prosper. These can then serve as prototypes that allow others to follow in like manner. 578 - Communities are entities in their own rights. They have properties of their own, above and beyond the individual properties of their constituents. 579 - In a community, people cooperate and work together to achieve a common good and common reality that is better than the sum of individuals could have achieved alone. They do this by choosing to participate in various ways in various types of organizations. 580 - What we do makes all the difference in the world. We can't emphasize that strongly enough. We have the power to change the world. However, it doesn't happen by thinking about it. We have to take the next step and take action. 581 - People will change when they are ready to change. We have to give them the freedom to choose if, when, and how.

28 March 2003 582 - I was reading something earlier that dealt with the idea that one of the chief powers that we had was the control over our own thoughts. Yet, this stream of consciousness runs completely counter to that idea. I do not control what is expressed. 583 - I am a unique expression of consciousness. We all are. We must be who we are. Actually, that is all that we can be anyway. 584 - Everything is unfolding exactly as it is meant to unfold. Spirit is ensuring that. Yet, within the overall constraints of the play, individuals have free will that allows them to tailor the reality in their local vicinity. 585 - We create our own reality. We draw it unto ourselves via our beliefs ... and primarily our conscious beliefs at that. 586 - If we don't like our experience, we have no one to blame but ourselves. To change the experience, we need only to adopt more empowering beliefs. Yes, it is that simple. 587 - It is not clear how one teaches awareness to another. There are things we can do to point the way, but ultimately it seems to be a leap that the mind needs to make beyond itself. Awareness is beyond mind. Then, what is beyond imagination? 588 - My path is an individual one, one that spirit herself has guided me on. It has no rites or rituals, nor does it have any sacred scripts. It doesn't need any of these. It reveals itself through the beauty of nature, through the revelation of truth within my mind, and through the recognition of spiritual truth in the creative expression of artists of all types. 258

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 589 - Spirit would not lead us astray. She always has our best interests at heart. 590 - Expressing spirit in flesh is the name of the game. We do that by making thoughts conscious, and more than that, by doing what it takes to actualize the thoughts in the world. 591 - To progress in life we have to be willing to let go sometimes so that something greater can come into our lives. Unfortunately, we usually have to let go before we can embrace whatever comes next.

30 March 2003 592 - My medium is words. The natural outlets for expressions in words are books. It doesn't matter how few people read these days. It doesn't matter how few are likely to pick up a metaphysical book. Those who are meant to find me an my work will find a way to do so. 593 - It is time for me to reach out and stretch beyond my limits. That is what growing is all about. We find our limits, then we take whatever steps are necessary to stretch beyond them. We can do this at any time. It is a matter of looking, finding, and overcoming. 594 - This is a natural process. Spirit has designed us for growth in this manner. We are ever evolving into greater concepts of ourselves. As our concepts change, our experiences change ... and hence our reality changes. 595 - I believe that we each have a spiritual destiny to manifest. Herein lies our opportunity for greatness. We have each come to carry out a role in a spiritual master plan for the unfoldment of consciousness. 596 - When all areas of our life are balanced, we are more effective in all that we do. This more than makes up for the effort required to get us there. However, we must take the first step and make the choice and the investment. 597 - We must be willing to risk if we want to achieve rewards. The bigger the risks, the bigger the potential for rewards. But, there is a conservative side that says we should avoid risks where we can as they tend to lead to nothing but trouble.

31 March 2003 598 - What matters to me is spirit and its expression in flesh. It has to be in flesh, or the expression doesn't really count. 599 - We can imagine a myriad of things, but we need to take them beyond imagination to make them real in our lives. 600 - The words expressed here are my first step in doing this ... making the things of my imagination real. The next step is to live the words. I must live as I believe. My life and my actions must be congruent with what I say that I believe.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 601 - I take responsibility for all that I create ... both consciously and other than consciously. I accept all that I experience as the result of choices that I either have made or chose not to make. Yes, the later are just as important as the former. 602 - Actually, the most important of these choices are the beliefs that we have adopted. These define the character of our life and the nature of the experiences that we draw into that life. 603 - Every change starts with the adoption of a more powerful thought form. . 604 - As time goes by, other than conscious parts of me tend to become conscious parts of me. That is what the process of self discovery is all about. 605 - The self is very much like an onion with layer after layer to be unpeeled. At times, it seems that there are so many layers that we may never get even close to the core. 606 - But, then, in our quiet times ... when we look within, we find that still place from whence we spring. It is in those times that we know whom that we are. It is in those times that we are in touch with our inner self ... the seat of our soul.

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APRIL 1 April 2003 607 - We have a host of other than conscious forces within us that are actively engaged to do our bidding. We task them primarily via our belief system. 608 - What we do habitually ultimately determines our destiny. 609 - We take one step at a time in that direction, but it is in that direction. Unless we change, we will end up exactly where we are headed. And, for most, this is exactly where we have been for ages. 610 - Life is meant to unfold into ever greater and greater expression. It does so naturally if we allow it to. However, we have a tendency to get in our own way and set up roadblocks and impediments 611 - The fabric of reality is rich with meaning. It is up to us to decide which sections and patterns to focus upon ... and then to determine what meaning to apply to what we find. 612 - For any journey, we have to start with the first step. And sometimes, it doesn't really matter in what direction we take that first step ... what is important is that we overcome the inertia and start to move. 613 - We don't have to know the whole path when we start. We only need to know enough to begin or to course correct and keep us moving in the right direction. 614 - The unknown will be an ever-present part of our reality for all of our days. It is time that we get used to that and accept it. In fact, we can even find ways to use it to our advantage if we are innovative and think creatively. 615 - It is out of the unknown that our greatest abilities come. What we have experienced to date is only a small sample of what we can be if we harness the full power of spirit working through us. Yes, it is that simple. But, it is also that difficult. 616 - The expression seems to have a mind of its own. It knows where it wants to go and how to get there. I'm just along for the ride much of the time. I observe what comes through and am amazed that it can come forth through me. 617 - Yet, it does. And, I am left with the task of explaining how it is that this can happen. I don't deny what I experience. I embrace it and accept it. Yet, at the same time, I know that it is more than me doing it ... at least more than the conscious parts of me.

2 April 2003 618 - When we choose how to expend our efforts, we need to keep in mind that we should focus on doing those things which only we may be able to do ... those things which use our unique gifts and talents. In doing so, we manifest the best that we can be.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 619 - Don't get me wrong ... I care deeply about society in general, and about the expression of spirit in flesh in the lives of individuals within society. In fact, building the foundations that facilitate this is one of the primary reasons that I am here. 620 - Source and I, me and source, are ONE in the only ways that matter. 621 - There is a part of me that says that I am meant to go it alone ... to remain the hermit, ever observing life from that framework and offering what I can of my wisdom to the world. 622 - In this expression, I am interdependent on spirit herself to provide the very stream of consciousness that gets expressed. Without spirit, none of this would exist ... none of this expression would have ever been captured 623 - At this point, my personal reality is still my primary concern. But, my personal sense of reality is growing to encompass society and even the world. What I care most about is how spirit is able to express in the world. 624 - Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes for many reasons. That does not mean there is not an element of surprise in what we experience. The unknown is ever-present in virtually everything. If it were not, life might be boringly predictable ... too much so to be tolerable.

3 April 2003 625 - This expression is the one thing that I do that has a chance of surviving physically once I am dead and gone. 626 - This is my greatest hope of making a real difference in the world. My circle of acquaintances is relatively small. Perhaps even very small by most peoples standards. But, what I can do is generate words. In particular, words that convey a meaning that consciousness would express through me at this time. 627 - Consciousness will not be forced. She reveals what can be revealed through us in each moment. 628 - The one thing still missing from my life is others ... especially when it comes to relationships of depth. As I near my 45th birthday, my honest assessment is that no one other than me really knows who I am. 629 - It is perfectly fine to be unconsciously competent. However, it is typically preferable if we reach this state after we have become consciously competent. 630 - To live as we believe, that is the admonition of our spirit. It is curious that believe has the letters of the word live in the right order.

4 April 2003 631 - I trust spirit enough to give her latitude in my life. She doesn't need to convince me of anything. I know that she has my greatest good in mind in all that she does.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 632 - There is something about spontaneous creative expression. It elevates one to a whole new level of consciousness, especially when one experiences being aware of being the one through whom the creative expression is happening. 633 - When spirit animates us in the manner, there is no denying our essence as spirit. We become aware of whom that we are in ways that no other process allows. 634 - How do we create a better world? How do we enable spirit to more fully express in flesh? Yes, she needs our help in this endeavor. We are her arms, her ears, her legs, her hands. It is through us that she does her works in the world. 635 - There is only spirit/consciousness in expression. There is literally nothing else. That doesn't mean that it is all light. There are many areas of darkness and shadows. But, these are only there until we find ways to shine light upon them. 636 - In the end the restrictions that create the shadows will be alleviated. The light will shine through, and the shadows will be no more. And then, we will have to find other games to play ... games more worthy of our attention and energy. 637 - The more cooperation, the greater the benefit. It is that simple. It is through cooperation that synergy is manifest. As time goes by, we will find that the motivation to cooperate grows greatly. Those who choose to do so benefit greatly. 638 - I liken the stream of consciousness to a computer program. Each sentence is like a line of code performing its intended function. Since I don't know exactly what that is, it makes it difficult to decide what to keep and what to eliminate. 639 - Being the creator of all of this ... or at least the one through whom it is created, I am clearly biased. I think highly of my own work. Perhaps we all do. Yet, I know enough to know that such expression as this is rare. 640 - Consciousness can get very convoluted at times as she bends back and reflects on herself. 641 - Utopias don't have to be things of the imagination only, they can be real, they can be manifest in flesh. However, it takes more than wishful thinking to make such things so. We have to choose to act in accord with the vision. We have to act as if the world that we desire already exists.

5 April 2003 642 - We should be compensated in some manner for the work that we do ... all work that we do. We may not be paid for it. But, there are other forms of compensation. Job satisfaction, self-worth, and happiness are three that come to mind immediately. I'm sure there are many others. 643 - How do I get the expression that is Beyond Imagination into the consciousnesses of more people ... in particular, into the people who are to help build the foundations for a new world? 644 - There is a reason that I am a wayshower. There is a group of people out there to whom I am to show the way. Is this group one, one hundred, one hundred thousand, or ... ? It is what it is. And I shall find out what that is in due time. 263

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 645 - There is something about this stream of consciousness expression that is unique. There is literally nothing else like it. How do I know that? Clearly I haven't read everything. But, I have read a lot. And I don't recall anything similar. 646 - This stream of consciousness challenges conventional knowledge as to what should be possible for a being to experience and to express. Awareness has this way of poking holes in conventional foundations. 647 - When we awaken, our consciousness operates at a whole new level ... one that could not be predicted from anything that we did or experienced before. 648 - I continue to express as consciousness would have me express. Even after a decade, there is still a sense of mystery and magic to all of this. Consciousness unveils herself piece by piece, but there is always an unknown element in the expression. 649 - It is this unknown that excites the explorer within me. It is in search of this unknown that I venture out of my own consciousness to try to experience something more, something greater than I know myself to be. 650 - My own consciousness is the tool through which I search and my experience is what I find. Yes, this is different than most. What I find is different because my consciousness is different and what I search for is different.

6 April 2003 651 - Our subjective experience is as real if not more real than our objective experience. It just exists in a different realm, one that won't be poked and prodded. 652 - In this very expression, I ask you to walk in the footsteps of my consciousness to catch a glimpse of the reality that is Wayne's World. You may or may not like what you find. You may consider me to be out of my mind. That is OK. I do myself at times. 653 - Consciousness has chosen to give me some interesting experiences to integrate. And, she's done this without having the benefit of being able to use others as a sounding board for how reasonable some of the ideas expressed were.

7 April 2003 654 - While I've been searching for likeminded others with whom to interact and work ... I haven't really found such in my journeys to date. Those others who I have found that are awake are following their own paths already. 655 - I need to be an active member of society yet at the same time retain my individuality and solitary nature. This seems to be somewhat of a contradiction in terms. However, it is not. My body is already a society of billions of individual cells cooperating together so that I can experience reality as a solitary being. Why should membership in society be any different?

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 656 - Individuals with free will are much more difficult to get to cooperate than the cells of the body. They have much less incentive to cooperate ... especially when they have been trained to compete from an early age, and that only the fittest survive. 657 - One day at a time. That is how we get from where we currently are to any destination. It helps to remember that enjoying the process is more important than reaching the destination. 658 - We may or may not have the right destination in mind. However, if the process is right, it will take us to exactly where we need to be. 659 - The creativity of consciousness seems to know no bounds. She always finds more to express in more and more effective ways. 660 - One thing that disturbs me is the waste or inefficient use of resources. If we are going to do something, we need to do it right ... and we need to do it with as few resources as necessary so that other resources are freed to do other things that need to be done. 661 - What is it that I can do that no one else can do in the same way? Those are the things that I am here to do? Those are the things that I need to find? This expression seems to be one of those things. Though, it is not clear what its ultimate utility is. 662 - What is a change in one's state of consciousness worth? Can I guarantee that such will be an outcome of reading this? No, there are no guarantees. But, there is a strong likelihood. 663 - By walking in my shoes for awhile, by experiencing what this consciousness has thought ... you get to take a journey of sorts to another realm, one that is probably foreign to your habitual way of thinking, and hence may serve as a stimulus to wake you up just a bit. 664 - My words provide an example of what one can tap into. It is my job to bring the words forth and share them in this manner. 665 - Different things work for different people. What is wrong is forcing ways on people that are incompatible with their basic natures. That presumes that we have some means of determining the basic nature of people. Here psychology can help, as can some metaphysical disciplines. 666 - My chief task is to build the foundations for a new world. We will know that the foundations have been built when we see that the world has changed in major ways for the better. These will not be imperceptible changes. They will be very visible.

8 April 2003 667 - Relationships ... that is the core of the difficulty. I have not established the appropriate relationships to allow me to thrive as a being in the world. At least, I've developed the one relationship that seems to count the most, my relationship to spirit, to consciousness herself. 668 - There is always more to us to fathom. Further, there are always parts of us that may be unfathomable, no matter how hard we try to comprehend them. Some things are simply beyond our minds power to understand.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 669 - There is a unknown realm of consciousness. Part of that realm will always remain unknown. We will always have things for which we can seek. We will always have an unknown territory to explore. That is just the way that it is. 670 - The unknown offers us a realm that challenges whom that we are and forces us to grow into what we may become. However, it only does this if we have the courage to face it and play with what it has to offer to us. 671 - Mystery is a very good thing. It engages us and enlivens us in ways that nothing else does. Mystery is able to touch the spirit in us. It is akin to the sacred. It stirs our souls. And, our souls need to be stirred at times. 672 - Twenty five years to build the foundations for a new world. That is the key task I know to be mine. Yes, it is a big task. Yes, it is too big for any one person to do. I will be forced to find others with whom to cooperate and share the burden. But, find each other we shall. 673 - There is only so much that I can express on my own ... even with my connection to spirit being as strong as it is. Cooperative interdependence is the next step. It is one that does not happen automatically, but voluntarily. 674 - Here, I am free to express whom that I AM. It is strange. I do so freely, without even knowing to whom I am expressing. 675 - In a very real way, I am what I express. Yet, I am more than that as well. I am the entity that is aware of what I am expressing even as I express it. 676 - You came as a troubleshooter of sorts. You are able to see where spirit flows smoothly and where it is blocked. Part of your job is to find the restrictions and remove them. This makes you a spiritual healer of sorts ... but for society as a whole, not for individuals. 677 - Whatever gifts we are given are meant to be used in service to spirit. Serving society, serving humanity is serving spirit. 678 - That is one of the measures of success after all. Did we leave the world a better place for our having lived? 679 - Our founding fathers claimed that one of our inalienable rights was the pursuit of happiness. They said nothing about actually finding and achieving this state of consciousness. 680 - Self-assessment is difficult work. And, one may not like what one finds. But, it is better to know where one’s strengths and weaknesses lie than to wander through life unaware. 681 - With knowledge, there is also the potential for selfwork, growth, and improvement. 682 - It is up to the individual as to how much they want to do to achieve their potential. We all have far greater potential than most of us even begin to suspect. We will be amazed at what we can accomplish when we put our minds and our hearts to it. 683 - We are capable of so much. The question mark is how much of this we will actualize and manifest in our life? This depends on what we choose to do. This depends on whom we choose to be. 266

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 684 - There is a sense that all of this was an elaborate computer programming process, one that enabled my brain/mind to establish data structures that allowed me to perceive the world in new ways. 685 - In particular, they allowed me to see the synchronicities that existed and as a result to become convinced without a doubt that there is a spiritual world embedded in the symbol systems of the physical world. 686 - I haven't been too concerned about making things happen, or about imposing my will to force them to happen. Though, it seems that in failing to do so, I have kept one of the major tools in my arsenal for reality creation in its holster. 687 - My will is a powerful force that awaits to be unleashed. It is not a monster. It will not run amouk and create a mess of things. Its job is to apply itself to achieve whatever it is that I desire. Yes, that means I need to be careful about what I desire. 688 - It seems that more things in life should be extraordinary. It takes work to make them so however. Though, when done right, it is not clear that it takes more work to do things in an extraordinary way than to do it in an ordinary way. 689 - We need a touch of the miraculous in our lives. This brings a level of richness that nothing else does. What does it take to see the miraculous? First, we must be in search of the miraculous. This means adopting an attitude regarding how the spiritual manifests in the material world. 690 - The miraculous appears in nearly everything. There is so much that is unknown that the realm of the miraculous is wide open. 691 - Ultimately, everything comes down to utility ... does the information serve us or does it not? We are the only ones who can judge that for ourselves.

9 April 2003 692 - Our beliefs must have some basis in reality. It is alright to stretch things so that we force ourselves to grow and we can do this by setting our beliefs about what we are to something bigger than we are at present. But, we need to be careful to take small steps. 693 - Special numbers come up quite often. I take these as confirmation that spirit is a work in my life. Perhaps the numbers come up so often because I am looking for them. Then again, perhaps it is the universe trying to tell me something. 694 - How do we decide what is ours to do versus what to leave for others to do? The first test is whether the task requires our talents. The second test is whether the task really needs to be done. The third test is whether we are moved to do the task. 695 - We are all incredible beings capable of doing extraordinary things. We don't always live up to this. But, if we look closely we will find that parts of our lives are indeed miraculous.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 696 - I choose to actively engage whom that I AM in this expression. Yet, it is an expression that is still a mystery to me ... even after over a decade. It comes forth automatically. I don't think about it, or organize it in any way. It is simply a stream of consciousness. 697 - Yes, I believe strongly in destiny, especially spiritual destiny. In some ways, it is as if I have no choice in the matter ... but that is only because I have already made my choice. I have chosen to serve spirit. That was a big choice. 698 - Most of the little choices I don't really care much about. Yes, they matter. But, the sense is that if we focus on the big things and get them right, the little things will take care of themselves. 699 - Each year makes it rougher to live up to the standards set in the past year. Though, it is strictly me that imposes this condition on myself. 700 - Here I am engaged in the dance of consciousness in a way that nothing that I was ever taught prepared me for. Am I good at it? I believe so, but you'll have to judge that for yourself 701 - $1 per word seems to be a fair value for this work. That would allow me to generate enough money to get the foundations of Beyond Imagination rolling as well ... something that has bogged down to date for a variety of reasons 702 - Beyond Imagination is more than this expression. It is about doing things to create the foundations for a new world. 703 - This expression demands a level of openness on the part of the reader. Without this openness, much of the message is lost. Then again, we're not asking that the book reach millions of people ... though that would be nice. Tens of thousands would be respectable and more reasonable. 704 - How much do I believe in myself and my abilities? Not enough to venture out on my own without a contract providing financial backing … yet, enough to believe that I am creating exactly those circumstances required for my liberation here and now.

12 April 2003 705 - My memory is such that I don't remember what is expressed from paragraph to paragraph, much less what is expressed from day to day. 706 - What is done is done. All that we can do is move on from here and express what spirit would have us express next. At this point we still don't know what that will be. We never really know until we see it happening. Even after a decade, the process is still a mystery. 707 - Mysteries are good. They challenge us and keep our interest. Not everything is meant to have an explanation, especially a logical explanation. Some things simply defy logic ... they exist in a realm outside of that in which logic or even rationality has power. 708 - We can use intuition to help find or assign the meaning to things. We all have powerful intuitions. Though, most of us have blocked the channels through which this intuition can pass information to us consciously.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 709 - When we learn to touch the depths of our soul ... we also reach out and touch spirit. These two things go hand in hand. We cannot achieve one without the other. 710 - Who knows what pearls of wisdom might be captured? At any time the ideas necessary for my liberation or the liberation of others may be expressed. 711 - The world is alive with spiritual meaning. It is everywhere that we look. It is embedded in all of the symbol systems of the world. Everything has not one, not two, but multiple meanings. 712 - These meanings are in varying contexts that can have little to nothing to do with one another. Most people don't see any spiritual meaning in the world. However, they can be made to see it if it is pointed out to them clearly. 713 - A select few already catch glimpses of spiritual meaning ... maybe even vistas of it. They can be assisted to see even more. Further, they can be enlisted to serve as wayshowers for others. 714 - It is time people realize that they are spiritual beings living in a spiritual world. 715 - It is time we realize that most of our social problems are spiritual problems and that if we want to fix them, we are going to have to find spiritual solutions. 716 - We need to find ways to embrace others regardless of their differences.

13 April 2003 717 - I would say that I am more awake and more aware than most. But it has cost me a lot to get to this state. Yet, the cost was for the most part a labor of love. It was something that I did because I was moved to do it and because I enjoyed doing it. 718 - How could something be so supremely important to me yet have so little importance to others? I never really did figure out an answer to that. The closest I came was a realization that each of us are on our own path and will draw to us those beliefs and experiences necessary to our own growth and development along that path. 719 - It is not for us to impose our way on anyone else. We can freely share our way with all who care to listen. Indeed, we are encouraged to do so. For, great benefits can come from such sharing. But, we must allow others the freedom to take away what they will in their own way and use it in whatever manner they see fit. 720 - It is by sharing that we evoke the power of synergy. We can learn from one anothers failures as well as successes ... and in doing so as a whole make fewer of the same mistakes and experience far more successes. 721 - It is amazing what we can do when we put our mind to something, especially if our heart is set on it as well. The mind and heart operating together is a very powerful combination indeed. 722 - We need something in our life that we can be passionate about. It doesn't matter what it is, but it needs to have the power to move us deeply.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 723 - When I am dead and gone, this expression will be what is left to show for the life that I have lived. Is it worth my life? Yes, this expression is worth living for. I can't think of anything at this moment that is worth dying for. 724 - We are meant to live in an interdependent society. Actually, we already live in one, we just are not consciously aware of all of the interdependencies.

14 April 2003 725 - I don't seem to think as others think. I don't seem to feel as others feel. I don't seem to be aware in the same way that others are aware. We are different in so many ways. 726 - Spirit can express freely regardless of the amount of restriction and oppression imposed ... though it does seem to take exceptional souls to demonstrate this to us. 727 - Spirit is amazing, however. She can literally move mountains if necessary to effect her works in the world. 728 - Yet, it seems she does most of this by revealing ideas and ideals to us ... ideas whose time we realize has come ... ideas we believe so strongly in that we are able to do what it takes to manifest them. This is no small feat. But, we are grand creatures ... and ours is a grand endeavor. 729 - These writings are my children ... probably the only ones that I will have in this existence. 730 - I trust that the words come from spirit. And, because of this, they have a level of credibility to me that I don't need to question. 731 - Though, I do remember being warned by a teacher about accepting anything without question. That hasn't stopped me. I've been believing things ... and believing them strongly for nearly a decade. 732 - It is amazing what firsthand experience brings into ones life ... especially in the spiritual domain. 733 - We are masterful creators already ... each and every one of us. We are creating exactly the reality that we experience, every aspect of it. 734 - Some of us might not like what we have created. However, the only place to lay blame is with ourselves. We create our own reality. We always have, and we always will. There are no exceptions to this. 735 - Nothing happens to us by chance. Nothing is forced upon us by others. It may appear so under the circumstances ... but we co-create the circumstances out of what we believe. 736 - I'm anxious to get on with my life ... to achieve the destiny that I am meant to achieve. 737 - I would make a difference with my life, a large difference for many if I can. 738 - I will be what I need to be. I will do what I need to do. I will do this because I must, because it is necessary for the accomplishment of my mission. Failure is not an option, in this I must and will succeed. This is important to me, this matters ... perhaps more than anything else that I do. 270

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 739 - I engage in this dance of consciousness.

15 April 2003 740 - At some point, I run out of free time in my days to apply to this endeavor. Then, to do more I need to find ways to enlist and harness the support of others. Hmm ... I hadn't thought about this before. But that is indeed how I do more. 741 - In this day and age, no one should be living in poverty. We have more than enough economic capacity to produce the goods and services needed by everyone in society. It is a matter of choosing to distribute these goods and services where they are needed. 742 - There is something about exploring the realms of the unknown, especially the unknown of consciousness that excites me. This is what I do. If I knew how to make it my vocation ... I would do so. 743 - There is a book with the title Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow. I firmly believe this. And, this expression is what I love to do, at least in the moment. So ... how do we get the final part of the clause to kick it? And, how much money are we talking about? 744 - If we would change the world, we will have to do so through ideas ... ideas whose time has come. 745 - Often, we do not know ourselves as well as we might think. However, spirit is never fooled. She knows us far more intimately than we know ourselves. Because of this she knows what is in our best interest ... always. 746 - How would I make the world a better place? I would start with rebuilding the foundations of society ... the government, the economy, the educational system and I would ensure that underneath it all was a strong spiritual foundation. 747 - Without this spiritual foundation, nothing else that we do will succeed in the Aquarian Age. It is that simple. This is an Age of Spiritual manifestation unlike anytime that has existed before. Consciousness is about to flower in ways that she has never done. 748 - We have seen hints of what she is capable of in individuals here and there. However, we are about to see consciousness unleashed on a massive scale through organizations of people that have never chosen to cooperate in such a manner before. 749 - And the works that will be achieved and the forces that will be unleashed will truly be beyond imagination. We live in an interesting time in the history of humankind ... in the history of consciousness. 750 - There is a plan of consciousness that is being enacted. Day by day it is being unveiled. Where it is leading and what we will be able to do once we get there remains to be seen ... but the sense is that miracles will be as child’s play. 751 - We are that powerful. We are creators of a very high order. It is time we recognized this, and took responsibility for whom that we are. Some do this more than others. But, most do not do this anywhere near enough.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 16 April 2003 752 - We truly live in remarkable times. That I can express something and within minutes post the information for the world to see is simply amazing. It is a testament to our times ... and the nature of the information age. 753 - Why put in the nearly 3 hour investment each day? Is there not something better that I could be doing with my time? At this point, I would have to answer no. I do what I do because I can and because I must. I am driven to do it by an inner prompting of spirit. 754 - The investment results in a tangible product. There is a sequence of words, on the order of 2000 words per day that are captured as this stream of consciousness comes forth. Each day, something is created ... something that contains ideas, some of which may potentially change the world as we know it. 755 - As you walk though my states of consciousness word by word, idea by idea ... you experience something that you could not otherwise experience. Only you can judge whether the experiences that result are of value to you. 756 - These thoughts are real to me. The ideals conveyed herein may still be in the clouds ... but I have a strong desire to build the foundations under them that allow them to be realized on earth. 757 - There are always ways to do anything that we do more efficiently and effectively thereby freeing us up to be able to be more and do more. Sometimes this involves delegating tasks that others can do to others so that we can free ourselves to do those tasks more suited for us to do. 758 - By more suited, in many cases I mean tasks that only we can do elegantly. Yes, elegantly is the operative word here. It implies effectively with the most efficient use of resources. Yes, that is asking a lot. But that should be the goal that we strive for ... to do everything with elegance. 759 - Spirit knows what she is doing, even when we do not. We can count on her to guide us and to protect us. She takes us to where we need to go. She brings unto us what we need to experience. 760 - Life is a process of the ever increasing expression of spirit in flesh. We are an active part of that process. The more active we can be in this the better. The more fully we can allow spirit to express through us, the better for us and for everyone our life touches. It is that simple. 761 - The search for self, the search for soul is the greatest endeavor of the first part of our life. The expression of what we find is the greatest endeavor of our whole life.

17 April 2003 762 - This is my bread and butter. This is my staple. On this expression, everything else rests. Without this, everything else crumbles. Yes, it is that powerful and that important. And, I know it. Because of that, I choose to expend my time in this manner. 763 - I freely choose to come here to engage in this stream of consciousness expression. I consider it to be the most productive use of my time that I could engage in. Just look at the record that has been produced as a result of this choice made over the course of a decade.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 764 - Look at how many words have been expressed that would otherwise not have been expressed. 765 - It is obvious that I take pride in what I am able to create here. There is something about creative expression that brings out the best in us. It activates us in ways that nothing else does. For me, it allows my consciousness to soar to new heights ... an experience that the explorer in me is ever in search of. 766 - Some things are worth standing up for. However, we need to be careful that the things that we choose to fight for are things that truly matter ... and not just matter to us, but matter in the larger context of society. 767 - How is it that all of this great stuff is able to come through me ... but doesn't seem to reach anyone other than me? Surely, this is not all being done for my edification alone. I guess it could be, but that seems like such a waste of resources. 768 - Why am I so moved to share all of this? This is especially interesting since I am such a private and quiet person in general. Yet, there is this driving need to reveal this side of me to the world. No, it is not all of me. But, it is a lot of me. 769 - I would share of whom that I AM with the world. Further, I would do what I can to help make Wayne's World manifest in the world. This is what Beyond Imagination is all about, to date anyway.

18 April 2003 770 - Giving birth to the expression is one thing. Getting it out into the minds and hearts of people is quite another. 771 - Cooperative interdependence is the wave of the future. It is the only way that we can continue to exist and to thrive in the times that are ahead. 772 - The world is interdependent now. In many ways, it has always been ... even when we believed that we could remain isolated and independent. However, with our technology the world is a much smaller place in many ways than it has ever been. 773 - What happens in one part of the world is felt in many others. We live in a very intricate web ... and the web gets more and more intricate with each passing day. 774 - Why am I so moved to share all of this in this manner? I don't really know, it just seemed to be the right thing to do. It feels right to me. There is a sense that this will allow it to be of some benefit somehow ... perhaps even to people that I never get to know. 775 - Feedback is extremely important in systems. It is what allows them to stay within their operating ranges so that they can function effectively. 776 - In a social system, we need frequent honest feedback to allow us to identify what is not working and adjust our processes to try to improve things. 777 - We won't always succeed the first time. That is why it is so important to keep on trying. Failure is not the enemy. Failure is not something we avoid at all costs ... except perhaps in specific areas such as manned space flight. 273

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 778 - Failure is part of the learning process on the way to success. The sooner we see it as such, the sooner we will be able to see the gifts that each failure has to offer us. Look at nearly every famous inventor. All of them failed many times on the road to their success. 779 - As they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Find a way to take the first step, then the next, then the next after that. You will be amazed at where it all leads. 780 - The creativity of consciousness is without measure. It exceeds any and all bounds that we try to place on it. Once it is unleashed in our lives, we can never go back to being what we were before. For we are awakened to the spirit that we are. We have touched the fire within.

19 April 2003 780 - I would live a life of spirit. I know of no other way to live. In living in this manner, I would do what spirit moves me to do. It is not that I do not have a will of my own. I have just chosen to subjugate it to the will of spirit herself. 781 - There are no absolute truths. There is only our experience ... and often only our remembrance of what we think that we experienced. This may or may not bear any resemblance to our actual experience. 782 - What would I do if the limits that presently bind me were unleashed? That is an interesting question. Would I live my life differently? Would I make different choices? Would I be a different person? Would I express differently? 783 - In all of these areas I am free to be different already. It takes no input from outside authority. For that matter, it doesn't necessarily even take any resources. It is amazing how many of the things that truly matter in life are free. Most of it is a matter of attitude. 784 - It is important to go through life being the best that we can be. Some people are as a candle in the wind ... ever fearful of being blown out. It is much better to go through life as a blazing torch, not only lighting our own way but helping to light the way for others in the process. 785 - Our mission is just that, our mission. It is for us to seek and find it. We can turn to others for help, but ultimately this is something that we have to learn and do for ourselves. 786 - What sets me apart from others? Physically, I am much the same. My formal education, many thousands have had as well. The twenty years of metaphysical reading and study sets me apart. Then, the ten years of expression at Beyond Imagination put me into a whole new category of information generator. It is this final step that made the greatest difference. 787 - My awareness expands each time consciousness expresses through me ... especially when something new is expressed. I'm ever having to expand my concepts of reality and reality creation to account for what this expression brings into my life. 788 - This is more than mind-expanding. This is consciousness expanding, This is beyond mind, it is beyond imagination. Imagination is a very powerful tool in our arsenal for reality creation. However, consciousness does not restrict herself to the tools of the mind, though she uses these to the degree that they can be used.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 789 - I would be a unique individual. Yet I would also build the foundations for a new society. Yes, me, one who barely belongs to any society at present. Perhaps that is the issue. I need to build the foundations for a society that would be worthy enough for me to want to be a member of. 790 - I exist within a society, but we have no contract ... or for that matter, even expectations of one another. Don't get me wrong. I am blessed to be born a citizen of one of the greatest embodiments of freedom in the world. However, even America has its limits. 791 - We will give up some of our independence for interdependence because we will see the necessity of it. And, via cooperation, synergy will kick in to give us rewards beyond anything we had even dreamed. 792 - We already live in an interdependent world. The sooner we accept this consciously, the sooner we can start to take advantage of how reality creation works in such a world ... the sooner we can start to create the world that we choose to live in. 793 - Yes, we are that powerful. Yes, the times are such that the decision is ours to make. We can manifest the world of our dreams, and we can do it now ... literally within years, not decades or centuries.

20 April 2003 794 - Cooperation is what it is all about. That is how social systems function effectively ... through the cooperation of their members. Here, we must do our part. Cooperation is a mutual endeavor. It is not achieved unilaterally, though that does indeed provide a start. 795 - Synergy kicks in when multiple parties are engaged. And, it is the power of synergy that we are seeking. This is the power that can transform the world, that can alter it beyond our wildest imaginations. But, we have to believe. And, we have to do our parts. 796 - It also doesn't help that religions hold power as organizations in the world. The Catholic Church is one example. It is one of the richest organizations in the world ... yet many of its constituents are among the poorest. Something is wrong in this. 797 - Yet, at the same time, it does provide a service. If it didn't, it would not be in business. Yes, business. Religion is very much a business enterprise these days. Most religions anyway. And, big business at that. 798 - Our consciousness demands the freedom to be more and to express more. To do this requires increased awareness. Everything comes down to that crucial factor ... awareness. The Aquarian Age is to be an age of awareness beyond which any have been before. 799 - How do I announce to people that I exist, and that such a site as Beyond Imagination exists and has material that could be beneficial to them? Were I to be searching, without knowing about it, I would not expect that such a site existed. 800 - Whatever we ask for will be brought into our reality in one way or another. It may or may not be as we anticipate or expect. 801 - For most of us, the garden of our beliefs is unkempt and overgrown with weeds. As a result, it is not really clear what we will get from it. The first order of business is to get our beliefs in order. 275

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 802 - One belief that helps in this is that there are no beliefs so hidden that we cannot reach them. 803 - Reality is subjective. The whole process of reality creation is subjective. It is not clear that the sciences will ever offer us answers in these domains. These are the domains of the spiritual. 804 - Yes, we will find that there are physical and mental counterparts to the spiritual parts of us. However, it is not clear how much of a picture these will give of the corresponding spiritual domain. 805 - Freedom doesn't mean that we don't have obligations. In fact, when we are free, it seems we are in the best position to be able to accept those obligations that are rightly ours to bear. 806 - Each of us have responsibilities ... sacred responsibilities that we must carry out during our life. The sooner that we accept this and accomplish it the better.

21 April 2003 807 - We are each special and unique. Spirit would have us celebrate this and allow it to permeate all that we do. 808 - Personally, I find the unknown fascinating. It is the appropriate realm in which spirit can be engaged in the pursuit of higher knowledge. 809 - It is from my spirit, not my mind, that much of this originates. And spirit’s depths are very deep indeed ... perhaps even unfathomable. 810 - Do what you are moved to do when you are moved to do it. That is the spiritual directive that I follow. To date, it has never steered me wrong ... not that I know of anyway. 811 - What does it take to get people to awaken ... to become aware of the true spiritual beings that they are so that they can begin to behave congruently with this? 812 - Never underestimate the spiritual component of individuals. It is there in each of us, a giant waiting to be unleashed to do its works in our lives. But, it only operates by invitation. We have to choose to make it an active part of our lives. 813 - Each of us came into this existence for a purpose, and probably not one but many purposes. Some of us are more single-minded than others. For me, right now anyway, this expression is it. This is where I live my life. This is where I choose to expend my free time. 814 - The only thing I find lacking is the fellowship and friendship of others. But, that has been lacking for my entire life to date. Why is that? Most of it is my own attitude toward people. I consider myself to be essentially a hermit. As such, I have effectively isolated myself from others. 815 - There is no way for me to build the foundations for a new world on my own. This will demand close collaboration and cooperation with others ... most likely many others. 816 - If my rough count is right, we are rapidly approaching 3 million words. Yes, that is a lot of expression. It would be impressive for a lifetime. But, that it has come forth part time in ten years is remarkable. 276

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 817 - I can't imagine a more positive spiritual experience than what this expression has brought into my life. I've shared it here as intimately as I can to give you a taste of what is possible. 818 - It is not clear that the words do justice to the spiritual states that they attempt to describe, but they are as close as I can come at the moment. My hope is that by reading these words you will be triggered to enter similar states of consciousness to those that I have experienced.

22 April 2003 819 - I feel a sense of duty to use the many gifts that I have been given in service ... primarily in service to spirit, but in service to society, humankind, and even the whole world in the process. 820 - Can what one person does have that much impact? Can it make that much of a difference? I have to believe that the answer is yes. That is one of the reasons I choose to express for consciousness as I do. 821 - It is good to have a little magic and mystery in one's life. Not everything needs to be explained. Sometimes it is enough to be aware of some of the mechanics of a process to put it to use in our life. We don't need to know everything, just enough to apply the process. 822 - How would I go about changing the world ... especially I, who have had so little to do with the world for so much of my life to date? It does indeed seem ironic to say the least. But irony or not, my mission is as it is, and it will either come to pass or not. 823 - My sense is that I came into this existence by choice, specifically to play a particular role, to accomplish a particular mission. And, I will do my utmost to carry out that mission to the best of not only my abilities but those whom I can enlist to assist me. 824 - Synergy does indeed accrue from group endeavors when they are run properly. Further ... it is only through cooperative endeavors that the potential for synergy exists at all. 825 - It is curious that I, the epitome of the loner, would see myself as a world server and world transformer. But that is exactly how I see myself and my role. It doesn't matter that I live such an isolated life. 826 - It takes a lot of courage to allow spirit to express her will in our lives. 827 - There can be a fear that we will lose our sense of self in the process. Quite the contrary. I have found that I have gained not lost my sense of self through this expression. 828 - I'll see it when I believe it versus I'll believe it when I see it. These are two different ways of looking at reality. How do we know when we've allowed our beliefs to jump into the realm of mere wishful thinking? Does that even matter? 829 - Can we not make wishes come true as well if we apply the appropriate effort? 830 - Effectively, I am the container that spirit fills. She can only take the shape of the forms that I provide for her. The container that matters most to me is clearly that of my consciousness. It is this that I allow spirit to fill as she will.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 23 April 2003 831 - Each day is a new adventure. We never know when it begins just where it will take us. 832 - When the time is right, the means will be obvious. That is simply the way that it works for me. Perhaps it works that way for others too. 833 - There is a sense that it is time for Beyond Imagination to take off as an organization rather than as an individual endeavor. That requires getting people to join and make commitments of their resources, time, and energy towards the pursuit of building the foundations for a new world. Whatever skills are needed will be available within those who are attracted to Beyond Imagination to serve. We serve one another, we serve society, we serve humankind, we serve the world, and we serve spirit ... not necessarily in that order. 834 - It is time to take charge of my life in a way that I have never done before. The sense is that I need to consciously decide my fate and do what it takes to put me on the path that gets me there. 835 - We've relied on consciousness for many years, and she has served us faithfully. However, it seems that it is time to take responsibility for our own destiny and set our own course. 836 - Elegance is one of the prime directives of spirit. Spirit ever seeks to express in more and more elegant ways. Elegance involves achieving a given result with the most efficient use of resources. 837 - It has astounded me that a decade could go by without seeing these works have the kind of impact on the world that I know deep inside of me that they are meant to have.

24 April 2003 838 - This expression is not necessarily for everyone. If it is for you, you will know it. You will find yourself fascinated. You will find it difficult to put the material down. At least, that is how it is for me. And, this expression definitely strikes me in that fashion even though I am the one through which it comes ... perhaps because I am the one through which it comes. 839 - Yes, that makes me special. But, no more special than anyone in their own way. To whom much is given, much is expected. I know that I have been given a lot. And, as a result, I expect a lot from myself. Will I live up to my own expectations, grandiose as they may seem? 840 - I will do whatever it takes to accomplish the mission that I came to accomplish. And, since I believe this to be in accord with the plan for the evolution of consciousness, I have no doubt that I will succeed ... for consciousness is behind me in this. 841 - Freely give! That is the directive that creates abundance. Freely give! So far, that is what we have done here. Though lately, we have expressed a strong desire to be compensated for this expression. Is this a contradiction? It seems to be, but is it? We should be able to expect fair compensation in return for our services, especially when we are providing the best services of which we are capable. 842 - The quote for today is appropriate somehow: This is how we accelerate the rate of spiritual growth. 278

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 We SHARE! We share what we have, we share what we feel, we share what we know, we share what we experience, we share whom that we are, as much as we can. 843 - That is what this expression is all about. It is my way of sharing whom that I AM with the world in as intimate of a way as I know how.

25 April 2003 844 - At this point in my life, this expression is what matters most. Here is where I face the unknown. Here is where I am my most creative. Here is where the unmanifest becomes manifest as a result of my effort. That is awesome power for anyone to have. 845 - I'm grateful for all that I have been blessed to experience ... especially the levels of awareness, and the serving as a vessel through which consciousness can speak. 846 - Awareness is one of our finest possessions. It is what separates us from our brothers in the animal kingdom. However, it only distinguishes us if we learn to us it properly as the wonderful tool that it is. 847 - Once we have awakened, there is no returning to our slumbers, try though we may. Awareness is turned on as if by a light switch ... but it seems that it cannot be turned off that way. Once we have tasted of the fruit of awareness, that is it, we are aware forevermore. 848 - Society is most effective when individuals are expending their finest abilities in service to society. Of course, society needs to keep its part of the bargain and ensure the needs of each individual are met as a result. That is the social contract, plain and simple.

26 April 2003 849 - I choose to demonstrate what I believe in the way that I live my life. You see a lot of that in what I am able to share here. This is the kind of sharing that I would like to see go on to a much greater degree in the world. Perhaps it does, just out of my view. 850 - Then again, perhaps it does not ... and as a wayshower I am being true to my name and showing the way that others might learn from my example. This is not hard to do. In fact, when you are doing it, it seems like it is the most natural thing in the world. 851 - There is a sense that destiny's hand is at play in my life and in the fate of the world. We shall see where she takes us. It seems that we will arrive there soon enough. 852 - We can trust that spirit has our needs and desires in mind and is considering these as she builds the fabric of reality that we will experience. Our needs will be met one way or another. Our desires may or may not be met depending on the benefit they produce for us and for others. The greater the overall benefit, the more likely they are to actualize. 279

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 853 - Beyond Imagination is an entity ... an organization of one at the present time, created out of my mind to build the foundations for a new world in which spirit can more fully express in flesh. 854 - The greatest benefit of all is for our gifts to be of service ... preferably great service to the world. Will the world recognize this as being so? That doesn't really matter. Individuals whose lives are impacted will know that we made a difference. At this point that is enough. 855 - Authors are more than writers. Authors generate books for the consumption of the public in some fashion. That seems to be what I am in the process of doing now. 856 - Is it too much to expect that there would be others at least interested in if not passionate about the kinds of things that I am passionate about? Is that too much to ask?

27 April 2003 857 - I consider this to be my calling. It is something that stirs my soul ... something majestic that I must do. 858 - The nature of how the foundations of society function is not something many people would think twice about. Yet, I come to build the foundations for a new world. 859 - The nature of reality creation is too esoteric for most people to consider within their responsibility. Little do they realize that we create our own reality all the time and it behooves us to know the nature of reality creation so that we can do a better job of creating what we need and want. 860 - It is amazing what happens when we start to take responsibility for ourselves and the reality that we create. When we do this spirit herself kicks in with untold forces to aid in our endeavors. It is as if we command an army from on high to do our bidding. 861 - By most people's standards, I haven't really had a life. Then again, I've lived my life in the way that felt right to me. I have no regrets. I am grateful that it got me to where I am today.

28 April 2003 862 - I still desire to be free in a way that I have never been before. My sense is that this requires finding a way to enact the social contract for me personally. At this point, I expect for this to happen. If I can't make it happen in my life, how do I expect it to manifest in society and the world? 863 - My life is becoming more conscious. This is a process that began in earnest a decade ago ... but, recently has been taken to a whole new level. It is about time. One can't live ones whole life on automatic. Well, one can, but that is not the most effective way to live. 864 - What is it that I want from life? An environment in which to exchange the best services that I have to offer for having my physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs met. Is this too much to ask? Indeed not. This is exactly what we should expect. 865 - Spirit does what she does by working through us. We are her instruments, her hands, her feet, her voice, her mind. 280

Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 866 - We're fortunate to have chosen to live in times that are to be far more enlightened than most. We're not there yet, but we're getting closer with each passing day. It is simply a matter of time. Ours will be an enlightened society. It is destined to be so. 867 - My life is not yet the masterpiece that I desire for it to be. Yes, it has its moments, even extended ones at times. However, there is still a life’s worth of work to do. But here, I am not talking about the work I am paid to do, rather the work that I am moved by spirit to do.

29 April 2003 868 - Our bodies are our most intimate physical creations. We need them to function well if our lives are to function well. It is that simple. Our bodies are that important. Through them we make a statement. 869 - We tend to get stuck in our patterns ... especially when that are comfortable to us. It doesn't seem to matter whether they are good or bad. But staying within our comfort zones is not conducive to living an adventurous life, and life should be a grand adventure. 870 - The unknown is welcome in my life. I would much rather be aware of and embrace the unknown in my life than allow it to remain dark and hidden. The attitude makes all the difference in the world. That is the power of awareness in our lives. 871 - There is nothing that prevents me from augmenting my abilities, or lack thereof, with the abilities of others. I don't have to do everything ... only those tasks that are mine to do. The tough part is figuring out just what those are. Clearly this expression is one.

30 April 2003 872 - This expression is part of my destiny somehow. Capturing this stream of consciousness and sharing it, is one of the tasks that I am here to do. It provides an example of the level of commitment and the level of openness and sharing that I would like to see in the world. 873 - If we want to create a better world, we do it via demonstration. We do it by providing real world examples for others to see and to emulate should they so choose. 874 - Time is becoming more and more of a obstacle. There is only so much of it. When we choose to spend time in one area, effectively we are choosing to not spend it in some other area. 875 - I believe that this stream of consciousness deserves to be heard. It provides a record of one consciousness in action over an extended period of time on a fairly regular basis. 876 - One of the prime benefits of the material for me has been to stretch my concepts of who I believe that I AM. Somehow I have to account for the fact that all of this could come forth through me in the manner that it has. That is a lot to account for. 877 - One has to literally go beyond mind to experience being aware. All the thinking in the world doesn't help. One is simply aware or not.

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Musings of a Spiritual Warrior - 2003 878 - Being aware of being aware is very high level behavior ... even if it is only low level functions that we are observing initially. 879 - Finding the observer part of yourself is not the easiest of tasks, but can be done with proper effort and perseverance. 880 - It is the observer part of ourself that is aware ... that sees things for what they are, that is not fooled by the illusions. 881 - The world has changed tremendously in the last century, and in particular in the last 50 years. The pace of change continues to grow at a rate that is such that no individual can deal with it any longer. 882 - Cooperation is the only solution. We divide the problem up into pieces that different individuals or groups can handle, and then we cooperate to come up with the overall integrated solution. 883 - Cooperative interdependence is the way of the future. It needs to be the way of the present as soon as we can make it so. Actually, it already is, except it is happening at other than conscious levels.

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CONCLUSION I hope this four month stream of consciousness expression was of benefit to you. I hope that it challenged what you believe about yourself and the nature of consciousness. I hope that it opened your eyes and your mind to some new possibilities and enables you to see the world differently as a result. Remember, my way is just one way. It is clearly not the only way … and it is clearly not for everyone. Take from it what you will. Let utility be you guide. Use whatever you find of value and leave the rest for another day or perhaps even another life … if ever. It still amazes me how all of this can come forth through me so fluidly. Consciousness desires to be expressed. I happen to be a suitable vessel for that expression … at least for this manner of that expression. Words are my forte. This is what I love doing. I can’t imagine any better work to engage my heart and my soul in. Hopefully that is obvious from the quality of the expression. If you are moved by what you have found here do take the time to provide feedback. Especially so if you feel yourself to be a kindred spirit and relate to the task of building the foundations for a new world.

NAMASTE! Wayne Hartman 1800 Harper Av, Redondo Beach, CA 90278 [email protected] BEYOND IMAGINATION http://www.redshift.com/~beyond/mainpage.htm

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ABOUT BEYOND IMAGINATION BEYOND IMAGINATION is an entity dedicated to building a better world in which SPIRIT is more fully expressed in flesh. At the Beyond Imagination site you'll find over three thousand pages of metaphysical works that have come from SPIRIT through Wayne to you describing a VISION of what we are endeavoring to create and documenting our progress in achieving our goals of creating a COMMUNITY where individuals are truly able to be all they can be in a cooperatively interdependent environment where the real needs of all are met effectively. We are in the process of publishing much of the Beyond Imagination material that has been created in the past ten years. We hope you enjoy our works, and that they move you to want to participate so that we can co-create the WORLD in which we would prefer to live in the Aquarian Age that lies before us. Other Published Books Beyond Imagination: Best Passages from 2002 Musings Beyond Imagination: The Early Works Planned for Release in 2003 Beyond Imagination: 2003 Musings – Vol II Beyond Imagination: Best of Notes – Book 1 Beyond Imagination: Best of Notes – Book 2

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