Emotional Autonomy And Parenting Style

Emotional Autonomy and Parenting Style By: M. Husni Mubarak, S. Psi

In the article “Emotional autonomy versus susceptibility to peer pressure: a case study of Hongkong adolescent students” Kwok-wai Chan and Siu-mui Chan quoted from Holmbeck (1994) that adolescent is “a critical period of development that characterized by a host of biological, psychological, and social role changes”.( Holmbeck, 1994, p. 1 in the article). They further took definition from other researchers such as: Steinberg (1990), Steinberg and Steinberg (1986), Stewart et.al (2003), Zimmer-Gembeck and Collins (2003), that adolescents are individuals who are confused in identifying themselves and they initiate to seek support from other figures especially those who have similar characteristics with them outside their parents. This condition cause them need acceptance from their friends or other new friends. The connectedness to their friends may be not always positive but it will be worrying when they are offered by their peer to do negative behaviors which violate the social norms and values such as: sexual debut or sexual abuse and vandalism. If they reject that offer may be they will think they are not included any more in the peer group and will considered enemy. The fact of the problem has actually happened all in every part of the world including in south East Asian nations. In Hongkong parents are so frustrated how to deal with their children that are more resistant to them and parents feel that authoritarian parenting style as they did successfully in the past has now failed to solve the problems particularly adolescents.

Many studies about emotional autonomy and peer pressure has been done in western societies especially North America. However those studies are considered not convincing for Asian people because of different culture. So, this research is design to study the emotional autonomy of Hongkong Chinese adolescent students, their susceptibility to peer demands and their connections. The result of the research hopefully would be a beneficial input for teachers and parents to understand the autonomy development of adolescents and a guidance that will be used by both adolescents and their parents. As cited from Zimmer-Gembeck and Collins (2003) the authors said that emotional autonomy is defined as “a sense of individuation from parents and relinquishing dependence on them, and implies changing conceptions of, and relations with parents”. ( Zimmer-Gembeck and Collins, 2003, p. 2 in the article). This variable was measured using the Emotional Autonomy Scale (EAS) which was developed by Steinberg and Silverberg (1986). From the study done by Steinberg and Silverberg (1986) found that emotional independence from parents and independence from peer demanding are negatively correlated. It means the more emotionally independent an early adolescent felt from parents, the less likely they feel self-reliant when facing demands from their peers. In addition, Steinberg and Silverberg (1986) found adolescent girls are more independent than boys and more assertive to their friends in relation to deviant activities or normal situations. In terms of susceptibility to peer pressure, taken from Berndt (1979), Stainberg and Silverberg (1986) the writer of the article noted that when adolescents are becoming independent from their mother and father, they are highly accepting to peer demand related to affectionate matters and regular activities. Generally, the tendency of following what their friends offer or

pressure is more crucial within the period of early and middle adolescence than the period of preadolescence or during late adolescence. This research applied a questionnaire consisting of two instruments that was given to a sample of 550 adolescent students at the secondary level. The first scale, the emotional autonomy scale (EAS) that developed by Steinberg and Silverberg (1986), was to measure emotional autonomy while the second scale which was developed by Kim and Koh (2003), was to measure susceptibility of peer pressure. The participants were also asked to give demographic data. The research result showed: 1. That emotional autonomy of Hong Kong adolescents was recognized by the increased age, starting from 12 years old. The more an individual’s age increasing the more he or she becomes more emotionally independent. There is no significant difference in emotional autonomy between genders but there was between grade level and age of students. 2. The Hong Kong adolescent students' were not tending toward peer persuasion both male and female students but there is significant difference in response to peer offer in terms of age and grade level of students 3. Hong Kong adolescents' emotional autonomy was negatively related to their tendency to peer pressure. They were found to be emotionally independent but they were not tending toward peer pressure. Compared to their counterparts in the western countries, Hong Kong adolescents may be more powerful to be assertive with peer pressure. The research done by Kwok-wai Chan and Siu-mui Chan has given me a lot of new understanding and opinions.

As a south-east Asian person I see the research result cannot be avoided from local culture. Anyhow, culture can greatly influence on the emotional autonomy of an individual and on her or his susceptibility to peer pressures. What makes me interested is what had been found by Steinberg and Silverberg (1986) that adolescent girls in western countries are more autonomous than boys and more assertive toward peer pressure both in doing deviant social activities and behaving in neutral situation. Another interest thing is, emotional autonomy is positively correlated with susceptibility to peer pressures for western adolescent. While in some Asian countries both girls and boys are not more autonomous than each other and their susceptibility compared with counterparts from western countries, Asian people like in Hong Kong may be more able to resist peer pressures. For Hong Kong adolescent, emotional autonomy is negatively correlated with susceptibility to peer pressures. The more an individual have emotional autonomy the least he is susceptible to peer pressures. This is because they still hold traditional Chinese culture and because the gender stereo type of females in the Chinese parental expectation that girls should be gentle and more obedient that finally may cause girls’ score in susceptibility is lower than boys’ score. In my society I also observe like that. Generally, boys are easier to follow their peer persuasion because there are a lot of activities that can be done together such as smoking, playing chess, or go hiking. And if they always stay at home they will be called “girls” by his mates. Meanwhile, for girls there are too few activities that can facilitate them to get together and if they do like what adolescent boys do, they will get strong resistance from society members

because all those activities are highly unacceptable. Besides, members of society will judge them as “naughty girls” or ‘street girls”. This justification will make not only girls who feel shamed but also their parents, family members, and their relatives. In Singapore according to Sim and Koh (2003), males were more susceptible to peer pressure toward misconduct behaviors and in the peer involvement domains. Although it is not wise to equalize things which are different at least it can make us understand that a similar thing can be interpreted and expressed differently because of different region, situation, and also culture. The lessons we can take from this phenomenon as a scientist is better we think globally and act locally and what can be appropriate for certain local people is not always universally applied. There has been a lot of culture that must be considered. Another aspect I will comment about this study is, as parents we should apply parenting styles accurately because in adolescence period an individual tends to interact with peer more often, to begin searching for autonomy emotionally and behaviorally, to lessen his or her dependency on parents, and to conform to peer behaviors to get acceptance. So that, applying a parenting style which is appropriate to this situation becomes crucial. The QDSS (2008) on her article published on October 29th, 2008 (I do not know exactly the name of media) stated three different styles of parenting: authoritarian, permissive, and assertive. She further explained that parents who apply authoritarian parenting style will have a heart to make their children being spoiled and dependent on them. They never give an opportunity to their teenager an atmosphere for self-reliant. They strictly monitor their children even for the small matters. More seriously, such a type of these parents will always involve

themselves in taking decision for their children. As a result, it will remain the children being either too dependent on his or her parents or very rebellious. On the contrary, parents who apply permissive parenting style will absolutely give the chance for their children to manage their own-self without considering whether they are mature enough or not. Consequently, the children do not know the boundaries they cannot do to do it. On the other hands, assertive parenting parents will create the conducive environment for the better development of their children. They open to communicate with their children. They are flexible in growing up their children. They never freely give their children to do whatever they want to do and never strictly forbid their children in realizing their wishes. Parents develop how they can be attached emotionally to their children. Assertive parents put themselves in the position where their role is a facilitator not a dictator or ignorant for the growth of their children. According to me assertive parenting style is the best parenting style that should be applied in bringing up our children in line with the fast progress of modern era. The research showed that parents in Hongkong in 2003 complained how to educate their children. The authoritarian parenting style that was used successfully in the past has now failed to solve the problems related to this case. In addition, in my regent, parents practiced this parenting style get resistance from their children. On top of that, their child leaves their home for many weeks and months to protest his parents’ action on him. Besides, child girls who are over protected by her parents to intermingle with boys are often found have premarital sexual intercourse as the form of her resistance to her parents.

In most cases I found at a school where I work as a school counselor many students feel forced by their parents to study there because their parents were graduates from that school. Parents do not consider their child’s aptitude, interest, and capability. Consequently, it takes a long time for a child to adapt himself to a new environment. Finally, that child often, come to class late, play truant, and develop lack of motivation that finally perform low achievement and many of them leave a school prematurely. Likewise permissive parenting style, parents often get physical resistance or even will be threatened to be killed by their child because of unfulfilling the child’s need such as buying a new motor cycle or car. Furthermore, children from permissive parents generally failed to continue their study into the higher level or university. Sadly, after their parents passed away they cannot be independence in their life. Consequently, in the past they were rich people but now become the poor. I see many social phenomena happened in my society and even my country related to adolescent people such as: premarital sexual intercourse, vandalism, aggressive behavior, etc, from time to time which are higher and higher, are seemingly caused by wrong parenting style which is adopted not only by parents, teachers, and society. Parenting style in wider scope can also be implemented in schools and society because not only parents who educate a child but also teachers and his society. Assertive parents can understand their child. They are neither permissive nor authoritarian. Assertive teachers can facilitate their students to maximize their potentials and bridge them into their ideals. And assertive society can give a conducive environment for children to grow well and to contribute to their society. Therefore, assertive parenting style is

optional because it will make your child can develop more healthily and more responsible either for his own self or for his environment.

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