Tom Swifties.docx

-A"I'm wearing a ribbon round my arm," said Tom with abandon. "I'm concerned about the number of people not attending," said Tom absentmindedly. "I like modern painting," said Tom abstractly. "Now I have the tools to chop down that tree," said Tom with a heavy accent. "This salad dressing has too much vinegar," said Tom acidly. "There's room for one more," Tom admitted. "Here's your allowance for the next two weeks," Tom advanced. "I'd like to eat seventeen cakes," Tom agreed. "I'm halfway up a mountain," Tom alleged. "There's no need for silence," Tom allowed. "There seems to be at least one blood-sucking insect in every outhouse," said Tom aloofly. "It's a unit of electric current," said Tom amply. "These propulsion systems were used by NASA on moon rockets," said Tom apologetically. "I compliment the company that makes the Macintosh computer," said Tom applauding. "We can't have this and eat it too," said Tom archaically. "It's an actual parameter, not a formal parameter," was Tom's argument. "You have the right to remain silent," said Tom arrestingly. "Someday I'll run the CIA," said Tom aspiringly. "I've mailed the letter," Tom assented. "I decided which car to purchase after looking at the pictures," said Tom autobiographically. -B"This boat is leaking," said Tom balefully. "Give me a haircut," Tom said barbarously. "I've been listening to the Brandenburg Concertos," Tom barked. "This is the most common language used on micros," said Tom basically. "I'm losing my hair," Tom bawled. "Ouch! When I get stung, I want revenge," said Tom begrudgingly. "I'm sure we can fool them into thinking this is pollen," said Tom beguilingly. "I wonder why the hive's still empty," said Tom belatedly. "I have to keep this fire alight," Tom bellowed. "Why shouldn't I stir my coffee with a ballpoint pen?" Tom bickered. "These bit patterns will be more readable in groups of 8," said Tom bitingly. "I've only enough carpet for the hall and landing," said Tom with a blank stare. "..." said Tom blankly. "I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom bluntly. "This wind is awful," blustered Tom. "I think I'll use a different font," said Tom boldly. "Are you all governors?" Tom asked, bored. "I still haven't struck oil," said Tom boringly. "This is mutiny!" said Tom bountifully. "I presented my case to the judge," Tom said briefly. "This blood-sucking insect likes French cheese," said Tom briefly. "Use your own toothbrush!" Tom bristled. -C-

"Rowing hurts my hands," said Tom callously. "I have been reading Voltaire," Tom admitted candidly. "I've been to a film festival in Southern France," said Tom cannily. "I can't be bothered," said Tom carelessly. "I don't work here on a regular basis," said Tom casually. "Would you like some soda?" asked Tom caustically. "That's price-fixing!" said Tom caustically. "Have you seen my collection of ancient Chinese artifacts?" asked Tom charmingly. "It's twelve noon," Tom chimed in. "I've got to stop this motor," Tom choked. "Another plate of seafood for me!" Tom clamored. "We're off to Scotland," said Tom clandestinely. "Pretend we were in the days before railways," Tom coached. "Okay, you can switch on the electric chair now," said Tom conceitedly. "Don't add too much water," said Tom with great concentration. "The prisoner escaped down a rope," said Tom condescendingly. "The prisoners set up a company," the warden confirmed. "All right, I will allow the prisoners to wear perfume," the warden consented. "I wonder if there's a number between seven and nine," said Tom considerately. "Now, how can I trick Sidney?" Tom considered. "I have a delivery of shoes for the prisoners," said Tom consolingly. "Hey, what's it worth if I help you escape from prison?" asked Tom contemptuously. "The escaped prisoner is camping out in the woods," said Tom contentedly. "I'm mentioned in this book," said Tom contentedly. "Europe needs more self-restraint," said Tom continently. "I have writer's block," said Tom contritely. "I find you guilty," said the judge with conviction. "I'd like to be a Chinese labourer," said Tom coolly. "Those cobs are amazing!" said Tom cornily. "My friend and I steal things together," Tom corroborated. "I manufacture tabletops for shops," said Tom counterproductively. "Why is this telephone flex always tangled?" asked Tom coyly. "How do you start a model-T Ford without a battery?" asked Tom crankily. "I admire East End gangsters," said Tom crazily. "I dropped the toothpaste," said Tom, crestfallen. "I've struck oil!" said Tom crudely. "The situation is grave," Tom said cryptically. "Who discovered radium?" asked Tom curiously. "I wonder where the next character is going to appear," said Tom with a cursory glance. "I'm the butcher's assistant," said Tom cuttingly. -D"It's not fair!" said Tom darkly. "I can see the Greek woodland deity is no more," Tom said with a deadpan expression. "I wonder if I'd have better luck if I fished with a net," Tom debated. "I won't play for this team any longer," Tom decided. "I am removing the lining of my gloves," Tom deferred. "I can no longer hear anything," said Tom deftly.

"I didn't do well in the test," Tom said degradedly. "I have a BA in social work," said Tom with a degree of concern. "There must be a power cut," said Tom delightedly. "I will now demonstrate how to dissect a sheep," delivered Tom. "The censors took all the dirty bits out of my show," said Tom deludedly. "Don't let me drown in Egypt!" pleaded Tom, deep in denial. "Let me improvise this part," said Tom descriptively. "Congratulations; you graduated," said Tom diplomatically. "I was removed from office," said Tom disappointedly. "That certainly took the wind out of my sails!" said Tom disgustedly. "I have to wear this cast for another six weeks," said Tom disjointedly. "Dat's de end of April," said Tom in dismay. "Whenever I put on my scuba gear, I get pins and needles," said Tom divertingly. "I'm on social security," said Tom dolefully. "It's made the grass wet," said Tom after due consideration. "Aha! Here's someone who can't speak!" exclaimed Tom dumbfoundedly. -E"Now I can do some painting," said Tom easily. "The radio reception is much better now," said Tom ecstatically. "I'm shocked," said Tom electrically. "Emily has put on weight," said Tom emphatically. "I got in through the window after opening it with a crowbar," said Tom enterprisingly. "I just came in through the door," said Tom, entranced. "I'm going after that red fish," said Tom erringly. "I have no underwear," Tom said expansively. "I used to be a paratrooper," Tom explained. "Elvis is dead," said Tom expressly. "I used to command a battalion of German ants," said Tom exuberantly. -F"I'm trying to get some air circulating under the roof," said Tom fanatically. "There's a high charge for supporters travelling by coach," said Tom with considerable fanfare. "Ein, zwei, drei, fünf," said Tom fearlessly. "The policeman charged me twenty bucks for speeding," said Tom finally. "This steamroller is amazing," said Tom flatteringly. "I'm falling into a void," said Tom flawlessly. "I've joined the navy," Tom said fleetingly. "Watch this insect sail through the air," said Tom flippantly. "I have three houses, and I'm going to buy another," said Tom forebodingly. "I'm about to hit the golf ball," Tom forewarned. "I won't finish in fifth place," Tom held forth. "Ignore the first three turnings," directed Tom forthrightly. "I bought myself fifty hamburgers and I've only ten left," said Tom with fortitude. "I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank. "We have no oranges," Tom said fruitlessly. -G-

"That young insect is female," said Tom gallantly. "I was absolutely vitrified," said Tom with a glazed look. "Someone bumped into me while I was brushing my teeth," said Tom with a gleam in his eye. "This food tastes of plutonium," said Tom glowingly. "For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful," said Tom gracefully. "Would anyone like some Parmesan?" asked Tom gratingly. "Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess," Tom began grimly. "I've got sand in my dinner," said Tom grittily. "It's become much bigger," said Tom with a groan. "I can eat one hundred and forty-four," Tom boasted grossly. "This game is foul," Tom groused. "I'm a lot taller than I was yesterday," said Tom gruesomely. "You must be my host," Tom guessed. "It's just gold leaf," said Tom guiltily. "I like Germany," was Tom's gut reaction. -H"The doctor had to remove my left ventricle," said Tom half-heartedly. "I can't march any more!" the soldier called haltingly. "I've still got two fingers left," said Tom handsomely. "I only have diamonds, clubs and spades," said Tom heartlessly. "I've gained thirty pounds," said Tom heavily. "It's my maid's night off," said Tom helplessly. "I was the first to climb Mount Everest," said Tom hilariously. "Nay!" said Tom hoarsely. "I have to keep these eggs warm," Tom said honestly. "The doctor had to remove a bone from my arm," said Tom humorlessly. "I cut off the bottoms of my Levis so they won't drag on the ground," said Tom hygienically. "Boy, that's an ugly hippopotamus!" said Tom hypocritically. "Doctor, why do you have to remove my womb?" asked Mary hysterically. -I"I see," said Tom icily. "Pass the playing cards," said Tom ideally. "That is a sick bird," said Tom illegally. "There's nothing wrong with demons," Tom said implicitly. "This bird hasn't got a beak," said Tom impeccably. "I brush my teeth several times a day," said Tom implacably. "That little devil didn't tell the truth," Tom implied. "I'm burning aromatic substances," said Tom, incensed. "He's a boring chap," said Tom indulgently. "Can I become a chorister?" Tom inquired. "I'm swimming in the middle of Paris!" shouted Tom insanely. "I'm not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting," said Michelangelo insistently. "I've borrowed my sister's camping gear," said Tom insistently. "I like camping," said Tom intently. "It's my personal magnetism," said Tom ironically. -J-

"Your Honour, you're crazy!" said Tom judgmentally. "The insect in William's hand is wearing a yarmulka!" said Tom jubilantly. "Let's eat kosher tonight," said Tom judiciously. "I like ragged margins," said Tom without justification. -K"My parents are called Billy and Nanny," Tom kidded. "I've run out of wool," said Tom, knitting his brow. "I wonder if this will unlock the palace gates," said Tom kinkily. -L"I have no recollection of the last twenty-four hours," said Tom lackadaisically. "No ellipses, parabolas or hyperbolas," said Tom laconically. "I think I've broken my leg ", reported Tom lamely. "She even flies her own jet," Tom leered. "It's a German song," Tom lied. "This Bud's for you," said Tom lightly. "Is it true that some animals will eat their own babies?" asked Tom literately. "I have lost all my Hungarian sheet music," said Tom listlessly. "Nobody has scored yet in the tennis game," said Tom lovingly. "I chop down trees for a living," said Tom lumberingly. -M"I'm just going to put these handcuffs on you," said Tom manically. "It's only average," said Tom meanly. "The average frequency of my voice is 160 Hz," said Tom in measured tones. "I have to fix the car," said Tom mechanically. "Thank you so much, Monsieur," said Tom mercifully. "Perhaps I will," said Tom with all his might. "The girl has been kidnapped," said Tom mistakenly. "I want a motorized bicycle," Tom moped. "We'll need a higher price at auction," Tom said morbidly. "The sun is rising," Tom mourned. "Another work week begins," said Tom mundanely. "I make the armour out of chain links," Tom replied by mail. "You won the bronze," said Tom meddlingly. "We need more people like Ronald Reagan and Ronald McDonald," said Tom moronically. "Sorry! I've accidentally pierced your cheek instead," said Tom mysteriously. -N"I told you not to ride that horse," Tom nagged. "That's nothing!" said Tom naughtily. "I haven't had my photographs developed yet," said Tom negatively. "Let's take a vacation in the south of France," said Tom nicely. "That just doesn't add up," said Tom, nonplussed. "I can't do it!" Tom said notably. "What's the value of a dollar bill?" asked Tom noteworthily.

-O"What's a wide-angle lens?" asked Tom obtusely. "That horse looks like a good bet at 20 to 1," said Tom oddly. "Oops! There goes my hat!" said Tom off the top of his head. "Do you buy and sell stolen goods?" asked Tom offensively. "I've been feeding the crocodile," said Tom offhandedly. "I prefer trout to salmon," Tom said officiously. "I know which boyd gets the woym," said Tom in an oily voice. "The door's ajar," said Tom openly. "My bicycle wheel is damaged," said Tom outspokenly. -P"I swallowed some of the glass from that broken window," Tom said painfully. "I had an accident in the kitchen," said Tom with panache. "I've joined the Airborne Medical Corps," said Tom paradoxically. "There, there," was Tom's pat answer. "I've deduced that this is the right way," said Tom pathologically. "I'm waiting to see the doctor," said Tom patiently. "I didn't look at all!" Tom peeped. "I wish I had something to write with," Tom said pensively. "Has my magazine arrived?" Tom asked periodically. "3.14159265," Tom said piously. "Who's your favorite operatic tenor?" Tom asked placidly. "I've removed all the feathers from this chicken," said Tom pluckily. "It has zero height, zero width, and just a little depth," said Tom, stretching the point. "The exit is right there," Tom pointed out. "My pencil is blunt," said Tom pointlessly. "Where shall I plant these water lilies?" Tom pondered. "I haven't had any tooth decay yet," said Tom precariously. "I have a gift for you," said Tom presently. "That's already been taken care of," Tom pretended. "I'm just an ordinary soldier," Tom admitted privately. "Crosby is my favourite singer. Who is yours?" asked Tom probingly. "I teach at a university," Tom professed. "This movie will be very popular," Tom projected. "This is the real male goose," said Tom producing the propaganda. "I've stuck a pin through my nose," said Tom punctually. "The cat sounds as if she's happy now she's been fed," said Tom purposefully. -Q"I have to sing a run of eighth notes," said Tom quaveringly. "Are you homosexual?" Tom queried gaily. "This is where I keep my arrows," said Tom quiveringly. "This is the fastest way to get drunk," said Tom quixotically. -R"A dog bit me," said Tom rabidly.

"Eating uranium makes me feel funny," said Tom radiantly. "I'm the world's most aggressive matador," Tom rambled. "What are these berries?" Tom rasped. "It's the quotient of two integers," said Tom rationally. "I'm embarrassed," Tom admitted readily. "I can see because I have actual visual organs," Tom realized. "Why do I have to strip naked again?" asked Tom rebuffingly. "I've thought of another exception," Tom rebutted. "I've never had a car accident," said Tom recklessly. "I couldn't believe there were 527,986 bees in the swarm!" Tom recounted. "I won't buy a circuit breaker," Tom refused. "It's time for the second funeral," Tom rehearsed. "OK, you can borrow it again," Tom relented. "I'm not going to give up anything this Easter," said Tom relentlessly. "I love hot dogs," said Tom with relish. "I have to check the score on this exam again," Tom remarked. "I've transferred my money back into a German bank account," Tom remarked with interest. "I've paid my annual subscription," Tom remembered. "I'd better repeat that SOS message," said Tom remorsefully. "My garden needs another layer of mulch," Tom repeated. "I'm taking this ship back into harbour," Tom reported. "How long will I have to wait for a table?" asked Tom without reservation. "I suppose I'll have to write my name again," said Tom resignedly. "This oar is broken," said Tom robustly. "I've an urgent appointment," said Tom in Russian. "I guess she fell off the motorcycle," said Tom ruthlessly. -S"I know what herb would taste nice with this," said Tom sagely. "You resemble a goat," said Tom satirically. "The seesaw is upside down," said Tom saucily. "So only one person arrived at the party before I did?" Tom second-guessed. "I won't tell you anything about my salivary glands," said Tom secretively. "Would you like to buy some cod?" asked Tom selfishly. "Boy, that's a bright star," said Tom seriously. "I just bought a woollen sweater," said Tom sheepishly. "Ought I to do this?" asked Tom with a shudder. "This looks like the fruit of the blackthorn," said Tom slowly. "I can take photographs if I want to!" Tom snapped. "Angel dust? Me? Never touch it!" Tom snorted. "Yes, I'm amazingly strongly built," said Tom soberly. "My bicycle wheel is melting," Tom spoke softly. "Some day, people will be able to file lawsuits against computers," said Tom soothingly. "The optician probably doesn't have my glasses ready yet," Tom speculated. "You don't see the point, do you?" asked Tom, stabbing in the dark. "Hey, you're on my foot!" said Tom standoffishly. "Boy, I wish the elevator were working," said Tom, staring up to the top. "Monaural and quadraphonic systems are exceptions," said Tom stereotypically.

"I can see through the window," said Tom stiltedly. "Consult an investment broker," was Tom's stock answer. "I'm putting on my T-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses," Tom summarised. "That's especially stupid!" said Tom superciliously. "This salmon is excellent," said Tom superficially. "Don't you know my name?" asked Tom swiftly. -T"I work at a bank," said Tom tellingly. "I shall see to it well in advance," said Tom tenderly. "I have no idea," said Tom thoughtlessly. "Parsley, sage, rosemary," said Tom timelessly. "I was adopted," said Tom transparently. "I'm testing this boomerang," said Tom triflingly. "I punched him in the stomach three times," said Tom triumphantly. -U"The bank doesn't want me as a customer," said Tom unaccountably. "It's homemade soup," said Tom uncannily. "I don't know any shanties," said Tom unceasingly. "Have some shampoo," was Tom's unconditional offer. "I won't stand for painting," said Tom uneasily. "Don't nobody go teasin' he momma's momma with feather," said Tom ungrammatically. "Your trousers have come apart!" was Tom's unseemly comment. "I want to date other women," said Tom unsteadily. "Henry the Eighth!" said Tom unthinkingly. "No, I won't give you a note saying you're excused," said Tom unwaveringly. "I'm going to be intestate," said Tom unwillingly. "If I let go of the ceiling it will collapse," Tom upheld. "The lion has its head caught in the skylight," said Tom uproariously. -V"I feel so empty," said Tom vacuously. "I need an injection," Tom pleaded in vain. "I can tell which way the wind blows," said Tom vainly. "I invested in a hi-tech startup," Tom ventured. "Our local clergyman has a toothache," said Tom vicariously. "A spirit transported me from the couch to the chair," said Tom, visibly moved. -W"I wouldn't like anything but just that," said Tom wantonly. "Do you know the location?" asked Tom warily. "Eating garbage is a form of recycling, but I can't eat any more" said Tom wastefully. "I visit my parents every Sunday," said Tom weakly. "I don't like this Chardonnay," Tom whined. "Phew! I've just finished learning all Shakespeare's works," said Tom willfully. "Some you lose," said Tom winsomely. "This tooth extraction could take for ever," said Tom with infinite wisdom.

"I wish I could remember the name of that card game," said Tom wistfully. "Stop, horse! Stop!" cried Tom woefully. "This must be an aerobics class," Tom worked out. "This is all from memory," Tom wrote. "I'm Irish," said Tom wryly. -X"Every last one of you is a wimp," said Tom xerophytically. -Y"You've got to be egging me on," yolked Tom. "I used lots of detergent in late December," was Tom's yuletide comment. -Z"Zo, what do you have for zale?" asked Tom zealously. "I can't eat any more lemon peel," said Tom zestfully. "Your fly is undone," was Tom's zippy rejoinder.