Using Body Language To Influence Others.docx

The 8 Aspects of Body Language Nearly all body language behaviours and non-verbal cues include one or more of eight primary elements. It is these elements alone or in combination, that communicate so powerfully to the people around you. Some might be quite familiar to you, while others might be a bit more surprising. Regardless, as you read through this article you are almost guaranteed to think of many examples of how each element appears in your own non-verbal communication patterns. The Eight Primary Elements of Body Language The eight primary elements of body language are commonly listed as follows: Face – Your face is a major source of expression when communicating with others. It can smile, frown, remain neutral, show anger, show disgust, indicate you want to speak, and show interest. Eyes – Your eyes are often the first piece of body language others see or notice. They can be used to make visual contact, avoid visual contact, express feelings based on intensity and length of eye contact, and the like. Posture – Your posture includes how you hold your head, shoulders, legs, arms, and hips. Each of these parts of your body work separately as well as together to send non-verbal cues. Examples include tilting your head, slumping your shoulders, turning your hips sideways, and the like.

Gestures – Your gestures can be related to verbal communication or unrelated to verbal communication. For instance, you might wave at another person as a way of saying ‘hello’, but you do not have to actually say the word out loud for the message to be clear. Or, you might use hand gestures to emphasise a key point during a speech or presentation; in this case, your gesture is related to the verbal communication. Voice – Your voice is used to verbalize language, but is an integral part of your non-verbal communication. For instance, your tone of voice, volume, emotion, pace, and the like, all influence the messages you send as part of your body language. Movement – Your movement, whether using your entire body or just part of your body, is both flexible and commanding. For instance, moving toward another person may send a message of dominance or assertiveness, while moving away from another person may send a message of avoidance, submission, or simply bringing the interaction to a close. Touch – This is one of the most powerful elements of body language. It is capable of communicating so many different messages, and can also be interpreted in so many different ways. Touch is usually divided into four main categories: friendship, professional, social, and intimacy.

Appearance – Your physical appearance includes clothing, neatness, body shape, and anything else that provides visual messages and cues to other people. For instance, you dress conservatively and formally for a funeral, but casually and informally for a backyard barbecue. As you can see, there are a huge number of variations that can be created within each element of body language, and even more that occur when you combine two or more elements. All of these elements connect together into body language in ways that are both conscious and unconscious. Learning about the key elements of body language and increasing your awareness of them will help you in all aspects of communication in all aspects of your life. Body language is an incredibly powerful tool for influencing other people in many different ways. Most of us use it to exert influence quite unconsciously most of the time but we also may use it quite deliberately at other times. The greater your awareness and understanding of body language and its uses, the greater responsibility you have to use that information in positive and appropriate ways.

The Influence of Body Language on Other People The list of ways to influence others with your body language is long, so there’s no way to examine the entire list within the context of this article. However, let’s look at some of the most common ways to influence others in your daily life. Dominating someone else – Dominant body language communicates to someone else your expectation that you are of a higher status or have more power. For instance, if you have a conversation with someone who is seated but you remain standing, you have the dominant position and can use it to influence the outcome of the conversation. Or, if you are disciplining a child you may use your height to lean over the child, gesture with your hands, lean in very close, or move your entire body close enough to get the child to lean or step back.

Seeking approval from someone else – You use body language quite extensively when seeking approval from someone else. For instance, if you want approval from your boss you will smile more often, nod your head in agreement, use deferential body positioning, and the like. If you want approval from a spouse or intimate partner, you’ll touch that person using your hand, shoulder, or body, and possibly tilt your chin down and to the side as you speak.

Teaching someone else – When you want to teach something to another person, you use body language in a couple of different ways. First, you demonstrate whatever it is you’re trying to teach. This might

take the form of showing the right body position on a bicycle, pointing in the direction you want the person to go or gesturing with your hands while giving a verbal explanation. Second, you use body language to encourage and praise the other person, such as a pat on the back, a touch on the shoulder, clapping your hands, smiling, and the like.

Telling someone else to leave you alone – This is a very powerful use of body language; you use it with strangers, friends, family, co-workers, and anybody else who is encroaching on you in some way. For example, if a co-worker is talking to you when you want to get back to work, your body language will signal an end to the conversation. You may take a step or two away, turn your body slightly away, break eye contact, etc. If the person is attempting a level of intimacy that makes you uncomfortable you may lean back, turn your head, or even physically push the person away from you. 10 Reasons Eye Contact Is Everything in Public Speaking When you're in front of an audience, strategic eye contact has the power to change how people think of you. Here's why: If there is one simple thing you can do to enhance your impact as a presenter, persuadeothers to see things as you see them, and make it more likely your audience will say yes to your idea, it is sustained, purposeful eye contact with one person at a time. All it takes to start reaping the rewards of assertive eye contact is a little practice every day. Are you willing and able to give it a try? You should be. In a study done last month in the journal Environment and Behavior, researchers at Cornell University manipulated the gaze of the cartoon rabbit on Trix cereal boxes and found that adult subjects were more likely to choose Trix over competing brands if the rabbit was looking at them rather than away. "Making eye contact even with a character on a cereal box inspires powerful feelings of connection," said Brian Wansink, a professor at Cornell's Dyson School of Applied Economics and Management. So, if you want to connect with your audience, look people in the eye, one at a time. Here are 10 reasons why presenters should look at people, one at a time, when addressing an audience of any size. 1. Focusing your eyes helps you concentrate. When your eyes wander, they take in random, extraneous images that are sent to your brain, slowing it down. 2. When you fail to make eye contact with your listeners, you look less authoritative, less believable, and less confident.

3. When you don't look people in the eye, they are less likely to look at you. And when they stop looking at you, they start thinking about something other than what you're saying, and when that happens, they stop listening. 4. When you look someone in the eye, he or she is more likely to look at you, more likely to listen to you, and more likely to buy you and your message. 5. When you look a person in the eye, you communicate confidence and belief in your point of view. One of the most powerful means of communicating confidence and conviction is sustained, focused eye contact. 6. Sustained, focused eye contact makes you feel more confident and act more assertively. It may feel weird at first, but when you practice, it becomes a habit that gives you power. 7. When your listeners see your eyes scanning their faces, they feel invited to engage with you. They feel encouraged to signal to you how they feel about what you're saying--with nods, frowns, or skeptical raisings of their eyebrows. 8. As a result, your listeners are transformed from passive receivers to active participants. Your monologue takes the form of a dialogue, albeit one in which you speak words while they speak with gestures and facial expressions. Your speech or presentation is suddenly a conversation. 9. However, to have a successful dialogue with your audience, you must respond to what your listeners are signaling. So, for instance, when you see skepticism, you might say, "I know it seems hard to believe, but I promise you, the investment makes sense. The data bears it out. " 10. Finally, when you look someone in the eye for three to five seconds, you will naturally slow down your speech, which will make you sound more presidential. In fact, you will find that you are able to pause, which is one practice that has helped President Obama become a powerful and effective orator. Looking into the eyes of others may make you feel as if you are staring at them, but you are not doing any such thing. You are simultaneously being assertive and empathetic, because you are asserting your opinion and then watching their faces to understand their response. With practice, you will master this important skill and turn it into a behavior that will serve you well in all areas of your life. The Importance of Eye Contact and How to Improve It 0 BY STEVE MUELLER LAST EDIT: OCTOBER 20TH, 2016 CONSCIOUS LIVING Making good eye contact is an art that is difficult to master. In fact, keeping a well-balanced ratio of eye contact is astonishingly difficult. On the one hand, eye contact that is too intense can quickly come across as an overly dominant stare. On the other hand, however, not being able to maintain eye contact may be perceived as disinterest, disrespectful, or even social anxiety. If you seek to improve your

communication skills, mastering eye contact is one important area to address. By learning the fine art of eye contact, you will not only leave a better impression during discussions but you will also find that it helps you to present your ideas more convincingly. In the following, you will discover why eye contact is so important and how you can improve eye contact.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who did not at all look you in the eyes when they were talking? It somehow feels a little awkward and irritating when someone does not at all look at you when they are speaking. In fact, it often feels as if they are talking to someone else because they never look at you.

As any speaker will tell you, when you address a large number of people from a stage, you try to make eye contact with people in the audience to communicate that you’re accessible and interested in them. Simon Mainwaring

It is important to note, however, that there are certain gender differences when it comes to eye contact. It is very common that men do not look at their counterparts as often as women do when they are speaking. Maintaining a high level of eye contact simply does not feel too natural when we men are speaking. Instead, keeping the eyes unfocused every now and then while speaking may often help us to better focus on the arguments we want to convey. At the same time, it helps us to collect our thoughts.

Eye contact Eye contact is a fine art but it can be mastered.

However, just because eye contact does not come naturally to many of us, does not mean it should be neglected. In fact, it is an important skill to develop. Maintaining a balanced level of eye contact will help you to build trust with those you’re speaking to. At the same time, by keeping eye contact you will be perceived as a better listener and in many cases also as someone who engages the audience in a more skillful way. Even further, keeping a higher level of eye contact during a conversation can greatly help you to be regarded as more qualified, attractive, competent, trustworthy, and confident.

The importance of eye contact and how to improve eye contact Let’s begin by having a quick look at the reasons why eye contact is so important. The importance of eye contact Excellent communicators regard their eye contact skills as an important asset. But why is it that the ability to maintain eye contact is so highly regarded? Why do so many people seem to pay more attention to what the eyes of a person say than listening to what the person expresses with their words? In general, by maintaining a healthy but confident level of eye contact during an interaction, you can greatly improve the quality of that conversation. Not only will the person you’re speaking to feel a greater level of connection with you but they will also consider you as a more competent and trustworthy individual. In this sense, the way you make eye contact with other people can greatly influence the outcome of these interactions. If you are unable to maintain even the slightest level of eye contact, the results of your interactions may possibly suffer from it. At the same time, if you skillfully manage to maintain eye contact – without staring aggressively – you will most likely be more successful in conveying your ideas. A) Eye contact signals attention If you’ve ever spoken to someone who did not at all look at you while you were speaking, you know how irritating it feels like. It clearly signals you that the other person is not at all interested in you and what you have to say. In short, speaking to someone who does not look at you feels like you’re talking to a wall. Maintaining eye contact whenever people speak does not only signal that you’re paying attention to what they say but also that you are interested in what they have to say. By looking at others when they speak, they become your full center of attention. It will show your counterpart that you respect them and that you are interested in what they say. Doing so will simultaneously make them respect and appreciate you a lot more. B) Eye contact conveys confidence and trustworthiness Admittedly, it takes confidence to maintain eye contact with the person you’re speaking to. This is especially true when you are giving a presentation. In most situations, the temptation to let your eyes wander around is quite appealing. By maintaining eye contact, others will be more likely to perceive you as a competent and trustworthy person. Everyone around you knows just as much as you do how difficult it can be to maintain a high level of eye contact. That’s the reason why others will greatly appreciate it when you are able to keep the eye contact when you speak. At the same time, others will be more likely to perceive you as someone who is convicted of what you say and will feel that you believe in your ideas.

C) Eye contact helps you to create a bond with others Maintaining eye contact, no matter if you speak or listen, helps you to better connect with others. It will signal them that you are open and that you have nothing to hide – or at least that you are speaking the truth. Doing so will help you to establish trust with other people, which helps you to quickly form a bond with them. D) Eye contact engages others When you do not look others in the eyes when you speak, it can come across as if you are having a monologue. Your counterparts will feel as if you’re not interested in having a real dialogue with them. You can avoid all this by maintaining eye contact when you speak. Doing so invites your listeners to actively participate in the discussion. The eye contact you maintain with them will also encourage other people’s nonverbal feedback about that which you’re saying. In short, keeping eye contact will encourage your listeners to become active participants in the conversation. E) Eye contact makes you more confident As astonishingly as it sounds, keeping eye contact when you speak will make you feel more confident about yourself. At the same time, the way you behave and speak will become more assertive and convincing. Naturally, becoming more confident by looking others in the eyes is not something that happens immediately. In the beginning, keeping a higher level of eye contact will feel a bit awkward. But as soon as you are getting used to it, you will become less nervous, which in turn allows you to be more confident. Another positive side-effect of maintaining eye contact when you speak is that it will slow your speech down in a natural way. Instead of hastily trying to get your voice heard, you will speak slower, leading others to perceive you as more skilled, experienced, or authoritative. How to improve eye contact The good thing about eye contact is that it can be learned just like any other skill. If you feel that you are struggling to maintain eye contact in conversations – especially when you’re talking – the following will be of great help to you. Admittedly, it takes a little practice to be able to confidently hold eye contact with someone you’re speaking to. But if you are willing to practice and strengthen your eye contact skills regularly, you will be able to see encouraging improvements in your day-to-day life. Improving your eye contact skills is not even difficult. In fact, you can affect positive changes quite easily in a relatively short time. 1. Maintain the right balance

Balance is of great importance when it comes to eye contact. Effective eye contact is curious, appropriate and balanced. When you overdo it, it’s perceived as aggressive and/or overly dominant. If you stare at people when they speak, you can make them quite uncomfortable.

Always ask yourself what kind of eye contact is appropriate in the particular situation you are confronted with. You don’t want to hold too much eye contact as this can look pretty creepy. As general rules of thumb, consider these eye contact guidelines: When you’re listening: maintain eye contact 2/3 of the time When you’re talking: maintain eye contact 1/3 of the time In general, a higher level of eye contact is greatly wanted and appreciated when other people are speaking to you. It shows them that you’re respectfully keeping attention and that you are interested in what they have to say. At the same time, you want to avoid staring too intensively at them while they speak. Instead of continuously staring them in the eyes, allow your sight to move away every once in a while. Show them that you are reflecting or thinking about what they are saying by shortly looking away and by giving nonverbal cues. Doing so will help you to avoid making your counterpart feel uncomfortable and shows them that you’re not just listening but also thinking about what is being said. The situation is different when you speak. You can take eye contact pauses while speaking in order to collect your thoughts. This is acceptable as long as you don’t exaggerate. Staring too intensively in the eyes of a listener may come across as somehow irritating, e.g. as if you are talking down to them. 2. Learn to overcome fear and nervousness It’s quite natural to feel uncomfortable when you’re not used to keeping a high level of eye contact when you speak. This is nothing to be ashamed about. The good news is that you can learn to overcome nervousness and discomfort when looking others in the eyes. The key to overcoming these awkward sensations lies in diligent practice. Gradually increasing the amount of eye contact you keep while speaking will help you to slowly but surely adapt to the unfamiliar experience. In this sense, you are progressively desensitizing yourself to the way it feels when maintaining a higher level of eye contact.

By taking one step at a time, or rather one look after another, you will quickly increase the duration of eye contact that is comfortable to you. In the beginning, you may want to increase the duration of eye contact from one second to two seconds to three and so on. Keep in mind that you don’t have to accomplish this gradual desensitization in a week or so. Take yourself time and progress at a pace that

feels natural. All that matters is that you make a conscious effort to gradually increase the duration of eye contact. 3. Focus on one eye Have you ever talked to a person who repeatedly shifted their attention from one of your eyes to the other every second or so? It somehow felt a little awkward, didn’t it? In fact, it can be quite irritating if someone is not focusing on one of your eyes but is instead actively switching from one eye to the other. Needless to say, it is quite uncomfortable to maintain eye contact with someone who appears to be watching a tennis match on your face. It somehow creates a hectic atmosphere and is not at all comforting. When you’re looking at someone, pick one eye and keep looking at it without switching between the eyes. You can feel free to switch eyes every once in a while – just make sure that it is not done too frequently. Similarly, don’t try to compensate for the fact that you can never look at both eyes of a person by staring at the bridge of a person’s nose. If the people you are talking to are sitting close to you, they will quickly realize that you’re not looking them in the eyes. 4. Maintain the right duration of eye contact Always make sure that you are not staring at the other person. You certainly don’t want to overdo it. More eye contact is not always better. In fact, it can be quite creepy to talk to someone who does not even once look away from you. It’s even more unnatural to listen to someone who maintains eye contact the entire time they are speaking. When it comes to the right duration of eye contact, try to maintain a healthy balance. Keep the eye contact for about 5 to 10 seconds. After that, look away shortly to gather your thoughts or to think about what was being said and reestablish the eye contact again.

It’s all about finding a natural balance between maintaining eye contact and looking away shortly. At the same time, the duration of your eye contact also greatly depends on the situation you’re confronted with. 5. Practice, practice, practice As already mentioned, you can make quick improvements by practicing regularly and by gradually increasing your level of eye contact. Some excellent people you can practice with are your family members and your friends. These are the people who won’t mind if you struggle a little bit here and there when you’re speaking while simultaneously maintaining eye contact. All it takes is practice and the conscious effort to keep looking at other people’s eyes when you speak. You will surely fall back into old patterns every once in a while. For this reason, try to pay close attention

to your eye movements as you speak. When you notice that your eyes have been scanning the environment for far too long, simply refocus them in order to reestablish the eye contact. 6. Break eye contact to the side Avoid situations in which you look down when breaking the eye contact. This signals submission, guilt, disagreement, lower status or even shame. At the same time, breaking eye contact by looking up may be perceived as a sign of dominance or boredom. That’s also something to be avoided. Break your eye contact by looking sideways in order to avoid these negative nonverbal signals. 7. Practice in front of a mirror An excellent way to train your ability to maintain a high level of eye contact when you speak is to practice in front of a mirror. It can be a fantastic exercise by means of which you become quickly accustomed to looking other people right in the eyes when speaking. At the same time, you can practice in a comfortable atmosphere without any pressure. In this sense, practicing in front of a mirror is perhaps the most effective technique to accelerate your eye contact skills. 8. Practice by watching news anchors Another helpful method to practice your eye contact skills is to use news anchors on the TV as your practice partners. Doing so helps you to practice your skill of maintaining eye contact when another person is speaking to you. It also gives you the opportunity to train your ability to maintain a healthy ratio between maintaining eye contact and looking shortly away. 9. Make use of little tricks In the beginning, you may feel quite uncomfortable during your attempts of trying to increase the duration of eye contact you keep with other people. But worry not, there are a couple of tricks you can make use of in order to overcome these initial difficulties. First and foremost, you don’t necessarily have to look another person right in the eyes. Especially if they are not right in front of you, you may find it quite helpful to look not directly in the eyes but somewhere nearby. In almost all cases, the other person won’t even realize that you are not looking straight into their eyes. This can greatly help you to be more confident when you speak. However, keep in mind that you want to find a spot that is really close by to their eyes. Otherwise, they will notice. Another helpful trick is to begin your practice exercises with your listening skills. It is by far easier to practice your eye contact skills while listening to another person. Once you feel pretty confident and comfortable with the level of eye contact you establish with others when listening to them, begin the rest of the training exercises. THE DOS AND DON’TS OF MAKING EYE CONTACT

Where do you look when someone is speaking to you? Into their eyes? At their mouth? Their hands? Behind them? We’ve all been told to look people in the eye. It’s a sign of respect. It shows you are paying attention. It connects the two of you. It is friendly, shows competence, projects honesty. It’s an essential skill that should be developed personally and encouraged and taught to our children. But along with the skill of actually looking someone in the eye, we need to be aware of when to look someone in the eye . . . and when to avoid making eye contact. A study published last week in Psychological Science suggests that sometimes it is better to look away like when you are in an argument, or when you are trying to convince someone of something they are skeptical of. In those cases, eye contact can feel confrontational and manipulative, and, the study shows, you’ll be less likely to change someone’s mind if you make eye contact during those times. In light of this news, let’s take a quick minute to review and re-evaluate some dos and don’ts of making eye contact. Do make eye contact when you want to project confidence and competence. Job interviews are a good time to keep your head up and your eyes engaged. Don’t look someone in the eye when you are challenging their opinions. They’ll be more resistant to change and, ironically, less likely to see things from your perspective. Do look your friends in the eye when they are spilling their stories. Eye contact in that situation can create intimacy and forge a stronger connection. It also demonstrates sincerity and genuine concern. Don’t make eye contact when arguing with those close to you. It can feel confrontational and elevate the tension in the emotional atmosphere. Focus on their mouth instead, or sit next to each other or at an angle rather than head-on. Do look someone in the eye if you want to be their friend. Making eye contact can show that you are warm and honest, that you are a likeable person who is willing to open up to them. Reader Approved How to Look People in the Eye Three Parts:Practicing in ConversationPracticing at HomeGiving the Right ImpressionCommunity Q&A

Making good eye contact is a surprisingly difficult yet essential part of good communication skills. If you want to improve your ability to look people in the eye, you can practice making eye contact on your own and in conversations to give the right impression. Doing so can make you a better listener, make you a more effective speaker, and help you to cultivate a more convincing presence.

Part 1 Practicing in Conversation Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 1 1 Try and relax as much as possible. As with anything else, the more you think about what you're doing, the more self-conscious you'll become and the more awkward you'll feel. Your nervousness can then be misinterpreted as dishonesty, and you'll lose ground on the good progress you've made. Typically, making eye contact is more difficult as the person you're talking to is more authoritative or intimidating. Unfortunately, these are also typically the times you'll need to show confidence in order to gain the full attention of your audience, making it more important than ever to relax. If you're going into an important conference or interview, do some breathing exercises beforehand to get your heart rate to slow and let the oxygen relax you. A few big, full, deep breaths can do a lot to calm you down. Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 2 2 Focus on one eye. It's actually physically somewhat difficult to keep your eyes locked on both of another person's eyes. It's more common to actually focus on one, or on a spot on the face, rather than trying to look at both eyes at once. If it helps, try moving back and forth between the two eyes, rather than staying focused on one. Keep focused on one for 10 seconds or so, then switch to the other. Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 3 3 Find a nearby spot to fix your gaze. Looking at the bridge of the nose, an eyebrow, or just below the eyes will give the illusion of eye contact, without the intimidation of making actual eye contact. The other person won't be able to tell the difference, and you'll be able to focus on more important listening skills to be a good conversationalist.

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 4 4 Break your gaze to nod, or make other gestures while listening. You need to break your gaze every now and then, and it helps to be making another gesture when you do, rather than just looking away because you feel uncomfortable. It's good to break eye contact when you're laughing, or to nod and smile. This looks natural and comfortable, as well as providing you a needed break if necessary. Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 5 5 Try to keep your eyes focused while you talk as well as listen. It's one thing to look while you're listening, but it's much more difficult to keep eye contact while you're also trying to think of things to say. Don't be afraid if you have to break your gaze occasionally, but try to keep your face and eyes forward and up as you're talking. Looking up when you're talking is sometimes thought to suggest that you're lying, while looking down is sometimes thought to signify confusion on your part. For this reason, it's usually best to look straight ahead, even if you're feeling uncomfortable and can't keep your eyes making contact. Look at the other person's ear, or chin, or anywhere but up or down.

Score 0/3 Part 1 Quiz

Why should you break your gaze every once in a while during a conversation?

To rest your eyes.

It looks more natural.

So you can nod and smile.

It makes you seem more relaxed. Report problem with this question Part 2 Practicing at Home Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 6 1 Use practice sessions to remind yourself to make eye contact. A big part of making eye-contact is just remembering that you're supposed to. If your natural inclination is to stare down at your shoes, try to practice when you're alone to realign your natural response to gaze down by focusing your eyes on faces. This can be done on television, in the mirror, or in a variety of other ways. Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 7 2 Practice on the television. One of the most readily available ways of practicing your eye-contact is to do it when you're alone, watching television. Focus on making eye contact with the characters on the screen and practicing the same skills to transfer them to your real-life conversations. Obviously eye-contact with faces on television will feel very different than making eye contact with real people. The point of the exercise is to practice the skill, not to approximate the feeling. Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 8 3 Try watching video blogs. If you don't have a television, try looking up YouTube vlogs and other videos in which people make eye-contact with the screen. This can make the eye-contact feel a lot more real. These videos are widely available and free, and are actually somewhat better at approximating what it's like to make eye contact during a conversation. Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 9 4 Try video chatting. If you have a close friend who you enjoy talking to, try using Skype or use another type of video chat to practice your eye contact. This is usually somewhat easier than in person, since you've got a computer screen between you.

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 10 5 Practice looking into your own eyes in the mirror. Again, it won't feel the same as making eye contact with another person, but you can practice training your eyes to drift toward the eyes you see back in the mirror, rather than deflecting them, if you practice looking at your gaze in the mirror. Just taking a few minutes before or after a shower can help you train yourself to make eye-contact, rather than avert your eyes.[1] Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 11 6 Learn to fake eye contact if you have a disability or condition that makes it hard. Autistic people, people with anxiety disorders, and others may find eye contact frightening or overwhelming. Don't sacrifice your ability to have a pleasant conversation. Look at an area near their eyes, such as their nose, mouth, or chin. If they notice that you aren't making eye contact (which is unlikely), say something like "Eye contact is difficult for me. I find that I can listen to you better if I don't have to look directly into your eyes." Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 12 7 Take it slow. You don't have to transition from feeling awkward and as if you've got shifty eye contact to suddenly drilling eye-lasers into the people you're having conversation lists. In fact, this can actually be somewhat disconcerting. You're probably already making some degree of eye-contact, but if it's something that you're trying to work on, take it slowly. If you make one extra effort to lock eyes during a conversation each day, call it a success. You don't have to sit through extra-long conversations made up entirely of locked eyes to feel like you're making progress.[2] Score 0/3 Part 2 Quiz

How can you practice making eye contact at home?

Look at your eyes in the mirror for an hour a day.

Practice not breaking eye contact with characters on TV.

Watch a variety of video blogs. Report problem with this question Part 3 Giving the Right Impression Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 13 1 Practice other good listening skills. During the conversation, if you focus completely on what that person is saying, you can worry less about making eye contact correctly. Nodding, repeating important bits of information, using open body language, and other active listening skills are just as important to a conversation, if not more so, than good eye contact. To listen actively, it's important that you: Sit forward in your chair Nod along Listen closely and repeat important information Process what's being said Don't just wait for your turn to speak Respond accurately to what is said Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 14 2 Find a happy medium. When you are listening, you should have eye contact for 80% of the time and the other part should be short breaks and a little head movement to say without saying that you are listening. Be calm and don't over think it to keep things as natural as possible.

Avoid staring. Eye contact is good, but a dead-eyed, laser-locked gaze is just creepy. Stay relaxed and don't stare. Remind yourself that you are hoping to have a pleasant conversation with this person, and there will be no need to be anxious or worried. Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 15 3 Show eye magnetism. Try not to look away instantly when something else calls for your attention. If somebody calls you, don't look away as if you just got rescued from a boring conversation. Instead, slightly hesitate before looking at your caller. Looking away then quickly looking back is also a good idea. Remember though, important disruptions such as dangerous or priority interruptions warrant instant attention. Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 16 4 Smile with your eyes. Keep your eyebrows relaxed, or your eye contact can look suspicious or intimidating, even if you're doing a good job remembering it. Try to keep your eyes open as much as possible, avoiding a squint, which can communicate that you dislike what the other person is saying, or a furrowed brow, which can communicate anger.. Go to the mirror and look at your eyes while you smile, and while you frown, or grimace. See the difference in what your eyes do? Practice keeping your eyes like you're smiling, even if you're not. Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 17 5 Always make eye contact in job interviews. Eye contact and good listening is especially important when you are at a job interview, but also any time you want to communicate attentiveness and respect. Potential employers might think that you're hiding something or you're not confident if you struggle to make eye contact, which can hurt your chances. Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 18 6 Make eye contact on dates. Eye contact communicates interest and respect, two things that you want to make sure you establish on any good date. When you're out with someone you're interested in, try making eye contact as much as possible. Windows to the soul. Making eye contact can also be a great way of judging your partner's interest, but don't jump to conclusions. If you see your partner struggling to keep eye contact, it might be because they can't wait to go home, or because they're just as nervous as you.

Image titled Look People in the Eye Step 19 7 Make eye contact when you want to prove a point. If you're having an argument or other heated discussion, it can be tempting to want to avert your eyes. This communicates a lack of confidence, or a deferral to the person you're having the conversation with, which is something you hope to avoid. If you're in any kind of disagreement, locking eyes is an assertive gesture that helps you to communicate the confidence that what you say is true.[3] If someone is trying to intimidate you, they want you to look away. Frustrate them by refusing. Stare right back. Expert Reviewed How to Improve Your Posture Four Methods:Improving Your Standing and Walking PostureImproving Your Sitting PostureMaintaining Good Posture While SleepingUsing Exercise to Improve Your PostureCommunity Q&A

Though improving your posture is no easy feat, having good posture can help you look and feel better. If you find yourself slouching a lot, take steps to work on your posture in all parts of your life, from walking to sleeping. Though improvement takes time, you can use brain tricks to help you remember to correct your posture, as well as try out a few exercises to strengthen your muscles.

Method 1 Improving Your Standing and Walking Posture Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 1 1 Find your center by standing up straight and tall. Keep your chin level with the ground, your shoulders back, and your stomach in. Let your arms fall naturally at your sides.[1] Place your feet about shoulder-width apart, the same stance you would use for working out.

Imagine a string holding you up. As you stand tall, imagine a string is coming from the ceiling, pulling you upwards. Keep your lower back inline, and don't move to your tiptoes.[2] Visualization techniques like this one can guide your sense of the proper position you should be in. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 2 2 Use a wall to teach yourself correct posture. Stand with your back against a door or wall. Just touch the wall with the back of your head, your shoulders, and your butt. Your heels should be 2 to 4 inches (5.1 to 10.2 cm) away from the wall. Slide your hand behind your back to check for space.[3] You should be able to slide your hand behind your back but only by a little bit. If you have more space than that, pull your bellybutton back towards your spine to help flatten your back a little. If you can't slide your hand behind your back, arch your back so that you can. Try to hold this position as you move away from the wall, rechecking as needed. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 3 3 Have someone tape an X on your back to help correct your posture. Make an "X" from your shoulders to your hips. Add a straight line of tape across your shoulders closing the top of the X. Wear this during the day to help retrain your back. This technique works really well if you hold your shoulders back before taping. Use a tape meant for skin, such as a medical tape. Instead of tape, you can buy a posture corrector online. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 4 4 Keep your weight on the balls of your feet. When you rest on your heels, your natural tendency will be to slouch. Instead, stand up straight, shifting your weight forward a bit.[4] Now rock back so that your weight is on your heels. Notice the way your entire body shifts into a "slouchy" posture with this single motion. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 5 5

Walk as if you have a book balanced on your head. Imagining a book on your head will help you keep your head up and your back straight. If you're having trouble imagining it, try a real book for a few minutes.[5] Have a good standing posture while moving. Walking with good posture is simply an extension of standing with good posture. Keep your head up, shoulders back, chest out, and eyes looking straight ahead while you walk. Avoid pushing your head forward. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 6 6 Pick supportive footwear for standing and walking. Choose shoes that have ample padding to help you hold yourself upright. In addition, make sure they have good arch support. Good posture starts with your feet.[6] Avoid shoes with high heels, as they can change your body's alignment. If you're standing for long periods, add padding to the floor for additional comfort.

Method 2 Improving Your Sitting Posture Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 7 1 Make sure your back is at a right angle to your thighs. Maintain your thighs at a right angle to your calves. Keep your shoulders straight and squared, your head upright, and your neck, back, and heels aligned.[7] Align your back with the back of the office chair. This will help you avoid slouching or leaning forward, which you may find yourself doing after sitting too long at your desk. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 8 2 Check your posture by sitting on your hands. Put your hands under your sit bones while you are sitting on the floor. Make sure that your palms are facing down. Adjust your position until you can feel the weight centered on each of your palms. This is your optimal seated position.

Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 9 3 Adjust your legs and keep your feet flat while sitting. Your feet should be flat on the floor, facing forward. Don't cross your legs or ankles. Make your thighs parallel to the floor.[8] If your feet don't touch the floor, use a footrest. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 10 4 Find a supportive chair to help you maintain good posture. Use a chair that's ergonomically designed for proper support, meaning it supports all of your back, even the curve at the bottom. Also, make sure it's designed for your height and weight.[9] If you can't get a new ergonomic chair option, try using a small pillow for lumbar support in the small of your back. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 11 5 Adjust your computer monitor to help with your posture. If you work on computers at an office, angle the monitor slightly upward so that it forces you to sit up. However, don't set it so high that you push your chin out to see it.[10] You may need to move your chair up or down if you can't angle the monitor properly. Adjust your chair and your position so that your arms are flexed, not straight out. Aim for roughly a 75to 90-degree angle at the elbows. If they are too straight, you're too far back, and if they are more than 90 degrees, you're either sitting too close or you're slouching. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 12 6 Make adjustments to your seat to maintain good posture while driving. Adjust your seat to maintain a proper distance from the pedals and steering wheel. If you're leaning forward, pointing your toes, or reaching for the wheel, you're too far away. If you are bunched up with your chin on top of the steering wheel, you're too close.[11] Use lumbar support for the curve of your back when possible. Adjust the head rest so the middle of your head rests against it. Your head shouldn't be more than 4 inches (10 cm) away from the headrest while driving. Keep your back against the seat and your head against the head rest. Your knees should be at the same level as your hips or slightly above.

Good posture is also important for safety in the car. Your car's protective systems protect you best when you are sitting properly in the seat. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 13 7 Take standing breaks when you're sitting for long periods. Even if you're using perfect posture while sitting, you need to stand up and stretch or walk every hour or so. Just walking around the room or getting out of your car for a few minutes can help.[12] If you tend to get engrossed in your work, set an alarm to remind yourself to take a break. In addition, these breaks are also good for your health as your body needs movement throughout the day. Method 3 Maintaining Good Posture While Sleeping Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 14 1 Provide support for your back with pillows while sleeping. No matter whether you sleep on your back, stomach, or side, adding pillows can help provide support. Basically, you want to add a pillow anywhere there's a space between your body and the mattress.[13] For instance, if you sleep on your stomach, which is the worst position for your back and posture, place a flat pillow under your stomach to provide support. Choose a flat pillow or no pillow for your head. If you sleep on your back, place a small pillow behind your knees, and choose a supportive pillow for your head. If you sleep on your side, place a pillow between your knees and pull them up towards your chest. Pick a pillow for your head that keeps your spine straight, or use a full body pillow. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 15 2 Turn your body as 1 unit when laying down. Avoid turning at your waist while you are in bed. Instead, keep your back straight and your stomach muscles tight, and turn your whole body when you want to reposition yourself. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 16

3 Sleep with good posture by choosing a comfortable mattress. While you may have heard that one mattress or another is best for a healthy back, the truth is whatever works for you is best. Choose one that lets you rest comfortably and wake up pain free.[14]

Remember to replace your mattress every decade or so. If your mattress isn't providing the support you need, add a board between the box springs and mattress, which should keep it from sagging.[15] Method 4 Using Exercise to Improve Your Posture Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 17 1 Improve your core muscles with deep abdominal stretching. Lie on your back, with your legs bent to about 90 degrees at the knee and your feet on the floor. Pull your bellybutton up towards your chest and hold it for 10 seconds.[16] Your core muscles are essential to support your posture, so the more you can work them, the better your posture will be. Repeat 8 times, and practice it daily. Breathe normally during this exercise, as you are training your core to be able to maintain this position during normal activities in daily life. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 18 2 Do a shoulder blade squeeze. While sitting in a chair, sit up straight and squeeze your shoulder blades together. Hold for a count of 5, and then release. Repeat this 3 or 4 times daily.[17] Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 19 3 Train your muscles for better posture with strength training. Exercises that strengthen the muscles across your upper back and shoulders help you maintain good posture. Try the following strength exercise, with or without hand weights:

Start by squaring your posture. Extend both arms straight out in front of you with your palms up. Bend your forearms toward your shoulders, trying to touch your shoulder blades with your fingertips. Do 10 repetitions with both arms, then alternate 10 reps for each arm by itself. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 20 4 Pretend you're a penguin to stretch your shoulders. While you wait for a web page to load or the bread to toast, place your elbows at your side, and touch your shoulders with your hands, creating your "penguin wings." Keeping your hands on your shoulders and your ears aligned, raise both elbows (count 1, 2) and lower them back down (count 1, 2). Do as many reps as your wait allows. You'll be surprised how many stretches fit into 30 seconds. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 21 5 Use stretching for a sore neck or back. Tilt or stretch your head in all 4 directions over your shoulders (forward, back, left, right), and gently massage your neck. Avoid rolling your head in a circle, as it may cause further strain. For another exercise, get on your hands and knees. Curl your back upwards, like a cat, and then do the opposite, dropping your stomach down and curling your back downwards. Repeat the exercises a few times each day. Doing them in the morning helps your body stretch out the muscle lethargy from sleep. Doing periodically throughout the day will help to raise your energy level. Image titled Improve Your Posture Step 22 6 Practice yoga to increase flexibility and help with posture. Yoga is excellent for posture and for your health in general. It can also improve your balance. Yoga works your core muscles, making them stronger and helping you to keep a proper body alignment. Yoga will also help by teaching you how to hold an erect posture while sitting, standing, and walking. Look for classes in your area, or scout YouTube for instructional videos. f you want to work on developing your communication skills, practice making eye contact and speaking slowly and clearly whenever you talk to someone. Try practicing in front of a mirror, and take breaks to look up words you don't know in a dictionary. You can also watch videos of public speakers and pay attention to how they animate their voice so they don't sound monotone. For more ways to improve your communication skills, like using hand gestures and body language, scroll down!

Did this summary help you?YesNo Part 1 Understanding the Basics of Communication Skills Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 1 1 Know what communication really is. Communication is the process of transferring signals/messages between a sender and a receiver through various methods (written words, nonverbal cues, spoken words). It is also the mechanism we use to establish and modify relationships. Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 2 2 Have courage to say what you think. Be confident in knowing that you can make worthwhile contributions to conversation. Take time each day to be aware of your opinions and feelings so you can adequately convey them to others. Individuals who are hesitant to speak because they do not feel their input would be worthwhile need not fear. What is important or worthwhile to one person may not be to another and may be more so to someone else. Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 3 3 Practice. Developing advanced communication skills begins with simple interactions. Communication skills can be practiced every day in settings that range from the social to the professional. New skills take time to refine, but each time you use your communication skills, you open yourself to opportunities and future partnerships.

Score 0/3 Part 1 Quiz

True or False: Communication only focuses on speech and talking.

True. Communication only focuses on conveying information through speaking.

False. Communication can also include written words and nonverbal cues. Report problem with this question Part 2 Engaging Your Audience Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 4 1 Make eye contact. Whether you are speaking or listening, looking into the eyes of the person with whom you are conversing can make the interaction more successful. Eye contact conveys interest and encourages your partner to be interested in you in return.

One technique to help with this is to consciously look into one of the listener’s eyes and then move to the other eye. Going back and forth between the two makes your eyes appear to sparkle. Another trick is to imagine a letter “T” on the listener’s face ,with the crossbar being an imaginary line across the eye brows and the vertical line coming down the center of the nose. Keep your eyes scanning that “T” zone. Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 5 2 Use gestures. These include gestures with your hands and face. Make your whole body talk. Use smaller gestures for individuals and small groups. The gestures should get larger as the group that one is addressing increases in size. Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 6 3 Don’t send mixed messages. Make your words, gestures, facial expressions and tone match. Disciplining someone while smiling sends a mixed message and is therefore ineffective. If you have to deliver a negative message, make your words, facial expressions, and tone match the message.

Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 7 4 Be aware of what your body is saying. Body language can say so much more than a mouthful of words. An open stance with arms relaxed at your sides tells anyone around you that you are approachable and open to hearing what they have to say. Arms crossed and shoulders hunched, on the other hand, suggest disinterest in conversation or unwillingness to communicate. Often, communication can be stopped before it starts by body language that tells people you don't want to talk. Appropriate posture and an approachable stance can make even difficult conversations flow more smoothly. Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 8 5 Manifest constructive attitudes and beliefs. The attitudes you bring to communication will have a huge impact on the way you compose yourself and interact with others. Choose to be honest, patient, optimistic, sincere, respectful, and accepting of others. Be sensitive to other people's feelings, and believe in others' competence. Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 9 6 Develop effective listening skills: Not only should one be able to speak effectively, one must listen to the other person's words and engage in communication on what the other person is speaking about. Avoid the impulse to listen only for the end of their sentence so that you can blurt out the ideas or memories your mind while the other person is speaking. Score 0/3 Part 2 Quiz

Which of the following is true when it comes to engaging your audience?

Avoid eye contact, as this can be distracting.

Avoid using gestures, as they can be distracting.

Develop effective listening skills. Listen to the other person's replies, and discuss what he or she is talking about.

Don’t worry about being sensitive towards your audience; focus only on your beliefs, no matter how hurtful they may be. Report problem with this question Part 3 Using Your Words Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 10 1 Enunciate your words. Speak clearly and don’t mumble. If people are always asking you to repeat yourself, try to do a better job of articulating yourself in a better manner. Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 11 2 Pronounce your words correctly. People will judge your competency through your vocabulary. If you aren’t sure of how to say a word, don’t use it. Improve your vocabulary by reading new words in daily routine. Look in the dictionary to help you learn how to pronounce a new word. Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 12 3 Use the right words. If you’re not sure of the meaning of a word, don’t use it. Grab a dictionary and start a daily habit of learning one new word per day. Use it sometime in your conversations during the day. Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 13 4

Slow your speech down. People will perceive you as nervous and unsure of yourself if you talk fast. However, be careful not to slow down to the point where people begin to finish your sentences just to help you finish. Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 14 5 Develop your voice. A high or whiny voice is not perceived to be one of authority. In fact, a high and soft voice can make you sound like prey to an aggressive co-worker or make others not take you seriously. Begin doing exercises to lower the pitch of your voice. Try singing, but do it an octave lower on all your favorite songs. Practice this and, after a period of time, your voice will begin to lower. Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 15 6 Animate your voice. Avoid a monotone and use dynamics. Your pitch should raise and lower periodically. Radio DJ's are usually a good example of this. Image titled Develop Good Communication Skills Step 16 7 Use appropriate volume. Use a volume that is appropriate for the setting. Speak more softly when you are alone and close. Speak louder when you are speaking to larger groups or across larger spaces. Edit Article How to Communicate Effectively Six Parts:Creating the right environmentOrganizing your communicationsCommunicating with speechCommunicating with body languageCommunicating effectively in conflictConversation HelpCommunity Q&A

No matter your age, background, or experience, effective communication is a skill you can learn. The greatest leaders of all time are also fantastic communicators and orators. In fact, communications is one of the most popular college degrees today; people recognize the value of a truly efficient communicator. With a little self-confidence and knowledge of the basics, you'll be able to get your point across in no time.

Part 1 Creating the right environment Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 1 1 Choose the right time. As the saying states, there is a time and a place for everything, and communicating is no different. Avoid starting discussions about heavy topics in the late evening. Few people will be thrilled to be faced with sorting major issues like finances or long range scheduling when they are the most tired. Instead, deliver messages and conduct discussions about heavy topics in the mornings or afternoons when people are alert, available, and more likely to be able to respond with clarity. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 2 2 Facilitate an open, intimate conversation. Choose the right place, one that provides freedom for the communication to open, flower, and come to maturity. If you need to tell someone something that isn't going to sit well (such as news of a death or a breakup), don't do it in public, around colleagues, or near other people. Be respectful and mindful of the person by communicating to them in a private place. This will also provide space to open the dialog into a wider and a more involved mutual understanding and ensure that the two-way process is functioning properly. If you are presenting to a group of people, be sure to check the acoustics beforehand and practice projecting your voice clearly. Use a microphone if needed to ensure that your audience can hear you. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 3 3 Remove distractions. Turn off all electronics that could interrupt the conversation. If the phone rings, laugh it off the first time, then turn it off immediately and continue talking. Do not allow external distractions to act as crutches that sidetrack your concentration. They will distract both you and your listener, and will effectively kill the communication.

Part 2 Organizing your communications

Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 4 1 Organize and clarify ideas in your mind. This should be done before you attempt to communicate any ideas. If you are feeling passionate about a topic, your ideas may become garbled if you haven't already targeted some key points to stick to when communicating. Key points will act as anchors, bringing focus and clarity to your communication. A good rule of thumb is to choose three main points and keep your communication focused on those. That way, if the topic wanders off course, you will be able to return to one or more of these three key points without feeling flustered. Writing the points down, if appropriate, can also help. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 5 2 Be crystal clear. Make it clear what you're hoping to convey from the outset. For example, your purpose could be to inform others, obtain information, or initiate action. If people know in advance what you expect from the communication, things will go more smoothly. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 6 3 Stay on topic. Once you start to convey your three main points, make sure everything you're saying adds to the message you intend to communicate and strengthens it. If you have already thought through the issues and distilled the them to the essentials, it is likely that helpful pertinent phrases will stick in your mind. Do not be afraid to use these to underline your points. Even confident, well-known speakers reuse their key lines again and again for emphasis and reinforcement. Remember to keep the overall message clear and direct. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 7 4 Thank your listener(s). Thank the person or group for the time taken to listen and respond. No matter what the outcome of your communication, even if the response to your talk or discussion has been other than you had hoped, end it politely by properly respecting everyone's input and time. Part 3 Communicating with speech Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 8

1 Set the listener at ease. You want to do this before launching into your conversation or presentation. It can help sometimes to begin with a favorite anecdote. This helps the listener identify with you as someone who acts like them and has the same everyday concerns. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 9 2 Be articulate. It is important to deliver your message clearly and unambiguously so that the message comes across in a way that every listener can understand. Your words are remembered because people instantly understand what it is that you are saying. This requires delivering your words distinctly and using simpler words rather than more complex ones. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 10 3 Enunciate clearly. Speak at a volume level that is guaranteed to be heard and that doesn't come across as too quiet or disengaged. Take special care to properly enunciate key points so that you avoid any kind of misunderstanding. If mumbling is a defensive habit that you have fallen into due to fear of communicating, practice your message at home in front of the mirror. It is sometimes best to discuss what you want to communicate with those you feel comfortable with. This helps solidify the message in your own mind. Be aware that any practice or refinement of your wording will help you to build confidence. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 11 4 Be attentive when listening and ensure that your facial expressions reflect your interest. Listen actively. Remember that communication is a two-way street and that while you are talking, you are not learning. By actively listening, you will be able to gauge how much of your message is getting through to your listener(s) and whether or not it is being received correctly or needs to be tweaked. If your audience appears to be confused, it is often helpful to ask the listener(s) to reflect back some of what you have said, but in their own words. This can help you to identify and correct mistaken views of what you have intended to communicate. Validate people's feelings. This will encourage them to open up, and help them feel better if they're upset. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 12 5

Be vocally interesting. A monotone is not pleasing to the ear, so good communicators use vocal color to enhance communication. Norma Michael recommends[1] that you: Raise the pitch and volume of your voice when you transition from one topic or point to another. Increase your volume and slow the delivery whenever you raise a special point or are summing up. Speak briskly, but pause to emphasize keywords when requesting action. Part 4 Communicating with body language Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 13 1 Recognize people. Sure, you don't necessarily know the people in your audience or that new friend in your group, but they're nodding along with you and looking knowingly at you all the same. This means that they are connecting with you. So reward them with your acknowledgment! Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 14 2 Be clear and unambiguous with your body language, too. Use facial expressions consciously. Strive to reflect passion and generate listener empathy by using soft, gentle, aware facial expressions. Avoid negative facial expressions, such as frowns or raised eyebrows. What is or isn't negative depends on the context, particularly the cultural context, so be guided by your situation. Be quick to identify unexpected behavior that suggests a cross-culture collision, such as a clenched fist, a slouched posture, or even silence.[2] If you don't know the culture intimately, ask questions about the communication challenges you might face before you start to speak with (or to) people in an unfamiliar cultural context. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 15 3 Communicate eye-to-eye. Eye contact builds rapport, helps to convince people that you're trustworthy, and displays interest. During a conversation or presentation, it is important to look into the other person's eyes if possible and maintain contact for a reasonable amount of time. Take care not to overdo it.– Use just as much eye contact as feels natural, about 2-4 seconds at a time.[3]

Remember to take in all of your audience. If you're addressing a boardroom, look every member of the board in the eye. Neglecting any single person can easily be taken as a sign of offense and could lose you business, admission, success, or whatever it is you endeavor to achieve. If you're addressing an audience, pause and make eye contact with a member of audience for up to two seconds before breaking away and resuming your talk. This helps individual members of the audience feel personally valued. Be aware that eye contact is culturally ordained. In some cultures it is considered to be unsettling, or inappropriate. Ask about this in particular or do the research in advance. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 16 4 Use breathing and pauses to your advantage. There is power in pausing. Simon Reynolds says that pausing causes an audience to lean in and listen. It helps you to emphasize your points and allow the listener time to digest what has been said. It also helps to make your communication come across as more compelling and it makes your speech easier to absorb and become comfortable with.[4] Take a few deep breaths to steady yourself before you begin communicating. Get into the habit of solid, regular breathing during a conversation, This will help you to keep a steady, calm voice and will also keep you more relaxed. Use pauses to take a breather from what you are saying. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 17 5 Consider how your gestures come across. Use hand gestures carefully. Be conscious of what your hands are saying as you speak. Some hand gestures can be very effective in highlighting your points (open gestures), while others can be distracting or even offensive to some listeners, and tend to shut down the conversation or listening (closed gestures). It also helps to watch other speaker's hand gestures with an eye for how they come across to you. Emulate those you see that are effective and engaging. Notice that the most effective gestures are natural, slow, and emphatic. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 18 6 Keep a check on your other body signals. Be alert to your wandering eyes, your hands picking at fluff, your constant sniffling, shuffling, rocking, and the like. These small gestures add up and are all guaranteed to dampen the effectiveness of your message.

Have someone record your talk, then take the time to view your speech delivery in fast forward. Any repetitive gesture or unconscious habit will stand out like a sore thumb and will be somewhat comical. Once you have targeted such a behavior, it will be easier to modify your unintended body language and monitor its reappearance. Part 5 Communicating effectively in conflict Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 19 1 Place yourself on even ground. Do not stand or hover over the other person. This creates a power struggle and pushes the conflict to another level. If they are sitting, you should sit with them. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 20 2 Listen to the other party. Let them say how they feel. Wait until they are completely finished talking before beginning to speak yourself. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 21 3 Speak in a calm, level voice. Don't yell or make accusations about the other party or their actions. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 22 4 Let them know you have heard their point and understand their side. Take the time to make statements like, "If I understand correctly, you are saying,..." Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 23 5 Don't try to finish the argument at all costs. If the person walks out of the room, don't follow them. Allow them to do so and let them return when they are calmer and ready to talk. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 24 6

Don't try to get the last word in. Again, this could lead to a power struggle that escalates and never ends. Sometimes, you have to agree to disagree and move on. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 25 7 Use "I" messages. When you're phrasing your concerns, try to start your sentences with "I..." and state clearly how their actions make you feel. This will make the other person more receptive to your complaints and more empathetic. For instance, instead of saying "You're sloppy and it drives me crazy," try "I feel that different levels of messiness might be a problem for us. Clutter is something that seems to work its way into my mind and limit what I feel I can do. Frankly, messiness seems to unsettle me more than it probably should." Edit Article How to Communicate Effectively Six Parts:Creating the right environmentOrganizing your communicationsCommunicating with speechCommunicating with body languageCommunicating effectively in conflictConversation HelpCommunity Q&A

No matter your age, background, or experience, effective communication is a skill you can learn. The greatest leaders of all time are also fantastic communicators and orators. In fact, communications is one of the most popular college degrees today; people recognize the value of a truly efficient communicator. With a little self-confidence and knowledge of the basics, you'll be able to get your point across in no time.

Part 1 Creating the right environment Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 1 1 Choose the right time. As the saying states, there is a time and a place for everything, and communicating is no different.

Avoid starting discussions about heavy topics in the late evening. Few people will be thrilled to be faced with sorting major issues like finances or long range scheduling when they are the most tired. Instead, deliver messages and conduct discussions about heavy topics in the mornings or afternoons when people are alert, available, and more likely to be able to respond with clarity. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 2 2 Facilitate an open, intimate conversation. Choose the right place, one that provides freedom for the communication to open, flower, and come to maturity. If you need to tell someone something that isn't going to sit well (such as news of a death or a breakup), don't do it in public, around colleagues, or near other people. Be respectful and mindful of the person by communicating to them in a private place. This will also provide space to open the dialog into a wider and a more involved mutual understanding and ensure that the two-way process is functioning properly. If you are presenting to a group of people, be sure to check the acoustics beforehand and practice projecting your voice clearly. Use a microphone if needed to ensure that your audience can hear you. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 3 3 Remove distractions. Turn off all electronics that could interrupt the conversation. If the phone rings, laugh it off the first time, then turn it off immediately and continue talking. Do not allow external distractions to act as crutches that sidetrack your concentration. They will distract both you and your listener, and will effectively kill the communication.

Part 2 Organizing your communications Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 4 1 Organize and clarify ideas in your mind. This should be done before you attempt to communicate any ideas. If you are feeling passionate about a topic, your ideas may become garbled if you haven't already targeted some key points to stick to when communicating. Key points will act as anchors, bringing focus and clarity to your communication.

A good rule of thumb is to choose three main points and keep your communication focused on those. That way, if the topic wanders off course, you will be able to return to one or more of these three key points without feeling flustered. Writing the points down, if appropriate, can also help. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 5 2 Be crystal clear. Make it clear what you're hoping to convey from the outset. For example, your purpose could be to inform others, obtain information, or initiate action. If people know in advance what you expect from the communication, things will go more smoothly. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 6 3 Stay on topic. Once you start to convey your three main points, make sure everything you're saying adds to the message you intend to communicate and strengthens it. If you have already thought through the issues and distilled the them to the essentials, it is likely that helpful pertinent phrases will stick in your mind. Do not be afraid to use these to underline your points. Even confident, well-known speakers reuse their key lines again and again for emphasis and reinforcement. Remember to keep the overall message clear and direct. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 7 4 Thank your listener(s). Thank the person or group for the time taken to listen and respond. No matter what the outcome of your communication, even if the response to your talk or discussion has been other than you had hoped, end it politely by properly respecting everyone's input and time. Part 3 Communicating with speech Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 8 1 Set the listener at ease. You want to do this before launching into your conversation or presentation. It can help sometimes to begin with a favorite anecdote. This helps the listener identify with you as someone who acts like them and has the same everyday concerns. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 9 2

Be articulate. It is important to deliver your message clearly and unambiguously so that the message comes across in a way that every listener can understand. Your words are remembered because people instantly understand what it is that you are saying. This requires delivering your words distinctly and using simpler words rather than more complex ones. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 10 3 Enunciate clearly. Speak at a volume level that is guaranteed to be heard and that doesn't come across as too quiet or disengaged. Take special care to properly enunciate key points so that you avoid any kind of misunderstanding. If mumbling is a defensive habit that you have fallen into due to fear of communicating, practice your message at home in front of the mirror. It is sometimes best to discuss what you want to communicate with those you feel comfortable with. This helps solidify the message in your own mind. Be aware that any practice or refinement of your wording will help you to build confidence. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 11 4 Be attentive when listening and ensure that your facial expressions reflect your interest. Listen actively. Remember that communication is a two-way street and that while you are talking, you are not learning. By actively listening, you will be able to gauge how much of your message is getting through to your listener(s) and whether or not it is being received correctly or needs to be tweaked. If your audience appears to be confused, it is often helpful to ask the listener(s) to reflect back some of what you have said, but in their own words. This can help you to identify and correct mistaken views of what you have intended to communicate. Validate people's feelings. This will encourage them to open up, and help them feel better if they're upset. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 12 5 Be vocally interesting. A monotone is not pleasing to the ear, so good communicators use vocal color to enhance communication. Norma Michael recommends[1] that you: Raise the pitch and volume of your voice when you transition from one topic or point to another. Increase your volume and slow the delivery whenever you raise a special point or are summing up. Speak briskly, but pause to emphasize keywords when requesting action. Part

4 Communicating with body language Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 13 1 Recognize people. Sure, you don't necessarily know the people in your audience or that new friend in your group, but they're nodding along with you and looking knowingly at you all the same. This means that they are connecting with you. So reward them with your acknowledgment! Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 14 2 Be clear and unambiguous with your body language, too. Use facial expressions consciously. Strive to reflect passion and generate listener empathy by using soft, gentle, aware facial expressions. Avoid negative facial expressions, such as frowns or raised eyebrows. What is or isn't negative depends on the context, particularly the cultural context, so be guided by your situation. Be quick to identify unexpected behavior that suggests a cross-culture collision, such as a clenched fist, a slouched posture, or even silence.[2] If you don't know the culture intimately, ask questions about the communication challenges you might face before you start to speak with (or to) people in an unfamiliar cultural context. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 15 3 Communicate eye-to-eye. Eye contact builds rapport, helps to convince people that you're trustworthy, and displays interest. During a conversation or presentation, it is important to look into the other person's eyes if possible and maintain contact for a reasonable amount of time. Take care not to overdo it.– Use just as much eye contact as feels natural, about 2-4 seconds at a time.[3] Remember to take in all of your audience. If you're addressing a boardroom, look every member of the board in the eye. Neglecting any single person can easily be taken as a sign of offense and could lose you business, admission, success, or whatever it is you endeavor to achieve. If you're addressing an audience, pause and make eye contact with a member of audience for up to two seconds before breaking away and resuming your talk. This helps individual members of the audience feel personally valued. Be aware that eye contact is culturally ordained. In some cultures it is considered to be unsettling, or inappropriate. Ask about this in particular or do the research in advance. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 16

4 Use breathing and pauses to your advantage. There is power in pausing. Simon Reynolds says that pausing causes an audience to lean in and listen. It helps you to emphasize your points and allow the listener time to digest what has been said. It also helps to make your communication come across as more compelling and it makes your speech easier to absorb and become comfortable with.[4] Take a few deep breaths to steady yourself before you begin communicating. Get into the habit of solid, regular breathing during a conversation, This will help you to keep a steady, calm voice and will also keep you more relaxed. Use pauses to take a breather from what you are saying. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 17 5 Consider how your gestures come across. Use hand gestures carefully. Be conscious of what your hands are saying as you speak. Some hand gestures can be very effective in highlighting your points (open gestures), while others can be distracting or even offensive to some listeners, and tend to shut down the conversation or listening (closed gestures). It also helps to watch other speaker's hand gestures with an eye for how they come across to you. Emulate those you see that are effective and engaging. Notice that the most effective gestures are natural, slow, and emphatic. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 18 6 Keep a check on your other body signals. Be alert to your wandering eyes, your hands picking at fluff, your constant sniffling, shuffling, rocking, and the like. These small gestures add up and are all guaranteed to dampen the effectiveness of your message. Have someone record your talk, then take the time to view your speech delivery in fast forward. Any repetitive gesture or unconscious habit will stand out like a sore thumb and will be somewhat comical. Once you have targeted such a behavior, it will be easier to modify your unintended body language and monitor its reappearance. Part 5 Communicating effectively in conflict Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 19 1

Place yourself on even ground. Do not stand or hover over the other person. This creates a power struggle and pushes the conflict to another level. If they are sitting, you should sit with them. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 20 2 Listen to the other party. Let them say how they feel. Wait until they are completely finished talking before beginning to speak yourself. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 21 3 Speak in a calm, level voice. Don't yell or make accusations about the other party or their actions. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 22 4 Let them know you have heard their point and understand their side. Take the time to make statements like, "If I understand correctly, you are saying,..." Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 23 5 Don't try to finish the argument at all costs. If the person walks out of the room, don't follow them. Allow them to do so and let them return when they are calmer and ready to talk. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 24 6 Don't try to get the last word in. Again, this could lead to a power struggle that escalates and never ends. Sometimes, you have to agree to disagree and move on. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 25 7 Use "I" messages. When you're phrasing your concerns, try to start your sentences with "I..." and state clearly how their actions make you feel. This will make the other person more receptive to your complaints and more empathetic. For instance, instead of saying "You're sloppy and it drives me crazy," try "I feel that different levels of messiness might be a problem for us. Clutter is something that seems to work its way into my mind and limit what I feel I can do. Frankly, messiness seems to unsettle me more than it probably should."

Expert Reviewed How to Have Good Communication Skills Three Parts:Holding a ConversationManaging Nonverbal CommunicationLearning to Assert YourselfCommunity Q&A

Being able to communicate effectively with others is one of the most essential skills a person can have. From engaging with family and friends, sharing your ideas at work, or approaching a new romantic interest, communication is absolutely fundamental. If you feel like your communication skills fall short of your expectations, then there are some strategies you can use to improve them.

Part 1 Holding a Conversation Image titled Be More Family Oriented Step 5 1 Start a conversation with someone. Starting a conversation with someone can be the hardest part of communicating for some people, but it doesn’t have to be. There are some simple strategies you can use for starting a conversation with someone, even if you don’t know the person very well. Some things you might try include:[1] Remarking on the weather or some other aspect of your surroundings. Try to say something positive, such as “What a gorgeous fall day!” or “This is my favorite café!” or “There are so many people here! How exciting!” Pay the person a compliment. If you have a way to compliment the person on something, then this is also a good option. Try saying something like, “I love your dress! It is such a beautiful color!” or “I really enjoyed your presentation!” or “Your dog is so cute!” Ask a question. Asking a question is also a great way to get a conversation started. Try asking something like, “What did you think of the keynote speech?” or “What is your favorite thing to order here?” or “Do you know how to get to the art museum?” Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 12

2 Master the art of small talk. In order to become a good communicator, you must be a conversationalist at the most basic level. This means you need to have a plan to navigate surface-level interactions. Learn small talk by using the match, shift, and pass back formula.[2] Match the stride of what the other person is saying. For example, you’re standing in a long line and the person in front of you turns and says “I sure hope we aren’t waiting long. I need to pick my toddler up from daycare.” You can match the person by showing you’re listening and addressing what was said: “Oh, you have a toddler? Fun! I have two kids myself.” Shift the topic (or add more to the current topic) to keep the conversation moving in a productive direction. Let’s say the person says “Yes, my toddler is my only. She’s quite a handful.” You could respond with “I bet. Mine are older now, but I miss them at that age.” Or, you could say “My sister has a toddler. He’s in the repeating-everything-he-hears phase!” Pass back by inviting the person to keep the conversation going. You might add to either of the earlier statements. “I’m sure you have tons of adorable stories, huh?” Image titled Develop Critical Thinking Skills Step 5 3 Consider what topics are appropriate for the situation. In some cases, sticking with small talk and neutral topics might be best, but there are times when you may consider transitioning to a deeper conversation. Consider the situation to determine what kind of discussion and topics might be appropriate. For example, if you are at a work function talking with coworkers, then you might want to stick with work-related topics and small talk. If you are at a wedding, baby shower, or some other positive event, then you might want to avoid discussing anything too deep and serious, such as death or the afterlife. However, if you are at a funeral or having coffee with a close friend, then discussing death or the afterlife might be appropriate. You might also consider how well you know and trust the person you are talking to. Do you feel that the person will keep your information confidential? Do know whether or not the person will judge you? Image titled Recognize the Warning Signs of Suicide Step 4 4 Know how to transition small talk into a deeper conversation. Once you have gotten better at small talk, you want to progress to transforming a surface-level discussion into something more. If you are interested in the person and think the two of you are making a connection, you can go beyond the initial

introduction and surface-level discussion into something deeper. Key points to remember for going deeper in a conversation are:[3] Be willing to show vulnerability. “You know I was really nervous to come here tonight.” Engage in self-disclosure by using connections to something the other person shared. “I can relate to what you were saying about having to look after yourself. My parents died when I was very young” or “I get what you mean about life getting in the way of your goals. I had some problems performing at school last year that caused me to repeat some classes.” Ask open-ended questions that allow for detailed answers. “What brings you here tonight?” rather than “Are you having fun?” Maintain a two-way street by balancing how much you talk with how much you listen. Image titled Flirt With a Pretty Girl Step 5 5 Talk about things that interest the other party. If you want to become a better communicator, your focus has to be less on yourself and more on the people you’re speaking with. You wouldn’t want to go on all night about your hobbies and interests if the other parties don’t share them. Find connection points that allow you to get the other person talking.[4] People love to talk about themselves. Show interest in your conversation partner by asking an openended question, giving positive feedback, or complimenting the other person. For instance, say something like “You are really good at playing guitar. What got you interested?” Image titled Treat Your Girlfriend Step 3 6 Practice active listening. One of the most important skills used by great communicators is active listening. This means that you are not listening to prepare a response. Instead you are demonstrating that you hear what the other person is saying and making an effort to confirm that you understand the message before replying. The components of active listening include:[5] Making eye contact with the speaker to show you have his or her attention Smiling or making appropriate facial expressions depending on the message Turning your body towards the speaker Minimizing distractions Clarifying to be sure you understood (“Are you saying…?”)

Reflecting what was said by using emotion to verify that you understood correctly (“It sounds like you’re very upset by this situation.”) Providing feedback by sharing your thoughts or opinions on the message Image titled Get Along with People Who You Don't Like Step 11 7 End the conversation in a graceful manner. At some point the conversation will come to an end. This may be because of running out of things to discuss or simply because you need to move on with your day. To end a conversation gracefully, pay attention to the other person’s cues and then say something to officially close the conversation. Watch for cues that the conversation is over. Pay attention to the other person’s body language. If the person has gone silent and is looking around the room or starting to face away from you, then the conversation may be over. Say something to draw the conversation to a close before moving on. If the conversation seems to be over, then try saying something like, “I have to head out, but I enjoyed talking with you! Thanks for the pleasant conversation!”

Part 2 Managing Nonverbal Communication Image titled Live Life Step 11 1 Be aware of your body language. Communication goes beyond words to how you use different elements of your body to send a message. When you are trying to communicate with others, you must take both verbal and nonverbal factors into consideration to ensure that you get your message across.[6] In general, you want to convey open body language by orienting towards the person, keeping your arms and legs uncrossed, and making eye contact with the other person. Other things to consider would be making appropriate facial expressions and gestures to further get your message across. Space and touch can also be used to communicate. For instance, you may stand closer to a person with whom you have a more intimate relationship while you would provide ample space in business or professional settings. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 21

2 Use a tone of voice appropriate for the context. Your voice is also significant in conveying your message to others. Like the saying goes: It’s not what you say, but how you say it. Taking pauses to emphasize important points, changing your volume, and speaking faster or slower depending on the context, will all determine how you come across to listeners.[7] For example, you might use your voice to make sounds of understanding like “uh-huh” or to demonstrate contemplation like “hmm…” Image titled Die with Dignity Step 20 3 Consider individual differences and preferences. When there are differences in culture, race, religion, age, or gender between speakers, these variables must be taken under consideration to ensure communication is appropriate. Know in advance the standards and expectations of the parties you are speaking with to be respectful of group differences.[8] For example, in many cultures, it is proper for younger individuals to address senior members of a group as “sir” or “ma’am”. Keep in mind such group expectations and include these standards in your communication. Image titled Communicate Effectively Step 10 4 Read non-verbal communication. Just as you want to be mindful of your own nonverbal communication, it’s equally important to consider that of those you are speaking with. To become an effective communicator, watch for nonverbal signals as you talk with others. These may include:[9] Eye contact. If someone is interested, then they will usually make eye contact with you. Facial expressions. Is the person frowning? Smiling? Seemingly bored? These expressions can help your to determine how the person might be feeling. Posture. An interested person might face you and lean in towards you, whereas an uninterested person might face away from you or lean away from you. Part 3 Learning to Assert Yourself Image titled Develop Critical Thinking Skills Step 18 1

Have knowledge of your core needs and values. A major part of being assertive is knowing how to effectively express your needs and opinions. Nonetheless, you must first be aware of these to be able to share them with others. Gain insight into your values by making a list of your top priorities in life. This list may include examples like family, honesty, money, and recognition. Once you have made your list, rank the items from ‘most important’ to ‘least important’. Figure out your needs by thinking about what kinds of things motivate you to take positive action. At the same time, these things also have the power to cause frustration and stress if you are lacking them. Examples of needs might be belonging, control, and security among others.[10] After you have developed your core needs and values, you can use these to help you assert yourself. For example, if you value your education and a friend wants you to cut class to help her pick out a new outfit for her date, then you might assert yourself by saying something like, “No, I can’t help you with that. My education is important to me and I don’t want to miss class.” Image titled Enjoy Each Day Step 2 2 Gain the courage to say “no.” Being able to tell someone “no” is a very powerful factor in assertiveness, but also in confidence-building. It does not serve you to spend your life saying “yes” to every favor or expectation. This is passive behavior. Try these strategies to assert yourself and decline the requests of others.[11] Use body language to carry your message. Make eye contact, stand with your shoulders back and chin up, and speak loudly so that the other person can hear you. Develop a formula. For example, each time you want to say “no” you can start by saying how you would love to but the request does not suit you or conflicts with existing plans. “I would love to participate in the fundraiser but I have too many obligations right now.” Refrain from apologizing. You have an innate right as a person to say “no.” Do not feel pressed to apologize, because that sends the message that you are doing something wrong. Image titled Be Mature Step 14 3 State your opinions without attacking those of others. Be aware of what you think, feel, want, need, or prefer about various aspects of your life. When you know these things you automatically feel more confident communicating your opinions to others. To do this use “I” statements that allow you to express yourself without attacking anyone else.[12]

For instance, you might say “I really liked the movie. The main character was so cool to me.” Then, ask for the opinion of someone else and listen to it without interrupting or expressing disagreement. Image titled Be Mature Step 26 4 Accept compliments and criticism graciously. This may seem contrary to assertiveness, but it’s not. Assertive people understand that their ideas and opinions are just as important as everybody else’s. Also, they are aware that opinions are only opinions, not facts. Therefore, if someone shares feedback about you, you can have the inner confidence to accept it graciously without dismissing a compliment or becoming upset by criticism.[13] Image titled Be Mature Step 6 5 Use compromise sensibly. In most cases where two people disagree, there is some wiggle room. When you encounter a situation where your opinion or idea differs from someone else’s, try to find the common ground. Look for ways you can find mutual understanding.[14] For example, consider how much you care about the issue at hand. If you don’t care as much as the other person, it may be easier for you to bend to their side of things. Edit Article How to Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills Three Methods:Making an Effort to SocializeProjecting ConfidenceMaking ConnectionsCommunity Q&A

Human connection is important for everyone. Some people are highly motivated by this connection and want to be popular with many people. In order to achieve this, you will need to have good communication skills. You should learn to socialize, be confident in yourself, and connect with people effectively to be truly popular.

Method 1 Making an Effort to Socialize

Image titled Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills Step 1 1 Look approachable. When you are in public or at a social event, you want people to feel comfortable initiating a conversation with you. Avoid isolating yourself in the back of the room or staying on a cell phone the whole time. Instead, acknowledge the people around you by saying ‘hello’ or smiling when they notice you. You should also make an effort to keep your arms and legs uncrossed, as crossing them makes you look protective and unapproachable.[1] Image titled Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills Step 2 2 Be friendly. Simply being polite is not the same as socializing. You need to actively move the conversation forward. Engage others beyond just saying ‘hi’ or introducing yourself. Ask them questions about themselves and answer any questions they have about you.[2] For example, if you meet someone at a social event and exchange introductions, you could follow that introduction with a question like “So, what brings you here tonight?” Image titled Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills Step 3 3 Lighten the mood. When you are nervous, it is likely that the other person (or people) that you are talking to are just as nervous. You can ease the tension by using some light humor, or even pointing out that it’s uncomfortable. If you do tell a joke, make sure that it is a friendly, non-offensive joke.[3] For example, jokes that single out or make fun of a particular group of people or ideas is likely to offend someone around you. Image titled Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills Step 4 4 Practice regularly. The best way to get good at socializing is to practice. Start with close friends and family, and then slowly move outside your comfort zone. The more time you spend socializing with other people, the more confident you will become in your ability to do it well.[4] For example, start by socializing with your friends at school. Then, move to having a conversation with someone in the cafeteria that you don’t know that well. Finally, you could move to having a conversation with a stranger at something like a school basketball game.

Method

2 Projecting Confidence Image titled Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills Step 5 1 Keep good posture. Popularity is very dependent on your confidence level. If you have poor posture, it sends the message to others that you have low confidence. To fix this, stand or sit up straight and keep your arms and legs uncrossed. This will show that you are confident and approachable.[5] Being confident will show people that you like yourself. This makes them feel like they can trust you and that they will like you, too. Image titled Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills Step 6 2 Make eye contact. Another clear sign of confidence is the ability to maintain eye contact with another person. When you are speaking or listening to someone, look them in the eye. Avoid distractions like cell phones or other people walking by. If you are speaking to multiple people, make sure to make eye contact with each person.[6] For example, if you ask your teacher a question, make eye contact with them. If you are speaking in front of your class, make eye contact with each person before you are finished speaking. Image titled Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills Step 7 3 Speak clearly. To speak in a confident way, you will need to speak loud enough for anyone listening to hear you. A conversational tone is perfect if you are speaking to one person across the table, but if you are speaking to a crowd you will need to project your voice. Use concise sentences to get straight to your point and avoid filler words like “Um” and “Uh.”[7] An example of a concise sentence would be “I think that everyone should ski at least once.” Something like “Well, skiing is fun, but I don’t know if people really know that,” is not concise. Image titled Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills Step 8 4 Take care of appearance. To be confident, you need to feel comfortable in your own skin. Practice good hygiene habits such as regular bathing and brushing your teeth. Be sure that you dress appropriately for the occasion, as well. Being over or underdressed can cause you to feel uncomfortable around others.[8]

For example, you wouldn’t wear a suit and tie to a Superbowl party with friends (usually). You also wouldn’t wear a T-shirt to a wedding (usually). Method 3 Making Connections Image titled Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills Step 9 1 Listen to other people. When someone else is talking, you should be paying close attention. Focus on what they are saying and the meaning behind their words instead of thinking about what you want to say next. Maintain eye contact with the person, and give subtle gestures like leaning forward or raising your eyebrows to show that you are interested.[9] This is known as active listening. A key component is to listen more than you talk. Image titled Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills Step 10 2 Offer help. One good way to make connections with people is to help them. Making yourself available to someone else is a great way to bond with someone you don’t know. This is crucial to being popular, since you will need to expand your circle of friends quite a bit to reach such an elevated social status.[10] For example, you could offer to help a new friend clean up after their birthday party. You could also offer to help someone study or let them see your notes from a class. Image titled Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills Step 11 3 Ask for help. In addition to helping other people, you can bond by letting them help you. Avoid being needy or pushy, but ask someone you’ve met recently to help you with a small task. They will feel valued and appreciated by the request.[11] For example, you could ask a new acquaintance to help you move your desk around the room. Avoid asking for money. This can make people question your intentions. Image titled Become Popular by Using Good Communication Skills Step 12 4

Avoid spontaneous reactions. Connecting with other people requires thoughtful, considerate communication. This means that you should really think about what you are going to say to the other person, especially if you are upset for some reason. A spontaneous reaction to a comment or action by the other person could make them upset with you. It could also make other people feel like you are too quick to fly off the handle.[12] For example, if someone says something you find insulting, you should not immediately start screaming at them. Instead, take a deep breath and explain to them calmly why their comment was inappropriate. You might say something like “I think that you should consider how something like that might make other people feel. I was very uncomfortable with what you said.”