Sorin Cerin -the Apocalypse

Sorin Cerin

The origin of God -The Apocalypse-

“The origin of God by Sorin Cerin. ISBN 1-58939-892-0 Published 2006 by Virtualbookworm.com Publishing Inc., P.O. Box 9949, College Station,Tx,77842,US, © 2006 Sorin Cerin.All rights reserved.No part of this publications may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmited in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of Sorin Cerin. Manufactured in the United States of America.

Chapter 1 It is snowing with big, heavy, questioning snow-flakes coming from the grey,

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heavy sky, a sky which seems to be forgotten forever about the sun, finding only himself, in its endless weight. It supports more than Time itself, on the painful white of the arctic ice. Here, Time has one measure, the Eternity. Not even the soft winds can’t destroy the quietness and the loneliness of these tomb-places, where our dead prehistory still is. My thoughts, my feelings become more alive than ever, trying seemingly to melt the frozen desert around me. I don’t know why I began to shout, to shout as much as I can, with all my strength: God! God! Goooood! Not the slightest echo, just the ice and the soft wind which seems to tell me: "What are you doing here? Go back to your world". I wish I knew what I was looking for but it is impossible to me. Certain is that I have the notion of searching inside of me, that I truly want to find something without knowing exactly what. Where am I going to? I haven’t seen the Sun in I don’t know how many days. I don’t know what I want, where I am going to, where exactly in Antarctica I am, what exactly I’m searching for, nor if I’m going to find what I don’t even know I’m searching. I’m just searching. There is no turning back. Even if I would like to go back to base, I couldn’t because I just don’t know the way to the base. I got lost. I don’t know why, but the word"lost" tells me that I am on the right way, on the way which at some point it will tell me what exactly I’m looking for. I am happy that I am lost in the middle of this timeless ice. I don’t even know if it is night or day. Does it matter? No! Just as it doesn’t matter for how many days I’m wondering about and what I’m eating. After a while I’m no longer hungry. Now I have all the time the feeling of saturation. Although I chew from time to time the lonely lichen I once found, not knowing exactly when, the lichen which keeps me company till the moment it will be completely eaten by me. The tyrannical cold which tried to knelt me down, became a hot, burning fire which burns my eyes and my breath. I realize the power of the cold by my frozen beard. Do I still look like me, is it still me? There is nobody around to prove this. I don’t even know what time it is, if it is day or night. The only thing I know and I can tell for sure is that is snowing with big, heavy snow-flakes over my destiny. Anyway, here I’m feeling much better than at home, in New York. In the last weeks, as it was since I met Irene in that park full of memories, close to Columbia University, when I didn’t know what I really wanted, I was listening to news from morning till late in the night, sitting in my large black leather arm-chair. I couldn’t stand anyone to enter the office with dark windows somewhere at the fiftieth floor in Manhattan. I wished I asked the clients who contacted me for some art dealing, why did I listen to news? There were the same news which repeated themselves endlessly on dozens of networks. Although I was aware that I would find out nothing new that day because I already listened to at least ten networks on that morning, I still pushed the buttons on the remote-control. What surprised me the most was the fact that I didn’t get bored by listening to the same news, maybe for the seventy time on that day. Why? I don’t know it even now, just as I don’t know it why I can’t pay a visit to Irene, to find her again in my soul. I realized that it was very hard to do that because I really lost her somewhere on the way between Amsterdam and Sidney. That Irene evaporated into the heavy, grey clouds from above the Pacific. I was in Christine’s arms. I was lost in Christine’s eyes. Although I didn’t realize it, somewhere in my subconscious I needed those eyes to get lost in them, so that I could forget about Irene. In that park full of memories, where

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I met Irene, I realized that I wasn’t the same Sorin Cerin whom I knew. Than I realized for the first time that the stranger in me was much more powerful than I, that in life there is a force much more powerful than your will and your own trust of you, and that this force is your own destiny, parallel to the Unknown, which has the same time dimension as your own known destiny, that means: past, present and future. In that park I realized that each person has a past of his Unknown Destiny, a past which completely belongs to the stranger in him and is known only by his subconscious, as well as the Known Destiny which is known by the conscious. Between the subconscious and the conscious is an endless battle, which has as the result the Reality we feel and have the illusion we live. Each of us live two times: the Known Time and the Unknown Time. The imbalance of these destinies and times leads to alienation and fear. For this we should imagine how would the man be without the subconscious? Would he still have the same value of his own conscience in the conscious life? In a word, the cognitive, the affective and the volitive.No way! Otherwise we couldn’t speak of the conscious in the way we all know it. The human being became self-aware the moment when in its existence came the Unknown Time and the Unknown Destiny. In one word, the human being became aware when it found out about the existence of the Unknown. When I had the opportunity to attend to one of the expeditions in Antarctica, I didn’t think very long. Something told me that this is the continent which represented my soul the best. Without speaking of the uninhabited, the endless ice which once hid, somewhere very deep, at thousands of meters, the soil of a continent, which once was full of vegetation and animals. It had all the relief forms. Now, most of them are surrounded by ice, trying in a way to cover themselves against the cruelty of the heavy time, like a past which couldn’t be kept in Antarctica’s heart. I don’t know why, I felt it like a continent in agony, announcing from time to time its existence by giant icebergs torn from its body. If in Venice you feel the death warm and welcoming, full of so much history and splendor, in Antarctica, the death gets different values, much closer than what it is in reality, and not depending of what life wants to grand it. No matter how much we want to give death a face, by art and waves, we won’t do anything else except to avoid ourselves from the human being who has a conscience, where the only dimension is life which reflects death like a poem. In fact, a substitute for immortality. Painfully bitter and not sweet is, also the fact that there is actually immortality, the soul passing from a spiritual plan to another, not having time to rest till its completion in a spiritual-dimensional plan so superior, that anything what here seems to us a chore, something impossible to follow in that spiritual-dimensional plan, there, is a joy, a peacefulness and a fulfillment, reaching to an amplitude close to completion. Till there the road is long and hard and many times, tired from climbing the last peak to completion, I remain paralyzed, when with the soul almost exhausted, I see another peak, much bigger than that I just climbed. Than lost in myself, I try to find a meaning to my birth, to my destiny in one of the times, under a Sun, and I’m searching. What do I find? The Time, cold and lonely, which blows the moments like snowflakes, to be melt in the next spring, giving birth to other times and destinies. I realized that no matter how rich or poor you may be, no matter how respected or cursed, a philosopher or just disinterested in your own life, each have our own destiny, which is nothing more than a game of illusion, making us believe that we exist, that we live our life, but, in the end, even the"nothing" exists more than we.

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Regardless of how much we would like to catch the wind in our hands, we won’t be able to do it. Just as we won’t be able to understand other State Notions beside Existence and Nonexistence. The second, we almost can’t define, because we will say that the Nonexistence exists by being another form of the Existence, which is completely wrong. The Nonexistence is another form of the State Notion, totally different from the Existence, so that we can’t say that the State Notion of the Nonexistence, exists. Only the State Notion of the Existence exists, compared to the rest of the State Notions which we can’t say that they exist. Finally, we can say the following sentence: The State Notions except the Existence Don’t exist, but they Are. It is true that our logic will not be able to accept such a sentence, but let us think if we can determine the infinite or if thousands of years ago, the primitive knew that the light of some stars is much older than the existence of the man? That he looked in the present at the distant past? That"Are", in the logical sense of any man with common sense means:"are","so, they exist". We, with our five senses and the brain given by nature, can’t have a clear, logic notion of our environment and more than that, of our thoughts, unless still from the perspective of the Existence. Automatically, you say that that thing is, so, it exists, you can’t say that that thing is but doesn’t exist. Although, any other form defined by the Existence, like the Nonexistence, is, but without existing. Can we say that the Nonexistence isn’t? Yes, we can say that it doesn’t belong to the Existence but not that it isn’t and if it is, it is, but without existing. So, we have the sentence: To be without existing. When I think about that in this case, I established a sentence, almost impossible to be accepted in our logic, and still, this sentence is as true as it can be and belongs to the Non-existential State Notion, while to the Existential State Notion belongs simply: To be. Could we formulate for other State Notions a sentence? I mean, for the State Notions which doesn’t belong to the Existence or to the Nonexistence? Certainly not, because such a sentence would be like this:"To be without existing, existing or not existing, or even more than that, to be, totally, in the race of denying the denial, which is one of the customs of our soul on this planet, not letting us to distinguish other State Notions, just as we can’t distinguish the infinite but we talk about it. Then, I wanted to escape from this prison where I felt trapped and alone. I knew that the only way to escape was through death, a way which wouldn’t have left me to torment myself with number three. Yes! With number three and the destiny. I feel that this question torments the moments of my life, throwing them into the endless ocean of the Enigma. Why the number three? Why not another number? Why did dean Parkin’s secretary or better said, the ex Philosopher’s secretary enter exactly the moment when Irene’s process took place? Why did that no good secretary enter and said the number three? Why? Why exactly the moment when the Philosopher in trance was and there was some kind of medium between me and Irene’s soul in any past of his? Maybe in a present? What importance do the time dimensions have? How come I couldn’t understand the meaning of that number when I had to? Certainly I would have waited for Irene another three years.

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Who knew that my unconventional way to fight against the Schizophrenia which subdued Irene with the pitiless voice which put a border to her mind, her words and her feelings, will win in exactly three years? How did I not realize then that the number three, said by the Philosopher’s secretary while he was in trance, would go over the border of the office where it was told and come in the middle of Irene’s soul process? That the Doubt in three years will really work? What a strange illusion we live in our entire life. We became self aware the moment we knew there is the Unknown, but we became strong in Will, when we discovered the Doubt and sentimental, when the unknown and the Doubt gave birth through Will and Knowledge, to the poetry of love. So, at the beginning there was Knowledge, followed by Will and than Love. Knowledge was created at the same time with the Unknown, the Will with the Doubt, and the Love with the Unknown and the Doubt. Love is the only thing which is due to both components of the conscience. So, the human being was born to know, to doubt of what he knows and finally, to fall in love. The emotional part enters the man’s conscience the last, being outrun by knowledge and will. So in a word, we can’t have love without knowing the aim of our love and without accepting this, based on our own will. In return, love is something totally different, it is in no way affection. Love is a divine feeling which came from somewhere in the Absolute Universe of Thought, of the Great Contemplation of The Great Creator who made us. Love is the light of our souls which guides us through the endless scrubland of the State Notions. The Love exists and it should be our guiding sense. Many philosopher make the great mistake of attributing to the light which is the love, the emotional space, from the conscience of the human being, which is totally wrong. We can attribute to Affection the emotional part of the conscience, along with that of the knowledge and will, but still, not to Love. Love is not affection. It doesn’t occur as a result of our will which reflects on a thing or an object, because no matter how affectionate we may seem to an object, kept as a family memory or I don’t know what other thing, we won’t be able to love them. From this we notice that Love reflects itself only on the person who can love back. We won’t be able to give always light from our heart without receiving someday another in return. Here intervenes another support of love: the Hope, which makes us believe that someday our love will be shared and even more than that, it will be fulfilled. Hope is not love! I can fall in love with a certain person, object or thing, but I cannot truly love. A love can only exist with a person who in return, is able to love. In Love intervenes Will no more and although it seems ridiculous, nor does Knowledge. How many of us haven’t said even once in life:"I don’t know why I love that person." From here we realize the divine character of Love, compared to the earthly one of Affection, which stays behind Knowledge and Will. In that"I don’t know why I love that person" is included not only the lack of any act of will, but above this the lack of knowledge. How many times have I not heard the expression:"Blind like a horse" or others, regarding Love. When we really love we don’t do it neither consciously nor unconsciously, but divine; that is why Love doesn’t belong to the emotional in the human being’s conscience, therefore it doesn’t belong to the conscience like Affection does, for example. Love comes from the exterior of the conscience and of the human being, like a

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divine law which comes so rarely or even not at all in the souls which confront Affection with Love and hope for the endless durability of Love, not understanding that they have only feelings which are tributary to the Affection. Love is not a feeling or a state of mind, but the moment when you feel the Divinity in the darkest areas of Time, as well as Space. Love is a presence, almost impossible to understand and especially to reach in our life, a presence of Divinity in a moment which can mark our entire life and which we turn in the present of our conscience, into Hope. Finally, this Hope will last in the emotional part of our conscience, which we will incorrectly label as"Love". Hope is the one which finally puts"the blinders" and"I don’t know why I love that person", because at that moment the human being hopes, in its own conscience, for a detachment and abstracting of the partner’s perfection, giving to him the qualities we once dreamt about in our loneliness, qualities which this time really belongs to will, even less to the real knowledge which is somehow faded by the middle state between dream and reality, due to the absolutization more or less of the Hope. This is the reason why sometimes when we are in love over our heels, the knowing of the object of our affection to be amplified by Hope, trying to find him qualities which he wouldn’t deserve in a million years. In all these reflects finally: the Destiny. Alone, Love can’t be defeated by the destiny, only that we can never live the Absolute, True Love in this existence of ours. It is also the privilege of Happiness and Completion. All that we can consider to have lived a moment of love in this lifetime, was nothing else but an eternity which we received in our hearts through Hope from the Divinity. A memory which in fact wasn’t, but is forever. When I felt Divinity in our souls, how it guides us on a way full of feelings to a certain soul. Just that. It was gone the moment it arrived. The blizzard whips my beard which is blown in every directions. It became so long that I can feel its weight, especially because it is full of the ice from my breath. Why did I come here? What am I actually looking for? No way, for life or death. And certainly I’m not looking for Love. Why Sorin Cerin who are going to nowhere, wandering in the unknown in the endless ice of Antarctica, why aren’t you looking for Love? Because I could ever understand it and I’m sure I never will I the future, as long as I have a future. It is all up to the destiny. The only thing I believe in, is the destiny, no matter if in this life it was very giving or very cruel to me. I can’t understand why did I meet Christine shortly before Irene got better? Why did I fall in love with Christine although, for years I loved Irene, sometimes as a burden, other times as a curse and often as a great happiness? Why just then? Why did I come to consider love as a curse which presses down on me hopelessly and brought me to this so unwelcoming and dangerous continent which can kill you at any moment? Why don’t I choose one of these women? Because I’ve tried for weeks and I know now that it is impossible. I know that my destiny was as adverse as it could be in finding the peace of my soul in life. I realized that these moments, when I discovered Antarctica’s frost and ice, are the most beautiful and welcoming moments of my life. All that it saves me is knowing for sure that I have no escape, I’m going to die. Maybe that is why I’m so happy knowing that soon I will finish with this destiny of questions, disillusions, paradox and absurd, which characterized my life. I believe that in death, somewhere in this ice I will truly find my peace. So, Antarctica became a piece of heaven which I never want to leave. When I left the base, I was sure that I will die, that I’m going quickly toward the death. That was what I

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wanted. I ran as fast as I could, trying to put a greater distance to the base in order not to be found. I chose a time with a strong snow precisely not to be found. I kept going for days, if they were days, because here in all this time, there was never night again. To be honest with myself, how long it past since I ran from the base, because I threw deliberately my watch. If there was never night but only day, how can I say that I left the base for several days? Am I delirious? All I know is that I was in plane day, it was blizzard, a diffuse light as it is at this moment. Why do I try to lie to myself about the night and the day? Why do I try to deceive myself by saying that since I left the base I don’t know how many days past. Maybe it’s been a day, two or three, who knows. All I know is that I prayed to God not to be found by those who certainly looked for me from the helicopter. I prayed to God not to be found because only on these moments I find myself, now when I know that I don’t even have a watch on my hand. What about the beard? The long, frozen beard? Now I remember that since the day I met Irene cured, in the park near the University of Columbia, I didn’t shave, although my wife Christine asked me I don’t know how many times to do it. I didn’t want to because I thought of myself as a monk of my own destiny, yes, a monk of the destiny. That became then my religion, a religion to whom I was faithful and was called: Destiny. I never told Christine about this religion or the fact that I considered myself a monk of the destiny and that is why I didn’t want to shave my beard. I gave her no explanation finally although she stressed me for days. I can still hear her now, asking me: "What is wrong with you, Sorin? Do you really want to grow beard?" That was on the first days when she saw that I didn’t shave. I didn’t know what to answer because even I wasn’t sure that I will let my beard grow. After another few days she asked me insistently to shave. "Why?" I asked her. "Because I’m not used to seeing you like this, with beard." "Why?" I asked her again. "I think you look much better shaved, beard is not in fashion." "But if you really like me, do you like me this way, too?" I answered her trying to determine her somehow to be silent. "It’s true, Sorin, I like you this way, too but it would be better…" "No!" I interrupted her in an accentuated tone. "OK! After all, each person has its moods. When I became your wife in Las Vegas, I thought of this, you know", said Christine. "About what?" I asked her, pretending not to understand. If I think now why did I pretend not to understand, for sure I don’t know. "About the fact that one day you will have your moods like all the husbands who get bored with their wives", said Christine. I didn’t expect this kind of answer from Christine. Finally, I thought that maybe she talked to Mark about Irene’s recovering, because I didn’t tell her anything. Why? I don’t even know; certain is that I didn’t want to discuss that subject. "Has Mark called?" I asked her finally. "No, Sorin, he hasn’t", said Christine. "OK", I answered. "But why?" said again Christine. Had he to call? Is anything serious happened, Sorin? I don’t know why, but not only that I see you, but I also feel you changed. Why don’t you want to tell me what is happening? Maybe I can help you. "No, Christine, there is nothing…" "Happening", she said insinuatingly, interrupting me. "Don’t worry, Christine, everything is OK, my love."

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I don’t know, even now, how quiet Christine was on that day. Certain is that the moment I told her about my plans regarding an expedition to Antarctica, she got really worried. After a few days since the revealing of my plans about the expedition, she asked me: "Why do you go to the ice, Sorin?" "Because I want to look for something which I don’t find in New York", I answered her with a trace of resignation in my voice. "Once you told me, Sorin, that the moment you found me, you didn’t need to look for anything else anymore", said Christine. "This was how I believed then, Chris." "Do you remember when you told me that, Sorin?" said Christine. "Yes, Chris." "Where?" "In Las Vegas, a night before we got married in the chapel across the"Circus Circus" Casino." "That’s right, Sorin, can you repeat those words?" said Christine clearly moved this time. "I will tell them again, Christine" "I’m listening", said Christine. "Each person tries consciously or unconsciously to look for the basic truth, the purity, the happiness. Some think they find them, some not. Life is a permanent search to find your own Destiny. When I feel you close to me, Christine, I know that I don’t have to look for anything anymore. I believe that through you I managed to find myself. More than that, I managed to find my lost Destiny, somewhere on a star seen from a park near the University of Columbia. There is no man who doesn’t want to try to find his own destiny since birth till death, a destiny sprang from the eternity and infinite, without time and space." "This is exactly what you told me, Sorin. I haven’t forgotten either", said Christine. "Neither did I", I said thinking about the destiny. "So?" said Christine. "So what?" I asked her. "I want you to say something, Sorin, I’m waiting." "All I have in mind in these moments is a question about the destiny." "About the destiny?" said Christine like she would hear this word for the first time. "Yes, about the destiny", I said. "What destiny, what exactly?" said Christine with some fear in her voice. "I would like to know if between destiny and logic there is some kind of connection. What do you think, Christine?" "Destiny, logic, connection, I think there must be one", answered her thoughtfully and gravely. "There had to be", I repeated. "There has to be", sustained Christine her remark. "I don’t believe in a connection between logic and destiny, Christine." "Why not, Sorin?" "I believe that at the origin of the human being there are two sentences: To be and the other, not to be, so to exist and not to exist. We can think only from this point of view, Chris." "Why is this necessary, Sorin?" "OK, Christine, than please tell me another approach besides to be and not to be, besides the existence and the nonexistence, to exist and not to exist?" "It is impossible, Sorin."

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"So, we finally came to the conclusion that the human being can think only from the existence and its opposite, the nonexistence’s point of view?" "Yes, Sorin, I agree", said Christine. "When we search our destiny, we do it also from this point of view, although in order to really find it, it’s necessary to understand other State Notions besides the Existence and the Nonexistence, State Notions which no longer are in our logic, although our soul past through other Notional States, till it reached the Existence. The logical inability of the human being to discern other Notional States, as well as other Spiritual-Dimensional Plans, which are found in every Notional State or State Notion, leads to unpredictable, anguish, fear, absurd, unease and many others, but all, due to the human condition, to the logical incapacity at our spiritual level to understand other Notional States." "That is why, Sorin?" told me Christine troubled. "That is why, Christine. Go on", I said finally. "I’m afraid to say what I think, Sorin." "Didn’t you tell me, Christine, in Las Vegas on the night before our marriage that beside me you are never afraid?" "Oh, yes!" said Christine. "You mustn’t be afraid", I said, looking into her eyes. "That is why we look our entire life for our destiny and when we think we found it, we deceive ourselves so strongly as if we are convinced we reached the truth, the absolute and the perfection. In fact we are sentenced for life to search our destiny, conscious or unconscious, drunk or sober, handicapped or healthy, rich or poor, regardless of our physical, social, mental state, unwillingly, we are the slaves of our own human condition and no matter how hard we try to consider ourselves smart or genial, we label ourselves, as a Man. On this label is written at the top with letters of fire that To be and Not to be, the key to all it can mean the logical absolute in our mind. More than that, we are handicapped persons wanting greatness and rise, many people being convinced that through their own logic they can reach the knowledge, the truth. They are terribly wrong. Others, desperate for money and power, are able to step over other lives, just for fame and fortune. All these blind people don’t realize that actually, in all their arrogance, they are nothing more than poor creatures drifting on a dirty ocean, which doesn’t even want to drown them. All these blind people don’t see the Absurd and they never understood what it means to search in order to find your lost Destiny, yes, my dear Sorin, in order to find your own Destiny. Now I understood why we look for our Destiny. I said it just now, that in order to find your lost Sorin, you must understand your existence which comes from somewhere in the history of Universe, because it is with us, only that we can’t understand it in our blindness. Each person has, I think, a Destiny, as old as Time, each being, plant, rock, ocean, wave, wind. All have a Destiny older than Time. Even the most unfortunate criminal. No matter how good or bad we are, we all have a Destiny. Even if the plant or the rock, the wave or the ocean, the rain or the wind aren’t what they appear to be in our reality, in other words, the stars wouldn’t be stars, the rain wouldn’t be rain, the wind wouldn’t be wind, the ocean wouldn’t be ocean, the wave wouldn’t be wave and the rock wouldn’t be rock. But all, no matter what they are, they have certainly a Destiny, as old, if not older than time." "Than, Christine, do you understand me?" "Now I think I do, Sorin" "I’m looking for my own Destiny."

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"Do you really think you will find it?" said Christine. "No." "Than why are you looking for it?" asked Christine. "I don’t know." "I wonder what are we, Sorin?" "A Destiny, Christine, that’s all." "A Destiny?" "Yes, my dear Chris." "What is actually the destiny?" "I can’t exactly define it, Chris. In my childhood, I was sure that the destiny is what happened to you and what is going to happen to you, a kind of book of life, a register where every moment which accepts you in its existence, signs for you as conscientiously as it can, without delays or absences from the program of your own existence. When I was twenty-five, I was convinced that the destiny is some kind of cosmic lottery, where in stead of the usual numbers, you get what it will happen to you that day. The thing with the lottery lasted till I was about thirty-five, when God’s Will intervened, which remained even now at forty. Even the smallest breath of wind which makes a leaf from a tree flow in a late autumn, has a destiny. Everything has a destiny in God, who is above the destiny. Even the movement of a butterfly’s wings goes according to a destiny." "I don’t understand, Sorin? Why were all these necessary? Why was necessary for the suffering and the pain to appear in our illusionary life? Why are there poor people in the world who die of malnourishment? Or crippled people, or so much suffering in these poor souls who are born in order to die? Did God thought of all these? If He did, why? Why are we part of the sin our entire life not being able to really get rid of this because this is the normal state which we are born with? Souls we amputate our five senses in order not to sin? I don’t think there is a person who doesn’t sin. This is in our nature as people. It is normal to like different smells because we have smell, just as it is normal to like different food or sights, including naked persons of opposite sex, because this is how we were created: sinners and if we wished to be saved, not to sin anymore, we will have to repudiate ourselves first, to cripple our senses, not to believe in the anymore, to amputate them if we can. It’s true that most animals have sex just to reproduce, but they don’t have a conscience like man has. I wonder if in order to be saints, should we throw away our conscience to the bin of our existence? Than why did we evolve or maybe involve in the history of mankind. The conscience is first of all Sex. Let’s admit openly, most of the things we do during our life are due to Sex. Even the most venal guy who is crazy about money, power, will admit finally that he wants all these because somewhere, consciously or unconsciously, there is the competition based on Sex. Along with the Self-Conscience, the man received also a sex life, where sex had the most important roll in his evolution, man’s freedom and fulfillment. On the human condition’s level, the sex is the ideal, to find yourself in another person of opposite sex, to try to send him your entire anguish, un-fulfillment and loneliness, hoping to receive in return exactly the same things you gave him, that means anguish, un-fulfillment and loneliness, elements which will become to you quietness, fulfillment, the fullness of the feelings, a partner which will annihilate everything you had at the beginning, anguish, un-fulfillment and loneliness. That is why, due to due the human condition, we are born without ourselves, always look in the opposite sex what we think we’re missing. All

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these become a sin. Why, my dear Sorin? What wanted God to do with us, once He gave us the Illusion of Life? An experiment? Some say that we are born in this world under the Sun, to chisel us like some pieces of rock, in order to be liked by God. Now I ask, why does God need us, poor people who are delirious from birth till death, in the illusion they consider reality? Why did He created us in the first place? Just to torment us, and than to"chisel" us in this lab, called Earth? Wasn’t it better if there had been only the God’s Original Thought Contemplated by the Great Contemplation, in order to be Decided by the Person? Maybe the Person wouldn’t have had what to Decide? Only for the Person to be able to Decide, we needed so much suffering, torture and fear? I can’t understand all these, Sorin. You have a philosophy of your own, it’s true, but this philosophy should answer first to the question: why were we born? Why must we endure life through frustration and suffering? Don’t tell me Sorin that under the Sun there are people who their entire life didn’t have anything else but joys and fulfillments, their passing through this world was a long, sweet smile, without troubles or worries and they never sinned in their life or knew what sin was about. Why all these, Sorin? Why did we need the Illusion, after all? Were we, poor limited people really necessary, we, who don’t even know how great our Universe is? Or why do we see it like this with spots of lights coming from a past, some of them thousands or millions years old? They are the stars which we see today in the sky, but they no longer exist for millions of years. Why? Their past is our present and maybe our future is in their past? Who are we, Sorin? Did you ever think who you are? Sorin Cerin who let his beard grow lately, trying to find himself? Don’t tell me ti isn’t so! What does your beard mean, Sorin?" "I can’t exactly tell you, Christine, it’s something between the crazy race to catch the moments I have left, to fight with them till my last breath, just to find out why they have stolen my self-finding, and the wind which I’ll try to hold as strong as I can in my hands, in order to determine it to free my Destiny from the body, from which a lonely star lost in an autumn sky, was stolen, somewhere in a park, many years ago, near the University of Columbia. This means my beard of Monk of the Destiny, which urges me to go to fast and penance to the Antarctica’s desert, where I hope someday I’ll understand if I can cut my beard or not." "Why couldn’t you do such a penitence, here in New York, Sorin?" "No way, Christine, New York isn’t the proper city for such a thing." "Why not?" said Christine. "I will consider myself truly free only there where is no human being around me, there where I’ll feel the cold frost, where the quietness like a grave will become torment. Only there I believe that I’ll challenge my own faith to a fight. I don’t know if I’ll win or not but all I know is that this experience will have a finish. As for the fact that we were born in this world which is like you know it and like you just described it to me, is due to God, there is no doubt about it. Happiness can be tasted only through Suffering. Personally, I think that God really wants to give us the Happiness. How would a Universe without Happiness look like? But without Suffering?

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Without the Illusion which guides our steps through the astral spheres from ourselves? I remember the day she took me to the airport, with the destination Antarctica. It was a cold winter morning. In New York it was snowing with big, thick snowflakes. I chose that winter time in the north hemisphere, in order to catch the summer in Antarctica. I was going to fly till Buenos Aires, where I had to change planes till Punta Arenas, located in Chile, South America. From here I flu in a small plane with two engines, with destination Antarctica, more precisely the American research base, Byrd. I traveled for thousands of kilometers, from Punta Arenas, making a stopover to supply our plane with fuel from a base on the Charcot Island. I don’t know why but when I saw for the first time Sentinel Range Mountains, over five thousand meters high in Vinson Peak, I wanted to shout for joy. I haven’t had such a feeling in a very long time, maybe never. The immaculate white of the horizon and the grey rocks still wining before the wind, told me that I’m finally in a place where I’ll find that El Dorado, we are all chasing consciously or unconsciously from birth till death. My El Dorado is nothing else but the Great Self-Finding, the Death. In the history of mankind many people thought that the Great Finding is about great riches, like Cortez and the indians, others looked for it in sexual pleasures, some in power, but no one ever found it till now because no matter how hard you’d look, you realize that you have to search even more. This El Dorado of the Great Finding can’t be found in science or philosophy, not even in the most divine artistic creations, but in misery, suffering and pain. Only in that plane I was convinced that only a Monk of the Destiny can discover the Great Finding on the large, cold and impersonal ice of Antarctica. I wish I knew where am I going to, this moment? Does it matter? Just as it doesn’t matter if it’s day or night or if the night is missing completely, for now? Why do I keep going, why don’t I stop? If I stop, I’ll die. So what? We are all in debt with a death. Who said that? I have no idea and I don’t even want to remember because I don’t think I have debts to God. I paid fully my taxes to God with every moment of my life. I don’t think that I deserve to be considered indebted to God. Than, why should I be afraid of death? I don’t think I feel fear, but more likely a repulsion to myself because I’ve lived my entire life without truly understanding why, because I can’t die till I see with my soul’s eyes the Great Finding and find my end quietly in its arms. Only then, I’ll consider I have an end of my own illusion which is life, because I’ll have a beginning, too. By my birth, it doesn’t mean at all that I started something. It’s sad but millions of people were born without beginning their life, they lived it without truly living it, just as they’ve died without dieing for themselves. I really want to die, just as I want to be born and feel truly the live in my vines. All these are not compared to a TV star, who today exists and tomorrow is forgotten.

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Maybe the most important thing is to be born, to live and to really die for yourself, finding yourself in this transitory world of the moment. Maybe that is why I don’t even know for how many hours I left the base or what day it is. All these have no importance, just as it isn’t important if I have money in my pocket right now. No matter how I would like now to buy me among all this ice, a subway counter and than to travel in a warm carriage, full of people, this is impossible. The human Faith is like this, too, like the money you can’t spend in the middle of the endless ice desert of the each and everyone’s Sorin. I know that every man wants to spend the money of our own moments between the life’s ice, in luxurious shops, but these are totally missing. Why? Maybe that is why I’m here, maybe I would already be dead if an inner impulse wouldn’t support me and push me to go on, to go on continuously to find myself. I don’t know why but I’m sure I’ll succeed, I’ sure that it’s good to marry life and death by taking a risk, in order to understand it. I’ve studied sciences and philosophies, I even invented my own philosophical concept, my own theory. Although, even if I can say that I understand many of the world’s phenomena and things, that I understand why the light casts shadow and the shadow of the soul, light. I know what the elementary particles are and why are they in our Illusion. I wonder where is the Great Finding of myself, of ourselves, of the man kind? What you understand, you don’t feel but what you feel, you’ll understand. What did I understand concerning the Finding? That is good to look for the diamond in the filth, suffering and labor? It’s true. I know that it’s there and despite that, I’m wondering about in the darkness of my life, trying to feel it. It is almost impossible in my blindness, given to me by the Destiny, this ray of light coming from God, like a gift, a present, to a crawler which carries his moments on the back, this crawler being me. Any gift should be done as a result of some merits. Which are my merits toward God? Do I pray enough and as I should, am I a pious, devoted person? No way. Than, how can I, a poor mortal wait for the light, as a gift from God? What am I after, actually? Am I not an impostor who is looking to find himself to understand death in front of immortality, to reflect his Sorin in that from God, understanding the cause and accepting the effect of the human feelings? Than who am I the one who dares to ask gifts from his God? Isn’t that an extraordinary nerve? Who knows… The only thing I’m aware of is that there is a dense fog that I can barely breathe and the mountains, which supported the horizon are now lost in the white, mysterious fog of my senses."

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Chapter 2 I’m moving. I almost fell into an abyss. The one which saved me was Faith. Why? In the end, why would I know my Faith? I don’t want that. Faith is Faith; it must be unknown and destined. There are moments when I want to die, others, when I don’t want that at all. Everything happens to me depending on how I see my Self Finding. I wouldn’t want to die a stranger to myself, now. Than, why was I born in the first place? Why did I live my life in a strange parallelism, that of two strangers walking on the same road, driven by Faith? I, a stranger, my life, another stranger. The truth is that from birth till death we are the slaves of our own Faith, that we have inherited in the nameless fair, where is always autumn and ruby leaves. In that fair, there is a casino with old walls, painted in a hot ruby color, and in front of that casino there are always three prostitutes. Their names are Past, Present and Future. They stay on the ruby leaves blown away by the wind, in front of the casino with such pompous name: El Dorado of the Life’s Moments. All three prostitutes are shivering, being dressed very lightly, while they are making trivial gestures to some clients who don’t exist. I don’t know if during the obscene gestures they cry or if it is just the cold drizzle which comes down on their faces. I’m looking at this scene behind a big tree with strong roots in the wet, clayey soil. Everywhere there is only humidity and a discomposure which I’m feeling right to my bones. I don’t understand why the prostitutes are making all those obscene gestures, without being one single man in all this rotten, God-forsaken fair and I don’t even know how I got there. I don’t know if it’s evening or morning. There is a dime light, without night or day, just as the light I’m seeing right now in Antarctica. I don’t know what those prostitutes want. Maybe they want to lure me, maybe they’ve notice me. No way, they couldn’t and if they still could, than why aren’t they making those perverse gestures in my direction. Why in the opposite direction? They keep looking that way. Yes, there is no one, no one to awake those prostitutes’ curiosity. I’m thinking at some point to come out of my hiding behind this huge tree and go toward them. I’m feeling inhibited but an inner desire to have sex pushed me to go there. Will they ask me for money in exchange for sex? I was a question which came to my mind. Maybe I don’t have the money for these prostitutes, maybe I’ll never have it. I don’t know why I had such an idea, because I am one of the richest men in Brooklyn, I, Sorin Cerin, the guy who never gives up, the guy who wants at all cost to win himself and who came all the way to Antarctica to find the proper field for such a battle. Sorin Cerin will fight to the death with Sorin Cerin, that means I, Sorin Cerin against the life of Sorin Cerin; how strange that sounds! Am I delirious? I don’t think so. And if I think so or if I don’t, it doesn’t matter. But where is that casino from the autumn fair? It can’t be, the casino is gone and I don’t want to lose it. I want those three prostitutes back! Maybe I didn’t look into the direction I should have. I don’t know which is the right direction. Look, Sorin Cerin, the casino is again

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here. Yes, it’s the old casino with those prostitutes, making obscene gestures, without being any customer in the wet, empty fair. I should get out of this hiding, it’s about time. Why do I hide behind this huge tree which seems to be my genealogical tree? Why do I hide behind it? Am I really a coward? No, Sorin Cerin was never a coward or a quitter. Than what I want from the prostitutes? Only now I notice that my big, frozen beard is gone. My sexual lust I initially has turned into pity for these frozen girls. I look into my pockets, I feel one coin. I grab it in my hand and I pull it from my pocket that had a hole in it. Just now I found out that my pocket had a hole in it. On the coin there is no number and no arms on the pale, cold impersonal silver metal that lays in my hand. I turn it on the other side and just now I see that still, there is a writing almost impossible to decipher, whose letters have been erased by the millions of hand which touched this coin during its existence. I take it closer to my eyes. Only now I can read it: the date of birth. That’s all. What a strange coin. I never had a coin without a date, a head or a tale on one of its sides. Finally, I left the giant tree, which seemed to be some kind of a genealogical tree of my ancestors, and I went toward the casino. In a short while I was in front of the three prostitutes. They kept doing those obscene gestures, close to absurd but without looking at me. They were as absent as before. They kept pretending not to notice me. I’m trying to talk to them. "Aren’t you cold?" I asked, somewhat surprised. No answer, just the obscene gestures which I’m already used to. "Hey, girls, I’m a possible client." No answer, just the wind whipping the sky. Many years before, I talked to some prostitutes but they were not as unapproachable as these ones. "Hey, girls, maybe you want to earn a money, maybe you’re cold". No answer. "Why do you do all this obscene commercial if except me, there is no man in this forgotten fair?" Again no answer. Than, I’ve decided to take one of them by the hand, maybe that way I’ll catch her attention. Maybe these prostitutes are deaf and blind and I didn’t realize it. Who knows? I’m taking one by the hand. The hand of this prostitute is heavier than iron and stronger than a hurricane. I can’t even move it. In return, it catches me by the hand with a quick movement and throws me into a black sticky mud under the ruby leaves in front of the casino. I don’t understand anything. All of a sudden, a feeling of fear but also, of curiosity comes upon me, when I try to come out of the mud I’m in and where I got deeper and deeper like in a swamp from the beginning of time. As harder as I try to get out, the deeper I sink. Just now I feel like fear freezes my thinking. Slowly I panic like a goat in a tiger’s claws. I don’t know why, maybe because of a timeless sense in my soul, that I begin to shout loudly: Help! Help! Help! As a response, I heard a weak echo in the wind that whipped the prostitutes, who kept making obscene gestures like I wasn’t laying at their feet, like a dieing man. Suddenly, one of them came unexpectedly quickly to me and grabbed my hand. I feel some kind of sickness and disillusion but I can’t help it. In the next moment she squeezes my hand strongly and pulls me out, throwing me this time through the casino door, inside of it. She threw me so hard that I broke the door with my own body.

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I don’t know why but my only thought right now is to make these three prostitutes a reclamation. I notice with surprise that there is no one inside the casino. I’m in a large room with red, old tapestry on the walls which one sides became yellow because of the age. On every side of the room there are six black jack tables, full of cards in no order. No dealer, just the wind that comes from nowhere and goes to nowhere. Everywhere there is only dust. Somewhere in the middle of the room there is an old, red rug. Just now I’m noticing in a corner the roulette. It’s sitting there motionless and covered by dust, like the other tables. I don’t know why but I feel a strange impulse to spin the roulette. I notice now my foot prints on the rug covered by the dust of time. Not far from the roulette there is a black piano. In all this dust, only the piano seems to be fresh polished as if somebody would have played just a minute ago. The strange situation of the piano makes me reconsider the thought about the roulette and to go toward the beautiful instrument. My trouble is that I can’t play the piano, nor do I think that I’ve ever touched the keys. A strange curiosity makes me press the keys. The moment I reach my hand, I see how it’s reflected in the black varnish of the piano. I look at my face in the polish of the piano and I realize that I’m not changed at all, just the hair looks like I’ve never combed it in my life. I touch one of the keys. No sound. It’s probably broken. I try again. Again nothing. Somehow surprised but also beginning to be a little bit nervous, I press at random, faster and faster, as many keys as I can. No sound. Maybe I want to understand what cannot be understood and that is why I consider myself all of a sudden a true pianist who is playing one of his favorite songs. I’m beginning to hear it in my mind; I really like this song which seems to me like I know it longer than world itself. Each pressing gives me strength to face any obstacle, gives me power to love, to understand, kindness and an inner, hidden happiness, known only by me and I feel fear when I think that maybe one day this bit of happiness could be stolen by my own life and would be lost to myself. That is why I will always have to hide my happiness from my life, to make a cipher known only by me and not by my life. I have a pleasant feeling now that I could play on this piano more than one life if it would be possible. I press the keys, I feel the vibe of the music in my mind. Now I realize a secret that I never found out in my lifetime and that is: each of us is a great musician who has a genial song whose vibe is complementary to the beneficial vibe of the Universe. Now I know how we can find ourselves, how we can do not to be strangers to ourselves, not to accept the life’s alienation pr its fear; now I know what we must do, each of us to look for its song, the song of his heart, whose vibes unite with the vibe of the spheres of the Universe, the vibe of times and spaces, and above that, the vibe before the times and spaces, as well as after these. Each of us should at least once in a lifetime play the music of his own mind, to feel its benefic vibe. The mind’s song is the bridge, unique and indestructible between man and the Universe, between the soul and God, that means, between the Man and the Illusion. While my fingers touch the keys of the piano, I notice how, as I play, I’m beginning to get younger and younger. I can’t believe that. I’m in front of the piano which makes you young again. Slowly, I become a child again. All of a sudden, I’m a new-born baby who is playing and reflects himself in the shiny black piano. I don’t know why but I feel the need to keep playing. I’m playing and completely disappear from the shiny black piano. I’m playing again and somewhere appears a white spot which grows. In my face I see a face looking more like a scull than like a real face.

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Only now I realize that reflected in the piano, there is a very old man, resembling to me; actually, there is no one else but me, in the flesh, at a very old age. I keep singing with an obsessive enthusiasm. The old man in front of me is getting younger. Now it’s me, at my age right now. I feel the need to keep playing like the drug-attics who need drugs. I realize that if I’ll keep singing I’ll get young again, in order to get old again. I don’t want to be young and than to be old again. I want to remain as I am. Sorin Cerin in the middle ages. I consider it the most beautiful age for a man. I’m getting younger again. I’m at twenty. I take my hands from the keys. That magnificent vibe which I found myself in. Just now the first person comes into the casino. It’s one of the three prostitutes who made obscene gestures outside the casino. She’s coming toward me with a lost but threatening look and says to me telepathically, without hearing her voice: "You can’t leave this casino without paying me, Sorin Cerin." "Who are you?"I asked, like I didn’t know that she was one of the three prostitutes, making obscene gestures to lure inexistent customers. "My name is Past", told me the prostitute smiling while she winked at me and started to undress herself. "I don’t think I have enough money for such a service", I answered. "All I want from you is the coin, you have in your pocket, on which is your birth date written", said Past while she continued to undress herself. "The coin? Is that enough? How do you know that I have it in my pocket?" I asked her in a surprised tone. "How do I know?" Ha, ha, laughed the prostitute Past. "Well, I know, because that old coin, older than Time passed through my hands so many times." She finished getting undressed. "Maybe I don’t want to have sex with you", I told her. "Any man wants a beautiful woman because God said so. Do you think that holding back is good? Maybe you are one of those imbeciles who pretend they are saints and would never have sex with anyone else but their wives or who say that they’ve never thought of another woman because they meditate in science or culture or I don’t know what. The most wicked of all will make a real speech about their sick impotent moral who say that they would never accept another woman but their mind is all the time on female breast and lips. They would have sex any moment if they had the chance. This goes also for women. Some of them think of themselves as so called"serious" prim donnas, who of course believe in the most rigid moral, that forbids having sex to other men but their husbands and the unmarried ones are mostly"virgin","girls" who never thought of sex because it wasn’t important to them. They all are lying, because the married ones as well as the single ones want nothing else but to get rid of their"loneliness" through sex. Both categories would have sex in a parking, if they wouldn’t be ashamed or afraid to get caught or something else. This is the pure reality, Sorin Cerin", said Past as she came closer to me. "Don’t you think there are serious women, too?" I asked Past. "Serious?" told me Past, laughing. "Only if they are frigid or ill, or even worse, having such a strong moral sense that they could be afraid of sex, a fear that may come from different reasons. Most of them don’t accept because they are afraid of a doctrine or another or because, they are so"serious". If this"seriosity" would be real, than world would have probably not existed, we’ve had a hand full of paranoid men who would have defined the society by abstinence as a society of holding back, an even sicker society than this which exist now. Someday it was a tendency to a Middle Age society, being helped by the Inquisition. Each moral is an inquisition in its way. It depends on what kind of

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Inquisition it is." "Can’t it exist a moral of Liberty?" I asked the prostitute. "Of Liberty?" she repeated and than, she continued: "No. The moral itself is a holding back from certain habits considered to be indecent and a re-dimensioning of others considered decent. The moral, no matter how you’d see it, symbolizes an enclosure. The christen moral, for example, doesn’t accept prostitution but re-dimensions the time from the contract with God. The longer you pray, the better you’ll be and of course. you’ll be helped more by God. The moral, no matter how you look at it, is a holding back. As a paradox, we, the prostitutes need the moral. Without the moral, we’d be lost." "What kind of moral can you have as prostitutes, Past?" "Our moral consists of a more accentuated sincerity and seriousness than of the so called serious women, said Past while she continued to caress her body in front of me like a stripper." "Do you mean, you prostitutes are more sincere and serious than married women who wear their years of marriage like a sign of purity and devotion toward the moral they say they respect?" "Of course, Sorin Cerin", answered Past. "We, although we accept the moral the serious women say they respect, don’t actually pretend to respect it. They do everything hidden and we, up front. Are we, the prostitutes not closer to the christen moral, although we are doing it all up front, not like the"honest" women who lie and cheat in the back? I admit, they don’t get as much sex as we do, because they are tributary to certain beliefs. Are you more honest before God if you’re all the time thinking about sinning but you cannot because of certain compulsions? If those compulsions wouldn’t exist, compulsions of the christen moral which you say you respect, but some other kind of compulsions exist, such as material things of a marriage, which you don’t want to lose, a certain social position, power, all these are making you"serious"; but, in spite of all these compulsions, you’re thinking about sex. Isn’t a woman like that lower than a prostitute who makes everything up front? So happens with the men who look like serious, honest family men. Do you know how many such men came to me? Do you know how many respectable men begged me to assure their privacy? You have no idea, Sorin Cerin. You should know that a person, male or female, the more"serious","honest","moral" they pretend to be, the more unserious, deceiving and immoral they really are. The Lie appeared on Earth at the same time with Moral. As strange as it is, they can live together very well. It’s the same case with the adultery, the prostitution and all the others, which appeared at the same time with a certain Moral. I said with a certain Moral because not every Moral can incriminate prostitution, for example. In a Moral where prostitution is permitted, it doesn’t exist; that is why the bad and the good deeds appeared along with the Moral. In the Dark Ages existed a different kind of Moral than that we know now." "How do you see the Christen Moral, Past?" I asked the prostitute, looking into her big, brown eyes. "The Christen Moral is Mary-Magdalene’s Moral, that means the Moral of the one who doesn’t sin to throw the first stone to the one who sins; in a word. The one without a sin to point at the sinner; because wanting or not wanting it, we carry an Original Sin with us; that is for those who don’t understand that there is no person without sin on this Earth. By death on the cross, Jesus eliminated this sin for those who aren’t christens. In a way, we have been bought back. Although in life is impossible not to sin in one way or another, if not with the fact, than with the thought and it’s still a sin. The persons who think of themselves as"moral"

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are actually the most immoral ones, for the simple fact that being moral doesn’t necessary mean not to be a sinner, in a word, what’s the Christen Moral concerned you mustn’t sin. The closest to such a Moral are the people who admit and carry their sin like a cross their entire life, waiting for their salvation. It’s true, it’s good not to remain in sin and to try with all your strength to forget any bad habit which might lead you to a certain sin. We must admit that the christen religion, as well as all the others religions contain a set of laws that show you what is good and what’s not, and develop a certain Moral. The more you’ll find yourself in this Moral of Religion, the sooner you’ll know the path to perfection; it’s just that not every person is like the other. For some, the Path to perfection can be a sport, for others science, money, religion or sex and other many things. Then, what about the True Path to Perfection? The man is made to live through sex, in a word, to have sex. Without the sexual pleasure the mankind would be in a terrible situation which would lead if not to its destruction, than to its total alienation. Through sex we eliminate a large number of energies which gathered together, would bring to the society, on general level and to the man, on structural level, an even larger number of sins of great gravity. The man has a self conscience opposite to the animal. This self conscience, along with the other qualities has also the one of sexual pleasure, a quality of a great importance to the Destiny of Mankind. Let’s admit once more that the man lives through sex; without sex the man’s conscience would deteriorate so badly that he would become an animal again, that in case he was once an animal even hypothetically. Then what’s the situation with the sin of having sex? The christen religion says that it’s not a sin to have sex with your wife or husband. It’s true that it would be ideal so, but let us think how it is in reality. After a while comes the boredom, the anguish, the desire to know another person, because God made it that way, too. The priests will say, someone else did. I will say that God is more powerful than everything there is; there is no greater power than God’s power; then, why doesn’t He make things right according to the Christen Moral and create a stereotype who isn’t a bit interested in the sexual life and at some period of the year, the sexual functions are nothing more than reproduction functions, like the animals? Without a sex life, the man wouldn’t be human anymore, he would become an animal. Although we don’t realize, everything we achieve in life is due to our sex life, that we need so much. It’s true, there are also sick persons like some schizophrenics who don’t need a sex life but I m sure that we, people don’t want a schizophrenic society. Like I said before, the Christianity accepts sex the life in exchange of a marriage in front of a priest. It’s ideal, it’s true and beautiful. The two young people will love each other and have sex till the end of their lives, without trying to sin even with the thought, because in those moments they will say a pray. Nothing more wrong. As the years go by, each of them will try- if not out of a certain curiosity, than out of boringness, the desire to change something or have an adventure, out of a curious feeling, older than time-to cheat on the other, to find the forbidden fruit. The difference between the men and the women is more about the approach than the sin itself. The men, by their nature, want to posses as many women as they can, out of a curious subconscious desire, older than time, of the masculinity, that of spreading their seeds on the fertile soil of the feminism, for the perpetuation of the specie. Precisely this subconscious feeling wants the christen religion to disavow by a substitute which is the prayer or the fear of punishment, of the After Judgment. This punishment we find on most of the religions, where the purifications of the sinners is made in different ways.

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In the Christianity, the soul’s purification is done by the most terrible punishments in the dept of the hell, especially by fire. The fire, from the oldest times was an element of purification in many religions. In a word, if you accept the Christen Moral, you’ll be terribly tortured. To obey is to deny that ancient masculinity feeling from the subconscience, to like the woman not as a singular, but as a archetype, as a plural. Isn’t it living through sex that led to the evolution of the human being’s self-conscience? First, on the emotional level? The feelings developed at the same time with the sex. A man couldn’t love a woman without genitals, just as a woman couldn’t love a man without his genitals. The entire emotional system of the human conscience developed and evolved through sex. The billions of love stories in the history, the love words and declarations, they all came from the sub-conscience of the two sexes to mate. Where will we be if we’ll follow the ideal path regarding sex, like some priests frightened by the hell’s fire? In Hell. In my opinion, we shouldn’t point out so many body parts which we received as a gift of beauty from God. The religion excludes itself from what it is and substitutes itself not once to the politics. How many religious doctrines are there in the world? How many sects or churches have not only the Christen Religion? Their existence isn’t a willing desacralisation of the Christen Religion itself? The Catholics, the Baptists and many others don’t believe in the same God and Jesus Christ? Certainly, they do. And then? Why does every church politicize till the absurd and considers itself the only true one? The Christianity at the beginning was one and much closer to God than nowadays, when it’s divided in so many churches, where everyone interpretates the words of Jesus, depending on their own philosophy and what is worse, depending on their own interests, in order to draw followers, making not once the sin, which the founder of Christianity, Jesus Christ, gave his life for. I said that we’ll go to Hell if we’ll follow the ideal way of religion made by priests regarding sex, because at the beginning, the Christianity gave only certain teachings which followed, would have created some healthy habits, but not in contradiction with the human condition and its hopes. It’s true, it’s wrong to go to prostitutes, ideal it would be not to, like those two young people in front of the altar, who will have sex only to each other and love each other their hole lives. Only that life isn’t so. Jesus knew all that, knew that man, by his human condition, is a low, lying, cynical but at the same time sublime creature. Jesus Christ gave us an example, to go to the sublime in us, to get rid of the nastiness in our souls; That is why, existed a Mary Magdalena who wasn’t more sinful than many"serious" persons from that gathering. Jesus Christ understood – and pushed her to the sublime in her heart. Jesus Christ never said be perfect, because He knew that the man isn’t perfect. What guided us through the Religion of Love who created the Christianity as well as other religions, the religion of Love that Jesus understood so well, was to try as much as we can to accept for the dark corners of the soul to be brought to the light of the truth, to go to that sublime that every soul has but not always finds. We know too well how some priests transformed the Christianity, which, out of a Religion of Love, of loving your fellow man, became a politics for killing and torturing them. They lied so much that they began to believe it themselves, that they are living saints and the people must follow their example without realizing in their stupid minds, that what they were asking of the people was impossible because led to dehumanization. And so, the Moral of Love of Jesus Christ was politicized by low interests of many priests who transformed the way to Paradise into the way of knowing Hell and ending eventually in it. I’m a more honest prostitute than many priests. I ask money for my services, while the priest asks money for a religion which should never accept money in exchange for knowledge. Our brothel is outside, in front of the casino, in cold, wind and rain, because we didn’t want to ask so much money like these priests who ask for an enormous amount of money, threatening with the fire of Hell and the

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Judgment Day, in order to build great cathedrals and have around them luxury. I can’t deny that there are some priests who are really teachers of the Christianity, but let’s admit, we can count them on our fingers. What’s the difference between my brothel and their Cathedral? Just one: my genitals is not worth so much money like the fear of the Judgment Day! said Past climbing on one of the dusty Black Jack tables and began to move her body in an absurd dance." The feet of the beautiful Past left deep prints in the thick, brown dust from the table, uncovering partially the color of the cards. "Why all these, Past?" I said, not being able to retain my emotion at that sight. "So you can see me", said Past smiling like only a professional prostitute can; after that, she told me: "Do you know how a woman can rape a man?" "By using force, of course", I answered. "Without using force", said Past. "By giving him sleeping pills, but that’s in vane, because he couldn’t do anything to the woman", I answered. "When a woman rapes a man, she rapes first his will, by the simple fact that she shows her genitals. Men, who don’t like the feminine sex are either mentally insane or gay, but even the gay ones are a kind of mentally ill people. I don’t consider homosexuality as a normal state", said Past dancing sexy on the Black Jack table. "Do you consider yourself a sinner, Past?" I asked her, turning my back on her, not because I was shy or embarrassed, but simply because in these moments, I felt no need to have sex. "Of course I’m a sinner. You show me a person who never sinned and on that moment I’ll give you back the coin you gave me." "So Jesus wanted to pay us back by His sacrifice on the cross, Past?" "Precisely, Sorin Cerin, do you think He succeeded, because we sin willingly or unwillingly, in our life which we carry on our back?" " Tell me, Past, I’m waiting for an answer", I told her in a moved tone. "I can’t understand where does this inner emotion come from. I’m trying to find out but I can’t. Why does God let the man to be so sinful? Why hasn’t He erased our sins? All that the Christen Moral considers to be a sin? Why didn’t He create us as perfect beings who didn’t lie, cheat, hit, go to prostitutes, beings without sexual desires? Many things would be solved then. We would be born without sins and die just as that. Why doesn’t God, who has the supreme power, take the dark side from our souls or make the sin disappear? Do we need that dark side, in order for the bright one to be born, for example the kindness, the mercy, the justice, the love and everything what is considered positive in the Moral of all religions? The dark side from us is considered a sin. The absurd of our existence is the fact that we can’t exist without the dark side of the soul, that the light wouldn’t shine in the darkness, just like the good without the bad and the sublime of the Christen Moral without the Sin. In this case we can talk about many other Morals belonging to other Religions. God let the man to be born and sin but He also left him the free will by creating the Unknown. Important in this life is how much you sin and how little you could have sinned, if a large part of your desires instead of concentrating on different orgies, they would have focused on helping other people, on beauty, mercy, true love for those around you." "Shut up, Sorin Cerin, that you’ll start making true poems about perfection. You’re becoming false and I don’t like it. If you keep talking like this, I’ll begin to detest you", said Past frustrated. "All right, Past, I’ll be quiet." "Shut up, Sorin and listen how the wind blows in the broken window on your right.

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Listen how it blows through the glass, cutting itself and screaming terribly. Shut up and listen, Sorin Cerin, listen to the wind. It’s like your destiny, just as angry on its own condition of a wind. It’s like it would have wanted to be more in this world. Maybe it would have wanted to be a wise man or a king, a priest or a prostitute, and it is only a Wind. It struggles in all directions, breaking trees and windows, glasses and casinos, roulettes and play-cards and do you know why? Because just as you wished you were born without sin, it would have wanted also not to blow in all these places and to find inner peace. Only that who doesn’t know what kindness and inner beauty is, doesn’t know what sin is. If you were born without sin Sorin, without the Original Sin, you would have looked for it even in rocks, you would have broken the rock with your nails, till they would have bled; and you wouldn’t have stopped till you found it. Even if you knew that you will never find it, you would have continued to break the rock with your bleeding hands your hole life because you really need it, because without the Original Sin, you, Sorin Cerin, wouldn’t be yourself anymore…" "Then why did Jesus Christ died on the cross? Not in order to save us from the Original Sin?" I asked Past trying not to think about anything for the moment being, to empty my mind one way or another. "Here is Jesus Christ’s tragedy. He died on the cross, to save us from this sin, only that we can’t live without it, without the sin", said Past. "Christ, by His death, tried to make us run in our lives to the sublime in our souls, to the bright side of them, knowing that, by His terrible death on the cold wood of the cross, He saved us from the Original Sin. We cannot live without it, because from the Original Sin come all the other sins and we cannot live without a sin. By His death, Christ showed us the future of the human condition that, regardless of what we want, goes toward perfection. Jesus sacrificed himself and gave us through His redemption a deeper meaning to our existence, showing us that somewhere in our way to the light and love in our souls, we will get to be ourselves, happy and fulfilled, without a sin. Jesus broke with his nails the rock of the sin of the human conditions, bleeding, just because He knew that once He dies, He will give us the path to redemption, by becoming alive again. Here is Christ’s tragedy and we’ll have to follow His Path. I couldn’t believe that I hear behind me a prostitute talking about Christ’s Path, naked, obscene, on a dusty Black Jack table." I can’t stop myself and I say: "How can you, Past, a fully naked prostitute tell me about the Path I must follow? I consider that Christ saves us from the Original Sin and therefore we are born without sin; we become sinner in our lifetime, not when we are born. I cannot believe you Past, I told her in a revolted tone." "Listen to me, poor Sorin Cerin, no matter how hard you’ll try to lie to yourself, I will never lie, I like the naked truth as much as I like to be naked right now, when I have no clothes on me. What I can tell you for sure, Sorin Cerin is that I am a honest prostitute and you are an idiot who is trying to find himself in the stars on a cloudy sky. Why do you think, there is the sin?" "For us to become better", I answered. "Very good! Bravo! You really gave me an answer that I can say I didn’t expect." "Why to become better?" asked me Past ironically. "Because this is the Path to perfection, the Path to Redemption showed by Christ", I answered her visibly upset. "Bravo again, said Past and than, she continued: but why do we become better through sin?" "Because we can tell right from wrong by Free Will that is due to the Unknown". "Again very good, Sorin Cerin. This time I want you to tell me where do the sins

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come from, the sins we make during our lifetime? Why is our human condition so that the man isn’t perfect, but sinful?" said Past as ironically as before. "Because He wanted it so"… I stopped. I realized that if I would have said God, I would have made a big mistake. I remained silent for a few moments, not being able to say anything. Finally, Past said in an impartial tone but with some kind of warmth in her voice. "Our sins come from the Original Sin, which is nothing else but the very essence of the Human Condition, Sorin Cerin. Without sins we wouldn’t be ourselves in this life, without sins, love wouldn’t have passion and the kiss, fire. The sun wouldn’t warm the hidden thoughts and the mystery would be a poster forgotten on the streets. Without sins, there wouldn’t be the shame and the sexual obscenity, just as I wouldn’t be a prostitute, but an old virgin; as for men, you can think for yourself, Sorin." "I’m trying, I answered to the beautiful Past." I continued,"Although, I would like you to get dressed, Past." "Why?" she asked me. "I cannot exactly tell you, all that I know right now is that I have no sexual desire. I think you understand what exactly I want to tell you." "Yes, I understand. You’re impotent", said Past surprised. "No, no way but I just don’t want right now anything at all from you, Past." "Would you like to tell me why?" "Because It doesn’t seem decent to talk about religion with a naked woman." "I understand, Sorin Cerin. That means that you don’t see any connection between sex and religion?" said Past questioningly. "None what so ever", I answered fully convinced of my statement. "None, Sorin Cerin", said ironically Past. " Can you tell me, sir, how you were made? No way without sex and than, after you were born, you were to become a religious person. Is it true or not?" said Past ironically and questioningly at the same time. "Don’t try to establish a connection this way between sex and religion, Past. What you’re doing is a blasphemy", I answered as threatening as I could. "A blasphemy?" she laughed on purpose, with a somewhat grotesque laughter. "A blasphemy?! Ha, ha, ha! You know, Sorin, what a blasphemy is? Isn’t it true that you don’t sin this way as long as you don’t try to hear someone else’s opinions, too." "I’m listening if you’re getting dressed", I told Past, without turning my face to her. "Why, Sorin? Are you ashamed of the human body, of the body that God made? Why are you ashamed?" "All right, Past, say what you want but I won’t turn my face to you." "Very well, Sorin Cerin, look at to red, old walls. For you it’s better, you, who don’t see a connection between religion and sex." "What connection do you think I could see, Past?" "Religion would have never appeared without sex, Sorin." "You’re trying in vane to explain to me physically, because I’m not at least bit interested, because if I’m going to believe in such a connection, it will have nothing to do with the physical part of our body, but only with the spiritual one. In a word, if you want, you can explain to me from a spiritual point of view, which is the connection between religion and sex. I don’t believe in the existence of the physical part as long as I consider it to be an illusion of our illusory existence." "Here I agree with you, Sorin. The reality is that from the moment of our birth till the moment we die, we live an illusion", said Past.

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"I wouldn’t have expected for anything in the world for a prostitute to make such philosophical remarks." "Then?" I asked her this time. "Let’s try not to mind the"physical" side of sex", said Past. Let’s think just about the psychical side of it. What exactly makes us have sex? An inner desire from somewhere inside of us, something unclear that we know it can become pleasant. Like a thirst sensation which makes us go find water. So it happens with sex, only that here we don’t have the"physical" illusion of thirst, but the noblest thirst of finding our past as being, somewhere over time and space, a thirst of complementary with the opposite sex, in order to create a hole, a reaching from imperfect to perfect, a finding of what you miss, in a word, a thirst of fulfillment. Don’t tell me that the human being during orgasm isn’t fulfilled, even for a few moments. Don’t tell me that in that sublime moment when energies are united, isn’t born, at least for a fraction of a second the image of what we try to find in life through religion: Fulfillment. So, no matter how much we’d try to lie to ourselves, the religion is a substitute of sex for the human being when this is missing. I’m convinced that mankind wouldn’t have discovered God if it wouldn’t have been for sex. I seems strange but it is as true as it can be. Through religion we are looking for fulfillment, but in a different way, totally different from sex. No matter how strange it would sound, sex is complementary with religion, because each is the opposite of the other, sex is the opposite of religion and religion, the opposite of sex. For the human being to be able to reach a balance, needs both of them. Religion, if it reaches a certain intensity in a person’s soul, can just as well to become a substitute of sex, just as sex, of religion. I, dear Sorin Cerin, as a prostitute in your eyes, I’m only a priestess of the human condition, of sex, if you want." "What was exactly what truly convinced you that sex is the opposite of religion?" I asked her again without realizing the Past. "What exactly? I told you before. The way we’re looking for Fulfillment. Perhaps you want to ask me why precisely the sex is the opposite of religion and not swimming or riding a horse? The answer is easy, Sorin: In no other place but sex and religion you will find, even for a few moments: The Absolute. Sex and religion are two sides of the same mountain, which go to the same peak: The Absolute, with the difference that they are opposite sides. That is why, the moment you’ll truly feel religion, you’ll be able to get rid of sex, this becoming some kind of stranger who doesn’t know what he’s doing in your soul; but it’s just as true that by intense living of sexuality you can reach the same peak as by religion." "I can’t accept this, Past", I told the prostitute, this time really intrigued. "Why?" asked me Past surprised. "What do you mean, why?" I answered her in the same intrigued tone. What do you mean, why? I repeat. How can you say that by sex you can reach the same fulfillment as by religion? Isn’t that a blasphemy, too, Past?" "No! Absolutely not!" said the prostitute with a small trace of irritation in her voice. Did you ever climb that mountain to get to the top, Sorin? I’m sure you didn’t. All you know is that a certain moral taught you a thing that you say you cannot overcome. Why do you think that some monks don’t have sexual pleasures? Because they are trying to teach the peak of Fulfillment by religion, which, regardless of its doctrine is a sexual substitute, too. Some Tibetan monks can create certain thing close to perfection, such as: teleportation, telekinesis, telepathy, certain states of lucidity and others. Well, Sorin, all these monks reach this perfection because they lead a very strict life, as food, as well as sex. All these help them climb the mountain to the Absolute peak." "Maybe here you’re right", I interrupted Past, only that the other side isn’t a

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spiritual but a physical one, which is completely different from the side those monks are climbing. I visited them personally in the past but I cannot remember exactly what year." "There’s no point in remembering such a ting, Sorin, because remembering you don’t have to look at me naked, a nakedness you shyly avoid, but which is part of you past, because I am your Past, Sorin Cerin." Although I’m a little it curious to turn my eyes to Past, I cannot do it out of a mixture of shyness, embarrassment, of not understanding my own moments from this prostitute’s heart. Finally, she told me: "You’re afraid of my nakedness, Sorin, because you are the slave to a moral that pushes you away from me." "Maybe it’s that, too, Past", I answered somewhat puzzled, not knowing where to go to. "All this moral", told me the prostitute, doesn’t let you understand the other side of the mountain, too, which isn’t climbed by the Tibetan monks, in order to reach perfection, but by the simple man, who, unlike the monks, can stay in the top only for a few moments, through orgasm, without realizing that most of the time he reaches one of the peaks for which the nature created him. Although you believe, Sorin, that this side, of sex doesn’t belong to spirituality, you are terribly wrong. First, let me remind you that the flesh doesn’t even exist, it exists only in your imagination. Your life is nothing else but a game of imaginations, one stranger than the other, imaginations which only pull you away from your past, regardless of the level of creation that you once somewhere, somehow had. When you like a person of opposite sex, although you are under the impression that you are attracted to her body, it’s mostly false. Of course, this illusion of flesh that your own soul creates in this world, matters a little bit, but this isn’t all. And this illusion of flesh is based on certain principles such as a certain geometry, color, size, in a word"physical" principles which aren’t physical at all, but they belong to the soul of the opposite sex which you’re observing. Even if we could say that the"physical", the flesh would exist, which it’s not true, than this doesn’t betray the soul behind that flesh? Don’t the physical features of a person betray certain emotional ones, without reminding of the way we dress, fix our hair? Every"physical" aspect is nothing else but a language of the soul behind the body. And so, we can say for sure that the language of the flesh is nothing else but the language of the soul, the"physical" or the"flesh" not being anything else but the illusion created by the soul’s language to communicate to the five senses we have. Do you agree, Sorin Cerin?" "This time I can’t disagree, dear Past." "Please don’t ever tell me"dear" because I don’t deserve such an appreciation from you. I’m nothing more but a prostitute in a forgotten casino and that’s all." "Although I don’t understand you completely, I accept your wish of not calling you"dear". Even if sex isn’t physical but spiritual as you say, Past, I don’t understand how you can climb till the top of that mountain of our existence? Especially I would like you to define that mountain…" "What do you mean?" said Past. "How would you define the mountain", I asked her. "Sorin", said Past. When I heard that I couldn’t believe it. Is that the Destiny which comes from the superior hierarchy of the Contemplation? Is the Destiny in this Spiritual-Dimensional Level, of the tri-dimensionality where we live in, a peak of a mountain whose sides are Religion and Sex? I’ve never felt more strange than in these moments. "Which is the connection between Religion and God?" I asked Past, looking at the black, shiny piano on my left.

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"Turn around and admire my body", said Past. "Why now? I don’t understand. I rather remain with my back on you and that, not because I didn’t respect you, but because I cannot concentrate on Religion and God, looking at the naked body…" "Of a prostitute", said Past and than, she sighed lightly and said: "I can’t believe Mr. Sorin Cerin that you’ve reached the point when you can respect a prostitute. I don’t know what makes me believe you but more than that, why should I believe you?" "I don’t know", I answered. "That is why I believe you because"you don’t know"", said to me Past with freedom and trust in her voice. "Now do you understand me, Past?" I asked her without knowing exactly why. "No", she answered promptly. "Why?" I asked her again. "Because you can’t concentrate on religion and god looking at a naked woman", said Past. "I don’t think I can concentrate", I answered. "What keeps you from controlling your thoughts when you look at my naked body or from becoming yourself, the man and the thinker?" asked me Past in a pathetic, slightly ironic tone of desperation. It was for the first time when I could see desperation in a voice, just as it was the first time to find out that being ironic and pathetic leads to desperation. "I don’t know", I answered, trying to take the easiest way. "Don’t you?" said Past in the same tone. "Fear", I said finally. "Fear?" repeated Past visibly surprised. "Yes, fear!" I told like a soldier who talks for the first time to the general. "Now, I understand", said Past in a tone which this time reflected inner peace. Than, she continued:"So you can understand the connection between Religion and God, but more than that, the difference between Religion and God, you will have to overcome completely the fear of talking about such a subject when you’re face to face with a naked woman. So, all you have to do is to turn your face to me and look at my naked body, given to me by God, to look at every part of it, to explore it with passion and desire, in order to understand God." "I can’t, Past. Something keeps me like this. I realize that an unseen, not understood force doesn’t leave me alone." "It’s about Moral and its doctrine, of course. Religion is nothing else but a Moral based on a doctrine well-consolidated in its followers souls, on different logical connections, a doctrine which maintains the religious Moral in life, the Moral which through its concepts pretends first that it is the bearer of Truth regarding the Path of understanding and of course receiving God in our souls. Each religion has its Moral which determines the set of laws that keep the followers in certain states. In the christen religion those laws are the ten commandments, laws which done nothing else but to drain the society with all kinds of blamable acts with the condition of social conscience in a historic moment. What do those commandments say? Don’t steal, don’t kill, don’t e a prostitute. It’s true that I’m a prostitute, Sorin and I’m breaking this commandment but I don’t think that I sin more than other souls. Ideal it would be, not to be a prostitute at all. But we will talk about this some other time. Nobody can’t say that these commandments are not good for the man’s soul. And so are other religions with other morals and other commandments. What all religions have in common is that all consider to have the Truth to

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discover the Path to God and all accept God’s existence. Another thing they have in common is that most of the religious morals advise you to do only good, not to steal, not to kill, not to lie and others. This is really a good thing, leading along the people’s history to the certain ways of social behavior, certain customs, which became traditions. As you can see, the human being needs Religion as much as it needs the Original Sin. The man, by his nature, once he created the Sin, he created also the Religion. Even the most primitive tribes from Amazonian, for example, have certain religious customs, regardless of their gods. It’s as true that once with the evolution of the social conscience, of the culture, the religious phenomenon receives new values from the philosophical, social, political, scientifically, artistically levels, transforming all the time, trying to define themselves depending on the evolution of those levels. Once with the evolution of the communication means, the religions go toward a deep restructuring to some, dramatic to others. I’m sure that in the end, that religion which defines its own God, will win if its believers will win in the world. Let’s remember, Sorin how many religions didn’t die because their believers went to the religion of the winner. I’m sure that in a future, mankind will have a strong world peace, with one religion, to love God for showing us in the illusion we live, what love is. It will come a crucial moment of the mankind when religions will stop being used in politics as means of the states which want to show their influence inside as well as outside them. There will come the moment when all religions will shake hand, will forget about the Past, their not so pink past when they accepted hate, violence, lie and murder, in the name of kindness and love which that religion had as a form of praising its God, who belongs only to that religion and not to others as well. The truth, Sorin, is that God exists for every human being, from birth till death and not to some religion based on a moral and a doctrine more or less influenced by politics. Let’s admit that Jesus Christ himself was the object of so many interests along these two millenniums. The moment will come when religions will shake hands and reunite, each giving what has best and more precious, because through Religion, the mankind learned along the millenniums to be better, to love, to understand and not last, to forgive or forget, even if many bad people who considered themselves to be fine representatives of those religions, pushed them away from their initial purpose, that of finding and seeding, of watering and planting the sublime that lives in a little place of the soul, using finally religion as a weapon and a shield in many political and social actions which only transformed its original purpose into something totally opposite, an opposite which was nothing else but a symbol of ignorance and thirst for power. Someday the believers on this planet will understand that there is only one God for us all, they will understand that meanness, egoisms, murder, lie, thieves will have to disappear slowly, because the thirst for power leads to dehumanization, social alienation and absurd. There are so many churches and that only in the christen religion and although they are praying to one God, they are fighting, trying to reach the absolute power of that religion. Which is the result? Hatred, revenge, misunderstanding and many others. Why? Everything because there are people thirsty for power, who don’t want to leave their"slice" and teach their followers the despise for the other churches, although they are all serving the same God, of Abraham and Jacob. Why? In one religion there are so many misunderstandings that could be so easily resolved because the differences between them are minor and you can see that this is the work of some men who would lose their social and financial state if some churches would unite, let alone if the religions would? For sure this will be in the future, when the man will get tired of wars, crimes, tortures, of keeping in his weak fists of illusion the power that he considers proudly to be an honor on the social scale. The moment when the nations will be a big family on this Earth and the wars are ended, then there will be one single

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Religion, that will show us the Path to one God, of all the people, one God who nowadays is also of all the people, except that the dark forces are keeping them divided because only this way they can be ruled. Those who oppose to a world government where every nation can live free and independent, where there are no wars and crimes, not so big differences between the poor and the rich people, where there would be one single World Religion. They are nothing else but servants of the dark forces who, in the name of keeping the traditions and the customs of their own people, are destroying them and keeping the division that is so dear to them. I totally agree with a world government and a World Religion that will truly respect some principles such as the right to freedom and self-determination of the nations, not putting an economic or politic barrier to a nation in order to make it a slave, because otherwise we go to the other extreme, to a world government of an elite, which would keep the other nations in slavery, and that would determine a different kind of worldwide globalization. In the name of the worldwide globalization it would be born the biggest, most perfect and inhuman social-economic dictator ever known on Earth."

Chapter 3 "How do you see the World Religion, Past? What saints or crucial persons will it have? Here I give you an example of crucial person: Christ. If it wouldn’t have been for Christ, there wouldn’t be Christianity either, and nor the actual religion, the one from the New Testament." "I don’t understand", told me Past in a mysterious tone. "If it wouldn’t have been for the New Testament, we wouldn’t have the same opinion of the Old Testament for sure, let alone that many of the customs of the christen people which in time became traditions, wouldn’t have existed. For sure we would have a completely different world, I told to the naked woman on a Black Jack table behind me." "It’s true", said Past, the World Religion could be a sum of all religions from our planet, where the great saints or crucial persons who made the religious doctrine, shake hands and worship the same God, without geopolitical or social borders. I think in the future the World Religion will be born, but not before the world nations to shake hands, in a political as well as social way. No matter how strange it will seem to you, Sorin Cerin, the religion nowadays, although it’s based on a certain doctrine and crucial persons who determined it, has endless interventions of the political and social in its body and as I said it before, the religion isn’t foreign in the social conscience of the people who believe in it or its level of culture. Tell me, Sorin Cerin, you, who are a man trapped in your religious doctrine, do you believe that God made the woman’s body so that it can attract those of opposite gender, that means the men, with a purpose?" "I believe so, Past." "Do you know what is the purpose?" asked me Past. "Procreation, in a word our continuity as persons. From this point of view I’m sure that if men wouldn’t like women, in word, if males wouldn’t be attracted to females, our society would look completely different from every point of view: political, cultural and social." "Than, why can’t you turn your face to my body, Sorin?"

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"Because it’s considered to be a blasphemy to talk about religion and at the same time to look at an obscene picture". "How low do you accept sometimes to get just because there is a false impression about the nature and beauty of the human body left by God precisely for the man’s pleasure?" said Past. "In religions have appeared those crucial personalities, who by their existence have changed even the course of history. Imagine, Past, how would the history of the last two millenniums have looked like without Jesus Christ?" "It would have been completely different, for sure, Sorin. Christ taught us a religion of love, of affection to your people, of honesty and fairness and what happened during the Inquisition? Not by far the love to the people but to murder. This wasn’t what Jesus sacrificed himself for. On the other hand there were also many centuries when Christianity was like a life savior, bringing into those societies the values it was supposed to." "Christ was the one who condemned prostitution", I told to the prostitute. "I agree not to be a prostitute once other much graver sins will disappear. Not long ago I told you about Mary Magdalena", said Past. "But it’s not good to persist in the sin", I answered. "This is also true, but I don’t consider myself as a saint but a sinner. I don’t think that I could ever be a saint, but in my sin that I acknowledge, I consider myself much like a saint, unlike many others who swear that they never sinned." "It’s a sin to look at your naked body", I answered the beautiful Past. "It is", she answered me with a tired face but it is more sin not to look at it. Never would Jesus have said that what God made, including the human body is ugly. A few centuries ago it would have been a shame to appear in pants, for example. The people would have shouted at me on the street, cursing me. Who do you believe invented this fashion of hiding your body? No way did it come from the sublime corners of the souls we talked about, but from the dark ones. Hiding of the body came with along with showing of the feelings of ownership even on your sex partner. This feeling of egoism led to amplification of jealousy, of the soul slavery made by the strong one upon the weak one. All these took, putting forward wrong certain teachings from a religion or another, a false moral, that taught only a false timidity. In time, the false moral as well as the false timidity became, by lying that they belong to a religion or another, nothing else but the moral of that society, which finally led to different traditions or customs that aren’t always in concordance with the predecessors or even with the crucial persons of that religion. All that encloses the human being doesn’t come from God’s will, from God’s Original Thought but from the human evil, in the purity and universal beauty that some call moral of a religion or another." "Just now I understand what you really want to tell me, Past. What I cannot understand is how you found out about God’s Original Thought?" "Very simple, Sorin Cerin, I read your soul and your thoughts as in an open book", said Past. "I don’t understand, it’s not fair play to play like this, I cannot read your thoughts, I cannot…" Here Past interrupted me and said: " It’s very good that you cannot, Sorin, because if you could, for sure, right now you would have wanted one thing." "What?" I asked her very surprised this time. "To climb the Mountain of Religion, the mountain of destiny with a prostitute by the hand or any other position, to climb the mountain of the deep religious sex. Now do you understand, Sorin Cerin?"

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"I still don’t understand, Past" "It’s good that you don’t, Sorin", said Past behind me. "This is not good at all, I want to know. I have a thirst for knowledge bigger than ever. Past, please tell me, who I am actually, who am I, Sorin Cerin." "Who are you, Sorin?" "Yes, Past, please, tell me." "You are a real Monk of the Destiny, a wandering monk who wants to climb up one of the mountain slope, Sorin, in order to reach the top and to admire the unique view that a soul can see, to understand what cannot be understood, to receive what cannot be given, to know what cannot be known and to see the inexistent. In a word, the Destiny. Only there will you be able to contemplate with your soul the wonderful image that will be displayed at your feet, namely seeing the sun of hope rising behind other peaks, representing other destinies, in a nutshell the dawn of your real dreams." "Who are you, Past? Only now do I get frightened and I am terrified. You are definitely not a prostitute, are you?" Only now do I feel a non-dissimulated fear. Who are you, Past?" "Who am I, Past is laughing a weird laughter, more of a nervous shriek, something between despair and ecstasy."I am the history of creation, what has been and what will be, the who will love in the past and suffer in the future, by means of memories, the one who will hope in the future and will acquire the past by despair, the one who believes in Sorin and obeys the wind, like a leaf scattered by the fog of forgetfulness. I am the one who is not, who will never be but who has always been, in a word, I am the Past." I don’t know why and I don’t know how. Everything I know is that I turn my eyes to Past, looking at her nakedness without embarrassment, and I don’t understand her, so I ask: "Past, what is Sorin? "What I see in your eyes, when you look at my body and you look at your own Destiny in a mirror." "So you mean that the Destiny is this roundness and these thighs and eyes that I see right now in front of my eyes? You mean my Destiny is a prostitute?" "Exactly, Sorin Cerin, that’s what Sorin is, it is the peak where many monks arrive after years of intense meditations, torturing willingly their own souls, in order to come to see me. I am the peak of the mountain that has two steep, hardly accessible slopes – the slope of sex and the slope of religion." "But Past, I don’t know to what extent your religion comes from God, but I can tell you for sure that I don’t understand at all, I told her more amazed than ever." "There’s nothing to understand, Sorin Cerin, because Religion is created by people, even if they are God’s messengers, while what you can see here is created directly by God. Let’s not talk any more about interpretations of the words of important people. In one word, Religion is man’s creation, as well as the Original Sin, but man is God’s creation. Sorin, I am certain that had not there been selfishness, jealousy, malice, the will for power, greediness, as well as other malevolent feelings, there would have never existed sentiments of shame and embarrassment towards human body nakedness. The type of moral which by exaggerated stiffness, wants to cover certain body parts, only erotizes, which actually leads to adultery and unfaithfulness. We live in a paradoxical world." "In spite of all these, Past, don’t you think that adultery is a sin that should be avoided? Don’t’ you think that spreading this sin is wrong?" "I’ve answered this question of yours before, but this time I want to ask you something: tell me, Sorin, what exactly do you think the soul needs more in life?" "Spiritual nourishment", I answer to beautiful Past.

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"It’s not true, Sorin. What do you feed on?" "Literature, art, science, trips; in one word I live a most pleasant life." "I knew your answer would be wrong, that is why I contradicted you from the beginning. First of all, the soul needs the Truth during the life, Sorin Cerin, it needs the truth you are so much willing to find right now." "You are right, Past," I tell her interrupting her speech… "All I do by adultery is to reveal a truth, even if sometimes it is inconvenient and always an excuse will be found and it will remain well hidden in the drawers of Moral, who will finally allow Lie to tear our lives and many times not even on our death bed will it let us realize in what a carousel of chip, but innumerable lies life took us. I admit I am a whore and I will persist in being one as long as lying exists. Thus, I only watch the truth in his deep, blue eyes and face even a more monstrous truth, the truth of lying that we are friends with out own life, fate, Sorin, which is not true. I am a whore, Sorin Cerin and I am your destiny because you want only the Truth, no matter if it hurts or if it has the effect strong, mountain air has upon the body. You, Sorin Cerin, are a Monk of the Destiny, because first of all you are a monk looking for the truth, said Past looking deeply into my eyes." "Why is my Destiny a whore, Past?" "It’s not only your Destiny." "I don’t understand, Past." "Tell me first what a whore is, Sorin." "A whore is a woman who cheats on her husband, an adulteress, not a prostitute, as you are." "Why wouldn’t I be a priestess from an old temple of love, selling myself to those who are thirsty for love, in order to promote Love as a God?" "Past, you cannot be a priestess." "Maybe you are right about this; I cannot be a priestess because I am a prostitute." "Why are you my Destiny? How can you be the image of my Destiny?" "Sorin, what do you understand by Destiny? I wonder if you don’t understand something above the Law it generates." "How do you know this, Past?" "I’ve told you that I can read both your conscious and subconscious level. I know what you know, Sorin." "So?" "You agree that us, people, would have created Religion and the Original Sin if it had not existed, because our human condition is conceived in such a way, that we could not exist without religion and Original Sin." "I agree with you, Past." "After all, you don’t even have to say whether you agree with me or not. But it’s important that you listen to me, because you will find all the answers that you are expecting from me all by yourself." "OK, Past," I answered the naked woman in front of me. "The two fundamental characteristics of the human condition are the Sacredness and the Profane. Our existence as people depends on them and we, as well as the world, would not exist without them. Religion intends to be the structure of Sacredness in the human mind and the Original Sin of the Profane. The sacredness will always use the Profane in order to display its polish. It is in the first stage the sentence:"It’s not good to do so, do not ‘profane’, while the Profane is expressed by the sentence:"It’s good to do so, you can ‘make sacred’. From these sentences one can easily tell that the Profane is prior to Sacredness in human condition and not the other way round.

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For us to have a religion we need a sin, especially the Original Sin. Never will we be able to say that Religion has been created in order to profane, but to make sacred. For his purpose, we will always need the Past Profane to understand eternal sin, against which we fight by means of the Sacredness, by religion, by religious doctrines, looking our Way to God. What would have done your Present and your Future at his Spiritual and Dimensional Level, if it hadn’t been for me, Past, the whore, symbol of the Profane? Would there have been Sacredness, Religion and the way to God? I am the way by which you can meet God, a whore on a dusty Black Jack table in a casino, where there is still hope in luck and chance. Strange as it may seem, but I, the whore symbolizing the Profane am your Destiny, Sorin Cerin. Because the Profane is the entire cause of your existence, in the imaginary universe and the universe of ideas of your life at this Spiritual and Dimensional Universe of three-dimensionality. But for the Profane, you, Sorin Cerin, negating yourself when you don’t accept Profane along with the Sacredness, would only be a withered branch carried by blizzard to the snowy clouds, bringing about the end of the entire world of springs. That is you, Sorin Cerin, when you are the slave of a false and lying moral, interpreted by all kind of"sages", displaying their social and political ambition for power or other such palliatives. But let’s make things clear. I truly believe in some Sages or God’s or Allah’s messengers, regardless of the name given to God. These Persons, Crucial for history, or Sages or Messengers, whether they were called Jesus Christ, Buddha or Mohammed, whether their messages were from God or Allah, they were the Same Thing. No matter if they generated Christianity, Buddhism or Islamism, their Teachings created a history that was here and there stained by the will of power and politicking of popes or other rulers, Muslims, Buddhists who resolved things by sword, on behalf of religion. I am sure that one day there Religions will unite, generating the World Religion, that will bring Peace on Earth. These messengers of God only developed the sublime part of the human soul, preaching against evil. None of them declared a total fight against the Profane, negating it, but they accepted the Way to God as the one that comes from the Sin or from the Original Sin and that leads to Perfection, to Sacredness. For this belief Jesus Christ sacrificed His body on the cold wood of the cross, together with two convicts, in order to deliver us from the Profane, but not to deny its existence. These Messengers preached Sacredness as the Way, they admitted the existence of Sin and they urged souls on the Way of the sparse Sins in the life they were given, and if possible they urged souls not to sin at all. These Great Sages’ main idea was the Way we must follow, turning as much as possible our back on the Profane, without negating its existence. There could be no other bigger profanation of their teachings than the moments when their words were used to kill by fire and sword, for political reasons, and to occupy new lands on behalf of that Religion, that they used in order to appease the desire for fame, fortune and wealth, occupying many peoples, by sword, on behalf of Love. This was actually the Profane fighting against Sacredness on behalf of the Sacredness, wasn’t it? Of course it was. It is as True as it can be, Sorin, that one day, under this sun or

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under others, Sacredness will become for real the king of human condition, and that moment the Original Sin and sins generally will become a more and more erased memory in the souls of that time. The Profane in itself will become more Sacred than today’s Sacredness and gradually we will understand and feel more and more deeply in our sub consciousness why some Past time before these Messengers of God appeared, leaving their words for us. I am sure they knew about this evolution of the souls. It was important that moment the fact they succeeded in showing to the souls the Way to the Destination where they will arrive one day, disregarding History. All these Prophets said that Evil and pain are necessary for a soul to find the way to light. Evil does not mean harming other people or accepting it, it is only another exponent against which you can fight during life. Let’s go back to Sorin and the question you asked a while ago, namely why I, a prostitute named Past, am your Destiny. Because in this moment of the history, when you appeared, the Profane had only a little of the Sacredness that used to be at the beginning of mankind. The profane is completely more developed than Sacredness in the soul of most mortals and I am the Cause of the way your soul chose, I, Past, the Prostitute, that makes you sick but with whom you want to sleep, watching her nudity, the one for each right now there is a terrible conflict in your soul, a conflict between masculine instinct and accomplishment, between the way that is good to follow and the flesh desire of a past originating somewhere in the deep fog of the human kind dawns. I am your Destiny in this life and at this spiritual and dimensional level of threedimensionality, Sorin Cerin. As you very well know, Destiny does not mean Fate. Your Fate is a different one, it is what you want to do and it comes true or not, becoming your own history, while from the same point of view Destiny is the cause that has been meant for you as a beginning, as birth, in order to become your ally in death. Your Destiny will follow you your whole life and you cannot get rid of it, no matter where you hide and no matter how hard you try to negate, since you would only negate yourself from your basic instincts to your wishes and aspirations. I am your Destiny because I am the Profane, that your soul at your Spiritual and Dimensional level has as cause of its existence, and that is why your whole life will be sealed by Destiny. It is as true as possible that you can be sweetened somehow by Fate, but you will actually have your Destiny that has been given to you by birth as a sum of space and temporal illusion on the whole track of your existence, from your first whines you whined at the hospital to the heavy lumps of soil that will fall heavily on the coffin meant to you. The tragedy of the human condition is running endlessly from your own destiny believing in Fate, without understanding that no man can run from himself, no matter how strong his legs are. If the destiny is the reason why you were born and you will die, the Fate is the Illusion you live and for which you Think you were born and will die, of course. Sorin, if it had not been for me, your destiny, if it had not been for Past, you could never find the Way to your own Redemption, that is why if you say you respect me you must really do so. The more you respect the Profane in me, the prostitute and not the beautiful one, the whore and not the philosopher, the higher you will climb up the mountain of your destiny, which will show you the huge Way to Sacredness.

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Don’t you think that, becoming a religious person you are automatically on the way to Sacredness? That long way can be found by religiosity, it is true, if you receive it in your soul piously and not least with humbleness, pity and love towards you as a person and towards your peers. There is also another way for going to the destination of Sacredness, which means doing only good, not disturbing others’ existence, suppressing all negative sentiments such as hate, jealousy, malice, because the orgies of the psyche are much worse than those of the flesh. There are and have been many whores of the psyche that were on leading positions in various state hierarchies of the history who condemned the orgies of the flesh as one of the greatest sins, just in order to hide away theirs, such as murders, lies, thefts, violence, torture and the list may continue. I am your Destiny, Sorin Cerin, because I used to be this whore selling her body for the money of the moments of existence at your birth, almost at the limit between Profane and Sacredness, committing one of the least sins compared to other sins that the society, in a way,"did not take into consideration". As I have told you, the more you respect the whore in me, the more you respect yourself and the more you find me the more you will find yourself. This time maybe you understood the difference between one moral or another as well as what is good and what is wrong doing. I am your Destiny, because you, like any other soul, were born by sin, without speaking about the Original Sin, which is a requirement of Life." "I was born under the sign of the Whore," I told to Past, the beautiful prostitute, without knowing why. "Exactly, Sorin", she answered to me while drawing near, jumping off the Black Jack table. "I wonder if it is a good or a bad star sign", I say like a child who wants to know if the new toy is strong or frail. "That depends on you", says Past, putting her arms round my neck. "It depends on me. I see," I said. "Yes, my dear." "If it depends on me it means I can turn it from a bad luck sign into a lucky one. It means I can determine my Destiny by my own deeds, by the Free Will, meaning by you, Past", I told her putting my arms round her neck. "What do you want to make me do, Sorin?" she asked, trying to draw her face as near as possible to mine. "Guess", I whispered to her. "To make love, Sorin Cerin." "No, Past." "Then what?" "Love me," I said in a determined tone. "Love you?" said Past taking her hands off me. She took a few steps back, covering her mouth with her hand, looking at me with her eyes wide open, though our looks did not meet. She was covering her mouth with her hand as if she were afraid she might speak the faintest word, as if she could lose it forever between her strong, white teeth. Finally she told me more in a more horrified than in a calm voice, "No, Sorin Cerin, you will never have me because I am your Destiny, from the star sign of the Whore, I am your Past that you will never love. I am not and I will never be your Fate, the one you believe in and that you bring from the future to the past, by present." "I cannot understand, Past? Because it was so meant for me?" I answered with

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bitterness in my voice, realizing the real tragic dimension of the Human Condition. "You will never be able to transform the star sign of your Destiny from a lucky into an unlucky one," said Past in the same voice. "Why, Past?" I said trying to understand the situation as profoundly as possible. "Because I am a whore, I am the Profane that it’s not in the Law for you to love." "Why, Dear Past?" "Because loving me you would negate the Sacredness you arrived at, dragging me also back on the evolution scale. Loving me you would destroy both me and you. Never love your Destiny, Sorin Cerin." "Then what can I do with it?" "Respect me and you will reach the peak of the Destiny mountain by respect, kindness, pity, humility, leaving pride and arrogance, since climbing up the mountain you will be allowed to see farther the Way to Sacredness." "But if I don’t love my own Destiny, if I don’t love you, Past, I feel I will never be able to find myself, to understand my own life and you, Past, who are nothing but my own Destiny." "In spite of that don’t ever love me, Sorin, ‘cause if you do you will destroy both of us." "Therefore I will never love my Destiny, but I will respect it and that’s all. Then how can I truly find myself and not be a stranger to myself?" "You can only look for this. You will never understand the essence of alienation from yourself because it is part of the agreement between the Human Condition and the Notional Destiny that we are part of." "What does it provide, Past?" "To be always a stranger to yourself since you become aware of your existence until your death. Better said, from the moment you are aware of the Illusion you live and that you so pompously name Reality." "So it’s not Reality". "No, Sorin. No way." "What would happen if, despite all the obstacles you settled for me, I would start loving you. I think you know better than I do what love is and how it makes its way into a soul". "What do you mean, Sorin", said Past in tone as frightful as before, turning her back on me this time. "I mean in vain you turn your back on me, because love starts when you expect it least, when you feel the divine need to be close to the one you love, you look upon with kindness and understanding and who paradoxically makes you a better, more understanding, more patient man, in one word you can say you love. Only then do you realize that the dawns are more beautiful than ever, that you have lost hundreds of starry nights that could have charmed you. Maybe these are the few moments that are really worth living. I don’t know why, Past, I feel those moments are coming closer and closer to my soul, that they are flying birds, desperate by the heavy and tumultuous winter of life, looking for a refuge in the sentimental warmth of my soul, which has started to irradiate for you, just like a Sun of fulfillment on the sky that has been full of clouds until a few moments ago and now it is crowned with the rainbow of Hope." "Please shut up, Sorin Cerin. I am any whore at the gate of a deserted and dilapidated casino, I see the wind blowing through the windows and whipping the sky, the wind that only exists late in autumn, with rotten tree trunks and leaves that will never be again and that will only dwell in the memory of a forgotten cemetery. This is me, Sorin Cerin and I don’t understand why you want to face me falling for me. I am not and I will never be the aim of the divine, namely love, I am Sorin, dear Sorin, I can

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see I am little by little falling in the same trap as yours." "It’s you who told me that God is love, it’s you who talked to me about the Religion of Love as the True Religion, wasn’t you? Why am I so wrong loving you, the one who is my own Destiny? Why?" "Because I am the Profane, my dear." "So what? The more thorny love is, the more you can understand and love for real, respecting the Profane and determining it to become Sacredness, to be what the soul wants as its final aim: Sacredness." "Sacredness cannot exist without the Profane. Loving me you only despise Love, because Love tends to purity, absolute, kindness and all these could not exist without the profane in each of us. Trying to love the hand pointing to the Way of love you bring back love to the station where it was before the beginning of mankind, meaning in the soul of the Profane who did not need Sacredness, as well as Sacredness did not need the Profane, since they coexisted. The destiny of those"times" had no connotation, it was not Sacred or Profane and that’s want I want you to point out. I did not exist by that time, Sorin Cerin, in those"times", instead of me, at the dusty roulette at your right were not playing moments, like they do now, but the Spiritual and Dimensional Levels themselves of the Existential Notions, who were older than our mother: Ages." "So you mean that there are several hierarchies of the Destinies, where there is no Profane and Sacredness?" "Exactly, Sorin, at the level of the Destiny of the Great Contemplation there was no Profane, as well as at the level of Person and Personalization. The Profane occurs for the first time at the Notional level. Everything that is Un-notional is Sacred. Subsequently the fight between Sacredness and Profane begins, my dear." "Why?" I asked beautiful Past. "For the Way of Perfection" she said, keeping her back turned on me. "So we can say there is Un-notional Destiny and Notional Destiny, Past?" I asked her, interested in her answer. "Yes, Sorin." "You are a Notional Destiny from our Spiritual and Dimensional Level, Past?" "Yes," she said almost whispering, fact that made her look totally mysterious. "Oh, all of you, Notional Destinies have Sacredness and Profane in your bodies, namely you, Past, you have in your structure these two elements, like the Destiny of a Notion or of a Notional State?" "In no way, Sorin. The Destinies of Notions and even those of Notional States are Destinies, so much superior to me that their Profane is infinitely more Sacred than the most Sacred of images and notions I can have about Sacredness. I happen to consider myself at an inferior level, Sorin" said Past in the same mysterious tone, more of a whisper, like before. "Why don’t you let me help you? Will I succeed by love in taking you to superior level than the one where you are currently?" "That’s impossible, Sorin, and I will tell you why." "I can hardly wait, Past, but I would like you to tell me why you are called Past. I’d like to know all these. Why don’t you yourself try to make me love you? If my love for you is such a great sin, would it be better to help each other not to be in love any more?" "It would be better, Sorin. My name is Past because I am a dimension of my parents’, namely Ages and Time. I am the dimension of Past who had also played the part of destiny at your level." "Can a temporal dimension such as the past play the part of destiny at other levels, too?" I curiously asked Past.

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"It is impossible, Sorin. This temporal dimension exists as Sorin only at your Spiritual and Dimensional level of three-dimensionality. Nowhere else in the Universe will you find the destiny as an owner of temporal dimension." "Who are you actually, Past? Are you time or Sorin?" "I am Sorin, but you perceive me as time. This is part of the Illusion you live in this life." "You have just mentioned Ages, your mother, and Time, your father. Could they have given birth to a temporal dimension? Aren’t they Sorin, like you are?" "They are Sorin like I am, but you perceive them as Time." "Are your parents at your spiritual and dimensional level or did they create you at another level, so that you are born at this one?" "You are right this time. My parents are at an inferior spiritual and dimensional level than the one we are now." "Are your parents the destiny of the immediately inferior Level?" "Exactly, Sorin," said Past keeping her back turned on me. "Why don’t you look at me, Past?" "I can’t, Sorin. A tormenting force puts me in some sort of panic." "Why don’t you get dressed, Past?" "I don’t know, she answered in a mysterious voice, sounding like a shivering person." "Still, I can tell you with all my heart. .." "Shut up!" shouted Past, rushing at me and covering my mouth with her cold and wet hand and she resumed:" Please, don’t say anything, Sorin, please. She whispered the last words, then she took her hand off my lips, petting my face, my forehead and finally put both her arms around my neck. "Are you afraid, Past?" "Yes, I am, Sorin" the woman said looking into my eyes. "Of what?" "Don’t ask me because I don’t know what to answer." "Of times?" "No" she answered softly. "Then?" "We should not change the course of existence, Sorin" she whispered as if someone had been with us and could have heard, and was to tell on us to a celestial instance that would have sentenced us to torture for life. "How would we change the course of existence if I…" "Shut up!" shouted Past whisperingly, and covered my lips with her hand, which was hot this time. "I am Past so I am the Profane, because any Past is profaned by the human conditions by sin." "Why? I manage to say through her fingers spread on my face." "Because there are no people without sins, just like there is no man without a past. You are human, Sorin Cerin", repeated Past, taking her hand off my face and putting it somewhere at my back, trying to embrace me as if we had met somewhere, in a nameless railway station, we would have loved each other and we had not seen each other for many years. I felt the fear and the anxiety in her look, as well as the wish and the desire to fight against these feelings. "Even if there is no man without sins, maybe I can have you," I finally whispered to her. "I wish you could have me, Sorin, but you will always have me as a temporal dimension and that is all."

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"Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?" I started to continuously repeat to her, without knowing why. "Because the past of all human beings is Profane and man aspires to the Sacredness. Hadn’t it been so, all the hopes that give meaning to human existence would disappear, as well as the wishes, the fighter inside the human soul…" said Past, whom I interrupted: "But there remains Love, the Love I have for you, Past." "Please don’t love me, don’t change the sign for which you were born in the star sign of the Whore and Illusion." "What if I do change it?" "You will be cursed forever by the Sacredness" said Past. "Why should I be cursed for loving?" "Because Love is the Sacredness’ possession, and there’s no room for it in my profane, prostitute, sinner heart." "You have just told me about the fighter in the human soul. Well, I am a rebel preferring to banish his hopes, including the sign he was born in, I even accept to be taken from me the fighter within myself if I am Really given the Right to love my dear Past." "Please don’t say that, Sorin." "I say it and I shout it aloud, so that all the moments eavesdropping right now hear that I love you like I have never loved in my lifetime Illusion, that you, my dear Past, you mean everything to me, you are an eternal spring for my feelings of beauty, love, hope, endlessness. I became better through you, my love, because only now can I understand what love and kindness are. Hearing that Past came closer with her face to my cheeks and all of a sudden she started to kiss me madly, as if she had acquired much energy along time and she could eliminate it by that kiss. While she was kissing me she said:"I love you too, Sorin, I love you, too Sorin…" and she repeated that endlessly. Finally she took my hand and she dragged me to the roulette. On the way to the roulette she stopped in front of the shiny piano and now she noticed for the first time where the old coin, blunted by the numerous hands that had held it. It was the coin I had given to her before and no figure, no emblem was on it, but it read with difficulty"birth date". Once arrived in front of the roulette, Past put the coin instead of the roulette bead that was to fall upon one number and she started to play the roulette. Suddenly, the coin fell on number twenty five. She realized now it was my birth date. Looking more attentively to the roulette, I notice that the numbers are from one to thirty one, divided into twelve, meaning the days and the months in a year. The roulette stopped, obediently. Suddenly a strong earthquake started to shake the building of the casino where we were. The piano had started to play by itself, chaotically, probably because of the vibrations, or maybe not, since the roulette had started to play and the thick dust had risen up into the air, making us choke, especially the dust on the Black Jack table. The red velvet, faded by time, started to fall from the walls, leaving behind it old wall paintings of saints. They seemed Byzantine paintings. I now realize that before the deserted casino, this building used to be a church. Actually I was in a church that had become a casino.

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The saints looked at me threateningly in the rumble of the earthquake. The entry doors had fallen, the windows were broken in thousands of pieces, and they were the only ones to reflect the sunlight, glittering in the thick dust. I could hardly see Past. I started to shout: "Past! Past! Past! Past! I love you! I grabbed her hand. This time I could feel it hotter than ever and she told me: "I love you truly, Sorin Cerin, don’t you ever forget that." "I will never forget that in my life, dear Past." "Don’t you forget me, Sorin!" shouted Past. Only then did I realize that I might lose her, so asked her:"I won’t forget you, but why do I have to remember you, since we will never be apart? I don’t want to lose you for the world, Past. I want us to be together for the rest of my life. I love you Past and I don’t want us to separate ever, you see?" "Yes, Sorin, I see, but our love is under the cursed sign of the Whore and it is forbidden to us." "Who forbids that, who can object a true love, without equal in the entire existence?" "Sacredness, my dear", said Past. "But sacredness is also love, if it is love it cannot curse us. It must understand that our love is also love after all." "This is the problem, Sorin; Sacredness cannot accept love outside its lands. Any love starting outside its lands is Illusion under the sign of curse that is why I told you from the beginning not to love me, since our love will be cursed." "For your sake I prefer a cursed love." "Me too, my dear." "Will we ever find pity or forgiveness in front of the Sacredness, which is defined by pity, kindness and especially by forgiveness? Not to mention love." "Never, my dear." "Why has this earthquake started, Past? Why now? Why not some other time?" "This earthquake is the anxiety and the torment of the Sacredness, cursing us right now." "I know that you, Sacredness are Love and not Curse!" We both shouted with all our might:"Maybe you can hear me now, Sacredness! Maybe you can hear and you leave us alone. You are Love, not Curse!" The earthquake is growing stronger and stronger. The walls of the church start to crack and to fall down into pieces, showing parts of the bodies of the painted saints. "The Sacredness’ arm is the Curse," says Past bursting her lungs out in the rumble that becomes more and more deafening. I don’t know why I have the idea to drag Past under the big, shiny, black piano. I now notice that, in spite of the thick dust in the room, the piano has remained shiny and clean. Not even one dust is on it. Everything goes beyond the common sense logic, but this situation has become familiar to me, even banal, ever since I entered this casino that now is a church in ruin. So I and Past hide under the piano that goes on with its chaotic play. Once under this big instrument, I realize how good my decision was, because bigger and bigger wall and roof slabs start to fall, hitting the floor with a heavy and dire sound, as if it wanting to banish us from life through the backdoor of the Illusion we are living. The bigger the despair, the more powerful the feeling I had for Past, which was not only love but also belonging to each other, generated last but not least by this terrible experience we were going through in those moments.

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"If I die, I will die happy in your arms, Past told me, shouting. This is the first time I have felt in your voice the determination to fight, to succeed, regardless of the price I want both of us to pay. Only now do I understand what we are looking for in other existences. Only now can I answer the question that once burnt my soul, deserting it, and I cannot find the smallest drop of water to alleviate my pain. God is above Sacredness and Profane. God is not the Sacredness which, by the Evolution of the Profane on a on a hierarchical superior level can become Profane, because God is never profane. The sacredness at our spiritual and dimensional level that of three-dimensionality, is nothing but the Profane of the spiritual and dimensional level superior to ours. Now I can breath calmly in the choking dust and I can let both the casino and the church, and the odd, cold and impersonal walls crumble, since I am next to Past, under this chaotic playing piano, making sounds that resemble more a funeral march than anything else. The more the walls crumble, the more the rays of the sun will penetrate through the thick dust from which I know we are made, due to our Life Illusion, and where we will come back when we die. The entire building crumbled, except for the shiny, black piano that remained intact. We are surrounded by big piles of debris. That’s all that left of the building. The terrible rumble turned into a tomb like silence, the dust disappeared, and leaving the sun rays to flood the remains of what once had been a building. Now I realize that the earthquake has stopped. Only the two prostitutes that were in front of the casino continued their obscene gestures, hoping to find a client after all. They are with their back at us and totally indifferent of the crumbled building. Both I and Past get out from beneath the piano that sheltered us during the calamity. I notice now that the piles of debris that had been in the building had turned into sand, the fine sand of an ocean shore. The two prostitutes, Future and Present, have slower and slower obscene movements. The moment I and Past arrive near them, I see that their bodies have turned into stone. Future and Present were nothing more than two expressionless statues. All of a sudden I turn to Past, frightened. I am afraid that she as well might turn into stone. To my own joy, Past was next to me, in flesh and blood. I now realize that we are on an ocean shore with fine sand, washed by the waves that from time to time reached the petrified feet of Present and Future, the two prostitutes. That is all that remained, the two statues, the beautifully queued, shiny, black piano, Past and my memory about a casino with a roulette and tables full of dust from Black Jack. Where I expected to find the deserted fair streets or the massive and imposing century tree, called the family tree, there was only Ocean. I look into Past’s eyes and I ask her in my mind, without realizing: "Why?, although I did not expect to get an answer." "Why did all these happen, Past? I ask her aloud this time." " Because they had to happen. Only Destiny can really praise God because it is the Cause for which we exist, as a drop in the rain of dreams of the Universe. What else

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could bring more Joy to God? Only our dream piously hoping for that Cause for which we were a piece of the clouds and then the drops dripping from the trunks of the trees of peoples. In what else could God rejoice if not in our belief in the Destiny of the Love Dawns and in the spring that bursts in the blossoms of beauty and wisdom of the unborn and always living stars, dear Sorin. Why do people die open-eyed and the children scream at birth? I will embrace your Destiny with all my love, believing that It because you are my real bridegroom at the wedding of Time. You are the one whose Religion is the Destiny and you are meant to me because I also believe in Destiny. I’ve been always waiting for you to come out of never, looking at the far away horizons that seemed not to end. I’ve been waiting for the one, No one but the Monk of Destiny." "Why did Present and Future turn into stone, like the family of Lot from the Old Testament?" "Because you chose me. You don’t need any more Future and Present, because your existence belongs this time to my soul, namely to the past. You left your world and the Way you had trod ever since your birth to your death. You were the one who wanted me and who truly loved me, I will be our bride forever. I will stand by you for good and for worse. You are now DEAD.

Chapter 4 "Welcome back, Sorin. I was waiting you." "Where I am? I am looking the granite statue at which legs I stayed with my back on the grass. Oh, I remember, Godlike Light. I lived a life…Why is necessary the number 3? A light beam leaps from a star and comes down to me. When it touch my forehead I have a good feeling." "Why is necessary the number 3, Godlike Light? I know if the Parkins’ secretary had not entered in his office when he was in the hypnoses state, maybe Irene wouldn’t say that"three" and he would recover faster and not after those three years." "I thwart you, Sorin. It is not at all true that if she had not said that number in the Low Instance discussion from the Universe and maybe the result would be other but I want to say that another result would be impossible because this is the given destiny and the secretary entering was necessary to complete the destiny, written before the world that reminded that imminent number"three". "Why Godlike Light, why namely number three?" "Because just in this way your destiny could be completed. Irene was a big cosmic thing if they had been together. They would destroy the whole planet, killing so many

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innocent souls. This was the reason why the secretary appeared. She was a Prophet without knowing. The Big Prophets are not always known and they don’t realize who they are. Her own existence saved milliard of lives on the planet of which destiny you shared. Your soul mate is Christine." "Christine, Godlike Light?" "She’s been looking for you over the ages and when you met you ran away from her, trying to find death amongst Antarctic icebergs." "Could you send me back to the world where I was a planet?" "No, Sorin, because you died there forever. Even the time of those civilizations has passed." "How long has it been since I left the planet the destiny of which I was, Godlike Light?" "One billion of billions of years would be a small bit compared to the time that has elapsed from a few moments ago when you were there, Sorin "This means that I will never be able to meet my soul mate? Is this a curse,Godlike Light,?" "Don’t worry, Sorin. You will meet her." "Godlike Light, tell me please, what was Christine’s reincarnation when I met her?" "Somewhere in medieval India, you were in a Universe parallel to the one where your identity was Terra, the place where you had been born when you came to Me in your dream. Each Universe has other two symmetrical Universes, just like each Multiverse of Mine has other two symmetrical Multiverses. Just like all my three Multiverses have other three opposite Multiverses." "Take me there, please." All of a sudden, the stellar dust tunnel around me disappears, like the Godlike Light in front of the granite statue. I was used to such passages. Though I wanted to remain conscious before arriving in that world, this time I couldn’t. I was living a real life and in a part of it I was living a great love, called the love for Rashmi. One winter, when the monsoons had brought about more flood than ever, I was born somewhere in that southern India of great maharajahs, in the seventeenth century, in a village of thatched-roof cottages, made of clay. My mother called me Dharma, which means duty, since she knew that my birth was her duty owed to the Vishnu god, who had saved her from a great misfortune: she had not fallen ill from leprosy, unlike all the people of that place. I can still hear my mom telling me that she had begged Vishnu to spare both her and her husband and my other brothers and in exchange the child she was with, meaning me, would become for his entire life a monk in the temples of this god. When I was seven, I was taken to a temple worshipping these gods. At first I was taught various worship practices, I had a very rigid program, though I wanted with all my heart to play with the macaques that came into the yard to be fed by the believers who arrived and venerated the temple. I never understood why the human soul feels the compulsion to adorn to the extreme pain and not happiness. What is the Taj Mahal good for? It is a monument of the supreme sufferance of Shah Jahan, the fifth Munghal emperor, after the death of Mumtaz Mahal, his beautiful wife who, after delivering their fourteenth baby to the world she accompanied her husband on a campaign against a riot. Was Mumtaz Mahal, Shah Jahan’s second wife, his lost soulmate? Some say the mausoleum was built in 7 years, some others say in 22 years, but it is for certain that its building started in 1631, on the bank of the Yamuna River, outside a locality that was to develop and become Agra of my time. Maybe this is a great irony of your own Destiny: meeting your lost soul-mate. And even more ironical is the situation of being lovers, and not involved in a master-disciple

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relationship. Or simply walking in the street by a person without even knowing that the said person is your lost soul-mate, the soul you lost at the creation of the worlds and times, an energy quantum from your own quantum, looking for each other in the being, but who can find each other only when none of the quanta exists any more. Maybe it’s the Taj Mahal which symbolizes life best – it is a magnificent poem of the soul, inscribed in stone with the chisel of feelings that had once reached their peaks. I knew nothing about the possibility to meet your lost soul mate in other worlds. In this existence of mine her name was Rashmi, and I found this out only the moment of Rashmi’s violent death in northern India, in the region of Katra in the Kashmir state. She told me then to look for her and never to forget the initials from Jammu, J and from Katra, K. She died not far from the town of Jammu, in front of the altar of the goddess Vaishno Devi, in a cave at an altitude of 5, 200 feet. That sacred place is, in the 21st century, a pilgrimage place for over six million Hindu visitors. This is the place where she told me her last words: I am dying in Katra, don’t forget about Katra, I will be Katra. Look for Jane Katra, I will be looking for you. Don’t cry, we’ll meet again for sure, we got lost in time before. This is not the first time and not the last time either. When I first met her I was a wandering monk who knew various cures and people called me"the doctor". I knew many things about white magic, trying to banish the negative energies roaming the souls of those times. Jane Katra was a maharajah’s wife, whose house I came across quite often in my pilgrimages. I remember a servant told me to go to the maharajah’s house to help his wife suffering from high fever and who was almost unconscious. Once I entered the maharajah’s house, I was amazed at the luxury and the large number of servants wearing the most expensive clothes, just like the most important courtiers and unlike humble servants. This luxury made me feel more and more insignificant, I, who was a humble monk, for whom poverty was not a shame but a virtue. I was wearing a cloak that used to be white and some worn out sandals; I had grown a long beard and my hair was just as long. The house was more of a palace, full of rich adornments, the windows were ogive-shaped and covered in silk, and the carpets were expensive. After being taken to a huge hall with doors on both sides, I finally arrived in front of an open door. Never had I seen such richness, such opulence. "This is the wife of Bhata Nam Sing," said one of the servants who had guided me through the palace, a young man about 25 years of age, wearing red shalvars, a white silk shirt and a turban with golden threads. "Bhata Nam Sing?" I repeated, as if I had known the maharajah since always and it was not the first time I had heard that name. I drew near the huge bed where the woman was lying, her back at me. At first, I noticed her long, silky hair, falling on the expensive silks covering the bed. When I arrived in front of her I felt a strange feeling, that words cannot describe, some sort of happiness mixed with sufferance, some sort of feeling that you can defeat anything and anyone, and still feel the pain that you are a nothing in front of the Destiny. "She is Rashmi Nam. A witch came a few days ago with all kinds of herbal cures, but they had no effect. Maybe the spell of her disease is too strong," the servant said. "Rashmi, Rashmi, I’m here, can you hear me?" Rashmi was moaning, so I could not say if she answered to me or that was just another moan. "Rashmi," I repeated while I reached out my hand to her sweated forehead. The more I drew my hand close to her, the more I felt an inner fire burning me, a sacred fire of the end and beginning of the world, of love, pain, sadness, greatness and sublime. I was watching her face, her fine features. Her eyebrows were arcades above the eyes

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that, even closed, allowed to be seen the greatness of long, black eyelashes, which, like the Himalayas, did not surrender in front of the weapons of disease. Her cheeks red with fever around an oval face with red lips, expressed profoundness and mystery not by their protrusion, but by the determination with which they charmed the line of the face. "Rashmi" I whispered more to myself. I don’t think the servant heard me. "Yes," she said almost unnoticeably. "Rashmi, who are you, Rashmi?" I said in my mind and this time no one heard me, while I was reaching my hand for her forehead. "Who are you?" she whispered. "I don’t know, Rashmi. I wish I knew," I thought to myself. "You are not a stranger, you can’t be" she said while she opened her eyes. That was the moment I looked into her eyes, diving in the waves of her deep ebony eyes, swimming among those moments with unknown passion. "Call the master," said the servant to an old woman who had just entered the room, wearing a yellow sari. Rashmi was wearing a red sari. We didn’t need to talk. A great spiritual energy transfer was between us. I was amazed by her young age and the way she received light in the depth of her eyes. In a short while the maharajah came. A middle-aged man, big-bellied and with a black moustache, wearing a brown cloak with golden threads, and a white turban. He was long-faced, eagle-nosed, with thick and blunt fingers, which made me think he was sly, ready to sell even the most sacred thing for a gain. "Has she recovered?" "She’s on the right way", I told him. "You’re a good doctor, my monk. Give him five handfuls of rice and see him out." "No, Bhata," Rashmi said. "Why not?" he asked. "Let him stay at the court for a few days. He’s a good doctor and maybe I will need him again before I recover completely," Rashmi whispered and I saw she was speaking with great effort. "You will get better without the monk’s help", was the maharajah’s answer, almost despising the critical moment her wife was going through. So I was taken out of the palace. Once out, I felt the hot July sun hitting me with its merciless rays. So that I felt the need to shelter in the shadow of a tree near the palace, waiting for the night to come. Hardly had there passed two or three hours when the maharajah’s servant camelooking for me, as Rashmi had lost consciousness again. Once in the palace, I waited at the entrance and soon the angry maharajah came, saying: "You’re a wizard of the black magic, you, swine. You helped my wife only when you were near her, after you left she passed away. If you don’t bring her back to life you will be hanging in the tree before sunset." Finally I was taken to Rasmi’s room. She was lying on the huge bed, while an old servant was caressing her forehead, shedding bitter tears. I took Rashmi’s hand, just to see if she had a pulse. I said to myself that she was dead. "Rashmi," I whispered. No answer. The inert body was lying on the bed. I asked everyone to leave me alone with her. All the servants went out of the room. "Rashmi, come back, it’s not time for you to die yet." No answer. So I went to the door and I asked for a candle and a silver tray and all the shutters to be down, in order to get dark. Once all these were done, I asked again to be left alone with Rashmi. First I put the mirror to her mouth, to check for the slightest trace of breath. She was not breathing. Then I put the mirror in front of her face, the

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candle on the table nearby and I started to ask her from all my heart to come back. "Please, Rashmi, I feel you want to be with me, I am here, in this world, whether good or bad, wonderful or ugly, it is part of my destiny and yours, that is why it’s not good for you to face your own Destiny now. Please, Rashmi, be stronger than yourself and follow the way of Destiny because it is the right way. If you escape now to another existence you will have to face again these very torments. I feel as if I had known you since always, that the past of all times is just a wind blow compared to the time since I have known you." No answer. "Look at your body in the mirror of this tray, Rashmi. Isn’t it a work of art of nature and God? Look at your soul this time. I know it is much more wonderful than your body, maybe billions of times more wonderful, but this wonder must have resulted when this treasure, this diamond was polished with the flesh of your body. Why do you want to mar all these? I feel you can hear me, that you think and I have a strange feeling, something between mystery and greatness when I touch you. There must be something spiritual between us, which I can’t explain with my mind in this existence. Come back in your body and you will come back to me, if I mean something to you, and if I don’t, you will be back here just in order to fulfill your Destiny." She was as she was before. "You don’t even know how much I want you to come back to earth. Leave now and I will never know if I have ever meant anything to you, even in this short while we were together. All I can say is that in those moments when I helped you to recover, you became for me the most important person in my life and a real master of my soul. Don’t let the waves of the ocean of feelings go away and don’t leave the sunrises behind the high peaks of love. You can’t have all these where you are now." I saw Rashmi did not answer, so I took closer the table where the candle was. I was holding the mirror with one hand and my other hand was above the flame. "Even if you won’t come back I love you, Rashmi. I will wait until my palm burns because of the candle flame." "I love you, Rashmi", I said, putting my palm directly on the flame. No answer. I experienced a terrible pain realizing that Rashmi will not come back, such intense pain that I did not feel the flame that would have made me scream under other circumstances. "I love you, Rashmi", I shouted. For the first time there was steam on the mirror. At first I thought it was just an impression, but the steam was thicker and thicker. "I love you, Dharma," Rashmi whispered. A crystal tear rolled from her eyes, and then her eyelids opened, revealing her beautiful eyes. I felt as if I was watching the snowy peaks of Himalaya in one of my pilgrimages and I felt their warmth when the snow became reddish at dawn. I could have cried, laugh, shouted, I did not know what I wanted. Risking to be seen by the servants, I took Rashmi in my arms and then I looked into her eyes. At first I stopped, even though I wanted to continue, but I found myself in the depth of her eyes. I was confused, because until then I had thought it was only the faith in certain gods that could make you find yourself or at least to gain some balance that you had in the ancestral times of creation. In a few seconds, our lips were united in the burning fire of love. "You can get killed if somebody sees us. Bhata is a mean man." "This could happen to you, too." "I’d spend all my life next to you and that would not be enough for me, Dharma. Let’s elope, Dharma, somewhere to the north where Bhata cannot find us. I know a

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goddess who will help us. She has a holy temple in the north." "What’s her name, Rashmi?" "Vaishno Devi." "Vaishno DEvi? She is a great goddess that I have also worshipped." "Come tomorrow at sunrise in the forest near the palace. Try not to be seen. I will come out before the servants wake up. Now go." I went to the door, waving the servants to come in. When they saw Rashmi they couldn’t believe it. Finally they called Bhata. He came one hour later, as if he had been obligated to, and not to see his wife who had lived such a difficult moment. He accompanied me to the palace yard, telling me: "Your life is spared for now, but you will remain here for another week and then I will let you go, because I don’t want anything to happen to her after your departure." "One week…" I said. "Haven’t you heard me?" Bhata said, despising me. "Yes, I have. I understood. "Take him," he ordered the servants who had come with him. I was taken to one of the palace caves, sheltering several prison cells. Now and then you could hear a sigh. "You are not allowed to talk to anyone here. Try to say one word and you will be severely punished." "Why should I be imprisoned? What have I done?" "How dare you ask, monk?" said a servant who pushed me behind a massive oak door with rusted locks."Any question you ask will make your situation even worse. For this first one you will not be fed for one week." "One week? But I’m staying here for one week." "We’ll see for how long you will stay here. Because of this second question you will not get food for two weeks." Once the massive door was closed, the only ray of light that had made its way into the cold, dark corridors of the cellar took shelter on the other side of the door, leaving a total darkness. Instead of praising me for my victory Bhata had locked me in the cellar. I started having black thoughts about Rashmi. What if a servant had seen our embrace? What if Bhata knows about our plans to run away together, from an eavesdropping servant? Uncertainty is driving me mad. If Bhata knows, Rashmi’s life is in danger. If only I knew what was going on, I could do something. What if Bhata does not know about our planned escape and Rashmi leaves in the morning in order to meet me? Then Bahta will see something is not right. Time is passing, along with my torments. I don’t know when I fell asleep, after a while I had lost the notion of day or night. It was the most difficult for me when I had the impression that the dawn had come and I was supposed to be in the jungle near the palace, waiting for Rashmi, who was looking for me. The deprivation of food was not so dreadful for me, since I had spent long periods of lent before, but no longer than one week. I started to meditate as deeply as possible to the powerful gods, so that they pray the Creator to stop Rashmi’s sufferance, to help us be together somehow. I don’t even know how time passed and I started to see things because of hunger. More than one week must have passed. I don't know if it was a dream or it was real, all I can say is that I saw Rashmi coming to me on a way that got lost in a savannah. The more we ran to each ohter, the more distant we became. Rashmi kept on reaching her hand out for me wishing to embrace me. She was wearing a white sari and she had a lotus flower in her hair, and around her neck yellow, red, blue, orange and violet flowers. The more I approached Rashmi, the more flowers she had on her body. At a certain moment I was closer and saw Rashmi had all the adornments and

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jewelry for a wedding ceremony, the white sari disappeared and it was replaced by a red one with golden threads on the border. She was also wearing rings in her nose, at her wrists and ankles. The way she stepped on was covered in a mild purple material, and you could see rice through this cloth, in the tradition of weddings, where rice is thrown to the bride and groom in order to bring prosperity. At a certain moment I noticed that she was holding a towel in her hand, that kind of towel that tie the bride and groom in a wedding ceremony, in order to unite the two people for the rest of their life. Every time I wanted to touch Rashmi, she wandered away, until she became a white dot somewhere in the distance, like a snow flake kissing Himalaya, brought by the winds of love, like the echo of the great mountains finally becoming a symphony of love for titans, a tongue of more than 8,000 meters high titans. I dreamed of going together with Rashmi to those titans. I was just speaking to Rashmi when I was woken up by cold water. When I became aware, I felt maybe one of the most impossible pains that I have ever experienced. The Light of the Sun! I was not used to seeing such a powerful light. Only afterwards did I realize that I was in the palace yard and that the two servants were throwing water from a bucket on me. "Two week have passed, monk. You are free now." I tried to stand up but my limbs were so heavy that standing was impossible for me. I tried once more but I could not do more than kneeling. Then the two servants took me in their arms and dragged me out of the yard. They left me a few meters away from the gate, in the killing burning Sun, in a place where I lost consciousness again. Since then, I hadn't known anything until I found myself in a poor cottage, where an old witch was boiling all kind of herbs she had collected from the jungle where the cottage was. When I came to my senses, she was stirring a potion that was on a rusted kitchen range. "Where am I?" I asked the woman. She didn't hear me. Then I repeated the question, in a more determined tone. The old woman turned to me and smiled. "You are better now. You are not far from Gvaliyar, better said between Agra and Gvaliyar." "But Gvaliyar is closer" I said to her, smiling. "That's much better", the funny old woman answered. Only now can I see her features, her face full of deep wrinkles, dug by time, her olive-like complexion, her eyes swamped in her eye sockets and her purely grey hair, contrasting with the color of her skin. Everything gave me the impression of torment and fight against the personal Destiny, who becomes a step-father of your own Destiny. The old lady went to a corner of the cottage and took a pipe that she lit, inhaling deeply, and then she exhaled the smoke with a mysterious and still friendly sigh, something like: finally, you are better, but you have no idea what you have been through. "Thank you," I told her finally, looking at her smoking and a sort of peace was on her face, which cannot be known either by time or age. "Don't you ever say thank you to someone who saves your life, because when you do something good you do not expect reward and you do not do it in order to obtain something, but you do it for Gods and the Creator, who sometime did good to you and now you reward them. If you want to hear thank you or to get a worldly reward, you offend the gods and the Creator, and the good you did can return as evil against you." I am amazed at the way this old woman thinks. "My name is Dharma and since it means nothing else but debt, I have a debt towards you." "I don't have a name. My parents died when I was little and by that time I did not know what my name was. For a few years I was brought up by a forester, who was

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hunting through the jungle and he used to call me Gazelle, from the animal called gazelle, of course. But that is not a name. Considering my age I don't think there is anyone who could call me Gazelle. The forester died a long time ago. I was about... I can't tell the age, since I don't know when I was born and what year we are now." "We are in 1690." "What does that mean, 1690, since I can only count a few numbers? But I know the amount of herbs I need and I don't have to count." "I will help you with the counting." "Really?" "I will try. How did I get here?" "Jaipur brought you; he's a servant of Bhata Nam Sing's. He told me that he had felt pity for you." "Is it a long way to Bhata's house?" "You have to go from sunrise until the sun is above your head." "Is it so far away?" "Yes, why are you asking?" "I want to go there." "Don't go to Bhata's house any more. He's a mean man. He committed many murders; he killed those who did not pay their imposts to him or to the emperor." "Does Jaipur ever come here again?" "He comes once a few days, to take my herbs to Gvaliyar." "Is he a Bhata's servant?" "Yes, he is. His ill wife is in Gvaliyar and I treat her with my herbs." Days started to pass one by one next to the funny old lady, whom I had taught how many days are in a year, the names of the months, when the monsoons come and when it is draught, what tens, hundreds, thousands are, the letters of the alphabet and writing them. Since I had been imprisoned by Bhata I had grown long hair and beard. I was only thinking about Rashmi, I wanted to tell her by means of Jaipur that I was all right and that I was waiting for her. Finally Jaipur showed up. I recognized immediately in him the servant who had taken me the first time to Rashmi's room. He was a thin man, like a reed that is always bending. He had a long moustache, with twisted ends. He was wearing a brown shirt and black trousers. I could notice that he was no longer wearing the rich clothes from Bhata's court. When he saw that I had recovered, he was pleasantly surprised; I realized that from the look of contentment on his face. "How are you?" Jaipur asked me. "Although the old lady taught me not to say thank you, since I might offend the gods, I want to thank you by all means. My name is Dharma." "I'm glad you recovered." "How did you manage to bring me here?" "It was in the evening when I finished my working day for Bhata, you were lying not far away from Bhata's gate. I knew that, if I did not take you from there, Bhata would see you in the morning and kill you because you had not left. Finally I put you into a cart and brought you here." "What do you know about Rashmi, Jaipur?" "She recovered, but on the next day she lost her mind. She does not accept anyone around her and she speaks to herself words without meaning. Bhata moved another wife in her room. Rashmi is in the servants' building, locked in a room by Bhata. Only Bhata himself can enter that place." "How come Bhata let me go?" "On the day when the two weeks had passed, Bhata was drunk. The servants did

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nothing more than obey the law of Bhata: if dawn comes and Bhata sees you there, you are no longer alive. That is why I brought you here." "Now I understand that the gods did not want me to die. If I had spent one week there and I had not been sentenced for two weeks, I would no longer be alive today. My asking questions was the gods' will. I have no words to thank you, Jaipur, but I am asking you with all my heart to do only one thing for me." "Just say it, Dharma." "Please, tell Rashmi that I am all right, that I am in a safe place, that I have been locked for two weeks in Bhata's cellar. Do not forget to tell her"in one week, there."" I thought of telling her that we would meet in one week because I had to know first that Jaipur had succeeded in sending her my message, he would certainly need several days to do so. "What you demand from me is almost impossible and had I succeeded, he would definitely kill me, if he had found out that I transmitted some message to one of his wives without his knowledge." "I know, Jaipur, that it is very difficult, but still, will you do that if you have the slightest opportunity?" "I will try, but I cannot promise anything." I am watching now Jaipur going away, in the cart pulled with difficulty by the donkey in the tangled jungle, after the old lady has given him a cure plant that is said to banish the tiger lurking silently in the bushes. I remember that days passed very slowly, until one day Jaipur was back. I was watching him coming closer in the same cart that had slowly taken him away. I felt a shiver in all my body. I wished Rashmi had found out why I hadn't met her. I was afraid she might give me a negative answer, telling me that she was sorry... A ray of sun came into my heart when Jaipur started smiling meaningfully, before entering the cottage. I went to the door or to what I should call that entrance covered in a piece of cloth that long before used to be white, just like my monk cloak. "Did you make it, Jaipur?" I asked him while I was felt a knot in my throat. I admit I was very thrilled to find the answer. "I've made it, Dharma. I wrote on a piece of cloth I put on her food: in one week time, in the same place." "When did it happen, Jaipur?" "Only yesterday, when I was sent to help in the kitchen." "So there are six more days left." "Exactly, Dharma." "I don’t have words to tell you how much I thank you..." "You're thanking again, Dharma," the old lady said."I've told you to leave the thanking for gods." "I don't need your thanks, Dharma, let the gods get them for me." Those six days were probably some of the most difficult. I could hardly wait for the moment when I would meet Rashmi. I was always thinking:"What if she won't manage to come? I was happy because at least she knew I was thinking about her and the fact that I had not met her had not depended at all on my will. In order not to be recognized in the event that Rashmi would come, I shaved my beard and I had my hair cut. I was very lucky to get some clothes that the old lady had had for several years, they had belonged to her husband, who had been, just like her, a son of the jungle, who had grown up without ever meeting his parents and none of the two had ever had names. She didn't even know what year her husband had passed away. And here I am, dressed in black trousers and yellow shirt, in spite of the fact that they are a little bit too

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large for me. But after all they suit me and this is the most important thing. When I leave, the old lady gives me, too, the herb of the beasts, to protect me from tigers and other beasts that roamed the jungle. I left when the night fell. It was a serene night, with a full moon, so it was not difficult for me to make out the path leading to the place where I could meet Rashmi. More than once I saw big feline eyes in the forest where I was supposed to meet Rashmi. No, I was not afraid. When you are in love and you have the herb against beasts, there is nothing to be afraid of. Every moment passed as slow as a snail. But my heart was about to explode with emotion when I thought that I would see Rashmi again. Time continued to pass very slowly until the break of dawn. I don't know if it’s really the dawn I am telling you about. I used to give this name to the moments when the sky is one tone lighter than black, namely very dark blue. Or maybe it’s really the dawn I am telling you about. Whether it is so or not, the certain fact is that I saw a shadow, definitely a human’s shadow. All of a sudden I felt I was floating with happiness, but in a short while I realized that I was wrong. It was just a thing I saw. Maybe she will come. Maybe she could not escape Bhata. Even if she does not come I will try again, until I finally succeed. No! I can feel that Rashmi will come. The shadow that had seemed an illusion becomes more and more clear. I can make out the body, according to the sari she is wearing. I let her get close to me. She goes past me. She is Rashmi. "Rashmi," I call her in whisper, like I did when I called her back to life. "Dharma," she answered whispering. I draw near her as she is staying put. I take her in my arms. I had always believed in the greatness of the Universe, but I would have never accepted that there is something greater, more powerful than the Universe, but that something is actually your soul lost somewhere in the darkness of times before this sky or these oceans existed, before the Earth existed, before your own existence! Yes, the Big Love does exist! She takes my right hand and she kisses me right on the scar from the candle that burned me on the day when I brought her back to life. I turn her face toward me. I see her wet eyes reflecting the starlight at dawn. Not only do I find myself in those eyes, but I am inside of them, just like Rashmi is in my eyes. If I were crying or shouting, still I could not say anything in these moments, since all these are just sere leaves compared to the huge tree of our feelings, which we both want to be forever in bloom in the heaven of our spring. Maybe no poem could express what I felt when Rashmi became one with the stars of dawn. There was so much peace and greatness, soul and love in those eyes, that the celestial bodies got lost in the darkness of the Universe. I felt the entire Universe was vibrating with us, and that the beauty of this Universe grew infinitely bigger, kinder and greater and everything around us became poem and wonder, although today or one of these days we might get killed. " Dharma" " Rashmi" "I can't utter one word." "Our silence says more than our words would." That moment I understood that silence is the most profound word that has ever been spoken. "I'm more than happy." I kissed her thinking what a paradox life is. Rashmi was happy with me, though she was in the biggest danger. For running away with me, Bhata had the right to kill her, by burning at stake. In spite of that, Rashmi was happy. "Let's go, Rashmi." "Let's go, Dharma, it's good to go as far as possible from his house."

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Hand in hand, we set off for Agra, willing to arrive at the altar of Vaishno Devi, the goddess, near the town of Jammu. Little by little, the empire of dawn was coming, as we were going away from Bhata's house. Even if we were running on the tangled ways of the jungle, it seemed to us that we were stepping on the marble-paved corridors in a maharajah's palace. In the evening, we fell exhausted on the banks of the Yamuna River. The jungle is a great gift that gods gave to man, because you can never die with hunger in the jungle. We knew that Bhata's people were looking for us, but the jungle kept us from the chasers' eyes. The sun sets over the Yamuna. This moment, nothing seems better than the cool water. I jumped into the water and Rashmi followed me, though she was a little afraid of water. I assured her that I could swim, which gave her a lot of courage. It was the first time I saw, in the rays of sunset, the beauty that the fine, but strong curves of her body made, when the sari got wet and stuck to her skin. On the way she explained me how she had come to marry Bhata, because she had been a poor girl and she had been sent to him by her parents, in exchange for a debt. She told me he was mean and that she had never loved him. I went to the bank of the river, holding her in my arms. When we arrived there we lay on the fine sand and Rashmi turned to me and then she kissed me. That's when I felt the burning fire in her, the fire of love. It was for the first time we had found ourselves, meaning those that had got lost from their own being. No volcano can errupt more powerfully than our love. Finally we fell asleep, exhausted. When the dawn came, we set off through the jungle. We could not choose a more common path because it could have been dangerous. We could have been seen. We walked all day until in the evening, when the red lights of sunset flooded the image of the most beautiful palace we had ever see. Thousands of pilgrims were heading for this building, so that we could join them, mingling through the crowd. While drawing near that place, we found out that the wonder we saw in front of us was not a palace, but the Taj Mahal mausoleum, erected by the emperor for his beloved wife, Muntaz Mahal, who had been killed in a riot. None of us could imagine that poetry can be carved into stone, a poem of grief. Shah Jahan used to love Mumtaz so much! I wonder why? We were in front of the mausoleum. "If I had the money and power of Shah Jahan and you died before I did, I would build for you a mausoleum, at least as great as this one." "Let's not think of sad things, Dharma. Life is wonderful next to you and that's why we should not waste a moment. All I can say is that not even death will separate us." "No, never will death separate us, Rashmi." "Promise, Dharma, to look for me in the worlds where the Destiny will take us." "I promise, Rashmi." "Do you think that the goddess Vaishno Devi will forgive me for the sin of having left my husband, albeit he is a mean man?" "We will beg the goddess to forgive us." "I'm not afraid of death, Dharma, but I'm afraid that the goddess might not forgive us, that she might separate us or even more, prevent us from knowing that we exist for each other. Thus we could remain for an eternity two strangers looking for each other over the time and worlds, without ever finding each other. It's a wonder to know that you exist in a world where the lost part of your soul was also born, that you have always wanted to find. The world where we were born, dear Dharma, is this Taj Mahal in front of us, of tormenting beauty, expressing a mute pain? I wonder how many people live a life of alienation from themselves only because they have lost their soul over the centuries, millenniums or even more, in other earthly ages or other worlds, with other Universes. Why did we come to the Taj Mahal, Dharma? I feel that the Taj

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Mahal glorifies death by the pain of the people who are still alive. Why did Shah Jahan put so much of his soul in a mausoleum?" "Because he also loved Mumtaz Mahal very much." "Maybe Mumtaz Mahal did not want such a monument. And do you know why?" "I don't, Rashmi." "This world brought much pain to Shah Jahan. Why did the ugly face of pain and terrible sufferance have to be immortalized by an unusual beauty, carved in stone? I understand that what makes people suffer should be forgotten. But in the case of Mumtaz Mahal, it's the other way round. This pain is intended to be carried over the centuries. Maybe Shah Jamal met Mumtaz Mahal in another world, where they are happy, or maybe he cannot meet her because of the Taj Mahal. This monument will always destroy their happiness, regardless of the world they are in, because it will always remind of Mumtaz's death. I think that the best thing you can do for your beloved you are separating from is to wish to be born again in the world where he or she will be born. This is the greatest mausoleum, which should not be carved in marble, but in your heart." "But what if the marble carved in his heart told Shah Jahan to make this mausoleum, Rashmi?" "It can be so, Dharma, but this is the mistake he made." "Look at the crowd of pilgrims, Rashmi. Why do they come here?" "Exactly because it is a monument of sufferance, and sufferance is rendered in the most beautiful shapes. Look at the mausoleum, Dharma, and tell me, what do you feel?" "I feel peace, due to the splendor in front of us, but it turns pale compared to you, Rashmi." "You've answered your own question, Dharma. That is why this entire variegated crowd comes here, they are all people who suffer and they can't believe that sufferance can be so beautiful. This gives them power and urges them to become the allies of sufferance, admiring its poetry in its entire splendor. They are right about this: there is nothing more beautiful than the poetry of sufferance." In six months, I was with Rasmi in Jammu. I can say that this period was the most beautiful in my life. The chance wanted that those days were the celebration of Vaishno Devi, the goddess, and we hoped she would bring to each of us the self-forgiveness for the sin of adultery. We left behind the town of Jammu, while we were heading to the stairs leading to the cave where the altar of the goddess was. Rashmi was very happy because she had arrived to the goddess, she was sure that she will bring her comfort and that she will not feel any more the heavy burden of the sin of adultery. A big crowd of pilgrims were going with us towards the stairs, bringing sacrifices to the goddess. At the horizon you could see the wonderful, snowy mountains of Himalaya. It was cold, but the will to find ourselves banished all these problems. I don't even know when we arrived at the stairs and I started to go up the way to the cave. Two steps before entering the cave, Rashmi grabbed my arm. I could not hear her saying anything because of the noise the believers made when they sang those hymns for the goddess. I felt that Rashmi was drawing me back and she succeeded in whining a little louder. I looked at her. Blood was coming out of her mouth. Her sari was stained with blood. Rashmi had been stabbed, I said to myself when she fell in my arms. "Somebody help me!" I shouted. Terrified people had gathered around us. "A woman has been stabbed," an old lady in a white sari shouted. "The goddess is not pleased with us", a man said. "Dhar-ma, Dhar-ma..." Rashmi said, uttering with great difficulty a few sounds.

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"Yes, Rashmi, tell me." "Don't leave me here, take me to the goddess." So I took her in my arms and I managed to climb one stair. When I was about to climb up the second stair, I felt something hot around my heart. It did not hurt, but it was burning. My blood was mixed with Rashmi's blood and it was flowing on the entrance of the cave. With my last strength, I went to the altar. All this while, I could hear voices coming from behind me. "He is the murderer." "I'm not a murderer; I killed my wife, who cheated on me with this beggar." "Take me to the altar, Dharma, the goddess saved us from the sin. I knew this, Dharma, I have always known this." "Why did you come to Jammu here in K, Rashmi?" I felt my strengths were leaving me. "We are forgiven here, that is why I came to Jammu, to Ja... K, I will be Ja..., K..., look for me, the goddess blessed us and that is why we will die in order to be born again, together...." She took her last breath when we arrived at the altar. In a few seconds I also left the body in that world. That moment, when I was in the stellar tunnel, I started to remember, at first just fragments but later integrally, the things I knew about my past along with the Godlike Light. In a short while, I was again over times in the world without time, near the granite statue and the Godlike Light. "How can I find out where Rashmi is, Godlike Light?" "Everything depends on you and her, Sorin. "Why so much death and crime, Godlike Light?" "Why does the train stop in the station in order to start again? Why during spring the dark branches of the trees catch sap?" "The Past and the Future are mixed together where times no longer exist." "It is so, Sorin." "Then it means that I can meet Rashmi in India of the Universe even though even in the future of Christine where was I, her own planet?" "Of course, Sorin." "Then it means that I will be able to meet Rashmi in India of that Universe even in Christine’s future where I was her only planet?" "Of course, Sorin." "I think I guessed the cause of this sad love, Godlike Light. Everything is given by the fact that in that Existence I committed suicide confronting the ices of Antarctica, Godlike Light?" "No, Sorin. You did not give yourself life and therefore you are not qualified to take it yourself! You wished you died, but you did not commit suicide, but death came through Destiny. This Destiny was directed by Me, in order for you to understand by yourself your own life, the great cosmic adventure through which a soul can pass. Despite this, when you disappeared from that existence where you were yourself the soul of that planet, it became in other plans the image of your spirituality or an identity, a fractal which remains once and forever the print of your soul, becoming one of the identities or fractals through which other souls will also pass, but in which you may find your Nirvana if you will want to leave the Multi-universes of the Existence forever. As a man I had to allow you the man Destiny to run its course as naturally as possible in the consciences of those who knew you, because for you to tell them that you were there thanks to Me would have been against the laws of nature which would have brought severe distortions to that Existence. That is why the soul of Christine and Irene

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know that you committed suicide. More than this, Christine will attempt to follow you in other and other worlds along with Lama. In reality, you even committed suicide, but not you, but another Destiny. Your spirit passed through the identities of the Being towards me just as another spirit passed through the identities or fractals of the same Being through which you passed yourself, just that at a certain moment in time it didn’t stop from its course, continuing with his option of suicide to the end, going through those identities or fractals which develop for the senses this reality with its entire deployment finally." "What kind of deployment, Godlike Light?" "The stages through which the soul of a suicidal passes, the manner in which Paradise is pictured for him as well as other aspects." "The one who will attempt to follow me in death will be the real soul of Christine which will pass through the identities or fractals with everything that the deployment of such an action implies in the soul of that woman, Godlike Light?" "Yes, Sorin. It is her spirit who is searching for you, who will believe that she found you and will talk to you after death, in Paradise. The difference will be only that that Destiny will be as real as possible, having the same history, past as yours, because his soul will pass exactly through those identities of the Being or fractals through which you also passed, which until a certain point in life the difference between you and that soul will not exist not even in the least of aspects. The difference will intervene only when that soul will continue to pass through the next identities or fractals not being sent there by Me, fractals through which I did not let you pass anymore. Everything looks like a game of Destiny, a game where Destiny makes its mark in the case of that poor soul, Destiny which had to fulfill itself and in your case, I am that which a lot myself a part of the Destiny of your spirit, letting you know a world whose end is not exactly a happy one! Only now you can realize better about the ways through which the spirits pass, ways through which at every infinity minus One second new and new spirits pass and their existence depend on the Free Will which consists in them choosing a way or another way." "Considering that in the world which I was in I was the spirit of that planet, I did not have a too happy destiny, it means that that planet which will stand still like a fractal or an identity in which I could find Nirvana in Existence, it means I am predestined to suffer, Godlike Light? I am horrified at what would have happened if I were not sent by you there and I would have continued my own course passing through the fractals of suicide." "You always have beside you the Free Will, Sorin, that fiery sword given as gift to each soul by the Great Creator and Unique Happenner. Despite all this, you didn’t have to despair, because in the end the Great Creator and Unique Happenner left Destiny flow from the inexhaustible mug of your dreams so that any wave of his will crash in the end against the stone of love. Love is the most supreme weapon of the good in Existence! By loving and searching for your soul mate you will overcome in the end the waves of Destiny. Any soul no matter how hardened it would be because of the ways on which it runs through Existence will one day love. No soul is evil. All the souls are coming into Existence clean and unstained. Evil are the ways on which these souls wander sometimes, just as a traveler in a dark forest at night. This entire adventure is not unnecessary since every soul will choose in the end with an all the more strong spiritual force, becoming spirits which will step in the end on the true way of perfection. Now there came the time to send you in the worlds which will be connected with the troubled soul of Christine. There you will not exist, but you will be a simple seer of those happenings." I started to float over the clearing while the Godlike Light was retracting from my

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chest. I knew I would go again in lights tunnels, that I do not know how they could appear so quickly. The rest of it was silence, infinite, silence. ......... Who am I?

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