Notification Of Impending Accident

Notification of Impending Accident To be given to individual most affected by upcoming disaster

1. Notification You are hereby notified that Ninjalistics, Inc., your top-quality provider of corporate espionage and assassination services, has scheduled an accident to befall the following party or entity: Name of appointed victim _______________________________________________ Date ___/_____/__________

Time _______ to _______

Location ______________________________________________________________ Ninjalistics advises you to be  present at  absent from the indicated location at the indicated date.

2. Description

Victim category  human  animal or plant  material goods  project  managerial structure  company

3. Advisories

Accident category

Severity [projected]

Recommended response(s)

[Check all that apply.]

[Select only one.]

[Check all that apply.]

c Vehicular

 Minor

c Shock

c Medical

 Interesting

c Rage

c Construction

 Consequential

c Panic

c Radiation

 Gripping

c Fetal whimpering

c Sports

 Severe

c Post-traumatic stress disorder

c Food

 Calamitous

c Dithering

c Asbestos

 Catastrophic

c Wrongful injury or death

Duration: ______  hours  days  weeks  months  years  indefinite

c Rightful injury or death

Corporate Shame Index

c Project delay or cancellation

c Property damage/destruction

[Select only one. If multiple Shame Levels apply, use the most dire.]

c Whistleblowing

c Offense against humanity c Drug-related c Animal-related  dog  cat  bird  weasel  moose  squirrel  hippo

 1. Apprehension  2. Embarrassment  3. Indignity  4. Humiliation

c Spraypaint-related

 5. Scandal

c School bus-related

 6. Disgrace

c YouTube video

 7. Litigation

c Layoffs c Accounting adjustment c Reverse stock split c Legal counsel c Surrender to authorities c YouTube video c Vacation

c Hard to describe, you just have to see it

Recommended scapegoat(s)

For Ninjalistics internal routing only

c “Market conditions”

White copy: to individual most affected by upcoming disaster Light Blue: Operations Cornflower Blue: Department and/or Division head Grey: Finance—front desk Yellow: Your records Goldenrod: Legal Golden Yellow: Information Management Golden Wheat: Client Flax: Finance VP—but don’t show it to the front desk, whatever you do Pink: HR Paisley: Accounting (resist calls from Finance VP to get this copy too) Black: Administration

[Check all that seem remotely plausible.]

c Employee(s) __________________ c Regulation c Deregulation c Terrorist(s) c Competitor(s) c Foreign country(ies)__________ c Act(s) of God/nature/the gods/ Congress c YouTube

Copyright ©2008 Ninjalistics. Written by Allen Varney. Prepare for disaster with the many forms available free at www.ninjalistics.com