The Perils Of Dating

THE PERILS OF DATING By Howard O. Irons

FADE IN: INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT It’s quiet. Except for the couple eating in the corner, the place is empty. AMY, 23 with her too loose red dress, and pale skin, looks damn near malnourished. Nothing about her is terribly remarkable, except for her eyes. Intense and penetrating, they are fixed on the man opposite her. His eyes are down at his plate, oblivious to her gaze. AMY Are you shocked? JONATHAN, 26, has the face of someone ten years younger. He’s wearing a suit that could belong to a skinny, younger brother. JONATHAN Who me? No... Maybe a little AMY Jeez... I haven’t even gotten to the best part yet. JONATHAN There’s more? A smile creeps onto Amy’s face. AMY I can stop if you want. JONATHAN No, it’s fine. I was just caught off guard is all. It’s not everyday you hear stuff like this... Please, continue. AMY Well, the best one was this mortician I dated. It was a pretty boring six months. Then suddenly, one day, out of the blue he says: FADE OUT: BLACKSCREEN

2.

RICHARD Let’s try something new. AMY What do you have in mind? RICHARD It’s better if I show you. FADE IN: INT. AMY’S APARTMENT - NIGHT (FLASHBACK) BATHROOM A bathtub full of ice water. RICHARD, broad-shouldered and tall (40’s), pours more ice into the tub. Okay.

RICHARD It’s ready.

AMY(OS) Is this really what you want? RICHARD You’re not scared are you? Amy slinks into the bathroom wearing a robe. AMY No. I just want to make sure you know what you’re getting yourself into. I’m sure.

RICHARD Now get in the tub.

Amy lets the robe drop off her and she slowly steps into the tub. Her breath comes in gasps as she starts to settle in the ice cold water. RICHARD (cont’d) I’ll be back when you’re ready. I’m going to prepare the room. AMY How long do you think I have to stay?

3. RICHARD (Whispers) Shh... Corpses don’t talk. Richard leaves the bathroom. BEDROOM The room is dark except for a soft, blue light. There’s a metal examination table. Richard throws a white sheet over it. BATHROOM Amy’s shivering.

Goosebumps start to rise on her arms.

BEDROOM Richard puts on a white lab coat. BATHROOM Amy is shivering violently now. Her eyes are closed and she’s clenching her fists, trying to control the shakes. Richard walks in.

He sits next to the tub.

RICHARD Let’s see how you’re doing. He grabs one of her arms; runs his hands up her arm and across her chest. RICHARD (cont’d) You feel cold enough. Amy makes no attempt to respond. Her eyes are locked on something not in the room. Something far, far away. Richard puts his hand to her face.

He frowns.

RICHARD (cont’d) Your face is still warm. He takes a handful of the cold water and starts wiping her face with it. Amy still doesn’t respond. Her shivering has stopped completely. He kisses her cheek.

4.

RICHARD (cont’d) I think you’re ready now. BEDROOM They’re on the metal slab. Richard’s on top, grunting; sweating; thrusting. Amy lies ramrod straight, not moving. Her eyes are fixed on the ceiling, filling up with tears. INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT (PRESENT DAY) Jonathan’s mouth is wide open. JONATHAN Oh my god. AMY Now I didn’t tell you this merely for shock value. JONATHAN So why did you tell me? AMY For as long as I can remember, I’ve been somebody’s sex toy. There, only to realize some sick sexual fantasy; somebody’s wet dream. I’m looking for something more than that. He reaches his hand across the table. JONATHAN I’m not here to take advantage of you. AMY I hope not. I take this very seriously. I like you. JONATHAN I have to use the bathroom. be right back.

I’ll

5.

INT. RESTAURANT BATHROOM - NIGHT Jonathan’s at the sink talking on the phone. can be seen in the mirror.

His reflection

JONATHAN Dude, you should hear some of the things this chick is saying... It’s just twisted... Yeah she’s hot... Yeah, I’m pretty sure the sex will be wild... Under the door, a shadow can be seen. the mirror.

Jonathan sees it in

JONATHAN (cont’d) I’m gonna call you back. He closes his phone and walks to the door. quick... No one’s there.

He pulls it open

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT Back at the table, Amy is downing a drink. up.

Jonathan walks

JONATHAN What’s up? AMY I’m ready to go. JONATHAN You sure? We didn’t even get dessert yet. AMY Yeah... I’m ready to go. INT. CAR - NIGHT They’re parked outside Amy’s building. straight ahead. JONATHAN So did you have a good time? AMY Do you want to come up?

Amy’s eyes are

6.

INT. AMY’S APARTMENT - NIGHT The front door opens. Light from the hallway temporarily floods the dark space. They walk in and the crackle of plastic sheeting can be heard. JONATHAN What is that? AMY Oh, I’ve been painting. She flicks on the light. plastic.

The entire floor is covered in

JONATHAN I don’t smell any paint. He looks around the tiny apartment. He spots a brownish-red stain on the carpet in front of a closet. BEDROOM They’re on the bed. Amy’s on top, kissing Jonathan passionately. His lips, his neck, his chest. AMY I have a confession to make. JONATHAN More confessions? AMY You know what I told you about the mortician? JONATHAN Yeah. AMY Secretly, I’ve always wanted to try it again, but do things a little differently. JONATHAN You mean... AMY Yeah I want to be the one in control this time. Do you think you can handle that?

7.

JONATHAN I don’t know... It sounds pretty dangerous. AMY Don’t worry, I won’t let you freeze to death. BATHROOM Jonathan is in the tub of ice water. shivering.

He’s already

AMY Don’t worry, it won’t be too much longer. You just need to be cold enough. Amy leaves the bathroom. uncontrollably.

Jonathan starts to shiver

BEDROOM Amy sits on her bed, staring at the bathroom door. The faint sound of dripping water can be heard over Jonathan’s gasps and teeth chattering. BATHROOM Jonathan’s hands grip the side of the tub. JONATHAN Don’t you think it’s time now? BEDROOM Amy stands up.

She walks over to the closet.

She stands on the brown-red stain on the carpet. Liquid bubbles up around her foot. She opens the closet door.

She grabs for something.

8.

BATHROOM Amy opens the door and stands there, staring at the trembling man in the tub. (NOTE: The freezing water forces Jonathan to stutter.) JONATHAN Sh-shit... Didn’t you hear me c-c-calling you? She doesn’t move. AMY For a dead person, you sure are making a lot of noise. She moves into the bathroom, her hands behind her back. JONATHAN S-s-sorry, but I’m f-fuckin’ f-f-freezing. Amy sits next to the tub. AMY You know, you never said you liked me back. Amy moves her left hand from behind her back. cheek.

She rubs his

AMY (cont’d) Not quite cold enough. In a flash, Amy’s right hand swings up from behind her back, revealing the blade of her large butcher knife. Jonathan’s eyes grow wide with terror but he’s too slow to react. The knife slams into his chest. The blade is pulled out, then buried in his chest once more. Amy stares as the black handle moves up and down in unison with the heaving of his chest. She stares as he takes his last gasps of air and then finally stops moving.

9.

BEDROOM Amy opens the closet door. It’s dark. in plastic. She flicks on the light.

Something is wrapped

It’s Richard. His gray, bloated corpse is wrapped in plastic. Amy reaches behind him and grabs some more plastic sheeting. BATHROOM Amy walks in with the plastic sheeting. The tub is now filled with red blood water. Jonathan’s mouth is open; eyes still wide. His face now a mask of terror. She lays the plastic on the floor. Straining, she pulls his body out of the tub onto the plastic. She rolls him up into his plastic cocoon. BEDROOM Amy drags the corpse into the closet, pushing Richard back. She looks at what used to be Jonathan. AMY Why do you guys always make it so hard on yourselves? Do you always have to be such pigs? Her phone rings. AMY (cont’d) (to Jonathan) Oh well. She crosses the room to the phone. AMY (cont’d) Hello... Yeah the date just ended... No, he wasn’t the one for me... Yeah he only wanted one thing. Like they all do... Tomorrow? How about the next day? Tomorrow I have some cleaning to do and I have to bring some things to the dump... OK, I’ll see you then. Amy walks over to her laptop. dating website loads.

Opens it up.

A page for a

10.

INT. BRUCE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT The apartment is dark. BRUCE, 30’s, balding, thin, wearing nothing but boxers, sits in front of his computer looking at the same website that Amy is viewing. Behind him on the wall are pictures of women in various S&M outfits and medieval looking contraptions. Amy’s picture pops up.

He starts reading her profile.

BRUCE Twenty-three... Looking for a decent man... Someone who’s understanding... Ready for something serious... Open-minded... (to himself) I bet she likes pain. INT. AMY’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Amy stares at the numerous profiles as they scroll down her computer screen. AMY Hopefully one of you guys is decent. FADE OUT.