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LETTER www.theletteronline.com

VOLUME 20, ISSUE 2 • FEBRUARY 2009

Bill Would Prevent Same-Sex Couples From Becoming Adoptive, Foster Parents On Friday, February 5, a bill was introduced (SB68) by Kentucky State Senator Gary Tapp that would prevent same-sex couples, who are otherwise qualified, from becoming adoptive or even foster parents. According to the Kentucky legislative website, the Shelbyville Republican’s bill is described as an act “relating to the welfare of adopted and foster care children”. The bill would create a new section of KRS Chapter 199 to prohibit the approval of foster care, relative caregiver services, or adoption of a child by an applicant who is cohabiting with a sexual partner outside of “a marriage that is legally valid” in the Commonwealth. "The Child Welfare Adoption Act" would exempt children placed for adoption prior to the effective date of this Act and amend KRS 199.470 to conform. A summary of the proposed legislation can be viewed at www.lrc.ky.gov/ RECORD/09RS/SB68.htm.

Fairness Campaign Hires Director

Following a period of strategic planning and organizational renewal, along with the establishment of an endowment, Louisville's Fairness Campaign has hired its first Director, Chris Hartman ([email protected]). He will oversee fundraising, communications, leadership development, and legislative strategy for the civil rights organization. Hartman most recently worked as Congressman John Yarmuth's 2008 campaign Press Secretary. He served in 2005 as an AmeriCorps VISTA (Volunteer In Service To America) in St. Louis, Chris Hartman and Director of Philadelphia's Grassroots Fundraising for the Democratic National Committee in 2004's Presidential Election, and as Producer. The role of Director is the second to be filled by Fairness in under a year. Last July, the organization hired Administrative Coordinator Erica Dolinky, who manages the office, constituent communications and works to foster volunteer engagement and membership recruitment.

Ryan Kelly, the actor who played Bobby Griffith in the recently aired made-for-cable movie Prayers For Bobby, appeared at a special showing of the film. The event was hosted by the Dayton chapter of Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays. Pictured with Kelly (third from left) are Joe & Judy Dryer, Kim & Gary Peters and Brian Lanham. A warm and gracious young man, Kelly is known to be a strong supporter of GLBT equality. Kelly stared with Sigourney Weaver in the true story about a Christian mother who struggles to accept her son's homosexuality. (Picture courtesy Bruce E. Puff, Cross Creek Community Church.)

Kentuckians Value Fairness Lobby & Rally Scheduled Fairness supporters from across Kentucky will meet in Frankfort to lobby legislators for a statewide Fairness law on Wednesday, February 25. A rally and press conference will take place beginning at 12:30pm in the Capitol rotunda with allies from across the state. Carpools will leave from the Fairness Campaign office in Louisville at 8:00am. For more information call the Fairness Campaign at (502) 8930788 or write [email protected].

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Around The Region & Beyond

Indiana: Legislation Classifies Gays As “Harmful”

Indiana Representative Jeff Thompson’s Amendment to House Bill 1187 aims to forbid the teaching of “harmful behaviors”— including “homosexuality.” If adopted, “homosexuality” would be legally defined as a harmful behavior in state law. HB 1187, authored by Representative Greg Porter, requires the state Department of Education to develop standards for cultural competency teacher training. HB 1187 requires school corporations and accredited non-public schools to develop policies concerning cultural competency training for school staff and students. In response to the “Thompson Amendment”, Rep. Porter has temporarily pulled the bill from second reading consideration.

Marriage Discrimination Amendment Temporarily Delayed Indiana’s Marriage Discrimination Amendment (SJR-15), authored by Senator Marlin Stutzman, was originally scheduled to be heard by the Senate Judiciary Committee on February 11. The hearing has now been delayed. Although SJR-15 is delayed, it is still possible that a hearing on the amendment will be conducted before the end of the current legislative session. Indiana Equality, the state’s premier Fairness organization, is encouraging supporters of marriage equality to contact members of the Senate Judiciary Committee and urge them to reject SJR-15, the Marriage Discrimination Amendment. Indiana residents may contact their legislators toll-free at (800) 382-9467

U. of L. Site For Women’s Coffeehouse The University of Louisville's Office for LGBT Services, the Women’s Center, and the Anne Braden Institute are hosting a coffeehouse event called Voices of LGBT Women, a night devoted to music, poetry and other forms of performance art. The coffeehouse will begin at 7:00pm in the Red Barn on the U of L campus on Tuesday, March 10. Doors will open at 6:00pm. For more information contact Heather.Marshall@ Louisville.edu. FEBRUARY 2009

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Gay Men & Eating Disorders A story of recovery and hope begins on page 22

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Post Office Box 7842 Louisville, KY 40257 Founded in June 1990 by Humphrey Marshall & Jeffrey Goldsmith EXECUTIVE EDITOR/WEBMASTER ADVERTISING & DISTRIBUTION: Dave VanderPol: (502) 290-5047 [email protected] GRAPHIC DESIGN Deanna Sullivan - Designs by Deanna HIV RESOURCES EDITOR Brad Hampton [email protected] With an estimated readership of over 14,000, THE LETTER is distributed throughout the seven state region of Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio, Tennessee, Illinois, & Missouri

REGULAR CONTRIBUTERS Michael X. Chanak Brandon Monson Marie Davis Beth Ann Rubin Derrick Grant Brian Rzepczynski Brad Hampton Tina Storm James Hensley David Williams Bryn Marlow Hazel Zimmerman DISTRIBUTION MAVENS Erica Dolinky Christian Peterson Publication of the name, photograph or likeness of any person, organization, or business in articles or advertising in THE LETTER or on its companion website is not to be construed as an indication of the sexual orientation of such person, organization or business. THE LETTER assumes no responsibility for unsolicited materials submitted for publication.

Men’s Chorus Presents Valentine’s Day Cabaret The Cincinnati Men’s Chorus (CMC) presents That’s Amore, a cabaret featuring songs about love, on Saturday, February 14 at Below Zero Lounge, 1122 Walnut Street in the historic Over-the-Rhine neighborhood. "These are some of the best singers in Cincinnati, performing the best songs on Valentine's Day," said CMC artistic director Patrick Coyle. "The music is fun, and tinged with the gay perspective and humor." Chorus member Eric DeForest is producing the cabaret. The event will showcase Scot Woolley on keyboards. Woolley has worked on countless shows in Cincinnati theaters, on Broadway and theaters worldwide in his extensive career. Special musical guests for the evening include Lauren Bailey, Sarah Martin and Julie Wacksman, veterans of Cincinnati area community theater productions. The event’s ringmaster and emcee will be Bruce Preston, one of the hosts of Alternating Currents, the weekly GLBT news/talk show on WAIF-FM. "Hosting this cabaret is the highlight of my year," said Preston. "Sexy singers singing sexy songs, champagne, a dark room and your

arm around the person you love.... It doesn't get any gayer than that!" Musical numbers will include: "My Romance," a classic by Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart; "A Little Bit In Love" from the Comden/ Green/Bernstein show Wonderful Town, ‘When I Marry Mr. Snow" from Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Carousel; "and the "Love Trio" from Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Aspects of Love. Doors will open at 7:00pm, when patrons will be served savory appetizers and sparkling wine. A cash bar also will be available. The performance will start at 8:00pm. The show will be followed by a dance. Tickets are $60.00/couple or $35.00/single. Parking is available across the street at Below Zero’s lot. For reservations or more information, call (513) 542-2626 or visit www.cincinnatimenschorus. org. The cabaret is an annual fundraising event by CMC, a voluntary, not-for-profit community chorus organized to provide the opportunity for gay men and gay-supportive men to sing together.

THE LETTER reserves the right to edit or reject any advertisement. © 2009, The Letter News All rights reserved.

MARCH 2009 DEADLINES Press releases, Regional Calendar items and Community Groups listings must be received no later than Friday, February 20, 2009. Advertising reservations must be received no later than Monday, February 23, 2009.

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Ohio Supreme Court Allows Custody Decision to Stand The Supreme Court of Ohio last month let stand an appeals court ruling affirming the enforceability of a court-approved child custody agreement in a case involving lesbian mothers. "The Court has expressly shut down arguments that Ohio's antigay amendment impacts parenting and child custody relationships, rights, and responsibilities,"said Camilla Taylor, Senior Staff Attorney in Lambda Legal’s Midwest Regional Office in Chicago. "The Court correctly declined an invitation to treat gay and lesbian Ohio parents differently from other families, and to deprive the children of these families of the protections and support other children receive." Lambda Legal represents Therese Leach in her fight to uphold a courtapproved joint custody agreement signed by both her and her former partner, Denise Fairchild, in 2001. After their son was born in 1996, both women parented him. In order to ensure that Therese had a protected legal relationship with the child, the two women signed a joint custody agreement. Such agreements were approved by the Ohio Supreme Court in the 2001 In re Bonfield case in which Lambda Legal participated. The Supreme Court decision comes after Fairchild argued, at a trial court, and the Ohio Court of Appeals for the Tenth District, that Ohio’s antigay constitutional amendment limiting marriage to a man and a woman invalidated the court approved custody agreement she originally sought with Leach. All three courts brushed aside Fairchild’s arguments, ruling that court-approved custody agreements cannot be ignored or unilaterally undone by one of the parents. In July 2008, Fairchild asked the Ohio Supreme Court to hear her case, and Lambda Legal urged the Court to refuse. Today’s order from the high court is the final word on the matter. FEBRUARY 2009

Louisville PFLAG Accepting Scholarship Applications Through February 28 The Metro Louisville chapter of Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is currently accepting applications for its annual scholarship. This scholarship is intended to assist the applicant with their post-secondary education. Qualifying applicants must: • Be a resident of Ketuckiana or be attending a post-secondary education institution in Kentucky. • Not have been awarded this scholarship in the past. (Those who have applied and were not awarded the scholarship are encouraged to reapply.) • Be enrolled as a full-time student for the period of the scholarship. • The scholarship amount will be a minimum of $500. (The actual amount of the award may be more than $500 and multiple scholarships may be awarded.) Both GLTB students and allies are welcome to apply. The deadline to apply for the scholarship is Saturday, February 28th. To access the scholarship application you will need Adobe Acrobat software (which most computers already have -- it is downloadable for free through www.adobe.com). The form can be accessed through the group’s website: www.pflaglouisville.org.

BEAR FACTS: Moonshine Bears Moonshine Bears of Kentucky is a nonprofit organization for gay and bisexual Bear and Bear Admirers. The club welcomes both singles and couples. Moonshine Bears is based in Lexington and its members welcome persons from Central Kentucky and surrounding areas. Moonshine Bears works for the betterment of the community, individually and with other organizations in the spirit of cooperation and brotherhood. The club provides bears and bear admirers with the opportunity to meet and enjoy time together in a variety of environments and social situations. The purpose of the Moonshine Bears as a Club is to arrange social and community events for its members and provide a means of communication about activities. For more information visit: www.moonshinebears.com.

LATE TO TEST = EARLY TO DIE GET TESTED FOR HIV! Don't Know Where To Test? Download Our HIV/AIDS RESOURCES GUIDE Online: www.TheLetterOnline.com FEBRUARY 2009

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Two Churches Hosting Valentine’s Day Events

ONE FOR ALL 1975 Douglass Boulevard Louisville, Kentucky 40205 • (502) 451-1963

Quality Thrift Items Wednesday thru Saturday: 10:00am – 6:00pm Sunday: 12:00noon – 4:00pm Store Proceeds Benefit Glade House & House of Ruth Volunteers Always Welcome! Space for this ad donated by Dr. Fred Schloemer www.SchloemerServices.com

Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) congregations in Louisville and Elizabethtown are celebrating the beauty of love by hosting various Valentine’s Day events open to the whole community. Singles, couples and families are invited to attend all of these events. On Saturday, February 14, MCC-Louisville will have their traditional Valentine's Day Dance from 7:00pm - 11:00pm at the church, 1432 Highland Avenue (one block west of the intersection of Baxter and Bardstown Road). Dress up or dress down for this musical evening in a chem.-free environment. Admission is $5.00 per person at the door. Billed as a “Romantic Valentine’s Day Evening”, MCCElizabethtown is hosting a dinner followed by a dance on Saturday, February 14. The meal will be served beginning at 5:00pm, with concert and dance featuring Shawn Thomas following at 7:00pm. An auction will take place during the evening. For information about the cost of the meal, contact MCCElizabethtown at (270) 737-4404. An offering will be collected during the concert/dance to support Shawn Thomas’ ministry.

Lexington: Jamie McDaniel Resigns Soulforce Position Jamie McDaniel recently completed his employment as the Director of Web Development for Soulforce, an organization that works to stop spiritual violence against GLBT persons. McDaniel first became involved with Soulforce in 2001 as a volunteer. In 2005 he was brought on staff to redesign the organization's website. Jamie McDaniel He was responsible for maintaining the site, the Soulforce e-mail list, and various online forums McDaniel co-authored Christian Youth: An Important Voice in the Present Struggle for Gay Rights in America and facilitated the Lexington Soulforce chapter for five years. McDaneil will continue to work as a freelance website developer. His business website address is www.curiousfind.com. 6

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California Supreme Court To Hear Proposition 8 Legal Challenge The California Supreme Court has announced that it will hear oral arguments on Thursday, March 5 in the Proposition 8 legal challenge. The National Center for Lesbian Rights, Lambda Legal, and the ACLU – with support from civil rights groups, religious organizations, labor unions, and legal scholars – argue that Proposition 8 is invalid because the people of California have established strict safeguards that prohibit the underlying principles of the California Constitution from being changed by a simple majority vote. By taking away a right only from one group, Proposition 8 violates the most basic principle of our government: that all people are entitled to equal treatment under the law. California Attorney General Jerry Brown is also asking the Court to invalidate Proposition 8 on the ground that certain fundamental rights, including the right to marry, are inalienable and can not be put up for a popular vote. On November 10, 2008, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger stated that he hoped the Court would overturn Proposition 8. On CNN, he said of Proposition 8’s passage, “It’s unfortunate, obviously, but it’s not the end, I think that we will again maybe undo that, if the court is willing to do that, and then move forward from there and again lead in that area.” On November 19, 2008, the California Supreme Court agreed to hear the legal challenges to Proposition 8 and set an expedited schedule. Briefing in the case was completed on January 21, 2009. The California Supreme Court must issue its decisions within 90 days of oral argument. On January 15, 2009, 43

friend-of-the-court briefs urging the Court to invalidate Prop 8 were filed, arguing that Proposition 8 drastically alters the equal protection guarantee in California’s Constitution and that the rights of a minority cannot be eliminated by a simple majority vote. The supporters represent the full gamut of California’s and the nation’s civil rights organizations and legal scholars, as well as California legislators, local governments, bar associations, business interests, labor unions, and religious groups. In May of 2008, the California Supreme Court held that laws that treat people differently based on their sexual orientation violate the equal protection clause of the California Constitution and that same-sex couples have the same fundamental right to marry as other Californians. Proposition 8 eliminated this fundamental right only for same-sex couples. No other initiative has ever successfully changed the California Constitution to take away a right only from a targeted minority group. Proposition 8 passed by a bare majority of 52 percent on November 4. The National Center for Lesbian Rights, Lambda Legal, and the ACLU filed this challenge on November 5, representing Equality California, whose members include many same-sex couples who married between June 16 and November 4, 2008, and six same-sex couples who want to marry in California. The California Supreme Court has also agreed to hear two other challenges filed on the same day: one filed by the City and County of San Francisco (joined by Santa Clara County and the City of Los Angeles, and subsequently by Los Angeles County and other local governments); and another filed by a private attorney.

Beth Ann Rubin reviews

J. Gumbo's New Orleans cuisine DINNING OUT column on page 18 FEBRUARY 2009

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Groundbreaking Legal Guide To Assist Transgender Immigrants

KENNETH C. PLOTNIK Attorney at Law

607 West Ormsby Avenue Louisville, Kentucky 40203

(502) 636-0361 Fax: (502) 634-0576

What Path Calls You?

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(502) 290-5047 8

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To stop the cycle of STD’s growing in our community, sexual partners need to be tested and if necessary treated. www.theletteronline.com

The American Immigration Lawyers Association (AILA) has released the first immigration law practice manual for attorneys representing transgender clients. Immigration Law and the Transgender Client , co-authored by Immigration Equality and the Transgender Law Center (TLC), provides practical advice and information to assist attorneys representing transgender immigrants. “We are proud to publish this groundbreaking manual dealing with the intersection of two dynamic areas of law - transgender civil rights and immigration law," said AILA Publications Director Tatia L. Gordon-Troy. AILA is the national association of over 11,000 attorneys and law professors who practice and teach immigration law. “Every day we hear from transgender immigrants who face incredibly complicated legal issues. From obtaining corrected identity documents, to fighting for marriage recognition, to seeking asylum to escape persecution, transgender immigrants need well-trained legal counsel,” said Victoria Neilson, Legal Director of Immigration Equality. Transgender immigrants often face overwhelming legal issues, and all too often the attorneys who want to help them, just lack the resources they need. Immigration Law and the Transgender Client addresses unique issues faced by transgender immigrants and those in bi-national relationships, including identity documents, asylum, detention, and marriage-based petitions. “This area of the law is so specialized that LGBT civil rights attorneys often lack the immigration expertise to properly advise transgender immigrants, and immigration practitioners lack the cultural competence and understanding of transgender legal issues to adequately represent these clients,” said TLC Legal Director Kristina Wertz. "The immigration practice manual seeks to close that gap." Edited by Neilson, the manual provides an unprecedented resource for attorneys seeking information about the unique needs and issues faced by transgender clients. "Victoria Neilson's expertise in this field is now more accessible to immigration attorneys and will foster a new cadre of attorneys with similar expertise," said GordonTroy. Immigration Law and the Transgender Client can be purchased from the American Immigration Lawyers Association at http://aila.stores.yahoo. net/transgender.html for $69.00 ($49.00 for AILA members). An online version can be accessed at http://www.immigrationequality.org/template3. php?pageid=1135. Immigration Equality is a national organization that works to end discrimination in U.S. immigration law, to reduce the negative impact of that law on the lives of GLBT and HIV-positive people, and to help obtain asylum for those persecuted in their home country based on their sexual orientation, transgender identity or HIV-status FEBRUARY 2009

RegionalCalendar sponsored by Mark England Items listed must be of interested to the GLBT community. Items are listed for FREE from nonprofit community organizations, support and social groups. We also publicize events sponsored by businesses and professionals currently advertising in THE LETTER. Please send us information at least four weeks in advance of your event. Contact: editor@ TheLetterOnline.com and be careful to type “Regional Calendar” in the subject line of your message. Every Monday 7:00pm. Movie Mania at Gay & Lesbian Community Center of Cincinnati, 4119 Hamilton Avenue. Free. For movie titles click on the icon for the GLBT Calendar page at www. glbtcentercincinnati.com. Every Tuesday 2:45pm. GLBT Mental Health Issues Support Group at The Recovery Center, 2340 Auburn Avenue, Cincinnati. (513) 241-1411. 6:30 -8:00pm. Triangle Martial Arts Association: Tae Kwon Do training for GLBT community. Beginners & experienced welcome. For location write: [email protected].

Sundays: February 15 & March 15 3:00pm. Community Holiday Party hosted by Metro Louisville Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays. First Lutheran Church, 417 East Broadway. For more information call (502) 329-0229 or write [email protected]. Confidentiality respected. Sundays: February 15 & March 15 3:30pm. Heartland Fairness, affiliated with the Kentucky Fairness Alliance, monthly meeting at 326 West Dixie Avenue in Elizabethtown. Write: [email protected].

7:30pm. Women's Tuesday Night Coming Out Group at Off The Avenue, 1546 Knowlton Street, Cincinnati. (513) 535-2517.

Monday, February 16 5:00 – 9:00pm. Fundraiser to benefit Lexington GLSO. You must present a flyer when you pay pill for 10% of your bill to be donated to the GLSO. Flyers can be downloaded from www.TheLetterOnline.com. Questions: [email protected].

1st & 3rd Thursdays 7:00pm. Gay Men’s Support Group meets at Metropolitan Community Church of Louisville, 1432 Highland Avenue.

Wednesdays: February 18 & March 18 6:30pm. Indy Bi-Versity, confidential discussion group. For more information, including the meeting location, write: [email protected].

3rd Wednesdays Louisville Gay Professionals. Group meets at a different bar each month. More information: [email protected].

Wednesday, February 25 Kentucky Values Fairness Lobbying all day at the Kentucky Statehouse, Frankfort. A rally and press conference will begin at 12:30pm in the Capitol rotunda. Carpools will leave from the Fairness Campaign office in Louisville at 8:00am. For more information visit www.kentuckyfairness.org or www.fairness.org.

4th Wednesdays 6:00pm. Kentuckiana Rainbow Chamber of Commerce monthly meeting. For location visit www.KentuckianaRainbowCoC.org or call (502) 815-7195. Wednesdays: February 4 & March 4 7:00pm. Crossport Crossdresser Support Group, Cincinnati. (513) 919-4850. Tuesdays: February 10 & March 10 7:00pm. Cincinnati Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) meeting. Mount Auburn Presbyterian Church, 103 William Howard Taft Road. For more information call (513) 755-6150.

Tuesday, March 10 7:00pm. Women’s Coffeehouse at University of Louisville, in the Red Barn (main campus). Music, poetry and other forms of performance art to be featured. Questions: Heather.Marshall@ Louisville.edu. April 1 - 5 Wednesday - Saturday: 7:00pm; Sunday, 11:00am 5th Anniversary Homecoming Revival at City of Refuge Worship Center, 1041 Goss Avenue - Suite 101, Louisville. Guest Speakers: Pastors Evelyn & Dennis Schave.

Mark England

www.LouisvilleGayInfo.com

Selling Louisville's Most DIVERSE Neighborhoods FEBRUARY 2009

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City of Refuge Worship Center Come Worship Freely Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ 1041 Goss Avenue, Suite 101, Louisville, KY 40217 (502) 762-8986 / (502) 495-2603 Rev. Randy Meadows, Pastor Sunday Bible Study: 9:30am Sunday Worship: 11:00am & 7:00pm Wednesday Worship: 7:00pm www.cityofrefugewc.org

Progressive Pathways Fellowship

What Path Calls You? Sunday Worship and Education: 5:30pm. Tuesday Book Chat: 6:15pm. #208 1/2 Mellwood Arts & Entertainment Center, 1860 Mellwood Ave., Louisville, KY 40206 http://www.progressivepathways.org

Inclusive Faith Communities listings are an affordable way to let the GLBT community know about your fellowship! Pre-paid listings cost $90.00 for six months or $150.00 for one year. For more information write: [email protected] The Letter

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Christian -- What a wonderful and wise man you are! I thank you for the gift of your friendship. I will always love you, no matter how many "X's" are in your clothing size! -- Dave FEBRUARY 2009

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Video Reviews Kiss The Bride

Pet Pride

by Cubbie Britches

C. Jay Cox (Latter Days) is back with this deliciously sexy treat and guess who's back? The gorgeous Steve Sandvoss (Aaron in Latter Days) co-stars as a goofy sort-of straight guy. Matt (Karner) and Ryan (O'Shea) were best friends in high school, actually they were more than best friends, they were lovers. Matt moved out of town for college and the two buddies lost touch until 10 years later when Matt got Ryan's wedding invitation. Matt has held a fierce long-distance torch for Ryan. For the past 10 years, he’s rejected every man as unsuitable in the shadow of what he once had with Ryan. Life in L.A. was missing something for the very out Matt. Quite surprised about the invite, Matt attends the wedding with every intention of splitting up the happy couple and reclaiming Ryan for himself. That all changes when Matt meets Alex (the always wacky Tori Spelling) and he loves the bride-to-be! They bond in moments, go shopping together and the gossip begins to flow between these two new best buddies. Meanwhile Matt tries to re-kindle the spark with his beloved, but is it still there? The more he hangs out in his old town he sees how much he's missed small-town life and his high school friends and family. As the wedding day approaches rapidly, secrets are revealed and old feelings resurface. Funny and smart, Kiss the Bride treats the issues of love, identity and sexuality the C. Jay Cox way, with a rare intelligence that recalls his now-classic Latter Days. Fans won’t want to miss this comic treat, which is available for rent in Louisville at Wild & Woolly Video, 1021 Bardstown Road.

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Rudy is believed to be at least partly Pit Bull – but you would never know it from his loving personality! Rudy is pictured taking a romp in the snow after last month’s ice storm. He lives with his dads Dan and Tony in Lyndon, Kentucky.

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AROUND THE REGION AND BEYOND CONTINUED

Study Reveals Disturbing Lack of Sexuality Training in Seminary Curricula United States seminaries and rabbinical schools are failing to prepare the next generation of clergy with the training they need to address sexuality issues in ministry, according to a study released last month by the Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing and Union Theological Seminary. The study, titled Sex and the Seminary: Preparing Ministers for Sexual Health and Justice, reports that sexuality courses are largely absent from most seminary curricula and degree requirements. At most institutions, students can graduate without studying sexual ethics or taking a single sexuality-based course. "With so many congregations embroiled in controversy over sexual orientation issues, or struggling to address teenage sexuality, or concerned about sexual abuse, there is an urgent need for ordained clergy who understand the connections between religion and sexuality," said the Rev. Debra W. Haffner, director of the Religious Institute. "Seminaries must do more to prepare students to minister to their congregants and be effective advocates for sexual health and justice." Sex and the Seminary is based on a survey of 36 leading seminaries and

rabbinical schools of diverse size and geographic location, representing a range of Christian, Jewish and Unitarian Universalist traditions. Each institution was evaluated on criteria for a sexually healthy and responsible seminary. These criteria measure sexuality content in the curriculum; institutional commitment to sexuality and gender equity (e.g., the existence of antidiscrimination, sexual harassment and full inclusion policies); and advocacy and support for sexualityrelated issues. The criteria were developed by an advisory group of seminary deans, faculty and clergy with expertise in sexuality. The survey and final report were authored by Dr. Kate Ott, associate director of the Religious Institute. The survey revealed that: • More than 90% of the seminaries surveyed do not require fullsemester, sexuality-based courses for graduation. • Two-thirds of the seminaries do not offer a course in sexuality issues for religious professionals. Threequarters do not offer a course in GLBT studies. • Seminaries offer three times as many courses in women's and feminist studies as they do in GLBT studies or other sexuality-related issues.

• The next generation of scholars is not addressing sexuality issues. Sexuality-based courses are taught by senior professors or adjunct faculty, not by upcoming faculty seeking tenured positions. The study also noted a "stained glass ceiling" in seminaries and a lack of policies on full inclusion of women and gay, lesbian and transgender persons. Two-thirds of the seminaries surveyed have fewer than 40% women serving in faculty, senior administrative and trustee positions, in contrast to student populations that are frequently more than 50% women. "Religious leaders have a unique opportunity, and moral obligation, to help congregations and communities wrestle with the complexities of sexual health and justice," said Rev. Dr. Serene Jones, president of Union Theological Seminary in New York. "Is there any subject more important and more on-the-ground crucial than sexual health and human flourishing? This study challenges all of us who are charged with ministerial formation to look closely at the institutional environment we create to prepare our students to be active and informed -- and hence to effect people from the pulpit and in the public square." Sex and the Seminary recommends

that seminaries and religious denominations develop and require competencies in sexuality for ordination to ministry. Most denominations currently do not require ministerial candidates to be competent in sexual health and education beyond sexual harassment prevention, the study noted. The study also recommends that the Association of Theological Schools, the accrediting body for U.S. seminaries, integrate sexuality education into its standards for ministerial formation. It calls on seminaries to strengthen their curricular offerings and inclusion policies, invest in faculty development and continuing education, and pursue collaboration with other institutions and advocacy groups to expand educational opportunities for seminarians regarding sexuality issues.

L Word Star Gives Meat Trade An 'F' In PETA Ad Daniela Sea's passion for equality is well known—both in her own life and in the role of Max Sweeney, the character she plays on the hit Showtime drama series The L Word. But Sea also has a strong belief in the rights of animals – including not eating them – which is why she went vegan years ago and also why she appears in a new ad for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). "The meat industry doesn't want you to think about all the animals that they're torturing and killing, and they definitely don't want you to think about all the diseases related to eating meat," begins Sea in the ad. "Animals are not ours to torture and dominate. If I was to eat factory farmed meat or dairy products, I'd be taking part in the torturing and killing of animals. There's just no way. Animals are my friends, so why would I want to hurt them? I'm Daniela Sea, and I'm a vegan." Sea stopped eating meat after the first woman she fell in love with – a vegetarian – described to her the horrors of factory farming and the serious health risks of meat-eating. "I was sensitized in this way and realized that there were these living creatures I was eating and it was … horrifying," says Sea, in an exclusive interview on PETA.org. She attributes her extraordinary level of energy and stamina to her healthy vegan diet. "I can hike a mountain for eight hours," she says. "I know a lot of it has to do with my diet." Going vegan has also given Sea peace of mind. "When I look at an animal, I know that I'm not betraying them. … They're my brother or sister or some little creature in the world, and I'm not backstabbing them." Daniela Sea FEBRUARY 2009

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Massachusetts Website Welcomes GLBT Travelers Earlier this month the Massachusetts Office of Travel and Tourism announced the launch of its new website dedicated to attracting GLBT travelers to the Commonwealth. The website provides an ongoing affirmation that Massachusetts is a welcoming travel destination to everyone. “Massachusetts is open and welcoming to all visitors and the acceptance of same-sex marriage is ample proof,” said Betsy Wall, Executive Director of The Massachusetts Office of Travel and Tourism. “In 2004, Massachusetts was the first state to legalize same-sex marriage and is currently one of only two states to extend marriage privileges to same-sex couples. Marriage information is available on the site, as well as extensive information on events and activities, destinations and travel information that may interest the GLBT traveler.” The Massachusetts website address is www.massvacation.com/ rainbow.

Boogaboo -- Life without you makes no sense. I’m sorry I disrespected you and our love. Being loved by you and loving you helps me climb life's mountains. You will always be my Valentine and my Angel. You're simply the best. I love you so much.

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The Letter

Louisiana Court Upholds Partner Benefits The Louisiana Court of Appeal, Fourth District, has upheld a Lambda Legal victory in lower court that the city of New Orleans was within its authority when it granted health benefits to domestic partners of city employees and established a domestic partner registry for city residents. The January 15 decision came a year to the day that the Civil District Court for Orleans Parish ruled that the State Constitution does indeed grant the city of New Orleans the authority to offer health benefits to the domestic partners of city employees and maintain a registry of domestic partners for city residents. The anti-gay Alliance Defense Fund (ADF) appealed that ruling, saying that the registry violated state laws prohibiting marriage for same-sex couples and that local governments lack the authority to govern such arrangements, but the Court of Appeal rejected those arguments. The three-judge panel wrote: “The registry ordinance has no effect on the Civil Code articles relating to marriage, creates no obligations between the parties who choose to register, and provides neither an enforcement

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mechanism nor a cause of action for which redress may be sought in courts of this state.” “The appeal by ADF left New Orleans city employees and their families in unnecessary legal suspense for a year,” said Lambda Legal Supervising Senior Staff Attorney Ken Upton. “The Court of Appeal has upheld a decision that was fair and just. The lawsuit to strip the families of gay and lesbian city employees of their health coverage was a cruel waste of everyone’s time.” The city of New Orleans extended health insurance benefits to same-sex partners of city employees in 1997, and in 1999, the city council created a domestic partner registry that allows couples to make a public declaration to care for and support each other. Those policies came under attack in 2002 from the ADF, on behalf of a group of city taxpayers claiming a right to challenge the laws. At the city’s request, Lambda Legal joined the lawsuit, representing city employee Peter Sabi and his partner, Philip Centanni, Jr. Sabi and Centanni later left Louisiana, and city employee Brian Barbieri and his partner Howard Lees joined the lawsuit.

FEBRUARY 2009

Community Dialogue LIBERAL ON THE SAUCE

So Far So Good

HOOSIER VALUES

by David Williams It’s inevitable, even healthy, that once a new president is inaugurated, almost immediately the criticism begins. If we all laid down and let him do whatever he wanted without objection, then why have an election? Fortunately this isn’t Britain, where criticism of the queen is punishable by law. The horror! Criticisms of President Barack Obama began even before he took office. That’s pretty much an American tradition: just ask Bill Clinton. More surprising was its source: not the right this time, but the left. Excuse me a

second. The horror! The horror! I admit I was shocked when Obama chose Rev. Rick Warren to give the invocation at his inauguration. While Warren seems to be a milder version of the late, unlamented Jerry Falwell, still his support for Proposition 8 and some of his pronouncements about gays and lesbians aren’t very Christian. Listening to his overblown rhetoric at the inauguration confirmed my suspicions: bad choice, dude. (I admit I was biased, though). But who else could he have picked? There aren’t very many religious leaders in this country who aren’t anti-gay. Heterosexuals may distinguish between Baptists, Catholics, and Scientologists, but as a gay man who threw off the shackles of religion long ago, they’re all the same animal to me: just different cuts of meat. If he had to have someone invoke the deity (a practice I find amusingly archaic), then why not a Unitarian minister, a Quaker, or even someone from Obama’s own denomination, the Disciples of Christ, which doesn’t drag gays from its pews? Of course, we all now understand what he was doing. Our president, after all, is the Politician in Chief. He needs to listen to all Americans, not just those who elected him: his predecessor’s greatest character flaw. Religious conservatives voted overwhelmingly for his opponent, John McCain, so why not make a grand gesture of reconciliation, and in a very public way? They weren’t fooled, but fair enough, I suppose. At any rate, it was good Obama picked gay bishop Gene Robinson (a Kentucky native) to start off the inaugural events the Sunday before. Even though his invocation wasn’t broadcast by most major networks, and even though it felt like an afterthought after protests mounted against Rev. Warren, it was reassuring. The whole episode does point up one worry I have already, though. President Obama himself admits he pays more attention to criticism than praise. Just in the first two weeks of his administration, we’ve seen him bend over backwards and even change his tune on a few issues, just to keep the peace. Listening to your critics is a good trait. I understand the full worth of that. When I was editor of this newspaper, I tired of praise. I wanted to hear what I was doing wrong. Criticism is much more valuable. It not only keeps you from getting a big head, it’s often the only way you can hone your talents. But it would be a mistake if Obama were to listen to it too much. There’s no value in taking on such bloated bullies as Rush Limbaugh, as he’s done already. That’s like arguing with a dead elephant. Limbaugh thrives on destruction. Ignore him, Mr. President: please! We need to keep letting Obama know we’re still here. We don’t need another garden variety liberal giving us lip service, then finding all manner of excuses not to stand up for us when someone yells “Boo!” This country’s history is littered with the bodies of two-faced liberals who said one thing and did another. For our own sake, we need to make sure Obama’s isn’t one of them.

Indiana Organizations Promote Fairness For All by Brandon Monson

With the New Year come many things including a new Indiana Equality. Here at IE we’ve shifted things around a bit so that we can better serve and represent the GLBT community here in Indiana. We have two entities that makeup what is best known as Indiana Equality. The first organization is Indiana Equality Action, which will focus primarily on public policy advocacy. Then we also have the second organization, Indiana Equality, which will focus on public education, research, and community and grassroots organizing. We will continue to do everything we have in the past…and more. The newly elected officers for Indiana Equality: • President- Kathy Sarris • State Chair- Jon Keep • Secretary- Jessica Wilch • Treasurer- Dan Funk • Fundraising Committee Chair- Scott Keller • Field Operations Committee Chair- John Clower • Communications Committee Chair- Brandon Monson. The newly elected officers for Indiana Equality Action: • President- Walter Botich • Vice President- Randy Studt • Secretary- Vivian Benge • Treasurer-Dan Funk Indiana Equality has been chosen as a recipient of a $45,000 grant from the Tides Foundation’s State Equality Fund, a philanthropic partnership that includes the Evelyn and Walter Haas, Jr. Fund, the Gill Foundation, and anonymous donors. This grant, along with generous matching dollars from our supports will be used to expand civil rights protections (workplace, education, and public accommodations) for GLBT citizens across our Great State. Contributions from our donors will allow IE to hire a field organizer to travel every part of the state. This organizer will reach out and educate Hoosiers and their elected officials, laying the groundwork for needed protections for GLBT people in cities and towns that currently lack them. Your donations will also provide for educational materials, town hall meetings, grassroots mobilization, research, strategic polling, operational support, and other activities necessary to secure protections for GLBT Hoosiers. We are partnering in this project with the Midwest Office of Lambda Legal, the American Civil Liberties Union of Indiana (ACLU-IN), American Federation of State, County, and Municipal Employees Council 62 (AFSCME), Indiana AFL-CIO (AFL-CIO), state and local GLBT groups, and several other allied organizations. Indiana Equality’s realignment comes just in time to be awarded this grant. Changing our organizational structure will allow us to better serve the GLBT community and work with our partners in creating a better Indiana for generations to come. We can’t do this without you.

David Williams is the founder of the Williams-Nichols Institute and the Kentucky Gay & Lesbian Library and Archives, which are housed at the University of Louisville’s Ekstrom Library. FEBRUARY 2009

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DePauw University student Brandon Monson serves at the Communications Chair for Indiana Equality, the Hoosier state's premier Fairness organization. The Letter

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Tasteful Culture DINING OUT

J. Gumbo's: Get On Your Mardi Gras! The city of New Orleans has always been important to me. The history, romance and paranormal aspects of New Orleans cannot be compared to any other U.S. city and the culinary scene has its own unique character. Creole and Cajun peacefully co-exist with numerous other ethnic cuisines in a city filled with restaurants. Louisville is similar to this in that our city also boasts a variety of eateries, each with a different twist on the dining experience. Since we are fast approaching Mardi Gras this month, I thought it appropriate that I get my fix of some New Orleans fare. In addition to its original location on Frankfort Avenue, there are six more J. Gumbo’s in Louisville (with a new one opening soon on Popular Level Road) as well as one in Indianapolis and another in Cincinnati. The restaurant’s franchising efforts have certainly paid off! I decided to try the Clifton spot for my initial visit. Located at 2109 Frankfort Avenue, J. Gumbo’s was first known as Gumbo A Go-Go. It occupies a cozy building set back from the street. They have ample parking which is a plus in this area. The rather non-descript interior is emblazoned with colorful posters depicting Mardi Gras and New Orleans as well as sparkling beads and festive masks. There is one dining area in the establishment and an enclosed heated porch where you can enjoy alfresco dining while

remaining toasty indoors. All of the eateries are counter service where you place your order upon entering the restaurant, get your drink and then find a comfortable spot to enjoy your repast. Your food is brought to your table before you have a chance to exclaim “lasissez les bon temps roulez!” The menu offerings at J. Gumbo’s are not substantial but certainly thorough in its inclusion of Cajun and Creole staples. Most items will only set you back $5.99. The entrees are touted as being “Big Bowl” entrees and they definitely are not stretching the truth about the size of the serving. The menu is divided by the spiciness of the dish with sweet and mild options, medium zesty or hot and spicy selections. They also serve three appetizers, sandwiches and daily specials. All entrees are served over a bowl of steamed rice and a slice of buttered garlic bread. Soft Drinks, tea and water are available to drink and beer is also served at several locations. Alas, you will have to wait until you get home to imbibe that Hurricane! Sweet and mild choices included Red Beans and Rice, Jambalaya, Bourbon Street Chicken and Creole (shrimp or chicken). Medium zesty meals offered Gumbo, Etouffee (chicken, shrimp or crawfish), Bumblebee Stew and White Chili. The hot and spicy options were Drunken Chicken, Voodoo Chicken, Voodoo Chili or the

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Cajun Burrito Bowl. We decided to begin with an appetizer and we selected the Crawfish Cheese Dip. The rich, cheesy dip was full of plump crawfish and served with tortilla chips. The dip’s base is actually their etouffee sauce with added cheese and this variation was thick and slightly piquant. Although I easily could have had just the dip and chips for dinner, I knew I had to save some room for the main course. My dining partner opted for a New Orleans specialty, the Drunken Chicken. Spicy marinated chicken in a rich sauce with stewed tomatoes was served atop a bed of white rice. My companion enjoyed his meal but it might have been a bit on the spicy side for his challenged palate. I found it to my liking, however, and knew that I had my next day’s lunch. I decided on the Voodoo Chicken, mainly because it was lauded as being the hottest item on the menu. The shredded chicken was cooked in a garlic sauce with lots of Cajun spices and the restaurant’s own take on a Voodoo sauce. It was delicious and certainly not too spicy for my taste. Thanks to stuffing my face with the crawfish dip, I ended up eating less than half of the substantial serving but was able to take home the rest for another lunch. Because I was still not done with my New Orleans experience and I had already depleted my doggie bag contents, I headed to J. Gumbo’s on Baxter Avenue for lunch a few days later. Now this location is much smaller than the one on Frankfort, with fewer tables and, honestly, a more run-down interior. I would have thought, since it was newer, that it would not be so shabby. But the food spoke the truth and there was nothing shabby about its preparation. This time I went not so spicy and tried the White Chili. There was still some heat but not as intense as my chicken. The chili was stocked with white beans, onions, tomatoes, jalapenos and Cajun spices. Again, this was served over rice with the garlic bread. We had chili for dinner since I could not make much of a dent in the bowl. J.Gumbo’s is big on value. With such low price tags and so much food, you certainly get your money’s worth. And with that festive carnival season coming up at the end of the month and you find yourself short of funds for a plane ticket to New Orleans; try the next best thing at J. Gumbo’s. For a complete list of restaurant locations, visit www.jgumbos.com. Chicago native Beth Ann Rubin has been reviewing restaurants for THE LETTER for over three years. A talented cook in her own right, her baked goods have won her many awards at the Kentucky State Fair.

Black Beans & Rice 18

by Beth Ann Rubin

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FEBRUARY 2009

Rainbow of Thought GAY LOVE COACH

A "Calendar of Love" For Gay Couples by Brian Rzepczynski, M.S.W. At this time of year, it’s easy to focus on making resolutions and goals for selfimprovement and personal growth. But while everyone is creating individual objectives to accomplish their ideals, an important part of our lives tends to be overlooked and neglected when going through this period of introspection and renewal. Our relationships! Whether it’s an intimate relationship with a significant other or our connections with family and friends, all relationships require consistent attention, feeding, and sustenance to keep them healthy and vital. What better time of the year to take stock of your relationships and give them some much needed “Tender Loving Care” than now! For purposes of this article, we will focus on some specific strategies you can implement within the context of your relationship with your partner that will keep the focus on your identity as a couple. One of the factors that contribute to the demise of many gay relationships is when the partners take each other for granted. That can certainly be easy to do when you consider the realities inherent in the hectic hustle-bustle craziness that life entails. We can get so caught up in the distractions of work, family, friends, household management, working out, and all the other extracurricular activities that we involve ourselves in that we actually end up losing sight of what’s really most important and valuable—our relationships with our partners. A common danger is that once dating partners become coupled, many become

FEBRUARY 2009

comfortable and complacent and begin to settle into monotonous routines and rituals that can kill the spark that had once attracted them to each other. It also then becomes easy for the other responsibilities and demands of life to take center stage and the relationship takes a back seat to all these other competing forces. Relationships require energy and effort; lack of attention will create a division between the partners and this distance makes the individuals feel unwanted, unloved, and unappreciated. This spells disaster and conflict. Don’t let your relationship suffer this fate! You’ve worked hard to build a solid foundation of trust and intimacy. All that’s needed now is some consistent reinforcement of your love and devotion for each other. To help you with this, I’ve created a little monthly task calendar to keep you centered on your relationship during the coming year to ensure you and your partner stay focused on each other. Sometimes we all need a little structure to keep us accountable and to remind us of our priorities. What follows is a month-to-month suggested action plan that’s divided into topics and comprised of a communication exercise and a behavioral action step to keep your relationship alive and #1 in your life. These are obviously just suggestions and you can tailor the ideas to fit your unique style and relationship needs. And don’t just be buckled down to these points…be creative and develop your own. The point to all of this is to keep your priorities on track and to remember that your partner and relationship need feeding that only you can give. And the more you put into

it, the greater rewards and fulfillment you will reap! Love Tasks: Month-by-Month January & February: Vision Vision is a graphic depiction of what you want your ideal lifestyle and relationship to look like. These dreams create an endgoal to strive toward and are helpful motivators to keep growing forward and track your progress. Couple’s Dialogue (January): Sit down with your partner and co-create a relationship vision for your partnership. What are your needs, dreams, goals, aspirations, and fantasies? What would be the ultimate for you in every facet of your couplehood? Have fun with it and creating it together gives a sense of teamwork and solidifies your bond and commitment to your future together. Couple’s Activity (February): Purchase a large poster-board and gather a collection of magazines. Together, cut out pictures, symbols, or words that resonate with you and represent your relationship vision and paste them to the board as you make a collage. When finished, post it in a place where you will both see it on a daily basis to keep you centered on your goals as a couple and work to make it a reality! (idea from www.relationshipcoachinginstitute. com) March & April: Romance One of the secrets to relationship bliss is to nurture an element of mystery and intrigue in your partnership to stave off boredom and monotony. Never let the courtship die in your relationship, no matter how long you’ve been together. Nothing keeps the spark alive more than when your partner feels cherished and swept off his/her feet. Couple’s Dialogue (March): Share with each other all the things that you each do that makes you feel adored and special. Together, create a special “Date Night” that incorporates both your needs and preferences for romance and doting affection. Couple’s Activity (April): Make it a point to let your baby know how special he is to you and why you’re glad to have him as your lover for life. Plant a love letter in his briefcase. Surprise him with tickets to the opera. Take him through a scavenger hunt that leads to a fine piece of jewelry or flowers. Be playful, spontaneous, and genuine. Show him how much you love and adore him. May & June: Empathy and Validation Your partner needs to feel heard and understood. There is no greater gift than when your partner feels that you listened

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to him and really “get” him, even when you may not necessarily agree with his points. Validating is not the same thing as agreeing; it is reinforcing for your partner that his perspectives are valid within their own right. Empathy is mirroring back an understanding of how your partner might be feeling. Couples’ Dialogue (May): The next time you and your partner have a disagreement, rather than jumping into problem-solving mode, validate your partner’s feelings and convey to him that what he’s saying makes sense to you. Your partner should then mirror back the same process to validate your side of things. Both of you must feel that you each fully understand each other’s perceptions before any problem resolution can occur. Couple’s Activity (June): Find ways to validate your partner’s feelings and beliefs on a daily basis. For example, donating to his favorite charity even though you may not necessarily agree with it is a validation of his worth and your support of his right to his own values and causes. You’ll score big points in the love bank when you validate something that he knows is difficult for you to do because he’ll know it was a selfless act of support for him. July & August: Quality Time Avoid letting the busyness of life get in the way of your spending time together as a couple. Being physically and emotionally available to each other will keep the connection alive and strengthen your friendship and sense of togetherness. Couple’s Dialogue (July): To keep centered on your relationship, schedule a weekly or monthly “relationship powwow” where you talk about all the things that went well and didn’t go so well in The Letter

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your partnership over that specific course of time. It will help you stay on top of your relationship goals and can be a time to plan fun times and troubleshoot any potential problems that might be arising before they become unmanageable. Couple’s Activity (August): Schedule a “Date Night” once a week and each of you take turns planning the date on alternate weeks. Remember, it’s not so much what you’re doing together as it is that you’re spending quality time with each other, so avoid getting hung up on the details of a date and just enjoy being with each other. September & October: Verbal Strokes and Affection It feels so good when your partner says loving things to you to affirm how important you are in his life. Let the power of your words demonstrate how you feel. It’s sometimes difficult for gay men to express their feelings, but take heart in knowing that your verbal affirmations and statements can be quite healing to your partner. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and speak your truth about how much he means to you. Combined with affection, he’ll be putty in your hands! Many gay men have the tendency to sexualize their affectionate gestures. Try to focus on initiating acts of non-sexual physical affection and this will

help nurture feelings of emotional intimacy and cohesion. Couple’s Dialogue (September): Sit with each other and take turns sharing with each other what you each appreciate and honor about the other. Tell each other what you’re most grateful for about being in a relationship with each other. Give him lots of positive strokes for all that he brings to your life. Communicate with each other the types of physical affection behaviors that you most desire and enjoy. Remember that what feels good to you may not necessarily jive with your partner’s tastes. Couple’s Activity (October): Become more conscious about the power of physical touch and affection in your relationship. Hold hands, give each other massages, hug and hold each other, sit in each other’s laps while watching television. At day’s end, ask yourself “Have I done anything today that let my partner how much I care about him?” If not, make sure to do something before retiring for bed. November & December: Sexual Intimacy And of course nothing keeps the pulse going quite like an escapade of bedroom gymnastics that takes the breath away. Whew! Keep the spark alive in your relationship by spicing things up sexually from time to time to avoid getting stuck in a

rut of routine and sexual boredom. It’s time to get creative! Couple’s Dialogue (November): Gay men in particular seem to have difficulty expressing their sexual needs and preferences verbally; instead, they tend to suppress their true desires or act them out in real-time in the bedroom. Allow some time to sit down with your partner and talk directly and assertively about what you like and don’t like sexually. Be honest and discuss what you’d like more and less of. Focus on behaviors and not your partner as an individual during your discussion. The male ego and self-esteem are very wrapped up with sexuality so special care in the delivery of communications is important. Teach each other what feels best and educate each other about your special turn-ons. Couple’sActivity (December): Separately, each of you can write out in graphic detail a sexual fantasy that you have. Then share your stories with each other and act them with each other on two separate occasions. Have fun with it! Remember to change the time, location, and position of sexual play to keep things different and interesting. And most importantly, keep the focus off of performance. Enjoy the process of lovemaking and all that it brings. Orgasm

is much more intense when you’ve truly surrendered to all the pleasures and sensations experienced throughout the entire course of your passionate carnal session together. By following this simple structure, you’ll be well on your way to keeping your relationship front-and-center where it belongs and your chances of taking your partner and relationship for granted will be minimized. Incorporate all of these aspects that make a healthy relationship strong into your day-to-day living, not just month-to-month of course. By consistently advocating for your relationship and taking the necessary steps to keep it alive and well, you’ll find that by year’s end, you and your partner will have a much stronger foundation and you’ll be constantly reminded of why you fell in love with each other in the first place. Happy New Year to you! Enjoy and cheers to your relationship success! ©2008 Brian L. Rzepczynski, All rights reserved. To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs, and teleclasses, visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.

OUTLOOK WITHIN

Dear Jack, Dear Me: Notes From The Afterlife If I were a cat I'd have seven lives left. I’m not and I don’t. I’m 15 years into my second life, no promise of a third. The first ended at age 35 with my coming out. Try as I might to reconcile my two lives, they resist union. RecentlyIcontactedanacquaintance from my first life. I remember him as a tall, sexy graduate student with an infectious smile and an outsider’s insight into our society. A U.S. citizen, he’d grown up overseas. We enjoyed long philosophical discussions. I lost track of him when he returned to Europe. Thanks to the internet, I learned he now lives stateside and works for a religious institution. I e-mailed him this innocuous note: Jack (not his real name), Warm greetings and (mostly) good wishes to you in the midst of the yammering and clamoring of daily life. I stumbled across your name today and smiled to think of you back when you wrote for the magazine I edited. Back when I yet called myself Doug, before I named myself. My file of abandoned to-do projects includes an airmail letter I started to you overseas. Perhaps this note is by way of laying that obligation to rest. 20

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I hope you are well and happy. Interesting how life continues apace, how it carries us along on its currents, how we do the best we can. How much this matters; how little. Life and peace to you. And light, Bryn He replied, addressing me by my birth name. Red flag. People who refuse to honor my name change also tend to discount the person I am now. Jack wrote: Hi Doug, Thank you for your note. I enjoyed writing for the magazine. There is something you write here that lacks wisdom: "I named myself." It is folly to think that we can name ourselves. We are not our own authors. We are the clay, not the Potter. What's in a name? "She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins" (Matthew 1:21). Everything's in THIS name: "For there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved" (Acts 4:12). And this is my only hope— that Jesus came into the world to save sinners. He alone is true peace, light, and life, Sincerely, Jack

What gives? His response seems overblown. Somehow he must have learned I've come out. Apparently my making contact threatens him. What, is he afraid I’ll assault his belief system? His person? I feel angry. At the same time, I've been where he is, smug and secure in selfrighteous conviction on his side of the church door. If I write Jack off as a lost cause, I also throw out the former me he represents. I want to believe my first lifetime was not a total wash, that some part of what I did or who I was outlived my coming out. That's why I e-mailed Jack in the first place. When I answer him I also address the man I once was: Jack, Curious (or maybe not) that you and I address comments to persons who lived some 14, 15 years ago, who are no longer present to life in a physical way. I write a Jack whom I perceived/projected to be in the thick of continued learning, able to pose questions, feeling his way into the future. You write a man named Doug, earnest, sincere, sure he knew where if not what the answers were. Peace to both those men. And to the men they are at present, may one day become. Thank you for your response, for your time, energy and expression of hope/

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by Bryn Marlow belief. Given the tenor of your words, the judgment I hear in them, and my desire for health, I choose to terminate contact with this e-mail (leaving me the last word, I note) and say to that agesago Jack and his present incarnation, as I did to my father four years ago on his deathbed, three years later to my dying mother, then to my beloved grandmother, "I love you; I let you go." Bryn When I was little I wanted to be a cat when I grew up. In childhood, all bets were off, all options open. My world has narrowed since then. Nowadays the thought of having to endure nine lives leaves me feeling tired. I can’t seem to reconcile the two that have been granted me, let alone nine. I grieve the loss of my first life and my inability to bring people from my past into my present. This life after death is deeper, richer, fuller, different. I wish those I once loved were here to share it.

Bryn Marlow lives with his husband Dave on a 1930s Indiana farmstead where they raise chickens and flowers. FEBRUARY 2009

THE SIENNA FEATHER

GLAMOUR UNDERBRIDGE

The Act

A Trans Book Recommendation

by Rev. James W. Hensley

by Tina Storm

Have you read any good books lately? I have been enthralled in a book by Biochemist PhD., Julia Serano. Julia is a transactivist, feminist, biologist and writer. Her book, Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity was written by Julia over a year ago not to reach people on a personal level to educate them about gender identity and the transgender experience, but to be used as a text guide to explore every aspect of gender expression. Julia describes every aspect of gender identity and gender expression through heterosexual or what she calls cissexual and cisgender or the ‘norm.’ She calls most transgender women ‘stereotypical’ who are looking to fit into a stereotypical heteroworld, spends an inordinate amount of time applying make-up and concerned about what to wear. She explains divides within our community very well and adds new words and phrases to our already expanded language; for example: Cissexual - People who have only ever experienced their subconscious sex and physical sex as being aligned or ‘normal.’ Cisgender - People who are not transgender. Heterosexism - A form of gender entitlement; The belief that heterosexuality is the only ‘natural’ legitimate or morally acceptable form of sexual desire. (promotes Tran phobia). Subconscious Sex - this term replaces Gender Identity. Gender Oppositional Sexism - Theory that creats assumptions and stereotypes are appliet to each sex differently based on the idea that men and women are opposite sexes. Doctor Serano states many obvious facts we already know to be true, and enlightens us through her activist lesbian position the differences between masculinity in male and females and femininity in females and males. She thoroughly explains that it is not the factor of opposites, but rather provides us with enough information to deduce the truth is in individuality. Does Dr. Serano really have the inside track on the transgender experience or is she just picking a fight. The Harry Benjamin Association (HBIGDA) comes under fire by Dr. Serano as she states the research instituted by association reveals more about the researchers’ biases and assumptions than it does about the transgender population, which may be correct, but perhaps only displays some immaturity on the writer’s behalf. Anyone who has been actively engaged in transition for five years or more, gratefully respect the Harry Benjamin Standard of Care which allow transsexuals to attain psychological treatment, medications, and surgeries to transform their bodies into the anatomical gender more congruent with his or her brain function in identity of self. I will give her credit for recognizing that there is a discrepancy existing between our self-identity and our physical bodies. Dr. Julia Serano is not the first trans-person to study gender identity and write about her findings and position. Ann Lawrence has been studying GID for more than twenty years, providing first hand experience on mental and emotional needs of the community as well as reviewing sex-reassignment surgeons and their techniques by observation and post operative photos sent by recovering patients with their written testimonies. Dr. Lawrence is a transgender psychologist and sexologist who practices in Seattle, Washington and has taken on the former Harry Benjamin Association her self on the basis of recent organizational name changes among other issues. In this community, if you have an opinion and you write it down, welcome to open season. For the most part this book, ‘Whipping Girl’ is a good read. I laughed at many of anecdotes and breezed right through the chapters. Readers will gain a better understanding, for the most part, about the variety of gender identity variances in our society and learn some new terms (I don’t care for) being used in our community. If you are not touched by the political poise after reading this book, you just did not pay attention. As of yet, we have no confirmed speaker for the next Sienna meeting. This month’s meeting will take place on February 21. To attend our next meeting or other events, please contact the pager at 502-894-1048 or online at www.tg-sienna. org.

An ACT relating to civil rights. Amend KRS 344.010 to include definitions for "sexual orientation" and "gender identity." It’s House Bill 72 and the bill will be debated in the Judiciary Committee of the Kentucky State Legislature. Then again, maybe it won’t. Kentucky doesn’t exactly have the greatest track record for these things, after all. Kentuckians, by majority vote, are determined to starve state government into irrelevance and make sure white, heterosexual, Protestant Christians (in the “right” denominations) maintain their privileges and prerogatives. That does not include any acts “relating to civil rights” that might level the playing field for those who aren’t in the majority and are subject to the constant barrage of bias and bigotry rooted in deeply held religious convictions. Please note, your religion doesn’t make you a bigot. Only you can do that. Bitter much? Well. No, actually. I can pass for white and I grew up in hyper-Protestant and resolutely anti-intellectual Appalachia. I can quote the King James Bible if the mood takes me and twang up my accent enough to escape notice. Dispite Kentucky’s “your marriage has to be OK with my preacher” law, (The text of the law states: Only a marriage between one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as a marriage in Kentucky. A legal status identical or substantially similar to that of marriage for unmarried individuals shall not be valid or recognized. It was passed overwhelmingly in 2004 and is one of the most restrictive in the nation) I’m doing OK since I don’t have a spouse and my employer has enough sense to offer benefits for “other adults” that aren’t spouses and are never, ever referred to as domestic partners. No. The feeling I have is disappointment. Do you feel it too? Do conniving state legislators really think the can continue to pretend that rights for anybody they don’t like are “special” just because, well, they don’t think those people are white or Christian enough? Do you really think the Full Faith and Credit clause of the U.S. Constitution doesn’t apply to our fair Commonwealth? How many members of the House and our deeply biased Senate skipped civics back in the day anyway? Do they really think a valid marriage made in Massachusetts ceases to exist once it crosses the Ohio River? A contract is a contract. Marriage is a contract. Wait for that one to hit the courts. One of the other bills the legislature will take up this session will give the members of the House and the Senate the authority to solemnize marriages. Exactly what does that have to do with their jobs? Did they ask their preachers about that? They can blame it all on the “will of the people” after all. That’s because we all know that big groups of people always make cool and rationale decisions when it comes to things about which they have strong feelings but weak information. Who really thinks a big group of citizens gets to pick and choose which laws and rights another group of citizens gets to enjoy? The most disappointing of all is those believers who somehow think their religion isn’t good enough unless everyone is coerced into practicing it. Since government has the big coercive stick these believers turn to government to establish their religion. The big lie they tell is that they can only practice their religion if I practice it for them. So there you have it. The act related to civil rights won’t go anywhere because Kentucky is content to watch the rest of the nation pass it by. Being a backwater is quaint and if the educational system continues to fail there will be no shortage of provincial, self-defeating and hysterical rumblings about the “assault on families,” “persecution of Christian While he is co-pastor values” and “abandonment of of Progressive Pathways morals.” It’s pathetic. We can do Fellowship in Louisville better. (www.progressivepathways.

Tina Storm, Outreach Coordinator for Sienna is a nurse who lives and works 24/7, serves on the Transgender Day of Remembrance Committee and the advisory board of U of L’s Office for GLBT Services. FEBRUARY 2009

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org), opinions expressed by James Hensley do not represent the official policy of the church. The Letter

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GUEST ESSAY: GAY MEN & EATING DISORDERS

Starving For Acceptance The idea of extreme dietary selfrestriction is likely to conjure up images of bony, thin girls. Some may remember that waify girl from high school who never ate during lunch. Many will recall that friend from college who couldn't stop exercising. Others may think of famous thin-obsessed celebrities like Mary Kate Olsen or Nicole Richie who have proudly strutted their skeletal structures across the red carpet. A few may even recall that Lifetime movie with Tracey Gold where her character famously hid her jars of her own vomit inside a closet, only to later have them discovered by her shocked and bewildered mother. The one common thread is that when it comes to eating disorders, most people are predisposed to think of them as a female issue. After a recent Google search, I was delighted to stumble on something that sheds light on this myth. Filmmaker Travis Mathews has pieced together an eye-opening documentary called “Do I Look Fat?”, and for once, it's not women who are being asked the question. It's gay men! Mathews' movie stands out as one of the few pieces of media available for gay men looking to find other people who suffer from the shame of corporal self-loathing. The hourlong film documents the inner turmoil and strife eight gay men face and have faced with anorexia, bulimia, over-exercising, and other unhealthy manifestations of eating disorders giving a relatable, human face to an invisible issue. It also explores the issue of how gender and hostility to all things female in our culture creates the perfect storm for gay men to develop eating disorders. Breaking it down into simple mathematical equations, one of the men points out that there is a mind-set that fat equals weak equals female and thin equals strong equals man. As I watched the movie, I was gratified to see other men step out of the closet of deep shame to discuss their own issues of uncomfortability with the mainstream gay male community's obsession with youth and beauty.

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For so long, I felt I was the only one. The film's exposing of the ridiculous obsession gay men have with the "perfect" physique along with its feminist critique of eating disorders, reminded me of my own journey. Rewinding back three years, I had convinced myself that the idea of my having an eating disorder was laughable. I had been overweight for most of my life. While not morbidly obese by any measure, losing some weight was not such a bad idea. However, I ended up losing more than just some weight and in the process, I nearly lost myself. I don't think there was ever a time since adolescence when I felt good about my body, but there was definitely a day when I started to let this insecurity take control. It was the day I was told by a boy I was crushing on that he only dated really thin guys. I obviously wasn't one of those "really thin guys", but I was determined to somehow become one. I had never exercised a day in my life, but I soon ventured to the gym. There, I found a seemingly magical contraption called the elliptical machine. Although it took a little while to get used to the demands that working out had on my body, I was soon peddling away an hour a day on it. There was a scale in the men's locker room, and I weighed myself religiously each day. The pounds were shedding off faster than I ever realized they could. For the first time, I felt in control of my looks. I started to feel more confident about my own body. So I thought, at least. I was baffled that I could lose so much weight and still not have a single guy be interested in me, though. I thought my entire problem was that I was fat. After 12 months, I lost a third of my original body weight, but I surmised that I must have to lose more if I wanted a man to be attracted to me. I stopped eating normal meals, reducing my usual daily caloric intake to less than 1,000 calories. I exercised excruciatingly for hours every day, sometimes spending more than two hours daily at the gym. I was determined to do whatever it took to have some guy be attracted to me. All the while

by Jason Dilts

I convinced myself that I didn't have a problem. Someone who was medically classified as obese only one year earlier could never be anorexic. Plus, I was a guy. Men don't get eating disorders. I clung to the lie. There's an entire culture that promulgates lies about our bodies. Our culture caters to eating disorders and aids in convincing people like me that their behavior isn't irrational or harmful. The brainwashing exists on several levels. For one, there's the mainstream heterosexual media that is obsessed with thinness. Nearly every image you see on TV, in magazines, or in movies is of a person with a thin and trimmed physique. Beyond the media, people in general are obsessed with losing weight. The minute I started losing weight, I received constant praise from people I ran into. "Wow, you look amazing!" "I don't even recognize you!" "You look like a whole new person!" These comments are understandable and even appropriate to a point. Even while I was wasting away, though, I was still receiving nonstop accolades from friends and acquaintances. I began to notice that our overweight society seemed to operate under the assumption that you can never be too thin. There's another level on this issue in the culture, though, and it lies in the gay community. Eating disorders have become an almost normalized way of life, particularly among young gay men. The gay media constantly bombards us with images of men with washboard abs, burly muscles, and perfectly trimmed, circuit physiques. We see these in every gay magazine, in ads on every major gay website, and nearly every gay male character represented on television fits the image. It also translates into real life. Though research is rare and often obscured, a 2007 study done by the Columbia University Mailman School of Public Health managed to get a little press. It found that gay and bisexual men have a higher-thanaverage risk for developing eating disorders. In a culture that often

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obsesses over youth and beauty, it's easy to see why. Their study found, though, that gay men who aren't identified with the "gay community" and aren't involved socially in a gay-oriented subculture are just as susceptible to having issues with eating. There could very well be an internalized aspect of self-loathing that manifests itself in this unhealthy way inside many gay men; I know there certainly was within myself. Over time, I started to take pride in being anorexic. It felt like I had masterminded the ultimate coup, going from hideous and fat to emaciated and thin. I was in love with the sight of my rib cage. I felt empowered every time I could see a new bone. I felt a rush of pride each time my hips knocked up against the surface of a counter or desk and a ping of sharp pain consumed my body. The more it hurt, the better it was. I was able to take pride in being anorexic in a way I was never able to take pride in being gay. Constant compliments, societal encouragement, and a whole world that caters to being thin contrasts deeply to the social retribution one typically faces when coming out of the closet. All of us want to be accepted, and after being rejected by society-at-large for being gay and by the gay community for not fitting the image of what a gay man is supposed to be, I felt I had finally found a comfortable lifestyle and identity. (Continued on next page.) FEBRUARY 2009

GUEST ESSAY: GAY MEN & EATING DISORDERS CONTINUED While the new "lifestyle" I was living gave me a faux sense of empowerment, it also left me drained and exhausted. I had little time to actually enjoy my life. I also found that turning off one set of drives -in this case hunger -- sets off a chain reaction that turns off other basic instincts as well. Ironically, after I set out to get thin so that my body would be more sexually appealing, I ended up having no sex drive at all. I reached a point where I wasn't even really sure why I continued the whole routine. It hadn't gotten me what I wanted, but I was scared to let it go. I needed a new perspective on life to jolt me out of my weakened state. Thankfully, I would soon find it… Something needed to be done. I was literally fading away. Ironically, the more weight I lost, the more I hated my life. I thought being thin would make me happy, but missing meals, losing sleep, and ducking social engagements for fear of slipping up and eating something "bad" had made my life miserable. I knew I had a problem that couldn't be excused any longer by my former size or allowed to be encouraged by social accolades or psychotic fringe websites. I finally realized none of what I was doing was worth the cost of my own life. If I had to go to these extreme measures for a boyfriend, I decided that I'd rather be alone. It was a long, arduous process to get back to "normal." I sought counseling, though I had to practically pull teeth to find a qualified therapist who wasn't overloaded and was willing to take on a male client. Once I did, my insurance provider informed me that my visits wouldn't be covered because my therapist wasn't in their network. They didn't seem to care that she was the only therapist in town I could get in to see. Despite this battle, though, I was determined to beat this disease. I found a friend who helped me do this. That friend was feminism.

FEBRUARY 2009

In college I had grown to strongly identify with the feminist values of self-determination, acceptance, and personal empowerment. I was also keenly aware that how we act and behave as men and women was determined, to at least some degree, by the culture at-large. Left unchecked and unexamined, our lives could end up being mere stereotypes. I framed my value system around feminism, which may seem odd for a gay man to do. For me, it just seemed natural. How could I not identify with an ideology that fully accepted me as a person and adamantly encouraged me to live life on my own terms? I was a full-on feminist in every sense of the word – Save one. My unrelenting best friend, who always kept me in check, fiercely and consistently pointed out how hypocritical I was being in obsessing over my body. One day she put her foot down. She demanded that I sit and not get up until I had read an essay titled The Body Politic in an anthology of writings by third-wave feminists called Listen Up: Voices from the Next Feminist Generation. I acquiesced, annoyed. I was never the same. The author's words left an indelible imprint on my soul. The confession of the author’s self-induced corporal abuse and the conflicts it created with her own value system were a haunting parallel to my own life. She had convinced herself, like me, that she had no problem. She too found empowerment in her thin obsession. Eventually, though, she had to face reality. By the time I was done reading the essay, I knew I had to face reality as well. Her words were like a splash of cold water waking me up from a deep sleep. I felt her spirit reaching through the pages and shaking me, urging me to

wake up. In that moment, feminism saved my life. In the end, it was my own determination that allowed me to take back control of my body. I had to spend a lot of uncomfortable days forcing myself to eat. I had to alter my exercise routine. I had to dig deep inside my psyche to understand that the root of my problems didn't stem from how much body fat I measured, but rather how much self-esteem I had. I had to come to the realization that there is a lot more to me than a number on a scale. I needed to get over my single complex. Anyone who was interested in me solely because I was thin wasn't worth having in my life. Most importantly, I had to accept that I was good enough alone, and that I didn't need another person to complete me. I had to amble my way back to myself. I still struggle a bit with body issues, but thankfully, my eating and exercising habits have become normal. I'm able to eat food again – and enjoy it! Exercise is something I do more for being healthy than for losing weight. I'm learning to accept the fact that I may never have a six-pack and zero body fat. I'm also accepting that who I am is more important than how I look. I'm realizing that for anyone to be attracted to me, they need to be attracted to the me that is inside. I also realize, though, that the issues that lead me to having an eating disorder are much larger than me and bigger than my own story. At one point in Travis Mathews' film, "Do I Look Fat," the interviewer talks with the owner of a Castro Street diet pill store. He pointedly asks the owner how he feels about his customers who abuse the pills and go to extremes to seek out the perfect body. Gleefully, the straight male owner responds that he loves it, explaining that he set up shop in the Castro just to attract business from gay men known to be obsessed with their looks. Their desire for perfection keeps the cash coming in for him, and he surmises it's a good thing for everyone. Gays get to be beautiful, he gets to be rich. This sentiment sheds light on the fact that we've been caught in a corporate matrix. Just about every industry in the business of selling body-related products doesn't mind exploiting the damages society causes that mortally wound our self-esteem. This fight is not merely a personal battle; it's gotten downright political.

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If we’re always at the gym trying to transform our bodies into images of perfection, we’re not out in the real world, showing straight people images of our own humanity. If we have two hour daily work out regiments, we likely don’t have time to fight for social justice within our own community. That’s exactly where some people want us, too! They want us to perpetuate selfdefeating behaviors. They want us destroying ourselves -- and by extension, our own community -- so that we won’t be able to challenge their homophobic notions. They would rather we fade away than rise up. It's time we shed light on it, and shattering the silence is the first step. We need more movies, books, and articles where people tell their stories. Mathews' movie is a great leap forward in this dialogue. We have to rectify the misnomer that an eating disorder is a woman's issue only. It's a gay issue, too! We also have to understand the intersections between gender and sexuality that pre-disposition gay men to be more vulnerable when it comes to body image issues. We also need to demand that more professional research be done on gay men and eating disorders and that more work go in to identifying root causes. We need to present alternative images of gay male beauty and sexual attractiveness. We need to put pressure on the gay media to show more diversity in what is presented to be the modern gay male. Finally, we need to just accept ourselves. We can’t expect straight society to embrace us when we’re full of self-loathing. It took a lot of sweating, starvation, and soul searching for me to get there. Maybe if more people take steps to expose these realities, people's thoughts on eating disorders won't be limited to images of Mary Kate Olsen's size 0 dress and Tracey Gold's vomit jars. They can be expanded to help empower all people who suffer from the grueling uncomfortability of starving for acceptance. Jason Dilts lives in Wichita, Kansas and is a graduate of Wichita State University, who is pondering his next move in life. He loves his life as a single gay man and enjoys spending quality time with his amazing friends. In part one of his story, he explores his descent into Anorexia. In part two, he will discuss his recovery. The Letter

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FEBRUARY 2009