Sheila

SHEILA Dina was standing all alone by herself looking far into the distance as the pounding waves beneath her gently washed the shores. She had dug her bare feet into the wet sand but that did not prevent the mighty waves from washing away the fickle sand grains under her feet. To her consternation, she was finding herself to be on loose ground again and again no matter how hard she dug into them. Dina looked down at her feet to watch the waves splitting into pieces at her toes and joining up again at her ankles, as if nothing had happened. The sight disturbed her. Life wasn’t that much fair. She looked up again and into the horizon that still bore a crimson hue. Twilight had descended all around. It was growing dark. By the time Dina headed back to the hotel she was staying at, it was quite dark. Lights were flickering here and there on the beach where she had stood watching the sunset long after the sun had set. Her hotel room didn’t overlook the seas as it does on most seaside resorts but that was because she insisted on it. Her demand puzzled the booking clerk at the reception too. “I want a room that does not face the sea…….” The clerk had many things on his mind. He had received a solid scolding from his boss not more than an hour ago for what he considered was no reason at all. So at first, he thought he must have got their new boarder wrong. “Yes Madam, all of our rooms face the seas. You shall have no reason to complain.” “I think you heard me wrong. I am asking for a room that does NOT face the sea.” “What? But Madam, our resort is famous for its exquisite view of the sea. And you don’t want it?” “No I don’t. And I don’t have time to waste. Do you have a room like that or shall I move on?” The rude response irked the clerk. He didn’t speak much and completed the formalities while inwardly cursing all the rich and the arrogant of the world, like the one that was standing before him or the one that had bossed him around a few hours ago. Dina didn’t stop to care what the clerk thought of her or for that matter she didn’t even realize that she was being rude. For the moment, she desperately wanted to be alone. Once Dina was alone in the room she threw herself down on the bed without even caring to unpack. No one will be bothering her here; she will be allowed to ruminate all the bitter memories a thousand times and hate them a thousand times….without interruption. Where was Ronit at this moment? Even now, she could hear the soft, deadly murmur of his voice as clearly as she would have if he had spoken them just now. “Dina, I can’t remain

engaged to you anymore. I don’t want to give you any excuse but I feel it’s better if we split up for our own good.” Dina knew that this was coming any day now. But it still hurt to see her beloved Ronit so keen to get over their relationship. Oh, how she loved him!!!…What wouldn’t have she done for him? Hundreds and thousands of unforgettable moments fossilized at their romantic best loomed before her. The reward for all the devotion and affection she showered on the person she loved for years together was …… this …the blunt refusal…. And Dina knew why. It was all because of Sheila. Ronit was always so full of praise for her. Dina had heard that Sheila was disciplined and intelligent… a no nonsense lady and she was also- according to Ronit himself- beautiful. Ronit liked beautiful ladies by his own admission. He spent his leisure times sketching them. Ronit was terrific with a pencil & a brush. How many times did he take Dina out to the picture galleries and spend long moments examining the paintings on display minutely? Sheila shared Ronit’s taste in this aspect. Ronit himself chatted about how passionately they discussed paintings in between the work hours. Ronit admired Sheila. Dina would have been a fool not to understand that. Sheila probably had been only too happy to reciprocate. Did she know about Ronit and Dina’s stable affair? Ronit was always quite open about his personal life. He surely did mention it. Indulging him even then….didn’t it hurt Sheila’s conscience? … Or that may be because she didn’t give a damn about silly consciences. Again she had started daydreaming. Dina chided herself. For all she knew, there might have been a hundred different explanations of why Ronit jumped for Sheila. But as far as Dina could see, there was absolutely no explanation of why he had to dump Dina. Dina took a deep breath. She examined her fingers. Ronit loved them. He used to say that her fingers were sculpted to a delicacy any artist would dream to achieve. A small piece of dirt was sticking to her index finger. Wasn’t that a blot on the ‘delicacy’ Ronit talked about? “You bloody shit of a vermin!”…Dina thought. She went to wash her hands. Dina had switched off her cell phone before she boarded the plane to this place. She hasn’t yet switched it on. She didn’t like to be disturbed when she was upset. She knew for sure Ronit would call her. He was very fussy about formalities. He would worry about where Dina was. Let him worry. Dina relished the perverse pleasure. What would he know about the sleepless nights his infatuation with Sheila had given Dina? ….Now this was annoying. A moth had got itself trapped in the light doom of Dina’s table lamp. It was creating unwanted disturbances in the otherwise quiet and stable atmosphere of the room. How uncannily like Sheila! It is odd …Dina thought…how people tend to take notice of the smallest of the small details when they feel mentally and emotionally blank. Was that why the inconsequential little moth caught her attention? May be…. Coming back to Ronit and Sheila, It was only yesterday when Ronit had called Dina out to a date. But he was keeping very quiet. His cell phone must have rang a dozen times in the meantime indicating incoming messages. Dina did notice that he was reading and deleting them immediately. Ronit took her to the park they had chosen their favorite hunting ground- to the secluded spot where they had spent many evenings holding hands and

murmuring pledges of lifelong bonding. When they had sat down, Dina asked-“That is Sheila, isn’t it… sending those messages?” Ronit gave a start that was visible to Dina even in the faint light. But he rallied almost immediately. “Why would Sheila message me? I thought she knows I am out with you?” “May be she would BECAUSE you are out with me?” “That is nonsense, Dina. What has Sheila got to do with anything I do with you?” Dina kept quiet. Ronit was certainly hiding something. She could feel it. But she had no proof and anybody would refuse point blank to admit an allegation like this. She didn’t feel like holding Ronit’s hand that evening even though he was sitting very close. Perhaps Ronit sensed her repulsion. He spoke after a stretched silence on Dina’s part. “You suspect me, don’t you? You think I am having a secret affair with this person called Sheila? Ah, Dina….if only I could!”…. he smiled at the thought. Then he looked at Dina and backtracked at once. “I am kidding! Why do you have to take everything so seriously? Tell me dear, what has got into you recently? You are not getting even my silliest jokes.” But Dina had heard and read about those pathetic jokes too frequently. She was not going to be fooled. She didn’t answer. “Honestly Dina, believe me. I love you. I am happy with the way you are. Why would I want to run after Sheila?” Dina didn’t know what set it off but suddenly she found herself full of uncontrollable animal rage. All senses of love, pain and misery were wiped blank for a moment during which she felt an irrepressible urge to skin Ronit alive for his unbearable show of innocence. Here she was, risking her career, job and once even her life for him believing that he loved her and there he was, the philanderer, making one great fun of her emotions and her sacrifices. Even more, he dared to feign naiveté after everything, after Dina knew what he was up to! Boiling lava of sheer hatred was coursing through her veins. It took every ounce of Dina’s self control to prevent her from not hitting Ronit hard. Ronit seemed to have sensed that too. “Dina?” There was a new tone to his voice. It was not the loving, pampering tone that Dina was used to. “What made you believe that I am fooling around with Sheila?” Dina was silent but Ronit continued.”…Did anybody tell you? Did you catch us anywhere? Did you hear us talk? Speak, Dina!” His voice was suppressed but violent. He had dropped all pretenses.”What else do you know?” “I knew about it since both of you went to the academy to see the paintings. I have seen you both together. No one can mistake the look on both of your faces when you look at each other. I am right, I know I am.”

“So you saw us….big deal! And since you know this much I hope you also know why I did this?” “I don’t.” Anger was making Dina lose control too. “…and I guess it is only too good for you that I don’t know.” “For one last time Dina, you have got it all wrong. I and Sheila have nothing between us.” “Oh, yes, Mr. Saint? You disown a fact you just admitted to, don’t you realize? I wonder why that is. You know what I think? You really love money. My dad has a lot of them. Why should you let the bounty slip from your grip? Giving it one last try, aren’t you?” That was when Ronit slapped her. His eyes were hard. There was not a trace of the love he held for Dina once. Then he spoke, in a soft deadly voice, “I see we have both hit a dead end. And since you seem to know everything, I also want you to know that, Dina, I can’t remain engaged to you anymore. I don’t want to give you any excuse but I feel it’s better if we split up for our own good.” Dina was feeling dizzy after the slap. Ronit who once used to be a paragon of self control hated her so much that he could hit her now just like that? Is that what you get when you trust a man with your life? Dina stormed from the park as soon as she realized the whole significance of what had just happened. Her last memory of the park was of Ronit flopping down on the bench, breathing hard and messaging away furiously. Dina was alone in her hotel room. Solitude was what she had been craving for since her break up. She despised all her co passengers as long as she was on her way to this place because their presence did not allow her to curse Ronit on top of her voice, to go into pieces and cry her heart out or to laugh loudly at the pitiful condition that Ronit and Sheila had left her in. Once she had saved Ronit from being crushed under the wheels of speeding bus. Even she was lucky enough to escape with a few injuries seeing that she had to dive to pull an absent minded Ronit aside. Her own reflexes were not very strong. Dina remembered Ronit telling her gratefully right after the accident as he nursed a sprained ankle, “I shall probably die if you don’t stay by my side always…” “You shall have to, Ronit, one day! You are not immortal!” Dina had joked. Meanwhile, a crowd had gathered around them. “I was talking about a premature death.” “You are really blessed…do you know?” One woman in the crowd addressed them. Ronit had smiled. “I know I am.”… He looked at Dina. It was a beautiful moment. Will Sheila do the same for Ronit? Would she be prepared to gamble her own life for him? Dina pummeled the pillow she was clutching hard. Even the pillow was not giving in to the shape she found comfortable. There was a knock on the door. “Who is it?”

“Room service, Madam. May I come in for a moment?” Dina felt irritated. Again she would have to endure human company when she desired it the least. Why did everybody have to conspire against her? Suddenly, her frustration with herself and anger at her own helplessness were directed towards the room boy. She lost control completely. “Who the hell told you to come and disturb me? Did I ask for anything? Get lost now and come back only if I want you to.” Something in her mind was telling her not do what she was doing. Something told her it was wrong to shout at the poor room boy. But Dina could not stop herself. There came no sound from the other side of the door. The boy must have left, offended. As she realized what she had done, Dina gave herself over to more painful tears. “God, help me! I am becoming neurotic.” It was dawn. Dina was once again, standing on the beach, pretending to watch the sunrise. It was still a misty dark. A cool breeze was ruffling her hair. There were not many people around on the beach. Dina remembered this beach and the point where she was standing. She had been here with Ronit before Sheila had crept into their lives. There was this dingy stall facing the main road behind her back. The beach at this point took a peculiar bow-like turn. It was Ronit who had pointed out the peculiarity. Dina had felt the turn had more the shape of an incomplete heart. She had completed the imaginary shape over the sparkling waters. Ronit had laughed, “You know, I am impressed with your imaginative powers!” At Ronit’s suggestion, they spent their whole evening sitting on that part of the beach until profound darkness made it impossible to discern the shape that both amused and moved them. “Ronit”, whispered Dina. Her soft voice got drowned in the roar of the waves. She couldn’t hear it herself. She spoke a little louder…”Ronit!”… Even that didn’t carry to her own ears. All of a sudden, Dina fell frightened. Was she turning deaf? Her ears were full of a constant roaring noise, boring into her brain like a nonstop drilling machine. Dina shouted as loud as she could….Again and again and again…..She wanted to make sure her hearing was perfectly normal. But even her loudest scream sounded very distant to her. There were discordant sounds of other unfamiliar voices too. What was happening? Dina opened her eyes. She was dreaming of Ronit and Sheila sitting hand in hand on the same park bench where she and he used to sit and chat while time flew by. The scene compelled Dina to open her eyes. She was looking up at her father in the same hotel room. Ronit was looking down from beside him, his brows furrowed in pretentious care. The sight of him renewed the boiling hatred inside her. She looked away and addressed her father. “Sorry dad, I must have passed out. How did you get here?” “The hotel authority informed me. What on earth have you been doing at this place? I was worried dead about you….. And what were you doing with yourself? You look awful!” Dina didn’t answer. Her father added, “Did you and Ronit have a fight? He is keeping as quiet as you are. Any problem?” “Dad, would you please take him aside and politely ask him to leave… My head is feeling like its about to split or I would have done that myself.”

It was evening once again. Dina’s father caught up with Ronit at the cafeteria. He proposed a stroll on the beach. Ronit could imagine what was coming to him. Though he had never had a one on one with him except in his daughter’s presence but Ronit knew Dina’s father was a powerful man. He was also fiercely protective of his daughter. It was probable that he had heard about Ronit’s betrayal from her. In that case, Ronit could do nothing but trust his luck. “Dina says that you have betrayed her…” The man’s tone was light and Ronit couldn’t follow whether it was a question or a statement. He decided to stay silent. Moonlight was playing on the beach while they took the turn where Dina was found unconscious earlier in the morning. “Is it true what she says about Sheila?”…. it was bouncer once again. “She thinks it is true.” “And what do you think?” “There is no Sheila.” “You mean that you have no such affair with this Sheila?” “No, I mean that a person called Sheila has neither ever existed nor does she exist now. Sheila is purely a figment of Dina’s imagination.” “What?” Dina’s father had stopped on his track. Ronit could almost feel the shock, anger and the resentment growing inside him but time has now arrived that everybody knew his side of the story. “I am telling the truth. Dina’s been hallucinating.” “What do you mean? Listen, young man, whatever you want to prove my daughter, let me assure you that she is NOT mad.” “I agree, Sir. Dina is NOT mad,” said Ronit sadly. “She is schizophrenic.” There was a shocked silence. “How can you say that?” “Two days ago we had a big fight over this Sheila. I have heard Dina mention the name before but I never paid much heed. I used to think that she was pulling my leg. That day things got out of hand. She accused me of having an affair with Sheila and I still didn’t know who she was. Dina was behaving strangely. She looked murderous. The injustice made me lose my temper too. I told her that we should break up. I am really sorry for that. When she left and once I had calmed down, I came to think about the strangeness of it all. I thought over this Sheila she was talking about. That was when I remembered her speaking about Sheila earlier too. I was confused. I tried to call Dina but her cell phone was switched off. At last I decided to go to a doctor… because I could make neither head nor tail of what Dina accused me of. I described the whole affair to the doctor. It was he

who told me that Dina might have been suffering from Schizophrenia. He asked me to notice certain things about her when I met her… to confirm his suspicions. “…Delusions and hallucinations are a part of the illness. I think she is also having compulsive disorders. Did you notice her trying to ward off one small ant from her bedside table while she was talking to you? It was pathetic. Her voice was light when she said sorry to you this morning…immediately after that she looked like she could have killed me! I never noticed before how quickly she shifted from one extreme emotion to another… think about it, Sir. I can only hope you will forgive me for whatever I might have said to Dina without understanding her problem.” Dina’s father was silent for a long time after Ronit stopped speaking. Meanwhile, tidal waves washed the shores, filling in the silence with their magnanimous presence. “Dina needs proper treatment and counseling. It’s a long call. I am sorry; I thought you betrayed her… Can I ask you something? I will understand if you can’t confirm.”He sounded tired. “Would you still stand by her?” There was a long pause. “Yes, I would.” Silvery moonlight was reflected in the troubled young man’s coal black eyes. There was truth etched in them.