Jack And The Broken Down Mc Donald's

Jack and the Broken Down McDonalds

A long time ago, maybe not so long ago, in the far away land of the big apple, N.Y., there lived a dude called Jack. Jack had a cool Mitsubishi with speakers and lights and flames that were totally on the wave. His bros were dying to get a car as cool as his. One day, after repainting his car with some cool hamburgers with lettuce and cheese, and some hot dogs on the other side, he went for a drive around, when his car broke down. When he opened the hood, a lot of smoke came out, so he decided to call a bro who was a mechanic. So Jack pushed the car all the way to the mechanics garage, where he encountered his bro Mike. “Yo’ dog,” said Mike “That painting is totally on the wave.” “Yeah dude,” responded Jack “Friday I went to Wendy’s, an’ those burgers was so nice that ‘twas inspiring.” Mike opened the hood, and one look inside put a somber look on his face. “But man, I feel sorry for ya’ car. Fixing it will cost lots a money. More than I know anyone to has.” “Ah Dude,” Jack added melancholically “Can I at least take‘m apart and sell’m?” “Sure,” exclaimed Mike, head and shoulders still inside the car. “I’ll do it free for you man.” “Really?” Jack was surprised by this generous offer, but realized Mike was true to his word. “Yo! Thanks a lot man,” And with that, Jack turned around to leave. Right

under the threshold, Jack slipped on oil, and BANG!!! EEEEK!!! SWISH!!! BOOM!!! MIAAAAUUUUU!!! Landed squarely on his back. Mike rushed to Jack’s side and offered a hand. “You all right?” “Took the air out of me, but yeah, I’m good.” And they said their farewells. “Farewell.” “Farewell.” And Jack took great care to step around the oil. § A few days later, Mike called Jack, with some really nice news, the type that makes you say O.M.G. “Yo dog,” Jack heard Mike say over the bad reception of the phone. “Hey man,” Jack exclaimed after recognizing who was speaking. “Any news of me car?” “Yeah dude. This guy came in, said he’s a movie producer, didn’t catch his name though. Anyways, he totally loved the design on ya car. Said he’d like to use it in a movie,” It took a moment for Jack to absorb this news, but in a second he was jumping around like a two-year-old having in a candy shop; he was happy. In all his excitement, his phone flew out the window, falling from the seventeenth floor he was in. “I’LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!” Jack shouted with all his might, hoping Mike might hear him before the phone crashed against the ground. But the phone did not crash against the ground. In fact, it hit a man that was passing

by on his bicycle, who flew into a man who tumbled into the woman behind him, who fell into an unsuspecting police man, who… You get the point. All of them fell like a line of dominoes. Jack didn’t have time to say sorry. He was already on the stairs, taking 2, 3, 4, 5 steps at a time. When Jack got to the bottom, it was a mess of people, wheels, underwear, a pineapple shake, a cat, some high heels, and a man with a poor fat lady’s hot dog smeared over his face. Jack didn’t pay any attention to the mess; he just jumped over the dominoe-people and ran like there was no mañana. Jack could only see blurs as he ran, so fast Felix Sanchez would’a been jealous. Jack arrived at the garage in 4.59 flat, but completely forgot the oil puddle. So he slipped on it once more, this time doing a ‘Grand Jete’ and a double pirouette in slow mo, then landing gracefully on the point of his toe, where as a throng of onlookers clapped and approved with nods of their heads, and three judges scored Jack, each with a score of 10. Jack, as anyone might have imagined, was out of breath, so Mike and the movie producer waited patiently for him to regain his breath, and started talking as soon as Jack did. “Anyways, back to business,” the movie producer clapped his big hands to give emphasis to his words. “My name is Andrew Smith, and I’m producer of the movies ‘The Fast and the Furious’,” Andrew Smith offered a big hand towards Jack after he announced this. Jack didn’t tarry in taking his hand, you could see this was a toiling man, Jack, however, only managed to mutter “’tis a pleasure”, since he was more than a fan of this movies, and had all the movies, little action figures with bobbing heads, posters, mugs, boxers, pillows, the bathroom curtain, once, even his car had been decorated with a huge ‘The Fast and the Furious’ sticker.

“So, I would really much like to buy the design on your car,” mentioning what Jack already knew. This was followed by really boring discussion over the cost of the design, something I won’t take bother to add here, since you’d fall asleep and drool all over the paper by just thinking of all the decimals, percents, fractions, graphs and tables I didn’t bother to add. So let’s just skip that and go to where they already have the price covered. “So, you like the idea of enough money to buy a ‘Maserati’, and five surprise gifts?” “Sure,” Jack said, thinking only of the ‘Maserati’ he would be driving shortly. And so Andrew Smith took out a checkbook and gave Jack a check with enough money to buy a ‘Maserati’, and then he proceeded to take out an envelope with an address on it. Handing it over to Jack, he instructed that if he wanted the mysterious surprises, he would go to the directed address, and follow the instructions someone there was to give him. The moment Andrew finished this sentence; a loud BANG!!! sounded behind them, when Jack and Mike swirled around, once again, a loud BANG!!! sounded on the opposite side. When they turned around they found Andrew Smith had slipped with the oil puddle, and had fallen head-over-heels trying to carry the car by himself. “Are you…” Mike began. But Andrew cut him short. “No! I’m all right. Just turn around and don’t look,” So Jack and Mike turned with their backs to Andrew and the threshold, until Andrew finally said, “There! You can turn around now,” When they both turned this time, there was no Andrew, but you could still hear his voice. ”There little ducklings, the magic of Hollywood. You can hear

me, but you can’t see me,” “Are you all right?” Mike finally finished his question. “Yes, yes I’m all right!” Andrew sounded a bit frustrated. “But remember Jack, Go to the place, and get your mysterious surprises, if you dare,” This said, Andrew started to make little OOOOOOOHHH!!!!! noises, the kind you’d expect to hear in a haunted mansion. When Andrew’s voice could barely be heard, Mike and Jack looked at each other, and said in unison “Creepy,” “Anyways man, I gotta go, you know, deposit money, get some rest, ya know,” “’Kay dude, see ya later man.” § “Old Mac Donald had a farm, eeeh ah eeeh ah eeeh-oh…” What was a nearly naked guy doing in Jack’s room, apart from singing a baby song? Jack didn’t appear to care, ‘cause he just ripped of his clothes and started singing along with him. When the song ended, Jack said farewell to this stranger, picked up his envelope, and was on his way to this mysterious place. Walking down the sidewalk, people stared as this half-naked man opened an envelope. Jack found the most curious of objects inside. A pair of scissors, a Popsicle stick, one bean, a bubaloo bubble gum, and a coin. Jack had no idea of what to do with these, but he was almost there, so he decided to be patient. When he got to the given address, he noticed it was a broken down Mc Donald’s, but kept on anyways. Now he was more curious than ever of what the mysterious surprise might be. Jack decided he would go around the back to the Drive-thru, and see if

there was anyone inside. “Please, may I take your order?” A friendly women with a pearly white smile on her face suddenly appeared on the window. “Ummm… I’m here because Andrew Smith sent me?” Jack was unsure if this was what he was meant to say, but it seemed it was, because the friendlylooking-woman-with-pearly-white-teeth winked at him, and gave him a little white paper, then proceeded to instruct him to go to the second elevator on the left, and do as was instructed inside. “Ummm… What’s the paper for?” “Nothing,” the women replied with a shrug “It just looks official” Jack thought to himself okaaay, but kept on to the second elevator on the left. The elevator was very normal looking, and didn’t look as if it might break down, so Jack climbed in, and waited to be told what to do. The first thing Jack noticed about this elevator, was that the buttons weren’t numbers, but names, weird names, like ‘Black Charcoal’ or ‘Jacket Ella’. A voice sounded above the typical downtown elevator music, saying “Choose your destination.” Jack really didn’t know what to do here, so he just picked a random button. ‘The Mermaid Dwarf’ said the button. After a few minutes of waiting, the elevator doors sounded TIN! and opened. Not even one second had passed, when the elevator got full of water, and Jack could’ve sweared there was an eel swimming in his pants. Jack searched desperately for the ‘close button’, and solemnly promised himself to not punch that button again, and to check before pressing any buttons.

Jack’s next button choice was ‘The Cooking Hood’. When the doors opened, they showed some people gathered around a table with a cake, and they all looked miserably sad. “What shall we do?” said a hooded one, “This delicious cake is standing here, uneaten, all of because we don’t have a knife to cut it, to sell it to rich people, so that the money can be given to poor people,” “I think I might help in that” Jack announced, coming forward. He had just remembered the knife that had come in the envelope, and so he took it out and gave it to them. “May God bless thee, for coming forth against the law of the tyrant, and bestowing us with this bountiful benefaction. ‘Lion Cake’ himself shall bless thee.” Said a friar with a ridiculous Mickey Mouse chef hat on his head. “Err… I’ll just take that as a thank you and excuse myself outta here,” and with that, Jack was once more inside the elevator. Similar things happened on the other places, such as in ‘The Sleeping Lollipop’, a girl dressed as a lollipop was playing with a needle, so he gave her the popsicle, so that did not stab herself, but the moment the girl touched the popsicle, she fell into a deep sleep, and Jack called her a ‘Fast Sleeper’ right before leaving. The pair of scissors he gave away in ‘Rapunsi, no hair’, to a girl who was tired of having hair so long. Finally, he got to a more normal sounding button. ‘Jack and the Beanstalk.’ When he got out of the elevator, he found himself in an ‘EL SUPER POLA’ market, where people were selling stuff to their own accord. He remembered the coin, and thought he might be able to buy himself a car. So Jack started asking people around if they knew of someone who sold cars. After a while,

he encountered a guy who knew about a giant that was supposed to be friendly. This giant supposedly took care of the people that went to his house, only if they were not Englishmen, for he ate Englishmen. Jack decided to try out his luck, but found out the giant’s house is way too far to walk, and Jack conveniently found a lad who was selling a cow. “What a beautiful animal we have here,” Jack started. “’er name’s Milky, sir,” the boy responded. Jack had realized that the majority of people here talked in third person, and he did so now. “Jack, whaddya say, should I buy her?” “Oh do sir, she’ll be a good cow,” the lad responded. “Lad, will you take one bean for her?” “Yeah right, you wish,” the boy started to leave. “No listen! The bean I’m about to give you, is a magic bean, if you plant it today, tomorrow there will be a huge beanstalk where there should be nothing.” Jack was inventing fantasy as he went, but he could see this little fellow was buying it, and that was just what he needed. “Really?” The lad asked. “Really” Jack answered. And so, it was agreed. Jack bought Milky for a ‘Magic Bean’. Right then and there, he mounted Milky and started to ride, although there were a few problems at first, since Jack mounted first the face facing backwards, and then he kept slipping on Milk’s greasy coat. But finally, Jack got it right, and he was on his way to the giant’s house. When Jack got to the giant’s home, the giant, Artie, wasn’t home, but his wife, Lucy, was. She welcomed Jack inside and gave him something to eat. They amazingly had human sized food and a table, that all looked diminutive

compared to the rest of the house. Not long after Jack arrived, Artie arrived, reciting an old rhyme, with a strong Irish accent. “Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman, Be he alive, or be he dead, I’ll grind his bones to make my bread.” “Oh dear, you must have a cold, our friend here is from New York, the big apple.” The giantess defended Jack “Oh, my pardons. I really then must have cold. Dear, could you make me some tea, I don’t think it’s that good if I get a cold.” Lucy went off to make her husband’s tea. “Anyways, I assume you must have a reason for coming here… umm… what’s your name?” “George,” Jack said quickly. He had been told Artie didn’t like Jacks a lot. “Oh, George,” Artie, it seemed to Jack, sounded a bit relieved. “Well George, I suppose you must have a mighty good reason for visiting me and me wife.” “Oh yeah,” Jack began “You see, turns out my car broke down, and this guy, Andrew, told me to come here, I have no freakin’ idea for what, but I came anyways, an’ I been almost drowned, and I’ve also met the strangest people. But anyways, I got here, and I thought I might buy a car for me friend Mike, with this coin Andrew gave me, an’ I was told to come here, that you could gimme a car.” Artie looked at Jack thoughtfully, and then asked, “Would you like to go to the bathroom?” “Yeah, sure” responded Jack “Where is it?”

“Come on, follow me.” While Artie led Jack to ye old john, Lucy peeked out the kitchen floor, and the ‘Pink Panther’ song started to sound Pa na pa na Lucy crept out the kitchen with a banana peel on her hand. Pa na She tiptoed down the hall with the banana peel in her hand Pa na pa na pa na pa na pa naaaaa, pa nanananana She quietly placed the banana in the middle of the hall, Pa na na na na na na na nanananana She quietly tiptoed back towards the kitchen Nanananana And continued boiling the water. Nanananana… The unsuspecting Jack and Artie were already on their way to the living room, none of them suspecting a thing. Walking down the hall, the unsuspecting Jack that wasn’t suspecting anything, tripped with the banana peel, since it was something unsuspectful that would happen to anyone who is unsuspectful. Anyways, Jack tripped and landed sweetly on the sweetener. “You poor old fella,” Artie was tremendously trying to hold back his laughter “Anyways, hmm, you were talking about a car, weren’t you?” Now Artie had regained his composture. “Oh yeah,” Jack was doing the best he could to brush the sugar of himself. “I was wondering if you had a car I could buy you for this coin.” “Sure. Hey, honey,” Artie said, talking to his wife now. “We don’t happen to

have a spare car, do we?” “Well dear, I believe the last Jack took the Toyota Corolla, but I’ll go check.” Lucy said, already leaving for the garage. “ ‘The Last Jack’?” Jack quoted Lucy; already afraid they’d discover he wasn’t named George. “Yeah. It was a beautiful day, a boy named Jack knocked on the door, said he didn’t have anything to eat,” Artie had a look in his eyes that told that he was in a distant past. “Anyway, we welcomed the lad in, he ate, took a nap, ate, and waited for me to sleep. When I did, he stole my best shoes. I really don’t know what for,” Now Arthur was drying tears in his eyes and making pouty faces. “After all, what human would like to have those shoes? A woman with a big amount of children could live there.” Arthur was done being sentimental. ”Hmm, anyways, all the Jacks have been doing this ever since, reason why I don’t like them.” Artie finished his story with a mild chuckle, and Jack now understood why this giant didn’t like Jacks. But Lucy, who had arrived from her trip to the garage, interrupted Jack’s thoughts. “I’m sorry, the only car that’s left is the ‘Bugatti Veyron’ ” Lucy sounded really upset, like if it was a piece of crap. Jack almost choked, but he finally managed to say “No, it’s all right, that car is just fine.” So Jack bought the Bugatti Veyron from Lucy and Artie, and he went back to the elevator, which had magically enlarged itself for the Bugatti to fit. Jack went directly to the broken down Mc Donald’s, without stops along the way in the elevator. The friendly women at the drive-thru gave him a free Big Mac,

with a wink and an “Enjoy your meal.” When Mike saw Jack his jaw dropped open, but he climbed in when Jack told him to. They drove and drove, leaving N.Y. behind. They would finally fulfill their lifelong dream of being full-time waiters in Las Vegas.

By: Paula de Lima