A Sheer Sunrise Is God

A Sheer Sunrise is God’s Magnanimity by Erwin Joey Cabilan One of the memorable things that I experienced when I was in Belgium was my Tongerlo Experience. What made it memorable was not only because of the historical significance of the place (Tongerlo, which is part of the Diocese of Antwerp, is the place where the 750 year-old Norbertine monastery can be found) but above all, my experience of being ONE with God. I never had any plans to go there. What made me decide to be in that place was my hunger and thirst for God through a Spiritual Retreat. Thanks to Herbert Wasserbauer, my Austrian best friend, who invited me to join him. It was his intention to go there. His invitation was the way of God so that I can find a way to be with my God. It was a personal spiritual exercise. Though there were moments that Herbert and I would talk and share our personal reflections but we also respected each other’s preference when it comes to meditation and contemplation. Herbert had with him Karl Barth’s book on discipleship while I never had a single book to read. Why? My very purpose was to read my personal love story with God. And so, I read it. In reading my life story, one of the approaches that I employed was recalling all my past experiences in front of the Blessed Sacrament. On that very moment, I recalled what my mother shared to me: the very moment that she gave to me. As far as I can remember, my mother said that when she delivered me, it was October 20, 1978, Friday and it was early morning……………….sunrise. From that story, I recollected those “sunrising experiences” in my life until I asked myself before the Lord, “What have I done to you? Am I like a sun that rises to every person’s life?” Because I could not count those “sunrising experiences”, I couldn’t stop myself from crying. Tears of joy flowed from my eyes. In the silence of my heart, when I tried to ask the Lord the said question, I heard God talking to me in silence amidst silence. He said, “Erwin, instead of asking to me that question, you better ask, ‘Lord, what have YOU done to me?’ ” Pondering that simple but profound thought, the more that I cried before the Lord because I couldn’t count those “sunrising moments” that He allowed to happen in my life and in the lives of those significant others of mine. Through that encounter, I rediscovered that aside from humility, gratitude is a context where authentic prayer can start. If I could count those moments, they number as the stars in the sky. In other words, God’s deeds, though sometimes we are seemingly unaware of them, when found, are more than enough. The adjective that best suits this reality is magnanimity.

God’s works are both revealed and are revealing. They are revealed through creation and re-creation; either through chronos or through kairos. They allow us to discover and to rediscover the things that gradually point to His existence. In pains and in joys, in miseries and in victories, though hidden, God is revealed. On the other hand, they are also revealing. In this process, the subject (God) is active. The only way “to see Him” is through an open mind and a loving heart. The “via activa” is a tool to allow the words of St. Thomas “My Lord and my God” to sink into the depths of our being. If the person is “high” with God the reason is not because he/she possesses God and the things that belong to God rather, he/she is possessed by God and all the things that are God’s. Lord, what have you done to me? The more I ask God this question, the more I can tell Him that the whole world cannot contain the loving kindness that He has for me. Until I came to the conclusion of all God’s graciousness: The Eucharist. He has not only given me the whole of creation to benefit from His loving kindness; He has given me His very Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus never only touched my life. More than this, His life is given to you and to me. By living in me, Jesus wants me to know that through Him, with Him and in Him, the sun continues to rise and to shine. His presence is not a reward. After all, I am not worthy. In my unworthiness, Christ’s presence is a free gift. What can I ask from You, O Lord? Only one thing, O Lord, to rise gently and shine so bright.

3 April 2006 Feast of Blessed Pedro Calungsod A Visayan Catechist and a Proto-martyr