Sleeping Monkeys

  • April 2020
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  • Words: 4,848
  • Pages: 26
Sleeping Monkeys By Liam McCann

SLEEPING MONKEYS - ACT I And I See You A bungalow in the sleepy English countryside, "in the 19th century". The lights come up to see Stephen, dressed in a suit and tie, sitting in an arm chair, reading a thick book. His eyes penetrate the book surface, apparently seeing through it. A highly elaborate dinner table is set up upstage left. The reflection of wine glasses is projected onto the back wall by the illumination of candles on the table. On the back wall of the set, a bookcase filled with several thick volumes of books is precariously leaned. Covers of red and green are further illuminated by candle light. Page sits at the table, also dressed in a suit and tie. He pours himself a glass of wine from the bottle on the table, and takes a small sip from the glass. He then adjusts his tie, before eventually becoming frustrated and taking it off. Silence. Page extinguishes the candle, placing a fireproof cloth over the top of the flame. The light in the room becomes dim, but the two actors are still visible on stage. Stephen continues to read, otherwise motionless. He shows no interest in Page’s actions. PAGE I say, dear chap, what time is it? STEPHEN Hold on, I’ll just look at my wrist. PAGE Did you happen to bring it with you? STEPHEN (Looking at his wrist as if a watch were there.) Yes, I did. It’s currently seven past the hour.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

PAGE Thanks. Where are you off to on this fine night? STEPHEN I was planning on enjoying a quiet night along with the objects of my affection. PAGE Suzy? You plan on spending a night with this young blonde with whom a relationship would be highly discouraged? STEPHEN I’m sorry? I believe you’ve misinterpreted me. I intend on spending this fine twilight confined to this comfortable armchair, reading a fine book. PAGE Which? STEPHEN I’m sorry? I don’t understand. PAGE Which book, fine sir? STEPHEN "In Search Of Lost Time". PAGE Ah, yes, a personal favourite. I do like the way in which it builds tension over it’s three thousand pages. STEPHEN Four thousand. By the way, did you see that fine blonde who was walking through here at approximately seventeen hundred hours? PAGE (Breaking character.) I mentioned her earlier, you bastard. What, didn’t you read the script? STEPHEN But it was so boring! PAGE We should probably stop breaking character. STEPHEN Yeah, but I’m dying for a fag, man.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

PAGE (Suddenly back into character.) Yes, I did see that fine Suzy who walked through at approximately seventeen hundred hours. A gorgeous girl. Perhaps you could marry her. STEPHEN I do not think my wife would approve of that motion. PAGE Yes, but you also did not think your previous wife would approve of you marrying her, did you? STEPHEN She may have. She was a somewhat more indecisive character. But let us discuss this fine young blonde. At this point, Stephen gets up from his armchair, and takes a place at the table at which Page is seated. Page takes another sip from his glass of wine. Steven, wearing a suit and a top hat, enters from stage left. He sits in the armchair and picks up the book which Stephen was reading, reading with the same intent focus. STEPHEN Hello, Steven. STEVEN Hello, Stephen. STEPHEN How’s life, Steven? STEVEN Life is quite alright, dear chap. How is life treating my favourite lord in the entire country, Stephen? STEPHEN Page is quite good, Steven. STEVEN No, Stephen. I’m talking about you. STEPHEN Yes, sir. Page is quite good. He seems to be infatuated with the flower of his desire. PAGE (Snapping out of his trance.) Yes, the flower of my desire, right. She is like a crackling wine in the sunlight of dawn. A delicate spider’s web illuminated by the moonlight’s entrancing (MORE) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

PAGE (cont’d) grasp. The blonde hair flickering like a catapillar in a eucalypt tree. (Falls back into his trance.) STEVEN I can see the joy which now envelopes his life like a fine and delicate flower. STEPHEN How exactly does a flower envelope something? STEVEN With difficulty, I’d imagine? STEPHEN Well, yes. I would guess that you were thinking more along the lines of maybe a treasure chest? STEVEN Yes, Stephen. By the way, do you happen to have the time? STEPHEN Well, yes. I’ll just get my wrist out and have a look at it, it’ll have the time on it. STEVEN Is that a new model of wrist? STEPHEN Yes, I bought it in Venice when I went on a trip there with my dearest wife. STEVEN She is no longer with you, is she? STEPHEN Alas, no, Steven. She unfortunately passed away as a result of a knife blow when my hand slipped while preparing dinner for her one lovingly romantic evening. STEVEN What an unfortunate tragedy, really. What time is it dear fellow? You didn’t get around to telling me. STEPHEN I’m sorry, I don’t have my wrist on me. Page, do you have yours? Silence. Page continues to stare aimlessly into the distance. Stephen relights the candle wick, and the room suddenly becomes reilluminated.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

5.

STEPHEN I suppose not. Oh, wait, here it is. (Looking at his wrist.) It’s currently eleven past the hour. STEVEN Thank you, dear chap. STEPHEN What exactly are you here for? STEVEN Well, I live here. STEPHEN Ah, yes, that’s right. I had forgotten. Had you forgotten, Page? PAGE (Awakening from his trance.) What now? STEVEN Had you forgotten about my continued existance, Page? PAGE Well, no. I did realise you were still living here. STEVEN I see. I must ask, dear chap, what is with all of that staring into the distance? STEPHEN He’s fallen in love with the princess on the old hill. STEVEN As in one of those types who is captured by a dragon and placed in the highest keep of the tower? STEPHEN No, that’s 14th century. This play is set in the 19th century. PAGE (Hits Stephen around the back of the head. Quietly.) He doesn’t know we’re in a play yet! STEPHEN (Breaking character.) ...we’re in a play?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

6.

PAGE Shut up! STEVEN (Unfazed.) Well, yes, I suppose you will need my advice on how to approach this...I’m sorry, I didn’t get her name. PAGE Well. Her name is Suzy. STEVEN Interesting. What does she look like? PAGE Well, she’s about this tall. (Gets up from the chair, and pantomines how tall she is, grossly overexaggerating.) And well...she’s just perfect. STEPHEN And yet you never talk to her. STEVEN My lad, how exactly can you gain the support of a fine young lady such as her if you can never gain the courage to soliloquise the feelings you have from her. Silence. STEPHEN Steven, may we have a moment to ourselves to discuss something private among ourselves? STEVEN I suppose you can, I’ll just sit here and have a glass of wine. Stephen and Page get up from their chairs and walk over to stage left. Steven pours himself a glass of wine from the now near empty bottle. The illumination on stage becomes brighter as a result of the bottle being near empty. PAGE (Whispering so that Steven cannot hear, but Stephen and the audience can.) Stephen, I have to ask. You know that word Steven said? STEPHEN Suppose, my dear chap?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

7.

PAGE Shut up, he can’t hear us, why the hell are we in character? STEPHEN Oh, right. You mean soliloquise? PAGE Yeah. Is that even a word? STEPHEN Why do you care? PAGE Because. I don’t want him to think I’m stupid and then pass that message onto Suzy when she comes on stage. STEPHEN So you basically want to outdo him so she’ll fall into your arms. PAGE Basically. STEPHEN Okay, fine. Soliloquise is a word. Can we go back now? PAGE Okay. The two calmly walk back to the table, where Steven is sipping at his wine glass. The two sit down and both instantly start staring at Steven. STEVEN Yes, Stephen? STEPHEN I have a minor disillusion. STEVEN I’m sorry? STEPHEN You seem to be enjoying myself STEVEN Old chap, I don’t seem to be able to follow. STEPHEN You see...

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

8.

PAGE Shut up! I can hear her coming! (Page ducks underneath the table, hearing footsteps coming down from above.) STEPHEN Page, what shall I do? PAGE Go and get some tea please, Stephen. Unaware of one another, both Stephen and Steven instantly get up at that point. Stephen walks off stage right, and Steven walks off stage left. A moment of silence passes. Page peers his head out from under the table just as Suzy, in a red dress, walks on from stage left. An utterly gorgeous girl, Page is transfixed, his eyes following her every movement. She walks on unaware of Page’s existance, and takes the final seat at the table. Page disappears under the table again, leaving Suzy onstage alone. SUZY Hmm. It seems that there is no wine left in the bottle. What a shame really. I was really looking forward to a fine claret. She gets up and goes to leave off stage. Page comes up from under the table and quickly sits in his chair, transfixed by the sight of her. She walks off stage left, as Stephen walks back on stage right, holding three cups of tea - one in each hand, one by the skin of his teeth, his lip being burnt the skin. He places all three cups down on the table just as Steven comes in, with three cups of tea on a tray. He places the tray on the table, and plays a cup of tea next to where Stephen placed his cups. STEPHEN Talk about being blown away. STEVEN I’m sorry? STEPHEN (Suddenly back into character.) It appears that Page has been struck over the cranium with a large metal implement.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

9.

STEVEN I hypothesise that he merely was awestruck by a very attractive young lady who made her presence known to this fine gentleman. STEPHEN Yes, I did realise that. I was just attempting to justify the fluid oozing from his mouth. STEVEN Ah, but such fluid is part of life’s strange design, no? STEPHEN Perhaps. Fade out. Strange Design Lights go up. Still in the same room as before, but now daytime. Sunlight beams in through the windows, leaving the silhouette of the window frames on the back wall. Stephen is reading a book, now dressed in a smart shirt and pants. Page starts into the empty wine bottle, tired and with a headache. He continues to stare in a mixture of fascination and disgust. PAGE I miss her. STEPHEN You’ve said that at least.. (Counts on fingers. Slowly.) Four...five...six...seven times in the past twenty minutes. PAGE But I do. STEPHEN Eight. PAGE Why can I not seem to be able to communicate with her? STEPHEN Cause you use alcohol as a crutch in order to build up courage, and then never go through with your heart’s desires. Can’t you just finally take the plunge and go into the sea of uncertainty?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

10.

PAGE Everytime I try, I get held back. STEPHEN And why is that, Page? PAGE It’s because...ssh, he’s coming. Both go back to their previous events as Suzy walks into the room, in a nightgown, hair messed up and tangled, without makeup, as if she just woke up. Page looks on transfixed. Stephen doesn’t raise his eyes from his book as Suzy walks in front of him. She sits at the desk and stays there, motionless. She then gets up and leaves, exiting stage left. STEPHEN Dude, I think your girlfriend’s a bit of a weirdo. PAGE SHE SAT AT A TABLE WITH ME! SQUEE! STEPHEN ...did you actually just say squee? PAGE No. STEPHEN Right. I hear footsteps. PAGE Does that mean we have to talk like Victorians again? STEPHEN Alas, yes. Silence. PAGE Why is there a period of silence put there? STEPHEN Because we’re waiting for Steven to arrive. PAGE You’re Stephen. STEPHEN No, you idiot, the other Steven.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

11.

PAGE Oh, right. And what’ll happen when that happens? STEPHEN Well. He’s trying to steal your woman. PAGE ...since when? STEPHEN I saw them talking. PAGE So? STEPHEN It’s more than you do to her. PAGE No, we have many fine conversations. STEPHEN About what? PAGE Well...we talked about... At this point, Steven walks in, dressed once again in a suit, but this time without the top hat, carrying a telegram. Page and Stephen instantly go "back into character"; Stephen continues to read his book, and Page continues to stare into the empty wine bottle, somewhat more energised but still tired. Steven sits down at the desk with Page, and starts to read his telegraph. STEVEN I see. Chaps, apparently there’s seven people dead as a result of a factory riot in Birmingham. PAGE (Filling a pipe he has pulled from his pocket.) Is that so, sir? I’m deeply shocked by this, they were one of the few groups of peasants to take to the Industrial Revolution. (Goes back into his trance.) STEVEN Yes, but perhaps the men had become disillusioned with the ease at which their products could be produced? Perhaps they had enjoyed the minimal wages at which they worked fourteen hours a day for?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

12.

STEPHEN Proust never worked fourteen hours a day. STEVEN (Does a doubletake.) Who? STEPHEN Proust. What, you’ve never read In Search of Lost Time? STEVEN Alas, I have not. PAGE You’re missing out then, Steven. STEPHEN No, I’ve read it. STEVEN I think he means me, chap. PAGE How correct of you. STEVEN No, I haven’t read any Proust. PAGE I see. You should acquire a collection of his works. They will keep you occupied for the rest of your natural lifespan. I commiserate with the person who hasn’t read Proust. STEPHEN Commiserate? PAGE Empathise. STEVEN Surely you mean sympathise? PAGE Why yes, you did pick up on my mistake. My intended mistake, of course. But yes, to not have read Proust is a true shame. STEVEN Indeed it is.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

13.

STEPHEN I’m almost finished. PAGE It’s four thousand and five hundred pages, Stephen. Are you telling me you have only got two hundred pages to go? STEVEN Well, I haven’t commenced reading it yet. PAGE Yes, I know. You did discuss this with me no more than ninety seconds ago. STEVEN That is correct. PAGE You only have two hundred pages left to go, Stephen? STEPHEN No, three hundred and fifty, Page. PAGE You’ll be finished before the end of the Hundred Years War. STEPHEN That finished some four hundred and thirty years ago, Page. PAGE Did it? STEVEN Yes, it did. I believe you fought in it. PAGE No, that was Crimea. STEVEN I am mistaken. I plead for a forgival. PAGE Yes, you are forgiven. STEVEN Well. It is that time of morning again. I must be off, chaps, I have to go to the local stock exchange and find a way in which to maximise my profit margin.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

14.

STEPHEN You’re going to find a way to foretell the future? STEVEN ...no. Profit. STEPHEN Yes, a prophet is someone who foresees the coming events of this fine land, no? STEVEN No, money. STEPHEN We have none. STEVEN Yes, that happens to be the reason why I am leaving this place. To go and get money. PAGE Please do. We’re running rather short. Steven gets up from his chair, picks up his telegram, and leaves stage right. Page starts to sniff from the top of the wine bottle, his eyes lighting up as he does so. Stephen continues to read his book. After a few moments, he realises he is actually reading from a dictionary. He reads some random definitions, then puts the dictionary down and goes to the bookshelf at the back of the stage. Page sits motionless, staring out. Stephen pulls out a very large book from the bookshelf, and sits down in his arm chair with it. From stage left, Scott, a rather tall blonde male enters, and takes a seat next to Page at the table. SCOTT Been good so far, hasn’t it? PAGE ...I’m sorry? I don’t believe you are articulating the intentions of that sentence to a degree at which it can be understood by alternative members of the human race? SCOTT The play. It’s been good so far, hasn’t it? PAGE ...I still don’t quite understand.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

15.

SCOTT Oh, come on. I’m the director. PAGE What on earth are you on about? SCOTT I’m the director of this thing you seemingly call life. PAGE So you’re saying that you’re the person who directs us on how we act in our daily lives. SCOTT Exactly. This is all a facade, anyway. Fade out. What’s The Use? The same setting. Mid afternoon. Page is still sitting at the desk. He hasn’t moved since the revelation at the end of the last scene. Stephen is still reading in the armchair. Likewise, he has not moved since the end of the last scene. STEPHEN So. PAGE Shut up. STEPHEN Have you come to terms with the fact that your life is entirely a lie? PAGE Come on. What do you think? STEPHEN You’re just fuming over the fact that you can’t get Suzy, aren’t you? PAGE Yep. At that moment, Suzy comes on stage, in a slightly oversized T-shirt. She sits at the desk with Page and grabs the empty bottle of wine. She inspects it carefully, and then puts it down.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

16.

SUZY Hi. Page continues to stare aimlessly into the distance. SUZY Um. Hello? STEPHEN He’s in a trance. SUZY Um. Okay. Why? STEPHEN I would guess because he’s thinking of a pretty girl. SUZY His girlfriend? STEPHEN Nah. He sees this pretty girl walking around all the time. And never has the guts to actually say hello. Because he’s one of those types who is neurotic about the consequences of his actions and thus cannot find the guts to say hello. SUZY Oh. So he’s like most guys. STEPHEN No. SUZY Knew it. Where’s the director, anyway? STEPHEN Oh, yeah, and I think I should tell you he’s one of those sorts of people who’s kind of a method actor. For example, he got introduced to the director earlier this morning and hasn’t moved from that chair since. He’s in a sort of state of shock. SUZY Oh. Okay then. That’s normal. STEPHEN Well. Yeah. This place is slightly unusual. I mean, we’re in a 19th century English manor for one.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

17.

SUZY I see. I came to audition for the role of the pretty girl. STEPHEN So that’s why you were around here over the past day or so? SUZY Right. STEPHEN But yeah. Scott will be here in a minute, I guess. SUZY Mmkay. I’ll be back then. I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name? STEPHEN I’m Stephen. Not to be confused with Steven. He’s a real tart. And he’s Page. SUZY Okay, I’m going to go and find the director now. See ya later, Page and Stephen. Suzy walks off stage left. Page continues to stare aimlessly into the distance. STEPHEN Hey, Page, I’m going now, okay? Don’t kill yourself. Oh, and that girl is pretty cute, so good choice. Stephen gets out of his chair and starts to walk off stage. He stops briefly to look back at Page, then walks off stage left. The lights begin to dim as Page continues to stare aimlessly into the distance. PAGE (Slowly. As if coming to a realisation. A strange mixture of happiness and sadness.) She knows my name... Fade out. End Act I.

18.

IT’S ICE Destiny Unbound Once again in the same place. Night have fallen. The silhouette of the moon is projected on the back wall. Stephen is yet again reading in the dark. The thick book is starting to fall apart. From stage right, Steven comes on stage, holding a candle. He places one on the table, and then walks back offstage. He returns, carrying a different telegram from before. He sits at the table. Stephen does not look up from his book. STEVEN Intriguing. STEPHEN What is? STEVEN There’s talk of an election in Birmingham. STEPHEN ...aren’t we a monarchy? STEVEN Well. That’s the intriguing part. Despite being at our core a constitutional monarchy, they are intending to have an election to nominate some political leader who will then run the townSTEPHEN City. STEVEN I’m sorry? STEPHEN I consider Birmingham a city. STEVEN Chap, I do believe that the populace standards by which society categorises the size of communities would very easily classify Birmingham as a town. Surely you are familiar with this? STEPHEN Yes, by jove, I am familiar with the populace standards that society uses to class it as a town. But surely you have to take into account the technological and economical standards of the town too? Birmingham is a (MORE) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

19.

STEPHEN (cont’d) very technologically advanced town, and has taken very quickly to the industrial advances that have been provided in the past seventy years, especially compared to other towns on this island. As a result it has become quite prosperous and a desirable place to live, despite the pollution due to the immense amounts of factories. Surely this economic and industrial advancement rates higher in the classification of what sort of community it is than some random number of people? STEVEN Oh yes, this economic prosperity is surely an argument in your favour. However, could not any town erect a few large buildings and therefore become a city? STEPHEN I disagree. This argument is absurd. Let’s stop now. STEVEN Agreed. Page walks on stage, carrying a cup and saucer. He sits at the table, and takes a sip from the cup. He then looks at the cup confused, as if an alien had just been dropped into the cup. STEVEN You look slightly confused, Page. PAGE I have no idea why I’m drinking this. It just materialised like an unexpected Crimean cavalry charge. STEVEN There was one of those actually, happened a few days ago. Some horsemen ran down and got themselves killed. PAGE Did they come to any harm, Steven? STEPHEN No, Swann’s Way was the first volume. PAGE I was referring to the man sitting at the desk with me. STEPHEN Oh, my apologies.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

20.

STEVEN Yes, apparently some of them lost their heads. PAGE They couldn’t handle the stress of the Russians throwing halberds at them? STEVEN A flying halberd usually makes somebody lose their head, no? PAGE I suppose so. (Pause.) HOW WOULD A FLYING HALBERD MAKE SOMEONE LOSE THEIR HEAD? STEVEN A halberd has a large blade, yes? PAGE Chap...it all makes sense now. STEVEN You’ve grasped the concept of decapitation? PAGE I believe so. STEPHEN Oh, this is a joyous occasion. PAGE I’m sorry, Stephen, chap? STEVEN I didn’t say anything. PAGE No, not you - the Proust nerd. Stephen, enraged, gets up from his chair, dropping his book at his feet. He goes to attack Page, who rises from his chair and backs away. Stephen then starts to chase Page around the table. The two make a few circuits of the table, and eventually Page runs off stage left, Stephen following. Steven is left on stage, confused. Silence.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

21.

STEVEN (To himself.) I must inquire. Would Page be inconsolable if he were to have lost the acquisition of this cup of tea. Silence. STEVEN If there is any objection to my fine self consuming this elegantly made cup of tea, let it be known now. STEPHEN (Heard from backstage.) I’LL KILL YOU FOR INSULTING PROUST YOU NOZZLE DRINKING MOSQUITO! STEVEN It seems that Stephen is in a slightly irritable mood at this present point in time. I will have to sate my thirst while he continues in his irritable rage. PAGE (Also from backstage.) WHY ARE YOU GOING TO MURDER ME WITH A RUSTY SPOON? I’M NOT THE ONE WHO HADN’T HEARD OF PROUST, GO AND MURDER THE OVERSIZED MOSQUITO OUT THERE! STEVEN I don’t see any over sized mosquito out here. Perhaps Page is discussing some other "out there?" From stage left, Suzy, wearing the same oversized T-shirt as before. She rubs her eyes. Steven glances at her once and is instantly smitten. She sits in Stephen’s armchair for a brief moment, and picks up the very large book he was reading earlier, with some difficulty. She opens the front page and begins to read. Steven stares at her during this, something she doesn’t notice. SUZY Who is this Proust chap anyways? Silence. SUZY I mean, this book is so damn heavy, I can barely lift it. And it’s so thick! It’s even thicker than my ex-boyfriend’s head! Oh, he was a wildcard in life’s deck. Didn’t fit in with the rest of the cards. When he went on his inane little discussions about how he was going to climb this hill using only his left big toe, it drove me insane! Oh, and the way he gave me (MORE) (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

22.

SUZY (cont’d) patronising and disgusted looks. He never treated me with the respect other people seem to give me. Silence. SUZY I might read the last page of this. See if it’s any good. Suzy attempts to turn the book to the last page. However, due to the weight, this is impossible in one motion. SUZY Bloody Proust, always making life difficult. Suzy walks back off, stage right, leaving the book on the armchair as she does. Steven continues to stare at where she was. PAGE (Coming onstage from stage right. Stephen follows.) And so you see, I’m totally infatuated with her because of the way her toenails reflect the light of a Rivera sunset. STEPHEN I see. Why is Steven drooling? PAGE You’re not drooling. STEPHEN What? PAGE You’re not drooling. STEPHEN Okay, that was just silly. It was such a case of "five sir? No, three!". PAGE Shut up, that’s not meant to have been written yet. STEPHEN Oh, bugger, have we ruined the facade of being on stage?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

23.

PAGE Yep. Ah well. Steven’ll be pissed. STEPHEN I think he’s in a trance. PAGE What a shame. Does that mean we won’t have to talk to him? STEPHEN This is a disappointing prospect. STEVEN (Breaking from his trance.) Yarr, me mateys! I saw a fine wee lass on this here deck and I be decided that we are going to raid her booty! PAGE Steven, why exactly are you talking in pirate speak? STEPHEN I’m not. PAGE Man, will you stop doing that? It’s becoming a cliched joke. STEPHEN Well, I’m sorry. What do you suggest we do to prevent confusion in the future? PAGE I dunno. How about we give you guys a number or a nickname or something? Like, he can be Pirate Steve and you can be normal Steve. STEPHEN Stephen. STEVEN Yarr, what do you be wantin? STEPHEN Shut up or I’ll make you walk the plank. STEVEN (Cowering in fear.) Landlubbers.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

24.

STEPHEN No, Page. It has to be Stephen. PAGE (In disbelief.) What. STEPHEN It has to be Stephen. STEVEN Yarr, what do you be wantin? STEPHEN Shut up or I’ll make you walk the plank. PAGE You already said that. STEPHEN (Disbelief.) What. PAGE You already had that exchange. Someone says StephenSTEVEN Yarr, what do you be wantin? PAGE Shut up or I’ll make you walk the plank. STEPHEN You already said that. STEVEN (Enthusiastically, as if he just realised the trick.) Yarr, I do be saying, lads...what? PAGE AND STEPHEN (Disbelief.) What. Silence. STEVEN Well, yarr. I be excited because I saw a pretty lass from the top of the mast. (Page does a doubletake. Stephen continues staring.) And when be a young pirate be seeing a purty young lass, his plank tends to get long and hard much like be his wooden leg. (CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

25.

PAGE ...let’s get rid of this pirate problem first. (Fade out.) Silent in the Morning Once again in the living room of the bungalow. Morning. Steven is lying slumped over a chair, unconscious, torso lying on the floor, legs hanging in the air. Stephen is still reading the over sized book from before. He is now wearing glasses. Sunlight’s reflection bounces off the back wall. STEPHEN Hmm. Only three hundred and twenty pages left to go. At this rate I’ll be done before the end of the week. Silence. STEPHEN Steven. Silence. Page walks onstage. He takes a seat next to Steven’s comatose

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