Engaging With Sexual Diversity

Davidson School of Education Jewish Theological Seminary of America Special Program Series: "Engaging with Sexual Diversity in Jewish Education and Community"

Introduction: In Spring 2006, Elliot Glassenberg (a student in the Davidson School) approached several faculty members about organizing programming at JTS that would explore issues related to "Sexual Diversity in Jewish Education." Elliot worked with several students and faculty members to shape two programs that were open to the entire JTS community, and were sponsored by the Davidson School, Rabbinical School, Cantorial School, DSO, RSSO, and CSO. The primary goal of this program series was to help participants think through how attention to the sexual diversity in our schools, congregations, and other Jewish institutions might enable an expanded inclusion of students, families, congregants, colleagues, etc. The guiding questions for each activity and discussion were framed to support participants in reflection upon the possibilities (and challenges) of changing a school/congregational culture, especially when there is a presumption in these institutions of a heterosexual norm. Program #1: Inter-School Mifgash and Workshop on Sexual Diversity in Jewish Education Wednesday, November 8, 2006, 8:30 10:10 am (75 in attendance) The program was advertised as follows: * "How do I talk about issues of sexual orientation in my school/my synagogue/my camp?" * "How can I make my community more inclusive of members of diverse sexualities and families?" * "Can my community be halakhically 'traditional' but 'welcoming at the same time?" We invite you to join us in addressing these and other questions in a special community Mifgash and workshop. Gain resources, ask questions, and work together in finding answers to issues of sexual and family diversity in various Jewish educational and community settings. With Guest Speakers: Dr. Andrea Jacobs and David Levy (Boston Keshet).

Elliot Glassenberg Davidson School of Education, JTSA (1)

Program #1: Inter-School Mifgash and Workshop on Sexual Diversity in Jewish Education Introduction: Elliot opened this program by explaining what this program was not about. He stated the program was not about debating halachah or the upcoming CJLS decision; the goal of the program was to help participants to reflect upon how they might work within their own framework of halachah in order to engage with issues of "sexual diversity" in their educational settings, and to consider how they might make their communities more inclusive. Elliot explained that we would be exploring several questions, and that participants should not be afraid to ask difficult questions. He encouraged participants to be mindful and respectful of others, and went over the "ground rules" for the morning (eg; speaking in "I" statements). Activity #1: Think-Pair-Share: Earliest Messages about Being Gay Andrea Jacobs (of Boston Keshet) explained that we all come to this room with messages we have internalized about what it means to be gay. We received these messages very early on in our lives from sources such as family, friends, school, etc. He asked participants to take a minute to think back to some of those messages. What were some of the earliest messages that they received? Who gave them to you? How old were you? * Participants thought about these questions (individually) for a few minutes and wrote down some notes. * Participants spent five minutes sharing their memories with a partner * Andrea then asked participants to share some of what they heard with the larger group, while David took notes in the front of the room Participants shared that they had received both positive and negative messages. They included: * “Gay people are not normal” * “My parents told me they would love me no matter what” * “The word "fag" was used as a derisive term” * “The word "gay" was an all-purpose insult, it was a sign of weakness” * “Something you didn't like was called "gay"” * “Parents told me that sexual identity is like race in that you don't choose it for yourself” * “If you came out as gay, you were kicked out of high school” Andrea looked across several of the comments and raised the point that our earliest messages about the word "gay" were not connected to sexual orientation; rather, being "gay" was synonymous with being weird, uncool, or dangerous.

Elliot Glassenberg Davidson School of Education, JTSA (2)

Activity #2: Differentiating between Homophobia and Heterosexism Andrea and David asked participants to look through a series of definitions that were included in a handout. Two of the defined words were "homophobia" and "heterosexism." Homophobia: The irrational fear of love, affection, or sexual behavior between people of the same gender. Expressed as negative feelings, attitudes, actions, and institutional discrimination against those perceived as non-heterosexuals Heterosexism: The societal/cultural, institutional, and individual beliefs and practices that assume that heterosexuality is the only natural, normal, acceptable sexual orientation After reading over the definitions, she asked participants to think of examples that fit each term. Some of the examples participants offered for Homophobia: * “avoiding gay people so that we "don't catch the gay"” * “insulting and assaulting gay people” * “passing referendums that outlaw gay marriage” Some of the examples participants offered for Heterosexism: * “as educators, consistently using examples or offering scenarios of relationships of a boy/girl or assuming that a family unit includes a father and mother” * “offering an online form where one needs to check off whether they are "married" or "single" with no other options included” * “assuming that heterosexuality is the "norm" in our communities” Andrea offered that our culture presumes that we are all heterosexual, unless stated otherwise. As a result, our students, congregants, colleagues etc. might feel that "if I am not in the norm, I am left out of the community."

Activity #3: Offering of Statistics In order to give a sense of the immediacy of this issue to our work as educators, Andrea offered statistics on gay youth and homophobia, including: * “75% of surveyed GLBT teens had heard the words "fag" and "dyke" used as insults” * “Only a few said that a staff member intervened when these words were used as insults” * “Many GLBT students have heard adult staff members make derogatory comments about gay people” * “Many GLBT students said that as a result, they felt unsafe in their schools” * “30-50% of students who identify as GLBT have attempted suicide at least once” From a survey of day schools: * “physical violence against gay students was virtually nonexistent, but verbal harassment is high” Elliot Glassenberg Davidson School of Education, JTSA (3)

Activity #4: Offering of Personal Narrative David Levy spoke for a few minutes about his experience of coming out as a gay Jewish teen, and of currently serving as a youth leader in USY. As a prominent leader in USY, he felt that he needed to hide his sexual identity, for fear that he would not be allowed to serve on USY board and that friends would not want to room with him at conventions. He made the point that our students, campers, etc. may be hiding their sexual identity, and that for him, this hiding became "oppressive" (and the same may be true for our students, etc.). He also made a case for the need of role models for being gay in a Jewish context; he maintains that this struggle would have been eased for him if he had had a youth leader who modeled what it means to be gay and committed to Jewish leadership. Activity #5: Small-Group Exploration of Scenarios Elliot asked participants to divide into groups, according to professional interests (leaders in informal Jewish education; day school educators; clergy in congregations; educators in congregations). Each group had two facilitators, who offered a series of scenarios. The groups spent 25 minutes exploring the scenarios. For example, the Day School Educators group considered the following scenario: * At the beginning of a 7th grade class one day while the kids are getting seated, you hear one boy call another a "fag" and the other kids laugh. You talk to the class about respect, kindness, and how no one deserves to be teased or laughed at. One of the other students raised her hand and says, "Doesn't the Torah say that homosexuality is wrong" How do you respond? Each group considered the following guiding questions for their scenarios: * “What are the key issues in the scenario, i.e. what is at stake for you as the Jewish professional and for your student/congregant/colleague/teen?” * “What Jewish values or teaching from Torah and Jewish text can be used to address this scenario in a positive and affirming way?” * “What are the key things you can do to respond?” Wrap-Up: Large Group Discussion The morning ended with each small-group sharing some of the key points that were raised as they explored their scenarios. One key question that was raised (which is relevant to JTS) is: how can we create learning settings for faculty and staff within institutions to address these issues, themselves. How can we help them to consider how they respond to these "difficult" moments with sensitivity? How can we offer training?

Elliot Glassenberg Davidson School of Education, JTSA (4)