Pastor - Nag Hag Bag

“Pastor, Why is My Wife is a Nag, A Hag, and a Bag” or

"Pastor, Why is My Husband's a Slob, a Blob, and a Glob" By Dr. Kenneth D. Miller Introduction: I would like to speak to you today about a subject that has been under fire since time immemorial. I say this, because after the fall of Lucifer, or satan, from standing in the presence of God as a cherished Cherub, he has been attacking, by every means possible, the two institutions created and blessed by God since creation. You know these institutions, although you may not have them at the top of your head. Read with me from the Book of Genesis, Chapter 2. Genesis 2:1-3: “Thus the heavens and the earth, and all the host of them, were finished. And on the seventh day God Ended His work which He had done, And He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done. Then God blessed the seventh Day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which God had created and made.” However, my topic today is not on the Sabbath Day, it is on the second institution created and blessed by God…and that is the institution of Marriage. Now read with me again, in the Book of Genesis, continuing in Chapter 2, but let's start with verse 18. Genesis 2:18,23,24. (18)“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I

will make him a helper comparable to him.’ So, God created Eve from Adam's side. (23) And Adam said, ‘This is now Bone of my bone and flesh of my Flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. ’ (24) Therefore a man shall leave his Father and Mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.’” Now, remember, God said, "...a helper comparable to him." Here, God was saying, "Equal in status." However, there appears to have been a change in that status in Chapter 3:16, when God said, “...Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you…." Since God created Adam first, and it was Eve who was easily beguiled by the serpent. Still, it's this "ruling” that causes a lot of problems. Body: As a Minister, and even during the days when I was a Lay-Minister, I have had the privilege of speaking to couples, friends, and co-workers, who were having troubles in their marriages, and I have compiled some of the major issues that have afflicted their once happy homes. I have of course divided them into three common areas: Money, Children and Home (or Housework). There are others, but these are the main problem areas. I will go into the sub-topics if time allows. In any troubled relationship, to begin healing, we first have to find the root cause of the problems, and fix them. Historically, marriages were for a lifetime, not that the sentiment has changed today, but people have stopped trying to make a marriage work, and many simply give up, calling it quits, and file for divorce. The problem with this, is that subsequent marriages often don't work either, since, having been down that road before, many couples, upon seeing the same recurring problems, will simply call it quits before going through the pain of divorce again. However, I digress. I say again, historically, marriages were for a lifetime, largely because the roles were well defined. Read with me again from the book of Genesis Chapter 3. Genesis 3:17-18. Let's start with the second half of verse 17. God is saying to Adam.

"...Cursed is the ground for your sake; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life. Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, and you shall eat the herb of the field." Here, we see God has placed man out of the home to work the fields in hard toil. In modern terminology, we would say it was his job to feed the family, and make sure there was a roof over their heads. Verse 16 is where God gives the role of women to be in the house tending to the children and the work involved there. Until the late 1950's, and except during time of war or major emergencies, those were the roles men and women played. Men - outside, women - inside. Today, families are smaller, households are more complex, and it takes practically two incomes to make ends meet. How does this change God's word? It doesn't. In our complex world, a woman can quit her job and not work for ten years and one day go and apply for a job without any questions being asked. If a man does it, employers will want to know why he hasn't been working. Here again, Men outside, women - inside. Now, let's take a look at those problems that plague the happy home. Financial Stewardship is a topic spoken by Jesus in Parables. Whether speaking of “tithes and offerings” in Malachi 3:8; or our “Bodies” in 1 Corinthians; or "Finances" in Matthew 25; or our "time" in Colossians. Stewardship is using all that God gives us wisely, not only for our benefit, but also for His. To manage a household, we need a good financial base. Without it you can't pay the rent, buy food, gas or clothes. And whether from the husband or the wife, it's always the same, "There's never enough money." On this, I can offer no help except, look at your in-come and watch your out-go. What can you do without now to stretch the money for the necessities?

In my home, I would go outside daily and look at the electric meter. I swear that rotator would be spinning faster than a 75 r.p.m. record, if any of you can remember those. My argument with my wife, is that for every hour you have that air conditioner on, we lose Chicken or Steaks from Wal-Mart. You know, not all of the blame can go to her. As an example, maybe instead of eating out at Pizza Hut for $15.00 the other day, I should have eaten at home for closer to $3.00, a savings of maybe twelve-dollars. And every time she goes to the make-up department, I ask myself, "When she's done, will I be able to buy gas to go to work next week?" Then I stop off in the video department and purchase a $20.00 movie. Sacrifices are hard to make. Especially if it's something you enjoy receiving in your "wants" basket, and not his, hers or their "wants" basket. Always remember, "Wants subtract from Needs." Children I love children. I have two marvelous children. My question is, why does my wife say, "My daughter is so smart on the computer." Followed by, "Your daughter is climbing on the furniture again!" When they're good, they're mine. When they're bad, they're yours. Raising children is truly a partnership. It definitely takes a man and a woman to do it. Historically, children were taught morals and manners in their younger days at home by the mother. Remember? Women were in the house. And when they are old enough for more challenging work, or manual labor, dad takes over, outside of the house. Here is where moral and ethical behavior is combined with a good work habit. Here again, the families worked together to ensure the family unit survived. On top of that, God played an extremely important and central role in the house and in the community. How many of you pray before rising from bed in the morning or after a nap, or going to work, or asking for blessings not only for yourselves, but also for your fellow workers and citizens? How about for those you can’t even stand to look at? When was the last time you prayed for guidance for the city council members of your local government? Prior to the 1960's, God was the most important part of everyday life. Today, church attendances are low, family's are being torn apart, and government is out of control. Teenage pregnancies and High School Drop-out rates were on the rise. Two good things I see, since 2000, is teenage pregnancies are going down and high school drop-out rates are decreasing. But why is this?

Could it be families are taking a keener interest in their children? And not all children are lucky enough to have parents who will devote the time for them. SACRIFICE! “One of the hardest truths of parenthood is that you never know how well you've done until it's too late to do anything about it. When the child who once clung to your shin becomes a man (or woman) looking you in the eye, you realize with an abruptness that the time for molding personality and imparting life’s wisdom has passed.” (Miami Herald, 2007) Absenteeism and broken promises are the most devastating events in any child's life. How will you be remembered? As a person your child can reflect on in their past with fondness? Or will you be remembered with indifference as a person who was never there? Who provided a broken heart, because you said you'd be there for your child’s 5th or 6th birthday party, and with sadness, that child had to go to sleep not knowing what "keeping your word," meant. It “...defies conventional wisdom in a culture that normalizes a father's absence and happily pretends the interchangeability of woman and man (is okay). It allows a man to give a child absence and tell himself it doesn't matter, because so long as there is food on the table and Mom (is) in the house, the child will be fine regardless.” (Miami Herald, 2007) There are two gifts a father can give his children. First, that if anything in your life matters, it is the importance of always being there for them. To be predictable, reliable, and dependable. Your presence in their lives is very important. Secondly, and surely the greatest gift a father can give his children, is to love their mother. Parental love reflects that agape love, which is a reflection of the Heavenly Father’s love for His created beings. We are accepted for what we are, imperfect, no matter what. It is this same reflection of love we must impart on our children, which builds up their confidence and sense of security.

Home (Housework) Which takes me to the third plague of a happy home. Let’s use some quotes here. “He never helps around the house.” “He’s not the same man I married. He’s changed into a slob.” “She’s not sexy anymore.” “I don’t think he loves me anymore.” As a family violence and Child Abuse Investigator, I come across many of the results of the tragedies of the broken home; long past any measure of help can mend. And what started the problems are always the same. She/He was such a great gal/guy, when I married her/him. I just got tired of her/him. He stopped doing what she asked him to do. She was just an old worn out tire. Two people who know why they fell in love, but forgot, or didn’t know, how to keep that spark alive within. Words are the worst form of abuse. Although not a good alternative, it is probably less damaging to be hit. A person can heal from the strike from a fist. Words linger for a life-time, and most often the harm done is permanent. How many people here believe that a relationship participation should be fiftyfifty? (A showing of hands). Now, being realistic, how many here are in that fifty-fifty relationship? I have never seen a fifty-fifty relationship, so naturally, I’m curious of what one looks like. In our life’s bio-rhythmic patterns, if you believe in those things, we have many ebbs and flows that affect our moods, health, appetite, any number of things. This in turn can affect our relationships with others, especially our spouses. You’ve heard the term, “You always hurt the ones you love.” We are more cautious of what we say to strangers, but the guards are always down when we speak to those we are closest too.

When my wife was pregnant with each of our children, I could sometimes swear I was living scenes from “The Exorcist.” Her hormones would swing from one extreme (absolute evil) to somewhere in the middle (caution Will Robinson)… I don’t know why, but she never swung to that happy-go-lucky side. When she was in her evil extreme, how much into the relationship was she exerting? Close to ZERO percent. Right? That means, for my marriage to survive, I had to start putting every bit of 100 percent into it. Of course, I put it in from a distance, but I was putting it in there. Applying this to your life, when one of you are sick, away from home, tending to other matters in the family, or just “down right worn out tired”…the other person has to pick up the slack. While living in California, I was constantly doing some bit part in TV commercials. There is a term referred to as “A Slice of Life.” What this means is, you take a moment in your life, and put it out there for the whole world to see. Maybe you’ll remember this commercial, I wasn’t in it, but it had to do with cough syrup, and the mother was sick with the flu. She was in bed and dad was taking over caring for the children, because mom was sick. Anyway, mom takes her cough syrup and miraculously begins to feel better. She walks into a messy kitchen where she sees dad clumsily feeding the children. Hey, at least he’s trying, right? As a mom seeing this, would you see the humor? Or would you immediately start blasting into him for making the kitchen messy? If you are married to a man, or woman, and you both have a common language, it doesn’t matter whether it is English, Spanish, or Swahili – you will never know the delight of hearing the language of heaven. A language that no one can understand. I’m in that kind of marriage. When my wife, who was born and raised in the Philippines, would see a mess I’d made, in my attempts to help out; she’d be speaking; and I’m not understanding. All the while she’s cleaning up the mess, and she won’t let me touch it. “A slice of life.” I enjoy being married. Every day is a whole new adventure. What makes my married life a blast, is that I haven’t forgotten what it was that attracted me to my wife. Of course, at first it was the outward beauty, but there was something inside of her that was even more attractive. It was her heart. My wife is the

sweetest, most pleasant woman to be around (when she’s not speaking the language of heaven). And she is very talented when it comes to cooking, keeping the house, and caring for her family. When a man and a woman are married for a few years, they tend to allow their lives to go into a routine. Men, if your wife isn’t sexy to you anymore, what are you doing to get it back? Read with me from Ephesians, Chapter 5. (Ephesians 5:22-33) The Apostle Paul speaks of the nature of Men and Women. Women are to submit themselves to their husbands. Now, this can imply faithful service as well as the physical. Men by their nature are physical beings. Looking first at the outward appearance and seeking the physical contact between ourselves and the women we love. There’s a lot truth in the old saying, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” After all, eating is a physical thing, right? Women on the other hand are emotional by nature. Which is why Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.” Husbands, your woman doesn't want you to only say you love her, she needs the emotional side that goes with the voiced expressions. Women thrive on emotional love and attention. To use another word, “ROMANCE.” Men, what are you doing every day to make that woman feel special? It is how she feels about your treatment of her that encourages that sense of self-worth. A confident woman is truly a sexy woman. It is a woman who feels special in your treatment of her, that even after losing all of your hair and gaining that spare tire, that she still sees that handsome man she married. The main point to bring out, is what are either of you doing to keep your marriage alive.

Conclusion: Jesus loved His church. The All People who accept Him are His church. To save it from destruction, He volunteered Himself to be the ultimate sacrifice. Adam and Eve’s transgression in Eden guaranteed our loss from that heavenly life eternal. Paul compared marriage to Christ’s Church. In Church, we gather as a people with a common bond, a common belief, and a common goal of Salvation. As married couples, we are extensions of the church, that holds us steadfast to the cross of Christ, energizing us to face satan’s constant impulses to destroy us. In the movie, “Captain Corelli’s Mandolin” (2001), a man had a pea stuck in his ear since childhood, causing deafness. It was when he was an old man, that a doctor finally removed it, and the once deaf man marveled because he could hear again. Later on, at the end of the movie, he can be heard pleading with the doctor to please put the pea back in his ear so he couldn’t hear his wife nagging at him to do the chores, or to take out the garbage. The doctor replied, “How hard is to just take out the garbage – then you won’t hear her nagging.” Paul, to the Ephesians, says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification….” (Eph 4:29) Edification means to teach, praise, or lift up to a higher standard. As a married couple, remember what it was that attracted you to each other. Always say good things to each other in a way that builds up the other’s character, confidence, and sense of security. Make service to Jesus foremost in your homes, that evil cannot dwell there. Keep the fires of romance alive…and remember to love each other, as Christ loved His church. And if there is just one more tid-bit of wisdom I may impart, “Believe none of what you hear (gossip), and only half of what you see.” Gossip is a twisting of the truth and is in reality a lie. And what you saw, may not be what is truth. May God bless our Marriages, keeping them Holy and Sacred, especially from Government intervention making marriage an abomination.

Amen.