Living, Loving And Dying

Living, Loving and Dying by Erwin Joey E. Cabilan

It’s been a long that I haven’t written an article for my blog. I have been very busy with so many things. I promised to my dear friend, Ate Demette, to write something on my birthday. But I was caught up with so many concerns then. I sent her a text message that I would be writing about Living, Loving and Dying. Oooo….. quite strange to reflect upon. But, I think these are interesting topics. Why? Because these human realities! On Living Life is sacred not only because it is a gift. Along side of its being a gift, life is something to be freely given as a gift. How? For me, this can be done by meaningful living. To live each day meaning after meaning makes life worth living. If we can hardly define why you and I are here, we better have to take notice the rising of the sun to its setting. I remember my mother who once told me how I was born. She said that I was born when the sun was about to rise on October 20, 1978 and that was Friday! Then on, I began to associate myself and my existence with a sense of hope as symbolized with the sunrise! Before going to bed, one of the questions that I ask is this: Did I live my essence, to be a bearer and giver of hope to others, for today? If I did, I believe, I am on the right track! We all have many reasons to live. But to carry out a particular life-force, a purpose for living, is something that enables us to transcend above all other creation. What is life? Life is not just for eating, for drinking, for making fun. It is to live it to the fullest and it begins with a conviction drawn from the wellspring called “meaning”. On Loving Being celibate and trying to be chaste (At least, I am honest that I am really trying to cultivate this virtue in my entire life.), most people ask me if I have experienced what loving is. To be fair, I ask a clarificatory question: Do you mean have I experienced being “in love” or am I a “loving” person? Very specific! But I have to so that I can an answer that can satisfy them as well as myself! I have experienced being “in love”. Hahahahahaha! I would describe it as terrible but these experiences (take note, plural) have led to me discover the uniqueness of my being a person. Well, at first, I was disturbed but when I came to appreciate the dynamics of such experience all I said was, “Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to see that I am a human person who is vulnerable and by this I can understand people and eventually, be of greater service to help them.” Take note, falling in love, when seen in its in-depth character, is at the “feeling” level. But the challenge is to rise above what I feel. Feelings are neutral but sometimes, they mislead us. Critical reflection is necessary to be able to purify this experience and see it in a humanizing perspective. How about “loving”? I am. You are. This is essentially who we are. I love my being a professional catechist. I love my family, my students, my relatives, my friends. I love life regardless of its imperfections! When hurt and the other asks for forgiveness, I forgive. When I teach, I teach passionately because I have compassion for the young, though, sometimes, they challenge me because of their attitude. When I do grocery for my family, I do it out of freedom and not out of being forced by my parents. To love is a commitment to cultivate the gift of freedom. The more I love, the more that I am free. In this way, I give justice to my essence and to the One who created me according to “His image and likeness”.

On Dying In the song “Bring Him Home”, Jean Valjean, the lead character of the novel Lés Misérablès, sings the line that says, “If I die, let me die. Let him live. Bring him home.” Jean Valjean sings this line upon encountering Marius, the “love” of Cosette. When a bride is about to marry her groom, the parents of the bride would cry. They have to “give”, not give up, their daughter to the man whom their daughter loves. In a way, it an experience of dying to being “possessive” so that they child would live according to what she is convinced about. When a mother gives birth, it’s a 50-50 experience. It means that in order for life to flourish, part of the life of the other is also being given. In a way it is an experience of dying, though not to be understood literally. I believe, I am “dying” in order for my nieces, my nephews, my parents, my family, my colleagues, my students and the people whom I am ministering to live. When I give time to reach out to others on a Sunday, which is a free day for me, I am “dying” by going out from my comfort zone just to give life to others. It’s a bloodless death. Every time I teach, I give my best so that what they have learned from me will be shared to the next generation. In this way, I am leaving traces which can and should not be recorded in the annals of history. People who have benefited from this simple but profound gesture of mine will attest to this. I live not to die but to give life even if it entails for me to die to my own whims and desires. I own nothing. But I owe everything to God who lives in me, who loves me and has given His self to me that I may live, that I can love and give life to all. Let me end with an anecdote: One time, I asked my friend a question that made Sushmita Sen of India win the coveted crown of Miss Universe in 1994. I asked her: What is the essence of being a woman. Her reply? The woman is the essence herself! Correct! O Lord, let me see the essence of my existence in the world of the living, in the land of the loving and in the horizon of hope for the dying. Amen!

30 October 2007 9:48 pm Coffeedream, Damosa Gateway Lanang, Davao City