Cow 1.6

The Voice of the Denver Waldorf High School

May 26, 2009 Volume 1, Issue 6

Chronicles Of Waldorfia Illustration by Meril Shane

‘Smart Charging’ for Electric Cars

Contents Smart Charging

1 By Mac Connolly

Love Metaphors

1

From Afar

2 producing today's electric cars allows

Dumpster Bible

2

BBB

3

Yes!

3

Internets?

3

“As Time Goes By”

4

Quantum Physics

4

Broncos Blunders

5

Twelve Virtues

5

Cow Jokes

5

Gladys and Gregg

6

Thank You Seniors

6

Sidewalk Closed

7

Report from Abroad

8

Oddness Everywhere

8

Swine Flu

9 By Emma Franklin

Importance of Music

9

Cow Summer

9

Urban Farm

10

Slaughterhouse 5K

10

Horoscopes

11

Comic and Puzzle

11

Puzzles, Comics

12

Contact the C.O.W. Denver Waldorf School 940 Fillmore Street Denver CO 80206

303-777-0531 x162 [email protected]

A common question when smart charging equipment, users to schedule is how and when to charge when the charger charges the them. Will today’s old and car battery. For example, a creaky power grid be able to user could schedule the handle charging millions of charger to charge the car’s power-hungry car batteries? battery at off peak hours like The Pacific Northwest 2AM. laboratory (PNNL) said on It also has wireless interThursday that it has devel- net capabilities so it can deoped a smart charger control- termine the best time to ler designed specifically for charge the battery! "Using charging cars at off peak times smart charging a user could to get the lowest price and save $150 a year," said a ease the strain on the power PNNL engineer Michel Kentgrid. ner-Meyer. T h e P N N L 's S mart Researchers have proCharger Controller, like other jected that without Smart

Charging technology, utilities would need to build more power plants to meet the spike in demand for electric vehicles. GM is preparing smartcharging technology, to be part of the Chevy Volt electric car due in showrooms in 2010. A huge amount of electric cars are scheduled to come out in 2011, which should deliver a jump in fuel efficiency. But if millions of drivers charged their electric cars during peak time utilities could strain to meet the demand. Will this be the solution?

Love Metaphors People often compare love to fire. I believe the expression is something along the lines of “love is like fire but the fire to be desired is not the passionate yet brief flare of a candle being lit, but instead the warm and steady glow of a hearth fire on a cold night.” I would go so far as to say that both are desirable. A couple should have the wonderful passion of the flare of fireworks but also the warm and steady glow to keep going through the cold winter. This makes me think, however, what about the other elements? When I was walk-

ing my dogs and contemplating this, I decided that love is not only like fire, but also like air, earth and water, as well as all the elements as a whole. The way that I would compare a relationship to the concept of the elements is thus so: many faceted, made up of opposites, combustible, stable, breezy, fluid, beautiful, natural, and all consuming, meaning there is no escape from the inevitable and controlling forces of mother nature. On to the individual elements: Air: Air is always present. Through thick and thin, through good and bad, air is

one hundred percent there and, if it isn't, we're screwed. We can go for a short period of time without air but it is never comfortable and can rarely be prolonged. Also, air can span an infinite space; it is the essential never ending. Air also fills our voids. Just as breath rushes in to fill our lungs and a breeze blows through a canyon to fill the space, love rushes in, sometimes unexpectedly,to fill the caverns of our heart. Earth: steady, solid, comforting. Earth is prone to long periods of sitting ex(Continued on page 2)

Chronicles of Waldorfia

Volume 1, Issue 6

Page 2

From Afar

Love

By Foreign Correspondents A report from Mr. Johnson’s desk On my recent trip to the exotic land of Mr. Johnson’s desk I made several interesting observations. The tremendous stacks of paper that increase with every class play continue to ascend. I am beginning to think they are taking on a life of their own. And, as of yet, the “organization” of these heaps remains a mystery. That week-old ham sandwich under the latest edition of Romeo and Juliet has attracted a mouse, who by now has read Shakespeare’s complete works numerous times. He has sent frequent messages via students’ math homework asking for more food, but all his writing has been misinterpreted as instructions about said math. Is anyone else having problems figuring out their math homework recently? Prison log from Combinatoria Week four: I’m still here in Combinatoria. Every passing day brings more dread about the test to come. As I am currently up to my eyeballs in combinations or permutations, or whatever they’re called, I cannot write anything lengthy. Hopefully they’ll let me go soon so I can do something aside from permute numbers or roll dice. At least my Combinatorian captors left me with a diagram of Pascal’s triangle, a monkey, and a deck of cards. In the beginning the monkey was beating me hands down in poker, but as of the beginning of this week I have calculated a plot for his demise. After I won the first time, the monkey gave a resounding screech of “NO!” I’m hoping to compile a portfolio of various works to impress my captors so I can escape.

love is comparable to the cycle of water. actly still. Nonetheless, it is actually Occasionally love is tempestuous, while constantly moving and changing. at other times it falls softly as snow or Though infinitesimal in its movements rains steadily and reassuringly like a good - slower than watching grass grow - summer squall. Once the “water-love” earth, like a good relationship, is reas- has reconnected with the earth, it once suring in its solidagain can take on ity and presence, “[I]nfinitesimal in its movements - different aspects. but accommodat- slower than watching grass grow - Water may have the ing in its eventual earth, like a good relationship, is reas- content flow of a shifts. Mean- suring in its solidity and presence. . .” brook, or the diswhile, earth can combobulated mutsometimes change inexplicably in an terings of the rapids, or even the placid, abrupt and shocking movement that is happy depths of a lake. And lastly, in the not necessarily good but not necessar- stage of evaporation, love is not always ily bad. And, regardless of the change, obviously present but it is so much a proearth remains earth. found part of our beings and such a grand Water (my personal favorite, not part of a relationship. of the elements but of the metaphors): (Continued from page 1)

A Dumpster Diver’s Bible By John Reinhart Many people love digging through Diver is Wearing,” and “Diving Techsomeone else’s garage sale goodies, or niques Illustrated.” Hoffman explains that finding thrift store deals, or discovering he began dumpster diving when he was a a chance treasure on the sidewalk. In this child. Diving equaled what family experts culture of treasure seeker today call “quality family there is yet another group: time.” Not only did his famdumpster divers. ily bond over tossed treasThe Art and Science of ures, – “we had birthday parDumpster Diving by John ties that were the envy of the Hoffman is a glance behind whole neighborhood” – they the curtain into this advenfound enough food to trade it turous culture. The book is with neighbors for other neinformative, lighthearted, cessities. and illustrated throughout, Hoffman’s writing does not including original comics by make great literature, but Ace Backwards. The Art what he lacks in prose he and Science of Dumpster recoups in practical advice, Diving is part manual, part anecdotes, and attitude. Hoffman’s cover, by Ace cultural critique, part autobi- Backwards, speaks volumes. While many divers share ography, and part adventure their goods, Hoffman is unstory. In short, if there were a course on questionably out for himself. This makes dumpster diving, this book would be the book sound a bit like urban Survivor. required introductory reading. Hoffman wants to capitalize on his diving The table of contents reveals chapin any way possible – which is also why ters on “A Realistic Path to Selfhe wrote this book. Sufficiency,” “What the Well-Dressed (Continued on page 3)

Chronicles of Waldorfia

Volume 1, Issue 6 Page 3

The Bovine Bounty of Brilliance

Internets?

By Emma Franklin

By Phil Carter

Dear Cow, I noticed that in your fifth issue the issue number is incorrect on all but the first page. Thank you. Pig “Four legs good, Two legs bad.” Dear Peremptory Pig, Thank you for pointing that out. Upon receiving this memo we briefly considered recalling the offending newspaper and reprinting and redistributing the entire edition. Needless to say, we discarded that idea as sheer madness. But we will, in the future, try to be more diligent in our numbering. BBB Dear B. B. of B. I have the most difficult time staying focused in Mr. Reinhart’s classes. I mean, his shirts and ties are so atrociously bright and they never seem to match! What can I do? Sincerely, Dazzled, Deranged, Disconcerted and Dizzy Dear Deranged, I know exactly what you mean; I oftentimes have difficulties staying focused on the human sounds issuing from his mouth when there are such astonishingly resplendent colors on hand. Living in a field, as I do, I hardly ever get to see such amazingly artifi-

cial, unnatural and neon colors. The only thing I can recommend is acquiring a burlap sack and casually draping it over his shirt when he’s not paying attention. The brown hue of the sack will quickly leave you disinterested and able to focus on his lessons. Good luck! BBB Dear Bovine Bounty of Brilliance, Recently I’ve found myself confronted with nearly impossible math homework sheets. My brain is about to explode! Nothing makes sense anymore… I see my life flashing before my eyes! Help me get through this difficult time. Mentally Melted Mathematician

The internet in the school, is always going down. Times like this I need it, it makes me want to frown. Try again, try again, says the button on the Firefox, To no avail, again, again! It makes me want to tear my locks. Oh internet, what shall we do, Without thy wise and worldly view? Shall we go outside and take a look? Or maybe read a science book? Do homework or another chore? No, things like that are such a bore. Oh internet, oh internet, we shall just sit and wait, Try again, try again, until the problem does abate.

Dear Mentally Melted, I can certainly sympathize with your situation; out here in my field I rarely have to worry about anything mathier Seriously? Whats goin on with the than how many advice letters I’ve re- internet... ceived. So when encountering difficult math problems, try distraction techWhat do you call a funny cow? niques. Calmly ask Mrs. Heberton if it is possible to divide by zero. When the A cown. shrieks have subsided, pronounce with a straight face that you heard it was achievable. Then sit back and relax while Mrs. Heberton madly attempts to persuade you otherwise. By Connor Gallagher BBB

Yes!

What do cow shamans practice?

Chicken pancakes, hot. One foreign word spoken softly. A priceless painting. Broken musical instruments. A fleeting dreamscape.

Moo-doo.

Write for the C.O.W., man! [email protected]

Bart Simpson © Matt Groening

the uninitiated. Whether you Dumpster diving is defiread this as a guide for future nitely not for the weak willed excursions, a sociological or the study, or weak Dumpster diving is definitely for pure stomenjoynot for the weak willed. ached. ment, Hoffman’s book is rife with The Art and Science of tales of stale foods, close en- Dumpster Diving offers a counters with the police, and little something for everyone strained conversations with – a bit like a dumpster. (Continued from page 2)

Dear Bovine Bounty of Brilliance:

Chronicles of Waldorfia

Volume 1, Issue 6

Page 4

Quantum Physics

“As Time Goes By”

By Gautam Webb

By Emma Reinhart

Quantum mechanics, like relativity, quanta, of mass and energy are both is a theory that irrevocably altered our waves and particles simultaneously. view of the universe when it was intro- This quality is called particle-wave duced in the nineteenth century. But duality. This duality leads to some while relativity sometimes seems in- interesting conclusions, including the comprehensible, quantum mechanics is effects of an observer on a system. far more difficult to grasp. The world Quantum physicists have found that of quantum physics gives many observation alone can alter a system counter-intuitive results. Richard so that different results are obtained. Feynman, a famous quantum physicist, The Heisenberg uncertainty prinonce wrote, “I think I can safely say ciple says that one cannot know both a that nobody underparticle’s velocity and “. . . Nobody knows stands quantum meposition with cerchanics.” how it can be like tainty. If either charQuantum mechanacteristic is known to that.” ics concerns the very a high degree of accutiny. The main concluracy, the other can be sions of quantum theory are the quanti- known only to an inversely proporzation of energy, the particle-wave na- tionally low degree of precision. This ture of mass and energy, the uncer- principle can also be applied to other tainty principle, and the existence of pairs of properties. quantum tunneling, entanglement and Quantum entanglement is the resuperposition. I will not attempt to sult that two particles can become inexplain all these phenomena. How- extricably linked in such a way that ever, a few are fairly easily understand- one cannot be fully described without able on a very basic level. the other. For example, if two partiThe quantization of energy was cles are entangled and one is measfirst concluded to be real by Max ured to have a certain property, the Planck. He was a thermodynamicist. other would have the opposite propIn particular, he studied black body erty. Entanglement contributes to radiation. In his attempt to solve a di- some very odd results, including lemma of the time, which was that, ac- quantum teleportation and computacording to theory, the energy in an tion. oven should be infinite, Planck found Once again in the words of Richthat he needed to introduce the concept ard Feynman, “Do not keep saying to of discrete amounts of energy, called yourself, if you can possibly avoid it, quanta. A quantum cannot be divided ‘But how can it be like that?’ because into smaller measurements. Quanta you will get ‘down the drain,’ into a provide part of the basis for modern blind alley from which nobody has yet quantum physics. escaped. Nobody knows how it can The fundamental packets, or be like that.”

Can two people still be in love even if they haven't seen each other in years, maybe decades? That is the question posed in the TV show “As Time Goes By,” the British TV show which ran from 1992 to 2005. Jean Pargetter played by Judy Dench, a widower who runs a secretary agency, and Lionel Hardcastle played by Geoffrey Palmer who'd had a coffee plantation in Kenya, found love during the Korean War, but when Lionel was sent off to serve they soon lost touch. Now, 38 years later they meet again by chance and realize that though they have aged, they are still much the same and are still in love with each other. T h e story deals with several characters besides Jean and Lionel: J e a n ' s daught er, Judith, has (left to right) Sandy, Jean, been mar- Lionel, Alistair, Judy ried twice, and can be quite like her mother in temper. Alistair Deacon is Lionel's energetic publishing agent for Lionel's book, “My Life in Kenya” though all admit Lionel's book is a dull read, Alistair is determined to make it a “smashing success.” Sandy is one of Jean's best secretaries, and eventually a housemate. “As Time Goes By” is a witty and bright British comedy with gentle humor, as Jean and Lionel find their lives together through many humorous times, good and bad; Lionel often badgers Jean on how the dishwasher should be stacked, Jean often frets, and when put on the spot can come up with what become elaborate, amusing lies that get out of hand. All through this there is a definite, though sometimes slightly exaggerated reality, drama, comedy, and lightheartedness.

Have a question about something? Write to the Bovine Bounty of Brilliance, the C.O.W.’s advice column!

Chronicles of Waldorfia

Volume 1, Issue 6 Page 5

Broncos’ Blunders

Cow Jokes

By Hunter Curtis

By John Reinhart

In the first of many mistakes this off-season, the Denver Broncos fired longtime coach Mike Shanahan. The next was hiring new coach Josh McDaniels. McDaniels, who was the longtime offensive coordinator for the powerhouse New England Patriots, looked like a good choice to continue to help the very strong Broncos offense. McDaniels came in right away and made a big impact by acquiring free agents. Big names like LaMont Jordan and Jabar Gaffney soon signed with the Broncos. Then rumors came out that McDaniels was trying to acquire Matt Cassel, a Patriots quarterback who came in for Tom Brady and had a breakout season. This was apparently a three-team trade that included franchise quarterback Jay Cutler. That’s when things turned sour for McDaniels. A series of events led

to the trade of Cutler to the Chicago Bears. Then came the draft where McDaniels did not address the Broncos’ need for defense. He took a running back as the Broncos’ first pick and only got one player to help the Broncos’ depleted defensive line. To Broncos fans it seems that McDaniels is running the Broncos straight into the ground. People are now picking the Broncos to be one of the worst teams in the league. Maybe

McDaniels did not address the Broncos’ need for defense McDaniels has a plan though. Fans will have to wait until the season to find out.

By Emma Franklin VII. VIII. IX. X. XI. XII.

Where do cow explorers dream of going? The moo-n. What do you call a cow after an earthquake? A milkshake. What is a cow’s favorite color? Moo-roon. Where do cows get the grapes they use for wine? From bo-vines. What do you call a racing cow? Veal fast. What do you call a racing cow with three legs? Veal slow. What do you call a cow social worker? Hamburger helper.

The Twelve Virtues The Twelve Virtues of Knighthood I. Pure Discipline II. Modesty III. Gentleness IV. Faithfulness V. Balance in all Things VI. Attention to all Things

Where do cows go on their night off? The moo-vies

The Ability to be Ashamed Consistency Patience Piousness Humbleness True Love

In which famous battle of the Texas Revolution did many cows die? The Battle of the Alamoo. What kind of moo-sic band play at the cow dance? Rhythm and moos. Which cow led the great Indian nation to independence? Moo-hatma Gandhi.

The Twelve Virtuous 11th Graders I. Gautam II. Ana III. Chloe IV. Teddy V. Max VI. Sam

VII. VIII. IX. X. XI. XII.

Dylan Meril Laney Nathan Alexis Phil

What did the newspaper report call two reckless cows who tried to rob a bank but forgot their disguises? Moo-rons. What do you call a blushing cow? Strawberry milk.

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Volume 1, Issue 6

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Gladys and Gregg Get Grumpy Gossip Group here, your one and only (reliable) source into the scandalous lives of Waldorf’s elite. So we left you, dear readers, in suspense, awaiting the fate of our beloved two gossiping goons. We are pleased to inform you all that Gladys and Gregg will, in fact, LIVE! They are presently dining on hospital jell-o, reading the latest scandal on the show Jon and Kate Plus Eight. Gladys: Apparently Jon has a case of wandering… I just don’t feel good about this. I used to love that show! Gregg: (with tears streaming into the jell-o) My faith in humanity has been diminished! Gladys: Sweetheart! That jell-o

is already flavored lime! I don’t think he’s really as … as they say. I mean what about that WOMAN! Kate is the devil! I don’t like her tone, always complaining about something or other. Plus, could she have a more disproportional front tooth? And that hair!! Gregg: (too distraught to actually listen to his wife, is going off in a rage, banging his fist on the TV tray, knocking the jell-o onto the floor) All I know is that they were the cutest family I’ve seen since The Brady Bunch, and now it’s all RUINED! Gladys: (also not paying attention to her spouse) I’m so outraged!!! I just want to punch something… Gregg: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

WWWW! Gladys: You shut up, you nincompoop! I only know of one thing that will make me feel better! Gregg: A full body massage and facial? Mani/Pedi?? Gladys: NO! The only thing that would make me feel the smallest bit of hope and joy would be the immediate release of the junior class at the Denver Waldorf School! If they are freed from that pit of despair, I will once again be happy. Gregg: (sniffling) I will help organize a Junior Ditch Day if our cry goes unanswered. Those sweet, innocent children must be saved! Gladys: SAVE THE CHILDREN, SAVE THE WORLD!

Thank You to the Amazing Eight By Leigh Rhysling I had the honor of attending dent discovering something new about work with animal training; feeling empowered and a little intimidated by this year’s Senior Project presen- themselves, and being opened to a Michaela Luna’s fierce martial arts tations last Saturday, May 2. Hav- future of new possibilities. Through music, art, math, marketing, animal training; seeing the confidence and ing had the opportunity to speak training, ballroom dancing, martial beauty of Tyler Cunnigham’s ballroom with the Senior class many times arts, and farming, we all witnessed the dancing; sharing Max Badham’s trithroughout the year during Visitor courage, passion, umph in his personal journey through Mornings, I pain, beauty, wishis powerful artwork; being moved by was prepared to What I did not expect was to be dom, and inspiration Solomon St. John’s compositions for the be impressed moved to tears, to belly laugh, that lives so deeply piano and the expressive way he plays; and inspired by and to be completely awed. in each of these stu- and laughing until we cried over Nick all of their hard dents, as well as Anthony’s farmyard stories and celework and enthusiasm for their within ourselves. brating his discovery of the infinite posprojects. What I did not expect Throughout the evening, my son sibilities that live out beyond the horizon – my inner farm girl was applauding was to be moved to tears, to belly Liam, 6th Grade, and I would exthe whole time! laugh, and to be completely awed change looks – whether it was over by this amazing class of unique, We all witnessed the cour- Many thanks to Elizahaving our minds yet deeply connected individuals. age, passion, pain, beauty, beth Luna and Kate boggled by Connor Johnson, High School I did not expect to leave the Senwisdom, and inspiration ior Projects as a different human Gallagher’s presen- that lives so deeply in each Coordinators, for their tation on Pascal’s hard work in organizing being, but this was indeed what Theorem 5; dethis event. To every one happened for me, and I imagine lighting in Minji Kim’s thoughtful and of the Seniors – Max, Tyler, Nick, what happened for everyone else inspired marketing presentation Michaela, Connor, Mirjam, Soloman, in the room. (“Click”); learning how we can work and Minji – I say thank you. You humThe stories the students shared were about transformation, each stu-

better with our own crazy dog through Mirjam Neyrinck’s compassionate

ble me, you inspire me, and you have changed me.

Chronicles of Waldorfia

Volume 1, Issue 6 Page 7

Sidewalk Closed: Senior Prank Madness By Phil Carter Impressive, really, the halladded later on that he wished that they is nowhere to be found. way wasn’t even penetrable. Alwould leave his desk in place in the fuCreativity is always growing, and most every square inch of the ture. “It’s just so heavy!” he said, seniors worldwide are coming up with floor space was so covered in “Every thing else is fine, but just not the more and more ideas to baffle their traffic cones and music stands, desk.” schoolmates and teachers on this infathat it was nearly impossible to High Schools all over the United mous day. Speaking of creativity, howmake ones way through. As if States have senior prank day. Pranks ever, McHenry needs some help. “I that weren’t enough, the spaces range from simple chalk in the chalk thought the desks on the roof was very that would have been big enough erasers and Vaseline on door handles, to creative he said, but I am still looking for to move through, were rigged balloons and popcorn waist high in the some volunteers to help me get them with string and toilet paper. hallways, all the way to taking two pigs, back down.” Maybe Mr. McHenry could But this is where this and on one writing the number “one” offer a free A+ pass to anyone who offers senior prank/ditch day really and on the other writing “three.” Thus to take down a few desks? stands out from the rest. Each of the day is spent looking for the assumed the strings led to a prize for each pig number “two,” but of course, “two” class, but quick! Get to them before the Reinhart Rampage clears his path! Then down towards the end of the hallway, was a big dartboard of balloons. This section was dedicated to the juniors. Each of the balloons had a picture of one of the juniors, and inside the balloons, was a personal nickname given to them by the seniors. Did they stop there? No. On top of the roof of Mr. Baker’s woodwork studio, there was almost a full classrooms’ worth of desks and chairs set up in a very orderly fashion. In the hallway, Mr. McHenry’s office was taken apart, piece-bypiece, and wrapped in cling wrap before being dragged out into the hall- Mirjam, Connor, Minji, Solomon, Nick, Tyler, Max, and Michaela, the DWHS’s class of 2009, bid a way to mingle with the fond farewell to the high school hallway Monday, May 18. The south end of the hall was littered with large orange traffic cones. traffic cones, Mr. Reinhart’s classroom was relocated to the roof of the woodwork room, Dr. Heberton’s “At least it gives me a room took on a tropical theme, complete with wading pool and beach ball, Mrs. Jaehnig appeared in chance to clean my office white statue form, wielding a sword, Mr. McHenry’s office was moved to the hall, and the entire hallway was webbed with toilet paper and yarn. Yes, yes, the senior class will be missed. Before being while it’s all out of the way!” said McHenry opti- loosed to the world, the class must yet pass the Australian trip with Mrs. Jaehnig and Mr. McHenry gauntlet. Graduation is on June 10, at the Colfax Events Center (1477 Columbine St) from 7-10pm. mistically, though he

Chronicles of Waldorfia

Volume 1, Issue 6

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From Abroad

Oddness Occurs Everywhere

By Nick Anthony

By Taylor Cornelius and John Reinhart

Hello, Jim Stentix here. First off, let me say that Mrs. Penchicha's rosebush is on fire again! Hahaha... no? Oh well. Maybe that's before your time. Well, what can I say? Timbuktu is progressing much as one would expect from a country in the continent that we're part of. The weather has been fairly standard for this time of year and last harvest of Timbuktu's prize export was predictably average. I suppose there's not much else to report as far as the general state of affairs is concerned. Hmm. Oh! Big news on the sports front. The Winging Whiners won the national little league Futbol competition, setting their place in history as the country's shortest team ever. Also, the Johnsonville Cheapskates won the national youth Football competition in overtime by a meager sixty-seven points. While their victory is still being disputed (illegal drug use has been implied), this does mean that next week in the Sea-Level Center, the two teams will compete in the annual Cocky and Hurling competitions. We'll just have to see what happens on that front. War? What war? There's a war? Oh. Riiiiight. That war. Experts here say that the war is having a similar effect on the economy as one would expect from our proximity to the violence. However, I can speak on behalf of the Timbuktu government when I say this: We neither condone nor condemn the actions taken by the United States in this matter. However, I would like to take this opportunity to refute the criticisms of foreign politicians about the neutral stance that this country has taken: The decision was entirely political, not moral. It's the logical decision when you consider this country's location. Anyway, that's all I can think of that's going on over here. I hope things are going well for all of our immediate neighbors. Stentix out.

From the Attic kneading and stirring and calm once more The exorcist. Really? Does descends. Still, the treat of a breakaway that have to be the first thing that nation the boys call First Grade seems comes to mind when mentioning the increasingly possible. Perhaps a two state attic? But, sadly for most, it most cer- solution where all can live autonomously tainly is (either that or back spasms and live in cooperative harmony is for the and pulley ropes). best. Climbing up the ladder to the Worried Citizen, Climbing up the ladder to the trapdoor in the ceiling there is a Kindergarten trapdoor in the cold draft that penetrates your ceiling there is a Mr. Quinn’s ball bones. cold draft that box is increasingly penetrates your bones. When you turn smelly these days. This reporter was your head and look into the darkness nearly asphyxiated when he opened the all is lost. Only the slats of the boards lid. The odor of squishy foam combined are faintly glowing. And then there’s with sweaty residue forms a toxin not the danger of a spider dropping on unlike World War I nerve gas. Anonyyour head as you walk in the darkness. mous reports suggested the smells origiNothing nated from rotting really happens Mr. Quinn’s ball box is increas- food left over from in the attic. ingly smelly these days. This re- Mr. Quinn’s lunch. Maybe some of Though there was no Roy’s long for- porter was nearly asphyxiated evidence of moldy when he opened the lid. gotten cleaning parsnips, three toenail tools or Mr. clippings, a block Reinhart’s thumbscrews and calligrabeeswax crayon, and an old issue of the phy pens hide there. But, all in all, Lunchbox Express were found. everything is silently waiting to be of - Gym Class Junkie use or remembered. But still the fear of the exorcist has been firmly planted High School Science Room in your head. Mr. Matuszewicz has The high school science room, long ago instilled fear in the hearts of though not technically a foreign location, his students by mentioning certain merits an update. Eerie bones began apdark shadows in the attic. So next time pearing in the science room a few weeks you visit, try not to think of ex anyago. Though some of the skulls were rethings, particularly orcisms. (Taylor portedly from students who lost their Cornelius) heads during main lesson book week, Ms. Luna confirmed that all students and their Dear C.O.W., heads are accounted for. Life in Kindergarten is currently Peculiar hieroglyphs appeared with tumultuous. Six-year-old boys daily the bones: N+CO2, echinoderms, bilatthreaten the ruling junta, Teachers. eral, nephron, CaCO3, and spicules. PerJust six months ago those same gangs haps strange rituals take place there after of boys were content to accept their hours. Local residents suspect the fish are lot at the top of the social heap, hapto blame. The blue fish in particular often pily playing tag and pushing each wears a knowing smirk, but has refused other. Now the average citizen yearns comment. for bread day, when the boys are busy

Chronicles of Waldorfia

Volume 1, Issue 6 Page 9

Swine Flu: When Pigs Fly

A Cow Summer

By Teddy Oja

By John Reinhart

All of us have heard of Swine Flue. It has been splashed across newspaper headlines in bold print for weeks, but why?

diarrhea. There you have it! Everything that you need to have a truly horrible day spent groaning in bed. Still, why all of the fuss? It goes away after about a week, and there has only been one death chalked up to it in the United States. The main worry of health officials is that the virus will mutate and become much worse. Their present goal is to kill off as much of it as possible, mainly by quarantining the infected. The only precautions that we, the people, have been given is to have at least two weeks of food stored in our houses, and to wash our hands more often. In short, those of us in the U.S. do not have to worry too much about Swine Flu becoming everything the media (COW notwithstanding) has built it up to be. With the best medical personnel in the world, we are very well prepared to handle this disease. We of the Waldorf School just have to change our class trip plans to avoid Mexico. I know that it will be a sacrifice on our part, but it’s for the good of us all.

Swine Flu has become a deadly epidemic in Mexico, one that has claimed hundreds of lives. The Center for Disease Con- Swine Flu has become a trol fears the same situation deadly epidemic in Mexico, will occur one that has claimed hunhere. This is dreds of lives. why the CDC has raised the pandemic alert from four to five. To give you an idea of what this signifies, if the pandemic alert reaches six, all schools and non-essential businesses will be shut down and we will be asked to remain indoors as much as possible. So there is a silver lining to this sickly cloud, but what exactly is Swine Flu? Swine Flu is a cocktail of a few different kinds of flu, including the well-known Avian Flu. The symptoms include vomiting, rash, fever, muscle aches, coughing, and in some cases

Music is Integral to Humanity By Niko Pappas Music has been a part humaniPod, or flip on the radio, listen ity since the dawn of our existence. very carefully and you will hear the It can express every many voices and emotions of muemotion, and yet sic calling out it can be as indi- “Music could cure racism to you in words vidual as a finger love and and hate.” ~ Bob Marley of print. Bob Marpassion, or in ley is quoted as words of anger saying that he “believes music and hate, and all the other voices of could cure racism and hate.” Music music struggling to be notes may also be used to express anger but most importantly, struggling to and violence. be heard. Next time you turn on your

The C.O.W. has been a wonderful presence in the high school this spring. Shortly after the Rocky Mountain News closed, the 11th Grade enthusiastically grabbed the baton, and have been running ever since. From humble beginnings in a journalism track class, the C.O.W. turned into a student-run newspaper. A determined staff representing three of the high school’s four grades worked together during lunch times and after school to organize and lay out the C.O.W. It was exciting to see contributions come in from other students too. The C.O.W. now has an electronic home at the DWS webpage: http://www.denverwaldorf.org/ index.php/News/The-C.O.W.html. You can read the latest C.O.W. and all the back issues there. The C.O.W. now also grazes at Facebook, the popular social networking site. Where will the C.O.W. go next? Naturally, the C.O.W. will vacation this summer, but there are plans ahoof to bring it back next year. The rest depends on you. I’d like to take a moment to thank the 11th Grade for their enthusiasm as journalism lab rats, Emma Franklin for overseeing the last two issues, Gautam Webb, Teddy Oja, Emma Reinhart, Max Fleischer, Phil Carter, Nathan Palo, and Nick Anthony for their excellent work as C.O.W. staff, and of course all our contributors. Remember, the C.O.W. may slumber until September, but you can still send submissions to [email protected] any time. Have a great summer. See you next fall.

Chronicles of Waldorfia

Volume 1, Issue 6 Page 10

Urban Farm Bucks Stereotypes By Nick Anthony Imagine a farm—an aging farmer sitting on a tractor in the middle of a corn field, his straw hat low over his face to protect his eyes from the rays of an afternoon sun, his worn denim overalls muddy and patched. Perhaps he gazes out across a field to a redbrick farmhouse, where his equally elderly wife has just finished whipping up a dozen or so biscuits, which she lovingly places on a plate to cool. In a quarter of an hour or so, the dog who is currently curled up on the doormat will find a couple biscuits when no one's looking. No matter what you just imagined, the Urban Farm of Denver is not that. You wouldn't expect a farm to be hidden away in the corner of industrial Denver, but it's there, just off I-70 on Smith road. It doesn't look like much when you first see it—a squat, gray building gracing a property comprised mostly of dirt. It's only when you enter the premises that the true charm of the Urban Farm strikes you. “My partner and I started the farm about seventeen years ago,” said Donna Garnett, farm manager. “Our goal was to get inner-city kids involved in farm life... we started out with a couple of horses and 15 kids. But now look at us.” From its humble origins, the Urban Farm has grown magnificently. In addition to more than a score of

horses, a casual visitor can find cows, pigs, chickens, goats, miniature horses, donkeys, mules, turkeys, rabbits, sheep, a lama and an alpaca, among other animals living around the farm. Within the somewhat run-down fence that surrounds the property there exists a world unlike any other in the city. Over the years, the Urban Farm has become one of the largest and most successful horse riding schools for people of all ages in Colorado. It is also a major partner of 4-H (a national youth education program) and the National Western Stock Show. The farm is a veritable gold mine of information. If you dig around a little; many of the workers at the farm are professional biologists or trained veterinarians. Moreover, most days are open to visitors, so the farm offers an excellent alternative to the Denver Zoo when it comes to “family time.” Unfortunately, the Urban Farm isn't easy to maintain. In recent years, non-profit organizations have been hit hard by government budget adjustments. “When we first started the farm,” said Donna, “the classes were all free, because we were entirely funded by grants. But now grants only cover about a third of what it costs. The rest comes from donations and class tuition.” Indeed, it's not uncommon for the farm staff to forgo their paychecks to

help buy food for the animals. “It's not an ideal situation, but it has to be done; the animals always come first.” Donna herself spends most of every day running and managing the farm, dealing with sick animals, juggling the finances, and keeping the farm's volunteers organized. When asked what keeps her going throughout it all, Donna said, “As you get older, you start getting more interested in what your legacy will be, you know, what you'll leave behind. I just see this as my way of helping people.” Added Donna, “And, on the selfish side of things, I really love animals and the farm is a great opportunity to work with them.” No matter what your backgrounds, interests or work schedules are, the Urban Farm of Denver holds a nighlimitless supply of enjoyment and fulfillment. Whether you have a free weekend or a couple hours left open for a rainy day, you won’t regret spending them at the farm. And even though the farm has fallen on hard economic times, that’s no reason for you to avoid it. According to Donna, “The biggest way people can help the farm right now is to enroll in classes. Of course, donations are welcome, too.” So go ahead. Learn to ride, care for goats or shear sheep. And, in so doing, help keep the dream of the Urban Farm alive.

First Annual Slaughterhouse 5K Reuters A cow escaped death when it fled a New York City slaughterhouse Wednesday [May 6], running through the streets before being corralled by mounted police. The escape appears to have earned the cow a free pass – it will be turned over to an animal care

agency rather than sent back to the slaughterhouse in the New York City borough of Queens, police said. Editor’s Note: Brigitte Williams-James of the New York Post furnished this reaction. “I was chilling in the yard when a

cow came out of nowhere,” said Adam Kahn, 20, who lives in the home where the fugitive black heifer was finally cornered. “I just said, 'Wow! a cow in South Jamaica.' I've seen raccoons and stuff, but never a cow. That was crazy.”

Chronicles of Waldorfia

Volume 1, Issue 6 Page 11

Starry-Eyed Predictions for the Summer By Laney Harden and John Reinhart Aires: You have been such a loyal friend lately that now is the time for it to pay off. Good karma is coming your way!

ing around in a haze recently. Now it is time to really open your eyes and live your life!

that waffle iron!

Capricorn: Earthquakes happen. Volcanoes erupt. Scorpio: There is only one Tornadoes wreak havoc. word for the upcoming But you don’t have to eat so months for you: pineapple. much pizza that you puke Leo: Your passionate energy has been filling the fire inside Yes, this fruit is sweet, your brains out. you, and now it is time to exsticky, and oh, so yellow, Taurus: You have been working very hard all year plode with wild ambition! but don’t forget that the Aquarius: Life has been a long, and now it’s time to take outside is covered with little tough for you recently. a break. Do something for The summer is unlikely to Virgo: Life has been going too nasty, poky spines. yourself! fast for you lately. Breathe in, change any of that. Keep breathe out, close your eyes, your head down and try to Sagittarius: Remember that when somene yells, avoid the shrapnel. Gemini: Life has been a little and take a short nap. It will tough for you recently. But help you focus. “Duck!” they’re not don’t worry, blue skies are suggesting you should Pices: Bananna peels will coming your way! view the quackers in the prove perilous for you Libra: Summer is an opportunity for you to explore pond. again and again. Cancer: You have been walk- your secret passions. Break out

Math Squares By Hunter Curtis

Cows' favorite play throughout all of history, written by that drunk old pig Willy Ham Shakes Beer, is called “Ham: A Lot,” and is mostly known for the line “To beef, or not to beef.” Unfortunately, the most recent production received a poor reception and all the players were mooed off the stage. "It was an udder fiasco," ranted one theatregoer. "They should have staged “The Taming of the Moo.”

The Chronicles of Waldorfia is published by the Denver Waldorf High School. This publication is under the supervision of Emma Franklin. The C.O.W. welcomes your feedback. Please direct your correspondence to the address below. The C.O.W. does not necessarily represent the views of the Denver Waldorf School or its community. [email protected]

Instructions Try to fill in the missing numbers. Use the number 1 through 9 to complete the equations. Each number is used only once. Each row is a math equation. Each column is a math equation. Remember that multiplication and division are performed before addition and subtraction. Good luck!

Coca-Cola once tried to market its soda to cows. The plan failed miserably. While reviewing the marketing plan, Coca-Cola executives agreed that the slogan was at fault: “Coca-Cola: It’s the veal thing!”

__ __ __ __ __

__ __ __ By John Reinhart

Thank you for your support and enthusiasm this semester. See you next year!

Chronicles of Waldorfia

Volume 1, Issue 6

Page 12

A Maze By Hunter Curtis

Cow Tipping By John Reinhart

What do you What is a cow’s How do you kill a call a sullen favorite track and cow vampire? field event? cow? With a steak The curdles. Sour milk. through the heart.

Cryptogram By Nathan Palo

The Chromicles of Waldorfia Volume 1, Issue 6, May 26, 2009 Editor-in-Chief: Emma Franklin Staff: Nick Anthony Phil Carter Max Fleischer Teddy Oja Nathan Palo Emma Reinhart John Reinhart Gautam Webb Contributors: Mac Connelly Taylor Cornelius Hunter Curtis Connor Gallagher Niko Pappas Cassidy Schultz

A cryptogram is a word puzzle that requires you to solve a substitution cipher. Each letter is assigned a different letter number or symbol, and the phrase or quote is written using the substitute letters. Some letters are given at the beginning, use repeated letters and small words to help solve.

Layout: Phil Carter Max Fleischer Nathan Palo John Reinhart Gautam Webb