1st Newsletter

Issue 1 March—April

What is Share Parents? Share Parents of Utah is a support group for parents and families who have experienced a loss of a baby during pregnancy or as an infant. The devastating loss that is suffered by so many can create an

Share Newsletter

SHARE PARENTS OF UTAH

overwhelming wave of heartache. It is difficult to find others that truly know the depths of your grief. All of the Share

volunteers have also

provide mold of the

experienced a loss. Of

baby’s hands and feet. If

course our stories are

you or you know some-

all different, but the

one that works in a po-

pain we feel is our

sition where Share

common bond. The mis-

could be of some kind

sion of Share Parents is

of service, please,

to provide a support

please contact us. We

system to anyone who

will go anywhere, any-

has been affected by a

time to provide a little

loss of this nature.

comfort and personal

Share Parents of Utah

knowledge to a family

also provide support to

going through the loss.

any local hospital by visiting after a loss and

New BlogSpot Check out the new BlogSpot for Share Parents. Share Parent volunteers have put there stories up and also included their personal email address. Please check out the blog and

add your own story. You can also get contact information for any Share member to discuss your stories. If you would like Share to post your story, just send it via email.

www.shareparentsofutah.bl ogspot.com

A Memorial Service for Your Baby Many people who experience a pregnancy or infant loss, have a hard time deciding whether or not to have a ceremony for their baby. One misconception is that if your baby is cremated, that you shouldn’t do a ceremony. Even if you do not wish to bury your baby, a memorial service is highly recommended. Most parents who decided not to have a service, regret that decision later on. Many feel uncomfortable having a service, not knowing what your family friends will say. The one thing to remember is that your baby deserves to have a day just for him

or her. A Day to recognize their existence. I had my son’s ceremony five months after he was born. The service was on the day he was due. If you didn’t have a service right after the loss, you could always have one on the anniversary or birthday. It’s never too late to honor your baby. You can have a ceremony with just a couple close family members or friends. Maybe just say a prayer, read a poem, and release some balloons or butterflies. You can write messages on the balloons before letting them go.

For more ideas for your memorial, you can visit the nationalshare.org website. It has some great ideas for a memorial or making memories.

o erson N P a ’s on “A Pers ll” w Sma o h r e t Mat ess Dr. Su

Birthdays, Anniversaries, Due Dates, Angel Dates, etc. Sage Eila Denton Born Still 09/07/07

Justus Michael Seamons Born Still 02/27/08

Addison Kayla Johnson Born Still 12/16/07

Erika Bjarnson Born Still 3/31/05

Dana McKenzie Clark Born Still 12/24/98

Lili Ann Galloway Born 11/09/08 Passed 01/27/09

Mikeel Kathaleen Seaman Born Still 01/15/09

Ian Hunter Zulich Born & Passed 06/29/08

Lucas Arthur Jeffery Born Still 11/28/06

“My Precious One” Where did you go my precious one, why did you leave so soon? I thought I took great care of you whilst you grew in my womb. I tried to be so careful; I wanted you so much, To watch my tummy grow and grow then finally feel your touch. To smell your newborn baby's scent Page 2

and hold your tiny hand, To rock you tightly in my arms and tell you all I'd planned. There was so much we had to do, much love I had to give, I'm sure that you'd have loved me to, if only you had lived. Oh precious one, now you're not here, how can I carry on?

When will the darkness fade away, when will I see the sun? My precious little baby, mommy's precious little one....

SHARE NEWSLETTER

“An Ugly Pair of Shoes” I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable Shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them. I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.

They never talk about my shoes. To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off. I now realize that I am not the other one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in the world. Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much. Some have work the shoes so long

that days will go by before they think of how much they hurt. No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger women. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am. I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

view. We had coffee and ate the cupcakes. I had gotten a whole bunch of baby blue balloons and wrote messages on all of them. To tell you the truth, that was the best part. To just write over and over, sweet messages to my son. We went on the deck and just said “We love Justus, Happy Birthday.” and let the balloons go into the blue sky. It was so beautiful to see the balloons slowly go to heaven. I could see the messages I had written and I thought that was cool. The 2nd best part was when my Mom gave us a very special gift. She had gotten a star named after Justus and the name went into affect on his birthday. It came with a beautiful certificate and a the coordinates of where the star is located in the sky. It was short and small, but it was a wonderful to spend his birthday. I miss Justus

everyday and think about how things would be different right now, if he had made it. I still cry all the time and I still have days of just overwhelming pain. But through it all, I know that Justus is my son and I am his mother. Nothing will ever change that, and I know that one day I will hold him in my arms again.

A Year without Justus The year anniversary of delivering my son still, was approaching rapidly. I could not believe it had already been a year since I lost my son, Justus. Sometimes the pain feels so fresh and new. I wanted to do something special to celebrate his 1st Birthday. After talking with others from the Share group, I decided to have a very small get together with just me, my Fiancé, and my Mom. I went to a party store where they had all kinds of 1st birthday items. I choose a little blue duck , a little picture frame, and a birthday sign. I then went and found a teddy bear with a blue “Happy Birthday” shirt. I also got some mini cupcakes from a gourmet cupcake bakery which I put cute little animal decorations on each one. So we went to my parents house, who have a beautiful backyard with a beautiful

ISSUE 1

There i s no fo ot so sm that it all cannot leave an imprin t o n th is world .

Happy Birthday

Page 3

How to Obtain a Birth Certificate for Your Baby Many people may not realize they can obtain a birth certificate when they lose a baby to fetal demise or stillbirth. To receive a copy of the certificate, you can either mail in a request, go to the office of Vital Records and pick one up, or order online. You will need your id as well as $12-$13 depending on which certificate you get. You may be surprised to hear that some states do not offer a birth certificate to parents who lose a child this way. Thankfully Utah passed legislation on March 15, 2002, to ensure all parents can receive a birth certifi-

cate for their baby.

Or Mail Application To:

To download an application, make an order, or find out more information, go to the website:

Vital Records

www.utah.gov/vitalrecords

PO Box 141012 Salt Lake City, UT 84114-1012

Office of Vital Records & Statistics Cannon Health Building

Make checks or money orders payable to Vital Records

288 N 1460 W Salt Lake City, UT (801)538-6105 Mon—Thur 7am—6pm

“Little Angels” When God call little children, To dwell with him above, We mortals sometimes question The wisdom of his love. For no heartache compares with The death of one small child

The aged to his fold,

we must try.

And so he picks a rosebud

The hardest words Mankind knows will always be "Good Bye"

Before it can grow old. God knows how much we need them, And so he takes but a few,

So wonderful and mild.

To make the land of Heaven more beautiful to view.

Perhaps God grows tired of calling

Believing this is difficult, but somehow

So when a little child departs, We who are left behind Must realize God loves little children And Angels are hard to find.

Thank You! Thank You Dr Michael Richards, an Orthodontist from Salt Lake City! He donated alginate, (a material used in the mold making process), to help Share provide molds of the baby’s hands and feet, for the parents!

Page 4

Thank You Premier Movers, Mayflower, located in Salt Lake City, for providing the printing of the Share Newsletter

f am o y d re l n o le ur e peop e in o n o “Som d e hel els. W g n A ” arms

SHARE NEWSLETTER

Trying for another baby? Check out the Eager Study If you are thinking about having another child after a previous loss, you should really check into the Eager Study. Available information from clinical studies show that low-dose aspirin (LDA) may impact several areas of reproduction and could potentially improve pregnancy outcomes while having few side effects. The Eager (the effects of aspirin in gestation and reproduction) trial will study the effects of LDA taken before pregnancy and continuing throughout pregnancy. If you are between 18 and 40 years old, have had one or two pregnancy losses in

the past, and want to become pregnant again, you may qualify for this very important study. You will receive a fertility monitor to use while in the study, as well as compensation for your time and travel. You will also have close medical evaluations and a six week ultrasound. The staff also offers emotional support. Visit the website or call to learn more information or to get started. If you would like to speak with a Share volunteer that is enrolled in the Eager study, feel free to call Julie at 801-541-0722.

WWW.Eagertrial.org Utah Clinical Site 1-866-912-1967

“Rem emb erin do i g yo t eve u is ryd easy ay. an a .I But che ther insi e is de m t h at y he will art, neve r go awa y.”

Sage Sage My beautiful girl I know that you are with our Father above I know that you are free, a butterfly I know that eternity is real, that you are not gone from us forever but these knowing do not stop the ache... The ache in my arms of having to let you go The ache of my ears wanting to hear your cries The ache in my throat constantly swallowing burning tears The ache in my eyes when I see other baby girl smiles The ache of my hands so wanting to dress you in beautiful colors, not just pink The ache of my breasts so full of milk to nourish you The ache of my legs walking through life without you ISSUE 1

The ache of my heart When I look at your Papa, my greatest love seeing his soul in such pain, longing for you– his precious daughter When I look at your sweet brother River and think how he would have loved and protected you always Sage, when your strong legs stopped moving inside me when your sweet heart became still the pain nearly swallowed me whole I thought I could not breathe When I held your body in my arms and kissed your perfect face I prayed for you to move Saying goodbye to you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done

and feel your breath on our face Until then... We will never stop aching for you. Our beautiful girl.

I’ll love you forever, Mama

We will hold you again one day and we will be able to look into your eyes

Page 5

This is the first newsletter from the Salt Lake chapter of Share. We are very excited to offer a chance to anyone

SHARE PARENTS OF UTAH

who would like to share their story with others who have

1470 W 2400 S Salt Lake City, UT 84119

experienced a loss. We are accepting photos, stories, poems, drawings, letters or drawings from children, or any-

Phone: 801-272-5355 E-mail: [email protected]

thing else you would like to add. Please keep the submission coming, we may use it in our future issues. All perspectives

Touching Lives...Healing Hearts...Giving Hope

are wanted, we would like to hear from Grandparents, siblings, friends, as well as parents who have experienced a loss. Please email submissions to [email protected]

www.shareparentsofutah.org

What to expect at a Share meeting Twice a month, Share volunteers conduct a support group. These groups are for anyone who has been affected by the loss of a baby, either during pregnancy or as an infant. Each meeting will open up with a chance for everyone to share their story. Sharing your story is optional. Anyone is more then welcome to attend the meetings to just listen to others. Every meeting will have two Share volunteers that are parents who have experienced a lost. Each meeting has a specific topic we discuss and handouts are often given. Please feel free to bring any pictures, mementos, molds, or any other items that you can share with the group. Please join us!

2nd Tuesday Every Month at 7:30pm Intermountain Medical Center Amicus Board Room 5121 S Cottonwood Dr. Murray, UT Doty Educational Building (between the women’s center and patient towers) th

4 Tuesday Every Month at 7:30pm Alta View Hospital 9660 S 1300 E Sandy, UT Classroom B If you would like more information please visit the website www.shareparentsofutah.org

Meeting Topics March 10th—Another Child, When 24th—Couples Grief/Marriage April 14th—Memories 28th—Birthdays and Anniversaries