Pre-assault Checklist

THE SMART NINJA’S

iP

RE -A SSAULT

CHECKLIST

HI everyone!

Kenny the Helpful Shuriken here! Your friends in Ninjalistics Human Resources have

asked me to remind you of some important safety and logistical tips you’ll want to keep in mind for a PRODUCTIVE and REWARDING major combat operation. Are you with me? HERE GOES!

BEFORE

THE ASSAULT:

 Wash in Grayling Lotus-Leaf De-Scentsitizing solution to remove all odors

DURING

THE BATTLE:

 Make sure your fingerprints are still dissolved away— remember, they grow back!

 Watch your back!

 Polish all swords, shuriken, nunchaku chains, and other weapons—it’s important to make a professional impression on the enemy

 If you see an exciting opportunity to inflict unplanned casualties or property damage, get your supervisor’s approval, send a quick e-mail back to HQ stating your intention, goals, and best-guess likelihood of success, then GO FOR IT!

 Memorize the assault team org chart—if your immediate supervisor dies, who do you report to next?

BE

SURE YOU BRING:

 Check your teammates—are they screaming?

AFTERWARD:

 Lots of weapons!

 Woohoo, you survived! Gratz!

 Lots of ammunition and arrows!

 Casualties? Have your supervisor (or his or her living successor) contact HR.

 Lots of poisons and powders!  Gloves (not fingerless)  Stealth booties  First aid kit, bandages, disinfectant, hacksaw  Toilet tissue (you never know!)  Light snacks and beverages for your squad (don’t be a moocher!)

DON’T

 Immediately after the battle, conduct an inventory. Complete and submit to your supervisor an Equipment Repair or Replacement form for each broken or lost weapon, and one Supply Expenditure form covering all expended ammo, arrows, poisons, powders, medicines, and toilet tissue.

BRING:

 ID

Have a great assault! Copyright ©2009 Ninjalistics. Written by Allen Varney. Kenny the Helpful Shuriken illo by Kyle Miller. Find more useful advice at www.ninjalistics.com