Sins Of A Delicate Nature

“Sins of a Delicate Nature” Written By Cynthia Brooks 2876 Old Pelham Rd. Pelham, GA 31779 (229) 294-0602 [email protected]

Chapter 1 Ta’Lisa Brown Things at Fellowship Industries had already begun to heat up. So far, twenty workers had been laid off and 480 were slated to go over the next year and a half. Ta’Lisa Brown hoped she would not be in that number. Tonight she wanted to forget all about it and party. She decided to go check out Visions in downtown Atlanta. Ta’Lisa was dressed in a sheer red Cheongsam dress and red thong and bra set. She loved the attention she received when she dressed provocative. This usually meant she had gone all out. Ta’Lisa, five-foot ten, in her stocking feet, weighed about 170 pounds - none of which was fat. She had abs to die for and a butt from which you could bounce a quarter. Flaunting her five-foot ten-inch frame, wearing a pair of three-inch heels, Ta’Lisa dropped into several different clubs to get her weekend kick. She lived for the attention of the men and loved the way the women turned up their noses at her. As she entered Club Visions, she noticed the crowd looked a little young for her taste. She decided to get a drink and go where the grown and sexy hung out. Ta’Lisa loved to make a scene so when the D.J. played a Jamaican song; she went to the dance floor and began dancing a slow grind. The other people dancing moved back and let her dance. She had the attention of the whole club. The feeling was intoxicating; she could feel the men’s stares raking over her body. As she danced, the heat from the lights began to make her sweat. Beads of sweat trickled down her back making her arch her back like a wanton lover responding to her lover’s touch. Her jet-black long wavy hair had begun to stick to the sides of her face. She quickly wiped her face; she was enslaved to the music and had to keep her pace. Ta’Lisa danced for what seemed like hours, but when at last the song came to a quick halt, she composed herself and walked off the floor. Not looking back, she grabbed her wrap and purse and headed out the door. “So much for that,” she said aloud with a wicked grin. As she reached her car, she noticed a large line forming at Club 112 across the street and decided to walk over there to see what all the fuss was about. She had never been to that particular club, but had heard rumors and she wanted to see what it was like. She headed to the front of the line and asked a man wearing a very nice Armani suit for the time. “It’s a quarter to midnight,” he said looking at his watch. When he looked up, he gasped. “Wow, um are you here alone?” he asked surveying the line. “Very much so,” she replied. “Well be my guest,” he said extending his

hand to her. “Don’t mind if I do,” she said smiling. The women waiting in line behind her began complaining under their breath. Ta’Lisa turned and looked at them. She rolled her eyes and turned around. Quickly getting rid of Mr. Armani suit once inside the Club, Ta’Lisa began checking out the crowd. Every one was dressed to impress. She knew she made the right choice; she was very impressed with the layout and the crowd in Club 112. She made a mental note to come back next weekend. Ta’Lisa drank down two Long Island Ice Teas and was about to make her way to the dance floor when she spotted a very nice looking brother and his friends checking her out from across the room. She walked up and singled out the tall thick brother wearing the Bijan suit. Ta’Lisa smiled to herself as she checked out the design of the suit. “Hello, my name is Ta’Lisa, would you care to dance?” she asked with a seductive smile. “Hello, Ta’Lisa, my name is Cedrick, sure I’d love to dance,” he replied smiling. They danced for quite a while and after they finished the last slow dance, Ta’Lisa realized the time had passed. “Well lover boy unless you’re going home with me, it’s time for all good little girls to go home. I have already over stayed my welcome. Plus I have a very early day ahead of me. Thank you for dancing with me,” she said with a grin as she walked away. “Was that an invitation?” he asked following her off the dance floor. “Take it like you want to, you’re a big boy,” she said without turning around. “Hey, why so cold? I thought we had a pretty good time tonight, let’s not spoil it now,” he whined. “Well Cedrick, you can stand here jaw jacking all night, or you can get directions to my place and meet me at my house; it’s on you,” she replied now facing him. With that, she walked out the door. Cedrick rushed over to where his friends were, grabbed his coat and hurried out the door behind the woman who held his mind captive. He caught up with her as she crossed the street. They exchanged cell numbers and he got the address to her place. Cedrick really did not feel like driving all the way to College Park tonight but he could not get her out of his mind. He decided to go; she was a beautiful woman, long, sexy legs, jet-black hair and eyes that dipped down in the corners just enough to make you question her heritage. As he was about to pull out of the parking lot his friend Jeff tapped on his window, snatching his attention from his thoughts of her. “Yea, man what’s up?” he asked half-disappointed and somewhat relieved. “Man I know you are not about to leave already,” Jeff said with a smirk. “And I know you aren’t chasing that skirt you been grinding on all night.” “Ah, come on man, you saw how fine she was, you have to admit that woman is hot,” he replied. “Man I’m just going to College Park for a little night cap and some well worth while conversation,” he added. “Come on Cedrick, you know the type, man that woman ain’t nothing but a gold digger and you know it,” Jeff said in a huff. “Look Jeff, hit me on my hip around 3:00 or 3:30 man, and then if you still haven’t heard from me call my cell. I’m not going do anything stupid man, trust me,” he replied. “Alright man, be safe,” he said walking back towards the club. Once Jeff walked away, Cedrick turned off both his cell phone and his pager and pulled out of the parking lot. As he was driving down I-295 he couldn’t do anything but think about her, she was beautiful. His wife of 4 years had very short hair. He really loved it on her, but couldn’t help being intrigued with the long, soft-as-sable hair that hung seemingly endless from Ta’Lisa’s head. Checking the time, Cedrick knew he had just a couple of hours to spend with Ta’Lisa, but he had to be careful. He didn’t want to get caught-up tonight. His wife knew his Friday night ritual, he would party all night long with his friends, and then his family would have his undivided attention for the rest of the weekend. Cedrick knew she was out of his league, she a beautiful wild stallion, one that would challenge even the most experienced Equestrian. Nevertheless, he felt he had to have her, but was he willing to sacrifice his family to have her? That question was eating away at him. He found her place rather quickly; it was a very beautiful complex, with lovely landscaping. The parking lot was well lit, and the parking garage for the tenants

had an all night attendant as well. As he looked up, he could see that they seemed to have enormous balconies and he imagined them kissing out there under a moon lit night. Cedrick walked into the building and pushed the elevator for the 17th floor, but the door remained opened. As he stepped off the elevator, the door attendant was quickly approaching him. “There seems to be something wrong with elevator, I pushed the button and the door wouldn’t shut,” he said to the door attendant. “Yes sir, the occupant has to buzz you up,” he replied. “Oh, my bad,” he replied. “No problem sir, who are you here to see?” the door attendant asked. “Oh yea, Ta’Lisa. Ta’Lisa Brown,” he answered. “Whom may I say is calling?” the door attendant asked. “Cedrick,” he replied. The door attendant picked up the receiver and called to her apartment. “Ma’am there is a Cedrick here to see you, may I send him up?” he asked. Once he replaced the receiver, he told Cedrick she wanted him to come right up. Cedrick stepped on the elevator and took it to the 17th floor. When he stepped off the elevator, he began looking for the number of the apartment, since he couldn’t find any apartment numbers he started back to the elevator, then he heard her call his name. He turned and she was standing there in a long black sheer robe with nothing on under it. “Leaving already?” she asked seductively. “No…I couldn’t find the apartment number, so I was on my way back down to the door attendant to find out where you lived,” he replied. “It’s over here,” she said as she pointed down to the doormat. His eyes followed where she was pointing and he replied, “Oh, I wouldn’t have ever guessed it would be on the doormat. That’s pretty neat, although if you don’t know where you’re going you could easily get confused,” he added. Once inside the apartment, Cedrick could not believe his eyes - the apartment was huge inside. The entertainment center, silver with black smoked glass, took up the back wall of her living room. The black leather sofa and chaise lounge were geometric in shape, like nothing he had ever seen. Her place was just as different as she was. The surround sound was blasting an instrumental version of George Duke’s classic No Rhyme No Reason. Ta’Lisa poured them both a glass of wine. She changed the music with a remote control and the next sound he heard was Bob Marley singing something in a dialect he wasn’t sure how to translate. He watched as she got into the music, as her body began gyrating in slow deep circles. Ta’Lisa let her robe fall around her ankles as she placed a foot on his knee. Cedrick watched her contort her writhing body in a manner he’d never known the female or any other body capable of doing. She danced until Cedrick couldn’t take it any more. Standing and taking off his coat, Cedrick grabbed Ta’Lisa and lifted her off the ground, laying her on the couch. He looked deep into her eyes and smiled. “Just how long were you planning on teasing me,” he asked. “Not that long, I was waiting for you to respond, hell the song was almost over,” she said giggling. After they shared a brief laugh, Ta’Lisa grabbed his hand and walked him towards the bedroom. Once inside the bedroom he was amazed, she had really out done herself. There was a netted canopy with vines covering the huge four-poster bed. Cedrick loved the décor, it was befitting to the beautiful black stallion she was. After Cedrick undressed, the next few hours were anything but disappointing. Cedrick laid thinking about the situation, trying to see how it differed from any other in the past. Although he couldn’t really differentiate one from the other, he knew there was something special about her. “Hey, what time is it,” he asked. Ta’Lisa lifted her head and looked at the clock opposite her on the nightstand. “It’s 4:45,” she replied. Cedrick rolled over on top of Ta’Lisa who was barely awake and said, “I have plenty of time for round three, if you’re up for it.” “No, I really need to be getting up, I have to be at work by 6:30,” she replied. Cedrick got out of bed, grabbed his clothes and headed to the bathroom, as he turned on the light; Ta’Lisa covered her head with the pillow. Once inside the bathroom Cedrick was pleasantly surprised at how beautiful this room was as well. The bathroom was about the same size of his

guest bedroom. The vanity had his and her sinks with gold faucets. Above the vanity were two very large gold-framed mirrors. Hanging between the two was a small chandelier. The back wall of the bathroom was a large sheet of beveled mirrors, with a beautiful leopard skinned chaise lounger against it. The tub was gorgeous, it was a very light beige almost taupe color and it sat on golden-clawed feet, and in the corner was a stand-alone shower of the same color. Cedrick grabbed a thick towel from the linen table and showered quickly. Before he left the bathroom, he took a glance at himself in the mirror and all the guilt he was denying fell on his shoulders. Cedrick couldn’t help but feel like a low down dog, but his excuse to himself was that it couldn’t be helped. He knew he was wrong; his wife was a loving woman and to his knowledge, had never stepped out on him. That didn’t and couldn’t change the fact that if and when given the chance he would do it again. When Cedrick emerged from the bathroom Ta’Lisa was standing there in a lovely baby blue silk Kimono, she had piled all of her hair on top of her head and held it in place with chopsticks. The sight of her nearly made him gasp. As he stared in her eyes he saw a lifetime of hurt and pain. He wanted to reach out, grab her, and hold her. He wanted to tell her that with him things would be different, that he would love and protect her. However, what could he really offer her; he was married and had no plans of ever leaving his wife and children. “I’d better be leaving,” he said still staring into her eyes. “Okay, I have to get ready for work anyway,” she replied softly. Ta’Lisa turned and walked into the bathroom closing the door behind her. Cedrick stood at the door trying to memorize her face on the other side of the door; placing an open hand on the door Cedrick dropped his head. “Lord I know it’s wrong, but I really want this woman, please help me, I have to have her,” he prayed silently. “Hey,” he called through the door, “I’ll call you later on, alright.” After a long pause she replied, “I think we better leave well enough alone.” “I’m not trying to compete with your wife, I just might win,” she added. She then turned on the surround sound and the next sound he heard was Jazz musician Boney James blaring from the bathroom. Cedrick grabbed his coat and left. He was confused, here he was risking his marriage and she was talking about not competing with his wife. He was becoming increasingly upset. Didn’t she know she had reeled him in; she had won the prize, what more could she want. Cedrick tried to calm down so he could call his wife. After a few minutes passed, he called and told his wife he was in route, he apologized for staying out so late, after they said their good-bye’s Cedrick started up his car and pulled off. Ta’Lisa stared at the reflection in the mirror; she couldn’t believe that she had pulled it off again. She would have him eating out of her hand in no time Ta’Lisa thought to herself. She hoped she hadn’t hurt his feelings, but she hated men that couldn’t recognize the game for what it was. They were having fun; maybe she was a little harsh. Ta’Lisa shrugged it off, blaming not having enough sleep as the culprit. Ta’Lisa wondered what lay ahead for her, the job had become more of a chore, rather then the fun placed she had become use to. Everybody was walking on pins and needles because of the coming lay offs. She really hoped that she wouldn’t be let go, but she prided herself in believing that even good people had bad days in life, thus preparing herself for the worst. As she finished dressing, she allowed her thoughts to drift back to Cedrick again and their night together. Cedrick was an excellent lover, but she could tell that he was far too emotional and she really preferred her men emotion free. She hated to get involved with men who wore their feelings on their shirtsleeves, but sometimes that worked in her favor. She called the garage and had Paco, the garage manager, start her Navigator; she was in a hurry this morning and wanted to get to work before she was late. Ta’Lisa was about to leave when she decided to call and apologize to Cedrick. As she dialed his cell number, she wondered what his wife would think about a call this early in the morning, especially since he didn’t get home until around 5:30 that morning. Cedrick answered on the first ring. “Hey,

it’s me, Ta’Lisa, I’m sorry for that out burst this morning, I get really cranky when I don’t get enough sleep,” she said in her best seductive voice. “Oh no problem, you had me worried though,” Cedrick replied. “Yea, I kind of figured that, which is why I made the call, can you get out for a while this evening,” she asked in a whining voice. “No ma’am, I have to spend the rest of the weekend with my family, maybe we can hook up one day during the week,” he replied. Suddenly Ta’Lisa was disappointed in herself for calling. “Well your loss,” she replied. “Oh and Cedrick, I don’t wait on any man, so suite yourself,” she said hanging up. Cedrick looked at the phone and realized that the call had ended. He waited for her to call him back, but when she didn’t he knew she must have been upset. Cedrick decided he’d call her later. Ta’Lisa hurried out the door to the garage to find Paco; he was talking to a very handsome man in a business suite and loafers. The man was gorgeous; Ta’Lisa paraded her very tight jeans up to them and excused herself for budding in. “I’m sorry for the interruption, Paco do you have the spare key, I must have left mine upstairs,” she said looking only at the man in the suite. “Yes ma’am, but isn’t that your key in your hand,” he replied. “Oh silly me,” she said never taking her eyes off the good-looking stranger. “I guess I better get going,” she said turning around slowly, giving them the opportunity to take a good look at her butt. As she strolled to her car, she heard Paco telling the man that she was single. When she pulled out of her park, the good-looking man flagged her down. She rolled down her window and he introduced himself to her. “Hello beautiful lady, my name is Kensington Elliot,” he said extending a neatly manicured hand. “And my name is Ta’Lisa Brown, it’s a pleasure meeting you Mr. Elliot,” she replied accepting the handshake. “Where are you off to on this early Saturday morning?” he asked. “I have to work this morning, what about you?” she asked. “Well I have a funeral that’s a few hours away from here, so I stopped by here to see an old friend in route,” he replied. “Wow, it’s awfully early for a social call, don’t you think,” she asked. “Well,” he said laughing, “that was last night, the funeral is this morning,” he added. “Oh I see, well don’t let me keep you, I’m sure you are ready to make that drive, maybe we’ll run into each other again sometime,” she replied. “I should return sometime tonight, I’m not planning on staying after the funeral, what are your plans this evening?” he asked. “Well actually I don’t have any plans, what time will you get back?” she asked. “Let’s see, probably around 10:00,” he replied. “Good, that will give me plenty of time to get ready, shall we meet here in the parking garage,” she asked smiling. “No,” he said hesitating. “I know how to treat a lady, my friend lives on the 15th floor, apartment 5C, I’ll expect you around 11:00pm,” he said. “Okay, I’ll see you tonight,” she replied. “Here take my cell number,” he said handing her his business card. “Here, take mine,” she said turning the card over he’d just handed her. She scribbled her number down and handed him back the card. “I’d like you to have my number as well,” he said staring at her. “It’s in here,” she said pointing to her head. “Huh?” he asked confused. “Your number is 404-555-1372, right?” she asked with a wink. “That’s impressive,” he replied. “Thank you, I better get going I don’t want to be late for work,” she said. “Alright, I guess I’ll see you later,” he replied. “Sure thing,” she said winking. As she pulled off Kensington Elliott couldn’t believe his eyes or his luck. She was beautiful. He wondered if he should tell her about his current situation. He decided against it as he walked to his car. He was going to have her no matter what the price.

Chapter 2 Monique Johnson Monique walked into the Doctors office, both afraid and concerned about the test results. She received a call from Dr. St.Leon 's office urging her to come in as soon as possible. As she waited for her name to be called, she found herself praying and asking God for his mercy. Within the next five minutes, the nurse called her name. "Monique Jackson, the doctor will see you now. Monique walked slowly toward the voice that beckoned her. Once she reached the room she felt like her whole life was about to change. As she waited her life flashed before her, she thought about all the things she'd done in her life. She tried to remember the last time she prayed or if she ever went to church, for that matter. She thought of her strict up bringing and the fact that she left home at the tender age of 15. Monique had accelerated through school and graduated when she was only 16. She went away to college at Howard University but flunked out due to excessive partying. She decided she wasn't going home and had to try and find a way to stay in DC and work, but what was in store for Monique would scar her for life. She met a young man named Timothy Monroe who wore all the latest clothes and drove a very expensive car. He started talking to her one day and found out her situation. After talking to Monique he started dating her, buying her expensive gifts and taking her to fancy restaurants. When she was finally released from the school, she had no place to go except into the arms of Tim. Who by then had his plan in full swing. Tim moved her into his luxury apartment, first telling her that he had everything under control. However, after a matter of a few weeks, he told her they had to do something to get more money. He told her that he loved her and only wanted the best for her and she believed him. She was falling fast for this smooth talking pretty boy, who seemed generally concerned about her well-being. Monique was lying in bed watching T V when she heard him come in. "Tim, baby I'm in the bedroom,” she called seductively. When he walked into the room the look in his eyes made her jump, she got goose bumps up and down her spine. "What’s wrong Timmy she asked. "Get cho ' butt up, he replied. "I've been bustin' my butt trying to make sure you eat, and all you can do is lay around watching T.V. all day, he screamed " But baby, I've been waiting for you to come home so I could fix you something to eat, she replied stuttering. Tim placed both his hands on top of his head and screamed, sending Monique rushing nude into the bathroom locking the door behind her. "Come out here Monique, right now or I'll break that damn door down, he screamed "B-b- baby what 's wrong, wha.. . what di. .did I ddd .do, what did I do Timmy, baby plea please te .tell me she stuttered "Monique, I ain't got no time for games, when I said come here that's damn it what I mean. "Are you gonna hi.. hit mmmm.. mee she stammered "Timmy ba.. baby I'm gonna ccc.. . come out, but ple. .please don't hi.. hit mm. mme. When Monique opened the door she didn't see Timmy. So she called out to him. "Tim, baby I love you, what did I do please tell me. The next thing she remembered was waking up in the hospital with a concussion. "She tried to ask the nurse how she got there but couldn't speak. Monique spent the next ten days alone in the hospital, the day she was released Tim was there to pick her up like nothing ever happened. They rode back to the apartment in silence he helped her out of the car and took her to their bedroom. He told her to lie down for a while, she cried herself to sleep. When she woke up she heard voices in the other room. She tried to get up but she was still much too weak. She then called out to Tim. "Yea,” he answered from the doorway. "Who's out there with you,” she asked half smiling. "Our new roommates he replied. "Just get some rest Monique, you have

some work to do and I want you at your best and with that he shut the door. The rest of that year was pretty much a blur for Monique. As she became a high priced prostitute for the man she thought loved her. She cried when Tim wasn't around, because she felt ashamed of what she was doing, most of the other girls numbed their feeling with heroine, Monique didn't participate in the drug scene. Tim got himself hooked on heroine and wound up in a bad drug deal and was killed. After Tim's premature death, Monique took over the prostitution ring for a while. After a while the police started to bother Monique and the girls, it seemed they girls were so strung out on heroine the kept getting in trouble with the police for stealing or fighting or something. Monique decided to move to New York City for a while. There she met a young girl by the name Janet; they became fast friends and did everything together. They moved into a big brick brownstone with a Madame named "Big Martha.” At first they only cleaned up after her regular girls and they slept in the finished basement. Then two of her best girls quit and moved away. This left "Big Martha in a bind. So she talked to the girls and asked if they would be interested in moving upstairs in the main house and working for her. The girls were excited; they wanted to wear all the clothes they saw the other women wearing. . They worked for Big Martha for six years, and then she died, of a heart attack at the age of 57. Martha Feutch didn’t have any children and they never seen or heard her talk about any other family members, she left Monique and Janet a hefty sum of money when she died. Monique stayed on for about another three months and then she moved on. Things weren’t the same after Big Martha died, so Monique took what money she had packed her clothes and moved to Atlanta Georgia. Once in Atlanta, the first thing Monique did was call one of her best customers and let him know she was in town. He told her that he had told many of his friends about her and that if she didn't mind he could get her some new clientele. This thrilled Monique to no end. She took some of her money and rented the penthouse at the top of the Hilton in downtown Atlanta. For about five years, she did this. At first things were going good and Monique was handling things pretty well, but her neighbors were starting to stare. Moreover, after a while Monique was tired of the whole sex thing and wanted out. Monique heard this plant was hiring in Atlanta and applied having no work experience; she was surprised when they hired her. For a while, Monique was doing them both. Working full time at night and keeping her johns happy by day. But she felt old, working both jobs for another three years Monique was now 31. Her body was worn out, but the money was good to her. She decided that it was time to quit for a while. Monique finally quit, then about six months later she was hurting for the extra money. The money she made at the plant was good, it paid the bills but there was no room for extras. One day she found herself playing the lottery and for a while she was addicted, she played religiously. Then one day she hit for over 50 thousand dollars. After taxes she ended up with 43 thousand dollars. The first thing she did was move into a very state of the art building in downtown Atlanta. She bought new furniture and a new bedroom suite; she then had a tummy tuck and a boob job. Not to mention having a few inches added to her hips. Therefore, she called up one of her favorite johns and told him she made some changes and wanted him to try them out, at no cost. This was a very good deal us a night with Monique didn't come cheap. After they spent the night and the john was very impressed. Monique started to rethink her retirement in the business. She called her girl in New York to tell her about her changes, but decided against it as she was coming to town in just a few weeks and she would just surprise her. They chatted about old times and reiterated the dates and times of Janet's arrival. They said their good-byes and got off the phone. Janet was the only female that Monique associated with. There was a nice young girl that Monique worked with by the name of Shay’la Bell, she was heavy into the church and Monique didn’t have time for one of those Holy-Roller types. She really didn’t have any one to talk to and

wished for a close friend. She thought about Shay’la Bell again and decided she might just give her a chance. When doctor St.Leon walked into the room Monique realized she had been crying. She quickly dried her eyes and turned her attention to the situation at hand. “Good afternoon Ms. Jackson, I asked you here today to discuss your test results.” "We found a cyst on your ovary.” “The cyst is about the size of a golf ball and we’re not sure if it has turned cancerous therefore I am going to have to surgically remove it.” “This procedure is one we do often and it shouldn't be that complicated unless we find more cancer some place else in your body,” he said. Monique found herself at her car crying, she couldn't remember what the doctor had told her nor could she remember making it out to her car. All she knew was her life was about to make a traumatic change. Monique wished she had stayed in touch with her family. She left an alcoholic mother and two younger sisters. Sometimes she wondered about them. Sausha would be 25 now and Aneutra would be about 28. The last time she heard anything had come from an old high school friend she'd run into years ago. It was around the time Aneutra was due to graduate high school. That was about 11 years ago. They were known around their small town of Pittsburgh as the Jackson girls. It was times like now that made Monique wish for her family. But she was scared to contact them. She still had her mother’s phone number and some times she called to hear her mother’s still drunken voice. She knew her sisters were gone, but she didn't know where. After having digested the fact that she was suffering from ovarian cancer, she decided to try and call her mother; she needed to talk to her. Monique let the phone ring several times, when she was satisfied that there was no one there she was about to hang up when a man answered, she hesitated then asked for Carmen Johnston. The voice on the other end cracked "May I ask who’s calling," the now trembling voice asked. “This is her daughter Monique,” she replied. "Damn you, the voice said, damn you to hell,” the voice repeated. Shocked, Monique hung up. Upset and confused, Monique tried to think who that person on the phone was; she quickly called back but got a busy signal. Monique took a shower and lay down for a nap. Once she was awake and had eaten, she called the doctors office to speak with his nurse. They talked and she was given the information that was lost somewhere in cyber space the first time. There was nothing she could do except wait until she was called with the surgery date. Monique then called her mothers home again. This time she was determined to find out whom she had spoken to the first time she called. The phone rang several times; agitated she waited for the voice. This time it was the voice of her baby sister. She hesitated again, "ma.. . . . may I sp.. .speak tttt. to. . Carmen Jack ... ... Jackson she asked. Monique is that you, Sausha asked. Ye ....... ye ...y ea Monique replied. "Monique momma died this morning," she said in tears. “We didn’t have any way to get in touch with you, who called you,” Sausha asked. “Ah, no one I called just to hear her voice,” Monique said now in tears. "Damn, Nique, where have you been, why didn’t you called us or at least leave a number with momma, we lived here too,” she replied. “Are you coming here,” Sausha asked with rush of emotion. “Yea, I’ll be there,” Monique replied. “Well be prepared, Neu-Neu is already tripping about you being here,” Sausha said evenly. “She’ll be alright,” Monique replied. “Everybody will,” she added. With that Sausha hung up the phone. Monique could have died she needed to be there no matter what Aneutra thought and who was that man that cursed her earlier this morning. Monique called her job to inform them of her leave of absence. She then called the airline and made reservations for her trip to Pennsylvania. When Monique arrived at the Pittsburgh airport she wanted to call her sisters and let them know that she had arrived, she then remembered that she wasn't even

welcomed at her own mother's funeral. She got her luggage and hailed a taxi. She always liked the neighborhood they grew up in because it wasn't far from Kennywood Park. Monique and she siblings never once had an opportunity to go to the park, because of their mother’s illness. They could hear all the laughter as it drifted on an invisible cloud to their bedroom windows. They wished they could have gone, the smell of the cotton candy and the squeals from the other children they heard would sometimes saddened them, but they were hopeful that they would one day make it to the park. Monique wondered if the park was still in operation. If so she’d make sure before she left that she spent at least one day at the park. As the taxi got close to her destination she felt her heart drop, she knew from what her sister Sausha said that Aneutra wouldn't he glad to see her at all. Monique didn’t care who didn’t want her there, Carmen Jackson was her mother and no matter what happened she still loved her and wouldn’t miss her funeral. There were plenty of cars on the street near her mother's home, she couldn't tell whose was whose cause it had been years since she had ever stepped foot in Pittsburgh let alone on her on street. She paid the taxi driver, grabbed her bags, took a deep breath and walked to the door. Just as she was about to knock on the door, it opened and she was staring her sister Neutra in the face. Aneutra Jackson was tall and thin, a lot smaller then Monique thought she would be. She had shoulder length hair and very pretty features, not like Monique, but like Carmen. Something in Aneutra’s eyes made Monique pause. Aneutra tried to slam the door but Monique put her foot in the way. She dropped her bags and grabbed Aneutra's hand. “Look she said, we might as well get this out of the way right now before it gets real ugly. “Carmen was my mother too and I loved her, no matter what you or anybody else thinks.” “Therefore I have come to help bury my mother so you may as well get use to me being here,” with that she threw Aneutra's hand down and pushed past her into the house. She was greeted by a host of Aunt's and Uncle’s that she hadn't seen in years. Carmen’s sisters and brother’s stayed in California, where Carmen was born. They didn’t call or come around because they hated David Jackson for talking their baby sister into moving all the way to Pennsylvania. After Monique entered the house she went upstairs to find Sausha, but before she could reach her she heard the voice of the man on the phone and was drawn to where he was. He was in her old bedroom that had been turned into a den with his back to her talking on the telephone. She stood there quietly waiting for him to turn around, when she heard him ending the call she prepared herself; he turned around slowly. I knew you'd come,” he said. To her surprise it was her father, the man that had abandoned them when she was only six years old. "How dare you, she hollered, how dare you speak to me the way you did, you walked out of our lives, we didn't leave you and you damned me to hell?” she asked. "Why are you here David, why, what, did she owe you money or did you come to spend all she had left?’ she asked. Her father slapped her across the face, “who in the hell do you think you are talking to like that child.” “I am still your father, no matter what wrong you think I've done to you or your mother, I've asked God to forgive me and he has, so you better get on board.” “Your mother died lonely and with a broken heart, you left and never came back, you never even called her and you come in here all self righteous like you are God himself.” “News flash Nique, you aren’t any more important than the rest of us, so settle down before I knock you down,” he said evenly. Monique grabbed her face, she could taste blood in her mouth, she stared him down then replied, “you may have asked God to forgive you and I pray that he does, but I will never have any thing to do with you ever, and you can’t make me.” “So you go ahead and knock me down, but you can't change my heart.” “I loved her and I hated her for what she had become, but I have always hated you and I'll go to my grave hating you.” “So you better get on board with that Mr. Jackson, now if you would excuse me I have to find my sister. With that she walked out of the room, she couldn't believe that her sisters had let him come but wanted to keep her from the funeral. Monique heard Sausha's laughter coming from her mother's bedroom, as

approached the door, several emotions rushed through her body. She hugged Sausha for what seemed like an eternity Sausha had grown up to be a beautiful woman, she had hair that was just as thick and long as her own hair. They stood there admiring one another until uncle Freddy broke up the reunion. He hugged Monique and asked her a bunch of questions she wasn't ready to answer. They stood there small talking while Neutra and her father were in the other room discussing Monique.

Chapter 3 Jacqueline “Jackie” Lewis Jackie couldn't wait until Thomas got off work today. She wanted them to spend the whole afternoon together. Jackie and Sara were leaving for New York for the weekend and there were a few things that she wanted to say before she left. There had been some tension between Jackie and Thomas over the past year. Jackie and one of the guys, from the plant had messed around. There was no intercourse involved, but there was some touching and feeling and oral gratification. But she couldn't keep that horrible secret any longer and she told Thomas. They fell out and he moved in with one of his boys. They were supposed to be married, but the wedding was called off. That was almost two years ago. They remained civil and kept in contact, after talking for a while they decided to try dating again. Things were still a little strained but they were trying to make it work. Thomas had only been back in the house for a couple of months now. She wanted to reassure him that she still loved and wanted him and only him. What she didn't know was that during the time that Thomas was living with his boy Torrence, he had met a nice young lady by the name of Chrissy. She was an over weight, but very attractive female that seemed in desperate need of a male figure in her life. Since they had begun dating, she needed his help with practically everything. She was self-efficient in most things but she looked to him for just about everything else. Jackie on the other hand, always seemed to manage everything around the house from keeping all the finances in order to minor maintenance. He felt that she only needed him for sex, hut she had told him plenty of times that he wasn't needed for that either. Thomas knew he needed to get home because Jackie and Sara were leaving for New York in a few hours, but he needed to see Chrissy for a few minutes even though he would spend the whole weekend with her. They arranged there meeting a few miles down from the post office that Thomas worked at. They met in a small but very romantic cafe. When Thomas walked in he s w Chrissy, dressed in a blue jean wrap dress, she had her hair natural, with big silver hoop earrings and silver accessories. She was wearing a very cute pair jean shoes with a silver heel. The one thing he loved about Chrissy was even though she was a nice hefty size 14 she could dress, her hair was always neat, not a hair out of place. She always smelled good and as far as he could tell her hygiene was on point. It wasn’t that Jackie didn't take damn good care of her body and personal hygiene, but he some how always thought that since his aunt Janice was overweight and always had an odor that most overweight women would have that same odor. Unlike Jackie though who was a nice size 10 since the day he met her some 9 years ago, Chrissy had a confidence that he just loved. Every since Jackie cheated on him almost two years ago she seemed to second-guess everything now. She was her usual confident self anymore. Thomas knew that there was no way, he could leave, not right now, his daughter was his heart. He would never do anything to hurt Sara, nothing. But he also knew he had to find a way. He didn’t want loose his daughter or his newfound love. He wanted them both. Chrissy stood up and planted a nice long kiss smack dab on Thomas's lips. After they broke from the kiss Thomas was winded, he wanted so much to make passionate love to this woman. To hid his excitement and cover his soon to be

embarrassment, he quickly slid into the booth. "Good afternoon to you, to he offered up with a smile, is everything alright?” he asked. "Sure, I’m just glad to see my baby boy. I bet you have no idea what that uniform does to me,” she said in a very sultry voice. “Oh yea,” he replied while laughing, “girl don't play with me up on here.” "Oh, sweetie don't be fooled, I’m ready for any thing you ready to dish out,” she added. Thomas laughed, “you got jokes,” he said. "Fo sho,” she replied. "So what's up for tonight?” she asked. "Well, me and my boy are going to hit the club, because he’s having some issues with his chick and also because I know she going to blow up my pager and my cell. So I'll play it cool tonight. But tomorrow I have us a reservation at the Omni; we have a suite with a fully stocked bar and free room service. My boy Torrence hooked it up. So I'll scoop you say around 8:00 is that cool?” he asked. "8:00 a.m. or p.m.?” she asked. "A.m.,” he replied. “I took the day off so we can soak in the Jacuzzi and lay around all day, that is if you can hang?” he asked with a smirk. "Boy, you don't know who you playing wit---------like I said before I'm all that and a bag of chips, the real question is can you handle all this,” she said while sweeping her hand over her body. He laughed so hard he almost choked "Girl you are too much, but we'll see come tomorrow night,” he said. "Hey baby where you parked?” he asked. "Oh I parked in the garage at my job, it's such a nice day I walked over here,” she replied. "Walked, that's what about eight blocks?” he asked concerned. "And,” she replied annoyed. “What's that supposed to mean, you think I'm to fat to walk eight blocks,” she said. “Let me tell you something right here and now Mr. Webster, I am in very good shape, and I have a clean bill of health.” “Sure I’d like to loose a couple of pounds just because, but my doctor said that I am fine, I don’t have high blood pressure and my cholesterol in fine my thyroid is fine, I don't have swollen feet or ankles or any thing else.” "So if you are worried about anything it should be your shortness of breathe every time we climb a flight of stairs.” I'm fine and you are worried about the wrong thing,” she said as she stood up. "Let’s go,” she said impatiently. "Wait Chrissy, he replied I'm sorry I didn't mean to imply anything, it's just that it's a long walk from here. "I don't want any thing to happen to you on your walk back, that's all baby, I love everything about you, everything I change a thing not a pound or inch nothing.” "I told you that when I met you.” "Baby I'm completely satisfied with you just the way you are, don't do this I have a very special weekend planned for us, let's not leave like this, please he asked. "Chrissy tried not to smile, because she wanted to be upset, he'd hurt her feelings, hut she could look into his eyes und see he was sincere and she didn't want to spoil their weekend. So she turned to him, walked over to him and placed her head on his chest. "That's my girl he responded wrapping his arms around her, baby don't ever think I would dump on you, I care too much about to hurt you. She smiled and kissed him again this time with more passion than Thomas thought one person was capable of. When they separated he knew he had to have her, he wanted her right now and wondered if he could cash in a favor with his other boy who ran the Hilton. Instead he gave her a lift back to her job and went home to say his good byes to Sara and Jackie. Thomas kissed Jackie, like he always wanted to be kissed, just to see what her reaction would be And just like he, figured she became very suspicious. "Who you been kissing she asked. "What hell,” yelled damn girl if I don't kiss you I'm cheating if I do kiss you like I like to be kissed I'm cheating. "Remember, you are the cheater in this relationship,” he said. “Are you packed?” Thomas asked sarcastically as he walked away. “Wait,” Jackie called. “That was uncalled for, you're right, it’s just that I'm leaving and I'm scared.” "I know I did you wrong, and I have to build my trust up with you all over again, some times I just wish we were already over that hump.” "I know I'm sorry doesn't change what I've done, but I'll never do any thing to

hurt you again.” "And all I want is to feel like you believe me, I can't shake the feeling that you are waiting for me to mess up again, so you can walk away,” she said desperately. "Look Jackie, It's hard for the both of us, at times I do watch to see just how far I can trust you, but you can't blame me, I gave you my heart and you trampled on it,” he said. "Now that's not fair Thomas, I did no such thing, I admit what I did was wrong but I still loved you.” “I was weak and I let my hormones take control, but I never, never trampled on your heart.” “I know it's hard to forgive and forget, but all I ask is that you give me a chance,” she said almost in tears. Thomas didn't want them to part on bad terms, so he let it go, for now. "Go get Sara, and I’ll load the truck,” he said. . Thomas had plans for the weekend and didn't want anything to spoil them. Jackie walked into the house and called out to her daughter, when she didn't answer Jackie went to find her. There she was balled up on the couch, she had fallen asleep. Jackie returned to the door to tell Thomas about their sleeping angel. He loaded the truck and went in to get Sara. He carried her to the car and strapped her in the car seat. She must have been really tired because she never once opened her eyes. Thomas and Jackie small talked, about certain bills that needed to be paid and the flowers she wanted watered. Thomas stayed until the plane took off. As the plane taxied out of Hartsfield airport, Jackie couldn't help but wonder what was in store for her when she returned. Jackie tried to concentrate on the flight and not on Thomas, although she had betrayed Thomas almost two years ago, he had a taken her back, she couldn't shake the feeling that things weren't as picture perfect as they seemed. Jackie never really had a heart to heart talk with her father and longed for the chance to pick his brain for a male aspect of her current relationship. The flight seemed to take longer than Jackie remembered, with all of the babies onboard crying .Jackie couldn't wait to get off the plan. After landing Jackie wondered if her mother would be at the gate waiting for her. Her mother was once a heavy drinker and chain smoker, but since her health was failing, she had given up both. She didn't like to be in public places where she might run into someone drinking or smoking. She shopped and went to church and that was the extent of her outings; when ever she and her husband went any where she stayed in the car. Sara and Jackie were just exiting the plane when she heard her father culling her name. Her father was a very quiet man, who had very little to say. He didn't waste time with small talk and only spoke when he had something to say, as Jackie stared into his eyes she couldn't remember a single time that she ever heard her father laugh. Mr. Lewis kissed his daughter on the cheek and then bent his 6'9 frame in half pick up his grand-daughter. He planted several kisses on both her cheeks and mustered up a small smile as he asked how the flight was. Jackie told him about all of the babies crying on the flight and mentioned that on the way back to Georgia that she would take a later flight to try to avoid the baby boomers flight. She then asked about her mother. "Your mother is in the car Jackie as always,” he replied. “Let’s get you bags, I'm double parked,” he said over his shoulder as he walked away with Sara in his arms. Jackie had to almost run to keep up with her father’s long strides, for a man in his late 60's he was in very good physical condition. After he returned home, Thomas called Torrance to see if they were still on for that evening. “Hey, Big Tee what’s happening,” Thomas said. “Not much man, me and my girl just had words,” he said disgusted. "Man sometimes I swear I don't know what Toi wants.” “She acts as though I'm a mind reader,” he said. "What happened?” Thomas asked. "I picked her up for lunch today and we talked about the merger that our companies are doing, I pulled up at Calvin's and she has a hissy fit.” "So I asked, is there somewhere in particular you wanted to go?” “She says that everyone from the firm eats at Caya's downtown.” "I asked her why she didn't say anything while I was driving over.” "I would have taken her there, but since we are here we may as well go in.” "Well long story short, all through

lunch she was short with me, like she's real pissed off.” “I let it go man, because I didn't want to make a scene.” “We get back to the job and she doesn't talk anymore ti1 the ride home.” "Where she voices this new relationship rule, from now on we have to discuss lunch plans before we get in the car.” “So I told her, that there are far more important things we could he doing with our time rather than arguing about, where to stuff our faces.” "Needless to say that sets her off all the more, she starts ranting and raving about us needing space, because the things that are important to her aren't important to me and vise versa. "So we do this all the way to her place, well usually when I drop her off and go in for a few minutes, to discuss what our plans are for the evening.” "When 1 started to get out of the car, she screamed that there was no need for me to come in.” "Man, what's wrong with these 90's women today?” Torrance asked. "Damn,” Thomas said a little too loud. “What are you gonna do now man?” Thomas asked. "Tell you what Big Tee, meet me at the Shark Bar in say 2 hours,” he said. “We’ll talk over drinks,” Thomas said. "Okay man I'll see you there,” he replied. Toi-Lynn Frazier knew Torrance all too well and decided that she would sneak up on him tonight at the bar, but she didn't have a clue where he might be going, so she decided to follow him. Torrance jumped in the shower trying not to think about the days events. He wanted to unwind, so with nothing on his mind except having a good time Torrance was oblivious to Toi-Lynn 's plans.

Chapter 4 Shay 'la Bell Shay 'la walked into the church thinking about the events that were about to unfold. Tonight she would preach her first sermon. Shay 'la tried to deny her calling, but time and time again God brought it to her. First in her dreams, from strangers stopping her on the streets to finally her Pastor coming to her. Pastor Tillmonds was a very astute man. He was like her father, since her father had passed. Shay 'la never knew anyone on her mother’s side of the family. Her mother hid the pregnancy from both her parents with the help of Pearl. Pearl was a mid-wife by profession. Shay’la was born in a brothel, unbeknownst to the parents of Ms Virginia Lobar. Pearl took Shay 'la home with her and raised her as though she were her own. Shay’la’s mother Virginia Lobar never so much as looked back. Her parents never knew Shay 'la existed. Virginia being white and Willie Earl being black would have caused a ruckus for sure. Although slavery and the segregation were both over, it was still during a time when a black boy getting a white girl pregnant would have gotten Willie Earl Bell quietly hung, or put in jail for rape. Either way it would have been very bad, so Mother Pearl raised her herself. As Shay 'la thought about her father not being there to hear her first sermon, her thoughts went back to the mother she never had, although Grandma Pearl was a God send, she wished she could look her mother in the face, just once. She wanted to ask her what she had done to make her mother not love her or want her. Shay 'la had a lot on her mind and wanted to go somewhere in private to pray, to clear her mind before she was set to go into the pulpit. On the way into the church Shay 'la was stopped by many people telling her how proud they were of her. Shay’la wanted to wait until she was married before she had sex, so while in college, she never went all the way with any one. Shay’la had dated in the past, but never got serious with anyone because of the pressures of sex. Shay 'la had a plan, and it didn't include sex right now. Shay’la some how thought she was the last virgin in her age category and planned to wait until marriage to have sex. She prided herself in being a good girl, she wanted to finish college but work had become so demanding. This meant her school days had gotten shorter. She was spending less and less time at the college and decided to put school on the back

burner for now. Something she knew her father wouldn't approve of had he been alive. She felt as thought that is what God wanted. Shay 'la had developed a spiritual relationship with God at an early age. Deacon Bell (Shay'la’s father) had her baptized at the tender age of 7 From the moment on Shay 'la was old enough to understand what having a relationship with God was all about, she talked to God constantly. Having been raised by her Grandmother she always gave God the praise and the Glory for all things both good and bad. Shay’la did not have her mother around, so personal things that went on in her life she told God. Whenever she worried about friends, her grades or any major decision, before she took them to her father or Grandmother she had already consulted the great decision maker. Knowing that they taught her well, her father and Grandmother seemed a bit surprised when she spent all of her free time at the church. She taught children's church and she was on the usher board and help occasionally on the kitchen comity. At Christmas time she helped with plays and sung in the adult mass choir. If there was a reason for Shay’la to he in church she was there. For a young girl of 16 she spent more time at church than she did at home. Her father believed that there must be a young man that held Shay 'la’s interest at church, but was almost disappointed to find that there was no one, no one but God himself that held Shay 'la as his captive audience. She was very intrigued, and had a thirst to learn more. As Shay 'la reflected on her life, she wondered if at 28 years old, if she could truly know what path she wanted her life to take. She felt that she was willing to run for God as long as he needed her, but at times she couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom. She needed to shake that line of thinking and get ready for her big night. Finding a private place behind the baptismal pool she humbled herself as she began to seek God’s face. She had many questions and concerns. She was afraid that her first topic would prove to aggressive for her eager listeners. Still trusting in God she wept openly, weeping sounds of adoration and exaltation that seemed to rock the very core of her being. Once Shay 'la finished praying and was satisfied with what God told her, she emerged from behind the baptismal pool with a confidence that even surprised her. She went to Pastor Tillmonds study; there she walked in on two girls that she went to college with. Through the years her and these two young ladies had, had their differences. They were discussing her ministry. It seems that they didn't believe that she was called, but that she just wanted the attention of all of the elders in the church. They thought of her as a spoiled brat and wanted her out of the church. "Hey, Shay 'la, they spoke in unison. "Hello Tameka, Roslyn, how are you ladies doing this afternoon?” she asked sarcastically. "We’re doing just fine, ash me and Roslyn were just talking about you, we were wondering if you were still going to grace us with your presence this evening. “We actually thought you might have chickened out,” she said with a laugh. "Oh no, as long as my God still reigns I will continue to spread the gospel,” she replied. "Yea, yea so ahh we heard, and now exactly how is it that you were called, or is it some secret between you and your almighty God?” Tameka asked. Shay’la stared at her for a moment and wondered what she had done to make them hate her so much. "Tameka do you pray, well I'm sure you do, but do you reeeaaally pray?” Shay 'la asked while smiling. "Of course I pray, and I don't appreciate you insinuating that I don't, you think just because you stay up in Pastor’s face that we don't know what you up to?” she asked. "What are you talking about Tameka, I'm not up to anything but God's work and you act like you are .jealous of me and for what?” she asked again surprised at the hatred that spewed from Tameka’s lips. "We should all be about God's business,” she said. "See that's just what we mean, Roslyn chimed in, you talk about God like, like you know him personally,” she said. "And you don't, see Roslyn you and Tameka both should know him, I mean really know him. "The two have been going to church here just as long as I have.” “Haven't you learned

anything?” she asked "We've been to every Bible study, children’s church, Baptist conventions, you name it.” "Were you two not listening at all?” she asked. "Tameka you have practically rewritten every play we have ever had and you Roslyn you are the minister of music, don't you feel anything?” she asked again trying to get them to understand. "It’s a shame that so many people fake their salvation.” “If this were my church neither of you would hold the titles that you so love to flaunt in everybody’s face, you don't even know him, how dare you question my calling,” she said turning to walk out. Tameka jumped up and ran to the door peeking out to make sure there is no one around before she slammed the door and ran up in Shay 'la's face. "Listen here you self righteous little slut, you don't know anything about me, about my struggles or about my relationship with "my" God, don't you ever throw my position in this church up in my face, like you are God himself.” "You my sista are not so high and mighty that I can't smack your little high yellow behind back down to earth. "Roslyn, girl get me outta here before I have to put my religion down and show this hoe how we do,” she said sarcastically. The whole time this was going on Shay’la couldn’t help but think about what the Pastor would do.

Chapter 5 Ta’Lisa Being that Ta’Lisa had a date with the very handsome Kensington Elliott, she’d need a new out fit. When she got off work she went to Phipps Plaza to do some shopping. She wanted to look good for her night out on the town. She shopped a while before making her choice. Ta’Lisa chose a white Soiree halter dress with rhinestone accents. She bought a pair of Zanoti silver serpent sling backs. Since the neckline plunged almost to her navel, she chose a sterling silver necklace with a single diamond pendant and a pair of diamond solitaire earring. When she made it home, she took a long hot bath, as she soaked she listened to some blues by one of her favorite bluesmen, “Taj Mahal.” She loved listening to the sound of his voice. He could put her in the mood to do just about anything. As Ta’Lisa sipped on her white wine and wondered what Kensington would be wearing? Ta’Lisa took her time dressing; as she didn’t want a hair out of place. She pulled all of her hair up on top of her head in a pony tail, she then put small curling rods in to make tight curls. As she applied her make-up she noticed the time. 11:00 came quickly, almost too quick for Ta’Lisa, who was a nervous wreck by then, which was totally out of character for her. “Get a hold of yourself,” she said aloud as she boarded the elevator. Ta’Lisa tapped on the door as she checked the time. A very handsome man answered the door. “Yes, can I help you?” he asked. “I’m looking for Kensington Elliot,” she replied. “Do come in, you must be the young lady from the parking garage,” he said. “Yes, my name is Ta’Lisa Brown, I live upstairs on the 17th floor,” she said extending her hand. “Nice to meet you, my name is Nameon Wilson. Kensington is running a little late, he phoned me a little while ago, he’ll be here shortly, can I offer you something to drink?” he asked. “Sure do you have some white zinfandel?” she asked. “You’re in luck, I don’t usually keep this at the house, but Kenny likes it so I got some for him,” he said. Ta’Lisa walked over to the fire place and looked at the pictures Nameon had on the mantel. He had a few pictures of Kensington and himself at different sporting events. He had one of Kensington and this beautiful woman. Ta’Lisa couldn’t remember if she saw a wedding band or not, she’d have to make sure there was one. Ta’Lisa sat on the sofa and sipped her wine, as she waited for Kensington to arrive. Just when she was about to give up and leave Kensington walked in. “I’m so sorry I’m late, traffic was the worst, please forgive me,” he begged. Ta’Lisa stood and greeted him with a quick hug. “Please, just give me a moment to freshen up and I’ll be

right with you,” he said as he rushed into the other room. Ta’Lisa sat there, the house was absolutely quiet. She thought she heard raised voices coming from the back bedroom, but then she heard soft jazz coming from the bedroom. After about twenty minutes, Nameon walked back into the living room wearing only a towel and a smile on his face. He grabbed the wine and walked back down the hall. Within minutes of Nameon’s decent, Kensington came rushing up the hall begging her forgiveness. Once they got outside, Kensington apologized again about the traffic. “So where are we going?” she asked. “I thought we’d grab a bite to eat from my favorite spot,” he replied. “Where’s that?” she asked. “Spondivits, I just love their food, unless you have some where else in mind,” he said. “No, I’m game, what ever you want to do is fine with me,” she replied. After they ate they went to the “Trap” a club Ta’Lisa had never been to, somewhere in Buckhead. The crowd was thick, but there was something very strange going on, Ta’Lisa couldn’t shake the feeling. Although the people seemed friendly enough, she couldn’t put her finger on what exactly was bothering her about the club. Kensington didn’t seem to notice plus he looked like he was really enjoying himself. Ta’Lisa shrugged it off and tried to enjoy herself. “What do you want to do next,” he shouted over the music. As he was throwing back a shot of Tequila. “Let’s check out one of my spots,” she replied. Kensington bobbed his head up and down, then grabbed her hand and pulled her out on the dance floor. They were dancing together, but he didn’t look at her. Instead he watched his reflection in the mirror. He danced as though he were alone, no one and nothing mattered except him and his reflection. After a while her grabbed her hand and led her off the floor and out to the car. They went to Club 112, where Ta’Lisa wanted to go. When they got inside, Ta’Lisa exhaled. She was glad to be around the kind of crowd she was use to. Ta’Lisa surveyed the crowd looking for Cedrick or any of his crew. Once she was satisfied they weren’t in the club she really relaxed. After an hour of slow dancing and sweating, Kensington was ready to call it a night. They made it back to her place giggling like drunken teenagers. “Would you like a glass of wine,” she called from the kitchen. “Do you have white zinfandel?” he asked. “Yea, that’s the only kind of wine I drink,” she replied. “Ah, a woman after my own heart,” he replied. Kensington was looking real good tonight. He had on a pair of charcoal grey slacks and a grey washed silk shirt. The fact that he was wearing an expensive wedding ring hadn’t been wasted on Ta’Lisa either, as she all but giggled like a schoolgirl at the sight of it. He was lined up; with that Gerald Levert mustache and beard thing going on. He was indeed a good-looking man. They sat around and small talked for a while and then Ta’Lisa turned down the lights and turned on the satin sounds of Will Downing. Kensington asked to be excused to go to the restroom. When he returned he stopped by the door to her bedroom and asked her if she was tired. “No, not really, why you want to go somewhere else?” she asked turning to look at him. “No, he said staring at her. I just thought you might want to lay down with me for a while,” he responded. Ta’Lisa was shocked but excited; she stood and started towards him. “Girl, you have no idea what that dress has been doing to me all night,” he said. He grabbed her and kissed her deep and aggressively. Ta’Lisa almost lost her balance. She opened the bedroom door and led him inside her room. They kicked off shoes and ripped off clothes and threw aside all of their inhibitions. Ta’Lisa had been with a lot of men in her life, but this guy took her to a yet another level. He knew every trick in the book. They spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms talking and laughing, she’d never had this much fun with a man before. It was usually in and out. Almost like a getting gas on the road. When Ta’Lisa woke up for work he was gone, she smiled and touched the pillow where he’d laid his head. She dressed and quickly exited the building. Once Ta’Lisa got in her truck, the drive to work was a blur. Ta’Lisa drove as recklessly as she lived her life. Driving speeds in excess of 90 miles per hour, she turned into the parking lot of Fellowship Industries and nearly hit a pick up truck possibly going just as fast as she was. “Got damn it,” she yelled out the

window to the driver that never bothered to slow down. A shaken and somewhat nervous Ta’Lisa emerged from her truck on shaky legs. Once inside the building she tried to avoid the knowing glances of her fellow workers. She was late again, as she turned the corner she almost made it to the locker room with out seeing her foreman Juston Holmes. Juston Holmes was a bald headed black as night brother that stood a very confident 6’3. He weighed 210 pounds and had a body that would shame a Greek Adonis; he had teeth as white as vitamin D milk, and a smile that would blind the sun. Juston was very much attracted to Ta’Lisa; the only problem was Juston was single and Ta’Lisa only dated men that were of the married persuasion. She didn’t like being in a relationship with a man that happened to be single. She believed that as long as her man had a wife, she was free to see who ever, do what ever, whenever she wanted, because there were no ties, period. In a monogamous relationship with a single man, she’d be held accountable and that wasn’t what she was in any relationship for. “Excuse me Ms. Brown,” Juston sang out. “I know, I know I’m late, I’m sorry Juston I tried to get here this morning but I couldn’t find my keys,” she replied trying to look sincere. “This is the 3rd time this week Ms. Brown and it’s out of my hands, Mr. Fellows wants to see you,” he said. After Ta’Lisa received a very stern butt chewing from Mr. Fellows, she went to her line to work as usual. “Hey girl, how’d it go with old man Fellows,” her line captain asked. “Everything is cool, he was tripping about me being late,” she replied. After Ta’Lisa worked for about 2 hours, she went to take her first 15-minute break. She walked to the very back of the break room and pulled out a chair. She sat there for a while trying to rest her legs. She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. She wondered what the very elegant Kensington Elliot thought of her. Ta’Lisa sat alone lost in thoughts and hadn’t realized that the wall above her was about to collapse. In a matter of minutes the wall tumbled down on and around Ta’Lisa. The noise itself was frightening, but the excruciating pain caused her to faint. Ta’Lisa would awake in the hospital very much afraid. When she opened her eyes, she tried to figure out where she was. She looked around the room and the painful truth came rushing back to her. Ta’Lisa tried to raise her hand up, but was unable to move it. She noticed she was strapped down and became frightened, she called out for help, but when her calls weren’t answered she began to scream and cry. The nurse ran in the room and grabbed Ta’Lisa’s hand and tried to calm her down. But Ta’Lisa wouldn’t stop screaming, so the nurse injected something into her IV and within seconds Ta’Lisa’s screams became faint, and then she was asleep. At that moment Juston Holmes appeared at the door. “How is she holding up,” he asked the nurse. “Not to well, she just had a severe panic attack, I’m surprised you didn’t hear her screaming when you walked up,” she said. “That was her,” he asked. “Yes I’m afraid so, I just wish I knew what to do for her,” she replied. “Ta’Lisa is a tough nut to crack, I’ll stay here for the rest of the night, maybe when she wakes up again she’ll be a little more at ease seeing me,” he said. Ta’Lisa slept for the rest of the evening and for the biggest part of the night. When she finally woke up it was 4:00 am. Ta’Lisa turned her head and jumped when she saw Juston Holmes asleep in the chair beside the bed. “Juston what’s going on,” she asked. A very sleepy Juston wiped his eyes and smiled for a moment without speaking. “Hey kiddo, how are you feeling,” he asked. “Fine, now,” she replied. “They said you’ll probably have to stay here for a while, like maybe 15 days or more or something,” Juston told her. “For what, what more do they have to do, I mean the last time I talked to Dr.Trinton, he said I could go home as early as next week,” she replied. “I thought they said something about some tests, I’m not sure,” he said. Ta’Lisa just stared at him for a moment. “Ah Ta’Lisa I need to make a phone call, I’ll be back in a moment,” he said nervously. When he saw the nurse approaching, he made a quick exit. “Excuse me ma’am,” he said to the nurse. “She’s asking why she’s still here, I thought it best that a professional staff member answer all of her questions, is there a Doctor here that can go over her prognosis with her,” he asked.

“I’m afraid not, Dr. Manswell won’t be in until around 6:00 this morning, he’ll be happy to answer all of her questions then,” she said. “What should I tell her,” he asked. “The truth Mr. Holmes, tell her the truth,” she replied. “I do understand your concerns, but I think she would accept it coming from you,” she added. “But if you would rather I tell her, I will,” she said. “Thank you, I really would rather some one more equipped to handle her response to give her that information,” he said. With that Nurse Jackson walked into Ta’Lisa’s room. Juston stood outside the door and waited to hear her screams erupt. But to his surprise she never made a sound. Juston walked in the room to see if she had gone into shock. Ta’Lisa lay motionless, just staring up at the ceiling with tears spilling over her cheeks. He waited until after the nurse had taken her vital signs, washed her hands and walked out the room before he spoke. “Hey baby girl, you alright,” he asked. “I’m tired and I want to go home,” she said in a barely audible voice. “It’s going to be alright,” he said smiling. With sad eyes Ta’Lisa looked up at him and began crying. She didn’t holler or scream, she just cried, deep wailing cries, Ta’Lisa was crying for her situation, for her job, for her mother, for her life. Ta’Lisa hadn’t cried since she was 10 years old. It was time for a soul cleansing. She cried for about an hour straight, and after she finished crying she fell asleep. Juston sat amazed, he always knew Ta’Lisa was a strong black woman, and the fact that she had just cried more than a years worth of tears in front of him sealed that fact. Juston was falling deeply in love with Ta’Lisa, and he knew nothing good would come of it. He sat there watching her sleep; he drifted off to sleep himself, but was awaken by the sound of the door opening. Dr. Manswell checked Ta’Lisa’s chart and told Juston that the blood that was sent away for testing could take a couple of weeks and that although he felt optimistic, he wanted to keep her for a week or so for some extensive tests. He wanted her tested for the AID/HIV virus, and not just for precaution, but because something came back on her blood test in house. Right now though, the main concern was how her body was adjusting to the removal of her spleen. Juston gasped, he knew they were holding her to make sure the surgery went well, but he didn’t know anything about the AIDS testing. Juston pulled Dr. Manswell aside and expressed the fact that he didn’t want Ta’Lisa to know he knew about the AIDS test. “Dr. Manswell, I really appreciate everything you’re doing for Ms. Brown, I’m just her foreman. I don’t know of any other family members. Ms. Brown never talks about brothers or sisters or anybody. I care a great deal for her and I will do what ever I can to help, but I really don’t think she would like it if she found out I know about this,” he said “I understand, Mr. Holmes, I would like to say I wish all my patients had friends such as yourself,” he replied. “Thank you, I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said. “Please do, I mean it that way,” he replied. After Dr. Manswell left, Juston called the gift shop and had three dozen roses sent up to Ta’Lisa’s room. Ta’Lisa spent the next two weeks in the hospital. By the time she left, all the nurses and half of the Doctors were glad to see her go. Back home and trying to feel better Ta’Lisa drifted off to sleep for what seemed like the fifth time that day. Ta’Lisa woke up terrified, her clothes were soaking wet, as she grabbed at the sweat soaked clothes she looked around the room disoriented. She tried to remember if the dream was the same as usual or if it changed at all. Ta’Lisa looked down at her soiled satin night gown in disgust. Since being released from the hospital she was having these horrible dreams and awful night sweats. She stood zombie like and walked into the bathroom, took off the gown and stepped into her shower. Ta’Lisa was a very particular woman, she always choose married men, because she believed they were safer. Part of her wasn’t worried about the test results and part of her was afraid. She had so many lovers in her life that she really couldn’t trust precautions to memory. Ta’Lisa wondered if she hadn’t had the accident on the job, if she would have ever had an AIDS/HIV test. Just thinking about the test made her nostalgic. She thought about things she hadn’t

thought about in years. Like right now she needed her mother, Ta’Lisa tried to remember what her mother use to say when things didn’t go as planned, or what her voice sounded like for that matter. The last time she spoke with her mother she had to be 19 years old, that was 17 years ago. Ta’Lisa’s mother was a prostitute and she never knew who her father was. Before she left home she met a Mexican guy named Angelo, he had jet black wavy hair and very pretty slanted eyes, and the word on the street was that he could have been her father. Angelo told her that he wasn’t sure one way or the other, but that if she ever needed anything that he would do the best he could. Angelo wasn’t that old, but had lived a very rough life making him look a lot older than his 57 years. Right now she longed for Papa Angelo. Ta’Lisa stood naked in front of the mirror in her bathroom crying, she couldn’t believe that her life had come to this. How could she have been so careless to let this happen? Ta Lisa picked up her soap dish and threw it into the wall breaking it into a million pieces. She sat heavily on the floor and cried. Her life as she once knew could be over in a matter of years. How could she face her friends and coworkers, carrying the secret that she carried? Ta’Lisa didn't want to die, not now. Not this way. She wished she could remember every single guy she'd ever slept with. There were just too many to remember. Everybody that Ta’Lisa chose had a great deal to lose both in their private lives as well as their professional lives. Kensington Elliot was her latest acquisition; he was well groomed, well dressed and well spoken. He’d been to a million places, places Ta’Lisa would never see in a lifetime. He lived somewhere in Smyrna Georgia, from what he told her, he had a fairly large five-bedroom home. No children to speak of and a wife that dreamed of filling their home with the sounds of many squealing voices. He drove a BMW 745 series with all the bells and whistles men liked. Ta Lisa skipped him, knowing full well, she could've got it from him. Then there was Cedrick he was married with 3.5 children. They lived in a big house out in Stone Mountain. Cedrick seemed to have plenty respect for his wife. He was well groomed as well and dressed to impress, which quickly ruled out any suspicion in her mind, plus he drove an Infinity Q45, and they don’t come cheap. Ta’Lisa would have to go to the Library and do a search to find out all the information she could about the AIDS/HIV Virus.

Chapter 6 Monique "I swear I don't know what has gotten into that girl,” David said. “She acts like I owe her something.” "Listen Dad, Aneutra replied, “she’s just mad because we don't want her here.” “She knows that we could do this without her, why did she have to come, who called her,” Aneutra asked. “Everything will work out fine, we just have to pray,” David replied. After Monique got settled in she went back down stairs to greet friends and family. Sausha tried to keep the peace between Aneutra and Monique and she tried to keep Monique away from their father. By the time everybody left Sausha was mentally exhausted. Monique couldn't sleep and decided to sit out on the porch; she wanted to reminisce about what it was like being a kid on that same porch. As she was reminiscing her father came out onto the porch. Monique jumped up to go into the house when her father stopped her. "Wait a minute Nique, I know there is bad blood between us, and I can only say

that I'm sorry.” "But hear me out Nique; you never came back because of the drinking and the abuse, why can't you see my side of this.” “I loved you and your sisters but I couldn't be a man and stand by and watch her kill herself.” "I tried everything I knew to get her to stop drinking but she wouldn't, she said it was the only thing that kept her sane.” "She told me that if I couldn't stand to watch her drink for me to leave and that's what I did,” he said. "David, you were the only man we ever looked up to and when you left she beat Sausha every time she looked at her, when she wasn't doing that she was sleeping with any one that had a something to drink to numb the pain, we waited for you to come and rescue us.” "You never came and when I was old enough I left, so how can you fault me for that,” she said while crying. "Because you were all they had,” he screamed. “You walked away, did you think because you left the beatings would stop, did you ever once think the torture that your sisters went through could have been avoided had you stayed and taken care them?” he asked. "Oh yea dad that would have been real convenient for you, if I had taken care of your children so you could have continued to have your good time.” “Feeling confident that I, a child of 16 could fill your shoes, we were your children, we didn't ask to be born and if you and mom couldn't take care of us we should have become wards of the state.” “They would have cared more than either of you ever did.” "How dare you,” he yelled loud enough for the neighbor to turn on lights in her home. “You have a lot of nerves Nique talking to me like you are better than me, I sent money for you and your sisters.” "So what Dave,” she interrupted. “You sent money, money that we never seen a dime of, but what about your love.” “The only thing we ever saw from that money you sent was food.” “Not a pair of shoes not a coat, and certainly not a hair do, nothing David, nothing,” she screamed. “If it hadn’t been for Uncle Freddy, we wouldn’t have kept a roof over our heads. “Your brother took care of us and we are your children, so what ground are you standing on, the pretext that you are our father, ha that's a laugh, the only man I how as my dad is uncle Freddy,” she said through tears. At that moment David raised his hand to slap Monique again, but Freddy caught his hand in mid swing. "No Uncle Freddy, let him go, if you ever so much as raise your hand in my direction again old man I'll have you thrown under the jail, and that's a promise,” she said. With that Monique turned and walked away. "What has gotten into that child,” David yelled. "Nothing more than she’s your child,” Freddy replied. "David you can't expect, for her to look at this like it's her fault, both of you are trying to find someone else to blame.” "No matter what you think, you made this situation just as it is, you left your girls with no mother and no father.” "Hell they could have turned out a lot worse than they have,” he said. "Freddy I tried to make it work with Carmen and you know that, but she wanted nothing to do with me and everything to do with that bottle.” "I couldn't compete with her alcoholism, I couldn't win,” he said mentally exhausted. "Yea, I hear you Dave, but think about it from a child’s prospective, they counted on you to come back and take them away from her, she beat that girl every chance she had.” “That is until I came here.” "Carmen said she looked just like you, and she hated to look into her eyes, what kind of thing is that for a mother to say about her child.” “I tried to do what little I could around here, to help ease the strain on those girls.” “I made sure the rent was paid, I tried to keep food on the table, but they didn't have anything.” "Dave they were non-existent, they went to school and back and they didn’t have a childhood at all.” “It was pitiful.” Monique walked back into the house and went into the kitchen, she poured herself a glass of cold water and took a Tylenol to try and calm her nerves. As she was about to go upstairs Neutra came running down the stairs. She got in Monique’s face. "I know I didn't just hear what I though I heard,” Aneutra screamed. "You know what NeuNeu,” Monique said putting her hand in Neutra’s face. “I have had it with you and your father acting like I have committed some heinous crime.” "Alright I left, I went to college for God’s sake, I didn't run off with some man nor did I run away, I went to college.” “I was a child myself, had I had any kind of mother she wouldn’t have let me go in the first place.” “I saw and opportunity to get out

of Pittsburgh and I took it.” "The same thing you did when your turn came and who is riding you because of it, nobody, because it wasn't wrong,” she said. “We needed you Nique, I couldn't stop her from beating Sausha and then she started beating on me as well.” "You could have called, or came to see us once in a while, but you walked away and never looked back, now you are here acting like you came to mourn her death,” she screamed. "So what's your point Neu-Neu, are you saying because she beat you and Sausha that you two are the only ones who can mourn her death?” Monique asked. "Come on girl, what is really wrong with you, have you lost your mind.” “Because surely you aren't thinking that I don't have a right to be at my mother's funeral.” "I don't care how she treated either of us, she is still our mother, our mother, not yours alone but all of ours and I went through just as much hell as you did.” "Hell I have seen a little bit more because I was the oldest.” “You never had to witness the things I had to because I was the oldest.” I saw her do things to men in this town that would make you ashamed to walk down the street.” “She made me wait until you all were asleep before she sent me out there to beg some body’s husband to come give her a little bit of what ever poison was calling her soul that night.” "I bet you didn't know.” "Alright,” Freddy interrupted, screaming, “she gets the point Nique, what's wrong with you, why are you so angry?” he asked. "That's just it Uncle Freddy, I'm the only one here who isn't angry,” she answered. "They act like I was supposed to raise them, like I was their mother and I left them, they were with their mother, period.” "I was only a child myself what could I have done for them?” she asked. "Can somebody tell me that?” she asked. "What,” she said while crying. "You could have helped us Nique, you could have taken us with you,” Aneutra cried. "Where, Neu-Neu, to my dorm room, how could I explain to the housing director that I had to bring my sisters with me because my mother was an alcoholic and my father had abandoned us?” “What are you talking about?” she asked. "Do you see what I mean Uncle Freddy, they blame me for what Carmen and Dave did to us, how is it that it's my fault?” she asked. "Excuse me,” Sausha said from the top of the stairs. “I’ve heard you say over and over again that they blame you, who are the, “they” that you are speaking of?” she asked. "Because I haven't once said that you were wrong or that you should have stayed, I believe you done what either of us would have done had we had the same opportunity.” "Aneutra, you need to stop, how many times did we cry together and say that when we left we'd never look back, this is our mother's funeral this mess needs to end before the rest of the family gets here tomorrow.” "Nothing that has and will be said here tonight will change the past.” "We lived through it and it should have made us stronger, instead it seems to have made us ignorant.” "Now both of you shut-up and go to bed, it's time for us to rest, we have a very busy day ahead of us. With that Sausha turned off the light in the foyer where they were all standing, she then turned around and went back to bed. David emerged from the front porch and stared at them, shook his head and walked upstairs. Freddy followed his oldest brother up to their room. Aneutra wiped her eyes and sat heavily down on the steps like a spoiled little girl. Monique walked past her, stopped and rubbed her sister’s arm then she continued up the stairs. As Aneutra sat there she began to think about all that had taken place since this morning and she began to cry, she didn't want to fight with her sister, but she had left them and it still hurt. She decided that in the morning she would try to talk to Monique again, try to make her see her side. Aneutra locked the doors and turned out the lights before going upstairs to bed. As night gave way to morning, Aneutra was awakened by the smell of breakfast cooking. She knew that Monique was up cooking as she always did when they were children. She decided to go down and try again to make her sister understand her side. Monique was scrambling eggs for everyone in the house when she remembered that Aneutra didn't eat scrambled eggs, but preferred hers over easy. She made her an

over easy egg and some skillet fried toast, just like Aneutra use to like it. Aneutra walked into the kitchen and looked in the fridge for the orange juice. "Good morning,” she sang out as she closed the refrigerator. "Good morning Monique replied. "Do you need any help?” Aneutra asked. “You can add some water to the grits, and drop a couple more pieces of bread in the toaster, then once the rest of the family gets up we can eat,” she said as she squeezed oranges for orange juice. "Nique, I don't want to start a scream fest this morning, but I'd like to say something,” she said. "Go ahead,” Monique replied nonchalantly. "All I have been trying to say is that I missed you and I needed you to help me with mother.” “I know we aren't your children and yes, like Sausha said had I been the oldest I probably would have done the same thing as well, but you were first and it really hurt that you never even looked back,” she said. "All I can say is that I'm sorry Neu-Neu, I never meant to hurt any body, but I can't take the blame for what mother did to you and Sausha, and I can't understand for the life of me why daddy keeps blaming me,” she said in disgust. "Because, where else can he place the blame, he to wants to feel like he left you in charge, like he left us in capable hands.” “And when you left, he felt like you had abandoned us, all of us, him too.” "What,” she said as she turned around. “Him too, hell who knew where he was I surely didn't, how can he lay that on me.” “See that’s what burns my butt, he walked out on us, okay mother had a drinking problem, and I can understand why he left, but don't you think he could have stayed around to make sure we were alright.” “I mean he stayed on the other said of town Neu-Neu don’t you think that’s fowl?” she asked. "I did stay on the other side of town,” he said as he walked in. David Jackson felt every bit of his 66 years as he walked through the kitchen door, and he was tired of his daughter’s mouth so he wanted to settle this for once and for all. "I lived on the north side, I didn't have a phone or a car,” he responded. "So let me get this straight, since you didn't have a phone or car you thought it was okay not to ever contact us again.” “I guess I see your point, out of sight out of mind. “You are a sad excuse of a man, you left us and you’re best excuse is that you didn’t have transportation and where you were there were no phone booths?” she asked. “Man get out my face,” Monique said in a huff. “Girl, let me tell you some thing right now.” “You think you all high and mighty because you left here and got yourself together, you ain’t done nothing Nique.” “When I was your age I worked my fingers to the bone, trying to have something, and because of the color of my skin I was discriminated against.” “I lived a very hard life, I don’t owe you any explanation, but I think you should know something.” “Me and your mother, tried our level best to make this marriage work out, but we grew apart when she started drinking.” “I caught her with another man and I didn’t jump on her, instead I took her home bathed her and put her to bed, he said solemnly. “Don’t you dare come in here and try to tarnish her name,” Monique shouted. “You know what, ain’t no talking to you, you think you know everything, but you don't.” “Monique, I did what I had to do and nothing you say will ever change that fact.” “I really hate the fact that you will never forgive me, but that’s life and I’ll get over it.” “But you my child better get yourself together, because self will disappoint you every time, just as man will.” “Nothing in this world is promised, except God’s love and from what I’m hearing you could use a lot of it,” he said leaving the room. David turned around and looked at them allstanding there. “I prayed every night that God would take over where I couldn't,” he said before Monique interrupted him. “See that’s the problem, you prayed and for what, what did it get you, nothing,” Monique screamed. “Look where it’s gotten you Dave, no where, it’s gotten you no where, you are still a broke down sad excuse for a man, just as you’ve always been.” “Don't make this God's problem, he knows all about it and he didn't care then and he don’t care now.” When Monique walked out the room Freddy shook his head. He couldn’t believe that Monique like a lot of other people he knew blamed God for every wrong thing that happened in their lives. No one took ownership of

his or her own wrong doings. He knew the girls had a bad break, but he’d hoped it would have made them stronger. Neutra grubbed her fathers arm as he was about to go after her, "wait dad; let me, we have to get through this like Sausha said. “This doesn't make any sense we are all we have,” she said. Monique was upstairs sitting on the side of her bed, she couldn't believe the nerve of her father and wanted to tell him a few more things, but she didn't want to keep this big mess going on the day of her mother’s funeral. Aneutra knocked on the door and went in, "are you alright,” she asked. "Not really, I have a lot of things on my mind, I don’t want to be like this but this really hurts,” Monique said. “I know, I was feeling like that too when you got here,” she said shaking her head. “I know Neu-Neu, but he was our father, he could have saved us if he wanted to, but he didn’t,” Monique said solemnly. At that moment Sausha walked into the room and sat on the bed beside her sister’s. “Why don’t we get out of the house tonight, we can go hang out at Donzi's?” Sausha asked out of nowhere. "I don't know, you know Aunt Muffy will be here and she is still very strict.” “Hell Lisa and Raymond are in ther30’s and she still runs their lives,” Aneutra replied. "What does that have to do with us, Monique asked. "Well Aneutra's right Sausha said, she'll probably try and make a fuss about it.” “Girl we are grown, she’s our mother's sister, not our mother.” “Plus she'll be too drunk to know we're even gone, Monique replied. "Speaking of which, Monique you have to squash this thing with daddy, before he starts drinking tonight,” Aneutra said. “It seems that since momma passed he always has a drink in his hand, we need to end this mess, like Sausha said last night,” Aneutra said. "Now listen to me both of you, I know that he is our father, I try to respect him, but I don't understand how he can come up in here acting like I did something wrong, you heard him this morning, talking about he lived on the north side all this time. "How could he have done that knowing what we were going through here,” she asked. "What can I do to make this right with the two of you, I love you both and I am sorry, I'm really sorry that I left here but I was subjected to far more than the two of you put together.” “I just couldn't stay, please forgive me,” she said while crying. "Okay, okay Sausha said hugging her, let’s put this mess behind us, nothing is going to bring momma back and nothing will bring back the time we lost with each other, we have to start from here, just try and forgive daddy Nique so we can move on from here, please,” she said as she started to cry as well. "Don't cry girls, uncle Freddy called from the door, we have a busy day ahead of us, let’s pray and ask God to help us with this day,” he said. “I’m sorry but you all can pray all you want,” Monique said wiping her eyes, “God don't care nothing about the Jackson family why else would he let momma drink and let her beat on you two like she did.” "That’s enough of that kind of talk,” Uncle Freddy replied. "What do you mean,” Monique exclaimed. "God ain't heard a word from us, we don't go to church, momma never took us and we haven't even been baptized.” “Plus, God only hears from those people who have never done anything wrong and that surely counts me out, so please stop with all this stuff about praying,” Monique said evenly. Sausha grabbed Monique by the hand and looked into her eyes, "Nique God is a forgiving God, and He has no respect of person, that stuff about being a good person is garbage. He wants you to come to him just us you are. "You all don't know me any more,” she said. “I haven 't lived a picture perfect life like most people and I know I can't go to God until I have straightened my life out, and right now I don't know when that will be,” she said. “So can we please just drop this subject,” she said. As she walked out of the room, Aneutra stared at uncle Freddy shaking her head, she walked over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder, "We have a lot of work to do, and there is a lot of healing that only time can heal. "What has gotten in to that girl, I remember when she use to be very easy going, only the Lord knows what that child has been through,” he replied. Sausha sat down on the bed with her head in her hands as she began to sob quietly, she couldn't believe that even though her mother beat her constantly

some times so severe that she had to miss school for weeks at a time that she still loved and missed her. She felt as though she understood what her mother was feeling. A feeling of deep depression, a feeling as though her life meant nothing, as though she only existed fur hard times, her mother's world was a drunken blur. And she had it worse, because she had to face hers sober and the pain at times was too great, she often thought of suicide but dared not tell a soul.

Chapter 7 Jackie Thomas waited for Jackie to call, but to no avail, he decided to call and leave her a message on her cell. "Hey baby, just calling to see how the plane ride was? I'm sure you aren’t there yet, I wanted to inform you that Torrence and Toi had a fight so I'm gonna go have drinks with him. My cell will be on, so call me when you get this, or at least after you and Sara have gotten settled in, love ya,” he said as he ended the call. With that Thomas hopped in the shower. After he was dressed and ready to go, he called Chrissy, to tell her how much he missed her. They small talked for a while and then he left for the club. Torrence dressed casual for tonight, he wore a pair of black dress pants and an olive green washed silk shirt. He wasn't in the mood for the club, but he wanted to get some things off his chest. Toi was parked right outside his apartment, about two blocks from his front door. Torrence sprayed on his cologne and walked out the door. Once inside the club Thomas looked for Torrence knowing full well that he was always late. He was hoping that for once his boy would be there. Seeing that he wasn't Thomas walked to the bar and took a seat, he was talking to the bartender when he could have sworn he saw Toi peek her head in the club, he blinked and looked again, but saw no one. He quickly dismissed it and continued his conversation. Within minutes, Torrence walked up to him. He stood and quickly dapped his boy up and returned to his seat. They ordered drinks and moved to a booth for more privacy. "What's up boy?” Thomas asked with a serious look. “Man I can't call it, this chick is driving me crazy, she acts like I intentionally did some thing to hurt her, or like I'm not, I don't know.” "I just don't understand her anymore, every since this merger began, she's been different some how,” he said. "Look man,” Thomas offered. “I don't know what to say except that maybe you and Toi need to sit down and redefine your relationship.” “I know you think I'm a fine one to talk juggling two women and all, but I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.” "I know I'm kind of living.. . . . "Hold on Thomas, you can say what you like, I mean I don't agree with what you're doing, but I respect your opinions,” Torrence interrupted. "Okay well, I think you and Toi really need a break, I'm not saying break up with her, nor am I saying find you someone else.” “But I am saying give her some space; see what she'll do with the extra time.” “Think some things through, work on that BA you have been screaming about.” "Man if it's meant to be, it will be.” "You know what, Torrence replied, that's why you are my main man, may I purpose a toast,” he said while smiling, "To old friends, new money and great sex,” he said laughing. “What?” Thomas screamed while laughing. "What the hell does that have to do with the subject at hand?” Thomas asked. "Not a damn thing, that’s why I said it,” he said. "Enough of this talk, let‘s dance, get drunk and take our ass's home Torrence replied. “Here, here,” Thomas responded. As the night went on they danced very little, drank too much and headed home. When Torrence went to park his car, he noticed Toi's car parked in his parking space. He took

the one beside his and fumbled around with his keys trying to find his door key. After several failed tries he knocked on his door. Even though she was the last person he wanted to see especially in his condition, he was glad he had given her that key. Thomas woke up with a headache; he still hadn't heard from Jackie and had begun to worry. So he picked up the phone and called her. After the fourth ring Thomas was about to hang up when Mrs. Lewis answered the phone, "Lewis residence, how may I help you she said. "Hello Mrs. Lewis, this is Thomas is Jackie awake yet?” he asked. "No she and Sara are still sleeping, but she told me to wake her if you telephoned so hold on I'11 wake her she replied. Thomas was wondering how things would be if he and Chrissy were married and had custody of Sara, he day dreamed about that quite open and wished he could find a way to make it happen. "Hey boo, Jackie cooed into the phone, you miss me she asked playfully “Yea, how is Sara he asked, straight to the point. "Damn, what '.s up with you she asked irritated "Oh, I'm sorry baby I have a serious headache, didn't you get my message last night. "I hung out with Tee, him and Toi-Lynn was at it again, man I don't know why he don't just leave that chick. "She already think she all that, and she be sweating him about the simplest little things, trivial things at that. Jackie wanted to say a lot of things be decided against it as she didn't want to start a fight so she agreed with him. "I never really liked her, I just kind of tolerate her for Tee's sake, she acts really uppity to me. "So what happened, you got drunk?” she asked teasingly. "You know it, I can't seem to hang out with Tee unless we drinking, he has a lot on his mind and that girl friend of his is only driving him crazy. "You know what I was thinking baby, what about trying to hook him up with your cousin Serena. I know we don't get involved with our friends relationships but isn't she coming back with you next week?” he asked "Well actually she changed her mind, maybe I can talk her into it, but you never seen her before, how do you know Tee will even go for it,” she asked. "I don't I just feel for my man right now and I believe any distraction would be appreciated, plus she has to be fine if she related to you,” he teased. "Oh Lord, here we go, I know you been drinking now, you coming on to me said while laughing. "Thomas I love you so much, and I know any thing that you are doing or even dare to think about doing 1 brought on myself. Baby all I ask is if you are planning on leaving me ........s he jell silent for a moment, then she laughed a little and said be a man about it, that's all I ask. “Don't ask me where that came from, call it female intuition she said. "I can feel you slipping, even though you come home to me every night and you never turn off your phone or never disappear on me I can still feel you slipping through my hands and I can 't do anything to stop you, it's a scary feeling. "Hey, Jackie, I really don't know what to say except that I feel you, I can't say a brother hasn't been thinking about how to leave, but I don't want to loose Sara in the process. "Jackie we have been a lot of things to one another over these last what, nine years and the last thing I ever thought that would come between us was another man, or woman for that matter. "But it happened, and we are trying to get through it, it's rough and it'll probably get rougher, know that I love you Jackie and that I always will, but I can't promise you nothing, and I can understand if you want to walk away.” "You deserve someone that is in it for the long haul and right now I can't say that's me; I'm taking it day by day.” “If you can deal with that then we'll see what happens, if you can't then we have to go our separate ways.” Jackie was stunned, she knew that things were very shaky between them but she had no idea that he was really contemplating leaving. "Thomas, I couldn't .stand for me and Sara to come home to an empty house, if you decide to leave before I get buck, just he there for Sara when she gets off that plane.” "Jackie, I don't plan to be gone when you get here, I believe we need to sit down and discuss this thing face to face, I just thought since you brought it up that you should at least know how I was feeling. ''I respect that Thomas. "What are you doing today?” she asked. "Well I'm off so

I'll probably hung around the house for a while, then I'm going to meet Mike, Antwan and Tee at the gym we have a game this evening and then I'll probably finish it off at the Shark Bar, you know how we do,” he said while laughing. "Yea, that's why you got a headache now,” she said laughing. "You right, you right,” he replied. "What do you and Sara have planned for the day?” he asked. “Well we are supposed to take the ferry over to Staten Island but you know mother, she doesn't like to be in public that much.” “Oh and I'm taking Sara to get her hair washed at Cuts 2 Cuts, she was so excited, that she was going to a real beauty salon, so much in fact she had my father write it in on the calendar,” she said laughing . "Kiss my baby girl and tell her that her daddy loves her and he misses her.” “You know Jackie; I hope we can work this out, if not I hope we can come to a mutual agreement about Sara,” he said in tears. "Thomas, Thomas,” she cried into the phone. “Baby we'll make it and if we don't I'd never ever try to keep you away from Sara.” “You have to know that, I love you and I believe if it hadn't been for my weakness that we wouldn't be discussing this in the first place,” she said. “Listen Jackie, baby I have had many thoughts about other women that I work with, but I never acted on them. And that still isn't right, I'm not trying to take the blame, but I'm saying you did what I wished I could do, but didn’t. Which has brought us here, and I just feel that we have to work on this, I don't know what I'm saying,” he said confused. "Sometimes I want it to work Jackie and other times I wish it would end, we should wait until we are face to face before some one says something they'll regret.” “I love you Jackie, I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he said. "I love you too Tommy boy,” she replied. After they hung up the phone Jackie cried she cried because she knew everything he said was right, and she loved and respected his honesty, she was glad that he was a mature black man. Thomas stared at the phone when he hung up; he was both surprised and proud of himself for handling the conversation as well as he had. He wanted many times to tell her it was over, but he did love her, but he wanted Chrissy, he needed Chrissy. Thomas found himself wondering if it was really over. He felt that she'd understand if he left, but now he was afraid to leave. He needed to get out of the house; he didn’t want to start thinking about staying. He wondered if he was feeling sentimental because Jackie was willing to walk away, he wanted her to at least put up and argument, but she was willing to let go. He needed to see Chrissy. Jackie called her cousin Serena and they decided to hit the club, she wondered what she'd wear and decided that she needed to make a trip down to Delancy St. Serena came and picked her and Sara up. They began there shopping expedition. After three hours of trying on and taking of Jackie purchased a beautiful white silk pants suite with imitation diamonds embedded in the buttons. Jackie and Sara but had their turns being pampered by the staff at Cuts 2 Cuts. They went home and Sara stared at herself in the mirror constantly shaking her head, so her hair would bounce. Jackie stood watching her and laughing. Jackie quickly dressed and called Serena. They went to a couple of different spots to see what was happening. They first went down on 43'" to Club New York, one of Serena’s hung out spots, they danced for a long time then they decided to leave and hit up club NV on Spring Street. Jackie had been to Club New York plenty of times, but this was her first time ever going to NV, she loved it, it was very spacious, it was a split level club and the music was hot, no to mention the men. Jackie had to restrain herself from screaming, the men were everywhere. Serena walked up to this fine man and extended her hand and before Jackie could blink, she was left alone to fend for herself. She walked up to the bar and ordered a Long Island Iced Tea, that wasn't her drink of choice, but she could handle that better that her usual Jack Daniels straight up, no chaser just Jack. She sipped on her drink and bobbed her head to the music, she decided to see what the other room was like and she walked into a young crowd, much younger than the side she had just left.

But the music was definitely pumping. As she was about to go back upstairs a young man stopped her. "Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but you look so familiar,” he said with a smile. “Well, you probably don't know me, because I'm visiting here from Atlanta,” she replied. "Oh, you kind of look like this girl I grew up with in Jamaica Queens, NY,” he said. "What was her name,” Jackie asked. “Oh um I think it was Jackie Lewis, or something like that,” he said. “She moved away from hear a long, long time ago,” he said. Jackie looked surprised because she had grown up in New York but they moved away to Atlanta, GA when Jackie was only 13 years old. Her parents moved back to New York about 8 years ago, because her father's parents were getting older and they needed help and he was an only child.

Chapter 8 Shay’la Shay 'la stood there livid she wanted to tell Tameka a thing or two but decided against it. As they walked out they slapped each other high five. Shay 'la closed the Pastors door and sat down, she was winded, she wanted so much to run after her and tell her just how she felt, but couldn't. Somehow she knew she had brought that all on herself. She wanted to tell Pastor all about it, but felt the girls would say she was using her father and Pastor having been best friends to her advantage. But to her surprise, Pastor emerged from the bathroom in his study, no one noticed that the door was closed. When she saw his face she wept like she was in front of Jesus himself. He walked over to her and held her for a moment, then he spoke. "Shay 'la, there will be times when you will be tested, not for God, but for you to see where you are.” "Tonight, you have to preach in front of a lot of people and Tameka Rawlins and Roslyn Casey will be in that audience. You have to learn that you are somewhat on a different playing field than they are, and no matter what you tell them they are not going to agree, because they are not yet where you are in your salvation.” “God chooses those who will go fourth and spread the gospel, everybody should witness to those who have not yet found the Lord, but there are those of us who will be Sheppard’s chosen to lead God's flocks.” "You, my child are one of the chosen ones, you will be held on a different plain, choose your words with love and always in which you believe that God himself would speak. If you heard those words returned to you how would you feel. They were wrong to attack you, but you have to turn the other cheek, no longer can you go round and round with Satan, not on his turf. You are a fresh voice for God and you have to carry yourself as such, don’t give the devil the opportunity to choke life from you before you have a chance to live. Give them some time and then apologize, they may spit in your-face, but at least you will have tried to make peace with them and in doing so make peace with yourself,” he said. All the while Shay 'la was crying, she couldn't believe she failed her first test miserably. Pastor told her to go wash her face and meditate for a while and he would come for her when it was time for her to preach her sermon. Once Pastor walked out she closed the door behind him and immediately fell on her face asking, begging for God's forgiveness. Shay 'la prayed and asked God to help her get over the anger she felt towards Tameka and Roslyn, she also asked that he let her bring forth her message with great sincerity so that they would all know that God had indeed touched her life. Once she finished praying and meditating she was ready. Shay 'la looked at the title of her sermon again, "You Can't Fool God" and decided that she would change the title. While she was looking at it Pastor Tillmonds walked into the office, he smiled and told her that Praise and Worship had begun. Shay 'la begun to cry, she

wasn't ready. Pastor took her hands and began praying, as she cried she felt the spirit moving in her, she continued to cry but felt that she was ready. After they prayed for a while longer they both emerged from the office and into the sanctuary. Before she knew it, it was time for her to speak. She began: "Let the church say Amen, say Amen again.” "I want to thank my Pastor, Pastor Tillmonds, for giving me the opportunity to share God's word with his congregation.” "I know that God chose Pastor Tillmonds to lead this flock, I'm just a lamb that God placed a word inside, let the church say Amen.” "Amen, today I want to read from the 22nd chapter of Genesis verses 1 through 19.” “Let us stand for the reading of God's Holy word. After they read the scripture Shay 'la told them to be seated and she began again. "I'm going to speak on the topic “God Ain't No Fool”, can I get an Amen.” "The text says that Abraham got up early one morning and saddled up his mule, took two of his servants and his only son Isaac with him, in route to the place God had told him to go." "Then he chopped wood, to build the altar for a burnt offering, first of all Leviticus 1: 10 says " If the offering is a burnt offering from the flock, of either sheep or goats, the offering is to be a male without blemish. "Let's speculate here for a moment, the text doesn't say exactly how old the child was, so we are going to say for the sake of argument that the boy was a young boy." "One might go so far as to say the boy was just a babe, not of the world, so that would make him pure, or without a blemish, Amen?” "Because we know that Jesus was the precious Lamb of God, we can use that same principle here, Amen?" As he drew near the place, he was to go, Abraham told the young servants, “stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will return to you. "As they prepared to go Abraham placed the wood on Isaac’s shoulders and he carried the knife and the fire, then the two of them went on together. “Isaac turned and asked his father where the Lamb for the sacrifice was.” "Abraham then in turn replied that God would provide the Lamb.” "Once they reached the place where Abraham was instructed to go, he built the altar and put wood on it, he bound up his only son Isaac and laid him on the altar over the wood, he lifted the knife to kill his son as a sacrifice to God.” "At that moment an angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, "Abraham! Abraham! "Abraham answered saying here I am.” "Lay not a hand on that boy, the angel called down to him.” "God knew that Abraham would sacrifice his only son, because God already knew Abraham’s heart.” "The test wasn't for God to see where Abraham was in his Faith, but it was for Abraham.” "As I was studying the text I thought to myself wasn't it amazing, not only did Abraham do this without saying a word, but his son trusted him so much that he never said a word either.” “This was his father, he was planning to kill his son as a sacrifice to the Lord, and his son didn’t put up a fight, because he trusted his father.” “Can any one in here say they trust their father that much?” she asked. “I don’t mean that in a negative way, so please, don’t misunderstand.” “But how awesome must it have been for Abraham to be found in God’s good grace, because he was willing to kill his only son.” "His faith in God was nothing more than a testimony to all of us, God’s word will never return to him void.” "God said before his word would fail, Heaven and Earth would pass away.” “Having faith in God is much more than saying it, it’s believing that what ever you have prayed and asked for that you know if it’s in his will it will be done.” "That means when you pray and ask God to help you do something you have to have faith that it will be done or there is no reason to pray.” “I can remember people saying take it to the altar and leave it there, I'd pray and pray about the same thing over and over again, because I couldn't leave it, I didn't trust God enough to leave it. " "God knows each of us personally; he knows our thoughts and our desires.” "I’m trying to make a point, somebody say Amen.” "When we are old enough to set out on our journey in life God knows the way in which we will reach our destinations long before we ever have sense enough to even wonder.” "The things that some of us endure to make it where God wants us to be

can be very unsettling, I think back to when I was in college, how I spent countless nights in some guys dorm room doing every thing but the actual thing, thinking that I was doing right by God. " "I though that if I saved myself until marriage that I had somehow proved to God that my love for him was real, when in all honesty the only reason I didn't go any further was because I was afraid " "God knows us inside and out, we think that we are fooling him." "See so many of us today believe that we can hide from God, that we can out smart him.” "But God knows all, he sees all, we get these positions in the world and think that because we hold a title that that alone will stand up us a testimony to who we are." "But that means nothing, so what you are the church secretary, what does that mean if you doing things out of order, if you hold a position in the church and you are still doing things the way you want to because you hold the title you are out of order, okay nobody wants to hear this, this morning.” "I said if you are doing things the way "you" want to, then you are out of order” "I thought about this text for a long time and I believe that somebody's break through is in this text.” "When I received this calling on my life, meaning when I finally accepted it, I had to believe that God made this decision because he knew I could handle it. He knew people would stare and talk about me behind my back, but I had to know that God was in charge and that he already knew how people would react to my being called." "However, I have faith in God; I knew he would make a way. If you look deeper in the text, you can also see that you have to make a sacrifice, show God that you know he is worthy. The sacrifice can be anything, some of us have trouble being good stewards over our finances and some of us struggle with our flesh, then there our some of us that have problems with our tongues, you know lying and back biting. We have to bind up those things that are not of God and kill them, take it to God us a sacrifice. We think with carnal minds and we believe that we are on the same level as God, because we got saved. But we couldn't handle the kind of mind that God has. He is the great I am, the Door, the Bishop of Souls, the man of sorrows, the true witness, the author and finisher of our faith, he is a wonderful counselor, Immanuel, the dayspring, the redeemer, the bright morning star, He is the way, the truth and the Life, he is Jesus Christ.” "Somebody might be struggling with faith, to have the kind of faith that Abraham had is nothing short of a miracle." “I know that some of you here are thinking, this is too hard, that you can’t just let go and let God. The one thing that keeps me going sometimes is to know that I have God. The Bible say’s “greater is he that is in me, than he that is in the world. Some of you are probably wondering what that means, well let me tell you. “When Jesus left, meaning when he died and then was resurrected, he said in John 14:15-17, that if you love him, keep his commandments, he would pray and ask the Father and he shall give you another Comforter, the he may abide in you forever, even the spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive. Again all of this is together, he’s saying the Holy Spirit will live in you and you will have power, more power than those who live worldly. But because the power of the Holy Spirit will dwell in you, we are more powerful than the world we live in. He continues to say in the 17th and 18th verses that, the world cannot see neither know him, but that you know him for he lives in you and shall be in you. He also says he will not leave you comfortless, because he will come to you. Imagine that, imagine all the love he has for us, that before he left this world he would pray to the Father and ask him to leave us, the sinners a Comforter, the Holy Spirit. Imagine the power you have because the Holy Spirit lives in you. The Bible states if you have Faith the size of a mustard seed you can move mountains. I know you all know what a mustard seed looks like, it’s a tiny thing. Just that much Faith and you can move a mountain. Come to him, come to him just as you are, try him, trust him and he will change your life. "For Romans 3:23-25 states, for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God; being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God. This righteousness from God comes

through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. To think that a human being today could or would offer up his only son as a sacrifice to God is mind blowing. But God doesn't require that today, he would rather we live by his word, love one another and believe that his love would be more than enough to survive on. To have faith in him, that he will do just what he said he would do. Instead, we try to lie and cheat our way into heaven. God ain't no fool, and no matter what we are doing in the church today or in the world God see's all, he knows our hearts and our minds, you can't fool him." Stop hiding behind these positions or titles thinking that it gives you the authority to treat people anyway you want to. Just because you have a title in front of your name, especially if it is in the church, does not make you saved, if you are treating people like wrong. You have to treat people in the way you yourself wish to be treated. He cannot be fooled, he made each one of us, he knows the number of hairs on our heads, he gave "his" only begotten so, that whosoever believeth in him should not parish but have everlasting life. He loves you, and he loves me, sometimes I have to grab myself and hold on because I believe I may burst with excitement. Just to know that my God loves me and he cares, he knows all about me, everything from my thoughts to my desires to every little lie, to every dirty thought I can't escape him, you can't escape him, he's all knowing. Go to him and ask him to help you, ask him to deliver you from that thing that makes you do what you want to do, ask him to take out self and replace it with more of him, he'll do it, you have to believe that he will, know that he will, have faith that he will. The doors to the church are open, if you don't know God as your personal Savior, I want you to come, if you have fallen from God's grace and you want to restore the relationship you once had with him, I want you to come, if you are looking for a church home and you believe that God has led you here, I want you to come. "As Shay 'la looked around she noticed that there were people all over the church getting up and walking towards the front of the church, she couldn't believe that they were coming. Shay 'la shouted uncontrollably when she seen Tameka walking towards the front, she felt like she had made God proud, that she had allowed him to use her despite the way she felt about Tameka and Roslyn. Even though Roslyn didn’t come forward she knew that God would deal with her in his own way. Pastor Tillmonds took the mic and began to sing. The whole church got into the spirit and before you knew it people were shouting all over God's house. After church was over Shay 'la was talking to her grand mother Pearl, she told Shay 'la how proud she was of her and that all her studying had finally paid off. They hugged and Shay 'la went into the Pastors study to speak with him. She was exhausted, as fall her energy had been drained from her. "Well Shay 'la, Pastor Tillmonds said, I believe you will do just fine, that message you brought forth today was a strong one, you continue to humble yourself therefore God and he will continue to use you for the good of his kingdom." "Know that you will endure plenty of hardships, you will continue to fall short of the glory of God, but persevere and God will see you through." “God is not through with you yet, he still has to purify your soul, and he has to burn out all of the impurities to bring you forth as pure Gold.” "There will he times when you believe that God has left you, but remember the footprints in the sand, it is when we believe that we are all alone, that God is carrying us through.” Shay 'la grabbed Pastor Tillmonds and hugged him us she cried silently. Shay 'la knew she had a long way to go and was glad that she had God on her side and that he had provided her with such a great man of God as her mentor.

Chapter 9 Ta’Lisa

After Ta’Lisa returned home with all the information she could find on the AIDS virus, she made phone calls to various organizations to find out what resources were available if she needed them. Tired of feeling sorry for herself and wanting to change her mood, Ta’Lisa decided to try and get in touch with Kensington. She called and left several messages. He never called and she wondered where he was. Ta’Lisa, curious to find out what happened Kensington, decided she’d take a little trip upstairs and have a chat with Nameon. When Nameon answered the door a cheerful Ta’Lisa spoke up. “Hi, remember me?” she asked. “Yea,” he replied coldly. “I’m sorry did I catch you at a bad time?” she asked. “No, what can I do for you?” he asked with attitude. “I just came up to see what you were doing and to ask if you heard from Kensington,” she said shyly. “Look, Ja’Lisa, Kensington is married and I don’t keep up with him, okay,” he said sternly. “Ta’Lisa,” she replied. “What?” he asked. “My name is Ta’Lisa,” she said. “Well Ta…Lisa it ain’t my turn to baby sit Kenny okay,” he replied looking her up and down. “Oh, well excuse me,” she replied walking away. “Hold it Ms. Thang, come in,” he said. “Look, I don’t know what he told you, but I don’t get involved with his little escapades,” he said. “I just wondered if you’d seen him, I’ve been trying to reach him, but he never answers his cell phone,” she said. “Welcome to my world honey,” he replied. At that moment, Ta’Lisa realized what bothered her about the Trap, it was a gay club and Mr. Nameon Wilson was indeed gay. “How long have you known Kensington?” she asked. “I’ve known him since we were kids,” he replied. “We grew up hanging out in Piedmont Park,” he said looking off in the distance. “We use to have a boy band back in the day,” he said laughing. “Talking about somebody that can sing, girl Kenny can sang, he’ll sing them draws right off your behind, you hear me?” he asked shaking his head and laughing. Nameon was thinking about his first encounter with Kensington. He wondered what Ta’Lisa thought he and Kensington had in common. Ta’Lisa was watching the expressions on Nameon’s face and wondered what he was thinking. Ta’Lisa decided to test the waters a little to see just how fond he was of Kensington. “I don’t know if he can sing, but he can kiss, boy can he kiss,” she said hugging herself and smiling. Nameon stood up and walked to the door. “Well if I hear from Kenny, I will surely tell him you are looking for him,” he said holding the door open. “Oh, okay, you have a nice night Nameon and I’ll see you later,” she said. “I hope not,” he said under his breath. “Pardon me?” she asked turning to face him. “Oh, I said good night,” he replied smiling. As Ta’Lisa stepped onto the elevator, she wondered why Nameon was so touchy about Kensington’s relationships. After he closed the door, Nameon walked to his bedroom and called Kensington. His wife answered. “Hey Niecey, is Kenny there?” he asked. “Yea, how are you doing Nate?” she asked. “I’m doing just fine,” he replied. “Hold on, he’s in the bathroom,” she said. When Kensington got the phone Nameon was ready to give him an ear full. “Look here fool, I don’t know what kind of game you are playing but that darn trade was here looking for you and I don’t know what you got going on with her, but you better put a stop to it right now or I will,” he said. “Listen to me and listen to me good Nameon, what and who I do is none of your business and I’ll begin and end all of my relationships, not you, do you understand me?” he asked between gritted teeth. “I’m tired of this Kenny, you told me to be patient and I have, you told me that you were just going to get engaged and I believed you and I waited and then you said you had to marry her for the sake of your job and I waited then too. After that you said give you another year and you’d leave, but then she got pregnant and I am still waiting. That was seven years ago, now this trade comes along and you want me to, …what, wait a little while longer, I’m tired Kenny and I can’t take this anymore. The only woman I was and I did say was, willing to bow down to was Niecey,” he said in tears. “I’m through Kenny, do you hear me I’m through,” he said slamming the phone down. Kensington called Ta’Lisa. “Hey beautiful lady,” he sang into the receiver.

“Kensington Elliott where have you been?” she asked seductively. “I have been looking all over the place for you,” she said grinning. “What’s going on?” he asked. “Not much, I just wanted to talk to you, I miss you already,” she said giggling. “Listen, do not call or go over Nameon’s house, please he is a good friend and I’d rather him not be upset,” he said coldly. “What’s up your butt, I wanted to talk to you and so I stopped by your boys’ house and that’s a problem?” she asked. “That’s right,” he replied. “Look Kenny, I didn’t mean to cause any problems, I wanted to talk to you and thought it was cool, so I went upstairs, no harm done, right?” she asked. “Actually, I really don’t want you calling him, or going over there, I invited you there once and that is where it should have ended.” “Don’t go there again, do you hear me?” he asked sternly. “Yes, I understand, and please, please loose my number, do you hear me?” she asked sarcastically as she disconnected the call. With that she unplugged her phone and turned off her cell. “The nerve of him,” she said out loud to no one. Ta’Lisa was hurt; she really liked Kensington and wished she’d never gone to Nameon’s house. She didn’t want Kensington to be mad at her, but she didn’t understand what he was so upset about. Two weeks had gone by and she hadn’t heard from either Cedrick or Kensington. Ta’Lisa decided she would go to the Lennox Mall and do some window-shopping. To her surprise she saw Kensington and Nameon walking towards her, in hopes that she hadn’t been spotted she turned and entered a store. After hiding behind a rack of coats, Ta’Lisa emerged and make a quick exit out of the mall, but not quick enough. “Excuse me, is that you Ta’Lisa,” Nameon called softly. Ta’Lisa held her breath slightly, turned, and answered. “Yea, hello Nameon, how are you?” she asked sarcastically. “Oh, girl I couldn’t be better,” he said coyly. “That’s good, you have a nice day sweetie,” she said walking out. Nameon watched quietly as Ta’Lisa made her exit. “The nerve of that man,” she said under her breath. “Hey wait a minute Ta’Lisa,” Kensington called after her. She almost kept walking, but decided to hear what this obvious maniac had to say. She stopped and turned to face him, as he approached her, she looked around for Nameon. When she didn’t see him, she then rested her eyes upon Kensington. “Yes, what can I do for you Mr. Elliott?” she asked sternly. “Come on, is this the way we’re going to be from no on,” he asked smiling. “Listen Kenny,” she said repulsed, “I don’t have time for you and your friend and the games that so intrigue the two of you, so if you don’t mind can we stop with the pretentiousness. “What exactly is it that you want?” she asked. “Hey, he said grabbing her arm, “what has gotten into you, I thought we had a good thing going,” he said still smiling. “Let go of my arm, you don’t know me that well Mr. Elliott,” she said yanking her arm from his grasp. “What’s wrong with you Ta’Lisa, I haven’t seen or talked to for that matter in what, two or three weeks and this is how you act when you see me?” he asked confused. “Are you really serious, I mean do you have some sort of split personality or don’t you remember the last conversation we had?” she asked impatiently. “Yes, I do remember, all I asked was that you not go upstairs to my friends apartment and upset him, and you find that offensive?” he asked seriously. “Yes, as a matter of fact I do, unless you and he are life partners, how could the woman you slept with, be banned from simply asking your friend if he has heard from you?” she asked. “You are really starting to piss me off Ta’Lisa, listen I don’t want to fight with you, this is childish.” “You’re acting like a school girl, my friend doesn’t like to be in the middle of my personal affairs, as you can see I’m married,” he said pointing to his ring. “Big whoopee,” she said. “I guess you think I’m the dumbest chick you have ever met.” “It just so happens that I knew that, which still doesn’t answer my previous question. “Why is it such a crime that I went to see Nameon?” she asked again. Before he could respond Ta’Lisa was firing away at him, totally oblivious to the smile that was creeping up on his face. “If I had known that little…….pompous bastard, was going to run and call you like I did something to him, I swear I would have never darkened his

door step,” she said upset. “Now, now, let’s not act like some ghetto street girl here with the name calling, he is a very dear friend to me and just prefers that I keep my private affairs to myself, that’s all,” he said. “Yea right,” she said as she stalked off. Kensington stood there watching her walk away. “Come back here Ta’Lisa, I’m not done talking to you,” he said to the back of her. “Kenny, what are you doing?” Nameon called from the car door. “Nothing,” he said under his breath as he continued to watch Ta’Lisa walk away. Kensington’s mood was atrocious after his little encounter with Ta’Lisa. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you she was here,” Nameon said as Kensington slid into the driver’s seat. “What ever man, just keep quiet, I have to think of a way to get her back,” he said staring straight ahead. “What do you mean Kenny,” Nameon screamed. ‘I’m sick of this, you promised me Kenny that you were going to stop of this tipping around,” he said almost in tears. “Please baby, just give me a little more time, I promise it’ll be just you and me real soon okay, please baby bare with me,” he said as he kissed Nameon tenderly. Nameon couldn’t believe that he kept falling for that same old line, but he wanted Kensington, he’d had many lovers, but Kensington by far was a keeper and he wasn’t giving up that easy, so he would wait. He would wait no matter how long it took. Ta’Lisa got into her car and screamed. “That man is crazy, how could he act as thought we just had a lovers spat,” she said aloud. Her phone rang and she looked at the number and pressed the ignore button. Kensington was calling and she had no desire to speak to him at all. After making it home Ta’Lisa soaked in the tub and listened to some blues, she was in the mood for a little Tyrone Davis. After her bath Ta’Lisa was dancing and singing along with the song “Give it up, Turn it loose”, when there was a knock at her door. She stood very still for a moment, she wondered who it could be since Charles the doorman hadn’t called and said anything about a visitor. She crept up to the door and peeked out of the peep hole and to her surprise it was a woman. Ta’Lisa snatched the door open. “Yes, can I help you?” she asked with a slight attitude. “Hi, I’m sorry to come over here like this, but my name is Monica Temple, and my reason for this visit is that my man David Roget, (pronounced ro-shay) had your name and number in his wallet and I was wondering why or how long ago you two were friends?” she asked solemnly. “First of all, I don’t know anybody by that name, and second of all, my phone number is unlisted, which means you had to get my address from somebody, can you tell me who that somebody is?” she asked. “Well we were visiting a good friend of his in this building the other day and when Dave went out to get something to drink I asked him if he knew you and he said yes, and to my surprise, he said you stayed in the building, which made me think this was recent,” she replied. “In this building, I don’t associate with any one in this building…..wait a minute, is his name Nameon Wilson?” she asked. “Yes, that’s him, he and Dave went to college together and well, even though we live all the way in Tucson Arizona, when we come here to visit my parents we always stop by to see him as well,” she replied. “Listen, I’m not sure who your man is, but if you live all the way in Tucson, you really have no reason to be on my door step and I’m not trying to be a butt hole,” she said. “But what is the real reason for this visit?” she asked. “The other day, Dave and I were having a discussion and I asked him if he had any regrets, because we are about to get married and I wanted to know if he wanted to have any last flings.” “Or if there was someone he really wished he could have before we tie the knot and his answer was do you really want to know that answer.” “And of course you said yes,” Ta’Lisa replied. “Naturally, anyway, he said that he had dated a beautiful oriental woman by the name of Madeline, which I thought was a strange name for an Asian woman, but anyway, he said he met a very exotic woman that he really cared a lot for but that he couldn’t settle down with her at that time either,” she said. “So me being a little jealous because of this revelation wanted to see both women,” she said. “Okay, so why are you here, as you can see I’m not Asian nor am I an exotic woman,” she replied. “Well I searched his personal affects and found a picture of the oriental woman and she was indeed a

very beautiful woman, I turned the picture over and found her name, she lives in Tampa Florida and has a whole mess of kids and she’s at least 200 pounds now,” she said smiling. “But the only thing I found of yours was your full name and a phone number that is no longer in service, which made me think you must be that other woman,” she said. “And I must say you too are a very beautiful woman,” Monica added. “Thank you for the compliment but his name doesn’t ring a bell, so I’m sure what we had was very short lived,” she replied. Ta’Lisa thought for a minute and then asked. “Was he married?” “No, he’s never been married,” Monica replied. “Oh, well you can count me out, I don’t,” she stopped mid sentence. “I’m sorry Monica I don’t know your man, and please rest assured, I don’t do a lot of traveling and I don’t do long distance relationships,” she said. Monica thanked her for her time and left. Ta’Lisa wracked her brain for a few minutes and came up empty. She had no idea who David Roget was; she started wondering if she had sex with this mystery man. She wanted to talk to Nameon but knew that was out of the question. After sitting there thinking for a while she turned off the music and called it a night. Once Ta’Lisa fell asleep she had the dream again. She was in the hospital, and the hospital was very dirty. The room she stayed in seemed like it was in the basement and it was damp and musty smelling. All of her beautiful hair was gone and she was very skinny, she had dark rings around her eyes and she couldn’t breath good, there was an oxygen tank hooked up to her. She was very sick and the nurses and doctors stayed away from her as much as possible. No friends or family came to see about her and she was crying, but no one would come. She called out to any one within the sound of her voice, but no one came. There was always some one standing down the hall and she could only make out the silhouette. “Excuse me, please I need some water, please, help me,” she said. But every time the silhouette would try to come close, it seemed like an invisible barrier kept him from coming. Then a message came over the loud speaker saying “everybody turn with me to John the 4th chapter the 13th and 14th verse”. When Ta’Lisa woke up she wrote down what the message said, she then went and found the paper she wrote on the night before and the message was different, it was Second Chronicles the 7th chapter and the 14th verse. Her clothes were soaking wet, she pulled off the clothes took a quick shower and turned on the television set. The clock said 2:30 in the morning, she tried to find something to watch on television, but couldn’t. She turned off the T.V and tried to go back to sleep. When she still couldn’t sleep, Ta’Lisa went into the kitchen to make herself some tea. She turned on some soft jazz and sipped her tea, when she began to hear voices outside her door. She looked through the peep hole and couldn’t see any one, then she heard the noise again, frightened, she went back to her bedroom. After literally counting sheep, Ta’Lisa fell asleep. Ta’Lisa dreamed this time about fear, it seemed in her dream she was very afraid of something that was about to happen, she was nervous, she kept looking out of the window and checking the phone, then her phone rang, she was afraid to answer it, she picked it up slowly and didn’t say a word, but listened, the operator said, “please hold for a very important message, after a few moments of silence the operator said: “please turn with me to Second Corinthians the 4th chapter the 3rd and 4th verse”. This time Ta’Lisa didn’t wake up sweating, but rather slept the rest of the night. When she woke up her gown was dry, and the message was fresh in her mind, she put it with the rest.

Chapter 10 Monique The rest of the family came in around 10:00, after everyone had eaten and they were waiting for the Funeral Home cars to arrive, Monique made an announcement.

“Listen everyone, I’d like to apologize to my sisters for leaving and never looking back, I’m really sorry and it was very selfish of me, please forgive me,” she said in tears. Sausha and Aneutra walked to her and hugged her. “It’s alright, I have forgiven you, well we have Nique,” Sausha said in tears. Monique walked out of the room and out on the front porch. Aneutra started after her, but her Aunt Buffy stopped her. “Let her be alone for a while,” she said softly. Monique stood on the porch thinking about her life in Atlanta and about what Dr. St. Leon told her. She wanted to talk to someone, but didn’t trust her family. When Monique looked up she was staring David Jackson in the face. She didn’t have the strength to argue anymore. “What?” was all she said. “Listen child, I don’t know what has happened to you, and I’m sorry if some how I have been a stumbling block for yall, but I did the best I knew how to do and God is my witness,” he said in tears. “Let’s just squash it, we can’t change nothing by fussing no way,” she said hanging her head. David just looked at her; he shook his head and walked off. When the cars arrived Monique wiped her face and stood up. They guy driving looked familiar, but she shook it off and walked in the house. Once everybody was assigned to a car and all the flags were placed on the other cars Monique emerged from the house. “Hey Monique, hey girl I thought that was you, it’s me Roger, Roger Davies from New York,” he said smiling. Monique gasped, and then fainted. Everybody rushed to her aid; they took her back into the house and laid her on the couch. After she came around she searched the room, looking for Roger, when she didn’t see him she sat up. “I’m sorry, I’m okay, I just stood up to fast or something,” she said embarrassed. They all went back outside to get into the car, when she spotted Roger making a bee line straight for her. She shook her head no, but he kept coming. “Hey doll, what’s happening,” he said with a grin. “Excuse me sir, but don’t you have some work to do, help my Aunt into the car,” her Aunt Buffy said sternly. “Yes ma’am I was just speaking, me and Mistress Monique go a loooong way back,” he said with a wink. “What did you call her?” Aunt Buffy said with her hands on her hips. “Auntie, it’s alright we were old friends back in New York,” she said giving Roger the eye. “I’ll say,” Roger said rubbing his hands together. Monique walked over to Roger and grabbed his arm. “Can I speak to you for a moment?” she asked in a huff. “Is that all you want to do?” he asked laughing. “Listen here Roger, this is my family, my mother’s funeral, so please stop all of this nonsense this minute!” she said roughly. “That’s all you had to say pretty lady,” he said tipping his hat and snatching away from her. For the rest of the funeral Monique was anxious. Every time she looked at Roger, he was smiling and winking. Thinking the worst was almost over she began to relax, the choir was singing a good song and she had started to loosen up and then he walked in. James Norton, and boy did he look good. James Norton was a pimp turned preacher. One of the first tricks Monique turned for Big Martha was with that man. She almost slid down in her seat; instead, she held the program over her face. Aneutra kept watching Roger, then she noticed how Monique started acting when Bishop Norton took the podium. “Let the church say Amen,” he said scanning the congregation. “We are gathered here today for the home going celebration of Sister Carmen Thornton –Jackson. Sister Jackson came to us about four months ago,” he said watching the congregation look back and forth at one another. Yea, he paused, she came here and asked us to pray for her soul, she gave a soul stirring testimony that rendered most of us speechless; I won’t go into it because as you know she’s not here to concur or disagree. Nevertheless, I stopped by here today to tell you something I heard a songwriter say, he said, “if your soul’s not anchored in Jesus, you will surely drift away.” In addition, right now I’m glad about it, because I spent a lot of time with Sister Jackson in her last days and I know her soul was anchored in Jesus.

“I want you all to get your Bibles out and turn with me to Genesis the 15th chapter the 15th verse. As the congregation busied themselves getting their Bibles and turning to the page he’d requested, Bishop Norton noticed the nervous glances between one of the women in the front row and the Funeral director. Then he began: “And thou shalt go to thy fathers in peace; thou shalt be buried in a good old age. I want to speak from the subject, “Going Home at the Right Age,” can I get an Amen, you can be seated in the presence of the most High God,” he said. “I broke down the word age and found a few different things, age is the period of time in which something exists, the period of a man’s life, the maturity of life, they say the aged are supposed to excel in understanding. But let’s just stick with that principle for the moment. We’ll just say that Carmen had finally come to an understanding, thus being time for her to go home at 60 years of age, because she understood. As I was reading the background scripture of this text I could see that the Lord talks with you, shows you some things, set some things straight with you before you go home to glory, that is if you have a relationship with him. In this particular text, the 15th chapter of Genesis, God made a covenant with Abram; he told him that he had given his seed the land stretching from the river of Egypt to the great river of Euphrates. Something Abram, later called Abraham would never get to witness. Sister Carmen had a lot of troubles and one of them was her drinking, although her daughters may have never seen her sober a day in their lives, I can say I saw her sober, I saw her give without a fight her life back to the Lord. The good that was in her, she passed on to her daughters, that they may one day give their lives back to the Lord, like Abraham, she’ll never witness it, but she too made a covenant with the Lord, and he promised her that her daughters would come back, knowing that, finally understanding that, she went home, she excelled in understanding. God called her home, but not before she came back to him, understood that she was a sinner saved by grace, that her prayers for her daughters would not go unanswered, that the life she lead no matter how sad, how worldly unfulfilling was not done in vain. He took her home and she rests now knowing that she will spend eternity with the Master, and will one day see her daughters again, before I close I want to say again, if your soul’s not anchored in Jesus, you will surely drift away, is there anybody here who wants to be anchored to Jesus, if you want God to try you again please come, if you had a relationship with the Lord and you lost it along the way, please come, if you don’t know Jesus as your personal Savior please come,” he said as the choir began singing, “Will The Circle Be Unbroken.” “I see that there is none, but there is still room,” he said looking out into the congregation. Sausha let out a scream and slipped from her chair crying and screaming. “Mama, not my mama, please Lord help me, mama, mama.” Monique stunned to silence, just stared at the casket, while Aneutra ran to her sister Sausha’s aid. People all over the church began crying and falling out. The Pastor began speaking again. “I heard the Lord say, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but passed from death unto life.” “Sister Jackson is on her way to the promise land, we should be shouting in here, having a celebration, play me some dancing music,” he said to the pianist. Bishop Norton danced all over the pulpit, he danced so, he got everybody in the spirit, except for Monique that is, who sat still staring at her mother’s casket in silence. How all these people could be feeling what this pimp, hustler was saying totally baffled her. It took every fiber of Monique’s being not to jump up and point this obvious imposter out to his loving congregation. She wondered if they knew what he really did. As soon as she had the chance she would ask him. When everything was over, the funeral and the burial, everyone went back to the Jackson household to eat. Monique waited until most of the guest’s were gone

before she went to talk to the Bishop. “Excuse me ah Bishop Norton, don’t I know you?” she asked. “Aren’t you one of Carmen’s daughter’s, the oldest one I believe,” he replied. “No, I mean yes I am, but that’s not what I’m talking about, Beauty,” she said smiling at the look in his eyes. “Wow, I haven’t heard that name in a long time, how do you know me, well from the business I guess, but?” he said raising an eyebrow. “I had to be every bit of 17 years old, I was in D.C. I met you through a junkie pimp named Tim Monroe, ring a bell?” she asked. “Yea, he OD’d right, but I mean I still don’t remember you.” I ran his ring for a while and.” Wait, he interrupted, Money Mo, girl how are you?” he asked hugging her. I can’t believe this is you, turn around let me look at you, girl you looking good. I’m so sorry about your mother, but she turned her life around. I know you would have been proud of her,” he said smiling. This is a small world, who would have thought all those years ago that we would be standing here, nobody but Jesus,” he said closing his eyes saying a quick heart felt Thank you Jesus. “So tell me Beauty, is there more money in hustling hoes or hustling church folk?” she asked seriously. Wait sister, you got me all wrong; I have been out of the business for well over 20 years now. I have been saved and serving God all of those years. You think you are the only one who could change, God called me several years ago, I was just to stubborn to listen, but I am a changed man, I have a wife and three daughters,” he said still smiling. “Changed my ass, you think I don’t know a hustler when I see one, you may have these people here fooled, but I know you,” she said sternly. “Actually you don’t know me; you knew of me, touching me doesn’t constitute a relationship. That was a long time ago Monique, maybe you haven’t changed, but I have.” “How, how have you change Beauty, you are still lying to people, telling them to come to Jesus, when you and I both know he don’t hear from our kind.” She looked around to make sure no one was listening to them. “We sell sex for financial gain, what could he possible use us for?” “Come on Monique, you are a smart girl right, I mean you have to be, especially if you’re still in the game. You have to know that God is no respecter of persons. Your sin is your sin and mine is mine, all he wants is for you to come to him, come to him just as you are. He’ll make all the necessary changes; we can’t change ourselves, if so we would have done so a long time ago. The Bible says, Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are past away; behold all things are become new. And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given us the ministry of reconciliation. I am a new creature, my sins were paid, paid by the blood of Jesus, when he died on the cross over 2000 years ago, I am blood bought. And there’s nothing you or that Devil that came riding up in here on your shoulders can say or do to make me think different.” “Please spare me the theatrics, I am a smart woman, and I am still in the business, which I’ll be in for the remainder of my life, and I have made peace with that. But you, you really believe that saying a few thank you Jesus’ and quoting scripture from the Bible will change who you are, you are a Pimp-hustler Beauty, that’s it, wake up and smell the coffee. “I am a bottom Bitch, today and for the rest of my life and you are a Pimp, that would love nothing more than to sell my taunt ass to the highest bidder,” she said grabbing her but and walking away. Bishop Norton grabbed her arm and pulled her into the kitchen. “Listen to me Monique; you are better than any circumstance. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. You don’t have to live like that anymore, you can go to God, just as you are, pray Monique and he will save you.” “Save me from what Beauty? Huh, save me from making money, honey money makes the world go round, you ain’t know?” she asked in tears.

“Is that all you want in life, money; you can’t take it with you when you die. Your mother was lost, but she opened her mind and her heart, she checked out the things I was nothing, I’m a whore, a paid prostitute and you’re a Pimp. Some one who makes money off a female with low self esteem, that will sell her body to any one waving the right amount of money in her face, so she can pay her man…….she said laughing and crying. No, I wasn’t in your stable, but I wanted to be, because I heard you took real good care of your women, when I slept with you I was hoping you’d make me your bottom bitch, but you never came back,” she said crying. “Monique stop this right now, you are not a whore, you are one of God’s own. Read your Bible, there were plenty of women that sold themselves for money. You speak like you have lost all hope, where is your faith child. Don’t you have faith in Jesus?” he asked. “Faith, what is that, I tell you what I do know, I know a two bit hustler when I see one and you, you are reaching way down low, to brain wash these, these sinners that don’t know any better. Why would you hustle them like this, do you have no shame Beauty. It saddens me to think you talked my mother, the alcoholic whore that she was into believing that if she aired her dirty laundry to this church, that somehow she would be reunited with God. She beat my sister Sausha, because she reminded her of my father, then she beat my other sister, because she didn’t want to solicit men for her anymore. And you want me to believe, all she done to us and all the sleeping around from first this man then another, that she made peace with God and is now going to Heaven. Please, please sell that mess to somebody else, I’m from the street, you can’t flim-flam me” she said crying and looking around. “Why is that so hard for you to believe, God is a forgiving God. There isn’t anything you can do except kill yourself, that you won’t be forgiven for but even then if you live long enough you can ask for forgiveness. Just ask him to forgive you.” “Ask him to forgive what I do daily? How much sense does that make? This is my life, it’s how I make ends meet.” “Monique you can get a regular job, you don’t have to keep selling your body.” “I have a regular job thank you very much, I work for Fellowship Industries, and what I do with my spare time is my business.” “So what’s the problem Monique, stop hustling, you don’t need to hustle anymore, you have a real job, just walk away, ask Jesus to help you keep your mind stayed on him, he will.” Monique shook her head in disbelief; she couldn’t believe that he was actually trying to make her believe this bull. “Bishop Norton, Beauty, I’m done with this conversation, I do what I do and I’m alright with it. I can sleep at night, can you?” she asked walking away. Bishop Norton wanted to go after her, but decided against it, he knew she wouldn’t listen. Chapter 11 Jackie "Well, that is my name,” she replied. "Girl I thought that was you, you don't remember me do you?” he asked. "I can't say that I do,” she replied. “I can remember numbers very well, but people, places and things, I have a hard time with,” she said smiling. "My name is Lindell Watson, they use to call me skinny Lenny,” he said with a smirk. "My God,” she screamed. “Skinny Lenny, boy, what have you been up to?” she asked as she grabbed him for a hug. Lindell had definitely changed from when they were kids, his chest had definition, his arms were big and muscular just like she liked them, he had hazel eyes and dred-locks with just a touch of blonde on the ends, he had a bunch of tattoo’s and he was very well groomed, looking good enough to eat. But Jackie knew she had to behave or she'd loose Thomas for sure. "Oh, not to much, what about you, how are your parents doing, what are you doing

here have you moved back?” he asked. "Well let me see where to start,” she exclaimed. "Wait, let's find a seat,” Lindell said. He grabbed her hand and led her through the not so forgiving crowd, the hip-hop was blaring and people where dancing in the walkway and spilling drinks everywhere. They found a table way in the back; he pulled out her chair and then took a seat. "Girl, it's good to see you, I see you are still looking good, so are you married, divorced, lesbian or what?” he asked laughing. "I see you are still crazy as ever, I'm single, well actually I'm not, I have a live-in boyfriend of 9 years, I have a 6 year old daughter named Sara and I live and work in Atlanta. Me and my daughter always come here on my vacation,” she replied. "What about the Mr.?” Lindell questioned. "Well, I take this time to be with my parents, they are both doing well, my mother has stopped drinking and smoking, so she rarely leaves the house and my father, well he’s still my father, not much in the way of speaking, but all in all they are doing well,” she said smiling. "How about you, married, divorced, gay, what?” she asked. "Ha, not gay, not married, actually I have never even come close to marriage,” he replied. "I live and work in Manhattan, came up to hang out with some buddies from college, but other than that, I'm single and looking,” he said as he raised his eye brows. "So tell me, what are you doing in this kiddie haven?” she asked. "I could ask you the same, who are you here?” with he asked. "Oh, my cousin Serena, do you remember her?” she asked. "Serena, Serena, oh you talking about Pumpkin’s sister with the big forehead,” he asked. “See, you know you wrong for that,” she said. "Okay, Okay he said still laughing, where is she?” he asked. "She's on the dance floor with somebody,” she replied. “Do you want to dance?” he asked. "Sure she,” replied. They danced for a long time; Jackie hadn’t danced like that since she was a teenager. Right now she needed air, but first she had to find Serena. "Lenny, help me find that cousin of mine please,” she said with a smile. They searched the entire club but no sign of Serena just as they were about to give up and go outside Jackie was paged over the loud speaker. They made their way to the DJ booth where Serena was waiting, she wasn't smiling and Jackie was nervous. "Hey, she said unsure what the problem was, what’s up I've been looking for you,” she exclaimed. "We need to go outside Jay,” she said with tears in her eyes. Jackie didn't want to panic, so she acted cool, all the while she wondered what had happened to either of her parents. Lindell asked, “Jackie do you want me to wait here, or should I come with you?” Without answering, she grabbed his hand and led him through the crowd with her as she followed Serena. Once they were outside Serena asked her cousin who the guy was with the dreds. "That's Skinny Lenny, remember he lived next door Ant and Zay. "Day-um,” she exclaimed. He sure did change. Serena walked over to Lindell and hugged him. "Look at you Rena,” he said. “Girl you are fine, spin around let me check you out,” he said teasingly. "Stop boy, you making me blush,” she said. They all laughed for a while, then Serena remembered why they were out there. She told them that Jackie's mother called and that Sara was sick and that they had taken her to the hospital. "What!” Jackie screamed. “Is my baby alright?” she asked to no one in particular. "Hush sweetie,” Serena exclaimed. Let’s just wait until we get there, no need to freak out, let’s just get to the hospital, calm down,” Serena said. "Okay, okay, yea, we have to get to the hospital, I'm alright, I'm alright, get the car Serena. Serena ran towards the car, Jackie looked at Lindell and apologized. “I’m sorry this had to spoil out little reunion,” she said in tears. Lindell grabbed her and held her. “Hey I'm going with you all, I'll find out from Serena what hospital and I'll be there,” he said as he wiped her tears. When Serena arrived with the car Lindell helped Jackie into the car. "Rena, what hospital is her daughter at?” he asked. “They took her to Women, Infants and Children's, ahh NYU. "Shoot, where is that?” he asked confused. "It's over there off Sands, um, it's on Gold St. "You make a right of the Manhattan Bridge, then turn right immediately on Jay, wait where are you parked?” she asked impatiently. "I'm about two blocks down there,” he said as he pointed in the opposite direction. "Here is my cell number, call me when you get to your car and I'll talk you to the hospital,

because I want to take her to her daughter,” Serena said. "Okay, be careful and I'll see you all in a little bit,” he said. With that Serena drove off. Just as Lindell was about to dash to his car he remembered his friends, he was truly glad he had met them there instead of having rode with them. He started to run in the club and find them and decided to call his friend Trey on the phone. He called Trey and relayed the fold of events that had taken place so far. Trey said he understood and that he’d get up with him later. Lindell found his car and was on his way. Jackie walked into the hospital a ball of nerves; she found her father quickly and asked what the happened. "I was asleep when I heard your mother scream, it seems she went in to check on Sara and she had a very high fever. “So your mother said she gave her some Tylenol, and rubbed her down with a little alcohol.” "She said she sat there with her for a while, she fell asleep and when she work up Sara was going into convulsions.” “The doctor is in with her right now, they haven’t told us anything yet,” he said in tears. “It's going to be alright Daddy,” she said through her tears. “Where is the nurse’s station?” she asked. Her father pointed her in the direction of the nurse’s station, as she passed the vending machines, her mother came out from the rest room, she grabbed Jackie and cried, she cried so hard that Jackie had to take her to sit down. "Mother, please you're scaring me, stop crying every thing is going to be alright, you'll see,” Jackie said sincerely. Jackie left her mother and continued down the hall to the nurse’s station. As she approached she heard a nurse tell another nurse that the baby was gone, that she was pronounced dead at 2:45 am, she looked at the clock on the wall and it read 2:50 am she said a prayer for the mother of that child and got the attention of the nurses to ask about her own child. “Hello, my name is Jackie Lewis, they just brought my daughter Sara in,” she said through her tears. At that moment the look on the nurses faces told her that the child they were just speaking about was her own. "Nooooooooo, noooooooo!” she screamed. “Nooooooooo, my baby, my baby, whyyyy, whyyyyy?” she screamed, sliding down onto the floor. They had to call someone; they needed to get her calmed down. After hearing her scream her father and mother came running from the other end of the hospital. "What happened?” he yelled. “Why is she screaming?” he asked. "Sir, please take her down the hall,” the nurse responded. At that moment Serena walked up. “What's going on?” she asked. Jackie passed out and her father carried her to the waiting room next to the nurse’s station. Rynodia come in here with Jackie,” he said. Serena remained there talking to the nurse’s, as Mr. Lewis walked up. "What happened?” he asked. "Sir the doctor will be with you in a moment,” the nurse answered. "What in the hell is going on here?” he screamed impatiently. “What did you tell my daughter?” he demanded. “Calm down sir or we'll have to call security, we didn't tell her anything,” she replied. "Okay, okay,” Serena jumped in. “Then tell us what took place?” she asked. "She walked up as I was giving my report,” she replied. "Excuse me,” a young man dressed in scrubs said as he walked up. "Are you the grandparent of Sara Curry?” he asked "Yes,” Mr. Lewis replied. “Are her parents here, my name is Dr. Westover I was the attending physician,” he said. “Her mother just passed out, someone said something to her at the nurse’s station, what is going on Dr. Westover?” he asked. “I’m sorry sir, what is your name?” he asked concerned. “My name is irrelevant, what is going on with my grand-daughter?” he asked now in tears. At that moment Serena walked up and called out to Mr. Lewis. “Mr. Lewis, your wife needs you,” she said crying. Before Mr. Lewis could respond the Doctor addressed him. “Mr. Lewis, I’m sorry but Sara Curry was pronounced dead at 2:45 am. He couldn't believe what he just heard his precious grand-daughter was dead. “Excuse me,” he said walking up on Dr. Westover. Dr. Westover a measly 5’6, 156 pounds could have been easily intimidated by the 6’9 frame that towered over him like he was a school kid. But he stood his ground. Meeting Mr. Lewis half way Dr. Westover repeated what he said. Mr. Lewis a non emotional man all his life folded his frame and cried like a baby. How was he going to tell his daughter that her

only child was gone, how were they going to tell Thomas, she was his only child as well. Serena tried to be strong for Jackie. Mr. and Mrs. Lewis were both a nervous wreck and Jackie kept fading in and out of consciousness. Some one had to call Thomas and she didn’t want that task. Thomas was spending the night with Chrissy at the Omni Hotel; he turned off his phone for the night. Thomas and Chrissy had a great time, they made love for hours, then soaked in the Jacuzzi for a while and now they lay in the bed holding each other. Thomas thought about Jackie and their conversation, although he meant everything he told her, he regretted telling her those things. Thomas knew she’d hold him to it, make him accountable for all the things he said. Knowing that he really wanted to be with Chrissy, he’d have to set the record straight. As the night went on Thomas couldn't believe how much him and Chrissy had in common, how she fit, like a glove to his body. He was surprised at how flat her stomach was, and how firm her breasts were, not to mention her butt. Thomas felt like he was in love again.

Chapter 12 Shay’la Shay 'la walked into her tiny apartment and dropped down on her sofa, she was glad to be home she wanted to call her best friend Valencia, but knew she was still in church. Shay'la started some bath water and then went into her prayer closet to talk with God. "Lord, she began, I just want to thank you, I want to thank you for all the blessing, those seen and unseen. I can see that there will be times when I feel so all alone, like right now, when I know that you are with me. There will be times when I say things or think something I know I shouldn't be thinking about, there will be times Lord when I might even lie to save face, but I'm asking you right now to help me with that, I'm asking that you guide my tongue and help me keep my mind stayed on you.” “I'm asking you Lord to guide your servant in the way that I should go. I know that you give me free will, but I'm depending on you Lord, because you made me, and you know all about me, you know things about me that I have forgotten.” “Lord you said that if I was obedient to your word that you would give me the desires of my heart, Lord you said that before your word would fail both heaven and earth would pass away and Lord I'm standing on your word, that you would provide for me my every need Lord I just want to thank you for choosing me, thank you for putting trust in me when I had no idea you had you designs on me, Lord thank you for all my trials and tribulations, Lord thank you for seeing in me what I could have never imagined, thank you Lord, thank you. When she got up she walked into her bathroom to look at herself in the mirror as she undressed, she wanted to see what other people saw when they looked at her. Shay 'la loved God with all her heart and she wanted to please him she wanted her appearance to be pleasing to him. She thought about talking to Sister Miser, but decided against it, there was so much back biting in that church that she never knew who was sincere enough to talk to, at the exact moment Shay 'la prayed for the spirit of discernment, she wanted to know who she could trust and who she needed to stay away from . Although she felt that God would handle Tameka and Roslyn she wanted to avoid contact with them as much as possible. Shay 'la thought about her next sermon, she was asked to speak at the Women's Day program which was in three weeks and already God had given her the title, "Broken Vessel" and at that moment she knew where to find the text, she turned of her water and grabbed

her towel and went to get her Bible. Shay 'la loved the work that God was doing in her and through her. Shay 'la identified with the title, she had been a broken vessel. She was not deserving of God's love, she had been a sneaky teenager, and although she knew God had forgiven her she still struggled with her own self worth. Shay 'la read her Bible for a long while, writing down important scriptures that would support her sermon. Shay 'la was about to go back and turn on her bath water when there was a knock at her door. On the other side of the door was one of the first of several stumbles that she'd make. She opened the door to a tall dark skinned, bald headed brother with earrings in both ears; he had an open-face gold crown on his left incisor. He was dressed in a pair of nice dark jeans with a dark blue nylon shirt with a pair of fresh whites on. He was soooo fine she thought. And he obviously stayed in the gym, his body was tight, real tight. He had nice arms and very thick shoulders, just like she liked them. He wasn't covered in gold; he had on a nice thick gold chain. That seemed to match his earrings. "Yes, may I help you?” she asked. "Yes, my name is Leroy Esser,” he said extending his hand for a hand shake. “I am supposed to be moving in next door today, but my utilities aren’t on. The lady I spoke with said they would all be on by today. And as you can see I have my U-Haul, but it’ll be dark soon and I won’t be able to see. I just need to use your phone if you don’t mind, I’m sorry for rambling,” he said smiling. "Sure, come on in,” she said with a smile. “Um let me put some clothes on,” she said holding her towel tightly around her small frame. Shay 'la ran in her room and shut her door. She slid down the door and covered her mouth, she wanted to scream ... he was so fine and then she began to wonder if he had a girl friend or wife, she had to know, so she quickly threw on her favorite sun dress and went back into her living room. "Here you are,” she said handing him her cordless phone. “The phone book is over there,” she said pointed to her computer table. Leroy walked over to the table and turned to her. “I hope I'm not intruding, I mean I don’t want to cause any trouble, I mean I wouldn't want your man to come out here and get the wrong idea, it's just that I was so mad that I didn't even think to ask if you had someone or not.” “Please except my humble apology,” he said as he bowed his head. “Oh not to worry Leroy was it, I don't have a man, I'm the one that owes you an apology, I mean I opened the door in my towel invited you to come in, if your woman is out in that truck she must think I’m some kind of fool or something, I really meant no harm and I'm truly sorry,” she replied. Leroy smiled to himself as he though about her in that towel, boy was she gorgeous. And single he had hit the jackpot and he wasn't even trying. He looked through the phone book and called the electric company and got no answer and then called the phone company and got the same response. "Today is Sunday,” she spoke softly, I don't believe either of them are open today,” she said with a smile. "Well since we live so close, maybe I can find a few extension cords and drag a lamp over to your place and you could at least get some of your things in, I mean you still have about another 2 or 3 hours of daylight, but if you need the light, I don't mind helping,” she said coyly. "I'll tell you what, I'm sorry I didn't get your name,” he said smiling. "Oh Shay 'la, Shay 'la Bell,” she replied. "Okay Shay 'la, how about you help me move my things in, I don't have much,” he said with a sly grin. “Or better yet how about I put everything in the house and you help me decorate, please,” he begged. "Well I was about to take a bath, but I guess I can take one after we have finished here,” she said with her best school girl smile. It took them about exactly an hour to get his house in order. He was right, he didn’t have much, but what he had must have cost a small fortune. He had a dark purple leather love seat and sofa, purple lacquer tables and a purple dining room set, he had lots of abstract art with of course purple in every picture. He had a dark brown and gold lacquer bedroom suite that was to die for, it was beautiful and very big, bigger than any bedroom suite she had ever seen. He had a big screen TV in the living room and a 32' TV in his bedroom. He did his bathroom in olive green and this mustard yellow color, it was beautiful. Shay 'la

was always proud of her small but cozy apartment, but after seeing his, she decided that she was going to give her apartment a face lift real soon. He thanked her for the help and asked her if he could repay her tomorrow by fixing her dinner. She graciously accepted and hurried home to call Valencia to tell her about the Greek Adonis that moved in next door.

Chapter 13 Ta’Lisa Ta’Lisa was off work on a leave of absence when she received the phone call from Mr. Fellows. “Good morning sir, how are you this morning?” she asked. “Not to bad Ms. Brown, not to bad, I’m calling with some rather unpleasant news this morning,” he said. “Oh, please go on.” Ta’Lisa replied. “I hate to be the bearer of such bad news, but we have to do round two of the lay offs and well since you aren’t even slated to come back to work for another three weeks, I have to lay you off, I’m truly sorry Ms. Brown,” he said genuinely. “Thank you for calling, Mr. Fellows, I’ll be in one day next week to clean out my locker,” she said trying to hold back the tears. “Take your time Ms. Brown, and Ms. Brown, please understand if it hadn’t been for this accident I would have put this off as long as I could,” he replied. “Thank you sir I really appreciate that,” she said. After hanging up the phone with Mr. Fellows, her phone rang again. Ta’Lisa snatched it up but didn’t say anything right away. “Hello,” the voice on the other end said. “Ah, hello,” she replied. “Ta’Lisa, hey how are you?” Juston Holmes asked. “Where are you Juston,” she said now in tears. “I’m at home, what’s wrong, do you need me to come over?” he asked quickly. “Please,” she said breaking down. Juston made it over Ta’Lisa‘s house in record speed. When she opened the door, Juston gasped. “Hey, it can’t be that bad,” he said half smiling. “You don’t know the half,” she replied walking away from the door. “What happened?” he asked. “Where do you want me to begin?” she asked sarcastically. “How about the beginning, and leave nothing out,” he said seriously. “Well first of all Mr. Fellows called, I’ve been laid off and then I’ve been having these bad dreams about being trapped in a damp musty basement,” she said. Juston stared at her without blinking. “I don’t mean to sound unfeeling, but you already knew the lay offs were coming and then these dreams, Ta’Lisa they are only dreams,” he said. “You don’t understand, each dream has a strange message,” she replied. “What do you mean strange message?” he asked. Ta’Lisa went to her bedroom and returned with the papers. “These are the messages I keep getting,” she said handing Juston the papers. “Do you know what these are?” he asked. “No, not really, it seems I’ve heard of John, isn’t that a bible character?” she asked. Juston stared at her dumb founded. “Bible Character?” he asked. “Yea, you know,” she said gesturing her hands. “Do you have a Bible, Ta’Lisa?” Juston asked. “Noooo, not on your life, I stay out of God’s way and he let’s me live my life,” she replied. “I can’t believe I’m actually hearing this with my own ears,” Juston said pacing and staring at her in total disbelief. “Tell me you really don’t believe that you just stay out of God’s way and that you really know that John was a disciple and not a Bible Character,” he said looking desperately into her eyes. “What on earth are you talking about Juston?” Ta’Lisa asked uncomfortable under his gaze. “I mean, what, you made a deal with God?” he asked. “Well you could say that, I mean, I don’t pray and I don’t call on his name, I make my own way,

period,” she said walking quickly away from him. “I’ll be right back,” Juston said dashing out of the house. Ta’Lisa turned around just in time to see him run out the door. Juston Holmes stood staring at his Bible, thinking about what Ta’Lisa said. He couldn’t believe she believed that she and God were on the same level. That she could bargain with him over her life. Juston hurried back into the building, he wanted to set her straight about what and who God really was. Upon entering the building, Juston noticed the look on the doorman’s face when he saw the Bible in his hands. “Are you going back up to Ms. Brown’s place?” he asked. “Yes I am, is there a problem?” Juston inquired. “No, no sir, I was just wondering,” he said as he nodded towards the Bible in his hand. “Yea, everybody needs a little Jesus, once in a while,” he replied pointing to the Bible. Juston was knocked off his feet. Everybody in here must be in need of a little Bible study he thought to himself. After Juston made it back upstairs with the Bible, he found a reluctant Ta’Lisa in the kitchen making strawberry Daiquiris. “Hey do you want some rum in yours or are you going virgin tonight?” she asked with a smirk. “No thank you, I wouldn’t care for a drink at all, but come here let me show you something,” he said. “Wait, just cause you ain’t drinking doesn’t mean I can’t get my drunk on,” she replied. Juston knew he was in for a long night. He wondered if any thing he was about to tell her would make it until morning. “Listen Lisa, we have a lot of ground to cover, why don’t you wait until after I’m gone, to make that drink?” he asked earnestly. “I don’t tell you what to do, and I expect the same from you. I know I asked you to come over here Juston, but I’m at home and I would like a drink. You said you didn’t want one and I respect that, so respect what I want in my own home and right now, that’s a drink,” she replied a little annoyed. “No problem, no problem,” he said with his hands up surrendering. Ta’Lisa fixed her drink and came into the living room. “Now what is it that you need to show me?” she asked. First he turned to the Gospel according to John, together they read from the 4th chapter. Juston tried hard to get her to understand that passage of scripture. “The words living water, what do you think that means?” he asked. “I really have no idea Juston, why can’t you just tell me what those messages mean, and stop with the Sunday school lesson,” she replied. “Listen Ta’Lisa I really wish it were that simple, you have to have some foundation, you know absolutely nothing about the Bible, so my telling you that the Lord is calling you, would mean what to you?’ he asked. “What are you talking about, the Lord is calling me, calling me for what?” she asked confused. “See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about, you have no earthly idea what goes on in the spiritual realm, so how do you expect me to tell you anything and you understand it,” he said bluntly. “You need to come to church with me one of these Sundays,” he said. “Hold on buddy, I have been having bad dreams, I’m not crazy, and I’d have to be crazy to step foot in a church,” she said coldly. “Why are you so dead set against going to church?” he asked. “For the last and final time, the only thing I’m concerned about are those crazy dreams, this Bible mumbo jumbo, I ain’t interested in. So if you don’t have any answers, then can this topic and get drunk with me,” she said giggling. “What am I going to do with you?” he screamed. “How about a drink?” she asked sarcastically. “Ta’Lisa please, please take this Bible and read those scriptures, and then pray, pray like you have never prayed before, believe me when I say this, God is trying to tell you something,” he said sincerely as he handed her his Bible. “Thank you Reverend Holmes, but I’ll take my chances, I know you find all of this hard to believe, but I don’t pray. I never have and I don’t foresee me having a real reason to do so now. Not that I would if I felt I needed to. People make

their own way and when things don’t go as planned, they fall down and pray, like that will change the wrong or the bad that they have done. Everything I do, I hold myself accountable, there is no one to blame and no one to go to, to fix my every little booboo,” she said defensively. “So if praying makes you feel good, as the song goes, “do it til you’re satisfied,” but as for me, well let’s just say I’m fine,” she said as she turned and went into the kitchen. Ta’Lisa refilled her glass and came staggering back into the living room. “Are you drunk?” Juston asked surprised. She had only one glass and she was stumbling around the house like she had been drinking all afternoon. “No I am not, why, do you think you can take advantage of me, well think again brother, I can hold my liquor,” she said insulted. “You know what Ta’Lisa, I came here to comfort a friend, but I don’t like what I’m seeing and being that this is your place I will excuse myself,” he said standing to leave. “Wait, wait, Juston I need a friend right now, I didn’t mean to get snappy with you, please, please don’t leave,” she whined. “I really have nothing else to say Ta’Lisa, I think it best that I leave,” he said again. Ta’Lisa began to cry, Juston had never seen her like this before. “What on earth is the matter with you girl?” he asked puzzled. “I don’t know, these crazy dreams are scaring me, I have no job and my boyfriend hates me,” she said in tears. Juston walked over to Ta’Lisa and hugged her. “It’ll be alright, you’ll see,” he said. “I just want my life back, everything was going fine, until they told me I might have the AIDS virus,” she said by accident. “Oh, oh my God,” she said bursting into a spasm of tears and covering her face. “What did you say?” Juston asked, knowing full well what she said. “Nothing, it’s this drink talking,” she said pointing to her glass and still crying. “Ta’Lisa, talk to me, have they said anything else about the test?” he asked. “No, what test, what are you talking about, I’m fine, I said I’m fine,” she said running to her bed room. Juston cleaned up her kitchen and poured the rest of the strawberry daiquiri mix down the sink. He ran the vacuum and fluffed the pillows on her couch. He sat quietly for a while reading the Bible. Then, when he figured Ta’Lisa was asleep, he walked into her bed room, to find her asleep nude on her bed. At first he just stared at her nude body, and then he caught himself. When he went to cover her up, she grabbed his arm, moaned something he didn’t recognize and pulled him to her. Juston lay very still, he didn’t want to wake her and she get the wrong idea. After a long while, Juston got up and closed her door. Juston scribbled her a quick note, to tell her what scriptures to read before he left. On the ride back home Juston couldn’t get her off his mind, her body was beautiful. He knew with all that was going on with her, he’d never have a chance to tell her how he really felt about her. Even though he was worried that she might have the AIDS virus, he still felt drawn to her. He knew that if God granted him the one thing he felt he wanted more than anything in life, he would love and cherish her forever. Juston looked towards the sky and prayed a silent prayer. “Lord, I come to you as humbly as I know how, asking you to please heal the soul of Ta’Lisa Brown, I know Lord that right now she doesn’t know you, but Lord I know before she was placed on this earth that you whispered to her who she was and who she’d become here on earth. Please Sir Jesus, bring this back to her remembrance. Lord blow life back into her body, send your angels to protect and watch over her. Tell her Lord that she belongs to the most high God and that through you all things are possible, that even as she stands in the realm of the unknown that you have the power to snatch down anything that she dare dream and bring it to fruition. Lord tell her that no matter what the Doctors have said that you have the last word, that you are her Doctor in the sick room, Lord show her that no weapon formed against her can prosper, Please Jesus, be her rock, her lily in the valley, he will in the

middle of a will. Lord these things I ask in your precious son Jesus’ name Amen. Juston hoped his prayers were not too late. He wanted so much for Ta’Lisa to be healed. When he entered his place, his phone was ringing. Juston quickly grabbed the phone. “Hello,” he answered. “Hey Juston, I’m really sorry for the way things went down this afternoon. I was way out of line for drinking and tripping on you like that. I just need to chill out, a lot of things happened all at once and I sort of lost it. I mean I’m old enough to know that shit happens and sometimes you have to take one for the team, you know?” she asked. “Ta’Lisa, understand this, I have a lot of respect for you, I know that things get hard sometimes, for all of us, but honey you have to know there is a higher power, don’t you?” he asked uncertain. “Please Juston, my head is already spinning out of control, I really don’t need this higher power mess right now. All I know is that I have no job, my man is acting like a straight sissy and these damn dreams keep reoccurring, other than that I’m cool. Just wanted to let you know, cool?” she asked drained of mental energy. “Okay, but one last thing, please read those scriptures I left for you, will you at least do me that favor?” he begged. “Yes, if it will get you off my back, consider it done. I’ll even call you when I have read them,” she said. Ta’Lisa wanted to kick herself for saying that; he would surely wait for her call. “Good, I’ll wait to hear from you,” he said relieved. “Good bye,” he said disconnecting the call. Ta’Lisa wanted to get this over with. She went into her living room and grabbed the Bible and went back into her bedroom. She turned on her lamp and grabbed her paper, she went over the first scripture her and Juston had already read. Ta’Lisa stared at the text, so what, she thought to herself. Then she read further down, what she said to herself. This chick dates other people’s husbands, and it’s in the Bible, and they think I’m tripping. Ta’Lisa closed the Bible and walked into the kitchen. As she put the kettle on for a little herbal tea, her phone rang. Ta’Lisa grabbed the phone thinking it was Juston. “Dang, can a susta take a five minute break,” she said into the receiver. “Excuse me,” the voice on the other end replied. “Oh my bad, who is this?” she asked. “This is Dr. Manwell, I really need to see you Ms. Brown, can you come in tomorrow morning around 9:00?” he asked seriously. “Oh yes, is there a problem?” she asked afraid. “Nothing I would care to talk about over the phone,” he replied. “I’ll be there,” she said. “Good, I’ll see you then,” he said ending the call. Ta”Lisa stared at the phone; she didn’t want to guess what that was all about. She tried to keep her mind occupied so no negative thoughts could enter. But after a couple of minutes, her mind was going full swing. Ta’Lisa absent mindedly went back and grabbed the Bible. She then turned to the 7th Chapter of Second Chronicles and read the 14th verse. She stood real still, what on earth, she said to no one. She sat on the bed and read it again. “Turn from my wicked ways, she laughed aloud, what the, all of a sudden the dream replayed itself right in front of her. It was so real she felt as though she could reach out and touch the wall of the damp basement. Ta’Lisa watched as the events unfolded in front of her. She was sick, dying, and no one could hear her call, they weren’t ignoring her, they couldn’t hear her. But they were close enough to hear her, and then Ta’Lisa gasped as she realized her cries weren’t verbal, but mental. Just as quickly as it appeared it disappeared. What did this mean, she thought to herself. Ta’Lisa wanted to call and tell Juston, but feared he wouldn’t believe her. She needed to get out of the house. Although it was Wednesday night, Ta’Lisa decided to go to her favorite spot for a drink. She dressed casual. She pulled on a pair of black leather pants and a black leather halter top. Pulled her hair back in a ponytail and threw on her leather biker hat. Put on her pointy toed black leather boots and grabbed a couple of dollars from her purse and headed out the door. When Ta’Lisa pulled up in the parking lot of the club she was surprised at all the cars. “Man, this is how they do it on a Wednesday night,” she said out loud. She strolled into the club with nothing on her mind but a cold glass of Long Island iced tea. She drank the first one down like it was nothing. Then the hang over from earlier kicked in, she

almost felt sick. The DJ played a Sean Paul cut that had her hips swaying to the music. As she was about to hit the dance floor, she caught a glimpse of Kensington and another man she knew, but couldn’t place him. She went on the other side of the bar because the lights were off and she could stare and not be seen. Ta’Lisa studied the two for a moment, after a long while she knew, it was Cedrick. Ta’Lisa sat there in shock, then two other men joined them. It was Nameon and Richard; she hadn’t seen Richard in forever. As she watched in horror, Monica emerged from the bathroom. Ta’Lisa could hardly breathe; she wanted to leave and hoped no one saw her. All of a sudden this brother who was totally inebriated walked up to her. “Hey baby, want to dance?” he asked. “No thank you,” she said in hushed tones. Trying to keep her head down and hoping to keep down a scene. But the drunk wouldn’t hear of it. “Come on, just one little dance,” he screamed. At first no one seemed to notice, so Ta’Lisa grabbed his hand and bent his fingers as she whispered through clenched teeth. “Get lost, I said no and that’s what I meant.” “Damn baby, why so mean,” he asked as he winced in pain. Ta’Lisa quickly walked through the crowd with her head down and tried to exit with out being seen. “Hey Ta’Lisa,” Cedrick called after her. Kensington’s head jerked up quickly as he stood to his feet. The rest of the table looked in the direction Cedrick was walking. Monica stared at Richard as he gasped also. Nameon sat quietly admiring the drama he knew one day would unfold. Ta’Lisa kept walking as though she never heard a word. She quickly mixed in with the crowd and slipped out of the building. So she wouldn’t be caught crossing the street, she kneeled down behind a car. Cedrick stood outside the club looking, “I could have sworn that was her,” he said aloud to no one. When Cedrick returned, the table was eerie quiet. “What’s up Cedrick?” Kensington asked looking behind him. “Oh nothing I thought I saw someone I know, knew,” he corrected. “Did you say Ta’Lisa?” Richard asked. “Yea, some chick I met, you know a, ah, while ago,” he said almost as an after thought. Chapter 14 Monique . Sausha stood very still in the pantry, she didn’t breath for fear they would know she was there. The tears fell heavily from her eyes; she couldn’t believe Monique was a prostitute. She couldn’t tell Aneutra that would start a whole new mess, if she told her father; he’d throw it in Monique’s face. Sausha eased from the pantry onto the back porch to wipe her face and compose herself. Everyone from the church knew Bishop Norton use to be a Pimp and a womanizer, unfortunately that was old news. What she couldn’t handle was that her own sister slept with strange men for money, almost the same exact thing their mother did, except she preferred alcohol or what ever drug the pusher had at the time and Monique blamed her mother for not coming back. Confused and angry, she stood outside wanting to tell someone, anyone that would help ease the pain and embarrassment. Sausha walked back into the house hoping not to have to tell anyone. But as soon as she walked in she stood toe to toe with Monique, who could tell my Sausha’s stricken expression that she knew. “How long have you been back here Sausha?” Monique asked tenderly “Long enough to know your little secret,” she said in tears. “I’m sorry you had to hear any of that Sausha, but you do understand why I said nothing about it, don’t you?” she asked sincerely. “Oh yea, I understand perfectly, you’re a hypocrite, and if that’s your only reason, then go to hell Monique,” she said as she stormed out of the room. Monique started after her but was stopped by Bishop Norton. “Hold on Monique, let her have a minute, if you don’t this could blow up real quick,” he said holding her arm. “This is my family, and I actually really know them unlike you, you are only guilty by the knowledge you extracted from a dying woman, so please go and leave us alone,” she said snatching her arm from his grasp.

With that Bishop Norton stormed out of the house. Monique combed the room in search of Sausha; she wanted to talk to her before she told the rest of the family about what she heard. “There you are, I’ve been looking all over for you, I really need to talk to you,” she said hurriedly. “I really can’t talk to you right now Monique and my advice to you is to walk away right now, before I scream,” she said jumping up from her seat leaving the room. “Okay Sausha, but this is far from being over,” she said angrily as she followed Sausha into the next room. “Hold on a minute sweetie, you are really trying me. You have a whole lot of nerve talking to me like that, when I just found out who you really are. What gives you the authority to try and treat people like crap, you make that much money, Money Mo was it?” she asked sarcastically. Monique walked briskly over to Sausha and got in her face. “Listen here little sis, this could go smooth, or it could get real ugly, and I’m banking on the fact that you prefer smooth, so we can either talk like adults or we can do the damn thang, it’s on you,” she said standing toe to toe with Sausha. “First and foremost, you best cool your jets, big sis, cause you really don’t know me like that. I’m down, but know this it ain’t gonna be nearly as easy as it looks,” she said taking a step back and dropping her arms to the ready. “Then what?” Monique asked throwing her hands in the air. “Then I think you two better sit your crazy acting behinds down and act like yall got some sense up in here,” a voice came from behind them. They turned and looked and to their surprise there Aunt Josie, who hadn’t been at the funeral, was walking quickly into the room. “I really don’t know what’s going on and I don’t care to know, but I know this, you two best get some where away from one another and be quiet. You just buried your mother and I know she didn’t have anything worth arguing over, so this mess can wait,” she said staring them down. Sausha walked past Monique staring real hard at her. Monique threw her hand in the air and sighed. Aunt Josie walked over to the now trembling Monique and hugged her. “Glad you could make it Auntie,” Monique said fighting back tears. “I can’t tell,” she said playfully. “What’s going on, you guys have always got along, what has gotten into you guys, I heard you been arguing with just about everybody in here, is there something you want to talk about?” she asked sincerely. “No, I mean I can’t, I should because as mad as Sausha is, I’m sure she will tell the whole family before it’s all over. “What’s the problem?” she asked. “I don’t know where to start, ah------you know I left home at an early age, well I got mixed up with this guy I thought really loved me and well to make a long story short I started-------I started,” she said now in tears. I was selling my body for him, he was my Pimp. The preacher that preached the sermon for Momma’s funeral, I slept with him, he too use to be a Pimp called Beauty. And beautiful he was,” she said almost to herself “I wanted to be one of his girls, but he didn’t want me. We were discussing that, and talking about the past and about the fact that I believe he is hustling the people at his church, and anyway Sausha heard us talking and she is upset for some reason,” she said crying. Monique was shocked to see that Josie hadn’t so much as blinked an eye at her story. “Are you alright Auntie?” she asked concerned. “Yea, are you done?” she asked. “Done telling my story, or done in the business?” she asked. “Both,” Josie replied. “Yes, to the first part and no to the second part,” she said coyly. “So you are still a working girl, and you don’t know why Sausha is upset, is that

what you said?” she asked. “Yea, I mean no, I know why, but that’s my business, she’s my sister and she should have my back no matter what I do. I can understand her maybe worrying, but to be acting all ignorant and tripping is crazy, we ain’t kids no more,” she said. “What has gotten into you Monique, that’s your flesh and blood in there, crying over the stupid mess you got yourself into,” she said irritated. “What’s wrong with me, what’s wrong with me, you sound like the rest of them, why does it have to be me that has the problem? Everybody blames me, well Daddy and Neu-Neu blame me and now you blame me as well. I had nothing to do with Mommy and her choices, I am one person and I haven’t had it easy myself, but I’m not blaming anybody for what I turned out to be. Why can’t these grown ass people take ownership for their own wrong doings, why am I the sacrificial lamb?” she asked “What are you, stupid Monique. You sound so much like you did when you were about 11 years old. This is your family, the people who no matter what it looks like right now, care so much about you and all you can think about is you. You can be hurt, killed and wind up with the AIDS virus, and with all the murders of prostitutes, you could be one,” she said looking in Monique’s eyes for answers. “I guess you think I’m a street corner prostitute, news flash Auntie that was so 1975ish. I stand on nobody’s corner and the men I date are men I’ve know for a long time. I have at least 7 regular johns and I’m not interested and getting new clientele. So stop worrying about me, I’m doing very well, very well,” she said as she turned her attention to the commotion outside the door. Aneutra was trying to push her way into the room with Monique and Auntie Josie, but her father David was holding her back. “Let her go,” Josie said calmly. David released his daughter, who immediately ran into the room and slapped Monique across the face. “If you ever so much as show your self righteous face around here again, I won’t be held responsible for my action,” she said lividly. Monique grabbed her face and stormed out of the room, she turned and looked at her family standing there and walked upstairs to pack her bags. Relieved, hurt, embarrassed and tired Monique packed her bags and called a cab to take her to the airport. Downstairs the family was in an uproar. “No Dad, she came in here acting like she was all that, and come to find out she’s sleeping around with God knows who for money,” Aneutra said upset. “Listen here child, I’m gonna tell you like I told her, I am still your father, like it or not. Now I say it’s time to put all of this arguing and bickering behind us, Carmen was able to make amends with God and we have to do the same thing,” he said frustrated. “But Dad, she treated you like you were less than, and here she is selling her body, selling her body Dad and treating us like servants or something,” she said angry. Sausha chimed in. “We have to move past this, I can’t believe I let the Devil use me like that, I should have kept this to myself,” Sausha said emphatically. “Oh boy here we go, a minute ago you were on our side, now you tripping for what? She came in here acting all self righteous and she had this huge secret that she should have know was bound to come out sooner or later, you just brought it out sooner, that’s all Sausha,” Aneutra said pacing the floor. “What little secrets are you two holding?” Aunt Josie said from in the corner. Sausha dropped her head and Aneutra walked towards Josie. “Well that would depend on who we were hiding the secret from, what about you…. Auntie?” Aneutra asked sarcastically. “What about me, Aneutra?” she asked dryly. “Well you waltz in here a day late and a dollar short, acting like you wanted to see a fight and now you tripping too?” Aneutra asked sternly. “Meaning what? You have a lot of nerve talking about somebody acting self righteous,” she said walking around Aneutra, but not looking at her. “Don’t forget, they might not know you, but I live down the street from you, or have you forgotten?” she asked. “So what, Aunt Josie stop trying to take the heat off of Monique, we all know Monique is your favorite,” she said turning

to face her.

Chapter 15 Jackie Thomas didn't want to leave, but check out time had come. They checked out and he took her to her apartment, he stayed for a short time, long enough for quickie. Thomas felt like he was 20 again. When he got in his car he turned on his phone to call Torrence and tell him about Chrissy, but he had 5 messages. Thomas checked all his messages and there were four from Serena, and one from Mr. Lewis. Thomas was afraid, his stomach sunk, he knew something terrible had happened, but who was hurt Sara or Jackie. Thomas called the house, and Jackie answered. “Hello, what’s going on?” Thomas asked. All of a sudden he heard crying in the back ground and another voice on the phone. “Hello Thomas, this is Serena," the voice on the other end said. "Hey girl, where did Jay go?" he asked. "Listen Thomas, something real bad happened here, you need to come to New York," she said. "0h my Lord, what happened, is Mr. and Mrs. Lewis alright?" he asked. "Yea, they’re fine Thomas .... Lord I don't know how to tell you this, but, Sara .... help me God she cried. ..Sara died last night," she said in tears. "Sara who?" he screamed. He heard the phone fumbling around then Jackie was on the phone hysterical. "Tommy boy, baby, she gone, our baby is gone,” Jackie cried into the phone "Wait, wait what are you talking about.. . . God.. . . God, Jay what are you saying. .. God.. . Jay noooooo, noooooo, noooo,” Thomas screamed in the phone. The phone was fumbling again and this time he heard the voice of Mr. Lewis. "Thomas, this is Mr. Lewis, when are you coming?" "I'm leaving as soon as I can get a flight," he said through tears. Thomas couldn't get a grip; he wanted to call his job but couldn't think of the number. So he called Torrence. "What’s up Tee man?” Torrence sang into the phone. "It’s Sara, man she .... she, man she died last night,” he said in tears. "What the, man what ... what happened?" he asked. "I don't know, I spent the night with Chrissy, and when I checked my messages Serena had left me four messages and then Mr. Lewis left one," he said. "So I called them back and they fold me, man what am I going to do, man my little girl is gone, what am I going to do?” he cried. "Okay, listen Tee-man I’ll be there in a few minutes, just sit tight, I'll be there,” he said. Torrence called Toi and replayed the turn of events to her, she asked if he needed her to meet him there or what, but Torrence though he should go alone. When Torrence arrived at the house Thomas was on the phone talking with someone and crying. Torrence didn't know what to do, so he picked up the phone book and turned on his cell phone and started calling the airlines, he wanted Thomas a flight out of Atlanta right away. Thomas called Chrissy and told her what had taken place, he was a wreck. Chrissy told him that she'd come over if he wanted her to, but Thomas knew he couldn't

bring her into their home. He told her when he found a flight he'd call her back with the details. Torrence found him a flight, the only problem was that it didn't leave for another three hours. Torrence tried to console his friend, but decided that he needed the comforts of a woman. Mainly his mother, Torrence suggested that Thomas give her a call. He assured him that he would. He found the number to his job and called in, he informed them that he'd be in New York for at least a week, then he'd return to Atlanta and he still wasn't sure when he'd return to work. Thomas wasn't in the mood to fly, but he knew it'd take him to long to drive. He decided to go over Chrissy’s house to try and calm down, but that would prove to me a mistake. Thomas expected Chrissy to be calm, but she was in worse shape than he was and she'd never met his child. After staying with Chrissy for well over an hour Thomas left her house and headed for the airport. As Thomas drove through the traffic he started to hate Atlanta, Georgia and began to think about other places that he'd like to live; he really didn't want to think about what would happen between him and Jackie, Sara held them together and they both knew it. Thomas punched in the numbers on his cell phone and called his mother. "Hey mom,” he said through tears. “Hey Tommy, what’s wrong baby?" she asked. "Momma, my little girl died last night in New York, Momma, what am I going to do," he cried. "Lord Jesus, oh help us Lord, help us," she said through tears. "How did she die Tommy?" his mother asked. "I don't know yet, I'm on my way to the airport now, they called me last night and 1 was out, I didn't get the message until this morning." "Oh God Momma, I don't know what to do, I'll never see my baby alive again, momma, momma," he cried. "Listen Tommy, I’ll try and get a flight out tonight, but in the mean time you try and pull yourself together baby, and just pray, pray and ask God to give you strength to deal with this." "I'm going to call your father at work; we’ll be out of here no later than tomorrow morning.” “We love you baby and we’re here for you and Jackie." "Now you be sure and call me as soon as you find out what happened to my baby, you hear me Tommy?" she asked. "Yes ma 'am, I'll call you when I find out what happened, I love you Momma," he said. "Momma loves you too, we'll be praying for you and your family Tommy, bye-bye,” she said crying. "Bye Momma,” he said as he ended the call. After Thomas got off the phone with his mother, he called New York and left his flight itinerary with Mrs. Lewis. Thomas arrived at the John F. Kennedy airport in New York, he wasn't shocked to see that Jackie wasn't with her father. He was shocked to see that Mrs. Lewis was the one that waited for him inside the airport. They hurried to the car where Mr. Lewis waited and no one said very much on the ride to the Lewis household. Once inside he found a lifeless Jackie asleep on the couch. When she opened her eyes and saw him she fell apart all over again. Serena came in the room and explained that their child had died from viral Meningitis. He was devastated, there was no one to blame and he knew that Jackie took excellent care of their child. He knew that Mrs. Lewis wouldn't harm a hair on their child's head. Who could he blame; he wanted some one to be held responsible for his child's death. But there was no place to place the blame so he faulted God Thomas cried until he couldn't cry anymore, he held Jackie all night, she woke occasionally and cried every time she was awake long enough to realize that her child was gone. Whenever Thomas looked at her, she wanted to say some thing to console him, but she didn't trust her voice enough to speak so she remained silent. They had to discuss whether they would have her funeral in New York or back at home in Atlanta Georgia.

.

Chapter 16 Shay’la "Girrrl,” she screamed into the phone. “Oh my God, this dude moved in next door to me and Lord have mercy on me, he is fine, Val when I say, fine I mean fine with a capital F, do you hear me?” she asked. "Val, it gave me goose bumps, just from him standing next to me, what am I saying?” she said almost in tears. “I am a minister for God sakes ..... Lord help me,” she said very excited. "Girl you are a minister, you ain't dead, and I'm sure you didn't do anything that would cause Pastor Tillmonds to loose respect for you, did you?” she asked. "Of course not, but I wanted to real bad, I wanted him to at least try to kiss me, but he may still have a chance, because I agreed to have dinner with him tomorrow night,” she said. “What is wrong with me Val, I'm behaving like a love sick teenager,” she exclaimed. Valencia McLaughlin knew her best friend all too well and while she had faith in Shay’la, she worried about who this man was that moved in next door. But she wouldn't let on, at least not yet. "Listen Shay Shay, you know you are my girl and that I would tell you if you are acting crazy, but haven't done anything wrong, there was no sex or any feeling all over each other or nothing like that, so take a chill pill, so does he have a girl friend or is he available?” she asked. “He said he was single, just like me, girl his house is sharp do you hear me, he has really good taste, I mean his color scheme has made me want that furniture that I told you I wouldn't get the other day, as a matter of fact tomorrow when I get off work I'm going to see Mr. Dinkins and tell him I'll take it, I mean I already bought the tables last year and changed my dinning room stuff to match it, hey I might as well go for it,” she said. And I have another announcement to make,” she said laughing. “I'm going to get my stuff from momma Pearl,” she said knowing that would get a rise out of Valencia. “What!” she screamed. “Girl I have to meet this man, because in the short while you were in his presence you are finally coming to your senses,” she yelled while laughing. "You know Val being humble is one thing but being stupid is another,” she said honestly. “And I have been being both, it’s a wonder momma Pearl hasn’t given that stuff to some unfortunate soul,” she said with a sigh. Pearl had bought her a very expensive set of pots and pans, a new refrigerator and stove, not to mention she had a gift certificate to one of the finest furniture stores in the Atlanta area. The gift certificate was worth over three thousand dollars, given to her unbeknownst to her by her biological grandfather. "Hey when you go shopping, please let a susta go so I can drool all over your new things,” she said teasing. The next day was a busy one for Shay'la, she got off work and begged Mr. Dinkins to deliver the furniture for her, then she went an asked Pastor Tillmonds if he would lend his pick-up truck to brother Darius so she could go by momma Pearl’s and get her things. She left Darius with the key to her place and went to get Val so they could go shopping. After she spent an hour finding the right bedroom set and accessories she took Val home, but what Val didn't know is when she sent her to find sheets for her bed she bought her the hutch that matched her dinning room furniture and it too would be delivered today. Once she reached her door she noticed that Leroy hadn't got home yet, she prayed that everything would be done before he came home. As soon as she shut the door, there was a knock she peeked out the window to see Mr. Dinkins and

his son standing on her porch. She let them in and they took her old furniture and replaced it with her new set. She bought an over stuffed tangerine sofa and love seat with matching lounge chair. Her tables were in the shed, they were cream with streaks of gold and tangerine running through them, her lamps was gold with tangerine shades. Her dinning room table was glass with a cream and tangerine base, her chairs were tangerine. Darius had already came an changed out her stove and refrigerator, they were an almond color. Once Mr. Dinkins left she went into her bedroom and began taking her clothes out of the old chest of drawer set she had. Within the next ten minutes there was another knock on her door, she opened the door to find the man from the-furniture store standing there. They took her old bedroom set and replaced it with her knew cherry wood four post bed. The new set was huge and very high, she bought a step stool to help her get up on her bed, she was so busy changing around her room that she lost track of time. She sat down in her new living room amazed at how beautiful it was, she then walked back to her bedroom and smiled, her home had become something out of a home and garden magazine over night. She peeked out the window and saw a large truck of some sort in the driveway next door. She looked at the clock it was already 5:45 pm and she hadn't gone next door for dinner. Shay 'la didn't want to walk in on anything but he had invited her over, so she stepped outside and walked next door. When she knocked, there was no answer, hut she could hear music coming from the inside. She turned and walked away. She went inside and closed her door. She walked in her kitchen and began putting up her pots and pans that momma Pearl had gotten her. After she put them away, she ran some bath water and began reading her bible and praying. There was a knock at her door and she looked out the window and to her surprise Leroy was standing there. "Hello,” he said in a sultry voice. “I thought I invited you to dinner,” he said. “If memory serves me correctly you accepted,” he said smiling. “I'm so sorry, I had my furniture delivered today and I lost track of time, but I came over and knocked about an hour ago and no one answered,” she replied. "I must have been in my bedroom putting up my clothes, I didn't hear you knocking, have you eaten?” he asked. "As a matter of fact I haven't,” she replied. “Well, step this way you are in luck, Chez ' Le 'Roy's is still open,” he said as he motioned for her to follow him. Once inside he served her a nice big steak with a baked potato and a tossed salad. It was delicious; she couldn't believe that he could cook so well. "Thank you sir,” she said with a smile. “That was the best steak I've had in a while,” she admitted. "Wait, I hope you have room for desert,” he said as he went into the kitchen. When he returned he had two plates with cherry cheese cake on them. "Oh my lord!” she exclaimed. “My, my, a man after my own heart,” she said smiling. "So tell me a something about you,” he said. “Like what?” she asked. “Anything, like where you work, how old you are, you know the basic stuff,” he said with a grin. "Well,” she said, I work for Fellowship Industries; I have been there since I was 19 years old. I'm 28; I'm single and have been since I was what, 18. “Ah, there really isn't much to tell, what about you?” she asked. "I'll spill but I'm not through with you,” he said through a devilish grin. "I'm 30, been married once, I have no children I run my own trucking company called Matrix Trucking, I loved the movie so stole the name,” he said laughing, “I'm single because most women want a brother to deal with a lot of emotional baggage and I'm not interested, I love to shop and travel. I am spoiled to a fault, because my grand mother made me this way,” he said with a smile. “I'm a true gentleman and I don't kiss and tell,” he said. "So back to you Ms. Bell, why aren't you taken?” “I mean a fine woman like you, you must have men chasing you all the time or are you one of those women with a lot of emotional baggage?” he asked. “Well first of all sir, I'm way to young to be traveling with a lot of baggage and since I haven't had a boy friend since I was 18, I'd have to say that I'm drama free, but you’ve been married, so

I'm sure there are still some emotions tied up with this woman who I’m sure left you,” she said sternly. Leroy stared at her in disbelief. “Yes, I said left you, because I can tell just from the statement that you just made that you are not far from being a baggage handler yourself, so if I seem some how put out by your statement it's only a figment of your precious imagination,” she said shaking her head. “You see, my life is just as you probably guessed it, boring, and I'd much rather be bored to death then to be analyzed by a brother who wouldn't know a real women from a hole in the ground,” she said she stood up. “Thank you for dinner and desert, you don’t have to worry sweetie, I’ll see myself out,” she said storming out of his apartment. . "Wait, I deserved that and a whole lot more, I can’t help but put my foot in my mouth, I haven’t been in the company of a woman of your caliber in so long, I guess I needed to make sure you were all I thought you’d be.” “You see Ms. Bell I have to weed out the junk up front, because if I'm gonna fall for a lady I have to know where her head is,” he said smiling. “Well, well, well, if that don’t beat all, a real man searching for a real woman, please, I don’t know what made me accept this dinner date,” she said. “Lord, please forgive me, I had a lapse in judgment,” she said looking up as if looking towards heaven. “Lord?” he asked. “Ah, yea, that’s who I pray to, what about you?” she asked. “Oh, I pray occasionally, but I’m not real heavy into religion,” he said. “Oh, well you’ll really get a kick out of this,” she said sarcastically. “What’s that?” he asked. “I’m a Youth Minister at my church,” she said smiling. "Oh so you're a Holy Roller type, saved in the church and ...... well I'm sure you know the rest,” he said lifting his eye brows. "Oh,” she screamed as she walked away and slammed the door. Leroy knew he had hurt her feelings, but he couldn’t get involved with a woman of God, because he didn’t want to hurt her. Being an undercover detective, all the killing and lying he had to do for his job, he knew she wouldn’t appreciate his profession. He wasn’t prepared to give it up, he hadn’t with his first wife and he wasn’t about to for a new fling. Chapter 17

Ta’Lisa “What’s her last name?” Richard asked nervously. “Brown, he and Kensington said in unison. “Well, well, well,” Nameon said. “She is well known I see,” he said sarcastically. The brothers looked from one to the other quietly. Richard was the first to speak. “Monica, would you please excuse me and my brothers for a moment,” he asked looking straight ahead. Monica stood fuming. “Whateva,” she said exiting the building. “Spill,” he said with an even tone. Everyone started taking at once. Richard whistled and raised his hand. “Okay, Cedrick you first, since you sissies have no couth,” he said furious. “Listen, I met her here about two months ago, we went to her place and had a real nice time. Then I never heard from her again,” he said dropping his head. “Alright Nameon what about you?” he asked through gritted teeth. “You have nothing to worry about, with me, I hate fish, okay,” he said snapping his fingers. “Save the dramatics, we are in a public place,” he said staring at Nameon. “That leaves you Kenny, fess up,” he said. “I met her about two months ago on a Saturday morning in the parking garage at Nameon’s place, we went on a date I spent the night with her and then things turned sour,” he said staring a Nameon. Richard dropped his head; he couldn’t believe the woman he thought he loved had slept with his brothers, although they weren’t blood related, they shared a bond, a bond he thought carried more weight than birth rights. “Let’s get one thing straight, I taught all of you,” he said lingering his gaze

upon each one of them, “everything that was handed down to me and you are making a complete mockery out of it,” he scolded. “We are supposed to be upstanding citizens; professionals, no one and I mean no one should be able to finger anyone at this table, so cut that gay shit out, do you hear me Nameon, and all this whoring around, Cedrick you and Kensington are married, it’s a way to do everything,” he said fuming. “Dave you have to admit, that woman is beautiful and it’s real hard being in her presence and not being in her presence,” Cedrick said smiling as he looked around the table. Richard slammed his fist down in the middle of the table spilling all the drinks on the table. “Listen to me and listen to me good, I will not tolerate this nonsense, this will stop right now. Anybody at this table that believes he can do this on his own can leave right now, I will not be made a spectacle of my peers,” he said through gritted teeth. “When this started years ago there was a code an agreement made between the brothers that started this, all of this mess that you all are involved with stops here,” he said pointing at the table. “Excuse me Dave, I had no idea that you or Cedrick ever had anything to do with that woman or any other for that matter,” Kensington said matter of factly. “Richard reached over the table and grabbed Kensington’s shirt. “Do you really think this has anything to do with that woman?” Dave asked tersely. “What do you mean Dave, you’re all upset because we dated some chick you use to be in love with,” he said with a slight attitude. Dave walked around the table and slapped Kensington in the back of his head. “Listen to yourself fool, I’m about to marry Monica, Ta’Lisa is from my past. My problem is the sloppiness in which you all are carrying yourselves. Cedrick all but drooled over her and you jump up like your wife just walked in. That woman should hold no weight with any man at this table, period. Now pull yourselves together or find yourselves a new …..” “A new what Dave?” Monica interrupted. “Monica, sweetheart I didn’t know you had come back, please, please sit down, Cedrick pull that chair back up to the table for her,” he said nervously. “What’s going on David, should I have to ask again,” she said sternly. “Oh, nothing, me and the brothers were just having a little chat,” he replied. “Please sit down, sit down dear,” he said sincerely. “I’m ready to go, I’ll be in the car,” she said walking away. Richard stood as she walked out and eyed each one of the men. “If she has heard anything I have said here to night and my marriage ruined, there will be hell to pay,” he said exiting the building. No one said a word for a long while; they looked from one to the other thinking about what had transpired tonight. “Well I better be getting home, this is a week night and I’m never gone longer than a few hours,” Cedrick said sipping what was left of his spilled drink. “I didn’t know he knew Ta’Lisa,” Kensington said. “Humph,” Nameon said turning his head. “Did you know? Cedrick asked Nameon. “Actually I did,” he said smiling. Before he could process another thought Kensington had punched him in his nose. “What’s wrong with you Nate, man you starting all this trouble for what?” he asked standing over him. “Oh hell naw I know you ain’t just punch me in the nose over some fish trick bit…..” “Stop it right now,” Richard yelled, as a crowd drew near. “Get out of this establishment, I’m through with all of you,” Richard said as he stormed out again. Cedrick jumped up knocking his chair over and walked out behind Richard. Kensington walked out pointing at Nameon. “I’m done, you make me sick,” he said. Nameon sat down and cried he had lost the only man he ever loved. He knew that he should have told Kensington, but didn’t want the drama that would come from him knowing. Now he wished he’d come forward and told the truth. Ta’Lisa drove home oblivious to the events that had unfolded. She was trying to figure out what Cedrick, Kensington, Nameon, Richard and Monica all had in common. Everything was so confusing, what was going on. When she walked into her house her phone was ringing. Afraid of who might be on the other end, she let the answering machine take the call. “Hello Ta’Lisa this is Cedrick, I really need to

speak with you, please call me at 555-1289 as soon as you get this message.” Ta’Lisa erased the message and went to take her clothes off. She didn’t want to be bothered with anyone, so she unplugged her phone and turned off her cell phone. She grabbed her Bible and opened it to 2 Corinthians the 4th chapter and she read the 3rd and 4th verses. Gaining no understanding, she fell back on her bed and cried. When she woke up it was morning, she was almost late for her appointment with Dr. Manwell. Ta’Lisa walked into the doctor’s office and signed in. Taking a seat and grabbing a magazine, she started to read an article about the rise of gay men dating women and men simultaneously. She shook her head and turned to some recipes instead. She was so tired of all the negativity in the world. After about 30 minutes, Ta’Lisa was called. “Ta’Lisa Brown,” the nurse called. Ta’Lisa followed the sound of the nurse’s voice to a room, where she thought she’d be told to strip and put on the paper gown. But to her surprise, she was told to have a seat. After waiting another 30 minutes or so Dr. Manwell walked into the room with her chart in his hand. “Good morning Ms. Brown, I asked you here today to discuss the results of your AIDS/HIV test. I hate to have to tell you this, but the results were positive,” he said. Ta’Lisa sat there for a moment, then she realized what he had just told her. “What did you say?” she asked jumping up from her seat. “Calm down Ms. Brown, we already had this discussion at the hospital, it turns out that the test results came back positive. If you want we can take further tests, but these tests are usually very accurate,” he said sincerely. “Okay, she said wringing her hands. “What does a positive reading tell you, I have AIDS or just the HIV virus?” she asked in tears. “Well right now you have the HIV virus, which doesn’t mean you’ll get AIDS, but having the virus, could lead to your being infected with AIDS. And right now you can also pass this virus on to other people. I’m not trying to be mean or anything, but by law I have to tell you, that you finding out that you have the HIV virus and still having unprotected sex with anyone is punishable by imprisonment, I think it’s called attempted murder,” he said solemnly. Ta’Lisa walked out of the doctor’s office in tears. She went home and looked at herself in the mirror, she cried until she had no tears left. “How could this happen to me, I have been a good girl, I have never caused any one to divorce their wife or had any illegitimate children, I have never even been pregnant, I’ve only had unprotected sex a few times and I’m 36 years old, why, why, why?” she screamed in tears. Ta’Lisa drank a bottle of white zinfandel and got real sick. She stayed in bed all the next day, she never plugged her phone back in and she took the battery from her cell phone out and threw it out the window. She tried several times throughout the night to kill herself, but to no avail. When she finally fell asleep she dreamed a crazy dream. She was in a room with a whole lot of men and they were touching her everywhere, she moaned in pleasure as she wiggled and gyrated her body to the touches. Men seem to keep coming and coming until the room was jam packed with men and it seemed she could feel every touch or lick that each man delivered, she loved it, until it seemed that the touches felt like pinches and then like bites until they were ripping flesh from her body, she screamed in agony and cried until she was awakened by the sound of her own screaming voice. Ta’Lisa sat up and looked around the room, she was disoriented. As the dream came back to her she began to cry softly, not because of the dream, but because of the situation she was in. Ta’Lisa wanted to die, she knew she was dying and couldn’t bear the thought of how she would look after the disease had started to take over her body. Then she remembered the other dream, the one where her hair had fallen out, she was thin as a rail, she had dark circles around her eyes, and she cried anew, this time she called out to the Lord. “Please God, please help me, what do you want from me, why can’t you just leave things the way they were, oh God, oh God,” she cried. Ta’Lisa fell asleep again for about the second time, she was awakened by some one

knocking at her door. Ta’Lisa jumped up and ran to the living room in her stocking feet making sure to be real quiet. When she peeked out of the peep hole she saw Nameon standing there. Ta’Lisa started to walk away but curiosity got the best of her and she snatched the door opened. “What is it?” she asked sternly. “We really need to talk Ja’Lisa,” he said pushing his way into her apartment. “For the last damn time my name is Ta….T-a, Ta’Lisa, and what in the hell do you think we need to talk about?” “If you sit your narrow behind down I can tell you, I came here in peace, what I have to say is very important, so you best take heed and sit down.” “Oh hell naw, you ain’t just walk up in my crib talking mess, you better check yourself fool, before you catch a hot one up in here. “Listen chica, I’m 38 hot right now and I need to get some shit off my chest and most of this involves you, the other is just FYI, you feel me now?” “Speak!” “The other night when you walked in the club, did you or did you not know all those brothers at the table?” he asked. “Yea, and?” she asked. “Dave is the.” “Wait, who is Dave?” she interrupted. “I thought you said you knew everyone at the table.” “I do, I saw you, Monica, Richard, Cedrick and Kensington, I didn’t see this Dave person.” Which one was Richard; I mean what was he wearing? He had on the long black leather coat. Nameon shook his head, that sneaky dog he said to himself. Okay I guess they are one and the same, we know him as David. Any way they are all tripping because it seems you have slept with everyone at that table except for me, and Monica I guess,” he said with a smirk. “First of all I don’t mess with chicks, I’ve done a lot of things in my past I’m not to proud of but sleeping with women is sick. So what they tripping they are married or about to be, I pose no treat to any of them. Thanks for the FYI,” she said standing. “Look Ja’Li, I mean Ta’Lisa, there is a whole lot more that I’m not at liberty to say, but I do want to tell you to stay away from all of them, not because I want you to, but because it’s just better this way,” he said seriously. “Nameon honey I’m about two to three steps ahead of you, I want nothing to do with the Knights of your round table, so tell them for me if the subject comes up I’m unavailable, loose my number, okay,” she said walking to the door. “I’m sorry this had to happen,” he said. “Honey, stop tripping ain’t nothing happening, I mean I slept with them, period. I don’t cling, I mean I came looking for Kensington, but then I went on about my business. I’m a single woman who unfortunately prefers her men married, but I don’t try and take nobody’s man. I use them for my person satisfaction and then I’m done, I move on to the next one. But right now I’m tired, tired of the rat race. Have you ever seen a hamster on the wheel in it’s cage, they run and run and run, and when they get tired they get off, when they want to escape again they get back on and run again, never realizing that they can never escape, at least not on that wheel. I have finally figured it out; I’m getting off the wheel and plot my escape using the door this time. You take it easy Nameon, I mean no disrespect but I hope I never see you again,” she said smiling. “The same here, I was wrong about you, not that it matters now, but I was and I want to apologize. I thought you were one of those sisters, who has it all together but had no clue, you have a good head on your shoulders and I’m glad to have met you, take care of yourself Ms Brown,” he said turning to leave. “Nameon, if you ever get lost and can’t find your way, stop, take a deep breath, get off the wheel and walk out the door, don’t look back or you’ll turn to stone, walk and keep walking,” she said closing her door. Ta’Lisa walked into her bathroom and stood at the full length mirror. She pulled her hair into a ponytail and took off her clothes. Went to her medicine cabinet and took out her straight razor and sat on the floor in front of the mirror. As she stared at herself in the mirror, she remembered a poem she wrote when she was in high school, one she had forgotten about until now. She read the poem and thought back to a time when her life was much less complicated. Frustrated Ta’Lisa threw the razor and began crying again. What was happening to her, she couldn’t understand.

Ta’Lisa grabbed a bottle of sleeping pills and poured them in her hand, she wanted so much to end it all. However, after sitting there, she knew she couldn’t. There was no way she could take her own life. Thinking about writing the poems she wrote in high school calmed her down a bit. Touched by the intensity of some and abated by the sorrow in others, she cried softly. Ta’Lisa cried because she had long since denied herself of any real chance of happiness. Dating married men only ensured she could go to dinner or have a one or two night stand, but not much more. She now longed for someone to love, some one to love and care for her.

Chapter 18 Monique Aunt Josie was tired of Neutra and wanted to set her straight, “good, then know this, last month when Darrel beat your butt and you lost that baby. I didn’t call and tell a soul, the month before that when Alex kicked you down that flight of stairs at the club. I didn’t tell that either, nor did I tell that the rumor on the streets is that you have herpes. Only, because I know that would be some foul mess, but then again nobody’s perfect,” she said walking out of the room. Everybody turned and looked at Aneutra, who had dropped her head; with tears rolling down her face she quickly left the room. Hurt and confused David Jackson stared at his sister-in-law, shook his head and left the house. Aunt Millie and Aunt Muffy came back in the house and looked from one person to the other, what happened here, I mean I know we had a funeral today, but yall look like somebody else died, what happened?” she asked Josie. “Just airing some very dirty laundry, family laundry,” Josie replied. The noise from Monique dragging her suitcases down the steps brought everybody out of their personal thoughts. “I thought you weren’t leaving until one day next week?” Aunt Millie asked. “I think I better get on home,” she said not looking at anyone. Josie grabbed a bag and helped Monique out to the curb. “Hold your head up Nique, nobody in there is any better than you, not even me. I’ve been where you are, and Aneutra might as well be, she changes men like Carmen changed underwear,” she said smiling. “Thanks Auntie, I just wish I had already left, I got too comfortable, and seeing that Pimp-hustler Beauty just messed me up so bad, I’m really sorry this had to go down on your sister’s day,” she said hugging her. “I need a favor Auntie, can you read them this letter when I leave,” she said handing her a thick envelope. “Man, that was fast, you just wrote this?” she asked. “No, I had a feeling something like this would happen, so I wrote it before I left home,” Monique said. “What if it hadn’t happened?” she asked. “I would have taken it back home until the next time we all got together,” she said solemnly. It was bound to happen sooner or later, I would have preferred later,” she said with a quick smile. Josie stood outside with Monique until her cab came, she held the letter and began to cry, she hated this family and loved it in the same emotion, and she wondered if it was possible to have so much love and hate intertwined in her heart. Once inside she made sure everyone was in the same room, including Aneutra, she waited for another minute for David to pull up. “I have something to share with you all, something that Monique gave me before she left, I promised her I would read it to you all, so please everybody take a seat. Josie took the letter out of the envelope and began reading: Dear Jackson Family,

If you are reading this then my worst fears have been brought to the light. I left home at a very early age, if most of you remember I was only 16 years old. Going away to college was fun and scary, fun because I was free, free to do anything and everything a 16 year old could dream of. And scary because I had never been anywhere except school (elementary school) by myself. I met this guy who was sooooooo fine, I mean wow, he was gorgeous. He and I dated for quite a while; I skipped classes to be with him, because I was amazed that someone who looked like him was even remotely interested in me. When ever we went out the women would fall over themselves trying to get his attention and believe it or not he never paid any of them any attention what so ever. He took me with him everywhere he went, I mean we use to go to Virginia to the beach, we went to the Carolina’s I mean he treated me like a Queen. Then one day he got caught up on drugs, Heroin. He would yell at me sometimes when he was high and scare me so bad I would start stuttering. He wanted money and the only thing he knew was drugs, but his habit was too bad and he couldn’t find anyone to trust him enough to front him. I wasn’t and still am not into drugs. One day we had a fight and I ended up in the hospital with a nasty bump on my head, long story short, when I came home I found a few other women sharing my living space with us. We had a meeting and that was the start of our prostituting for him. My Pimp, Tim died a while later and I became the ring leader of the women, who I ended up leaving because they too got hooked on drugs. I left and moved to New York for a while where I worked for a madam named Martha Feutch, that was the only white woman I have ever loved. She cared about me; she cared about my well being. Although I was only 19 years old and yea, she should have called my folks, but she didn’t put a gun to my head either, by then I was good at what I do and I was sought after by a lot of johns. I got tired and moved to Atlanta after a long time, well Martha died of a heart attack and she left me and another girl pretty well off. I got a job in Atlanta, where I still work, but my nights and weekends belong to the night. I am sorry, this is the life I know and the life I choose to live, I know that you all frown upon that, just as I frowned upon what Momma did. I was young, I was innocent and I thought he loved me, by then I had no where to go and no one to help me. I’m not blaming anyone for my problems; I’m just stating the facts. And the fact is I am a Prostitute, not a street corner prostitute, I’ve never stood on a corner in my life, I was more a call girl than anything, the girls say there’s no difference. But clearly there is, the girls that work on the corner, are rough, they get beat on, kicked and slapped by the pimps and some of their johns as well. I never experienced anything of that nature, I mean me and Tim had our differences early on, but he died not long after we started. I just want you all to know that I will not interfere with your lives ever again. I am truly sorry that I didn’t live up to your expectations, but this is the life I choose to live and I plan to live it to the fullest.

Always, Monique. Aunt Muffy was the first one to speak up, “see how the devil uses people; if you hadn’t left these girls they would have turned out to be decent girls. I should have taken them and raised them as my own,” she said sarcastically to David. “Like your girls turned out so good, Lisa in jail and Terra has six kids with eight different Daddy’s and Arielle likes’ women, should I say more,” Uncle Freddy said. “What do you have to do with anything, you ain’t done nothing all these years but piggy back off your brother,” she said irritated. “What have you ever done Muffy, name one time anybody in here needed you and you helped, name one time. Muffy looked like she was thinking hard. Yea, just like I said you ain’t done nothing for nobody, I’ve been here for those girls and Carmen

too. I may have gone to jail, but even then I helped, I sent friends and family here to check on them, when I couldn’t get to them. So keep your comments to yourself,” he replied. “That was nice of you Freddy, but it wasn’t your responsibility, that was David’s family and he didn’t care enough to come and check on them kids and now you standing here trying make light of the situation because you brought your broke behind over here and became another mouth to feed,” she said angry “What in the hell have you done for anybody Muffy, you can’t and wouldn’t get control of the wild behind women you raised, and you did it all single handed. You think cause we chose to turn the other cheek and not mention, that we all knew you your self like women we didn’t know,” he said with a snicker. “You lie from the pits of hell Frederick Jackson, I ain’t never consorted with the likes of another woman,” she said standing to her feet. “You another lie,” Freddy said standing to his feet. “Alright enough of this, foolishness, all of this is water under the bridge, us standing here feuding about something we can’t change is not making a bit of sense,” David said. “Of course you’d say that, these are your unruly children,” Muffy said taking her seat. “Aunt Muffy I have the utmost respect for you, but that is enough, this isn’t about who child is the worst, my sister has sold her soul to the devil and we need to pray right here and right now that God touches her and brings her back to him,” Sausha said looking around the room.

Chapter 19 Jackie Jackie knew they needed to talk about the funeral arrangements, but she just wasn’t up to it yet. Jackie knew deep in her heart, that as soon as the funeral was over that her relationship with Thomas would be following behind quickly. Thomas made a commitment years ago, he promised to never leave his little girl fatherless, now his little girl was gone, there would be nothing to hold him. Jackie cried why at a time like this was she even thinking about Thomas, her daughter was dead, she wasn’t coming back, she’d have to put all thoughts of Thomas behind her and focus on the matter at hand. She looked over at Thomas and he was still asleep, she wiped her eyes got out of bed and went into the bathroom to wash her face. She knew Thomas would fight her on this, but she wanted the funeral to be in Atlanta, all of her friends and a few relatives were there, she left New York so long ago, she didn’t know anyone anymore. When Jackie emerged from the bathroom she found Thomas sitting on the side of the bed with his head in his hands. “Hey Tommy Boy, you alright?” she asked in a shaky voice.

He shook his head no, and then he began crying. Not knowing what to do Jackie left the room. She stood outside the door and cried. With everyone hurting as deeply as they were, no one knew how to comfort anyone else. Jackie wanted to go to him, she wanted to offer words that would help ease the pain, but her own pain was too deep, she was empty, she had nothing to give. Mr. Lewis came up the hall and grabbed his daughter, he held her as she cried softly on his shoulder, they went into the living room and sat on the sofa. Thomas cried so long and so hard his head hurt, his chest hurt, he wanted to fight, to hurt some one or some thing to ease the pain, he screamed, he punched the pillow, but the pain would not let up, he called out to his mother, his father, he cursed God for the death of his only child. He jumped up dressed and ran out of the house, he walked blocks and blocks crying and pushing his way through the throngs of people walking the streets of New York. Thomas wanted to scream, but he was afraid to trust his own voice. After walking around for a long while, Thomas came up on a funeral home, he walked in and the director noticed the way he was looking and quickly took him into the private room to be out of earshot of the rest of the customers. “I was walking by and I,” he said breaking down. “It’s alright sir, take your time, I’ll get you something to drink,” he said leaving the room. Thomas cried, here he was at a funeral home, trying to arrange to bury his only child. There was a slight knock on the door and a woman with jet-black hair, no make-up and thick glasses holding a paper cup entered the room. “Hello sir, my name is Madelyn Strong, I’m very sorry for your, loss?” she half asked and made a statement at the same time. “If there is anything we can do to make this a more tolerable process, please don’t hesitate to ask. When you are ready, me or my director James Walker will be in the next room,” she said. “She was only six years old, why, why did she have to die,” he asked almost to himself. “God knows what’s best young man, he doesn’t make mistakes, it was time for her to go home to be with him,” she said. “But why, Mrs. Strong, why did he need my little girl right now, I only had a short while with her,” he replied. “What is your name young man?” she asked quickly. “Thomas,” he replied between sobs. “Well Thomas, the fact that you had any time with her is a blessing; he gave her to you so that you could learn to love. God is a jealous God, he wants to be the head of your life, if you put any thing before him he will find a way to get your attention, even if he has to take that thing or person to do it,” she said. “She was all I had, how can I go on, when it hurts so badly. I go to sleep and wake up, I pray it was a dream, but then reality sets in and I know she’s gone,” he said crying. Mrs. Strong walked over to him and hugged him. “I know how hard this is young man, I lost my daughter to drugs when she was twenty-four years old, I thought my whole world was about to crumble. However, God showed me that I placed too much stock in my child. I spent thousands of dollars on her treatment, I sent her to the most expensive and exclusive rehabilitation clinics I could and she went back to drugs every time. The more money I spent the worse her habit became. Man will fail you every time. You must put your faith in God. He is a loving God, cast all your cares on him,” she said. “But why would he let her die to get to me?” he asked. “You see she was sinless; she went right back to God, you on the other hand, have a job to do. Your daughter was important to you, as she should be. But not so important that you can’t hear the Lord calling you, because you are so busy making sure all is right with your child. I know because I did the same thing. You can love your child and still have time for God. However, you have to learn how to balance it. Right now you can’t understand this, but as time goes on and you grow in Faith you will.

The Bible says no man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. You have to move on with your life, include God and your life will take on new meaning. Young man your daughter is in the hands of the master, she’s no longer in pain, she is sitting with the Lord. Take this time and go over your life, take out the things that are not God like and start over. This was your wake up call, be still, be silent and listen for God, he has a word for you. Do you think it happenstance that you walked in here today? No my son, God led you here because I had to tell you that he’s trying to talk to you, don’t make him wait, the pain gets worse, he’s calling you,” she said standing to leave. Thomas was baffled, he couldn’t understand God killing his only child, and he began to wonder if all of this was even worth it. He had done so many things over the past few years and thought it would take years to undo what he had done. How could he change, how could he start over. He didn’t know where to start, or how for that matter. Mrs. Strong stopped walking and began speaking again. “Thomas, if you could stop doing what you are doing on your own, what need would you have of the Master, God calls us as we are, right in the middle of our mess. If you could clean it up, get yourself together, then what would God have to do? What maintain it? Go to him as you are and sit back and watch the change. You will be amazed at all the Lord can and will do for you. God called you because he knows who you will become, he knows who you are, but he’s most interested in who you’ll become, go Thomas answer his call,” she said leaving the room. Thomas sat silently crying, thinking about what Mrs. Strong was saying. Just as Thomas got up to leave Mr. Walker walked back into the room. “Excuse me sir, I was told by Mrs. Strong to get some information from you, that is if you have time?” he asked. “Ah, sure” Thomas said wiping his eyes and taking his seat. “Well first of all what is your current address?” he asked. “Actually I live in Atlanta, Georgia, my girlfriend and our daughter came here to New York to visit her parents. But I can call her and get the address,” he explained. “Well I’m sure you want to have the proceedings in Atlanta, we have another branch if you will, in the Snellville area. We would be more than happy to get you connected with Mr. Lowery, he’s the Funeral Director there,” he said. “No, I want it here, I don’t want them miss handling my baby girl in any way,” he said almost breaking down again. “Oh no sir, this type of thing is done quite often. So much so I’m afraid, that it’s no big deal anymore,” he said. “Well it is a big deal for me, and I want to have her funeral here, but if that’s a problem for you Mr. Walker I’ll take my business elsewhere,” he said practically screaming. “No sir, we want your business, I just wasn’t sure if you knew about the…, please sir excuse me, I’ll be right back,” he said hurrying out of the room. Mrs. Strong entered the room, “Thomas, you and your family live in Atlanta?” she asked. “Yes we do, is that a problem, I mean does that mean that you have no jurisdiction on the body,” he said angry. “Calm down Thomas,” she said coolly. “The reason we are concerned is for the sake of the families. Where does your immediate family live Thomas?” she asked. “My family is all over Mrs. Strong, I want my daughter buried here, and I want to have the funeral within the next 3 days. Again if that is a problem for you all, then I’ll just move on to the next place,” he said wiping away tears. “Thomas, I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but I have to tell you that you are acting like a spoiled little brat about this. We want to make sure that you daughter has the best home going celebration ever, but we would also like to make sure we are doing what is best for you, the consumer. Who, other than your girlfriend’s family, do you know in New York, I mean is some of your family here

as well?” she asked. “No my family isn’t here, but what does that have to do with anything, I am paying for it and I would like to have it here, here in New York. But I see you just aren’t good at hearing and I think it best if I keep it moving, thank you for the use of the room and the water,” he said pushing past her. “Thomas, getting this over and done with won’t stop the pain. Only time will heal the hurt, forcing your girlfriend and your family members to find a plot here and having her funeral here, in a place that isn’t home to her isn’t going to change a thing Thomas. Think about what you are asking,” she said to his back as he walked out. Thomas couldn’t breathe, he needed air, this whole thing was starting to get to him. He took out his cell phone and called mother. “Ma, I don’t know what to do. I want to have Sarah’s funeral here, is that asking too much?” he asked in tears. “No son, but why would you have it there when all of her friends and family are in Atlanta. You know I’ll stand behind any decision you make Thomas, but why on earth would you keep her there instead of shipping her back to her home?” she asked. “I am scared momma, I don’t want them handling her, her, her casket any kind of way,” he said breaking down. “Thomas, Thomas, listen to me son, momma can’t stand to hear you in this much pain, but she is in the Lords hands now, her body was just a resting place until God called her home. That shell that you’ll see during the funeral is just that, a shell. Your baby is in the loving arms of our father. Let your friends and family help you celebrate the home going of Sarah, take her home Thomas, take her home,” she said through tears. Thomas, couldn’t take it he was too full, but he needed to go back inside and apologize to Mrs. Strong. When Mr. Walker saw him coming back inside, he went and stood in front of Mrs. Strong’s office. He wasn’t sure what Thomas wanted, but he wasn’t about to let him hurt Mrs. Strong. “Can I help you with something more, ah, Mr., Thomas?” he asked. “I’m very sorry for the way I have been acting, I really need to speak with Mrs. Strong,” he replied. Mrs. Strong heard the voices outside her door and opened it. “What’s going on, Mr. Walker?” she asked. “I wasn’t sure what he wanted and well I didn’t,” he said looking down at the floor. “How noble of you,” she said smiling. Thomas, please step inside,” she said looking at Mr. Walker. “How can I help you Thomas?” she asked “Can you please arrange for my daughter’s body to be shipped back to Atlanta, and have Mr. Lowery get the body from the airport as well?” he asked. “Yes I can, what I’ll do is set up an account, but have you pay for it on the other end. Is there anything else I can do to make this easier on you?” she asked. “As a matter of fact there is, could you tell me what steps I need to take to, well to ah, hear from God?” he asked. “Pray, do you know how to pray Thomas?” she asked. “Yea, well I guess I do, I mean, you close your eyes and just talk, kinda like what I’m doing now, right?” he asked. “Yea, read the Bible, go to Sunday school, regular church. Are you Baptized Thomas?” she asked.

Chapter 20

Shay’la Shay 'la couldn't believe the nerve of Leroy, talking to her like that, especially when she had been nothing but nice to him. She called Valencia to tell her how Leroy had changed. "Girl this man had the nerve to call me a holy-roller type,” she said upset.” "Listen Shay, before you get bent all out of shape, just think, you found out what he was really about early, that’s all,” she replied. "Aren't you glad you found out before you were expecting his child," she said with a laugh. "But Val why the sudden change, we were trying; well at least that’s what I thought we were doing, trying to get to know one another," she said. "It wasn't like there was a real reason for him to come off on me like that," she added. "Shay just chock it up as a lesson learned and move on." "What do you mean, move on .... like I'm stuck or something, I'm just curious as to what I did to make him act like this," she replied. "No Shay, I didn't mean it like that, I was just saying, it's his loss," she said, feeling Shay’la’s pain. "I hear you Val; well any way let me get off this phone, I have to get up early in the morning, kiss the baby me and I'll talk to you when I get home tomorrow." "Okay girl, talk to you then and say a prayer for me and I love you Shay bye-bye," she said. "I love you to Val, bye." Valencia knew her friend was hurting and wished she had answers for her, but she didn’t, she hadn’t been able to keep her baby’s father in their life either. She had pretty much given up hope on ever finding a man and being happy. As soon us Shay 'la got off the phone some one knocked on her door, without thinking she just opened the door. "Yes, how can I help you Mr. Esser?" she said when she saw him standing there. "I wanted to apologize, I came off too strong and I really didn't mean to, can you forgive me?" he asked. "Listen Mr. Esser, I don't know you and you don't know me, therefore we owe each other nothing,” she said with an attitude. "Why do we have to go through this, just accept my apology so we can move on from here," he said sarcastically. "I see you put way to much stock in that pitiful apology, but if it will get you off my door step, so I can go to bed, I accept," she said contemptuously. "Good night Mr. Esser,” she said closing her door. When she tried to close her door, to her surprise he put his foot in the door. "Wait, please Shay 'la talk to me, I want you to understand where I'm coming from," he said pathetically. "I wouldn't care where you were coming from, but I'll tell you where you gonna be going if you don't move your foot so I can close my door," she said sternly. "Oh, I'm sorry I don't mean anything by it, I just don't want this conversation to end right here,” he said desperately. “I have more to say and I really want you to hear me,” he said pleading. Although Shay 'la was becoming more and more afraid, she didn't want to show any signs of it so she kept talking. "Listen Leroy I'm tired, why can’t we finish this conversation tomorrow,” she said impatiently. "Hear me out and I promise I'll leave," he said quickly. "Okay Leroy you have about four minutes," she replied. "This evening, when I called you a holy-roller type, I was way out of line." "I guess I felt like I had finally met someone that could be very beneficial to my life, and when you said that you were a minister, it sort of caught me off guard." "I mean I can accept you being a single parent, the choir director, church secretary even, but being one of God’s chosen ones just sort of hurt me," he said staring at her. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I like you, I really do, but now I feel like you are off limit,” he said with sincerity. "Not that I care what you think Leroy, but what do you mean I'm off limit?" she asked confused. "I wouldn't try to talk to you knowing that you are about God’s business." “When I first saw you, I said to myself, I hope she’s single and when I came over here the other day to use the phone and you told me you were single, I couldn’t have been

happier.” “I really wanted this to work out between us, I know you are wondering what I’m talking about seeing as we have only know each other for a few days.” “ But I was prepared to take this to any level you wanted, I liked what I saw and I wanted to go for it, but I can’t, not like this,” he said. “You see Shay’la, I use to be heavy in the church, but some things happened to a few members of my family and I sort begun staying away from the whole church, and religious thing,” he said. "I live my life to the best of my ability and I try to stay away from that part of life,” he said. "I wonder how you do that," she said almost to herself. "I mean, being that God wakes you up, and he keeps you a live, how can you stay away from part of your life?” she asked. "Never mind don't answer that, I'm really tired Leroy and I have to get up real early, so if you don't mind we can finish this up tomorrow?” she asked. "That’s fine Ms. Bell, but I can be very persistent and I will hold you to your word,” he said with a smile. "That’s fine Leroy, like I said I'll talk to you tomorrow," she said closing her door. With out saying a word, Leroy turned around and walked back to his place with his head down. Shay 'la was glad that he had left, she locked all her doors and windows. She went to bed thinking about what her best friend had told her. Just as Shay 'la was falling asleep, she heard a very loud sound coming from next door. It sounded like a gun shot, but she wasn’t sure. Shay’la turned on her lamp and listened quietly, when she didn’t hear anything she turned off her light and went back to sleep. After an hour or so she was awaken by the sound of sirens approaching. This time she got up and put on her robe and headed for the front window. When she looked outside there were police cars every where. Shay’la ran out the house in a panic. The first person she saw was a plain clothed officer putting up yellow caution tape around Leroy’s side of the porch. “Excuse me officer, what happened?” she asked. “Please ma’am, stay on the other side of the yellow tape,” he answered. “Okay,” she said moving out of his way. “Now can you tell me what happened, I live right there,” she said pointing to her side of the porch. “An office was shot here this evening,” he said barely looking at her. “I thought I heard gun shots, but I never got up, did my neighbor, Mr. Esser see anything?” she asked. “Ma’am, I’m really busy right now, do you see that officer over there, he said pointing, ask him. Shay’la turned and headed over to the uniformed officer. “Sir I was told to ask you about Mr. Leroy Esser, by that officer in the blue suit over there,” she said now pointing in his direction. “He was shot, the ambulance is taking him to a Hospital,” the officer said. “That gentleman said an officer was shot, did Mr. Esser shoot that officer?” she asked. “Ma’am this is classified information,” he said hurriedly. “Oh, okay thank you,” Shay’la said confused. Shay’la walked over to the ambulance and peeked in, she saw Leroy lying motionless on the gurney. “Leroy, are you all right?” she called quietly. The ambulance driver quickly ushered her away from the door, jumped in, and drove off quickly. Two weeks had gone by and still there was no sign of Leroy. Shay’la made it up in her mind that after work she would go and pay him a visit. Shay’la tried to visit Leroy at the hospital, after having searched just about all the hospitals in the metro area, she gave up. It seemed he had vanished in thin air. There was no Leroy Esser listed in any hospital. Shay’la went and bought him a get well soon card and some flowers. She took it to the nearest Police

Station. “Excuse me Officer, I’m looking for a Leroy Esser,” she said smiling. “Ma’am, I didn’t get your name,” the Officer, said smiling. “Oh,” she said laughing a little. “My name is Shay’la Bell, I live next door to him,” she said. “Well Ms. Bell there is no Leroy Esser here, no one works here by that name. “What exactly can I help you with?” he asked. “As I stated I live next door to him and he was shot the other night and I have searched all of the Hospitals in the Metro area and I can’t seem to find him, I’d like to give him this card and these flowers,” she said holding them up. “Oh I see, well I’m sure I or Mr. Esser’s business associate would be able to find him. If you leave them here I’ll be sure it gets into the right hands,” he said quickly taking the items. Exactly eight weeks later Shay’la came home from work to find an unidentified car parked in Leroy’s driveway. Curious she changed clothes and went over to his house. After knocking and waiting for several minutes, an older woman opened the door. “May I help you?” she asked sternly. “Yes, is Leroy here?” she asked peeking around her looking into the house. “Yes ma’am but he’s resting, I’ll tell him you came by, what’s your name?” she asked. “Shay’la Bell,” she said hanging her head. Agitated, Shay’la turned on her heels and started to walk away. Just as the woman was closing the door, Shay’la knocked again. “Ma’am I live right next door and the night of the shooting me and Mr. Esser had a falling out, I have agonized over the fact that I didn’t get a chance to apologize. I am a Christian woman, actually, I am a Youth Minister at my church, United Full Gospel of Faith, and Pastor Lawrence Tillmonds is my Pastor,” she said hoping to change the woman’s mind. “Shay’la, my name is Belaya Riddle, I am his personal nurse and right now he needs his rest. I am very glad to know that you are a Christian and a Youth Minister as well, but no one but Jesus will get in here tonight,” she said sarcastically. “Let her in,” Leroy called from the doorway of his bedroom. Shocked and surprised Mrs. Riddle spun on her heels toward him. “Mr. Esser, I have a job to do and unless you want me to call and get you another Nurse, I suggest you follow my lead. I have been doing this for well over thirty years and I know what I’m talking about. Plus you have plenty of time to, well you get my drift,” she said tersely. “First of all Mrs. Riddle, I don’t know who or what you take me for, but I am here for one reason and one reason only and that is to make amends with Mr. Esser. I have searched every hospital in the Metro Atlanta area looking for him. I wanted to apologize; my grandfather use to say never let the sun set with anger in your heart, he could have died and I would have never forgiven myself,” she said. “Hold on, all that explaining ain’t necessary La’Shay, Mrs. Riddle open the door and let her in. I want you to be my nurse, but you are going to have to meet me half way. I don’t have chicks coming over here trying to get in for some, you get my drift. So if you don’t mind I’d like to have a word with Ms. Bell,” he said firmly. They all stood silently for a moment, then Mrs. Riddle started laughing, and then they were all laughing. Mrs. Riddle stepped aside and allowed Shay’la to come in. “Why do you call her La’Shay, if her name is Shay’la child?” she said to Leroy. “That’s just my name for her,” he said. “See you didn’t tell me you had a relationship going on with some one,” Mrs. Riddle said. “No, no you have it all wrong, I just met this young lady, we were in the process of getting to know one another, when I opened my mouth and put my foot in it,” he said. “Right now I want to get past that so we can go on,” he said extending his hand to Shay’la. Shay’la smiled and accepted his hand. They went and sat on the loveseat in his bedroom. “So Ms. Bell you came to grovel,” he said smiling. “No, I came to apologize, there’s a difference,” she said with a slight attitude. “Now, now, let’s not get

upset, I’m only kidding. “I’m actually flattered that you thought enough of me to come by. Shay’la I was wrong for treating you the way I did. I have thought continuously about you since my accident, I owe you the apology. Please accept my apology, I’m truly sorry, I was out of line,” he said seriously.

Chapter 21 Ta’Lisa Ta’Lisa sat all alone in the floor of her spacious bathroom, trying hard not to feel sorry for herself. She really had no one to blame, she had done this to herself. She pulled herself up off the floor and headed towards her bedroom. She pulled out all the information she had on her current condition. She didn’t have a job, no man, not even a good girl friend to call. She lived her life exactly the way she wanted. She stayed away from women, kept close to married men and live everyday like it was her last, she really had no regrets, she just didn’t want to die alone. Ta’Lisa called Juston, she felt he was at least some one she could trust and count on. “Hey Juston, it’s me Ta’Lisa, when you get this message could you call me, better yet if you’re not busy could you stop by. I really need some one to talk to,” she said. Ta’Lisa sat on her bed reading intently all of the pamphlets she received from the library and the hospital. Convinced that she would live a long healthy life, she called the hotline to ask some pertinent information about exercising and dieting. After talking to the Nurse for almost a half an hour, she was famished. She fixed a bowl of soup and made some dry toast. Ta’Lisa was trying to be as positive as she could under the circumstances. Armed with knowledge and understanding, Ta’Lisa was feeling good about her mission. As long as she stayed healthy, ate right and exercised, it was possible that she could live to be at least fifty plus years old. When Juston called, Ta’Lisa almost forgot she’d called him. “Hey, how are you Juston,” she sang. “I’m good, running around a little, but I’m good. “Where are you? Can you stop by now, or later is fine. “Okay. Maybe later I’m down by Stone Crest Mall, running an errand for my Aunt. I could come by around eight or eight-thirty is that going to be to late?” he asked. “No actually that’s great, I want to go to the gym while it’s still nice out, so that would be good, thanks Juston, I really need some one to talk to, see you then,” she said. “No problem, see you later. Wait! Please no drinking, at least wait until I leave, please,” he said teasingly. “Scouts honor, no drinking, as of this afternoon I quit,” she replied seriously. “Good girl, I’ll see you soon,” he said ending the call. Ta’Lisa went to her closet and pulled out all of her gym clothes. Clothes she hadn’t seen in almost two years. She grabbed what she thought might still fit and headed towards the bathroom. She was changed and ready for the gym. What she wasn’t ready for was the scene she walked into. Trying hard to keep her attention totally on her work out, an unsuspecting Ta’Lisa ran into Cedrick and his wife. He was helping her with some free weights and almost dropped them on her when Ta’Lisa, who hadn’t noticed them, walked over beside them and picked up some weights. When she turned to leave, she heard a woman say, “well damn, do you know her, you almost knocked my damn head off with

these weights,” the woman screamed. Ta’Lisa looked at Cedrick, turned and kept walking, as though she had no idea what the woman was talking about. Ta’Lisa wanted to get as far away from that scene as she could, so she ducked into an aerobics class. After a vigorous workout, she decided to get her heart rate down. She walked around checking out the gym, saw the swimming pool, went, and changed. She swam a few laps, and then she sat in the Jacuzzi. When she had enough for one day, she headed back to the locker room. As she opened the door, she heard someone calling her name. “Hey Ta’Lisa, can I talk to you for a moment?” Cedrick asked coming closer. “Was that your wife? If so I think you better get going, I’m not in the mood for a girl fight today,” she said earnestly. “Listen, I just want to apologize, I, I’m not sure what you heard about us. However, I want you to know, I really would have told you myself. But, you, you know, you’re so disconnected. I mean, you make sure a man knows exactly what role he plays in your world and well. I’m sorry. I really am, I know there are many women that have got on the gravy train bashing men like us. I’m not nasty, sleeping with just anybody. I just wanted to say I’m sorry, Ta’Lisa,” he said turning to walk away. “What are you saying, what are you talking about Cedrick?” she asked. He walked closer and looked at her. “Oh my God, you don’t know. You have no idea what I’m talking about. Look I have to go, my wife is waiting for me. I’ll explain this all to you later, can I stop by in say a half hour?” he asked. Ta’Lisa looked down at her arm, realizing she’d taken off her watch. “What time is it now? I have something going on around eight, eight-thirty. “It’s six forty five. I should be at your place by seven thirty; it’ll only take a minute. I believe you have a right to know,” he said walking away. Ta’Lisa showered and changed into a pair of light blue shorts and a light blue baby doll shirt. Laced up her sneaks and headed for the door. On the ride home, she couldn’t imagine what Cedrick was talking about. She tried to make sense out of his ramblings but gave up. Ta’Lisa stopped and grabbed some wings and some stuffed potato skins from Applebee’s. She got home and as soon as she sat down to eat her phone rang. “Hello,” she said stuffing her mouth with a potato. “Ms. Brown, you have a visitor, a Mr. Cedrick is here to see you ma’am. Please send him up,” she replied. When Cedrick arrived he kept looking at her, she was so beautiful, he wished things could have been different. “I guess I may as well get to the point. The night you saw all of us at the club, me, Kensington, David, Nameon and Monica, we were having a drink. I saw you and I called out to you and the whole table darn near toppled over. It seems that you and my friends are very well acquainted. At any rate, we have all been friends since college. It started out as just us guys hanging out, then Dave came out of the closet, then Kensington and then me. Nameon, we met along the way. He went to college with us as well, but he was too feminine to me, so I stayed away from him. We are what most of the women call “Down Low”, he said quickly. “I think I read something about that, but I didn’t get too deep. Please explain. “Well it’s simple, we have women in our lives, wives, girlfriends, significant others, but we also enjoy sex with men. We sneak out, meet, and have sex with both, men and women. I don’t mean all the same night. Nevertheless, we have an attraction to both. So many men are on the Down Low. They want to be accepted by society, so they have their woman, wife, kids, dog and white picket fence, but they have a sexual appetite that some times only a man can satisfy. It seems that over the years, you

managed to have had all three of us and I thought it only right that you knew,” he said. “So, wait a minute, you’re telling me that, Dave, Kensington and you are all gay?” she said dumbfounded. “Most “Down Low” men would have a fit if you called them gay. They don’t see it that way. Me, it doesn’t bother me at all, because it’s true. Yes, to answer your question, we are all gay. Ta’Lisa stood; she walked quietly into her bedroom and came out holding all of her AIDS/HIV information. She dumped it all over the table. She looked him dead in the eye and said, “you can tell them all for me, I’ve been tested and I have tested positive for the AIDS Virus. I really had no idea, because I thought in this screwed up head of mine, that since all I dated were married men, I would be safe. I never would have dreamed that I was sleeping with men who were gay. I think it’s about time your little group came forward. There is no telling how many other women out there have run into you and your band of brothers that have tested positive. You need to have a little talk with them, before some unsuspecting woman starts dropping names. Me, I feel like it’s partially my fault because I didn’t protect myself, but not everybody thinks like me. Now that I know, I’d testify in court if it came down to that, I think you all need to know that. Cedrick stood on very shaky legs and started towards the door. He stopped and looked at the beautiful stallion before him and dropped his head. Life as they all knew it was over. They managed to keep this secret for many, many years and now it would blow up in their faces. Some body was sick, and now the poison was running ramped through their circle. The circle that was their life, it was over and he had to be the bearer of this dreaded bad news. Ta’Lisa was livid, here she was trusting married men. Thinking that hey, they all drive new cars dress to impress, had wives and some even had children, yet they were sneaking around sleeping with other men as well, Ta’Lisa had to run to the bathroom before her potato came up and out on her living room floor. Ta’Lisa no longer had an appetite and tossed her food in the trash. Disappointed and confused Ta’Lisa sat heavily on her sofa. She hadn’t had a chance to clean up the pamphlets before her doorman called and notified her that Juston was in fact in the building. Looking at the clock she saw that it was a quarter after eight. Juston walked in hugged Ta’Lisa and took a seat on the sofa. “What’s going on pretty lady?” “Well a combination of things, first of all I was told that I have the AIDS virus, then I find out that over the past three or four years a few of the married men I dated, had their own exclusive club. Are you familiar with the Down Low men?” she asked. “Yes I am, wait start over this time, sound as sarcastic as you can. I mean after all Ta’Lisa we are talking about your life aren’t we?” he asked concerned. “Look Juston, I choose the life I led and I’m not blaming any one but me. I thought because I choose professional, married men that I was operating in a very safe arena. I found out that I actually choose professional bi-sexual men. I could scream, but I made this choice and now I have to suffer the consequences behind that choice,” she said walking into the kitchen. “I’m sure God is very glad to hear you take ownership of this fact, but that still doesn’t make this your fault. Each one of those men knew they were living a double life and they should have told you, giving you the option to except or decline. The fact that they slept with you knowing this is criminal. Moreover, for you to take it on the chin is more than commendable, but unnecessary. Those men knew the risk they ran for sleeping with both men and women having unprotected sex. They not only put themselves and their wives in jeopardy, but all the rest of the unsuspecting lovers they met in jeopardy as well. “Okay, point taken Juston, but it’s too late to point fingers right now. I should

have been more careful with my own life. I was careless and I can’t blame anyone. I did this to myself, period.” “I really am enjoying your self conviction, much more than I would the damsel in distress, but the fact still remains that you couldn’t have known about their double lives, which makes them responsible. Ta’Lisa, talk to a lawyer, before you have a panic attack, I just mean to ask the question of accountability. There is no way this is your fault, if you knew and continued the relationships I’d agree with you 100%, but you had no way of knowing, that’s all I’m saying.” “If it makes you feel any better, the gentleman that I slept with, that told me all of this today, I told him that if it came down to court, I’d make sure the judge knows I had no idea. “See that’s all I’m saying, you can’t take full credit for this. “I won’t okay Juston,” she said rolling her eyes. “So, what are we going to do?” Juston asked. “Well today I went to the gym, had a good work out. I plan to eat right and exercise, and take it easy. I’ll be on some different kinds of medicines and I’m going to take it one day at a time and try to live as long as I can,” she said before she broke down crying. Juston grabbed her and held her, before he could contain himself he was crying and praying at the same time. He couldn’t believe that this was happening to her. He knew the doctor thought there was something up with her blood work, but he thought there was some mistake. He prayed that all of that was over. Ta’Lisa wiped her face and looked Juston in his eyes. “Let me explain something to you Juston. I was afraid of a real relationship; I didn’t love myself enough to trust a serious relationship. Whenever you and I talked, I swore that we could be nothing more than friends, because you were single. That meant that I had to be your girlfriend and I have no idea what that means. I don’t know anything about being honest and trustworthy. I dated married men and usually we went on three maybe four dates, sometimes less than that because I moved on to the next one. I don’t believe I could, I don’t think I would make anyone a good girl friend or wife, I don’t know how,” she said with tears streaming down her cheeks. “Ta’Lisa, how could you say that, have you ever tried? When was the first time you dated a married man, I mean as a teenager didn’t you have a boyfriend?” he asked. “No, I liked this guy named Terrence, and he and I spent a lot of time together, I thought I was his girl friend. Then I found out that he was engaged to a girl named Samantha. At any rate everyone tried to make fun of me and I told them that I preferred a dude with a chick and from that day forward, all of my dates were then with boys who were going steady with someone else, as time moved on I dated married men only. It became easier; no one could hold me accountable. If I seen somebody I liked I made it known, and there was nothing they could say about it. “Because they were married?” “Yes, I didn’t have to tell any one what my plans were, I didn’t have to share my home, my car or none of the things most women share with their men today. I came and went as I pleased, no strings attached,” she said. “You are a beautiful woman Ta’Lisa, you could have your pick of men. Not all men are clingy, or needy. Think about the things you liked, didn’t you want to wake up sometimes with some one?” he asked. “I never thought about it really, mainly because I knew they couldn’t. They had to be home to wake up with their wives. There were times in my life when I went to things that I went unaccompanied and wished I had a date. However, most of the functions were couple functions and no wife would have understood her mate going alone, or at least appearing to be going alone. Women today are so independent, we have our own everything, men use to be a necessity, but today men are a luxury. Women run fortune five hundred companies; we own banks and serve as Judges in our communities. I wanted a man, but I didn’t know how to have one. Therefore,

instead of having a full time man, I settled for what I could get and I cheated myself out of ever having the chance to be in love or to be loved. “My Lord Ta’Lisa, why couldn’t you trust me? I wanted you, but I could have been a good friend to you, you pushed me away. You pushed me away because you could only see the fact that I was infatuated with you, I was your friend first Ta’Lisa I would never do anything to hurt you.” “Well that’s all water under the bridge; right now the only thing I can think about is how to take care of myself so that I can have a few more years to live. There is no sense in thinking about a man, or husband or anything else at this point,” she said directly. “Meaning what? You think that your life is over, because you have the AIDS virus. You have your whole life ahead of you, with today’s medicine, you could live for a long time, why are you giving up Ta’Lisa?” he asked. “Giving what up? What life do I have, yea I could date, but I have to be very careful and of course there could be no sex and I just would rather not,” she said. “You could have sex, you just have to practice safe sex,” Juston replied. “You must be crazy, are you willing to have sex with a woman who has the AIDS virus. “Yea, if we are in a relationship and we’re practicing safe sex. “So let me get this straight, all I’d have to say is, “hey let’s go back to my place and fool around. I do have the AIDS virus, but I have plenty of condoms, you telling me you’d come right over,” she said sarcastically. “First of all, I hope you aren’t going to go back to your usual ways. I was thinking that maybe you’d find a single brother to spend some time with. Date for a few months; get to know him and him you. Talk things over and make him understand everything. If things continue to grow from there, you two will have a monogamous relationship and he wouldn’t mind using a condom,” he said. “Maybe I don’t know single brothers like you do, but I wouldn’t want to deal with, have sex with or anything with a brother that was dying with the AIDS virus,” she said. Chapter 22 Monique Once Monique boarded the plane she fell asleep. She didn’t want to spend another moment thinking about her family. They were in her past and she planned to keep it that way. When the plane touched down Monique sighed, she was back home and glad of it. Loading her bags into her car and trying to keep from crying an oblivious Monique wasn’t aware of the man watching her. When she opened the door, he rushed over. “Hey pretty lady, want some company,” he said leaning on the car. Startled, she grabbed for her pepper spray on her key ring. “Hey, hold on it’s me Monique,” the stranger called out. “Harold?” she asked. “Yea, we had a date last week and I couldn’t find you, want to tell me why you stood me up?” he asked sarcastically. “My mother died, I’m just returning from Pittsburgh, I’m truly sorry, what about tomorrow night. I don’t have to be back to work until the end of the week, maybe we can have a light dinner and just hang out,” she said nervously. Harold was not one of her regulars; he was a regular of one of her friends she owed a favor to, she’d seen them out a few times, was introduced, but never really even held a conversation with him. “Sure, you’ll just stand me up again like they all do,” he said smiling. “No, really, it’s just that I’m jet lagged from the flight, tomorrow I will be much better company. How’d you know I would be here tonight?” she asked. “I didn’t, I work here. Seeing you was an added bonus, since you stood me up, lets just go somewhere nice and quiet and have a couple of drinks, then we’ll decide after that, what the rest of the night holds,” he said sternly.

“I don’t think so Harold, tonight just isn’t good for me, as I said before I just flew in from burying my mother and I want to unwind tonight. So I’ll call you tomorrow and we can go from there,” she said trying not to seem nervous. Monique tried to close the car door, but he placed his body in the way. “Aw c’mon, we’ll have a nice time, the drinks will help loosen you up and then who knows the night is still young,” he said teasingly. “Look Harold, I’m going home, taking a bath and climbing into my bed. If I happen to change my mind I’ll call you, but I’m going home, so please get out of the way so I can close my door and leave, thank you,” she said in a huff. Harold backed up, with his hands in the air surrendering. “Hey lady, I’m just trying to have a good time, no need for the attitude,” he replied. “Well I have said over and over that tonight wasn’t a good night, I told you I just buried my mother, what kind of insensitive jerk are you?” she asked now in tears. “I’m really sorry Monique, I, I, I’m sorry,” he said turning and walking to his car parked behind hers. Monique closed the door and broke down, she tried not to cry, but this Harold had worked her nerves and brought on all the other emotions she was trying to hide. After sitting there for another few minutes, she emerged from the parking garage. Both tired and hungry, she drove slowly down I-75, since she lived in Stone Mountain, she wanted to get to I-295 to Memorial Drive, and she would hit up IHOP in route to her condo. Monique stopped at QT off I-75 and filled up her black BMW 745i. After she sat down at IHOP, she decided to take the food home, there were a lot of young men watching her and she wasn’t in the mood for any more drama tonight. Monique pulled into the garage and unloaded her bags. Took her things in the house and heated up her steak. After she ate, she took a long hot bath, put on her favorite PJ’s and crawled into her bed. With the remote in hand, she laid there and thought about nothing except sleep. As she flipped through the channels, begging sleep to hurry and overtake her, she stopped to watch Bishop James Seiko preach a dynamic sermon. The sincerity of his face and the way in which he delivered his message made Monique wonder if there were any truth to what he said. First Bishop Norton and now Bishop Seiko were talking about the goodness of God. Saying how he will forgive any sin, if you come to him. Confused she turned off her television, but not before Bishop Seiko challenged both his television viewers and his congregation. “Call on him, pray and watch him work, I dare you to try him.” Monique got on her knees and prayed. “God, I don’t know what to say, but I want to ask you if a sinner like me can really be saved. I want to know if you love me and my family despite all the wrong we’ve done. If this is true please give me a sign, show me you are real. Amen Not knowing if her prayers would be answered, she got into bed and fell asleep. Monique slept for the bulk of the night, but around 3:45 am she was awakened suddenly. It actually felt like some one had shook her. Looking around the room and seeing nothing out of place, Monique tried to go back to sleep. Tossing and turning and never again reclaiming sleep she turned on the television. Again flipping through the station, she came upon Evangelist Myra Tomlinson, intrigued; she turned up the volume and listened. She read from Romans 10:9, then Romans 3:23, she talked about confessing with your mouth and believing in your heart that Jesus died and rose again on the third day, that if you believed this you would be saved. She talked about everybody falling short of the glory of God. She talked about being a sinner saved by grace. She read from Luke 15:7. Then she went on to talk about repenting and that God is more excited over one sinner repenting than over 99 saved people. After that she went to Revelations 2:21-23, she talked about having the opportunity to repent, about repenting for fornication and not repenting and the consequences. Overwhelmed and excited, Monique stared at the television in awe. Was this the answers to her prayers, she wanted to believe, but she was too scared to trust God.

After watching for a while longer, she tried God. Got out of her bed, got on her knees again and prayed more specific this time. “Lord, I don’t know if the fact that I woke up was a coincidence or if you woke me up. But Lord I don’t know what to think. I need to know that you hear me, that you are listening and that you understand me. How can I change Lord, if I wanted to change, how can I change. What do I need to do to change? Amen Monique fell asleep and dreamed about playing the lottery, she was about to claim the money when a dusty-dirty old lady with dull white hair pointed a boney finger in her face. “Who are you that you dare not believe on the name of Jesus, change your ways and turn from your sin. Go and read for yourself the good news, 2 Corinthians the 5th chapter the 17th and 18th verses.” Monique was awakened by the sound of the telephone ringing. Checking the time, Monique saw that it was 10:00 am. She jumped up and grabbed the phone. “Hello, Jackson residence,” she sang into the receiver. “Hey Mo, what happened with Harold. He was blowing up my pager like crazy this morning. He said you were crazy and he wanted to cancel. That’s a thousand dollars apiece you’re blowing, you want to tell me what’s going on? I mean if you couldn’t do it I could have gotten Janice to do it for me,” she said upset. “Listen Reyna, I told him that I could see him tonight, but he insisted on seeing me last night,” she replied. “Yea, remember, you had a date set with him for last week, what happened there?” she asked still in a huff. “My mother died, I flew in last night and I ran into him in the parking garage of the airport. I wasn’t in the mood to screw last night, okay,” she nearly screamed into the phone. “Oh my, oh my Mo, I’m so sorry, please forgive me. I had no idea, not that it was any of his business, but did you tell Harold what happened?” she asked calmly. “Of course I did, but he kept insisting that we have drinks to relax my mood,” she said upset. “You know what, forget all about Harold, I’ll talk to him, I’m really sorry Mo, I had no idea. You go on and rest up, when do you go back to work?” she asked. “Not until the end of the week, that is if I decide to go back then, I can take up until a month I believe,” she said. “Well take all the time you need, anyway my cells ringing, it’s Mike, I’ll be talking to you,” she said ending the call. Monique went into the bathroom and washed her face, and then she remembered the dream. She walked over to the phone and called Reyna back. “Hey Ray, I’m sorry to be calling, especially when I know you’re talking to your man, but when you get a chance I want you to look something up in your Bible for me,” she said quickly. “Oh we’re done, he wanted me to buzz him up, what do you need?” she asked. Monique gave her a quick recap of her prayers and of her dream. Reyna searched the Bible, found the scripture, and read it to her. Shocked she stood silently, he had answered her prayers right, I mean what else could explain the verse, Bishop Norton had recited that same verse to her at her mother’s house. “A new creature,” Monique said aloud. “Yep, that’s what the word says. “Do you believe in all of this stuff?” Monique asked. “You bet your candy ass I do,” she replied. “Then, why, why do you continue to sell your body Ray, I mean don’t you believe he can help you stop, can’t he?” she asked seriously. “We all have our sins, mine happens to be whoring, and I guess yours too,” she said with a chuckle. “But I can’t just stop; I’ve never been trained as anything but a whore, my momma turned me out when I was 11 years old. I had an Uncle that wanted me so bad he paid my mother a thousand dollar to turn a blind eye to him molesting me and you know what, she did,” Reyna said nonchalantly. “So this is my thing, and I can’t get out, I wouldn’t know how, plus Mike would kill me, hell he’d have to get a job,” she said laughing hysterically. Monique laughed with her, and then ended the call when she heard Mike’s booming base voice talking in the background. Could she change, Monique thought about her family, and the pain that stabbed her heart almost staggered her. Tears flowed quickly down her face, she wiped them, shaking her head, she tried to lighten her mood. Thinking about God and changing had been more than she could handle for one

day. Monique turned on her stereo, listened, and laughed along with the Tom Joyner show. Monique dressed quickly and decided she would make a run to the grocery store to pick up a few items. Once inside the store she couldn’t believe all the things, she needed. She walked over to the freezer section to buy some frozen fish sticks and saw a girl from the job. “Hey Shay’la, how are doing this afternoon?” she asked. “Blessed and yourself?” Shay’la replied. “I’m as well as can be expected, I just came back last night from burying my mother in Pennsylvania,” she said. “Oh my Lord, I’m very sorry to hear that, if you need anything call me, no matter what time or day,” she said sincerely as she wrote her number on a scrap of paper. “Thank you, I will,” she said taking the paper. “Have they called you about the layoff yet?” Monique asked changing the subject. “No, thank God, I haven’t heard from them, what about you?” Shay’la asked. “No, I checked my answering machine and I didn’t have a message from them, and they hadn’t called before I left. So I guess as they say no news is good news,” she said with a smile. “So what are you doing today, I mean if I’m not being to forward, my church is having a program this evening and I’d love for you to join me,” Shay’la said smiling. “Well, I don’t really have anything planned,” she said hesitantly. “Well, say you’ll join me, I’ll even pick you up,” she said with a hopeful expression. “What time?” Monique asked giving in. “I’ll pick you up around seven, just call my house and leave the address on my machine. I have another stop to make, I have to take some dinner by a member’s house,” she said as they walked to the next isle. “Okay, I’ll see you then,” Monique said giving Shay’la a quick hug. Once Monique walked away, she wanted to kick herself, why had she agreed to go to church. Yea, she wanted to get to know God and she wanted to know if he would answer her prayers, but she wanted to take her time. She wanted him to chase her; she wanted him to pursue her. She had heard people young and old say, come to Jesus, she’d heard them talk about how much he loved us, and she wanted to see if he would come for her. She went to find Shay’la to tell her that she had forgotten about a previous engagement and that she couldn’t go with her. However, as she walked the store she could not find her. Monique sighed and went in search of pantyhose. It seemed she would be going after all. Standing in her full-length mirror, Monique admired the navy blue Jones of New York suit she decided to wear. Being in the business she was in, she fancied nice suites and sexy lingerie vices lewd and distasteful clothes. Checking her hair for the fourth and final time, she heard a knock at her door. Shay’la stood at her door, in a lime green suit, the skirt went to her ankles, she had on a pair of silver and lime green sandals, her suit coat was double vented and it was doubled breasted. The hat she was wearing was beautiful, lime green with lime green puffballs adorning the hatband. Monique almost gasped at how gorgeous she looked. “Ready?” Shay’la said with a quick smile. “Sure, let me get my wrap, please come in,” she said leaving the door quickly. Monique ran upstairs and grabbed her shawl. She wished she was a hat person. But taking another quick look, she gave her outfit an approving nod and ran downstairs. Monique turned her T.V. on and turned the sound down a bit, she turned on her porch light and gave her home a quick glance and then followed Shay’la out to her car. The drive over to the church proved to be relaxing. Shay’la talked non-stop about a guy that moved in next door to her. She talked about how fine he was and how much she wanted to spend more time with him, but was afraid because of her current obligations at the church. Monique spoke very little, there was really nothing she could contribute to the conversation. She had one boyfriend and that was years ago, any man she had dealings with had paid her, and paid her well for that short period she was in his presence. “You haven’t said a word, spill are you dating or what?” Shay’la asked. “No, well not exclusively, I sort of do dinner or

a movie but it never leads to anything, I guess I’m too picky,” she replied. “I really like Leroy, I guess more than I lead on, but that’s normal, right?” she asked. “I haven’t had a boyfriend since I was either seventeen or eighteen years old. He cheated on me and I guess I never really got over it,” she said with a strained smile. “Girl you better let that mess go, you don’t want to take that to your grave with you. Sometimes you have to learn and move on. The last real boyfriend I had I guess I was about the same age, I was in College. He dumped me because I wouldn’t go all the way,” she said laughing a little. “I mean I did everything except the real thing, you know what I mean?” she asked. “No, well yea I guess,” Monique replied. “I mean I did all the oral stuff, just no penetration,” she said quickly. “Oh, yea, I thought that’s what you meant. When did you find out you wanted to be a Young Minister?” Monique asked seriously. “You mean a Youth Minister, actually I never wanted to be, this just happens to be the call on my life, it all happened over the course of three years, I haven’t been ordained just yet, but soon,” she replied checking her rear view mirror. “It seems that I had a real good relationship with the young people at the church, they came to me with all their problems I prayed with them and well the rest is as they say history,” she said smiling. “What do you mean when you say calling on your life?” Monique asked. “Well when you are born and go through your life, God already knows what your whole life will entail. The things you have done and/or are doing are already predestined. From the day your mother had you God knew what course your life would take, he knew what you would go through to get you where he wanted you to be. Nothing you do surprises him, he knows the very number of hairs on your head, he loves you so much that he watches you day and night, careful to allow you to make up your mind to serve him. He could easily make you serve him, but it is free will. Meaning your choice, the other thing is right now he’s calling you, if you wait too long he can harden your heart and you will never be ready to let him in,” she said. “Wow that’s heavy and it sounds a little mean, I mean given everything I’ve heard about God,” she said. “Everything you’ve heard is mere speculation; you have to try God for yourself. Once they were in the Church Shay’la led Monique to the front of the church and they sat in the second row, when Monique leaned over and whispered, “boy, we are pretty close to the front, do we have to sit this close?” she asked. “Yes, I have to speak, so I have to be close when they call me,” Shay’la replied. “Oh, I didn’t know you were speaking, I could have come another time, I though you were going to sit with me, you know,” she said disappointed. “Oh, it’s okay, I’m not the only speaker, I will be with you until I speak and when I’m done I’ll be back,” she said as she patted Monique’s hand. The choir sang a few songs, then the preaching began, there were four speakers in all, Pastor Tillmonds spoke, then a woman by the name of Bishop Hope Ray spoke, then it was Shay’la’s turn to speak. The Master of Ceremony called her up. “Ladies and Gentlemen, I’d like to introduce to some and present to others, our own Sister Shay’la Bell. Shay’la got up and walked up into the pulpit, making sure to speak and show respect to all sitting there. “Good afternoon church, as I was sitting there listening to the others speak I thought about my topic, it is vastly different from what we’ve heard here today, I began to worry if my topic was going to conflict with theirs,” she said laughing with the congregation. “But I decided to go on with it, because I don’t have anything else prepared. Please turn with me to 1Thessalonians, we will read from the 4th chapter the fourth through the sixth verse. After they read the verse together, the congregation was seated and Shay’la began to pray. “Most Heavenly and gracious Father, Lord we come to you Jesus with bowed heads, open hearts and hopeful expectations, Lord right now I pray that you touch my heart and my mind, that I might be able to deliver this word to this, your people as you have given it to me. Lord I ask that this word be food for the souls of those who hunger for a word from you. Lord bless each person under the sound of my voice, bless him or

her Father in all areas of their lives as you see fit. Lord I ask that you hide me behind the cross, that your word goes fourth and find the heart or hearts that you are calling this evening. Lord I just want to thank you for placing this word in me that I might again have the opportunity to share it with this congregation. Then Lord, I just want to thank you, thank you for using me, thank you for seeing in me what I would have never seen in myself, again thank you Lord, Amen. “As I read this text I was thinking about the Thessalonians and what the letter that Paul wrote to them would mean to us today. In the text Paul is speaking to the church of the Thessalonians, he is talking about living to please God. In the beginning of chapter four, he talks about sexual immortality, and he goes on to talk about controlling your body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lusts like heathens, he tells them , he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God. After reading this, I thought about my youth, thought about some of the things I done in my past. Though about what having control over your body could mean. It could have meant controlling your tongue, not saying just anything out of your mouth. It could have meant treating your body like a Temple, not putting anything unholy in it or on it. But Paul distinctly speaks to the Thessalonians about avoiding sexual immortality and learning to control their bodies. We as Christians should know exactly what this text pertains to. We should know how to be examples to the young men and women in our church. When I was in college, I did everything but the actual thing, thinking that I was somehow pleasing God. I know some of you know what I’m talking about, and I’m sure others wish they didn’t. The word is speaking on having pre-marital and even post adulator sex as being sexual immortality. Sleeping with your girlfriend, or boyfriend, thinking about sleeping with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Thinking about sleeping with your best friends wife or girlfriend or any combination on that line. Lusting, wanting someone sexually is wrong. Looking at that man or woman for that matter thinking about having sex with him or her, impure thoughts. I heard an old preacher say one time if you think it you might as well have done it. We as Christians turn our noses up at others, making people think we think we are better than they are, passing judgment on others. Trying to make unsaved people think we don’t have issues concerning sex, lies or cheating on our spouses. Like we are far removed from thoughts of this kind or acts of this nature. Then, us truly “Holy Christians” who believe that since Jesus died on the cross for our sins that it is okay to sleep with that boyfriend or that girlfriend. That we are covered by the blood that Jesus shed on the cross, that we are saved by grace, and that God knew we would sin, which is why he sent his son, to cover us. Most of all some of us part time Christians, think that sex is just another sin, that we have no control over because the flesh is weak. I stopped by to tell you, many are headed to hell with that lie burning inside their hearts. “I’ve heard of many popular, even famous Pastors, Bishop’s and Evangelists that suffer from the likes of watching Porno, lying, and cheating on their significant others with other women and men for that matter. We all need Jesus and we need him right now, because most of us might not be sleeping around or even having sex for that matter. But sometimes Satan can catch you slipping and sling and impure thought through your head so fast, you look around for fear somebody else might have heard it, can I get an Amen,” she said. This evening I’m going to speak from the subject, “Stand Firm, Don’t Fall”….. 1Corinthian the 10th chapter the 8th through the 13th verse, speaks about things happening as a direct result of being disobedient to the Lord. It talks about 23 thousand people dying from sexual immortality……it talks about them having been made examples, how it is written down as warnings for us…….. But Jesus died for our sins, we have nothing to worry about…….right, I mean he already paid for our sins and so we can really do what we want. If we want to do the right thing we

can, but if we don’t want to it’s okay we’re covered right? Well I wouldn’t want to sit at, eat at or even pull up at any so called Christians house who believes this way. We as Christians are held accountable by our peers, our community, by people of our Faith. We have a standing reputation in the world. We are supposed to be up standing people, we are supposed to love all those we come in contact with. We are supposed to lead by example, unsaved people are supposed to look at us, see the way we carry ourselves, want to live right because of what we show them. But if we are having sex, sleeping with our neighbors wives or husbands, what would make them want to change their lives. How can we stand up each and every Sunday morning preaching the gospel, spreading the good news for the 2 to 3 hours we spend in here and walk out that door and get caught playing the lottery, drinking beer and wine. Sleeping with each other, making babies on our spouses. We are the church, we are who God is going to return for, but if we can’t get one sinner to turn from his wicked ways, what chance do we have. We have to show these people what being saved means, we have to stop prostituting ourselves, for any cause. We sell ourselves to the thing that makes us feel best. We have children that look up to us. There are plenty of young men in this church that want a life with Christ. But do we dare place them under the wing of someone who is constantly cheating on his wife, young ladies that want desperately to sing in the choir, or want to join the usher board, but do we send them to be helped by sisters that are cheating with other members right here in our own church. How can we lead our children to make them leaders of this world. We are leading our children and the church straight to hell. I’m going to take my seat, but we need to open our eyes and see where we are going, not only as a church, but as a body of Christ and if we can’t stand firm on God’s word who will. With that Shay’la walked from the pulpit and took her seat next to Monique, the church was clapping and people were standing all over the church. Monique watched through tear soaked eyes as Shay’la came to sit down. She gave her new friend a quick hug as she continued to cry silently. She wondered if Shay’la knew about her secret life, she wondered how if she did. Monique wouldn’t say anything unless Shay’la spoke first. Once they were in the car Monique spoke up, she couldn’t hold it, “that was, it was wonderful and you have no idea how that spoke volumes to me,” she said. “Really, I’m glad you liked it, I was so nervous, you know, because of the context, but I thought every one accepted it,” she said nonchalantly. Monique sat in awe of the whole thing; she would go home and pray for more understanding and peace. She was very glad she had gone with Shay’la and thought to herself, that she would be going back.

Chapter 23 Jackie “Ah, yes, I was Baptized when I was a kid,” he replied. “Good, find a church, get involved, God will get to you, just learn to listen for his voice. I’ll make sure everything is sent to Atlanta personally Thomas, go home to your family. Tell them to rest assured, everything is taken care of,” she said.

Thomas started back towards the house, but realized he had no idea where he was. He looked up at the street sign and didn’t recognize the area. West 135th Street and Lenox Ave. is where he was standing when he looked up, he flagged down a taxi, but no one would stop. Thomas walked into a little shop on W. 135th and asked which way to go to find 113th and 8th. After trying to tell him for 5 minutes, Thomas got frustrated and walked out of the store. He stood on the corner until he saw a bus, he chatted with the driver long enough to know he was about a good 45 to 50 minutes away from the Lewis family home. He started to call them, but changed his mind; he hailed a taxi that actually stopped for him. On the ride back Thomas thought about what happened to him today, he thought about the fact that he didn’t want to ship his child back to Atlanta, but he would do it, his mother and Mrs. Strong had convinced him it was for the best. Thomas called Jackie from his cell. “Hey, how are you holding up?” he asked. “I don’t know, can’t seem to stop crying, wondering why, why this had to happen Tommy Boy, what did I do wrong?” she asked crying. “Look Jay, I’ll be there in a few minutes, we have to talk….I walked around, ended up on West 135th and Lenox Ave.,” he said. “Wow,” she said wiping tears. “That’s way up there, you want me to come and pick you up?” she asked. “Nah, I’m in a cab, couldn’t believe I had walked that far away from the house, well I be there in a few, traffic is kind of heavy, I’ll talk to you when I get there,” he said. “Okay Tommy Boy, talk to you soon,” she said disconnecting the call. Jackie lay on the couch wondering what they were going to do, she knew he didn’t want to ship Sara’s body back to Atlanta, but she didn’t want to have the funeral in New York either. Jackie called Thomas’s mother. “Hello Mrs. Webster, this is Jackie, I wanted to talk to you about Sara’s funeral arrangements,” she said in one breath. “Oh, okay sweetie, what’s wrong?” she asked. “Well Thomas wants to have the funeral here and well I’d prefer it, if we had the funeral back in Atlanta, where all of our friends and family are,” she said. “Well I understand that, I spoke with Thomas a little while ago and told him the same thing, I don’t know why he’s being so stubborn,” she said upset. “I didn’t know you spoke to him, as a matter of fact I haven’t, although I talked to him briefly about five minutes ago. But I spoke with him earlier and he was adamant about the funeral being here, he hasn’t said anything different,” she said. “Well give him some time, when I spoke to him earlier he was still quite upset, he was crying and I told him I thought the best thing was for him to have his daughter flown back to Atlanta, back to the only home she’s ever known,” she said. “I just hope he doesn’t push me on this Mrs. Webster, I see no reason to have the funeral here and the longer he fights against this the longer it’ll take to make the arrangements,” she said. “Do you want me to call him Jackie, I can call him and ask if he’s made up his mind yet.” she replied. “No, that’s okay, he should be here any minute, and I’ll talk to him. If you have already spoken to him, I’m sure he’s taken what you said into consideration,” she said. “Oh okay Jackie, well I’ll talk to you soon, you let me know if you need anything, you hear me, anything and I’ll do my best to make it happen, you tell Tommy to call me when you all finish up, okay, I’ll talk to you later, bye now,” she said hanging up the phone. Jackie sat on the sofa deep in thought, waiting for Thomas to come back. Her parents were already settled in their room for the night. Her mother had been sick about Sara dying on her watch; she barely came out of the room. Her father on the other hand was very attentive to Jackie and his wife; he seemed really concerned and worried about both of them. He ran from room to room catering to

them. Thomas entered the room quietly, almost too quiet, startling Jackie. “Oh, I’m sorry Jay, I thought you heard me come in,” he said. Jackie got up, walked around the sofa, and hugged Thomas. “Are you alright Tommy Boy?” she asked kissing him gently on the tip of his nose. “Yea, Jay, I’m sorry I’ve been such a butt hole, I’m just so hurt and I know you are too, I just,” he trailed off breaking down in tears. “There, there Tommy we’re going to get through this, I know we will,” she said in tears. Thomas and Jackie sat on the couch hugging and crying quietly for a long while. “Jay, I think we should have Sara flown back to Atlanta, I mean I think it really is for the best,” he said. “Thank you so much, I have been worried sick about this whole thing. I didn’t know where else to turn, I called you mother. She said she had already spoken to you concerning this, and she wants you to call her. She’s really worried about you, we all are,” she said. “I know, I shouldn’t have run off like that, I just can’t make the hurt stop, it’s killing me Jay. My little girl is gone, I feel like, like a hole was ripped into my heart. She was my princess, she’s gone, the last time I saw her she was asleep,” he said crying hard again. Thomas and Jackie talked about the things he and Mrs. Strong talked about concerning the funeral arrangements. They would have the funeral in Atlanta, they would all fly home in two days and have a going home ceremony for there child and Thomas would have Mrs. Strong’s husband Rev. Strong speak over their child. Two days shot by and so did the days before the funeral, today they would bury their only child, Jackie thought to herself. The house was packed, Thomas’s aunts and uncles were staying with them, Jackie’s parents were staying at the La Quinta Inn in Conyers, they couldn’t stand being around the Webster’s. Thomas’s parents were staying at the Hyatt Regency on Peachtree downtown. With everyone staying so far away, Jackie wondered how much confusion would take place today getting everyone together for the funeral. She hoped Thomas had it all under control, because she didn’t want to have to deal with it at all. Thomas called Mrs. Strong and told her that all the family was spread out and no one had a way to get to the house, so Mrs. Strong arranged for everyone to be picked up early so they could all meet up at the house. Everything went smoothly; everyone was at the house on time. Jackie was so relieved, that everything went on schedule. Once they arrived at the church, Jackie was surprised to see some of the people from her job there. Thomas was still a nervous wreck, he cried off and on, before the funeral; Jackie didn’t think he would make it through the funeral. Everyone had gathered into the small church for the going home ceremony of their daughter. Thomas stood as the choir began to sing, “Where the Rose Never Fades.” Thomas tried to contain himself but the grief he was feeling was too much, his heart was so heavy. She, was his only child, he was devastated. He cried out, fell to his knees and begging God to help him. Thomas’s mother ran to him, she helped him to his feet as she herself cried out in pain. It wasn’t long before Jackie and her parents were crying hard too. After the funeral, everyone went to the graveyard. After the ceremony at the graveyard, Thomas and Jackie were headed to the car when Thomas spotted Chrissy standing over near his friends. He was shocked and relieved at the same time. He wanted to run to her and thank her for being there. Jackie followed where he was looking and she knew everyone except the female dressed in black. “Who is that standing with Torrence and Antwan and Mike?” she asked. “That’s Chrissy,” he said in a daze. Who is Chrissy, is she a friend of yours or a friend of theirs? She’s a friend of ours, why do you ask?” he asked quickly. Because I never seen her before and here she is at our child’s funeral. Oh it’s no big deal, she a good friend, a real good friend,” he said as he turned and

walked towards the crowd. When Jackie saw the embrace they exchanged, the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. There was much more than friendship in that hug and she knew it. Jackie got in the car; she didn’t want to make a scene. Her parents were watching the whole thing but seemed unaffected by the hug they witnessed. She tried to pretend that all was well to save face in front of her folks. After everyone had spent a few hours at the house, the families departed and went to their prospective hotels. Jackie went to Thomas. “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way Thomas, but I saw the look in Chrissy’s eyes as she hugged you, there is much more to that. I mean she must really like you or something, you should have seen the look on her face during that hug,” she said waiting for the argument to start. “Listen Jay, tonight isn’t the night to start in on me, I just buried my daughter this afternoon, and I don’t have time, nor would I make time for this foolishness, so please stop it right now,” he replied. “You buried your daughter, your daughter,” she shouted. And what am I to her, the flipping Nanny, she is my child too Thomas, but that’s real ingenious of you. How long did it take to come up with that one, you are still avoiding the question, who is she Thomas?” she asked now screaming. “I already told you, she is a close friend of ours, and her name is Chrissy, what else do you want to know Jay, huh, what else?” he asked now livid. “That doesn’t tell me a darn thing and you know it, you know what just drop it. You walk around here like you have grounds to cheat on me cause I cheated on you, I apologized and you said, you forgave me. You moved back in here and now, you wanna play games. I don’t have the time or the energy to deal with this mess Thomas, you want out, there is the door,” she said pointing. “You have got to be kidding me, you are telling me to get out Jay. You will never have the opportunity to say those words to me again. I will leave, but you better not so much as speak to me again Jackie and I mean that,” he said as he stormed out of the room. “Who cares Thomas, run, run to Chrissy I bet she’ll be waiting with open arms. But she don’t know how cruel you are, how nasty your personality is, I feel sorry for her. She thinks she’s getting this good man, boy I wish I could tell her a few things,” she said walking into the other room. Before she could even register that Thomas was there, he had his hand lightly around her throat. “Let me be clear about something you ignorant slut, if you tell anybody anything you won’t live long enough to hear the backlash, stay away from me and my friends, do you hear me Jackie. You are not welcomed in my circle of friends, period, now run and tell that,” he said as he pushed her up against the wall and walked away. Jackie waited until Thomas walked away, she ran and grabbed the phone and called the police. But before they could arrive at the house Thomas, his things and his threats were long gone. Jackie just stood there. They had their child’s memory to mourn, they had friends and family still in the area. What would she tell them tomorrow when they all came over to visit? Jackie cried, she was sick with worry, she hadn’t wanted to run him off, but the look in Chrissy’s eye said it all. They were an item, and who was she? She didn’t hold a place in his heart anymore, not since the death of Sara. Jackie wanted to call her parents, tell them about the fight they had. But she knew if she called them they would come, and she had no need for company just now. The families came and went, no one seemed the least bit concerned about the absence of Thomas, even his mother said, she knew he would need some time to himself. With that being said the rest of the people acted accordingly. Two days after Thomas’s disappearance, all the people from out of town had returned to their perspective homes, all leaving Jackie with assurances that

they’d be at her beck and call if she needed them. Jackie tried hard not to feel lonely, she wanted so much to call Tommy and see where he was. On the fourth night, she couldn’t take it anymore and she called his phone. When Thomas didn’t answer, she left him a lengthy message. “Thomas, I’m sure I’m the last person you want to hear from. But I wanted to tell you that I love you and I’m sorry for the way things went the other day. Please call me, even if you aren’t ready to come home yet, just call me so I can know that you are alright. Bye baby, talk to you soon,” she said. There more days had gone by and she still hadn’t heard a thing from Thomas, just when she was about to call him again the phone rang. “Hello,” she answered. “Hey Jackie, this is Thomas, listen I’m not calling to argue, just wanted to clear the air. I met Chrissy, like three days after I moved in with Torrence. At first we just spoke on the phone, then we started dating. When I moved back home I broke things off with her. I couldn’t stand being without her positive energy. She was like a breath of fresh air. Then I got in touch with her, she said she didn’t want to see me anymore because I had moved back home with you. I continued pursuing her, she fought me off for a while and then she gave in. I told her that I was leaving, wasn’t sure when, but I told her I was leaving. After seeing her there at the funeral I knew I had to make a decision and well, when you told me to get out I saw my opportunity. I’m sure you are upset with me, but I have to follow my heart Jackie,’ he said. Jackie felt like she was sucker punched in the gut. She was astounded. “Excuse me Thomas, but let me tell you one darn thing, I might be upset, but I won’t be for the rest of my life. I stepped out on you, but you took me back. Now darn near a good three years almost and you decide to tell me you want another woman. Man you have lost your ever loving mind. But if that’s what you want, then you go ahead. I ain’t now or ever have I chased a man. You go on ahead with your new woman I hope you live a long and fruitful life with her,” she said in tears. Jackie got off the phone and cried, she didn’t want to tell her parents just yet. She had never told them about the real reason she and Thomas had spit the first time. Even though she gave a nice speech Jackie was devastated, she loved Thomas and she wanted him back, she needed him. She wasn’t through mourning their daughter, and now she had to also mourn the loss of him.

Chapter 24 Shay’la “Of course I forgive you Leroy,” she said smiling. “Did you get my flowers?” she asked. “What flowers? Did you bring them to the hospital?” he asked. “No I couldn’t find you, they kept you under lock and key, which is probably why they hired the warden out there,” she said laughing. “Well I guess since this is a very serious case, they thought they needed to keep the public from being able to just walk right into my room. I didn’t have any visitors, so you can imagine the grief I gave the nurses,” he said laughing. “I took them to the precinct down off Peachtree, they told me that you didn’t work there, which I already knew, but since the police was there when it all happened, I thought they could tell me where you were. Anyway to make a long story short the Officer said your business partner was there and he’d make sure you got it,”

she replied. “Partner, what partner? The guy that told you this, what did he look like?” “He was kind of tall, and ah, he could have been Mexican, I’m not sure, why? “Listen La’Shay think very hard, was he in uniform or was he dressed in street clothes, what was he doing when you entered the precinct?” he asked seriously. “Ah, he wasn’t wearing a uniform; he was standing beside the desk when you walk in. He was tall; I really think he was Mexican, although I’ve never seen a tall Mexican before in my life. But I remember he had dark hair, dark wavy hair and yea, he had a scar under his left eye,” she said in deep thought. “Okay, that was either Detective Lindstrum or Thickett,” he said thinking aloud. “I don’t remember his name, although I thought I heard some one call the man I was talking to Rob, or Bob, I’m not sure, I can’t remember. I mean all the secrecy, what happened, who shot you?” she asked. “Please think about this real hard, is there anything, anything Shay you can remember about the man you were talking to?” he asked. “No, I’m really sorry,” she said. “That’s okay, I’ll find out who you were speaking with, did you happen to have your address or phone number written anywhere on the card?” he asked. “No, I wrote my name though, I thought you might remember me, since I talked about our last conversation in the card,” she replied. “Good, I’m glad you didn’t include any personal info. LeRoy knew he had to get in touch with his Captain to discuss the things Shay’la had just spoken about; he needed to find out about the mystery man at the desk. “Enough talk about that, let’s talk about us,” he said with a seductive smile. “What about us?” she whipped back. “I really like you La’Shay Bell, I like your style, your eyes, that smile that lights up a room and just the way you carry yourself, if I’m not careful I could fall head over hills in love with you,” he said seriously. “Well, let’s not move too fast Mr. Esser, it seems you are mixed up in some very heavy stuff and I’m not ready to be run out of Georgia,” she said. “What do you think I’m mixed up in?” he asked. “God only knows, because I sure don’t. When ever I think about our chance meeting I have to deduce that God ordained our paths to cross, I just wish I had the Master’s mind, to try and understand why he needed us to meet,” she said. “It’s easy, you’re my wife,” he said nonchalantly. Shay’la laughed hysterically, and then covered her mouth with her right hand. “I’m sorry, she said in between laughter. I guess you think I’m very rude, it’s just that, well you said that with such conviction and you and I both know that couldn’t be farther from the truth,” she replied. “And what makes you so sure? Exactly why is that in big ole’ Atlanta, I would move down on this quiet almost invisible street, right next door to you. From my understanding, the people that lived next door to you moved in one week and by the time the month was over they were gone, poof. Can you explain that Ms. Bell?” he asked looking deep into her eyes. “Yes I can, the husband got an offer for work in Mexico City and they wanted to be closer to home,” she said wiping her tears of laughter. “Close but no cigar, what actually happened was that they really wanted to go back to Mexico, but the job he had here was their livelihood and so leaving was not an option. That is until I came on the scene. I already had my eye on this place, I walked into the rental office and they were there. The daughter was fussing about wishing she could be back in Mexico. I asked the father what was going on, he explained the situation and I asked if I could get him and his family back to Mexico if he would be willing to let me get the apartment. He was shocked, but agreed. I called in a few favors and got them a one way ticket to Mexico City, a job at a company that would pay his relocating and living expenses, he thanked me and off they went to Mexico City,” he said smiling. “And you did all that to be near little ole’ me,” she said batting her eyes sarcastically. “Actually, I didn’t know you lived next door, I did all that because I knew I was supposed to live in that apartment. I had seen the property a while ago and even spoke with Mr. Bennefield, told him I was interested and he said he would save it for me. I then planned to send him a deposit, but I was sent on another run. Mr.

Bennefield wanted to rent the apartment, the Vasquez’s came and handed him the cash, hey they beat out my promise to rent,” he said. “So that I can understand, you are telling me that you didn’t know I was here, went through all of that, to get in the apartment, then actually after you saw me, you knew I was your wife?” she asked. “Listen to yourself Evangelist Bell, you don’t believe that God himself ordained this chance meeting?” he asked. “I’m not a skeptic; I believe God can do all things. It’s just that we are so mixed matched, that, well that I have a hard time believing that God would put us together,” she replied. “Sweetie, the bible says that the Lord told Hosea to marry Gomer, she was a prostitute and an unfaithful woman, and he also told Hosea what to name their children. He named them names that would be a reminder of the punishment coming to Israel,” he said. Shay’la could not believe her ears, this man that spoke little or nothing of the God of her life sat now before her all but quoting scripture. “So explain to me how all of what you just said cancels out what 2 Corinthians 6:14 says,” she said purposely not quoting the scripture. “Because it states and I quote, do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Which again supports what I said, as you know I am a believer, just not practicing right now,” he said sated. “I have a problem with believing, non-practicing Christians. It seems they have their cake and get to eat it as well,” she fired back. “Well, what’s the point of having cake, if all you can do is look at it,” he said sarcastically. “You know what I mean.” “No actually I don’t, look if you’re not interested say that, but don’t try and use Biblical mumble-jumble to try and brush me off. I know the Bible very well,” he said. “Lucifer knew the Bible well too,” she said in a huff. “Okay I really don’t like the direction this conversation is going. Let’s just agree to disagree and move on to another subject. Why don’t you just come over here and give your future husband a little kiss,” he said smiling. “What, child please. My husband is going to be a preaching, teaching machine. There won’t be a dry eye in the sanctuary when he finishes speaking. We are going to tag team the world, we will bring the sinner to God,” she said. “You really don’t know anything about me, you think because you are saved and deep into church that you are somehow better than me. Nevertheless, what you don’t know is the real reason we are here right now. Deep down inside you what to know me, you want to know what makes me smile, what upsets me. However, you are afraid, afraid of tarnishing your lily-white robe. Don’t let the outside fool you La’Shay, I’m not all bad I promise,” he said as he came to sit beside her. Shay’la looked puzzled, LeRoy you have no idea do you?” she asked. “Idea about what? I wish you knew me, knew what I was thinking right up through here,” he said smiling. “I want to kiss you so bad right now,” he said dropping his head. When their eyes met Leroy softly pulled her face to meet his and kissed her soft and deep. Shay’la was getting turned on. She did not want to stop kissing, but LeRoy ended the kiss abruptly. He walked across the room, first with his back to Shay’la, then he turned to face her saying, “look Shay, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Before he could finish his sentence, she grabbed him around his waist, pulled him into an embrace for another tongue-battling kiss. LeRoy thought about the accident and work, trying to keep his mind off his growing excitement. He tried to think of things unrelated to sex or kissing. He tried to keep cool, but she kept grinding her pelvis into him, moaning. He took all he could before he pushed back and said, baby let’s slow down, I’m getting real excited and I don’t want to offend you. So please, unless you plan to take this further, we need to stop now,” he said breathing heavy. “Just a little more, I need this feeling,

never felt anything like this before,” she said breathy. “I can’t La’Shay, I need some space, please,” he said walking across the room. When he turned around Shay’la was taking off her sweater, walking towards him. “You got this cake here, and you telling me all you want to do is look at it. Wasn’t that you a few minutes ago spouting that soapbox logic, you know, what’s the point of having cake if you can’t eat it. Taste a piece and if you don’t like it you can spit it out,” she said. “Gurl, don’t play wit’ me up in my castle,” he said trying to lighten the moment. “Come on LeRoy; don’t make me beg you, I want you to kiss me, why can’t you do that, huh?” she asked. “I can kiss you again, if you promise me, when things get too heated, you’ll lay down with me,” he replied. “You know I can’t do that,” she cooed. “My point exactly,” he replied. “What the only way I can get a kiss is if we go to bed, that’s crazy. I not trying to tease you Roy, I really enjoyed that kiss and I’m not ready for it to end. Is there something wrong with that?” she asked. “No baby, it’s not a problem, it’s just the way this started and the intensity that we were going at it, I’m sorry I’m human and I really wanted to lay you down right then,” he said. Shay’la walked over to him and kissed him softly on his lips. He grabbed her and the kiss began again. This time Shay’la broke away. “Whoa, I see what you mean,” she said breathless. Leroy just stared at her for a moment. “Let me walk you home La’Shay,” he said. “Oh, well, yea okay,” she said shocked. “I hope you don’t mind, I just think if I keep you here any longer, I’m gonna be begging you to lay down with me,” he said putting on his jacket. “Wait, I want to be with you, I don’t want to leave, I’m feeling good right now, why does this have to end, can I spend the night with you tonight?” she asked seriously. “What are you doing, La’Shay, please don’t do this to me. Look I dig you something terrible and I mean, I dream, wet dreams about you woman. There is no way in hell, I’m going to have you and that fine ass body in my bed, and all we gone done is kiss, hell to the naw. It ain’t going down Boo. Come on before you make me seduce you up in here,” he said laughing. “No,” she said sitting down stubbornly. “I can’t understand this, I want to be with you and you believe that you have to rush me out of here like some adolescent school girl, I am of the age of consent you know. I just want us to kiss and well if we get heavy into some thing then, maybe I will consent. All I know is that I don’t want to leave,” she said still upset. “Baby, when we do this, we are going to be on one accord, I won’t have to do anything, because we are going to be so deep into one another that you won’t be able to tell where your body starts and where mine ends. I don’t want to trick you, or make you Shay, I want you ready, willing and able and believe me we will get there, and when we do, it’s going to be the bomb, trust me, I’m good like that, I back my product a hundred percent,” he said laughing. Shay’la threw a pillow and hit him on the head, “you make me sick, dang, okay, okay you’re right. You know what I really appreciate you, you surprised me more than you know tonight, thanks,” she said kissing him on his cheek. Shay’la walked to the door of his bedroom, “so are you walking me to the door,” she asked smiling. “Yea come on Boo,” he said. Shay’la kissed Leroy on the lips at her door, turned and walked in her apartment. After she ran her bath water, she went and undressed in her bedroom. When there was a knock at her door. With a towel fanning her small frame and a robe over top, she peeked out her peephole to find Leroy standing there. “Yes,” she said opening the door. “I just wanted to tell you to be careful, don’t trust anyone, especially in a policeman’s uniform,” he said. “Why, I mean okay, but what’s going on?” she asked concerned. “If you and I never end up being anything but friends, I want you to trust me, I can’t go into details right now, because as I said before I’m not at liberty to

say, so just watch where you go, check your surroundings. Don’t do any late night errands, he said smiling, just be very careful La’Shay Bell,” he said looking at her hard. “Now you’ve got me all scared, I was about to take a bath, but maybe I’ll just wash up at the sink. Should I set my alarm, or are you saying just be careful when I’m away from my house?” she asked. “I need you to be very aware of your surroundings, make sure you know where everything is, so that if anything is out of place, you’ll know. Like pay attention to all your car doors. Make sure they are locked at all times. Notice where your newspaper is, where your car seat is positioned. Just be very careful, that’s all I can tell you at this time. I’m going to be watching as well. I got your back, but you have to help, okay ma?” he asked Okay,” thanks again LeRoy. Make sure you lock the door behind me, turn on that alarm and stay in tonight,” he replied. “I ain’t leaving this house tonight, she replied looking around paranoid. “If you want I’ll stay right here in the living room while you take your bath, I don’t know what might happen. All I’m saying is be careful, I couldn’t handle it if something happened to you,” he said. “Would you do that for me?” she asked. Leroy looked deep into her eyes. “Don’t you know I’d do anything for you La’Shay Bell, you’re my wife,” he said. Shay’la turned and headed towards the bathroom. “It’ll only take me a few minutes,” she called over her shoulder. Leroy sat quietly in the darkness of the living room; he couldn’t shake the story about the flowers and the mysterious Bob or Rob. After talking to his Captain, he was spooked. Shay’la emerged from the bathroom smelling like Jasmine, with her long hair pulled into a tight ponytail on the top of her head. She was wearing a short pale yellow nightgown with fluffy Sponge Bob slippers. “I really needed that,” she said smiling. “Well I better get going, make sure you lock this door behind me,” he said. “Sure you won’t stay with me until I fall asleep?” she asked smiling. “You are really trying my will power little lady, look at you in that tiny night gown. Girl, what I could do to you. Excuse me, he said shaking his head, I got carried away. Sure I can stay, do you have a chair in your room?” he asked. “Yea, but I want you on the bed with me,” she said walking towards her bedroom. Leroy knew Shay’la was playing a very dangerous game and he was starting to get angry. He didn’t like to be teased. He knew he would never take sex from any one, but wondered what she wanted him to do. They lay down for a while, and then Shay’la turned towards him and laid her head on his chest. She fell asleep snoring lightly, he leaned down and kissed her on her lips. Shay’la grabbed the back of his neck and began kissing him deeply; to Leroy’s surprise, she slid her body on top of his. He pushed her back, staring in her eyes he said, “do you really want to see what will happen if you keep doing this kind of stuff to me?” Shay’la dropped her eyes and slid off him, “look Roy, I’m very much attracted to you, I’m sorry. “No need to be sorry La’Shay, I just don’t want to get into this hot and heavy, to be turned down. I also don’t want to pressure you into anything, I though you felt me back at my place. Everything I told you was true, look at you Shay. All sexy in that little gown, soft and sweet, don’t make me girl, I’ll have you up in here screaming everything but Hallelujah,” he said again trying to make light of the situation. Before he could blink, Shay’la slowly lifted her gown up over her head to reveal her very taunt C cup breast. Shay’la moved closer to Leroy, close enough to brush a very erect nipple across his folded arms. Leroy looked at her cocked his head and cupped her breast with both hands. Still looking in her eyes Leroy said, “I truly hope you know what you’re doing Ms. Bell, with that he lowered his head taking her ample breast into his mouth. Shay’la threw her head back and moaned

softly. That sound alone sent a shiver through his body. Leroy lay Shay’la back and began kissing and licking places that she had no idea would have the affect on her it had. Shay’la spent the next three hours in total ecstasy. Leroy was a gentle, patient lover one that surprised her so much, first in his extensive knowledge of the Bible and then in his experience as a lover. Shay’la was just happy she was on the receiving end. She lay over on her side of the bed both sated and relaxed. Leroy was stunned, this beautiful woman never told him, she was a virgin. What would make a woman, who takes her religion so serious, violate one of her vows, better yet, what would make him allow this. After laying there thinking about it he became very uncomfortable. “I’m not sure how to say this La’Shay Bell, but I really feel bad about what just happened. Before you get the wrong impression about what I just said, understand what I am trying to say, although I really enjoyed what just took place, I need to understand what would make you allow the moment to take you where we ended up,” he asked. “I am attracted to you Leroy and I wanted you, is that so hard to understand. You did not pressure me into this, you have no idea how I wished some how to be back in your presence. Then just like magic, you appeared at my door. I knew then I would not let you leave here with out having you. I’m sorry if you somehow believe I’m thinking I’ve made some terrible mistake,” she said. “It’s not that La’Shay; it’s the fact that you were saving yourself, for that special some one. “Yes, she interrupted, for my husband, you said I was your wife, or have you changed your mind?” she asked. “No baby, I haven’t, but, what, can you feel it, I want you so bad, not just in the manner that I just had you, but in all manners, wife, friend, lover, companion, doctor, confidant, everything. Why is that so hard for you to understand?” he asked “We just met, I know you are saying to yourself, what else is there other than getting pregnant, I know I’ve given you myself, something I can never get back. But I wanted it, I wanted you, I’m not confused, I wanted this Leroy, so stop beating yourself up over this, hold me and let’s get some sleep, because I’m gonna want another round of that same thing in the morning,” she said with a slight grin. “What am I going to do with you La’Shay Bell, what am I going to do?” he asked aloud to no one in particular. “Love me, love me Leroy and the rest will follow suite. I’m not asking you for any more than any man requires from his woman. Keep me happy, love me, make love to me, listen to me and support me in all my endeavors,” she replied. “Woman, I want my children with you, I want to grow old chasing that round butt around the house, I couldn’t love you no more if you were God himself. I need you in my life. I have to have you,” he said. “Then handle your business,” Shay’la said laughing a little. For the next four weeks, Shay’la spoke to no one, saw no one except Leroy Esser. She spent a much time as she could undressed and next to Leroy. Leroy had gone back to work; Shay’la came home from work everyday with the anticipation of being in Leroy’s arms. One Thursday night Shay’la came home, made dinner for herself and Leroy. He came over as usual, but had to run out after dinner to take a report to the station. Since Leroy had a key, she went to take a long hot bath, she put on a very sexy sheer extremely short baby doll night gown. Pulled her shoulder length honey brown hair up in a pony tail on top of her head. She oiled her body down and sprayed on a sexy light fragrance as she waited for her man to return. When Leroy returned he first went to his place and turned on the lights. He then crossed the porch and went in to Shay’la’s place. He turned around to close the door when Shay’la entered the room. “Hey Baby, did you handle your business?” she asked in a sultry voice. “Ah, yea, yea I did, girl what do you have on?” he asked walking briskly towards

her. Leroy folded her in his arms in a sensual embrace, he then picked her up and carried her to her bedroom. Once in the bedroom the magic began, Shay’la couldn’t imagine never having Leroy in her life. He took her places in her mind she never knew existed. They were so heavy in their love making that neither one of then heard the knock on the already opened door. They were moaning and groaning, both deep in satisfying the other, that they hadn’t realized that Roslyn and Tamika had entered the home, and made it back to Shay’la’s bedroom door. “Excuse us,” Roslyn said standing in front of her bedroom door. “You left the front door wide opened and we heard noises and ran back here to make sure you were alright. But we can see you are doing fine,” Roslyn said walking away from the room. Tamika just stood there for a moment watching them try and recover from the position they were in. Shaking her head, she too walked away. Shay’la was livid, just who in the heck did they think they were walking up in her house like that. Shay’la grabbed her robe and headed to the living room quickly. “What in the hell is wrong with you two, you don’t walk in people’s house like that,” she yelled. Roslyn walked over to Shay’la and got up in her face. “Listen here slut, we caught your trifling butt red handed, you laying in here having sex with your front door wide opened. Then you want to act like we done something wrong, girl please you make me sick and you best believe I am going from here to Pastor Tillmonds house, he and the church will hear about this. You may have had them fooled but I always knew you were a sneaky trick,” she replied. “Both of you better get out of here before I arrest the two of you on trespassing charges,” Leroy said. “And just who do you think you talking to partner?” Tamika asked. Leroy stood there in his pajama pants with badge in hand. “Any questions?” he asked after flashing his badge. They turned and left, but not before Roslyn spoke again. “They will all know all about you, so get your lie together Shay’la, I dare you,” she said walking out of the house. When they left, Shay’la looked at Leroy, he walked over to her and held her in his arms. “I’m so sorry Shay’la, I never meant for anything like this to happen,” he said. “It’s not your fault Leroy, I can’t blame you for this. But I’m gonna need some space, some time to get myself together,” she replied. “What am I supposed to do La’Shay, twiddle my thumbs, I love you and I would marry you today, if you’d accept. Don’t push me away Shay’la, please,” he begged. “I’m not, I just, I need some time, have to figure this out Leroy, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” she said breaking down in tears. Leroy dropped his head and walked out, he turned around and told Shay’la to call him when she was ready. Shay’la didn’t call her Pastor right away and she didn’t answer any phone calls, not even from her Grandma Pearl. First weeks and then months had gone by and Shay’la couldn’t bring herself to speak with Pastor Tillmonds. Then one day after work Shay’la decided to go to the church and pray. Shay’la walked into the sanctuary; she looked up towards the stain-glassed window behind the Baptismal pool and tears streamed down her cheeks. Shay’la loved God with her whole heart and wondered how, she got herself involved in the mess she was in.

She cared so much for Leroy and he seemed to pretty much feel the same way about her, but she never meant for things to go this far. Although she enjoyed his company, and loved they way he made her feel, she couldn’t shake the feeling that she needed to leave him alone or that she had messed up his life. Shay’la lay before the altar and cried out to God, she cried for the wrong things she’d done in her life, she cried for the way she felt for Leroy. his

She begged God for

forgiveness, she wanted to make things right with God, but she wanted to be totally honest with herself. and she

She did love Leroy, she still wanted to be with him, period

still wanted to do God’s work, but she knew she couldn’t and wouldn’t do both. After crying for a long while she lay silently in the sanctuary, thinking. Thinking about one day having a church of her own, she thought about Leroy’s knowledge and wondered if maybe he had missed his calling long ago. life and

She was in deep thought over her

her concerns for her future, so much so, she didn’t hear her Pastor come in. “Shay’la, how are you child?” he asked. and mentor she began crying again.

She felt just as bad having let him down as well.

“I’m so sorry,” she said amid tears. said wiping them from her face. I had it

Standing and turning to face her Pastor

“Now, now what’s with all these tears,” he

“Pastor I let him down, I let you down.

I, I thought

all together, how can I face the congregation, how can I ever speak again?” she asked still crying. “If you never speak again, you will have given in to Satan. fall; you

He wanted you to

were what the young people needed to make a change in their lives. speak

If you never

again who will do the work God has called you to do, no one can do what he’s called you to do, no one but you. Take some time and get yourself together, but if you walk away,

what will you have proven and to whom?” he asked.

“I don’t know Pastor, I can’t

imagine all of the things people are saying about me right now, I can’t, oh God,” she said breaking down again. “God knows all, he see’s all, do you think this all happened without his knowing. You preached a few Sunday’s ago about sexual immortality, and at that time you had no idea what the pull of sexual intimacy could do to a person.

When you stand before an

audience and speak again about keeping yourself until God sends you your mate, you will know just how hard it is to abstain from sex. You have never heard me preach a sermon on drinking, mainly because that wasn’t my sin. I didn’t drink or smoke. lost a

I didn’t chase women, I was a gambler, and I’ve

whole church, took the church’s money and gambled it away. and my family. because

I almost lost my wife

When I preach that and child I can preach that thing, you hear me,

the hurt is still fresh, it’s still as deep for me as it was all those years ago. Not because I haven’t forgiven my self, or that God hasn’t forgiven me, but because I know how it feels to be at the bottom of the barrel, to be humiliated, to be talked about, lied on, I done my dirt but not everything they said about me was true. and

God wouldn’t let me give up

walk away, he wouldn’t let me go back and get a regular job. day and I thank him for it, because it made me who I am today. to

He rode me night and

You have to have dirt

grow fruit, it you ain’t got no dirt or soil, you can’t grow nothing, nothing that will produce fruit that is. culture

Cause you can grow all sorts of fungus and bacteria in a

dish. God wants the fruits of your labor. you have to hold your head up and keep walking. we get up. God

Shay’la you can’t give up and give in,

Donnie McClurkin sings, we fall down, but

You have to get up and stay up; don’t let this one mistake take you out,

made you stronger than that young lady. party.

Stop all that crying and having a pity

Ain’t no since in crying over spilled milk, clean it up and be careful next time,” he said helping her up. Shay’la wiped her eyes and stood up; she hugged Pastor Tillmonds and kissed him on the cheek. time.

“I thank God for you Pastor, you have been in my corner for a very long

I’m not sure what tomorrow holds; but right now I’m going to stay out of sight for a while. I’ll continue to get your sermons every Sunday, but for the most part Pastor, I’m just not ready to face any one yet, I know I brought this on myself, but I can’t handle seeing anyone, until I can stand to look at myself,” she said crying a little. “Take your time Shay’la, but don’t take to long, God will still be beside you, remember you can call me anytime, take care of yourself Shay’la,” he said. Shay’la hugged Pastor Tillmonds again and walked out of the building. As she walked out of the building Shay’la began reflecting on her life, here she was a young woman dealing with the troubles of a woman living for the world, and Shay’la knew, that no matter what she had done in her life, she was not going to give up. God had brought her to far to turn back now. for

Thinking about the love that she had

God and his love for her made her feel better. pitty part for herself.

No longer was she going to throw a

As she walked along God dropped a scripture in her spirit,

“write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie; though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. Behold, his soul which is lifted up is not upright in him; but the just will live by his faith. was so good to her. grateful.

Shay’la almost shouted.

God

She was happy, God had not left her side, and for that she was

Chapter 25 Ta’Lisa Too many women out there are not dealing with what I’m dealing with right now and therefore why a brother would seek me out to have continual protected sex with is not believable. I really appreciate what you’re trying to do Juston, but it’s not necessary. I have already made peace with this, I mean it still hurts, but I’m dealing with this and I’m not fooling myself,” she said. “Ta’Lisa, I have loved you since the day I was assigned to your area. I have wanted to be with you, but you never gave me the benefit of the doubt. I am here for you, I would do anything for you, don’t you know that? Ta’Lisa I am willing to stand by you while you go through this, as a friend or as your man, it’s all on you,” he said seriously. “I can’t let you ruin your life because you have a crush on me, that’s a very touching gesture, but I couldn’t stand the thought of you settling for me as a mercy case,” she said almost angry. “You know as beautiful as you are I would have never dreamed that you suffer with low self-esteem. It’s almost laughable, you’re gorgeous, I mean darn right fine and you think far to little of yourself. I wouldn’t settle, as you put it with any one, I happen to care deeply for you. I have for a very long time Ta’Lisa. “I hear you talking Juston, but I can’t understand. I don’t want any one to care deeply for me. I’ve made a mess of my life and I have to deal with that, not you. You are a healthy heterosexual man, and a fine man at that. I may not have dealt with you because you weren’t married, but you are a very fine brother. There were times when I wished you were married; I would have been all over you. Look Juston, you’ve been very good to me and I swear I appreciate it, but you’re single and even though I’m through dating married men, I still can’t commit to a single man, I couldn’t let you do this, I’d always feel that you just feel sorry for me. So please Juston let’s stop this conversation before I get upset,” she said in tears. Juston knew he couldn’t win today, it would take some time to convince her he was serious. Juston left, but kept Ta’Lisa on his mind. He wanted to make her understand that

she was worthy to be loved even in her current situation. Ta’Lisa sat in her living room, thinking hard about what her choices really were. She couldn’t date married men, single men, right now she couldn’t date period. Ta’Lisa was in a bind and she didn’t see a way out. The night was young and she decided she would get dressed and head out, what better way to finish off a boring day, than with a night out. Ta’Lisa put on a pair of skinny jeans and a white long-sleeve dress shirt. She topped it off by adding a wide red belt and a pair of red stilettos. Pulled all her hair up in a pony-tail and grabbed her keys. Once she hit the club, she felt a lot better. Instead of going to her usual spot she hit another club that had recently opened in Decatur. She was dancing all over the place, she danced alone for the most part, that is until a brother that could have passed for the twin of Shemar Moore walked up and asked if she wanted to dance. “Sure, by the way my name is Ta’Lisa,” she said. “That’s what’s up, my name is Raymon, no d,” he said with a smile. Nice to meet you Ramon,” she said rolling her tongue for emphasis. They danced and danced and danced. Then he and she headed for the bar, so they could get a drink. They drank a long island ice tea, then headed back to the floor. After doing that four times, Ta’Lisa was feeling her liquor. She told Ramon, she was going to head home while she could still drive home. Ramon flirted and flirted until they agreed that they would meet at her place. They ended up at her place, both drunk and giddy as teenagers. They danced some more in Ta’Lisa’s living room. She knew she would have to kick him out, before he thought they would have sex. But they were having a good time. She was so sad about her future and wasn’t ready for her night to end. She tried to end he night but Ramon, wasn’t going easily. He kept talking and kissing her, he caressed her, held her close. Told her how beautiful she was. Ta’Lisa was sinking fast, she knew she had condoms, but she was still afraid of going there with him. He was persistent. He kept kissing and kissing, he touched her and looked her deep in her eyes. “Baby, I want you, please don’t deny me, not tonight,” he begged. “Listen, I am feeling you, but I can’t go there, not tonight,” she replied. “Well can I at least lay with you, please, don’t ask me to leave not tonight,” he pleaded. “What will your wife say, if you don’t come home tonight?” she asked. “My wife doesn’t care what I do, she has a girlfriend, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t lay this on you. Please forgive me, I just need to be with you tonight, even if we do nothing. I just don’t want to be alone tonight, okay ma’mi?” he asked. Ta’Lisa didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but she didn’t want any company either. But since he begged, she let him stay. The last thing Ta’Lisa remembered was laying down with Ramon in her bed, they were both fully dressed. He lay behind her with his arm around her waist. About four a.m. Ta’Lisa got up and slid out of her clothes, slipped on a night gown. Ramon pretended to be asleep as he watched her change. When she returned to bed, Ramon rolled over. After she was sleeping again, he got up and took off all of his clothes. He slid behind her again, he began kissing her neck, then lightly fondling her. Ta’Lisa was caught between being half awake and truly turned on. Ramon continued, her light moans, driving him mad. He kept it up until she was completely aroused. He got on top of her kissing and caressing. Before she could say anything he had penetrated her. Caught off guard and caught up in the moment, she moaned, and then it all came back to her. She pushed him off of her, jumped up and started screaming and yelling like a crazy person. Ramon was so scared, he grabbed for his clothes, screaming back at her. “What’s wrong with you, man?” What did I do?” he screamed back at her.

Ta’Lisa ran in her bathroom, crying and still screaming. It was like she was living in a nightmare. The only person she could call was Juston. When she emerged from the bathroom, he was gone. She was sick, she ran back in the bathroom and threw up. Partly from the liquor and partly from the act itself. She had never planned to hurt anyone. That would be attempted murder if she was found out. Ta’Lisa called Juston in tears, she needed him there with her. She called and called but Juston never answered. Sitting at home feeling sorry for herself wasn’t an option. Ta’Lisa took a long hot bath. She continued to cry, she called Juston again and again he didn’t answer. All of a sudden in her mind she could see the damp basement she had dreamed of. She saw the silhouette of the man with no name. She began to hear the squeaky voice of the lady on the intercom. Calling her name over and over. Ta’Lisa jumped up and started combing her hair she wouldn’t stay another minute in this house. She knew she needed to get out in the air, do something to take her mind off of last nights events. She never meant to hurt that young man and she didn’t know how she would face him, but she had to. Even if it meant he would press charges on her.

When Ta’Lisa went to get dressed, she pulled out a very nice dress, she had for years, but never wore it. After she was dressed she rode around, with no destination. And then she came to a church, it was packed, Ta’Lisa turned into the over crowed parking lot and found a park. She looked up at the stain glassed window and tears ran down her cheeks. Ta’Lisa had no idea why she was here, but she couldn’t turn back not now. She had to see if any of what she had heard over the years was true. Could this be the place that could help her overcome the hell that had become her life. Ta’Lisa stood there staring as people busied themselves around her. She was both afraid and excited. She wanted to believe that by coming here today, that her life would some how change. Ta’Lisa wanted to make a change, but wasn’t sure how. After a few minutes she went inside, found a seat in the back and sat, waiting for something to happen.

Chapter 26 Monique Monique never brought her work home with her, making her feel as though the change she now knew was destined to take place would have to come from inside. She wondered how she would start, she had money set aside and would not be hurting if she quit moreover, since she was in business for herself, she wasn’t worried about the repercussion behind her decision. Monique was shocked at the way she was feeling, she’d been to church before and over the years she’d heard plenty of preachers preaching the Gospel, but some how every since this morning she was feeling very different about God and changing her

life. She was tired of selling her body, she wanted to live a normal life, she wanted to start going to church and start living for God. Monique wasn’t at all a follower, every decision she made she made after carefully thinking it through, this was by far a very conscious decisions and she was at peace with it, which surprised her quite a bit. As Monique took of her suit, she wondered what Shay’la would think of her if she found out, she was a prostitute. Not swayed by that line of thinking, Monique continued to think deep and hard about the man called Jesus and all the love he had for her. She was almost tickled to death to hear that no matter what she’d done in her life that the man Jesus still loved and cared for her. She decided to put it to the test, she threw on her most comfortable housedress, washed off her make-up and got down on her knees in front of her bed and began to pray. “Lord, I know you know what I’ve been doing with my life, I’m tired Lord and I want to change, it’s no secret that I’m leery I mean down right skeptical about all of this. But right now Lord I’m coming to you the only way I know how, and I’m asking, no begging you to change my ways of life, my ways of thinking and my foot falls. Lord I long to have the peace of mind that I hear people talking about, Lord I need to feel your arms wrapped around me, urging and pushing me to go on. There are times when I don’t believe I’ll make it, but somehow I continue. Lord if that’s your steady hand guiding me along I want to thank you, thank you for taking the wheel when my feeble body can no longer press on anymore. Lord watch over me, lead me, and guide me as you see fit God. Lord I have been told that, you would never leave me nor forsake me, Lord you know I have no earthly knowledge as to what that means. I’m believing that it means’s you’ll always be there for me, take me Lord under your loving arms and teach me how to love myself, so that I can learn to love others, all theses things I ask Lord in Jesus’ name amen”. When Monique got to her feet she was surprised, she would have never imagined that she could pray and she was impressed. She wanted to call Shay’la but thought against it. The next few days seemed to drag by, Monique went to work everyday anticipating Wednesday, that was the night for Bible study. Monique was disappointed that she hadn’t run into Shay’la, but she kept going. One night she decided she would not just listen from a far, but that she would participate. Instead of taking her normal seat in the very last row, Monique actually moved to the second row in the front. Determined that she was going to get into tonight’s lesson, she opened both her Bibles, pulled out her notebook and said a quick heart felt thank you Lord and sat waiting for the rest of the congregation to come. Monique heard a few of the women whispering and turned around. Not knowing what all the commotion was about she turned back around and studied her notes. Tamika saw her and approached her, “excuse me, but aren’t you a friend of Shay’la’s?” she asked. “Yes, I am,” she said, thankful she hadn’t stuttered. “I thought so; well I guess you haven’t heard. It seems that Ms. Thang, I mean Pastor, Evangelist Bell, been getting her freak on with a guy that lives next door to her. She won’t be showing her face around here anymore. So I guess that means you might as well find yourself another Church, see we don’t deal with her kind and anybody that deals with her, is not welcomed around here, you do understand don’t you ma’am,” she said sarcastically. “Yes, as a matter of fact I do, she said leaning closer to Tamika. “I don’t know you and I don’t care to know you, and regardless what that child has done, she is still and always will be a child of God, at least that’s what everybody preaches around here. Aside from that you have no authority to oust me or anybody for that matter from this church. So you see, real people don’t deal with your kind and anybody that deals with your kind should not be welcomed in any Church, you do understand don’t you, now get out of my face before I forget I’m in church and really won’t be welcomed here,” she said still smiling. After Tamika walked away, someone behind her tapped her on the shoulder. Monique turned around with a look on her face that almost scared the young woman. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to tell you not to pay any attention to

Tamika, she’s had it in for Shay’la for a long time,” the young woman stated. Monique smiled and turned back around. She then began wondering what she had gotten herself into. Pastor Tillmonds walked to the front of the Church, grabbed the microphone and called for the attention of the church. “Good evening Church, there seems to be a lot of commotion going on tonight. Earlier today I spoke with Sister Shay’la Bell, we have agreed that right now she needs to take some time off, figure out some things. I really don’t want anybody and I do mean anybody coming up to me telling me anything else. That child and me are close as you all know, and she has told me herself what has taken place. The rest is between her and God, what ever she might have left out or omitted to tell me is on her, which for sure is between her and her maker. What I can tell you tonight is that her heart and her spirit are truly grieved. She admits to wrongdoing, and she asks that we pray for her. So tonight, I want to start Bible study off with a prayer for my child. “The Bible says in Romans the 3rd chapter, therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight; for by the law is the knowledge of sin. But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets; Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference: For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. I know I don’t need to say that we have all fallen short, because the reality of it is that we are all but filthy rags in the sight of God. No one here is sinless, tonight I want us to all open our hearts and our minds, think back to when you weren’t so holy. Think back to when you were not just in your mess, but living your mess.” All over the church came Amen’s. “Think back to the day you knew something had to change, when you felt as though your life depended on that change, Sister Bell is in that spot tonight people, she needs all the prayer she can get, and we are her church family and we need to pray for her, let us bow are heads.” “Father, we come to you tonight standing in the gap for our Sister, Sister Shay’la Bell, Lord, we ask you tonight to stop by her house, wrap your loving arms around her, touch her in her secret place, that place that is locked away from all human eyes and human touch. That place that no earthly man can touch, Lord, hold her in the cradle of your arm and whisper her name, the name you gave her father, bring back the memory of what it is that you have called and set her apart for. Carry her to that safe place, breathe life back into her, and then send her back to us, full of the fire and zeal for life that she has left behind, touch her tonight father that she might remember what is was that made her run through these door begging, what must I do to be saved, Lord, we ask all these things in your precious son’ Jesus name Amen. All over the church silent Amen’s were heard. “Tonight I want to change from where we have been going, I want to jump over to Nehemiah the 1st chapter, Sister Jones please read verses 5 through 11,” he said. After she read the verses, everyone settled in to hear the lesson. The Bible stated that Nehemiah’s brother came to visit him from Judah. He asks his brother a few questions concerning the welfare of the Jewish people and the conditions in Jerusalem. He finds out that the wall in Jerusalem is broken down; the people are in great despair and they are troubled. This saddens Nehemiah and he weeps. He wants to try to restore the dignity of the people and rebuild the crushed wall. The city is in a bad way, with the walls falling and the people at their lowest, the city is open for attack. I want to stop right there and deal with this part tonight. “You see, when you talk about the building of a wall or any structure for that matter you have to have some one with the knowledge and know how to either help you build it or build it for you. As I read this text I thought about the contractors we have today, the people who specialize in building things, be it an architect, or a mason, they are equipped with the knowledge of building a foundation. Let us look at Christians; we all know that the Bible is the foundation or the backbone structure that holds everything the Christian Faith together. You have to have a solid foundation for any structure to stand. The word of God, his promises, his grace and his mercy are the foundations of

Salvation. I was reading Mark 6:3 and it talks about when Jesus went to teach in his hometown, they didn’t receive him because they knew him as a carpenter. I looked up the word Carpenter and found that it means; a person who builds or repairs wooden structures, as houses, scaffolds or shelving, to construct (a plot, scene, article or the like). When we pray and surround ourselves with other believers and fast, and read the word, we are strengthening our walls. The moment you stop, you allow damage to come to your wall, be it people talking about you, boyfriend, husband or wife cheating on you. When you let your guard down and stop fortifying your wall, you have now allowed the first series of breaks, cracks and/or tears in your wall. The walls of a city or state are that laws that govern that place. If for some reason, the walls were not in place imagine what would happen. Think about the shape the world would be in if it wasn’t for laws or rules. God sent his only Son Jesus, to rebuild our personal lives, our Christian lives, our prayer lives. To reconstruct walls that man has torn down, tonight I want all of us to go home and look for cracks, leaks, tears or holes in our Christian lives, look for tiny openings that have allowed Satan to slip in, places where he may be lurking, where he may have slipped passed you and entered your life. Let’s go home and clean up around our own back yard, front yard, carports, for once let us focus totally on our own personal relationship with the Master. I charge you tonight to seal up old hurts, bind up broken hearts, medicate sore subjects, clean and disinfect oozing self-esteem, bandage scrapes of reputations. Tonight heal, mend, rebuild, reconstruct your wall, the carpenter is waiting for you, he can rebuild any foundation, he was trained by the best. The manufacture of all mankind has the blue print, the schematic; he can rebuild your wall, talk to him, and spend some time with him he’ll see you through. When Monique made it to her car, she couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. Monique cried for a long while, quickly wiping her face, when she saw Sister Pearl Bell approaching her car. “Excuse me, are you alright young lady?” Mother Bell asked. “Yes, yes ma’am, I’m fine, touched by the lesson, but I’m fine,” she replied with a strained smile. “Yes, yes, Pastor made a good point tonight; I just hope everybody was listening. So many want to point their fingers at others, but never take time out to check themselves out. We are all human and there for are not perfect, but the good news is that we can come to Jesus, just as we are, any changing we need to do, we have to put in the hand of the Lord. He’ll make a way, he always does, he always does,” she said turning and walking away. Pearl Bell turned around and smiled, “what ever you did, or are doing, cast your cares on the Lord, there is no problem too big or too small for the Master, he’ll see you through, yes he will, he’ll see you through. With that Sister Bell turned and headed in the direction of a young girl waiting for her. The next few days were a blur. Monique knew she needed to make a change in her life. She told herself that when she went to church that morning, when they opened the doors to the church, she would go. The next Sunday while Monique was getting dressed, she kept thinking about her decision to give her life to God. She wanted to keep her promise, but she was afraid and wished she could speak to Shay’la. She would talk to her when she got to church. When she arrived at the church, she looked up at the stain glass window. Shaking her head she entered the building.

Chapter 27 Jackie Jackie tried to sleep, she tried to feel like everything was going to be alright. Thomas was gone and she told herself that she could make it without him. But as the days went on she was miserable. She hated the fact that he seemed unfazed by the break-up. She was going crazy. She walked back and forth through out the house looking at the room void of Thomas’s things. The house void of her baby girl. Jackie thought to herself, she would go to the spot Thomas ate lunch at most days and she would make him see that he was making a big mistake. That morning Jackie dressed in a pair of nice black dress pants, a crisp white blouse, a pair of strappy black nine west pumps. Sprayed on his favorite perfume, made sure not a hair was out of place. When she walked up to the diner, she saw a few mail trucks and knew he was there. She quickly checked her make-up, smiled at herself, because she was looking good. When she walked into the diner, he was sitting in a booth alone, looking at a menu. “Hey Tommy Boy,” she cooed, sliding into the booth in front of him. Thomas looked up shocked. “What are you doing here Jackie?” he asked quickly. “Dang, can’t you at least say hi, or dang girl you looking good or something?” she asked. “Look I’m not alone, Chrissy is here with me, she’s in the bathroom,” he replied. “Who in the heck is this darn Chrissy?” she asked walking towards the bathroom. Thomas ran after her, grabbed her by the arm and tried dragging her away from the bathroom. He didn’t want Chrissy to have to see her or deal with what she was trying to do. But before he could get a real good grip on Jackie’s arm Chrissy emerged from the ladies room. “Thomas, what’s going on?” she asked. That’s a good darn question Thomas, what is really going on?” Jackie asked. “Look ladies, I don’t get down like this, so if we have to talk right here and right now, let’s go over to the booth like civil adults and discuss this,” he replied. Chrissy sashayed over to the table, but Jackie wanted to protest, but Thomas followed behind Chrissy. Jackie stood there for a moment sick, he was following her like a love sick puppy. Once they reached the table, Chrissy and Thomas sat on one side and Jackie sat on the other. She was the first one to speak. “I came here today Thomas, to talk some sense into you. We have been together for over 9 years. How can you throw that away to be with another woman?” she asked. “I told you Jackie, I met Chrissy about 3 days after I moved in with Torrence. We talked on the phone mostly. Then we started dating for a while. When I moved back to the house, I broke things off with her. Then I started calling her again, she didn’t want anything to do with me, but I kept calling, hanging around her job,” he said staring at her. Chrissy didn’t speak, she waited, she would only speak if Jackie asked her something. “But Thomas, we have a history, we have been together for all those years, how can you just throw that away?” she asked. Jackie then turned her attention to Chrissy, she was a very attractive woman. Jackie noticed that she was a lot heavier than she was. She was probably a size 14, and Jackie was a neat size 10. Jackie then asked Chrissy a question. “Why are you doing this, why would you break up our home? Don’t you have a conscious, for God’s sake we just buried our daughter,” she screamed. Thomas reached across the table and grabbed Jackie’s trembling hand. “You need to lower your voice, we aren’t at some ghetto bar in Bankhead some where,” Thomas

said quietly. Chrissy, shook her head, laughed a little then replied, “first of all you don’t know me, second of all I know full well you just buried your child and for that I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. But let’s get this straight, your man, this man,” she said pointing to Thomas, is in his right mind, him choosing me was of his own doing. I love and care for this man, I don’t make a habit of getting my man off of another woman. But we started something that couldn’t be ignored, not by either of us,” she said starting at Thomas. Thomas put his arm around Chrissy, pulled her to him and kissed her forehead. “We are very happy, he said turning to face Jackie, I never meant anything like this to happen. But it did and I can only apologize, but I am not coming back to you Jackie. I wish you the best. Jackie slid from the booth, stood up and slapped Thomas across his face. “I just have one thing to say Thomas, when this fat b..” she began to say. “That’s enough Jackie, we don’t know each other, but if you call me out of my name I will get up from this booth and stomp your frail behind in the ground. Now let that be a warning Jackie,” Chrissy said still seated. Jackie stormed out of the diner in tears, here she was wasting her time trying to make him see she was who he wanted. Jackie couldn’t bring herself to believe that he was choosing someone else over her. She loved him, he was going to be her husband. Jackie started crying and screaming. He had hurt her so bad, she felt like she didn’t want to live anymore. She thought she would walk away with her man, but he had humiliated her in front of all those people and especially in front of that woman, he was leaving her for. Jackie kept going over in her head how they looked at each other. With so much love, even when things were going good between them, he never looked at her that way. Jackie went home, took off her clothes, washed her face and cried again. She went to the medicine cabinet and took out a bottle of sleeping pills. She took a handful and swallowed them. She lay down in her bed, first she called 911, then called Thomas and told him she was going to kill herself. Thomas hung up on her and he and Chrissy continued their evening. They were at the bowling alley with Chrissy brother and his wife. They were having a good time, until she called. He looked at Chrissy and then shook his head. She walked over to him and rubbed his back. “What’s wrong baby?” she asked. “That was Jackie, she said she was going to kill herself,” he replied. “Oh my God,” she gasped. “Just a ploy to see if I’ll run over there, but it’s not going to work. Why can’t she just leave us alone,” he said, going to bowl. “You aren’t going over there to see if she was serious Thomas?” she asked taking off her bowling shoes. “What are you doing Chrissy, that girl ain’t doing nothing but trying to mess up my night,” he replied. “How Thomas, you are staying with me, it’s not like we live in separate homes or something, let’s go,” she said hurrying. “Are you serious Chrissy?” he asked. “Do I look like I’m playing around Thomas,” she said putting on her jacket. They made a quick excuse and left the bowling alley rushing to Jackie’s house. Before they could make it there Mike called. “Hey man, what’s happening?” Mike asked. “Not much man, how about you?” Thomas asked. “I’m cool, ah where are you right now man?” Mike asked carefully. “I just left the bowling alley, why what’s up?” Thomas asked. “I was listening to my scanner, and well the ambulance is on it’s way to your house, well I mean Jackie’s house,” he replied. “Thanks man, we were on our way there right now, Jackie called and said she was

going to kill herself,” he replied. “Well they said it was an overdose,” Mike said. “Well we’ll be there in about 8 minutes,” he said. When Thomas and Chrissy pulled up, the ambulance was wheeling Jackie out on a gurney. He looked at her, she had her eyes closed, with tears rolling down her cheeks. Heard Thomas’s voice, opened her eyes, and looked for him. He walked over to the gurney put his hand on her shoulder. “Can you hear me Jackie?” Thomas asked. She smiled, turned towards him, yea, I just can’t deal with our separation, first our darling Sara, then you Tommy Boy it was too much,” she said. Just when she was about to say how much she loved him, she heard Chrissy’s voice. Jackie almost jumped off the gurney. “You brought that, that woman with you? How dare you, how dare you she screamed, get them away from me,” she yelled. The paramedics rushed over and told them they had to leave. When the ambulance arrived at the hospital Jackie had started to get real sleepy, she couldn’t hold her eyes opened. The next day she awoke in a room. She was hooked up to a machine, she was sore around her abdomen area, like she had been doing sit ups. Then she remembered that she had to have her stomach pumped, because she had taken an overdose of sleeping pills. The nurse walked in and opened her curtains. “Good morning, how are you doing this morning Ms. Lewis?” she asked. Jackie had to squint, because the sunlight was so bright. “I’m doing okay, just a little sore, like I been doing sit ups,” she said. “Oh, you’ll be sore for a while, that stomach pump is nothing nice,” she said with a chuckle. “How long will I be here?” she asked. “Oh just until tomorrow, they are just going to observe you all night to make sure you are doing okay. They are also going to have a psych doctor come in and talk with you some time today. They just want to make sure you don’t go home and try this again,” she said. “Oh, Jackie,” said dropping her eyes. “No need to feel bad Ms. Lewis, there are many of us who have wanted to do what you did, just didn’t have the courage to do it,” she replied walking out of the room. Jackie lay there trying hard to stop the flood of tears from falling. She failed miserably. The tears fell non-stop. After wiping them, she heard a commotion in the hallway. She hit the button on the bed and pulled herself up in a sitting position. Looking towards the door, she saw Thomas walking in. “Before you throw me out please just listen,” he said walking in closing the door behind him. “What do you want Thomas, and where is your shadow?” she asked sarcastically. “Listen Jay, I just came here to make sure you were alright and to let you know, I didn’t bring Chrissy with me to make you angry. To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t going to come at all, I thought you were just trying to get me over to the house,” he said. “Well I guess I owe Ms. Chrissy an apology, here I was thinking that she never let’s you out of her sight and she is the willing participant in the scheme of things. Please, please ask her if she could forgive little ole me?” she said in a fake southern drawl. “You are incorrigible, I can’t believe you, I hope you feel better,” he said storming out of the room. Jackie wished she had something to throw at the wall. She cried some more. How could he leave me, she thought to herself. Jackie fell asleep against her will, but was awaken by Dr. Mitchell. “Ms. Lewis, good afternoon, my name is Dr. Mitchell, Roxanne Mitchell. Do you know why I’m here?” she asked.

“I was told you were coming, I guess you’re here to see why I took that handful of pills,” she replied. “Well in a round about way I would say you are right,” she answered. “Well let me see, ah I just buried my daughter and lost my boyfriend two weeks ago, they are laying off left and right at my job and well I can be next. So does that seem like enough to want to end it all,” she replied through tears. “I’m so sorry Ms. Lewis, but let me ask, do you pray?” she asked. “Of course I do,” she said still crying. “Do you ever go to church?” she asked. “I haven’t been in a few years, and I hate to say that, but it’s true,” she replied. “I’ll tell you what, if I can get you out of here today, would you promise to attend church with me on Sunday?” she asked. “Wow, is that how the hospital is run these days, I mean just a simple promise to attend church and I get a clean bill of health,” she said sarcastically. “Actually Ms. Lewis, you already have a clean bill of health, my visit is purely psychological. I just invited you because I truly believe that medicine and spirituality go hand in hand,” she said. “Well by all means, if all is well I would love to go with you to church, I mean it can’t hurt, could it?” she asked. “Of course not, so here is my number and the address to the church, if you call me early Sunday morning I will meet you there. When the Taxi pulled up in front of Jackie’s place, she was relieved that none of her neighbors was out. She walked into the house and checked the answering machine. She had several messages from her mother, and one from her job. She didn’t want to call anybody back. She took a long hot bath, grabbed a bucket of ice cream from the freezer, and got in bed. She would call every one back tomorrow. Jackie couldn’t wait to pay off her debt; she really wasn’t ready to get back into church right now. She wanted to get Thomas back first, and then they could start going to church together. He always wanted to go to church, but she wasn’t ready. Now she wished she had gone, maybe that would have held him there with her. Sunday morning came all to fast, she looked in her closet trying to figure out what in the world she would wear. After selecting a basic black suit, she found a fuchsia blouse and some black hose and black pumps. She grabbed her fuchsia and black bag and called Dr. Mitchell. “I’m about to leave Dr. Mitchell” she said. “Okay, park in the parking lot closest to the front of the church,” she replied. Jackie left the house in a hurry, she wanted to make it to the church on time. When she arrived at the church, she parked and walked to the front of the building, as she stood at the door, she looked up at the stain glass window, it was beautiful, she thought as she entered the building. Jackie wished she had called and asked Thomas to meet her here at the church, she knew that he would have come. Thinking about Thomas, Jackie didn’t hear Dr. Mitchell calling her. “Ms. Lewis, Ms. Lewis,” she called “Oh I’m sorry Dr. Mitchell, I didn’t hear you calling me,” she replied. “That’s okay, come on let me show you around before the service starts,” she said. Jackie walked into the church in awe, it was beautiful, the church had to be at least 20 years old, but it was beautiful. When they made it to their seats, Dr. Mitchell excused herself to go and talk with others. Jackie remained seated and watched as all of the people seemed to know each other. She sort of felt out of place, but she would stay, and she’s call Thomas and tell him she had attended service today.

Chapter 28 Shay’la Shay’la decided that night that she would call her Pastor. Shay’la walked into her bedroom, said a quick prayer and reached for her telephone, when there was a knock on her door. promise

She was afraid that Leroy had broken his

to give her some time and was coming over to beg her to see him. surprise it

But to her

was worse; Roslyn and Tameka were standing at her door. “Ah, yes,” she stammered. didn’t

“Hello Ms. Bell,” Roslyn said with a smirk.

say a word; she just stood there in shock. Tameka

Shay’la

“Aren’t you going to invite us in?”

asked. Ignoring the question, Shay’la asked, “What can I do for you ladies this evening?” “ Well since we were in the neighborhood, we thought we’d drop by and check on you, we haven’t seen you or heard any of the great things that God, ah dropped in your spirit lately, so we thought we’d come by and see if you had a word for us,” Roslyn said sarcastically. “Well then I’m glad you ladies came, because I was just about to call Pastor to tell him I’d be in church Sunday, so maybe you two can just tell him for me, and if I haven’t mentioned it, thanks for dropping by,” she said slamming the door in their faces. Shay’la walked into her bedroom fuming; she couldn’t believe those two had the nerve to show up at her door step, at her home. Since she

She needed to call some one and vent.

hadn’t talked to her best friend Val in a long while, she was afraid to call her. She didn’t want to hear what she thought about her behavior with Leroy, she wanted to talk and have some one just listen.

Instead she picked up her Bible and turned to the book of Psalms; she read a few chapters and felt better. was alright

She still wanted to call her Pastor, just to let him know she

and that she would indeed be in church on Sunday. Shay’la watched the clock for a few hours and then called Leroy. “Hey, how are you holding up?” she asked when he answered. “I’m good, missing you, but good, how about you, you holding up okay?” he asked. “Yea, the church gossips were just here, came to throw sand in my face. why

Oh Leroy,

does this have to be such a bad thing, I mean why, why can’t we love each other and make each, oh boy here I go again. I’m just rambling; we’ve been over this a million times. I drug

I’m so sorry, sorry that

you in this mess,” she said in tears. “Shay’la listen to me, this is not a mess, we are in love. now I’d marry you. or I’m

If you’d say yes right

I’m not looking for sex, I love you girl, and I mean that, stop crying

coming over there, you know I got my key,” he said trying to lighten the moment. Shay’la kept crying, she thought she’d cried all she could about this, but was surprised that there was still more tears, more tears wasted on a situation she couldn’t change no matter what. Before she could pull herself together and tell Leroy not to come, he was standing over her in her bed. Shay’la tried to laugh, but she was too hurt and upset to laugh, she just started crying again. Leroy grabbed her up in his arms and began reciting one of his favorite passages; “I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not

remember your sins.

Shay’la God has blotted out your transgressions for only one

reason: He loves you, never again will He remember the foolishness of your past,” he said hugging her. “I love you so much Leroy you seem to always know what to say, I am just so embarrassed about what I did,” she said hoping she wasn’t insulting him. “I understand Shay, trust me I do. but I know how to live like one. even

I may not be living the life of a Christian,

This is the first time in my life that someone has made me

want to think about God or the Bible. need you

I had sworn off that part of my life.

I

Shay, but I need you to be who you were when I met you,” he said seriously. “How can I ever be that person again, I can’t take back any of what I’ve done. made a

I

vow to God; I told him I would never do what I’ve been doing, I can’t undo what I’ve done. this

I’m not trying to hurt your feelings or make you upset, I just want to make

right with God,” she said in tears. Shay you don’t have to explain this to me, I think I’ve been around you long enough to know you aren’t trying to hurt me and I do, I really do understand your dilemma. Just go back to your church and make a formal apology and then leave the rest to God. Shay’la the Bible say and I quote, “I tell you the truth, whoever accepts anyone I send accepts me; and whoever accepts me accepts the one who sent me,” he said. Shay’la cried, but this time she cried because he was right. do it,

She knew she had to

she was scared, but she knew God was with her. Sunday came very quickly and Shay’la almost changed her mind several times before leaving. Once she reached the church, she waited and prayed for a while in the car. She wanted to make sure every one was seated when she entered.

Pastor Tillmonds saw

her enter the sanctuary and called her to the front. Shay’la wasn’t ready for what he was doing. for a

She wanted to sit in the congregation

while before going to sit with the Ministers. She sat with the Ministers and was greeted with such love. She couldn’t believe all the waves and smiles she was getting from everyone. Tameka smiling and staring her way. had a

Then she saw them, Roslyn and

She wanted to make sure she left before they

chance to speak to her. After church was over, Shay’la cried with so many people, she couldn’t believe that all of these people were behind her. Shay’la stayed and talked to her Pastor, after their talk, she felt better. really felt

She

better, she knew she had a ways to go before she’d be back in the Pulpit, but she actually felt better. Tameka and Roslyn waited patiently for Shay’la to leave the Pastors study. she

When

made it upstairs to the empty sanctuary, she walked to the altar and prayed silently, thanking God for the way things went today, she couldn’t wait to tell Leroy what happened or more accurately what didn’t happen today. When she made it to her car, Roslyn called her name. going

“Hey Shay’la, how’s it

girl?” she asked sarcastically. “Oh it’s going well, very well, I’m blessed and highly favored, what about you Ros?” she asked with as much sarcasm as she could muster. “You really think these people are behind you don’t you, you have no idea what they say behind your back. to

They think you are exactly what we knew you were, and you tried

make us think you were so holy. Sweetie we knew you were a slut, we knew you had Pastor wrapped around your little finger, but you know what, he finally found out just what you really are,” she said smiling. Tameka walked quickly out of the building laughing when she saw Roslyn in Shay’la’s face. “Dang trick, I told you to wait for me, I had to go and talk to my mentor about my first assignment or should I say sermon,” she said smiling. “That’s my dog,” Roslyn said hugging Tameka. Pastors

“See, Shay’la, I didn’t have kiss

behind, nor did I need for my father and Pastor to be friends to get an assignment. You messed up good and for that I thank you, because now, I’m on my way up. on

So, keep

sleeping with your neighbor, cause in the meantime we moving up. Good night Shay’la, oh and good luck,” Tameka said smiling. “See ya,” Roslyn said smiling. Shay’la wanted to scream, she couldn’t believe the nerve of them, but she refused to let them get her down.

She prayed, took a deep breath and drove home.

home she changed her clothes.

Once she got

She thought about the things those two women were

possibly up to, but decided she would hand them and there antics over to God. Shay’la headed to the kitchen, she wanted a snack. in

Shay’la grabbed a peach and sank down

her recliner in her living room, everything that had taken place over the last three to four months flashed through her mind.

She wanted very much to speak and turn

around her misfortune, when as clear as day she heard the Lord speaking to her. “You are a special child, one that I have placed love, understanding and patience in, take this time to make the connection; I’ve placed precious cargo in your hands, use this time

wisely my child. Incline your ear (submit and consent to the divine will) and come to Me; hear, and your soul will revive; and I will make an everlasting covenant or league with you, even the sure mercy (kindness, goodwill, and compassion) promised to David.” Shay’la sat for a while trying to comprehend what the Lord meant, she fell on her face and began praising him. “Lord please hear me, I know that I am but a filthy rag, right now I pray Lord that you help me, help me to get over my anger with Tameka and Roslyn. again.

Lord I need a word from you, I need to be able to speak at her church

Lord I can’t have my voice snatched from me, please Lord help me to get myself back on track again, and I will be careful to give you all the honor and the glory, all these things I ask in you precious son Jesus’ name Amen. About an hour after Shay’la finished praying Pastor Tillmonds called. “Hello, Shay’la, how are you this evening?” he asked. “I’m doing good Pastor,” she replied. “Listen, you know next Sunday is Youth Sunday, and well God laid it on my heart for you to speak, what do you say?” he asked. Shay’la couldn’t believe her ears, she said a silent thank you Jesus, before she answered Pastor Tillmonds. “Yes sir, I will be honored,” she replied. “Good, good for you Shay’la, well take care and I’ll see you next Sunday,” she said before hanging up. Shay’la ran across the porch to Leroy’s house. Instead of using her key she knocked on the door hard. When Leroy answered the door she threw herself into his arms. “Guess what Baby?’ she screamed. “What La’Shay,” he asked bewildered. “I’m speaking Sunday, my Pastor just called and he wants me to speak for Youth Sunday,” she said in tears. “That’s wonderful Shay’la. Can I come, I mean would you be okay if I came?” he asked. “Shay’la stood there thinking for a minute, then she looked at him and said, “of course you can come Leroy. I love you and I want you there.” Leroy was elated. Although he didn’t let on to Shay’la he had begun studying the word and attending church at his old church. Sunday came very quickly it seemed.

Shay’la bought a light pink suite and hat to

match. She was dressed to the nines when Leroy came over that morning. “Wow, you look absolutely gorgeous, I mean dang La’Shay,” he said whistling. “Thank you,” she said spinning around for him to get a good look. He was handsome himself, in a very dark burgundy suite with a light grey shirt with a burgundy, black, white and gray stripe tie. They arrived at the church together, but Shay’la had to go the Pastors study and pray. Leroy went and sat down in the sanctuary. Church would start in five minutes.

Chapter 29

Ta’Lisa, Jackie, Shay’la Monique…… Shay’la was nervous, she knew she had a job to do and she would do it to the best of her ability with God’s help. revisited her

As she began to pray in the Pastors study, Shay’la

last few months in her mind; tonight she would reveal most of that to her eager listeners. Shay’la got down on her knees and began to pray.

““Most Heavenly and Gracious

Father, Lord I come to you as humble as I know how. Lord right now I ask that you hide your humble servant behind the cross today, that your word would go forth and find those that seek you in a mighty way. feet of

Touch hearts and minds, put running in the

those who are eager to seek your face. more of

Lord I ask that you remove me and place

you inside ,that I will be an instrument used to draw your people unto you. And Lord I just want to thank you for using me. have

Thank you for seeing in me, what I could

never seen in myself. All these things I ask in your Precious Son Jesus’ name. Amen.

After Shay’la finished praying Pastor Tillmonds walked in the study. Pastor

“Hello

Tillmonds, how are you today?” she asked. “I’m doing good, Shay,” he replied. “Well this morning, I guess I have to go before God’s people and bare my soul,” she said. “Well you know Shay, today you have to go before God’s people to bring souls to God, not for any other reason, the things you went through serves only as a lesson for you. Back when you first spoke Shay’la you probably thought you had it made, but you hadn’t really been through anything. Now that you have lived a little, you know that there are things out there that will draw you in. make you

Things that seem to call you, pull you,

turn away from God, just as Adam did in the Garden of Eden. knowing, he

But God is all

knew this would happen to you, but he waited, he knew you would come back to him. Now you go out there and make your Heavenly Father proud, make me proud. Speak a word today that will claim back the souls that God wants today. men. your

We are fishers of

Today throw your net, slowly pull it back in and see how many get caught in

net….win God some souls, he has trust in you.

He is waiting to reward you.

Shay’la stood up and hugged Pastor Tillmonds. so glad

“Pastor, I love you so much, I am

God saw fit for you to be in my life and I thank you for not giving up on me,” she said amid tears. “You are like my own child Shay’la, when you hurt, I hurt. you in a

God is going to use

mighty way, stay focused and continue to pray, keep your mind open Shay’la. is

God

going to show you some things that you will never utter to another human being.

Because they might think you are crazy, stick close to God and watch what he is about to unfold for you. Shay’la hugged him again and walked out. time for her to speak. down the

She needed to get some fresh air before

Shay’la went into the parking garage and sat in her car, rolled

window and began to cry. married.

Here she was sleeping with her LeRoy like they were

She had disappointed God, herself, and her Pastor. minutes, she

After she cried for a few

emerged from her car and headed towards the church. “Soooo, what do we have here,” a voice called from behind her. around right in Roslyn’s face. haven’t

Shay’la turned

“I hear you speaking this morning Shay’la, guess you

learned your lesson yet huh?” she asked. “Look Roslyn, I don’t know why you hate me so bad and right now it doesn’t matter. However, I will say this, I have prayed for you and Tamika and I do believe that God is going to bless the both of you. What ever I have done to you two I beg your forgiveness. Please except my humble apology?’ she asked. Roslyn was so shocked all she could do was walk away. as she

Shay’la smiled to herself

entered the church. The church was packed; everybody was running around getting hand fans and hymn books and Bibles for the growing congregation. Shay’la, Pastor Tillmonds and a visiting Pastor from Richmond, Virginia, Pastor Robert Clinch, walked into the pulpit as the choir finished singing Total Praise. Pastor Clinch spoke first.

“Good morning church, I said good morning church. am glad this morning.

I don’t know about you, but I

Cause somebody didn’t wake up this morning.

Somebody woke up

but didn’t have the activity of their limbs, somebody woke up this morning, but didn’t have the articulation of speech.

But here we are clothed in our right minds, he

didn’t have to do it, but he did and for that I am thankful. hand clap of

Let’s give God a

praise. Pastor Tillmonds walked up to the mic.

“Good morning church, this morning we will

have the pleasure of hearing from our own Minister Shay’la Bell, she is back with us. As most of you know, or have heard, the devil tried to take her out, but how many of you know that the word simply states in 1st John the 1st verse “if

chapter the 9th and the 10th

we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, if we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. Moreover, all of us that know Minister Bell knows that she loves the Lord and that his word will never depart from her, Amen. Aaaamen. The choir sang good this morning, didn’t they?” he said to the congregation. Pastor Tillmonds spoke a minute about seeding into the Ministry. going to God and changing your life. standing and

He spoke about

Pastor spoke so that he had half the people

clapping. Before she realized it Monique was standing to her feet and clapping, every since she started visiting the church, she had a real deep respect for Pastor Tillmonds and they way he cared for his congregation. rest, she

Ta’Lisa stood to her feet only fit in with the

really had no idea why so many people were standing, but felt it looked better for her to stand, than to remain seated. Jackie stood to her feet clapping, it had been so long since she was in a church service. And it felt good. the basket

She was impressed with the church so far, they hadn’t passed

and she wondered just how long it would be before they were seeding into the Pastors new Benz or his new home sitting pretty on 5 plus acres of land. What Jackie didn’t know was that the Pastor lived 2 blocks from the church in an old house that he lived in for many, many years. And the car he drove was a relatively new Cadillac but he’d had that for a few years as well. Pastor Tillmonds quieted the Congregation. you

“Amen, the choir will render an A&B selection and the next voice

will hear will be none other than our own Minister Bell.” seat.

With that, he took a

The choir sang two songs and it went quick, as nervous as Shay’la was she was waiting for her chance to speak. Shay’la walked up to the podium said a quick help me Lord and a thank you Jesus as she prepared to speak. “Good morning church, this morning I ask that you all get out your Bibles, and allow your mind to participate in this spiritual exercise as we run through a few different books of the Bible. subject.

I will be coming from several different books, as to cover my

Please go with me for a little while as we journey through the life and lives of many different women and their sins. There are some references in the Bible that speak of an adulterous woman, the

woman that was caught in the act of adultery and brought before Jesus, a woman that was a prostitute or a harlot, one being Rahab and the other being Gomer. God told Hosea to marry Gomer, although it is not clear whether the woman (Gomer) Hosea was told to marry was a temple prostitute, a woman who had been unfaithful to her husband, or a woman who was faithful to her husband at first but then became unfaithful. Then there was Rahab, who was possibly an innkeeper, but was identified as a prostitute; was spared or forgiven because she hid the spies of Joshua in her house. I have some other supporting scriptures that are important to my subject matter, so let’s first go to 1Corinthians 6:13, then we’ll jump over to Colossians 3:5, Galatians 5:19-21, Matthew 5:27-28 and finally Revelations 2:21-23,” she said. After all the scripture was read and the congregation was seated, Shay’la began. “Most Heavenly and Gracious Father, Lord I come to you with a bowed head and a humble heart. Lord I ask that you use me your servant as an instrument, as a vehicle to carry your word today to this your people. Lord hide me behind the cross so that my flesh will not rise up and cause me to stumble. Lord you said in your word that, he that believeth on you, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. Lord tonight let your words flow from me as effortless as running water. Let your people run to this place begging what must I do to be saved. And I will be careful to give you all the honor and the praise, this I ask Master in your son Jesus’ name Amen.” “Let the church say Amen, tonight I want to speak from the subject “Sins of a Delicate Nature.” “As I read through all of the scriptures for this subject, I couldn’t help but to become emotional, how many in here know that there is soul ties connected to those that you have sex with. We not only swap bodily fluids with those we are having sex with, but some of that persons spirit attaches itself to you, as well as yours to him or them. Can somebody say Amen. The Bible talks about these women in a vague manner and one can assume that the lives of these women must have been hard. Today, you can kind of live like you want to with no real repercussions from the world. The world doesn’t seem to care what we do in our personal lives, because that is what the world wants. It wants us to live like there is no consequences. When in reality there is, you have to pay for the sins you commit. Wherein in the Bible days, if you were caught committing adultery or the likes you were brought before a jury, where your fate was discussed. The intention of having you stoned, exiled, or killed for that matter. Can you imagine doing the things that we tend to do, and having to go to court because we cheated on our husband or boyfriend. Or because we committed adultery. These are things that make dealing with the flesh a lot easier for some of us. We can hide from the public eye. Bur we can’t hide from God, no matter how long you hold your secret from me, or the church congregation. God already knows all about it. He knew long before you done it that you would. We live in a society today that looks down on women, that are loose or that find it alright to have sex with several men. There are women who sleep with married men, or sleep with men for a price, be it money or exchange for a service. Some women prostitute themselves for a promotion on the job, or some women are blackmailed because a loved one doesn’t or didn’t know something detrimental about that woman. Some women sleep around because they aren’t happy at home, or just for the heck of it. But no matter what the reason God says it’s time to gather all of your body parts and become whole, amen. Because all of us, men and women alike have been in a situation where we have done something that we weren’t proud of. Today I stand before you, having asked God to help me with my own flesh. As most of you know, I have been in a relationship with a young man that I met months ago. I had never felt the pull of

sexual intimacy, until I had that man. That is the only man that I have ever had. However, God has forgiven me and I myself, I know the trick of the enemy now. He makes you comfortable in your lie, the lie that you tell yourself as you are in your mess. I was convinced that what I was doing the right thing because I care deeply for that man. Nevertheless, I stopped by here today to tell you, “that greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world.” I came here today to stand in the gap for all of the women who have lost there way. For the women who have found themselves sleeping around and have lost control of there bodies the Bible say, “it is Gods will that you should be sanctified; that you should avoid sexual immortality; that you should learn to control your own body. The good news is that there is a word from God. Yea, yea, see the word of God says, “for what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own son in the likeness of sinful man, to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit. Humans are sinful creatures; there is no getting around that. Nevertheless, there is a part of us deep down inside, that has the desire for the good things of God. We long to live in his perfect will, not his permissive will. We have no weapon to combat sin alone, but we can achieve the victory through Jesus Christ. Jesus died for our sins, that we may have the right to the tree of life. Jesus dying for our sin is not a free ticket to have sex and live like there is no tomorrow, or no consequences. Yes, Jesus died for our sins, but the Bible clearly states, “for the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Some of you sitting right here in this sanctuary are guilty of sexual immortality, fornication, prostitution, adultery and probably more. However, today I stand before you to say that no more will we have Preachers, Pastors or Evangelists standing in this pulpit preaching the gospel and returning to the world when the sun goes down. God is calling us to an age of accountability; we have a voice in our communities, in our school systems even in our political districts. No more can we play church, pretend to be Christians while in church and play harlots, prostitutes, adulators, living with one foot in the Bible and the other in the world. God himself holds us accountable, the Bible says that, “for many are called but few are chosen. We are preaching to people, calling people to Christ, but we are living our lives like there is no retribution. Like we are to high and mighty to be struck down, because we were called by God to bring sinners to him. It’s hard standing here preaching the gospel to God’s people, when we have so many demons living in and around our lives, but that’s the price we pay. We are not perfect, but we seek a perfect life, living close to God, has so many Pastors, preachers, teachers the God complex. Made them feel that they can do what they want. Stealing money out of the collection plate, sleeping with members of the congregation, paying for abortions with the churches money, buying big homes, driving big cars, prostituting our, God’s congregation. All of these things are a abomination before God, no wonder some of us are suffering from the same thing year after year, Nobody is getting healed, our finances are suffering, our prayer lives are all but non-existent. This sexual immortality is killing our Ministries and God is not pleased with us. The Bible says, “if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. We have a job to do, we have to bring God’s people back to him, but we must first turn, turn from our wicked ways, ask God to forgive our sins and then will he hear from heaven and heal us, heal this great land we live in. That’s why you have to know the word for yourself, the Bible says, “study to shew

thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. Meaning study the word, that you might learn the truth. Ask questions if you come across something that you don’t understand. Get connected to a church, become active in the church. If there is anyone here today, that has fallen from God’s grace, and you want to rebuild your relationship with him, please come, if there is someone here today and you want to renew your vow to the Lord, please come, if you have never tried God and there is an urging in your spirit today please come. Shay’la was shocked to see many people getting up; she started shouting when she saw Leroy coming forward with tears in his eyes. Shay’la couldn’t stand to watch as Tamika, Roslyn and a few others ladies came down the aisle. Monique was crying uncontrollably as she started the long walk down the aisle. Ta’Lisa stood still, wondering what the feeling she was having was all about, she had been crying for a while, with no knowledge why. She knew if wasn’t because others were crying, but she was scared. She looked around and got the attention of an usher who rushed to her aide. Jackie was standing next to Dr. Mitchell, looking around at all the commotion going on. People was shouting and falling out, as loved ones hurried to the front of the sanctuary. Dr. Mitchell took Jackie’s hand and patted it, she wasn’t sure if she should ask her if she wanted to go or wait. She decided to wait. Monique was half way down the long aisle when her pager went off, knowing full well that she couldn’t keep the Senator of New Hampshire waiting, she froze. She looked at her pager, then back up at the pulpit. People were rushing to the altar, as Monique froze, she remembered what she told the Lord earlier, but some how right now she was lost.

COMING SOON “SINS OF A DELICATE NATURE” PART II “BUT GOD”

Chapter 1 Jackie Dr. Mitchell, continued patting her hand. She wanted to urge her to go to the altar. She could tell that she was struggling with something in her spirit. She started praying for her in the spirit. Dr. Mitchell prayed so much she got happy herself. All of a sudden to Jackie’s amazement Dr. Mitchell was jumping around and speaking in tongues. Jackie was bewildered, yea she had seen it when she was a kid, but to be up close, it was scary. While the ushers and nurses were tending to Dr. Mitchell, Jackie slipped out of the pew and went to call Thomas. “Hello,” he answered half asleep. “Hey Tommy Boy, its me Jackie. I was calling to invite you to church with me, I decided that we should start out first by getting ourselves right with the Lord,” she said smiling. “I don’t know what is wrong with you Jackie Lewis, but I have told you and I don’t want to have to tell you again, I am in love, deeply in love with Chrissy. I

don’t want you, going to church is a good thing and I hope you stick with it but leave me out of it. Please stop doing this to yourself Jackie,” he pleaded. “You are doing this to me, can’t you see you are making a big mistake Tommy. We are supposed to be together, how do you think Sara would feel if she knew you were treating me this way, huh?” she asked in tears. I’m not having this conversation with you Jackie, please, please don’t call my phone anymore. Especially with this foolishness,” he replied. “Baby why are you upsetting yourself, just hang up the phone and come back to bed,” the voice said in the background. “Oooh, you got me on speaker phone?” she screamed. “How dare you, I hate you Thomas Webster, I will show you that you can’t go around treating God’s people this way. You just wait, I plan to make your life a living hell, do you hear me Thomas a living hell,” she screamed into the phone. Jackie was livid, how could he be choosing that fat heifer over her. She paced back and forth, before she realized that half of the congregation was staring at her. Embarrassed and hurt Jackie went back into the sanctuary.

Chapter 2 Ta’Lisa Ta’Lisa cried in the arms of the usher who came to her. “Sweetie, are you saved?” she asked. “Saved? What does that mean,” she asked innocently. “That means that you have confessed your sins and that you have accepted Jesus Christ as you Lord and savior, she said. “I know this isn’t going to sound right to you ma’am being that I’m sitting here in this church, but I don’t deal with Jesus. A long time ago, I watched my mother prostitute herself to men all over our neighborhood. I was only 12 years old, I grew up all by myself, I didn’t have a mother and certainly no God or Jesus either. Some of her boyfriends use to touch me, when I cried to her about it, she told me to shut my mouth. She told me that if it wasn’t for the sweet things she did to those men we wouldn’t eat, and why should she have to bear that alone. I closed my eyes and never said another word. We were poor, we had to live by any means necessary, and I can’t believe that this God, this, this Jesus that everyone here is calling out to or crying about ever cared for my family or me. I don’t bother him and he doesn’t bother me. I know you thought my tears were those of understanding and compassion, but that’s not why I’m crying. So you can help someone that needs it, I’m okay,” she said sitting down as she wiped her eyes. The usher stood there in shock, she would have never believed it if someone were to have told her. This woman had turned her face from God. She began to pray. Ta’Lisa sat quietly, still watching the throngs of people rush to the front. When she felt someone tap her on the shoulder, Ta’Lisa looked up in the face of Juston. Ta’Lisa stood and embraced Juston. He slid in the pew beside her. He whispered in her ear. “Hey, good to see you here, are you enjoying the service?” he asked. “Well that depends, I mean all these people are crying and rushing to the front of the church, for what, to tell these strangers about their business, to be the brunt of their religious jokes. No, I really made a mistake coming here,” she

replied. “And you believe that your mistake is coming here Ta’Lisa? You are at the safest place you could be, I mean, how could you taint church?” he asked. “Look this isn’t the time or the place to discuss this. I just want this service to end and I’m out, I won’t ever come here, or any church again. These people want to hear all about your hard time so they can feel superior over you, so they call feel like they are better than you are,” she said turning away from him. “Okay, okay just hear me out,” he whispered to her back. Ta’Lisa turned and glared at him. “My Pastor is the best, he will not, and I mean it Ta’Lisa, he won’t mention a word about your circumstances to anyone other than God. Just talk to him after the service, I’ll make the introduction myself, and then I’ll leave the two of you to talk. What do you say?” he asked. “Why are you so hell bent on me talking to anyone about this? I can handle this myself, I got into it alone and I’ll get out of it alone.” “Why are you acting hard with me Ta’Lisa? I know who you are, at work, at home and even now, right now in this church, just talk to the man, what could it hurt?” “A lot! You want me to talk to this man, a man I’ve never even met before, about something as personal as, as, what I’m going through,” she whispered through clenched teeth. “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! Who better to talk to, than someone who has nothing to gain? He is an innocent bystander. He doesn’t know you from Adam, what could he stand to gain, by hearing your plight Ta’Lisa?” “Oh, that was so richly put Juston Holmes, now if you’d excuse me, I’m leaving. How could you make light of this, oh, that’s right, you are Holier than Thou, and I am just some slut from the street. Of course your Pastor, who has nothing to gain, can help me with something that the world hasn’t found a cure for!” Ta’Lisa tried to stand, but Juston grabbed her arm and pulled her down. “Listen to me, your wounded animal act doesn’t work on me. I’ve been nothing but kind to you. Right now I am in a position to be a good friend and help you. So stop all of this self righteousness, right now. When this service is over, you’ll meet the man that can make your pitiful life better. Do you hear me?” A shocked and mentally tired Ta’Lisa, nodded her head and remained seated. Ta’Lisa was tired, tired of thinking, tired of feeling sorry for herself. She would allow Juston to introduce her to his Pastor, but she wasn’t ready to divulge any information concerning her current medical condition, and she wouldn’t. The service seemed to drag on forever, people were crying and falling out all over the church and Ta’Lisa couldn’t stand it. Once the service was finally over, Juston and Ta’Lisa walked back to the office of Pastor Tillmonds. Juston held Ta’Lisa’s hand tightly as he knocked on the door to the Pastor’s study. “Come in,” he said. “Good afternoon Pastor Tillmonds, I’d like to introduce you to a good friend of mine, this is Ta’Lisa Brown and she would like to talk to you for a moment if you’re not busy,” he said. “No, no, by all means have a seat Ms. Brown,” he said extending his hand toward the seat across from him. “You have to excuse me right now; the spirit was so high during the service that it takes a little while for me to unwind. But please, don’t mind me Ms. Brown, what seems to be troubling you? Juston cut in, “ah before you all get started I’d like to be excused, I have to talk to Deacon Thorpe, I’ll be back in a few minutes,” he said quietly leaving the room. Pastor Tillmonds smiled and looked back at Ta’Lisa, in anticipation in what she wanted to discuss with him. He could sense her uncertainty, he felt there was some thing troubling her deeply, but he waited.

“Sir, Pastor Tillmonds, I really don’t have anything to say, I mean I have a problem discussing my business with much of anybody. Juston just sort of happened up on a few things other wise he wouldn’t be in the know, if you know what I mean Sir,” she said nervous. “Of course I know what you mean, why would you share your business with someone such as myself? You know absolutely nothing about me, and you know what they say about us church folk. We’re worse than anybody on the street,” he said raising an unasked questioning eye-brow. Turning from Ta’Lisa he reached back on his book shelf and grabbed a Bible, busing himself turning pages he never glanced up at Ta’Lisa. “Pastor Tillmonds, I have nothing against you personally, I just don’t have faith in Churches, or people for that matter. I would much rather deal with my business my way, Church people, ah, well I feel they spend far too much time gossiping about your business rather than helping find a solution to your problem. Never looking up Pastor Tillmonds responded, “yea, I guess I see where you coming from,” he said quietly. Ta’Lisa sat staring at Pastor Tilmonds, she was stunned. He hadn’t tried to pry into her business, yet she felt compelled to tell him what was going on with her. “If this is a bad time Pastor Tillmonds, I can come back another time,” she said. “I don’t understand Ms. Brown, a bad time for what? I told you already I can understand why you want to keep things to yourself. But if there is anything else that you’d like to discuss please do Ms. Brown, I have nothing but time,” he said smiling. “You, ah, you don’t want to know, what it is that I am afraid, well not afraid, but that I don’t want to talk about?” she asked confused. “No, not if you don’t want to tell me Ms. Brown. I don’t have any need or desire to know any of your business, I am the Pastor of this great church, and the people in here trust me. I only tell others what they need to know to get the job done, therefore what ever you tell me I hold in the strictest of confidence. I am not a busy body Ms. Brown, I hold my job near and dear to my heart, God didn’t have to choose me, but he did and for that I am thankful. “There are quite a few things going on Pastor Tillmonds, I’m not sure where to begin, or even if I want to talk about it” she responded. “Okay then, when you are ready Ms. Brown, please don’t hesitate to call or stop by, I’m here seven day a week, call me to make an appointment, if you prefer, but you can stop by any time,” he said handing her his card. Ta’Lisa stood up, took the card and walked out of the office. Ta’Lisa was upset with herself for even letting Juston talk her into going, but she was even more upset with the fact that he wasn’t at all what she thought he was. He didn’t even try to get her to talk, she was almost appalled. As she went in search of Juston, she almost ran into the woman, she saw on the picture with Kensington Elliot. She apologized quickly and hurried off. She was certain that was the same woman, her hair was the same way on the picture and that mole on her lip was there as well. She definitely didn’t want to discuss anything with Pastor Tillmonds, especially with the wife of one of the brothers on the down low lurking around the church. Juston Holmes knocked lightly on Pastor Tillmonds door, trying not to interrupt the heated voices he heard coming from the office, afraid that Ta’Lisa had become irate he knocked louder. “Come in,” Pastor Tillmonds nearly shouted. “Please excuse me Pastor,” he said as he opened the door quickly. “May I help you?” Pastor Tillmonds asked tersely. “I’m so sorry Pastor Tillmonds, I thought Ms. Brown was still here,” he responded backing out of the door. Pastor Tillmonds having almost forgotten that she had been there, looked towards

the door, “she left here almost ten minutes ago looking for you,” he spoke almost as an after thought. Juston Holmes rushed down the hallway searching frantically for Ta’Lisa before what he had just walked in on registered in his mind. Denise Elliot was the voice he heard screaming about something being an abomination and how Pastor Tillmonds had known it all along. Juston tried to process what he had heard and the bearing it held on the two people he saw sitting in the room. Confused and concerned, he made a mental note to call his Pastor later on that evening. Ta’Lisa was almost outside by the time Juston found her. “Hey, how did it go?” he asked. “Fine,” was all she said. “What do you mean fine? Did you talk to him or what?” he asked. “Look Juston, I’m not like you, or any of these church people here. I wouldn’t and couldn’t discuss my personal affairs with that man, the only reason you know anything is because I can’t hold my liquor,” she said storming towards her car. “What is wrong with you Ta’Lisa Brown, people are people no matter where they are if they are going to talk about you they do it whether or not they are inside these four walls. The building is just that, a building. People are who they are Ta’Lisa,” he replied. “Exactly Juston, but the church is supposed to be the place where people can come bare their souls and be healed, at least that’s what I’ve been told. But instead they come and tell their precious secrets and become the laughing stock of the church,” she said in tears. “How many times has that happened to you, or someone you know Ta’Lisa?” he asked. Ta’Lisa lifted her sad eyes towards Juston, with tears rolling down her cheeks she said, “never happened to me, but my mother told us when we were small, that she drug us on two buses and the train to a small church she heard about, that was helping single women with small children. So she put us on the best clothes we had, brushed our hair, washed our tear stained faces and ran towards the only hope she thought was available to us. After joining the church and finally telling them how she supported us, they told my mother that what she was doing was an abomination before God and that they didn’t want the spirit of lust, fornication and adultery in their church, we never went back. So, no it never happened to me directly, but indirectly and I haven’t gotten over it and I don’t suspect I ever will Juston, church people are holy, having never sinned a day in their perfect little lives, well I come from a long, long line of sin. A line of adultery and fornication as a means of survival and I don’t know how to change that to fit in with these people that look down their noses at someone like me and to be honest Juston, I’m not sure I want to fit in with these people,” she said turning to walk away. Juston stood there in awe, here he was living a life that she must have thought was almost perfect, but he knew that all had sinned and fallen short of the glory of God and that no matter what these people or himself looked like or portrayed they were all struggling with something and he wished he could get Ta’Lisa to see that. As Juston turned in the other direction he stumbled over Jackie, “I’m so sorry, I really didn’t see you,” he said. “No problem, I wasn’t paying much attention myself,” she replied. “Ah, don’t you work at Fellowship?” she asked. “Yes as a matter of fact I do,” he said raising an eyebrow. “Oh, I’m not a stalker,” she said laughing. “I work there as well, I work in the fabrication plant,” she said smiling. “Whew,” he said teasingly. “As a matter of fact you do look familiar, what shift are you on?” he asked.

“Well sort of all of them, I do the job of a supervisor, but I’m paid like a worker bee,” she replied. “Well I know the feeling, although I am a supervisor and I get paid like one, I work as hard as the worker bee and the plant owner himself,” he said teasingly. “If it wasn’t for the coming layoffs I would suggest we hold a union meeting,” she said “You know what, you have a point, here take my card, check with me in a few days, I have been thinking a lot about holding a union meeting. You just gave me conformation,” he said handing her his card. “I hope that’s a good thing.” “Of course it is,” he said suddenly distracted by the look on Pastor Tillmonds face. “Don’t forget, get with me in a few days,” he said running off to catch Pastor Tillmonds. Ta’Lisa sat watching the events unfold from her car. She couldn’t believe all of the talking and smiling and hugging that went on. She was trying to remember where she had seen that woman that was talking to Juston, when there was a tap on her passenger side window. Ta’Lisa turned to find a woman standing there. Ta’Lisa rolled the window down. “May I help you?” she asked. “Can I ask you a question?” the lady asked. “Yes, go ahead,” Ta’Lisa replied. “Do you know Kensington Elliot?” she asked. Ta’Lisa was stunned, how did this woman know her, how did she find her. “Excuse me?” she asked. “The question was simple, do you know my husband Kensington Elliot, I know you know him, I guess that shouldn’t have been my question. The thing is, we have an issue right now that deals with the AIDS virus, do you know anything about that Ms. Brown?” she asked livid. “Mrs. Elliot, please get in,” she replied. “Get in, get in, have you lost your mind Ms. Brown, look I am a God fearing woman, the only reason I’m not kicking off in your behind is because of who I am in Christ. The fact that you showed up here at my place of worship crying like someone has done something wrong to you, and you are the one sleeping with my husband. Then to leave that dreadful disease, you better be glad that I have Jesus, or, or…..girl,” she said with tears running down her cheeks. “Listen here Mrs. Elliot, you’re sending some undue aggression my way when your husband in the one that you should be having this little temper tantrum on, not me. I don’t know what you heard but it ain’t nearly as easy as you might think, so I wouldn’t try kicking off in this behind Mrs. Elliot, unless you brought a lunch. I don’t fear God or anybody else for that matter and I don’t mind getting down and dirty, so either get on with it, or get on,” she replied getting out of her car. Mrs. Elliot was livid. “Please Ms. Brown don’t be fooled by these tears, I wouldn’t have stepped to you if I wasn’t ready for whatever, so we can make it do what it do,” she said rounding the car. “You damn right we can sweetie, since you stepped to me, I’ll even let you throw the first blow,” Ta’Lisa said closing the gap between them. Before anyone could figure out what had just transpired Mrs. Elliot slapped Ta’Lisa in the face but before she could get her hand back to her side she was looking up from on the ground. Ta’Lisa was straddled her punching her in the face, then Denise flipped her over and was returning the blows to the face. It was a minute before anyone realized that the women were fighting. Juston Holmes heard the screams before he saw the fight, and to his surprise he

looked up to find Ta’Lisa and Denise squaring up again, someone had pulled them both off the ground. Running full speed towards the women, he didn’t make it in time, Ta’Lisa had Denise up in the air, she slammed her hard on the ground and began kicking and stomping her before he managed to grab her and pull her away. Pastor Tilmonds grabbed Denise and pulled her in the opposite direction. Over the commotion Pastor Tillmonds yelled “take them into my study.” When they entered the study, both women were screaming obscenities at one another. Pastor Tillmonds had to quiet them, realizing that this was more than he cared to deal with, he found himself wondering where his wife was.