Straight Talk, April 2009

Remember... the HIV basics

The bacteria spreads through the air when someone with TB coughs or sneezes.

HIV/AIDS and TB • Tuberculosis (TB) is caused by bacteria. It usually attacks the lungs. •TB is the most common opportunistic infection in people living with HIV/AIDS. • It is the leading cause of death among people with HIV. •People with HIV need to do TB tests. •TB can be cured with correct treatment. •Treatment is free in all government hospitals in Uganda.

Winners of "A Long Way Gone" Kamugisha Brian, S2, Kings ; ; ; ;

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“II was wa so much in love with my fr I howev discovered fa I was very e to approach d and fought. ame the topic wondered why my emotions rose to that level. We were suspended after two days and told to bring our parents. I was expelled.

The boy is mine!

My parents made me sit at home for a full year. I was later taken to another school. From then, I said NO to relationships. I am now free and happy. My motto is “Nonacademic issues can wait.” Docus is a winner. She is now determined to put education first. Everyone gets bad feelings from time to time. It is natural and alright to feel sad, angry, jealousy and envious.

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But it is wrong to let bad feelings take control of you. Learn to show your feelings in a way that does not hurt you or others. Remember that bad feelings do not last forever.

I WILL NEVER ENGAGE MYSELF INTO RELATIONSHIPS AGAIN...

MOREOVER THE BOY WE WERE FIGHTING FOR IS STILL IN SCHOOL WHILE I'M AT HOME ON SUSPENSION... NOW I THINK HE DIDN'T EVEN LOVE ME ANYWAY!...

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he could not imagine her boyfriend holding the waist of another girl. At least not during the S6 farewell dance which everyone had long waited for. Emotions quickly controlled her. No one knew where she got a knife from. Soon she stabbed her ‘boyfriend’ to death.

Reason? He had danced with another girl. The teenager from Fortportal, in Western Uganda, is now serving a three-year jail sentence at Kampiringisa National Rehabilitation Centre, Mpigi. This is a story about bad strong feelings. The girl felt anger, hate and jealousy. When Straight Talk heard about this story, we were curious about how you control your strong emotions. We asked you to share a story of your strong ba feelings and how you handle them. We received very touching letters from yo In some of the letters you say you did bad things that you regretted. Akello Docus, S6, from St. Katharine SS, Lira, said she fought with her rival.

To be well off tomorrow, work hard today

easant family. But I made y parents would sell crops y my fees. They are so dear . I do everything I can to hem in their old age. I d the police in 1982. Due to od record, I got promoted. ht Talkers, do not rely mily wealth. If you are in l, study hard. I give my en the opportunity to study. tion is the key to success. mber that everything has e. To be well off tomorrow, ard today. Yahaya Wepukhulu, Assistant Superintendent of Police, Manafwa

2 Straight Talk, April 2009 Jealousy y (nugu) is a feeling of resentment that another has gained something that you want. This could be success or material things.

Emotions are feelings that are natural and happen to everyone. What makes a difference and keeps you health is the way you handle them.

Handling grief Loss of a loved one makes you feel sad, depressed and angry. This is called grief. Recovering from grief may take a long time. Elizabeth, a 15 year old girl, talks about the story of her parents’ death. She grieved. “Both my parents died of AIDS. I found out that my father was infected when he got constant fever and skin rashes. After my father's death, my mother started falling sick with the

Olwa shows off his prize

It is also anger caused by the fear of losing someone or something to another person. killer disease. I felt bad and started to cry. My mother told me not to cry and that she would get cured. I started counseling and nursing her. But my mother died. I cried very much. I wanted to ask for help but I didn’t have anybody to help me. I felt tears falling in my heart." Editor: Sorry to Elizabeth and all Straight Talkers going through such difficult time." These are some of the things you can do to help you feel better. • Learn to let go of things that remind you of the person or situation • Write what you are thinking • Breath deeply several times • Do something that makes you happy • Keep busy • Seek company of other people. Do not be alone

Nabwire M, S4 from Light College Mukono says that when she feels angry, crying makes her feel better.

Control envy and jealousy Jealousy and envy are very similar. y is the desire to have Envy something you do not have, but someone else has it.

"If my friends perform better than me, I just befriend them. I believe in myself and I know if I work hard I can be like any other good person." "Editor: Bravo Kembabazi for not having nugu."

Build self-control

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According to James Onegiu, 16, S4, City HS, talking to someone works for him. - Talk to someone

Use envy and jealousy to achieve success and not harm others or yourself. This is how C. Kembabazi, a student of City High School does it:

Liz Okello, teacher, Gayaza High Sch

n you feel like Anger can get to a point whe arms in the air, exploding. Before you throw to revenge, ask exchange hot words or plan that way? yourself – is it worth reacting a skill that is It rol. You need to build self cont lop self-control: develops as you grow. How to deve mind of confusion. • Meditate regularly to clear your l. A calm mind maintains self-contro in public. • Set goals such as never fighting y. • Do things that make you happ lem. • Think positive when having a prob make you angry • Keep away from friends who can act • Train yourself to think before yyou

The diary of a young positive Wise people learn from their mistakes She beat my new catch Olwa S. from Kyambogo College School, Kampala was caught by his girlfriend 'coning' a new comer: "She quarreled and got angry with me. She hit her. I asked her to allow me explain. I deceived her that the girl was my cousin. She cooled down and even apologised. But my love secrets exploded in the whole school. I was suspended. The girls chucked me. I wrote an apology letter to the school and I was accepted back. I changed my behavior Sorry!.. You're nolonger my boyfriend!

Me too!.. I've chucked you from today!

Olwa s chics walked away. Bravo. They know what is safe and healthy for them. A relationship with more than one sexual partner is a no go area. It puts you at a risk of HIV.

This is a story of a girl, 19, who was born with HIV.

Dear diary, Charlie bought g me a beautiful watch. Yes, I was ppleasantlyy surprised. p The first time I saw him I thought he was a good boy. As I walked out of a peer p support pp meeting, g he called me byy name. This was after seeingg him three times. I was flattered. He asked if he could talk to me. We talked about studies and livingg positively. p y At the end of our conversation, I ggave him myy pphone number. A day later, he sent me an SMS. This was the beginning g g of our romance. Myy most memorable SMS he said: "Probablyy I am a poor p shooter. Whenever I shoot, I keep missing you." Meetingg Charlie uplifted me. I was going g g through g a difficult time and lookingg bad. But he said all that did not count. "You are so dear to me and you are my princess. I have a weakness for sweet words. By the way, when I met Charlie he was on TB treatment. He took the drugs for eight months.

Letter to Jane Esther Akori, Yefe HS, Mukono, I am happy to hear from you. You win a Straight Talk cap.

Esther says: "I would like to know how you felt when you were told that you have HIV and how you managed to grow with it."

2007 when you were 17. How did you manage to reach this age without ARVs?

Well, Esther, my friend, Dr. Stephen Watiti p us of Mildmay helps answer this: "Some ppeople p have a high g natural immunity. y It is like when yyou and yyour friend cut their fingers g but one heals faster than the other because theyy have strongg natural immunity.

y Esther, I cursed and cried when I found out. Myy mother didn’t tell me anything. y g I ggot to know Dr.Watiti of it when I was so ill in Also, the environment hospital. p That was the Jane grew g in could have turningg point p for me. I enrolled at been clean. She mayy have slept p a pediatric p center where I gget my under a mosquito q net, eaten well medication and attend the peer p and had good g support. pp Also, some support pp meetings g everyy month. ppeople p are "slow progressors," p g this These meetings g have helped p me is in their genes. g Theyy take longg cope p with the situation. I even to start fallingg sick even if theyy forget I am HIV positive. p The have HIV. Another factor could other reason I have be that the virus she has is not as ggrown upp to this poisonous as some other people age g is not havingg get. sex while still young. It exposes p one to •DISCOVER: There are many types you ppregnancy, g y STIs and of HIV. In Uganda, HIV subtype D is are HIV re-infections. common and the most poisonous. my This weakens the princess Other types include HIV subtype A and bodyy and eventually C. One can have more than one HIV develop AIDS. type at the same time.

Esther also says: You said you were born with HIV, yet you started on ARVs in

Hey Straight talkers, I would like to hear from you. Write to me: Box, 22366, Kampala

Straight Talk, April 2009

You feel cheated, angry, betrayed and unappreciated. What do you do? Revenge?! --- an eye for an eye? Straight Talkers, speak out on their revenge experiences.

A SILLY MISTAKE Sex for revenge looks cool enough to take away your disappointment. But it may cost you your life.

• SEX WITH A 'MUYAYE' TO HURT MY BOYFRIEND I loved my boyfriend so much. One day I realised he had another girl. I thought of revenge. One morning, on my way to school, I met a muyaye. He asked me to go to his room. The fact that I was hurt, I went with him. He kissed me. Since I knew how to put on a condom, I helped him put it on. After everything was over, I left for school. 16 year old girl, Kapchorwa EDITOR: Sex with a perfect stranger! What did you gain? Think about your dignity. Open your eyes, do not be deceived by emotions.

• SEX WITH ANOTHER GIRL Mabonga S, 20, Sironko Parents SS, could not take a No from his girlfriend when he asked for sex. "I really loved her but when I asked for sex, she dodged me. I went to another girl, who easily gave me what I wanted. When the first girl learnt of it, she was hurt. But I got what I wanted." EDITOR: Love is a strong emotion that you do not just throw away anyhow. You seem not to have loved any of these girls. 5HPHPEHUWKHÀUVWJLUOWKRXJK hurt a bit, she is safe, but you may not be! Didn't you revenge on yourself?

Talking to friends can help you to control your emotions. Elizabeth Akello, Loyce Akurut and Evlyn Ikano, S4, Halcyon HS, Soroti discuss issues about their lives

• I DID IT TO SHOW HER THAT I AM A MAN For Afe V, 16, S5, Bishop Asili Memorial SS in Moyo, having sex with another girl would prove he was man enough to cheat his girlfriend. "One day I was chased from school because of fees. When I returned, my friends told me my girlfriend was in love with another boy. I could not believe it. Soon, I caught them. When I questioned her, she denied. I was so annoyed. To show her I am a man, I fell in love with another girl. After a week, we had sex. I later realized my actions could throw me into danger. I could have gotten HIV/AIDS. I later went back to her and apologised. We reconciled and our relationship started again. Never act like I did just to revenge on your lover. EDITOR: Real men are strong and do not do cowardly acts like revenge. It is good Afe that you managed to realise your mistake. Did you test for HIV after your revenge?

a precious thing that happens only once in a lifetime. You need to guard it better than all your riches. You also seem not to have loved any of these girls. But you stirred up their emotions! Wont they disturb you in future? Have you told them it was just a game? Have they forgiven you?

• DISAPPOINTED When E. Anyango, a student in Busia, got her boyfriend with another girl, she was very disappointed. She didn't know what to do. But quickly said to herself: "Instead of fighting; let me do the same to him. I had sex with my new catch. I thought it was the best thing that could make my ex feel the same way I felt. EDITOR: Did he get to know you had sex with another boy? Did he feel the same way you felt? Did you get the satisfaction you were looking for? Does he still love you? Usually revenge does not solve a problem, it just worsens it. Think critically before you decide to revenge.

• PAY BACK

Guard your life

Before you revenge, remembe r that you are hurting and angry. And you are not likely to make a good decision. You can easily make a decision that will expose you to HIV as seen in these stories. Mind your life. When you get HIV, it is you who will be infected not your partner. Beatrice Bainomugisha, Counsellor, STF

"I had a girlfriend in O-levels," says Okello S from Sir Samuel Barker SS, Gulu. "But I heard rumours that she was cheating on me. I took time and proved it. I decided to pay back. I went for other girls. The intention was to show her that I am also good at the game. I got other girls and had sex with them. I could see jealousy in her face whenever she saw me with these girls. After sleeping with almost all of them, I realized I was at risk of getting HIV. I decided to quit the game. EDITOR: Life is not a game, my dear Okello. It is

CONDOMS: Must wear, for the sexually active such as: I don't have HIV, I'm healthy. We have been together for long, don't you tru me? It is tight and too small.

Get it on If someone tells you, "I’m healthy.” Remember: It doesn’t matter how healthy and fit you are, anyone who has unprotected sex puts themselves at risk of getting an STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) and also unintended pregnancy. Most people think “it won’t happen to me.” You or your partner may not even realise that you have an STI. So just because you cannot see any signs doesn’t mean that one of you doesn’t have an STI.

Spending time with Sp help you resist revenge. he ge. e. e.

Infected with an STD P. Ouma from Mutumba, Busia, talks about his nasty experience when he tried to revenge. He got unpleasant results. "I had promised to marry my girlfriend. But she fell in love with my neighbour who had money. When I asked her, she said he was using her to get some girl. I sent my brother to find out. He caught them red-handed. It was painful. I had given her my heart. I first moved away up to Iganga so that I could forget such an experience. But it kept following me. I got another girl to wash away my disappointment. Unfortunately I got gonorrhea. I treated it and became well. Fellow adolescents mind your lives, stay safe always."

Ouma, count your lucky stars that it was gonorrhea. It has a cure. But it could have been HIV. By the way, have you done an HIV test? You should also protect yourself. STDs like gonorrhea make it very easy for HIV to enter your body.

Know your body: Vaginal hy giene

The vagina is a part of the fema le reproductive system. It is a tube that extends from the cervix (wh ich is the mouth of the uterus) to the external part (vulva) of the female reproductive system. In the adult female of reproductive age, the vagina is an elastic muscular canal an average of about 65 mm in length. It is lined by mucous membranes that are similar to those lining the inside of the mouth. These membranes have cells which produce natural fluids that keep the vagina clean. The fluids are clear or whitish, do not itch and do not smell bad.

How to clean it

Is it bad to use washing soap to wash the private parts? S. Nsangi, Valley Hill SS, Kali ro

While cleaning your vagina, you only have to wash the outside part . It is alright to use ordinary soap . Then rinse well with water. Do not insert your fingers in the vagina. They may contain germs that may infect you. When you wash your vagina, do not wash inside. You may disturb the good bacteria. The good bacteria produce the fluid responsible for cleaning the vagina. Washing inside the vagina causes loss of good bacteria which prevent growth of harmful yeasts like candida. You may need to visit a health centre if the discharge produced by the vagina is smelly, itchy or has any other colour, which is not clea r or whitish. After you have wash ed dry yourself with a clean towel.

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4 Straight Talk, April 2009 Please advise. Bonny, Lwagula Memorial SS, Busia In society, there are beliefs held by people without scientific proof. They are called stereotypes. They seem to be true, but dangerous because they influence our behaviour. Always question them and learn to disqualify what is false in them. If for example you have approached more than one girl, and they accepted, it could be a coincidence (chance). The girls might also be wanting to know you more. So those are stereotypes which are affecting you negatively.

Dear

STF 223 66 O. Box x 223A66 P.P.O. Bo L M P A K AM A L A P A K

Hepatitis B and kissing Is it true that when a girl kisses a man or boy she gets hepatitis B? Akurut J, Dabani Girls SS, Busia Hepatitis B is transmitted when an uninfected person comes into contact with infected body fluids or blood from someone who is infected. Sexual contact, sharing of sharp skin piercing instruments and kissing can transmit Hepatits B. Other possible routes of infection include sharing instruments such as razors, toothbrushes and earrings. Body piercing, and tattooing are also possible routes of infection unless sterile needles are used.

Virginity advantages Apart from dodging unwanted pregnancy and STDs, is there any other physical advantage of staying a virgin? Babuthirwaki G, Kasese High School When you remain a virgin until you meet your life long partner, you will also:

Sex demands

Students of a Msaka SS during their visit to Straight Talk oFundation recently. eWare happy because we control our emotions. • avoid HIV infection • enjoy sex when your body and mind are mature for sex and also to handle pregnancy in case you get it. • partner will have trust in you. • likely to concentrate on your studies and stay in school longer

Abusive letters I have a girl friend. We do not study in the same school but she keeps writing me abusive letters, which annoy me so much. I don’t want to show her that I

AD VI CE CO RN ER In ST (Straight Talk) February issue, Tereza asked for advice.

“I have a boy lover who cheats on me so much yet I put all my mind and love on him. Should I also cheat on him or chuck him? I am confused, help me.” Tereza Benedictive Vocational Training Center, Tororo. We got your letters guys. Big thanks. The two letter below are just part of 64 you sent. Each letter WINS an ST CAP.

Mind your studies

My friend Tereza, your boyfriend deceives you. He does not trust you. I advise you to mind your studies more than him. Namuwawu G., Kizza Memorial Vocational SS, Masaka

Talk to him Tereza you are young and good. You can get a good husband who loves you forever. But I also advise you to sit somewhere and talk the two of you about the issue. If he refuses, get a counsellor, if he still fails to change, end the relationship. He may repeat the same thing. Kyohaire Patience, Redemption Club, High Standard SS, Kateera, Kiboga

Any letter from the boys ...let us hear from boys too.

Special mention

First letters received were from - S. Elong and J. Mutebi, Kyambogo College, M Kaka, D. Mawanda Nakazibwe Mariam, Lubwama Rogers, Mbalire Tom all of High Standard SS, Kateera, Kiboga.

am annoyed, what can I do? Ssentongo R, Kizza Memorial SS, Masaka Dear Robert, either that girl does not love you or does not know how to communicate in that particular language. Let her know that the letters offend you. It is better to tell her that you are annoyed. If she cares about you she will stop. If she continues, she does not care about you.

Pimples and sex Some people say that if you grow pimples on the face you are ready to have sex. Is this true? Namugenyi H, 16, Kabale Sanje SS, Masaka Dear Harriet, this is not true. You are ready to have sex when you are mature and in marriage, understand that sex is a special thing which can have good and bad results, and you are able to deal with the results.

Advances and prostitution My friend told me that if I approach a girl for the first time and she accepts, then she is a prostitute. I am confused. Almost every girl I approach just accepts. Is this true?

I have a girlfriend but each time I meet her she demands for sex so that she can prove that I love her. What can I do? Olwa S, S6, Kyambogo College Dear Samuel, its sometimes difficult to understand what one’s lover means. As you develop a relationship, you get to understand the need to communicate, to talk and listen, and understand one another. Sex does not prove love. Even people who do not love one another can have it. Do not be pressured to do what you don’t want and ready for. Spend time talking to one another. Agree on the limits of your friendship.

Pregnancy and tablets If a girl swallows some tablets and plays sex. Is it true that she does not get pregnant? If yes what tablets are those? Okello Tonny, Apach SS I am afraid it is not as simple as swallowing a few tablets. There are different family planning methods (some of which are tablets). We use them to control fertility. The aim is to have a pregnancy when both of you are ready. Are you and your lover ready? What about the prevention of HIV/STDs. Are you also thinking about these? Sex is a good thing, but best when you are mature enough to deal with the possible results.

Dr. Edith Nakku & Dr. Paul Semugoma

Star School High Standard SS, for sending in the biggest number of advice letters.

You WIN a football and a netball.

HELP BOB

I had a girlfriend who wanted me to have sex with her. I refused. She got another boyfriend. They had sex. She got pregnant. When her parents asked who had made her pregnant, she said I did. Am expected to provide for the child. What can I do? Bob, St. Lucia Hill Sch, Namagoma Advise Bob and WIN a beautiful Straight Talk CAP. Write to: 22366, Kampala

Straight Talk Club members of St. M ary’s Seminary d Nikat, o Mroto

STRAIGHT TALK FOUNDATION

Plot 4 Acacia Avenue, Kololo, P. O. Box 22366, Tel: 0312-262030/1 Kampala (U), E-mail: [email protected], Web: www.straight-talk.or.ug, Executive Director: C. Watson, Director Print T. Agutu, Editorial Manager: E. Kimuli, Editors: M. Akello, J. Abongowath, F. Ouma, J. Semakula, Photo Editor: G. Awekofua, Writer: E. Mirembe Chief Designer: M. eB Kalanzi, Designers: G.B Mukasa, A.B Dentine, Funded by DANIDA, DFID, SIDA Printer: The New Vision