Module 3 Organize Spirit

Organizational Spirituality: Taking the Corporate High Road

Module 3: Threats to Interconnectedness: Managing Unintentional Aggression

Copyright © TransTalent

Introduction to Module 3 In this module we will examine threats to a sense of community that are caused by subtle, but unintentional aggression and we will consider the use of coaching as a management strategy for this particular challenge. Information for this module has been taken directly, adapted, and/or synthesized/integrated from the books Coaching for Performance, In Sheep’s Clothing, Emotional Vampires, and Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations and Bad Behavior (see References page for full citations).

NOTE: NOTHING IN THIS MODULE IS A SUBSTITUTE FOR APPROPRIATE LEGAL ADVICE AND/OR THERAPY

Module Objectives By the end of this module you should be able to: • Define – – – – –

• • • •

Overt aggression Subtle aggression Passive aggression Unconscious acts List some characteristics of passive aggression Differentiate coaching from therapy Describe how a coaching approach might be used to manage unintentional aggression and why it has the potential to be effective List major caveats relevant to managing unintentional aggression Describe two crucial elements necessary for delivering criticism

Aggression Aggression is… –

“…a hostile action or behavior.” (Davies, 1976)

Overt aggression is… –

aggression that is obvious and direct. This includes, but is not limited to physical aggression and assault, throwing and destroying objects, and verbal threats and profanity. (Ivancevich et. al., 2008)

Subtle aggression is… –

…less obvious than overt aggression. It is hidden beneath the surface of everyday activities and is sometimes difficult to recognize, especially to people who think the best of others. (Simon, 1996).

Passive aggression is… –

A form of aggression characterized by what the aggressor does NOT do rather than what he/she actually does, for example, the aggressor ‘forgets’ to deliver what was promised. (Simon, 1996; Bernstein, 2002).

Characteristics of Passive Aggression Forgetting/omitting Forgetting to complete an assignment; or Leaving out critical details in a written or verbal report Procrastinating Tardiness, including Lateness to meetings; and Missing deadlines Being sick on critical days Making excuses for the above (including blaming others)

The Victims of Passive Aggression …are those supervisors, coworkers and clients who were counting on having work by a specific deadline, or were counting on having the person present for a meeting or an event.

Consequences of Passive Aggression …primarily the stress placed on coworkers who may have to • • • • • • • •

Complete the aggressor’s uncompleted work on short notice Review the aggressor’s last minute submission Submit an inadequately reviewed or unreviewed product (because the aggressor’s portion was turned in at the last minute) Ethics challenges that can arise from errors in inadequately reviewed work. Miss a deadline Scramble to reallocate work when the aggressor doesn’t show Waste time (which could be put to constructive use) waiting for the aggressor to show up at meetings Wing it when the aggressor does not show up for an event (particularly when he/she has not shared his/her plan)

The Challenge of Passive Aggression It is generally believed that passive aggression is an unconscious expression of hostility/anger/frustration. The aggressor is unaware of his/her motivation. This is why we call it unintentional aggression. (Simon, 1996). Unless you are walking in someone’s shoes, you really cannot know the person’s true motivation for being tardy, absent, or missing deadlines. In passive aggression, the aggressor actually does NOT seem to know it either! (If they do know, then it is not passive aggression, but is something else).

Caveats Just because an employee exhibits the characteristics of passive aggression does not mean that is what is going on. There are other reasons that a person might be exhibiting these characteristics, including, but not limited to – – – –

medical reasons intentional aggression they lack work flow management skills or need more feedback they lack task support they need or the are encountering other barriers to success. – other reasons Avoid labeling people. The characteristics of passive aggression described in the module are meant to help a manager select a workplace intervention that might help someone with a specific set of characteristics become more engaged, productive and more positively connected with coworkers. It is not intended to be used a diagnosis or label.

What Does Unintentional Aggression Have to Do With Organizational Spirituality? It destroys teamwork/sense of interconnectedness. The stress it causes has a negative effect on quality of work life for all parties involved (including the aggressor). An optimal solution is one that manages the situation so the aggressor has an opportunity to better channel his/her efforts (in a conscious way, rather than unconsciously) and improve relationships with others.

Management Intervention Employees who forget, procrastinate, are tardy/absent might seem to need more structure and feedback, such as intermediate deadlines and frequent reminders Micromanaging employees, however, is a great way to kill motivation. Also, as will be shown, micromanagement can actually backfire in passive aggression. Ideally it is the employee who should come up with the structure, and using a coaching management strategy is one approach for doing this.

Coaching is… …facilitating the improvement of performance. Coaching is a profession in which the focus is, “…unlocking a person’s potential to maximize their own performance. It is helping them to learn rather than teaching them.” (Gallway, quoted in Whitmore, 2004, p. 8). Coaching is a stand alone profession, and it can also be used as an approach to management & leadership. Whitmore (2004) discusses the use of coaching as a management strategy along with the idea of creating a culture of workplace coaching.

Coaching vs. Therapy

A coach is not a therapist and coaching is not therapy.

Coaching has as its focus, facilitating the improvement of performance or enhancing performance. Coaching can be differentiated from therapy. – Therapy is a medical treatment, involves diagnoses, and can only be performed by a licensed mental health professional. It is important for legal reasons that coaching activities not violate this boundary.

NOTE: NOTHING IN THIS MODULE IS A SUBSTITUTE FOR APPROPRIATE LEGAL ADVICE AND/OR THERAPY

Coaching Strategy for Managing Passive Aggression Determine if the behaviors (lateness, procrastination, absence, etc) are isolated incidences or if they constitute a pattern. If there is a pattern coach the employee, through the use of open-ended questions (avoiding leading questions and yes/no questions)… • • • • •

Coach/facilitate the employee into recognizing the behaviors that are an issue Coach/facilitate the employee into linking the behaviors to the impact these behaviors have on other people Coach/empower the employee into being the one to design an intermediate feedback/deadline structure Document goals and progress Unless you are certain that the employee is reliable, it is generally best to plan accordingly for high stakes situations.

Note: Whitmore’s Chapter 4 addresses the use of questioning in detail. In addition, there are a number of training aides and books available to assist managers in developing an effective questioning strategy including (BiancoMathis, 2006) The Dialogue Card Deck.

The Role of Frustration Since frustration can play a role in unintentional passive aggression, the employee should be encouraged to see the manager as a resource —some one who can be called upon when the employee is ‘spinning his/her wheels” as a result of some stumbling block. Coaching the employee through the identification of stumbling blocks and possible solutions can be constructive.

Revisiting Feedback

In Module 2, we discussed that feedback is a critical component of Csikszentmihalyi’s flow in the workplace. Crowley & Elster (2006, p. 171-172) stress the importance of ‘consistent feedback’ when dealing with passive aggression. Coaching can provide a specific type of feedback. It fosters awareness and selfmonitoring. Structured feedback tools can be used, as well. Feedback tools can also provide documentation of improvement (or lack thereof).

Role of Disagreement Skills Some unintentional passive aggression may occur because an employee agrees in a meeting to something he/she really does not want to do. If this is happening, the manager may want to explore the need to coach the employee on the ‘skills of disagreement’ This is a key consideration because if the employee does not really agree with the structure he/she creates, he/she will not buy in and it will not work.

Delivering Criticism The convention for delivering criticism has been the ‘criticism sandwich’ in which the one delivering the criticism would: – – –

Begin with something positive Deliver the criticism, and End with something positive.

Patterson, et. al. (2002, 2005) suggest that in difficult conversations, such as those involving criticism and confrontation, there is a better approach, involving two critical elements: – –

Making the person you are confronting feel safe, and this can mean different things depending on the context; and Finding a way to demonstrate a shared sense of purpose, and this can be a challenge when you perceive a chasm in basic values (often a key factor in the conversation to begin with), but the authors insist it can be done and is critical to success.

Summary Passive aggression is characterized by forgetting, omitting, tardiness and absences, and is particularly challenging because it is unintentional on the part of the aggressor. A coaching approach can be used to enable the employee if guided into providing his/her own feedback as well as participating in crafting the plans designed to improve his/her performance. An employee who needs feedback & deadline structures is less likely to passively rebel against these structures if he/she created and believes in the structures. There is no guarantee that a coaching approach will work, but it has the potential to engage the employee in the design and implementation of a constructive solution. When criticism must be delivered, two critical elements include 1) making the person feel safe, and 2) finding a way to demonstrate a shared sense of purpose.

Module 3 Discussion Questions

When an employee is habitually tardy, forgetful, etc., it can be wearing on the goodwill of the employees who are victimized by the poor behavior. They can develop understandable resentment, which can complicate the efforts of the employee trying to change. Forgiveness has been identified as a quality of the human spirit. To what extent is it realistic or even appropriate to think that forgiveness can be modeled by leadership and incentivized in the workplace?

References Bernstein, A. (2002). Emotional Vampires: Dealing with People Who Drain You Dry. New York: McGraw-Hill. Bianco-Mathis. (2006). The Dialogue Card Deck. www.strategicperformance.net/products. Crowly & Elster . (2006). Working with You is Killing Me: Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work. New York: Time-Warner Book Group. Davies, P., Ed. (1976). The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language. New York: Dell. Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler. (2005). Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior. New York: McGraw Hill. Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, Switzler. (2002). Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High. New York: McGraw Hill. Simon, G. (1996). In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. Lafayette: A.J. Christopher & Company. Whitmore, J. (2004). Coaching for Performance. London: Nicolas Brealey.