What Men Want

W hat Men Want ~ A story of war, victory, defeat and happiness ~ Once upon a time, in a land far away, over the high of the mountains and the deep of the seas, at the other end of the world there was a nation strong and proud, called the Akkadi. This nation was powerful and rich beyond imagination with numerous other nations bowing to the mighty Empire they had created, humbled by the brilliance of the Akkadi minds and intimidated by their arms. However, there were on occasion some who would oppose and rise up against their dominance, first by diplomacy or trade, and then by meeting them on the field of war. Our story takes place under such a circumstance, the proud people of Orin challenging the Akkadi in battle to keep their state independent, their riches untaxed and their ways of doing things untouched. Just before this battle, the two armies were facing each other in preparation. Under a starry night, on a large plain they stood, separated by a river, many warriors sleeping what may have been their last sleep in this world, awaiting the confrontation that no doubt would follow on the eve of a new day. From above, it looked like an incredibly large forest of tents dotted with camp fires, few sleepless soldiers around them, chasing off their fears. Near one of those fires stood two men, one older looking, with the appearance of a skilled veteran, the other very young, with an anxious look in his eyes that betrayed this being his first time on the front. “Why are we fighting in this war, father?” said he. “Is it really worth the effort? These people we are facing are backwards and not really that rich. How could we stand to win even if we best them in combat?…” “Would you rather not fight, then?” said the elder.

“No, of course I would fight. That’s what I trained for, that’s what I do best and take pleasure from. I was merely asking if there is any point to it now.” “Well, as you put it, obviously the main point is not to take their riches, of which we have more, or their land, ours being large enough as it is. And also not for their women, ours are beautiful enough…” said the veteran letting out a brief smile. “So… why fight them then?” “All these men are here just like you, they are warriors, fighting is what they do best and like doing. All of them, could have chosen to become painters or traders or politicians. But they wanted war. And came here because, well… war is here to be had. I’d say they fight because they want to.” “I don’t think you understand. I already knew that. And don’t get me wrong, I want to fight, too. I was just wondering why this and not something else, why this fight and not another one?” “We fight them for the same reason that you are asking these questions... You ask because you want to know. We fight because we want to fight. We fight the Orin and not some other people, because we want to fight them. And we fight them now, because we want it now.” “You’re twisting my words. What kind of answer is that? We are soldiers, not ballerinas, so give me a straight answer if you have one.” Then came a hesitant “please”. The older man looked into the fire, his eyes looking far ahead into the flame, obviously reminiscing about times past. “If you want an answer you will understand, I have a story I too heard when I was young like you. It’s rather late though and you may very well want to hear it after the battle, tomorrow. Better rest now. If you can, gather your strengths…”

“No. I want to hear it now. Tomorrow you and I may be dead. And I think I’ll fare better in a fight with a better sense of purpose than with a few hours of sleep!” “Very well then…” “At the beginning of the world there was Rau. The whole of Rau was a mind, he had no body and no feeling of a body. Rau was an infinitely complex mind, and nothing apart from Rau existed. If you find it hard to imagine Rau, just close your eyes and listen to your mind only, as if nothing surrounded you at all. That is Rau. The only difference would be that Rau was infinite. It could think of anything at all, in no time at all. Inside Rau lived a world much like ours, which was however just the projection of Rau’s own thoughts in his inner world. Everything existed in a way, but as Rau’s thoughts. And no, he was so focused that things didn’t just disappear when he forgot to think about them. Rau never forgot and could think of all the people and of all the things at the same time, from the largest of stars to the tiniest of insects, keeping them in existence without getting tired or making mistakes.” “Wow! That’s amazing… and hard to imagine, at the same time.” “Yes. It truly is. Like I said it’s something that us men can do with our minds, just that Rau did it on a truly grand scale, much larger than any of us could dream of, with our little puny minds. In this universe that lived inside Rau’s mind and that actually was Rau, there were all the things we can see now. There were skies and stars, there were people and children and cities and animals and trees. And all things happened pretty much like today as well. Rivers flowed into seas and oceans, animals were mating, people were having children and working, rain fell from the skies… On the outside it was just like nowadays. But there was one rather large difference. Rau’s mind had a plan with everything. People, when looking at nature or, indeed, themselves could see this grand plan in action and they praised Rau’s great intellect that could fit events so masterfully and

seamlessly together. This is perhaps the hardest part to understand, as our world is so different now… But take an example: hunters never ran out of prey and farmers were never left to starve by nature’s caprice. Cities never happened to be placed too near to overflowing rivers so there were no floods. Marriages were always happy, never two people mistaking each other for something else when they got engaged. Nobody ever made any other mistake either, all their workings went smoothly with no lack of inspiration, talent or energy. Men and beasts would spontaneously desert a region before a volcano would erupt, riches flew in and out just as people would expect them so that nobody was ever poor. Sleep came inexorably to all when night fell, to wake them full of energy once the sun stood in the sky the next day, not like it happens to us, night birds, right now…. Hehe! Overall it was as if the kind invisible hand of Rau was fixing it so that the world was the best of possible worlds for everybody in all ways.” “That’s hardly imaginable. How could all things be so well fit together? And wouldn’t one man’s luck and fortune bring about another’s misery and ruin?” “I told you it’s hard to even imagine. Actually it’s impossible to imagine in full detail, because our minds are so much inferior to Rau’s. But I tell you, like that it was … But to get on with the story… Since in a way Rau was the world, all his creation was inside him and part of him. At some point, it was in Rau’s plan to create something that was not inside him, but apart from him. So he thought a part of himself as being separate from himself, creating a being of similar qualities and infinite potential: Rei. As you will see, she being separate from Rau would be the cause of the world as it is now… Since she was equally capable to do so, Rei could create another world inside her, parallel to Rau’s one. But then, she thought, there would come a time where she

would also have to create another being like her and the cycle would never end. Somehow this didn’t look at all pleasing to her. Instead she decided to slip into Rau’s consciousness and communicate with his thoughts. She found that interesting and funny. Then she realized that in doing so she had the first feelings. Nothing was interesting or not interesting until then either to any of the people created by Rau or to Rau himself, because everything was planned and perfect so there wasn’t any distinction between interesting and boring or between funny and not funny. It is not known how Rei brought these new ideas into existence, but it certainly had to do with her being limitless in power. In essence she created these things just like Rau created everything else before, from the void. This whole experience transformed Rei thoroughly. She reflected at herself and saw something completely different from Rau. She was no longer a mind, but something else, something with no name. Rei then felt she could not exist without creating. Just like Rau had his plan and was busy keeping his clockwork universe from collapsing, she would have to express her nature in a way. But that would be a different way, of course, since she was now a different type of being. The more she thought about it, the more Rei changed. The more she thought about it the less she was a being of thought. The more she gazed upon these feelings that she made, the more they took her over and transformed her further, multiplying themselves inside her like a black dot that would explode into the colours of the rainbow and then let flow millions and millions of shades and hues, in infinite variety. In the end, Rei created the ultimate feeling, the result of countless permutations and successions of other feelings inside her, the distilled result of them all: happiness.” The young man’s jaw stood dropped for some seconds. The father continued. “But you see, since Rei was inside Rau’s mind, inside the world he created, the other thoughts of his were contaminated by her transformation. The other thoughts, from

people to animals, to insects, rocks and stars all started to shift and modify, struggling out of the pattern Rau was trying to keep them in. Nobody knows how, but the most fantastic thing happened to humans. They began to feel themselves as real apart from Rau’s wish and became, in a way, like him. By being aware of themselves and therefore existing because of their own selfconsciousness, not Rau’s. Perhaps this distinct awareness came along as they were contaminated by Rei alien creations, feelings. They were no longer integral part of the universal mind of Rau. The world as we know it now is the result of the struggle between Rau and Rei that went on ever since. Rau’s intellect strives to order things back as they were, trying to make them flow on the path of his initial plan, while Rei’s constantly shifts them back and forth unpredictably, with the incredible force of lust, greed, fear, anger, anticipation, friendship, love and, yes, happiness. This last feeling is surely the most powerful of Rei’s creation as it has changed everything. As you sadly know, happiness is rare and fleeting. But when a man feels happiness once, everything that was important for him until then goes out the window, he loses his head and begins to look for happiness for the rest of his life. And that despite all hate, sadness and despair he finds along the way. Happiness is such a beautiful thing that once a man has tasted it, nothing else seems quite as sweet to him and only death can stop him from trying to get more of it. Actually, in all truth, there are those who would rather like Rau’s first world where everything was planned and safe and assured. They say that that’s what true happiness is like and that’s what they want. But you can see that even them who would rather undo Rei’s work cannot face happiness and ignore it, but fear it and avoid it at all costs. Look at the Orin we’re fighting now. They cower before happiness, lest it should prove them wrong. They avoid their own women, they don’t drink, they don’t party or dance, they don’t even shave their own beards to make sure the smooth feeling of a fresh cut doesn’t bring happiness upon them. Eventually if any of them is afflicted by

it by accident, they kill him or lock him away in prison, because just looking happiness in that man’s eyes would change them forever. But of course, they never get away from it for too long. Eventually it happens to all of them and they have to hide it away, to try and forget it. All for the sake of bringing back the orderly planned world of Rau’s. You can think whatever you like, but I for one prefer this over any other world. My life hasn’t been easy on me, my body is full of scars and I’m lucky to have my legs and arms after the battles I’ve been through, but I know that even looking for happiness without ever reaching it is better than constantly running away from it. ‘Cause there isn’t really any other choice: you either seek it or hide from it, all your life.” “So… are you saying that we’re fighting the Orin tomorrow because we are seeking happiness?...” “You’re faster than I expected. Yes. I was getting to that… We’re fighting the Orin tomorrow because that’s what our search for happiness led us to. We all hope to be closer to happiness or perhaps even truly happy for a moment, if we defeat them tomorrow. They hope the same and in their hearts, they know it, that they are also looking for their happiness on this battlefield. Theirs would come from keeping their ways, their customs, their backwardness if you will. But the very fact that they got up with arms against us betrays them. They call hiding away from further happiness, they call that ‘happiness’. Of course they are mistaken, but they are looking for it nevertheless, seeking it, shedding blood for it, secretly craving it and obviously energised by its call I’m afraid. We are much more the same then we are different, us and the Orin. We are all people and none of us can really go back to how things were inside the mind, as we are no longer what we once were. Clinging back to the past is not going to help the Orin, as I hope you’ll see them fall by our swords tomorrow. But even if that doesn’t happen, they and their way of life will crumble to dust. When a man’s mind is fighting off his heart, the heart always wins… especially in one’s youth.” The old man laughs at his son.

“I don’t mean to… I mean it was a really beautiful story… and the only one you’ve ever told me… but I still don’t understand why exactly we fight the Orin. I did get that we’re looking for happiness in it. But then my question becomes why are we looking here and not there. Why fight the Orin and not go home and take a warm bath or gamble or paint, swim or wrestle in the arena?” “Happiness is a wild thing. It knows not of purpose and a clear path like the ordered plan of Rau. Happiness is feeling, just like other feelings, chaotic. It emboldens people in random directions, often appearing to make no sense at all. Perhaps without any sense at all. I didn’t say we fight for happiness anyway, but for want of finding it. Sometimes the road is as important as the destination. And sometimes you don’t even know the road, you just feel that you need to go somewhere different than you were before. Imagine when see a girl that you like. You just like her. She may turn out to be a whore, or steal your heart and spend it on nice shoes, or she may be the best thing that ever happened to you in your whole life. But you don’t go chasing her around because you know any of that. You just feel you have to do it. It was the same when you decided to fight for a living. You just liked it. When this war came around it also looked appealing to you. Of course, you may say you didn’t have much choice as a soldier but going to war. But you could indeed desert, or change your profession or do some other thing to get out of this if you didn’t like it. See… searching for happiness has its own way of guiding men, just not in a straight line. More in the way in which children play. Sometimes hesitantly, sometimes abruptly. Sometimes getting to the point, sometimes missing the point, yet other times forgetting about the point and changing directions. Believe me you wouldn’t be here next to this tent and fire and next to the enemy lines if you indeed liked to play a harp at home. None of us would.” The young man took a deep breath and said “I see…”. Then he looked to the ground emptily, pondering things in his head.

“You ain’t heard the end of the story though. There is a bit more.” “Yes?” “Yes. The ending is like this. There is no Rau and Rei. They never existed.” “What? What about the story, then?!…” “The story is true. It’s a good story you tell to someone to make them understand the world. Everything in it is true, except the history bit. There never were any gods like Rei and Rau to create this world. Telling you about them made it easy to understand how things are, though”. Wide smile. “Ok, it’s also funny to see you so disappointed. But there truly is no need for the whole story to be true for it to be useful. It’s like a ladder you climbed on and now no longer need to get down. You wouldn’t want to get dumber, would you? You can keep the understanding and scrap the story altogether now. You got your answer and forgetting the story isn’t going to take that away.” “Now take this to heart and make sure to tell this to your children when they ask what the point is. They’ll be smarter and you’ll have some fun just like me”. “All right. I will. And… thank you.” Father and son went to sleep after that and woke up in the morning to don their armour and take to the field of battle. They and their comrades fought valiantly and with great determination. At first it looked like they would win. But the Orin had so much fear of losing their beards that they had worked feverishly at a new war machine that surpassed all others. When they brought their newest invention on the battlefield, it shattered the ranks of the Akkadi army and our father and son, along with many, countless others were butchered mercilessly.

After that decisive military victory, the Orin made their triumphal entry into the capital of the Akkadi empire and began what they thought would be a swift process of assimilation. But their military men who were first called on to administer the conquered empire were corrupted by the Akkadi ways. They began to actually, secretly, work to preserve the culture they were supposed to suppress and replace. The corruption then spread to their wives and children, then to their close friends and slowly infiltrated all of the Orin society. By the time the Orin created a special institution to hunt down and jail these traitors there were already more traitors than innocent. They fought corruption hard, for appearances’ sake, with encouraging results and then the reformists came. They said that the Orin needed to change, to adapt to a newer larger empire they now ruled. They reinvented the Akkadi empire in its full glory, but pretended it was all made of their own fresh ideas. Thus, over fewer years than one would imagine, nothing was left of the Orin, but the name…