Healthy Eatingv4

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Summary Ponts ....................................................................................................... ii Chapter 1: Eating Healthy and Living Healthy ......................................................... 1 Chapter 2: Parenting Challenges InA World of Obesity ............................................5 Chapter 3: Committing to Doing Whatever it Takes ...................................................9 Chapter 4: Living by Example and Not by Words .................................................... 17 Chapter 5: Controlling the Environment and Not my Child’s Eating ..................... 25 Chapter 6: Ignoring the Criticisms and Complaints ................................................. 33 Chapter 7: Controlling the Environment of Movement ......................................... 39 Chapter 8: Obsessing Every Moment of Health, Happiness and the Good Stuff ............................................................................................... 49 Chapter 9: Stop Protecting Your Children from the Consequences of Their Choices ................................................................................... 53

Dr. Randy Cale

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Summary Points Point 1: Do whatever it takes These questions are not about guilting you, they are about being clear that there are consequences that come through choices, whether those choices are right or wrong is irrelevant. If our children move out and start their own families, 20, 25, 30 years from now, those benefits will continue on even to your grandchildren. So, make a commitment to do whatever it takes to bring a healthy lifestyle into your home in a way where you will never turn back. If you commit to this point, your children can experience the following: • fewer illnesses • will be less likely to develop cancer • will be happier and will have more friends •will be able to climb tall mountains, to ride a bicycle, or to engage in all sorts of activities • will be able to contribute more and make a bigger • difference in the world There are four other questions that go with this point: 1. What price will I pay if I don’t make a commitment to my family’s health? The price you may pay if you don’t make this commitment: • Loss of sleep • Loss of time at work • Time spent in battles with your kids if you don’t master this program and say yes to this Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living Question. • Future issues that may not show up for a year or even 20 years from now, but will eventually be costly. 2. What price will your children pay? The price your children may pay if you don’t make this commitment: • Loss of friendships • Ridicule by peers • Lowered self-esteem •Very disappointed body image • Missed opportunities to engage in many activities • Lack of energy and/or health • Future problems that follow them into adulthood due to lack of commitment in their childhood. 3. What benefits, what rewards come to you if you do commit to this program? Benefits of commitment: • You will experience changes in your own energy level. • You will get more sleep and feel more rested. • You will have more money because of certain changes to your food budget. • You will eat better and feel more satisfied. • You will be able to participate in more activities. • You will feel like the ideal role model that you want to be for your kids. 4. What benefits and rewards flow to your children? Many health, emotional and body image benefits

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Point 2: Living by Example and Not by Words Eliminate those other junk foods, the really fatty ones that we know as: processed foods, potato chips, doughnuts, cookies and ice cream. We really need to get rid of that stuff. The goal is to get clear about the foods that represent a risk to you and to your kids. Walk your talk - Don’t indulge your own cravings for those unhealthy foods and tell your children not to! There are two additional commitments that go with this point: Commitment #1: Remove all of the unhealthy food from your home today. Commitment #2: Make sure you pick some movement exercise that you can begin to do yourself so that you are actually modeling for your kids what to do. Here is how to lead by example: 1. Take the first critical step and take action - purge your home of the unhealthy junk that is in it. 2. If you don’t know what unhealthy food is, learn it! 3. You need to severely limit those simple carbohydrates. 4. Eliminate other junk foods. 5. Cut down on the animal fats and foods that your kids consume. 6. Don’t indulge your own cravings for those unhealthy foods and show your children you mean business! 7. Be a model of healthy living for your children.

Point 3: Controlling the Environment and Not my Child’s Eating Surrendering trying to control our child’s eating will lead to: • No more battles • No more reminders Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living • No more yelling • No more reprimanding • No more fighting • No more arguing over food What do we really control? • All of the food that comes into the home • Where the car stops for breakfast, lunch or dinner • What food is easily accessible to our children • What food we put in our own mouths as role models. When change begins to occur you can expect: • There will be an adjustment period. • Change often brings out fighting kids who will resist your efforts and may become difficult • There will come times when your children will not like this, your children will not like you, and your children will not like what you are doing. The main focus of this point is that you can control the environment. You can do this by: • control the foods that go into the shopping cart • control the foods that come into your home • control the foods that are locked up or just unavailable • control when your children get access to certain foods • control the food that goes into lunch boxes and whether or not they have lunch money • control the money that is spent on eating out and the restaurants that you go to.

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Point 4: Ignoring the Criticisms and Complaints Learn the Fundamental Law: If you keep engaging in negativity; if you keep engaging the whining, the complaining, the ugliness…it just grows! Your Primary Tools for Success! 1) Control the environment surrounding your kids 2) Walk away, walk away, walk away

Point 5: Controlling the Environment of Movement They must understand that there will not be any play available if the work is not done. Regardless of their age, whether they are 6 or 16, the rule remains the same: there is no play until their work is done. In other words, the world holds us accountable to do the things that we are responsible to do. The same ideology should apply in your home! Everything that you are learning here is really about making sure that you are controlling the consequences to their choices. The Difficulty of Rules: • The more rules that you have; the more complex and difficult your life becomes. • The more rules you implement, the more opportunities for your children to violate those rules. The key is to creating a world where there are very few rules and it is simple. This is going to become the rule for your life and for your kids’ lives. It is work first then play and this is the way it is going to be every single day. How do you go about implementing this change. Call a Family Meeting: 1) Tell your kids you’ve made a mistake 2) The mistake: bugging them, fighting with them, nagging, pushing and struggling with them over the past few years Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living 3) The correction: You aren’t going to do that anymore! 4) The new solution: there will be a new model in the house called, “work, then play” 5) What they should remember: the phrase, “work, then play” because it’s going to be present in their lives for as long as they are in your house. 6) Lay out the new schedule of work and play for your kids 7) No work done = no play

Point 6: Obsessing Every Moment of Health, Happiness and the Good Stuff As you shift your attention away from the behavior that you don’t want, you actually starve that behavior. Instead obsess on feeding the behavior that you value within the system, the structure that you’ve been putting into place with each affirmation of the previous questions outlined here. You are going to see that life changes in ways that are truly remarkable. Captured Moments to Watch For: • When your child is actually doing their homework • When your son or daughter is taking out the trash • When you see your kids playing outside or exercising • When your child chooses for themselves a healthy snack Past behaviors vs. Future behaviors Past You: • reprimanded • told them to do it differently • told them to stop that • told them to pick that up right now • told them not to hit on their brother or their sister Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living Now you: • give them praise when your kids are getting along • high-five them when they are cleaning up their room • go outside and shoot hoops with them when you see them engaging in • movement and exercise. • wink, nod or just smile when you see they’ve eaten every bit of the healthy food you put on their dinner

Point 7: Stop Protecting Your Children from the Consequences of their Choices The rule of thumb is this: 3 minutes without air, 3 days without water, and 3 weeks without food. If you have a really picky eater, you may be concerned that they will never come around and will just choose to starve to death. This isn’t a realistic ending. Kids are much smarter than this. Consequences of Their Choices: • You say, “Here is a healthy meal, this is what you are going to have fordinner.” But, • The kids want to make other choices instead, but you have simply made those unavailable. So, • They may throw a tantrum and say, “I am not going to eat.” And they storm off to their rooms instead of sitting down and eating the dinner you’ve provided them with. • You don’t get upset, you don’t try to convince them to eat. Do not attempt to rescue them. • You let them learn from the consequences of their choice. If you walk away from healthy food you will be hungry.

Dr. Randy Cale

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Chapter 1 Eating Healthy and Living Healthy

This program, Healthy Eating, Healthy Living, is really a parenting program about how to build healthy habits for the whole family. The Healthy Eating, Healthy Living program focuses on helping parents create a home environment which is optimum for future healthy habits.  When parents lay the track, kids get on board with eating healthy and living healthy. Eating healthy and living healthy means helping families develop a consistent pattern of making good food choices. It is not about: • Competition.  • Turning children into athletes when they may not be athletic kids, • You becoming vegetarian mother (or father) of the year, • You having the most beautiful family on the block, It is not any of that that. It is about helping families to develop patterns of movement and exercise that promote fitness over the entire course of their lives. Eating healthy and living healthy is really about integrating very simple and practical ideas into your daily lives, so that parents become healthier, in turn their kids become healthier and everyone stays on the right track to leading vibrant, energetic and powerful lifestyles. Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living There are an endless array of  programs that provide  diet tips, even more programs that detail exercise and fitness regimens, and still more programs that try to instill personal motivation and pump you up. The Healthy Eating, Healthy Living program is a unique program and the first of its kind. It is not a diet program. Although practical suggestions about what to do to stay on a healthy track are given, it is not an exercise program. It is not a motivational program, but the few simple suggestions that are given will leave you feeling motivated because you will know that there is a clear, practical plan for you to put into place that will have your entire family feeling healthier, stronger and better.

Healthy Eating, Healthy Living provides the perfect tools you need to manage your children’s behavior.

Healthy Eating, Healthy Living gives parents the tools they need to teach their children how to stay on a healthy track. These learning tools will not just tell you what to do to lose weight or outline a step-by-step exercise routine guaranteed to shed pounds. Instead the tools will teach you what to do, what to say and how to do it. At the end of the Healthy Eating, Healthy Living program, parents will know how to set up their homes, how to set up their daily environment in such a way that constant battles with children over the foods they’re eating, the amount of television they’re watching and the exercise they’re not getting will cease. You will be able to use your influence, your powers as a parent, to create healthy patterns that will serve your kids over the long run. You need to know that with the Healthy Eating, Healthy Living program there is a path, there is a way, there is a formula that you can follow that will allow you to take any health program available and use these unique parenting tools to cement those ideas for eating healthy and living healthy. Healthy Eating, Healthy Living provides the perfect tools you need to manage your children’s behavior.

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Chapter One Key Points

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Eating healthy and living healthy means helping families to develop a pattern of regularly eating foods that are good for them.    (del and that are healthy for them.)

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You already have the influence, the power as a parent, to create healthy patterns that will serve your kids over the long run.

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Healthy Eating, Healthy Living is a means of defining the tools you need to manage your children’s behavior.

NOTES

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

NOTES

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Chapter 2 Parenting Challenges in a World of Obesity

We’ve already said the goal of the Healthy Eating, Healthy Living program is not to give you the specifics of what you need to eat or the exact exercises you should engage in. The primary goal of the program is really about making simple decisions as parents to control the environment so that you don’t end up trying to control your kids. With simple parenting tools to serve as guidelines, you will be able to manage your children’s behavior so that you can put any program into place. SIMPLE is the key word here. Without simple guidelines it becomes very easy to get lost.

Thinking Patterns that will Get You Lost: • Thinking that more is better • Thinking that bigger words mean better outcomes • Thinking that more steps in a puzzle mean it’s a better puzzle • Thinking that if you can master greater complexity, you’ll end up with better results.

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living Stop here for a moment and recognize a fundamental truth: NONE OF THAT IS TRUE! In fact, it is the opposite. The power of the Healthy Eating, Healthy Living program is found in the simplicity and directness of it. It is something you can put into place today, something you can easily understand and something that you will easily remember. This direct approach can affect powerful life-changing decisions. At this moment you’re probably thinking…simple, yeah right. I’ve read all of the parenting books, I’ve read the magazines, I’ve been working on this parenting thing for some time now and so far nothing about parenting can be made “simple”.  However, it is pretty simple if you understand the power of your own influence. It is all about how you master parenting tools and you can’t give away all the inside information or otherwise you are going to lose some of our leverage.  (got lost here - not clear about what you are saying)

How many times have you opened a book, read an article, or started a program that points you in the wrong direction, and you waste tons of valuable time and energy trying to find the right way? Or you fizzle out because the advise is not specific enough, critical steps or ways of thinking are left out or you can’t identify how to make the information relevant to your family. The Healthy Eating, Healthy Living program is not going to do that. Instead it operates like a question and answer forum and you are the  one who must answer. The program asks you seven questions.

About the Seven Questions: • Each question gives you the opportunity to answer yes or no. • If you can’t say yes to the question then you’ll be given a very simple formula that will guide you step-by-step to the path of enlightenment. The formula will tell you what you do first, what you do next and what you do after that. • Some of the questions and their formulas are going to be more challenging than others. • If you can’t say yes to the question, you need to stop, pause, rewind and regroup. Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living • You won’t be able to create success unless you can say yes to each of the questions asked of you. The questions are designed to help you achieve CLARITY. The questions help you succeed by gaining clarity about the commitment and amount of action that is required on your part in order to make necessary changes!  Your children’s future depends on your success. There is an accumulation of research readily available that points out that obesity is a huge issue here in the United States.

Obesity is a huge problem because it: • Sets children up for future medical difficulties • Sets them up for a lack of enjoyment and pleasure in their life • Sets them up for difficulties with their peers, where they are ridiculed and made fun of • Isolates kids who aren’t able to participate in the athletic endeavors that other kids participate in. • Compromises their health, longevity and ability to have a fulfilling life in their adult years So it is essential that the Healthy Eating, Healthy Living program gives you every ounce of knowledge available to encourage, to promote, and to ensure you have the tools to make this successful. That is the goal. The questions are simple, clear and specific. You may however feel that there is more required of you than  you are  willing to do. Some of you may decide to get to Question 2 and then say, “sorry, can’t do it”; some of you may be on Question 5 and say, “nope can’t do that.” At any steps along the way, if you have to say no to that question, then you need to stop, pause, rewind and regroup. One helpful tip is to think how your life might have been different had your parents taken action on these very same issues.  Take a few days, maybe even a week and come back to it, because you have to say yes to these questions, because with the question comes the answer. You have to do step 1, 2, 3, whatever it is with that question to get to the right answer. The questions require you to commit to the process that follows. Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living As you are working your way through the seven questions for Healthy Eating, Healthy Living, remember that this is a program for parents. It is all about how you master parenting tools and you can’t give away all the inside information to your kids, otherwise you are going to lose some of your leverage!

Chapter Two Key Points

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Obesity WILL affect your child.

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You have to do step 1, 2, 3, whatever it is with that question to get to the answer.

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There is an accumulation of research readily available that point out that obesity is a huge issue here in the United States.

It is all about how you master parenting tools and you can’t give away all the inside information to your kids, otherwise you are going to lose some of your leverage!

NOTES

Dr. Randy Cale

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Chapter 3 Committing to Doing Whatever it Takes

Question number 1 is really about your commitment and your resolve. Q1: Are you willing to do whatever it takes, as long as no one is injured of course, are you willing to do whatever it takes to bring a healthy lifestyle into your home, meaning healthy patterns of eating, healthy patterns of movement? Are you willing to do whatever it takes? Now some of you out there are going, “Oh, Dr. Cale, you are sounding kind of extreme here, whatever it takes? What do you mean by that?” - Show quoted text - Well…

What if someone told you that: 1. Your children will have fewer illnesses 2. Your children will be less likely to develop cancer 3. Your children will be happier and will have more friends

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living 4. Your children will be able to climb tall mountains, to ride a bicycle, or to engage in all sorts of activities 5. Your children will be able to contribute more and make a bigger difference in the world Oh and guess what? They will suffer less and live longer and they will do so with more happiness and more joy. If someone said, “I’m going to give you all of that if you will just make that one commitment”. Now that you know that making that commitment to do whatever it takes to bring that healthy lifestyle in your home means you get all those benefits. Do you get it guaranteed? No, of course not, it is not a guarantee but it is a much more likely that those things will come to pass with a healthy lifestyle.

Pros of a Healthy Lifestyle: vs Cons of an Unhealthy Lifestyle Longevity, fewer illnesses, more opportunity to experience the world, less ridicule by so-called friends, more opportunities to be involved in sports and activities, more opportunity for fun and adventure.

Obesity, lowered immune system, less friendships, less opportunity to engage in social activities, higher chance of ridicule and lack of acceptance by peers, less energy and less self-esteem and poor body image.

What can an unhealthy lifestyle do for your children? It can almost guarantee that your children will miss out on most, if not all of those things. Do you get it guaranteed? No, of course not, it is not a guarantee but it is a much more likely outcome that those things will come

to pass with a healthy lifestyle.

So Question Number 1: are you willing to do whatever it takes in order to bring this healthy eating, healthy movement into your home? Yes or no. There are four additional questions that may hold the answers to the questions that are keeping you from being able to say “yes” to Question 1.

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living a) What price will I pay if I don’t make a commitment to my family’s health? In other words, emotionally, what price will I pay? How much guilt will I feel if my children continue down an unhealthy path, how much of a struggle will it be on a day to day basis and how much emotional energy am I going to expend by what I am witness to as their unhealthy lifestyle continues?

The price you may pay if you don’t make this commitment: • Loss of sleep • Loss of time at work • Time spent in battles with your kids if you don’t master this program and say yes to this Question. • Future issues that may not show up for a year or even 20 years from now, but will eventually be costly. Give that some thought, then write down all of the potential losses and tally up the grand total that you will pay if you cannot say yes to Question 1. b) What price will your children pay? Your children are affected by the decisions that you make. Think about the emotional price and consequences of not committing to doing whatever it takes to bring a healthy lifestyle to your home. The price your children may pay if you don’t make this commitment: n Loss of friendships n Ridicule by peers n Lowered self-esteem n Very disappointed body image Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living n Missed opportunities to engage in many activities n Lack of energy and/or health n Future problems that follow them into adulthood due to lack of commitment in their childhood.

Think about the emotional price and consequences of not committing to doing whatever it takes to bring a healthy lifestyle to your home.

Think about all of this and give some attention to it. This is not about guilting you; it is about being clear that there are consequences that come through choices, whether those choices are right or wrong is irrelevant. Let’s not pretend that there is not a consequence if you choose to say no to Question 1 rather than saying yes to this program, because there is a consequence to your choice. Likewise, if you choose to say yes, then you should recognize that there are very clear benefits that come with that choice. c) What benefits, what rewards come to you if you do commit to this program?

Benefits of commitment: What will you feel good about and in what ways will you feel relieved? • You will experience changes in your own energy level. • You will get more sleep and feel more rested. • You will have more money because of certain changes to your food budget. • You will eat better and feel more satisfied.  • You will be able to participate in more activities. • You will feel like the ideal role model that you want to be for your kids. Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living Your benefits from this will exceed the price you may pay for choosing to say no to the program. d) What benefits and rewards flow to your children? Since this is where the magic is, you want to really spend some time, visualize, step into, and begin to see the benefits that come to your children by living and eating healthy. Explore the Emotional Benefits for your Children:

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living Really think about the emotional benefits for your children that come if you commit to this program, if you say yes to this program fully and completely. Think about the number of times that they won’t be self conscious about things like requiring a larger seat or passing someone in a crowded hall, think about the number of times that they won’t be teased or made fun of for having a weight issue, think about the number of times that they won’t miss out on a ball game - to have the chance to hit a home run or make a score with minutes remaining. If kids are sitting at home doing passive activities they don’t get an opportunity to feel good about themselves. The benefits are immense from committing to a healthy lifestyle. You’re setting them up to move into their adult years with healthy habits. They’ll have already developed the habit of taking care of their bodies, both with the food they eat and with the way that they move. Think of the benefits that will be there for the rest of their lives. This is where the magic is at. The magic is really being able to see that there is a price to pay if you don’t resolve and you don’t commit to this program and say yes. And to visualize the tremendous benefit, tremendous reward that actually starts trickling down through your future generation. Just imagine for one moment that as you make changes, as you make the necessary adjustments in your home, there are going to be benefits that your children experience that brings them more energy, that brings them more vitality, which brings them a healthier life. If they move out and start their own families, 20, 25, 30 years from now those benefits will flow on even to your grandchildren. And those benefits to your grandchildren will flow to your great grandchildren. You can begin to imagine the stream of growing influence that your decision has upon the future. You are planting a seed that begins to populate the future, gets bigger and bigger with every positive change that you make, every adjustment that you make, every way that you commit to make a better home, a healthier home, a healthier lifestyle. Envision the decision just unfolding in ways where the way - Show quoted text that it moves out into the future creates a lot of waves of expanding energy, not only in your children’s lives but in your grandchildren and in the lives of the people that they touch. The wave of expanding influence has more and more of a positive effect on the universe and the future out there. When you set up healthy habits, it is very likely that those healthy habits will carry into the future.

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Planting a Seed for the Future So, say yes to Question 1. Make a commitment to do whatever it takes to bring a healthy lifestyle into your home in a way where you will never turn back. Moving on from this Question assumes that you have done just that. Congratulations, you have made it through Question 1 and are resolved to do whatever it takes. You can trust that some of this is going to be tough, but some of it will not be as difficult as you imagine.

Chapter Three Key Points

Dr. Randy Cale

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This is not about guilting you; it is about being clear that there are consequences that come through choices, whether those choices are right or wrong is irrelevant.

{

If they move out and start their own families, 20, 25, 30 years from now those benefits will flow on even to your grandchildren.

{

Make a commitment to do whatever it takes to bring a healthy lifestyle into your home in a way where you will never turn back. - 15 -

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

NOTES

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Chapter 4 Living by Example and Not by Words?

Q2: Are you willing to live by example and not by words? It’s not enough to speak words and expect to have an influence. There are very charismatic speakers in the world that can influence the actions of others with a single affective speech. Chances are you aren’t one of them. For parents, especially, talk can be very cheap when it comes to influencing your children. Are you willing to walk your talk through your actions rather than your words? It is a yes or no answer.

Research on childhood obesity shows: Kids who are struggling because they are living an unhealthy lifestyle, may be doing so because most parents aren’t leading by example.

You may or may not be one of those parents.

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Question 2 comes with a clear commitment to reinforce how important it is to become resolved on this issue of words vs. actions. In order for you to be successful at walking your talk you need to stop for a moment and make a commitment that you will never ask your kids to do what you are not doing ever again. You may want to take a moment and write this promise down on a piece of paper and sign it.

To further cement this promise, make a list of all of the times in the past when you have asked your kids to do things that you weren’t doing yourself. You may have told them not to snack between meals, but yet you snack between meals. Or perhaps you told them not to eat so many potato chips, yet at 10.30 pm while watching a movie, you pull out the bag of chips and eat the whole bag. Or perhaps you tell them they can only have a little bit of ice cream and then in the middle of the afternoon, you dive in and come up 27 spoonfuls later. Everyone has done this at some point in our parenting years, but today that awareness has become life altering. In order to make a shift in your home, you NEED to make a commitment that you won’t do that anymore.

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living Parents must be careful about this because what you model in terms of your day to day behavior  is the single most important influence that shapes your children’s interactions in the world. When they see you sitting in front of the TV hour after hour, when they see you munching on potato chips, - Show quoted text - when they see you putting on pounds around the middle and talking to them about exercise… it just doesn’t make sense to them and it doesn’t work. So this first commitment is extremely important. “I will no longer, I will never, I will not ask the kids to do something that I am not leading by example.” Make sure you sign, stamp and double sign that promise immediately. There are two additional commitments that you need to make. Commitment #1: Remove all of the unhealthy food from your home today. Don’t do it tomorrow and don’t wait until the weekend, don’t commiserate about the amount of money you are going to lose. Just go in there, throw open the fridge and the cabinets and you find those unhealthy foods and throw them out. You have got to get rid of that stuff from your home, so that you can begin to live by example. Commitment #2: Make sure you pick some movement exercise that you can begin to do yourself so that you are actually modeling for your kids what to do. Invite your kids to participate with you, but even if they say no and it doesn’t feel like you have the tools and you haven’t gotten through this whole program yet, continue to lead by example. You still need to show up and make sure that you are the one who is taking the walk, going for a ride on the bike, going for a swim, doing something that demonstrates healthy movement and healthy exercise. Lead by example.

Those are two critical steps that begin to move you in the right direction and begin to move your kids in the right direction.

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

How to Lead by Example: 1. Take the first critical step and take action - purge your home of the unhealthy junk that is in it. 2. If you don’t know what unhealthy food is, learn it!  Study after study has shown that simple carbohydrates are bad for you. They are bad because they spike your blood sugar level, have even more of an impact on your children’s blood sugar levels and it sets all of you up for all sorts of future health difficulties. 3. You need to severely limit those simple carbohydrates. 4. Eliminate those other junk foods, the really fatty ones that we know as: processed foods, potato chips, cookies and ice cream. ( I think you need to be a bit more specific here.)We really need to get rid of that stuff. 5. Cut down on the animal fats and foods that your kids consume. 6. Don’t indulge your own cravings for those unhealthy foods and show your children you mean business! 7. Be a model of healthy living for your children.

Research has shown: Simple carbohydrates such as breads, pastas, doughnuts, potato chips etc…are bad for you and your children!

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living Let’s be clear about something here. Understand that it is not the role of the Healthy Eating, Healthy Living program to prescribe exactly what should or shouldn’t be in your home because that is ultimately your decision. But looking at the research it is very clear that certain foods are not going to be good for you and they are not going to be good for your kids. You don’t have to be dietitians to be able to read some articles and get a good sense of what is not good for us. So use your own judgment, make a list and figure out what foods are simple carbohydrates that you can get rid of, which foods are fatty and how you can cut down on the animal fats and foods that your kids consume.

What foods are you willing to put in the trash today and absolutely, unquestionably will not put back in your cupboard, not put back in your refrigerator and continue to make sure that they are not in your home? You don’t have to go crazy about this! No one is saying that you have to be perfect, that is not the goal. The goal is to get clear about the foods that represent a risk to you and to your kids. If you have them in the home, it is just tougher to control things. Remember you are controlling your environment.  This is about you resolving to be the kind of model that you want to be with your kids. So get rid of the junk food, the stuff that tempts you and that you allow your kids to be tempted by. - Show quoted text Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living For each day that you wake you need to make a commitment to an activity or movement of your choice. “Today, I commit to doing _____.” This is about making a movement choice, whether you are going to walk a mile or whether you are going to swim a mile or something else that you make a commitment to that you can do. Even if you physically have some pains and some struggles, there has to be some kind of movement that you can commit to so that your kids will see that you have begun to walk your talk. You are showing them by example what movement is about. Regardless what you do at this stage of the game, make sure that from this point forward, you resolve to lead by action, the action in this case is movement every single day.

Research has shown: It is very clear that certain foods are not going to be good for you and they are not going to be good for your kids.

You must first understand that you have to make sure that you are walking your talk. Everything else that you do in this program, and even in other parenting situations, will depend upon you leading by example. So say yes to Question 2 and make that commitment to throw out junk food today, make that commitment to get some movement rolling and then you can effectively move through this program in a way that gives you the tools that, in turn, give you the power to make a difference in your children’s lives.

Regardless of what you do at this stage of the game, make - Show quoted text - sure that from this point forward, you resolve to lead by action, the action in this case is movement every single day.

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

How to Lead by Example, Part 2: 1. Take the second critical step and make a commitment to engage in a movement activity each day. 2. Begin to “walk the talk”. 3. Walk, ride, run or swim, it doesn’t matter what you do; as long as you are modelling for your kids what movement is all about. 4. Walk your talk – Throw out that junk food! 5. Walk your talk – Don’t engage your midnight cravings and expect your children not to engage theirs! 6. Walk your talk – Model exercise and movement each day! 7. Walk your talk - Don’t indulge your own cravings for those unhealthy foods and tell your children not to! 8. Be a model of healthy living for your children.

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Chapter Four Key Points

Eliminate those other junk foods, the really fatty ones that we know as: processed foods, potato chips, doughnuts, - Show quoted text - cookies and ice cream. We really need to get rid of that stuff.

{

The goal is to get clear about the foods that represent a risk to you and to your kids

{

Walk your talk - Don’t indulge your own cravings for those unhealthy foods and tell your children not to!

NOTES

Dr. Randy Cale

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Chapter 5 Controlling the Environment and Not my Child’s Eating

Now that you’ve made the commitment to throw out all of the junk food, the next step in the program will be much easier to succeed at. Question 3 deals with the issue of control. It addresses the need for parents to have control, but tackles the issue of control over who or what? Q3: Am I willing to surrender trying to control my child’s eating and instead focus on controlling my food environment? The simple fact of the matter is that you do not control your children, your words do not control them and Pushing p Prodding p your efforts to yell, to push, to prod do not control them. You will notice Yelling p Screaming p that you could end up spending Arguing p Fighting p your whole life involved in pushing, prodding, yelling, screaming, arguing, fighting, and trying to convince them to do the right thing and at the end of it all, you will find that all you do is expend more and more and more energy and still feel like you are getting nowhere. You’ve got to want this to stop.

You could spend your whole life:

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Surrendering trying to control our child’s eating will lead to: • No more battles • No more reminders • No more yelling • No more reprimanding • No more fighting • No more arguing over food You are done with all of that! So hopefully, this is an easy decision for you to make. You really don’t want to do that anymore, do you? With this agreement comes a sense of peace, a sense that you can relax and a sense that you are making a move into reality.

Moving into reality means that you recognize the truth in the idea that our words really don’t control our children and that this is just the way it is.

When we fool ourselves into thinking that our words should control their eating, we end up in this constant struggle because we are fighting with reality. Our words do not control their behavior; in fact our words hardly control our own behavior! If you noticed, we can say all sorts of things to ourselves about changing our habits and our patterns of eating or exercise or procrastinating or whatever, and we find that our words just are not effective at controlling behavior. So let’s surrender this thing. Let’s give up the idea that words are going to control behavior and instead let us get into reality. The reality is that words do not work to control and instead we need to think about what mom and dad’s actions can control.

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

What do we really control? • All of the food that comes into the home • Where the car stops for breakfast, lunch or dinner • What food is easily accessible to our children What food we put in our own mouths as role models The focus needs to turn to controlling the food environment and not controlling your children.

The Unfortunate Reality: • There will be an adjustment period • Change often brings out fighting kids who will resist your efforts and may become difficult • There will come times when: o a) your children will not like this o b) your children will not like you, and o c) your children will not like what you are doing Later chapters of this book will talk about how to handle these difficulties but the goal is not have them like us as we are doing this; our goal is to make only healthy food in healthy portions available to our kids. That is the bottom line. Healthy food in healthy portions is the only thing that is available, that is all they have access to and that is all they can get.

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living Once you have limited the access to unhealthy food in the home, you then have the ability to control what your kids have access to. That is your goal! You don’t end up yelling, prodding, fighting, and arguing over snacks. Why? Because you can control the snacks but you can’t control your kids. To do this, make sure that there are no snacks in the cupboard, there is no ice cream in the fridge, there are no doughnuts, no cookies, no white breads, and no sugared cereal. You eliminate those from your home. By doing so, you eliminate the need to fight with kids over whether they are eating this or that or how much of this or that, you simply make it unavailable. This is the single biggest step you need to make. If it is not in your house, it is not there for the kids to eat. Healthy food in healthy portions is the only thing that is available, that is all they have access to and that is all they can get.

The key here is to make sure that we eliminate those food battles. For those kids who are challenging and strong-willed, they may go after every bit of extra food that is in the home. Unfortunately, in those severe cases you once again have to accept reality: we can’t control our kids but we can control the environment we live in. That means, you lock up everything in the cupboard and if you have to put a dead bolt on it then that is what you do.  You can leave healthy options out on the table, like fresh fruit, but lock up everything else. - Show quoted text At this point many of you may be thinking, “Oh my God! What is my house turning into? I refuse to do that.” In fact, there have been parents who simply said, I am not willing to live that way. You have to go back to the consequences of Question 1. You have to realize what the consequences are if you have that sort of child in your home who is relentless about pursuing food and come to the realization that you may have to lock it up for a while. You won’t have to live like that forever, but you do have to demonstrate to your children that you will surrender trying to force them with your words to limit the food intake and instead you will control the environment so that their food intake is limited. It is an entirely different model and it puts your attention in an area that you can control. You can control your home, you can control the food that comes into it, you can control the food that your kids have access to, and this type of control is the secret to your freedom.

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living You can control your home, you can control the food that comes into it, you can control the food that your kids have access to, and this type of control is the secret to your freedom.

You want to demonstrate to your kids, over and over again that you have surrendered the idea that you have to force them to eat a certain way with your words but instead you will use your actions. Your behaviors make the point that they will eat healthy food in healthy portions.

Focus on controlling the environment: • Control the foods that go into the shopping cart • Control the foods that come into your home • Control the foods that are locked up or just unavailable • Control when your children get access to certain foods • Control the food that goes into lunch boxes and whether or not they have lunch money • Control the money that is spent on eating out and the restaurants that you go to when your focus shifts away from your children, and into the reality that you have control over the environment, you now gain control of the environment. In every moment of every day, can you control everything that they  have access to? Of course not. We have to surrender those moments when they trade something in their lunch for something that their friend down the table has. We can’t sweat the small stuff. However you still have control over the quality of food that they regularly eat and you have to focus your attention - Show quoted text - there. Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living What we want to do is eliminate all the conflict and arguing and fighting and the stress. That is not going to happen when you do this right away. Of course, it does not. We want a cooperative environment but in reality many of you have kids who are going to fight you on this. That doesn’t change your focus and it doesn’t change your resolve.

Say NO! to all of the verbal efforts to control your kids! Say YES! to reality of focusing on controlling the enviroment!

Begin by making a checklist of all the things that you have influence over. Make sure you go down that checklist, and today begin to take action to control those things and today make a commitment, resolve to stop using your words trying to control your kids. In order to get them onboard with any program toward healthy living, you need to make sure you are in reality. And the reality is, you can make a difference in what foods are in the home and what foods they have access to and that is your goal, that is your objective. You can do this and you can do it more easily than you can possibly imagine.

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Checklist

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Chapter Five Key Points

{

Eliminate those other junk foods, the really fatty ones that we know as: processed foods, potato chips, cookies and ice cream. We really need to get rid of that stuff.

{

The goal is to get clear about the foods that represent a risk to you and to your kids

{

Walk your talk - Don’t indulge your own cravings for those unhealthy foods and tell your children not to!

NOTES

Dr. Randy Cale

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Chapter 6 Ignoring the Criticisms and Complaints

The next Question has to do with your children’s response, as well as how you train and teach them to accept this healthy environment and to move out of the complaining and nagging and ugliness that may unfold to acceptance and a joyful moving forward in living and health. It flows right from the previous question, and is deceptively simple and yet it is critical. It is critical not only to the success of the healthy eating, healthy living concept, but it is critical to the success of your children’s happiness, it is critical to the happiness and the essence of optimism and the way in which your children experience an abundant and full life. Q4: Are you willing to completely walk away and ignore your children’s criticisms, their complaints about you, their complaints about your food, their complaints about this plan, their ugliness, their whining, their tantrums, their negativity, everything that has to do with fighting you on this, are you willing to completely just walk away and ignore and not respond at all? If the answer is yes, then shout YES out loud because it is so important. This is a question that seems like, “Ah, this is simple! Of course, I can walk away from it.” Well, some of you  are going to have kids that are pretty easy, you make the changes and they don’t make a big deal, perhaps they throw a bit of a tantrum and it disappears like the morning dew.

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living But others of you have kids that are going to be very tough, they are going to  make this difficult, they are going to be ugly, they are going to call you names that hurt, they are going to say this idea is stupid, some of them are just going to say, “I am not going to eat anything then”. Whether or not they tantrum, whether they say ugly things, whether they walk away, whether they say they are not going to eat, perhaps they  actually do  skip a meal or two, you ignore it all. Are you willing to do that? Because if you are, again say ‘YES’ with enthusiasm and start to smile because you are on the path to freedom. Learn the Fundamental Law: If you keep engaging in negativity; if you keep engaging the whining, the complaining, the ugliness… it just grows!

Your Primary Tools for Success! 1) Control the environment surrounding your kids And then, 2) Walk away, walk away, walk away

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living Walk away from their ugly behaviors, their tantrums, their complaining, and their negativity; even if they refuse to eat at all, you walk away from it. Just ignore it. That doesn’t mean to tell them you are going to ignore it, that doesn’t mean to say I am going to ignore you if you don’t stop whining, that means you just turn around and you walk away. Your goal is to stay resolved to the commitment that you will just walk away. No matter how hard they try to push your buttons, no matter what they say or do, you just walk away. Got it?  It’s like an addict pleading for something you know may harm him or her, don’t enable it. Now some of you might be thinking, “Look, this just sounds too easy.” No. Your Secret Weapon: Is remarkably transformational Very user-friendly Powerful beyond imagination When you discover this powerful secret that if you can just walk away, walk away, walk away from all the patterned behaviors that are ugly, from all the patterned behaviors of negativity; if you can just walk away, walk away, walk away, ignore it, turn your attention somewhere else, yes that behavior will initially get worse, almost predictably most of the time, it gets worse. Then whether it is 3 days or 5 days or 10 or 12 days later, you will see that it suddenly starts to get better and better, they get over it quicker, they get through it and then they move into being a happier person. They actually begin to appreciate things more but it begins with your resolve, your ability to say yes, you will walk away no matter how hard it gets. Envision what your child is going to do, envision the worst tantrum, the worst complaint, the worst ugliness, and you are not going to try to argue with them, you are not going to try to be right, you are not going to try to convince them. Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living Why? Because none of that is going to work! Remember, you can’t control your kids with your words. So instead, just turn your attention away from all that.  No matter what they say or do, as long as nobody is at risk of - Show quoted text -getting hurt, turn away, walk away, put your attention elsewhere. This is the - Show quoted text - secret to your happiness, it is the secret to their acceptance of this plan, and it is the secret to making life so much healthier and happier. If you stay resolved to walk away, walk away, walk away it will make such a big difference.

If you stay resolved to walk away, walk away, walk away it will make such a big difference.

So there you have it: stay resolved, walk away, walk away, practice it in your mind, see all the ways in which you can walk away and completely disengage and not give a thought, not give one moment of your attention to their negativity, their complaints, their tantrums, their whining. Even though you are going to go through a tough period over the next couple of weeks, you can do it and you will see a change. If you are onboard, say yes and move on to the next question.

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Chapter Six Key Points

{

Eliminate those other junk foods, the really fatty ones that we know as: processed foods, potato chips, cookies and ice cream. We really need to get rid of that stuff.

{

The goal is to get clear about the foods that represent a risk to you and to your kids

{

Walk your talk - Don’t indulge your own cravings for those unhealthy foods and tell your children not to!

NOTES

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

NOTES

Dr. Randy Cale

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Chapter 7 Controlling the Environment of Movement

Question 5 is a simple return to a concept that you are already familiar with, but it moves away from the issue of food and environment to the concept of expanding movement, action and exercise.

To Create a Healthy Living Environment: 1) Control the environment of food And 2) Control the environment of movement To create an environment where there is healthy living and healthy movement, parents need to make sure that they not only control the environment of food but that they also control the environment of movement. First, recall that words do not control your children. You’ve already tried it, fought it, battled with it and you lost. You’ve learned from past Questions that you have to surrender that desire to use words to try and control your children. Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living When it comes to promoting movement and exercise, parents have to begin limiting their children’s exposure to the TV and passive game playing activities where they are just sitting on their butts and doing nothing that can be called “active”. Parents have more ability to influence this lack of activity and movement than they have taken advantage of. In the past, you may have been focused on trying to tell your kids to turn off the TV or not to play the video game. You may have been pleading with them to go outside and play and engage in more physical movements. Remember this key idea though: OUR WORDS DON’T CONTROL OUR CHILDREN. Engaging in word battles has led to a failure to control the environment. Q5: Are you willing to control the environment that your children care about in order to get more of the movement and exercise that you care about? In effect, this really means that you control everything your children care about. You control everything that they think they own, because in reality you own it. You control whether or not you have cable, you control whether or not the TV is plugged in, you control whether or not they get access to the computer or the xBox 360 and you control whether or not the friends can come over. You control everything they care about. Parents have more ability to influence this lack of activity and movement than they have taken advantage of.

If you are willing to control the environment that they care about, you will be willing to get the movement and the exercise you care about in order to get healthy living and promote a healthy environment. In order to get your children out of the rut of passivity, you have to have movement. Instead of trying to force your opinion using words, try action.  Instead of trying to force your children to do something that you want them to do, do it with them. We’ve already agreed to surrender ineffectual habits and instead we are moving into a whole new world. A new reality where we are in control and excited about the amount of control we actually do have! - Show quoted text Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living When you say yes to this idea that you control everything in the environment that your kids care about, you can then achieve just about everything that you care about on a predictable basis with very little arguing, fighting, pushing, prodding, none of the ugliness. Again it may take a week or two before things fall into place smoothly, but trust that it will happen. This concept of controlling the environment instead of your children is so powerful and transformative because it can literally change your life from one of daily struggle and battles with your children to one of relative ease and peace of mind. That is just a beautiful thing. The phrase ‘work then play’ will be very important to your success in controlling the environment. This is going to become your model and the way you organize and run your life. One of the ways to think about this is in terms of rules.

The Difficulty of Rules: • The more rules that you have; the more complex and difficult your life becomes. • The more rules you implement, the more opportunities for your children to violate those rules. The key is to creating a world where there are very few rules and it is simple. This is going to become the rule for your life and for your kids’ lives. It is work first then play and this is the way it is going to be every single day. This concept of controlling the environment instead of your children is so powerful and transformative because it can literally change your life from one of daily struggle and battles with your children to one of relative ease and peace of mind.

How do you go about implementing this change?

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Time to call a Family Meeting: 1) Tell your kids you’ve made a mistake 2) The mistake: bugging them, fighting with them, nagging, pushing and struggling with them over the past few years 3) The correction: You aren’t going to do that anymore! 4) The new solution: there will be a new model in the house called, “work, then play” 5) What they should remember: the phrase, “work, then play” because it’s going to be present in their lives for as long as they are in your house. 6) Lay out the new schedule of work and play for your kids 7) No work done = no play

You aren’t going to fight with them or prod with them to get their homework done, or to do their chores or to get some exercise every day. From now on, it is work first, and then play... every day. Next, you lay out the simple schedule of work and play for your kids. The work schedule for them will include homework, taking care of some chores, cleaning up their rooms, taking out the trash, feeding the dog, setting the table, all of those responsibilities and chores that they will have every single day. You aren’t going to fight with them or prod with them to get their homework done, or to do their chores or to get some exercise every day.

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living After that, there will be some exercise, some movement and physical activity that they must do every single day. They can decide on what that’s going to be. This isn’t about turning your kids into athletes. It is about you, your kids and your family becoming oriented toward movement, toward physical exercise rather than passivity. It doesn’t really matter what they do, but every day there is going to be some form of exercise for them in order to complete their work. So for them it’s homework, chores and movement. That is all part of taking care of their responsibility to work.

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living Explain to your kids that the play is all the goodies that they like. It is the TV, it is playing the video games, going out with friends, getting on phone with their boyfriends or girlfriends or simply play in a playroom. Play is play is play. And so every day from now on, they have to take care of their work, and then they can play. That is the way it is going to be. If they don’t want to do their work or take care of their responsibilities and they don’t want to get some movement and exercise that is ok. As long as they recognize that choice means they don’t want to play either, because the - Show quoted text - car is not going to move, the toy room is not going to be open, the computer is not going to be booted up, the TV is not going to work and the cable box will be removed if necessary. They must understand that there will not be any play available if the work is not done. Regardless of their age, whether they are 6 or 16, the rule remains the same: there is no play until their work is done. Play is play is play. And so every day from now on, they have to take care of their work, and then they can play.

It is very simple. But there is a key here. The goal here is to describe to your children that you have gotten out of prodding, pushing, nagging, encouraging, fighting, arguing, and taking responsibility for them actually getting their work done. Your goal is to hold them accountable, to make sure the work is done before they get access to the play. Rather than focusing on trying to control your kids and control whether or not they are doing their responsibilities around the house, whether or not they are doing their exercise, rather than you taking responsibility, instead you focus on controlling the goodies and you make sure that there is no play until the work is done. So, your role shifts from being a parent that takes responsibility to being a parent that holds them accountable. Notice that this is such a beautiful thing because once again we begin to conform to reality! In reality, the world does not hold us responsible, the world holds us accountable.

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Real Accountability: If we don’t show up for work The boss says, “Okay. Don’t show up for work, but you don’t get a pay check and you don’t work here anymore.” If we show up for work but don’t do what is expected of us The boss Show quoted text - says, “You don’t want to do the work, you don’t get paid and you don’t work here anymore.” The boss doesn’t say, “Do the work, do the work, do the work, please do the work, please do the work, c’mon I want you to do the work, please do the work.” No, of course that isn’t what your boss would say! In other words, the world holds us accountable to do the things that we are responsible to do. The same ideology should apply in your home! What you really want to do is set up a world where you begin to hold your children accountable to the expectations that you have for a healthy lifestyle, for healthy eating, for healthy living and for taking care of responsibilities. The simplest way to do that is with one gigantic, powerful, all encompassing rule: you do your work, then you play, every day. Got it? You kids should understand that it is not your job to prod them to get their homework done; instead it is their job to show you their homework before they play. If they have to take out the trash, it is their job to demonstrate to you that the trash is out by the road. If they fed the dog, they need to make sure that they are showing you when they feed the dog. In other words, you want to make sure that they understand it is their job to let you know that they completed their work and you hold them accountable to that. The simplest way to do this is to become a “show-me parent”. How to Become a Show-Me Parent: 1) Memorize and make this simple response whenever your children say they have done something: “show me”.

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living If they say they have exercised, then you say show me. They should have some sweaty clothes around somewhere, right? If there is one principle that is important for you to imbibe fully, if there is one principle for you to embrace with complete impeccability, it would be this show me principle. There is no other single principle that has more of an impact for parents. It is an all powerful organizing principle that brings chaos into clarity and that makes craziness into predictability. With it, you will find life gets easier and your kids will really understand what accountability means.

Play Times that are Bad for Your Children: • Violent video games, and age-inappropriate games, • Excessive amounts of tv, • Excessive amounts of video playing • Excessive time on the telephone • Excessive time on the computer or internet You should set limits on all of these activities. A basic rule of thumb is anything in excess is bad for us.  Use your common sense, use your heart and whenever you feel uncomfortable, just say, no. The best way to say no is to make sure that you teach limits with consequences, not with - Show quoted text - words. Everything that you are learning here is really about making sure that you are controlling the consequences to their choices. If they choose to do their work, take care of their chores, take care of some movement and get some exercise, then they get all the things that they really love to do, all the play. Go ahead and be willing to take a strong stance that sets limits on the kinds of things that your kids are exposed to. Be willing to let them be upset with you, be willing to let them be angry or frustrated, be willing to let them tantrum. You already know what to do in these situations: just walk away. So this question is really kind of easy because you already answered it before, it has just been expanding to include a movement and exercise clause. Are you willing to control the environment so that you hold your kids accountable to do their work in order to play? If you can say yes to that, then you’re ready to move on. Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Chapter Seven Key Points

{

They must understand that there will not be any play available if the work is not done. Regardless of their age, whether they are 6 or 16, the rule remains the same: there is no play until their work is done.

{

In other words, the world holds us accountable to do the things that we are responsible to do. The same ideology should apply in your home!

{

Everything that you are learning here is really about making sure that you are controlling the consequences to their choices.

NOTES

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

NOTES

Dr. Randy Cale

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Chapter 8 Obsessing Every Moment of Health, Happiness and the Good Stuff

Q6: Are you willing to start obsessing on every moment of health, happiness and good stuff so that you use your attention to catch those moments rather than engage in those negative moments? What is the good stuff? The good stuff is when your kids are actually laughing and getting along and cooperating. Are you willing to smile, give them a thumbs up, and touch them on the shoulder? When your kids are actually doing their homework rather than looking out the window, that is the time to smile, that is the time to touch them on the shoulder. When your kids are actually taking out the trash, that is the perfect time to reach out the door and give them a thumbs up. When your kids get ready to go exercise, that is the time to put on your gear and go for a walk with them, that is the time to engage the behavior that you want to nurture in them.

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Captured Moments to Watch For: • When your child is actually doing their homework • When your son or daughter is taking out the trash • When you see your kids playing outside or exercising • When your child chooses for themselves a healthy snack This is really a very simple question about your commitment. Will you put your energy, your attention, your love into the moments that you cherish? Notice what a change this is from the past.

Past behaviors vs. Future behaviors You: reprimanded You: told them to do it differently You: told them to stop that You: told them to pick that up right now You: told them not to hit on their brother or their sister Now: You give them praise when your kids are getting along Now: You high-five them when they are cleaning up their room Now: You go outside and shoot hoops with them when you see them engaging in movement and exercise. Now: You wink, nod or just smile when you see they’ve eaten every bit of the healthy food you put on their dinner plates.

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living In the past, are the moments that you don’t want. Those are the moments that you don’t want to nurture, moments that you don’t want to expand.  The things that you don’t appreciate, the unhealthy patterns, the unhealthy behavior that has sucked you in over and over, is now a distant memory. Notice that over and over and over, we all get sucked into this; we get pulled into the behavior we don’t want. From this point forward say yes to obsessing upon the moments that you value. If you value cooperation, make sure you get up and give some attention to the moment when your kids are cooperating. For all the things that you value, make sure that you obsess for the next 30-60 days. In other words, take a challenge between every 5 and 10 minutes that your children are doing something that you value. Make sure for the next 30 days that you promise yourself that you put your attention there, even if that just means a smile, a thumbs up, a wink or a head nod. This is not about incessantly praising your kids for the next month; that is not it. Make sure that this is about your attention and your energy. It is about a smile, a touch on the shoulder, and an occasional praise. Your kids will get very tired if you keep praising them over and over and over and over again. This is about making sure that you obsess on pouring your energy into moments of healthy behavior. If you say, yes, I am willing to obsess upon the behavior that I value and appreciate, it means that you actually get up and you go there, you notice, you smile, you touch on the shoulder, or give a thumbs up over and over and over every 5-10 minutes for the next 30 days. Now, you will be exhausted, but you will see that the benefit is remarkable. Remember, your kids might get very tired if you keep praising them over and over and over and over again. That’s not it.  This is about making sure that you obsess on pouring your energy, not your words, into moments of healthy behavior.

As you shift your attention away from the behavior that you don’t want, you actually starve that behavior.  Instead obsess on feeding the behavior that you value within the system, the structure that you’ve been putting into place with each affirmation of the previous questions outlined here. You are going to see that life changes in ways that are truly remarkable.   Are you ready to begin? Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living

Chapter Eight Key Points

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Your kids must understand that there will not be any play available if the work is not done first. Regardless of their age, whether they are 6 or 16, the rule remains the same: there is no play until their work is done.

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In other words, the world holds us accountable to do the things that we are responsible to do. The same ideology should apply in your home!

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Everything that you are learning here is really about making sure that you are controlling the consequences to their choices.

NOTES

Dr. Randy Cale

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Chapter 9 Stop Protecting Your Children from the Consequences of their Choices

Your children need to experience the consequences of their choices.  Protecting them from this is a huge disservice.  You are doing them more harm than good so don’t forget that.  We are coming to a close soon.  So, here’s your checklist of a job well done. 1. Have been willing to put into place the lessons that have been outlined. 2. Notice that your home is changing, it has to! 3. Are modeling the kind of behavior you want to see in your kids. 4. Stopped trying to control what you can’t control and instead are focusing on controlling the environment. 5. Are controlling the food, movement and play environments in your own home.

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living 6. Are holding your kids accountable for modern reality. 7. Have impressed on your children this concept: if they take care of their work, they get to play. 8. Have stopped pouring all of your energy into what you don’t want and instead are pouring it into what you really do want: a healthy, happy family! These lessons may be very hard for your kids to learn. Some kids will take to these changes quickly, but for others, the parents have been protecting them over and over (and for a very long time) from the consequences of very poor choices. If you continue on this path of protecting your kids from the consequences of their choices, they cannot and will not adjust to the rules of reality. Now this question can be a bit deceptive to end on. However, you really need to get the complete picture here. If you’ve engaged all of the pieces the other six questions have offered you, and your children are keeping up the struggle, then look at how the choices you and they have made in the past are making the issue radically harder than it need be.

Choices Made by Your Family in the Past: • When your children felt bored, they ate food. • When you were upset, you ate food. • When your kids didn’t know what to do, they turned on the TV. • When you had laundry to do, you turned on the computer. • When you didn’t want them to eat an unhealthy snack, YOU took responsibility for their desire. • When they made an unhealthy choice, you berated yourself. Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living In other words, in the past, there were no real consequences for their choices other than the natural consequences that come with passivity and poor eating habits. Those consequences, unfortunately, are consequences that begin to bear fruit very slowly. Those choices do have consequences that will affect their future; it’s just that it may take months or years to really see it. It is nearly impossible for children make healthy choices today based on consequences that occur days, months and years from now. Their brains just aren’t wired that way.  That is our job as parents, not theirs. Our job is to make sure that we set up an environment where consequences come with choices.  We must be  willing to let our kids struggle a bit through the more immediate consequences that come with more immediate choices.

Consequences of Their Choices: • You say, “Here is a healthy meal, this is what you are going to have fordinner.” But, • The kids want to make other choices instead, but you have simply made those unavailable. So, • They may throw a tantrum and say, “I am not going to eat.” And they storm off to their rooms instead of sitting down and eating the dinner you’ve provided them with. • You don’t get upset, you don’t try to convince them to eat…YOU DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RESCUE THEM • You let them learn from the consequences of their choice….IF YOU WALK AWAY FROM HEALTHY FOOD, YOU GO HUNGRY. Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living You want them to get this rule, and you want them to take it to heart. You can’t preach it to them, no counselor or worldly advisor can preach it to them either. It is a lesson that they must learn from their own action or inaction. What gets this lesson across to them is reality. They may walk away from 3 or 4 meals before they finally get the idea that they can either eat it or don’t eat it and go hungry. If you have a really picky eater, you may be concerned that they will never come around and will just choose to starve to death. This isn’t a realistic ending. Kids are much smarter than this. If your child is accustomed to eating unhealthy food, or snacks whenever they want, or getting whatever they want for dinner and you begin to change the rules, guess what?  They are not going to be happy about it for awhile.  And they may very well decide that they aren’t going to be joining you for your dinner for a day or two.  SO what?  Eat that scrumptious dinner without a care in the world.  Hold on to your vision of healthy eating, healthy living. This may sound cruel but in survival mode the rule of thumb is this: 3 minutes without air, 3 days without water, and 3 weeks without food. However, you won’t get anywhere close to that, so do not worry, your - Show quoted text - kids will come around. You just have to make sure you continue to say yes to this commitment, that you will not protect them from the consequences of their choices. Why? Because you want them to learn the rules of reality. The reality is that if you eat healthy, you feel better, you feel stronger, and you get healthier. You have to be the one to take proactive action because you can see ahead to the future. You already know the consequences of making unhealthy choices and you know that it is essential for you to make the choices that they are unable to make. - Show quoted text -

You just have to make sure you continue to say yes to this commitment, that you will not protect them from the consequences of their choices.

You have to say no to bringing those unhealthy foods into your home, and you have to be willing then to let your children experience the consequences that come with choosing not to eat healthy food. Yes, they might go hungry but they will only go hungry for a short period of time. Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living They will come around. Put healthy food on the table, give them lots of opportunities to eat the good stuff, and make sure that it is available in healthy proportions. - Show quoted text You may be wondering if you can realistically do all of this at once. The answer is, probably not. To be successfulincreatingahealthyeating,healthy living environment for your family you will need to take these questions and apply them in increments. You may even need to go back and revisit Questions 1 and 2 a few times to cement your resolve. You need to be able to make and emotional, practical, logical and realistic decision to implement these changes. It must be brought into your own life first to resolve the issues where your own lifestyle is not particularly healthy. Perhaps you are not getting enough movement or exercise or perhaps you have cravings for junkfood. A possible schedule for implementing the constructs for the Healthy Eating, Healthy Living program is: Week 1: Make sure in the first week that you get resolved and you start taking action for your own lifestyle. Become as impeccable as you can in every possible way. Remember that it’s not about being an athlete in week one, it is about getting movement in week one. It is not about eating perfectly, it is about getting rid of most of the unhealthy food and eating better that week.  Most importantly, your kids are seeing you doing this. Week 2: Take on Question 3 and 4. Begin to control the environment of food in a very strong and proactive way. If that means you have to lock up the cupboard so that your kids won’t get into the rest of the food that is there, then do that. Make sure that the car doesn’t stop at a fast food joint, but that the car stops at a restaurant where you can eat healthy food. Make sure that you will not pay for food that is not healthy. Make sure that there is no junk in the house. You control the environment and with that, you resolve that you walk away, walk away, walk away, when your kids complain, whine, or become ugly.

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living Week 3: Take on the last 3 questions and the last 3 parts of the program. Make sure you set up their work play environment, and you do it in way that you thoroughly understand it. The primary issue is to ensure that you understand your goal: to hold them accountable to doing their work which is homework, chores around the house, and movement activities. Making sure that these responsibilities are taken care of first and then you play. And then you begin to obsess, obsess, obsess, obsess on every positive, healthy, happy moment you can find. Exhaust yourself day in day out looking for these moments to just touch on the shoulder, smile, or give a thumbs up. Obsessively pour your attention into only those behaviors you value for 30 days. Resolve to not protect your kids from the consequences of their poor choices. If they choose to walk away from healthy food and go hungry, you have to let them have that experience. If they choose that they are not going to exercise and therefore they get no access to play for the day, they get no TV, they can’t go into the computer, they can’t have their friends over, so be it. Make sure that you stick to your guns, do not protect from the consequences of their choices. If you resolve to say yes to each of these Questions and follow through with each of these 7 steps, you will find that your life is healthier, your kids are healthier, everyone is feeling, better, stronger and more active. You may find yourself stuck on a Question, unable to say “yes”. Just pause, take a break and come back to it. Depending on your family situation and history, some of these questions may be very hard to implement the first time around.

If you get stuck: 1. Re-read the Question that you are stuck on 2. Re-evaluate your needs for creating a healthy environment 3. Re-apply the procedures until you have created the perfect healthy environment for your family 4. Resolve to say “YES!” to each Question 5. Stay committed

Dr. Randy Cale

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Healthy Eating Healthy Living 6. Stay focused If you do all of these things, life will unfold in healthier, happier ways for you and your entire family.

Chapter Nine Key Points

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To be successful in creating a healthy eating, healthy living environment for your family you will need to take these questions and apply them in increments.

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The rule of thumb is this: 3 minutes without air, 3 days without water, and 3 weeks without food.

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If you have a really picky eater, you may be concerned that they will never come around and will just choose to starve to death. This isn’t a realistic ending. Kids are much smarter than this.

NOTES

Dr. Randy Cale

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