Praising And Criticizing

ea der sh ip De ve lop men t Ser ie s “ Man agi ng Se lf “

Praising and Criticizing

People like to be praised, and hate to be criticized

Its important to appreciate, how to give and receive praise, compliment and criticism

Giving Criticism Reactions to criticism: • Acceptance • Partial acceptance • Failure to take responsibilities • denial

Criticizing Effectively Ask Permission: • Ask the person’s permission to talk to them – don’t just hit them with the bad news Be Constructive: • Criticism without offering advice or an alternative way to do things is called destructive. • You may not have to offer advice – may be – but always try to point out what they can do.

Criticizing Effectively

Be effective: • Do not criticize someone when they aren’t listening • Do not criticize if they aren’t prepared to hear it • Do not criticize if you are not in the right motive

Criticizing Effectively Be Factual: • Separate them from their behavior • Criticize them in a way that criticizes their behaviors - what they have done, not who they are. • Never say ‘you are messy’ or you are ‘thoughtless’, they aren’t criticism

Criticizing Effectively Be Focused: • Do not criticize a whole load of things in one fell swoop • Deal with one matter at a time if possible • Raising too much at once is overwhelming Be Honest: • Do not exaggerating – tell it like it is

Criticizing Effectively Be Open: • Don’t tell or ask people to change – as we can’t make theme • Just ask them to do things differently, be open to their efforts Be Positive: • Balanced view: what they did wrong and what they did right • This can avoid any defensiveness and rejection to our criticism

Criticizing Effectively • Be Prepared: Prepare a little script of what to say if necessary • Be Private: Never criticize people in front of others • Be Realistic Be realistic to what we expect, do not expect them to response to our criticism overnight

Criticizing Effectively • Be Receptive: Let the other person have a say – criticism needn’t (and shouldn’t) one - sided • Be Specific: Tell exactly what is wrong – if people don’t understand exactly what is wrong, they are lee likely to be able to put things right

Criticizing Effectively • Be Sympathetic but Firm: Listen to the other person but stick to our gun if criticism is jus justified • Be Timely: Do not wait too long before dealing with issues. Waiting too long trivializes the matter and may be forgotten already

Receiving Criticism

• Acceptance: If criticism is founded in fact and you are responsible, then accept it graciously • Partial Acceptance: If part of criticism is fair and founded in fact, accept that part only and make it clear to you that you don’t accept the rest

Receiving Criticism • Failure to take responsibilities: If the criticism is something that isn’t your fault, but was caused by another party, you have the option to take the responsibilities yourself an deal with the other person afterwards or not to take any responsibilities. • Denial: If the criticism in untrue of the facts are wrong, say so. There is no need to argue, just state the truth calmly and logically.

Dealing with Criticism you accept • Be balanced: If criticism is founded in fact and you are responsible, then accept it graciously • Be Calm: Try to stay calm, so you can discuss things rationally and not emotionally

Dealing with Criticism you accept • Be Receptive: You should welcome constructive criticism as a means of finding out how you can improve. • Be Specific: You are being criticised for what you’ve done and not for who you are

Dealing with Criticism you accept Deal with exaggeration: • If the criticism is founded in fact but has been exaggerated, ignore the exaggeration. Exaggeration may lead to end less argumentation. • Acknowledge and accept the truth and ignore the exaggeration.

Dealing with Criticism you accept Don’t get defensive: • Being defensive and snapping back at someone usually leads to an argument and that isn’t sensible way to achieve anything.

Dealing with Criticism you accept Don’t be submissive: • Don’t just give in and accept criticism . If it’s unfounded or incorrect or unfair, say so. Say you disagree. • No need to start an argument, just state your own side of things clearly, calmly.

Dealing with Criticism you accept

Use Facts, not emotions: • Don’t get emotional or talk in emotional term. This will help other not to get emotional, either, and keep things on an even keel.

Dealing with Criticism you accept Question if necessary • If you don’t understand what is being raised, say so. Ask for clarification. • If you don’t see where the criticism comes from, ask for specific example. • If the criticism seems very personal, ask why the comments are being made.

Dealing with Criticism you accept

Thank Them • This is HARD but VERY IMPORTANT– thanks the person for pointing out the things they have raised. It lets them know you are approachable.

GIVING PRAISE AND COMPLIMENTS • Be Honest People will sense a false compliment and it will cause friction. Only give genuine praise and compliment – don’t fib. • Be Specific “ you did really well” is nice but sound insincere – does not help the person know exactly why and how they did well. Say “I like the why you did xxxx” instead.

GIVING PRAISE AND COMPLIMENTS • Don’t put yourself down. Don’t talk about yourself and the person you are complimenting at the same time. Give them the compliment in their own right, not as measure of how they compare with you • Keep your tone light Compliment sounds insincere if they are said too enthusiastically. Just state the compliment clearly and nicely – don’t over do it.

RECEIVING PRAISE AND COMPLIMENTS • Don’t argue If someone compliments you, don’t argue with them. It’s easy to say ‘NO’, this short comment just makes the complimenter feel silly and discourage. • Don’t question them. Questioning them is rude and makes them feel bad. They don’t have to justify saying something good.

RECEIVING PRAISE AND COMPLIMENTS • If you are suspicious, question If you have that sneaking suspicion that the person is not really serious, but is making a point, ask them what they mean. If they are devious it will become apparent If they are genuine, just accept gracefully. • Thank them Just say ‘thank you’ after the compliment, no need to sat anything else.