Gonorrhea Lectim

Infection & Therapeutics Bull Feb 2007 - Volume 950/Issue 45

Gonorrhea Lectim New Disease

Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced GONNA RE-ELECT 'IM - as with a Bob Marley type accent)

Health warning

The Caribbean Center for Disease Control (CCDC) has issued a serious health warning about a virulent variety of this Sexually Transmitted Disease discovered in the banana republic of Trinidad and Tobago. The selfpropagating and chronic nature of this condition is devastating and is not to be underestimated.

Brief description

Gonorrhea Lectim is commonly referred to as 'Patrick's Blight' or simply "having the Mannings". There was a serious outbreak in 2002. However, there is some suggestion the disease first visited Trinidad & Tobago in the 1960's and mutated to its more recent virulent form.

Mode of infection & psychosocial impact

It is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behaviour. Victims contract it as a result of being screwed. In turn they develop an obsessional dependence on being chronically and deeply p ly screwed. A dangerous effect also leads sufferers to seek out and screw any moving object. Victims screw w oothers t hers and are screwed repeatedly for many many years. As a result the disease perpetuates itself. The disease has protean manifestations, however, common mmon ccore o re ffeatures eat ur are seen below Cognitive symptoms

Core Symptomatology

iii. iv. v. vi. vii. viii. ix. x. xi. xii. xiii.

Research & International concern

Predisposing & Vulnerability factors

Treatment & Prevention

i. anti-social personality disorders, ii. delusions of grandeur with m messianic essiaan ic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, on, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, noiia, inability to accept responsibilityy fo fforr oown w n ac actions, action ons, cowardice masked by misplaced acedd bbravado, ace ravado, do, uncontrolled facial smirking, ing ng, aand nd cconstantly onsstantl on n referring to oneself in the 3rd person, on, ignorance of geography phyy and hi ph history, isto tory, especially involving places such as "Mucurapo," urrapo ," "Va "Valencia," alen and "Caroni" tendencies towards war evangelical ngeelica ng call ttheocracy, categorical aall-or-nothing ll-o r-no behaviour. beh a tendency cy ttoo sp speak pea eak in i tongues - especially Spanish. frequent ent trips rip s ttoo ddistant is t lands - especially Cuba and Africa riica

Physical P hysicall ssymptoms ym i.

ii. iii. iv.

v.

eextreme flatulence and other symptoms that could be confused with irritable bowel syndrome. halitosis drooling or foaming at the mouth waving arms wildly about when speaking and pointing at people with a threatening posture. screwing others

The he llatest atest elec electron microscopy and immunophosphorescence studies have failed to detect a biological agent. This hhas as ca caused major international concern. Unfortunately a few researchers were 'infected' and developed the 'Mannings'. ng Unpredictably they produced a development plan for a TT$ 800M sports stadium. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Actually living in Trinidad & Tobago History of living in Trinidad & Tobago for more than >10 years after 1962. Familial tendencies to getting screwed. Ambivalence about the 'Mannings'. Multiple Personality Disorder - commonly known as 'two-facedness'.

Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated and are at a loss as to how to halt its spread. CCDC warns that Gonorrhea Lectim shares certain features with 'mad cow disease'. CCDC predictions point to a possible major outbreak sometime between 2006-7. Whilst there is no known cure for the disease there is hope that the disease will become dormant after that. At the moment this disease is considered as serious as spongiform encephalopathies and ebola. As there is no known cure intervention is limited to prevention. Such strategies are limited to reducing vulnerability factors and public education. Chastity devices are not recommended as these can cause more serious problems, beyond the scope of this bulletin.

ITB - Gonorrhea Lectim - Feb 2007 - Volume 950/Issue 45